October 9, 2025 • 14 mins
On the Monsters Attorney "Friendly" Ray Traendly of TK Law answers more of your divorce questions.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, Ray, I got a guy just sent a text
and he said, Hey, does TK law handle divorce cases
in other cities like Jacksonville.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
So I don't do a lot of work in Jacksonville,
but I do have a lawyer up there who used
to be a judge, and I can put you in
judge to somebody.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Okay, So yeah, you call Ray.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
He can handle it and if they if he can't
handle it, he'll get you to the right person.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
I will.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
And talking about divorce, this was an article that I
saw him, Like, I wonder how much of this Ray
has to deal with? Now this is more probably about
messing up Well, let's talking about divorce. Do these things
during If you do these things during divorce, it will
mess up your kids. How much of this do you
have to talk to your clients about and say, hey.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Don't do that, this is bad for the kids. Like,
do you get that deep into Oh?
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
There's a lot of different ways you could be a lawyer, right, Yeah,
you could wear the lawyer hat and just say I'm
in charge of the law and I'm going to tell
you what the law says, and we're going to just
kind of, you know, do that.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
I'm not that kind of lawyer.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
You know, what's more important to me is not just
the outcome of your case, but the aftermath. And when
I talk to people about how they're going to get divorced,
one of the very first things I do is I
set goals with them, and almost almost uniformly, every single
person they've got kids, I ask them, hey, how much
of a priority is it for you to protect your
(01:21):
kids throughout this process? And if they say yes, then
I take that as my license to say I'm not
a mental health professional, and I'm not a child psychologist.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
But maybe you should rethink how you do X.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Look, i'll list you some of these things.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
You tell me how many times you have to deal
with it and explain, hey, this is not the Number
one on this list is withholding visitation to punish their
ex Oh my goodness, I'm sure that happens all the time, all.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
The time, And there's so much trauma around that.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Because one, children like to have boundaries and expectations, and
if they're expecting to see mom or dad and they
don't get to see mom or dad, that creates that
con and that creates trauma for children. But the other thing,
and this is This is what I think people don't
talk about enough when it comes to withholding time sharing.
Kids need both parents involved in their lives.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Right.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
There is very credible, peer reviewed scientific evidence that says
both moms and dads are necessary for successful children.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Don't you find out that a lot of times you
know they're going through divorce. So mom knows that dad
did something absolutely horrible.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And I don't want my kids being around it. And
he was doing cocaine or whatever it was. And I'm
you're not cool, dad, You're not going to you're not
seeing the kids. You're out of control.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
And she's so mad that she doesn't realize kids don't
know about your adult argument you're going through.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I had to judge one time tell the other side,
which is great because I won.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
But she said that he drank too much on weekends.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Right, And the judge says, I don't care if he's
cooking meth in the kitchen as long as the kids
aren't showing up high, I don't care. He could be
a bad person and be a good dad. Both things
can be true. And I tell people that story. Wow,
he was a chief judge for a long time.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Part of that, though, also is that the kids sometimes
need to the need to see these things for themselves
as well, right, so they can come to their own
It's one thing that you're being told all this person's bad,
this person's bad. It's a different kind of experience when
you see it for yourself and themselves.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, and it could be the other way, like, well,
I don't want you going with your mom. Your mom's
a hoe, she was sleeping with another man. And really,
the kids have no idea about any of.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
That stuff, and they don't need to.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
They don't need to.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Here's another one. I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I'm sure you see this all the time as a
divorced attorney. By the way, if you need to get
hold of Tklaw, it's one firm forlife dot com.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
You can talk to Ray Trainley.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Skipping support payments, yes, so that happens, I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So here's the problem with support And I blame the
legislature a little bit for this. We've conflated this idea
of obligation to support your children with paying money to
your spouse or your ex spouse. And the problem is
is people want to know where that money is going.
What they see is my ex has a nice new house,
a nice new car, she done, she got her nails done,
(04:13):
a new bag, whatever the case is. That money is
not going to my kids. That money is going to
my ex. And and the concept is is that children
are expensive to rays. If you've got children, I probably
didn't tell you a secret there. And and so the
idea of the child's support is, if your child is
being cared for by the other parent, they should have
equal living situations in both parents' houses. You know, it's
(04:38):
one of those things that when you take that money away,
one you're exposing yourself to having to pay attorney's fees
and additional support and maybe getting in trouble with the judge.
