20 Things to consider when dating a woman who has children

In so many ways, dating a single mother is an entirely different experience compared to dating someone without children. In this episode, we explore the unique dynamics, challenges, and many rewards of stepping into a relationship with a single mother. From navigating your needs, to her unique priorities and needs to understanding her relationship dynamic with her ex, this episode breaks down the 20 essential things you need to know to make the relationship work—or decide if it’s the right fit for you.

When dating a single mother, her children will always come first, and rightfully so. From middle-of-the-night emergencies to the emotional minute by minute demands of raising kids, you have to be prepared for her attention to shift instantly away from you and the relationship when something goes wrong. If you’re someone who struggles with ranking lower on the totem pole or who feels competition around children, this dynamic might not be for you. You’re stepping into a pre-existing family system, not just a relationship.

Be Ready for Complexities

Single moms often carry the emotional weight of past relationships, whether it’s lingering emotional pain with an ex, very real divorce baggage, or balancing co-parenting arrangements. The question of whether her children like you or not can also have a huge impact on the relationship. And while single moms are often incredible caretakers, that care may be directed more toward their children than you. This dynamic requires understanding, patience, and creativity, especially when it comes to topics like discipline, finances, and meeting the extended family.

It’s important to recognize that stepping into a relationship with a single mom doesn’t mean stepping into a parenting role unless this is explicitly agreed upon. You don’t have to raise her kids, but being a support system to them and a friend to them can be phenomenally rewarding to everyone involved!

And while single moms may have high standards for their partner, you’re allowed to have your own (high) standards too. A relationship works when both partners feel supported, respected, and seen.

The Rewards of Connection

While dating a single mother has its challenges, it can also be deeply rewarding. Building a connection with her kids, even if they’re not yours, can bring immense joy and purpose to your life and this is something that most people cannot know until they've experienced it themselves.

Gaining emotional maturity, patience, and empathy for navigating this unique relationship dynamic will come with time. If you’re ready to embrace the complexities of loving a single mother, this guide will help you do it with care and intention.

Tune in to learn how to navigate dating and intimacy with a single mom while building a meaningful connection. For more tips on relationships and intimacy, visit Closeness.com.

Are you ready to come closer?

Chapters: 

0:00 Intro 

2:25 Disclosures 

3:45 Connecting with your children is not something that ever ends 

5:45  1. Anytime something goes wrong, it’s going to require mom’s instant attention 

7:06 A taste of my story 

9:50 2. Many women think their ex is crazy or a narcissist 

12:00 The usual disclaimers 

14:00 A contribution from a single mother 

15:57 3. The length of your commitment matters 

17:56 4. Her children must come first 

22:15 5. You can’t just come over 

23:29 5a. Sometimes you may rank last in terms of priority 

24:24 5b. The ex she’s still in touch with 

25:30 Giving a balanced perspective 

27:04 6. You are stepping into a pre-existing family 

30:30 7. If the children don’t like you 

32:26 8. Divorce statistics and how they effect children 

33:39 9. You’ve got to be creative with discipline 

35:50 10. Navigati