July 15, 2024 • 41 mins
The political state of our country has given birth to "Election Anxiety”. It is real and impacts the lives of many; first hand or via their relationships. To understand it, we first have to understand what general anxiety is and then the specifics of election anxiety. Tune in and UNBLEEP your thoughts, emotions, and actions around EA with Anita Astley and listen for her answers to some of the questions sent in to her regarding this subject!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Relationships weather, romantic, platonic,familial are complicated and can be downright messy,
bringing out the best and worst inall of us. Here's an opportunity
for you to learn effective, concretestrategies to help you build healthy relationships from
the inside out. It's Unbleep YourLife and Relationships with host Anita Aslant,
(00:23):
psychotherapist of over twenty five years.Hey guys, welcome to another episode of
Unbleep Your Life and Relationships. I'myour host, Anita Astley, psychotherapist of
twenty five years and a published authorof Unbleep Your Life and Relationships. You
can find that book on Amazon andSimon and Schuster. We are here talking
(00:43):
about mental health and relationships every Sunday. Now, you guys know, if
you've tuned in before that I believeour mental health hinges on the quality of
our relationship. But you know what, most of us neglect our mental health
over our physical health. But Igotta say, guys, the two are
connected. Take care of your body, but also take care of your mind.
And in studio today, I'm nothere with Greg, but I'm in
(01:04):
here with Andrew High Andrew good Evening. Today we're going to be talking about
anxiety, but a specific kind ofanxiety. Any guesses you want to take,
Andrew, I'm not going to beright, So cha see he's smart.
Okay. We are in a heightenedstate of election anxiety. Now,
I'm sure you if you didn't watchthe debate, I'm sure you heard about
(01:27):
the presidential debate. Tough to that, tough to not right, and sometimes
we want to hear it, sometimeswe don't, and sometimes we don't have
a choice because it's we're surrounded byit. But before I get into defining
what that is and the symptoms ofit, I'm going to talk about general
anxiety. We seem to be ageneration who's suffering from a lot of anxiety.
(01:49):
Now when I people walk into myoffice, my patients, you guys
know is still in private practice.There's a lot of anxiety going around,
and the political climate right now hasjust altered that to its extreme. But
let's talk about anxiety because I oftenhear people saying I'm anxious, He's so
anxious, They're so anxious. Now, anxiety is a clinical term, but
(02:10):
guys, we are all anxious tosome level. Anxiety is healthy and normal,
and we're hardwired for it and youmight be saying, what are you
talking about? That's not a goodthing to be anxious. It is like
to you know, before every show, I get a little bit of anxiety,
and that propels me to prepare,right, It helps me to do
a better job. And if Ididn't have any anxiety, I'd be like,
(02:34):
I'll just roll in there. Soit serves a positive function in our
lives and we are all heartwired forit. Now, when anxiety is something
that's interfering with our social, emotional, relational, vocational function, it is
a problem. So let me justdefine that for you. It is a
natural response just stresses or perceived danger, and that's usually characterized by feelings of
(02:57):
worrying, a nervousness, or fearof future events or situations. Now,
of course we all have that,but when we feel it a lot of
the time, it's persistent, it'sa problem. It's a normal part of
our life and beneficial. It keepsus alert and prepared to us. As
I said earlier, however, anxietyis excessive, persistent and interferes again with
(03:21):
daily functioning. It's indicative of ananxiety disorder. I'm sure you guys have
heard of that and I've you know, people will come in and say,
Anita, I think I'm suffering froman anxiety disorder. Now, symptoms generally
manifest themselves in three ways. Anhe guesses, I'm putting Andrew on the
spot today like he's supposed to knowall this stuff, but it's because I
need interaction. It's okay, andI'm sorry you're not a therapist, but
(03:45):
you might have had some anxiety inyour life. We all have. I
have anxiety every single day. Dookay, I'm going to help you today.
You're not my patient. We're notdoing therapy here, as I always
say that, that's my disclaimer here. This is not therapy, but it
is just sharing my expertise, mypersonal experiences and helping you guys out.
Because I do get a lot ofquestions from this show on my Instagram page.
(04:06):
Thank you so much for the engagement, and I love that when people
call in, they send me questionsand I can help them relieve some of
whatever is that they're feeling. Sogetting back to helping Andrew here today,
because apparently he's suffering from some typeof anxiety. It might be election anxiety.
We'll see, probably not, butjust more in general still learning the
(04:27):
newer we talked earlier, how newerto this industry and just you know,
producing a show for the first time, I have a lot of anxiety.
Second time not as much, andit slowly decreases. I think it's just
the comfortability though. Yes, youget comfortable, less anxious, but we
still need a little bit of thatto help us do a good job.
But again, anxiety manifests itself inthree ways. Emotional symptoms, there's a
(04:48):
constant worry or fear. And nowthe keyword here is constant. If you're
in a constant state of worry,then it is something you need to get
help for. Feeling a tense,nervous, on the edge, anticipating worst
case scenario. I've met people likethat, you know who have that.
They always have that oh my god, catasrophe. Yeah, the world is
ending trouble concentrating or thinking about anythingother than the present worry that it has.
(05:13):
It consumes you emotionally. Physical symptomsalso increase heart rate. You know,
when people get anxious, rapid heartrate, they start sweating, trembling,
shaking, feeling tired, gastro issues. You know, that does go
to our gut. That is true. And again, the physical affects the
emotional, and the emotional affects thephysical. We can't separate the two guys.
(05:36):
The body and mind are always connected. Now, the other symptoms we
might have, and we'll see alot of these today with the election stuff
going on. Behavioral symptoms, whatcan they be hm acting in a way
that we shouldn't be acting. Perhapsthat's like yelling, screaming, extremely irritable,
(05:58):
but also avoiding situations that triggering.Now, that can be good and
it can be bad also, right, we don't want to we want to
sometimes avoid people, and that's healthy. Restlessness, sleep disturbance is very problematic
in terms of behavioral symptoms because weneed to get good sleep to function healthy
matter in our life. Ames asmuch advice as you have on that,
Oh yeah, it's difficult. Areyou on your phone? That means that
(06:24):
yes when he says that, becausethat does interfere and cost sleep disorder sleep
disturbance, especially if you're reading aboutpolitics, that's just going to that's just
going to increase your anxiety if you'resave that for the daytime. But you
know, I always say to people, avoiding situations like talking about politics is
(06:44):
a great tactic to use at Thanksgiving, at Christmas time, also at parties,
but in generally avoiding something that's partof our reality is not healthy because
we do need to have a healthylevel of awareness in terms of what's going
on and not completely isolate ourselves fromthe reality of our world. Now,
there are different types of anxiety disorders, such as panic disorder, social anxiety
(07:10):
o CD, PTSD, and specificphobias. I'm not going to get into
that. I'm going to save allof that good stuff for another show because
there's there's questions that I've got toget to near the end of the show.
In terms of again, election anxietycause anxiety. That's always a question
that people ask me. So nowthat you now that you've diagnosed me,
(07:31):
or you think I have anxiety,what's the cause of it? And yes,
is here I enters on the spottoday and stressful work environment environment is
one of them, and that's goingto be leading into the election anxiety.
But genetics, if you have anxietywithin your family, you're at high risk
of being anxious yourself, and that'sa play between nature and nurture. You
(07:53):
might have the predisposition genetically of beinganxious, but if you're around anxious parents
and raised around anxious parents. Guesswhat, It's contagious. And like I've
said before, we learn from observingand watching people, particularly our parents,
in terms of how to handle ouremotions. Another cause is perhaps brain chemistry.
(08:15):
There's a lot of data on thatthere's an imbalance in some people in
terms of their neurotransmitters such as dopamineand seratonin utther Other factors are medical factors.
Certain medical conditions, medications or substanceabuse can lead to heightened anxiety.
Now the one that you just gaveaway andrew environmental stresses, which I think
(08:35):
our whole nation is experiencing that.Yeah, this right now. Traumatic events
like watching the debate for many wasa traumatic event because we're still hearing about
it. Yes, some more thanothers. Significant life changes like divorce,
death of a loved one, prolongedstress can trigger anxiety. Yea. And
(08:58):
I think right now from what I'mlisten listening to in the media, watching
on social media, and my patients, there's a heightened sense of anxiety overall.
But again with this election, Iam not kidding you, lots of
anxiety and about your social group oryour family is experiencing that. No,
it's summertime. I feel like stressis just in general a little bit less
(09:20):
in summer, especially in Wisconsin herewhere we don't get much time. Yeah
yeah, well nine months out ofthe year for sure, but just you
know, trying to make the mostof those moments and trying to forget the
stresses of life. Seems like insummer there's less for me. Well,
we got to talk to you becauseyou've got some tricks of your sleeve that
you're using that you're not having thissense of election anxiety or feeling that.