But two, the kids are going to look at it
as well, Dad doesn't care about me or mom doesn't
care about me because they're not supporting, you know, the
other parent. And and a lot of times too the
(04:59):
parent who's not receiving the support, and this is not good.
Don't do this is telling the child your dad didn't
pay child support this month. I guess he doesn't care
about us. I guess he doesn't care ifull we eat crackers.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Well, that goes into number three on it belittling your
ex within earshot of your children or basically just straight
up telling them bad things, like do you have to
tell any of your clients, Hey, you can't do.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
This, not only most of my clients, because I feel
like people don't work with me if they don't want.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
To follow a lot of these rules.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Okay, but most of my clients know that, so it's
not really educating them so much.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Is the other side.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I put into my parenting plan contract, so it's a
signed agreement that's enforceable in court that you are not
going to negatively or disparaually speak about the other parent
in front of or around the minor children or allow
others to do it.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
So you know your mom, you address that right away
with them. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I put it in the contract because it's unexcusable.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
Going back to the tele support thing real quick. One
of the best things that from my own personal experience,
and this is Ray and the first back in the day,
helped me out with my parental plan with my daughter
and her mom.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
And one of the.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
Things that I've just my own personal experience seeing guys
get caught up in that thing that you're talking about
where they're like, oh, this money is going to the mom.
This that whatever the flip side of that is is
if you don't handle that, then regardless of where you
think the money's going, you're jamming yourself up in the
sense that that money goes into the rears, and then
you're then you're even in a deeper hole. And then
(06:27):
it's trying to get all all that out and the
states involved, and then you're starting to get you know,
your your salaries, guardness and all that kind of stuffs.
So one of the again, the weight that was taken
off of my shoulders is getting that parental plan with
you guys, my daughter's mom a green and everything, and
(06:48):
just knowing like on a monthly basis, I don't even
see it, it's gone, and that it's been taken care of.
That helps with everything else because it's gonna help up
with the relationship with the parent. It's you know, do
you know that your kids getting taken care of in
that regard that So that like again that what you
were talking about, how we've made this a battle between
(07:10):
the parents, and it like it shouldn't be viewed that way.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
I don't think I agree, And I think you give
money too much power when you when you do make
it that battleground.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
So the other one is griping about your ex's family
in front of the kids, like you know, your grandma
and grandpa, or painting you like that's you know that
kind of the same, almost the same as uh, griping
about the ex, but including the family as well.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Well, think about the eternal conflict, you know, internal conflict,
not eternal internal conflict. You know that a child faces
like I love grandpa or I love grandma. They seem
really great to me, but dad says they're a terrible
human being and they shouldn't they shouldn't be around me
right now. Kids are like how do I process both
of these feelings? And they don't have the tools and
techniques necessary to do that, you know, and so you know, anyway,
(07:55):
you're just putting them in a place of conflict.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
I'm curious about this one.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
And if you've had to deal with this at all,
this is uh asking your children to be your spy
on your ex, right like, like, oh, so, so what
does his new girlfriend look like? Or you know, or
you're the other way around, like like have you had
that situation?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Oh my goodness, I've had I've had parents slip recording
devices and the kids backpack during exchanges, and then the
kids like, hey, Dad, I had to I had to
switch this out, how to recharge or whatever, and it's
a it's all on the recordings, right, And and so
I had a case where mom was doing that to
(08:33):
dad and and dad found you know, the kids aren't
really smart, right, They're not very clever, and one again,
think of psychologically what this is doing, Like I need
to spy on my dad from my mom, right, but
uh so kids aren't really clever about it.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
And so like Dad's like, what are you doing? Like
what's this?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
And so he obviously takes the device and starts listening
to it.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
And then you know, and maybe rightly, so maybe not.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
I mean dad asked the question like why is it
that this recording device isn't your backpack? Well, mom told me,
and so we played all these recordings.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Yeah, oh no.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
And you can hear a kid and mom talking about like,
as she's putting in the backpack, you'll make sure this
only has a twenty four hour batter, like make sure
you recharge it before you go to bed.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
So that way the next day, and it's like, you're
terrible parent, that's bad.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
You know, I feel I feel pretty I'm not an expert,
but I feel pretty comfortable saying that.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah. There's another one too.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
It says the guilt trip in your kids for enjoying
the time they spend with their other parent.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
So this is what especially for vacations, right, it's like, Oh,
they took you where? How much money did they spend?
You know they didn't they didn't give me any of
that money. Sorry, I can't take you to New York City,
uh and take you to the you know, the theater,
but you know glad your dad could do that. And
making kids feel guilty that they can't provide those same opportunities.
