How Much Does Money Matter?

Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Hi, I'm Adami Convidable and I'mSarah. This is Dating kind of Sucks,
a podcast about dating, sex,and relationships. This week we'll be
asking ourselves how much money matters whenit comes to dating. Enjoin the show.
Whether you're memoried, fingle, orpore hanging on with mans BacT of
your place, listen to us andbegetting a tender and mumble up plenty of

(00:26):
young trying and trying and having toluck because we all know dating kind of
sucks. Thanks for joining us foranother episode of Dating kind of Sucks.
If you're new to DKs, myname is Adam and I'm a comedian,
writer, and misogynist turn feminist,joined by my co host Sarah, who
is a millennial travel junkie and serialdater now in a committed relationship. We're

(00:49):
not professionals, doctors, or experts, just two people sharing our perspectives on
the world of dating, sex,and relationships. The first half of every
episode is spent catching up on what'shappening in our lives, and the second
half is reserved for the episode's maintopic. So if that's all that brought
you here, you can skip throughthe halfway mark, or you can stick
around and enjoy the whole show.Let's get started and we're back after how

(01:12):
many weeks of not recording? Iknow, I think our last episode was
was it in October? I thinkso? Yeah before yeah? Yeah,
And because you were you were movingwith the first week of November. Yep.
So it's been a wild month forboth of us. Yeah, yeah,
we just we had to take alittle bit break. We've had multiple
people asking us where the new episodeis? Where are we are we doing

(01:34):
a new episode episode for the endof the year, you know, et
cetera. So you've had multiple nobody'sasked me, not one point. They're
probably like, Sarah, you're dealingwith a lot. We expect that you're
just gonna say no, I'm notdoing a podcast episode. Yeah. Probably
probably. They had a lot ofpeople ask and sorry about the delays,
but we had shit going on,Sarah moved. When you moved from Nashville

(01:59):
to see Attle, Washington and basicallyacross the country, things take priority and
ship gets wild. So I guessmy advice to anyone moving across the country
with their partner, you'll learn alot just being expecting to learn new things
about your partner. You never knewexisted. It's a fun right. I'm

(02:21):
happy it's over. I still feellike my life is still all over the
place, even though I've been herefor almost a month now. But it's
getting better day by day. Ifeel like you. I mean today is
we're recording this on December five,you'll be there an actual month. That's
crazy. Yeah, and still haveboxes, so the goals. The goals

(02:42):
are to remove all the boxes andkind of set things up fully. But
right when you move, you don'tdo things half ass. You want all
way from Nahville to Seattle, soquite quite a move and so far,
I said, you've only been therea little bit, but you're enjoying it
so far. Yeah. It's weirdbecause I work fully remote, so I'm
not getting any office in or actionor meeting people on the daily. But
I like the area of town thatwe moved to. I like, you

(03:05):
know, the interactions with people I'vehad so far. I actually did meet
someone yesterday and went on a frienddate with someone who Adam knows who he
connected both of us and she wascool. So that's one person I know
who lives here already, which isnice. We can say hey, Maddie.
Yeah, so yeah, I meanthat that's all going well. I

(03:27):
like being next to the water andbeing closer to nature, so that's really
refreshing. Giving that, like,you know, Florida, I was closer
to water and stuff, and Ijust think I think it's better. I
stand by the statement that you needto see water and be around water like
mentally, it's just so good forme. So that's made me even though

(03:49):
the weather hasn't been fantastic and movingduring November is an odd time. Everyone
has questioned, oh why November ourlease was up and we wanted to move,
so it was November. It's notlike we really had much of us
saying that. So, you know, I do wonder if it's something like
because we, like we grew upin Florida, if that's why water is
so important to us. But likesomeone who grows up in like, you

(04:11):
know, a landlocked state, tothem, is there something else that like
they have that same attraction to Ireally don't know. I don't know.
I maybe it is just like aFlorida thing, but being that close to
water, and I mean there's abeach on this side of town, so
yes, I can't go to thebeach right now in December, I mean
I can, but I'm obviously notgoing to swim in the water. But
when the summertime hits, I cango to the beach after work and just

(04:33):
chill. And that's going to beso nice. Where in Nashville, I
ain't got shipped. You know,there's some rivers and stuff, but it's
not close by. It's kind offar and out of the way, like
it's just hard to get to forme, and I don't know, I
just Nashville wasn't experienced. That chapterhas closed. You know, learned a
lot about myself and changed a lot, and I'm ready for this new chapter

(04:56):
now. Fantastic, very exciting.I know, leading up to you're getting
a little bit nervous, and Iwas saying that, you know, don't
be nervous. It's just it's justit's a fun adventure. Like if you
get there and you hate it,you can leave, like it's not you
know, it's a year of yourlife. It's not the end of the
world, and there's you might aswell experience it because then you know for
sure. Well yeah, and thatwas the whole thing of I know what
my life in Nashville is like,and I've said that before, but now

(05:16):
it's like, oh, You've madeit. I feel like, right now
you've made a good decision. Youknow you need it, mentally you needed
this change, and happy, yes, have you had it? So I
mean, was the process getting herea pain in the ass? Absolutely?
Planning movers, arguing with Roy overreally dumb fucking shit, Oh my god,

(05:38):
the dumbest shit we have argued overin the past month, month and
a half over how our packing styleis. Because remember when we moved into
our place in Nashville, we werecoming from two different estates, so I
packed a certain way and he packeda certain way, and it was fine
because it was a local move,so it wasn't you know, whatever,
But with it being a cross countrymove, who was this needs to be

(06:00):
packed this certain way? And hehas more stuff than I do, so
he's stressed. But he's a lastminute everything and I'm a planner and a
prepper, so that annoyed the shitout of me. And then it was,
oh, I don't like the movers. I don't want to hire movers.
Let's get a U haul. Sowe I mean, I remember calling
you being like, what the actualfuck, like, I can't do this.
He's pissing me off. I lovehim to death, but just trust

(06:23):
me and let me do this partof the move. But we survived it.
So now it's it's kind of wellsurviving it still because this house we
moved inside unseen. You know,we saw it on Zillo. We did
a virtual tour with the guy whowas selling the home. We you know,
saw him walk through on camera.I was like, Okay, everything

(06:45):
looks good. We get here.Everything was not good. Things were falling
apart. I mean, the lightpictures were about to fall from the ceiling
and things. Floorboards were missing,Like so many things were wrong with this
house and just now we're finally goingto get them fixed. Our repair guy
came today and said, oh I'llfix this, this, this and this,

(07:05):
and Roy and I are a lothappier. For me. I was
like, okay, I'll just spendsome more money, spruce it up the
way I like it, and we'llmake it work. But I mean,
this house is less than ideal.We probably won't stay forever. Roy thinks
it's kind of a shithole. Idon't think it's a shithol, but you
know, it's no house is perfect. I'm just trying to look on the
bright side because I don't want tomove again. I'm trying to pick up

(07:28):
the move again, so I wantto stay here for a little bit longer
before we do that shit show allover again and move somewhere else within the
city. But uh, yeah,I think that once you adapt to it
a little bit, once you likeyou both adapt to being there and in
the house and to the little quirksof the house, after a few months,
it won't be quite the big dealthat it feels like from there in
the beginning. You know, whenyou go from a corporate apartment housing to

(07:53):
a someone's home that they're renting out, like those two those are very big
differences, right, And I've neverlived, like rented a house before.
I've lived in a house, butnever rented a house in my adult years.
It's always been a corporate apartment complexof some sort. But it's all
a learning process, you know,That's that's what life's all about. So
yeah, yeah, where you go? What about you? How are you?

