Rally Point 51

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Rally pointers fun.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
In good afternoon and morning wherever you're going to be
in the world today across the world. This is James
Lasar tim ring with Amena Laciado Lecano. Bam, folks here
with you at the rally point, and of course we
have the man behind the microphone, Zayna Brain. How are
we doing.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Today, folks, I'm good, loving life.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Outstanding, outstanding. First of all, I want to say thank
you to our man Derek get It Done Anderson. He's
been on the road, killer on it thanks to you, folks,
and I say thank you very much supporting his cause
being with Etna Medicare Solutions. We're glad we met you
and folks, we have an outstanding show today.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
And now for this segment, we have with us today
Naomi Copeland and she is the president of Southwest Florida
Honor Flight along with a guardian who flew on the
most recent honor flight that we took out of Punagorda,
Kyle Chamberlain from Veteran Air and so we have them
on the show today. Good morning, Thank you for being on.
Thank you alling the awesome. So if we could start, Naomi,

(01:05):
just give our listeners an overview of Southwest Florida Honor Flight.
What is how you operate and just all of the
details surrounding your organization.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
Yeah, thanks so much for inviting us to be a
part of the show this morning. So, Southwest Florida Honor
Flight is a five oh one C three. We are
a nonprofit and we are part of the Honor Flight Network,
and our entire mission is to safely transport veterans to Washington,

(01:38):
d C. Where we honor them at their memorials and
then we give them the welcome home that they deserve
and that so many of them did not receive. And
Southwest Florida Honor Flight was founded in two thousand and
seven and it covers seven counties and those counties are Charlotte, DeSoto, Hardy,

(02:03):
Hendry Highlands, Manatee and Sarasota County, so quite quite a
big swath of land in the southwest Florida area. And
there are over forty four thousand veterans nationwide waiting to
go on their honor flight. And I just recently looked

(02:25):
up some statistics. In just the Sarasota and Manateee counties,
there are over sixty four thousand veterans wow, in just
those two counties, Yes, and Southwest Florida. Honor Flight since
two thousand and seven has typically only taken one flight

(02:46):
a year, and we have only flown twenty one hundred
veterans in the time to our April twenty twenty fourth flight.
And so in twenty twenty three, as I've shared with
you before on this radio show, my goal in our
mission was to add a second flight annually, and we

(03:08):
were able to do that on October tenth, twenty twenty three,
which was very exciting. And for the second year in
a row, we have raised enough funds and we were
able to add a second flight in twenty twenty four.
It was supposed to be on October fifteenth, and we
had that unwelcome friend swipe by Milton, and so we

(03:31):
pivoted and rearranged all of our plans and we were
able to reschedule that flight for November thirteenth, And so
for the second year in a row, I am so
so happy and honored and privileged that we were able
to take another seventy seven seventy nine veterans to Washington,

(03:52):
DC to honor them just on Wednesday, November thirteenth.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
That's wonderful and how far to it is that it
was the week of Veterans Day. I think if it
had to be delayed, that's just wonderful that the timing
worked out god well.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
Also, November thirteenth is the forty second anniversary of the
unveiling of the Vietnam Walls, So we were there on
the forty second anniversary that the wall was unveiled, which
was so cool. And didn't plan that, didn't know that
when we it was just arranging our charter aircraft again

(04:25):
with the buses that we had available, and that was
the date that both the airline and the bus company
had available.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Well, if there was silver lining with our hurricane that
we had ima, I think that would be it. And
sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe and maybe it
was predestined for this things to happen in southwest Florida
for you guys to be there for that forty second.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
Unveiling, I would agree, Jay. I used to clean that
wall in DC with the Air Force Sergeants Association Chapter
one oh two out of Andrew's Air Force Bace. Yeah,
so that is very much hallowed grounds. Did it give
you chills or goosebumps? Like it did for me when
you said.

Speaker 3 (05:04):
That, Yes, I feel like I constantly live in a
state of goosebumps on my legs and my arms and
throughout my body anytime I'm talking about on or fly
and anytime I'm talking about our greatest treasures, our veterans.
They are the greatest treasure we have as a part
of the citizenship of the United States of America. And

(05:26):
it was an even more special day we had with
us that day, fifty six Vietnam veterans, twelve of which
were in combat in Vietnam on the ground. And I
know that day. I watched it. I stood back, I
watched it. I always go up and I feel the

(05:47):
wall and I feel the warmth and all of the
presence of all of the names that are etched and
engraved on that wall. But it was even a more
special day for healing for a lot of those Vietnam veterans.
We had with us one World War two veteran, six
Korean veterans, and we had a bunch of veterans that

(06:10):
fell in between World War Two. They came in right
after World War Two and were out before the Korean conflict.
So yeah, which was a unique makeup of our flight
this time, and we had five purple hearts and seven
bronze stars amongst us on our flight day, and so

