Love Languages Are Trash

One of the most popular discussions among people in relationships revolves around love languages. While it seems nice to have our relationships tied up in such pretty little bows, the reality is that love languages are trash. The author, a misogynistic homophobic old pastor, created the concept as a way to benefit men, and the more you examine love languages as the babbling nonsense it is, you start to see how subtly nefarious it can be. This week, Sarah and Adam explain why using love languages can be a crutch, and can result in making the same bad relationship decisions over and over again. Also this week, a call to the DKS Hotline, Sarah visits Norway, and the DKS Meetup in Seattle is fast approaching. Clear your calendar for Thursday, June 29th and come see us at the Graduate Seattle! Visit this link or https://bit.ly/SeattleDKS for more details.

The DKS Podcast is a raw, honest, and hilarious podcast that focuses on all aspects of love, sex, society and culture, promoting a lifestyle of transparency, openness, and healthy communication as a path to happiness. It is created, edited, and produced by Sarah G. and Adam Heath Avitable.

DKS Hotline: [phone]‬
Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/dkspodcast
Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/dkspodcast
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/datingkindasucks
Sarah G on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/simplysarahg_
Avitable on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/avitable
Sarah G on TikTok: http://www.tiktok.com/@simplysarahg_
Avitable on TikTok: http://www.tiktok.com/@adamavitable
Website: http://www.datingkindasucks.com
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/datingkindasucks/

Theme song performed by Crafty McVillain.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi, I'm Sarah and I'm Adam. He's visible. This is the GKS
Podcast, a podcast about love,sex, culture, and society. This
week we'll be revisiting the topic oflove languages. Are they helpful or do
they reinforce the patriarchy and toxic genderstereotypes? Enjoy the show whether you married,

(00:22):
our single, or play are hangingon with mans back of your place
listen to us and beginning a tenderand mumble up plenty of young trying and
trying and having deluc because we allknow dating kind of songs. Thanks for
joining us for another episode of Datingkind of Sucks. If you're new to
DKs, my name is Adam andI'm a comedian, writer, and misogynist

(00:45):
turn feminist, joined by my cohost Sarah, who is a millennial travel
junkie and serial dater now in acommitted relationship. We're not professionals, doctors,
or experts, just two people sharingour perspectives on the world of dating,
sex and relationship ships. The firsthalf of every episode is spent catching
up on what's happening in our lives, and the second half is reserved for

(01:06):
the episode's main topic. So ifthat's all that brought you here. You
can skip through the halfway mark,or you can stick around and enjoy the
whole show. Let's get started.Well, when this episode is released,
it'll be June, which you knowwhat happens in June? Right? Um?
Justin Timberlake does something? Oh doeshe or does that may? Oh
that's already happened. That's the mazingme Like, wait, what the hell

(01:32):
are you? I thought, justtib it's June, because he just do
every month gonna be June, It'sgonna be September. I mean, yeah,
is that what it is? It'sgonna be me. I don't understand
the reference, so I have noidea why I like the twin. I
don't know. I mean, younever listened to in Sync. I guess
you would get the reference. Yeah, I mean it's a it's an old
joke that just needs to die atthis point. But it's funny the way

(01:53):
I know. I always I neverknow what month it is. I just
know that he that he's got somethingwhere he says a month. So what's
what's un June? Well, sohappy that you asked our DKs meet up
obviously at the graduate Seattle. Thatis true that's true. And actually the
time, by the time this episodecomes out, will be my last day
in Utah. Dune dun duh.It's crazy. This might be my last

(02:20):
last day in Utah, very likelythe last time I ever stepped foot in
this fucking state again. No,I mean, I don't want to say
that's ever. Okay, Probably whichareas of Utah did you explore while being
there? None? Whatsoever? Whatthe fuck do you expect you didn't go
to You didn't go oh, lab, I didn't make it to the Salt
Flats. I didn't make it toyou. I barely made it to Salt

(02:42):
Lake City. And one of theright know, one of the reasons was
that, well, when I firstgot your officers taking care, you know,
helping my mother out, and thenwe ended up with the longest winter
ever where like just driving through themountains was not safe half the time,
and so it was just it becamea thing, and so it was just
yeah, never like Salt Flats asthe place I was dying to go to.
Didn't get to go there. Somaybe at some point I'll drive through

(03:05):
Utah as a tourist and stop inplaces, you know, but not just
like be here because I'm done beinghere. Understand, I was gonna say,
I really want to go to Moab, So yeah, Moab. And
and I've heard that Saint George isreally cool. South and south ute to
southern Utah as well. A supposedto be really beautiful there. It's about
but it's about four hours south ofhere as well. Trails. I know

(03:28):
how you love that, well Ido. I love to hike so much.
It's just my favorite activity of alltime. So I'll be leaving Utah
and heading to well, heading toyou, But I mean I'll be heading
to first of all, going toBoise for a night, and um,
I think I'm actually meet up withwith a friend through a TikTok friend m
then Boise for the to have adrink. And then I'm going to Bend,

(03:51):
Oregon, Oregon, Oregon, Oregan. I don't know why I said.
That's so weird, Bend, Oregon, Oregon. Here we go off
the Bend, Oregon goes. Sothat sounds like the nineteen twenties, like
newsreel. Sure, let's go withthat. Do you know what I'm talking
about? Nod And there he goes. He's durrying off to Ben Oregon where

(04:11):
he's going to make his way anyways. Um, yeah, I don't know
what I'm gonna do there. Ihave aspirations of trying to explore the area
for the four days i'm there.You know, I would like to.
I would like to. Chances areI may just settle in and work and
not really do anything, but youknow who knows. And then uh,

(04:32):
Portland for a week or yeah,a little bit over a week and then
and then Seattle and then that's whenwe have our meet up when what data
is that? Again? That isThursday, June twenty ninth, sixty eight
pm at the Graduate, Seattle,Yes, the Graduate, Seattle, which
is a hotel called the Graduate.I don't know why, just in case

(04:53):
anybody's confused, but if you livethe area in the air, you probably
know of it and it's h lookslike a great hotel. Well, um,
yeah, we'll be doing Uh we'llmeet up for some drinks and say
hi and then probably take the lasthour of it and just record a live
episode. Yeah. It should befun. Um I know that. Um,
we will have some merch to giveaway as well as at my house.

(05:15):
How can I forget it? Ihave a huge box, that's right.
So um, yeah, so allall I'm doing right now is spending
this next week and a half packingand organizing and trying to clean out the
things that I've acquired over the lastyear and what I don't want anymore,
and things that I've bought for comforthere that I'm not going to take with
me and try to figure out toget rid of it. Wait, how
long have you been there in total? I've been here for almost a year

(05:39):
now. Really, Yeah, Iguess you were doing the track over the
summer to make your way. Yeah, because I left Florida in May last
year, but I went I wentthrough Texas and took my time going through
Texas, stopped like a week aweek in each major area in Texas,
and then a week in Colorado Springsand then and then. Yeah. It

(06:00):
really has been almost a whole almostalmost a whole year that I've been here
in Utah. Yeah, okay,well that's enough. Yes, it is
definitely. I keep thinking maybe sixmonths. I don't know why in my
mind I just kept thinking that,but yeah, no, I mean it
is. It's kind of crazy methat it's thready halfway through twenty twenty three
and I had to figure out howto I had. So I had this
weighted blanket that my sister gave mewhen I was in Florida. So when

(06:23):
I stopped in Florida last May,I was in Jacksonville her place, and
she had a weighted blanket. She'slike, do you want to do you
want to? You know, doyou want this? Because I got it
thinking I might like it, andI don't like it. So then I
slept with the one night. Iwas like, you know what, it
is really comfortable, and then Iwas like, it's kind of cool.
And so I put it in theback of my car and then never took
it out again. So it's beensitting like. I had this like travel

