Woman Assaults Her Wife, by Shoving Nachos Down Her Pants

Woman Assaults Her Wife, by Shoving Nachos Down Her Pants

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
One O seven nine kbp I and your show time
for stupid stories.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Stop y'all all stop.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
Yeah you are stupid stories brought to you by steal Tools.

Speaker 4 (00:12):
Get yours at steal usa dot com.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Good stuff.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
All right, couple things. Let's see what's interesting today. How
about Tom Cruise unwinds by playing the piano. I hate
Tom Cruise piano. Huh, man, see, I gotta learn how
this on my bucket list to do before I die.
He just got it all man, I CAUs do his
own stunts, crazy good shape for old he is unwinds
by playing the piano.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Man, you suck, Tom Cruise. I wonder if somebody's got
lifted to the bench though.

Speaker 4 (00:42):
It's like reach the keys.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Uh huh, help him up, man, help him up?

Speaker 3 (00:46):
Whatever, Tom, I'm gonna learn that one day.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Let's see.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
The US added one hundred and seventy seven thousand jobs
in April, and I was like, well about half of
that is elon musk and nannies. I'm just saying, my man,
the Bidens are gonna be on the view today.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
If you want more from that family, you probably catch
Hunter on Cops later this week. Bradley Cooper and his
girl Gigi had eat or whatever. They went Instagram official.
Oh yeah, man, I saw where Bill Belichick and Jordan
Hudson they went. Instagramp official, aar off yeah man, insta

(01:26):
gramp all right, Mexico band jump food in schools. Oh,
they want lean, healthy kids to grow up become healthy
cartel assassins. Man, I appreciate that one. Uh. Let's see
man in Chicago he discovered squatters at his property.

Speaker 4 (01:46):
Oh sucks, right, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
You know what he did though, he couldn't get him
believe because Chicago there's so many rules for the squatters.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
So he said, hell with it. He moved in with him.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
Oh yeah, He's like, all right, then fine, I'm moved
back into my house and live with you.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
So we did.

Speaker 4 (02:03):
I'm squatting with y'all.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
Uh, I think that makes it uncomfortable, especially he's roommate
right exactly on purpose? Those dishes in the dish.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Huh, y'all.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
Disney is opening a new theme parking resort and Abby
Dabby all right, Abu Dabby.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
I should say, yeah, I guess that's cool.

Speaker 3 (02:25):
There's a US citizen impaled on a fence at the
Roman Coliseum last week. I guess he did trying to
take a photo. So yeah, you know, Americans doing American things.
That's pretty awesome. This has gone too far, CBS. CBS

(02:45):
reported yesterday that the conclave that the Cardinals were you
ready for this, The Cardinals are raw dogging it. Oh,
I know like you guys, I was like, wait, what
the come on? Man, it's too far. It's just too
it's too much. What do you think as soon as
you're here. Cardinals are raw dogging it. Man, this is
everything we've been trying to defend. Uh, rob dogging all right,

(03:12):
So look, here's the deal was. Originally it was slang for,
you know, unprotected sex.

Speaker 4 (03:19):
That's not what they're doing.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
No, no, it's it's not They're not raw dogging one
another in the then conclave.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Uh, it's now.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
It's now evolved and do an activity that's usually kind
of boring and uh without the benefit of you know, technology,
meaning no phones or laptops or tablets. So in that regard,
they're raw dogging it. But y'all really need to be
better with your choice of words. That is just too

(03:49):
big of a play on words and it's just uncalled for.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
Man, it's just too much. Too soon.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
I know they've kind of stolen that concept for people
to try without doing anything on the flight or the train,
just staring straight ahead or.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
Which sounds awful. Oh yeah, it just sounds terrible.

Speaker 3 (04:10):
I used to think raw dogging was good, but now
hearing this new description, I don't think it is at all.
Matter of fact, I'm like, why do you want to
just sit on a plane and stare at the the
seat in front of you for four hours?

Speaker 2 (04:21):
I feel like that's terrible.

Speaker 4 (04:24):
But I do think that the Ghost Concert needs to
be rebranded as the Raw Dog Concert.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
I mean, probably still a lot more tickets Ghost raw Dogs. Everybody.
He does have a sex toy now for sale. I
mean he's taking that term too.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
There's no phones, you never know what's gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Straight raw dog in the whole night. It's just too much.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
Man. You imagine the kids telling their parents are going
to go to a ghost raw dog and show. I'm like,
oh my god, kids are growing up so fast, so
fast these days. All right, So look, this is hilarious
because some people, when they're stressed, maybe after a hard

(05:08):
day of raw dogging, they want to mellow out by
walking outside and maybe get some fresh air. Others like,
maybe you want to chill out by smoking some weed,
But how about a place that well had you covered
for both. There's a turkeys town called Light's got about
twenty five thousand people in it, and inadvertently they all
got high, and I mean it's severely high. So authority

(05:31):
has burned more than twenty tons of marijuana. All right,
it's been seized over the last two years. They say
in American money, it's worth two hundred and sixty one
million dollars. So think about how much how much weed?
We're talking over twenty tons And they had to burn
it over a period of five days, wow, forcing residents

(05:57):
because the air became so thick with smoke, with weat smoke.
It forced residents to keep their windows closed. And they
basically told the residents to avoid going outside because the
smoke was so thick. Meanwhile, some of the people out
there like, oh yeah, just getting escaped today, man, for free.