(06:31):
there was a lot of stories, a lot of tears
and although a lot of healing at each of those
memorials that we were at, and it was a very
special day.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
That's what it's all about with on our flight, I think,
is just it's healing, but it's also a chance to
honor and recognize those who served. And so, yeah, what
a wonderful situation.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, definitely in Naomi and Kyle. One of the things
I wanted to say and as this and by the way,
I'm the sorry speaking my apologies. I want to share
with you from our perspective from here on radio Land,
the level of gratitude I would like to convey to
you both for your program because it has been my

(07:16):
observation and thanks to you, our job has gotten a
little bit easier since the beginning of our show, that
you allow our veterans that have served during those time
periods to actually have that moment of healing and they're
able to actually talk about they're coming out of their
show talking about their time and service. And since that

(07:40):
our show has been the beneficiary of those stories. And
I want to tell you both and what you're doing
is God as God send, And thank you for allowing
them to share their experiences so we don't as younger
vets forget what they've done and what.

Speaker 4 (07:56):
They get to our country.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
Yeah, thank you so much. Which I you know, I say,
I don't know how every flight can get any better,
but it does, every single one. That flight left on
the thirteenth of November was personally my twenty third honor flight.
And I people are like, well, how did you get involved?

(08:19):
And I just had the honor and the privilege to
be the guardian for my World War Two father in law.
And I've said to people with tongue in cheek recently,
you drink the kool aid and you are hooked and
in law. And I'm not a veteran. I personally actually
don't even consider myself a veteran of you know, military family.

(08:43):
But my dad was in Korea in the Army. Obviously,
my father in law was in the Army in World
War Two. My husband was in the Air Force during
Vietnam Era. I have two Navy sons, my nieces in
the Navy, so I really need to grasp and understand that, yeah,
we really are a military family. And when I'm talking
to veterans, and you know, fundraising is really really hard.

(09:06):
It's not easy, But what's harder is actually getting our
veterans on and on our flight because so many of
them were so hurt when they came home from their
time of in service that they don't feel worthy. Whether
they were a yeoman pushing papers or whether they were

(09:27):
on the front lines in combat or whatever they did.
No matter how big or how small, you wore the
flag of our country and you served, and you were
some of you went, some of you sacrificed so much
with you know, those purple hearts that we had along
with us, and some of you did whatever was needed

(09:50):
to support them, and you were ready for the call
whenever it was. And so I sometimes my phone calls
are really lengthy to veterans, just getting them to understand
you are you are entitled, you are worth this. And
for guardians, when I'm making calls to guardians, I you know,
they're like, I don't know who my veterans is going

(10:10):
to be, and I am like that, I know you
don't You're going to meet them. But here's what I
can promise you. Fifteen of the times that I have flown,
I have gone with a veteran that I did not
know before I met them at orientation, and we are
life long friends. We have now this bond of spending

(10:33):
this day together that healed them. They were able to
share their stories. They told me about their family members,
They told me about their battle bodies, things that they saw,
things that they wish they hadn't have seen or that
they didn't see, and people they heard about. But what
I know is our guardians have such a special connection

(10:55):
with their veterans now until the end of time. And
I've shared the most joyous of joyful times with them,
and I've had some of the saddest times. I've said
goodbye to several of my veterans, and it's just this
connection that carries forward. And so our guardians are such
a special, special piece of our flight and making it

(11:19):
possible for us to continue our mission of honoring our
veterans at their memorials.

Speaker 1 (11:24):
I would absolutely agree with that. And I think the
reason you probably have to work so hard to convince
veterans to come on on our flight is because I
think I can safely speak for most of us when
I say that we are averse to recognit public recognition,
and it's just something that for us is like, that's
not why we served. And we know that people want

(11:45):
to love on us and appreciate us, and we are
grateful for that, but I think it's just really hard
to kind of put yourself in the spotlight like that
for the day or you know, what have you. And
so I'm glad that so many of them come to
see the you know, the point of Honor flight and
why it's important to participate. But I definitely believe that

(12:08):
having I've seen a lot of Honor flights off on
on their missions. When I was stationed at Patrick Air
Force Base, I saw several and for a fact, the
guardians were the lynch pins to the entire operation. So so, Kyle,
I mean, we haven't yet spoken to you, so we
would love for you to chime in on your experience

(12:31):
as a guardian on your most recent flight.

Speaker 5 (12:34):
Of course, of course, yeah, I mean, like, uh, kind
of pickyback off of what Naomi was saying, drinking the
kool aid and getting infected by it. It's a real thing.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
Going on.

Speaker 5 (12:47):
Wednesday was one of the most incredible, incredible trips I've
ever been on. I had the great pleasure when I
was in middle school to go on a you know,
middle school trip.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Luckily exactly, I never got to do that. And I
lived in Virginia Beach and.

