Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Psychobabbel dash Me. I'm your host Danielle Mitch
along with Mehormart Weeks.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hi everybody. So this is episode two, season three.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
But before we start, we want to put out a
disclaimer that this episode may be triggering for some people
and is in no way meant to replace any sort
of mental health therapy or treatment. So what are we
gonna talk about today?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Today We're going to talk about setting boundaries in relationships,
professional boundaries, any kind of boundary, any kind of boundaries.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
So there's different types of boundaries. So there's physical space,
touch and safety, emotional security, and verbal dialogue. So how
people treat tep you know, people talk to you and
and I'm going to sound like a religious nut, but
it's back to the golden rule. Right treat others as
you want to treated for sure. And if someone's not
(01:09):
treating you the way you you know, should be, yeah,
because everybody deserves respect. Then these, hopefully, these these little
tips we're gonna go over today will help you.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Healthy boundaries require your self awareness, clear communication, and respect,
which I can honestly say that I sometimes need to
set boundaries because I have a hard time doing you know,
if you say yes to everything and everyone I do,
and it wears on my mental health sometimes, especially whenever
(01:46):
you know, I have a toxic friend relationship, and.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
It's hard because people don't want to be confrontational. But
it doesn't have to be confrontational, and people don't like
to hurt someone's feeling or you know, come to someone
with an issue, but it can be you know, it
can be non aggressive, right, Yes, So.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
They say that, you know, you have to be clear.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
The communication has to be clear. You have to be
consistent and confident in your decision that you know, this
is what I want and this is what I deserve,
and this is what we're I'm going to do We're
not put up with.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Basically, Yeah, especially whenever you're in a toxic right.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
So you have to like assess your needs, determine what
the relationship is, what causes you stress or anxiety about it,
if you feel taken advantage of it in this relationship,
define your values, understand your priorities and what you are
and are not okay with, and start small. You know,
you can set boundaries that only impact you. And we
(02:55):
talked about this hundred times. Taking a time out for
yourself and figuring out what you want to say and
what you need before you, you know, start setting the
bound boundaries, right yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Healthy boundaries include declining anything you don't want to do,
and I know that I have. I mean to do
this because sometimes I don't want to do something, but
I end up doing it. Expressing your feelings responsibly, talking
about your experience honestly, addressing problems directly with the person
(03:28):
involved rather than with a third person.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And this happens a lot and work stuff too, Like
it is so important.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I feel like if somebody has an issue with me
then or anybody in the workplace, they directly come to
me and tell me.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
But that sometimes doesn't happen.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
You know, they tell the third person, and then the
third person tells you and it's maybe not the same story.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
And I just had a brain start, so I don't
know what I was going to say.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
So boundaries, it can be like we said say no
to things, not accepting the way people speak to you,
or then expecting you to always do things and you
don't have to. You can just say no, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
If someone calls you and says, you know, Danielle, I
need you to come help me move.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
You know my couch. No, I can't. You don't have
to explain why. You could just say no, right, you can.
You can just say no.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
And I have found the older I've gotten, because I'm
getting really old, the easier it is to say.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Right, because you need to protect your own.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Mental health, like Danielle said, because it'll, you know, you.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Start to burn out, like poor Danielle does one hundred
things for everyone and at some point it starts to
affect you, not only mentally but physically.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
It does.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
And to the other day, like I asked someone to
do something for me is very minor and it it didn't.
It's not that they didn't do it, they did it
in a different way. And I sat there and I thought,
you know what, I try to help everybody and do
and so that kind of put a bad taste in
my mouth. So I'm kind of thinking, well.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You need to talk to him. That's what I'm talking about.
That Jesus High. So when you get your boundaries.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
On this podcast, so you need to be clear and direct.
You need to state your knees and limits honestly and
transparently without expecting other people to know what you need.
So if you don't tell someone. This happens a lot
in marriages to not only marriages, friendships, And like you said,
sometimes friendships they change, they grow, you outgrow each other.
(05:52):
Like I have friends that I've had since high school
and they're still my friends because of that time period.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
But you know, sometimes I just want to say fuck off,
and I do they come to town. I can't, sorry,
because it's just too draining.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
And it's okay again like you, Okay, I'm not being
clear with my boundaries. I don't want to cut them
off because there is love there from a way back
when you know what I mean? But fuck you at
this point, do you know what I mean? I mean
that sounds horrific. I'm going off topic. But you outgrow friendship, yes,
and that some people are there just for themselves and
(06:29):
it has to be a mutual thing, right, You have
to respect and love each other.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, because sometimes friends they can so a toxic friendship.
