August 24, 2023 • 38 mins
We’re back for Season 2 and She’s back too! In case you missed the talented, caring and motivational Kelly K Armstrong in Season One of This Mama Got Drama-now’s your chance to soak up some of her wisdom. As a successful multi-career holding woman of color Kelly has held down roles and created businesses in the Fashion, Hospitality, Music Industries to name a few. Join us as we talk about how she recently won a prestigious lifetime of service award, the importance of self-esteem in your success and her new chapter- retirement- don’t think she’s slowing down!
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(00:00):
This Mama Got Drama. We're backfor season two. First off, let's
clock that up right here. Yeah, very excited about that. We want
you to keep joining us as wecreate this safe space to talk about raising
our littles in the capable people,chasing our goals as working parents, and
then finding time for self care throughall of that. And I'm really excited
(00:21):
to be back, Lady Ray here, of course we have I'm Drainiknzalas and
we are the hosts of This MamaGot Drama. We made it for another
episode, this time feature and ourguests Kelly k Armstrong. Now, the
exciting thing about Kelly k is thatshe's already been on This Mama Got Drama.
She came help to help us kickoff the first season, and it's
(00:43):
exciting to have you back. Imean, I would tell the people the
amazingness that is your career, butI want you to tell the people once
again, because you're one of thosepeople who you know is excited to tell
people it's okay to have more thanone career, It's okay to to have
more than one dream. Could youlet the folks know a little bit about
(01:03):
your career? Oh boy, wellyou know what, Okay. So I
am a personal development image consultant andI found it my company it's called Artist
Development Image Making in nineteen ninety.It's a consulting business that's dedicated to improving
its clients self image. Now,I also found it the Primed and Prep,
(01:27):
a hospitality management, culinary arts,job and mentoring training program at the
Bay View YMCA and also the ChinatownYMCA, And this program was to help
young people of color get into differentcareers in the hospitality and culinary arts industry.
I am so excited that I keeprunning into some of my students and
(01:51):
they are working. One of mystudents started off he was like fourteen and
his first internship was at the FairmontHotel. He just called me a couple
of weeks ago to let me knowhe is now a Sioux chef there.
Wow. Yeah, isn't that amazing? Yes? And then I also have
just recently retired from City College inSan Francisco, where I taught there for
(02:15):
twenty two years in the fashion department, teaching image consulting, personal styling,
and fabric glossary and other fashion classes. And I'm going to miss them tremendously.
So that's been a very interesting career. And then I also worked in
the music industry where I dressed artistsfor album covers and videos, and then
(02:37):
I also became a board of governorswith the Grammys. It's just been a
wonderful, wonderful career, to thepoint that literally this year, I became
a recipient of the Jefferson Award,and that award is given to individuals who
have devoted their life to exceptional publicservice in different arenas, and that's how
(02:57):
I got it. So I'm congratulationand well deserved, and like you said,
it's it's so rewarding. I mean, obviously getting this award is already
big enough, right, but thereal sometimes, like you said, is
having your students come back and tellyou their next chapter, having them show
(03:19):
you what they look from you,and that they're actually like tearing it down
right. Oh yeah, you knowwhat. That to me is definitely the
highlight of my career. When Irun into my students and I see them
and they're doing wonderful, it justputs such a smile on my face and
in the hugs that I get andthey're just like, miss Kelly, you're
still doing this, and I'm like, yeah, what an impact you've made
(03:44):
on their lives. Though it's beenwonderful. It has been wonderful, now,
you know, So it's it's Ithink it's What's the best part for
me is that I have a fifteenyear old granddaughter and she gets to see
this because when you know, sometimeswhen I tell her stuff, she always
knows. I know, Mom,I'm like, no, you don't,
no, you don't. So it'sbeen wonderful even raising and watching her grow.
(04:09):
So yeah, I just love beingaround young people. Well, I'm
glad that you brought your granddaughter up. Let's just talk about it real quick,
just to break it a little bitof the ice. I mean,
I know, for us over here, we're in full back to school mode.
My son is in kindergarten now,which I'm like, I'm gonna emoji
face. It just has the riverof tears on both sides of the chieks,
(04:30):
and I'm sure to say it's moreit's more emotional. It's more emotional
for the mom than it is thekey. I called my husband on his
first day of school. I'm like, I just dropped him off to college.
What is happening? I mean,that's what's new. With us.
Drina, what's new with your boys? Oh yeah, I have a now
fourth and seventh grader, which iscrazy. I was just gonna tell a
(04:54):
rain and I know Kelly probably knowsall about this, but once they start
grade school, it just goes sofast. Yeah, so fast. Yeah,
we'll see. Like my grand babyis in she's a sophomore now in
high school and she's in a boardingschool in Boston, Massachusetts. So she's
away from home even right and lovingevery minute of it. Oh, that
(05:16):
is loving it. A matter offact, we are going to go see
her in October for Grandparents' Day,parent Day, grandparent Day, we go
every year. But yeah, soshe you know, I always ask what's
going to meet that you don't gethomesick? And she goes no. So
well, because you usually hear storiesof people like kids that are you know,
yeah bools or whatever, they're like, I want to go home,
right. Yeah, it's such adifferent perspective. I love it. She
(05:40):
was really good because we keep intouch with her, you know, between
her mom, dad and me andmy husband, you know, and her
other grandparents. We make sure thatyou know, we're still that that we're
there, that we have a presence. Y. Yeah, I think that
that makes a huge difference. It'sprobably also a testament to the campus that
she's on. They probably make itreally you know, just educational but fun.
(06:02):
And also, yeah, the factthat she gets like a little bit
of freedom but it doesn't it doesn'tmake her feel like she's on her own
has got to make a huge differencetoo, So that you know what you
said, A key thing, it'sthe school. They actually do make it
very welcoming for the students and herroommates. She loves her everybody in her
(06:24):
building. Oh good, I feellike I know them all because we got
a chance to meet them. It'sjust a great group of people. So
yeah, so she's in a reallygood environment. So I'm happy for her.
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I'mhappy to hear an update two because
we got a little bit of itwhen we talk to you in the in
the other episode. But I wantto jump right in because I'm sure that
you know you've instilled in her someof these characteristics that you work with,
(06:47):
you know, all throughout your careerin building people up, not just your
students, but the people that youwere helping to manage and dress and and
you know, A really vital thingthat you work on with them is self
esteem. And I think you knowit's it's one of those things where you
feel like you you have self esteem, like you're like I, of course
I'm confident, of course, Butuntil you actually reflect and take a moment,
(07:15):
you don't really realize how much yourself esteem can can either fluctuate or
diminish. Right, So what foryou or some of the important things that
people should kind of keep in mind, or why is self esteem so important?
Okay, let's let's look at this. So first off, self esteem
is an emotion, okay, andit's how you feel towards yourself based on
(07:36):
your sense of personal wealth worth.It basically means how you value yourself.
And so we know that values arethose core principles that give meaning to life.
They are defined as a set ofstandards that developed your determine your attitude
and your choices. So remember values, like you said earlier, they can
(07:59):
wax and and so as we changeand adapt because of our values or learned,
they can be changed. So let'sthink about what are some examples of
values, so people all know whatthat is. So let's say like integrity,
have encourage, so once you knowwhat your values are, that's a
good place to start. So selfesteem is also important in every aspect of
(08:22):
your life. Is a reflection ofhow we live and how we meet the
challenges in our life. So peoplewho choose to accept responsibilities to meet the
challenges are the ones that have relativelyhigh self esteem. So accepting life's daily
challenges develops that inner strength, competence, and competence to our level of self
esteem. So some of those peoplethat have a hard time of getting started
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with whatever because they don't feel goodenough, or they don't think they know
enough, or they don't have enough. You know, they always have an
excuse as to why they can't moveforward. But you know, you really
do have to take that responsibility of, you know, challenging yourself to meet
those things. Right, was therea moment you realize that you had low
(09:07):
self esteem or that you you know, can identify with that low self esteem
feeling. Look, girl, Iwas a grown woman when this was like
in the eighties. I was workingto take ass F radio at the time,
and I had a mentor by thename of Sam Skinner who was a
sports journalist and he actually used tobe on that Black Renaissance Channel forty four
(09:30):
TV program. He did that aswell. So anyways, he told me
that I had low self esteem,and I was like, I didn't know
what it meant. Yeah, howdid he just picked up on it?
