July 22, 2024 • 41 mins
How is it that in an era of being "most connected,” through technology and social media platforms, that many feel very disconnected and lonely. Experiencing bouts of loneliness is part of life as circumstances and relationship change however when loneliness becomes an all too familiar emotional then it’s time to get UNBLEEPED. Join Anita Astley, psychotherapist of over 25 years, as she shares her expertise in how to help you work through feelings of loneliness, acute or chronic, via some basic concrete actions.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Guys, welcome to another episode ofUnbleep Your Life and Relationships. I'm your
host, Anita Ashley. I ama licensed psychotherapist. I do individual,
couples and family therapy and I've beendoing that for about twenty years. Recently,
I published a book called Unbleep YourLife and Relationships. You can get
that on Amazon, Assignmon and Schusterand other stores and other websites. I'm
(00:22):
in studio with Andrew today. Goodevening, Anita. How are you.
I'm good. How are you doing. I'm good. It's been a busy
week, but a fun week.It's been a busy week, so I
want to say it is so muchto say today and so much to talk
about because Milwaukee. There's a lotof action going on in Milwaukee, and
I live right downtown, so I'vehad and I'm not far from you.
(00:43):
Yeah, walking around downtown has beenquite the experience the last couple of days.
Okay. I was downtown during thePerimeter when it got shut down,
okay, and it was just I'venever seen anything like that in my entire
life. A lot of policemen andthen some SEC and good looking ones.
I'm just saying, and in shape, yeah, Yeah, I've never seen
(01:04):
so many tents and people station underneath. Yeah, I'm just saying it was.
It is quite an experience. Andit is only Tuesday today, and
I've got a lot more experience thewhole week until Thursday. On a very
serious note, I want to talkabout mental health, and of course relationships
are all part of it, andwhat happened on Saturday, July the thirteenth.
(01:30):
We are all impacted by what happened, whether we were there in person,
whether we watched it on TV whenit was live, and we know
whether we've been repeatedly exposed to itthrough media, social media, or through
lingo, through our conversations with ourfriends and so forth. I want to
say that we often, well no, not often always, when something like
(01:52):
this happens, talk so much aboutmental health afterwards, aftermath, and once
everything kind of gets quiet, forgetabout mental health. And we need to
as a nation put our money whereour mouth is. Services, services,
services in terms of individual therapy,couples therapy, family therapy. Because you
(02:15):
know what happens, we always followthe same path. We find out who
the shooter was, who did thisperson belong to, the family members and
so forth, and then we startto dissect everything, right, and then
there are some similar characteristics. Hewas a loaner, but I want to
say not all loaners do what hedid. Sure such negative impact on his
(02:38):
family, the shooter's family. Weforget that the shooter comes from a family.
The impact of the people who youknow, a person died and two
were critically injured. Yeah, that'sthe thing that gets lost in all of
it is the family of the victim, the firefighter that lost his life.
Yes, and we're going to talkmore in detail about that, and also
what happened to our former president.Whether you like him or not, that
(03:02):
is not the point. We needto humanize people that we put either on
a pedestal or we demonize. Youknow, seeing a political person as a
human being involves recognizing they're complex,they have vulnerabilities and shared humanity beyond their
public persona. This perspective, Ibelieve Foster's empathy reduces a polarization that we're
(03:28):
facing in our country today and promotesa more nuanced understanding of political figures.
They are human. I know somepeople don't think he's human, but he
is human. He belongs to afamily, he has a wife, and
he has children, so I imagineyou're doing your thing whatever millenia the rest
of his kids and family, andthen you hear of this. That is
(03:50):
horrible. It is very traumatizing tohave that information given to you and you
don't know the circumstances. I thinkon Monday night at the convention, when
present, that was his first publicappearance, you know, since the since
the shooting occurred on Saturday, andto see I don't know if I've ever
seen that much emotion on his faceand that was kind of a human moment
(04:12):
for me watching that on Monday night, going whoa yep, they are they
truly are. He had he wasteary, you know, he was different.
So, guys, I don't carewho you support, but remember that
these people are humans, they havea family, and when something like this
happens, we have to be compassionate. Let's not even operate on those principles.
(04:33):
We jumped to so many conclusions andI know I'm going to get a
lot of flak for saying all thisstuff because he'll say, well, this
means that you're for what happened atthe Capitol, and no it doesn't.
All I'm staying out of that.What I'm saying is we need to think
about our mental health and the relationshipsthat we have with people, and humanizing
people that we don't know, weonly know when facet of him and who
(04:56):
we might be talking about Biden ifthis had happened to Biden. Oh,
you know, it doesn't matter.He's a human being and like all humans,
political figures are multifaceted. They havepersonal histories, families, and experiences
that shape their beliefs and actions.And again, to see them as human
one must delve into their backgrounds andunderstand more of what they what they are
(05:17):
on stage. And I know peoplethink they know everything about whoever's on state
and you know this situation we're talkingabout Trump, but we really don't.
So again I'm just going to say, we need to look at him as
a human being and not the demonthat you know, maybe you know some
of his own fault you got.I mean, we create our own problems,
(05:38):
but that's that doesn't mean we deserveto get shot or killed. Some
people will blame media members, maybenot me specifically, but just you know,
in general, the media for buildingthat demonizing you know, look for
President Trump, but then also onthe other aisle looking the other way,
as well as at President Biden.Yeah, I mean they are human.
(05:58):
By appreciating the complexity of their lives, we can move I hope. I
always try to share this with people, that we can move beyond simplistic,
one dimensional views and recognize the richnessof their human experience. We are all
vulnerable as human beings. Political figuresare often seen as larger than life characters,
especially Trump because and he's played intoa lot of that. Yeah,
(06:20):
he's been in the media limelight andhis entire adult life. Absolutely, and
they too have vulnerabilities. They experiencestress, fear of joy, and sorrow
just like you know, I sawthat too, and he was walking out
that he looked tearful. And theymake mistakes and face personal and professional challenges
like all of us, and they'rein the public arena. Understanding their vulnerabilities
(06:41):
can help humanize them. And Iknow people will say, well, he
hasn't really done a good job inrepresenting himself in that way. Let's not
look at him as a demon.Let's try to look at him as a
human being. And I'll tell youfrom some of the signs that I've seen
by walking on water street. It'slike, oh my god, it's easy.
Has he murdered people? Sure?What is going on over here?
(07:02):
And I, of course we havethe right in this country, you know,
that's part of being living in ademocracy that yeah, we should protest
if we don't like what's going on. But when something like what happened on
July thirteenth is experience, we needto also step back a little bit and
think, Okay, this person belongsto a family, this person has feelings.
(07:25):
They are also vulnerable, and thatwas shown right there. He was
vulnerable and he got shot in theair in one other move and he could
have been killed. That could havebeen Biden. He could have been somebody
that we love. And we knowpersonally we've had so many shootings in this
country that we should not be sojudgmental about the person that's being hurt.
And we have another you know,presidential candidate, third party candidate whose father
(07:48):
was assassinated when he was running forpresident, and Robert Kennedy and his uncle
and you know, the night thatthat all happened, seeing Robert F.
Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy Junior, excuse me on TV and explaining the
trauma that it went, you know, through very traumatic not just his family,
but his cousins as well, extendedfamily. So that person is a
human being. When something like thishappens, we have to step back a
(08:11):
little bit and I know people andpeople can say, well, he created
this culture that this kind of thinghappened, but we can also you know,
you just talked about another historical momentwhere our president was shot and he
died. Where is our compassion?Where is our humanity? This is a
human being. It could have beenBiden, it could be anyone. We
need to start to look at peoplein that perspective. And people are not
(08:33):
and nothing happens in a vacuum.I understand that, but ultimately we can
all be vulnerable to somebody who hasbecome a little bit unhinged and we can't
predict that. We will talk moreabout this when we come back from this
commercial break. So much to disgusttoday everyone strives for healthier relationships. Here's
more of Unleep Your Life and Relationshipson news Talk eleven thirty wisn Hey,
(09:00):
guys, welcome back to unbleep YourLife and Relationships. I'm your host,
Anita Sley, psychotherapist of twenty fiveyears and published author of Unbleep Your Life
and Relationships, available on Amazon andSimon and Schuster and other bookstores in media
sites. So we were talking aboutwhat happened on July thirteenth, and I
was just talking about humanizing political figures. We often see them as being one
(09:24):
dimensional, but they're multifaceted as weall are, and lots of different sides
to them. And given what happenedon July thirteenth, we have to look
at him. Whether it was you, it was Trump, but it had
been Biden, I would say thesame thing, irregardless of your political leanings.
