040924 300 Jeff's Bucket of Crap

 Jeff has so many things to recap about the eclipse!! Did anyone commit any crimes during the eclipse? A local woman had an eclipse baby!  

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
Yes, pondering the issue what makesa good radio salesperson? It is three
oh five, This is ninety sevento one the freak, and you are
indeed listening to the speakeas eve.We got a little Hollywood swing coming up
here in just a bit about anhour from now, we're gonna have that
best damned sports segment period for today. But right now time to give man.

(00:29):
All we have to give is what'sin our bucket. Welcome everyone to
Jeff's Bucket of crap. Thanks forstopping by. I'm here ready to enjoy
your bucket. I knew what today'sbucket was going to be yesterday, did
you. Today's bucket was going tobe googling eclipse injuries, eclipse crimes.

(00:58):
So we're gonna have eclipse clean up? Huh? Yes, I wanted aftermath
of eclipse. Okay, was goingto be the topic unless there was nothing
to be found. But there werethings to be found. We were.
If you're out there and you carriedout a heist during the eclipse, I'd
love to hear from you, butI don't want you to talk, So

(01:19):
you could just text in two onfour seven eight seven nine one, or
leave a talk back Yeah. Infact, if you stole a little bit
of double bubble from somewhere during theeclipse, let us hear about that too.
I tell us how that worked outfor you. I'd like to know.
Let's see who stole the biggest ormost valuable thing during the eclipse yesterday.
Text in Well, the first thingthat I found in the aftermath is

(01:44):
not necessarily a crime of any sort, more of a indictment of us as
people. And I'd like to takemy share of the blame. I feel
like people might have listened to me, what have you done now? During
totality? You could look. You'reallowed to look, yeah, because the

(02:07):
moon was in front of the sun. Yeah, so you weren't staring directly
into the sun. You were staringdirectly into a blocked sun, and you
could just see how cool it wasand how special, how wonderful. He
was emotional over me, and Idid for just a second. Oh I
did for like four minutes. Yeah, yeah, what looked up during totality?

(02:28):
Yeah? Yeah, Well I didn'treally know until I heard the scientist
man on with bin and skin.Yeah, because he said it was okay,
and then he made a reference ofyou don't necessarily need to check your
phone, as if you were liketiming it, like because you know it's
going to be at two minutes whateverit was two minutes twenty seconds, and

(02:50):
if you set a timer on yourphone. He said, don't do that.
You have enough time to just lookup and enjoy it and don't keep
going back and forth to your phonein the sky or whatever. And when
he said that, it like putit all into perspective. It was like,
oh, okay, so we havesome time here. You could probably
till in totality you can probably tellwhen you're looking at something if it's safe

(03:10):
or not. Yeah, I thinkyour your brain and your eyes will tell
you if you stare at the sun, this is bad. But during total,
no problem, it was great.It would appear that some of you
were looking more than you should have. Uh, and a lot of people

(03:30):
may not have been wearing their glassesunfortunately. And is it not a little
uncomfortable that the glasses that are supposedto protect us from death to our eyeballs
cost like eighty cents? Is thatnot uncomfortable to anyone? That is uncomfortable?
But I do wonder, I don'tknow. I'm not saying that the
science is wrong or whatever, Butis it really death to our eyeballs?

(03:53):
Like, look at the sun?Try it? I mean they let a
bunch of little kids go out andlook at it with those cheesy glasses,
and little kids don't listen to whatthey're being told to do if it was
really gonna are you? Are youmaking the claim that you can stare at
the sun and it's okay? No, But I don't think it'll ruin your

(04:14):
eyes if you if you look upthere for a split second, not for
a split second. I do itall the time. It's fun. Yeah,
you'll get a spots for a littlebit, but then they'll go away.
I don't think that sounds fun.Yeah, but then you can say
you look directly into the sun.I am eight years old. Sometimes we
know I like to look at thesun sometimes. Well, apparently a lot

(04:39):
of people did, because we knowwhat people are googling now these days we
can check. According to Google Trends, there was a big spike in searches
for terms relating to the eclipse andeye health on Monday, including the terms
why do my eyes hurt? Andmy eyes hurt? So? Oh no,