I tell people who switch it around, be their big cheerleader.
(09:55):
This is gonna be a great trip. You're gonna have
such a good time. You and your dad are gonna
have a fan tast top. I can't wait to hear
about all your stories when you come back. Support your kids,
and then they won't feel guilty. They'll be more open
with you, and they won't have all these you know
issues with you know, their personality and their self esteem.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
As they get over Ye. Yes, and you go one.
Speaker 5 (10:15):
Yeah, well to that point with what you guys are
talking about and the advent of technology, you know, spying
and this that whatever. This just came in on the
text and uh, ray, what about tracking your daughter or
son on Life three sixty when she's not with or
he's not with their mom or their dad.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
So a couple of ways I like to handle this one.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Uh for the Life three sixty, I think you can
share that with multiple devices so everybody in the family
can have that kid's access. So that becomes that becomes
a safety thing. And I do defer to parents a
little bit on the safety thing.
Speaker 5 (10:48):
So that if Mom has it, then Dad, Hey, Dad,
then you should have it too.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
You should have it to then right right where it
gets where it gets excessive is like I had a
case where Dad was going like sixty five miles per
hour and a fifty five mile per hour highway and
Mom's sending Dad text messages because you know the best
thing to do when somebody's speeding in the car with
the text them while they're driving, and like, I know,
you're going sixty five miles per hour, you need to
(11:12):
slow down. And that that is not how it's supposed
to be used. And I think you know, I think
we've gone a long way from how all of us
were probably raised, where it's like, you know, you come
home before the lights turn on, or you know, for
my mom it was like be home before midnight, you know,
and trusting children to make the midnight.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
I had a very lax mom.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And the last one it has on here is that
forgetting and forgetting is in parentheses to call or spend
time with the kids to avoid seeing the other parent
because it's too hurtful to see the other parent in
a in a in a divorce and split up.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
So this, of all of these, this is probably the
hardest one that I deal with, is it really? Because
for me, what I see that as is it's a
sign of avoidance. Yeah, and understand, there's a lot of
conflict sometimes there's these weird power dynamics and relationships, a
lot of guilt. Maybe I have to encourage somebody to
go talk to a mental health professional because what they're
(12:09):
gonna need to do and this I wouldn't say this
to them this way, but they need to kind of
get over whatever those feelings or emotions are that they're
feeling about their spouse because their kid needs them to
be able to be there, and they need to be
able to be there and have those conversations and show
up at the baseball games and do all those things.
And so I really have to push people pretty hard
on this because it's not fun talking about feelings. It's
(12:31):
not fun talking about why you, you know, don't want
to be around your spouse.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
And there might be a lot of trauma there.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
But that's probably of all of these, the hardest one
to talk about, because people have to be willing to
one have that conversation and too being willing to listen
to a third party. I know I've talked to professionals.
I think you've talked to professionals, and you've talked about
it on air. It's important to be able to talk
about your feelings and to move past some of your
feelings so that you can redirect them.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
And that's you know.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
I like to use like the racing metaphor, like you
kind of have to really turn into you know, lean
into the turn and turn into it, otherwise you lose
control of your car. And so when I feel uncomfortable,
instead of avoiding these conversations, I like super lean into it,
which is not everybody's cup.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Of tea. But you have to have those conversations.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
And I bet here we are coming up on the holidays,
how much of a hassle divorce in the holidays has
to be.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
You know. So it's funny you say that.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
At the beginning of October, I start sending out all
these temporary parenting plans because it's like, we've got November
and December coming up, We've got all these holidays. Let's
figure this out now, so it's not an emergency two
days before Thanksgiving, all the judges on vacation.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Yeah, So that's a big part of what I'm doing
right now.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
All right, Well, it's a friendly rate trendly if you
are going through divorce or any kind of a family
law you need, it's our buddy friendly ray traindly And
once again, thank you for you actually made a scarecrow.
That was very nice of you and donated the money
and I appreciate that.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
It's very nice to you and Russ. With TK law,
you don't just hire an attorney. You get an entired
team fighting for your fresh start.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
That's good. Did you write that one or gpt it?
Speaker 4 (14:05):
That's a that's that's another email.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Listen marketing is going to do what marketing is going
to do. But don't forget that I'm friendly and I'm
here for you.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
He's the best, Hey's the best. We love him, all right,
thank you, very appreciate it. Bunny guys, all right, don't
go anywhere. You're listening to the monster of the morning.