(09:41):
Now, how do we The keyquestion always is okay, Anita, Now
how do I manage anxiety when itstarts to interfere with my social, emotional,
relational, vocational, physical, andsexual functioning. Of course, I'm
an advocate of psychotherapy. Nothing wrongto go see your a psychotherapist, get
some professional help to learn to managesome of that. Medication is one of
(10:03):
them, and I believe the highestrate of efficacy when trying to deal with
anxiety or other disorders. Talk therapycombined with medication has again the highest rate
of efficacy. Another one is alifestyle change. Maybe you need to make
some changes in your lifestyle. Anotherone is relaxation techniques. Do some yoga,
get out there, get exercise.Like Andrew seems to be out there
(10:24):
enjoying life in summer, so that'swhy his anxiety, as he said before,
is not so heightened. Also,reach out to your support system or
and if you don't have a supportsystem and you're anxious about creating that,
people say, well, how amI supposed to create this? Because I
have social anxiety and I don't knowhow to do this, And you got
to take the first step. Andthe first step is to get off your
(10:45):
phone and get out there. Unlessyou have that experience, you're always going
to fear the experience. We aregoing to continue this discussion and get into
the specifics of election anxiety. Rightafter these messages, everyone strives for healthier
relationships. Here's more of on BleepYour Life and Relationships on news Talk eleven
(11:07):
thirty wis Hey, guys, welcomeback to Unbleep your Life and Relationships.
I'm your host, Anita Astley,psychotherapist of twenty five years and author up
on Bleep Your Life and Relationships.You can find that on Simon and Schuster
and Amazon and other bookstores. Weare talking about anxiety today, but in
particular election anxiety. I'm sure someof you can relate to this. We're
(11:31):
a highly anxious nation, but nowwe're even more anxious with all this stuff
going on politically. I'm not surehow you you know. We were talking
about Andrew. He seems to bequite relaxed, but there is a lot
of anxiety, heidened anxiety after thepresidential debate, whether you watched it or
you were just hearing about it,a lot of people are feeling anxious.
(11:52):
Now. What is election anxiety?Yes, guys, it is a thing.
It is a real term, andyou might be diagnosing other people around,
don't you, even though you're nota practitioner. I see it everywhere.
I could if you want me to, I can, but that's not
my job. No, okay,yeah, I gotta see your license,
right, okay. Election anxiety isa very specific form of anxiety triggered by
(12:16):
uncertainties and high stakes associated with politicalelections. Like other forms of anxiety,
symptoms can affect us emotionally, physicallyand also behaviorally. Like I just shared
before, persistent worry emotionally consistently thinkingabout the election and the potential outcomes and
their implications dominating our thoughts. I'msure I have seen this and watched people
(12:41):
like as if the world is goingto come to an end, and they
just don't stop talking about it,thinking about it, and just behaving in
a way that's not rational. Takingcalls on WIOS and I get to hear
from both sides of the isle ofcallers, and it's interesting that very much
everything you just said it, Yeah, it's showing up on both sides of
the aisle with just panic in generalwith some of these callers, not all
(13:01):
but a good handful, but itis. It's legitimate election anxiety. And
also the irribility, like people areon edge and easily triggered and getting into
conflicts. Is no longer a healthydiscussion. It's something that perhaps starts as
a healthy discussion turns hostile very quickly. There's this intense fhere that somehow the
(13:24):
world is going to end. Societalchanges and personal implications of the results.
We don't know what they're gonna be. We're gonna wait, and it doesn't
matter where you are in terms ofwho you're supporting. As I said to
as I say to my kids,listen, we live in a democracy.
We have to let democracy play out. And I know there's all kinds of
issues related that people are losing theiremotional shiit And I don't think I can
(13:48):
say that, but I can spellit out. So overwhelmingly stressed out people
overwhelming overwhelmingly. Then we have physicalsymptoms, you know. Again we go
to the insomnia, difficulty following usand staying asleep, and then of course
reaching for their phone to read moreabout what's going on politically. They're exhausted.
There's a tiredness because they can't fallasleep. They have headaches, increase,
(14:11):
heartbreak, muscle tendon and of coursegasto issues. You know, guys,
stress does attack our stomach when wefeel it in the gut, we
literally do. Then we have theother stuff, the behavioral symptoms like I
talked about earlier, avoiding, ofcourse, avoiding political discussions, social interactions
that involve political discussions. Now that'shealthy, but also unhealthy. As I
(14:35):
said before, we want to bepart of the discourse, but we don't
want to be saturated and flooded.Does that make any sense very much?
And I don't think that. Ithink that the political landscape has never been
more divided, and it is continuingto divide day by day. So those
conversations that you have can only justget more hostile. In my opinion,
they are and fortunately and it's teachingpeople how to This is a behavioral component
(14:58):
of how to have a healthy discussionagain about things that we necessarily don't agree
on. And that's okay, Likethat's what I tell my kids. You
can have your opinion, you canthink whatever you like, you're a free
agent, but can we have arespectful discussion. So that's the behavioral part
about it. The other thing Isee people doing is the compulsive checking,
checking social media, to listening tothe news over and over again, checking
(15:22):
in the polls. That's only goingto heighten your sense of election anxiety anxiety
in general, and that anxiety isalso going to spill over into your other
relationships. It's not like we justkeep election anxiety in a box. It
spills over into our personal relationships,our social relationships, and how we conduct
ourself at work. And the otherpart I was talking about before social withdrawal.
(15:46):
Some people because they can't get alongwith other people, Like I say
to my kids, learn to playnicely with other people in the sandbox.
Even as adults, you have todo that. It's just a different sandbox,
a little bit bigger. Yeah.So if you can't do that socially,
guess what, people are not goingto want to hang out with you.
You're not going to want to hangout with them. And that leads
to isolation, loneliness, and allkinds of other issues. And we put
(16:10):
ourselves at risk for substance and alcoholabuse. I know that's an extension and
we can dig deeper into that,but it's true. Anytime we isolate ourselves
from other people, it's a formulafor disaster in terms of our psyche.
There's also procrastination. People are procrastinating, delaying, or avoiding tasks or responsibilities
(16:30):
due to their preoccupation with the election. Now that's interfering with your work.
Imagine you're just sitting around and youdon't leave your TV and you're not working,
even if you're working from home,because you are busy watching the news
whichever channel you watch, CNN orFox, whatever it is that it's constantly
on. That's not healthy. Oneof the most common things I've seen and
(16:52):
I'm hearing about here is another wordfor you increase argue menativeness. Oh yeah,
yes, that's a mouthful, right, increased argumentativeness, even from people
that generally my experiences that are notthat argumentative, but all of a sudden,
like whoa, this has awoken somethinginside of you, my friend,
(17:14):
and it's all coming out. Ifthere's one thing that can pull a quiet
person to the top of the stage, I believe it is the politics that
they truly believe in. It's veryvisceral. And then some yeah, so
we have to learn to manage that. I'm going to give you some tips
on how to do that. There'salso some cognitive symptoms, difficulty concentrating on
what's going on because they have intrusivethoughts about the election, and they engage
(17:40):
in this what I call well,what's known as catastrophic thinking again, imagining
the worst case scenario if Trump wins, if Biden wins, Oh my god,
what's going to happen to all ofus? We're all going to die.
That's not going to happen either way. We're all going to survive.
Like, nobody's going to die.It's not doomsday. But some people do
get caught up in this and ofcourse engage in excessive extreme behavior, which
(18:02):
is not good for any of us. And sometimes we're the victims of that
obsessive thoughts, reoccurring thoughts about theelection, that we can focus on anything
else, and also candidates in particularcertain issues they get hooked on. I
think we've got to keep a broadermind, but some people cannot. They
have this tunnel vision and they're stuckin that tunnel vision, and we need
to get out of that. Ialways say to my kids, listen,
(18:25):
you need to what's your leaning.Okay, let's talk about it, let's
discuss it, but listen to theother side, because that's the only way
you're going to learn that. Maybeyou know, there is a moderate view
over here, somewhere in the middle, there's a reality that we can all
live with. But it's when wehave these extreme thoughts, extreme emotions,
extreme behaviors and we're stuck there thatare Anxiety heightens, particularly with this election,
(18:51):
because everybody has a very strong opiniontoday on what's going on. But
guys, keep this word in yourmind, increased argument to tiveness. Are
you experiencing that yourself is your partner? You observe it in your partner or
with your friends. Don't engage I'mgoing to give you some strategies and I'm
going to address some questions and listencarefully because my answers will give you some
(19:15):
tips on how to deal with someof the stuff. If you're struggling or
someone in your life is struggling withit. We will be right back with
more of that after these messages.Nope. Alita Ashley has more advice on
how to on Bleep Your Life andRelationships on news Talk eleven thirty wys.
(19:38):
Hey, guys, welcome back ton Bleep Your Life and Relationships. I'm
your host, Anita Ashley, apsychotherapist of twenty five years and published author
of Unbleep Your Life and Relationships.We are talking about anxiety today, in
particular election anxiety. We are anation experiencing a lot of election anxiety,
especially after viewing the last debate,hearing about it all the banter that's going
(20:02):
on, and we were just talkingabout the increased argumentativeness here in the studio
with Andrew. Yeah, I've seenpeople come out of their shell. I'm
like, Wow, they used tobe really shy, but now it's all
coming out. I'm going to giveyou some tips on how to deal with
some of this election anxiety, whichis a little bit different than normal anxiety.