Or no, you know what,just you know, because he was mentoring
me, he evidently he picked upon it. And you know, some
of the signs are low self esteemthat you don't really think about, or
(09:50):
not being able to give people eyecontact, you know, a whimpy handshake,
you know, your walk is kindof down. And I know I
used to hold my head down expectly, but if I felt that I was
in the presence of somebody with atitle or that used to freak me out,
you know, because I didn't haveone, so I didn't think I
was good enough, right, Andso I don't know what he picked up
(10:11):
on me, but he did.And I'm gonna tell you something. I
love him for that. He's gonenow, but you know, he is
what started my career. So afterhe told me that I had low self
esteem, you know, we wereon the phone, So I hunt up
the phone and I've turned around andI opened the dictionary and so the dictionary
(10:31):
read that the Merriam Webster's Dictionary itsays self esteem means confidence and satisfaction in
oneself. Okay, So that didn'tmean anything to me. It wasn't enough,
so I just kept searching and keptsearching. So I went into research
to find out a little bit moreabout what self esteem was or yeah,
(10:52):
but I mean, I mean clearlybased on on the growth that you've made,
is that you've accomplished, you wereable to to break through on this.
But how how did you build upyour self esteem? Oh? My
god? Okay, So the researchthat I did led me to Assemblyman John
beastkin sell Us who was from SantaClara, and Willie Brown at the time,
(11:16):
who was Speaker of the House.So I found out through them that
it was a self esteem movement.John beastkin Sellis actually started the self esteem
movement here in San Francisco, andso in the nineteen nineties they also created
a self Esteem Task Force. Ijoined the movement and became a National Concert
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for Self Esteem member, and thatbecame my passion. Self esteem became my
passion, leading me to my ownmetamorphosis and therefore gave me the confidence to
move forward to start helping other people, because one of the things that I
knew, I didn't ever want anyoneelse to feel like I felt. I
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didn't ever want any wanted to feellike less than when they walked into a
room because somebody had a title,or they thought they had more money,
and dada, da da da.It's like no, no, no,
no, because what you find outis that everybody, at some point in
their life have had self esteem thatwaxes and wanes based on situations that happen
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in your life. And so onceI realized that, just as a human
being that that happens, I waslike, you know why, let me
make sure that I can start helpingother people. And that's what I did.
And you're now part of this selfesteem movement. You're out here feeling
better about yourself. What do youdo to build other people up? I
mean, it's already tough to identifyin yourself. Now you have to break
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it to someone else that they havelow self esteem, and then you'd have
to try to build them up.Okay, So what I did I created
my business. So my business iscalled Artist Development Image Making. It's a
consulting business that improves a self imageof my clients. So the services include
self esteem building, image tomaico verse, and personal life coaching. And so
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you know, I like to helppeople be their best by looking their best
and filling their best and I startfrom the inside out. I even have
a program that I created for younggirls and young adult women called Dressing Up
from the inside Out. So thereal truth is that I created these successful
programs. Even my prim and Prepculinary program was also self esteem confidence building.
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So just building a track record inthe Bay Area as a self esteem
lecturer and instructure and program person ishow I did it. And I mean
I was able to tap on awhole bunch of people's shoulders. I worked
with nonprofit organizations, different corporate corporations. You know, Chevron used to have
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bring your daughter to work day andI would do self esteem programs with them
with the young girls when they wouldbring their daughters, having them create poster
boards. So yeah, so Iwas able to create different programs based on
the needs of the different communities.And I worked at a lot of at
risk communities because that's where you reallysee a lot of low self esteem.
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It's so important to you would thinkthat like there's more there would be more
emphasis on this and like in educationand you know, in the schools,
because it really makes such a difference. If they're feeling good, these students
are feeling good and they're feeling linempowered, I'm sure it would make such
a difference on their studies and justtheir attitudes in class and right. Well,
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but you know what, what I'vefound is that so one of the
Everett Middle School was the first schoolthat I taught a self esteem program in
with the middle school kids. Andone of the things that I in order
for me to teach there, Itotally instruct the principle. I said,
you know what, I want toalso be able to have a session for
the teachers as well. So notonly did I have it for the kid,
(15:00):
it's also had it for the teachers. Now where I could have gone
even further is, you know,but the school would have had to have
a pta to get the parents toalso do it on the parents so everybody
could be on the same page.Because realistically, you teach the self esteem
programs and then you send these kidsback home and it's not being reinforced,
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so you you know, so sometimesthat's how you lose it. But sometimes
you get that kid where it reallyclicks and they get it and they're able
to continue with the growth and whatnot. You know, but it is very
difficult when you're teaching the younger kidsand then they have to go back home
to those environments where it's not beingyou know, continually build on you,
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you kind of lose ground. Soyeah, the schools definitely should incorporate a
life skills program that focuses on that. But you know, our schools are
in trouble right now anyway because it'shalf the stuff. They're not teaching things
that the kids need anyway. RightIt breaks my heart. It breaks my
heart, you know. So I'mlike, Lord, are these people go
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and pull me out of retirement andget me back? Said they should?
I hear the calls already. Doyou have for those that are looking to
raise your self esteem? What's somesmall steps that they can take to just
kind of step into that and justfeel better. Well, the first thing
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I did, and you know,and what I suggest other people do,
is model yourself after the people thatyou most admire and respect, and of
course hopefully it's somebody that's positive.So I'll have to be careful when I
say that you know, because there'sso many role models out there right now
that you know, kids are lookingup to that aren't necessarily positive role models.
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So you want to find some moneythat's positive to do and something that
you would like to do, andthen just kind of look and see what
they do, how they act,how they dress, and it kind of
give you something somewhere to start.And then the other thing, this is
a key one, but anyone paysyou a compliment for any reason, accept
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the value paid and a simple thankyou is enough. You got a beautiful
dress on this old thing. I'vehad it for something. I didn't ask
you how long you had I mean, how many times you that you say
you see it? Because it's it'shard, it's hard sometimes to accept those
compliments. Yeah, yes, yes, yes, you know we have to
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be rated. We have to tearit down, you know. So just
you know, that's a perfect placeto start, just being able to not
only accept a compliment, but alsoto give a sincere compliment. You know,
when you see something something of someonethat you like or admire, you
know, be able say it tothem. Yes, right. Then the
other thing is stop comparing yourself toother people. You know, that is
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I think a big thing, youknow, especially like with what is it
the social media stuff that's going onright now. You know, everybody's wonderful
as far as their social media's concern. You know, they know how to
post the pretty pictures and the prettyposes and whatnot, you know. So
then and especially for our young girls, because we're the young girls, you
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know, we have that body imagething going already. So to see these
beautiful airbrush women that they don't reallyrealize or air brushed right right, you
know, and comparing themselves to thatand then going to get the surgery or
going to get the butt injections andall of this other craziness that people are.
