March 7, 2025 • 34 mins
Hey BA Fam! Mandi, Yanely, and Chris tackle a listener’s dilemma about whether to stay at her “dream company” despite a brutal 90-minute commute and no work-from-home flexibility. Plus, hot takes on corporate America’s return-to-office demands and the recent shopping boycott!
The crew debates whether any job requiring three hours of daily commuting can truly be called a “dream,” especially when promotion opportunities are 2-3 years away. Yanely shares Jamie Dimon’s leaked anti-WFH rant (“If you want to keep your ass home and be lazy, stay home!”), revealing how corporate pushback against remote work is often about protecting profits, not productivity.
This episode delivers the perfect blend of practical career advice and unfiltered commentary on workplace politics that BA fans love.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey, ba fan, Welcome to the ba Qa where you
have questions and we have answers. But like with a
lowercase A, don't come sue us. This is like edutainment, infotainment,
whatever you want to call it. It's not real one
on one advice. Let's just get that disclaimer out of
the way, so get your salt shakers out. I am
joined by Yaelli sbnl aka, Miss be Helpful, and the
(00:30):
wonderful Chris Browning of Popcorn Finance. Welcome y'all. You excited
to get some questions? Yes, let's do it, y'all. If
you want your question to answered on the show, what
can you do? You can go to Brandhambision podcast dot
com to submit your question. You can email me Brandnambision
Podcasts at gmail dot com. Yes I do check the
emails there and you can dm us on ig. We
(00:52):
are at Brannambision Podcast. So any questions you have money career,
we love those the most, but also, like you know, relationship,
family stuff. Life is lifing right now. So really, whatever
the case may be, we are here for you. All right,
we got a couple of questions.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Start.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Let's start with Sasha. Sasha says I'm DFW. That's Dallas
Fort Worth. That's right? Is that what that is? Okay, yay,
all right, Sasha says. I have lived in the DFW
area for the last four years. When I moved here
from my job, I worked remotely and I only went
into the office for big events a few times a year.
(01:33):
Now fast forward to twenty twenty five, and we're back
in the office four times a week like many other companies.
I initially lived in Dallas, where the HQ was only
fifteen minutes away, but since then I've moved to Fort Worth,
which is an hour to an hour and a half
hour commute. Hour and a half commute some days. I
asked my boss if there's flexibility in the work from
(01:55):
home policy. She said no. I asked about promotion opportunities.
She said they would be lit id given the state
of the company, and don't expect much movement for two
to three years.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
My goodness.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I love my team, the culture, they have great benefits,
and it's truly my dream company. Do I jump ship
and start looking for a new job. I've heard the
market is tough right now, so that worries me, and
I'm nervous. The grass won't be greener on the other side.
That's fair, that's very fair. It's nice to know that
(02:27):
some companies do you understand it's not just compensation that
keeps people there. It's like for not all jerks, and
we offer you know, work life balance a little bit
is nice. But what do y'all think. Have y'all been
in that situation before?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Well, I mean, I'm just interested in how she said
that it's her dream company. But I feel like your
dream company would have some leeway, maybe two to three
days in office in two days at home, or some
more remotely options, maybe a couple of days a month,
right Like describing it as you dream company when it's
lacking one major thing that's not working for you right now,
(03:05):
I would say that's a big deal because an hour
and a half commute, that's three hours going and coming back.
It's a long time, three hours out of your day.
No how much shit I can get done in three hours?
Oh my lord. Yeah, So it's interesting. I would push
back on the idea that it's your dream company because
I feel like there's so many companies out there nowadays
that have embraced work from home, even if it's just
(03:28):
partial you know, work from home days during the week.
It doesn't have to be work from home five days
a week, but if it's some days working from home,
even that is a little bit of an alleviation of
not being on the road for three hours of your day.
So I would just push back on that, thinking a
little bit of like, no, but it's my dream job. No,
well obviously not, because there's a major part that it's lacking,
but it's yeah, it's tough. I haven't been in that
(03:48):
situation because I'm very fortunate to have been pretty much
in a remote position with limited travel since twenty eighteen.
So even before COVID, I was in a remote position
with limited travel. So I feel like it's tough. I
definitely would have a huge lifestyle shift if I had
to go in person now, especially if it was an
(04:09):
hour and a half away, because I don't even drive,
so I would be like, I got no choice, but
just right wait on the bus y'all gonna give me
a huper budget or what?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Oh that would be wild.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
But it's just such an inconvenient, massive inconvenience to travel.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Think it also shows like even if you do start
working at a place that has a certain policy, they
can change their policy, like, uh, even if and the
grass isn't always greener, and maybe it is green to
start with, but then it starts growing weeds and going brown,
do you know what I mean? And take that analogy
as far as I can, and I just feel like,
if you're choosing companies, bab, you really can just make
(04:50):
information based on what you know now or sorry, make
decisions based on the information that you have now. And
the information you have now is that you're getting some
things that are important. But you have to align your
values what is most important to you. Not to say
that great colleagues, dream company. And I think when they
say dream company, they mean that I didn't put that.
(05:10):
I didn't read this part. But she says, or yeah,
she says, hashtag free flights, great benefits. It must be
like an airline that gives her free travel benefits, which
are you know not it's a great perk and you
have yeah and the but with all the perks, I
think people do need to be realistic about what you're
(05:31):
giving up in exchange for what you're getting, And you
have to decide if what you're giving up and what
you're getting is like in balance or hopefully you get
more than you're giving and really what like that's really
up to you, Like does the hour and a half commute?
Do you love listening to audiobooks and driving a lot?
Do you love gas bills or electricity bills? If you
(05:53):
have a hybrid or whatever? Like do you do you mind?
Maybe it fits your lifestyle now, but if you have
a family or if you have people who rely on
you long term, like that may change the calculation. There's
certainly things that I tolerate I used to tolerate that
I couldn't tolerate now with my lifestyle and what I
(06:16):
need that are different. And it could be that it
was your dream company for a time, but now your
values have shifted, and yeah, I can't promise that you're
going to love your new colleagues and that. But I
think when you go into it with understanding your values
and like what the reason you're doing things and making
(06:36):
sure that your values are in alignment with those actions
that you're taking, like you'll be able to have peace
knowing like this is why, especially because a lot.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Of airlines do have remote positions. Now I know a
lot of the customer service roles are remote. Yeah, I
have a friend whose mom works for American Airlines and
she just works from home. She just takes calls all
day and helps customer service support and stuff, so obviously
on the chat, but also on the phone. So I
think if there's like, if the reservation is that, oh no,
I'm going to lose my free flights, like okay, well,
(07:07):
let's figure out a role that is remote at least
part time or full time remote or like part of
the week remote, even if it's not full time remote,
that we'll still give you that perk, and it's in
that same industry, but maybe at a different company, Because yeah,
I mean, I think that is a huge perk, and
that is definitely a big, a big factor in the
(07:28):
decision because that's major for your family, for yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I'm sure so.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
But you know, it's not the end of the day.
