Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Relationships weather, romantic, platonic, familial, are complicated and can be
downright MESSI bringing out the best and worst in all
of us. Here's an opportunity for you to learn effective,
concrete strategies to help you build healthy relationships from the
inside out. It's on Bleep Your Life and Relationships with
(00:21):
host Anita Asling, psychotherapist of over twenty five years.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hey guys, welcome to Unbleep Your Life and Relationships. I'm
your host Anita Ashley, a psychotherapist of over twenty five
years and recently came out with a book called Unbleep
Your Life and Relationships. It's available on Amazon and Simon
and Schuster, Target and Walmart. Now, this show, if you
are a first time listener, is all about relationships and
(00:48):
of course mental health. I always say to my friends
and my listeners and my patients that our mental health
hinges on the quality of our relationships. Now, what does
that really mean? What it means is, I'm sure you
guys can relate to. This is when our relationships are
not going well, we generally don't feel well. I don't
know about you, Greg, He's back in the studio. When
(01:09):
I'm having some conflict in my relationships with my kids,
or my significant other or my family. I'm kind of
off kilter, and I think, oh gosh, why am I
feeling this way? And people sometimes come to me say, well,
everything is fine, but I don't know I'm feeling this way.
And then we explore, we talk some more, and we
find out there's a relationships, a relationship that's in struggle,
it's in causing that person some kind of pain. So, guys, folk,
(01:34):
if you're feeling a little off kilter, ask yourself which
relationship you're struggling with in your life and what you
can do about it. And on this show we cover
different topics regards with regards to relationship relationships. And today
we're going to be talking about our relationship with dating apps.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Weird because I've never had to deal with that. Yeah,
in a way. Nervous about talking about this because I
don't know what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
We oh, well, yeah, what's making you nervous about it?
Maybe this is the therapy session, right, No, No, it's not. Well,
it's the number one way that people meet each other today.
It's the number one way people date and not just
you know, when I think of dating apps, I think
of people in their thirties or forties, but that's not
actually true. Having talked to my daughter my son and
(02:24):
listening to that cohort what they're like in their twenties
college age, they mostly too now meet on dating apps.
I think, well, what about school? Don't you meet people
in classes? Don't you talk in person anymore? And what
a stupid question, because, of course not. Mom. We text
and then we see each other in class, and maybe
there'll be a verbal exchange of some sort, but mostly
(02:47):
it's on texting. Sadly, you know, guys, you know how
I feel about that. I still think we need to
talk to each other, but I'm also realistic and accepting
the way the world works today, which is texting and
communicating that way. So getting back to the dating apps,
there are some that are more popular than others, and
after you know, kind of reading about them a little bit,
(03:08):
I'm like, yeah, they're not so bad. Actually, after all,
let's talk about them. Okay, First one, I'm sure you
guys have heard of this one. It is called Bumble.
I kind of like the name. What do you think, Greg,
Bumble Bumble It's a cute name. Bumble it is, well,
it's it's swiping base, meaning you can swipe left or
(03:28):
you can swipe right. And this one is different in
that women can initiate the conversation in heterosexual relationships. Now,
Bumble believes this is a great way to empower women
to take control of the conversation and it helps to
reduce the number of unsolicited messages they get. I'm sure
(03:50):
you guys know all about unsolicited messages, but also pictures.
I don't know if I can say this, but Greg, well,
can I say depicts? So the number of deepics I mean,
I'm on social I'm not on the dating apps, but
I am on social media Instagram asking you to ask
me if you guys are interested in following me on there.
(04:11):
The number of depicts that I get is unbelievable. And
I think, okay, like, do you guys who you know?
This is a whole new show we should do. I'm
you know, dick pics?
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Did you ever gett come on here?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
I'm not gonna say it. I want to know what
that person is thinking. Do they think that I'm going
to get this picture and think like, oh my god,
this is the best one I've ever seen in my life. Okay?
And I so have to get in contact with the
person that owns this. I'm so in love or not
so in love, but I'm so excited by this. I
(04:46):
need to meet this person. So yeah, it limits the
number of depics you're gonna get, and you're in control, ladies,
you are in control of that conversation and again swiping left,
swiping right. The other one is Tinder. I've heard of Tinder.
My kids, I think, and their friends use Tinder, and
some of my single friends use Tinder. Tinder is the
(05:08):
most well known and widely used globally. It is swiped
based again matching system. Swipe to the right if you're interested,
and left if you're not. Now, when two users swipe
right on each other's profile, it's a match bubbing. You
win the lottery. And it allows them to chat online
(05:30):
and of course arrange, you know, if they want to
get together. And it does have other features and if
you want them, you can subscribe. Some of these are
free and some of them if you upgrade, they will
give you X. You know, they can feature you as
a highlight of the month or highlight of the week,
kind of like ice cream.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I wonder what happens when you swipe up or now.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I don't think they have that option, but maybe you
can write to them and see what happens. The other
one that I'm sure you guys have heard of is Hinge.
Hinge marcus itself as the app designed to be deleted,
emphasizing serious relationships over casual encounters. This app encourages users
(06:10):
to build detailed profiles and interact through prompts and questions
rather than just photos. And I think that's great because
you know, we are more than just a photo. I
don't know it. Yeah, I mean a picture does say
a thousand words. But I also if I was on there,
I'd want to know more about you, especially if I'm
looking to have a serious relationship and not just a hookup.
(06:33):
So if you're looking for a long term relationship best
for serious dating, Hinge is the one for you. Hinge
allows users to comment on specific parts of a profile,
leading to perhaps more meaningful conversation if that's what you're
looking for. Again, it's all about what you're looking for now.
It also has a most compatible feature that uses a
(06:55):
matching algorithm to suggest potential partners. All of these apps,
as you're you know, listening, guys are designed to match
you with somebody that's most compatible. But again it's asking yourself,
what are you looking for? If you're looking for a hookup,
well that's why you know, you can put that on
your profile.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Apps.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yeah, well they do, But you could also put that
on your profile that you're not looking for a serious relationship.
You're looking to have fun, or you're looking to have
a friendship, or you can just say I'm looking to
find my partner for life. So there is some you
could be romantic over an app. It's not as cold
and callous as it sounds. The other one, now, I
have only recently heard of this one. It's called Okaycupid.
(07:34):
It's kind of cute, best known for its extensive questionnaire
that helps match users based on compatibility, but they all
kind of are based on compatibility. Offers a more in
depth profile experience than many others dating apps which are
out there covering questions about your personal values, your likes,
your dislikes, and all that kind of stuff. I mean, again,
(07:55):
when we look at all these apps, they are really
trying to match you up. But again, guys, I have
patients who come into my office and they're like, ah,
Anita I've been on these apps and I'm failing miserably
a hookup or meet people for casual encounters, because if
that's what you want or I'm looking for a long
term relationship, it never works out. Again, they're looking at
(08:16):
compatibility and you got to look at your profile. What
is it that you're putting on your profile that you're
not matching because if you're putting stuff on there that's
not really authentic to yourself, and that's what you're getting back.
Guess what, maybe you need to change up that profile.
We are going to be talking about next session, not session.
I think I'm in session now. I always call this session.
(08:37):
In our next episode, I'm going to help you, guys,
create a profile. If you're looking to go on these platforms,
create a profile that's going to be effective and it's
going to attract that it is what you want. I
want to say this again. We attract that which we exude.
Let me say that again. We attract that which we exude.
(08:59):
What does that mean? Whatever energy we're putting out into
the world, guys, that is what we're going to get back,
even online, because there is an aura, there is a
vibe by everything that we put in our profile. By
every picture that we put in our profile, we are
saying something about ourselves. And when I hear over and
over again, I'm you know, trackting the wrong people or
(09:21):
you know, I' attracting these kind of people, and what
is it? What's going on? Don't look on the outside,
look on the inside. And also look again what is
my profile like? And if you guys out there can
relate to this, change up your profile, change up your picture.
But before you do that, ask yourself that question again,
what is it that I'm looking for? And am I
(09:41):
exuding that? Does that make any sense?
Speaker 3 (09:44):
It does?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
And you don't want to put something like I like
to fish and that's it and that a really stupid picture.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, that's not going to work. You want to So
again look within yourself, ask yourself what you're looking for
and that profile, the pictures I you're putting on there
need to reflect that. And if it's not matching, then
you got to do something different. We're going to come
back after this message break and continue our conversation about
dating online.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Everyone strives for healthier relationships. Here's more of Unbleep your
Life and Relationships on news Talk.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Elen Wisa Hey guys, welcome back to Unbleep Your Life
and Relationships. I'm your host, Anita Astley. I'm a psychotherapist
of twenty five years and published author of Unbleep Your
Life and Relationships. You can get it on Simon and
Schuster and also on Amazon. In this show, we talk
about all things relational and mental health. Today we're talking
(10:43):
about dating online, and I'm going to get into the
pros and cons. But we were just talking about some
of the most popular ads not ads, Sorry a total apps?
