What to do with an extra horny wife or girlfriend… when your libidos are mismatched

Ah the case of the extra horny wife!

What to do when your wife or girlfriend has a high sex drive and you’re struggling to keep up? This episode looks at one of the biggest challenges in relationships today. Whether you’re dealing with mismatched drives, low libido, or confusion about how to take the lead, this episode gives you actionable tips to handle the situation with confidence and connection.

Understanding the Problem

When a woman has a higher sex drive than you, frustration and discouragement can creep into the relationship. Sometimes, men have a low libido, feel shy, or simply don’t know how to initiate intimacy effectively. Lack of experience can also cause this situation to worsen even more so. 

Sometimes a man thinks he’s giving it his all in the bedroom,  but it will often read as a paltry attempt by his female partner and often still falls short of what his partner craves. Understanding this gap is key to bridging it—and it starts with being present, proactive, and a willingness to learn and take action as a man.

Take the Lead—Action Over Consolation

If your partner looks discouraged or unfulfilled, don’t wait for her to spell it out. And especially if she's frustrated sometimes, consoling her isn’t the solution... but seducing her may be. As a man, it’s essential to take action in suggestive and often sexual ways that she can read to show her that you desire her. Women often want their partner to lead with confidence and passion, and waiting for her to guide the experience, take the lead or show interest, can cause disconnection. Your willingness to take the initiative not only meets her needs but also deepens your connection.

The Role of Authentic Attraction

Here’s the hard truth: if you’re not physically attracted to your partner or genuinely desire her, the imbalance in your sex drives will only worsen. Authentic desire and attraction is critical for intimacy when it flows from a man to a woman. Otherwise you both are going to feel like you're doing her a favor.   While you can’t change your own libido drastically, you can work on fostering finding ways that you find her attractive.  

If you're a man used to doing grand gestures and showing her how much she means to you with fancy trips and gifts, this strategy may need to be revised. Remember, your sexuality and you desire for her in this dynamic is what she finds exciting. Yes, your needs and your sexuality matters too, but if you’re not engaged, the relationship may struggle to thrive.

This episode also sheds light on an often-overlooked dynamic: that women can and do pressure men for sex. For men navigating this challenge, knowing that it really is ok to say no is huge. But if you tell someone no all the time, there is something much deeper going on.

Ready to Come Closer?

Learn how to confidently navigate mismatched libidos, seduce with intention, and bring passion back into your relationship. For more tips and insights, visit Closeness.com. 

Are you ready to come closer? 

CHAPTERS

0:00 Intro and the types of relationships that are like this

2:34 Women who want it but their husbands drive is not there

3:42 You're trying, you're having good sex but it's still not enough for her

5:06 Thoughts on what to do if you have a very sexual wife or girlfriend

11:26 Distinguishing between a woman who doesn't want you vs someone who is turned off from you

15:02 If you're super aggressive or a non-affectionate man this doesn't apply

15:52 it's imperative as a man to take action if she has a high sex drive

17:45 What to do if she looks discouraged

21:30 She doesn't know what to do but you DO

25:24 When men get discouraged or don't understand what to do

27:35 Your sexuality matters too - but if you don't desire her you're in trouble

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