If you were to take a position that's fully remote
at a different at a competing company, and like, okay,
now I'm ten fifteen minutes away or twenty minutes away,
which is a major lifestyle change rather than driving an
hour and a half every day, or you could.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Move back to wherever headquarters was. Go ahead, Chris, is
that what you're gonna say, that's exactly what I was
because I was like, because for me, I've worked enough
bad jobs.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
It was funny on the last episode I talked about
this job, I hated it, and all my old co
workers like, were you talking about this job?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Job knew it?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
They're like, I knew what you're talking about. But after
I'd be willing to move for a good job. And
so for me, I don't take that for granted. If
this is a job you love, you like the benefits,
like if people you work with you like that what
you're doing, and they we didn't get the reason why
they moved away from the area. But if it's something
that's it was just by choice and you could move back,
I wouldn't move back for a good job because it
(08:29):
is tough out there. You know, it is a little
bit of a risk. I mean, it's worth taking risk
if it is for the right job. But if every
if this is everything you want, I'd be willing to
move back for that job, just because it's hard to
find a good place. Sometimes it takes some time to
find the right fit, and to me, it's it's worth it,
even if it's maybe not like my ideal city. Maybe
the other city I like better. But if I have
(08:51):
a community there, friends, family that still exists in that
place and I can be happy there, I wouldn't. I
would move back there for a good job.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
That's a good point, especially the mention of like the
two to three years till there's a promotion, so it's
like a long time. So if it sounds like I
mean by including that, I'm assuming that she's deciding she
wants to wait for that promotion. And if she wants
to wait for that promotion, then there's sort of this
inherent commitment to be there.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
For two to three years.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Longer two to three years of a ninety minion commute
is now we're talking about something real specific that is
much longer term. So I would say three years of
driving ninety minutes a day to and from work, so
three hours a day is rough. If you know you're
committed to that, you know, advancement in your career within
this specific company, then it probably makes sense to do
(09:37):
what Chris is talking about, because then you know you're
committing to the three years, you're trying to put your
name in the hat for this promotion you're trying. That's
like the route that you're on, rather than like, oh, well,
I'm just not sure, but I'm conveniently located over here.
And then it's like, no, there's a very specific reason
why you're staying there and committing to trying to get
that promotion. In that case, moving closer to the company
just goes to show them how committed and serious you are.
(09:59):
So when that motion comes around, like oh, remember I
done moved back to Dallas for what for you all?
For this to stay here, to be able to contribute meaningfully,
like keep that in mind.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I don't know you don't think I don't think you
know that. That that clip going around that people on
the podcast for Homegirls talking about she met a man
in Nigeria and he proposed to her and she's gonna move.
Did you see that? And the other two are like, no,
don't stop, but give me your passport now. And I
would stop. I would stop someone from moving to a
city for a job for the promise of a promotion,
(10:31):
maybe not even the promise for this, for the for
the maybe of it all. Yeah, but there could be
other reasons for every all that plus all the other reasons.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And the culture is starting that you can see it
changing for this whole acceptance of work from home to
even now there's like the environment started to change back.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
How do you think it's changing, because I don't think
it's it's going the wrong way.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
It's headed back to like you need to be. I'm
even seeing it here with San Francisco, for like the
hub of remote work of the most benefits of all time,
and you're seeing a lot of these companies demanding the
employees come back into the office. I don't know how
it's going to work out for them, but you're seeing
that tie change. Even the city here said that they
got to bring their employees back. I think it's a
four days a week now. So yeah, you're seeing a change,
(11:14):
And so I don't I always felt it was a
little iffy, like making a move with these remote job promises,
because I'm like, I don't know if I trust him
to keep this up. After the pandemic starts to kind
of calm down, and then you're starting to see is
the flip the reversal of a lot of these policies.
So I'd even say, like, you know, you don't know
how if you find another job that's remote, allows you
to say where you are how long they'll even keep
those policies in place, because they, like Madi Will saying,
(11:37):
they can change your mind and be like, no, we're
you're all coming back in.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
That's a great point. I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
And the higher you get up, like the management. I
know you mentioned customer service, you and Ellie, but like
the more senior positions, I think they haven't even higher
expectation of showing up and being seen and heard and
all that. And I mean, I'm a little ambivalent about that.
I like a hybrid thing. I like going in, I
like staying home. Like the key for me, it's flexibility.
I'm a grown ass adult. When I decide it's better
(12:04):
for me to work from home, I would I'm gonna
do that.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Trust me to make that decision because I'm doing what's
best for this job and not being self.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Like you know, trust and I think you earn that.
It's funny because like you expect to hire senior people
to like be in the office, but I think you've
earned that trust and respect if you're at that point
to be able to make your own damn decisions, and
like that's a little frustrating. And also make that decision
for your team. You know, you can decide if you're
if you trust so and so to like work from
(12:32):
home or not, like anyway, I you should be able
to you should I mean you hired them because to
be honest, some people should not be working from home
because they can't. If you're not even nothing done.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
If you if you are continuously not meeting quotas or
you know, KPIs or whatever it is your measure your
metrics are like, then it's a problem that needs to
be addressed. But if you're on your ship, like, what's
the problem? I don't you know. I do think right
now that there's a little bit of like corporate disco
because if you're a billionaire, multi millionaire whatever corporation of
(13:04):
CEO or EXAC, right and all your other buddies, that
other companies are hurting because of the fact that most
employees are working from home. Meaning the car industry is
hurting because people aren't driving their cars as much. Car
auto insurance is hurting because people are canceling all insurance politics.
They're not driving their cars all day anymore. People are,
you know, the food industry is hurting because people aren't
ordering lunches as much because they're not at work. You know,
(13:25):
corporate events is hurting because people aren't really doing so
it's like all of a sudden, now all of your
buddies are calling you up, like what's up? Are you
going back in office because you know, we need to
bring we need to spring back into action and get
you know, people, goods and services going again. And it's
going to be better when people are in office. And
so I do think some of it is like this
not necessarily selfish. I think selfish is the right word,
(13:46):
but there's probably a better word. But it's really about
like this motivating motivation, the key motivating factor being the
benefit to the corporations rather than to the actual workers,
and what's better for your work life balance and also
what's better for your productivity because I know, for example,
when I go to the office and everybody's just sitting
(14:06):
at the office taking zoom calls from the office, Like,
but uh, what you mean I had to come in
person for this, for this experience, for everyone to be
putting there ear Buzzy didn't take zoom calls from the office.
We can do that from home. So I think it
really varies. It really depends on the environment. But I
think more so when you see that push like that,
like and of course you know that Jamie Diamond clip
(14:28):
going viral a couple of weeks ago, it's like you
hear that frustration and that anger and then you realize
what it's amount of money. He went viral just because
he was being recorded and he didn't know, he wasn't
aware that he was being recorded, and he was basically
bashing work from home culture and like cursing up the storm,
saying this is bs, like what the fuck? Like you
need to come back in office if you want to
(14:48):
work at this company. He's talking about JP Morgan's last chase.
If you want to work at this company, you go in,
You're going to be in person. If you want to
keep your ass home and be lazy and stay at home,
stay home, but not here, not for this company. And
he was just like going on off about how people yes,
and then the audio got leaked and it went viral,
and it's like when you listen to the anger underneath
his voice, and he was really mad.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
He was pissed.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
It's like it's hurting their money, guys, that's why, that's
why they're so.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Mad and their egos and they're that whole like, well,
that's not the way it was when I was coming up.
And but you look at who had attended the inaugural
and it's like Silicon Valley you mentioned that, I'm just
you know vasos, and oh shoot, we didn't even talk
about Jeff Bezos, basically like saying, where do I begin, girl?
(15:37):
What do you say? With the Washington Post Jeff Bezos?
He the opinion section stepped down, and I can see
why because he's basically said, we're going to have libertarian
opinions here only and no questioning or critical opinions, literally
opinions about the White House. And that's just such a
(15:59):
reversal for what the Washington Post stands for. It it's
what everyone feared when he bought it, I think. And
now it's coming to fruition. Yep.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So yeah, it's just another nut subscribe, another Twitter slash
x situation where they just keep buying up things and
using it.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
For and Trump doesn't like work from home, so then
they don't like it because they want to appeal to
his ego.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Of course, of course it's ridiculous, it really is. I mean,
you know, it's funny a couple with this is random,
but a couple of weeks ago are months ago, two
months ago, maybe I was in Atlanta. I went to
the Usher concert with my homegirl from college and we
turn around and see two three sections away like towards
the back or like the stripper poles set up in
the back, because Usher concert is crazy. Jeff Bezos in
(16:44):
there just just with his girl, just drinking, and I
was like, wait a minute, oh no, no, this was
not in Atlanta. I went to the Usher concert twice.