Hey, Ray, I got a guy just sent a text
and he said, Hey, does TK law handle divorce cases
in other cities like Jacksonville.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
So I don't do a lot of work in Jacksonville,
but I do have a lawyer up there who used
to be a judge, and I can put you in
judge to somebody.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Okay, So yeah, you call Ray.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
He can handle it and if they if he can't
handle it, he'll get you to the right person.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
I will.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
And talking about divorce, this was an article that I
saw him, Like, I wonder how much of this Ray
has to deal with? Now this is more probably about
messing up Well, let's talking about divorce. Do these things
during If you do these things during divorce, it will
mess up your kids. How much of this do you
have to talk to your clients about and say, hey.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Don't do that, this is bad for the kids. Like,
do you get that deep into Oh?
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
There's a lot of different ways you could be a lawyer, right, Yeah,
you could wear the lawyer hat and just say I'm
in charge of the law and I'm going to tell
you what the law says, and we're going to just
kind of, you know, do that.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
I'm not that kind of lawyer.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
You know, what's more important to me is not just
the outcome of your case, but the aftermath. And when
I talk to people about how they're going to get divorced,
one of the very first things I do is I
set goals with them, and almost almost uniformly, every single
person they've got kids, I ask them, hey, how much
of a priority is it for you to protect your
(01:21):
kids throughout this process? And if they say yes, then
I take that as my license to say I'm not
a mental health professional, and I'm not a child psychologist.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
But maybe you should rethink how you do X.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Look, i'll list you some of these things.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
You tell me how many times you have to deal
with it and explain, hey, this is not the Number
one on this list is withholding visitation to punish their
ex Oh my goodness, I'm sure that happens all the time, all.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
The time, And there's so much trauma around that.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Because one, children like to have boundaries and expectations, and
if they're expecting to see mom or dad and they
don't get to see mom or dad, that creates that
con and that creates trauma for children. But the other thing,
and this is This is what I think people don't
talk about enough when it comes to withholding time sharing.
Kids need both parents involved in their lives.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Right.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
There is very credible, peer reviewed scientific evidence that says
both moms and dads are necessary for successful children.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Don't you find out that a lot of times you
know they're going through divorce. So mom knows that dad
did something absolutely horrible.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And I don't want my kids being around it. And
he was doing cocaine or whatever it was. And I'm
you're not cool, dad, You're not going to you're not
seeing the kids. You're out of control.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
And she's so mad that she doesn't realize kids don't
know about your adult argument you're going through.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
I had to judge one time tell the other side,
which is great because I won.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
But she said that he drank too much on weekends.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Right, And the judge says, I don't care if he's
cooking meth in the kitchen as long as the kids
aren't showing up high, I don't care. He could be
a bad person and be a good dad. Both things
can be true. And I tell people that story. Wow,
he was a chief judge for a long time.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Part of that, though, also is that the kids sometimes
need to the need to see these things for themselves
as well, right, so they can come to their own
It's one thing that you're being told all this person's bad,
this person's bad. It's a different kind of experience when
you see it for yourself and themselves.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, and it could be the other way, like, well,
I don't want you going with your mom. Your mom's
a hoe, she was sleeping with another man. And really,
the kids have no idea about any of.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
That stuff, and they don't need to.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
They don't need to.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Here's another one. I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I'm sure you see this all the time as a
divorced attorney. By the way, if you need to get
hold of Tklaw, it's one firm forlife dot com.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
You can talk to Ray Trainley.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Skipping support payments, yes, so that happens, I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So here's the problem with support And I blame the
legislature a little bit for this. We've conflated this idea
of obligation to support your children with paying money to
your spouse or your ex spouse. And the problem is
is people want to know where that money is going.
What they see is my ex has a nice new house,
a nice new car, she done, she got her nails done,
(04:13):
a new bag, whatever the case is. That money is
not going to my kids. That money is going to
my ex. And and the concept is is that children
are expensive to rays. If you've got children, I probably
didn't tell you a secret there. And and so the
idea of the child's support is, if your child is
being cared for by the other parent, they should have
equal living situations in both parents' houses. You know, it's
(04:38):
one of those things that when you take that money away,
one you're exposing yourself to having to pay attorney's fees
and additional support and maybe getting in trouble with the judge.
But two, the kids are going to look at it
as well, Dad doesn't care about me or mom doesn't
care about me because they're not supporting, you know, the
other parent. And and a lot of times too the
(04:59):
parent who's not receiving the support, and this is not good.