Speaker 5 (13:02):
We got really lucky. But as a kid, you don't appreciate,
you don't really understand the gravity of where you're at
and being able to go back with my uh, with
my vet Ron, you know, we we had a fantastic day.
I you know, I saw him, well, he saw me
cry more than I saw him cry. I got very
emotional with this stuff and seeing him, you know, look

(13:24):
at these memorials and and get emotional and the flag
folding ceremonies that Alex and his team from Punagorda fire
Station did they I mean, it was you'd be you
got to be weird not to get emotional with this
kind of stuff, you know what I mean. It's it's
just so beautiful. And because of Naomi and because of

(13:46):
you know, her sister Lynn and the great with the
southwest bounder flight, Like I've fully drank the kool aid
and I want to get more involved on a personal
level and it's completely inspired me to go, you know,
to try to start going to these events that they
have and these fundraising events that they have, because it's
just to be able to make a difference and to
have that connection with the Vets like we have and

(14:08):
we had. It's just it's something special and it really
does fill your heart with so much fulfillment and joy
and happiness. It's just it's unparalleled.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Really, well, a couple of things unwrapped that Kyle and Naomi.
I'm gonna slip back into my old serage ways and
see your match over here, and backing up on this
number one thing here is you guys have done an
impossible task and you're getting people from an airnet was

(14:37):
disrespected to come out and actually wear their berets and
their ribbons once again, and you're providing them with pride
or self dignity. And the fact that you think it's weird,
I get that because I'm pretty sure as we all
grew up, we watched those World War two movies on
TV or John Wayne or some actor and you said, wow,

(14:59):
but you we're looking at the real people that lived
that life that that man's acting about. And it's not
like a movie at all, and you come back a
different individual. And the most amazing thing that I've seen
occur is that when they come off the plane, off
the flight, I mean from that moment on, from my experience,

(15:19):
there's a different there's a different individual that comes off
that flight. They went on the flight one way and
they came back another and they're more fluid about talking
about their life in the military. So second point, you
guys must stop feeling weird about not being in service
because you're part of our family. And with Zaying here

(15:40):
a producer, he's the son of a veteran as well.
And one of the things you need to understand from
our perspective is you are our ground to reality, and
we are what we do. We serve our country in
whichever way we do. You don't need to put on
our uniform to love your country to serve it because
basically you provide us grind. You're our base and without this,

(16:04):
without you, we would be half the men and women
that we are when we come back. So be a
part of You're part of our family. Don't need to
love this country like we do at all.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
Thank you, Thank you. That's that's super super cool. I
appreciate you saying that. And I was really excited to
have Kyle beyond this show with me today. And if
I had thought I had enough forethought, I would have
had his veteran join us. What you should know that
Kyle's not sharing is he is part of an amazing

(16:37):
team of individuals and an organization that is the very
first sponsor that we've had come along with us on
Southwest Florida on oor flight, and that is Veteran Air,
and they hire the bulk of their employees are veterans.
And one of the cool things is we had oven

(17:01):
individuals that work for Veteranaire come with us on this
last flight on November thirteenth, and they show up in
the morning at four o'clock in the morning to help
send our veterans off, and they are there at the
end of the night welcoming our veterans home. And so

(17:21):
I'm just so honored. And I saw the transformation in
Kyle from orientation and talking with his veteran and then
on flight day, and Kyle's married and has two young children.
And I always say, being a guardian or being a veteran,
it's going to be one of the best days of
your life. And I always laugh and say other than

(17:43):
be you know, getting married and having babies or grand babies.
And I would definitely say to Kyle, I'm sure you're wedding,
your marriage to your wife, and the birth of your
children are like number one, number two, number three, maybe
all number one, but right behind it is on our
flight day. And we are so so thankful. And one

(18:04):
of the things that we are looking for is in
twenty twenty five, we are hoping that we can add
a third Southwest Florida on our flight. And we need
help more. We need more organizations like Veterans Air coming
along helping us with guardians, but helping us raise funds.

(18:25):
One flight Amanda and Jay is one hundred and sixteen
thousand dollars, and so we raised that money. So far,
We've raised it two years in a row, two times.
So we've raised that four times in the last two years,
and now in twenty twenty five, we need to raise
that three times. And so there are many, many more

(18:48):
veterans in the seven counties that we serve that need
to be going there on our flight day and be
honored at their memorials, and so we need help with
individuals and businesses and foundations and organizations to come alongside
us and help us send these veterans on their honor

(19:09):
flight days so we can honor them at their memorials.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
Most definitely, and folks on the airwaves, whether a veteran
or not, or in service or not. One of the
things you must understand that there is value on what
we're teaching here. I've been to many two of these
events and unfortunately didn't make it to the last one.
But when you get to put the go to airport,
there's over two or three thousand people waiting patiently for