(08:18):
How are you learning? How's thingsgoing for you? Oh? So
wonderful. It's just been a wonderfulexperience. I am so exhausted. Ya.
Oh god fucking utah, I did. I can't even remember if we
talked about this, that I wentout on a date with somebody who drove
up to meet me here. Man, it's been so long since we've just

(08:39):
talked your dating life that I'm notsure. Yeah, I don't know if
I talked about that, but Idid. When she was fun, we
had a good time. We talkedabout going to do karaoke over to like
in her area. She goes overon the other side of even your salt
like. I was like, I'llcome over some time, as long as
the weather is good and I don'thave to drive through the canyon, which
is actually kind of can kind ofdangerous with a you don't have snow tires

(09:01):
and things. And after one reallysnowy day that I didn't make it,
And another time when I forgot thatI was getting my beard, actually went
down to Provo. I got mybeard done in a rainbow style and had
to actually have a stylist to doit because I couldn't do it myself.
I was like, you know what, I just don't think I have the
emotional capacity to date right now.And I'm sorry, but I think,
you know, I just have to. I can't. I just can't,

(09:22):
you know. And it's it's beenlike that I just have not had the
mood to want to date or me. People even went on seeking arrangement,
figuring that w yes to give somegood content for for dating kind of sacks.
And I was like, let mesee what who I am through there,
and I'll probably have more to talkabout at some point with that,
but I don't even really want to, Like it really was just kind of

(09:43):
relatively useless. Um. I foundthat there were more people on there who
just wanted to make friends than anythingelse, which I liked. That was
an interesting idea that I had,Like an interesting concept that I hadn't thought
of that people that women on therewere just like, you know, I'd
like to kind of get to knowsomebody first, so which I do not
expect from seeking arrangement. But evenfunnier, I had three different people recognize
me from TikTok. That was prettyfunny. Beyond that, I'm just exhausted.

(10:07):
I had. I had this weekendplan to be a relaxing weekend because
my mother's best friend, who wasmy godmother, who was a nurse like
my mother was before she retired.I was coming into town for nine days,
and I was very excited about thatbecause we're gonna get to spend time
with her, but also she stayswith my parents, and she kind of

(10:28):
gives me a little bit of abreak from doing the caretaking that I do,
which I mean all told, thecaretaking takes, you know, maybe
an hour maybe two a day.It's not like the you know, it's
not a lot, but it's justa lot emotionally like, it's just exhausting
and it's kind of draining. SoI was really looking forward to a weekend
where I didn't have to go overevery day and make sure everything was being
done, because I knew that someonewas there who could help out and you

(10:48):
know, get a break. Shegot here Friday morning, picked her from
the airport, dropped her off orexciting. I wasn't gonna have to do
anything for three days. I wasjust gonna stay in my underwear in my
room and not even leave. ProbablyFriday night, seven pm, my mother
texts me and says, oh,so, um um, your godmother had
to take your father the r Andso I was like, I'm all right,

(11:11):
I'm coming over. So I hadto go throw on clothes and go
over and stay with my mother,and my dad ended up having a gallbladder
issue, and you'd think it'd bejust you know, ballbladder. So they're
going to remove it to be done, but no, because just you know,
he's on blood thinners and they can'twell he's on blood thinners, so
they can't They can't remove it immediately, and they can't do it in this
town because this little, small fuckingtown doesn't have any type of surgical you
know, center, So they haveto take him to Park City, which

(11:33):
is about half hour away. ParkCity is going to do the surgery,
but they have to wait over twentyfour hours to let the blood thinners get
out of his system before they canactually operate. Then they didn't even get
to him until late in the afternoonyesterday, and so I went to Park
City even was sitting there in thehospital for six hours waiting for him to
get done, basically because oh mygod, I got there when I thought
they were going to be bringing himin and they still hadn't even brought him

(11:54):
in yet. So I was justkind of sitting there and then they finally
brought him back and they said,okay, well, you know, because
Goldblad all remove, but there's moregallstones blocking his duct that we can't get
to. And because this is ParkCity, which is also a small town
hospital, they don't have the equipmentnecessary for this procedure called the RCP where
they do it like a thing orthey have to basically go into his bile

(12:15):
duct and like blow out the stonesis basically what it is. So yeah,
so then he had to get transportedby ambulance to Salt Lake City to
go to the hospital there. Sonow he's an hour away last night and
they were going to do it today, but they didn't do it till five
o'clock this afternoon, and we're recordingus at seven. He just got done
and they're going to make him stayovernight again and then finally tomorrow he gets

(12:37):
to go home. So basically I'vebeen kind of just you know, working
with that and dealing with that.So mine here, I am. My
dad's the one going through all thesurgery. I'm like, poor me,
you know, I woe is me, which I would feel guilty about,
exceptime I was really looking forward orwe kind of just not having to do
anything well mentally now you're all riledup again, worried about your dad,
not only your mom now, butthen yeah, yeah, and it's just

(12:58):
you know, and now because thenwhen she leaves, usually my dad can
take care of her like during theday, but if he's also going to
be an invalid too, then Imight just have to like bring my laptop
during the day and just basically tryto work from there to make sure everybody's
you know, copacetic. So yeah, it's it's just mentally exhausting, like
I need, like a I neededa genuinely vacation somewhere, and I you

(13:20):
know, that's it'll It'll be comingat some point, I'm sure, but
maybe not for a little while.So yeah, that's that's what's going on
in my life. And I justwant to go to sleep for like three
days. Well yeah, no,no home issues like I've been having.
No. Oh yeah, yeah.It is fun because I'm at a condo,
and a condo is part of thisresort and they have an ha for

(13:43):
the condo aspect of it. Nowthey also have hotel rooms as well,
which obviously are a little different.But I'm on the first floor and my
condo out looks out onto a courtyardthat faces the pool and the hot tub
and all that stuff. And sothe old there's no windows. I just
have two French doors that open upinto it, and so there's no natural
light that I can automatically have unlessI open the blinds to the French door

(14:07):
as well. They look right intomy bedroom. In fact, one looks
almost weirdly, directly into my bathroom. And so I bought a privacy screen,
like a six foot tall privacy screenthat I you know, they fold
you put in the corner of aroom or whatever, like to dress get
dressed behind or whatever. And Istuck it in outside the on the little
like deck that I have, youknow, like a little stone deck that's

(14:28):
that's a couple of chairs. They'restuck it out there just to give me
privacies in my blinds open in theHIA sent me a letter segment it wasn't
allowed, and I I forwarded yousaw it. It was such a good
email. Yeah, because so theysent me this letter that said that you
know this, this privacy screen violated. They're one of their rules, and
their rule they quote says that you'renot to have any barbecues or skis or

(14:54):
mountain bikes or similar private property outon your deck, and so could you
please take it in or we'll haveto find you. And so I wrote
a letter back basically saying that,well, um, a privacy screen is
neither a barbecue, nor a pairof skis, nor mountain bike or anything
similar to that at all, andthat if you intended it to mean all
private property, then you should havesaid all private property. But I think

(15:18):
that in a you know, ina reasonable standard, that's not similar.
You know, that's not a similarthing. It's a very different thing.
In fact, those are not relatedin any way whatsoever, And that I
like to have the natural light comingin. So I'm going to keep my
blinds open regardless, so they candecide what would be more offensive. A
nice high quality black screen with youknow that looks very nice with wrought iron,

(15:39):
and you know that that that blocksthe you know blocks, gives me
privacy. And let's the light inor me walking around naked with the blinds.
I'm gonna be a helicopter in mydick. Then in the doorway every
morning I'm gonna be doing calist thatI'm gonna doing squats and toad toad touching
I'm gonna be doing everything so theycan decide if they want to give me
an exception from will they be heretill the spring? You know, minimal

(16:03):
effort, minimal you know, it'sa minimal effort for everyone, And I
said, it's a maximum benefit forus all. And so I email them,
so we'll see what they have tosay about that. But I hope
they reply back and say, youknow what, you can go ahead and
keep the screen up there low key. I want them to still say you
have to remove the screen just soyou can just pulligans and then they message

(16:25):
back, all of your acts areviolation to HW. Put that screen back
up. Please put the screen backup. Yes, because what I'm doing
in the privacy of my own placeis my you know, I'm allowed to
do whatever I want, you know, and when you know, if the
blinds are open, and you knowthere's people like staring in because you can't
walk by without looking in basically,which is why I'm bought in the first

(16:45):
blade. Yeah, it's yeah.So I took out all my all my
anger, but not like an Ididn't write an angry email. I wrote
very professional, very professional, andand you had almost read between the lines
to see what I was saying.I was very you know, very careful
in that. Yeah, you you'reAdam Heath evitable Esquire. Yes, I