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Don't do that to yourself. Don'tcompare yourself to other people, and
don't compete with other people. Competewith yourself. How can you make you
better? Right? Then the otherthing, think about some of the things
that you have that you're good at, you know, concentrate on your positive
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attributes, your good qualities and someof your successes. It's really important to
do that because half the time,if you ask a person, tell me
two things that you like about yourself, people have a hard time, you
know, they'd be like, oh, let me think. But then you
say, tell me one thing ortell me something that you don't like about
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yourself, and they'll give you awhole list of it. Yes, that's
easier to do than to really thinkabout some of the good things that you've
done, or some of your goodattributes or whatnot. So focus on that
kind of stuff. And then lastly, I say, join a support group
or be around other people that arepositive like you. You find that people
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are tearing you down or rating you, trying to make you feel less than
those are the kind of people youneed to stay away from. Take some
awareness class, and then read selfhelp books. Self help books and spiritual
books will definitely get you on thatright path to loving yourself, because that's
what it's all about, really reallyloving yourself. So the way you feel
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about yourself is how you will relateto others. Okay, And so we
become whole and independent beings when westop denying and ignoring ourselves and are free
to give precedent to our own needsand desires. Either you can develop toward
a better life passively or accept whatevercomes your way. So if you are
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not taking charge of your way,guess what life will take charge of you.
The feeling of unworthiness is acquired doingour progression from childhood to adulthood,
which is a learned behavior, andbecause it's a learned behavior, it can
be unlearned. Yeah. Wow,Yeah, I just just taking that moment
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to just take a step back andbe like, well, this is something
that I learned or way I learnedto be. I can unlearn this solutely.
It's so profound. And I'm doingthe work. Yeah, and you
too, and you know what,you know. I want you, guys
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to do this exercise with me,okay, because this is one of my
This is how I open up myclasses. So look at your right hand,
Come on, do it with me. Now I'm doing it. Look
at your right hand and put iton your left shoulder. Okay, and
now look at your left hand andput it on your right shoulder. Squeeze
and say I love you, Ilove you. Come on, train and
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say it, I love you.Yes. And so what you find,
guys is a lot of people havea very hard time saying that. And
so not only do I have themdo that, but I have you look
in the mirror while you're doing it, So that way you can look in
your eyes and tell that person anddirectly that you love them. Because once
you start taking care of that inneryou, the whole world just starts opening
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up and other people start seeing youand come to you. You know,
I can walk down the street anywhereand folks just to stop me. I'll
be in the store, man,can you help me? I don't work
here, right right. It's justthat energy you give up, right.
But it tackles me because because whenthey do it, you know what,
I'll just go and help them.I know the store, you know,
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so I'll go and help And butit makes me laugh every time it happens,
you know. And or they'll comeup to me and start talking and
my darticles, well, mean,do you know them? They're like,
god, no, she goes,well, why are you having this long
conversation with them? And because that'sthe other thing, there's so many people
out there that want to be heard, right, They want somebody to listen
to them, to see them asa person. So, you know,
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we just got to get back tobasics with with people, you know,
and put the phones down for ahot second, right right right. And
I love the fact that you youknow, are really calling on people to
to to nourish that inner self right. And you know, as working moms,
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we know that we can't care forour families. We can't care for
our kids if we're not caring forourselves. And you know, we have
we have days where we're a littlemore on the ball with that, but
I mean it's so vital, andI always it and it sounds kind of
silly, but I always remind myself, I'm like, this is a flight
mask moment. I need to getmy oxygen first so that I can give
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these babies oxygen, like I literallyhave to, you know, and you
have to stop yourself sometimes and realizeyou're pushing, you're going, you know,
one hundred miles an hour. Ihad my my hm. I'm so
grateful that she's still with us.My grandma who's ninety three. We spent
a few days with us a coupleweeks ago, and I remember running in
the house and I was coming fromstraight from doing an interview, getting my
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son ready to go. We hadto go drip him off somewhere. And
then she looked at me and she'slike, you are moving too fast.
You know that movie? And Iwas like, I'm not gonna yell at
my ninety three year old grandmother.I just looked at her and say,
ma'am, you were right. Youwere I don't know what else to say,
yeah, yeah, now, andyou know what, and you're right
because we had a working mom.It's not just you know, your work,
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then the kids. You got thehousehold to take care of, you
know, so you know, andif you're a neat freak like me,
then you know, that becomes likeuh, added stresses, you know,
because you have to have things inorder and you gotta you know. So
it's just like, Okay, howdo I take care of me? What
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are some of the things that Ido? And this is when it's so
important to have a village. Thisis when it's important to have support,
you know, whether it's family,friends, or whatever that will be able.
You can pick up the phone andgo, you know what I need,
like a time out for a coupleof hours. Can you watch the
kid for me, even if it'sjust to clean the house right right?
(25:02):
You know, Like for me,I love cleaning my house because I get
my music going and I'm in myown little zone and you know, I'll
stop and do what I gotta doand then I'm getting it, you know,
but it makes you feel good.So you got to make sure that
you are doing things that make youfeel good as well, you know,
so because parents were always on autojust you know, boom boom boom boom
(25:26):
boom. So what are some ofthe things that you guys do to relead
your stress or to nurture yourself?Right? How do you nurture yourself?
What do you do? Yeah?Not enough, yeah for me to be
honest, But I do find likewhen I make the time to get in
some movement, you know, someexercise, I feel better. And then
(25:51):
when I feel better, everyone inthe house seems to feel better. Right,
Yeah, it's I know, ourenergy, as Momster's so contagious,
Like we really set the tone.Oh absolutely, And I know, and
I'm I know, and I'm notdoing well, Like I start to see
it in the kids and I'm like, okay, so I have to bring
(26:12):
it back in right that. Andjust something as simple as reading. I
just love having thirty minutes to bein my book nonfiction and just kind of
not have to think about things rightright. And I love self help books
too, because yeah, I feellike even if the message doesn't relate to
you personally, like just reading somethingpositive kind of always shift your mindset.
(26:34):
No, no, my go tobook for anyone that when they say,
Kelly, what book would you recommend? I always recommend Louise Hey, I
can heal your life. Yes,I love it. That book will definitely
help you build yourself to steem,you know, because she talks about the
affirmations and then just the questions thatshe asked you in the book. If
(26:56):
you really answer all the questions,that'll be a big help. Now the
other thing too, I remember whatI used to do. I would get
up extra early in the morning.So if I have to get up at
five o'clock where I can actually domy meditation, do my yoga, do
my journaling, then I'm set forthe rest of the day. I'm happy
because I got to do that.But there are some mornings when I'm so
(27:19):
tired I don't get up and doit, and it really reflects in the
rest of my day. So ifI can get up earlier before everybody else
wakes up and you know, andthen the other thing, I would prepare
lunches the night before the outfits,you know, and thank God during that
(27:40):
time my daughter wore a uniform,so that was not a big thing.
And I love that. I loveuniform schools because everybody should wear a uniform.
I'm telling you definitely. It's it'ssuch a relief for parents because you're
not having to deal with the clothesand the style and in that, you
know, so, but just preparingas much as you can the night before,
(28:03):
not only for the child, butalso when am I going to wear
to work? Because there's nothing likeyou waking up and going what am I?
We don't have uniforms for work,right, And so being able to
get prepare as much as you canthe night before, and then it'll allow
you to rest a little bit,you know. So and over the weekends,
I would actually cook a lot offood so I could have leftovers and
(28:25):
freeze stuff and then that way,and then my croc pot was my best
friend. Yeah, the croc pot. So when we came home, dinner
was ready. It wasn't. Thenwe didn't have to do that fast food
stuff. So there's so many thingsthat we could do to kind of alleviate
some of the everyday pressures and stressthat we have. But you know,
you gotta be committed and really wantto make your life a little easier,
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because it's easier said than done,right for sure? And how are you
doing yourself, Karena. We didn'tget your answer. Yeah, no,
I think I'm yea, I thinkI'm right there with you, Drena.
