November 26, 2024 • 4 mins
top tips from our relationsgip expert about bringing the SO around for the holidays!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
It's time to make a date or break on tip
in the morning. Hi, good morning, Good morning. Relationships and
therapy come together on my show every Tuesday. As we
head into the holiday with the Lori Sharp Page is
our licensed clinical counselor. There is no better time than
to ask this question. Oh yes, if the holidays give
(00:22):
you the ick when you have to go home and
see your family, what do you do?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
So you do a couple of different things, but the
main piece here is you've got to take care of yourself.
Whatever that looks like, sorry.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Are we talking. Do you think if you have to
bring home a new significant other, or like if your
significant other and your family don't get along, or do
you think this is just in general?
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I think this is just in general.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead, start with in general.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So if you are thinking, like, oh gosh, this gives
me a lot of ick to go home for the holidays,
I would first of all assess whether or not that
is a good use of you getting your quality time
with your family. The holidays are really busy and really hectic,
and if you're already filling, anxious, or overwhelmed by it,
it may make sense to plan your visit for maybe
the next week or another time when things aren't as
(01:07):
crazy and as hectic. So I want you to give
yourself that freedom to kind of explore does it make
sense for me to.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Go I don't know if people can do that, though, Laurie,
because I've heard so many stories where, you know, my
girlfriends will say like, oh, I've got to go here,
I gotta go here, I gotta go here. You know,
I've got to go to three different places because we
have a new baby now and everyone wants to see
the baby. And it's almost like the holiday is more
for someone else's family than really your own, and I
(01:34):
just I don't know how to give it up.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I mean, that's really that is a really common thing.
There is a lot of sense of obligation, particularly, like
you said, when there's something new and new significant other,
a baby, a new family that you want to kind
of bring into the fold. But the thing is is,
anytime we just do behaviors out of obligation, we're not
able to really be present and enjoy our quality time
with the people. And we're going to spend quality time.
So I really want people to think about that level
(01:57):
of obligation A lot of times when we explore obligation,
we will come back and say, you know what, actually
I do want to go, but you need to spend
the time to really kind of think about it and
not just put yourself into situations because you feel like
you have to.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
How do you get out of it? What would you say?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I would just say that for me and my own
personal needs, it doesn't make sense for me to travel
this year. It doesn't make sense for me to come
to this and I would love to see you at
this date or give some type of alternative, or pick
up the phone and have a conversation. The point of
holidays and being with our family is to spend that
quality time. And we've been told that it looks exactly
(02:32):
this way, but it can look many number of ways.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Okay, And then I challenge the person that is receiving
that information to not make it about them, Like if
your child comes to you and says we don't want
to travel to you for Thanksgiving, let it go. Then yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
So what happens is people have very strong feelings about this,
usually disappointment, anger, fear that maybe the relationship is changing.
All that's allowed, but it is about somebody else's needs
and well being. And part of how we love people
is to say I support you figuring out how best
to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Okay, coming up next, if you are bringing home a
new significant other, or maybe you're bringing home a significant
other that your family doesn't really get along with, how
do we manage that? Give us two songs? Hi, good morning.
You're waking up with Tiff in the morning on kiss
one oh seven one. We're heading into Thanksgiving. If you're
bringing home a new partner, what are best practices? Maybe
(03:28):
you are going to be that new partner going to
someone else's house for the holiday. Laurie Sharpage is our
licensed clinical counselor. She provides relationship. She's our expert. Go ahead,
You've heard of this one a million times.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah, this is not common.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
One.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
First of all, it's oh, it's normal to feel anxious,
even if you know everybody, even if you've been to
the house before, if it's not your family, it's normal
to feel anxious or overwhelmed. So let that be. Don't
don't make yourself feel bad about that, but also recognize,
like you know, when you're heading into a different culture,
it is family culture. They're going to be things that
you don't understand. You can't get it all figured out
(04:02):
in one day, so be gentle with yourself. And also
I would talk with your partner about things that maybe
could happen that might make you uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yes, give them, give them a list.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Give them the list, and talk about how you could
handle that so you're not dealing with it in the moment.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
That is the hardest thing, Like Uncle Mark has a
few too many bourbons and then always does.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
This, yes, and if that happens, we're gonna do X,
y and z okay, and.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Then quickly if your partner doesn't get along well with
your family, what is the focus on the food? All right?
Make a dator break here on tip in the morning.
Thanks Lori Sharpage, our licensed clinical counselor at the COPE
and queen on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Haven't been holiday, Thank you, Happy Thanksgiving.