Don't do this is telling the child your dad didn't
pay child support this month. I guess he doesn't care
about us. I guess he doesn't care ifull we eat crackers.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Well, that goes into number three on it belittling your
ex within earshot of your children or basically just straight
up telling them bad things, like do you have to
tell any of your clients, Hey, you can't do.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
This, not only most of my clients, because I feel
like people don't work with me if they don't want.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
To follow a lot of these rules.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Okay, but most of my clients know that, so it's
not really educating them so much.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Is the other side.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I put into my parenting plan contract, so it's a
signed agreement that's enforceable in court that you are not
going to negatively or disparaually speak about the other parent
in front of or around the minor children or allow
others to do it.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
So you know your mom, you address that right away
with them. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I put it in the contract because it's unexcusable.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
Going back to the tele support thing real quick. One
of the best things that from my own personal experience,
and this is Ray and the first back in the day,
helped me out with my parental plan with my daughter
and her mom.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
And one of the.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
Things that I've just my own personal experience seeing guys
get caught up in that thing that you're talking about
where they're like, oh, this money is going to the mom.
This that whatever the flip side of that is is
if you don't handle that, then regardless of where you
think the money's going, you're jamming yourself up in the
sense that that money goes into the rears, and then
you're then you're even in a deeper hole. And then
(06:27):
it's trying to get all all that out and the
states involved, and then you're starting to get you know,
your your salaries, guardness and all that kind of stuffs.
So one of the again, the weight that was taken
off of my shoulders is getting that parental plan with
you guys, my daughter's mom a green and everything, and
(06:48):
just knowing like on a monthly basis, I don't even
see it, it's gone, and that it's been taken care of.
That helps with everything else because it's gonna help up
with the relationship with the parent. It's you know, do
you know that your kids getting taken care of in
that regard that So that like again that what you
were talking about, how we've made this a battle between
(07:10):
the parents, and it like it shouldn't be viewed that way.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
I don't think I agree, And I think you give
money too much power when you when you do make
it that battleground.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
So the other one is griping about your ex's family
in front of the kids, like you know, your grandma
and grandpa, or painting you like that's you know that
kind of the same, almost the same as uh, griping
about the ex, but including the family as well.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Well, think about the eternal conflict, you know, internal conflict,
not eternal internal conflict. You know that a child faces
like I love grandpa or I love grandma. They seem
really great to me, but dad says they're a terrible
human being and they shouldn't they shouldn't be around me
right now. Kids are like how do I process both
of these feelings? And they don't have the tools and
techniques necessary to do that, you know, and so you know, anyway,
(07:55):
you're just putting them in a place of conflict.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
I'm curious about this one.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
And if you've had to deal with this at all,
this is uh asking your children to be your spy
on your ex, right like, like, oh, so, so what
does his new girlfriend look like? Or you know, or
you're the other way around, like like have you had
that situation?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Oh my goodness, I've had I've had parents slip recording
devices and the kids backpack during exchanges, and then the
kids like, hey, Dad, I had to I had to
switch this out, how to recharge or whatever, and it's
a it's all on the recordings, right, And and so
I had a case where mom was doing that to
(08:33):
dad and and dad found you know, the kids aren't
really smart, right, They're not very clever, and one again,
think of psychologically what this is doing, Like I need
to spy on my dad from my mom, right, but
uh so kids aren't really clever about it.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
And so like Dad's like, what are you doing? Like
what's this?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
And so he obviously takes the device and starts listening
to it.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
And then you know, and maybe rightly, so maybe not.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
I mean dad asked the question like why is it
that this recording device isn't your backpack? Well, mom told me,
and so we played all these recordings.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Yeah, oh no.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
And you can hear a kid and mom talking about like,
as she's putting in the backpack, you'll make sure this
only has a twenty four hour batter, like make sure
you recharge it before you go to bed.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
So that way the next day, and it's like, you're
terrible parent, that's bad.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
You know, I feel I feel pretty I'm not an expert,
but I feel pretty comfortable saying that.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah. There's another one too.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
It says the guilt trip in your kids for enjoying
the time they spend with their other parent.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
So this is what especially for vacations, right, it's like, Oh,
they took you where? How much money did they spend?
You know they didn't they didn't give me any of
that money. Sorry, I can't take you to New York City,
uh and take you to the you know, the theater,
but you know glad your dad could do that. And
making kids feel guilty that they can't provide those same opportunities.
