Pair Bonding and Promiscuity

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Hi, I'm Adam Ethivitable and I'mSarah. This is the DECAS Podcast,
a podcast about dating, sex andrelationships. This week we'll be talking about
pair bonding and promiscuity. Enjoy theshow whether you're memoried, fingle, or
hanging out with man fact of yourplace, Listen to us and begetting a

(00:24):
tender and mumble up plenty of youngtrying and trying and having to luck because
we all know dating kind of songs. Thanks for joining us for another episode
of Dating Kuna Sucks. If you'renew to dCas, my name is Adam
and I'm a comedian, writer andmisogynist turn feminist, joined by my co
host Sarah, who is a millennialtravel junkie and serial dater now in a

(00:47):
committed relationship. We're not professionals,doctors, or experts, just two people
sharing our perspectives on the world ofdating, sex, and relationships. The
first half of every episode is spentcatching up on what's happening in our lives,
and the second half is reserved forthe episode's main topic. So if
that's all that brought you here,you can skip through the halfway mark,

(01:07):
or you can stick around and enjoythe whole show. Let's get started,
so happy March. Oh March,fuck, I know, February hits real
quick, then it's spring. Basicallyit's gone. Yeah, this episode we'll
be out on in March. AndMarch is actually our five year anniversary.
You're doing the podcast. I thoughtyou forgot. I would never forget.

(01:30):
Even though I like to say we'reon the sixth season. It is our
fifth year, which sounds confusing,but it makes sense to me. It
does make sense to you. Yesevery time. I know, Well,
because I think what we did waswe did the first year or like half
a year or nine months whatever,and I was like, let's start over
season two, and that's really whereit all came from. So yeah,
so this means we've been doing thisshit for five whole years. This month,

(01:51):
we've tolerated each other for five wholeyears. Is really it's our friendship
for five years. It is,I mean, it really is. That
is the funny thing that the podcastexisted before our friendship. I know,
like we didn't know each other beforethat. We were just strangers talking on
the internet. Basically. It's reallykind of kind of odd when you think
about that. So and now wetalk about our lives, and you know,

(02:15):
and everybody who's been listening and followingalong knows what's been going on.
And I know we have some peoplewho have been catching up now and like
are messaging me from like, oh, I'm listening to an episode from twenty
eighteen and something. I'm like,oh, you're characters changed. The arcs
changed there a little bit, butthat's right. Yeah, our character arcs
out, there's been some development.So what's been going on in your life?

(02:35):
Um? I am packing to goto a bachelorette party this weekend,
so I talked about, you know, going to Florida for a wedding.
So my cousin's getting married and we'reall going to Austin, Texas. It's
a group of I want to say, seven or eight girls. I only
know my cousin and then my othercousin's wife is going, so two other
people and I'll be the oldest onethere. So thirty one year old me

(03:00):
and I think everyone else's twenty fourtwenty five. So I not trying to
drink up with anybody, and I'mjust going to do my own thing.
Actually, when my cousin invited me, she was like, if you want
to go to some of the events. You can if you just want to
hang and explore us and you can, you know, do your own thing.
We're older or you're older than us, and it's like that doesn't mean

(03:20):
I can't join. But well especiallybecause like you know, you know,
you're in your thirties, like youknow chronologically, but like you're really like
in your sixties. When it comesto like who you are as a human
being on the inside, well,I'm not I'm not trying to stay out
until two in the morning partying onsixth streets. Why not? You're on
vacation at a bachelorette party, Like, why not? Because I don't enjoy
doing that. That's a lot becauseyou're sixty on the inside. That doesn't

(03:45):
mean I'm sixty just because I don'twant to be at the fine No,
not' that you like doing that,because that's a you thing. I like
going to bed by ten thirty,I like feeling rested, I like waking
up early. That doesn't mean,of course you like checking the newspaper and
read the obituaries your friends have diedeach week. Each week, such an
asshole. There are probably other peopleout there who are in their thirties.

(04:09):
Macromay, you're cross stitching, youknow. I just bought a Macromay from
my pluff they just give in themail today. Actually, yeah, it
makes me happy. And fuck you. I'm just I mean, I'm just
saying you don't just don't deny thatyou're sixty years old on the inside.
And I'm there's nothing wrong with it. It's just it's just I just think.

(04:30):
I just think I'm a regular thirtyyear thirty one year old person.
You're just not the normal forty sixyear old person. Well, and I
know that too, But no,I would say that most people in their
early thirties when they go away fora bachelorette party would probably let loose a
little bit. And your idea ofletting loose is going to be having two
drinks instead of one. No,it's going to be having one, dude.