Let's get to the questions, andI thank you guys for sending me
(20:23):
the questions via my Instagram page,which is ask Anita Askley keep sending me
those comments and questions. Okay,number one, Anita, I can't escape
all the political banter. My husbandhas the news on from the moment I
get up to the moment I goto sleep. I can't take it anymore.
(20:44):
I'm not an anxious person, buthis worry about this is making me
worry. It's not my personality,it's disturbing my inner piece. We also
both work from home, which onlymakes things work worse. Sorry, do
you have any suits? I havea lot of suggestions. Thank you first
for sending that question in. Andthat's a common problem, like where people
(21:08):
keep the TV on as background noise, and they'll often say, well,
I'm not really listening, I'm notreally watching it, I'm not really listening
to it. I just it's ahabit that I have. I'm guilty.
Yeah, right, So I'll saynumber one, turn it off. Okay,
especially if you have a marri Idon't know if you're married, but
if you're married and this is somethingthat's bothering your partner. First of all,
(21:29):
you've got to have the conversation.I always say nothing can be fixed
without having a conversation. Number One, you've got to sit down with your
partner when this is not going on, so nothing is ever resolved. When
it's occurring, you got to saythat I need to talk to you about
something, please, darling, youknow, with some compassion understanding. And
then you can say, listen,I cannot live in a household where the
(21:51):
TV is constantly on, particularly withthe politics, and I feel and I
pick up on all the election anxietythat you have, and you can use
that term tell them I said thatthat it needs to be turned off.
You know, in general, Ithink the TV should not be on all
the time, so it needs tobe turned off. And if he needs
to have it on some of thetime, well you can talk to each
(22:14):
other about what those times when that'sappropriate, when that's not appropriate. That's
something you need to decide as acouple. But again, going back to
it's not really going in. I'mnot really paying attention to it. I'll
tell you something, you are,those messages are impacting you even though you're
not consciously actively listening to it,they are getting absorbed by your body and
(22:36):
by your mind. Turn it off. Why do we always need to have
that on? So what you needto do? Number one the tip limit
media consumption, meaning turn off thatTV, put away your phone. There
is a thing as too much information. Too much information is not good.
We don't always have to be tunedin to what's going on. Tell you
something not much is going to changefrom the morning to the night. They're
(22:59):
usually just recycled that stuff, andit's fear mongering to keep you anxious,
to keep you scared. Now I'mnot saying don't listen to it at all,
I'm saying, listen to it withinreason es establish a time that works
for you and doesn't annoy your wife, Okay, or your husband if it's
the other way around. But limitmedia consumption, but again start with a
(23:22):
conversation. And for people like Andrewwho just share, he does that too.
Irrespective of election, turn it off, turn the mind off, just
calm yourself. Have a different routinein the morning that doesn't involve having that
on all the time. I don'tknow, I'm thinking if I have the
TV on all the time. Itdrives me nuts because I am paying attention
to it halfheartedly. I is goingin. I'm used to it because I
(23:45):
work at a news station and asports station, so well, I get
two different stations. I can walkin and see a sports station, or
I can walk in and see anews station, so I can pick.
But then but listen. Then Iwould think at home, you'd want to
have some quiet time and turn everything, and I do. I do a
good job of that. I'm gladto hear that that's why you're not son.
Okay, that's a different show.We're going to analyze Andrew in his
sleep disorder. Okay, question numbertwo, so again, hope that's helpful.
(24:08):
Question number two. Every time Iget together with my dad, all
he wants to do is talk aboutthe election. We have completely different views,
so I feel myself with drawing fromthe relationship. I don't want to
do this. He just doesn't getit. When I try to change the
subject, he always brings it backto politics, and he clearly knows that
(24:30):
we are not on the same page. Okay, well, it depends on
the age of your dad. Yeah, no, it depends on the age
of your father. But you loveyour dad. You don't want to.
You don't want this to get inthe way. Trump or Biden shouldn't get
in the way of your love foryour dad. They're not worth it.
You want It's not worth it.But I would give you the words.
Here are the words, because peopleoften say to me, Anita, give
(24:52):
me the words, give me thelanguage. I can imagine you hear that
a lot. I do. Hereit is ready. Are you listening?
And if you guys can relate tothis, here are the word it's for
you. Now you can replace dadwith your friend, with your wife,
whomever. Dad, I love you, but I do not want to spend
our quality time talking about the electionanymore. It's clear, it's direct,
(25:14):
there's no mincing of words, andmost importantly, you are avoiding passive aggressive
behavior. It's when we don't we'renot comfortable saying what we really think and
feel. We couch it in passiveaggressive comments and then it's not very healthy
for the relationship anyway. Be clear, be direct, and the other thing
you need to do set some boundaries. I talk about boundaries on the show
(25:38):
all the time. We have tohave boundaries. What are boundaries again?
Rules? I did not put Andrewon the spot this time. Rules of
engagement around politics. Now, rulesof engagement in general with ourselves physically and
emotionally, but with this subject aroundpolitics, and that can be with anyone
in your life. And those alsoinclude like, Okay, when we're at
(26:00):
the dinner table, we are notgoing to talk about politics. We're going
to talk about something that's positive inour lives. I'm not saying politics is
negative, but today it's a mixedbag of emotions, as we know.
So set some boundaries for yourself andalso with your friends and families. We
need to know the rules of engagementaround politics. That will help you minimize
(26:22):
some of your election anxiety. Anotherone, talk about other things. There
are other things still going on inthe world, guys. Election is not
the only thing that's going on.Talk about another things. The other one
is identify common ground. There isa common ground. And you might be
thinking, Anita, there's no commonground because we are red and blue and
we are split. There is acommon ground here. I'm going to give
(26:44):
you the words again. The commonground is that we want the country to
thrive, don't we, Andrew always, we want our citizens to do well.
We want a general state of contentment, not happiness, because that goes
up and down in dips. Butthe problem is who can bring that to
(27:04):
our country and how they can bebrought and that's where the conflict lies.
But I just gave you something thatis a common ground that we all share
no matter what. Okay, gettingmoving on to our next question. My
wife and I used to be onthe same page. Now we are not
even close. I think we areon a completely different book. We argue
(27:26):
about politics all the time, andnow our kids are being impacted. We
are a divided household, and mydaughter just turned eighteen, so she will
be a first time voter. Sheis leaning towards or I would say,
copying my wife. I am soanxious about this. What should I do?
Hm? Well, I will tellyou something. People change, and
(27:48):
you need to accept that change aboutyour wife. People change in our lives.
Maan, I've changed from the ageof twenty to what I am now.
I actually pay taxes and they makea gent in mic in my budget,
so I have a very different perspective, in a different view. So
we all change over time. Theimportant part here, and this is a
great question. We need to stoptrying to convince another person that we own
(28:14):
the reality, that our reality isthe truth. With regards to politics,
it is not. And this iswhere we get into hostile situations when we're
trying to convince or persuade other people. Don't try to convince or persuade your
wife. Listen to her thoughts,Listen to her opinion. She has them
for a reason. And we needto do that with our family, with
our friends. And I want,you know, I wish like politicians would
(28:37):
model this to us, because that'sthe healthy way to do it. The
other thing is this is a greatopportunity to actually build some emotional intimacy with
your wife. Again, I alwaysthink when there's conflict, it's an opportunity
to get closer if we resolve theconflict in a manner that's going to be
healthy. It's an opportunity to alsobuild emotional intimacy with your daughter. She's
eighteen. We're a wonderful age.I have an eighteen year old and she's
(28:59):
always declared who she's going to votefor. And I didn't say, oh
my god, why, I said, great, you have an opinion,
but I want to know why,Like, tell me why you're voting for
Expand on it. Yeah, expandon it. It's a discourse, it's
a dialogue. So it's an opportunity. She's eighteen. This is a good
this is an exciting moment to beable to vote and to live in this
country and have that right as awoman to vote. So what an opportunity
(29:22):
to get closer. But also asa family, get together talk to her,
talk as a family. I wasalso eighteen when I voted in my
first presidential election. It's a coolfeeling. It's a very cool feeling.
You're new to adulthood. You know, you just made the cut and you're
able to vote in the election.Yeah. And what I would do if
I were you, I would say, Hey, we're going to have a
team meeting, round the table discussionand allocate a time and a space where
(29:45):
you can talk about politics in ahealthy manner and you can be a good
role model and you could have ahealthy discourse. Remember she's young, she's
impressional. But also be building emotionalintimacy with your wife. Stop trying to
change her views. We will continuethis conver station after this break back to
unbleed your life and relationships on newsTalk eleven thirty wys Hey, guys,
(30:11):
welcome back to Unbleed Your Life andRelationships. I'm your host, Anita Aslee,
psychotherapists of twenty five years, anauthor of Unbleep Your Life and Relationships.
If you guys want to know whereI am, what I'm doing when
I'm not in studio, feel freeto follow me on ask Anita Asley.