(06:20):
They did this for five.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
Days, blowing up balloons of it.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
Yeah, man, officials. They didn't burn the weed in an incinerator.
They arranged the bags in the shape of letters spelling
out the name of the town and That's why the
smoke got so out of control because the bags.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
Were burned and it was just full on, huge bags
of wheat.

Speaker 4 (06:44):
Essentially a bonfire, I mean.

Speaker 3 (06:46):
An absolute enormous bonfire with the entire catalyst being weed,
just wheat, just big huge buds smoking. Everybody in town
just smoked out. The marijuana Commis came over the previous
two years. They say it was valued and US moneyed
over two hundred and sixty one million dollars. Man, that

(07:08):
is that is an enormous amount of weed.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
I don't know if this place had any fast food joints,
but they were definitely busy if they did.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
Can you imagine what Krispy Krean was popping off that week,
that five day period.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
Oh my god. So this is hysterical.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
Two people in Connecticut were busted for prostitution and you
can't make it easier than what they did for the cops.
They were caught because they were ready for this, get
it on in a sports car that was blocking the
driveway into the police parking of the police station. So

(07:51):
it wasn't like this was you know, dead ass in
the middle of the night, one o'clock in the morning.
This was twelve thirty in the afternoon. Oh wow, that's
how that's how he got busted. The cop tried to
pull in to the cop area parking lot and he couldn't.
So the cop walks up to the car and the
cars parked in the.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
Middle of the driveway. He saw, well, he saw what
was going on the inside. He's like, holy moly, they're
getting on.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
He told the people get themselves together, get themselves under control,
and please exit the vehicle. When he did, thirty four
year old man a forty eight year old woman got arrested.
In addition to the prostitution of lewdness, they were hit
for a dui charge and charges no, and just to

(08:38):
rub it in, the cop slapped him with an improper
parking ticket. I mean, you can't make it easier for
the cop anywhere but their driveway.

Speaker 4 (08:51):
They'll never look for us here.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
No, no, hilarious, like they blocked the driveway, like are
you kidding me? All right, how funny is this man?
This company had to pay a woman forty g's because
a coworker compared her to Darth Vader. I mean, we
used to be able to give people nicknames here till
booty drip rats out the hr you know, skinny jeans

(09:17):
came up and said we couldn't do it anymore. This
girl's name and listen to what happened. Her name is Laura.
She is working as a supervisor at a blood donation
center when a handful of people on her team took
an online personality test for fun. It was a Myers
Briggs test with a Star Wars theme. So they you

(09:37):
know you see these all the time. It's supposed to
tell you which Star Wars character you are.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
They ask you a few random questions that don't seem
to have anything to do with Star Wars.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, and here's the deal.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
She was on the phone and wasn't around to take
the test herself, so one of her coworkers answered the
questions for her like they thought she would answer them.
Then they announced everybody that Laura had a like personality.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
Now.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
The test spun it in a good way. It said,
being a Darth Vader meant you were very focused individual
who could bring team together. But Laura said it made
her feel you ready unpopular at work.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
And she suffered are you ready?

Speaker 4 (10:21):
No, don't say it, Oh.

Speaker 3 (10:22):
She suffered emotional stress. No, said she quit her job
in next month when she filed a lawsuit.

Speaker 4 (10:35):
That's not something Darth Vader would do.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
I mean, come on.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
Judge heard the case and said that it created a
hostile work environment. And they said Darth Vader is a
legendary villain of Star Wars series and being aligned with
his personality is assaulting.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
They awarded Laurna forty thousand dollars.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
Yo, wow, I believe that because somebody took a test
and said she had a dark Fader like personality.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
Like there are people that are that offended by that nowadays.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
I god, look, I mean look how litigious they are
in I mean that's in England, right, Like you could
see somebody for that, Like it seems so ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
I'd be like, oh, okay, dar Vader, cool, whatever, let's go.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
I mean, wow, it's nuts, all right. And lastly, one
more story for you. I told you, man, they're good today.
And this one the icing.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
On the cake.

Speaker 3 (11:35):
A thirty nine year old woman in Florida named Alison's
facing battery charges for attacking her wife with a.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Fistful of nachos.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
Oh yeah, man, I feel like nachos are not in
as salt food.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
You know, you got a salt food like chicken wing,
chicken legs, right, just chicken pieceas in general.

