Man uses Tax Payer money to Build Personal Roadside Zoo

Man uses Tax Payer money to Build Personal Roadside Zoo

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
One O seven nine KBPI. Andy, your show time for stupid stories.
Stupid stories brought you by Starship FlightTest. We are t minus eight minutes
until either the world's most powerful rocketturns into a rocket or turns into a

(00:20):
big firework. Yeah, they're sayingit may blow up on the launch pad.
And if that doesn't get you alittle excited, I don't know what
will Yeah, chance to blow up? Well, I do you tune into
that eight minutes away? Where theyWhere are they tune in that at?
I am on NASA Space Flight onthe YouTube page? All right, so

(00:42):
perfect, they're tuning this on fourtwenty. Everybody else is on a NASA
space flight today. Two definitely gonnabe some smoke, right, I had
two boats breakfast. One of themwas serial, kind of one with one
but I'm hungry again. All right, let's get to it. A runner,

(01:02):
worst runner ever. So this runneruse that term loosely, took part
of a fifty mile race in theUK earlier this month. You know what
this is? Karma? Baby?They got disqualified because well they reward a
third place in this league. Butit turns out she hopped in the car
and wrote it for more than twomiles in the race. You know,

(01:23):
it's more late twenty miles, right, two miles? Two miles? Oh,
this is good, this is good. Let me out here. So
you did forty eight miles just fine, but those two yeah, right,
I'm not buying it was just twomiles. I'm thinking it was at least
half the race, you know.And trust me, you suck if you're

(01:45):
using a car. I don't careif it's one mile or twenty miles or
the fifty mile race and you onlycome in third, right, you're a
bad cheater and runner. All right. A burglary suspect in London tried to
hide from police. Here's the problem. This dude. This dude, he

(02:07):
apparently well, he pretended that hewas a solar panel, solar panel,
solar panel on the roof of ayou know, like a downtown building.
Just don't mind me, I'm asolar panel. Obviously, the dude doesn't
look like a solar panel. Policeare like, well, there's the dumb,
dumb right there. Why is hefrozen like that? Yeah? He

(02:27):
he didn't look anything like a solarpanel. So cops are easily able to
go there's the moron right there,which of these is not a solar panel.
Yeah, m g any miny moneymo uh. Let's see. A
man of Florida tried to hide inhis attic, but he too got exposed

(02:50):
when he crashed through the ceiling andright in front of the cops that were
looking for him. You don't knowhow an attic works. Do you gotta
stay on those beams? Right,dumb ass, here's due. There's a
solar panel. Guy. There's anew poll out on which jobs Americans think
should require a college degree. Andthis is what's funny. Adults forty five
and under much more likely to thinkyou should have a college degree for almost

(03:16):
every career, like being a socialmedia manager, an electrician, a plumber,
a truck driver, a hairdresser,anything the hairdresser, Yeah, yeah,
a plumber. You don't need tocollege. That's why you go to
trade school. Learn the business youwant to do, Go get a hands
on with it. You do youdo enough training in the field as a

(03:39):
journeyman or whatever. Blah blah blahblah. When it comes to electrician plumbers,
you trust me, you don't needto go to a college learned.
I don't know European history and craplike that, you're never gonna use to
be a tradesman. Your Harold growback? Yeah sometimes right right. They

(04:00):
just he's just hating on everybody outthere and making it because they got,
you know, two hundred thousand dollarsin college school debt and then made a
Washington jealous get from custody this weekafter he impersonated another cellmate who was scheduled
to be released that day, Authoritiesare still asking for the public's help and

(04:23):
finding the guy. Damn, hejust impersonated the guy who was really supposed
to get free. I mean,well, that dude's still stuck in jail,
Like, oh no, that wasme, all right. There's a
new list of bad Airbnb experiences.They include some pretty good stories. Someone
discovering a bat of movement log book, a log book, a log log

(04:47):
book, uh huh, a logbook on logs, so to speak.
I've seen guest books and airbnbs,but I don't know about leaving my log
information a little sample. Maybe you'reright, it's like finger painting, but
different. Um little stample in adate. Anyway. They also have had
a place with rules about acceptable hoursto run a dishwasher, a bead that

(05:12):
had a pair of handcuffs attached toone of his legs. Well, ask
where the other pairer are right oneleg? The hell's going on in this
bedroom? Anyway? I thought thatwas kind of funny. I Um,
how about this. Here's a TikToktrend that well, it's the latest beauty
trend and it's the rub beef fatall over your face. Oh it sounds

(05:34):
terrible. Yeah, where you're gettingthis beef fat out? Beef? Um,
it's supposed to be a great moisturizerand cure agne. Technically, it's
beef tallow rendered fat that's been cookeddown or remove some of the impurities.
It's actually just like large except largefrom pigs, you know. Um sometimes

(05:58):
they do those like the key dolls. But when it drips you can put
it on crackers and yeah, that'sterrible anyway. Um, somebody asked the
dematologist about it, who said,look, it's safe to try, but
it definitely wouldn't be the first choicefor acting or dry skin because there's a
lot of other products now that areproving to help skin issues that you know,
are designed to treat it as opposedto just you know, rubbing a

(06:18):
bunch of beef fat, um,you know, in your pores, making
them even more clogged. Anyway,Some fans claim that they've tried it for
acting and it works. Oh thereyou go, just rub a big old
bunch of beef fat all over yourface. I feel like that, would
it just be kind of growth.That's like a last resort sort of thing.