And I also have another podcast onSpotify. Check it out. It's not
(30:32):
on bleep. It's another word thatI can't say on air your life at
could We'd have to bleep it out, but I'd be in trouble and Andrew
would not be happy with me.He'd have to do more editing. So
I'm not gonna say it, butcheck it out. It's all about mental
health and relationships on this show andon my social media, and I still
practice. I'm still in practice.If you're interesting interested, sorry and I'm
(30:53):
interesting. We'll have to talk moreAndrew. You can check out my website,
I asked Anita Assley dot com.All the information is on there.
Let's continue the conversation about election anxiety. There's a lot of that going around,
and I was answering the question sentin from a follower on Instagram about
(31:17):
being a divided household and how todeal with all of that, and I
was, you know, sharing sometips the other other parts I need to
share with this and with all ofyou listening out there who are living also
in a divided household, we haveto accept and respect very much. We
are in a state of I haveto convince you. Now. Let me
(31:37):
just talk about this convincing personality somebodywho needs to do that. And I've
seen that in a social setting inmy office, people trying to convince me
or their partner of other things.When you are solid in your belief system
about something particular, you know nowwe're talking about politics. If you are
truly solid in your identity and thosebeliefs, shouldn't be a need for you
(32:00):
to convince anybody to follow you orchange what they believe because of you.
When I see people doing that,I'm just like, oh my god,
they're totally losing it. This isso embarrassing. They don't even realize how
embarrassing it is. Not only forthem, but I feel bad for the
host who's hosting this. And nowwe have this big thing going on,
and I know most of us haveexperienced that since the political situation is what
(32:23):
it is in our country today,Stap. If you're one of those people
and somebody has pointed that out toyou, they're pointing it out to you
for a reason, you need tolook within yourself to ask yourself why you
need to try to convince other people. In general, I think that's not
a healthy thing to do. Thissomething going on with you that we need
to work on. And like Ialways you know, chapter one of my
(32:45):
book is self awareness. We needto become aware of that. And if
you're doing that and many people havepointed this out to you, rather than
having a defensive reaction to it,maybe you need to step back and think
about it and look in the mirrorand say, oh, maybe I I'm
that person. Nobody wants to bethat person. Nobody wants to see that
interaction taking place. You're laughing,Angie, because I just feel like some
(33:08):
people would have a have difficulties admittingit themselves. Yeah, and I guess
what are how how do you goabout that? And well, I think
if your significant other points it outto you, and I know generally when
our partner points something out to us, we are defensive. So if you
have a partner who does this.It's how you approach them. Approach them
(33:29):
with some compassion and saying, youknow, I'm a little concerned about you
because you know, we often goout and you seem to get into these
very heated discussions. I'm worried aboutyou rather than you're a real and I
don't like going out with you becauseyou embarrass me, and then we never
get invited anywhere anymore because of theway you behave Again, it's a pattern.
If you see a pattern, it'swhat is a pattern something that reoccurs
(33:52):
and is not healthy. I thinkit's time to step in and say something.
And if you feel like they're opento going for some psychotherapy, always
think that's a great idea. Butsay something to that person with some compassion,
not attacking them. This is easyfor me to say because I'm single,
but I think I think if youapproach the situation with a positive like
(34:13):
you know, I I don't likeit when you bring up politics, but
you know, you have all theseother great qualities and just I don't know,
I'm true, Well no, butyou're pointing out something really because there
are so many positive things about mostpeople, I think, But you know,
all of that stuff that they're strugglingcomes to the surface. Generally,
when I meet somebody who's so angry, who's like that, I'm thinking,
in my head, God, whohurt you so badly that you have to
(34:36):
behave with this right because I seethat as an injured, insecure person.
When somebody is shoving their politics downmy throat, I'm thinking, God,
you're so insecure in what you're actuallythinking and believing, but it comes out
often as you're so confident and you'reso visceral and strong in your belief.
It's actually quite the opposite. Peoplelike myself, I know where I'm what
I'm gonna do. I'm open toyou know, all different realms of thoughts
(35:00):
I do. I listen to allsides, and then I form an opinion.
I never feel I have to convincethat anything anybody of anybody will change
their mind about who they're going tovote for, because I'm comfortable in myself.
If you're comfortable in yourself, you'renot going to have to do that.
Accept it, respect it. Havean open conversation with your partner.
Now before we end the show,I do want to give you where's my
(35:21):
list of concrete things you got todo. Number one, limit media consumption,
set some boundaries. Focus on whatyou can control, which is vote
some people. I'm not voting thatyou can control. You can't control what
other people are thinking or feeling orvoting for, but you yourself can vote,
So do that. Focus on somethingyou can control. Accept respect,
and learn to do things in ain a manner that's not hostile. Learn
(35:44):
to have a conversation again with somebody, think about something different. Stop being
consumed with politics all the time.Life does go on with other things,
right, Andrew, other things.We can still watch other things. If
we're only watching CNN or Fox,we need to turn it off and watch
something else, and also do somethingdifferent that's going to relax you and not
fuel your election anxiety. Do somethingdifferent rather than watching TV. Go outside,
(36:08):
like Andrew's been enjoying the summer,so practice what he's doing. Go
outside. The other one is pressthe pause button. When somebody has triggered
your political wound, press the pausebutton. Don't. It's easy to say,
but you got to practice this.Instead of being reactive, be proactive,
meaning think about what you're gonna say. And we can only think about
(36:30):
what we're gonna say when we pressthe pause button when our trigger has been
pushed, because it's easy to bereactive. Oh my god, you say
something negative about Chump or Biden,Oh my god, I'm gonna respond,
press the pause button. Breathe.We need to breathe the body and mind
connection. You guys know that asa former bartender, I have been able
to witness people at the bar yellingat each other or politics. And let
(36:52):
me tell you, guys, thebar is not for politics, especially when
I'm bartending. No, I've seenit and it's like you're there to have
a good time. Yeah, itcan ruin some of the most absolutely,
Yeah, people are trying to haveYou're ruining their moments. You're ruining your
moment. You're ruining the moment thatyou're with. You need to be able
to control yourself. We are notchildren. We are adults. Most of
(37:15):
us. Well, we have aninner child. Do not let that inner
child govern your adult life. Wedid a show on the inner child.
Get a hold of yourself, geta hold of your emotions, get a
hold of your thoughts, and geta hold of your behavior. And if
you have trouble doing that, it'sokay. Get some help. But if
your partner or somebody in your lifeis saying, hey, I'm a little
bit concerned about you because this electionis driving you crazy, and then in
(37:38):
turn, you're driving me crazy,we got to have a conversation. Again,
everything starts with a conversation. Nothingcan be fixed. So we're not
if we're not willing to talk aboutit. And that's one of the things
in families where you're divided. LikeI said before, have a conversation.
It's an opportunity to teach your kidssomething and also model to them what a
healthy discourse looks like, because sometimesthat's I turned that TV on, I'm
(38:00):
like, oh my god, cansomebody teach these adults have a healthy debate
and a healthy conversation because I don'twant my kids learning from this. Right,
it doesn't matter which side you're off. I had a great model of
how to get along with those twoon the stage unfortunately, and I remember
debate team. I don't know ifabout you, but I was part of
debate team in high school and ifwe pull that kind of stuff, we'd
(38:21):
be off the debate team. Berespectful guys, respectful conversation. So I
just want to remind you, guys, if you want to read more about
mental health and on bleeping your lifeon the inside out. I do have
a book. It's called un SomethingYourself from the inside Out. You can
find it on Amazon Simon and Schuster, and I do share concrete things in
(38:42):
there that I think people can applyto their life and also to this situation
with regards to the political climate.Because everything starts from the inside out.
We got to look at our behavior, our emotions and how then it impacts
other people if we are not doingwell mentally. And I'll tell you something.
This election is triggered those people andthen some and they're behaving and acting
(39:05):
in a way that normally would notbe acceptable, but we should not make
it acceptable anyway. And I justwant to say, guys, if there's
something spout, like graduation parties arehappening, it's the summertime, do not
bring that stuff into the graduation partybecause it is that person's day. It
is not your day to create anSahi t show. It is your day
to actually model to young people.And you know, I speak to young
(39:30):
people and I see them. Youknow, I have children myself with they're
young adults, and I think,oh my god, A lot of them
they don't want to vote, andI think, no, no, no,
no, no, you cannot notvote. You have to vote.
People died for your right to vote. We have to because they're afraid of
what they're seeing and what they're watching. I'm like, it doesn't have to
be like that. We can bewell informed. We can lessen some of
this anxiety by talking about it.Because people think I'll just avoid it,
(39:52):
and that's the answer. That's notthe solution. No, avoidance is not
the solution. We need to learnto have a healthy discourse and to model
to young people in terms of howdo we do that and encourage them obviously
to vote, and in your householdtalk about it, but put a time
to it, a time limit,and also set a time and a place
(40:13):
where politics can be discussed. Andagain I'm going to say this repeatedly,
and I know I've said this beforeand probably driving your guys crazy. Turn
that TV off, get off yourphone, particularly if you have heightened anxiety
about politics. Get in touch withother aspects of your life, because you
do have them. That's all thetime that we have for today, guys.
(40:36):
We are going to continue this discussion, because there's a lot of time
for people to get more and moreanxious as we you know, November is
not that far away, but it'salso far enough that people's anxiety goes sky.