(19:36):
the veterans to come back. And the whole point of
that is, folks, it brings value to the veteran and
to our children, because remember, kids see how we're treating
our older veterans and that may entice them to become
soldiers or marines themselves. But it is critical to recognize
the services for our current veterans and give them the

(19:57):
recognition they are definitely do so again, Naomi and Kyle,
you guys don't know the social healing that you're doing
just by trying to put this through. Second point, I've
said this before. We'll talk off air about this, Naomi,
that I have in conversation with a couple of other
individuals who are in the same feeling that we want

(20:18):
to support you, not just at particular events. We want
to be a constant making a fundraising machine for you
because your service is that valuable, because every veteran one
day would be on that side of the fence, hopefully
to be on that flight twenty thirty ten years from now,
and we want to make sure that the legacy that
you leave behind, especially we have three see between the

(20:41):
three counties Sarah, Sorta, Charlotte, and Lee, there's at least
individually one hundred thousand veterans according to the VA that
currently are with us today. I might go on, folks,
and how many people have you taken it on a
flight just yet?

Speaker 3 (20:57):
Seventy nine as of today, so looking.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
At probably a ninety seven percent of veterans haven't been
had the ability to be on your flight. That can
be We got a lot of work to do, and folks, yeah,
it takes money to help our veterans. So we're how old.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
Saying goes it takes a village, right, so the village
has to step up now for people who are interested
in just individually donating. If they might be listening today
and thinking that this is a cause that they would
like to get behind, how can they get more information
and how can they donate if they see fit.

Speaker 3 (21:33):
Absolutely, thank you so much for mentioning that. So there's
a couple of different ways. You can do the good
old United States mail and mail something to our post
office box which is PO Box four nine five zero
six five, Port Charlotte, Florida three three nine four nine.

(21:59):
You can go onto our website which is s w
f L Honor Flight dot org and you click on
the donate button there. And we generally hold a monthly
hub meeting, but November and December, because of Thanksgiving and

(22:21):
Christmas and other holidays, we usually combine and do one,
and so we're not having a November meeting, but we
are doing a year end holiday party success Acknowledgement brief
Hub meeting, and we dedicate a portion of our meetings
to check presentations and donations. And lastly, we always want

(22:44):
to remember our loved ones and we're hoping that people
will begin to remember us in their legacy giving and
so we would love to have memorials go towards Southwest
Florida honor fly if you had a loved one that
served in the military UH and lived in the Southwest

(23:04):
Florida region. We are always grateful and thankful for any
kind of donation and and I always want to remind
everybody no amount is too small, no amount is too
small to help us honor our greatest treasures, our our
our veterans. They are they are heroes. And I love

(23:26):
my Vice president Alex Kyle mentioned him. He is a
lieutenant in the Planet of Gordia Fire Department and him
and his crew do do a flag folding in each
of the memorials and then we make a presentation. He
refers to our veterans as we're out and about talking
as his baseball card deck. They are his baseball cards, uh.

(23:49):
And so we all refer to them in different our
veterans in different ways. But I think that analogy is
really cool because our veterans, no matter what you've done,
you are our baseball card. You are what we want
to collect and we just really love you all so much.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
Awesome. Well, thank you again Ami Kylen for being on
the show today. We really appreciate having you guys.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
Definitely thank you for being on our show. Thank you
for having us, and thank you for having more women
veterans on your flights.

Speaker 4 (24:20):
Awesome.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
Thanks, thank you, and yes, if you're a female veteran,
go to our website. If you are a veteran veteran,
no matter what, you just go to our website scuirll down.
You'll find our veteran and our guardian applications at the
bottom of our home page.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Awesome. Thank you again for being on the show. You guys,
We appreciate you.

Speaker 5 (24:41):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
Our next guest on today's show is Mary Polanco. She
is the founder and CEO of Live and Lead Well LLC,
a visionary company with the goal of igniting personal growth, awareness, insight,
and support on a global scale. Now Mary's been on
our show before. She is a fantastic person as well
as an author, experienced leadership trainer, transformational speaker, and curriculum developer.