Can we get to a compassionate placein this country where when that happens
(09:46):
we can see him as a humanbeing. When I was not alive when
President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, but you know, he was a
Democrat, but it seemed like duringthat time that united the country. Glad
we didn't have to go through that. But maybe this, you know,
to a certain degree, is auniting thing that we don't have to be
so divisive in this country, Wedon't have to can bring us closer together.
(10:09):
And there are so many social andcultural ramifications and political obviously of what
happened. But since my expertise isa psychology and psychological impact of these things,
I want to talk about what happenedand how it impacts us psychologically as
individuals, both also as a societyand as a community. And again,
we don't want to forget that oneperson died, they lost their life,
(10:33):
and two people were critically injured.From what I know, what we experience
on Saturday, July thirteen, friendswas, in psychological terms, collective trauma.
Whether we cite live experienced it inperson and or on repeat over and
over again on television and social media. The immediacy and intimacy of the televised
shooting can develop psychological problems for people. There are psychological repercussions on us individuals,
(11:00):
but collectively as a community and asa nation. Again, collective trauma
and the role of media because we'reall watching on TV or repeat, yeah,
social media again and again and again. The role of media and situations
like this is pivotal. It caneither help in managing the collective trauma or
exasperate tensions through irresponsible reporting over andover and you know all the conjecture that
(11:22):
goes on when we really don't knowthe facts. Question about collective trauma?
Does that is there a segment ofthat that because it's so talked about within
groups, I mean, because it'sjust such a big deal. Is that
Is that part of collective trauma?It is part of collective trauma. But
again, it goes, it speaks. We need to manage it well,
(11:43):
and it depends on how social mediais managing and how we're doing it on
the radio show over here. Itcan either exasperate people's anxiety and trauma or
it can actually help managing it.One of the things I have to share
with you guys listening out there,we need to turn it off, you
know, sometimes we need to takea break from all the stuff that we
are being bombarded with. Of course, it's important to know information, but
(12:07):
there is also too much information thatcan exasperate our anxiety and stress. And
especially if we know somebody who wasthere, and if we're related to you
know, Trump, if that's youknow Barren, he's his youngest son,
I believe, and imagine you're justkind of living your life and then you
hear this and if we're not asreporters or media stations are not reporting it
(12:31):
in the way it should be reported. Then it's going to be very traumatic
and for him, of course,and I want to talk about this,
not him personally, because I don'tknow him, but it affects individuals also
very differently. But collectively, weare going through this and it is something
that we need to give a wordto the some of the symptoms you might
be feeling, some of the thoughtsthat you might be having, and you
(12:54):
might be losing sleep over it.We talk about that on this show in
terms of what does trauma do toyou and what are some of the symptoms
that you may be exhibiting. Andsensualization can deepen stress and division. Imagine
hearing this over and over again andsome stations I'm not going to name any
you know, because I don't.I'm not stuck on the TV and try
not to watch it all the time. Depending on their depiction of it,
(13:18):
it can harm us. It's notalways healthy to have so much information.
When I saw it, I waswatching the Brews game on Saturday when it
happened, and I got a textright away and my response was what,
like yeah that I didn't expect thattext to come through, and I switched
the channel quickly over to a newsstation and they were, you know,
(13:39):
showing the replay and I felt myjaw at the floor. Yeah, it
was one of those moments where thenwe talked about this off air. Yeah,
never thought something like that would happen. Yeah, you never thought it
would happen. And it's not likeyou're related to him. I mean,
he's part of the political climate,of course, and influences are life to
some degree, but you don't knowhim. So imagine if you actually know
(14:01):
him, you're related to him,and that happens and you just hear about
it through media or social media.Now I talk about collective trauma, but
what is it exactly? Let mehelp you understand it more. Collective trauma
CETI refers to psychological impact of atraumatic event like what happened on Saturday,
shared by a group of people,affecting their collective identity and societal functioning.
(14:24):
We as a nation don't want thisidentity that this can happen. We are
not Russia. We don't kill ouropponents, right, we don't want to
go there. Democracy is something thatis to be and it was not free.
It is to be cherished, andwhen something like this happens, it
threatens our social fabric, political fabric, our cultural fabric very much. Now,
this phenomenon extends beyond individual experiences,permeating through communities, cultures, and
(14:50):
nations. It can result from otherthings like natural disasters, wars, terrorist
attacks, pandemics as we've just experienced, and other large scale incidents. Is
me that disrupt the social fabric,as I said, and our sense of
security. We have this false senseof security and something like this happens,
we think, oh my god,if he's not safe, how are we
(15:11):
safe? You know, in lightof all the shootings that we have in
America across the nation. You know, we don't know sometimes what to do
with all those feelings that we have, even when we are not related to
directly related to the person that hasexperienced it. Now, the psychological consequences
of collective trauma are profound and multifaceted. Individuals within the affected group often experience
(15:35):
heightened levels of anxiety, depression,and also stress. Now, symptoms may
include intrusive memories, like if youare watching this over and over again,
or if you happen to be therein person, you might replay that in
your mind over and over again.You might have nightmares or a pervasive sense
of fear, and a pervasive senseof fear. There are a lot of
(15:56):
people that I've spoken to who arelike, well, I'm afraid to go
out. And I live downtown Milwaukee, and they said to me, Oh,
are you afraid to go out intothe streets because you might get shot?
I'm like, Okay, I mightget shot on any day in Milwaukee,
but it's worth Milwaukee might be thesafest place in the world right now,
right now it is, but no, it's not going to keep me
from doing what I do. Idon't have the sense of pervasive sense of
(16:18):
fear, but some people might developthat in a community that they don't want
to go out anymore, Like inPennsylvania where all of this occurred. The
shared nature of the trauma can leadto a collective sense of grief, loss
and mourning, not only for becausehe obviously did not pass away, he
did not die, but there's amourning for a sense of our safety and
(16:41):
our security that we all feel.And despite everything that happens in our country,
I know I feel that I havea sense of safety and security that
allows a healthy sense anyway, thatallows me to continue my life now,
of course the grief and loss inthe morning process for the family and everybody
who knew the person who died,obviously that's you know, that's a long
(17:03):
road ahead, and the community alsowho knew him, and I don't know
much about him, but I willsay that my heart does go out to
all of you in that community.And one of the things we need to
get into is talking about psychotherapy.At the end of the show, I'm
going to share some strategies and thingswe can do to help ourselves but also
help our community and other people thathave been directly impacted by this. We
(17:26):
will come back after this commercial breakand talk some more. Anita Ashley has
more advice on how to on BleepYour Life and Relationships on news Talk eleven
thirty wys Hey, guys, welcomeback to and Bleep Your Life and Relationships.
I'm your host, Anita Astley,psychotherapist of twenty five years. Today
(17:48):
we are talking about what happened onJuly thirteenth and the psychological impact of viewing
that on TV, repeatedly reading aboutit, or watching it on social media,
and being directly impacted by it.If you were there yourself in person,
if you're listening, or you arerelated to the person that was hurt,
which was is Trump. We weretalking about collective trauma that, unlike
(18:14):
personal trauma, collective trauma's ripple effectsextend through our social networks, intensifying the
emotional burden as people collectively process theevent. There are social and cultural dimensions
to collective trauma as well as itreshape social and cultural dynamics, the sense
of solidarity and sharing, suffering constraintin community bonds, fostering a sense of
(18:37):
resilience and mutual support. However,in this situation, because people are so
polarized in our country is so divided, it can also exasperate social divisions and
mistrust, particularly if the trauma hasroots in conflict. There seem to be
conspiracy theories of plenty in this wholeordeal. Yeah, and I'm not adhering
(18:59):
to any of them. What I'mtrying to do on this show today,
And I'll get a lot of messagesafter this show is aired, Anita,
how could you say this? Howcould you, you know, be on
his side, or how could youPeople make all kinds of assumptions based on
some of the stuff I post onsocial media and I really try not to.
My goal today is to help everybodywho's listening think of what happened as
(19:22):
a human being, not as apolitician. Again, like I said,
he is a human being. Itcould have been Biden, it could be
anyone. But we all are collectivelyexperiencing some level of trauma over this.
And again it's either individual by viewingit or being part of it. And
of course, you know, wedon't want to forget that somebody died.
(19:42):
One person died and two were injured. Now we talk about the healing and
recovery, which is part of psychotherapy. How do we help people when they're
experiencing collective trauma? Now, it'sa complex and lengthy process and it requires
coordination and efforts on mo multiple levels, the individual, the community, and
(20:02):
societaly. I mean, I don'tknow, Andrew, you, have you
ever heard of this term collective trauma? I have, I guess I've just
never been able to put my fingeron what it truly means until today.