And not enough right. I thinkI've been telling myself because I started kickboxing
again and then I hurt myself becauseyou know, you get in there and
you're excited and you're like, okay, I'm about I'm about to kick these
(29:14):
pounds off, right, and thenon top of that, you got pent
up aggression and then I was like, okay, my sciatica is back.
This is not good. So Ihad to take a break, and then
what ended up happening is I hadlost a bunch of weight and then it
came back because I was I wasn'tas active. I was stress eating,
right, yes, emotional eating allof that. And so now it's literally
(29:37):
like I have to be okay andgive myself grades and say, you know
what, if I make it tothe gym this many times a week,
that's good, you know what Imean, versus like I have to go
four or five times a week,like I was trying to go hard,
right, which is not a badthing either, but if you are coming
back from having two babies and ohyeah, injuries and things like that,
(30:00):
like you really have to. Ireally had to. Like my body really
reminded me like, look, you'renot just gonna be able to jump in
here, hide, kick somebody likeyou gotta take it easy. So that
that has been like a really goodthing for me because like I said,
it's the physical movement. It's fun. Like I don't I don't know about
you guys, but you know alot of times when I would think about
(30:22):
the workout, I'm like literally havingto peel myself out of the house to
go right, yeah, yeah,spreading it and this is like it's fun.
There's music, the people are like, you know you you you understand
each other's struggles. So as youwalk in the gym, you're like you
made it, you know what Imean. Yeah, And so that's been
that's been good. And you knowwhat, what else I've been allowing myself
(30:45):
to do is being a kid withmy kids, right, And it's been
it's been this other level of likeself care, right, because when you're
a kid, you know your parentsgive you these opportunities and these these experiences,
they are really great memories, right, But when you're able to experience
(31:06):
them as an adult who can likepay for things and who can like decide,
you know, how long we stay, where we get to go,
it's a whole other experience. Andseeing it through their eyes, it's so
much you know, like you said, talking to the inner self, talking
to the inner child, right thatmaybe we got to go, but we
didn't get to go and stay thisamount of time or whatever it is,
right that that's been really cool.That's been really cool to see them have
(31:32):
these first experiences and experience it withthem. I'm so grateful to see the
world through their eyes. And Ithink that that's also a part of self
care too. And lastly, likeDrina said, you know, maybe it's
just that thirty minutes being able toread. Maybe it's thirty minutes of like
I get to take a shower withoutsomebody knocking at the shower curtain, which
(31:56):
by the way, you can't knockon because it's a curtain. It means
they're literally opening the So now sonow not only do I not get to
actually feel clean, but now Ihave to clean up the floor because there's
water everywhere, right, it endsup turning into a whole experience. So
yeah, I mean just having thatthirty minutes. However, I want to
(32:16):
use it if I want to blastmy music. That's not kid friendly,
right, right, It's so important. So I really appreciate you guys,
you know, sharing the things thatyou guys do, and and we just
have to keep reminding ourselves put onthat oxygen mask because if you don't,
you can't get on your babies.You cannot put on there. And we're
(32:38):
never too old to work on ourself esteem. Yeah, always, yeah,
you don't. And I always saythat I'm a work in progress because
especially now that I have retired andI'm looking at the next transition in my
life, you know, it's likeokay, so I start pulling out all
my books again, so I amso happy. Then I get to read
(33:00):
again. So one of the booksthat I'm reading is by Adrian. I
can't think of her last name,but it's called the Purpose of Your Life,
Loving the Book. And I've hadthis book for years because see I'm
a little yellow highlights in it.But I love to reread my books because
when you're at different stages you're like, remember reading that, you know,
and it kind of sticks a littlebit better. So yeah, so just
(33:20):
know that, you know, it'snot something that you get and you can
think you can walk out the door, you know, brag about and self
esteem is not something you boast on. It's just feeling good inside. It's
just really it's not ego. It'snot ego. Yeah no, no,
not at all. So I justknow that it's definitely something that needs to
(33:44):
be discussed. So I'm glad thatwe are having this conversation about it right
now. I would love to getsome book recommendations from you. Okay,
okay, I can make that happen. Let me say we list so funny
quick, funny story. And Iwould always put the YouTube channel on and
let my kids hear some affirmations inthe morning. And then I was,
oh, this lady again, butthey they're listening. I address my younger
(34:10):
son's behavior in the morning when hegot home from school. We were talking
like, let's talk about how youyou know, and he says, Mom,
it's like the the what do yousay? It's like the grandma said
on YouTube, we can't live inthe past. I said, I love
it. This yes, he calledhe referred to as the grandma said on
(34:32):
YouTube, and you know, butit was funny because I was like,
Okay, you were listening and nowhe's using this against right, how can
we move forward if we're talking aboutthe past. That is so beautiful.
But I will compile a list foryou guys. You know, one of
the very first self esteem books thatI did read was by Nathaniel Brandon.
I think it's his name. Hewas actually one of the I don't want
(35:00):
to say fathers of the self esteemmovement because it was somebody that was in
the eighteen hundred that was but NathanielBrandon is also known as one of the
gurus of the self esteem movement.So his book is really and it's just
called Simply Building Self Esteem. Wow, you should share lists with when we
share the podcast, share lists ofsome of the books that Kelly recommends.
(35:21):
Yeah, I will actually I willdefinitely get you guys a wonderful list.
Because then there was another one byDavid Burns and it was more like a
work book, which was wonderful,and that was called ten Days to Self
Esteem. So yeah, so Ihave girl got so many self esteem books.
It's not funny, and not justthe self esteem books, with other
(35:43):
books that actually have kind of likea spiritual fringe to it, because that's
so important being able to you know, acknowledge a higher power or however you
see that and just know that it'svery real. The universe will provide and
give you what you asked for,you know. So that's why I say
(36:04):
be careful for what you ask forbecause you can read it and most of
the people they don't realize that they'reasking for the wrong thing. So that's
why they think that it doesn't work, you know, because they're focusing on
the lack. So the more youfocus on lack, you're going to get
more of that. Yeah, right, So you know it's it's what we
put our focus on in terms ofwhat it is that we will get.
(36:25):
So you know, we're being carefuland asking for this, uh, this
list of books. We're excited tosee what your recommendations are and excited that
you have this time now to decidewhat this next chapter is going to look
like. In retirement, you know, you're still doing your your YouTube podcast,
(36:49):
and I mean I know that you'reyou're willing and open to having people
reach out to you, But howcan people get a hold of you or
follow you? Well, you knowwhat, so I'm one of those people
that do not have a website.I have never had a website and I
don't know if I ever will,but you know, so, they can
actually call me on my office number, which is four one five five eight
(37:09):
five two four one two, andthat's four one five five eight five two
four one two. I am onInstagram. You can reach me there and
that's at Kelly K dot podcast orsomething like that Instagram at Kelly k Podcast.
And then of course you can reachout to me on my Straight Talking
(37:30):
with Kelly YouTube channel and message messagerme there, and you can email me
at image Maker eighty six at hotmaildot com. And that's image Maker All
Small Letters eighty six at hotmail dotcom. So yeah, I'll look forward
to hearing from anyone that wants toknow a little bit more or find out
(37:51):
how I can be of service.Let me know. Thank you so much,
Kelly. It's always a pleasure.We'll bring you back again if you
don't know, absolutely no. Idefinitely love it. I definitely love it,
and I look forward to getting thatbook list to you guys and then
I'll also look forward to hear howyou guys are continuing to take care of
(38:12):
yourselves. So just make sure thatyou know you do that because you're all
you got, right Yeah yeah,so true, so true. Thank you
Kelly, Kay. We appreciate Thankyou Kelly laughs, all the wisdom and
all the positivity. Thank you,deee. Thank you guys. Bye bye I
This Mama Got Drama. We're backfor season two. First off, let's
clock that up right here. Yeah, very excited about that. We want
you to keep joining us as wecreate this safe space to talk about raising
our littles in the capable people,chasing our goals as working parents, and
then finding time for self care throughall of that. And I'm really excited
(00:21):
to be back, Lady Ray here, of course we have I'm Drainiknzalas and
we are the hosts of This MamaGot Drama. We made it for another
episode, this time feature and ourguests Kelly k Armstrong. Now, the
exciting thing about Kelly k is thatshe's already been on This Mama Got Drama.