(17:07):
had to sign an Esquire and Iam I excited. I said that case
law would probably find me to beyou know that there was it would be
on my side and things like that. So we'll see if they would decide
they want to be complete pricks.But let me just say fuck hway is
just in general they're the worst.Well on that note, let's get the
other positive thing. The soldiers beena downer. I'm just like, oh,

(17:30):
I'm just so miserable. I don'twell, I just let me let
me shout out some countries this goaround one because I can pronounce them in
two for some positivity. Maybe yeah, yeah, why not? Okay,
So you know, we we trackwhich countries are listening to dating kind of
sucks around the world, and wehave some new ones to call out,

(17:51):
such as Portugal, Malaysia, Singapore, India, Peru, and Ghana.
So thank you for listening and uhyeah that's exciting. Absolutely before I don't
think I don't think we have either. We had that Spotify wrapped um that
that they did for data kind ofsucks too. That showed us. I

(18:11):
forgot how many countries it said.I know, I put it up there.
It was one hundred and forty fivesomething like that. It was.
I mean, it was a goodnumber of countries that we're people on Spotify
listen to us as well, Sothat's that's pretty meat. I also want
to a shout out to a newpatron on our Patreon, Tom Wade,
Thank you very much for your support. And if you do enjoy the podcast
and you'd like to support just theeffort we put into making this happen,

(18:32):
you can support us on Patreon atpatreon dot com slash DKs podcast and we
do. Before we get to thenext part of the of the episode,
we have an email from Astre Parttwo or three. Yeah, we don't
we get the we're part one rightnow. We have three parts. Um,
we have an email question from afrom a listener. I'm gonna read
what she said, and then let'sSarah talk and then I'll say what I

(18:55):
said to her as well. Sheum, she's been listening to the podcast
for a while. She's bisexual woman. She's always dated with the goal to
be in a long term relationship.She doesn't have time ear andgy for short
term things. And here's what shesays. I've been dating this guy for
around seven months. He's an amazing, wonderful man. I have nothing but
good things to say. He listens, he cleans, he's hygenic and not
misogynistic. He accepts me as Iam. We have lots of similarities personality

(19:18):
wise, and lots of conversations aboutthe future. I love him. I
think he's really a special person.I just know he would be an amazing
partner and maybe father. But Idon't know what to do. I'm not
in love with him. I don'tfind myself excited to see him or wanting
to spend time with him. WhenI am with him, I do have
a nice time. I'm so confusedbecause we have planned so much for the
future, but I keep doubting ifthis is right. Sex is also just

(19:41):
okay. It's not like he doesn'tknow what he's doing. He's doing everything
right. I'm just not feeling it, and I feel like if I'm already
having doubts, what kind of futuredoes this hold? So she asks,
I'm starting to think am I alesbian or and not bisexual? Is something
wrong with me. I've only beenwith men sexually. I've loved my ex
years ago, but the relationship wastoxic. I've been in love with a

(20:02):
woman, but never gone all theway with one. I found myself very
confused and don't know how to goabout it. I don't look forward to
sex with him. I can goweeks without seeing him and not miss him.
I feel like a horrible person becauseI don't want to hurt such a
good guy, especially as if wetalked about having a family. I feel
like if I let him go,I may be making a mistake because he's
really one of a kind. Sowhy don't I have feelings where I'm like

(20:22):
I should it's more of a friendshipthan love. And she continues on,
I think nothing really there is thatrelevant? Let's see, so she just
doesn't. Yeah, no, Imean it's relevant, but no, like
that's that's basically the gist of theentire know is, you know, she
doesn't know what to do, andshe asked for our advice or any suggestions,
So Sarah, Yeah. Immediately,when I was reading this myself,

(20:42):
the line if it's not a fuck, yes, it's a fuck no came
to mind. I think you candate great people and think that they're great
and not have that connection and itbe totally fine. I also think don't
let time, the time and thatyou put into it, don't let that
be stopping you from making the decisionto end it. Just because it's been

(21:07):
a handful of months and you've investeda certain amount of time doesn't mean now
you have to get married to thisperson and make it work. I think
you're allowed to change how you feelabout a person, whether that's someone romantically
or a friendship, no matter howlong that person's been in your life.
I don't know. I feel likeyou should be excited to date someone and
be with someone, not just feelmen about them. And in this instance,

(21:33):
I just think your gut is tellingyou to be picky and use this
time to reevaluate it. If Imean, I'm not in your shoes,
but I would want to be withsomeone who I'm like, I miss them.
There's just you know, the energy, you know whatever. But don't
use that energy and what you're lookingfor in a future relationship as like the

(21:55):
only thing you want, because thatcould turn into something toxic and you know
you're not going to just jump tothe next person, and it'd be energy
and sex and all of the otherthings that you might be lacking in this
So reevaluate. Maybe have that conversationof I'd like to spice up our sex
life. You know, I've beenfeeling a little block, like, try
a couple of things out before going. Yeah, I still kind of feel

(22:18):
about all of this. No,that's good. That's a good answer.
I'll say what I said by emailbecause I replied to her because you emailed
Dating kind of Sex, which youcan also email, by the way of
any questions Dating kind of Sex podcastat gmail dot com, which one of
us checks regularly. Ye did Idon't tell you that I moved across the
country and just haven't checked it.Haven't checked anything in a month, so

(22:41):
chill. This is my reply toher. I said, are you a
lesbian? Maybe that might be worthexploring. But in my opinion, very
few people are one hundred percent straight. You're gay, and most people are
somewhere in the middle. Is theresomething wrong with you? Absolutely not.
It seems to me like maybe there'sjust no passion. You have great compatibility
as a team and as friends,but if you don't have that raw passion
things can get tired very quickly.A partner can be Daniel perfect and still

(23:03):
not right for you. That's nobody'sfault because you can't force attraction. Too
many people have tried and eventually failed. Seven months isn't too long of a
time. So you have two optionsas far as I can see. One
you suggest that both of you goto a couple's counselor and see if that
helps. Or two, just havea very frank and honest conversation with him
and end the relationship. Your gutis telling you this isn't what you want,
and it's important to listen to yourgut. You've got a hard choice

(23:26):
ahead of you, but you don'twant to be stuck in a life where
you're board or avoiding him and justnot in love and good luck. So
yeah, I think I always thinknow too, A year from now,
if you were still in this situation, how would you feel right unhappy and
feeling like, oh I should haveI should have made a decision, or

(23:48):
oh okay, I'm glad I'm stillwith this person. Yeah yeah, I
mean I feel like, you know, seven months in and she's just not
really enjoying, she's avoiding sex,she's not really enjoying it. And though
everything's compatible just means that they're notcompatible in a relationship way. They just
might be really good friends, buteven though that's probably not going to be,
keeping a friendship in that case ispretty damned impossible. But yeah,

(24:11):
but like you just can't. Youcan't stay in a relationship just because it
looks great on paper. That's nevera good idea. A quote unquote works,
but you're not feeling it means itdoesn't work. Yeah, exactly.
I mean that's my marriage. Itwas great on paper, that was great
because you know, everything went well. We had all the same interest we
like doing the same things together,you know, and all that was just
perfect. And you went out asa happy couple and showed face that that's

(24:33):
what you guys were. And wehad great parties where we love throwing them
together like and it was just itwas all in all just fantastic. But
it wasn't a good relationship, andso ending it it's really the only way
that it would have been in it. I'm much happier as a result of
having done that. And don't letthe talks of marriage or whatever you've talked
about in the future stop you frommaking decisions as well. So I think

(24:59):
that's an added pressure of well,we had talked about wanting to get married.
That does It's irrelevant really because ifyou're not feeling it, then you
shouldn't do that. It's like becauseyou talked about It's like when you're like
on our you know, you're likeabout to break up with somebody, whe
You're like, oh, but weplan to go to this cruise or we
just got tickets to go to thisconcert, and you're like you're trying to
like look for these reasons. You'relike, you know what, those are
not important reasons to stay in arelationship. No, they're terrible. It's

(25:22):
just you know, it's some moneyyou spent. You can make it back
up later and go on that experienceby yourself or do whatever. Yep,
So there you go. Hopefully Idid ask her to I'll follow up and
let us know how things go.So if she does, we will find
out and I'm hoping that she endsup finding some happiness there and what.
Of course, if you do havequestions, once again, you can email
us at Data kind of Sucks Podcastat gmail dot com, or you can