They're selfish, They they're critical of you, which.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I've had this.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yeah, too competitive, they bring you down, They manipulate you.
I have a friend that I'm thinking of now that
I kind of cut off that they're extremely manipulating. They
can't be trusted. The drama never stops. They're insincere, they're unreliable.
They isolate you, meaning like that they want to they're
(07:07):
one and only friend.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
So yeah, something you said triggered me and I can't
remember what it was. What did you say you could
trust that the drama ever stops. They're insincere, they're unreliable.
Yeah you said they they So there's so my love
language is being mean. So if I'm not mean to you,
(07:31):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
If I don't love you, yes, I know that, but I.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Always say jokingly. But I do have friends who are
who are always in competition with me, and especially as women,
our job is to lift each other.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Up, lift each other.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I mean, you know you can. Success makes me happy.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You know, your business, thriving, your marriage, you found the
love of your life.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
That makes me so overjoyed. Like I don't feel in
competition with you. Know you're one of my good friends.
I celebrate your that's how accomplishments. And when something bad happens,
I'm gonna cry. It makes me feel bad, and that's
how friendship should be.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Right And if your friendships aren't like that, fuck off.
Yeah you don't need it. In life, you don't. It's
really anyway back to this.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
So oftentimes, like if you have a hard time aka Danielle.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Telling people how you feel like practice what you what
you want to say to them, use I statements.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
I don't like when you talk to me that way.
I feel sad. I want you to celebrate things with me.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
If I agree, okay, and be.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Consistent and follow through. So if you set if you
you know, if you tell someone this and they continue
to do it, you know you can try it again
calmly and firmly, like I have found if people get
mad and you stay calm, like they can't handle the shit,
like they don't know what's going on, you know what
I mean in an argument, you just stay calm and
it's and I used to tell my patients this, No
(09:08):
one can make you mad. It's your own reaction to
what they're saying.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, right, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
If you don't let it affect you and you tell
them and they don't listen, then like daniel said, that's
toxic and you don't you don't you don't need that, right?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I agree. So I have some girls at work. I
was like, how do you guys set boundaries? They said,
to be open and honest. If they're not serving you,
let them know. I can't read my own writing, be yourself,
be upfront, conversation, communication, send a letter, they said, even
(09:50):
if you can't you know, verbialized it yourself. Yeah, because
like nobody, Well, some people do, but most people don't
like confrontation.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I mean who does. Well, there's a few problems.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah, what doesn't bring you joy rather than at home?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Then? Wait, what doesn't bring joy rather be at home
than being with the toxic person?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
That's what they're saying, Like they're not gonna go and
do this with that person because they're.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
It says, you'll I have blow it up, especially if tired.
Speaker 5 (10:36):
And like, oh, you know, and noone has their ups
and downs, and it's okay to slightly through friends talking
about so like if you if you have a hard
time with this, you can write it down, Like what
do you.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Want in your relationships? Like all of them, you know,
whether it be professional romantic friendships. Write down your boundaries
so you have an idea of what you then evaluate.
You know, are these realistic boundaries?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
You know?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I want everyone to treat me like a queen. Well,
that might not be cris Yeah, and then start thinking
about these boundaries and how to how to set them
in place, like what trajectory do you want your life
to go in? Who do you want around you? Who?
What do you want to happen? You know, manifest destiny, right, yes,
manifest your needs and sometimes if you write them down,
(11:26):
then it's easier to make that a reality, right yeah,
because we get stuck in our heads and then when
you go to talk to someone, but if you've written
it down, it's just like in school. You know, you
write stuff down, you remember it better and then you
can always go back and review that this isn't this
isn't what I wanted, this isn't what I need, And
then you can come to that person and if it
keeps happening, then then yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
And if so, I had a friend that is extremely
manipula and toxic, but I told myself that I know
how this person is, and I am still in their
life life because I know how they are, but I
(12:11):
chose to stay there. So I feel like, if anything,
it's my fault, right because so, no, I.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Don't and so I kinda am not speaking to the.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Person because I can't deal with the negativity like I
am so happy in my life that I just want
to surround myself with positive people. So I've made that
choice and I feel good about it.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Now.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
I have a friend that if you do her wrong
one time, she cuts you off, like you're dead to her,
Like I mean like big time, like do something bad.