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Are we just talking about the app?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
We were talking about apps, not ads. Oops. We talked
about Tinder, we talked about we talked about Okaycupid, we
talked about Bumble and the one we have to talk
about now is Match dot com. It is the oldest
and most established dating platform app with a focus on
helping users find long term relationships and love. It offers
(11:17):
a comprehensive profile setup and detailed search options. Now, people say,
what does that mean comprehensive profile setup? Anita, It is
a lengthy Questionair, And I tell you when I say lengthy,
it's gonna take you sometime. So, if you guys are
thinking of signing up for Match, dot com. Put some
time aside and give it some thought in terms of
(11:40):
what you're actually gonna say, because again, we want to
attract that which we exude. And if you're looking for
a long term relationship, a serious relationship, which is what
match dot com is seeking to do, then put some
time aside to do that. Now, let's get into the
pros and cons. Okay, I have heard horror stories of
(12:01):
dating online, like, oh my god, Anita, you can't believe
what happened to me. But then I've heard Son, I've
had some actually some close friends of mine who have
actually met online and they got married or living happily
ever after, or they choose not to get married, but
they're living happily ever after. So there are pros and cons.
There are some great stories and there's some not so
great stories. Greg, I don't know, you have kids, you
(12:24):
have kids that are dating or.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
They actually my kids?
Speaker 4 (12:28):
My first my son Yeah, dated is is actually Greade
school sweetheart all the way through college and then I
got married, got my daughter.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
She's been dating if you guys here and there.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
So, but do you know if she met online.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
She didn't meet one Okay, she met in college.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah, so I'll show that my daughter has used one
of these apps, and she said, Mom, it's great, like
I can you know, we can go for a coffee
and then if I'm not interested it doesn't work out,
we move on. It's a very quick way to meet people.
And actually during I have to say, people didn't get
to meet each other, but at least they got to
meet each other online. So it was a great way
(13:06):
not to feel so alone. I know some COVID love
through some of these apps, you know, after they could
meet or some of them met with masks on and
then of course you know, it has a life of
its own and so forth. But so there's pros and cons. Okay,
let's get to the positive parts of some of the
dating apps. Is number one the accessibility. Literally it's at
(13:30):
your fingertips twenty four to seven. You don't have to
do much. It's accessible. Now, this is a pro, but
there it's already it's also a con. We'll talk about
that later. It's convenient anywhere anytime. Armchair dating, right, you
just have to kind of sit there. It's kind of
like a catalog. It's kind of sad though, Like I've
watched my you know, when my son was using them. Yeah,
(13:52):
swipe left, swipe right, type left.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
You missed the whole thing of the I hate to
say it, the hunt. I know you know when you
went to the bar. I know, don't you gave me
that look? But just you know, just to say, I want.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
To talk to that No, no, no, I agree with you.
I didn't yeah that look. Sorry, I didn't mean to
give you that look. Right, you're like where you're going
with No, No, that's absolutely true.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
No, that's remember you look across a bar or something,
across the grocery store.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I want to say something to that person.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yes, there's an excitement involved, or they don't have that anymore. Right,
there's an excitement involved. I see you across the room
that I said. I think, oh my god, this is
a little you know, something in my stomach, and I'm
feeling all excited, but an anxious in a positive way.
I'm checking you out. Well, now it's a catalog. Right.
So then I remember saying to my son when he
was doing this, you know, he's doing whatever else this
(14:40):
cohort does, and this is what they do. And I
said to him, I said, this seems so callous, Like
these are beautiful girls hoping to match with you, and
you're just like left, left, right, whatever it was, and
it just seems so disposable, you know. But I got
to say something. I'm Indian. And if you guys have
you know, read my book already or following me on
social media, I am Indian. I was born in India
(15:03):
and my father wanted me to have an arranged marriage.
That's a whole other show we could do, but it's
in my book if you want to buy the book
available on Amazon and Simon and Schuster. I talk about
that experience and I think, you know what when all
the dating stuff online, like, yeah, Indian people have been
doing this for centuries, except for it was a newspaper.
You know they have a section called the matrimonials. Yeah right,
(15:25):
do you remember the personals, yes, but in India it's
the matrimonials.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
You know.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
You put your pictures and you put all the data
and the family and then you get together and that's
the arranged marriage. There you go. Now today we have
technology to do this for us something. Okay, it's not
that far removed from what we used to do, except
for now we are doing it electronically. So the accessibility
of it all, the convenience of it all. It also
(15:51):
allows us to have a broad pool of potential compatible
matches via some algorithm that somebody has come up with,
which makes it much easier. You know, I think we're
moving towards easier, but I don't always think the easier
is the best way.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
What do you think, Oh, yeah, I just want to
go back to the olden You have to worry about that.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I don't have to worry about that anymore. But if
I had to, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (16:17):
Even today, somebody, let's say it's over fifty yep, would
they want to use these online?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
They do. There is actually a large number of divorce
people who use who use it to you know, match
up with somebody else.
Speaker 4 (16:30):
Because you lost all that all that expertise of meeting
somebody yeah in church or wherever.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yeah, Well, we don't congregate the same way anymore, right,
That's part of the problem. We spend much too much
time on our technology, and if we're going to do
that and we're looking to find a partner, maybe that's
the best way to do it. Society is moving towards that,
whether we like it or not. I still think it's
much more fun to go and meet somebody in person.
But we'll talk about that, like how you know, and
(16:55):
I have five not five, I have tips for people
to help them through this process in terms of when
you meet somebody online, what should that process look like.
I have the perfect way of doing it. Okay, I
know people have their own way, but through working with
people and close friends of mine and experiencing this myself,
(17:15):
there is a process, and I think people should follow
a process. But before I get into that, the accessibility
and convenience is particularly beneficial for you know, we live
in a world of everybody's busy being busy, so when
you're off wherever you are, it doesn't matter that you're
not in your hometown anymore. It's accessible and it's convenience,
(17:36):
so you can do that save time. Everybody wants to
save time. Not necessarily the best thing, but hey, it
fits our society today. Now another pro the criterion profiles
allows us to put in things that we are really
looking for across country, across state, and across the world.
So it doesn't matter if you're here in Wisconsin and
(17:58):
you meet somebody in North Carolina. It allows you to
have that reach that we we in traditional settings would
not have right. I mean, traditionally it's in your social circles, workplaces,
local communities, like you were saying, in church. Also, you know,
we get to meet people across backgrounds. You know, when
(18:18):
we're in our social circles, we tend to hang out
with people that other work with us. They live in
our community, they go to our church. But now all
across the board, I don't know, I think that's an advantage.
What do you think.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
I'm moving to Lexington, Kentucky. I want to go start
checking out the apps there. I'm moving there in the
six months. Yeah, and you can actually do that.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
You can. I've had patients who you know, are looking
for love and they're not just looking in their own
state and they found it in a different state and
it then they have Wow. They're like, wow, I've never
been to North Carolina before, and now I've discovered this
whole new world and I'm moving there and all that
kind of stuff. So it opens up a door that
traditional dating didn't allow us to open up before and
(19:02):
still does. And I still think traditional dating is awesome,
but hey, this is the way that the world functions today. Now.
Another advantage is that you are in control of the process,
and people will say, no, I'm not. I'm not in
control of the process because this, you know, relationship have
online is making me feel this way. You are still
(19:23):
in control of that process. You can delete the app,
you can say no, thank you, and you can turn
it off. You are not. If you're feeling like you're
a slave to it, that's on you, but you are
in control of it. Online dating provides users with a
high degree of control over their dating experience. You can
(19:44):
filter potential matches based on specific criteria, which is your age,
the location, you know, if you're open to you know,
North Carolina, Hey, that should put it on there, your interests,
and your values. You are in control now. If you're
using the apps and you feel that the app are
controlling you, that's a you issue, and that's that there's
(20:04):
a function in the app that helps you to delete.
Guess what you need to use your power and your
control to delete and to get off. People have trouble
with that sometimes and they blame the they blame the app.
I'm like, it's not the app's fault. It's what's going
on inside of you, dude.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
It's the user.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
It's that user. You are the user, never forget that.
And the user is always in control whether you choose
to be. That's that's the only issue we got to
work out. Okay, we will continue this discussion after this break.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Anita Ashley has more advice on how to on bleep
your Life and Relationships on news Talk eleven thirty wys.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Hey, guys, welcome back to Unbleep your Life and Relationships.
I'm your host Anita Askley. Today we are talking about
the pros and cons of dating online. Now, you guys know,
if you've listened to me before, I still think the
traditional way there's nothing that can rep place that. But
you know, in a world of everybody being so busy,
there are a lot of pros to dating online. The convenience,
(21:07):
accessibility and being able to cater our profile and kind
of you know, filtering out all those people that we
don't want to meet, you know, at the bar. We
you know, we might waste a lot of time thing
Oh gosh, you know, it's been an hour and now
I just find out that we're like not very compatible,
So I better move on online. You can do that
pretty quickly. We were talking about the pro so another
(21:29):
pro of dating online is is a diverse dating option.
Online dating caters to a wide range of preferences and
relationships goals, from casual dating and friendship sometimes to long
term relationships. Again, it goes to you know what it
is that you're seeking. Some people again, like we talked
(21:49):
about earlier, are looking for a hookup. Some people are
looking for friendship. But ultimately these dating apps cater to
people who are looking for long term relationships various demographics,
including niche dating sites for specific religions, lifestyles, or interests.
