Beware the Hugging Bandit. She'll steal your chain when she goes in for a hug.

Beware the Hugging Bandit.  She'll steal your chain when she goes in for a hug.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
One O seven nine KVP I andyour show time for stupid stories. Y'all
all stop. Yes you are stupidstories brought you by Spirit Halloween Stores,
Halloween one hundred and six days away. Shut up? Yep. Wow,

(00:22):
wow, it's not that far.No, if you're if you're making your
own costume, you gotta dude,Halloween, when's the election and being what
one hundred and what eleven days orsomething like that? Yeah, crazy,
wow, Yeah, it's uh,it's fine, all right. Anyway,

(00:45):
let's see, got a couple ofgood ones for stupid stories, dude,
r I P tenacious d Holy mo, damn. Kyle Glass joked on stage
about you know, the failed assassinationtoo to Donald Trump on Saturday. Oh
man, he apologized and said itwas outlined, it was improvised. Jack
Black. Jack Black says he wasblind sided by it. Oh man,

(01:12):
if you're Jack Black, how pissedare you at Kyle Kyle Gasper for making
such a moronic statement, Like comeon, man, that is just absurd,
Just like what an idiot to goto the extent to cancel the whole
tour. Just the whole thing's done. Yeah damn, and they just started

(01:34):
it yikes. Anyway, speaking ofthat present by and continues to ignore calls
to withdraw from the election, whichtells me one thing. What's that tells
me how bad it sucks living inDelaware? Delaware gotta suck. Oh do
you see where yesterday was been inj Lo's two year anniversary? Oh yeah,

(02:00):
Jaylo's spinning with a friend. Ohno, out, forty nine year
woman suck. Carolina got arrested fromBesley nearly twenty thousand dollars from the Girl
Scouts. No, oh, that'snot nice. That's a lot of cookies.

(02:22):
It is, right, even ifthey're jacked upright, I mean,
man, that is not setting thekind of example we need for the Girl
Scouts. You don't get a badgefor that, right, that's boy scout
behavior. A shocking pizza survey isthe termine that people's favorite topping is cur
guess Pepperoni Tata is shocking my ass. Let's see. Princess Cruse coordinated his

(02:49):
fleet of love boats to break theGuinness World Record for the largest pizza party
at multiple venues. So they piledall the boats together and did a pizza
party and broke Guinness World record.Come on, man, I love these,
just crazy off the wall sort ofyou know, Guinness World Record attempts.

(03:09):
You know, someone that had tohave thought of it, and they're
like, nobody has to have attemptedthis by now, right, right,
And we happen to have I don'tknow, seven Ocean line cruisers we get
parking around anyway? All right?Can it for New Hampshire House of Representatives?
Hoping that people can look past hismurder convictions. Years ago he beat

(03:36):
and strangulable tail manager to death.Damn. He says he made some bad
choices when he was younger. Yeah, but look he's learned from it.
Says he's learned from it. Okay, do you forgive somebody? I don't
know, man, I feel likethere's a line of look, we can
forgive you, But I don't knowif you should be running for a House
of Representatives. I need to seewho he's running against. Really. That

(04:01):
bears to the quality, right,the person who killed I mean the other
guy. He's got quite a leadon him at this point. I know
nothing about him. How bad isthe other dude? When a convicted murderer
beat you, like if you getbeat by convicted murderer, like Damn.
That's a that's a sign, bro, get out of politics, right if

(04:26):
your competition sign is just I didn'tkill no one, right right right.
I'm just kind of like the Democratstheres are like, I'm just not him,
none of them policy, but we'renot him. Uh but yeah,
convicted murder anyway. Uh, itwasn't like it was. You know,
look I accidentally ran a dude over. He beat his ass and strangle up.