She came help to help us kickoff the first season, and it's
(00:43):
exciting to have you back. Imean, I would tell the people the
amazingness that is your career, butI want you to tell the people once
again, because you're one of thosepeople who you know is excited to tell
people it's okay to have more thanone career, It's okay to to have
more than one dream. Could youlet the folks know a little bit about
(01:03):
your career? Oh boy, wellyou know what, Okay. So I
am a personal development image consultant andI found it my company it's called Artist
Development Image Making in nineteen ninety.It's a consulting business that's dedicated to improving
its clients self image. Now,I also found it the Primed and Prep,
(01:27):
a hospitality management, culinary arts,job and mentoring training program at the
Bay View YMCA and also the ChinatownYMCA, And this program was to help
young people of color get into differentcareers in the hospitality and culinary arts industry.
I am so excited that I keeprunning into some of my students and
(01:51):
they are working. One of mystudents started off he was like fourteen and
his first internship was at the FairmontHotel. He just called me a couple
of weeks ago to let me knowhe is now a Sioux chef there.
Wow. Yeah, isn't that amazing? Yes? And then I also have
just recently retired from City College inSan Francisco, where I taught there for
(02:15):
twenty two years in the fashion department, teaching image consulting, personal styling,
and fabric glossary and other fashion classes. And I'm going to miss them tremendously.
So that's been a very interesting career. And then I also worked in
the music industry where I dressed artistsfor album covers and videos, and then
(02:37):
I also became a board of governorswith the Grammys. It's just been a
wonderful, wonderful career, to thepoint that literally this year, I became
a recipient of the Jefferson Award,and that award is given to individuals who
have devoted their life to exceptional publicservice in different arenas, and that's how
(02:57):
I got it. So I'm congratulationand well deserved, and like you said,
it's it's so rewarding. I mean, obviously getting this award is already
big enough, right, but thereal sometimes, like you said, is
having your students come back and tellyou their next chapter, having them show
(03:19):
you what they look from you,and that they're actually like tearing it down
right. Oh yeah, you knowwhat. That to me is definitely the
highlight of my career. When Irun into my students and I see them
and they're doing wonderful, it justputs such a smile on my face and
in the hugs that I get andthey're just like, miss Kelly, you're
still doing this, and I'm like, yeah, what an impact you've made
(03:44):
on their lives. Though it's beenwonderful. It has been wonderful, now,
you know, So it's it's Ithink it's What's the best part for
me is that I have a fifteenyear old granddaughter and she gets to see
this because when you know, sometimeswhen I tell her stuff, she always
knows. I know, Mom,I'm like, no, you don't,
no, you don't. So it'sbeen wonderful even raising and watching her grow.
(04:09):
So yeah, I just love beingaround young people. Well, I'm
glad that you brought your granddaughter up. Let's just talk about it real quick,
just to break it a little bitof the ice. I mean,
I know, for us over here, we're in full back to school mode.
My son is in kindergarten now,which I'm like, I'm gonna emoji
face. It just has the riverof tears on both sides of the chieks,
(04:30):
and I'm sure to say it's moreit's more emotional. It's more emotional
for the mom than it is thekey. I called my husband on his
first day of school. I'm like, I just dropped him off to college.
What is happening? I mean,that's what's new. With us.
Drina, what's new with your boys? Oh yeah, I have a now
fourth and seventh grader, which iscrazy. I was just gonna tell a
(04:54):
rain and I know Kelly probably knowsall about this, but once they start
grade school, it just goes sofast. Yeah, so fast. Yeah,
we'll see. Like my grand babyis in she's a sophomore now in
high school and she's in a boardingschool in Boston, Massachusetts. So she's
away from home even right and lovingevery minute of it. Oh, that
(05:16):
is loving it. A matter offact, we are going to go see
her in October for Grandparents' Day,parent Day, grandparent Day, we go
every year. But yeah, soshe you know, I always ask what's
going to meet that you don't gethomesick? And she goes no. So
well, because you usually hear storiesof people like kids that are you know,
yeah bools or whatever, they're like, I want to go home,
right. Yeah, it's such adifferent perspective. I love it. She
(05:40):
was really good because we keep intouch with her, you know, between
her mom, dad and me andmy husband, you know, and her
other grandparents. We make sure thatyou know, we're still that that we're
there, that we have a presence. Y. Yeah, I think that
that makes a huge difference. It'sprobably also a testament to the campus that
she's on. They probably make itreally you know, just educational but fun.
(06:02):
And also, yeah, the factthat she gets like a little bit
of freedom but it doesn't it doesn'tmake her feel like she's on her own
has got to make a huge differencetoo, So that you know what you
said, A key thing, it'sthe school. They actually do make it
very welcoming for the students and herroommates. She loves her everybody in her
(06:24):
building. Oh good, I feellike I know them all because we got
a chance to meet them. It'sjust a great group of people. So
yeah, so she's in a reallygood environment. So I'm happy for her.
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I'mhappy to hear an update two because
we got a little bit of itwhen we talk to you in the in
the other episode. But I wantto jump right in because I'm sure that
you know you've instilled in her someof these characteristics that you work with,
(06:47):
you know, all throughout your careerin building people up, not just your
students, but the people that youwere helping to manage and dress and and
you know, A really vital thingthat you work on with them is self
esteem. And I think you knowit's it's one of those things where you
feel like you you have self esteem, like you're like I, of course
I'm confident, of course, Butuntil you actually reflect and take a moment,
(07:15):
you don't really realize how much yourself esteem can can either fluctuate or
diminish. Right, So what foryou or some of the important things that
people should kind of keep in mind, or why is self esteem so important?
Okay, let's let's look at this. So first off, self esteem
is an emotion, okay, andit's how you feel towards yourself based on
(07:36):
your sense of personal wealth worth.It basically means how you value yourself.
And so we know that values arethose core principles that give meaning to life.
They are defined as a set ofstandards that developed your determine your attitude
and your choices. So remember values, like you said earlier, they can
(07:59):
wax and and so as we changeand adapt because of our values or learned,
they can be changed. So let'sthink about what are some examples of
values, so people all know whatthat is. So let's say like integrity,
have encourage, so once you knowwhat your values are, that's a
good place to start. So selfesteem is also important in every aspect of
(08:22):
your life. Is a reflection ofhow we live and how we meet the
challenges in our life. So peoplewho choose to accept responsibilities to meet the
challenges are the ones that have relativelyhigh self esteem. So accepting life's daily
challenges develops that inner strength, competence, and competence to our level of self
esteem. So some of those peoplethat have a hard time of getting started
(08:46):
with whatever because they don't feel goodenough, or they don't think they know
enough, or they don't have enough. You know, they always have an
excuse as to why they can't moveforward. But you know, you really
do have to take that responsibility of, you know, challenging yourself to meet
those things. Right, was therea moment you realize that you had low
(09:07):
self esteem or that you you know, can identify with that low self esteem
feeling. Look, girl, Iwas a grown woman when this was like
in the eighties. I was workingto take ass F radio at the time,
and I had a mentor by thename of Sam Skinner who was a
sports journalist and he actually used tobe on that Black Renaissance Channel forty four
(09:30):
TV program. He did that aswell. So anyways, he told me
that I had low self esteem,and I was like, I didn't know
what it meant. Yeah, howdid he just picked up on it?
