Episode Transcript
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One o seven nine KBPI and yourshow time for stupid stories s. Yeah,
yeah, you are stupid. Steward'sbrought to you by steal and Steel
Dealers dot Com. Oh right,let's get in to it. You know,
though he previously denied it. Uh? Did he has apologize for assaulting
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his girlfriend twenty sixteen? That's avideo surfaced on Friday showing the assault man.
Did he assaulter her? He?Uh? He also preemptively apologized for
anything he might get caught doing inthe future, but until then he one
hundred percent denies it. So Iguess he covered his bases. There was
a lot of people that were nota big fan of his apology, right,
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They're like, there was a lotof eye statements in there, not
a mention of her at all.Yeah, he settled with her the next
day. That's when you know youmessed up. That video was crazy.
He paid the hotel fifty thousand dollarsfor that video and it's still leaked anywhere.
Yeah, but isn't it ironic thatI don't know that video service and
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it's just out of the statue oflimitations and it is a brutal assault.
It's like, damn but in NewJersey, New York, whatever it is,
you know. Take. I lovehow they just look statue of limitations.
We don't need that. Let's goout to the Trump. They're just
like, nah, no statute limitation. Let's is ease at So yeah,
and it's weird how you make thingsfit your agenda. Speaking of ironic,
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how about red lobster found for chaptereleven. You think they thrive at being
underwater? A neuroscienist recommends that wewait twenty minutes after waking up before we
reach for our phones and start scrolling. We'll suck it, neuroscienty, you
don't know my leg I gotta geton the phone. Nah, I don't
get on the phone. That's myonly clock. How am I gonna know
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when twenty minutes is up? Right? I guess I'll just set my second
alarm. A trans athletic flight hadto be diverted on a Sunday because a
passenger's laptop became trapped in the seat. Oh yeah, and this is how
stupid it is nowadays. They turnedthe flight around right because the lithium ion
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battery, in case it caught fire, it would be inaccessible, so they
turned the plane around and had todivert the entire flight, a trans athletic
flight. Could you imagine how pissedoff your day would be. There's some
dumb dumb gets his laptop stuck inthe seat, and then they decided,
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some crazy cockamain skin, we gottaturn turn the passengers. We're gonna turn
the plane around and go back andfly. Get some the workers to help
us dislodge the laptop from the seat. Like what, oh, a free
round of drinks for everybody because it'sBut I'm gonna say, I hope they
don't let that guy back on theplane. When they fixed the laptop issue,
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they're like, you you lost thisright you you have to reschedule.
I mean, he should be ableto fly. It's their fault for having
stupid design seats. I guess Idon't know. I don't know why it
got lives in the seat, Butwhat a stupid policy, you know.
Yeah, just keep well, we'regotta turn back around because if that thing
just happens to catch on fire becausespontaneous combust they just anywhere. Workers removed
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dozens of marijuana plants from the Westconstin Capital Tulip Garden, apparently yesterday.
Apparently somebody plants the marijuana plants inthere and they took us growing. Wait
minute, those aren't tulips. Ithink that's hilarious. The devil's tulips.
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Yeah, say golden goat to see. Almost thirty people were arrested in Florida,
stopping on a Saturday night because afight broke out of a skating rink.
Now it didn't happen on skates,that would be happening, coot.
I would love to see video ofthirty plus people fighting a big braw on
roller skates. Oh come on,that needs to being a movie. That'd
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be hilarious. Oh yeah, who'dwin? Road skater dude in a regular
like regular shoes whoop with road skaters? Ass? Right? Uh too?
Because a footing thing? Yeah yeahprobably you can't use the stoppers to keep
me from pushing you anyway. Ijust think it's funny because it happened in
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the parking lot, it says inthe story is a big bra when nobody
was seriously hurt. That's thirty peoplewho can't fight, right there? How
did thirty people get a fight andnobody was hurt? Signal injury huh tells
me. You got a bunch ofa bunch of yardbirds out there scrapping all
right. So I don't know whothe ten percent of parents are in this
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study, but ninety percent of parentsgot it right. Ninety percent of parents
say parenting would be easier if theyhad more money. Sure, anything gets
easier you got more money, man, damn getting to and from going on?
I don't know, school supply shoppy, just tell you name it.
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Preparing dinner, breakfast. It goesa lot easier when you got a lot
of money because you paid somebody todo it. Who are the other ten
percent of people? Like? Youknow what? Having all the money in
the world would make this any easier? The hell it wouldn't. It's kind
of like I'm at the racetrack,right, You know what makes my cargo
faster? More money? More money? Oh yeah, a lot more money.