(25:05):
So her expertise in leadership and personal growth is definitely
evident by her hands on approach through individual workshops, personal
one on one instruction and keynote presentations, as well as
my favorite, I found her on Facebook even though we're
both Air Force veterans, so her social media content is
also just incredible and wonderfully relatable, I think for not

(25:27):
just veterans, but others as well. So Mary did serve
twenty three years in the Air Force. She retired at
the rank of Chief Master Sergeant, which is the highest
enlisted rank, and so she served in a multitude of roles,
everything from being an instructor to working at Headquarters Air
Force at the Pentagon in DC. And so she draws

(25:48):
through her her decades of experience of leading multicultural teams
as well as just her personal experiences through adversity to
share her just powerfully impactful message of priority prioritizing self, health,
well being, and resilience. So she's helped countless people through
her authentic, compassionate approach, and she continues her dedication in

(26:11):
serving others through her outreach on multiple online forums. So
there you go, pretty much.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
Okay, America. The book we're we're going to talk about
today is your final Debrief that Mary helped. Mary wrote,
You'll realize that you're not alone in grappling and the
unspoken emotions that we've about profound change we have when
we transition into military. Mary's book has huge insights in
going beyond the administrative task and paperwork, but usually focusing

(26:42):
on the emotional and psychological aspects of transitioning from the
military and civilian life. I'm pretty sure everyone knows that
feeling of you have to be somewhere at a particular time,
and when you're out of the military, that ceases to exist.
Mary also sheds light on the root causes of purposelessness
and identity struggles that affect too many veterans, providing viable

(27:04):
tools to overcome them. Most importantly, the book actually empowers
us to take control of our own journey. You know,
self reliance individuals. We haven't lost that designing your own
robock to a purpose life, a purpose driven life. No
matter where you are in your post military journey, this

(27:26):
book helps you get that, get that journey started. And Mary,
thanks for being on our show.

Speaker 6 (27:33):
Thank you so very much for having me back. What
an honor compliment. So thank you.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
Oh it's you're doing what needs to be done. And
I say, we thank you for that.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
Absolutely. I was going to say, like, we enjoyed your book,
thank you for sending it to us. And you also
sent us awesome little riskands. So you'll laugh at this
because the one that you sent for Jay was perfect.
It says purpose and passion on it. But Jay's like,
how tall are you? Sorry?

Speaker 2 (28:02):
Six four?

Speaker 1 (28:03):
So he's six four. He's kind of a big dude.
He definitely eats his weedies and so yeah, his bracelet
like it fits only just it is not loose. So
I told him, I said, keep it on like the
gear shifter of your car, somewhere where we will see
it every day because it's funny. He literally right before
we received your book and the bracelet, he had said

(28:25):
something on one of our shows about a plan turns
into you gotta tell I'll mess it up.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
Well, long story short, we all go through processes and
some people utilize that. Some people get overwhelmed by it.
It's called we all have a personal pain, and either
of that pain consume us, and you know, we struggle
with that. It becomes a burden, or for some of
us it becomes it becomes a passion, and we take

(28:51):
that passion and return into the purpose. And then many
painstaking months after that, we devise a plan and then
a book is written like you're final debrief any other
things that you've accomplished in between that, and we're thankful
we are thankful that you have been able to translate
your experience and articulate it in such a way that

(29:15):
it is not only an easy read, but it's relatable.
And as I was reading a book, I find myself
kind of flashing back to different instances of my career
and after the career and having those themes kind of struggles.
And your book was definitely kind of laid a stronger
foundation on the current path that I'm on.

Speaker 6 (29:36):
So I'll say thank you for that, Mary, Oh, thank
you for that. That means a whole lot. And yes,
good idea not to wear the bracelet, as we don't
want to cut off circulator and just keep it someplace
close like she said, But no, I truly very much
appreciate that, especially because going into it, I think, you know,

(29:58):
writing a book is very It's a rollercoaster of emotions
and there's always this you know, self doubt that creeps
in of like who even wants to read this? What
is this for? And so for anyone who's interested in
stepping into that journey, my biggest piece of advice is
to just have an anchor that is your why, because

(30:19):
there's going to be times where you're going to question
what you're doing. But if you always have that why
as your anchor, you're going to come back to it
and say, yep, okay, keep pressing forward. So to hear
this feed that just means so much. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
Oh, most definitely, I have to say it's an essential
tool for everyone looking for achieve personal growth. It's a
way to turn experience into you know, experience into wisdom
by careful and hopeful, sober examination of one's life and outcomes.
And sometimes you're successful and sometimes you're not. But I

(30:51):
think you mentioned in your book sometimes being unsuccessful is
a learning experience onto itself.

Speaker 6 (30:58):
Yeah, I mean I when I I do a seminar
once a month for transitioning veterans, and the topic is
just like the book, it's transitioning out of the mindset
from the military. And one of the things I put
on my picture of my introduction of myself is the
logo of my hugely unsuccessful company that I started back
to twenty nineteen, totally tanked after six months. I lost

(31:22):
thousands of dollars. But it is my greatest leadership lab
and learning lab because I don't believe in failure anymore.
I believe everything is supposed to be the step to
where we're meant to be, and you just have to
pay attention to it in that way.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
So yeah, well, sometimes that failure is necessary to put
you in the right direction you're supposed to be on.
That's why I kind of digested it.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
All and first attempt in learning.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Right there you go? Man, Well, last did you find
when you're writing this book were harder than others to articulate?