(06:41):
Washer bead sheets first, washer,pillowcases, you still have acne.
I feel like you're trying a lotof things before you're going to the beef
fat. Right, you know what, old bring me over, big old
tub lord bobbing for dry skin,got got your rim and he just rubbing
some of this on h noope,all right. New Zealand faal cat hunting

(07:06):
competition for children prompts backlash. Idon't understand why there's a honey competition that's
prompted an uproar over its new categorywhere children compete to kill as many feral
cats as possible for cash prizes.Why do you think this doesn't go over?

(07:27):
Where's this hat? In New Zealand? Wow? Uh, that's funny.
Um. They say that Entrance werewarned that killing anybody's beloved pet would
see them expelled from the competition.Oh wow, so make sure it's Fairal,
it's truly gotta be Fairal, it'sgot a caller. You're in trouble
right. Oh damn, this onewas microchipped. You're screwed. Um.

(07:53):
Oh wow, just say microchip catswould have the entire entry disqualified. Oh
god, I was like, um, so somebody's in charge of scanning dead
cats? Oh what a gig?What do you do for a living?
Well, let me tell you,peep, not as good. Um.
Animal rights campaigners did not believe thatthis safeguard would be sufficient. Disqualifying dead

(08:18):
cats with microchips Probably a little toolate. And I'm not even a fan
of cats. I'm just saying probablya little too late, just saying,
you know, where's little tiny at? Anyway, Um, this guy was

(08:39):
arguing that fail and domestic cats areyou know, a serious threat to the
biodiversity and native wildlife in New Zealand. They eating endangered native birds, eggs,
lizards, bats, and insects.The issue of their control has previously
been a heated political matter. Iguess there was there was people running from
political offices that made the headlines whenthey called for well, New Zealand's cats

(09:05):
to be eradicated and dubbed these naturalborn killers as a status of the animal
kingdom. Whoever that is. Ilike this guy. You got my vote.
Yeah, cat suck You ever gotagainst a cat? Honest guy,
You ever went Minori mino against afreaking cat? Not the claude mad as
hell. Look, I'm gonna tellyou may be a tough sung bitch,
but you're gonna lose. Like Ididn't forget. I had assigned me his

(09:28):
cat, and it was. Itwas. I had two cats at the
same time, both of them assignedme. One was unbelievably awesome and the
other was the worst, most unbelievable. Like this cat got out one time.
And I swear to god, I'vebeen in a lot of fights in
my life. I had never beentore up like that cat tore me up.

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Look, my friends were like,throw a bed sheet on it.
I threw a bed sheet on it, and this little cat went straight wolverine.
It was like he had scissors andknew all about it. I would
say, how did you just cutthrough the entire like bedsheet like it was
nothing. Oh my god, I'mstill wearing scars from that incident. Hey
cats anyway, Um, this isfunny. Last year's entrance had two hundred

(10:18):
fifty kids about six hundred and fiftyadults. The children killed four hundred and
twenty seven animals, mostly possum's hairsrabbits. This is the first year that
cats have been in the competitive category. The competition is organized to raise money
for local schools and a pool.And are they using guns or is this

(10:41):
a hand to hand sort of thing. No, they use air rifles,
so, yeah, they use theyuse guns. Well, there's probably a
good reason they had a little pushback. I'm just saying, but that's funny.
I don't care you are. That'sfunny. They are have been.
They're the most prolific killers on earth. Housecat is the baddest animal in the

(11:03):
world. But they weighed like eightpounds. Do you pick him up and
pat him? That's the problem.This is mad because they're so small.
Anyway, how about this? Copsto Mason, Arizona, arrest the twenty
year old man named Jeremiah Sikes overthe weekend when he walks into a church,
got naked, tried to baptize himself, and then punched the police officer.