I tell people who switch it around, be their big cheerleader.
(09:55):
This is gonna be a great trip. You're gonna have
such a good time. You and your dad are gonna
have a fan tast top. I can't wait to hear
about all your stories when you come back. Support your kids,
and then they won't feel guilty. They'll be more open
with you, and they won't have all these you know
issues with you know, their personality and their self esteem.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
As they get over Ye. Yes, and you go one.
Speaker 5 (10:15):
Yeah, well to that point with what you guys are
talking about and the advent of technology, you know, spying
and this that whatever. This just came in on the
text and uh, ray, what about tracking your daughter or
son on Life three sixty when she's not with or
he's not with their mom or their dad.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
So a couple of ways I like to handle this one.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Uh for the Life three sixty, I think you can
share that with multiple devices so everybody in the family
can have that kid's access. So that becomes that becomes
a safety thing. And I do defer to parents a
little bit on the safety thing.
Speaker 5 (10:48):
So that if Mom has it, then Dad, Hey, Dad,
then you should have it too.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
You should have it to then right right where it
gets where it gets excessive is like I had a
case where Dad was going like sixty five miles per
hour and a fifty five mile per hour highway and
Mom's sending Dad text messages because you know the best
thing to do when somebody's speeding in the car with
the text them while they're driving, and like, I know,
you're going sixty five miles per hour, you need to
(11:12):
slow down. And that that is not how it's supposed
to be used. And I think you know, I think
we've gone a long way from how all of us
were probably raised, where it's like, you know, you come
home before the lights turn on, or you know, for
my mom it was like be home before midnight, you know,
and trusting children to make the midnight.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
I had a very lax mom.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And the last one it has on here is that
forgetting and forgetting is in parentheses to call or spend
time with the kids to avoid seeing the other parent
because it's too hurtful to see the other parent in
a in a in a divorce and split up.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
So this, of all of these, this is probably the
hardest one that I deal with, is it really? Because
for me, what I see that as is it's a
sign of avoidance. Yeah, and understand, there's a lot of
conflict sometimes there's these weird power dynamics and relationships, a
lot of guilt. Maybe I have to encourage somebody to
go talk to a mental health professional because what they're
(12:09):
gonna need to do and this I wouldn't say this
to them this way, but they need to kind of
get over whatever those feelings or emotions are that they're
feeling about their spouse because their kid needs them to
be able to be there, and they need to be
able to be there and have those conversations and show
up at the baseball games and do all those things.
And so I really have to push people pretty hard
on this because it's not fun talking about feelings. It's
(12:31):
not fun talking about why you, you know, don't want
to be around your spouse.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
And there might be a lot of trauma there.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
But that's probably of all of these, the hardest one
to talk about, because people have to be willing to
one have that conversation and too being willing to listen
to a third party. I know I've talked to professionals.
I think you've talked to professionals, and you've talked about
it on air. It's important to be able to talk
about your feelings and to move past some of your
feelings so that you can redirect them.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
And that's you know.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
I like to use like the racing metaphor, like you
kind of have to really turn into you know, lean
into the turn and turn into it, otherwise you lose
control of your car. And so when I feel uncomfortable,
instead of avoiding these conversations, I like super lean into it,
which is not everybody's cup.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Of tea. But you have to have those conversations.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
And I bet here we are coming up on the holidays,
how much of a hassle divorce in the holidays has
to be.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
You know. So it's funny you say that.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
At the beginning of October, I start sending out all
these temporary parenting plans because it's like, we've got November
and December coming up, We've got all these holidays. Let's
figure this out now, so it's not an emergency two
days before Thanksgiving, all the judges on vacation.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Yeah, So that's a big part of what I'm doing
right now.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
All right, Well, it's a friendly rate trendly if you
are going through divorce or any kind of a family
law you need, it's our buddy friendly ray traindly And
once again, thank you for you actually made a scarecrow.
That was very nice of you and donated the money
and I appreciate that.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
It's very nice to you and Russ. With TK law,
you don't just hire an attorney. You get an entired
team fighting for your fresh start.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
That's good. Did you write that one or gpt it?
Speaker 4 (14:05):
That's a that's that's another email.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Listen marketing is going to do what marketing is going
to do. But don't forget that I'm friendly and I'm
here for you.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
He's the best, Hey's the best. We love him, all right,
thank you, very appreciate it. Bunny guys, all right, don't
go anywhere. You're listening to the monster of the morning.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!