Speaker 6 (31:58):
Did you say, what topics?

Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah? But what life experiences our topics? Did you find
were hard to articulate and put it in your book?

Speaker 6 (32:07):
I think the it's hard to explain the situation I
found myself in my darkest hour. I think that's probably
one of the hardest things to capture, because, yes, someone
might be able to understand it if they've experienced something similar,
but it's such an individual personal moment that it really

(32:33):
is hard to put into words for others to rep
I guess you know the exact spot I was in
when I really hit rock bottom. I think that was
the hardest part. It's not it wasn't hard to be vulnerable.
I think that part has I've been practicing for many years,
But it was just the articulation of what that meant

(32:53):
for me in that moment and the process of coming
out of it. I think that was probably, Yeah, that
was the hardest part.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
I can believe that, because when I was reading the book,
I thought that exact thing. I was like, this must
have There were just parts that I read where I
was like, gosh, this must have been really hard to write,
because you know, like I reached out to you. Oh
my gosh. I don't even know how many years ago now,
but a few years ago I reached out to Mary
because you posted something on Facebook, I want to say.

(33:21):
It was like in a women's veterans forum or something
like that, and it was just crazy because when I
read it, I was like, oh my gosh, that's me.
And then reading your book again, which had more detail
about your experience in the military and kind of what
the process that you went through, when I read through that,
I was like, oh my gosh, that's that's me, you

(33:43):
know again, and it was just it was crazy and
it was relatable, but it was I mean, some of
it was even hard to read as much as it
probably i'm sure was to write. And so I definitely
appreciated that you put that in there because I think
for a lot of us, like you said, you know,
it was probably difficult to articulate, But if it's hard

(34:04):
to articulate for you, it was probably hard for other
veterans to articulate also kind of where they were when
they started kind of going through those stages of grieving
if you will, you know, like it's just kind of
grieving that you know, the career is over, the time
has come, it's done. In some ways, it was like
I could relate in the sense that it was like twofold.

(34:27):
Part of it was like it was joyous, it was like,
oh my gosh, I'm retiring. This is going to be great.
But then part of it was like what could I
have done better? You know, and having to kind of
snap out of that in a way because you can't
focus on that when you leave the military. You can't
focus on your shortfalls and what you could have done
better so much. I mean, yes, if it's going to
help you grow, But for me, one of the biggest

(34:48):
things was helping make sure that I focused on what
I got right, who did you know, who did I
reach who you know? What, what did I do well?
And have a positive outcome with I think you touched
on that too, and it was just yeah, I will
say for anybody thinking about this book, it's a quick read,
which is nice. You're definitely a gifted writer, so it

(35:11):
was it was very easy to read it and read
it quickly. So, but I did want to touch on
something you mentioned because I think a lot of veterans,
whether they did four years or thirty four years, or
whatever the case might be, you talked about compartmentalizing, and
so if I can just read a quick little excerpt,

(35:32):
it said military members are so good at compartmentalizing. I'm
not a psychologist, but my theory, based on personal experience
and that of my friends, is that we master the
art of suppression. We embody quote deal with it later
because it is our only choice. If these tugs happen
and something chaotic amid something chaotic at work, during a
deployment or when dealing with a family crisis, they seem

(35:54):
less and less relevant and much easier to push aside.
We know how to slap a band aid on almost anything.
Weeks experience, literally and figuratively. We know how to get
back in the fight, probably better than anyone else, because
it's how we are trained, and I was just like, man,
that's such a concise way to stop that up. Yeah,
it was definitely one of those things that just kind

(36:15):
of hit me, and I was like, we all do this,
So it's it's not just you know me, it's not
just people who have definitely been in the throes of
combat or what have you. That's it's kind of like
you said, it's part of that military mindset that we
have to kind of free ourselves from as we transition.

Speaker 6 (36:34):
So, yeah, you know that that portion of it. It's
interesting because I think that's applicable to anyone in a
high stakes job.

Speaker 1 (36:46):
Correct.

Speaker 6 (36:48):
And you can define high stakes for how you want it,
because it could be an administrative job, it could be
a medical patient care job. It doesn't matter. It's how
you define it and how you how you prioritize your career.
And so when we and I say that, because when
we make our whole identity what we do instead of

(37:11):
who we are, then we fall into these traps of compartmentalizing.
And also military what makes it unique rather in the
military is we're trained on how to do this from
day one. You're not supposed to. I mean, what happens
when you show emotion, crying, anger, any of that. When

(37:33):
in basic training, I mean, you're quickly stopped from that.
And so if from day one you're told how to suppress,
you know, and so it becomes of sort of a
habit for us, and then there's no training on the
other end of that. While still serving, that says, okay,
and we know that in the art of war, and
when we have to go get the mission done, we

(37:54):
ask you to do this. But when we're not doing that,
when we're in garrison or when we're you know, just
working everyday job, let's operate this way where we don't
compartment there's no training for that, you know, so we just.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
Make a habit one hundred percent. And unfortunately, when we
made that transition from military to civilian, our civilian kinnterparts
don't usually deal with that compartmentalization well or with our families,
because they may I take it as you're keeping me
out or you're shutting me out, when it's no, this

(38:29):
is how there's a situation. I'm just dealing with it.
We'll talk about it later. But unfortunately the later usually
never comes around. And unfortunately, like you hit on the nail,
there's no debrief of Okay, in the field, you do
this out of the field. We got to talk about
this in debrief, and I go, I'll hit that word
about fifty times today, So I excuse it for that one.