Or no, you know what,just you know, because he was mentoring
me, he evidently he picked upon it. And you know, some
of the signs are low self esteemthat you don't really think about, or
(09:50):
not being able to give people eyecontact, you know, a whimpy handshake,
you know, your walk is kindof down. And I know I
used to hold my head down expectly, but if I felt that I was
in the presence of somebody with atitle or that used to freak me out,
you know, because I didn't haveone, so I didn't think I
was good enough, right, Andso I don't know what he picked up
(10:11):
on me, but he did.And I'm gonna tell you something. I
love him for that. He's gonenow, but you know, he is
what started my career. So afterhe told me that I had low self
esteem, you know, we wereon the phone, So I hunt up
the phone and I've turned around andI opened the dictionary and so the dictionary
(10:31):
read that the Merriam Webster's Dictionary itsays self esteem means confidence and satisfaction in
oneself. Okay, So that didn'tmean anything to me. It wasn't enough,
so I just kept searching and keptsearching. So I went into research
to find out a little bit moreabout what self esteem was or yeah,
(10:52):
but I mean, I mean clearlybased on on the growth that you've made,
is that you've accomplished, you wereable to to break through on this.
But how how did you build upyour self esteem? Oh? My
god? Okay, So the researchthat I did led me to Assemblyman John
beastkin sell Us who was from SantaClara, and Willie Brown at the time,
(11:16):
who was Speaker of the House.So I found out through them that
it was a self esteem movement.John beastkin Sellis actually started the self esteem
movement here in San Francisco, andso in the nineteen nineties they also created
a self Esteem Task Force. Ijoined the movement and became a National Concert
(11:37):
for Self Esteem member, and thatbecame my passion. Self esteem became my
passion, leading me to my ownmetamorphosis and therefore gave me the confidence to
move forward to start helping other people, because one of the things that I
knew, I didn't ever want anyoneelse to feel like I felt. I
(11:58):
didn't ever want any wanted to feellike less than when they walked into a
room because somebody had a title,or they thought they had more money,
and dada, da da da.It's like no, no, no,
no, because what you find outis that everybody, at some point in
their life have had self esteem thatwaxes and wanes based on situations that happen
(12:18):
in your life. And so onceI realized that, just as a human
being that that happens, I waslike, you know why, let me
make sure that I can start helpingother people. And that's what I did.
And you're now part of this selfesteem movement. You're out here feeling
better about yourself. What do youdo to build other people up? I
mean, it's already tough to identifyin yourself. Now you have to break
(12:41):
it to someone else that they havelow self esteem, and then you'd have
to try to build them up.Okay, So what I did I created
my business. So my business iscalled Artist Development Image Making. It's a
consulting business that improves a self imageof my clients. So the services include
self esteem building, image tomaico verse, and personal life coaching. And so
(13:03):
you know, I like to helppeople be their best by looking their best
and filling their best and I startfrom the inside out. I even have
a program that I created for younggirls and young adult women called Dressing Up
from the inside Out. So thereal truth is that I created these successful
programs. Even my prim and Prepculinary program was also self esteem confidence building.
(13:28):
So just building a track record inthe Bay Area as a self esteem
lecturer and instructure and program person ishow I did it. And I mean
I was able to tap on awhole bunch of people's shoulders. I worked
with nonprofit organizations, different corporate corporations. You know, Chevron used to have
(13:52):
bring your daughter to work day andI would do self esteem programs with them
with the young girls when they wouldbring their daughters, having them create poster
boards. So yeah, so Iwas able to create different programs based on
the needs of the different communities.And I worked at a lot of at
risk communities because that's where you reallysee a lot of low self esteem.
(14:13):
It's so important to you would thinkthat like there's more there would be more
emphasis on this and like in educationand you know, in the schools,
because it really makes such a difference. If they're feeling good, these students
are feeling good and they're feeling linempowered, I'm sure it would make such
a difference on their studies and justtheir attitudes in class and right. Well,
(14:35):
but you know what, what I'vefound is that so one of the
Everett Middle School was the first schoolthat I taught a self esteem program in
with the middle school kids. Andone of the things that I in order
for me to teach there, Itotally instruct the principle. I said,
you know what, I want toalso be able to have a session for
the teachers as well. So notonly did I have it for the kid,
(15:00):
it's also had it for the teachers. Now where I could have gone
even further is, you know,but the school would have had to have
a pta to get the parents toalso do it on the parents so everybody
could be on the same page.Because realistically, you teach the self esteem
programs and then you send these kidsback home and it's not being reinforced,
(15:20):
so you you know, so sometimesthat's how you lose it. But sometimes
you get that kid where it reallyclicks and they get it and they're able
to continue with the growth and whatnot. You know, but it is very
difficult when you're teaching the younger kidsand then they have to go back home
to those environments where it's not beingyou know, continually build on you,
(15:46):
you kind of lose ground. Soyeah, the schools definitely should incorporate a
life skills program that focuses on that. But you know, our schools are
in trouble right now anyway because it'shalf the stuff. They're not teaching things
that the kids need anyway. RightIt breaks my heart. It breaks my
heart, you know. So I'mlike, Lord, are these people go
(16:07):
and pull me out of retirement andget me back? Said they should?
I hear the calls already. Doyou have for those that are looking to
raise your self esteem? What's somesmall steps that they can take to just
kind of step into that and justfeel better. Well, the first thing
(16:27):
I did, and you know,and what I suggest other people do,
is model yourself after the people thatyou most admire and respect, and of
course hopefully it's somebody that's positive.So I'll have to be careful when I
say that you know, because there'sso many role models out there right now
that you know, kids are lookingup to that aren't necessarily positive role models.
(16:49):
So you want to find some moneythat's positive to do and something that
you would like to do, andthen just kind of look and see what
they do, how they act,how they dress, and it kind of
give you something somewhere to start.And then the other thing, this is
a key one, but anyone paysyou a compliment for any reason, accept
(17:12):
the value paid and a simple thankyou is enough. You got a beautiful
dress on this old thing. I'vehad it for something. I didn't ask
you how long you had I mean, how many times you that you say
you see it? Because it's it'shard, it's hard sometimes to accept those
compliments. Yeah, yes, yes, yes, you know we have to
(17:34):
be rated. We have to tearit down, you know. So just
you know, that's a perfect placeto start, just being able to not
only accept a compliment, but alsoto give a sincere compliment. You know,
when you see something something of someonethat you like or admire, you
know, be able say it tothem. Yes, right. Then the
other thing is stop comparing yourself toother people. You know, that is
(18:00):
I think a big thing, youknow, especially like with what is it
the social media stuff that's going onright now. You know, everybody's wonderful
as far as their social media's concern. You know, they know how to
post the pretty pictures and the prettyposes and whatnot, you know. So
then and especially for our young girls, because we're the young girls, you
(18:21):
know, we have that body imagething going already. So to see these
beautiful airbrush women that they don't reallyrealize or air brushed right right, you
know, and comparing themselves to thatand then going to get the surgery or
going to get the butt injections andall of this other craziness that people are.