This was in Miami, the Miami Usher concert. So in
the Atlanta Usher concert, who was there? Tiny and t
I okay, and you know that makes sense. And then
the Miami one it was Jeff Bezos and and Damon
(17:07):
John from Shark Tank and from Poubu. Yeah, so it
was just it's like ridiculous. How you see like the
most the wealthiest freaking person being escorted by all the
security and this, like you know, it's ridiculous, like the
uber black situation pick up and drop off and like
(17:28):
just being treated whatever. And it's like, bro, we are
all at this concert just trying to have a good time,
like don't bring that energy in here. But it's so
frustrating because they literally have the first and final say
when it comes to so many of the policies that
affect our lived experiences every single day. And yet when
it comes to even just like your ability to go
to a consert and enjoy yourself, Oh excuse me, you
have to wait an hour until Jeff Bezos enters and exits.
(17:51):
Like it's so frustrating.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
But you know at the back of the office, we
have to order sit again because you can't make time
to go.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
To the stove, you know, And so you can't even
boycot Amazon even if you wanted to, because they make
it literally impossible. Mm, well we should wrap up the
b a qa.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
For her. Oh yeah, we just.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Went off track.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
I think we got the answer. I remember we got there.
Good luck, Sasha, and I think we all wrap I
think just to wrap that up. I think that the
key takeaways are you have to decide where where your
values are and recognize that companies are not going to
always be the perfect fit for you for where you're
(18:37):
at in your life. And like maybe it was your
dream company, but now that it wants you back in
the office, well that just it just qualifies them from
being your dream company and just to I think that's
a healthy it's a healthy thing to know as you
pursue the rest of your career and will help you
make decisions that are grounded in like what you want
versus what you think you should have or what companies
(18:59):
say they think you should.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
Yeah, and there's no harm in just interviewing. Just just interview,
just be, always be interviewing. Just just do it and
if if something feels right in your gut, it might
be the right leap. And if not, hey, at least
you're interviewing, you're staying in the game. You're staying fresher.
I mean, Mandy could talk to this better than anybody
about those skills. You have to kind of stay sharp
on them. And if you get real comfortable and settle
with this position and it's so great and so you stay,
(19:21):
you don't kind of only make it harder for yourself
in let's say, in three years, if you did decide
to leave because you've been out the game for so long.
So even maybe just do a couple of interviews. You
might find a better opportunity and a better fit. And
you might not, but at least you're getting at bets
you're getting that point.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
We're an offer. Because the thing I love about all
these like oh two to three years for promotion, What
I love most is how quickly that goes out the
window if you get a competing offer, It's like, oh wait,
we found this money all of a sudden. That's hard interesting.
So yeah, I would, yeah, one hundred percent on Ellie
go be interviewing and get those competing offers. All right, Sasha,
(19:56):
thank you for your question. Let's take a quick break
and come right back with question from a listener. Tara
Ariba fam Tara in the house with a question. She says, Hey, nanny,
thank you so much for what you do. I just
discovered brand ambition and can't get enough. Oh that's kind,
(20:17):
that's so sweet. Tarah says, I'm thirty seven years old.
I had been with my partner for thirteen years. It's
a very loving and committed relationship, but we are not married.
We both have some disillusionment with marriage. Both of us
have divorced parents and other trauma issues. Were both in
therapy for. It's occurred to me that if something were
to happen to him, i e. He dies in a
(20:38):
car crash or something, I'd be pretty much screwed financially.
I work part time and have a side hustle, but
he makes way more money than me as a computer programmer.
I contribute to rent and other smaller expenses, but I
would not be able to afford our current lifestyle on
my own if something were to happen to him. Part
of our arrangement is that I pay lesson rent so
(20:59):
I can work. I'm paying down my credit card debt,
which I'm very slowly making progress on. Anyway, I've heard
horror stories of women being with their man for twenty
plus years, he dies suddenly and they have zero claim
to anything because they're not legally married. I can't say
for sure if we will ever get legally married, maybe not,
or maybe some day down the road. But in the meantime,
(21:21):
what can I do to protect myself financially in case
the worst were to happen. We live in Idaho, oh
Idaho in the house?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Good. We live in Idaho, which does not offer something
like common law marriage. I'm assuming my priority should be
to save, save, save like a squirrel, because right now
my savings is almost nothing. Sadly, anyway, sorry for the
long email. Thank you so much. Don't be sorry much.
Love Tara through it. Listen to your gut. What do
(21:51):
you say, christ because you never go first? Assertive? Be assertive?
Oh yeah, sometimes I forget that you're doing it by choice,
not because you need me to like shut you to
the spotlight.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, I don't need you don't need to make me
go first, since you already put me on the spot.
All right, I would say, you know what I think, obviously,
it's always good to be prepared, right, to have your
own stuff in place, have your own savings, to have
your own streamer income, to be self sufficient, right. Because
in the situation, it sounds like it's not that he
is making her be I guess he's not forcing her.
(22:31):
In the situation, they're involuntarily they're choosing that to be married.
But I think there's differently things we don't know why.
Maybe she's working part time versus working full time. There
could be a lot of reasons why someone chooses to
do that. I don't know if they have kids or
anything like that, but I would say you can definitely
make sure you're self sufficient on your own right. You
got to make sure that you and no matter what happens,
because a relationship could always in that you are taking
care of yourself and you put yourself in the best
(22:52):
position to survive any type of separation. If this is
like a committed relationship, right, I don't know if they've
done any type of estate planning, and maybe have the
conversation with your partner like, hey, if something weren't happen
to you, something would happen to me. Do we plan
on giving each other some of our assets when we
pass away? Because that's something that I think that would
give you a lot of relief if you know for sure,
because just because you're not married doesn't mean he couldn't
(23:14):
have a trust or will in place that gives you
some of the assets that you built this life together.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
You can name anybody a beneficiary of that for a
one K bye bye anybody life insurance policy?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Yes, right, so I would have that question. I would
have a conversation and figure that out because that may
solve your problem right there. If because if you feel like, Okay,
I don't know what will happen, this may give you
that security that you need to know that, hey, we
both have each other's back and that one of us
were to pass away. But if you may find out
that you that's not the plan, so then then you
can make it a planet according based off of what
you know.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Now that's scary too, because if he passes away, you
can't afford the house, like and there's still a lean
on it or mortgage or whatever, like his family may
take ownership or whatever the laws of Idaho suggest, and
then they could, you know, want to sell it for
a profit or like kick you out or whatever. That
is a fact.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
I really love that, Crystal, because that's pretty much what
Jamil and I did. We are in thirteen years in
to our relationship and also not married. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Also so like terror, I feel you girl.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
We are in a long term relationship, very very committed,
but we've you know, not really necessarily seeing marriage necessarily
in our future. Maybe maybe not like you said, but
that don't mean we play around when it comes to
the estate planet. We both sat down. I added him
to my retirement assets as a beneficiary along with some
like you don't have to name only one person, so
you can have multiple beneficiaries. So Jamil is one of
(24:34):
the beneficiaries. I have a big family, so there's others
as well. And then I have a life insurance policy
he is one of the beneficiaries as well as another
family member, and then he did the same in return
his retirement assets. The beneficiary listed is me as well
as one another person in his family, and same thing
with his life insurance policy where'm listed as a beneficiary.