So yeah, yeah, like something like that, Like she is
like cutthroat, And sometimes I wish I could be like
ams more, like you know, but you can be cordial.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
To people and just not and not be their friends anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Yeah, And it, yes, definitely, and to it work I
think because there.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Doesn't have to be animosity there. You can just choose
not to you know, embrace them into your life. Yeah,
and deal with the drama. Yeah, a choice.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah, you have to be professional, and it's in my case,
it's what's good for the patient, not our relationship or
our friendship.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Yeah. And it protects your sense of self like who
do you want to be? Like you said, who do
you want to surround yourself with? It?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
And it helps your mental as well as your physical
health because like we said, it not only does it
can you know, make you depressed or anxious because you're
around these people, but it affects your immune system.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
You know, some people don't eat.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Oh my god, it can't sleep. Yeah, so it really
can take.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
And and your mind starts spinning and you know it
just it can just it can be a nightmare, right,
it can so again, So you want to set not
only physical boundaries. You know, some people don't like close talkers,
which I'm a close person touching you, emotional boundaries.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Like you said, you don't want people to take manipulate you.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Intellectual boundaries to especially in this day and age. Respect
You can agree to disagree, right, you don't have to
believe all the same things. No material boundaries with your
possessions and finances like you know, I'm not always picking
up the check. If you borrow something, you're giving it back, right, yes.
(14:47):
And time boundaries about your time and energy. This is
a thing that a lot of women and men have.
You know, I have to work and then I have
to bake, you know, three dozen cookies because I can't
say no to the fundraiser at school or you know,
like Danielle said, people are always asking her to do things,
and then you ask someone and then they yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
But that's my fault.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Yeah, but that's just an example.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Yeah, right, definitely an example.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
And whenever I think of setting think of setting boundaries,
I think of like some like mother in law, you
know what I mean. I hear stories of them, you know,
trying to raise their children and trying to Now I
have a wonderful mother in law, so I don't need
to set any boundaries there, but I think of my friends.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
You know, I don't want to speak ill of the dead,
but yeah, I had to set boundaries early on relationship
with my mother in law because yeah, they were my kids. Yeah,
as I want with my children. Yeah, and especially with
your parents too. You know, lots of people have issues
with their parents and them and it's hard because they're
your parents.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Parents.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Sometimes parents are toxic.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah you need to and you love them, but yeah,
you don't think your family, you don't, right for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
And clear boundaries, well, you know, help build trust in relationships. Also,
if you know what the person expects from you and
you know what they expect from them, then there's a
deeper connection and a closer trust in that relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Right, Yeah, and you just I mean, like mehr mar
hit it whenever she said us women should be empowering
women other women.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Because there's too much. There's too much for sure Todays
day and age and if you need help. You know,
sometimes women are in relationships that are violent or emotionally abusive.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
You know, the way someone talks to you can really
affect your mental health.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Someone always putting you down, your your children, you're loved one,
you know, always criticizing you. And it's hard for those people.
But you know there's you know, there's centers out there
to help women who are in a relationships right get out,
which is another form of you know, boundaries, and it
(17:07):
can be really dangerous. I can so and seek therapy
if you know you're having trouble with yeah, because it
can really help you to set identify what you need
and how to do it. Yeah, it's hard to write
it down and you just know that you feel crappy
and you don't know why. In well, it's because you've
(17:29):
bringing over backwards for everyone and no one's helping you.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Right, So you know clear boundaries what you want out
of your life and write it down and that will
really help you identify and then be able to put
into action what you want to do. And I think
that that would give you definitely good mental health, good
emotional health health.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
You know, you'll develop your autonomy.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
So did I say, right?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Mayor Mars my English teacher to it times avoidance of
burnout being you know, especially at.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Work, Yes, definitely at work.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
And then you can even influence others behaviors like by
saying and I'm sure sometimes not all the time, but
sometimes I think people that are doing the stuff too
that you need to set boundaries with sometimes they don't
realize that too, And it might be something innocent too.
We're not just talking about the people that are always
(18:28):
doing it.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Yeah, some people just you know, that's the way your
relationship has always been, and they're just that's the way it.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Is, I mean sometimes the way they're raised too, you know.
So yeah, and they can't help it, and sometimes they
need to see it, you them.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
But you can't change anybody but yourself. You can your
reaction to other people. I agree.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So I still love you, Thank you, I love you too.