(25:45):
call us on our DK's hotline atfour oh seven five one nine zero one
eight one and leave a voicemail.I know we have a couple in there
that people have left that we willbe getting to in a future episode,
So you can leave a voicemail withany type of question you might have.
Great and with that, we'll beback with what to see you with Sarah
Gee after the short message welcome back. This week, we're going to join

(26:10):
Seragey as she takes us on anadventure and explores what to see in Antigua,
Guatemala. Yes, and I spentfrom end of May through June most
of June in Antigua and other partsof Guatemala this summer, and I have
a lot to share. Number onethough, don't let Antigua's location stop you,

(26:32):
because it is located in the hotspot of volcanic activity, and it's
also prone to many natural disasters likeearthquakes and you know, volcanic eruptions.
It served as the capital of Guatemalafor more than two hundred and thirty years
until the modern day capital was establishedin Guatemala City. Now the reason why
it moved you may be wondering,Well, it experienced an earthquake of around

(26:56):
some point four magnitude in seventeen seventyseven, and authority's actually ordered a relocation
of the capital to a safer region, which is now Guatemala City. So
if being surrounded by volcanoes, someactive, some notod doesn't scare you and
you're looking to make a trip toAntigua, the best time to visit is
actually during the dry season, whichruns from November through March. But like

(27:18):
I said, I went May throughJune, which was the start of rainy
season, and it really wasn't thatbad. If you've been to Florida during
the summer, it's kind of likethat. It's sunny most of the day.
It rains for about an hour hourand a half and then it clears
up and you're on your way.Now. To get to Antigua, you'll
fly into Guatemala City and then youcan hire a car to take you an
hour into town. They use uberand Guatemala And although it can be a

(27:42):
quick drive, you never really knowwith traffic. If there's landslides like that
happened to me, it could takethree four hours to get to Antigua from
the airport. So if you're pressedfor time. Just plan accordingly, and
no, maybe don't go during rainyseason because that definitely the landslide up and
during rainy season. But once youget to the city, it is incredibly

(28:03):
walkable and it's filled with colorful colonialstyle buildings that were built in the seventeenth
and eighteenth century. And as you'reexploring and walking down the cobblestone streets,
you'll easily be able to spot thevolcano name Agua on a clear day,
which is the water volcano. Theyalso have a volcano named Fuego, which
you guessed it is the active volcanoor fire where you can see the fire

(28:27):
and the lava. Now, thingsto do, there's a lot of things
that I'm going to mention that Adamwill say, fuck no, and then
there's some Madam quay, yeah,I might try that, I might give
it a try. So this setof things to do are for the thrill
seekers, and the thrill seekers canhike a couple of different volcanoes. The
one I did was a two dayhike up to a Cottonango. It's the

(28:49):
you tike the Cottonango volcano and fromthere you're able to view Agua and see
Fuego erupt. It is a sixhour hike to the campsite, and then
if you happen to still have energyleft after all of that, you can
climb that evening to parts of Fuegoand yeah, I did not have energy
for that, or you can sleepin the tent and then in the morning

(29:12):
at three am hike all the wayup to the summit of a Cottonango,
which also I did not have energyfour So but you know, the six
hour hike was still really worth itto me. Definitely a once in a
lifetime experience. It is a verychallenging hike. Definitely never going to do
it again. And that's all Ihave to say about that. The other
volcano, if you still want tohike a volcano, the easier hike is

(29:34):
said to be Pacaya, and thisone is special because the guides will actually
stop along the way and allow youto roast marshmallows or cook pizza on the
volcano. I thought that's what Iwas going to have during my experience for
a Cottonango, and they're like,no, they don't have like those active
heat whatever things to roast marshmallows,So you can only do that on Pacaia,

(29:55):
which is actually pretty cool. Justdidn't want to do another hike after
doing the six hour one, soyeah, if you want something easier,
though not really wanting to hike avolcano, you can walk ten minutes up
to the Hill of the Cross andyou'll have views of Antigua and then you
can also see volcanda Agua as well. On a nice clear day, as

(30:18):
you're walking around town, you'll morethan likely stumble upon the Santa Catalina Arch.
And this is really like one ofthe picturesque I guess architectural things that
you'll see throughout travel to Central America. You'll see this yellow arch. It
was constructed in the sixteen hundreds andis actually a pretty popular spot for tourists
to stop and take photos. Anotherthing in Antigua, there's also a lot

(30:41):
of ruins to view throughout the city. Because of the earthquakes, a lot
of churches have been destroyed or reallybeautiful buildings or just kind of scattered throughout
with ruins, and they've tried toreconstruct them into museums or places where you
can pay as they're like trying torestore certain areas or keep it safe.
One of the places I really likedwas Convento la Recollexion and it's an old

(31:03):
church and monastery city that you know, was just damaged by the earthquakes.
But I took some really cool Instagramphotos there. So if you're looking for
a photo spot, I got you. In the surrounding mountain area, you
can take a day trip to habitto Nango. It's a quirky little spot
with scenic mountain views, fun games, and a lot of photo opportunities as
well. They also have this swingthat drops off the side of the mountain

(31:27):
that you can then just swing afteryou drop. It was kind of scary
but fun if you're looking for anadrenaline rush. So yeah, that's kind
of the thrill seekers guide For thosewho want to rest and relax, I
highly recommend checking out the five starhotel in town called Hotel Casa Santo Domingo,

(31:47):
And if you book a massage appointment, it gives you access to their
steam rooms, their outdoor pool,and their indoor cave pool and it's just
really nice spending an entire day.Really, once you step into the area,
it feels like you're in angle andthen you can just dip and like
walk slowly into the water. Itwas probably one of the coolest spas I've
ever been to. So if you'relooking for a luxurious check it out.

(32:09):
And do you just want to dothe spat Yeah, oh yeah, that's
the only thing that I could seeten minutes. You wouldn't do ten minutes
up the hill to see the viewof Antigua. No, yeah, that
might be Really it wasn't that bad. I don't have like a car little
drive up. See I didn't gothat way. I feel like you probably

(32:29):
could if you wanted a little tuktuks you can get into for for a
little bit of mon Yeah, Ithink you could. You could have if
you really want. Yeah, butno, definitely the hotel sounds nice to
spa it Actually, as you're sayingthat, I started, I literally started,
like I stopped listening to you,and I started thinking, you know
what, this this resort has aspa that I completely forgot about. I
should go get a massage there,Like I started thinking about that as you

(32:51):
were talking about it. So,yes, like that sounds amazing up your
alley. Well, okay, goodto know places to eat. Let's see
you what interest Adam. One placeI hit up often was Luna day meal
for crepes and smoothies, which whenyou think of Antigua, you're like,
why would you get that. Itwas just a really popular like night spot

(33:12):
to go to, and a coupleof people who have been there before highly
recommended it. I also really lovedRicon at I'm gonna butcher this at Tegueno.
See, I just called it ricon, so I don't like, no
one called, like on Google andthen I looked it up now, but
um, it's a really local spotto grab lunch. I walked in there,
there weren't any tables and this womangot up out of her seat as

(33:37):
she was about to leave. Itwas like, you can sit here and
told me in SA She's like enjoyyour lunch. She's like, have a
good time in Guatemala. And Iwas like, okay, Like I was
clearly not a local and that wasbut it was really cool though that I
just felt, really, I don'tknow, it was a good vibe in
there, and you can get rotisserie, chicken, salad, tortillas, rice,
and a drink and it was likefive US dollars, so a lot

(33:59):
of a lot a lot of food. I also really liked going to Cafe
Soul and Samsara for lunch and breakfast. And then they also downtown have the
Chocolate Museum if you have a littlesweet tooth. And then from okay,
the Chocolate Museum, you can takelike classes there and learn how they make
chocolate, or you can just buysome of their chocolate. They also have

(34:21):
taste testers and stuff, so hitthat up. And then for ice cream
around the corner there's Latienda they DonaGavi and they have a bunch of different
flavors and it's a really cute littlespot too. So that is food as
far as anything else that you'd wantto do in the surrounding areas outside of
Antigua. I really enjoyed my weekendtrip to Lake atid Lan, and that's

(34:44):
about a three hour bus ride away. Or if you're wanting to go to
the eastern side of Guatemala, youcan take a thirty minute plane ride to
Flores and then check out to Calland do all of that too. So
that's what you can do in Antiguaand then some other thing in Guatemala.
Yeah, now why didn't you Whywouldn't you do the volcano again? Um?