Hi. But I hope you cantake those tips and practice some of
them and decrease your overall anxiety,but also in particular election anxiety. We're
(40:57):
going to take a breath, Thankyou guys, to you next week. Biche
Relationships weather, romantic, platonic,familial are complicated and can be downright messy,
bringing out the best and worst inall of us. Here's an opportunity
for you to learn effective, concretestrategies to help you build healthy relationships from
the inside out. It's Unbleep YourLife and Relationships with host Anita Aslant,
(00:23):
psychotherapist of over twenty five years.Hey guys, welcome to another episode of
Unbleep Your Life and Relationships. I'myour host, Anita Astley, psychotherapist of
twenty five years and a published authorof Unbleep Your Life and Relationships. You
can find that book on Amazon andSimon and Schuster. We are here talking
(00:43):
about mental health and relationships every Sunday. Now, you guys know, if
you've tuned in before that I believeour mental health hinges on the quality of
our relationship. But you know what, most of us neglect our mental health
over our physical health. But Igotta say, guys, the two are
connected. Take care of your body, but also take care of your mind.
And in studio today, I'm nothere with Greg, but I'm in
(01:04):
here with Andrew High Andrew good Evening. Today we're going to be talking about
anxiety, but a specific kind ofanxiety. Any guesses you want to take,
Andrew, I'm not going to beright, So cha see he's smart.
Okay. We are in a heightenedstate of election anxiety. Now,
I'm sure you if you didn't watchthe debate, I'm sure you heard about
(01:27):
the presidential debate. Tough to that, tough to not right, and sometimes
we want to hear it, sometimeswe don't, and sometimes we don't have
a choice because it's we're surrounded byit. But before I get into defining
what that is and the symptoms ofit, I'm going to talk about general
anxiety. We seem to be ageneration who's suffering from a lot of anxiety.
(01:49):
Now when I people walk into myoffice, my patients, you guys
know is still in private practice.There's a lot of anxiety going around,
and the political climate right now hasjust altered that to its extreme. But
let's talk about anxiety because I oftenhear people saying I'm anxious, He's so
anxious, They're so anxious. Now, anxiety is a clinical term, but
(02:10):
guys, we are all anxious tosome level. Anxiety is healthy and normal,
and we're hardwired for it and youmight be saying, what are you
talking about? That's not a goodthing to be anxious. It is like
to you know, before every show, I get a little bit of anxiety,
and that propels me to prepare,right, It helps me to do
a better job. And if Ididn't have any anxiety, I'd be like,
(02:34):
I'll just roll in there. Soit serves a positive function in our
lives and we are all heartwired forit. Now, when anxiety is something
that's interfering with our social, emotional, relational, vocational function, it is
a problem. So let me justdefine that for you. It is a
natural response just stresses or perceived danger, and that's usually characterized by feelings of
(02:57):
worrying, a nervousness, or fearof future events or situations. Now,
of course we all have that,but when we feel it a lot of
the time, it's persistent, it'sa problem. It's a normal part of
our life and beneficial. It keepsus alert and prepared to us. As
I said earlier, however, anxietyis excessive, persistent and interferes again with
(03:21):
daily functioning. It's indicative of ananxiety disorder. I'm sure you guys have
heard of that and I've you know, people will come in and say,
Anita, I think I'm suffering froman anxiety disorder. Now, symptoms generally
manifest themselves in three ways. Anhe guesses, I'm putting Andrew on the
spot today like he's supposed to knowall this stuff, but it's because I
need interaction. It's okay, andI'm sorry you're not a therapist, but
(03:45):
you might have had some anxiety inyour life. We all have. I
have anxiety every single day. Dookay, I'm going to help you today.
You're not my patient. We're notdoing therapy here, as I always
say that, that's my disclaimer here. This is not therapy, but it
is just sharing my expertise, mypersonal experiences and helping you guys out.
Because I do get a lot ofquestions from this show on my Instagram page.
(04:06):
Thank you so much for the engagement, and I love that when people
call in, they send me questionsand I can help them relieve some of
whatever is that they're feeling. Sogetting back to helping Andrew here today,
because apparently he's suffering from some typeof anxiety. It might be election anxiety.
We'll see, probably not, butjust more in general still learning the
(04:27):
newer we talked earlier, how newerto this industry and just you know,
producing a show for the first time, I have a lot of anxiety.
Second time not as much, andit slowly decreases. I think it's just
the comfortability though. Yes, youget comfortable, less anxious, but we
still need a little bit of thatto help us do a good job.
But again, anxiety manifests itself inthree ways. Emotional symptoms, there's a
(04:48):
constant worry or fear. And nowthe keyword here is constant. If you're
in a constant state of worry,then it is something you need to get
help for. Feeling a tense,nervous, on the edge, anticipating worst
case scenario. I've met people likethat, you know who have that.
They always have that oh my god, catasrophe. Yeah, the world is
ending trouble concentrating or thinking about anythingother than the present worry that it has.
(05:13):
It consumes you emotionally. Physical symptomsalso increase heart rate. You know,
when people get anxious, rapid heartrate, they start sweating, trembling,
shaking, feeling tired, gastro issues. You know, that does go
to our gut. That is true. And again, the physical affects the
emotional, and the emotional affects thephysical. We can't separate the two guys.
(05:36):
The body and mind are always connected. Now, the other symptoms we
might have, and we'll see alot of these today with the election stuff
going on. Behavioral symptoms, whatcan they be hm acting in a way
that we shouldn't be acting. Perhapsthat's like yelling, screaming, extremely irritable,
(05:58):
but also avoiding situations that triggering.Now, that can be good and
it can be bad also, right, we don't want to we want to
sometimes avoid people, and that's healthy. Restlessness, sleep disturbance is very problematic
in terms of behavioral symptoms because weneed to get good sleep to function healthy
matter in our life. Ames asmuch advice as you have on that,
Oh yeah, it's difficult. Areyou on your phone? That means that
(06:24):
yes when he says that, becausethat does interfere and cost sleep disorder sleep
disturbance, especially if you're reading aboutpolitics, that's just going to that's just
going to increase your anxiety if you'resave that for the daytime. But you
know, I always say to people, avoiding situations like talking about politics is
(06:44):
a great tactic to use at Thanksgiving, at Christmas time, also at parties,
but in generally avoiding something that's partof our reality is not healthy because
we do need to have a healthylevel of awareness in terms of what's going
on and not completely isolate ourselves fromthe reality of our world. Now,
there are different types of anxiety disorders, such as panic disorder, social anxiety
(07:10):
o CD, PTSD, and specificphobias. I'm not going to get into
that. I'm going to save allof that good stuff for another show because
there's there's questions that I've got toget to near the end of the show.
In terms of again, election anxietycause anxiety. That's always a question
that people ask me. So nowthat you now that you've diagnosed me,
(07:31):
or you think I have anxiety,what's the cause of it? And yes,
is here I enters on the spottoday and stressful work environment environment is
one of them, and that's goingto be leading into the election anxiety.
But genetics, if you have anxietywithin your family, you're at high risk
of being anxious yourself, and that'sa play between nature and nurture. You
(07:53):
might have the predisposition genetically of beinganxious, but if you're around anxious parents
and raised around anxious parents. Guesswhat, It's contagious. And like I've
said before, we learn from observingand watching people, particularly our parents,
in terms of how to handle ouremotions. Another cause is perhaps brain chemistry.
(08:15):
There's a lot of data on thatthere's an imbalance in some people in
terms of their neurotransmitters such as dopamineand seratonin utther Other factors are medical factors.
Certain medical conditions, medications or substanceabuse can lead to heightened anxiety.
Now the one that you just gaveaway andrew environmental stresses, which I think
(08:35):
our whole nation is experiencing that.Yeah, this right now. Traumatic events
like watching the debate for many wasa traumatic event because we're still hearing about
it. Yes, some more thanothers. Significant life changes like divorce,
death of a loved one, prolongedstress can trigger anxiety. Yea. And
(08:58):
I think right now from what I'mlisten listening to in the media, watching
on social media, and my patients, there's a heightened sense of anxiety overall.
But again with this election, Iam not kidding you, lots of
anxiety and about your social group oryour family is experiencing that. No,
it's summertime. I feel like stressis just in general a little bit less
(09:20):
in summer, especially in Wisconsin herewhere we don't get much time. Yeah
yeah, well nine months out ofthe year for sure, but just you
know, trying to make the mostof those moments and trying to forget the
stresses of life. Seems like insummer there's less for me. Well,
we got to talk to you becauseyou've got some tricks of your sleeve that
you're using that you're not having thissense of election anxiety or feeling that.