I talked earlier about the matrimonials and how they were
(22:09):
used with the Indian population. There are dating apps specifically
for Indian people who just want to date and marry
Indian people. Now this was controversial. I'm like, well, why
is that controversial. They're just being very specific. It's not racist.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
It's like the Jewish community too.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
I mean, they want to continue the Jewish faith, so yeah,
they want to find somebody who's Jewish.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. People become all judgy
about that kind of stuff. I'm like, okay, we all
have preferences. But you know, again, we've talked about this before,
Greg on this show, we've become a very soft generation.
Everything it has to be so politically correct. But hey,
these apps are just saying, listen, we know what you want.
You want somebody who's Jewish, or you want somebody who's Indian,
(22:49):
and we're not going to be politically correct whatever this
is your population. You know, if we were to say
that out of that context, we'd be accused of being
all closed and stuff. I know, yes, Christian mingle right,
I think it's not there's nothing wrong with that, And
I don't think anybody should be made to feel bad
because they want to date within their religion, within their culture.
(23:12):
That's a choice that we have. We do live in America.
We have freedom to choose that. It doesn't make you
a bad person or you know, you shouldn't be made
to feel guilty. I've listened to people like that in
my office and they feel bad saying that to me,
like I'm a you know, they don't know how to
say it because I'm Indian, so I am brown, and
that's okay. It's not something I'm hiding and I'm not
something I'm sensitive about, is what it is. And I
(23:34):
love it. I am Indian. But my patients will sometimes say, well,
I need I didn't want to tell you I just
want to date Jewish people. I thought you'd be offended.
I'm like, why why would I be offended? Okay, you're
assuming i'd want to date you in the first place,
but no, I'm not offended. You're allowed to have that choice.
So again, guys, don't feel bad if you're looking for
a specific group of people, that's okay. Uh. This diversity
(23:57):
allows users, you know, the availability of the diverse. He
allows users to find a platform that suits their particular needs,
increasing against the likelihoodhood of finding a compatible match, which
you can't do at a bar. If you're looking for
somebody who's Jewish, you could do it at the synagogue,
but you gotta you know, what are you gonna do? Yeah,
you're gonna go up to and say, hey, are you Jewish?
Because I can only you know. You're only a potential
(24:19):
partner if you're Jewish. The dating apps allow you to
do that in a much more polite manner. Okay. The
other pro is perfect for shy or introverted people. I
don't know it's a pro, but I'm going to talk
about well, I don't need read. It's not really that
much of a pro at the end. Maybe as a psychotherapist.
That's how I feel now. For introverted people, you know,
(24:41):
you can sit behind your computer, you're shy, it's a
less intimidating way of meeting people. You don't have to
approach somebody. You can kind of hide behind the screen,
hide behind the keyboard, and do all of that. But
I think, you know what, yeah, that environment serves as
a buffer to kind of protect you. But when I
(25:02):
work with introverted people and they're afraid to go out
on a date or too shy, my goal is to
eventually get them out there. Yes, this is a great
way to kind of put yourself out there, but I
still think the great the greater role for me, and
I think for a person who's introverted is to get
out there. It's okay, slowly over time. So although it's
a positive, it's also a negative in that it keeps
(25:25):
you in your shell. It only perpetuates your invertedness if
that's you know, And it's okay if you're an introvert,
But at some point you want to get out there later, right,
is that the goal later? Yeah? Yeah? But I agree,
like in the short term immediate term. It helps you
to get out there and you're shy, and that's a
(25:45):
great way of doing it because you don't have to
be there physically with that person unless you think it's
going to be a relationship that's going to go somewhere.
And I've had that happen where I've worked with this guy,
an introvert shy, and people argue, well, an introverted person
is not really a shy person, and that's true. They
just choose to have a smaller circle of people. But
there are people who are very shy and don't want
(26:06):
to get out there, and I encourage them ultimately to
get out there. Now they made a connection online. I've
had that happen. This guy was working with a couple
of years ago. I made a great connection online, but
was so scared to go and meet that person in person.
I'm like, dude, you can't you know, And she was
insisting and then said, well, maybe this is not really
who the person is saying that they are. But anyway,
(26:27):
eventually I helped them over time that they went out there.
So we still have to work on our shine and
so it's a pro but it's also a con sometimes
over dating online, we can have an increased transparency. Now
what does that mean. We were just talking about that.
It encourages you to create a profile that's very specific.
(26:49):
It's very catered to the type of person that you're
looking for, so you can find somebody that's compatible. Another
pro is safety and privacy features. Most reputable online dating
platforms offer safety features such as, I can block you.
If I feel like you're harassing me online, I can
block you. I can report to you for the d
pictures that you might be sending me. It's a way
(27:10):
of protecting your information and protecting yourself. So we have
to have privacy features on these dating apps because you know,
when I went on I remember doing some stuff myself.
My son said to me, Mom, it's successful. You know this.
You have to be very careful. I said, thanks. I
think I am the relationship expert, but I appreciate you
(27:31):
trying to protect me absolutely, which we're going to get
into the misrepresentation of who you actually are. Now that's
some of the good stuff. And now, of course when
there's good stuff, there's always some bad stuff. He talking
about that, But the internet and dating apps do bring
out some of the worst in people. I hate to
(27:52):
say that, because I think that most people are pretty good.
But the first one I'm going to talk about is
cat fishing. Now I have to look this up because
I'm old, not today, but I had to look it
up a couple of years ago. I'm like, what is catfishing?
And I was like, then, my you know. I looked
it up and my son explained it to me, and
I thought, well, why would you do that? That's so
terrible and he thought, well, Mom, that's the internet and
(28:13):
dating apps. I had to tell you all about that.
What is catfishing? Do you know what it is? Greg?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (28:17):
By there was a TV show on MTV, Yeah that
my wife and my daughter used to watch, Yeah, which
she was still at home, So I kind of know
what that is. Basically, you're just you're you're telling somebody
that you're somebody you're not. I have a big model
and you're gonna love me and send me some money.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yeah. It's misrepresentation, right, So it gives you know, these
aiding dating apps give space to people who are very
comfortable at misrepresenting themselves, leading to of course disappointment and
heartache and and you know, like you're just talking about right, now,
I always say to people, it's a red flag when
somebody asks you for money, whether it's on a dating
(28:53):
app or not. Red flag, red flag, red flag. Stop
communicating with them because that is not what this is
supposed to be about. And I don't care if you've
been talking to them for months and months, because that
is part of their process. They want to build trust
with you and then they're going to ask you for money.
So that's one of the dark sides of using dating apps.
(29:14):
But it's a cautionary notes. We're adults. We have to
make good choices, especially when we are online. Be very careful.
It gives space to all the stuff that we don't
really want to come into contact with. Yeh, cat fishing.
Make sure you know who you're talking about, who you're
talking with, because there's so much space and room for misrepresentation.
(29:34):
Another is the challenge of building genuine connections with a
person because the initial stage of online dating involved text
space communication, which you guys know, I love texting, but
at the same time, I don't think it's a very
personal way to get to know somebody. You can't fully
capture the essence of that person. You need to be
(29:54):
able to move to the next level. So we might
have a lot of connections online, particularly you know people.
So I'm dating a few people online, but they're very
shallow connections and I think, Okay, well, when are you
going to start actually building a connection with any of
these people? And they're like, well, I'm trying with all
five of them, and I've only been at this level
of communication. And I'll say, well, that doesn't work. It's
(30:18):
great for the initial introductions, but not really for later on.
And I'm going to put a question in here because
it's going to be explicit of what I'm going to
talk about next, which is really important. Anita. I've been
dating online for a few years now. I'm a twenty
six year old female. I at times feel overwhelmed by
it all, and as a result, have deleted my Hinge account.
(30:41):
I thought I would love the number of choices that
are out there, but in reality, I don't. Now I'm
not dating at all, and I'm afraid to go back online.
So I use this question to highlight you know a
lot of people struggle with this that I've listened to
in my office and some of the questions that I
get online. It is called the paradox of choice. The
(31:03):
paradox of choice listen closely, friends, because it is something
that most of us struggle with in life period when
there are too many choices, but in particular to dating online.
This is one of the biggest disadvantages to dating online.
This is a psychological concept that suggests while having more
(31:23):
options can seem beneficial, it can lead to a numerous
negative outcomes and feelings, such as anxiety, indecision, and dissatisfaction
because there's so much choice that we become paralyzed to
make a decision. Does that make any sense? We are paralyzed.
There's too much, right And what it actually does is
(31:45):
makes us feel like we're never going to find the
perfect person, which doesn't exist because there's so many out there,
and also leads into this sense and feeds into our
sense of the grasses always greener. On the other side,
there must be something better for me, I do. I'm
not sure if this is the one. The paradox of
(32:05):
choice is actually paralyzing to have choices. It's wonderful to
have choices, but to have too many choices sometimes leaves
people feeling like they're drowning and overwhelmed, and they want
to just hide under the blanket. We will come back
to talking more about this after this.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Break back to Unbleep Your Life and Relationships on news
Talk eleven thirty wys.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Hey, guys, welcome back to Unbleep Your Life and Relationships.