(35:06):
You want to? I hated everysecond of it. And honestly,
I watched so many fucking Instagram andYouTube videos on the hike and they're like,
it's hired, but it's so worthit, and I'm like, okay,
cool. Mistake number one was Ipacked way too much water and the
right right, but I had tocarry everything on my back. Yes,

(35:30):
I could have paid to get ato hire a reporter where someone could have
carried my backpack, or I couldhave paid to have a horse take me
up, but I just felt likethe horses were struggling at certain points,
and even the girls who I waskind of like I was one of the
like there was you know, thefront runner group, the middle pack,

(35:50):
and the backpack, my back,my asses in the back with some of
the other girls who had hired likethe horse, and I I saw the
horse slide. The girls didn't whopaid for the horse didn't feel safe on
it. So it's like I'm happyI didn't do the horse. But it's
six hours of just straight incline,no relief, straight incline, and you
start like the first hour you're like, damn, this is kind of challenging,

(36:14):
and they're like the guides are justlaughing, like you're not even you
know, a third of the waythere, dude, you just keep going
and yeah, so it was reallychallenging. And then also camping is just
not my thing. So as asolo traveler, the tour group that I
used kind of forgot about me.They forgot to pick me up from my
Airbnb, so I didn't have abackpack, like I was scrambling at the

(36:37):
last second, like they didn't haveenough food for me. On that it
was just like a shit show.And then when I got up to the
mountain, like at a campsite,they didn't have a fucking bed for me.
They're like, oh, we don'tknow where to put you. And
I was like, in a goddamntent and they're like, well, we
don't have enough and everyone's in pairsof two, so you're gonna have to
get crammed in with someone you don'tknow. And I was like, how

(36:59):
the fuck is this fair, justbecause I'm the solo person. So I
got crammed in with these other twogirls and it was like the worst sleep
I've ever had in my life.And then, you know, Sleep Travel
Company should nobody ever book? Seethat's hard because I actually use them for
other things, and I liked,but I just think the girl that,
like the intern who was like planningmy arrival and stuff who no longer works

(37:21):
there, just did a really poorjob of handling all of the situations that
I was dealing with. So Idon't want to knock the travel company,
But there's a lot of other JustDM me personally if you're looking for one,
but there are a lot of othersin town. It's incredibly cold at
the top of the mountain no matterwhat, you know, like the elevation,
no matter what time of year.And you also have to be careful
that you don't vomit as you're hikingup the mountain or the volcano because of

(37:45):
elevation changes. So that was theone thing is stop, take water,
take a couple of deep breaths,then keep going. Well, I was
so worried that I was gonna pukebecause of, you know, the elevation
changes that I was like overly breathing, and people like, you're you know,
I was, you know, thelast five or six of the group
at times, and they're like,oh stop, I'm like, I'm not

(38:06):
going to rush myself. I'm goingto fucking get there. To the campsite,
don't worry. But people were likeit was like a fucking competition to
race up the volcano. And thenthe next day it was like a people
not in our group, but othergroups were like running down the volcano,
trying to get a good time downthe volcano, like it's a fucking marathon.
And I'm like, I'm not gettingshin splins, I'm not twisting my

(38:29):
fucking ankle in this mud, Likejust be smart about it. So I
think most of my annoyance was justhow the guides kind of handled people at
different paces and skill level, becauseit is it is hard, right right.
The horse thing actually too. Youthink that being on a horse might
make you feel safer, but thenyou think of all the fact you're four

(38:50):
and a half five feet up inthe air on an animal that if it
decides to run off the edge,you can't stop it, like you know,
you're you're out of luck. Thatwould be terrifying. Actually, I
feel like that would just be They'dbe like riding a bicycle. I got
one of those high nineteen twenties bicycles, like just you know it just I
don't think you would feel safer atall. You're going around curves. Yeah,
then the mud and then like uneventrails and this poor horses. I

(39:14):
don't know. I was like,you know, animal cruelty to a degree
too, And I was like,I'm not paying for a horse. I'll
just do it myself. I haveone final important question to ask all of
the volcano of stuff. Did youhave to poop off the side of a
mountain? No, but I pissedoff the side of a mountain and that
was when I went, this isfucking not for me. I can be
done with this tomorrow. Because theyhad an outhouse and it was fucking awful.

(39:37):
And then of course you have likeyour little head lamp to go and
it's you know, there's it's notlike there's electricity or anything really up there.
They have like one main camp sitethat has a lamp or whatever and
a fire, so you have yourlittle headlight going over and everybody knows you're
going to take a ship when yougo that way. The whole group of
twenty people are just like, she'sgoing to piss or take a ship.
So you like go over there,and then you know, you come back

(40:00):
and the next person goes and I'mlike it was miserable, so I was
like, I'm not doing that again. I'm just going to find a spot
along the way and just pop asquat and pee because I have to pee.
Well, that was also stupid becauseit had rained and I just like
slipped as I was pissing, Andyeah, wow, can you imagine memories

(40:20):
to last that? Just like,how did Sarah died? She died her
pants are at her ankles pissing onthe side of a volcano. Luckily,
Like, yes, it was steep, but I would have landed at another
area of another campground, so Iwould have probably survived. Like I honestly
I would. I would fight yourmother to make sure that went in your
obituary, just that that was partof your obituary of that happened. Great.

(40:43):
Is that what you'd want? Ifeel like that's what you'd want,
Not really, but I'm glad.I'm glad I told the story for everyone
to hear. Yes, Yeah,how great. So that's what to see
with Sarah. G appreciate it.Yeah, we're gonna take a quick break
and we can come out. We'regonna get to the topic about how much
money has to how much money matterswhen it comes to dating. Oh,

(41:07):
we mentioned all the time. Youcan email us for advice or give us
a call. This topic actually isinspired by a listener reaching out and asking
for advice through what a thirty minutevoicemail. Well, yes, she actually
messaged us through our Instagram and datingkind of sucks and said that she needed
a little advice. She was anew listener to the podcast and could she

(41:30):
ask it? And I said sure. So then she left to a voice
memo that was just a short one, and I said, oh, okay,
I'm in the middle, so I'mnot check out later She goes,
okay, well my actual question,I'll just go ahead and leave. She
goes, I have to. Ihave to put it in a week,
transfer a file for you because it'sit's so long. No, So that
she sends me a link and Iclick on it. It's like a thirty
three minute long audio clip, andI was like, well, this is

(41:51):
like watching an episode of television.Jesus. So I put it on speaker
as I like with cleaning my kitchenand like doing cooking, dinner and everything,
and listened to her whole thing betterthan me, because I think I
could only listen to maybe five minutesand then I'm like, okay, that's
that's a long time for me tocommit to listening to something. Well,
I will say that within thirty secondsof listening to it, I knew exactly
what was going to happen, andI knew the exact problem. And I

(42:15):
continue to listen to it just tosee if there was a twist or something
that happened that maybe I didn't expectwas going to happen. But no,
there was not. It was exactlywhat I thought. Essentially, she's in
the UK and she met a guyand and this first part it might sound
really familiar, but he was reallyinto her. And then he offered to
fly her to London to go outand buy her a little plane ticket.