(06:43):
this giant travel box that has likeyou know, road flares and all the
stuff and the weighted blanket, andso I was like, you know what,
I'm gonna take it out. Ishould probably wash it and maybe maybe
actually use it because it is itis a comfortable blanket. And so I
had to figure out how to washa weighted blanket because the thing weighs like
thirty, you know, thirty fortypounds by itself, like it is heavy
for me to lift and so Ithrew it in the bathtub and took a

(07:08):
bunch of soap, and just like, I didn't have any laundry detergent,
so I just had dishwasher soap.So I just scored a dishwasher soap all
over it and then filled it upwith filled the tub up with like warm
to hot water and let it kindof just soak there for a little while.
And then I was like, allright, time to do it.
So I started trying to drain it. Well, of course, the thing
was so heavy that were trying tothe tub. Started trying to drain,

(07:29):
it just kept tapping the drain andthen closing the drains. Then I had
to keep reaching in and trying tounplut, you know, like hold the
thing back so it would and thenit was still fill the SuDS, and
so then I ran the shower onit for a while to try to get
the SuDS out. And I'm tryingto wring it out, but it's so
heavy that I can't really wring itout. And I'm like, I don't
know how to dry this thing,like, you know, and someone was
like, wholl it just says youjust shake it out and let it dry.

(07:49):
I'm like, you can't shake itwhen it because now it weighs a
million pounds, you know, itgoes from thirty to a million when it's
wet. So I've eventually hung itover just the edge of the bathtub.
I put howls on the floor andjust kind of hung it over the edge
of the bath until let it kindof just drip out of it for a
bit. And then I managed tohang it on the shower, on the
shower curtain rack or rod. ButI was so worried in a break the

(08:09):
rod it was it was, itwas close, like it was bending.
I would, oh my god,I would never So I let it hang
there untill it wasn't dripping anymore,Like it wasn't like actually actively dripping.
It was still wet. And thenI opened my door that goes out to
the to my patio, and Ijust hung it on the door with them
just let the I guess, theair dry it. But yeah, it
was a whole experience. And nowI'm like, you know, I should

(08:30):
just sell this fucking thing and noteven bring it with me. And then
I didn't even need to clean itat that point. I could just spray
some fabreeze. It's dry. Yeah, but now I'm like, maybe I
should just should just sell it.Anyways, we're gonna add it to my
car or wait, you know,I don't know it was. It's nice
to have, but it's not likea thing I need, you know,
and clearly you haven't haven't touched inthe year. Yeah. And in fact,

(08:54):
I think that a twelve pack ofcoke zero explode it all over it.
I was in the car because Idid I tell you that that happened.
No, that I had forgotten abouta twelve pack that was in the
back of my car, that wasnext to this big travel box that I
didn't realize was there. So withit everything freezing that that's so cold that
it exploded all over the back ofthe car. Yeah, And so I

(09:16):
was cleaning out of my car andI just find these just shards of aluminum
cans like that's all that's left orjust these like like they all exploded,
like exploded exploded, Like yeah,there's just like pieces of like shrotting all
everywhere. It was. It wasridiculous. So what have we learned?
Well, yeah, I thought Igot all the sort out of there,
but yeah, I guess not okay. So that's that's been the ship show.

(09:39):
That's been my life for the lastweek, trying to do all that
and get everything ready and and thisnext week is going to be stressful,
but it'll be it'll be good.It'll be good to get the car already
and everything. It'll be good toleave Utah. Basically, it'll be good
to leave Utay. And this Fridayis my dad's birthday, so exciting fun.
Yeah, I'm doing a little littlecookout for him, inviting all his
friends and neighbor is over so wecan you know, figure it'd be a

(10:01):
good way to also say goodbye toeverybody too at the same time. So
oh see how that goes? Probablyfine? Yeah, probably who knows what's
going on with you? Um,let's see. Besides, I've been packing,
cleaning and getting ready. My momcomes in tomorrow and then we are
headed to Alaska for a week,so we'll be doing our cruise. So

(10:26):
I'm pretty excited for that, andI'm also really excited to not be working
for the next few days. Soare you just gonna be completely like out
of touch with like roy and stufffor while you're on the cruise? I
mean, because it is it?How does like cell service work? Um,
I mean I'm sure in water,Like when we're traveling to and from
places, it's going to be challengingwith internet. Yeah, they do have

(10:46):
a Wi Fi package. You know, I'm not going to purchase it,
So why wouldn't you purchase the Okay? But the whole fucking point is to
disconnect and just enjoy the experience andmaybe post some cool photos of things that
you've seen, and everybody can liveso we can all live vicariously through you.
You don't want to live vicarious.I want to see will I want
to see whales and shilling. Iwant to take in my last cruise,

(11:07):
the only type of cruise I wantto take. And I like, yeah,
remember, because you're originally I wasgoing to try to go with you
when you were first playing Yeah,And I was like, well if I'm
in the in the state, Andof course you're like, You're like,
well, I couldn't wait an extratwo weeks. You're right, I couldn't.
I know if you'd waited next twoweeks. I don't have a lot
of PTO and I'm planning this aroundMemorial Day. So that's what I ended

(11:31):
up working and it was significantly cheaperto go in May verset June. But
anyways, yeah, so I reallywant to go on a cruise like that,
so so yeah, we wouldn't.I mean, I want to see
your post and everything. I'll stillbe able to post once I get to
like, so we're stopping at Junoand Skaguay and catch a can and Victoria
British Columbia, so I'll be ableto have service there because I have sell

(11:54):
I get service in the US,Mexico and Canada, so I won't have
a problem, right, right,So I guess just depends but I didn't
actually know how far off the coastit went that if it was actually far
enough that it would be be anissue either, I wasn't sure. Depend
honestly depends where, because there aresome parts where I've kind of tracked the
path of where the cruise ship wouldgo, and I'm like, I might

(12:15):
be able to get self service,but I'm not banking on it until I
get to the town where we're stopping. Why would you pay ten dollars extra
day? You know, of courseit'd be insane. Exactly, you'd make
a fantastic point. Yes, thankyou, ridiculous. I'm already paying all
this extra shit for all of Okay, I could either spend seventy dollars on

(12:35):
Wi Fi, or I can buyAlaskan King crab and those are seventy dollars.
No, but this is but theKing crab is seventy dollars just to
eat it. Yeah, it's reallyexpensive. I don't like crab, so
I would definitely go for the WiFi. Oh see, I like crab,
and I you know, I don'tknow how to eat crab. Like that's
the other problem. Like, theonly way I can eat crab is someone

(12:58):
does it, cracking it for youand doing I'm not willing to do all
of that for this little tiny pieceof meat that you pull out of a
leg. No, you can justhand me a bowl of it. You
should say extra for that, Yeah, probably you mannaise what yeah, yeah,
a little. I know people addbutter to it. I don't like
it with butter. It's too weird. I like it a little a little

(13:18):
bit of mannaise and crab. Yeah, like tuna fish basically, but it's
not too same thing. It comesfrom the ocean. Okay, that's like
sare you actually cows? Are thesame thing comes from the yarb basically,
I mean I put mannaise on bothof those two. See it is,

(13:39):
it is, It's all the samething. So are you Are you saying
that you actually are paying seventy dollarsfor can crab meal one night I want
to do? Yeah? Yeah,yeah, so your meals are included.
But this is like the special thingwhere you this is off the ship in
June. Okay, so yeah,when we're out and about and finding things
to do, that was something Iwanted to do for my mom. Let's
eat a crab. Yeah, Imean it's the popular thing there. So

(14:03):
okay, I have a budget forcruise expenses, and I'm sure and I'm
sure, I'm sure it is completelyand I'm sure it's a very meticulously planned.
You know me and budgets. Soyeah, you're gonna be on a
ship for a week and um anothernor I are gonna hear from you for
a few days. We're gonna We'renot gonna be for you and your mom
killed each other or not. NowI'm sure you will. It sounds like

(14:28):
fun. I just want you get'sa big boat. I'm just jealous because
I do want to I do wantto go, So you're gonna have to
post lots of stories when you getwhen you get serviced, because I want
to I want to see all theall the stuff. Obviously, it will
be my content for the next month. I don't have any big trip until
July after this, so, yeah, how are you feeling about that?