I'm your host Anita Astley. Today we're talking about the
pros and cons of dating online, and I was just
addressing a question sent in via Instagram from one of
my followers, a thirty six year old male who's dating
and was feeling overwhelmed by the number of choices and
(32:56):
has and then has gone on and off on offline
because it was too overwhelming. This is called the paradox
of choice. Now, choices are wonderful, but when we have
too many, sometimes it's paralyzing. In dating, the vast array
of potential partners can lead to an endless cycle of
searching for the perfect match. The perfect match does not exist, friends.
(33:20):
What we really want to search for is the most
compatible match, which is a beauty of some of these
dating apps, and that's what they tried to provide you with. Now.
We talked about that earlier. Another negative is this abundance
of choice that we have can sometimes lead to people.
I was just saying this before we went to break
(33:41):
the sense of the grass is always greener on the
other side. And I remember working with one of my
patients who literally would hat from one relationship to the
next relationship. As soon as there was a problem in
the relationship, he got out because he said, well, Anita,
there's like five other women waiting for me. I just
have this colittion. I thought, wait a minute, when are
(34:01):
you ever going to learn how to solve your problems? Okay,
if you're just going to jump ship each time? And
he had commitment issues, So it doesn't bode well for
people who have commitment issues. Now we all have some
kind of issues related to relationships. But when you're able
to just jump from one relations to another, and it's
so easy online to find somebody else, not necessarily the
(34:24):
best person or the best match, you are avoiding your
issues with commitment. And so what I remember saying to
this person, and I'll say to the person who sent
in this question today for today's show, is give each
relationship a chance. I know it's overwhelming to have so
much interest, but pick the one that you're going to date,
(34:46):
focus on that particular person, and give the relationship a chance.
What does it mean, give it a couple of months
and wait for a conflict to come up, because that's
going to test the relationship whether it's going to be
a successful relationship or not, meaning if you're going to
be able to resolve the conflict. And you, guys, if
you've listened to my shows before, in conflict, a conflict
(35:07):
is a perfect opportunity to test this relationship out. Are
we going to increase the emotional intimacy in this relationship
or are we going to decrease it or is it
going to just stay where it is? So we need
to give the relationship time to evolve into something now.
Of course, if you give it time and it doesn't
go ahead, move on to the next relationship. But if
(35:29):
you're just jumping ship each time, you're doing yourself a disservice,
you're doing the other person a disservice, and you most
likely are just going to keep this pattern up until
you end up you know, eighty and you're still lonely
and haven't found somebody. So there's you know, there's a
lot of it. It's great that we have choice, but
it's also harmful to us sometimes, so we don't have
choice because we become flooded, we become overwhelmed, and we
(35:52):
feel paralyzed to make any choice. So that's my advice
to you. If you guys out there are listening to
this and can relate, give the relationship a chance before
moving on to somewhere else, something else. And also just
remember the grass is not always greener on the other side,
especially if you're older. You know, in your twenties. I think, yeah,
(36:13):
your twenty, you don't have enough experience with this because
I've worked with younger people are like, well, you know,
maybe I need to give this a chance, but there's
so many issues. No, you're twenty, you don't have any kids,
you're not married, your finances are not co mingled. Move on.
But if you're forty five point fifty, yeah, there is
a difference. If you're jumping ship every time, give the
(36:34):
relationship a chance and see and you know, you got
to work on your own issues before you start pointing
the finger at somebody else. And the grass is not
always greener. So, guys, there are some pros and cons
at dating online. It's not all bad and it's not
all good. We have to ask ourselves what is it
that we're seeking, and there are apps out there that
will cater to what it is that you're seeking. Some
(36:56):
are seeking casual encounters, some are seeking long term relationlationships,
some are also just seeking friendships. I've known people who've
made great friends online. They initially thought maybe this is
going to work out as a romantic relationship, but what
ends up happening is that they just build a great friendship.
So again, guys, if it's not working for you, don't
blame the app. Look in the mirror. Also look at
(37:17):
your profile. What are you exuding and what are you
getting back? And next week, guys, I am going to
talk to you about how to create a perfect well
not perfect because I hate using that word. Nobody's perfect
and nothing is perfect, but a very representative profile of
who you are and what it is that you're seeking.
Because if it's not working, change up the profile, or
(37:40):
maybe you need to go on a different dating app
that this one is not working for you. And people say, well,
should I be on all five? Should be on four?
Should I be on three? It's how much you can manage.
I think it's I don't think it's manageable to be
on like four or five. I think two two is
a great Two's a great choice. You know you'll get
different data from different ones and then maybe you know
you'll eliminate it to one. I think match dot com.
(38:02):
I've heard great reviews about that. Younger people tend to
use Hinge and Tinder that's one or bumble, but the
older ones seem to use match dot com. Well, it
is the oldest one that's been around. So there are
your tips for.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
And kind of reminds me of a fantasy football don't go.
Don't be in so many leagues to concentrate on one or two.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Well, it's hard to manage it, all right, it's hard
to manage all those people. And guys, don't forget. I
want to say this, there are people behind that picture.
There are human beings behind that profile. So if it's
somebody who's reaching out to you, and you know, you
talk a little bit and then you figure out that
you're not that compatible, be kind, don't be mean. Words
(38:42):
are very hurtful. You know. I've worked with people who
have terrible experiences online and it's really hurt their sense
of self. There me, we don't need to be commenting
on people's physical characteristics. One of them was, you know,
I'm not that attracted to you physically when I met you,
you know, I thought you were ten pounds later. We
don't need to be meeting. You don't need to say that.
(39:03):
You know, I could say, well I thought you had hair, dude,
But this, you know, that's one of the one of
the one of the one of the cons is like
people put outdated pictures of themselves. You know, I forgot
to mention that one. They put old pictures and then
you meet online you're like, oh my god, you don't
look anything like your picture. That's why you need to
follow this protocol when you're dating online. And this really
(39:25):
works well, guys. I mean, you can have your own formula,
but I'm gonna give you something. Chat on the profile,
and if you feel good enough, safe enough with the person,
exchange phone numbers, texts with each other, and then talk
to each other. When you verbally talk to somebody, you're
in a sense is there a vibe? Is there not
(39:45):
a vibe? And if there's a vibe and you're having
and talk to each other multiple times, not just sol
those one or two times and then FaceTime, is this
person really the person? Is this picture matching, is it compatible?
Because you know I hear of that all the time.
Oh what you don't look like that? Well, oh that
picture was twenty years old. Okay, well you think you
could have told me that before we went on this stage.
So do FaceTime, and then if you feel comfortable safe,
(40:09):
go and have dinner with them at a public place.
This order of things I think is really important. And
from working with people, I empower them with these choices
so it can be a successful outcome. And sometimes it
might be a successful romantic relationship that outcome, it might
be a friendship, or you just might decide to go
your own way. That's okay, But we don't need to
(40:30):
be mean and we don't need to be hurtful.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
What about saying something like that you're on a date
and you just know it's not gonna work.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Yeah, you don't know the person.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
Hey, I like it, you're a nice person, but I
just don't think this is gonna work.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Yeah, and that's okay, it's okay, that's okay. You're being
polite and ghosting. You know, people goest each other all
the time. Don't go just say you know you've met,
You're not interested, You're not compatible. You don't have to
attack their personal appearance. We don't choose to look the
way we look. We just come out this way. Now.
Of course, there's always ways of working with what you have,
and some people don't know how to do that. That's okay,
taking care of your body and mind. But I'm just
(41:04):
saying we don't need to be unkind. Sometimes it works
and sometimes it doesn't. And if it doesn't work out,
go back online, change your profile, change your pictures, and
choose wisely. You know, we can also choose unwisely online
as we do in the you know, traditional sense of dating.
And if you're always meeting up with a similar kind
of person, that's not the world. That's you. I always
(41:28):
say to people, when it's everybody else, it's not everybody else,
it's actually you. You got to work on yourself before it.
And guys, if you're thinking you've never been on any
of these dating apps, because I work with the older
you know, I'm saying older myself, like fifty five, fifteen, forty,
you've been divorced and you're going back online. It's a
(41:48):
whole new game out there. But again, ask yourself, what
is it that you're looking for what do I want
from this app? What am I looking for? Because that's
exactly what you're going to attract. You need to be
very mindful and very conscious of that. Next week, I'm
going to help you create a profile that's going to
(42:10):
get you what it is that you want. Again, remember
we're not looking for the perfect match. We are looking
for the most compatible match, because again, love is not enough.