(18:45):
Don't do that to yourself. Don'tcompare yourself to other people, and
don't compete with other people. Competewith yourself. How can you make you
better? Right? Then the otherthing, think about some of the things
that you have that you're good at, you know, concentrate on your positive
(19:07):
attributes, your good qualities and someof your successes. It's really important to
do that because half the time,if you ask a person, tell me
two things that you like about yourself, people have a hard time, you
know, they'd be like, oh, let me think. But then you
say, tell me one thing ortell me something that you don't like about
(19:27):
yourself, and they'll give you awhole list of it. Yes, that's
easier to do than to really thinkabout some of the good things that you've
done, or some of your goodattributes or whatnot. So focus on that
kind of stuff. And then lastly, I say, join a support group
or be around other people that arepositive like you. You find that people
(19:48):
are tearing you down or rating you, trying to make you feel less than
those are the kind of people youneed to stay away from. Take some
awareness class, and then read selfhelp books. Self help books and spiritual
books will definitely get you on thatright path to loving yourself, because that's
what it's all about, really reallyloving yourself. So the way you feel
(20:12):
about yourself is how you will relateto others. Okay, And so we
become whole and independent beings when westop denying and ignoring ourselves and are free
to give precedent to our own needsand desires. Either you can develop toward
a better life passively or accept whatevercomes your way. So if you are
(20:37):
not taking charge of your way,guess what life will take charge of you.
The feeling of unworthiness is acquired doingour progression from childhood to adulthood,
which is a learned behavior, andbecause it's a learned behavior, it can
be unlearned. Yeah. Wow,Yeah, I just just taking that moment
(21:00):
to just take a step back andbe like, well, this is something
that I learned or way I learnedto be. I can unlearn this solutely.
It's so profound. And I'm doingthe work. Yeah, and you
too, and you know what,you know. I want you, guys
(21:21):
to do this exercise with me,okay, because this is one of my
This is how I open up myclasses. So look at your right hand,
Come on, do it with me. Now I'm doing it. Look
at your right hand and put iton your left shoulder. Okay, and
now look at your left hand andput it on your right shoulder. Squeeze
and say I love you, Ilove you. Come on, train and
(21:44):
say it, I love you.Yes. And so what you find,
guys is a lot of people havea very hard time saying that. And
so not only do I have themdo that, but I have you look
in the mirror while you're doing it, So that way you can look in
your eyes and tell that person anddirectly that you love them. Because once
you start taking care of that inneryou, the whole world just starts opening
(22:07):
up and other people start seeing youand come to you. You know,
I can walk down the street anywhereand folks just to stop me. I'll
be in the store, man,can you help me? I don't work
here, right right. It's justthat energy you give up, right.
But it tackles me because because whenthey do it, you know what,
I'll just go and help them.I know the store, you know,
(22:29):
so I'll go and help And butit makes me laugh every time it happens,
you know. And or they'll comeup to me and start talking and
my darticles, well, mean,do you know them? They're like,
god, no, she goes,well, why are you having this long
conversation with them? And because that'sthe other thing, there's so many people
out there that want to be heard, right, They want somebody to listen
to them, to see them asa person. So, you know,
(22:51):
we just got to get back tobasics with with people, you know,
and put the phones down for ahot second, right right right. And
I love the fact that you youknow, are really calling on people to
to to nourish that inner self right. And you know, as working moms,
(23:11):
we know that we can't care forour families. We can't care for
our kids if we're not caring forourselves. And you know, we have
we have days where we're a littlemore on the ball with that, but
I mean it's so vital, andI always it and it sounds kind of
silly, but I always remind myself, I'm like, this is a flight
mask moment. I need to getmy oxygen first so that I can give
(23:32):
these babies oxygen, like I literallyhave to, you know, and you
have to stop yourself sometimes and realizeyou're pushing, you're going, you know,
one hundred miles an hour. Ihad my my hm. I'm so
grateful that she's still with us.My grandma who's ninety three. We spent
a few days with us a coupleweeks ago, and I remember running in
the house and I was coming fromstraight from doing an interview, getting my
(23:53):
son ready to go. We hadto go drip him off somewhere. And
then she looked at me and she'slike, you are moving too fast.
You know that movie? And Iwas like, I'm not gonna yell at
my ninety three year old grandmother.I just looked at her and say,
ma'am, you were right. Youwere I don't know what else to say,
yeah, yeah, now, andyou know what, and you're right
because we had a working mom.It's not just you know, your work,
(24:19):
then the kids. You got thehousehold to take care of, you
know, so you know, andif you're a neat freak like me,
then you know, that becomes likeuh, added stresses, you know,
because you have to have things inorder and you gotta you know. So
it's just like, Okay, howdo I take care of me? What
(24:41):
are some of the things that Ido? And this is when it's so
important to have a village. Thisis when it's important to have support,
you know, whether it's family,friends, or whatever that will be able.
You can pick up the phone andgo, you know what I need,
like a time out for a coupleof hours. Can you watch the
kid for me, even if it'sjust to clean the house right right?
(25:02):
You know, Like for me,I love cleaning my house because I get
my music going and I'm in myown little zone and you know, I'll
stop and do what I gotta doand then I'm getting it, you know,
but it makes you feel good.So you got to make sure that
you are doing things that make youfeel good as well, you know,
so because parents were always on autojust you know, boom boom boom boom
(25:26):
boom. So what are some ofthe things that you guys do to relead
your stress or to nurture yourself?Right? How do you nurture yourself?
What do you do? Yeah?Not enough, yeah for me to be
honest, But I do find likewhen I make the time to get in
some movement, you know, someexercise, I feel better. And then
(25:51):
when I feel better, everyone inthe house seems to feel better. Right,
Yeah, it's I know, ourenergy, as Momster's so contagious,
Like we really set the tone.Oh absolutely, And I know, and
I'm I know, and I'm notdoing well, Like I start to see
it in the kids and I'm like, okay, so I have to bring
(26:12):
it back in right that. Andjust something as simple as reading. I
just love having thirty minutes to bein my book nonfiction and just kind of
not have to think about things rightright. And I love self help books
too, because yeah, I feellike even if the message doesn't relate to
you personally, like just reading somethingpositive kind of always shift your mindset.
(26:34):
No, no, my go tobook for anyone that when they say,
Kelly, what book would you recommend? I always recommend Louise Hey, I
can heal your life. Yes,I love it. That book will definitely
help you build yourself to steem,you know, because she talks about the
affirmations and then just the questions thatshe asked you in the book. If
(26:56):
you really answer all the questions,that'll be a big help. Now the
other thing too, I remember whatI used to do. I would get
up extra early in the morning.So if I have to get up at
five o'clock where I can actually domy meditation, do my yoga, do
my journaling, then I'm set forthe rest of the day. I'm happy
because I got to do that.But there are some mornings when I'm so
(27:19):
tired I don't get up and doit, and it really reflects in the
rest of my day. So ifI can get up earlier before everybody else
wakes up and you know, andthen the other thing, I would prepare
lunches the night before the outfits,you know, and thank God during that
(27:40):
time my daughter wore a uniform,so that was not a big thing.
And I love that. I loveuniform schools because everybody should wear a uniform.
I'm telling you definitely. It's it'ssuch a relief for parents because you're
not having to deal with the clothesand the style and in that, you
know, so, but just preparingas much as you can the night before,
(28:03):
not only for the child, butalso when am I going to wear
to work? Because there's nothing likeyou waking up and going what am I?
We don't have uniforms for work,right, And so being able to
get prepare as much as you canthe night before, and then it'll allow
you to rest a little bit,you know. So and over the weekends,
I would actually cook a lot offood so I could have leftovers and
(28:25):
freeze stuff and then that way,and then my croc pot was my best
friend. Yeah, the croc pot. So when we came home, dinner
was ready. It wasn't. Thenwe didn't have to do that fast food
stuff. So there's so many thingsthat we could do to kind of alleviate
some of the everyday pressures and stressthat we have. But you know,
you gotta be committed and really wantto make your life a little easier,
(28:51):
because it's easier said than done,right for sure? And how are you
doing yourself, Karena. We didn'tget your answer. Yeah, no,
I think I'm yea, I thinkI'm right there with you, Drena.