(14:50):
What do you mean just not havea lot of big trips right now?
Yeah, you've been success so you'veyou've been uh, you've been home for
a little while and not doing anythinglike major. I mean, Alaska Cruise
is still it doesn't feel like it'sa lot of people that's like that's a
one. You know, this isour big thing we're gonna do this year,
is taking Alaska Cruise. And Ithink it's funny that with what everything

(15:11):
you do every year, it's likethis is like the little thing that I'm
doing. Well, think about it. This time last year, I was
headed to Guatemala and I ended upspending five weeks, four in Guatemala and
one in Mexico. Yeah, thatwas a big thing. A week somewhere.
I'm like, that would be fun. Yeah, well I'm not.
That's the other thing. The mindsetof I'm not getting on a plane to
fly anywhere. I'm literally just havingRoy drivers to the port and then I'm

(15:35):
hopping off and buy that is nice, convenient, Yeah, that is nice.
That is the one advantage of livingin a port city, definitely Seattle,
or like, that's the one ofthe aventages of living over in Orlando
that you could just easily go tothe port and take a cruise to think,
you know, somewhere as well.Yeah, so that's the big thing
here looking forward to. But alsosomething happened over the weekend. It was

(16:00):
pretty wild, at least exciting questionwork. I don't know. Um,
Roy bought this what is it calledclone? A Willie kit, That's what
it's called Willie. So he purchasedthis before I left for Chile, and
I guess it came in the mailwhile I was gone. And then since

(16:21):
I've been back, he's like,we got to do this thing. I
need I need your help with thisto help me clone my dick to hold
it while I'm making sure I'm hardwhatever. So this past weekend we pulled
off the kit and we're like,Okay, we're gonna do this thing.
So he pops a viagra. Istupidly take a nap so the so then

(16:42):
I wake up and he's like,um, well, my dick's hard,
are you? And I'm like grogging. I'm like I don't know, we'll
get to it whatever. So ofcourse is hard is wearing off, so
pulls out the kit I guess hebought two mixes of the mold because he
read one and that the first timeyou fuck it up, which spoiler,

(17:03):
we fucked it up. Um,well, he fucked it up, but
it's just like did it in thekitchen, And the visual I have is
just him with the because it's likea plastic cup that the mold thing is
in. So he, you know, puts his dick in the plastic cup,
but all the mold stuff is alreadyin there. So as he's putting
his dick and all the mold stuffis coming out of the top and he's

(17:23):
just standing there. It's dripping overhim. He's naked in the kitchen.
I'm just standing there like, whatdo you need help with? Because I
can't really do anything. And thenof course he's like, I don't think
I'm that hard, And then hisdick was on the side of the plastic
container, so that's not going togive a good shape, rugger dick.
So threw that away and we're gonnahave to try for around two. Oh

(17:45):
you didn't. You didn't try thesecond one. Now ego was bruised,
so we had to try again later. Oh no, yeah, I think
that, you know, the hardestpart from what i've no, no pun
intended, from what I've I've heard, is keeping it like center, trying
to center. Yeah, it's likeit's not an easy thing to do.

(18:06):
It's it's and so it's really no. They give you forty five seconds,
so you you pour the you know, you have the mix, you bix
that up, it says, yeah, and you have to have the water
at a certain temperature too. Soonce the water's at that temperature, you
pour in the mix. You haveforty five seconds to stir. Then you're
support in the mold and then it'sgo time and you just shove your fucking
dick in there. Right, Butit had it all happens within a two

(18:27):
minute span, So as soon asas soon as you're pulling, you're like,
fun, fun, gotta put mydick in, and you're you're more
concerned. You're more concerned about likeI'm acting like I have a dick right
now too, you really are,which is hilarious. I'm replaying how Roy's
body was when he was like,ah, shake, give me the thing.
You need to put my dick overit. But uh, yeah,

(18:49):
it's challenging. And I saw himput it on the side and he was
trying to move it around, butat that point it had already kind of
settled into Yeah, is it likea big enough tube that it covers for
like, see, I feel likeit should really be a much bigger two
because it's all it needs to dois have a good inside and it can
be a really big you know outsideum, and so that way for people

(19:11):
who have like curves, like ifyou if you you know, if it
curves to the left or right whereit's not gonna make a big deal.
Not because yeah, I think heneeded to did he should have bought Maybe
there's a higher brand clone like hebought. He bought like the dollar store
version of the Clona Willie. Maybethere's like a Nimon Marcus version you know
that comes with like a timer.And it needed to be really yeah,

(19:33):
it needed to be really wide.It was. It was definitely long enough.
It was not wide enough, hencethe dick on the side of the
thing right right, And then yeah, it's really hard. How can you
keep hard? Like, how canyou keep an erection when you're like you're
trying to do these other things thatyou're concentrating on trying to Yeah, it's
just with a cocrete on and theviagrass not working out. Oh my god,

(19:55):
that's that's fantastic. I wish you'djust sent that one off just to
see what happened. Anyways, thatwould have been kind of funny. Well
you got back because it looks sosad and the mold thing though, because
it was just against the plastic.It was the whole one side. Definitely
not okay with that, And thenit sat on our table for a couple
of days. Take a picture ofit. Actually, no, I did

(20:15):
it. I did it. I'vealmost it didn't pop up on your Instagram
story. I almost did, oflike things I did this weekend, Roy's
dick. But because it didn't turnout that well, I'm waiting until we
round. Yeah, maybe maybe there'sa professional you can hire. A professional
will come to it and to makesure that all works properly, like a

(20:37):
makeup artist. Now place the dick. Well, now that we know,
I don't know. It's a lotof steps in under two minutes, so
you're warning for anyone who wants togive it a try on their own.
I look that he takes off Agron. You're like, I'm gonna take a
nap, she said, I wasgonna take some time, and I was
really tired. I don't know whatsupportive supportive friend. Well, I thought

(20:59):
we were gonna fuck before, butthen he needed a clean dick to put
it in the mole. Yeah.Yeah, So then I was like,
well, if we're not gonna fuck, i'm tired, wake me up when
your dick's hard. And then thenthen yeah, and then that catastrophe chaos
and sued. Well, all right, yeah, you're all caught up,
all cut up, cut off theDick chronicles Sarah, Sarah and Roy with

(21:23):
my note Dick. Yes, andonce again a reminder, by the way,
just check the show notes if youwant to come to the meetup.
It's going to be Thursday, Junetwenty ninth from six to eight pm and
the Graduate in Seattle. Well,um, the show notes level link where
you can rs VP. We wouldlike you to rs VP because they're trying
to get an idea of how manypeople come. Even if you're shy,

(21:44):
just come bine just you don't haveto talk. You can just sit there
drink and sit and drinking and sitin the back. Yeah exactly, that's
fine. We had those at thelast meetup and they were like the coolest
people. Yeah yeah, I knowthe people came that were really shy that
they end up just hanging out andit was it was, it was a
great time. Now come up.We have the DKs hotline. Now this
is a normal spot to you,I know. Now this is the time

(22:06):
again when I'm gonna tell you justgo ahead and pause the episode and call
in and you can call four ohseven five one nine zero one eight one
and leave us a voicemail about anythingAnd it doesn't have to be about dating.
Relationships can be about anything, andwe would love to hear from you.
So pause the episode and do thatand then come back and we're trying

(22:27):
to get We want to make surewe have plenty of good calls from you
guys, and we love having callsand emails from everybody. So if you
can't call, like if it's toohard, for you to call. You
can always email Dating kind of Suckspodcast at gmail dot com. But call
four oh seven five one nine zeroone eight one. They're gonna do it.
Okay, they're gonna do it,all right, perfect, Well,

(22:48):
we have a call this week toshare it. And I'm really excited about
this call from Valerie. And I'mnot surprised that you are excited about this
call well, because it's actually feedbackthat I was kind of just sitting around
twiddling. My thought is going topeople, do you know what's the post
fun things we're doing on the podcast? Absolutely? No, No, let's
go ahead and uh and listen towhat Valerie had to say. Hi,

(23:11):
Adam and Sarah. This is Valerie. I've been listening to the show since
to the beginning and I absolutely loveit. One thing that I've really enjoyed
is the what to see you withSarah ge the new addition that you guys
have had the last few episodes.And one question I have for Sarah is
how does she find good deals onall of these places? She goes some

(23:33):
more travel tips for solo girls.Thanks a lot, let you guys,
bye. Thanks so much Valerie foryour call. Obviously it was very happy
to hear that you enjoy the whatto See with Sarah ge segment. It's
actually really nervous to add this tothe podcast, and so I've been waiting
for feedback of do people like it? Is it helpful? What's the vibe?