It's a day to day compatibility or week to week, months,
a month, year to year. Because you know, Greg knows
all about this. Compatibility is key in long term relationships,
(42:30):
maintaining them and sustaining them. Okay, we are out of time,
but if you, guys.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Go, if you want to ask a question, go to
your Instagram page.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yes, please send me your comments and questions via my
Instagram page. I have a lot of questions about dating online,
but today I wanted to talk about the pros and cons,
and next week I will give you some hints on
how to create that profile and which pictures are best
to put up, but also address some of your comments
and questions that I didn't get to today. Dating online
and bleep dating online, and see you next week, guys,
Relationships weather, romantic, platonic, familial, are complicated and can be
downright MESSI bringing out the best and worst in all
of us. Here's an opportunity for you to learn effective,
concrete strategies to help you build healthy relationships from the
inside out. It's on Bleep Your Life and Relationships with
(00:21):
host Anita Asling, psychotherapist of over twenty five years.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hey guys, welcome to Unbleep Your Life and Relationships. I'm
your host Anita Ashley, a psychotherapist of over twenty five
years and recently came out with a book called Unbleep
Your Life and Relationships. It's available on Amazon and Simon
and Schuster, Target and Walmart. Now, this show, if you
are a first time listener, is all about relationships and
(00:48):
of course mental health. I always say to my friends
and my listeners and my patients that our mental health
hinges on the quality of our relationships. Now, what does
that really mean? What it means is, I'm sure you
guys can relate to. This is when our relationships are
not going well, we generally don't feel well. I don't
know about you, Greg, He's back in the studio. When
(01:09):
I'm having some conflict in my relationships with my kids,
or my significant other or my family. I'm kind of
off kilter, and I think, oh gosh, why am I
feeling this way? And people sometimes come to me say, well,
everything is fine, but I don't know I'm feeling this way.
And then we explore, we talk some more, and we
find out there's a relationships, a relationship that's in struggle,
it's in causing that person some kind of pain. So, guys, folk,
(01:34):
if you're feeling a little off kilter, ask yourself which
relationship you're struggling with in your life and what you
can do about it. And on this show we cover
different topics regards with regards to relationship relationships. And today
we're going to be talking about our relationship with dating apps.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Weird because I've never had to deal with that. Yeah,
in a way. Nervous about talking about this because I
don't know what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
We oh, well, yeah, what's making you nervous about it?
Maybe this is the therapy session, right, No, No, it's not. Well,
it's the number one way that people meet each other today.
It's the number one way people date and not just
you know, when I think of dating apps, I think
of people in their thirties or forties, but that's not
actually true. Having talked to my daughter my son and
(02:24):
listening to that cohort what they're like in their twenties
college age, they mostly too now meet on dating apps.
I think, well, what about school? Don't you meet people
in classes? Don't you talk in person anymore? And what
a stupid question, because, of course not. Mom. We text
and then we see each other in class, and maybe
there'll be a verbal exchange of some sort, but mostly
(02:47):
it's on texting. Sadly, you know, guys, you know how
I feel about that. I still think we need to
talk to each other, but I'm also realistic and accepting
the way the world works today, which is texting and
communicating that way. So getting back to the dating apps,
there are some that are more popular than others, and
after you know, kind of reading about them a little bit,
(03:08):
I'm like, yeah, they're not so bad. Actually, after all,
let's talk about them. Okay, First one, I'm sure you
guys have heard of this one. It is called Bumble.
I kind of like the name. What do you think, Greg,
Bumble Bumble It's a cute name. Bumble it is, well,
it's it's swiping base, meaning you can swipe left or
(03:28):
you can swipe right. And this one is different in
that women can initiate the conversation in heterosexual relationships. Now,
Bumble believes this is a great way to empower women
to take control of the conversation and it helps to
reduce the number of unsolicited messages they get. I'm sure
(03:50):
you guys know all about unsolicited messages, but also pictures.
I don't know if I can say this, but Greg, well,
can I say depicts? So the number of deepics I mean,
I'm on social I'm not on the dating apps, but
I am on social media Instagram asking you to ask
me if you guys are interested in following me on there.
(04:11):
The number of depicts that I get is unbelievable. And
I think, okay, like, do you guys who you know?
This is a whole new show we should do. I'm
you know, dick pics?
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Did you ever gett come on here?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
I'm not gonna say it. I want to know what
that person is thinking. Do they think that I'm going
to get this picture and think like, oh my god,
this is the best one I've ever seen in my life. Okay?
And I so have to get in contact with the
person that owns this. I'm so in love or not
so in love, but I'm so excited by this. I
(04:46):
need to meet this person. So yeah, it limits the
number of depics you're gonna get, and you're in control, ladies,
you are in control of that conversation and again swiping left,
swiping right. The other one is Tinder. I've heard of Tinder.
My kids, I think, and their friends use Tinder, and
some of my single friends use Tinder. Tinder is the
(05:08):
most well known and widely used globally. It is swiped
based again matching system. Swipe to the right if you're interested,
and left if you're not. Now, when two users swipe
right on each other's profile, it's a match bubbing. You
win the lottery. And it allows them to chat online
(05:30):
and of course arrange, you know, if they want to
get together. And it does have other features and if
you want them, you can subscribe. Some of these are
free and some of them if you upgrade, they will
give you X. You know, they can feature you as
a highlight of the month or highlight of the week,
kind of like ice cream.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I wonder what happens when you swipe up or now.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
I don't think they have that option, but maybe you
can write to them and see what happens. The other
one that I'm sure you guys have heard of is Hinge.
Hinge marcus itself as the app designed to be deleted,
emphasizing serious relationships over casual encounters. This app encourages users
(06:10):
to build detailed profiles and interact through prompts and questions
rather than just photos. And I think that's great because
you know, we are more than just a photo. I
don't know it. Yeah, I mean a picture does say
a thousand words. But I also if I was on there,
I'd want to know more about you, especially if I'm
looking to have a serious relationship and not just a hookup.
(06:33):
So if you're looking for a long term relationship best
for serious dating, Hinge is the one for you. Hinge
allows users to comment on specific parts of a profile,
leading to perhaps more meaningful conversation if that's what you're
looking for. Again, it's all about what you're looking for now.
It also has a most compatible feature that uses a
(06:55):
matching algorithm to suggest potential partners. All of these apps,
as you're you know, listening, guys are designed to match
you with somebody that's most compatible. But again it's asking yourself,
what are you looking for? If you're looking for a hookup,
well that's why you know, you can put that on
your profile.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Apps.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yeah, well they do, But you could also put that
on your profile that you're not looking for a serious relationship.
You're looking to have fun, or you're looking to have
a friendship, or you can just say I'm looking to
find my partner for life. So there is some you
could be romantic over an app. It's not as cold
and callous as it sounds. The other one, now, I
have only recently heard of this one. It's called Okaycupid.
(07:34):
It's kind of cute, best known for its extensive questionnaire
that helps match users based on compatibility, but they all
kind of are based on compatibility. Offers a more in
depth profile experience than many others dating apps which are
out there covering questions about your personal values, your likes,
your dislikes, and all that kind of stuff. I mean, again,
(07:55):
when we look at all these apps, they are really
trying to match you up. But again, guys, I have
patients who come into my office and they're like, ah,
Anita I've been on these apps and I'm failing miserably
a hookup or meet people for casual encounters, because if
that's what you want or I'm looking for a long
term relationship, it never works out. Again, they're looking at
(08:16):
compatibility and you got to look at your profile. What
is it that you're putting on your profile that you're
not matching because if you're putting stuff on there that's
not really authentic to yourself, and that's what you're getting back.
Guess what, maybe you need to change up that profile.
We are going to be talking about next session, not session.
I think I'm in session now. I always call this session.
(08:37):
In our next episode, I'm going to help you, guys,
create a profile. If you're looking to go on these platforms,
create a profile that's going to be effective and it's
going to attract that it is what you want. I
want to say this again. We attract that which we exude.
Let me say that again. We attract that which we exude.
(08:59):
What does that mean? Whatever energy we're putting out into
the world, guys, that is what we're going to get back,
even online, because there is an aura, there is a
vibe by everything that we put in our profile. By
every picture that we put in our profile, we are
saying something about ourselves. And when I hear over and
over again, I'm you know, trackting the wrong people or
(09:21):
you know, I' attracting these kind of people, and what
is it? What's going on? Don't look on the outside,
look on the inside. And also look again what is
my profile like? And if you guys out there can
relate to this, change up your profile, change up your picture.
But before you do that, ask yourself that question again,
what is it that I'm looking for? And am I
(09:41):
exuding that? Does that make any sense?
Speaker 3 (09:44):
It does?
Speaker 4 (09:44):
And you don't want to put something like I like
to fish and that's it and that a really stupid picture.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, that's not going to work. You want to So
again look within yourself, ask yourself what you're looking for
and that profile, the pictures I you're putting on there
need to reflect that. And if it's not matching, then
you got to do something different. We're going to come
back after this message break and continue our conversation about
dating online.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Everyone strives for healthier relationships. Here's more of Unbleep your
Life and Relationships on news Talk.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Elen Wisa Hey guys, welcome back to Unbleep Your Life
and Relationships. I'm your host, Anita Astley. I'm a psychotherapist
of twenty five years and published author of Unbleep Your
Life and Relationships. You can get it on Simon and
Schuster and also on Amazon. In this show, we talk
about all things relational and mental health. Today we're talking
(10:43):
about dating online, and I'm going to get into the
pros and cons. But we were just talking about some
of the most popular ads not ads, Sorry a total apps?