(09:41):
Now, how do we The keyquestion always is okay, Anita, Now
how do I manage anxiety when itstarts to interfere with my social, emotional,
relational, vocational, physical, andsexual functioning. Of course, I'm
an advocate of psychotherapy. Nothing wrongto go see your a psychotherapist, get
some professional help to learn to managesome of that. Medication is one of
(10:03):
them, and I believe the highestrate of efficacy when trying to deal with
anxiety or other disorders. Talk therapycombined with medication has again the highest rate
of efficacy. Another one is alifestyle change. Maybe you need to make
some changes in your lifestyle. Anotherone is relaxation techniques. Do some yoga,
get out there, get exercise.Like Andrew seems to be out there
(10:24):
enjoying life in summer, so that'swhy his anxiety, as he said before,
is not so heightened. Also,reach out to your support system or
and if you don't have a supportsystem and you're anxious about creating that,
people say, well, how amI supposed to create this? Because I
have social anxiety and I don't knowhow to do this, And you got
to take the first step. Andthe first step is to get off your
(10:45):
phone and get out there. Unlessyou have that experience, you're always going
to fear the experience. We aregoing to continue this discussion and get into
the specifics of election anxiety. Rightafter these messages, everyone strives for healthier
relationships. Here's more of on BleepYour Life and Relationships on news Talk eleven
(11:07):
thirty wis Hey, guys, welcomeback to Unbleep your Life and Relationships.
I'm your host, Anita Astley,psychotherapist of twenty five years and author up
on Bleep Your Life and Relationships.You can find that on Simon and Schuster
and Amazon and other bookstores. Weare talking about anxiety today, but in
particular election anxiety. I'm sure someof you can relate to this. We're
(11:31):
a highly anxious nation, but nowwe're even more anxious with all this stuff
going on politically. I'm not surehow you you know. We were talking
about Andrew. He seems to bequite relaxed, but there is a lot
of anxiety, heidened anxiety after thepresidential debate, whether you watched it or
you were just hearing about it,a lot of people are feeling anxious.
(11:52):
Now. What is election anxiety?Yes, guys, it is a thing.
It is a real term, andyou might be diagnosing other people around,
don't you, even though you're nota practitioner. I see it everywhere.
I could if you want me to, I can, but that's not
my job. No, okay,yeah, I gotta see your license,
right, okay. Election anxiety isa very specific form of anxiety triggered by
(12:16):
uncertainties and high stakes associated with politicalelections. Like other forms of anxiety,
symptoms can affect us emotionally, physicallyand also behaviorally. Like I just shared
before, persistent worry emotionally consistently thinkingabout the election and the potential outcomes and
their implications dominating our thoughts. I'msure I have seen this and watched people
(12:41):
like as if the world is goingto come to an end, and they
just don't stop talking about it,thinking about it, and just behaving in
a way that's not rational. Takingcalls on WIOS and I get to hear
from both sides of the isle ofcallers, and it's interesting that very much
everything you just said it, Yeah, it's showing up on both sides of
the aisle with just panic in generalwith some of these callers, not all
(13:01):
but a good handful, but itis. It's legitimate election anxiety. And
also the irribility, like people areon edge and easily triggered and getting into
conflicts. Is no longer a healthydiscussion. It's something that perhaps starts as
a healthy discussion turns hostile very quickly. There's this intense fhere that somehow the
(13:24):
world is going to end. Societalchanges and personal implications of the results.
We don't know what they're gonna be. We're gonna wait, and it doesn't
matter where you are in terms ofwho you're supporting. As I said to
as I say to my kids,listen, we live in a democracy.
We have to let democracy play out. And I know there's all kinds of
issues related that people are losing theiremotional shiit And I don't think I can
(13:48):
say that, but I can spellit out. So overwhelmingly stressed out people
overwhelming overwhelmingly. Then we have physicalsymptoms, you know. Again we go
to the insomnia, difficulty following usand staying asleep, and then of course
reaching for their phone to read moreabout what's going on politically. They're exhausted.
There's a tiredness because they can't fallasleep. They have headaches, increase,
(14:11):
heartbreak, muscle tendon and of coursegasto issues. You know, guys,
stress does attack our stomach when wefeel it in the gut, we
literally do. Then we have theother stuff, the behavioral symptoms like I
talked about earlier, avoiding, ofcourse, avoiding political discussions, social interactions
that involve political discussions. Now that'shealthy, but also unhealthy. As I
(14:35):
said before, we want to bepart of the discourse, but we don't
want to be saturated and flooded.Does that make any sense very much?
And I don't think that. Ithink that the political landscape has never been
more divided, and it is continuingto divide day by day. So those
conversations that you have can only justget more hostile. In my opinion,
they are and fortunately and it's teachingpeople how to This is a behavioral component
(14:58):
of how to have a healthy discussionagain about things that we necessarily don't agree
on. And that's okay, Likethat's what I tell my kids. You
can have your opinion, you canthink whatever you like, you're a free
agent, but can we have arespectful discussion. So that's the behavioral part
about it. The other thing Isee people doing is the compulsive checking,
checking social media, to listening tothe news over and over again, checking
(15:22):
in the polls. That's only goingto heighten your sense of election anxiety anxiety
in general, and that anxiety isalso going to spill over into your other
relationships. It's not like we justkeep election anxiety in a box. It
spills over into our personal relationships,our social relationships, and how we conduct
ourself at work. And the otherpart I was talking about before social withdrawal.
(15:46):
Some people because they can't get alongwith other people, Like I say
to my kids, learn to playnicely with other people in the sandbox.
Even as adults, you have todo that. It's just a different sandbox,
a little bit bigger. Yeah.So if you can't do that socially,
guess what, people are not goingto want to hang out with you.
You're not going to want to hangout with them. And that leads
to isolation, loneliness, and allkinds of other issues. And we put
(16:10):
ourselves at risk for substance and alcoholabuse. I know that's an extension and
we can dig deeper into that,but it's true. Anytime we isolate ourselves
from other people, it's a formulafor disaster in terms of our psyche.
There's also procrastination. People are procrastinating, delaying, or avoiding tasks or responsibilities
(16:30):
due to their preoccupation with the election. Now that's interfering with your work.
Imagine you're just sitting around and youdon't leave your TV and you're not working,
even if you're working from home,because you are busy watching the news
whichever channel you watch, CNN orFox, whatever it is that it's constantly
on. That's not healthy. Oneof the most common things I've seen and
(16:52):
I'm hearing about here is another wordfor you increase argue menativeness. Oh yeah,
yes, that's a mouthful, right, increased argumentativeness, even from people
that generally my experiences that are notthat argumentative, but all of a sudden,
like whoa, this has awoken somethinginside of you, my friend,
(17:14):
and it's all coming out. Ifthere's one thing that can pull a quiet
person to the top of the stage, I believe it is the politics that
they truly believe in. It's veryvisceral. And then some yeah, so
we have to learn to manage that. I'm going to give you some tips
on how to do that. There'salso some cognitive symptoms, difficulty concentrating on
what's going on because they have intrusivethoughts about the election, and they engage
(17:40):
in this what I call well,what's known as catastrophic thinking again, imagining
the worst case scenario if Trump wins, if Biden wins, Oh my god,
what's going to happen to all ofus? We're all going to die.
That's not going to happen either way. We're all going to survive.
Like, nobody's going to die.It's not doomsday. But some people do
get caught up in this and ofcourse engage in excessive extreme behavior, which
(18:02):
is not good for any of us. And sometimes we're the victims of that
obsessive thoughts, reoccurring thoughts about theelection, that we can focus on anything
else, and also candidates in particularcertain issues they get hooked on. I
think we've got to keep a broadermind, but some people cannot. They
have this tunnel vision and they're stuckin that tunnel vision, and we need
to get out of that. Ialways say to my kids, listen,
(18:25):
you need to what's your leaning.Okay, let's talk about it, let's
discuss it, but listen to theother side, because that's the only way
you're going to learn that. Maybeyou know, there is a moderate view
over here, somewhere in the middle, there's a reality that we can all
live with. But it's when wehave these extreme thoughts, extreme emotions,
extreme behaviors and we're stuck there thatare Anxiety heightens, particularly with this election,
(18:51):
because everybody has a very strong opiniontoday on what's going on. But
guys, keep this word in yourmind, increased argument to tiveness. Are
you experiencing that yourself is your partner? You observe it in your partner or
with your friends. Don't engage I'mgoing to give you some strategies and I'm
going to address some questions and listencarefully because my answers will give you some
(19:15):
tips on how to deal with someof the stuff. If you're struggling or
someone in your life is struggling withit. We will be right back with
more of that after these messages.Nope. Alita Ashley has more advice on
how to on Bleep Your Life andRelationships on news Talk eleven thirty wys.
(19:38):
Hey, guys, welcome back ton Bleep Your Life and Relationships. I'm
your host, Anita Ashley, apsychotherapist of twenty five years and published author
of Unbleep Your Life and Relationships.We are talking about anxiety today, in
particular election anxiety. We are anation experiencing a lot of election anxiety,
especially after viewing the last debate,hearing about it all the banter that's going
(20:02):
on, and we were just talkingabout the increased argumentativeness here in the studio
with Andrew. Yeah, I've seenpeople come out of their shell. I'm
like, Wow, they used tobe really shy, but now it's all
coming out. I'm going to giveyou some tips on how to deal with
some of this election anxiety, whichis a little bit different than normal anxiety.
Let's get to the questions, andI thank you guys for sending me
(20:23):
the questions via my Instagram page,which is ask Anita Askley keep sending me
those comments and questions. Okay,number one, Anita, I can't escape
all the political banter. My husbandhas the news on from the moment I
get up to the moment I goto sleep. I can't take it anymore.