(23:55):
But yeah, as far as traveltips, a couple of things I
can recommend. None of this issponsored. I'm not that cool. Really
sign up for a solid travel creditcard. So I recently got the venture
X card. Adam, are youtaking notes? Oh? I should?
Actually? Well what's what? Whoowns the venture actual Capital one venture X
okay? And so when you signup you get seventy five thousand points and

(24:17):
with that you can book through theirportal and transfer those points to their other
travel partners that they have. Butyou get tsa pre check or Global entry
included priority pass. And what's theother thing, Oh, they're Capital One
lounge at the DFW Airport, whichis amazing that I because I was stranded
in DFW two times, I hadhad a lot of benefits staying there.

(24:40):
But overall really liked that card.If you're looking for a card to maximize
points and your purchase power. ThereAs far as just booking cheap flights or
hotels. I typically just have anopen search on Google Flights and just type
in anywhere and just kind of check, you know, certain months that I
want to travel. I think it'simportant when you're if you're wanting to travel,
not to be so hell bent ona specific location, but an area

(25:03):
and then you might be able toget to that location. So if there's
a flight, so you want togo to Europe and there's a flight that's
cheapest into the UK, and thenyou can train around somewhere else or fly
in add a cheaper flight through Ryanair, just keep an eye on cheaper flights
that like within a three month windowbefore you want to travel, and just
search anywhere instead of specific locations.If you don't use Google Flights, sky

(25:26):
Scanners also a really good site touse. And then of course I really
use all my points for everything aswell through that venture X card. And
that's a little bit how I've beendoing my Airbnb travel actually is I just
pull up airb and being nice,say I'm flexible, and then I'd like
to be in this location during thismonth, for like a month at a

(25:47):
time or a couple of weeks,and then I just try to look and
see what seems to be the mostreasonable and then I once I book those,
and I can book the rest ofthe stays, you know, a
hotel stay here and there, orstay with a friend here and there in
between to try to make it allwork together, so I know that general
areas I want to be in,and then the you know, the general
time and in dates. I recentlyfound a cool hotel site that I've used
for booking some of my hotels andgot some good prices for it. Um

(26:10):
called a goda yeah yeah, Agoda And this is also not sponsored,
but adam, I feel like it'san Asian based site by just by the
I don't know the particular language inthe way that it responds to send out
emails with all the details and everything. But it works really well. Um
and uh and and I've found prettygood prices, like a good discounts and

(26:34):
it sometimes it'll just have like aflash sales like ten percent off whatever you
book today or you know, onehundred bucks off your next next you know
purchase or a hotel rent you know, booking or whatever. Um. So
it's pretty pretty decent. The otherthing I would recommend to for tripping,
for tripping, for taking trips isa site called trip it. I don't
know if you've ever used this era, but um so trip it. It's

(26:56):
an app and a site and there'sa free version end a paid version.
But you basically email all of youritineraries to like plans at tripat dot com,
and it recognize your email address andthen it knows to pull all the
itinerary information out, so you justhave to forward your itinerary to it and
put it all on one spot.So it'll put all your flights, hotels,
Airbnb's everything all into one like itineraryautomatically, so it has all your

(27:22):
confirmation numbers, it has everything,and you can share that with people so
that people can you know who aretraveling or yeah, you can email or
the people can you join the appand you can add them as like a
viewers so they can see it's likewow, like I usually add like would
add my parents or whatever, solike I'm gonna add my dad on this
trip or whatever, so like heif he doesn't hear from me, he
can look it up and see whereI am at any given moment. So

(27:42):
that's that's actually been really helpful fora lot of a lot of my traveling.
I love that. Yeah, maybeI should start using that, but
then again, I never tell anyonewhere I'm going. You never time,
But yeah, I don't. Idon't know what. I don't know what
you do to plan your itinerary,like to actually have all your entire itineraries,
but it is it is pretty helpfulfor keeping it all on one space
automatically, like you just forward youremail to it and you don't have to

(28:03):
ever think about it, and soit can be like an easy way sometimes.
Yeah, I'm pretty like, gowith the flow. I picked the
place in the hotel and then I'llfigure it out kind of what I'm there.
But that's for longer trips, Iguess, versus a week or a
week and a half. Yeah,yeah, it works works well when i'm
like for something like I'm doing aswell. But that's great. Well,

(28:25):
Valorie, thank you so much forsharing your feedback on that and asking you
a question. And we once againwould love to hear from anybody. But
there's any questions about anything, um, you can give us a call once
again. The DCS hotline is fouroh seven five one nine zero one eight
one. I also want to do. Something that I've heard on Serious XM
that they've been doing recently is thatif you don't want to call, you

(28:47):
can also record a voice note onyour phone, yes, an email it
to dating kind of Sex podcast atgmail dot com. That's what Serious is
doing now. They're like, uh, do you want to introduce our next
song, go ahead and call,you know, record a little intro and
send it over. And I waslike, that's kind of an eat idea.
So if you just want to doa voice note and then email it
to us, you can do thatas well. So just anything you can

(29:07):
do to share your question, wewould love to hear from you. Voice
might actually be more organic too,where you're thinking of something you ask right
there versus having it's one less stepyou don't have to call, you know.
Yeah, that's very true. Yeah, so you can do that as
well. But whatever, you know, whatever you want to do, we
would love to hear from you.And thank you for the call, Valerie,
And we're gonna go ahead take aquick break. When we come back,

(29:30):
we're going to have what to Seewith Sarah ge and we're going to
be talking about Norway. This makeswhat to See You with Sarah Gee,
Adam had kind of teed up already. We are exploring Norway, but not
some of the bigger cities that youmight be aware of, like Bergen or
Oslo. This is actually going tobe a small town called Flom and fun

(29:52):
fact, Norway was one of thefirst countries that I visited in my like
international travels. I went with mymom and my sister, so this trip
was really special to me. AndAdam was asking me before we started this
segment, when the hell eve beento Norway, and I'm like, yeah,
like twenty fourteen, so it's beena minute. But this what to
see is pretty different than the normalcities that I pick, mostly because Flam

(30:14):
is a small village town in betweenmountains and the fjords of Norway, and
it's kind of challenging to get tobut that is also part of the fun
of visiting Flam, whether you're comingfrom the bigger city of either Oslo or
Bergen. The most notable way tovisit the area is by taking the Flom
Railway. It's one of the mostpopular tourist destinations in the country and it's

(30:36):
for a good reason. You'll passthrough waterfalls, mountains, tunnels and many
changing landscapes. The entire trip isabsolutely stunning and it just primes you for
what you're going to see when you'rearriving a Flam and then from Flam is
kind of a jumping off point forthe Fiords of Norway. There weren't a
lot of cruise ships, so Iwent in March, so it's still pretty