Yeah, because you might say,well, I'm experiencing these symptoms and I've
worked with people after COVID and thatwas collectively traumatic for the nation, for
the world, as we got alllocked up and people say, well,
I don't know why I'm having,you know, sleep disturbances and all these
(20:26):
symptoms and flashbacks and feeling a heightenedsense of anxiety. Is because they did
not see that as a collective trauma. Yeah, when we're all of a
sudden locked up, when we're usedto being so free, that is traumatic
and we have to recognize that.Now. Mental health support is crucial,
with interventions such as counseling, supportgroups, and public mental health campaigns helping
(20:48):
individuals process their experience and rebuild theirlives. We have to process the experience,
guys. It is not something thatwe can kind of jump over,
you know, feeling and we justforget about it, get to our normal
lives, jump into our normal lives. But not so. Not so.
And if you think that you canjust do that, if you were there
and you witness that, if youwere sitting next to the person who was
(21:11):
shot, you're impacted by this andit is not something that you're just going
to get over. And people saythat we'll get over it's over. Now,
That's not how our mind works,unfortunately, And public mental health campaigns
helping individuals process their experiences and rebuildtheir lives. Community level initiatives are really
important, like commemorations, public memorials, and cultural events play a vital role
(21:34):
in collective healing and providing space forshared mourning and solidarity. Especially in the
climate that we live in today.Solidarity is a keyword. We need to
heal as a nation. We needto come together if we're going to deal
with our collective trauma andrew any thoughts. It doesn't help that we are at
(21:55):
such a polarizing time in politics.It's for this to happen. In my
thirty four years on this planet,I've never seen conservative and liberals be so
far apart. And it's tough.I mean, a moment like this usually
would unite. You think back tounfortunately nine to eleven, when people,
(22:15):
many thousands lost their lives. Itwas a uniting force of the country.
This one, with where the politicalclimate's at, it seems much tougher.
It is tougher because we're so polarized. But let's use this opportunity to come
together and we are sharing in somethingcollectively. And I always say to people,
listen, we all are going throughthis on different levels, and we
all are impacted by it differently.In the sense that our relationship to the
(22:38):
person who was hurt. But thecollective part of is of it is that
we are a nation and we aregoing through this and we need to come
together rather than be polarized irrespective ofwhether you're red, blue, or whatever,
red white or blue. Right now, when I said, the educational
public disc about this like today thatwe're talking about it is essential in addressing
(23:03):
collective trauma. Transparent discussions like theone we're having today about the traumatic event,
not about whether you're red, whiteor blue. Again, we want
to talk about collective trauma in ahealthy way, fastering and more supportive and
informative community to help other people workthrough their collective trauma. Now that's a
collective part of it. I wantto talk about it. If we have
(23:26):
enough time today, and we mightnot. We will continue this discussion next
week if we don't have enough time. Witnessing a violent crime and this really
speaks to the people who are atthe event and how it impacted them individually.
I mean, there's a level oftrauma for those that watched on TV
yes live replay the moments after whateverit is. But I can't even fathom
(23:49):
the idea of being there in personhearing it, and you know, that's
that's that's everlasting. It is everlastingif we don't work through that. And
I'm going to talk about about thatright now. Witnessing a violent crime,
and that was is considered to bea violent crime. Observing someone being shot
is a traumatic event that can haveprofound, lasting psychological effects. The immediate
(24:14):
reaction often involves a complex mix ofshock, fear, and also helplessness.
Like I felt shock. I wasn'tscared, but I felt shocked because I
was removed from it watching it onTV. But imagine if you're there and
that is happening now. Over time, this experience can lead to a range
of psychological issues, including what iscalled acute stress disorder. The next one
(24:34):
we all hear about, you know, post traumatic stress disorder. What is
that really, I'll talk about thatin more detail. Anxiety, depression,
and other emotional and behavioral changes thatare going to happen due to this.
Now, understanding these effects is crucialfor providing appropriate support and interventions for those
who witness the violent event, forthose who are physically there and witnessed it.
(25:00):
What's the first step to all ofthat? Just the idea of you
know, I saw something that Ineed some sort of therapy for. What
is the first step in that process? It is to seek out help,
whether it's going to be in yourfamily system, to actually talk about it.
You know, we often say whatdoes it mean to process something?
(25:21):
It is, oh my god,what just happened? There's a shock and
there's kind of a denial like didthat really happen? And then we need
to talk about it and process it. It can be with a family member,
but ultimately, I think if youhave symptoms of PTSD, if you
are have acute stress disorder, whichI'm going to talk about in more detail,
we need to be able to talkabout what we're feeling, what we're
(25:44):
thinking, and how all of thatimpacts our behavior. Now, not everybody
is going to experience PTSD. Whowas there? Not everybody is going to
have a cute stress disorder, buteverybody is going to have some type of
reaction to it. How can younot. We're human being. I saw
somebody get shot and then we witnessthe chaos of all of that. Now
I watch it on TV, likesome of the videos that people had taken
(26:07):
on their iPhone, and I'm like, oh my gosh, that sounds.
It's horrible to have to experience that. It's horrible to have to see a
shooter and thinking, oh my god, am I going to die? And
if you're there with your loved ones, oh my god, I gotta protect
my children, you know, fromgetting harmed, and how do we And
it's almost impossible to process all ofthat without getting some kind of help.
(26:30):
Now, I'm going to talk aboutsome of the things that people who experience
a violent crime go through psychologically.And some of the times it's, you
know, intervention is needed. Someof the times it's not. As I
talked about before, We've all processedthings differently. The first thing I want
to talk about acute stress to sortof ACD ASD. Sorry, I don't
(26:51):
know my alphabet today, what isit now? In the immediate aftermath after
witnessing a shooting, many individuals mayexperience symptoms of acute stress disorder. ASD
is characterized by intense anxiety and disassociationand other distressful symptoms that occur within the
first month after the traumatic event.I have heard, you know, when
(27:15):
I work with people who've gone througha traumatic experience, they will often say
to me, Well, first ofall, they don't tell me about it.
Yeah, and I'll say what wasYeah, I'm like, what's been
going on in your life? Andthen I hear like, oh, six
months ago my mother died And I'mlike, okay, your mother died and
you don't think you should be havingany kind of emotions about it. Six
months later they're like, well,no, it's been six months, but
(27:37):
I'll tell you something. And thisis going to lead us to the next
one. We're going to talk aboutPTSD. We can have a delayed reaction.
The symptoms don't always come on rightaway because our body and mind is
trying to process the shock of itall. But I guarantee you we are
going to see some of those symptomscome back or express themselves more intensely,
because you might have to be like, oh, they're not that, but
(28:00):
of course I I feel like this. But they will come back in a
heightened form of anxiety, heightened formof depression, and also other symptoms,
which I'm going to get to afterwe take a commercial break. So much
to talk about today, I'm tryingto get it all in. Back to
unbleed your life and relationships on NewsTalk eleven thirty wys Hey, guys,
(28:22):
welcome back to Unleep Your Life andRelationships. Today we're talking about some of
the psychological effects witnessing what happened onJuly thirteenth, whether in person, whether
you watched it on TV and arestill reading about it on social media,
how it affects us collectively. Wetalked about collective trauma, and I was
just sharing about how it affects peopleindividually when they witness something so violent as
(28:49):
what we saw on TV, orif you happen to be there in person.
We were just talking about acute stressdisorder ASD. Now the commons symptoms
include intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, which you know, I've worked with
lots of people who've gone through traumaticexperiences have nightmares and severe emotional distress when
(29:11):
reminded of the trauma. And Igot to tell you, guys, turn
that stuff off. We don't constantlybe needing to see that footage over and
over again. It's only re traumatizingyou each time you see it. If
you are suffering from acute stress disorder, and you might not even recognize that
you're suffering from that, but Iguarantee you if you're watching it over and
(29:33):
over again, you're going to beimpacted more so than if you just turn
it off. And if you turnon a station for about thirty minutes,
pick a station national news, thislast that weekend, that had happened.
I think in a matter of thirtyminutes, you probably watched it on replay
about thirty times. Yeah, andunless it's new information, it's the same
old stuff being recycled. Turn itoff now. Some people also have difficulties
(29:56):
sleeping, and they that's a wholenothing is should we talking? Yeah,
you might be more at irritable andangry. Some people have disassociative symptoms,
such as feeling detached from oneself orreality. Sometimes that happens too. These
reactions are the mind's way of tryingto process and cope with the overwhelming experience.
(30:18):
Andrew, you ask me that whatis the initial thing that happens?
We try, like our mind andbody tries to process something that is so
shocking and not part of our dayto day life. Now, that was
asd The other thing. I'm surelots of you guys listening out there have
heard of It's common we hear aboutit, but what does it really mean
(30:38):
post traumatic stress disorder. Now forall those people that were there, they're
going to experience I would say,and now I'm not, you know,
doing therapy over here, but justfrom my experience, some symptoms of PTSD.