(42:38):
And uh right, that's what thatsounds like to me. Sound just like
both our whole discussion of the episodeof Tin the Tinder, the Tinder,
the Tinder Swimler, the Tindler swindler, Yeah, the the tinder Swindler.
Yeah. So he flies her outand then insists on treating her to everything,

(42:59):
and she tries to say no,and she's like no, no,
it's okay, I don't you know, like I've got this like he insisted
of putting her up in like areally nice hotel, and she was I
think she was either going to staywith a friend or something like, she
had plans, you know, buthe was like, no, I insist.
And then he wanted to you know, take out the dinner, which
okay, that's fine, but thenhe wanted to like buy her things,
like take her literally shopping, andshe she said, you know, she

(43:22):
was, I don't think you know, no, there's no reason he goes,
No, listen, you know,this is just my way to show
you that I appreciate you coming outand spending time, no problems, you
know, and everything. And sothen she relented and she's like fine,
okay, and then she even saidshe goes. And then I might have
got a little crazy because he waslike just get you know, get things,
and he was having he had avery expensive wild that's wild. So

(43:45):
you know, when someone has expensivetaste and insists you go shopping in expensive
stores and buy things that you want. I don't blame me for going and
doing that at all. After yousay I don't feel comfortable and they're like
no, no, no, thisis for you. Promise right, Okay,
I'll get that good she bag orthat Aramas whatever, Sure if you
insist exactly. So, you know, it seems like I can see where

(44:07):
this is going. Ash she startedtelling me this, I was like,
Oh, this guy is going toturn out to be a piece of shit,
Like he's going to turn out tostart having expectations and then start to
basically demand that she do things withhim or treat him in a certain way
because he spent money on her.So what can you guess happen? Well,
it probably didn't go well. Let'sjust say I know what happens.

(44:29):
But let's just pretend it doesn't gowell, and he tries to make a
move and she's not interested. Wellessentially, I mean she said that they
didn't have sex at first, andshe told him that she takes her time
to that, and he actually saidthat's fine, no problem, And it
wasn't as much about sex. Hewasn't demanding sex from her. He started
demanding like that they'd be in arelationship and wanted to start to know more

(44:50):
about her and her family and stufflike that. So they talk like they
would talk and they'd have conversations.But then he started to get very demanding.
He started to essentially blame her anytimeshe wasn't immediately available, started to
make accusations that she's dating all typesof people. Um, she you know,
it was like listen, I willyou know, I don't need this

(45:12):
in my life, you know.He started asking why they weren't like so,
you know, social media official,and she's like, I'm not.
I don't really do social media likethat. I'm very private on there.
But also we're not in a relationship. Um. He at one point got
so mad, you know, well, I'll spend all this money on you
could at least treat me like yourboyfriend. Oh well, I want to
punch this motherfucker so bad after allthis I bought for you. So then

(45:34):
she's like, I will give itall back to you. You know,
I will give it all back toyou. And like she actually he made
her show him her like dpop andEtsy and eBay accounts so that he could
see that she wasn't selling of thethings that he gave her, the gifts
that he gave her. Yeah,and I'll tell you what, dude,

(45:55):
they're not gifts if there's a conditionon them, that's not a gift.
To get something you give just becauseyou want to give to someone, if
you have a condition on it,then that's that's either bribery or some type
a level of prostitution there um.But yeah, so then she just got
less and less interested in him.At one point, I think she agreed
to sign a contract that said shewould pay everything back, everything that he'd

(46:16):
spent on her. Absolutely not,she agreed to give everything back. But
then he ripped it up in frontof her and said he was just tune
in love with her and he justdidn't want her to have to be obligated.
But he's the one who wrote thefucking fo Yeah, and then finally
he you know, in the end, as she stopped talking to him,
and then he showed up at herapartment and like talked his way in,
said I want her boyfriend, likewhen she wasn't there, and then started

(46:37):
accusing her or being a prostitute andsaying, oh, you're just fucking all
these other guys and they're just buyingyou gifts and of course doing what guys
do. Where he just he essentiallystarted getting shitty and jealous and blaming her
for shit, and and then youknow, because he's projecting, Wait,
you didn't fucking tell me that hegot into her fucking apartment. Yeah.
Wait, convinced the doorman. Hefucking no, no, just I guess

(46:59):
just one of to a flat,I guess, said, just to the
door knocked, and then her roommateanswered and said and he just kind of
he just kind of almost forced forcedhis way in and said, oh,
yeah, I'm just I'm her,I'm my boyfriend. I'm just gonna hear
I'm gonna wait for Yeah. Thisis the same person who will turn it
around and say I'm a good guy. Though I want to be with you,

(47:20):
I'm risking. I'm risking. Idon't risking something. You know,
I'm putting time and energy into this. If you don't see you don't see
that because you don't care about me. I don't understand why. Why.
So she was asking for the advicebasically, you know, am I crazy?
And now I wanted to do withhim? And I'm like, no,
you're not crazy, and you're notYou didn't do anything wrong. And
she also was like, and I'veagreed that I'm gonna start paying him back

(47:42):
for everything, and I was like, please don't do that. That money
was like given to you as agift. There were no conditions with it,
and you were not. You donot owe him a fucking thing.
I said, keep that money,sell everything that you want, or keep
it I don't like, but don'tgive it back to him. He doesn't
deserve any of that. I said, block him on everything possible, and
he needs to be out of yourlife. But yeah, he would just
blame her for everything you Basically,he was essentially saying that because he bought

(48:06):
her all these things, because hespent all this money, that she owed
him a relationship. And that inspiredthe topic of you know what is let's
talk about the you know, thepower that money has over over a lot
of relationships and over the initial especiallythe initial stages of dating. I think
she did everything right of saying Idon't feel comfortable. This is out of

(48:28):
my price range. Let's not youknow, she probably was like, let's
go to this cheaper restaurant or shit, I'm not going to order the most
expensive thing. And it's really hardto stick to like that lane of spending
when someone is like, no,it's fine, ordered the one hundred dollars
thing. And you think you're safewith this person, you're comfortable, you're

(48:49):
starting to like this person. Okay, this is a nice treat. This
is just how they want to treatme and make me feel special. She
didn't do anything wrong, she shouldn'tever pay it back, but it instantly
becomes a power dynamic now because she's, in his eyes, the quote unquote
broke girl, even though we haven'theard anything about her. You know,

(49:10):
she could have her own money.She probably has her own money and could
hold her own perfectly fine. Butnow he's viewing her as less than because
he's spent ten thousand dollars on datingher so far. So he's got to
he's got to continue to put herdown, to walk all over her,

(49:30):
because that is the power dynamic thathe's creating. It's not a respect.
He doesn't fucking respect her. Hejust sees her as someone now he can
take advantage of because he's spent thismoney on because she can never she's less
than him now because she couldn't spendthat type of money on herself. Well,
in his eyes, she was lessless from the beginning, Like there

(49:50):
was all manipulation interviews from the beginning. Because the thing is is like he
you know, basically she's acting likean abuse victim. Um and she was
telling me, like essentially in thisthing that she feels like she has to
prove herself to him, that he'scalling her a prostitute, and she has
to try to Like she's worried thathe's going to somehow like tell her family
that she's a prostitute because he boughther things, and and that she's probably

(50:15):
out there, do you know,having sex for money with other men and
like all this stuff, even thoughlike she actively said no to him as
far as she didn't want him tobuy the things, and she also did
not immediately like have sex with himeither. She was you know, she
took her time until she was comfortablewith that, and then she just realized
there's just she wasn't an into one, which is good because he was throwing
up red flags left and right fromthe very beginning. But he's essentially a

(50:37):
manipulator to this level now where shefeels guilty and called her a prostitute.
Yes, it's it's you know whatit is. It's that it's that nice
guy thing where they're like, oh, you're so hot, and they're like,
hey, I'm not interested. Ohyou're a fat cow. Like they
they immediately you know, get like, they get defensive and they immediately lash

(50:58):
out, which means that they werenever interested in them as a human being
in the first place. They wereyou know, that they reached them in
something, you know, like asan object. Basically. Well, he
also never respected her when she said, you know, I don't feel comfortable
right with this level of spending.It'd be one thing if every once in
a while I was like, no, babe, let me just treat you
to this. You know you deserveit. But every single fucking time,

(51:22):
and he knows in every spending scenario, she feels someone uncomfortable and he's playing
that to his advantage of saying no, she probably feels uncomfortable. Let's see
what shit I can say to hernow, because she'll feel scared to say
anything because I just bought this expensivedinner. She would never disrespect me after
I just paid for this. Yeah, yep, so yeah, So that's

(51:45):
a situation. I feel. I'mglad she probably get out of it.
And I want to talk about moneyand the role it has and more in
a more general sense, maybe indating. And I think that there there
is a money has this weird thingwhere it does create the sense of obligation
NA did not just related to todating, but just in any type of
interaction with other people, any typeof interpersonal relation, you know, like