So you can not have that fear looming over you
every day in your relationship. As he walks out the
(24:55):
door and hops on his bike, you're like, is he
gonna die today and leave me screwed? Like, don't you know,
don't create that situation for yourself because naming yourself, I mean,
that's like the leading cause of death. I feel like
if you look at these bikes.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I don't think they're getting I don't know, but I
just feel like the other day I'm red an article.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
But like everybody gets on a bike and dies, and
I'm like, why is everybody dying.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
On a bike.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
No, you guys got to do that a state planning process,
like Chris said, and it doesn't even have to be
the official formal estate planning whole thing where you have
a trust or you have a will and you have
all that. But even to us, starting with the simple
act of adding each other as beneficiaries and establishing joint
ownership on some of your assets and accounts. That could
be the move that he makes to show you that
you know, you are really valued to him and you
guys are equal partners in your partnership, even though a
(25:40):
marriage is not necessarily the thing that creates your partnership, right,
So I do think that's really important. And if you
want to take that next step and you want to
set up a trust, that will be even better because
then it could skip probate. You know, you can have
a will and you still have to go through probate,
which can be you know, held up in the courts.
We've seen that with a lot of celebrities who unfortunately,
you know, their families kind of are fighting in core
(26:01):
and they're held up in probate to get assets from
the person who passed. So just at the very least
adding beneficiaries and creating joint ownership so that you know
that you have access to things and you're not screwed financially,
like you said, if he does pass, but also you know,
discussing like maybe potentially a will or a trust or
something bigger, because if your partner is making all this
money as a programmer. He can afford a life insurance
(26:22):
policy for eighty bucks a month with you as a beneficiary,
and he can afford to set up a will for
a couple hundred bucks online and a trust right, which
is not a ton of money. We're not talking about
ten thousand dollars here. We're talking about a couple hundred bucks,
and that can definitely give you the peace of mind
that you need and you can sleep better at night
knowing that you all are on the same page.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Let's change, you know, the whole diamond thing, the whole
diamond being like the diamond engagement ring that was just
a marketing stunt from like or a commercial campaign from
the early nineteen hundreds. So like, could the new engagement
ring be I love you and I want you to
be my wife. Here's my four oh one k. I'm
adding you as a beneficiary today. Will you will you
(27:01):
take me as your partner for life? Yeah, that's that's
romantic to me all the study. Put me on your
four one k baby, like talk dirty to me, Like
can I be? Can you put me on the deed?
Give me the title? You know what I mean? Like
paper other kinds of paper ownership assets. We need to
tap into our woman in Pakistan, give me land, give
(27:27):
me hands out a week. But it's so it's real,
true people get caught up in like the bridle, the
white dress and the cake and like the venue. And
I'm like, babe, what does the what does the paperwork say?
Because there's some people who are more protected who never
(27:47):
get married if they do things properly. Then people who
do get married and don't have a prenup because like
you can go back to listen to our episode with
Aaron Thomas, the prenup attorney, incredible prenup attorney with those book,
listen to that episode from Valentine's Day in February, because
we talk all about that how even just because you
get married, it doesn't magically give you protections exactly exact think.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
And I love that point, Mandy, because I do feel
like a lot of my girlfriends are so enamored and
it's like it's been instilled in us since we were
little girls. It's like, oh, the idea of your wedding
day is the most important day of your life, the
most special day of your life, and you know you
want to get married once and you have your dressing,
you have to have your perfect wedding, and it's like
all of that. I don't want to call it shit,
but it's like it's all symbolism, but what is it?
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yes, but what is it to?
Speaker 3 (28:38):
What's underneath it? All that actually has meaning and is
the foundation for everything that matters? Is like are you good?
Are you and the kids gonna be good if he's gone?
Or are y'all gonna be good if she's gone? Like
what is the reality of your life and your livelihood?
That's what really matters. So I just feel like, yeah,
like get get the fluff stuff out of the way
(28:58):
so you can really address what's really important. At the
very least, he should have a life insurance policy. Come on,
that's I mean, my life insurance policy. I pay seventy
two dollars a month and it's up to one point
five million dollar payout. It's a thirty year term policy.
There ain't no reason why he shouldn't be spending seventy
two dollars a month on an insurance policy like that.
That's chump changed for him as a software engineer. Come on, girl,
(29:20):
like that's the the bare minimum he can do. Add
you as a beneficiar on the retirement accounts and create
a life insurance policy. Turn policy's fine, something under one
hundred bucks a month. He can afford it, and it
just it's it's a real action, not just words, just
putting action behind the words. If like you are my partner,
you matter so much to me. We've been in this
game for thirteen years together. Let me show you what
(29:41):
that means to me in this way.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
You know, it's going to give you information if what
if he acts weird about it, then you got a
red flag, babe. And then I would say, yes, start saving.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Oh for sure, save you the way, but take notes
if he acted skimming off the top. My mom used
to do that. I mean sid I mean, not put
our business out there, but definitely gotta do what you
gotta do.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
A lot of spouses do. Take a little sum for me,
you know, put it, put it behind the toilet, wherever
you want to hide it behind the toilet. You know why,
because I was picturing j Loo in that movie enough
and I don't think she puts money behind the toilet,
but there is a pivotal toilet scene. It really made
an impression on me where she pretends to be peeing
(30:25):
by putting a bottle of water on the toilet so
that she can escape her abusive spouse. You'll never enough.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Yeah, I mean so it was like a remake of
Sleeping with the Enemy with Julia Roberts from back in
the day.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Listen, we don't need to know all that, but yeah,
I will die on the Jalo hill. I don't know why.
I think you'll be alone.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
It. I like JL, but that movie was for sure
just straight up robbed sleeping with the Enemy, like the
entire storyline, a lot of the scenes. I'm like, oh,
this is just a just a remake.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Julia Roberts did not learn how to fight blind. No, no,
she didn't know how to fight Morgan Freeman.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
No she did not, but it was it was that
overarching story.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
But yeah, it was a slight very You're right.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
You're right, it was a slight very. She was the
Bronx version. It was the Boogie Down Bronx version.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Was blind. She learned how to box blind because she
was dark. She had to like learn her house fight
him in the dark. She had to fight him in
the dark so that she you know, it also a
game of Thrones when Aria Stark when she like has
to fight the little the ladies.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
Ye, well no these are these are old old foot films,
and Joe very old watching this today, like he was
watching enough.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
There's so many characters to forget who that is. Anyway,
she like turns, she like cuts the candle off, and
then she's like, oh, you're on my turf now, bitch,
I'm blind. Now.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
No, that was Aria. That was Aria.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
You Chris, they're connected. You're trying to make me, not
make it. You're trying to discredit Mandy.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I'm here girl, I'm with a man gaslighting us.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
I'm following you.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Girl in the middle. Nothing in the middle, the beginning
of Women's History Month. Okay, follow me. Me and yan
Ellie are on the train. You're trying to keep up.
You're just right here, like sweating, dripping down your bald head,
trying to catch a train that you ain't gonna catch it.
You ain't never gonna catch his train, Chris.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
You gotta want to catch the train. In order to
catch the train. You gotta want you gotta want.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
It, want to It's gonna listen. Just take this whole
episode anyway, j Lo deserved all yes, and she had
to learn how to box blind so that so she
could turn the lights off and then win, and then
women win, women win. That's all you need to know
(32:43):
about that. Okay, just Maarah is gonna win when she
listens to this episode and she and I just I
want an update, Tara, because we really want to hear
that you have as you deserve financial security. Okay, thirteen
years is a long.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Time and at least reassure even if you don't have
your own financial independence. You've been in this relationship for
thirteen years and you just are love you that reassurance
is so important.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Wants you to be Okay, yep, yeah, all right, another
colorful episode of the AQA. I love it all right,
big fam, thank you so much for listening, and for
those of you who are on the train with us,
I hope you're enjoying the view. We got. We got
chilled sparkling rose, which is my favorite, like fancy beverage.