(20:44):
I'm not an anxious person, buthis worry about this is making me
worry. It's not my personality,it's disturbing my inner piece. We also
both work from home, which onlymakes things work worse. Sorry, do
you have any suits? I havea lot of suggestions. Thank you first
for sending that question in. Andthat's a common problem, like where people
(21:08):
keep the TV on as background noise, and they'll often say, well,
I'm not really listening, I'm notreally watching it, I'm not really listening
to it. I just it's ahabit that I have. I'm guilty.
Yeah, right, So I'll saynumber one, turn it off. Okay,
especially if you have a marri Idon't know if you're married, but
if you're married and this is somethingthat's bothering your partner. First of all,
(21:29):
you've got to have the conversation.I always say nothing can be fixed
without having a conversation. Number One, you've got to sit down with your
partner when this is not going on, so nothing is ever resolved. When
it's occurring, you got to saythat I need to talk to you about
something, please, darling, youknow, with some compassion understanding. And
then you can say, listen,I cannot live in a household where the
(21:51):
TV is constantly on, particularly withthe politics, and I feel and I
pick up on all the election anxietythat you have, and you can use
that term tell them I said thatthat it needs to be turned off.
You know, in general, Ithink the TV should not be on all
the time, so it needs tobe turned off. And if he needs
to have it on some of thetime, well you can talk to each
(22:14):
other about what those times when that'sappropriate, when that's not appropriate. That's
something you need to decide as acouple. But again, going back to
it's not really going in. I'mnot really paying attention to it. I'll
tell you something, you are,those messages are impacting you even though you're
not consciously actively listening to it,they are getting absorbed by your body and
(22:36):
by your mind. Turn it off. Why do we always need to have
that on? So what you needto do? Number one the tip limit
media consumption, meaning turn off thatTV, put away your phone. There
is a thing as too much information. Too much information is not good.
We don't always have to be tunedin to what's going on. Tell you
something not much is going to changefrom the morning to the night. They're
(22:59):
usually just recycled that stuff, andit's fear mongering to keep you anxious,
to keep you scared. Now I'mnot saying don't listen to it at all,
I'm saying, listen to it withinreason es establish a time that works
for you and doesn't annoy your wife, Okay, or your husband if it's
the other way around. But limitmedia consumption, but again start with a
(23:22):
conversation. And for people like Andrewwho just share, he does that too.
Irrespective of election, turn it off, turn the mind off, just
calm yourself. Have a different routinein the morning that doesn't involve having that
on all the time. I don'tknow, I'm thinking if I have the
TV on all the time. Itdrives me nuts because I am paying attention
to it halfheartedly. I is goingin. I'm used to it because I
(23:45):
work at a news station and asports station, so well, I get
two different stations. I can walkin and see a sports station, or
I can walk in and see anews station, so I can pick.
But then but listen. Then Iwould think at home, you'd want to
have some quiet time and turn everything, and I do. I do a
good job of that. I'm gladto hear that that's why you're not son.
Okay, that's a different show.We're going to analyze Andrew in his
sleep disorder. Okay, question numbertwo, so again, hope that's helpful.
(24:08):
Question number two. Every time Iget together with my dad, all
he wants to do is talk aboutthe election. We have completely different views,
so I feel myself with drawing fromthe relationship. I don't want to
do this. He just doesn't getit. When I try to change the
subject, he always brings it backto politics, and he clearly knows that
(24:30):
we are not on the same page. Okay, well, it depends on
the age of your dad. Yeah, no, it depends on the age
of your father. But you loveyour dad. You don't want to.
You don't want this to get inthe way. Trump or Biden shouldn't get
in the way of your love foryour dad. They're not worth it.
You want It's not worth it.But I would give you the words.
Here are the words, because peopleoften say to me, Anita, give
(24:52):
me the words, give me thelanguage. I can imagine you hear that
a lot. I do. Hereit is ready. Are you listening?
And if you guys can relate tothis, here are the word it's for
you. Now you can replace dadwith your friend, with your wife,
whomever. Dad, I love you, but I do not want to spend
our quality time talking about the electionanymore. It's clear, it's direct,
(25:14):
there's no mincing of words, andmost importantly, you are avoiding passive aggressive
behavior. It's when we don't we'renot comfortable saying what we really think and
feel. We couch it in passiveaggressive comments and then it's not very healthy
for the relationship anyway. Be clear, be direct, and the other thing
you need to do set some boundaries. I talk about boundaries on the show
(25:38):
all the time. We have tohave boundaries. What are boundaries again?
Rules? I did not put Andrewon the spot this time. Rules of
engagement around politics. Now, rulesof engagement in general with ourselves physically and
emotionally, but with this subject aroundpolitics, and that can be with anyone
in your life. And those alsoinclude like, Okay, when we're at
(26:00):
the dinner table, we are notgoing to talk about politics. We're going
to talk about something that's positive inour lives. I'm not saying politics is
negative, but today it's a mixedbag of emotions, as we know.
So set some boundaries for yourself andalso with your friends and families. We
need to know the rules of engagementaround politics. That will help you minimize
(26:22):
some of your election anxiety. Anotherone, talk about other things. There
are other things still going on inthe world, guys. Election is not
the only thing that's going on.Talk about another things. The other one
is identify common ground. There isa common ground. And you might be
thinking, Anita, there's no commonground because we are red and blue and
we are split. There is acommon ground here. I'm going to give
(26:44):
you the words again. The commonground is that we want the country to
thrive, don't we, Andrew always, we want our citizens to do well.
We want a general state of contentment, not happiness, because that goes
up and down in dips. Butthe problem is who can bring that to
(27:04):
our country and how they can bebrought and that's where the conflict lies.
But I just gave you something thatis a common ground that we all share
no matter what. Okay, gettingmoving on to our next question. My
wife and I used to be onthe same page. Now we are not
even close. I think we areon a completely different book. We argue
(27:26):
about politics all the time, andnow our kids are being impacted. We
are a divided household, and mydaughter just turned eighteen, so she will
be a first time voter. Sheis leaning towards or I would say,
copying my wife. I am soanxious about this. What should I do?
Hm? Well, I will tellyou something. People change, and
(27:48):
you need to accept that change aboutyour wife. People change in our lives.
Maan, I've changed from the ageof twenty to what I am now.
I actually pay taxes and they makea gent in mic in my budget,
so I have a very different perspective, in a different view. So
we all change over time. Theimportant part here, and this is a
great question. We need to stoptrying to convince another person that we own
(28:14):
the reality, that our reality isthe truth. With regards to politics,
it is not. And this iswhere we get into hostile situations when we're
trying to convince or persuade other people. Don't try to convince or persuade your
wife. Listen to her thoughts,Listen to her opinion. She has them
for a reason. And we needto do that with our family, with
our friends. And I want,you know, I wish like politicians would
(28:37):
model this to us, because that'sthe healthy way to do it. The
other thing is this is a greatopportunity to actually build some emotional intimacy with
your wife. Again, I alwaysthink when there's conflict, it's an opportunity
to get closer if we resolve theconflict in a manner that's going to be
healthy. It's an opportunity to alsobuild emotional intimacy with your daughter. She's
eighteen. We're a wonderful age.I have an eighteen year old and she's
(28:59):
always declared who she's going to votefor. And I didn't say, oh
my god, why, I said, great, you have an opinion,
but I want to know why,Like, tell me why you're voting for
Expand on it. Yeah, expandon it. It's a discourse, it's
a dialogue. So it's an opportunity. She's eighteen. This is a good
this is an exciting moment to beable to vote and to live in this
country and have that right as awoman to vote. So what an opportunity
(29:22):
to get closer. But also asa family, get together talk to her,
talk as a family. I wasalso eighteen when I voted in my
first presidential election. It's a coolfeeling. It's a very cool feeling.
You're new to adulthood. You know, you just made the cut and you're
able to vote in the election.Yeah. And what I would do if
I were you, I would say, Hey, we're going to have a
team meeting, round the table discussionand allocate a time and a space where
(29:45):
you can talk about politics in ahealthy manner and you can be a good
role model and you could have ahealthy discourse. Remember she's young, she's
impressional. But also be building emotionalintimacy with your wife. Stop trying to
change her views. We will continuethis conver station after this break back to
unbleed your life and relationships on newsTalk eleven thirty wys Hey, guys,
(30:11):
welcome back to Unbleed Your Life andRelationships. I'm your host, Anita Aslee,
psychotherapists of twenty five years, anauthor of Unbleep Your Life and Relationships.
If you guys want to know whereI am, what I'm doing when
I'm not in studio, feel freeto follow me on ask Anita Asley.
And I also have another podcast onSpotify. Check it out. It's not
(30:32):
on bleep. It's another word thatI can't say on air your life at
could We'd have to bleep it out, but I'd be in trouble and Andrew
would not be happy with me.He'd have to do more editing. So
I'm not gonna say it, butcheck it out. It's all about mental
health and relationships on this show andon my social media, and I still
practice. I'm still in practice.If you're interesting interested, sorry and I'm
(30:53):
interesting. We'll have to talk moreAndrew. You can check out my website,
I asked Anita Assley dot com.All the information is on there.