All right.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Well that's yeah, that's the sand and thanks for listening
and take care.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
We'll see you next time. Thanks everybody.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Ye m
Welcome to Psychobabbel dash Me. I'm your host Danielle Mitch
along with Mehormart Weeks.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hi everybody. So this is episode two, season three.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
But before we start, we want to put out a
disclaimer that this episode may be triggering for some people
and is in no way meant to replace any sort
of mental health therapy or treatment. So what are we
gonna talk about today?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Today We're going to talk about setting boundaries in relationships,
professional boundaries, any kind of boundary, any kind of boundaries.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
So there's different types of boundaries. So there's physical space,
touch and safety, emotional security, and verbal dialogue. So how
people treat tep you know, people talk to you and
and I'm going to sound like a religious nut, but
it's back to the golden rule. Right treat others as
you want to treated for sure. And if someone's not
(01:09):
treating you the way you you know, should be, yeah,
because everybody deserves respect. Then these, hopefully, these these little
tips we're gonna go over today will help you.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Healthy boundaries require your self awareness, clear communication, and respect,
which I can honestly say that I sometimes need to
set boundaries because I have a hard time doing you know,
if you say yes to everything and everyone I do,
and it wears on my mental health sometimes, especially whenever
(01:46):
you know, I have a toxic friend relationship, and.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
It's hard because people don't want to be confrontational. But
it doesn't have to be confrontational, and people don't like
to hurt someone's feeling or you know, come to someone
with an issue, but it can be you know, it
can be non aggressive, right, Yes, So.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
They say that, you know, you have to be clear.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
The communication has to be clear. You have to be
consistent and confident in your decision that you know, this
is what I want and this is what I deserve,
and this is what we're I'm going to do We're
not put up with.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Basically, Yeah, especially whenever you're in a toxic right.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
So you have to like assess your needs, determine what
the relationship is, what causes you stress or anxiety about it,
if you feel taken advantage of it in this relationship,
define your values, understand your priorities and what you are
and are not okay with, and start small. You know,
you can set boundaries that only impact you. And we
(02:55):
talked about this hundred times. Taking a time out for
yourself and figuring out what you want to say and
what you need before you, you know, start setting the
bound boundaries, right yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Healthy boundaries include declining anything you don't want to do,
and I know that I have. I mean to do
this because sometimes I don't want to do something, but
I end up doing it. Expressing your feelings responsibly, talking
about your experience honestly, addressing problems directly with the person
(03:28):
involved rather than with a third person.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And this happens a lot and work stuff too, Like
it is so important.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
I feel like if somebody has an issue with me
then or anybody in the workplace, they directly come to
me and tell me.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
But that sometimes doesn't happen.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
You know, they tell the third person, and then the
third person tells you and it's maybe not the same story.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
And I just had a brain start, so I don't
know what I was going to say.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
So boundaries, it can be like we said say no
to things, not accepting the way people speak to you,
or then expecting you to always do things and you
don't have to. You can just say no, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
If someone calls you and says, you know, Danielle, I
need you to come help me move.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
You know my couch. No, I can't. You don't have
to explain why. You could just say no, right, you can.
You can just say no.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
And I have found the older I've gotten, because I'm
getting really old, the easier it is to say.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Right, because you need to protect your own.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Mental health, like Danielle said, because it'll, you know, you.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Start to burn out, like poor Danielle does one hundred
things for everyone and at some point it starts to
affect you, not only mentally but physically.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
It does.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
And to the other day, like I asked someone to
do something for me is very minor and it it didn't.
It's not that they didn't do it, they did it
in a different way. And I sat there and I thought,
you know what, I try to help everybody and do
and so that kind of put a bad taste in
my mouth. So I'm kind of thinking, well.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You need to talk to him. That's what I'm talking about.
That Jesus High. So when you get your boundaries.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
On this podcast, so you need to be clear and direct.
You need to state your knees and limits honestly and
transparently without expecting other people to know what you need.
So if you don't tell someone. This happens a lot
in marriages to not only marriages, friendships, And like you said,
sometimes friendships they change, they grow, you outgrow each other.
(05:52):
Like I have friends that I've had since high school
and they're still my friends because of that time period.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
But you know, sometimes I just want to say fuck off,
and I do they come to town. I can't, sorry,
because it's just too draining.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
And it's okay again like you, Okay, I'm not being
clear with my boundaries. I don't want to cut them
off because there is love there from a way back
when you know what I mean? But fuck you at
this point, do you know what I mean? I mean
that sounds horrific. I'm going off topic. But you outgrow friendship, yes,
and that some people are there just for themselves and
(06:29):
it has to be a mutual thing, right, You have
to respect and love each other.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, because sometimes friends they can so a toxic friendship.