(33:32):
And you know, maybe we'll slow down a little bit
so Chris can do you hear those tires screeching? Just
hop on how you can hang on to the back
of the kaboos gonna go to the kabboos, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
But for those of you out there who are who
are trying to just learn and do better, and you're
running outside the train with me, you know, it's great
to have you there well, striving to get better, you know.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Appreciate it. This train is sponsored by Adhd al r
Ba Fam. Until next time, we'll see you on Monday. Bye,
Hey, ba fan, Welcome to the ba Qa where you
have questions and we have answers. But like with a
lowercase A, don't come sue us. This is like edutainment, infotainment,
whatever you want to call it. It's not real one
on one advice. Let's just get that disclaimer out of
the way, so get your salt shakers out. I am
joined by Yaelli sbnl aka, Miss be Helpful, and the
(00:30):
wonderful Chris Browning of Popcorn Finance. Welcome y'all. You excited
to get some questions? Yes, let's do it, y'all. If
you want your question to answered on the show, what
can you do? You can go to Brandhambision podcast dot
com to submit your question. You can email me Brandnambision
Podcasts at gmail dot com. Yes I do check the
emails there and you can dm us on ig. We
(00:52):
are at Brannambision Podcast. So any questions you have money career,
we love those the most, but also, like you know, relationship,
family stuff. Life is lifing right now. So really, whatever
the case may be, we are here for you. All right,
we got a couple of questions.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Start.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Let's start with Sasha. Sasha says I'm DFW. That's Dallas
Fort Worth. That's right? Is that what that is? Okay, yay,
all right, Sasha says. I have lived in the DFW
area for the last four years. When I moved here
from my job, I worked remotely and I only went
into the office for big events a few times a year.
(01:33):
Now fast forward to twenty twenty five, and we're back
in the office four times a week like many other companies.
I initially lived in Dallas, where the HQ was only
fifteen minutes away, but since then I've moved to Fort Worth,
which is an hour to an hour and a half
hour commute. Hour and a half commute some days. I
asked my boss if there's flexibility in the work from
(01:55):
home policy. She said no. I asked about promotion opportunities.
She said they would be lit id given the state
of the company, and don't expect much movement for two
to three years.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
My goodness.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I love my team, the culture, they have great benefits,
and it's truly my dream company. Do I jump ship
and start looking for a new job. I've heard the
market is tough right now, so that worries me, and
I'm nervous. The grass won't be greener on the other side.
That's fair, that's very fair. It's nice to know that
(02:27):
some companies do you understand it's not just compensation that
keeps people there. It's like for not all jerks, and
we offer you know, work life balance a little bit
is nice. But what do y'all think. Have y'all been
in that situation before?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Well, I mean, I'm just interested in how she said
that it's her dream company. But I feel like your
dream company would have some leeway, maybe two to three
days in office in two days at home, or some
more remotely options, maybe a couple of days a month,
right Like describing it as you dream company when it's
lacking one major thing that's not working for you right now,
(03:05):
I would say that's a big deal because an hour
and a half commute, that's three hours going and coming back.
It's a long time, three hours out of your day.
No how much shit I can get done in three hours?
Oh my lord. Yeah, So it's interesting. I would push
back on the idea that it's your dream company because
I feel like there's so many companies out there nowadays
that have embraced work from home, even if it's just
(03:28):
partial you know, work from home days during the week.
It doesn't have to be work from home five days
a week, but if it's some days working from home,
even that is a little bit of an alleviation of
not being on the road for three hours of your day.
So I would just push back on that, thinking a
little bit of like, no, but it's my dream job. No,
well obviously not, because there's a major part that it's lacking,
but it's yeah, it's tough. I haven't been in that
(03:48):
situation because I'm very fortunate to have been pretty much
in a remote position with limited travel since twenty eighteen.
So even before COVID, I was in a remote position
with limited travel. So I feel like it's tough. I
definitely would have a huge lifestyle shift if I had
to go in person now, especially if it was an
(04:09):
hour and a half away, because I don't even drive,
so I would be like, I got no choice, but
just right wait on the bus y'all gonna give me
a huper budget or what?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Oh that would be wild.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
But it's just such an inconvenient, massive inconvenience to travel.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Think it also shows like even if you do start
working at a place that has a certain policy, they
can change their policy, like, uh, even if and the
grass isn't always greener, and maybe it is green to
start with, but then it starts growing weeds and going brown,
do you know what I mean? And take that analogy
as far as I can, and I just feel like,
if you're choosing companies, bab, you really can just make
(04:50):
information based on what you know now or sorry, make
decisions based on the information that you have now. And
the information you have now is that you're getting some
things that are important. But you have to align your
values what is most important to you. Not to say
that great colleagues, dream company. And I think when they
say dream company, they mean that I didn't put that.
(05:10):
I didn't read this part. But she says, or yeah,
she says, hashtag free flights, great benefits. It must be
like an airline that gives her free travel benefits, which
are you know not it's a great perk and you
have yeah and the but with all the perks, I
think people do need to be realistic about what you're
(05:31):
giving up in exchange for what you're getting, And you
have to decide if what you're giving up and what
you're getting is like in balance or hopefully you get
more than you're giving and really what like that's really
up to you, Like does the hour and a half commute?
Do you love listening to audiobooks and driving a lot?
Do you love gas bills or electricity bills? If you
(05:53):
have a hybrid or whatever? Like do you do you mind?
Maybe it fits your lifestyle now, but if you have
a family or if you have people who rely on
you long term, like that may change the calculation. There's
certainly things that I tolerate I used to tolerate that
I couldn't tolerate now with my lifestyle and what I
(06:16):
need that are different. And it could be that it
was your dream company for a time, but now your
values have shifted, and yeah, I can't promise that you're
going to love your new colleagues and that. But I
think when you go into it with understanding your values
and like what the reason you're doing things and making
(06:36):
sure that your values are in alignment with those actions
that you're taking, like you'll be able to have peace
knowing like this is why, especially because a lot.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Of airlines do have remote positions. Now I know a
lot of the customer service roles are remote. Yeah, I
have a friend whose mom works for American Airlines and
she just works from home. She just takes calls all
day and helps customer service support and stuff, so obviously
on the chat, but also on the phone. So I
think if there's like, if the reservation is that, oh no,
I'm going to lose my free flights, like okay, well,
(07:07):
let's figure out a role that is remote at least
part time or full time remote or like part of
the week remote, even if it's not full time remote,
that we'll still give you that perk, and it's in
that same industry, but maybe at a different company, Because yeah,
I mean, I think that is a huge perk, and
that is definitely a big, a big factor in the
(07:28):
decision because that's major for your family, for yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I'm sure so.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
But you know, it's not the end of the day.
If you were to take a position that's fully remote
at a different at a competing company, and like, okay,
now I'm ten fifteen minutes away or twenty minutes away,
which is a major lifestyle change rather than driving an
hour and a half every day, or you could.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Move back to wherever headquarters was. Go ahead, Chris, is
that what you're gonna say, that's exactly what I was
because I was like, because for me, I've worked enough
bad jobs.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
It was funny on the last episode I talked about
this job, I hated it, and all my old co
workers like, were you talking about this job?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Job knew it?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
They're like, I knew what you're talking about. But after
I'd be willing to move for a good job. And
so for me, I don't take that for granted. If
this is a job you love, you like the benefits,
like if people you work with you like that what
you're doing, and they we didn't get the reason why
they moved away from the area. But if it's something
that's it was just by choice and you could move back,
I wouldn't move back for a good job because it
(08:29):
is tough out there. You know, it is a little
bit of a risk. I mean, it's worth taking risk
if it is for the right job. But if every
if this is everything you want, I'd be willing to
move back for that job, just because it's hard to
find a good place. Sometimes it takes some time to
find the right fit, and to me, it's it's worth it,
even if it's maybe not like my ideal city. Maybe
the other city I like better. But if I have
(08:51):
a community there, friends, family that still exists in that
place and I can be happy there, I wouldn't. I
would move back there for a good job.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
That's a good point, especially the mention of like the
two to three years till there's a promotion, so it's
like a long time. So if it sounds like I
mean by including that, I'm assuming that she's deciding she
wants to wait for that promotion. And if she wants
to wait for that promotion, then there's sort of this
inherent commitment to be there.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
For two to three years.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Longer two to three years of a ninety minion commute
is now we're talking about something real specific that is
much longer term. So I would say three years of
driving ninety minutes a day to and from work, so
three hours a day is rough. If you know you're
committed to that, you know, advancement in your career within
this specific company, then it probably makes sense to do
(09:37):
what Chris is talking about, because then you know you're
committing to the three years, you're trying to put your
name in the hat for this promotion you're trying. That's
like the route that you're on, rather than like, oh, well,
I'm just not sure, but I'm conveniently located over here.