(38:51):
But the point of the matter is we need to
debrief what we compartmentalized and kind of let it out
and be what it is. Also, what I loved about
your book it had talked about self accountability and don't
get caught in that blame game. There are forces that
you can control and there are things that you can't,
and sometimes we focus on the things that we can't

(39:14):
and blame you know them for our shortcomings. Could you
kind of expound on that a little and how now
in civilian world that's more applicable and more important now
than more importantly now that it was then.

Speaker 6 (39:27):
Yes, absolutely, this is probably one of the hardest things
I think to talk about and keep an expectation that
others are going to buy it, I think, because it's
so It's just it's so much easier to say I'm
feeling this way, or I'm experiencing this thing because of
someone else, because of a system, because of a situation

(39:50):
that's outside of me. It's so much easier when we
realize that we have such a larger part to play
in the process. It's both liberating and terrifying, and I
think that's probably why we don't really step into that
as much. So. For example, something I talk about in

(40:11):
the book is my experience at the end of my
career working at the Pentagon and just being so angry
all the time at the system and leadership wasn't doing enough,
and we say one thing and we do another, and
I was just projecting all this anger outward. And I'm
not saying that it was fully misplaced. I think there
was parts that because I cared so much that I
was frustrated and I just wanted to be heard and seen,

(40:33):
you know. But I ultimately was so angry at the
level at which I was angry because I was really
not paying attention to what I wanted for my own life.
I had just been following the playbook of someone else,
you know, the Air Force's playbook, my mentors recommendations. I

(40:54):
had no idea what my own personal passion and values were,
and so I had no idea that was even happening
in the back of my mind, and so I'm angry
all the time. Oh, it must be because the air
Force still in the blank. And I think that when
we stop for a second and we really start having
these crucial conversations with ourselves, I'm like, what am I

(41:18):
really upset about? What's really bothering me? Because the thing
is and I'm trying to raise my kids this way too.
But like I said, it's one of the hardest things
to have people adopt when something when you're feeling a
certain emotion, we can't really say like he made me mad.
We have the control within ourselves to decide whether we're

(41:40):
going to be mad or not. Now they could do
something that triggers us in sparks, that's anger. But are
we addressing why we're actually so mad and so in
today's landscape, whether it be still working in the military
or any other career, or just in life in general.
I think that is one of the most precious gifts

(42:01):
we can give ourselves, is to understand our own role
and our own part to play in our emotional regularity.
That is that sort of what you're asking me.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Exactly one hundred percent. You hit the nail on the
head again, and I wanted to ask you, and I'm
gonna still manag term beer are crazy when your level
being the pentagon neck deep and beer are crazy. Some
of the crazy kind of rubs off because you think
you can change it. You can't change it, and that
becomes a frustrator triggering to itself and then if I'm

(42:33):
hearing it correctly, the cascade of anger starts to kick in.
And like I said, sometimes you can't fix broken some
things that are too broken to be fixed, and if
you try to fix it, you're brain yourself. You run
the risk of breaking yourself, and then you have to
figure out why the hell am I mad? And that
being the case, it's a matter of we find ourselves

(42:56):
in certain positions. Would you My next question would be
do you feel that the time that when a person
acknowledges that they are that the situations there they have
control of the situation, that's an empowering moment for them.
And from that standpoint, what do they do?

Speaker 6 (43:15):
Yeah? I think it's hugely empowering, but like I said,
simultaneously also scary because now you have to decide whether
or not to act. And I think I think the
awareness part is actually not the hardest part. I think
becoming aware of these things is enlightening. It's like, oh huh,

(43:36):
Like I've been living, you know, in a certain way
in certain circumstances where I've been angry and sick all
the time, and I actually have the power to alter that.
That's cool, But then the hardest part is taking the
action to do it. And so to that second part
of your question, I think, nothing overwhelming. Don't do anything overwhelming.