And not enough right. I thinkI've been telling myself because I started kickboxing
again and then I hurt myself becauseyou know, you get in there and
you're excited and you're like, okay, I'm about I'm about to kick these
(29:14):
pounds off, right, and thenon top of that, you got pent
up aggression and then I was like, okay, my sciatica is back.
This is not good. So Ihad to take a break, and then
what ended up happening is I hadlost a bunch of weight and then it
came back because I was I wasn'tas active. I was stress eating,
right, yes, emotional eating allof that. And so now it's literally
(29:37):
like I have to be okay andgive myself grades and say, you know
what, if I make it tothe gym this many times a week,
that's good, you know what Imean, versus like I have to go
four or five times a week,like I was trying to go hard,
right, which is not a badthing either, but if you are coming
back from having two babies and ohyeah, injuries and things like that,
(30:00):
like you really have to. Ireally had to. Like my body really
reminded me like, look, you'renot just gonna be able to jump in
here, hide, kick somebody likeyou gotta take it easy. So that
that has been like a really goodthing for me because like I said,
it's the physical movement. It's fun. Like I don't I don't know about
you guys, but you know alot of times when I would think about
(30:22):
the workout, I'm like literally havingto peel myself out of the house to
go right, yeah, yeah,spreading it and this is like it's fun.
There's music, the people are like, you know you you you understand
each other's struggles. So as youwalk in the gym, you're like you
made it, you know what Imean. Yeah, And so that's been
that's been good. And you knowwhat, what else I've been allowing myself
(30:45):
to do is being a kid withmy kids, right, And it's been
it's been this other level of likeself care, right, because when you're
a kid, you know your parentsgive you these opportunities and these these experiences,
they are really great memories, right, But when you're able to experience
(31:06):
them as an adult who can likepay for things and who can like decide,
you know, how long we stay, where we get to go,
it's a whole other experience. Andseeing it through their eyes, it's so
much you know, like you said, talking to the inner self, talking
to the inner child, right thatmaybe we got to go, but we
didn't get to go and stay thisamount of time or whatever it is,
right that that's been really cool.That's been really cool to see them have
(31:32):
these first experiences and experience it withthem. I'm so grateful to see the
world through their eyes. And Ithink that that's also a part of self
care too. And lastly, likeDrina said, you know, maybe it's
just that thirty minutes being able toread. Maybe it's thirty minutes of like
I get to take a shower withoutsomebody knocking at the shower curtain, which
(31:56):
by the way, you can't knockon because it's a curtain. It means
they're literally opening the So now sonow not only do I not get to
actually feel clean, but now Ihave to clean up the floor because there's
water everywhere, right, it endsup turning into a whole experience. So
yeah, I mean just having thatthirty minutes. However, I want to
(32:16):
use it if I want to blastmy music. That's not kid friendly,
right, right, It's so important. So I really appreciate you guys,
you know, sharing the things thatyou guys do, and and we just
have to keep reminding ourselves put onthat oxygen mask because if you don't,
you can't get on your babies.You cannot put on there. And we're
(32:38):
never too old to work on ourself esteem. Yeah, always, yeah,
you don't. And I always saythat I'm a work in progress because
especially now that I have retired andI'm looking at the next transition in my
life, you know, it's likeokay, so I start pulling out all
my books again, so I amso happy. Then I get to read
(33:00):
again. So one of the booksthat I'm reading is by Adrian. I
can't think of her last name,but it's called the Purpose of Your Life,
Loving the Book. And I've hadthis book for years because see I'm
a little yellow highlights in it.But I love to reread my books because
when you're at different stages you're like, remember reading that, you know,
and it kind of sticks a littlebit better. So yeah, so just
(33:20):
know that, you know, it'snot something that you get and you can
think you can walk out the door, you know, brag about and self
esteem is not something you boast on. It's just feeling good inside. It's
just really it's not ego. It'snot ego. Yeah no, no,
not at all. So I justknow that it's definitely something that needs to
(33:44):
be discussed. So I'm glad thatwe are having this conversation about it right
now. I would love to getsome book recommendations from you. Okay,
okay, I can make that happen. Let me say we list so funny
quick, funny story. And Iwould always put the YouTube channel on and
let my kids hear some affirmations inthe morning. And then I was,
oh, this lady again, butthey they're listening. I address my younger
(34:10):
son's behavior in the morning when hegot home from school. We were talking
like, let's talk about how youyou know, and he says, Mom,
it's like the the what do yousay? It's like the grandma said
on YouTube, we can't live inthe past. I said, I love
it. This yes, he calledhe referred to as the grandma said on
(34:32):
YouTube, and you know, butit was funny because I was like,
Okay, you were listening and nowhe's using this against right, how can
we move forward if we're talking aboutthe past. That is so beautiful.
But I will compile a list foryou guys. You know, one of
the very first self esteem books thatI did read was by Nathaniel Brandon.
I think it's his name. Hewas actually one of the I don't want
(35:00):
to say fathers of the self esteemmovement because it was somebody that was in
the eighteen hundred that was but NathanielBrandon is also known as one of the
gurus of the self esteem movement.So his book is really and it's just
called Simply Building Self Esteem. Wow, you should share lists with when we
share the podcast, share lists ofsome of the books that Kelly recommends.
(35:21):
Yeah, I will actually I willdefinitely get you guys a wonderful list.
Because then there was another one byDavid Burns and it was more like a
work book, which was wonderful,and that was called ten Days to Self
Esteem. So yeah, so Ihave girl got so many self esteem books.
It's not funny, and not justthe self esteem books, with other
(35:43):
books that actually have kind of likea spiritual fringe to it, because that's
so important being able to you know, acknowledge a higher power or however you
see that and just know that it'svery real. The universe will provide and
give you what you asked for,you know. So that's why I say
(36:04):
be careful for what you ask forbecause you can read it and most of
the people they don't realize that they'reasking for the wrong thing. So that's
why they think that it doesn't work, you know, because they're focusing on
the lack. So the more youfocus on lack, you're going to get
more of that. Yeah, right, So you know it's it's what we
put our focus on in terms ofwhat it is that we will get.
(36:25):
So you know, we're being carefuland asking for this, uh, this
list of books. We're excited tosee what your recommendations are and excited that
you have this time now to decidewhat this next chapter is going to look
like. In retirement, you know, you're still doing your your YouTube podcast,
(36:49):
and I mean I know that you'reyou're willing and open to having people
reach out to you, But howcan people get a hold of you or
follow you? Well, you knowwhat, so I'm one of those people
that do not have a website.I have never had a website and I
don't know if I ever will,but you know, so, they can
actually call me on my office number, which is four one five five eight
(37:09):
five two four one two, andthat's four one five five eight five two
four one two. I am onInstagram. You can reach me there and
that's at Kelly K dot podcast orsomething like that Instagram at Kelly k Podcast.
And then of course you can reachout to me on my Straight Talking
(37:30):
with Kelly YouTube channel and message messagerme there, and you can email me
at image Maker eighty six at hotmaildot com. And that's image Maker All
Small Letters eighty six at hotmail dotcom. So yeah, I'll look forward
to hearing from anyone that wants toknow a little bit more or find out
(37:51):
how I can be of service.Let me know. Thank you so much,
Kelly. It's always a pleasure.We'll bring you back again if you
don't know, absolutely no. Idefinitely love it. I definitely love it,
and I look forward to getting thatbook list to you guys and then
I'll also look forward to hear howyou guys are continuing to take care of
(38:12):
yourselves. So just make sure thatyou know you do that because you're all
you got, right Yeah yeah,so true, so true. Thank you
Kelly, Kay. We appreciate Thankyou Kelly laughs, all the wisdom and
all the positivity. Thank you,deee. Thank you guys. Bye bye I
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