What is PTSD? Well, ifthe symptoms of what we just talked
about ASD persist beyond a mind,they may develop into post traumatic stress disorder.
(31:03):
PTSD is a chronic condition, guys, that can significantly impair a person's
ability to function in daily life.Now, symptoms of PTSD include re experiencing
the trauma through flashbacks, nightmares.You might be avoiding certain situations or reminders
of the trauma, negative changes inyour thoughts and moods that other people might
(31:26):
observe in you. You are notgoing to be aware of that. So
if they are, rather than beingdefensive and say no, I'm not,
be sensitive to that and listen.You might also have a sense of hyper
arousal. What does that really mean? That you get startled or very quickly
in just to touch what might triggeryou to react in a certain way.
Now, the intrusive memories and heightenedanxiety can lead to avoidance behavior, where
(31:51):
the individual might steer clear of certainplaces, people, or activities that remind
them of the shooting. This canresult in social isolation and difficult in maintaining
healthy relationships and sometimes employment. AndI think men are at higher risk for
that using alcohol and substance abuse todeal with the symptoms of PTSD. It
(32:12):
is a real thing, and ifyou're feeling it, you have to get
some help, get some psychological help, go for therapy. It is okay
to do that. When are someof the vulnerable moments that people might start
feeling these emotions from the previous like, let's, for instance, the shooting
that took place. Yeah, inmy experience, it's after, you know,
(32:34):
after the hype, after we hearabout everything we need to hear about
it on social media or in thenews, things kind of settled down.
We might start having those symptoms because, like I shared earlier, I have
people come to me and they sayto me, I can't sleep, I'm
having flashbacks, and I think,okay, you know, they share more
symptoms and I diagnose them with PTSDand they said, wait a minute,
(32:54):
I didn't go through anything traumatic.And then when I asked them to share
about what's been going on in theirlife for the past year, I learned
that there was a traumatic incident,but they didn't perceive it or see it
as such in a moment or evenmonths later. And the symptoms of PTSD
can show up six months to ayear later. Like some people might be
(33:15):
like, hey, I'm okay,I was there. You know, I
was at the you know I wasat the rally. Sorry, I lost
my words. I was there atthe rally. But I seem to be
doing okay. But then months latera family member might say to you,
wait, wait a minute. Youknow, you seem more irritable. You
seem like you're on edge, andyou're missing a lot of work. You
seem to be sick, and it'strying to be mindful of Yeah maybe I
(33:37):
am, you know, and Ineed to go talk to somebody. It's
okay if you experience that. AndI think it's just the culture of men
too. And you mentioned men,you know, using substances, alcohol,
drugs. H. I think there'salso that tough guy mentality of you know,
I don't need it, I'm good, Yeah, I'll figure it out.
I'm okay. And I gotta tellyou it's okay. You can be
(33:59):
a tough guy and you can alsohave PTSD. The two can coexist,
and you can say, I needsome help. I'm tough, but this
happened to me, and I needsome help. We can talk so much
more in detail, but I've gotto get some other stuff in here before
we run out of time. Anxietyand depression. Witnessing a shooting can also
trigger generalize anxiety disorder and depression.The fear and helplessness experience during the event
(34:22):
can lead to a heightened sense ofvulnerability and a persistent state of anxiety.
Individuals may worry excessively about their safetyand the safety of their loved ones.
And you might be saying, well, how do I know when it's normal
and not normal? Whatever normal meansnormal? Is that I watched it.
I wasn't there in person, andyou know, all that stuff is happening
downtown Milwaukee. I'm not afraid.There is so many cops. There's protesters
(34:45):
love Trump, hate Trump, andI'm like, this is very interesting.
You know, I should have beenI should have been an investigative reporter because
I'm right in there and I lovethe energy, negative and positive. I've
never felt more safe. And Iknow I mentioned that earlier, but it's
surprisingly crazy. How much stuff isdown there. I mean, they're the
(35:07):
tents. It was a great eventthe city, but also a great event
for those people downtown. Well,I'm feeling pretty safe now. They might
experience panic attacks and develop phobia,such as fear of crowds or public places.
Depression again, can manifest as asense of hopelessness, loss of interest
in activities that you previously enjoyed before. These are all symptoms of witnessing.
(35:30):
Somebody gets shot, and we're talkingabout July thirteenth. That is very traumatic
for people who were there and peoplewho are watching it on TV continuously.
The other thing I really want totalk about is survivor's guilt, in particular
to that person. The family membersof the person who died. They survived
(35:51):
and he died. I can't commenton that case in particular, but what
I can say in general about survivor'sguilt that it is a very specific type
of emotional response that can occur afterwitnessing a shooting. And even those people
who are sitting around him. Youdon't have to be related to that person,
but just all of those people thatsaw him being shot. Now,
(36:12):
individuals may question why they survived whileothers did not, leading to intense feelings
of guilt and self blame like maybeI should have you know, interfered,
I should have done something. Icould have been in that spot, I
almost took that spot. I almosttook that spot. This can be particularly
challenging to cope with, as itoften involves a deep seated belief that they
(36:34):
could have or should have done somethingdifferently. Perhaps, you know, the
person who died his wife might begoing through survivor's guilt. Now again,
I'm not diagnosing her because I don'tknow, but this is what tends to
happen. Survivor's guilt can hinder thehealing process and contribute to the development of
other things like PTSD. Now,the long term psychological effects of witnessing a
(36:55):
shooting can vary widely depending on factorssuch as an individuals prior mental health.
If you are already experiencing anxiety anddepression and you happen to be there and
you're watching this either on TV,that can heighten all of that. The
level of support they receive and theircoping mechanisms is really important during that time.
Now, some individuals may gradually recoverwith time and support. What others
(37:20):
may struggle with persistent symptoms, andif you're that person, it's okay and
reach out and get some mental health. Access to mental health services, including
counseling and therapy, is crucial inhelping individuals process their trauma and develop healthy
coping mechanisms. If you know somebodywho's suffering, don't be afraid or shy
to say, hey, I loveyou, I care for you, and
(37:43):
I've noticed that since this has happened, you are not your normal self,
whatever that means, and you needsome help. It's okay to say that.
Again, we talk a lot aboutmental health when something like this happens,
but are there services available in thecommunity, And if you are related
to a person who was there andwho was directly impacted by it, maybe
(38:07):
it's an opportunity for you to goto them and say, hey, here
are some resources that I've heard ofin the community that you need some help.
Psychological interventions play a significant role inhelping people individuals cope with trauma of
witnessing a shooting. Now we cantalk about the different ways therapists work with
people to help them with trauma,but I'm not going to get into that
(38:27):
today. Because it's going to takeover the whole show before we end the
show today, though, I dowant to say, guys, it is
an opportunity for us to come togetheras a nation because this did happen to
a human Seeing a political person asa human being requires a conscious effort to
recognize their complexities, their vulnerabilities,and our shared humanity. We are all
(38:51):
human, after all. I thinkwe got to see that with former President
Trump this week. They are incYeah, is you know when he showed
up there on Monday night and isspeaking engagement Later in the week, he
showed emotion and it was definitely anuniting message that he had. Yes,
and we must unite. And ifyou're think, if you're feeling and thinking
and behaving in a certain way,I think, well, I wasn't really
(39:13):
there, so I don't know whyI'm feeling this way. We as a
nation are experiencing collective trauma. Collectivetrauma fundamentally alters the psychological, social,
culture, and political And you know, didn't get into all of that because
my focus is always on the psychological. Its impacts are deeply intervaling with the
fabric of our society, influencing ournot only individual wellbeing, But like I
(39:37):
said before, our social wellbeing,the ability to express ourselves culturally and politically.
Healing from trauma is multifaceted process.That's what I want to say,
guys, and which requires empathy andsympathy. The two are very different.
Support from others are family members andprofessionals. We need to get back to
(39:58):
a place of compassion and understand foreach other. The psychological impacts of all
of this cannot be minimized. Andagain I want to say, as I've
said repeatedly throughout this show and myother shows, we need to focus on
healing ourselves, healing as a society, as a community, and humanizing each
other. Again, and we arejust not looking at Trump or Biden as
(40:23):
we shouldn't be. I said,well, some people might be. We
shouldn't be just looking at them aspolitical figures. They are human, I
guess what. As humans, theybelong to a family system. And you
guys know I'm a family therapist andthat family loves them and cares for them,
whether you do or not, Sohave some compassion for them. And
you know what, guys, AsI always say, whatever your leanings are,
(40:45):
control what you can which is yourpower to vote. But again going
back to what happened on July thirteenth, Let's have some compassion. Let's come
together as a nation with our humanities. Let's do that. Okay, Andrew,
thank you so much for today.Y'all. Join you guys next Sunday,
same time, same place,
Guys, welcome to another episode ofUnbleep Your Life and Relationships. I'm your
host, Anita Ashley. I ama licensed psychotherapist. I do individual,
couples and family therapy and I've beendoing that for about twenty years. Recently,
I published a book called Unbleep YourLife and Relationships. You can get
that on Amazon, Assignmon and Schusterand other stores and other websites. I'm
(00:22):
in studio with Andrew today. Goodevening, Anita. How are you.