(04:51):
Okay. So like, I don'tget into it, but I had
a couple of drinks the other weekendand I was like, yo, I'm
fucking waste right now. Two cocktails. So I'm not trying to drink that
much. And honestly, I thinkthe pendulum is shifting for a lot of
people of like reevaluating their alcohol intake. And I'm one of those people,

(05:12):
so I'm more on the I'm notsober, but I'm more on the like
sober curious. I don't really hatedrinking, but I'm not always reaching for
a glass of wine like I usedto be after a day of work,
right, yeah, I mean anotherAnd that's fine too, I don't.
I mean, I only drink whenI'm out being social, which is not
very often, so I understand that, but I just I mean, I

(05:33):
also think bachelor parties are stupid,and I think that were you know,
the idea of separating into the twodifferent genders and having to go on you
know, like especially like you know, going with the people that just because
they're the on the on the brideside versus the groom side, to go
like have this last harab party.It's kind of an outdated thing. I

(05:54):
think it should just be like afun event for everybody. I mean,
it doesn't have to be separated.Some people do it all together. It
just really depends on your friend group. But I think it's a good you
know, I think it's a goodthing if you're sensible and on the same
page with other people about your expectations. I think where it gets bad is

(06:14):
when a lot of people have youknow, you have ten girls or whatever,
and they all have very different expectationsof how the weekend's going to go.
And there's like someone with a tightdeadline of we're doing this at nine
am, then this at eleven,and that's not my vibe. You know,
I want we have some things throughoutthe day, but it's like afternoon,
do whatever you want, evening,meet us up for dinner. You

(06:38):
know, it's it's pretty chill,and I'm sure people will break off in
groups and it'll be fine. Sothis will be my second one, but
yeah, I don't plan on gettingtoo crazy. I'm actually I haven't been
to Texas since I don't know,like twenty seventeen or something like that,
so it's been a minute and it'sthe only place in Texas I've ever been
actually, never said anywhere else.Just Austin. Yeah, well, I

(06:59):
feel like Austin. Austin in Marchis like a nice time to go,
Like, I feel like the weathershould be pretty pretty much perfect at that
point. Yeah, so hopefully,um and yeah, that's that's probably the
only part of text is really worthgoing to it would be the like that
Austin Austin, San Antonio area.I mean, I feel like pockets of
Houston and Dallas are okay too.But that's really about it. Yeah,
so that's me. Yeah, sobachelor atte party. So I'm sure we're

(07:21):
gonna have a fun story about utout there, but you're not going out
and doing anything. I'm about youbeing driven crazy by all the twenty twenty
year olds being you know, goingout and drinking. I just feel like
the one thing that will probably geton my nerves is the expectation of having
to do everything that the other peoplewant to do right. And I am

(07:45):
very fucking vocal. Plus it's myfamily, so if I bow out,
I fucking bow out. And that'sand that's how it is kind of thing
I'm gonna do me. But thereis like a dress code for certain events,
which kind of irks me a littlebit. But I'm like, okay,
just sounds terrible. It's just alittle It's just for me a little
much, you know. And Ithink if I ever planned a bachelor aute

(08:07):
party, what would I do?I just sit by the pool all day
and then go to a spot andit would that would be it. It
would be a one day thing,no plans, just hang out and drink,
I guess, but it's not me, and uh, it'll be fun
regardless, so hopefully I will beHopefully. It sounds basically like hell,
other than the fact they're just hangingout with a bunch of like drunk twenty

(08:28):
four year old which is basically thoseare my people people. Yeah, yeah,
I mean, other than that,the rest of it just sounds absolutely
terrible. Well, I'll be happyto see my family and to be in
a new city and see some sunshinefor three consecutive days, so not matter.
You've gone a few weeks without traveling, are you How are you feeling?
You feeling Nancy, Well, it'slike I do Austin and then I'm
going to Chile, and then I'mgoing to Florida, and then I'm going

(08:52):
to Alaska and then I'm going toMaine. So I have my whole fucking
year planned at this point, andI forgot about Alaska. Toot. You're
doing that. I know. Mycoworkers were asking them like, oh,
because they saw PTO for this weekendor whatever or you know, Thursday,
Friday, and they're like, yeah, oh, are you going to Alaska?
And I was like, oh,no, I'm going to Texas.
So like wait when are you going? When are you going to Alaska?
I'm like, oh, that's likeMemorial Day. They're like, wait,

(09:13):
when are you going to Chile?And I was like, oh, that's
right after this. I'm like whatthe fuck? Yeah, that's fine,
that's me. Yeah, Yeah,that's great. Chili is gonna be fun,
I think. And that's um,you're doing that with a group,
right, so you're not going tobe bought on, you like completely on
your own, right, Yeah.I think after a couple of trips of
being solo and spending probably two monthssolo, you know, just on trips,

(09:35):
I'm ready to be in a groupagain. So yeah, So I
joined a group, a different groupthan the one I was in last time,
called the Wi Fi Tribe, andyeah, I'll be interested to there's
like twenty one of us in thegroup, so hopefully I'll mesh with a
couple of people there and it'll begood. Yeah. Hopefully I won't have
any douchebags. Yeah yeah, wellyeah, you can't be touch there.