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Are we just talking about the app?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
We were talking about apps, not ads. Oops. We talked
about Tinder, we talked about we talked about Okaycupid, we
talked about Bumble and the one we have to talk
about now is Match dot com. It is the oldest
and most established dating platform app with a focus on
helping users find long term relationships and love. It offers
(11:17):
a comprehensive profile setup and detailed search options. Now, people say,
what does that mean comprehensive profile setup? Anita, It is
a lengthy Questionair, And I tell you when I say lengthy,
it's gonna take you sometime. So, if you guys are
thinking of signing up for Match, dot com. Put some
time aside and give it some thought in terms of
(11:40):
what you're actually gonna say, because again, we want to
attract that which we exude. And if you're looking for
a long term relationship, a serious relationship, which is what
match dot com is seeking to do, then put some
time aside to do that. Now, let's get into the
pros and cons. Okay, I have heard horror stories of
(12:01):
dating online, like, oh my god, Anita, you can't believe
what happened to me. But then I've heard Son, I've
had some actually some close friends of mine who have
actually met online and they got married or living happily
ever after, or they choose not to get married, but
they're living happily ever after. So there are pros and cons.
There are some great stories and there's some not so
great stories. Greg, I don't know, you have kids, you
(12:24):
have kids that are dating or.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
They actually my kids?
Speaker 4 (12:28):
My first my son Yeah, dated is is actually Greade
school sweetheart all the way through college and then I
got married, got my daughter.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
She's been dating if you guys here and there.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
So, but do you know if she met online.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
She didn't meet one Okay, she met in college.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah, so I'll show that my daughter has used one
of these apps, and she said, Mom, it's great, like
I can you know, we can go for a coffee
and then if I'm not interested it doesn't work out,
we move on. It's a very quick way to meet people.
And actually during I have to say, people didn't get
to meet each other, but at least they got to
meet each other online. So it was a great way
(13:06):
not to feel so alone. I know some COVID love
through some of these apps, you know, after they could
meet or some of them met with masks on and
then of course you know, it has a life of
its own and so forth. But so there's pros and cons. Okay,
let's get to the positive parts of some of the
dating apps. Is number one the accessibility. Literally it's at
(13:30):
your fingertips twenty four to seven. You don't have to
do much. It's accessible. Now, this is a pro, but
there it's already it's also a con. We'll talk about
that later. It's convenient anywhere anytime. Armchair dating, right, you
just have to kind of sit there. It's kind of
like a catalog. It's kind of sad though, Like I've
watched my you know, when my son was using them. Yeah,
(13:52):
swipe left, swipe right, type left.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
You missed the whole thing of the I hate to
say it, the hunt. I know you know when you
went to the bar. I know, don't you gave me
that look? But just you know, just to say, I want.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
To talk to that No, no, no, I agree with you.
I didn't yeah that look. Sorry, I didn't mean to
give you that look. Right, you're like where you're going
with No, No, that's absolutely true.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
No, that's remember you look across a bar or something,
across the grocery store.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I want to say something to that person.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yes, there's an excitement involved, or they don't have that anymore. Right,
there's an excitement involved. I see you across the room
that I said. I think, oh my god, this is
a little you know, something in my stomach, and I'm
feeling all excited, but an anxious in a positive way.
I'm checking you out. Well, now it's a catalog. Right.
So then I remember saying to my son when he
was doing this, you know, he's doing whatever else this
(14:40):
cohort does, and this is what they do. And I
said to him, I said, this seems so callous, Like
these are beautiful girls hoping to match with you, and
you're just like left, left, right, whatever it was, and
it just seems so disposable, you know. But I got
to say something. I'm Indian. And if you guys have
you know, read my book already or following me on
social media, I am Indian. I was born in India
(15:03):
and my father wanted me to have an arranged marriage.
That's a whole other show we could do, but it's
in my book if you want to buy the book
available on Amazon and Simon and Schuster. I talk about
that experience and I think, you know what when all
the dating stuff online, like, yeah, Indian people have been
doing this for centuries, except for it was a newspaper.
You know they have a section called the matrimonials. Yeah right,
(15:25):
do you remember the personals, yes, but in India it's
the matrimonials.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
You know.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
You put your pictures and you put all the data
and the family and then you get together and that's
the arranged marriage. There you go. Now today we have
technology to do this for us something. Okay, it's not
that far removed from what we used to do, except
for now we are doing it electronically. So the accessibility
of it all, the convenience of it all. It also
(15:51):
allows us to have a broad pool of potential compatible
matches via some algorithm that somebody has come up with,
which makes it much easier. You know, I think we're
moving towards easier, but I don't always think the easier
is the best way.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
What do you think, Oh, yeah, I just want to
go back to the olden You have to worry about that.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I don't have to worry about that anymore. But if
I had to, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (16:17):
Even today, somebody, let's say it's over fifty yep, would
they want to use these online?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
They do. There is actually a large number of divorce
people who use who use it to you know, match
up with somebody else.
Speaker 4 (16:30):
Because you lost all that all that expertise of meeting
somebody yeah in church or wherever.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yeah, Well, we don't congregate the same way anymore, right,
That's part of the problem. We spend much too much
time on our technology, and if we're going to do
that and we're looking to find a partner, maybe that's
the best way to do it. Society is moving towards that,
whether we like it or not. I still think it's
much more fun to go and meet somebody in person.
But we'll talk about that, like how you know, and
(16:55):
I have five not five, I have tips for people
to help them through this process in terms of when
you meet somebody online, what should that process look like.
I have the perfect way of doing it. Okay, I
know people have their own way, but through working with
people and close friends of mine and experiencing this myself,
(17:15):
there is a process, and I think people should follow
a process. But before I get into that, the accessibility
and convenience is particularly beneficial for you know, we live
in a world of everybody's busy being busy, so when
you're off wherever you are, it doesn't matter that you're
not in your hometown anymore. It's accessible and it's convenience,
(17:36):
so you can do that save time. Everybody wants to
save time. Not necessarily the best thing, but hey, it
fits our society today. Now another pro the criterion profiles
allows us to put in things that we are really
looking for across country, across state, and across the world.
So it doesn't matter if you're here in Wisconsin and
(17:58):
you meet somebody in North Carolina. It allows you to
have that reach that we we in traditional settings would
not have right. I mean, traditionally it's in your social circles, workplaces,
local communities, like you were saying, in church. Also, you know,
we get to meet people across backgrounds. You know, when
(18:18):
we're in our social circles, we tend to hang out
with people that other work with us. They live in
our community, they go to our church. But now all
across the board, I don't know, I think that's an advantage.
What do you think.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
I'm moving to Lexington, Kentucky. I want to go start
checking out the apps there. I'm moving there in the
six months. Yeah, and you can actually do that.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
You can. I've had patients who you know, are looking
for love and they're not just looking in their own
state and they found it in a different state and
it then they have Wow. They're like, wow, I've never
been to North Carolina before, and now I've discovered this
whole new world and I'm moving there and all that
kind of stuff. So it opens up a door that
traditional dating didn't allow us to open up before and
(19:02):
still does. And I still think traditional dating is awesome,
but hey, this is the way that the world functions today. Now.
Another advantage is that you are in control of the process,
and people will say, no, I'm not. I'm not in
control of the process because this, you know, relationship have
online is making me feel this way. You are still
(19:23):
in control of that process. You can delete the app,
you can say no, thank you, and you can turn
it off. You are not. If you're feeling like you're
a slave to it, that's on you, but you are
in control of it. Online dating provides users with a
high degree of control over their dating experience. You can
(19:44):
filter potential matches based on specific criteria, which is your age,
the location, you know, if you're open to you know,
North Carolina, Hey, that should put it on there, your interests,
and your values. You are in control now. If you're
using the apps and you feel that the app are
controlling you, that's a you issue, and that's that there's
(20:04):
a function in the app that helps you to delete.
Guess what you need to use your power and your
control to delete and to get off. People have trouble
with that sometimes and they blame the they blame the app.
I'm like, it's not the app's fault. It's what's going
on inside of you, dude.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
It's the user.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
It's that user. You are the user, never forget that.
And the user is always in control whether you choose
to be. That's that's the only issue we got to
work out. Okay, we will continue this discussion after this break.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Anita Ashley has more advice on how to on bleep
your Life and Relationships on news Talk eleven thirty wys.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Hey, guys, welcome back to Unbleep your Life and Relationships.
I'm your host Anita Askley. Today we are talking about
the pros and cons of dating online. Now, you guys know,
if you've listened to me before, I still think the
traditional way there's nothing that can rep place that. But
you know, in a world of everybody being so busy,
there are a lot of pros to dating online. The convenience,
(21:07):
accessibility and being able to cater our profile and kind
of you know, filtering out all those people that we
don't want to meet, you know, at the bar. We
you know, we might waste a lot of time thing
Oh gosh, you know, it's been an hour and now
I just find out that we're like not very compatible,
So I better move on online. You can do that
pretty quickly. We were talking about the pro so another
(21:29):
pro of dating online is is a diverse dating option.
Online dating caters to a wide range of preferences and
relationships goals, from casual dating and friendship sometimes to long
term relationships. Again, it goes to you know what it
is that you're seeking. Some people again, like we talked
(21:49):
about earlier, are looking for a hookup. Some people are
looking for friendship. But ultimately these dating apps cater to
people who are looking for long term relationships various demographics,
including niche dating sites for specific religions, lifestyles, or interests.