(04:50):
Uh huh, get a little kisson the way out. Fifty people
said they had the best of theirlife while on vacation. The reason I
want to read you that headlines becausewe got about fifty two more days of
vacation left. Yeah, summer's almostup, so get that vacation in white

(05:11):
can all right. Beef Bandits BeefBenits is a real deal. Check this
crazy story out. Another cargo truckhas to target about these in Philadelphia.
This time the Bandit's made out withover fifteen thousand dollars in frozen beef.
Oh wow, that's a lot ofbeef, right, Because you know,

(05:34):
if you're thinking about froz, yougot you gotta classify frozen beef different than
you do like regular beef. Andsay, you know, you're a regular
grocery store because frozen beef is cheaperstuff. It's stuff that's like, hey
man, they do you know alittle more affordable price. They don't even
chunk of meat the frozen, butto stack up fifteen g's whether that's gotta

(05:58):
be a lot. I wondering ifmaybe they stole one of those twenty ribbites
for forty dollars trucks. So policebelieve the suspects are part of this enormous
crime ring. Listen to this man. They've been responsible for similar robberies dating
back for almost a year now.Investigators say the thieves this time struck about
four point thirty in the morning.They broke it into the cargo trailer.

(06:23):
They stole two hundred cases of oxtail. What that is anyway, The owner
of this Bradway trucking company says driverwas sleeping in the truck when the criminals
pounced. And here's the problem thata lot of those trucks are refrigerant trucks.
So what do they have. Theygot a big you know, they

(06:44):
got a big cooterer on the topof them that's always running a big refrigerator,
right, they gotta keep it cools, so it makes a lot of
noise. Well, your figure thatallows them to break in the back without
you know, the guy in thein the truck is what forty yards away
from the trail the back of thetrailer anyway, the captain said, it's
definitely a crime. Ring said,we made arrest of members of this group.

(07:06):
We believe the same group that's stillworking. It's just widespread. Police
said that there have been eleven theftsor attempted thefts the cargo trucks just in
the last three weeks. Wow,dude, that's like remember Fast and Furious
when they were stealing Semis tractor trailersof what of TVs that played both DVD

(07:30):
and the vhs. That was theirfancy electronics they were steal in the first
Past and Furious the new tech.Yeah. Here, most of the cases
of these trucks getting broke into,like these eleven thefts in the last three
weeks have all been meat trucks.Isn't that crazy where they take frozen meats?
Said one of the cases in SouthPhiladelphia, driver was confronted by thieves

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and then just played a firearm threwthem on the ground. Stole everything out
of this truck. And he goeson to say it's just a big continuing
problem, and uh, please saythat the said the cases of drivers.
In two cases, drivers were eithersleeping inside the cab or parked the cargo
and returned to find all their theirhauls emptied out. Then beep, Ben,

(08:20):
it's real deal man, still onthe run. They're off barbecuing,
right. I wonder if they're likeRobin Hood and like, what are you
doing with all the meat's going backto their neighborhood and just dishing it out?
Hey, free Philly cheese takes baby, all right? So check out

(08:41):
this crazy story man, little fellas, isn't a nice being a guy,
ladies, I mean no disrespect.However, being a guy is a lot
easier then. I don't know.Maybe it's the outside pressures that we're just
gonna wear of when it comes to, you know, not being a woman.

(09:03):
But you know, there's a lotof women get hung up on the
bowtox stuff. And I forgot whereMark and I went. We went somewhere
the other day, and she knewthe girls sitting at the table, but
they they all had to work atone of those botox places because it looked
like they'd been punched in the headby a bean bad back. Their lists
were all you know, and theiryou know, their eyebrows didn't move and

(09:26):
stuff, and it's just like,what is going on? Everything super exaggerated,
Like their cheek bones looks like thatdude rolling out on them tries to
go and saw movies and whatnot.Yeah. Uh, anyway, cheap counterfeit
botox given the people not trained todo facial injections and without a doctor on

(09:54):
a standby, became a seriously dangerouscombination and let it all. Kinds of
women in hospital, a dozen womenin hospital. This is crazy. In
at least one case, one womancame so trouble, so labored with her
breathing they had put her on aventilator. Ooh, so apparently this is

(10:15):
going on. There's seventeen women innine different states just in the last several
months, last three months, haveexperienced symptoms ranging from poor revision, the
trouble swallowing breathing, you know,after receiving what they thought was botox,
but it's been counterfeit botox. Oh, we did hear about that a couple
months back. Yeah, and here'sthe problem. Apparently women are like in

(10:37):
this case, this news story islike some women were like having botox parties
and they didn't know a damn thingabout injections. It's like a tumperware party.
But it's like, Hey, youwant some filler in your lip,
you want some eyebrow injections. Hey, we'll just do it at the house.
Are you out of your mind?No one, Your lips look all
jacked up. Y'all doing some basementjust plunging whatever in your lips, Like,