(52:06):
a relationship. When money comes up, it becomes a thing where people react
weirdly about it, Like I don'tI never loan money that I expect to
get back, you know, likeif I if I, if I loan
somebody money, you know, it'sit's amount of money. It's gonna be
whatever money I'm actually capable of gettingrid of that I don't need, and
I don't expect to give it back. And I also don't expect I don't

(52:27):
get shitty about it. If Ilike the person that I gave money to,
I see them out spending money onsomething that they you know, that
you would consider not a necessity.I'm like, it's you know, it's
not my responsibility. It's not mybusiness either. But like they asked for
they needed X, Y and Zfor their own reasons, I gave it
to them out of with no obligation. I don't have a right to then
try to be like, oh,well, why aren't they using it on

(52:49):
this? You know, why arethey using it on you know, a
tattoo instead? Of this whatever whateverthey mean for their emotional whatever whatever,
like I just I but I'm veryconscious about that because as someone who was
borrowed money and then had gotten guiltabout it before I, before I pick
could pay it fully back, Irealized how terrible it made me feel as
a person. And so when youknow, whenever I loaded it is something

(53:12):
I'm like, if you can payit backgrade if not, it doesn't affect
who you know, like who youare to me in any way though whatsoever.
And when I've ever I've had seenpeople who when I've donated money,
people who are doing badly or somethinglike that, I need a little bit
of a poish or something like that, and I've sent them a little bit
of money fifty dollars, hundred dollarsor whatever, like not a lot,
and then they'll get back to methey'll be so thank you, so much.
What can I do for you?You know? Like you know,
sometimes a lot of times it's it'slike someone who's in some way like they

(53:36):
have an only fans of like hey, do you want nudes or something?
You know, And I'm like,no, listen, like I don't,
I don't, I don't need wellI usually be like, I don't need
nudes. What I want you todo is just, next time you're in
a good position and you know somebodyelse isn't, just pay it forward.
Like that's the That's the only thingthat I would ever ask of you,
is just to pay it forward tosomebody else. You don't owe me a
fucking thing. And I try tomake that so crystal clear, because money

(53:59):
has this ability, even when youmeet it completely innocuously, to create a
sense of obligation and what doesn't sayand then you're gonna get when you're when
you're malicious about it, and whenyou give it with the intention of trying
to get something from somebody. It'svery easy to manipulate someone with money because,
like I said, because it's defaultstatus of giving someone money is manipulative

(54:22):
almost you have to you have tolike fight against it being manipulative. And
so when you're when you're doing withmalicious intent, it's even worse. Yeah,
And from my perspective of just moneyin general and the power dynamic of
seeing people who make more money thanyou or less money than you, some
people use that in their minds ofI'm better than you because I make more

(54:44):
money than you, or I'm betterthan you because I've saved more money than
you and prioritize my finances. Peoplespend their money or choose to not spend
their money in different ways, yespending it on tattoos, spending it on
nice dinners, spending it on whatever. As long as you can pay your
bills and you live a comfortable youknow you're living within your means, and

(55:05):
you prioritize what you're spending those extrafancy things on, whether that's a nice
dinner or a clothing item you've beensaving up for. It's nobody else's fucking
business of how much money you makeor like what you're spending your money on,
as long as you're paying your billsand you're comfortable with where you're at.
Yeah, do people want to makemore money, Sure, I'm if

(55:28):
you're, you know, to feela little bit more comfortable. Sure,
But for you to look down onsomeone because they don't make x amount of
money because they're only in that jobfield or whatever, you're not better than
them. And honestly, like,I don't give a fuck what your job
title is that gives you that typeof money. That doesn't mean you're allowed
to treat me like shit or giveme handouts because you feel sorry for me.

(55:52):
No, I'm an independent person andI can pay my own bills.
I don't need your handouts, Thankyou very much. Yep, I didn't
ask form. I agree, AndI think that's the It's also the very
same mentality as like when people aregetting assistance from the government and then they
buy a cake with it, orthey buy you know, um, you

(56:13):
know, like you see them buyingsoda and they're like, well, why
are they buying juice? You knowwhat stand of their fucking business, like
vacations who are struggling are allowed toenjoy their lives and take a vacation with
the money that they save, justbecause they're in a certain bracket of you
know, financial stability or whatever.People are allowed to enjoy their lives and

(56:35):
spend within their means and if juiceor a soda is there one fucking joy
of the week or whatever, letthem fucking live, right, Why are
you sitting on them for that?And so that that power dynamic can be
you know, it can be veryhard and just in a neutral situation.
And so I think that for peopledating and being on the dating the world.

(56:57):
It is very important to be awareof that and how that can make
you feel, and to try toassuade yourself of any of the guilt that
might come if someone does pay youpay for something and take you out and
treat you for something, And it'svery important to consistently remind yourself that you
don't owe them anything for that.But you also to the other the other

(57:20):
side of the coin. If youknow somebody makes a lot more money than
you, you also shouldn't expect thatthey're going to be spending their money on
you either of like, oh,well, clearly you're going to cover this
dinner because you're the one with thesix figure salary, So that's not fair
to me. Why do I haveto pay? It's like whoa, where
the fuck is this coming from?Like we can just split it or you

(57:44):
know, alternate who pays or whatever, depending on what the situation of how
long you've been dating is. There'sno assumption that just because one person makes
more that they're always picking up thetab or you know, or yeah,
yeah I should. I don't thinkyou should ever assume that it should be
part of a conversation. But onour first date, and this is part
of the whole who pays for thefirst date conversation, which is an interesting

(58:07):
debate because you know, I thinkthat my opinion has changed multiple times as
I considered the topic, because Ithink the person who asks the other person
out should probably expect to pay,But if you are the one being asked
out, you should probably expect togo and you might have to pay your
half, so don't like, don'texpect that. But then I also think
that men should maybe consider paying onthe first date because of like the pink

(58:30):
tax, and you know, justthe things that women do to get ready
for a date, and the factthat every time a woman risks going on
a date with a man, sheis quite literally risking her physical safety.
That maybe the consideration for that isto cover the cost. So then there's
that, But then there's also thefeeling of, well, just so there's

(58:52):
absolutely no sense of obligation both suchjust pay their own half, you know.
So it is it's actually a trickierquestion sometimes than it seems initially.
I think the expectation is you goingready to pay your own right, and
you would only spend the money onwhatever, if it's a food item or
experience or whatever that you're comfortable spending, and then you know that you can,

(59:13):
whether the date goes well or whatever, you know that you can walk
out and afford whatever you just spenton that date. Yeah, you're half.
Did you see that TikTok of thewoman that went on and she's like,
finally went on a date again,and she's recording the conversation and the
guy the bill comes and she goes, oh, I got my half,
and he goes no, no,no, no, no, please let
me, you know, and shegoes, are you sure I don't mind
at all. I'm happy to paymy half. And he's like, no,

(59:35):
no, no, I don't mind, and she goes, okay,
well, you know, in thatcase, I think I'm like I'm done.
I think I'm gonna go back tomy room. I'll call it a
night. And he's like, well, can I walk into your room?
She's no, no, I don'tthink there's any need for that, you
know, And he's like, ohreally, and then she says she goes,
yeah, you know, I thinkI told you before that I don't
have sex on the first date,or she maybe she goes, I don't
have sex on the first date.And he goes, why I wasn't saying

(59:57):
that. She goes, You've beenkind of applying that a lot, and
I just, you know, andso I think I'm kind of done.
And then so then he, uh, he's like, you know, he
starts ranting basically, and you know, and then blaming her for everything,
and you know, well, hereI go, I, you know,
bought this nice, nice dinner andall this stuff, and you know,
God, and she goes and shegoes, I offered to pay my half,
and you said, well, youknow what, fine, why don't
you fucking do it? Then youfucking pay for your half then, because

(01:00:21):
because I'm done with this bullshit.Yeah, And then he you know,
turns on it because yea. Butbut the fact is that she offered to
pay her half anyways, and hesaid no because he was trying to use
money to and the fact that hepaid to obligate her to out of sex
with them, and that is youare not entitled to anybody just because you
buy them anything, not a fuckingI don't care if you want a first