(05:03):
you guys are idiots. That's all. Do your eyes hurt? Any
of our eyes hurt? Did weall follow the rules? Okay? Okay,
So how many people though maybe theireyes feel the exact same, but
they're just really worried about their eyeshurting, and so that like created in

(05:24):
their brain that their eyes hurt becausethey're worrying about their eyes hurting. Oh
yeah, that's the thing, theopposite of a placebo effect. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, I bet thathappens like people who were fiddle farting around
a little bit. Yeah, anduh, cutting it a little close where
it's like, I know it's nota doubting well, let me take a
glance. And then they're in theback of their mind they're like, I
shouldn't have done that. This couldhurt me, and then I could.

(05:46):
It's I think it's hurting me.It must be hurting me. It's like
when you go to web md whensomething's wrong. It's like, you know,
Jeff has uh a foot cramp aidscrap. You know, that's where
you you're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to look on the
internet because the internet's always going totell you that you're going to die.
Yeah, I'm a little tired today, cancer and age. I've been tested

(06:13):
for those things bi weekly because Ialways think I have them. So basically,
Aftermath's story number one is we're stupidas humans. Other searches eyes hurt
after looking at the eclipse, andcan the eclipse hurt your eyes? So?
Okay, so you know how thebest way to a large amount of

(06:40):
money is to invent something. Yeah, you want to invent something? Yeah,
So how can we fix the people'seyes who looked at the eclipse?
Lie like like in the next week, we got to come up with something
sort of I drop, yeah,which what we could do is we could
take water, add three drops oflemon, not tell the recipe and say

(07:00):
this is a retinal something something.Maybe don't lemon though, we don't need
to hurt the peace. Is retinal'sgood for you? Lime m No,
we're not gonna put in their eye. It's just drink oh oh green juice.
Yes, Russell Wilson. For awhile, wouldn't you pushing concussion water?
It's like, if you drink this, yeah, you won't have concussion.
I think we should have them putit in their eye, okay,

(07:24):
lemon juice, Yeah, we justhave to make a beverage. It doesn't
taste awful. It's just water that'sflavored in some way, and claim that
it'll fixture. It's it's retinal recoverywater. I like this. It'll sell,
It'll work great. I think itwill. Yeah, people love the
green juice. We need to pickso many green juices that say they do
so many things, and none ofthem probably do the things. But I

(07:46):
was like, oh, I've gotmy green juice. I'm healthy today,
so we can have green juice thathelps fix your eyes after the eclipse.
Now, if you really want thisto work, we have to make two
products. We'll make them the exactsame, different packaging, different names,
and I'll say I created one.You say you created the other, and

(08:07):
like mine. I'll be like theNazis on the right don't want you to
know about this miracle cure, andthen you on yours go uh ah,
he's lying to you, and theBiden crime family doesn't want you to know
about this retinal cure, and thenwe'll both sell so many You're probably right,

(08:28):
it'll be so good. It'll beso good. You can get it
on this too. But you reallywant something people can put in their eyes.
We'll have to find your third angle. I'm thinking about, I don't
know, doing something with tomato juice. Okay, yeah, I thought.
I'm trying to think of ways topackage some sort of tomato juice based solution

(08:52):
and tell them that if you lookedup there yesterday and your eyes are not
right, put some of this inthere and it'll fix it straight into the
eyeball, straight into the eyeball.I think that works. What can I
call it? Hmmm, tomato juicefor your eyes. Yeah, I'll think

(09:16):
of something. Tomato clips aid,Yeah, there you go. Yeah,
clip retinal eclipse recovery fuel. Yeah. And when then when they come at
me and I'll be, you know, trying to run from them, and
they say, man, I tooksome of your stuff and didn't work.

(09:37):
You need a bigger dose. Yeah, I'll just tell them to put some
motor oil in it or something.Yeah. Oh, I didn't know you
needed the stronger variety. Good newsfor you do have it. Yes,
we do have something here. Yeah. I thought yours was a mild case.
Yeah you didn't tell we only getthis out of the most severe cases.
Clearly, this is what you need. Yes, And this is injected
via needle. Yes, so youput some w jab it in your eye.