They're selfish, They they're critical of you, which.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I've had this.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yeah, too competitive, they bring you down, They manipulate you.
I have a friend that I'm thinking of now that
I kind of cut off that they're extremely manipulating. They
can't be trusted. The drama never stops. They're insincere, they're unreliable.
They isolate you, meaning like that they want to they're
(07:07):
one and only friend.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
So yeah, something you said triggered me and I can't
remember what it was. What did you say you could
trust that the drama ever stops. They're insincere, they're unreliable.
Yeah you said they they So there's so my love
language is being mean. So if I'm not mean to you,
(07:31):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
If I don't love you, yes, I know that, but I.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Always say jokingly. But I do have friends who are
who are always in competition with me, and especially as women,
our job is to lift each other.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Up, lift each other.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I mean, you know you can. Success makes me happy.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You know, your business, thriving, your marriage, you found the
love of your life.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
That makes me so overjoyed. Like I don't feel in
competition with you. Know you're one of my good friends.
I celebrate your that's how accomplishments. And when something bad happens,
I'm gonna cry. It makes me feel bad, and that's
how friendship should be.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Right And if your friendships aren't like that, fuck off.
Yeah you don't need it. In life, you don't. It's
really anyway back to this.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
So oftentimes, like if you have a hard time aka Danielle.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Telling people how you feel like practice what you what
you want to say to them, use I statements.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
I don't like when you talk to me that way.
I feel sad. I want you to celebrate things with me.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
If I agree, okay, and be.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Consistent and follow through. So if you set if you
you know, if you tell someone this and they continue
to do it, you know you can try it again
calmly and firmly, like I have found if people get
mad and you stay calm, like they can't handle the shit,
like they don't know what's going on, you know what
I mean in an argument, you just stay calm and
it's and I used to tell my patients this, No
(09:08):
one can make you mad. It's your own reaction to
what they're saying.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, right, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
If you don't let it affect you and you tell
them and they don't listen, then like daniel said, that's
toxic and you don't you don't you don't need that, right?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I agree. So I have some girls at work. I
was like, how do you guys set boundaries? They said,
to be open and honest. If they're not serving you,
let them know. I can't read my own writing, be yourself,
be upfront, conversation, communication, send a letter, they said, even
(09:50):
if you can't you know, verbialized it yourself. Yeah, because
like nobody, Well, some people do, but most people don't
like confrontation.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I mean who does. Well, there's a few problems.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah, what doesn't bring you joy rather than at home?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Then? Wait, what doesn't bring joy rather be at home
than being with the toxic person?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
That's what they're saying, Like they're not gonna go and
do this with that person because they're.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
It says, you'll I have blow it up, especially if tired.
Speaker 5 (10:36):
And like, oh, you know, and noone has their ups
and downs, and it's okay to slightly through friends talking
about so like if you if you have a hard
time with this, you can write it down, Like what
do you.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Want in your relationships? Like all of them, you know,
whether it be professional romantic friendships. Write down your boundaries
so you have an idea of what you then evaluate.
You know, are these realistic boundaries?
Speaker 1 (11:02):
You know?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I want everyone to treat me like a queen. Well,
that might not be cris Yeah, and then start thinking
about these boundaries and how to how to set them
in place, like what trajectory do you want your life
to go in? Who do you want around you? Who?
What do you want to happen? You know, manifest destiny, right, yes,
manifest your needs and sometimes if you write them down,
(11:26):
then it's easier to make that a reality, right yeah,
because we get stuck in our heads and then when
you go to talk to someone, but if you've written
it down, it's just like in school. You know, you
write stuff down, you remember it better and then you
can always go back and review that this isn't this
isn't what I wanted, this isn't what I need, And
then you can come to that person and if it
keeps happening, then then yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
And if so, I had a friend that is extremely
manipula and toxic, but I told myself that I know
how this person is, and I am still in their
life life because I know how they are, but I
(12:11):
chose to stay there. So I feel like, if anything,
it's my fault, right because so, no, I.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Don't and so I kinda am not speaking to the.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Person because I can't deal with the negativity like I
am so happy in my life that I just want
to surround myself with positive people. So I've made that
choice and I feel good about it.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Now.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
I have a friend that if you do her wrong
one time, she cuts you off, like you're dead to her,
Like I mean like big time, like do something bad.