(30:56):
cold, it's still mostly winter.But it's a big port, cruise ships
and things like that too, soyou might end up stopping. If you're
doing your cruise through Norway, youmight end up stopping in Flam. Now,
as beautiful as Flam is, onceyou get there, you really only
need one night in the town beforeheading on that boat and traveling through the
Fiords of Norway, and that's ifyou're headed to Bergen. So the trip

(31:17):
that I went, I stopped inOslo, we did the train ride into
Flam, and then from Flam wedid the Fiords and then ended in Bergen
and then hopped over to another country. You obviously don't have to stay the
night in Flam. This could bejust a half day trip. You get
in, you check out the town, and then you catch the boat the
next day. A lot of peopledid that from the train that we were
on, but we just kind ofwanted to take our time and this was

(31:38):
a beautiful place to do it.It's a small town, so there aren't
a lot of hotels or bars orrestaurants to choose from. There's a handful,
and they're all pretty solid for hotelstays if you do plan to stay
the night. I stayed at theFreedom Hotel and it's one of Norway's historic
hotels that was built in the eighteenseventies and it offers breathtaking views from inside
the lobby. You might be asking, how the hell do you have views

(32:01):
from inside the lobby, but thebuilding, the main center of the building
is built with these glass windows throughout, So from the main lobby down below
to further up where there's the diningfor breakfast and dinner, you'll have all
these beautiful views of the Fiords inthe distance and then the mountains that actually
surround the hotel. And it's prettycrazy because when the sun goes down at
night, you're like, oh,it's so pitch blackout, like you can't

(32:24):
you know the stars in the sky. But what you don't realize is,
well you'll realize it, but you'reliterally nestled in the mountains right around you,
So as you're looking up, you'relike, I know, that's not
the sky, it's just the mountainthat's right there. I just can't see
anything because it's pitch black. Butthis is actually one of the places where
and I don't typically get very emotionalwhen I travel, but this was one

(32:45):
place where I watched the sunset andlike teared up and was like, my
god, this place is one ofthe most beautiful places I've ever been.
Saw avalanches happening in the distance andcould hear them, which is kind of
crazy, like being that close butalso pretty far away, just like you're
really surrounded by the mountains there.But as far as other things to do
besides staying at the hotel, youcan visit the local microbrewery that's located in

(33:07):
the center of town, and thecenter of town is a three minute walk
from that hotel. It's very small, but that microbrewery is designed to look
like a Viking longhouse, which ispretty cool. And then for other food
options, there's the Toget Cafe andthe flam Bakery. Also really enjoyed the
restaurant that was in that hotel aswell. For things to do during the

(33:30):
day, you can run a bikeand bike around the Flam Valley or visit
the railway museum that is right bythe bike rentals and when you come in
by train you'll be right there bythe railway museum. Again, it's a
really small town, so you canwalk around in a couple hours and see
everything you need to see. Butthe beauty of the area is making it
a place that I really want togo back to. Norway is a pretty

(33:50):
expensive country to visit, but thismade the trip worth it and I highly
recommend if you're stopping through and wantingto travel through Norway. So yeah,
very interesting. How were the peoplethere as far as h with tourists where
they were they friendly? Oh mygosh, Yeah, everyone was really friendly.
We actually had a really hard timewith the railway when we went,
so we didn't get to do thefull the full trip into Flam because there

(34:15):
was snow. So it was March, so there was an avalanche that happened
that blocked part of the railway,so we had to take a bus and
the bus had to pick us upfrom like where we were stranded on the
train. And took all these tunnelsto finally get into flam So I want
to go back to fully do therest of the trail because we didn't get
to see the waterfalls or the restof the second half of the trip,

(34:36):
but enjoyed it. Everyone was supernice and had a fantastic experience. Fantastic
on your radar, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Norways always seemed to just
I mean, all those Canadian countriesalways seems so beautiful, like such a
great place to visit. Definitely onmy list of top places that I would

(34:57):
like to like to go to.It's worth it, Yeah, it seems
like it. Well, that's that'sgreat, Thank you very much. And
when we we're going to take anotherbreak and when we come back, we're
going to talk about love languages andmaybe reassess exactly how are they toxic or
are they actually good? Um,I guess you'll see you when we get

(35:17):
back. Guess you'll see Well,as you know, Adam and I aren't
currently dating, and we're always tryingto come up with new dating topics.
And I just happened to be scrollingon Instagram and saw that there are now
two new love languages added to theexisting five and this was posted by the
every Girl Instagram page. So ofcourse I'm sharing this with Adam that shared

(35:39):
experiences and emotional security are now thenew two love languages. And I'm like,
hmm, love languages. We've talkedabout this when we scrolled back,
and we've talked about it since intwenty eighteen. Well, you know,
because Sarah hates to reave as thetopics I'm always okay with, like,
you know, let's let's go backand tell, you know, tackle us
again, because I know that ouropinions have both changed over the years.

(36:00):
And I and I was like,you know, I think it's been a
little while, but we looked backand it was one of the first topics
we talked about, and it wasback and you said twenty eighteen, So
literally five years ago we talked aboutlove languages. And I think we would
both probably approach a little bit differentlynow. But if you don't know,
of course, love languages were thefive things that this uh, this reverend
wrote about the pastor wrote about umand like the nineteen nineteen twenty two and

(36:24):
twenty two. Nineteen nineteen ninety twois when his book was published. Yeah,
and it's essentially access service, receivinggifts, quality time, words of
information, and physical touch are likethe five love languages. And it became
a best selling book and it's,you know, one of those books like
people read like Chicken Soup for thesoul and men are from Mars a woman

(36:45):
for venus. All books that weknow are mostly bullshit and the love languages,
yeah, which is bullshit. Um, and so we thought we would
talk about it. These two newthese two new love languages that that they
came up with, the every girlInstagram page came up with, I mean,

(37:06):
are interesting. There are also thingsthat I could see value. What
I thought we would talk about arethese level which is you know, something
we should even consider or should youthrow away? If you own the book,
should you burn it? You know? Basically as my theory or my
thought process on this, well,it was interesting because when I saw that
Instagram post, I was like,wait, shared experiences can fall under quality
time, which is one of thefive, and then emotional security can kind

(37:29):
of fall under words of affroformation toa degree. And then I kept scrolling
through the comments and people were like, love languages are bullshit, this is
stupid. He like the pastor isa homophobe, like all of this ship
and I'm like, oh, interesting, okay, yes, So then I
was like, maybe we need touncover more about this because I think when

(37:50):
we last talked about it, Iwas for it, Like I was like,
yeah, there are things you like, but it all goes back to
having solid communication and a healthy boundariesand a healthy relationship where you don't necessarily
need to rely on this is myone love language that I want to focus
on. Like that's not healthy,right, And I think that when we
did record this last time, Ido remember like I was pretty much like

(38:12):
this guy didn't know what the funhe's talking about, Like he just came
up with this shit to help,you know, like he has no background
in or anything. He just youknow, there's there's no psychology behind it.
He just kind of came up withit on his own. He doesn't
he's not a counselor, he's nothe's not licensed, he's not educated trained
in this way, you know,just this is just something he came up
with and it kind of took off. He's a pastor, Adam, Yes,

(38:34):
clearly he understands. Yes, Ohyes, he's pastors understand relationships.
So well, oh yeah, wecould go deep on that one. Yeah.
I mean, I don't see touchingboys on here as one of the
love languages. What pastors, whatpastors have to do? So yeah,
he um, he's you know,he's an eighty five year old dude who

(38:57):
came up with his book, youknow, eighty five year old white dude
I who wanted to want to helphelp men. And I was I was
looking up some of his stuff apparently, like he's written all these books that
are geared towards men and helping themin relationships, helping them in relationships is
helping us in quotes, because alot of his help is uh, you
know, is kind of it's it'sit's all misogynistic, it's all patriarchal,