(09:56):
There's always there's always one douchebag ina group. At least one. Yes,
yeah, and if there isn't,then you're the douchebag. You're right,
You're like, oh no, everythingwas great. There was no assholes.
Yeah, sorry that that doesn't meanyou're you were the asshole and nobody
told you. Yeah, well thatsounds like fun. Yeah. What about
you? What have you been upto? Not much at all. I've

(10:18):
been mostly a hermit. It's beensnowing. I had a friend come in
from Florida who I hadn't seen ina couple of years and come for the
weekend, so that was that wasnice. It was it was nice to
have somebody that you just here andI was I was worried that I was
going to be like sick of her, like by like the first age is,
because I'm still used to having nobodyin my space at all. But

(10:39):
we got along great, and soit was it was really nice to just
have someone like, Hey, let'sgo do these things and show around a
couple of my favorite places. Andshe liked my favorite bar as much as
I liked as I liked my favoritebar, So that was nice, and
tried to show her some of someof the cooler parts of here. But
it was mostly snow and cold andhit the top a couple of times,

(11:00):
which was nice. Yeah, itwas, it was It was great.
There was the one point where wewent to see Cocaine Bear, which was
very fun. I really want tosee that. Yeah, And then I
think we got back from I thinkit's we got back from that, and
she's like, do you have anyedibles? And I was like, yeah,
I happen to have some. Idon't really take them very often,
but I have them, And soI gave her the like there was a
few options, and she just grabbedone and took it, and like an

(11:24):
hour later, we were in thehot tub and all of a sudden,
like just she started getting like reallykind of like wide eyed and wanted to
get out of the hot tub.And so she was hungry, so went
to this place to get pizza.And we're sitting there about to get pizza
and and we ordered, were justwaiting, and she goes, they all
know. It's like, what dothey all know? They all know how

(11:46):
high I am? Right now?How do they all know? And she
just like and she she's like she'susually pretty It's pretty funny because she takes
edibles all the time, but apparentlyshe didn't look at the one she took,
and it's like a two hundred andfifty milligram edible and usually she takes
like I would really imagine I wouldsee God like five times five times,

(12:09):
I just like I would. Iwould probably pay good money to see you
high on two hunters bro I hada hundred and thought I saw God.
Could you imagine on two fifty?What the fuck? No way? But
uh, yeah, it was.It was. We had a good time
and got to catch up. AndI don't think we'd ever really spent that
much like quality time together either,Like it had been like, you know,
we'll go out every now and thenand spend a couple of nights where
I would go over to her placewhen she's having a party and end up

(12:31):
just like crashing at her place forthe night, so i'd see her,
you know, overnight basically, butnothing um like one this level. And
it was really it was really great. And she was funny because she was
like, you know, I wasreally anxious because I just get anxious when
I go anywhere. She was likeI went to my families when my grandmother
died, and I was anxious aboutlike just staying there and all this,
and she said, so I justyou know, she goes. It took
like two days from my anxiety goingand finally feel like comfortable and it felt

(12:54):
great and I was really worried.But now I'm not and she goes,
Now I have to even go back, and she's like, it sucks.
You know, by the time youstart to feel you know, kind of
like, you know, really likeyourself. But um, yeah, so
that was that was that was reallynice. And then it's also really nice
that she's gone and now I havethe place completely to myself again. I
was going to say, good foryou for socializing, but yeah, well

(13:15):
it was good. I mean,you know, she was here for four
to four days. We had foursolid days of socializing and uh, and
now I'm ready to be alone andnot leave the place and talk to anybody
for a couple of days. SoI'll stop calling you. You can always
call me. And my my dad'sstill in Florida and he's coming back in
the second week of March now,and he just called me today and was

(13:37):
telling me that he's He's like,yeah, I'm really like I'm enjoying this,
like it's nice. I'm on thebeach, like it's beautiful weather,
there's enough of a breeze, nothot. It's the best time to be
in Florida. This snowbirds go toFlorida. Yeah. Yeah, well he's
a snowbird now, even though heused to live in Florida for many years.
And he said, uh my,he goes, you know, like,
you know, I mean, Imiss your mother terribly. I miss