(10:03):
Let it rip, Yeah, andit'll be good. Bart All did
it again? Uh? Now wemove on to the crime bladder of the
eclipse. I only have one funcrime to report, and it's probably not
fun, disappointing. It's not funfor a couple of people, but it's
fun to me. And you'll bestunned to know that it's from Florida What

(10:30):
a surprise. But it's not Floridaman, Florida woman. It's Florida woman.
That's just as good, maybe better. I think she's an underrated character.
Florida man gets all of the headlines. Florida Woman's a player in this
thing. Yeah. I guess we'rejust supposed to assume that women are lumped
into Florida man. But yeah,they could have their very own category.

(10:52):
They should. Well. A womanchecked out of a Florida hotel and told
the staff that she was going ona God directed shooting spree because of the
solar eclipse. What then she shottwo drivers on our tail before being arrested
in charge with attempted murder. SoGod directed or eclipse directed? Well,

(11:15):
both God directed? Because of thesolar eclipse, which is complicated. That
is complicated because that is a doubleblame. Although I gotta tell you,
if I'm on that jury, prettybulletproof, you know, how am I

(11:37):
going to know? I can't convictyou. If you tell me that God
told you to do that, I'mgoing to overrule God. Yeah, like,
no, here you are, Ireject your claim. Still shot people?
Okay, Okay, let's say Ido that. I'm on the jury.
The evidence is clear. She says, I went on a God directed

(12:00):
shooting spree because of the solar eclipse. And I say, tough s,
you're going to prison guilty attempted murder. Now fast forward seven years to when
I pass. Now I'm dead.Time for me to go get my reward
because I've lived an incredible selfless lifeand have helped numerous people to achieve happiness.

(12:26):
And here I am at the pearlygates. Here's God about eight foot
tall Middle Eastern man. Does hecome and get you himself when you're at
the pearly gates? I think ifyou want him to, for somebody who's
done as well as I have isdifferent and in whatever they want. I
just thought he might have a theirafter life, a minion or maybe a

(12:48):
disciple. Yeah, to go outthere and get him, lead you into
see him sheep or a lamb orsomething. Yeah, I think he would
come get me. But here's theproblem. Now in this scenario, he's
coming to get me, and he'sthe checklist, and it's like, all
right, let's check this out.You're a wonderful person. Check so much
empathy in your heart, check charitableworks. Check. We go down all

(13:13):
of them, and he's like,and the one time that I instructed Taylor
Nachelle Celestine to go on a shootingspree, you put her in prison.
And I'm like, well, bro, how am I gonna know she's shopping
on the jury? Yeah, soif I'm on the jury that convicts her,
now I go to get my heavenlyreward when I die, and I
go to hell because I told her. I don't believe you. That's stuff

(13:37):
because you don't really know. Idon't moment comes, But I don't think
that he really told her to dothat. I think she's just saying that
she's trying to get out of amoment where she was shooting at people during
the eclipse. Well, no,so the weird part is that she told
the hotel staff before she did it, oh like, hey, I'm going
to do this because I have toclip all right, lady, good luck

(14:03):
out there. We are your glasses. Yeah. She hopped onto the highway
about one hundred and fifteen miles fromthe Alabama border in the Panhandle of Florida.
She's heading west and within five milesshe fired into a passing car several
times, spraying autoglass and grazing thedriver in the arm. Then she fired
at a second vehicle, hitting thedriver in the neck side Note two for

(14:31):
two is pretty damn good in amoving vehicle. You're impressed with this woman
from moving vehicle a moving vehicle,I'm fairly impressed. Troopers stopped the woman
after she drove for about sixteen milesand found her with an AR fifteen rifle
and a nine milimeter handgun just incase. You never know how far away

(14:54):
the people are going to be inthe other cars, so you have to
be ready for anything. She's beencharged with a tempted murder, aggravated battery
with the deadly weapon, and improperdischarge of a firearm, to which I
say, but what if God toldher to because of the eclipse, which
is a weird conversation in itself.Here's god, Hell'll let me get her