I'm good. How are you doing. I'm good. It's been a busy
week, but a fun week.It's been a busy week, so I
want to say it is so muchto say today and so much to talk
about because Milwaukee. There's a lotof action going on in Milwaukee, and
I live right downtown, so I'vehad and I'm not far from you.
(00:43):
Yeah, walking around downtown has beenquite the experience the last couple of days.
Okay. I was downtown during thePerimeter when it got shut down,
okay, and it was just I'venever seen anything like that in my entire
life. A lot of policemen andthen some SEC and good looking ones.
I'm just saying, and in shape, yeah, Yeah, I've never seen
(01:04):
so many tents and people station underneath. Yeah, I'm just saying it was.
It is quite an experience. Andit is only Tuesday today, and
I've got a lot more experience thewhole week until Thursday. On a very
serious note, I want to talkabout mental health, and of course relationships
are all part of it, andwhat happened on Saturday, July the thirteenth.
(01:30):
We are all impacted by what happened, whether we were there in person,
whether we watched it on TV whenit was live, and we know
whether we've been repeatedly exposed to itthrough media, social media, or through
lingo, through our conversations with ourfriends and so forth. I want to
say that we often, well no, not often always, when something like
(01:52):
this happens, talk so much aboutmental health afterwards, aftermath, and once
everything kind of gets quiet, forgetabout mental health. And we need to
as a nation put our money whereour mouth is. Services, services,
services in terms of individual therapy,couples therapy, family therapy. Because you
(02:15):
know what happens, we always followthe same path. We find out who
the shooter was, who did thisperson belong to, the family members and
so forth, and then we startto dissect everything, right, and then
there are some similar characteristics. Hewas a loaner, but I want to
say not all loaners do what hedid. Sure such negative impact on his
(02:38):
family, the shooter's family. Weforget that the shooter comes from a family.
The impact of the people who youknow, a person died and two
were critically injured. Yeah, that'sthe thing that gets lost in all of
it is the family of the victim, the firefighter that lost his life.
Yes, and we're going to talkmore in detail about that, and also
what happened to our former president.Whether you like him or not, that
(03:02):
is not the point. We needto humanize people that we put either on
a pedestal or we demonize. Youknow, seeing a political person as a
human being involves recognizing they're complex,they have vulnerabilities and shared humanity beyond their
public persona. This perspective, Ibelieve Foster's empathy reduces a polarization that we're
(03:28):
facing in our country today and promotesa more nuanced understanding of political figures.
They are human. I know somepeople don't think he's human, but he
is human. He belongs to afamily, he has a wife, and
he has children, so I imagineyou're doing your thing whatever millenia the rest
of his kids and family, andthen you hear of this. That is
(03:50):
horrible. It is very traumatizing tohave that information given to you and you
don't know the circumstances. I thinkon Monday night at the convention, when
present, that was his first publicappearance, you know, since the since
the shooting occurred on Saturday, andto see I don't know if I've ever
seen that much emotion on his faceand that was kind of a human moment
(04:12):
for me watching that on Monday night, going whoa yep, they are they
truly are. He had he wasteary, you know, he was different.
So, guys, I don't carewho you support, but remember that
these people are humans, they havea family, and when something like this
happens, we have to be compassionate. Let's not even operate on those principles.
(04:33):
We jumped to so many conclusions andI know I'm going to get a
lot of flak for saying all thisstuff because he'll say, well, this
means that you're for what happened atthe Capitol, and no it doesn't.
All I'm staying out of that.What I'm saying is we need to think
about our mental health and the relationshipsthat we have with people, and humanizing
people that we don't know, weonly know when facet of him and who
(04:56):
we might be talking about Biden ifthis had happened to Biden. Oh,
you know, it doesn't matter.He's a human being and like all humans,
political figures are multifaceted. They havepersonal histories, families, and experiences
that shape their beliefs and actions.And again, to see them as human
one must delve into their backgrounds andunderstand more of what they what they are
(05:17):
on stage. And I know peoplethink they know everything about whoever's on state
and you know this situation we're talkingabout Trump, but we really don't.
So again I'm just going to say, we need to look at him as
a human being and not the demonthat you know, maybe you know some
of his own fault you got.I mean, we create our own problems,
(05:38):
but that's that doesn't mean we deserveto get shot or killed. Some
people will blame media members, maybenot me specifically, but just you know,
in general, the media for buildingthat demonizing you know, look for
President Trump, but then also onthe other aisle looking the other way,
as well as at President Biden.Yeah, I mean they are human.
(05:58):
By appreciating the complexity of their lives, we can move I hope. I
always try to share this with people, that we can move beyond simplistic,
one dimensional views and recognize the richnessof their human experience. We are all
vulnerable as human beings. Political figuresare often seen as larger than life characters,
especially Trump because and he's played intoa lot of that. Yeah,
(06:20):
he's been in the media limelight andhis entire adult life. Absolutely, and
they too have vulnerabilities. They experiencestress, fear of joy, and sorrow
just like you know, I sawthat too, and he was walking out
that he looked tearful. And theymake mistakes and face personal and professional challenges
like all of us, and they'rein the public arena. Understanding their vulnerabilities
(06:41):
can help humanize them. And Iknow people will say, well, he
hasn't really done a good job inrepresenting himself in that way. Let's not
look at him as a demon.Let's try to look at him as a
human being. And I'll tell youfrom some of the signs that I've seen
by walking on water street. It'slike, oh my god, it's easy.
Has he murdered people? Sure?What is going on over here?
(07:02):
And I, of course we havethe right in this country, you know,
that's part of being living in ademocracy that yeah, we should protest
if we don't like what's going on. But when something like what happened on
July thirteenth is experience, we needto also step back a little bit and
think, Okay, this person belongsto a family, this person has feelings.
(07:25):
They are also vulnerable, and thatwas shown right there. He was
vulnerable and he got shot in theair in one other move and he could
have been killed. That could havebeen Biden. He could have been somebody
that we love. And we knowpersonally we've had so many shootings in this
country that we should not be sojudgmental about the person that's being hurt.
And we have another you know,presidential candidate, third party candidate whose father
(07:48):
was assassinated when he was running forpresident, and Robert Kennedy and his uncle
and you know, the night thatthat all happened, seeing Robert F.
Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy Junior, excuse me on TV and explaining the
trauma that it went, you know, through very traumatic not just his family,
but his cousins as well, extendedfamily. So that person is a
human being. When something like thishappens, we have to step back a
(08:11):
little bit and I know people andpeople can say, well, he created
this culture that this kind of thinghappened, but we can also you know,
you just talked about another historical momentwhere our president was shot and he
died. Where is our compassion?Where is our humanity? This is a
human being. It could have beenBiden, it could be anyone. We
need to start to look at peoplein that perspective. And people are not
(08:33):
and nothing happens in a vacuum.I understand that, but ultimately we can
all be vulnerable to somebody who hasbecome a little bit unhinged and we can't
predict that. We will talk moreabout this when we come back from this
commercial break. So much to disgusttoday everyone strives for healthier relationships. Here's
more of Unleep Your Life and Relationshipson news Talk eleven thirty wisn Hey,
(09:00):
guys, welcome back to unbleep YourLife and Relationships. I'm your host,
Anita Sley, psychotherapist of twenty fiveyears and published author of Unbleep Your Life
and Relationships, available on Amazon andSimon and Schuster and other bookstores in media
sites. So we were talking aboutwhat happened on July thirteenth, and I
was just talking about humanizing political figures. We often see them as being one
(09:24):
dimensional, but they're multifaceted as weall are, and lots of different sides
to them. And given what happenedon July thirteenth, we have to look
at him. Whether it was you, it was Trump, but it had
been Biden, I would say thesame thing, irregardless of your political leanings.
Can we get to a compassionate placein this country where when that happens
(09:46):
we can see him as a humanbeing. When I was not alive when
President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, but you know, he was a
Democrat, but it seemed like duringthat time that united the country. Glad
we didn't have to go through that. But maybe this, you know,
to a certain degree, is auniting thing that we don't have to be
so divisive in this country, Wedon't have to can bring us closer together.