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Yeah, I could turn money intoa lot of noise that makes me
faster. On Sunday, and Ambulanceand Ontario, Ontario, Canada, collided
with a moose. The funny partabout it it was responding to another moose
collision call. And let me goright to this story about a cow moose
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charged two men near a residence inHomer, Homer, Alaska, killing one
of them. Troopers said they receivethe colleges for noon on Sunday about adult
female moose charged two men, kickingone of them. The moose is no
longer in the area by the timefirst responders arrived. Troopers said the death
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happened in a neighborhood of the townof Homer. Two men about were not
related. Apparently apparently two men wereout talking to chatting or something. The
moose just ran up and charged them. This says moose capping season runs from
mid May to mid June. Cowmoose forks can be very defensive and charge
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or attack humans who come close tothe young go out and limb here and
say that moose didn't sneak up onhim. You know what I'm saying right
right? You know, when themoose is coming up, I feel like
maybe they were agging the moves ona little bit and just like, you
know, hey, look at thatthere's a moose. Let's go a little
closer. Giving that moose the moosehorns holding their hands up with their head
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right, what happened? You couldthrow a rock at that dare moose won't
you go ahead and try it.I don't know, but if I was
anywhere near a moose, I feellike I'd be strapped up. Uh.
Now here's the guy who was well, he's just not happy with the DMV.
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His name is Joseph Strader. What'shappened in Lincoln, Nebraska. A
man got arrested on Friday after afishy situation at the DMV. Police say,
this guy, Joseph Strader, walkedinto the DMV and started throwing fish
and carrots inside it. He hadlike a little, uh, like a
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like a red lobster meal going onthere, like fish, carrots. Yeah,
not fishing chips today, bitches afishing carriage. Anyway, you start
throwing them inside the DMV. HeThis is where it gets a little a
little questionable in my regard because I'mlike, wait a minute. They said
he cost nine thousand dollars in damages. I'm like, wait, how you
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caused nine thousand dollars in damages justjust throwing a couple of fish and some
carrots? Right? I think unlessyou went through like one of the windows
of the DMV, you're not gettingup to nine grand. They set in
the building's carpet and ceiling tiles sustainedthe most damaged. Like, how many
damn fish does this man have?What kind of fish was he throwing?
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Yeah? I mean were they sardines? Were they large fish? You know,
going in there with some huge asstunas plopping it down on the counter.
Right, here's a sword fish.I mean. He was arrested on
suspecially criminal mistress mischief with over fivethousand dollars in damages. He looks like,
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well, it looks like a dudethat will walk into a DMV and
throw fish, don't forget the carrots. Well, yeah, look, I
don't know what damage nine thousand dollarsanddamages, You better have more than a
couple of fish, right, Like, come on, man, I won't
just pick the fish up. Iknow, vacuum McLean the carpet, pick
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up a couple of carrots, callit done. Nope, that goes nine
thousand dollars, nine thousand dollars?Were you crazy? Nine thousand dollars?
Uh? All right? So youknow how they say some of the best
criminals have a calling card. Thisdude, fifty five year old men in
Indiana named Alonzo Samsbury. He gotbusted. I had to rip it a
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couple of places within thirty minutes.On Friday, he eat up the Dollar
Tree. Apparently he tried to paywith He tried to pay for a bag
of onions with a fake one hundreddollar bill and then demanded money from the
register. It's unclear how much hemade off with, but he made off
of some money. And then Iwould imagine Dollar Tree not a big fan
of making change for hundreds, right, especially fake hundreds. Then he hit
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up Big Lots this a similar thing, stealing the cash. And then this
time he swiped the bag of funions. On his way out. He's like,
I'm just taking him taking these.The police used surveillance footage connect two
crimes catch Alonzo's license plate made itpretty easy to track him down when they
found his car. I guess whatthey found, the funions. He's told
too. He was charged to twocounts of robbery. Man, I'm just
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sitting here and doing my funions.You have funion breath, right, that's
rough man. And lastly, thiswoman turns a test drive into finders Keepers.
Apparently Florida Highway patrol just with hisdash camera. Video of this high
speech chase in southern Florida ended asa woman jumped off a concrete ramp into
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the water below. Let's see thiswoman named Melina Logan. She goes into
a Honda dealership south of Miami fora test drive, but she refused to
stop. In the dash camera video, load is seen driving recklessly, making
aggressive lane change, speeding down theshoulder to past vehicles at one hundred miles
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an hour. She's ripping through theshoulder at a Hondo test drive. Huh
yeah, She's like, get outof the way anyway. She approached a
standstill a punch of traffic near Northwesttwenty five Street. She crashes into several
vehicles before becoming disabled and pinned againstconcrete ramp. To flee the officers,
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she gets on top of the concreteledge and you understand this is like a
bridge, right, and then thiscrazy ass woman jumps to the water below.
Oh yeah. And then she refusedto like grab the officer's rope to
be pulled out of the water.Oh so they threw like a life,
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like a life, yeah, andshe's like no, no, I'm not
getting I'm not doing it well.Then the officers jumped in the lake.
After the bridge is going over abig ass lakes, so they just jumped
in the lake. After she wasremoved from the lake, booked the kind
of jeffis and charges including grand theftof eagle too, counts of battery on
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the police officer, fleeing, eludingpolice, leaving the scene of a crash,
resisting the officer like she she gothim, She got him, thrown
thrown right at her man, shegot the whole set. That's funny.
She's like, no, can youimagine though being a cop, Like she's
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going a concrete bearer. She's gonnajump. She jumped, she jumped.
We gotta jump her, Like,damn, she's crazy. Z