I talked earlier about the matrimonials and how they were
(22:09):
used with the Indian population. There are dating apps specifically
for Indian people who just want to date and marry
Indian people. Now this was controversial. I'm like, well, why
is that controversial. They're just being very specific. It's not racist.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
It's like the Jewish community too.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
I mean, they want to continue the Jewish faith, so yeah,
they want to find somebody who's Jewish.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. People become all judgy
about that kind of stuff. I'm like, okay, we all
have preferences. But you know, again, we've talked about this before,
Greg on this show, we've become a very soft generation.
Everything it has to be so politically correct. But hey,
these apps are just saying, listen, we know what you want.
You want somebody who's Jewish, or you want somebody who's Indian,
(22:49):
and we're not going to be politically correct whatever this
is your population. You know, if we were to say
that out of that context, we'd be accused of being
all closed and stuff. I know, yes, Christian mingle right,
I think it's not there's nothing wrong with that, And
I don't think anybody should be made to feel bad
because they want to date within their religion, within their culture.
(23:12):
That's a choice that we have. We do live in America.
We have freedom to choose that. It doesn't make you
a bad person or you know, you shouldn't be made
to feel guilty. I've listened to people like that in
my office and they feel bad saying that to me,
like I'm a you know, they don't know how to
say it because I'm Indian, so I am brown, and
that's okay. It's not something I'm hiding and I'm not
something I'm sensitive about, is what it is. And I
(23:34):
love it. I am Indian. But my patients will sometimes say, well,
I need I didn't want to tell you I just
want to date Jewish people. I thought you'd be offended.
I'm like, why why would I be offended? Okay, you're
assuming i'd want to date you in the first place,
but no, I'm not offended. You're allowed to have that choice.
So again, guys, don't feel bad if you're looking for
a specific group of people, that's okay. Uh. This diversity
(23:57):
allows users, you know, the availability of the diverse. He
allows users to find a platform that suits their particular needs,
increasing against the likelihoodhood of finding a compatible match, which
you can't do at a bar. If you're looking for
somebody who's Jewish, you could do it at the synagogue,
but you gotta you know, what are you gonna do? Yeah,
you're gonna go up to and say, hey, are you Jewish?
Because I can only you know. You're only a potential
(24:19):
partner if you're Jewish. The dating apps allow you to
do that in a much more polite manner. Okay. The
other pro is perfect for shy or introverted people. I
don't know it's a pro, but I'm going to talk
about well, I don't need read. It's not really that
much of a pro at the end. Maybe as a psychotherapist.
That's how I feel now. For introverted people, you know,
(24:41):
you can sit behind your computer, you're shy, it's a
less intimidating way of meeting people. You don't have to
approach somebody. You can kind of hide behind the screen,
hide behind the keyboard, and do all of that. But
I think, you know what, yeah, that environment serves as
a buffer to kind of protect you. But when I
(25:02):
work with introverted people and they're afraid to go out
on a date or too shy, my goal is to
eventually get them out there. Yes, this is a great
way to kind of put yourself out there, but I
still think the great the greater role for me, and
I think for a person who's introverted is to get
out there. It's okay, slowly over time. So although it's
a positive, it's also a negative in that it keeps
(25:25):
you in your shell. It only perpetuates your invertedness if
that's you know, And it's okay if you're an introvert,
But at some point you want to get out there later, right,
is that the goal later? Yeah? Yeah? But I agree,
like in the short term immediate term. It helps you
to get out there and you're shy, and that's a
(25:45):
great way of doing it because you don't have to
be there physically with that person unless you think it's
going to be a relationship that's going to go somewhere.
And I've had that happen where I've worked with this guy,
an introvert shy, and people argue, well, an introverted person
is not really a shy person, and that's true. They
just choose to have a smaller circle of people. But
there are people who are very shy and don't want
(26:06):
to get out there, and I encourage them ultimately to
get out there. Now they made a connection online. I've
had that happen. This guy was working with a couple
of years ago. I made a great connection online, but
was so scared to go and meet that person in person.
I'm like, dude, you can't you know, And she was
insisting and then said, well, maybe this is not really
who the person is saying that they are. But anyway,
(26:27):
eventually I helped them over time that they went out there.
So we still have to work on our shine and
so it's a pro but it's also a con sometimes
over dating online, we can have an increased transparency. Now
what does that mean. We were just talking about that.
It encourages you to create a profile that's very specific.
(26:49):
It's very catered to the type of person that you're
looking for, so you can find somebody that's compatible. Another
pro is safety and privacy features. Most reputable online dating
platforms offer safety features such as, I can block you.
If I feel like you're harassing me online, I can
block you. I can report to you for the d
pictures that you might be sending me. It's a way
(27:10):
of protecting your information and protecting yourself. So we have
to have privacy features on these dating apps because you know,
when I went on I remember doing some stuff myself.
My son said to me, Mom, it's successful. You know this.
You have to be very careful. I said, thanks. I
think I am the relationship expert, but I appreciate you
(27:31):
trying to protect me absolutely, which we're going to get
into the misrepresentation of who you actually are. Now that's
some of the good stuff. And now, of course when
there's good stuff, there's always some bad stuff. He talking
about that, But the internet and dating apps do bring
out some of the worst in people. I hate to
(27:52):
say that, because I think that most people are pretty good.
But the first one I'm going to talk about is
cat fishing. Now I have to look this up because
I'm old, not today, but I had to look it
up a couple of years ago. I'm like, what is catfishing?
And I was like, then, my you know. I looked
it up and my son explained it to me, and
I thought, well, why would you do that? That's so
terrible and he thought, well, Mom, that's the internet and
(28:13):
dating apps. I had to tell you all about that.
What is catfishing? Do you know what it is? Greg?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (28:17):
By there was a TV show on MTV, Yeah that
my wife and my daughter used to watch, Yeah, which
she was still at home, So I kind of know
what that is. Basically, you're just you're you're telling somebody
that you're somebody you're not. I have a big model
and you're gonna love me and send me some money.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Yeah. It's misrepresentation, right, So it gives you know, these
aiding dating apps give space to people who are very
comfortable at misrepresenting themselves, leading to of course disappointment and
heartache and and you know, like you're just talking about right, now,
I always say to people, it's a red flag when
somebody asks you for money, whether it's on a dating
(28:53):
app or not. Red flag, red flag, red flag. Stop
communicating with them because that is not what this is
supposed to be about. And I don't care if you've
been talking to them for months and months, because that
is part of their process. They want to build trust
with you and then they're going to ask you for money.
So that's one of the dark sides of using dating apps.
(29:14):
But it's a cautionary notes. We're adults. We have to
make good choices, especially when we are online. Be very careful.
It gives space to all the stuff that we don't
really want to come into contact with. Yeh, cat fishing.
Make sure you know who you're talking about, who you're
talking with, because there's so much space and room for misrepresentation.
(29:34):
Another is the challenge of building genuine connections with a
person because the initial stage of online dating involved text
space communication, which you guys know, I love texting, but
at the same time, I don't think it's a very
personal way to get to know somebody. You can't fully
capture the essence of that person. You need to be
(29:54):
able to move to the next level. So we might
have a lot of connections online, particularly you know people.
So I'm dating a few people online, but they're very
shallow connections and I think, Okay, well, when are you
going to start actually building a connection with any of
these people? And they're like, well, I'm trying with all
five of them, and I've only been at this level
of communication. And I'll say, well, that doesn't work. It's
(30:18):
great for the initial introductions, but not really for later on.
And I'm going to put a question in here because
it's going to be explicit of what I'm going to
talk about next, which is really important. Anita. I've been
dating online for a few years now. I'm a twenty
six year old female. I at times feel overwhelmed by
it all, and as a result, have deleted my Hinge account.
(30:41):
I thought I would love the number of choices that
are out there, but in reality, I don't. Now I'm
not dating at all, and I'm afraid to go back online.
So I use this question to highlight you know a
lot of people struggle with this that I've listened to
in my office and some of the questions that I
get online. It is called the paradox of choice. The
(31:03):
paradox of choice listen closely, friends, because it is something
that most of us struggle with in life period when
there are too many choices, but in particular to dating online.
This is one of the biggest disadvantages to dating online.
This is a psychological concept that suggests while having more
(31:23):
options can seem beneficial, it can lead to a numerous
negative outcomes and feelings, such as anxiety, indecision, and dissatisfaction
because there's so much choice that we become paralyzed to
make a decision. Does that make any sense? We are paralyzed.
There's too much, right And what it actually does is
(31:45):
makes us feel like we're never going to find the
perfect person, which doesn't exist because there's so many out there,
and also leads into this sense and feeds into our
sense of the grasses always greener. On the other side,
there must be something better for me, I do. I'm
not sure if this is the one. The paradox of
(32:05):
choice is actually paralyzing to have choices. It's wonderful to
have choices, but to have too many choices sometimes leaves
people feeling like they're drowning and overwhelmed, and they want
to just hide under the blanket. We will come back
to talking more about this after this.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Break back to Unbleep Your Life and Relationships on news
Talk eleven thirty wys.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Hey, guys, welcome back to Unbleep Your Life and Relationships.