(10:09):
And there are so many social andcultural ramifications and political obviously of what
happened. But since my expertise isa psychology and psychological impact of these things,
I want to talk about what happenedand how it impacts us psychologically as
individuals, both also as a societyand as a community. And again,
we don't want to forget that oneperson died, they lost their life,
(10:33):
and two people were critically injured.From what I know, what we experience
on Saturday, July thirteen, friendswas, in psychological terms, collective trauma.
Whether we cite live experienced it inperson and or on repeat over and
over again on television and social media. The immediacy and intimacy of the televised
shooting can develop psychological problems for people. There are psychological repercussions on us individuals,
(11:00):
but collectively as a community and asa nation. Again, collective trauma
and the role of media because we'reall watching on TV or repeat, yeah,
social media again and again and again. The role of media and situations
like this is pivotal. It caneither help in managing the collective trauma or
exasperate tensions through irresponsible reporting over andover and you know all the conjecture that
(11:22):
goes on when we really don't knowthe facts. Question about collective trauma?
Does that is there a segment ofthat that because it's so talked about within
groups, I mean, because it'sjust such a big deal. Is that
Is that part of collective trauma?It is part of collective trauma. But
again, it goes, it speaks. We need to manage it well,
(11:43):
and it depends on how social mediais managing and how we're doing it on
the radio show over here. Itcan either exasperate people's anxiety and trauma or
it can actually help managing it.One of the things I have to share
with you guys listening out there,we need to turn it off, you
know, sometimes we need to takea break from all the stuff that we
are being bombarded with. Of course, it's important to know information, but
(12:07):
there is also too much information thatcan exasperate our anxiety and stress. And
especially if we know somebody who wasthere, and if we're related to you
know, Trump, if that's youknow Barren, he's his youngest son,
I believe, and imagine you're justkind of living your life and then you
hear this and if we're not asreporters or media stations are not reporting it
(12:31):
in the way it should be reported. Then it's going to be very traumatic
and for him, of course,and I want to talk about this,
not him personally, because I don'tknow him, but it affects individuals also
very differently. But collectively, weare going through this and it is something
that we need to give a wordto the some of the symptoms you might
be feeling, some of the thoughtsthat you might be having, and you
(12:54):
might be losing sleep over it.We talk about that on this show in
terms of what does trauma do toyou and what are some of the symptoms
that you may be exhibiting. Andsensualization can deepen stress and division. Imagine
hearing this over and over again andsome stations I'm not going to name any
you know, because I don't.I'm not stuck on the TV and try
not to watch it all the time. Depending on their depiction of it,
(13:18):
it can harm us. It's notalways healthy to have so much information.
When I saw it, I waswatching the Brews game on Saturday when it
happened, and I got a textright away and my response was what,
like yeah that I didn't expect thattext to come through, and I switched
the channel quickly over to a newsstation and they were, you know,
(13:39):
showing the replay and I felt myjaw at the floor. Yeah, it
was one of those moments where thenwe talked about this off air. Yeah,
never thought something like that would happen. Yeah, you never thought it
would happen. And it's not likeyou're related to him. I mean,
he's part of the political climate,of course, and influences are life to
some degree, but you don't knowhim. So imagine if you actually know
(14:01):
him, you're related to him,and that happens and you just hear about
it through media or social media.Now I talk about collective trauma, but
what is it exactly? Let mehelp you understand it more. Collective trauma
CETI refers to psychological impact of atraumatic event like what happened on Saturday,
shared by a group of people,affecting their collective identity and societal functioning.
(14:24):
We as a nation don't want thisidentity that this can happen. We are
not Russia. We don't kill ouropponents, right, we don't want to
go there. Democracy is something thatis to be and it was not free.
It is to be cherished, andwhen something like this happens, it
threatens our social fabric, political fabric, our cultural fabric very much. Now,
this phenomenon extends beyond individual experiences,permeating through communities, cultures, and
(14:50):
nations. It can result from otherthings like natural disasters, wars, terrorist
attacks, pandemics as we've just experienced, and other large scale incidents. Is
me that disrupt the social fabric,as I said, and our sense of
security. We have this false senseof security and something like this happens,
we think, oh my god,if he's not safe, how are we
(15:11):
safe? You know, in lightof all the shootings that we have in
America across the nation. You know, we don't know sometimes what to do
with all those feelings that we have, even when we are not related to
directly related to the person that hasexperienced it. Now, the psychological consequences
of collective trauma are profound and multifaceted. Individuals within the affected group often experience
(15:35):
heightened levels of anxiety, depression,and also stress. Now, symptoms may
include intrusive memories, like if youare watching this over and over again,
or if you happen to be therein person, you might replay that in
your mind over and over again.You might have nightmares or a pervasive sense
of fear, and a pervasive senseof fear. There are a lot of
(15:56):
people that I've spoken to who arelike, well, I'm afraid to go
out. And I live downtown Milwaukee, and they said to me, Oh,
are you afraid to go out intothe streets because you might get shot?
I'm like, Okay, I mightget shot on any day in Milwaukee,
but it's worth Milwaukee might be thesafest place in the world right now,
right now it is, but no, it's not going to keep me
from doing what I do. Idon't have the sense of pervasive sense of
(16:18):
fear, but some people might developthat in a community that they don't want
to go out anymore, Like inPennsylvania where all of this occurred. The
shared nature of the trauma can leadto a collective sense of grief, loss
and mourning, not only for becausehe obviously did not pass away, he
did not die, but there's amourning for a sense of our safety and
(16:41):
our security that we all feel.And despite everything that happens in our country,
I know I feel that I havea sense of safety and security that
allows a healthy sense anyway, thatallows me to continue my life now,
of course the grief and loss inthe morning process for the family and everybody
who knew the person who died,obviously that's you know, that's a long
(17:03):
road ahead, and the community alsowho knew him, and I don't know
much about him, but I willsay that my heart does go out to
all of you in that community.And one of the things we need to
get into is talking about psychotherapy.At the end of the show, I'm
going to share some strategies and thingswe can do to help ourselves but also
help our community and other people thathave been directly impacted by this. We
(17:26):
will come back after this commercial breakand talk some more. Anita Ashley has
more advice on how to on BleepYour Life and Relationships on news Talk eleven
thirty wys Hey, guys, welcomeback to and Bleep Your Life and Relationships.
I'm your host, Anita Astley,psychotherapist of twenty five years. Today
(17:48):
we are talking about what happened onJuly thirteenth and the psychological impact of viewing
that on TV, repeatedly reading aboutit, or watching it on social media,
and being directly impacted by it.If you were there yourself in person,
if you're listening, or you arerelated to the person that was hurt,
which was is Trump. We weretalking about collective trauma that, unlike
(18:14):
personal trauma, collective trauma's ripple effectsextend through our social networks, intensifying the
emotional burden as people collectively process theevent. There are social and cultural dimensions
to collective trauma as well as itreshape social and cultural dynamics, the sense
of solidarity and sharing, suffering constraintin community bonds, fostering a sense of
(18:37):
resilience and mutual support. However,in this situation, because people are so
polarized in our country is so divided, it can also exasperate social divisions and
mistrust, particularly if the trauma hasroots in conflict. There seem to be
conspiracy theories of plenty in this wholeordeal. Yeah, and I'm not adhering
(18:59):
to any of them. What I'mtrying to do on this show today,
And I'll get a lot of messagesafter this show is aired, Anita,
how could you say this? Howcould you, you know, be on
his side, or how could youPeople make all kinds of assumptions based on
some of the stuff I post onsocial media and I really try not to.
My goal today is to help everybodywho's listening think of what happened as
(19:22):
a human being, not as apolitician. Again, like I said,
he is a human being. Itcould have been Biden, it could be
anyone. But we all are collectivelyexperiencing some level of trauma over this.
And again it's either individual by viewingit or being part of it. And
of course, you know, wedon't want to forget that somebody died.
(19:42):
One person died and two were injured. Now we talk about the healing and
recovery, which is part of psychotherapy. How do we help people when they're
experiencing collective trauma? Now, it'sa complex and lengthy process and it requires
coordination and efforts on mo multiple levels, the individual, the community, and
(20:02):
societaly. I mean, I don'tknow, Andrew, you, have you
ever heard of this term collective trauma? I have, I guess I've just
never been able to put my fingeron what it truly means until today.