(39:21):
and and he does a lot forthe military, um like military men.
And I think it's also because whereis he like a Winston Sale, North
Carolina, so there's there's a militarybase nearby, but also because military men
are known to be some of themost toxic men out there as far as
when it comes to relationships, andso he I think he does that to
try to, um, try tohelp them not be not be less toxic,

(39:44):
but try to have the communication skillsto essentially gasolate their partner to staying
with them. That's how I'm That'show I'm viewing it. No, I
view that as the same, especiallywhen they're like, is your is your
love language physical touch? Of course, of course a man's love language is
physical touch or probably a lot ofthem who he's talked to, like if

(40:06):
you ask. Even when I wasthinking about this before we recorded, of
like what's Roy's like main love language, my mind went to probably physical touch?
And I'm like, is it?Thought? You know? Right?
Right? Well so so yeah,so let's let's talk about why why it
might be kind of problematic. AndI think that you know I first of
all, and this is just mynumber one thing is most of these are

(40:29):
things that you need, all ofthem to have a healthy relationship. If
you don't have and we'll even includethe two extra ones too, if you
don't have emotional security, if youdon't have shared experiences, if you don't
have quality time, if you don'tif you don't share words of affirmation,
and if you don't have physical touch. So that's you know, that's not
all of them. But if youdon't have all of those things. You

(40:50):
don't have a healthy relationship, soyou need all aspects of those. Now,
the acts of service and receiving giftsare the two that I think are
the probably the most problematic in thesense that acts of service is like when
I feel like maybe women tell themselveswhen they're kind of almost gas lighting themselves
into why they take care of thehousehold, be go well, acts of

(41:14):
service is my you know, that'smy love language. So that's that's how
I that's how I, you know, how I how I show my love
by doing all the chores and takingon all the domestic labor, you know,
and and then receiving gifts. Imean, everybody likes getting something that
someone thinks of like you know,oh I heah, I saw this and
I thought of you, which iswhat receiving gifts is it. It doesn't

(41:35):
mean, you know, like youget a gift for Christmas or whatever,
but it means that someone sees someonesees something and thinks of you and hands
you something saying, hey, thisthis made me think of you, and
so I got this. It's justlike a special little token. Everybody likes
that type of thing, Like everybody, everybody like I don't like receiving gifts
like for Christmas and my birthday.But anytime someone said, hey, I
saw this out and when I wasout and it reminded me of you and

(41:58):
I wanted to give it to you. I'm always by that because that's a
that's a normal human thing. Itmade you feel special, and I think
all of these love languages relate backto making you feel special in a certain
way. Yeah, except access service. I don't know. I feel like
that one's a little bit. Imean, for me, it's like when
Roy cooks me. Didn't really hedid tonight. I think that's a thoughtful
thing, and I like that thatis thoughtful, but it's also like that's

(42:22):
I mean, that's also just partof sharing. You're right, No,
you're totally You're totally rightful. You'retotally which is why I don't think of
it as like you're there in thekitchen with him when you're doing it,
when he's cooking a lot of times, or do you stay it? Oh
yeah, A lot of times Ishouel like try to help out, or
like I'll clean a little bit,or I might be busy doing something like
I was today, So I didn'tparticipate like otherwise. I mean it's also

(42:44):
a quality time thing sometimes too,where you're sitting there and you're both like
you're cooking and you're sitting there sittingwith him, spending time while he's cooking,
you know, or something like youknow, you're doing one thing like
parallel kind of your your your youmight be just talking to him while he's
cooking, but like that's quality timetoo. Yeah, I think they're all
not pillars for a good relationship,but you can't not have one of them,

(43:05):
Like you said, if you haveso you know, no physical touch
but words of affirmation over time,that physical touch. Of not having that,
it's going to break down your relationshipand it's going to lead to problems,
not having quality time together. It'sgoing to break down your relationship,
and you're going to have issues whetheryou have all the other ones or you
try to use physical touch to makeup for the other ones that you're lacking

(43:27):
as like a band aid. That'snot helpful either. You have to have
them all in some capacity. ButI think having them all just relates back
to having a strong relationship in general, communicating very well, making each other
a priority in certain aspects of yourlife and just listening and being there for
your partner, and both of youshould have the times where you think of
the other person and you want toget them something, you know, even

(43:49):
if it's something small because you thinkof them, or you just want to
do something nice for them because youcare about them and you love them.
And both of you should be haddoing these things. Both of you should
want to have to a firm whatyour partner is doing with support and words.
I mean, it's like all ofthis stuff. I mean, if
you've yeah, that's true, notnot just yet, not just so yeah,

(44:10):
not just you know, actually you'reright, and more than just a
relationship. Friendship should be the samething with even physical touched with friendships I
think are important too, like notobviously not an intimate way, but the
hugs and the you know, thejust the the you know, the friends,
and I think that's more women arebetter at that with other women.
I think of having that type ofphysical touch, which is a whole other
thing about why men think that assoon as a woman's friends with them that

(44:30):
she wants to fuck them because shegives them a hug and she's like comfortable
being close in a personal sense andthen men are like, oh, that
means she wants my dick, youknow. But anyways, it's a whole
other issue with men. But yes, and so yeah, even physical touch,
but all of those yes, anyhealthy relationship, friendship, things like
that, I feel like need allof these elements of all of these.
You wouldn't care about love languages ifyou're looking at your friendships, though,

(44:54):
you would probably look at all thosethings. Go, yeah, we do
fun things together. We used toabout quality time. We tell each other
how much we enjoy each other's company, like we I don't know, you
do all of those things with yourfriend and you're not using them number one
as leverage of right, you're notdoing this for me and this is my
love language because that's what a lotof people do, and you're probably not

(45:15):
tallying up, like do we hitall of these things? Is this?
Is this a good friendship? Becauseno, that's just a normal relationship.
You have a normal relationship and youmake each other feel good and safe and
comfortable in that friendship. Well,can you imagine, if you like,
if especially like if there was aplatonic male men and man and woman friendship

(45:38):
and the man said to the woman. You know, well, my love
my friend language, my friend languageis physical touch. So like, you
know, I really feel like abackground, we should yeah, basically give
me back heard or you know,or like I you know, I really
feel like we should you know,we should hug because that's that's how I
that's our that's my friend language,you know, or whatever. The hugs

(46:00):
a whole other issue of give mea hug at well yeah, but I'm
just saying like it, like likeit would be like that's weird. But
what happens in relationships, And Ithink this happens with mostly mostly women as
women because I think men also don'talways pay attention to things like love languages
or you know, read books andthings like that. Um but generally generally

(46:23):
speaking, um but but women willbe like, oh, well, you
know, it's okay that he doesn'tdo any of these things because his you
know, his his love language isphysical touch. So you know, just
as long as you know, again, a band aid, it's a band
aid, right what I'm saying.And so when they say that, they're
justifying a shitty relationship by relying onthese love languages. And that's that's where

(46:45):
I think it becomes very toxic aswell. I think that's pretty common.
I think all of my past relationshipsare like that of, Oh, I'm
just gonna make up for the thingsthat he lacks, because that's what you
do as an adult in a relationship. No, that's not what you do.
You don't need crutches to keep thingsgoing in a healthy way, right,

(47:05):
I don't know. I feel like, just in general, a lot
of quote unquote dating rules or relationshiprules are just all fucking bullshit anyways they
are who who cares if you haveall five? Like and not to be
a judgmental bitch, but the peoplebecause I was seeing so many people share
these goddamn new love languages on Instagramvia their stories. I'm gonna get called

(47:27):
out, but they were sharing themof like, oh my god, how
amazing, how amazing? And thenI think, interesting, you always struggle
with relationships? Interesting, you like, But they heavily rely on these rules
to be the reason why they arethe way that they are. And I'm
like, how about just focus onhaving a healthy relationship and not making excuses
for things where your partner isn't therefor you or is lacking in these departments.