It's time to make a date or break on tip
in the morning. Hi, good morning, Good morning. Relationships and
therapy come together on my show every Tuesday. As we
head into the holiday with the Lori Sharp Page is
our licensed clinical counselor. There is no better time than
to ask this question. Oh yes, if the holidays give
(00:22):
you the ick when you have to go home and
see your family, what do you do?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
So you do a couple of different things, but the
main piece here is you've got to take care of yourself.
Whatever that looks like, sorry.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Are we talking. Do you think if you have to
bring home a new significant other, or like if your
significant other and your family don't get along, or do
you think this is just in general?
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I think this is just in general.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead, start with in general.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So if you are thinking, like, oh gosh, this gives
me a lot of ick to go home for the holidays,
I would first of all assess whether or not that
is a good use of you getting your quality time
with your family. The holidays are really busy and really hectic,
and if you're already filling, anxious, or overwhelmed by it,
it may make sense to plan your visit for maybe
the next week or another time when things aren't as
(01:07):
crazy and as hectic. So I want you to give
yourself that freedom to kind of explore does it make
sense for me to.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Go I don't know if people can do that, though, Laurie,
because I've heard so many stories where, you know, my
girlfriends will say like, oh, I've got to go here,
I gotta go here, I gotta go here. You know,
I've got to go to three different places because we
have a new baby now and everyone wants to see
the baby. And it's almost like the holiday is more
for someone else's family than really your own, and I
(01:34):
just I don't know how to give it up.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I mean, that's really that is a really common thing.
There is a lot of sense of obligation, particularly, like
you said, when there's something new and new significant other,
a baby, a new family that you want to kind
of bring into the fold. But the thing is is,
anytime we just do behaviors out of obligation, we're not
able to really be present and enjoy our quality time
with the people. And we're going to spend quality time.
So I really want people to think about that level
(01:57):
of obligation A lot of times when we explore obligation,
we will come back and say, you know what, actually
I do want to go, but you need to spend
the time to really kind of think about it and
not just put yourself into situations because you feel like
you have to.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
How do you get out of it? What would you say?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I would just say that for me and my own
personal needs, it doesn't make sense for me to travel
this year. It doesn't make sense for me to come
to this and I would love to see you at
this date or give some type of alternative, or pick
up the phone and have a conversation. The point of
holidays and being with our family is to spend that
quality time. And we've been told that it looks exactly
(02:32):
this way, but it can look many number of ways.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Okay, And then I challenge the person that is receiving
that information to not make it about them, Like if
your child comes to you and says we don't want
to travel to you for Thanksgiving, let it go. Then yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
So what happens is people have very strong feelings about this,
usually disappointment, anger, fear that maybe the relationship is changing.
All that's allowed, but it is about somebody else's needs
and well being. And part of how we love people
is to say I support you figuring out how best
to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Okay, coming up next, if you are bringing home a
new significant other, or maybe you're bringing home a significant
other that your family doesn't really get along with, how
do we manage that? Give us two songs? Hi, good morning.
You're waking up with Tiff in the morning on kiss
one oh seven one. We're heading into Thanksgiving. If you're
bringing home a new partner, what are best practices? Maybe
(03:28):
you are going to be that new partner going to
someone else's house for the holiday. Laurie Sharpage is our
licensed clinical counselor. She provides relationship. She's our expert. Go ahead,
You've heard of this one a million times.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah, this is not common.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
One.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
First of all, it's oh, it's normal to feel anxious,
even if you know everybody, even if you've been to
the house before, if it's not your family, it's normal
to feel anxious or overwhelmed. So let that be. Don't
don't make yourself feel bad about that, but also recognize,
like you know, when you're heading into a different culture,
it is family culture. They're going to be things that
you don't understand. You can't get it all figured out
(04:02):
in one day, so be gentle with yourself. And also
I would talk with your partner about things that maybe
could happen that might make you uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yes, give them, give them a list.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Give them the list, and talk about how you could
handle that so you're not dealing with it in the moment.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
That is the hardest thing, Like Uncle Mark has a
few too many bourbons and then always does.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
This, yes, and if that happens, we're gonna do X,
y and z okay, and.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Then quickly if your partner doesn't get along well with
your family, what is the focus on the food? All right?
Make a dator break here on tip in the morning.
Thanks Lori Sharpage, our licensed clinical counselor at the COPE
and queen on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Haven't been holiday, Thank you, Happy Thanksgiving.
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