Let's continue the conversation about election anxiety. There's a lot of that going around,
and I was answering the question sentin from a follower on Instagram about
(31:17):
being a divided household and how todeal with all of that, and I
was, you know, sharing sometips the other other parts I need to
share with this and with all ofyou listening out there who are living also
in a divided household, we haveto accept and respect very much. We
are in a state of I haveto convince you. Now. Let me
(31:37):
just talk about this convincing personality somebodywho needs to do that. And I've
seen that in a social setting inmy office, people trying to convince me
or their partner of other things.When you are solid in your belief system
about something particular, you know nowwe're talking about politics. If you are
truly solid in your identity and thosebeliefs, shouldn't be a need for you
(32:00):
to convince anybody to follow you orchange what they believe because of you.
When I see people doing that,I'm just like, oh my god,
they're totally losing it. This isso embarrassing. They don't even realize how
embarrassing it is. Not only forthem, but I feel bad for the
host who's hosting this. And nowwe have this big thing going on,
and I know most of us haveexperienced that since the political situation is what
(32:23):
it is in our country today,Stap. If you're one of those people
and somebody has pointed that out toyou, they're pointing it out to you
for a reason, you need tolook within yourself to ask yourself why you
need to try to convince other people. In general, I think that's not
a healthy thing to do. Thissomething going on with you that we need
to work on. And like Ialways you know, chapter one of my
(32:45):
book is self awareness. We needto become aware of that. And if
you're doing that and many people havepointed this out to you, rather than
having a defensive reaction to it,maybe you need to step back and think
about it and look in the mirrorand say, oh, maybe I I'm
that person. Nobody wants to bethat person. Nobody wants to see that
interaction taking place. You're laughing,Angie, because I just feel like some
(33:08):
people would have a have difficulties admittingit themselves. Yeah, and I guess
what are how how do you goabout that? And well, I think
if your significant other points it outto you, and I know generally when
our partner points something out to us, we are defensive. So if you
have a partner who does this.It's how you approach them. Approach them
(33:29):
with some compassion and saying, youknow, I'm a little concerned about you
because you know, we often goout and you seem to get into these
very heated discussions. I'm worried aboutyou rather than you're a real and I
don't like going out with you becauseyou embarrass me, and then we never
get invited anywhere anymore because of theway you behave Again, it's a pattern.
If you see a pattern, it'swhat is a pattern something that reoccurs
(33:52):
and is not healthy. I thinkit's time to step in and say something.
And if you feel like they're opento going for some psychotherapy, always
think that's a great idea. Butsay something to that person with some compassion,
not attacking them. This is easyfor me to say because I'm single,
but I think I think if youapproach the situation with a positive like
(34:13):
you know, I I don't likeit when you bring up politics, but
you know, you have all theseother great qualities and just I don't know,
I'm true, Well no, butyou're pointing out something really because there
are so many positive things about mostpeople, I think, But you know,
all of that stuff that they're strugglingcomes to the surface. Generally,
when I meet somebody who's so angry, who's like that, I'm thinking,
in my head, God, whohurt you so badly that you have to
(34:36):
behave with this right because I seethat as an injured, insecure person.
When somebody is shoving their politics downmy throat, I'm thinking, God,
you're so insecure in what you're actuallythinking and believing, but it comes out
often as you're so confident and you'reso visceral and strong in your belief.
It's actually quite the opposite. Peoplelike myself, I know where I'm what
I'm gonna do. I'm open toyou know, all different realms of thoughts
(35:00):
I do. I listen to allsides, and then I form an opinion.
I never feel I have to convincethat anything anybody of anybody will change
their mind about who they're going tovote for, because I'm comfortable in myself.
If you're comfortable in yourself, you'renot going to have to do that.
Accept it, respect it. Havean open conversation with your partner.
Now before we end the show,I do want to give you where's my
(35:21):
list of concrete things you got todo. Number one, limit media consumption,
set some boundaries. Focus on whatyou can control, which is vote
some people. I'm not voting thatyou can control. You can't control what
other people are thinking or feeling orvoting for, but you yourself can vote,
So do that. Focus on somethingyou can control. Accept respect,
and learn to do things in ain a manner that's not hostile. Learn
(35:44):
to have a conversation again with somebody, think about something different. Stop being
consumed with politics all the time.Life does go on with other things,
right, Andrew, other things.We can still watch other things. If
we're only watching CNN or Fox,we need to turn it off and watch
something else, and also do somethingdifferent that's going to relax you and not
fuel your election anxiety. Do somethingdifferent rather than watching TV. Go outside,
(36:08):
like Andrew's been enjoying the summer,so practice what he's doing. Go
outside. The other one is pressthe pause button. When somebody has triggered
your political wound, press the pausebutton. Don't. It's easy to say,
but you got to practice this.Instead of being reactive, be proactive,
meaning think about what you're gonna say. And we can only think about
(36:30):
what we're gonna say when we pressthe pause button when our trigger has been
pushed, because it's easy to bereactive. Oh my god, you say
something negative about Chump or Biden,Oh my god, I'm gonna respond,
press the pause button. Breathe.We need to breathe the body and mind
connection. You guys know that asa former bartender, I have been able
to witness people at the bar yellingat each other or politics. And let
(36:52):
me tell you, guys, thebar is not for politics, especially when
I'm bartending. No, I've seenit and it's like you're there to have
a good time. Yeah, itcan ruin some of the most absolutely,
Yeah, people are trying to haveYou're ruining their moments. You're ruining your
moment. You're ruining the moment thatyou're with. You need to be able
to control yourself. We are notchildren. We are adults. Most of
(37:15):
us. Well, we have aninner child. Do not let that inner
child govern your adult life. Wedid a show on the inner child.
Get a hold of yourself, geta hold of your emotions, get a
hold of your thoughts, and geta hold of your behavior. And if
you have trouble doing that, it'sokay. Get some help. But if
your partner or somebody in your lifeis saying, hey, I'm a little
bit concerned about you because this electionis driving you crazy, and then in
(37:38):
turn, you're driving me crazy,we got to have a conversation. Again,
everything starts with a conversation. Nothingcan be fixed. So we're not
if we're not willing to talk aboutit. And that's one of the things
in families where you're divided. LikeI said before, have a conversation.
It's an opportunity to teach your kidssomething and also model to them what a
healthy discourse looks like, because sometimesthat's I turned that TV on, I'm
(38:00):
like, oh my god, cansomebody teach these adults have a healthy debate
and a healthy conversation because I don'twant my kids learning from this. Right,
it doesn't matter which side you're off. I had a great model of
how to get along with those twoon the stage unfortunately, and I remember
debate team. I don't know ifabout you, but I was part of
debate team in high school and ifwe pull that kind of stuff, we'd
(38:21):
be off the debate team. Berespectful guys, respectful conversation. So I
just want to remind you, guys, if you want to read more about
mental health and on bleeping your lifeon the inside out. I do have
a book. It's called un SomethingYourself from the inside Out. You can
find it on Amazon Simon and Schuster, and I do share concrete things in
(38:42):
there that I think people can applyto their life and also to this situation
with regards to the political climate.Because everything starts from the inside out.
We got to look at our behavior, our emotions and how then it impacts
other people if we are not doingwell mentally. And I'll tell you something.
This election is triggered those people andthen some and they're behaving and acting
(39:05):
in a way that normally would notbe acceptable, but we should not make
it acceptable anyway. And I justwant to say, guys, if there's
something spout, like graduation parties arehappening, it's the summertime, do not
bring that stuff into the graduation partybecause it is that person's day. It
is not your day to create anSahi t show. It is your day
to actually model to young people.And you know, I speak to young
(39:30):
people and I see them. Youknow, I have children myself with they're
young adults, and I think,oh my god, A lot of them
they don't want to vote, andI think, no, no, no,
no, no, you cannot notvote. You have to vote.
People died for your right to vote. We have to because they're afraid of
what they're seeing and what they're watching. I'm like, it doesn't have to
be like that. We can bewell informed. We can lessen some of
this anxiety by talking about it.Because people think I'll just avoid it,
(39:52):
and that's the answer. That's notthe solution. No, avoidance is not
the solution. We need to learnto have a healthy discourse and to model
to young people in terms of howdo we do that and encourage them obviously
to vote, and in your householdtalk about it, but put a time
to it, a time limit,and also set a time and a place
(40:13):
where politics can be discussed. Andagain I'm going to say this repeatedly,
and I know I've said this beforeand probably driving your guys crazy. Turn
that TV off, get off yourphone, particularly if you have heightened anxiety
about politics. Get in touch withother aspects of your life, because you
do have them. That's all thetime that we have for today, guys.
(40:36):
We are going to continue this discussion, because there's a lot of time
for people to get more and moreanxious as we you know, November is
not that far away, but it'salso far enough that people's anxiety goes sky.
Hi. But I hope you cantake those tips and practice some of
them and decrease your overall anxiety,but also in particular election anxiety. We're
(40:57):
going to take a breath, Thankyou guys, to you next week. Biche
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.