(47:52):
And I agree. I think that'sthat's and that's where I've started to
see a lot of people push backto, which is nice. Um.
In fact, it was funny thatafter we talked about it the next day
I saw a TikTok about it thatwas, you know, very just appropriate
and came out of nowhere too.I was surprised to see that, and
especially because yeah, I hadn't beenon tik talking that was the first thing
I saw on So it is thereare people pushing back against it, which

(48:15):
I think is good because what happensis this is the equivalent of these dating
coaches who are telling women listen,men are like this. So if you
want to have a healthy relationship withmen, you have to do X,
Y and Z, because you haveto keep in mind that they don't know
how to do these things, wheninstead the focus should be men, grow

(48:40):
the fuck up, learn how todo these things. Like you know,
adults know how to do X,Y and Z. If you can't do
this, then you're not an emotionallyintelligent adult. So go to therapy.
Learn how to build you know,get these tools, learn how to do
these things, Learn how to communicateeffectively, learn how to you know not
have talks and masculinity traits. Learnlearn how to do these things, and

(49:02):
then you you'll be a valuable partner. So, which is what we should
be doing. We shouldn't be tellingwomen how to cater to the lowest common
denominator man and how to build alife with somebody who isn't willing to put
in the effort to be an emotionallyintelligent adult. And that's what the love
languages also do is they're making excusesfor men. That's why he did this

(49:24):
was basically to help men. Sohe's like, well, if you take
my quiz, you know, thenmen will find out that and once again,
it almost always probably comes down toacts of service or I'm sorry about
a physical touch being there, youknow, one of their one of the
men's men's love language. You gottanuts gonna nut o. Well, I

(49:45):
think too. I know more womenwho know about the five love languages than
I do men who know about it. Well, right, but what happens
those women will be like, hey, take this quiz with me, and
then they'll take the quizs and belike, oh yeah, look, your
love language is physical touch. Willthat makes sense? You know, because
you don't ever you because you wouldnever give me any affirmation. You never
do anything around the fucking house.You don't like to spend quality time with

(50:07):
me, and uh, you know, and yeah, you know, and
so yeah it makes it makes sense. So oh that's just that's just who
we are as a couple. No, fuck that, like you don't you
shouldn't be putting up with that.And I think that using something like love
language is actually can be very toxic. I think that it can be very
problematic, and it also, youknow, helps people stay in terrible relationships.

(50:30):
I agree, So we should starta new type of love language that's
just basically making men learn how tobe emotionally intelligent and held accountable for and
held accountable where they're lacking in therelationship department. Yeah, and I mean,
obviously this guy is problematic in hisown either was a whole thing,
like I said, you're home witha homophobia and the fact that he focuses
on men and things like that.Yeah. Some woman, some woman wrote

(50:53):
wrote him on his website. Iwrote him a question saying that their son
had told her that he was gayand she's having a hard time dealing with
it. How can I show himlove, and he was like, well,
disappointment is very common. You know, men and women are made for
each other. It is God's design. Anything out of that as a you
know, blah blah blah. Sohe you know, he's very you know,
he's very much old school homophobic typeof dude. It was made.

(51:15):
I mean, but this goes backto our whole conversation about marriage though too.
The people who are preaching get married. It's the best thing for a
man and a woman. A lotof that stems from control and keeping the
woman down. And then now youhave this guy saying I'm from the church
and here here's how to how ahealthy marriage these five love languages. And

(51:36):
then you go to the source ofall the other things that he's said and
done. I mean, you wouldn'tread a book by something like someone who's
shitty and still believe everything that thatauthor wrote, right, right, basically,
Yeah, so knowing this guy shittyshould also help you, maybes think
understand why love languages are very flawed. Did you see the video? There
was a video and it was ofcourse another white male podcast, but it

(52:00):
was probably didn't but it was.It had it had these two women on
it and it was the women talkingabout abuse and um basically saying, if
you're married and you're suffering physical abuse, um, you know, what should
you do? And the men arethen are like, persevere and try to
work with him to try to figureout where it's coming from and how you
can you know, and if itif it if it won't, if he

(52:22):
refuses to do anything, and andyou can't, you know, you eventually
like there's nothing you can do,but you know you should try to stick
stick it out as long as youcan for the two, for the children,
and try to get him the helpthat he needs, um to try
to you know, so that hedoesn't do anymore. So this is their
their advice. And then she says, okay, now what if you're in
a marriage where the woman cheats onthe man and they're both like, you
have to divorce her immediately, Andthey basically were saying, yeah that you

(52:45):
know that physical abuse was was wasmuch was was apt like no, keep
getting They were saying the cheating wassomehow worse than than physical abuse in a
relationship the man you basically and Ithink that that's that's once again instead of
saying, hey, men, bebetter, it's saying, hey, women,

(53:06):
here's what you should do to tryto cater to the lowest common denominator.
Men. Well, I think atthe end of the day, men
aren't going to put in as mucheffort as women in a relationship shitty men,
you know what I mean. Sothey use it as like, well,
I'm doing what she wants, soshe should be happy with what she
has. Well, so that's andI think that's the other thing too,
is that when you do use theselove languages in your relationship, If you

(53:27):
use these love languages and you useto justify your shitty relationship, you are
also giving him permission to use tojustify your shite relationship. Why would he
even try to do better when you'vealready given him the excuse on a platter
that he can continue to use overand over again. And I think that
that's something that you should really consider. I mean, say, for example,
like he's not saying I love youvery much, or you know,

(53:52):
like he's not giving you words ofaffirmation, and that's something that you're really
craving. Don't bring up the fivelove languages. Just say hey, you
know, I'm noticed you just haven'ttold me. You know, you like
my outfit or whatever, and I'mjust you know what's going like, have
a conversation around it and say like, I would like, you know,
if you could say I love youa little bit more. I think that
would be really important to me.And don't even bring up the five love

(54:13):
languages and see what he does.Yes, just just remo like you can.
You can use these as like awhere's our relationship lacking? And then
when you bring it up to yourpartner, don't mention it, just say
I'm missing this in our relationship.I would like to see this and see
what he says, because if youif you remove the five love languages and
he responds with yeah, of course, da great. If you bring in

(54:34):
the five love languages, a shittyguy might be like, well, I
told you I'm doing my one youknow I'm doing. My love language is
physical touch. So I just I'msorry I can't do it. But you
know the rules say and that's itgives them a rule to your to follow.
Yeah. I think I think italso allows a crutch for people who
haven't done a lot of self work. Agreed, And I think that people

(55:00):
who haven't spent a lot of timefiguring out who they are as individuals,
and what they like as individuals,what they need as individual humans separate from
another person. When you do figurethose things out, you don't need the
fucking love languages to figure out whatmakes you happy. You know what makes
you happy. You're not willing tosettle for someone who doesn't do all of
the things you need in a relationship. But when you don't do that self

(55:22):
work and you jump into a relationshipwhen you're not really ready, you don't
know really how to be an anindependent adult yet, you really don't know
how to be an independent individual,then you will use these love languages as
as kind of as this crutch.And I think that it's so it's it's
it's the same thing as almost anyany type of quick fix or dating dating
tips or rules, Yeah, anydating rules. And I think we did

(55:44):
a whole episode on dating rules thatare stupid, and it was basically all
the dating rules. Yeah, AndI think that that there's no need for
these when you when you understand yourselfinnately and you have a good sense of
self, you don't need anything likethis because you're able to find someone who
matched it. You're not going tostand up for bullshit, and it'll help
you a lot in the long run. Oh, a hundred percent agree.