Yeah, because you might say,well, I'm experiencing these symptoms and I've
worked with people after COVID and thatwas collectively traumatic for the nation, for
the world, as we got alllocked up and people say, well,
I don't know why I'm having,you know, sleep disturbances and all these
(20:26):
symptoms and flashbacks and feeling a heightenedsense of anxiety. Is because they did
not see that as a collective trauma. Yeah, when we're all of a
sudden locked up, when we're usedto being so free, that is traumatic
and we have to recognize that.Now. Mental health support is crucial,
with interventions such as counseling, supportgroups, and public mental health campaigns helping
(20:48):
individuals process their experience and rebuild theirlives. We have to process the experience,
guys. It is not something thatwe can kind of jump over,
you know, feeling and we justforget about it, get to our normal
lives, jump into our normal lives. But not so. Not so.
And if you think that you canjust do that, if you were there
and you witness that, if youwere sitting next to the person who was
(21:11):
shot, you're impacted by this andit is not something that you're just going
to get over. And people saythat we'll get over it's over. Now,
That's not how our mind works,unfortunately, And public mental health campaigns
helping individuals process their experiences and rebuildtheir lives. Community level initiatives are really
important, like commemorations, public memorials, and cultural events play a vital role
(21:34):
in collective healing and providing space forshared mourning and solidarity. Especially in the
climate that we live in today.Solidarity is a keyword. We need to
heal as a nation. We needto come together if we're going to deal
with our collective trauma andrew any thoughts. It doesn't help that we are at
(21:55):
such a polarizing time in politics.It's for this to happen. In my
thirty four years on this planet,I've never seen conservative and liberals be so
far apart. And it's tough.I mean, a moment like this usually
would unite. You think back tounfortunately nine to eleven, when people,
(22:15):
many thousands lost their lives. Itwas a uniting force of the country.
This one, with where the politicalclimate's at, it seems much tougher.
It is tougher because we're so polarized. But let's use this opportunity to come
together and we are sharing in somethingcollectively. And I always say to people,
listen, we all are going throughthis on different levels, and we
all are impacted by it differently.In the sense that our relationship to the
(22:38):
person who was hurt. But thecollective part of is of it is that
we are a nation and we aregoing through this and we need to come
together rather than be polarized irrespective ofwhether you're red, blue, or whatever,
red white or blue. Right now, when I said, the educational
public disc about this like today thatwe're talking about it is essential in addressing
(23:03):
collective trauma. Transparent discussions like theone we're having today about the traumatic event,
not about whether you're red, whiteor blue. Again, we want
to talk about collective trauma in ahealthy way, fastering and more supportive and
informative community to help other people workthrough their collective trauma. Now that's a
collective part of it. I wantto talk about it. If we have
(23:26):
enough time today, and we mightnot. We will continue this discussion next
week if we don't have enough time. Witnessing a violent crime and this really
speaks to the people who are atthe event and how it impacted them individually.
I mean, there's a level oftrauma for those that watched on TV
yes live replay the moments after whateverit is. But I can't even fathom
(23:49):
the idea of being there in personhearing it, and you know, that's
that's that's everlasting. It is everlastingif we don't work through that. And
I'm going to talk about about thatright now. Witnessing a violent crime,
and that was is considered to bea violent crime. Observing someone being shot
is a traumatic event that can haveprofound, lasting psychological effects. The immediate
(24:14):
reaction often involves a complex mix ofshock, fear, and also helplessness.
Like I felt shock. I wasn'tscared, but I felt shocked because I
was removed from it watching it onTV. But imagine if you're there and
that is happening now. Over time, this experience can lead to a range
of psychological issues, including what iscalled acute stress disorder. The next one
(24:34):
we all hear about, you know, post traumatic stress disorder. What is
that really, I'll talk about thatin more detail. Anxiety, depression,
and other emotional and behavioral changes thatare going to happen due to this.
Now, understanding these effects is crucialfor providing appropriate support and interventions for those
who witness the violent event, forthose who are physically there and witnessed it.
(25:00):
What's the first step to all ofthat? Just the idea of you
know, I saw something that Ineed some sort of therapy for. What
is the first step in that process? It is to seek out help,
whether it's going to be in yourfamily system, to actually talk about it.
You know, we often say whatdoes it mean to process something?
(25:21):
It is, oh my god,what just happened? There's a shock and
there's kind of a denial like didthat really happen? And then we need
to talk about it and process it. It can be with a family member,
but ultimately, I think if youhave symptoms of PTSD, if you
are have acute stress disorder, whichI'm going to talk about in more detail,
we need to be able to talkabout what we're feeling, what we're
(25:44):
thinking, and how all of thatimpacts our behavior. Now, not everybody
is going to experience PTSD. Whowas there? Not everybody is going to
have a cute stress disorder, buteverybody is going to have some type of
reaction to it. How can younot. We're human being. I saw
somebody get shot and then we witnessthe chaos of all of that. Now
I watch it on TV, likesome of the videos that people had taken
(26:07):
on their iPhone, and I'm like, oh my gosh, that sounds.
It's horrible to have to experience that. It's horrible to have to see a
shooter and thinking, oh my god, am I going to die? And
if you're there with your loved ones, oh my god, I gotta protect
my children, you know, fromgetting harmed, and how do we And
it's almost impossible to process all ofthat without getting some kind of help.
(26:30):
Now, I'm going to talk aboutsome of the things that people who experience
a violent crime go through psychologically.And some of the times it's, you
know, intervention is needed. Someof the times it's not. As I
talked about before, We've all processedthings differently. The first thing I want
to talk about acute stress to sortof ACD ASD. Sorry, I don't
(26:51):
know my alphabet today, what isit now? In the immediate aftermath after
witnessing a shooting, many individuals mayexperience symptoms of acute stress disorder. ASD
is characterized by intense anxiety and disassociationand other distressful symptoms that occur within the
first month after the traumatic event.I have heard, you know, when
(27:15):
I work with people who've gone througha traumatic experience, they will often say
to me, Well, first ofall, they don't tell me about it.
Yeah, and I'll say what wasYeah, I'm like, what's been
going on in your life? Andthen I hear like, oh, six
months ago my mother died And I'mlike, okay, your mother died and
you don't think you should be havingany kind of emotions about it. Six
months later they're like, well,no, it's been six months, but
(27:37):
I'll tell you something. And thisis going to lead us to the next
one. We're going to talk aboutPTSD. We can have a delayed reaction.
The symptoms don't always come on rightaway because our body and mind is
trying to process the shock of itall. But I guarantee you we are
going to see some of those symptomscome back or express themselves more intensely,
because you might have to be like, oh, they're not that, but
(28:00):
of course I I feel like this. But they will come back in a
heightened form of anxiety, heightened formof depression, and also other symptoms,
which I'm going to get to afterwe take a commercial break. So much
to talk about today, I'm tryingto get it all in. Back to
unbleed your life and relationships on NewsTalk eleven thirty wys Hey, guys,
(28:22):
welcome back to Unleep Your Life andRelationships. Today we're talking about some of
the psychological effects witnessing what happened onJuly thirteenth, whether in person, whether
you watched it on TV and arestill reading about it on social media,
how it affects us collectively. Wetalked about collective trauma, and I was
just sharing about how it affects peopleindividually when they witness something so violent as
(28:49):
what we saw on TV, orif you happen to be there in person.
We were just talking about acute stressdisorder ASD. Now the commons symptoms
include intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, which you know, I've worked with
lots of people who've gone through traumaticexperiences have nightmares and severe emotional distress when
(29:11):
reminded of the trauma. And Igot to tell you, guys, turn
that stuff off. We don't constantlybe needing to see that footage over and
over again. It's only re traumatizingyou each time you see it. If
you are suffering from acute stress disorder, and you might not even recognize that
you're suffering from that, but Iguarantee you if you're watching it over and
(29:33):
over again, you're going to beimpacted more so than if you just turn
it off. And if you turnon a station for about thirty minutes,
pick a station national news, thislast that weekend, that had happened.
I think in a matter of thirtyminutes, you probably watched it on replay
about thirty times. Yeah, andunless it's new information, it's the same
old stuff being recycled. Turn itoff now. Some people also have difficulties
(29:56):
sleeping, and they that's a wholenothing is should we talking? Yeah,
you might be more at irritable andangry. Some people have disassociative symptoms,
such as feeling detached from oneself orreality. Sometimes that happens too. These
reactions are the mind's way of tryingto process and cope with the overwhelming experience.
(30:18):
Andrew, you ask me that whatis the initial thing that happens?
We try, like our mind andbody tries to process something that is so
shocking and not part of our dayto day life. Now, that was
asd The other thing. I'm surelots of you guys listening out there have
heard of It's common we hear aboutit, but what does it really mean
(30:38):
post traumatic stress disorder. Now forall those people that were there, they're
going to experience I would say,and now I'm not, you know,
doing therapy over here, but justfrom my experience, some symptoms of PTSD.