Speaker 4 (11:56):
Slices of pizza get thrown a lot.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Yeah, yeah, po is oftentimes in the salt food.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
Yeah, but just just a handful of nachos as an
assault food. Not not really something you have as the
as the salt foods go.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
Not something I normally see on the list.

Speaker 4 (12:15):
We have any info about these nachos?

Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, listen to this, man.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
It was Here's where it gets kind of well, guys
gonna look at this and go, that's kind of hot.
She took the fistful of nachos, and apparently this happened
at her Port Saint Luci home.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
At three in the morning.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
Allison was playing video games in the living room and
saw her wife making nachos in the kitchen. The wife,
who's forty, told police Allison told her it was too
late to eat, and.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Oh she crossed the line here.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
She said it was too late to eat, and then
made a comment about her weight.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
Oh no you didn't. Oh no, this somewhere men men
know this. Man, men know this rule.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
We don't make comments about your wait at three in
the morning. No hell no, many of why is up this?
Decades ago, the lesbians having why is up with this?

Speaker 2 (13:07):
Anue?

Speaker 4 (13:08):
It's three am? You're eating nachos together?

Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, man, and definitely not common about her weight. Say what, oh,
hell no.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
If Julie gets up at the middle of the night
three am starts making nachos, I'm applauding right there.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
Man.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
Look, even if you're not hungry, you just gotta go
along with it, you know why, because she's mad.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
About something that's that's comfort food. Man.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
Anyway, what happened was she made a comment about her weight,
and they started arguing, yeah, because every man knows you
don't make common about the whitest weight, right, but she
did so. Alison grabbed a handful of cheesy nacho scoop
and she shoved them down the back of her wife's pants.

Speaker 4 (13:54):
Down the back of the pants.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
Huh, this is where the dudes are like, well, that's
kind of hot.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
That's not your cheese, but I'll take some anyway.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
As she was changing into her new pants, she says,
Alison then attacked her push up against the wall instead
of licking it, I mean it started uh oh slam
her head into the floor. Oh, her wife ended up
with a knot on her forehead.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
You guys be like mushrooms.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
No, no, Apparently, she also said to Alison held her
down and used her fingers to fish hook her by
the cheeks while telling her she was the one in charge. Damn, Aliss,
seems like she's a little grass say to say she's
the man in this relationship. She fish hooked her. No, dude,

(14:48):
fish hooks this girl.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
That's something.

Speaker 4 (14:51):
God, we don't fish hooking.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
You ever fish hooked the girl. I've never fish shooked
the girl must be a thing. Oh I'm gonna fish
hook you said, no, dude ever anyway, she tried, Oh yeah,
that's At some point during all this, the wife man,
just call a friend. The friend called police, who showed up,

(15:16):
and they arrested Allison for domestic battery and fish hooking.
You can't fish. She tried to claim her wife was
just drunk rote around the nachos, and then her story
didn't line up to the cops. The cops say they
found nachos. You're ready inside the victim's pants. The cops like,

(15:37):
first day at the job. Dear penihouse, I can't believe
this is happened.

Speaker 4 (15:39):
To me.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
She so this is this now penalty.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
Alison is not allowed to have contact with her wife
because that's gonna be weird because she's got a restraining
order against her. But they live together, so police said
she can go get her stuff, and they went with her.

Speaker 4 (15:58):
Ah supervised visit there.

Speaker 3 (16:02):
Yeah. Man, I bet they work together too, because they're
both registered nurses.

Speaker 2 (16:08):
Oh yeah, that's so hot.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
I'm interested to know what kind of nachos these were.
Was it basically just microwave chips with cheese on it?
Or did they do the whole like melted velveto with
some rotel like the gooey like what you get at
the stadium style nachos.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
I mean it was three in the morning.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
How involved do you care about your nachos at three
in the morning? If I'll get with some cheese and
maybe some sausa just microwaved all yeah, I'm like three
in the morning, man. I mean, but the husband, Allison,
wasn't playing video games, so I don't know.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
Maybe more right.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
I mean, if you got hot of peanots onions, some
sort of pulled chicken on there, pork or something, some
barbecue sauce, sour cream, lay it in.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
I'm going in. I wouldn't waste this shoving it down
her pants.

Speaker 4 (16:54):
Right, it's really hot. It's like napalm going down.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
It's not the first time you felt or something like that.

Speaker 4 (17:02):
Like that's as salt. But if it's just chips with
some cheese on it.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
That's not. I feel like anytime there's a domestic violence
like charge put on somebody for a food fight, it's
just too far right right, like this one had some
other stuff. But you know, we'll get the stories worth
charged the domestic battery throwing a slice of pizza his wife.

Speaker 4 (17:22):
If they're not fish hooking, it's not a.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yeah man, yeah, that's you know, look you got you
gotta go to jail when you fish.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
Hook your wife.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
If if she's doing that, she pulled the fish hook
throw in the back of the car. She did not
fish hooking in the back of the car, Alison in
the back of the car. Just no fish hooks too
far put everything up to the fish shuk, get to go.