(56:06):
I think early twenties to now,I relied on them because I didn't know
what I was doing. I wasn'tconfident in myself, and I was like,
I wanted a relationship to work,so you go with what people are
talking about. That seems to bethe quote unquote rule, and that didn't
fucking work. And then it waslike, Okay, now I know myself.
Fuck the rules. What rules.I'm happy and I'm in a good
relationship, so I think just ignorefuck the rules. And it goes back

(56:30):
to we say this all the timetoo. You don't need to be in
a relationship. So if you're tryingto be in a relationship and make the
puzzle pieces work using these rules,it's not going to end up working out
in the long run anyways, right, And you don't need to. And
anytime someone has some type of youknow, managed just to compress the whole

(56:54):
of relationships into five things or alittle tidy package, it should seem suspicious
to you. It should never seemlike you should be like, oh,
this is the solution, because itnever is. I mean, because the
solution to a healthy relationship is allof them. The solution to a healthy
relationship is communicating and trust and notbeing you know, and not being jealous

(57:16):
and not having insecurities, and youknow, all of these things. There's
all these you know that that youknow keys to a healthy relationship that all
have to happen, not just one, not just a couple, but all
of them have to happen. Andall that takes you being a healthy person.
And it's so. But if you'reif you're seeing these, you know,
these these solutions and being like,oh, well, this is the

(57:37):
problem with my last relationship. Nowthe next time, I just have to
make sure we know the love languageis you're going to fail again. I'm
sorry. I'm just gonna say that, Like if that, if that's your
thought as well, I just haveto find somebody who's willing to talk about
the love languages me. No,you need to, that's now what you
need. Yeah, you're gonna you'regonna keep finding yourself in the same traps
over and over again if you relyon things like love languages to define what

(58:00):
is a healthy relationship. I wanteveryone to look at the five and then
the two new ones and tell mewhich one they don't want. Please,
You're right exactly, you want allof them, Yeah, if you're genuinely
honest yourself. And like I saidcauseI receiving gifts is one of the ones
that I always have a problem withbecause I don't like receiving gifts. I
don't like and birthdays and things likethat, and it's it's it. But

(58:22):
what I do really appreciate it iswhen someone thinks of me and just out
of the blue says, here's somethingthat's made me think of you. And
that is what receiving gifts is.So that's the one that I would say
to keep that in mind, becauseI know a lot of people who are
kind of very anti receiving gifts andit's a I don't know what it is,
it's a it's just one of thosecertain personality types. Um. So
I'm trying to explain that in away that people will understand that you know

(58:45):
that it is something you want inthe way that it's defined here. But
yeah, you a healthy relationship,though, you need all of them,
not just one or two that youreally like to compensate for the lacking of
your partner. Yeah, because whenyou love somebody, you want to do
things for them. You want tospend quality time with them, you want
to affirm them, you want toyou want to be in physical contact with

(59:07):
them like you want. You wantto do these things you know you want
to, And that's that's just partof being in a healthy relationship. It's
it's a key. And this guyis a human stain and you shouldn't listen
to anything else to say. Andwe're not right. Yeah, that's exactly.
Don't work for the church. Andwe're not shitty people, just garbage

(59:29):
people. There's a difference scarbage people. There's a difference. Yeah. So,
I mean I think our big takeawayis, you know, fuck pastor
Gary Chapman, and don't follow ruleslike don't live by dating rules or relationship
rules, and just do what's right, communicate, be a healthy person.

(59:50):
Look at all of these and goyeah, I need all of these love
languages, but I don't need toreference them. Stop stop settling for a
guy. I goes, yeah,we have my love language is physical touch
and then points it as dick.Fuck. I would just get up and
walk out at that point. Yeah, stop settling, Stop stop looking for
excuses to settle it's the grasping forstraws of I must find someone, my

(01:00:14):
time is ticking. I this thisperson, we seem to click. At
least he has one of these thingsat least that you should want more than
just at least exactly. Don't yeah, don't sell yourself short, and don't
worry about being single either. Ithink it goes why be in a shitty
relationship when you could be in agreat relationship with yourself and figure out who

(01:00:37):
you are? And I do thinkthat's that's where a lot of it comes
from. Is this idea that singlesis a stigma, and I think that
it is. You know, aswe get we were slowly removing that stigma,
but it still exists. And thenonce you can stop seeing that as
a negative, that being singles anegative, and realize it's a very it's
a very big positive. It's justthere's as many positives there are being in,
there are being in a relationship anda healthy relationship, then you can,

(01:01:00):
you know, then you can actuallystop trying to grasp it styles or
desperately trying to find ways to fityour relationship into this little thing, so
you can be like, oh,well, okay, at least at least
we we match these things. Itall goes back to paper of what it
looks like. Yeah, for whonot for you. Clearly you're not getting
everything you want out of it,m h physical because if you because if

(01:01:23):
you were, if you're getting everythingyou wanted out of it, you wouldn't
be looking at love languages to tryto solve your problems exactly. Well,
I think we save that one upof their pass. There we go their
bullshit, that's right, Yeah,we answer that. Yeah, And I
think that you know, maybe it'llbe something that it will give some of
our listeners something to think about,hopefully. But what are your thoughts on

(01:01:45):
it? That's what I want tohear from people. I'd love to hear
your thoughts on on love languages anduh and if you've ever use them as
a crouch or maybe if you're doingit right now in a relationship, Um,
I'd love to hear from you.You can call the DCS outline and
let us know at four or sevenfive one nine zero one eight one and
to leave us a voicemail about them. You can also email us with all

(01:02:06):
your answers or questions that you mighthave about this topic. At Dating kind
of Sucks Podcast at gmail dot com, or you can engage with others in
the Facebook group at Facebook dot comslash Groups slash dcs podcast And if you're
listening out watching, go ahead andwatch give us give us a watch,
and you can join us on YouTubeand cv episodes at YouTube dot com slash

(01:02:27):
Dating kind of Sucks. You canfollow along on Instagram as well at Dating
kind of Sucks, and you canfollow us on TikTok. For Adam it's
at Adam Evitable and for myself it'sat Simply sarahgy Underscore. And then,
as always, we say at everyepisode and nobody does it just like the
hotline, So maybe I should bestrict with this one too. Five star
rating and reviews on iTunes. Ifyou have not given us one at this

(01:02:52):
point, and you've been listening fromthe beginning or the past few months,
and you're a newer listener, besure to get on iTunes and rate us
on there, or if you're listeningon Spotify, give us a follow and
rate on Spotify absolutely. And thenfinally, for only five bucks a month,
you can support the podcast and getbonus content almost after almost every episode
except tonight because I'm tired tonight.We're not doing We're not doing patreon one

(01:03:15):
tonight, but well we do wellafter almost every episode and fly five bucks
a month. You can show yoursupport at patreon dot com, slash dCas
podcast, and of course finally wehave our meetup. So look at the
show notes for the link. YesThursday, June twenty ninth from six to
eight pm and the Graduate Seattle.There will be uh. Like I said
of Link in the show notes,we would like you to rs VP.
We'd like to pack this place outand really show them that we can,

(01:03:37):
you know, bring the funk,bring the noise. Hopefully, if we
show them that we can bring abig crowd to Seattle, who's to say
we can't bring a big crowd tothe other cities where their hotel is located.
Yeah, that would be That wouldbe awesome. So with that,
we will be back on a coupleof weeks. I will be in Portland,
I think at the time. Well, I actually we'll see what I

(01:03:58):
think. Maybe it's Saddle maybe seAn a lot, but no, I'll
be in Portland and then we'll thensee a lot of that. So and
then then a live show so I'mexcited about that coming up pretty soon too.
But yeah, we're back in acouple of weeks at the Grand Upside.
Whether you're married or single or Paula, you're right, were hanging out
which mainers back at your place?Listen to us as be getting buck a

(01:04:19):
tender and bubble up plenty of youngtrying and trying and having the luck because
we all know dating kind of sucks. Sarah and Adam are dulba kai.
He says stupid shit, and sheetisn't mind. They're not doing this show
to make any buck light as thechicken boosts they bucked, so why does

(01:04:40):
it work? We'll hear with thecruck they both know dating kind of sucks.
Dating kind of sucks