What is PTSD? Well, ifthe symptoms of what we just talked
about ASD persist beyond a mind,they may develop into post traumatic stress disorder.
(31:03):
PTSD is a chronic condition, guys, that can significantly impair a person's
ability to function in daily life.Now, symptoms of PTSD include re experiencing
the trauma through flashbacks, nightmares.You might be avoiding certain situations or reminders
of the trauma, negative changes inyour thoughts and moods that other people might
(31:26):
observe in you. You are notgoing to be aware of that. So
if they are, rather than beingdefensive and say no, I'm not,
be sensitive to that and listen.You might also have a sense of hyper
arousal. What does that really mean? That you get startled or very quickly
in just to touch what might triggeryou to react in a certain way.
Now, the intrusive memories and heightenedanxiety can lead to avoidance behavior, where
(31:51):
the individual might steer clear of certainplaces, people, or activities that remind
them of the shooting. This canresult in social isolation and difficult in maintaining
healthy relationships and sometimes employment. AndI think men are at higher risk for
that using alcohol and substance abuse todeal with the symptoms of PTSD. It
(32:12):
is a real thing, and ifyou're feeling it, you have to get
some help, get some psychological help, go for therapy. It is okay
to do that. When are someof the vulnerable moments that people might start
feeling these emotions from the previous like, let's, for instance, the shooting
that took place. Yeah, inmy experience, it's after, you know,
(32:34):
after the hype, after we hearabout everything we need to hear about
it on social media or in thenews, things kind of settled down.
We might start having those symptoms because, like I shared earlier, I have
people come to me and they sayto me, I can't sleep, I'm
having flashbacks, and I think,okay, you know, they share more
symptoms and I diagnose them with PTSDand they said, wait a minute,
(32:54):
I didn't go through anything traumatic.And then when I asked them to share
about what's been going on in theirlife for the past year, I learned
that there was a traumatic incident,but they didn't perceive it or see it
as such in a moment or evenmonths later. And the symptoms of PTSD
can show up six months to ayear later. Like some people might be
(33:15):
like, hey, I'm okay,I was there. You know, I
was at the you know I wasat the rally. Sorry, I lost
my words. I was there atthe rally. But I seem to be
doing okay. But then months latera family member might say to you,
wait, wait a minute. Youknow, you seem more irritable. You
seem like you're on edge, andyou're missing a lot of work. You
seem to be sick, and it'strying to be mindful of Yeah maybe I
(33:37):
am, you know, and Ineed to go talk to somebody. It's
okay if you experience that. AndI think it's just the culture of men
too. And you mentioned men,you know, using substances, alcohol,
drugs. H. I think there'salso that tough guy mentality of you know,
I don't need it, I'm good, Yeah, I'll figure it out.
I'm okay. And I gotta tellyou it's okay. You can be
(33:59):
a tough guy and you can alsohave PTSD. The two can coexist,
and you can say, I needsome help. I'm tough, but this
happened to me, and I needsome help. We can talk so much
more in detail, but I've gotto get some other stuff in here before
we run out of time. Anxietyand depression. Witnessing a shooting can also
trigger generalize anxiety disorder and depression.The fear and helplessness experience during the event
(34:22):
can lead to a heightened sense ofvulnerability and a persistent state of anxiety.
Individuals may worry excessively about their safetyand the safety of their loved ones.
And you might be saying, well, how do I know when it's normal
and not normal? Whatever normal meansnormal? Is that I watched it.
I wasn't there in person, andyou know, all that stuff is happening
downtown Milwaukee. I'm not afraid.There is so many cops. There's protesters
(34:45):
love Trump, hate Trump, andI'm like, this is very interesting.
You know, I should have beenI should have been an investigative reporter because
I'm right in there and I lovethe energy, negative and positive. I've
never felt more safe. And Iknow I mentioned that earlier, but it's
surprisingly crazy. How much stuff isdown there. I mean, they're the
(35:07):
tents. It was a great eventthe city, but also a great event
for those people downtown. Well,I'm feeling pretty safe now. They might
experience panic attacks and develop phobia,such as fear of crowds or public places.
Depression again, can manifest as asense of hopelessness, loss of interest
in activities that you previously enjoyed before. These are all symptoms of witnessing.
(35:30):
Somebody gets shot, and we're talkingabout July thirteenth. That is very traumatic
for people who were there and peoplewho are watching it on TV continuously.
The other thing I really want totalk about is survivor's guilt, in particular
to that person. The family membersof the person who died. They survived
(35:51):
and he died. I can't commenton that case in particular, but what
I can say in general about survivor'sguilt that it is a very specific type
of emotional response that can occur afterwitnessing a shooting. And even those people
who are sitting around him. Youdon't have to be related to that person,
but just all of those people thatsaw him being shot. Now,
(36:12):
individuals may question why they survived whileothers did not, leading to intense feelings
of guilt and self blame like maybeI should have you know, interfered,
I should have done something. Icould have been in that spot, I
almost took that spot. I almosttook that spot. This can be particularly
challenging to cope with, as itoften involves a deep seated belief that they
(36:34):
could have or should have done somethingdifferently. Perhaps, you know, the
person who died his wife might begoing through survivor's guilt. Now again,
I'm not diagnosing her because I don'tknow, but this is what tends to
happen. Survivor's guilt can hinder thehealing process and contribute to the development of
other things like PTSD. Now,the long term psychological effects of witnessing a
(36:55):
shooting can vary widely depending on factorssuch as an individuals prior mental health.
If you are already experiencing anxiety anddepression and you happen to be there and
you're watching this either on TV,that can heighten all of that. The
level of support they receive and theircoping mechanisms is really important during that time.
Now, some individuals may gradually recoverwith time and support. What others
(37:20):
may struggle with persistent symptoms, andif you're that person, it's okay and
reach out and get some mental health. Access to mental health services, including
counseling and therapy, is crucial inhelping individuals process their trauma and develop healthy
coping mechanisms. If you know somebodywho's suffering, don't be afraid or shy
to say, hey, I loveyou, I care for you, and
(37:43):
I've noticed that since this has happened, you are not your normal self,
whatever that means, and you needsome help. It's okay to say that.
Again, we talk a lot aboutmental health when something like this happens,
but are there services available in thecommunity, And if you are related
to a person who was there andwho was directly impacted by it, maybe
(38:07):
it's an opportunity for you to goto them and say, hey, here
are some resources that I've heard ofin the community that you need some help.
Psychological interventions play a significant role inhelping people individuals cope with trauma of
witnessing a shooting. Now we cantalk about the different ways therapists work with
people to help them with trauma,but I'm not going to get into that
(38:27):
today. Because it's going to takeover the whole show before we end the
show today, though, I dowant to say, guys, it is
an opportunity for us to come togetheras a nation because this did happen to
a human Seeing a political person asa human being requires a conscious effort to
recognize their complexities, their vulnerabilities,and our shared humanity. We are all
(38:51):
human, after all. I thinkwe got to see that with former President
Trump this week. They are incYeah, is you know when he showed
up there on Monday night and isspeaking engagement Later in the week, he
showed emotion and it was definitely anuniting message that he had. Yes,
and we must unite. And ifyou're think, if you're feeling and thinking
and behaving in a certain way,I think, well, I wasn't really
(39:13):
there, so I don't know whyI'm feeling this way. We as a
nation are experiencing collective trauma. Collectivetrauma fundamentally alters the psychological, social,
culture, and political And you know, didn't get into all of that because
my focus is always on the psychological. Its impacts are deeply intervaling with the
fabric of our society, influencing ournot only individual wellbeing, But like I
(39:37):
said before, our social wellbeing,the ability to express ourselves culturally and politically.
Healing from trauma is multifaceted process.That's what I want to say,
guys, and which requires empathy andsympathy. The two are very different.
Support from others are family members andprofessionals. We need to get back to
(39:58):
a place of compassion and understand foreach other. The psychological impacts of all
of this cannot be minimized. Andagain I want to say, as I've
said repeatedly throughout this show and myother shows, we need to focus on
healing ourselves, healing as a society, as a community, and humanizing each
other. Again, and we arejust not looking at Trump or Biden as
(40:23):
we shouldn't be. I said,well, some people might be. We
shouldn't be just looking at them aspolitical figures. They are human, I
guess what. As humans, theybelong to a family system. And you
guys know I'm a family therapist andthat family loves them and cares for them,
whether you do or not, Sohave some compassion for them. And
you know what, guys, AsI always say, whatever your leanings are,
(40:45):
control what you can which is yourpower to vote. But again going
back to what happened on July thirteenth, Let's have some compassion. Let's come
together as a nation with our humanities. Let's do that. Okay, Andrew,
thank you so much for today.Y'all. Join you guys next Sunday,
same time, same place,
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