(01:00:44):
date and you buy them a fuckingdiamond. It doesn't matter how much you
spend. You're not entitled to anythingwith them. A text back, No,
you might not get You're not evenentitled the fucking text back. You're
not entitled to, you know,to to a second date. You're not
entitled to a kiss on the cheek. Like you know, there's nothing,
nothing that you can spend that entilesyou to someone's body or any type of

(01:01:06):
intimacy whatsoever that they don't want togive. If you feel comfortable not know,
you know, who knows if asecond date's on the horizon. If
you feel comfortable picking up the tabbecause you can afford it and you want
to, that's the only reason that'sokay to pick up the tab. Any
other reason is trying to manipulate yourway into another situation. Yes, absolutely,

(01:01:30):
And I think one good way toscreen out that type of thing too
is that is to definitely pay foryour half, like and not not to
let them insist, you know,just to be like, no, I
have my own half, or whenyou get up and go to the bathroom,
you know whatever, you pay foryour half so it's all paid for,
or hell, pay for him too, and then see how to see
if he gets mad, because ifhe genuinely gets angry at that, and

(01:01:51):
then you know, if he wantedto pull a move and make you feel
less than because he was going topay for the whole thing. So that's
that's immediately a red flag because yeah, because you just eliminated the way for
them to manipulate you. And sothey get mad about that type of thing,
or if their ego is so tiedinto the fact that they need to
pay, that is going to bea problem time and time again. It's

(01:02:12):
so interesting to me that I,I mean, I don't know if there's
no stats on this, right,but I feel like men inherent maybe use
money to control situations. But thenmen will yes, I'm just throwing this
out here. There's no stats.I just these situations. Yes, But

(01:02:32):
and then they'll say women use sexto control the situations. So there,
so then men will say, well, we're screwed either way or not.
But yes, and and here's thething, and that that's a very interesting
thing. That is and I've seenthat a lot of a lot of it
with with the idea of coercion,and especially marital coercion too, where people

(01:02:55):
are arguing that, you know,men are not entitled to your or you
know, your spouse's body just becauseyou're married to them or you're in a
relationship with them. And someone willtry to say, well, women will
weaponize sex to get what they want, and you can't weaponize something that someone
doesn't have the right too. Youcan't, you know, you can't weaponize.
You can't weaponize your body against anotherman or against a man, because

(01:03:17):
he doesn't have the right to yourbody in the first place. So men
who argue that are just completely arguingin bad faith. But yes, because
I mean, men have always usedmoney for that, I mean until I
mean women what couldn't have their ownbank accounts until the nineteen seventies. You
couldn't buy a house until then too, I think, so like that was
when they were first allowed to evenhave that type of independent So the idea
of the man as the provider andthe woman as the house you know,

(01:03:40):
a housemaker and a homemaker has beenaround, you know, it's it's only
been a it's only been evolving overthe last fifty years that women have started
to be able to do their ownthing. And oh my god, I
think, why do you think they'reso mad about like people talking about equality
and pay and wanting to do thingswithout him and signature, just all of

(01:04:00):
these things, because now you seethe reports of lots of lonely boys who
aren't married and aren't having sex anymorehoom. Yeah, look at all the other
things that change that they were usingto manipulate women into sex, into relationships
that now it's like no women canstand on their own now, and we
really don't need your olymptic. Sorry, I'm not interested. I saw this

(01:04:25):
shit weasel do a video saying basically, um that he expects you're a traditional
woman if you're not gonna clean afterhim and blah blah blah. Then he's
he's not gonna you know, nocar payment. Um, you have to
pay half half the rent, youhave to pay you know your you pay
for your phone bill. Blah blahblah. I'm like, you know any
women who like can't do that?Like who's he thinking that women are?

(01:04:48):
And then he finally ended the videosaying something like basically like listen, if
you if you if you're not,if you're not gonna be let you say,
if you're not my mom, thenbuy or something like that. If
you, oh, if you can't, if you can't compare to my mom,
then buy. Yeah. Basically hewas completely telling on himself. That
is that his mom. He basicallywants a mom. He doesn't want a
partner, he doesn't want an equal. He wants a sex slave and a

(01:05:11):
mommy. And that's that's what theythink. That's where they think they're buying.
Basically, the biggest thing I've noticedmen just these types of men.
They don't fucking like women. Theywant to just fuck and feel powerful.
Yeah, they could get they don'tlike women. They don't believe that women,
that women have worgas them. Sofor them, fucking too is just

(01:05:31):
like, you know, we knowwhat that is. That's a thought.
They like the thought of a womanaround until they actually have to have a
woman around and talk to her andwhatever, and then like, oh,
I don't like anyways, that's awhole other topic. But money, any
other points we want to drive homehere? Um, I don't think so.

(01:05:54):
I think I think that that kindof covered the fact that, you
know, money is they say moneyis the root of all, And I
think that that's the thing is thatmoney, just that it's most neutral,
has a manipulative factor and when someoneand when a man is trying to use
it against a woman, it isvery powerful, and it is very easy
to use money against women like inthe when they're especially first dating, and

(01:06:14):
so I think it's very important topay attention to that as like as a
woman when you're when you're in thedating world, and if you see a
man trying to weaponize money in anycapacity whatsoever, that's a huge red flag.
And don't be afraid to stand upand say no, I'll pay my
own or no, do not spendthis money on me because I don't want
the implications. And if they getshitty, you have your Oh I would
never imply oh no, no,no, no. This is if they

(01:06:36):
start getting like that, you haveyour answer and you don't want to be
with someone like that. Absolutely,So speaking of money, you can give
us a five dollars someone is thatwhat you're gonna says ahead, you're gonna
do it, no dollars. Wewon't swindle you into anything other than watching

(01:06:58):
our content on Patreon. We wereord episodes after for our members and it's
again as little as five dollars amonth. That is on our Patreon,
which the url I am blind to. It's been a second dot com slash
podcast. Thank you. My eyesjust glazed over on my one hundred and
fifty percent view of this page.That's all right, um, yeah,

(01:07:19):
so we'd love your support because itdoes help. But you can also support
us and by just by you know, following us and sharing with the podcast
of other people, by leaving usa five star rating and review on iTunes
or a rating on Spotify. Youcan also support us by join our Facebook
group and contributing there. It's Facebookdot com slash Group slash dkas podcast.
And if you want to give usmore content to talk about, you know,

(01:07:40):
if you want your situation to bediscussed, you can call our DKs
hotline at four zero seven five onenine zero one eight one, or you
can send us an email at Datingkind of Sucks Podcast at gmail dot com.
That's right, When do you havean Instagram? At Dating kind of
Sucks? We both have TikTok soI'm at Adam of Vitable and Sarah's that
simply surgy underscore. And finally canwatch us on YouTube if you want to

(01:08:00):
watch stead of listen at YouTube dotcom slash Dating kind of Sucks. And
with that we're gonna go spend moneyon Yeah, well, I mean we're
gonna start thinking about Christmas. Iguess because this episode will be coming out
on the with the ninth of December, which man is two weeks from that.
It will be the twenty third orDecember. We're gonna have an episode.
I think we probably will. Yeah, we're gonna try to get one

(01:08:21):
more episode out before the end ofthe year and back into something before the
new year. Yes, yeah,we'll try to get We'll get something done
before the end of the year.I think there shouldn't be a problem because
Sarah's in a new place, whichis what the fuck she's gonna do for
Christmas? And I know my Christmasis not. There is nothing because I
don't do anything for Christmas. Sowe've got nothing going on, ship going

(01:08:42):
on. Yeah, so, butwe'll be back in two weeks of the
Burner episode. And thank you forlistening. Until next time, Memora single
or pub right hanging on Withers backat your place, listen to us and
be getting tender mumble plenty of youngtrying and trying and I'm an the buck
because we all know dating kind ofsucks. Sarah and Adam are Duobi kind

(01:09:12):
says dupid Chicken, and Sheet isn'tmind they're not doing with this so to
make any buck light as a chickenooscutas they bluck, why does it work?
We'll here with the cruck. Theyboth know dating kind of sucks.
Dating kind of sucks

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