And then it's like, no, there's a very specific reason
why you're staying there and committing to trying to get
that promotion. In that case, moving closer to the company
just goes to show them how committed and serious you are.
(09:59):
So when that motion comes around, like oh, remember I
done moved back to Dallas for what for you all?
For this to stay here, to be able to contribute meaningfully,
like keep that in mind.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I don't know you don't think I don't think you
know that. That that clip going around that people on
the podcast for Homegirls talking about she met a man
in Nigeria and he proposed to her and she's gonna move.
Did you see that? And the other two are like, no,
don't stop, but give me your passport now. And I
would stop. I would stop someone from moving to a
city for a job for the promise of a promotion,
(10:31):
maybe not even the promise for this, for the for
the maybe of it all. Yeah, but there could be
other reasons for every all that plus all the other reasons.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And the culture is starting that you can see it
changing for this whole acceptance of work from home to
even now there's like the environment started to change back.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
How do you think it's changing, because I don't think
it's it's going the wrong way.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
It's headed back to like you need to be. I'm
even seeing it here with San Francisco, for like the
hub of remote work of the most benefits of all time,
and you're seeing a lot of these companies demanding the
employees come back into the office. I don't know how
it's going to work out for them, but you're seeing
that tie change. Even the city here said that they
got to bring their employees back. I think it's a
four days a week now. So yeah, you're seeing a change,
(11:14):
And so I don't I always felt it was a
little iffy, like making a move with these remote job promises,
because I'm like, I don't know if I trust him
to keep this up. After the pandemic starts to kind
of calm down, and then you're starting to see is
the flip the reversal of a lot of these policies.
So I'd even say, like, you know, you don't know
how if you find another job that's remote, allows you
to say where you are how long they'll even keep
those policies in place, because they, like Madi Will saying,
(11:37):
they can change your mind and be like, no, we're
you're all coming back in.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
That's a great point. I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
And the higher you get up, like the management. I
know you mentioned customer service, you and Ellie, but like
the more senior positions, I think they haven't even higher
expectation of showing up and being seen and heard and
all that. And I mean, I'm a little ambivalent about that.
I like a hybrid thing. I like going in, I
like staying home. Like the key for me, it's flexibility.
I'm a grown ass adult. When I decide it's better
(12:04):
for me to work from home, I would I'm gonna
do that.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Trust me to make that decision because I'm doing what's
best for this job and not being self.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Like you know, trust and I think you earn that.
It's funny because like you expect to hire senior people
to like be in the office, but I think you've
earned that trust and respect if you're at that point
to be able to make your own damn decisions, and
like that's a little frustrating. And also make that decision
for your team. You know, you can decide if you're
if you trust so and so to like work from
(12:32):
home or not, like anyway, I you should be able
to you should I mean you hired them because to
be honest, some people should not be working from home
because they can't. If you're not even nothing done.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
If you if you are continuously not meeting quotas or
you know, KPIs or whatever it is your measure your
metrics are like, then it's a problem that needs to
be addressed. But if you're on your ship, like, what's
the problem? I don't you know. I do think right
now that there's a little bit of like corporate disco
because if you're a billionaire, multi millionaire whatever corporation of
(13:04):
CEO or EXAC, right and all your other buddies, that
other companies are hurting because of the fact that most
employees are working from home. Meaning the car industry is
hurting because people aren't driving their cars as much. Car
auto insurance is hurting because people are canceling all insurance politics.
They're not driving their cars all day anymore. People are,
you know, the food industry is hurting because people aren't
ordering lunches as much because they're not at work. You know,
(13:25):
corporate events is hurting because people aren't really doing so
it's like all of a sudden, now all of your
buddies are calling you up, like what's up? Are you
going back in office because you know, we need to
bring we need to spring back into action and get
you know, people, goods and services going again. And it's
going to be better when people are in office. And
so I do think some of it is like this
not necessarily selfish. I think selfish is the right word,
(13:46):
but there's probably a better word. But it's really about
like this motivating motivation, the key motivating factor being the
benefit to the corporations rather than to the actual workers,
and what's better for your work life balance and also
what's better for your productivity because I know, for example,
when I go to the office and everybody's just sitting
(14:06):
at the office taking zoom calls from the office, Like,
but uh, what you mean I had to come in
person for this, for this experience, for everyone to be
putting there ear Buzzy didn't take zoom calls from the office.
We can do that from home. So I think it
really varies. It really depends on the environment. But I
think more so when you see that push like that,
like and of course you know that Jamie Diamond clip
(14:28):
going viral a couple of weeks ago, it's like you
hear that frustration and that anger and then you realize
what it's amount of money. He went viral just because
he was being recorded and he didn't know, he wasn't
aware that he was being recorded, and he was basically
bashing work from home culture and like cursing up the storm,
saying this is bs, like what the fuck? Like you
need to come back in office if you want to
(14:48):
work at this company. He's talking about JP Morgan's last chase.
If you want to work at this company, you go in,
You're going to be in person. If you want to
keep your ass home and be lazy and stay at home,
stay home, but not here, not for this company. And
he was just like going on off about how people yes,
and then the audio got leaked and it went viral,
and it's like when you listen to the anger underneath
his voice, and he was really mad.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
He was pissed.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
It's like it's hurting their money, guys, that's why, that's
why they're so.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Mad and their egos and they're that whole like, well,
that's not the way it was when I was coming up.
And but you look at who had attended the inaugural
and it's like Silicon Valley you mentioned that, I'm just
you know vasos, and oh shoot, we didn't even talk
about Jeff Bezos, basically like saying, where do I begin, girl?
(15:37):
What do you say? With the Washington Post Jeff Bezos?
He the opinion section stepped down, and I can see
why because he's basically said, we're going to have libertarian
opinions here only and no questioning or critical opinions, literally
opinions about the White House. And that's just such a
(15:59):
reversal for what the Washington Post stands for. It it's
what everyone feared when he bought it, I think. And
now it's coming to fruition. Yep.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So yeah, it's just another nut subscribe, another Twitter slash
x situation where they just keep buying up things and
using it.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
For and Trump doesn't like work from home, so then
they don't like it because they want to appeal to
his ego.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Of course, of course it's ridiculous, it really is. I mean,
you know, it's funny a couple with this is random,
but a couple of weeks ago are months ago, two
months ago, maybe I was in Atlanta. I went to
the Usher concert with my homegirl from college and we
turn around and see two three sections away like towards
the back or like the stripper poles set up in
the back, because Usher concert is crazy. Jeff Bezos in
(16:44):
there just just with his girl, just drinking, and I
was like, wait a minute, oh no, no, this was
not in Atlanta. I went to the Usher concert twice.