(44:02):
Don't start a two hour morning routine of journaling and meditation.
If you want to see that's great, but chances are
that's probably not going to stick. I would say, just
sit with the questions and the awareness first and be curious.
Like that is my biggest part of all of this,
this whole journey of personal development and personal discovery, is

(44:24):
just be curious. I was having a conversation the other
day with my daughter and I said something to her
and then I stopped and I was like, huh, why
would I say that in that way? And it wasn't
It wasn't harsh or mean, but it was kind of off.
And I even said that to her and I was like,

(44:44):
I'm going to have to reflect on that for a
little bit. Turns out, I mean, I'm forty four years old,
So we got four decades of conditioning based on relationships, society,
all that, and it popped into my head that way.
But be curious, be curious about why you're reacting the
way you are, what you could do about it. And
also definitely make self care a priority in your life.

(45:09):
And self care is not just it's everything. It's not
just physical fitness or journaling or meditation. It's realizing the
relationships in your life that are life giving and not toxic. Right,
those are the people that you want to keep. What
habits do you have in your life that are going
to project you or you know, put you forward into

(45:30):
what you want like those? Self care is about caring
for yourself. So those are the two things. Be curious
and take care of yourself.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
Most definitely, most definitely.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
Yeah, that's those are definitely good ways to put that.
I love how you apply it to even just everyday
life as well. So yeah, I guess So with your book,
there were just a lot of things I saw that
I'm like, okay, cool, I understood that concept. I got
that concept. Some of it I still need to work on.
But like something that I always tell people is like,

(46:03):
be patient, with yourself. I had a lot of friends
retire after me, or people I knew that separated after
I had already retired, and so I was like, if
you're open to me sharing what I learned, and they're like, yeah,
of course, I'm just like, you got to be patient
with yourself because undoing, like you said, you know, the
military mindset, what we were embroiled in for years on

(46:26):
end might be four, might be six, twenty thirty, whatever
the case might be. When you come out of that
and you come down from that, if you will, it's
almost like, and I don't want to say this to
sound negative, but it's almost like a detox. I think
it's like it's more probably like a reframing, but your
life starts to become a little bit different. But you

(46:48):
just have to be patient with it. Like you said,
like why am I getting upset? Or why does this
bother me? Or why do I keep coming back to
this thought? Or you know, why do I feel this
pressure to perform or do or achieve or whatever? You know,
I've told people give themselves a lot of grace and
a lot of patients with exploring that, because it's going
to take time to come down from that.

Speaker 6 (47:11):
Yeah, I used to. I love detox too. I use
the word deconditioning.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
So you're you're going to have or dprogramming or what
have you.

Speaker 6 (47:19):
Yeah, yeah, it is. I mean I don't think D
program is too far fetch your word. I think I
think that it is you. But you can only do
that when you are aware or at least curious about
why you're thinking the things you're thinking pays some point.
Quick example, you're retired or separated and you're completely autonomous

(47:40):
in your own day and let's say you're on terminal
leave and you really don't have anything work related to do.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
That's like the dopamine hit of your military career.

Speaker 6 (47:49):
Yeah exactly. But like but during that process, you're like
going throughout your day like I should be doing something.
Why am I not doing something? I can't believe I'm not.
How am I not applying for ten jobs today? Dahdah,
dah dah. Stop yourself and say, okay, where is this
coming from. Likely it's coming from the competitive nature of
military life you just left. But it doesn't have to

(48:09):
be that way. So just bring to the surface and
be you know again, be curious about it. And I
love that you said honestly, that you said some stuff
hit and some stuff not you had to work on
or not so much. And I think that is something
I want everyone to go into the book being aware
of everybody is on such a unique journey of their

(48:31):
transition that some stuff will hit because that's where you
are or what you've experienced, and some stuff it's like, no,
I can't relate. That's okay. If there's something that you
get from that to you know, walk away from it's
what you said, and it's be patient, give yourself grace.
And what would you say to your best friend who
was going through a huge milestone transition in their life,

(48:52):
Say it to yourself exactly.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
Well, thank you again for being on the show to
discuss your book, your final debrief with us. Where can
people find this book if they'd like to get a
copy for themselves.

Speaker 6 (49:04):
Yeah, my website is live and lead well dot org
dot org. You can head there. There's a tab book release.
You can check out the summary of it and a
couple places to buy it. And also if you're interested
in bulk orders, please don't buy a whole bunch from Amazon.
I give a massive discount if you go directly through me,

(49:27):
so just please don't spend all that on Amazon books.
Just come through me if you're looking for a bulk
order to give back to anybody. But thank you so
much for having me, and thank you again for what
you're doing, your change makers, and I just appreciate you awesome.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
Thanks Mary. We'll have you on the show again soon.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
You take care of Mary. Thank you. Okay, b I
okay America And that's our show for today.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
Thanks for joining us. Rally Potters fall out.

Speaker 7 (49:55):
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Speaker 1 (50:56):
I'm Staff Sargeant Mark.

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and I am proud to defend my family and our nation.

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