(11:26):
Oh come on, man, you'renot one with the Lord. If
you're punching bi polies like damn getbaptized. So it looks like the cops
got to call about two forty fivein the afternoon, said the naked guy
calmed to their baptism found and refusedto leave when police got there. He's
went around outside. However, hewas still naked. Oh yeah, he

(11:48):
looked like he apparently had a blanketthat he took from the church. Cops
said he admitted they shipped down becausehe wanted to baptize himself. They arrested
for trespassing indecent exposure. Once theytook him to jail, I guess he
took off a sock. He stillhad socks on them, and he threw
it at the cops. Oh no, you didn't, not a sock.
And then he punched the cop inthe face. Sock of that, and

(12:11):
then it hit another cop two inthe face because he tried to stop.
Anyway. Still, the tacked onresisting rest two council aggravated assault as well.
You need to find eight pound fivepounds baby jeese. Have a little
discussion. All right, let's seehow about this. We oftentimes hear about
government officials stealing tax dollars for theirown use. But this guy. He

(12:35):
was a city official in Ohio.He's now in a sence of five years
in prison for taking public money tofund his roadside to zoo. A zoo,
dude, a roadside zoo, right, I mean you might be able
to get away with buying him.I don't know a car or hiding some
money, but zoo. But look, when you're buying a will the Beast

(12:58):
look he bought. Yeah, peopleare gonna flag that, right. Look,
tax dollars at work? This dudebought a Willed the Beast man along
with owls, a bunch of otherexotic animals, custom building closures, pressure
washers, outdoor grills, a popcorncart, a snowcombe machine. Hey,

(13:18):
tax dollars at work, baby,Some of those I could see actually being
government funded. But will the Beast? How about in the grub and above
ground pool? A drum set,gazebos, drones, video game systems,
telescopes, dishwasher. He bought allon the government's dime. Um. He
pleaded guilty to feeling the corruption,theft, tampering with records, and a

(13:43):
misdemeanor account for dereliction of duty.He was also ordered to repay the three
hundred and forty thousand dollars and taxpayersmoney that he used for his roadside zoo.
I kind of want to go toit if you get your money's worth.
I mean, dudey bought a wildebeesa bunch of other exotic animals,

(14:03):
right, I'm like, oh,I might want to check that out.
I don't know what do you got? You got picked us up it.
We just got lift off of theStarship the world's most powerful rocket ever.
Oh that's a big rocket, fourhundred feet tall. So if it was
laying over, it's bigger than youknow, a football football field. Buy

(14:24):
a bit. But it's up,it's still taking off, got off the
ground, it's still Oh, it'sstill, it's still rolling. I mean
I think it's supposed to do that. You know, people are out there
like, please please explode. Let'sjust see some carnage. We didn't hear
anything about that satellite coming down yesterdayand hitting anybody in the head, did

(14:45):
we? It was because it didn't. Oh all right, And last from
the Tamworth Distilling Company, they've beenveiled a new product called Sylvan mist,
which is the quote world's first wearableperfume. Gin. This is so stupid.
Listen to this description. Dude,don't you got you gotta love descriptions.

(15:07):
Nowadays everything seems so stupid. Listento this description. It's described as
a quote woodsy, because that's whatyou really want the first ingredient woodsy.
Right, I would have smelled likedirt and bark uh woodsie unisex scent combining

(15:28):
violet leaf, camel meal, uhflowers, juniper, bosom fir, citrus,
boronia flowers, and it smells likeboreal forest, fresh cut grass,
kiwi skin, and honeydew melon.That's their stupid ass description. Okay,

(15:48):
Like what that makes no sense?Like that is that's the dumbest Like,
Oh, we used a husk fromtide pods combined with a half a cup
compost three ounces of premium unleaded gasolineshredded iPhone glass for the best lip bomb
you're ever gonna have. It's likewhat anyway, it's created to be drinkable

(16:15):
drinkable? Yeah, I can imagine, So is it wearable and drinkable or
do you drink it? And thissaying that you can be making yourself a
cocktail and alternate sprits in your cocktailand your neck. Dude, it's one

(16:37):
hundred and fifty one proof. Ohit's not a Look, this stuff is
just so stupid. It's not intendingto be the base in the stiff perfume
Martini. It's supposed to be agarnish that you spray under your drink and
apparently, look, it's just anotherone of them stupid hipster things like you

(16:57):
know, oh, it's wearable gin. Or it smells like balsom fur and
citrus and the husk of a tidepod. Whatever. Anyway, it's gonna cost
oh about eighty dollars a bottle.You can find it that sealbox dot com

(17:18):
and Tamworth Distilling dot com. Ifyou're that stupid, good luck. Oh
yeah, oh do you smell that? So? Yeah, it's wearable gin.
What why why would you ever wantto wear something that smells like a
juniper fur? You get pulled overby the cops. No, I'm not
drinking, I'm just wearing gin.That's the smell of boreal forest, your

(17:44):
dumb ass. Don't you know that'sthat's fresh cut grass, it's kiwi skin.
You unmatured palette of a nose.Dumb ass anyway, stupid stories