This was in Miami, the Miami Usher concert. So in
the Atlanta Usher concert, who was there? Tiny and t
I okay, and you know that makes sense. And then
the Miami one it was Jeff Bezos and and Damon
(17:07):
John from Shark Tank and from Poubu. Yeah, so it
was just it's like ridiculous. How you see like the
most the wealthiest freaking person being escorted by all the
security and this, like you know, it's ridiculous, like the
uber black situation pick up and drop off and like
(17:28):
just being treated whatever. And it's like, bro, we are
all at this concert just trying to have a good time,
like don't bring that energy in here. But it's so
frustrating because they literally have the first and final say
when it comes to so many of the policies that
affect our lived experiences every single day. And yet when
it comes to even just like your ability to go
to a consert and enjoy yourself, Oh excuse me, you
have to wait an hour until Jeff Bezos enters and exits.
(17:51):
Like it's so frustrating.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
But you know at the back of the office, we
have to order sit again because you can't make time
to go.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
To the stove, you know, And so you can't even
boycot Amazon even if you wanted to, because they make
it literally impossible. Mm, well we should wrap up the
b a qa.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
For her. Oh yeah, we just.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Went off track.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
I think we got the answer. I remember we got there.
Good luck, Sasha, and I think we all wrap I
think just to wrap that up. I think that the
key takeaways are you have to decide where where your
values are and recognize that companies are not going to
always be the perfect fit for you for where you're
(18:37):
at in your life. And like maybe it was your
dream company, but now that it wants you back in
the office, well that just it just qualifies them from
being your dream company and just to I think that's
a healthy it's a healthy thing to know as you
pursue the rest of your career and will help you
make decisions that are grounded in like what you want
versus what you think you should have or what companies
(18:59):
say they think you should.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
Yeah, and there's no harm in just interviewing. Just just interview,
just be, always be interviewing. Just just do it and
if if something feels right in your gut, it might
be the right leap. And if not, hey, at least
you're interviewing, you're staying in the game. You're staying fresher.
I mean, Mandy could talk to this better than anybody
about those skills. You have to kind of stay sharp
on them. And if you get real comfortable and settle
with this position and it's so great and so you stay,
(19:21):
you don't kind of only make it harder for yourself
in let's say, in three years, if you did decide
to leave because you've been out the game for so long.
So even maybe just do a couple of interviews. You
might find a better opportunity and a better fit. And
you might not, but at least you're getting at bets
you're getting that point.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
We're an offer. Because the thing I love about all
these like oh two to three years for promotion, What
I love most is how quickly that goes out the
window if you get a competing offer, It's like, oh wait,
we found this money all of a sudden. That's hard interesting.
So yeah, I would, yeah, one hundred percent on Ellie
go be interviewing and get those competing offers. All right, Sasha,
(19:56):
thank you for your question. Let's take a quick break
and come right back with question from a listener. Tara
Ariba fam Tara in the house with a question. She says, Hey, nanny,
thank you so much for what you do. I just
discovered brand ambition and can't get enough. Oh that's kind,
(20:17):
that's so sweet. Tarah says, I'm thirty seven years old.
I had been with my partner for thirteen years. It's
a very loving and committed relationship, but we are not married.
We both have some disillusionment with marriage. Both of us
have divorced parents and other trauma issues. Were both in
therapy for. It's occurred to me that if something were
to happen to him, i e. He dies in a
(20:38):
car crash or something, I'd be pretty much screwed financially.
I work part time and have a side hustle, but
he makes way more money than me as a computer programmer.
I contribute to rent and other smaller expenses, but I
would not be able to afford our current lifestyle on
my own if something were to happen to him. Part
of our arrangement is that I pay lesson rent so
(20:59):
I can work. I'm paying down my credit card debt,
which I'm very slowly making progress on. Anyway, I've heard
horror stories of women being with their man for twenty
plus years, he dies suddenly and they have zero claim
to anything because they're not legally married. I can't say
for sure if we will ever get legally married, maybe not,
or maybe some day down the road. But in the meantime,
(21:21):
what can I do to protect myself financially in case
the worst were to happen. We live in Idaho, oh
Idaho in the house?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Good. We live in Idaho, which does not offer something
like common law marriage. I'm assuming my priority should be
to save, save, save like a squirrel, because right now
my savings is almost nothing. Sadly, anyway, sorry for the
long email. Thank you so much. Don't be sorry much.
Love Tara through it. Listen to your gut. What do
(21:51):
you say, christ because you never go first? Assertive? Be assertive?
Oh yeah, sometimes I forget that you're doing it by choice,
not because you need me to like shut you to
the spotlight.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, I don't need you don't need to make me
go first, since you already put me on the spot.
All right, I would say, you know what I think, obviously,
it's always good to be prepared, right, to have your
own stuff in place, have your own savings, to have
your own streamer income, to be self sufficient, right. Because
in the situation, it sounds like it's not that he
is making her be I guess he's not forcing her.
(22:31):
In the situation, they're involuntarily they're choosing that to be married.
But I think there's differently things we don't know why.
Maybe she's working part time versus working full time. There
could be a lot of reasons why someone chooses to
do that. I don't know if they have kids or
anything like that, but I would say you can definitely
make sure you're self sufficient on your own right. You
got to make sure that you and no matter what happens,
because a relationship could always in that you are taking
care of yourself and you put yourself in the best
(22:52):
position to survive any type of separation. If this is
like a committed relationship, right, I don't know if they've
done any type of estate planning, and maybe have the
conversation with your partner like, hey, if something weren't happen
to you, something would happen to me. Do we plan
on giving each other some of our assets when we
pass away? Because that's something that I think that would
give you a lot of relief if you know for sure,
because just because you're not married doesn't mean he couldn't
(23:14):
have a trust or will in place that gives you
some of the assets that you built this life together.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
You can name anybody a beneficiary of that for a
one K bye bye anybody life insurance policy?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Yes, right, so I would have that question. I would
have a conversation and figure that out because that may
solve your problem right there. If because if you feel like, Okay,
I don't know what will happen, this may give you
that security that you need to know that, hey, we
both have each other's back and that one of us
were to pass away. But if you may find out
that you that's not the plan, so then then you
can make it a planet according based off of what
you know.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Now that's scary too, because if he passes away, you
can't afford the house, like and there's still a lean
on it or mortgage or whatever, like his family may
take ownership or whatever the laws of Idaho suggest, and
then they could, you know, want to sell it for
a profit or like kick you out or whatever. That
is a fact.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
I really love that, Crystal, because that's pretty much what
Jamil and I did. We are in thirteen years in
to our relationship and also not married. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Also so like terror, I feel you girl.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
We are in a long term relationship, very very committed,
but we've you know, not really necessarily seeing marriage necessarily
in our future. Maybe maybe not like you said, but
that don't mean we play around when it comes to
the estate planet. We both sat down. I added him
to my retirement assets as a beneficiary along with some
like you don't have to name only one person, so
you can have multiple beneficiaries. So Jamil is one of
(24:34):
the beneficiaries. I have a big family, so there's others
as well. And then I have a life insurance policy
he is one of the beneficiaries as well as another
family member, and then he did the same in return
his retirement assets. The beneficiary listed is me as well
as one another person in his family, and same thing
with his life insurance policy where'm listed as a beneficiary.
So you can not have that fear looming over you
every day in your relationship. As he walks out the
(24:55):
door and hops on his bike, you're like, is he
gonna die today and leave me screwed? Like, don't you know,
don't create that situation for yourself because naming yourself, I mean,
that's like the leading cause of death. I feel like
if you look at these bikes.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I don't think they're getting I don't know, but I
just feel like the other day I'm red an article.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
But like everybody gets on a bike and dies, and
I'm like, why is everybody dying.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
On a bike.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
No, you guys got to do that a state planning process,
like Chris said, and it doesn't even have to be
the official formal estate planning whole thing where you have
a trust or you have a will and you have
all that. But even to us, starting with the simple
act of adding each other as beneficiaries and establishing joint
ownership on some of your assets and accounts. That could
be the move that he makes to show you that
you know, you are really valued to him and you
guys are equal partners in your partnership, even though a
(25:40):
marriage is not necessarily the thing that creates your partnership, right,
So I do think that's really important. And if you
want to take that next step and you want to
set up a trust, that will be even better because
then it could skip probate. You know, you can have
a will and you still have to go through probate,
which can be you know, held up in the courts.