(11:03):
all, just work it through.It's like, what botox is the
new kitchen tattoo? All right,look angle live been tattooed in the kitchen.
Damn. But ladies, don't doit. Don't look when one of
your friends calls up says, hey, we got boatox super cheap, and

(11:26):
we're doing a party, a botoxparty this weekend. Bring a bottle of
wine. Right, you mighty knowhow to do it now. We figured
out wanted some girl in the background. I got YouTube, but watch YouTube
with Teazy anyway, all kinds womengoing to the hospital of fake botox.
So y'all just stop and can wejust fellas, can we just all agree

(11:48):
it looks silly anyway, right,don't do it for us? Right.
It does not, in any shape, form or fashion look natural. It
looks like somebody can stick you toa wall. Like someone is bad.
Seriously with the lips, all right. Earlier this month, med California,
was outside of well, he wasoutside when a vehicle parked. Oh,

(12:11):
this is hilarious. So this dudewas outside a vehicle parked out in front
of this woman jumps out of thevehicle, runs up to this man.
And normally here's what happens. He'sa middle aged dude and some smoking hot
chick jumps out of the car,runs up to him, wants to hug
him. Mm. And most dudeswere like, what a hot girl wants

(12:35):
to hug me? Uh? Anyway, what happens when she hugs him,
Well, in some cases she's slickabout it, and other times she'll just
forcually remove the gold chain from aroundthe dude's neck. Oh yeah, she
jumps back in the vehicle where guesswhat, there's typically a man or you

(12:56):
know, a couple other women inthere. If he's speed out with this
dude chain, he called the cops. Amazingly this time, the cops located
these suspects the next day because theywere trying to do the same thing on
the same street, and when theypulled them over, they had more than
fifty pieces of stolen jewelry. Damnwhere they had just been dragging middle aged

(13:18):
men. That's insane. I guesssince I don't wear jewelry, no hugs
for me, right, You gotto be like a little mister tea starter
kit if they like pull you likethey see you wearing jewelry with all your
bling from a car and they whatdo a three sixty come back? Okay,

(13:41):
I spotted one. Here's a hairychest Italian guy walking down here on
the sidewalk. All right, snapinto action, cleavage ready go anyway.
Apparently cop said that they've been doingthis hugging grab for the last month or
so. Cops one of the peoplethat could happen anywhere, So be vigilant,

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and especially when random people aka twentyyear old hot chicks are trying to
hug you imagine some dudes like turnthat down, don't do it, don't
do it? All right. Lastly, great Florida man story. The man
was arrested on Monday morning. Hewent on a junk food feast basically.

(14:26):
So this man broke into a Walmart. I don't even know if you can
consider this breaking in though. Sothis is kind of funny because the guy
goes into a Walgreens right before itcloses. It's been closed since ten.
He goes in there like nine pointfifty, goes to the bathroom okay,
okay, stays in the bathroom whennobody checked it. So he's in the
bathroom. Well, it comes outlike at two o'clock that's when the alarm

(14:48):
started going off. And what's hedoing? Well, man, he's just
out in the middle the ass eatingtostitos, spinners, dip hate, a
bunch of other chips, and recentpeanut butter comes uh, some of that
fancy Guardelli chocolate or whatever it was. Had a few doctor Pepper's, even
smoked half a pack of Newport cigarettes. When the cops got there, he

(15:09):
was actually smoking a cigarette behind thecounter. Waved at him the body camera
footage from the cops. You know, the cops had to get him to
open the doors. He's like,sure, sure, hold on, I'll
get the doors for you. Well, once he was outside, they placed
this guy out. What was hisname, Christopher Morgan. They placed him

(15:30):
underrest, and Ivers said this,what's great. Is there anybody else inside
the building? Well, Morgan seemedvisibly confused, said, I don't know.
I just came here to use thebathroom. So he's not gonna deny
any of them. Nah, Idon't know. I just came here to

(15:52):
use the bathroom. That's awesome,I mean a way, just like well,
they're night men. Might as wellgrab some neat, a bunch of
snacks, a bunch of chips,a few doctor peppers, and packing new
ports. My man, that alarmgoing off must be for me, right.
I wish I knew how to getout of here. Oh I could

(16:15):
just turn that dang, it's funny