(15:15):
name again? Taylor and Michelle Celestine. Okay, that's a mouthful of a
name. I require your service.What is it, God? You need
to shoot people today? But whybecause the eclipse? What do you mean

(15:48):
black to do it during the eclipseor I don't know? And that's all
you have to work on. That'sall she got. That's all that he
didn't get any more deats. Idon't believe her. He did not say
that to her. I have acouple more deats. Oh, hit me
with some more deats. Would youcare to guess the age of one Taylor

(16:08):
and Michelle Celestine? Forty? Youon this? You probably know, don't
you. I'm aware of the age, okay, under twenty four? Under
oh oh, why is it?Twenty one? Over twenty two? Twenty
two? Nailed it, You nailedit. Good job, Jeueles, your

(16:30):
genius. You got to the bottomof it. That's pretty young to be.
Haven't got to tell you to shootpeople during the eclipse and then shooting
people during the eclipse. I'm out? What age? Would you say?
Not young? For that, whatage is not young? Yeah? What
age would you be like? That'sabout the age I would think God would
tell you to shoot people during thesolary forty, I guess for yeah,

(16:55):
forties, it's a midlife crisis kindof Okay, Okay, it is Yeah,
that's young for something like that.Yeah, okay. And it's sixty
you would have been like, man, that's kind of old for God to
have told you to do that,right, But at forty you'd be like,
okay, yeah, that makes Sense'smore likely than twenty two. Yeah,
Julia, are you telling us somethingabout what God's getting ready to tell

(17:15):
you? No? Do you thinkyou're just right about lined up for that
message? Yeah? Perhaps not abouta year, but yeah, this is
when you start thinking about life andeverything, maybe listening to weird noises and
voices in your head. Along thelines of all that, I think it's
possible that the Savior was born herein DFW just before the eclipse. What

(17:37):
I'm not saying, it's that Ithink so I'm saying it might be possible.
Alicia Alvarez brought her second child inthe End of the World on Monday,
when she rushed to the hospital todeliver her baby at one o four
pm, just forty thirty eight minutesbefore the eclipse, on the day of

(17:59):
the eclipse. And the baby's nameis Soul Sol Soul Celeste Alvarez Sun and
translates to sun. Yeah that youthink maybe could be eight pounds six ounce,

(18:19):
don't even know words yet, butstill omnipotent. Baby could be maybe
maybe not, maybe not, butmaybe that's obsessing about the solar eclipse.
Next level. I don't know ifit was. Because they also have a
child named Luna, a four yearold, and that means moon. So

(18:44):
that particular mom thought the moon wonthe battle of the day. We were
trying to figure out which one waswinning the battle yesterday. Yeah, I
mean the sun won the battle.They were battling there for a second.
Oh, well, the sun wonbecause even when one even when the moon
was in perfect offensive position, theSun still had a little sub I'm still
peeking out. Yeah, it stillhad a little s fully held the moon

(19:07):
captive. Yeah, the Moon couldn'tshut down the sid It's a lot like
in sports when they say you can'tstop them, you can only hope to
slow them down. Right, themoon couldn't stop the sun, But it
did. I hope to contain it. Yeah, it did the best containment
it could, but the sun stillhung forty. The moon stole the sun's

(19:27):
thunder for a good couple of minutesthough, And the Sun didn't see that
coming. It might not. Itdid not see that coming. Why do
you, after all these years,thinking about trying to get the moon off
your back? Yeah, I thinkit's happened before. I think it's like,
ah, it comes again. Canyou forget about it? It's like
a game when you have to playPat Beverly. Oh God, so annoying.

(19:48):
What an ass whip it's back.Wanted to get up a lot of
shots to get that's a bucket ofeclipse craw. I don't have time for
the animal stuff. Maybe later,boy, that is a bucket of eclipse
crap. Got weird coming up next, It's time to go Hollywood Swing and
jewels. Tell us all about it. Plumber's crack, move over. There's

(20:11):
a hot new crack in town.