I'm your host Anita Astley. Today we're talking about the
pros and cons of dating online, and I was just
addressing a question sent in via Instagram from one of
my followers, a thirty six year old male who's dating
and was feeling overwhelmed by the number of choices and
(32:56):
has and then has gone on and off on offline
because it was too overwhelming. This is called the paradox
of choice. Now, choices are wonderful, but when we have
too many, sometimes it's paralyzing. In dating, the vast array
of potential partners can lead to an endless cycle of
searching for the perfect match. The perfect match does not exist, friends.
(33:20):
What we really want to search for is the most
compatible match, which is a beauty of some of these
dating apps, and that's what they tried to provide you with. Now.
We talked about that earlier. Another negative is this abundance
of choice that we have can sometimes lead to people.
I was just saying this before we went to break
(33:41):
the sense of the grass is always greener on the
other side. And I remember working with one of my
patients who literally would hat from one relationship to the
next relationship. As soon as there was a problem in
the relationship, he got out because he said, well, Anita,
there's like five other women waiting for me. I just
have this colittion. I thought, wait a minute, when are
(34:01):
you ever going to learn how to solve your problems? Okay,
if you're just going to jump ship each time? And
he had commitment issues, So it doesn't bode well for
people who have commitment issues. Now we all have some
kind of issues related to relationships. But when you're able
to just jump from one relations to another, and it's
so easy online to find somebody else, not necessarily the
(34:24):
best person or the best match, you are avoiding your
issues with commitment. And so what I remember saying to
this person, and I'll say to the person who sent
in this question today for today's show, is give each
relationship a chance. I know it's overwhelming to have so
much interest, but pick the one that you're going to date,
(34:46):
focus on that particular person, and give the relationship a chance.
What does it mean, give it a couple of months
and wait for a conflict to come up, because that's
going to test the relationship whether it's going to be
a successful relationship or not, meaning if you're going to
be able to resolve the conflict. And you, guys, if
you've listened to my shows before, in conflict, a conflict
(35:07):
is a perfect opportunity to test this relationship out. Are
we going to increase the emotional intimacy in this relationship
or are we going to decrease it or is it
going to just stay where it is? So we need
to give the relationship time to evolve into something now.
Of course, if you give it time and it doesn't
go ahead, move on to the next relationship. But if
(35:29):
you're just jumping ship each time, you're doing yourself a disservice,
you're doing the other person a disservice, and you most
likely are just going to keep this pattern up until
you end up you know, eighty and you're still lonely
and haven't found somebody. So there's you know, there's a
lot of it. It's great that we have choice, but
it's also harmful to us sometimes, so we don't have
choice because we become flooded, we become overwhelmed, and we
(35:52):
feel paralyzed to make any choice. So that's my advice
to you. If you guys out there are listening to
this and can relate, give the relationship a chance before
moving on to somewhere else, something else. And also just
remember the grass is not always greener on the other side,
especially if you're older. You know, in your twenties. I think, yeah,
(36:13):
your twenty, you don't have enough experience with this because
I've worked with younger people are like, well, you know,
maybe I need to give this a chance, but there's
so many issues. No, you're twenty, you don't have any kids,
you're not married, your finances are not co mingled. Move on.
But if you're forty five point fifty, yeah, there is
a difference. If you're jumping ship every time, give the
(36:34):
relationship a chance and see and you know, you got
to work on your own issues before you start pointing
the finger at somebody else. And the grass is not
always greener. So, guys, there are some pros and cons
at dating online. It's not all bad and it's not
all good. We have to ask ourselves what is it
that we're seeking, and there are apps out there that
will cater to what it is that you're seeking. Some
(36:56):
are seeking casual encounters, some are seeking long term relationlationships,
some are also just seeking friendships. I've known people who've
made great friends online. They initially thought maybe this is
going to work out as a romantic relationship, but what
ends up happening is that they just build a great friendship.
So again, guys, if it's not working for you, don't
blame the app. Look in the mirror. Also look at
(37:17):
your profile. What are you exuding and what are you
getting back? And next week, guys, I am going to
talk to you about how to create a perfect well
not perfect because I hate using that word. Nobody's perfect
and nothing is perfect, but a very representative profile of
who you are and what it is that you're seeking.
Because if it's not working, change up the profile, or
(37:40):
maybe you need to go on a different dating app
that this one is not working for you. And people say, well,
should I be on all five? Should be on four?
Should I be on three? It's how much you can manage.
I think it's I don't think it's manageable to be
on like four or five. I think two two is
a great Two's a great choice. You know you'll get
different data from different ones and then maybe you know
you'll eliminate it to one. I think match dot com.
(38:02):
I've heard great reviews about that. Younger people tend to
use Hinge and Tinder that's one or bumble, but the
older ones seem to use match dot com. Well, it
is the oldest one that's been around. So there are
your tips for.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
And kind of reminds me of a fantasy football don't go.
Don't be in so many leagues to concentrate on one or two.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Well, it's hard to manage it, all right, it's hard
to manage all those people. And guys, don't forget. I
want to say this, there are people behind that picture.
There are human beings behind that profile. So if it's
somebody who's reaching out to you, and you know, you
talk a little bit and then you figure out that
you're not that compatible, be kind, don't be mean. Words
(38:42):
are very hurtful. You know. I've worked with people who
have terrible experiences online and it's really hurt their sense
of self. There me, we don't need to be commenting
on people's physical characteristics. One of them was, you know,
I'm not that attracted to you physically when I met you,
you know, I thought you were ten pounds later. We
don't need to be meeting. You don't need to say that.
(39:03):
You know, I could say, well I thought you had hair, dude,
But this, you know, that's one of the one of
the one of the one of the cons is like
people put outdated pictures of themselves. You know, I forgot
to mention that one. They put old pictures and then
you meet online you're like, oh my god, you don't
look anything like your picture. That's why you need to
follow this protocol when you're dating online. And this really
(39:25):
works well, guys. I mean, you can have your own formula,
but I'm gonna give you something. Chat on the profile,
and if you feel good enough, safe enough with the person,
exchange phone numbers, texts with each other, and then talk
to each other. When you verbally talk to somebody, you're
in a sense is there a vibe? Is there not
(39:45):
a vibe? And if there's a vibe and you're having
and talk to each other multiple times, not just sol
those one or two times and then FaceTime, is this
person really the person? Is this picture matching, is it compatible?
Because you know I hear of that all the time.
Oh what you don't look like that? Well, oh that
picture was twenty years old. Okay, well you think you
could have told me that before we went on this stage.
So do FaceTime, and then if you feel comfortable safe,
(40:09):
go and have dinner with them at a public place.
This order of things I think is really important. And
from working with people, I empower them with these choices
so it can be a successful outcome. And sometimes it
might be a successful romantic relationship that outcome, it might
be a friendship, or you just might decide to go
your own way. That's okay, But we don't need to
(40:30):
be mean and we don't need to be hurtful.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
What about saying something like that you're on a date
and you just know it's not gonna work.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Yeah, you don't know the person.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
Hey, I like it, you're a nice person, but I
just don't think this is gonna work.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Yeah, and that's okay, it's okay, that's okay. You're being
polite and ghosting. You know, people goest each other all
the time. Don't go just say you know you've met,
You're not interested, You're not compatible. You don't have to
attack their personal appearance. We don't choose to look the
way we look. We just come out this way. Now.
Of course, there's always ways of working with what you have,
and some people don't know how to do that. That's okay,
taking care of your body and mind. But I'm just
(41:04):
saying we don't need to be unkind. Sometimes it works
and sometimes it doesn't. And if it doesn't work out,
go back online, change your profile, change your pictures, and
choose wisely. You know, we can also choose unwisely online
as we do in the you know, traditional sense of dating.
And if you're always meeting up with a similar kind
of person, that's not the world. That's you. I always
(41:28):
say to people, when it's everybody else, it's not everybody else,
it's actually you. You got to work on yourself before it.
And guys, if you're thinking you've never been on any
of these dating apps, because I work with the older
you know, I'm saying older myself, like fifty five, fifteen, forty,
you've been divorced and you're going back online. It's a
(41:48):
whole new game out there. But again, ask yourself, what
is it that you're looking for what do I want
from this app? What am I looking for? Because that's
exactly what you're going to attract. You need to be
very mindful and very conscious of that. Next week, I'm
going to help you create a profile that's going to
(42:10):
get you what it is that you want. Again, remember
we're not looking for the perfect match. We are looking
for the most compatible match, because again, love is not enough.
It's a day to day compatibility or week to week, months,
a month, year to year. Because you know, Greg knows
all about this. Compatibility is key in long term relationships,
(42:30):
maintaining them and sustaining them. Okay, we are out of time,
but if you, guys.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Go, if you want to ask a question, go to
your Instagram page.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yes, please send me your comments and questions via my
Instagram page. I have a lot of questions about dating online,
but today I wanted to talk about the pros and cons,
and next week I will give you some hints on
how to create that profile and which pictures are best
to put up, but also address some of your comments
and questions that I didn't get to today. Dating online
and bleep dating online, and see you next week, guys,
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