We've seen that with a lot of celebrities who unfortunately,
you know, their families kind of are fighting in core
(26:01):
and they're held up in probate to get assets from
the person who passed. So just at the very least
adding beneficiaries and creating joint ownership so that you know
that you have access to things and you're not screwed financially,
like you said, if he does pass, but also you know,
discussing like maybe potentially a will or a trust or
something bigger, because if your partner is making all this
money as a programmer. He can afford a life insurance
(26:22):
policy for eighty bucks a month with you as a beneficiary,
and he can afford to set up a will for
a couple hundred bucks online and a trust right, which
is not a ton of money. We're not talking about
ten thousand dollars here. We're talking about a couple hundred bucks,
and that can definitely give you the peace of mind
that you need and you can sleep better at night
knowing that you all are on the same page.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Let's change, you know, the whole diamond thing, the whole
diamond being like the diamond engagement ring that was just
a marketing stunt from like or a commercial campaign from
the early nineteen hundreds. So like, could the new engagement
ring be I love you and I want you to
be my wife. Here's my four oh one k. I'm
adding you as a beneficiary today. Will you will you
(27:01):
take me as your partner for life? Yeah, that's that's
romantic to me all the study. Put me on your
four one k baby, like talk dirty to me, Like
can I be? Can you put me on the deed?
Give me the title? You know what I mean? Like
paper other kinds of paper ownership assets. We need to
tap into our woman in Pakistan, give me land, give
(27:27):
me hands out a week. But it's so it's real,
true people get caught up in like the bridle, the
white dress and the cake and like the venue. And
I'm like, babe, what does the what does the paperwork say?
Because there's some people who are more protected who never
(27:47):
get married if they do things properly. Then people who
do get married and don't have a prenup because like
you can go back to listen to our episode with
Aaron Thomas, the prenup attorney, incredible prenup attorney with those book,
listen to that episode from Valentine's Day in February, because
we talk all about that how even just because you
get married, it doesn't magically give you protections exactly exact think.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
And I love that point, Mandy, because I do feel
like a lot of my girlfriends are so enamored and
it's like it's been instilled in us since we were
little girls. It's like, oh, the idea of your wedding
day is the most important day of your life, the
most special day of your life, and you know you
want to get married once and you have your dressing,
you have to have your perfect wedding, and it's like
all of that. I don't want to call it shit,
but it's like it's all symbolism, but what is it?
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yes, but what is it to?
Speaker 3 (28:38):
What's underneath it? All that actually has meaning and is
the foundation for everything that matters? Is like are you good?
Are you and the kids gonna be good if he's gone?
Or are y'all gonna be good if she's gone? Like
what is the reality of your life and your livelihood?
That's what really matters. So I just feel like, yeah,
like get get the fluff stuff out of the way
(28:58):
so you can really address what's really important. At the
very least, he should have a life insurance policy. Come on,
that's I mean, my life insurance policy. I pay seventy
two dollars a month and it's up to one point
five million dollar payout. It's a thirty year term policy.
There ain't no reason why he shouldn't be spending seventy
two dollars a month on an insurance policy like that.
That's chump changed for him as a software engineer. Come on, girl,
(29:20):
like that's the the bare minimum he can do. Add
you as a beneficiar on the retirement accounts and create
a life insurance policy. Turn policy's fine, something under one
hundred bucks a month. He can afford it, and it
just it's it's a real action, not just words, just
putting action behind the words. If like you are my partner,
you matter so much to me. We've been in this
game for thirteen years together. Let me show you what
(29:41):
that means to me in this way.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
You know, it's going to give you information if what
if he acts weird about it, then you got a
red flag, babe. And then I would say, yes, start saving.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Oh for sure, save you the way, but take notes
if he acted skimming off the top. My mom used
to do that. I mean sid I mean, not put
our business out there, but definitely gotta do what you
gotta do.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
A lot of spouses do. Take a little sum for me,
you know, put it, put it behind the toilet, wherever
you want to hide it behind the toilet. You know why,
because I was picturing j Loo in that movie enough
and I don't think she puts money behind the toilet,
but there is a pivotal toilet scene. It really made
an impression on me where she pretends to be peeing
(30:25):
by putting a bottle of water on the toilet so
that she can escape her abusive spouse. You'll never enough.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Yeah, I mean so it was like a remake of
Sleeping with the Enemy with Julia Roberts from back in
the day.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Listen, we don't need to know all that, but yeah,
I will die on the Jalo hill. I don't know why.
I think you'll be alone.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
It. I like JL, but that movie was for sure
just straight up robbed sleeping with the Enemy, like the
entire storyline, a lot of the scenes. I'm like, oh,
this is just a just a remake.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Julia Roberts did not learn how to fight blind. No, no,
she didn't know how to fight Morgan Freeman.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
No she did not, but it was it was that
overarching story.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
But yeah, it was a slight very You're right.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
You're right, it was a slight very. She was the
Bronx version. It was the Boogie Down Bronx version.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Was blind. She learned how to box blind because she
was dark. She had to like learn her house fight
him in the dark. She had to fight him in
the dark so that she you know, it also a
game of Thrones when Aria Stark when she like has
to fight the little the ladies.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
Ye, well no these are these are old old foot films,
and Joe very old watching this today, like he was
watching enough.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
There's so many characters to forget who that is. Anyway,
she like turns, she like cuts the candle off, and
then she's like, oh, you're on my turf now, bitch,
I'm blind. Now.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
No, that was Aria. That was Aria.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
You Chris, they're connected. You're trying to make me, not
make it. You're trying to discredit Mandy.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I'm here girl, I'm with a man gaslighting us.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
I'm following you.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Girl in the middle. Nothing in the middle, the beginning
of Women's History Month. Okay, follow me. Me and yan
Ellie are on the train. You're trying to keep up.
You're just right here, like sweating, dripping down your bald head,
trying to catch a train that you ain't gonna catch it.
You ain't never gonna catch his train, Chris.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
You gotta want to catch the train. In order to
catch the train. You gotta want you gotta want.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
It, want to It's gonna listen. Just take this whole
episode anyway, j Lo deserved all yes, and she had
to learn how to box blind so that so she
could turn the lights off and then win, and then
women win, women win. That's all you need to know
(32:43):
about that. Okay, just Maarah is gonna win when she
listens to this episode and she and I just I
want an update, Tara, because we really want to hear
that you have as you deserve financial security. Okay, thirteen
years is a long.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Time and at least reassure even if you don't have
your own financial independence. You've been in this relationship for
thirteen years and you just are love you that reassurance
is so important.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Wants you to be Okay, yep, yeah, all right, another
colorful episode of the AQA. I love it all right,
big fam, thank you so much for listening, and for
those of you who are on the train with us,
I hope you're enjoying the view. We got. We got
chilled sparkling rose, which is my favorite, like fancy beverage.
(33:32):
And you know, maybe we'll slow down a little bit
so Chris can do you hear those tires screeching? Just
hop on how you can hang on to the back
of the kaboos gonna go to the kabboos, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
But for those of you out there who are who
are trying to just learn and do better, and you're
running outside the train with me, you know, it's great
to have you there well, striving to get better, you know.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Appreciate it. This train is sponsored by Adhd al r
Ba Fam. Until next time, we'll see you on Monday. Bye,
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