So yeah, yeah, like something like that, Like she is
like cutthroat, And sometimes I wish I could be like
ams more, like you know, but you can be cordial.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
To people and just not and not be their friends anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Yeah, And it, yes, definitely, and to it work I
think because there.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Doesn't have to be animosity there. You can just choose
not to you know, embrace them into your life. Yeah,
and deal with the drama. Yeah, a choice.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah, you have to be professional, and it's in my case,
it's what's good for the patient, not our relationship or
our friendship.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Yeah. And it protects your sense of self like who
do you want to be? Like you said, who do
you want to surround yourself with? It?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
And it helps your mental as well as your physical
health because like we said, it not only does it
can you know, make you depressed or anxious because you're
around these people, but it affects your immune system.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
You know, some people don't eat.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Oh my god, it can't sleep. Yeah, so it really
can take.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
And and your mind starts spinning and you know it
just it can just it can be a nightmare, right,
it can so again, So you want to set not
only physical boundaries. You know, some people don't like close talkers,
which I'm a close person touching you, emotional boundaries.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Like you said, you don't want people to take manipulate you.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Intellectual boundaries to especially in this day and age. Respect
You can agree to disagree, right, you don't have to
believe all the same things. No material boundaries with your
possessions and finances like you know, I'm not always picking
up the check. If you borrow something, you're giving it back, right, yes.
(14:47):
And time boundaries about your time and energy. This is
a thing that a lot of women and men have.
You know, I have to work and then I have
to bake, you know, three dozen cookies because I can't
say no to the fundraiser at school or you know,
like Danielle said, people are always asking her to do things,
and then you ask someone and then they yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
But that's my fault.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Yeah, but that's just an example.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Yeah, right, definitely an example.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
And whenever I think of setting think of setting boundaries,
I think of like some like mother in law, you
know what I mean. I hear stories of them, you know,
trying to raise their children and trying to Now I
have a wonderful mother in law, so I don't need
to set any boundaries there, but I think of my friends.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
You know, I don't want to speak ill of the dead,
but yeah, I had to set boundaries early on relationship
with my mother in law because yeah, they were my kids. Yeah,
as I want with my children. Yeah, and especially with
your parents too. You know, lots of people have issues
with their parents and them and it's hard because they're
your parents.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Parents.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Sometimes parents are toxic.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah you need to and you love them, but yeah,
you don't think your family, you don't, right for sure.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
And clear boundaries, well, you know, help build trust in relationships. Also,
if you know what the person expects from you and
you know what they expect from them, then there's a
deeper connection and a closer trust in that relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Right, Yeah, and you just I mean, like mehr mar
hit it whenever she said us women should be empowering
women other women.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Because there's too much. There's too much for sure Todays
day and age and if you need help. You know,
sometimes women are in relationships that are violent or emotionally abusive.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
You know, the way someone talks to you can really
affect your mental health.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Someone always putting you down, your your children, you're loved one,
you know, always criticizing you. And it's hard for those people.
But you know there's you know, there's centers out there
to help women who are in a relationships right get out,
which is another form of you know, boundaries, and it
(17:07):
can be really dangerous. I can so and seek therapy
if you know you're having trouble with yeah, because it
can really help you to set identify what you need
and how to do it. Yeah, it's hard to write
it down and you just know that you feel crappy
and you don't know why. In well, it's because you've
(17:29):
bringing over backwards for everyone and no one's helping you.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Right, So you know clear boundaries what you want out
of your life and write it down and that will
really help you identify and then be able to put
into action what you want to do. And I think
that that would give you definitely good mental health, good
emotional health health.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
You know, you'll develop your autonomy.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
So did I say, right?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Mayor Mars my English teacher to it times avoidance of
burnout being you know, especially at.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Work, Yes, definitely at work.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
And then you can even influence others behaviors like by
saying and I'm sure sometimes not all the time, but
sometimes I think people that are doing the stuff too
that you need to set boundaries with sometimes they don't
realize that too, And it might be something innocent too.
We're not just talking about the people that are always
(18:28):
doing it.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Yeah, some people just you know, that's the way your
relationship has always been, and they're just that's the way it.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Is, I mean sometimes the way they're raised too, you know.
So yeah, and they can't help it, and sometimes they
need to see it, you them.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
But you can't change anybody but yourself. You can your
reaction to other people. I agree.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So I still love you, Thank you, I love you too.
All right.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Well that's yeah, that's the sand and thanks for listening
and take care.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
We'll see you next time. Thanks everybody.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Ye m
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