(13:58):
her unmendously. But you know,we weren't able to do this for a
while, you know, for fora end. So it's kind of like
it's nice. It feels free tobe able to do these things. And
I was like, yeah, Dad, I mean you you're free to do
whatever the hell you want. Andhe was kind of realizing, like if
I come back and I had todo whatever stuff I have to do around
the house, and I gotta paytaxes and all that stuff, he goes,
and then I decided I just wantto fly off to somewhere else I
can. I was like, yeah, Dad, you can do whatever you

(14:22):
like. Literally could do whatever youwant, Like you are retired, you
have disposable income, Like you cando anything you want right now. And
I think that he's finally really realizingthat, and I think it'll be good
for him, So I will seegood for your dad. Yeah, about
time he's come around a little bit, you know a little bit. I
mean, there's still still plenty ofother issues. He did say something to

(14:45):
my my sister the other day wherehe was like, you know, your
kids just don't seem to understand thatI lost my wife, Like does he
not understand that you lost our mother? No, and that he it just
it just doesn't. I just don't. I think he thinks about it like
that, like it's it's it's hiswife first and then you know, and

(15:05):
everything else as secondary, even hischildren's loss. Yeah, it's just how
he processes things. So very uh, very interesting. But it's probably a
very interesting look into my family dynamicthere too. Maybe it shows why I'm
so kind of independent and off tryingto do my own thing. Yeah,
no, need to ruffle more feathersbeing around some of those comments. So

(15:28):
yeah, exactly, So that's allall that's been going on in my life.
Um and uh yeah, let's umlet's get into a couple of a
couple of things before we uh wetake it over to uh to our travel
section. Um. First thing,i'd like and if you're listening right now,
pause the podcast. We'll always tillI finished my sentence first. I

(15:50):
know it's feel like thirty positive.I want you to pause the podcast,
and I want you to call fouroh seven five one nine zero one eight
one and leave us a voicemail.I want you to ask some advice.
I want you to say something aboutthe podcast, just something we ran out
of voicemails. We finally got caughtup on them. I like having one
every every week to try to doevery episode, to try to do and

(16:11):
so we need more. So Ineed you to come up with a questions,
something that's been bothering you. Youcan do it anonymously. You don't
have to give your name if youdon't want, and just leave that at
four oh seven five one nine zeroone eight one. And it doesn't have
to be about a relationship or anythinglike that. It could be it could
be something, It could be anything. Really, yeah, it can be.
It really can be. It canbe any type of topic related to

(16:32):
I mean, you know, Sarah'sbeen traveling. Everywhere can be about travel.
It could be about different cultures.It can be about you know,
anything that you just wanted to talkabout. Um, we would love to
hear it. What are you pissedoff about? Yeah? Exactly, Yeah,
Like, what's what's bothering you recently? Let's let's talk about that too.
I want to try to expand it. I just want you to be
able to leave a question or statementabout anything. Something gives us something to
discuss in this first section of theyear of the podcast. So that's your

(16:55):
job right now, is too,Like I said, to pause the episode
and dial four oh seven five onenine zero one eight one and leave us
a call and leave us a message. So go do that right now.
Okay you're back, Yeah, yeah, okay, you're back. Cool,
good job. So two things Iwanted to mention UM. One is,

(17:17):
first of all, UM, thisnew thing that I've been hearing about this
Facebook group called Are We Dating theSame Guy? And there's ones for all
different cities and they're private groups forwomen only, which makes me sad,
not because I like I I justfeel like I want to read I want
to read something comments. But basicallyit's a very the rules are very strict,
like you can't trash men, youcan't like. It's very, very

(17:40):
very strict about it. But it'sbasically, um, and you haven't heard
about this really, have you.I'm not on Facebook, well it's not,
but I mean I'm not. Ididn't hear about it on Facebook.
I heard about it on TikTok andTwitter and like and things like that.
So no, I mean I've seenother Facebook groups saying, you know,
stay away from this guy and inthis city whatever. So this is just

(18:00):
the you know, now, it'sare we dating him? So it's essentially
yeah, it's essentially all women aredoing is just posting a photo of a
guy or a tender profile, andthen women are basically coming out, oh
yeah, I'm dating him right now, and then someone else saying I'm dating
him right now. So you're essentiallyhaving these men being called out for being
fuck boys or worse. So I'slike, oh, yeah, I'm married

(18:23):
to him or you know, oroh that's my friend's husband. Oh well
I just saw him on Tinder,you know, and so like it's basically
like there's nowhere to hide from ifmen are being shitty, and of course
men are being very getting very angryabout this. H wait, did you
see a TikTok of a guy beingangry about this? No, no,
I just I saw that some ofthe rules are like here's why you know,

(18:45):
you please don't talk about this becausemen are getting, you know,
very upset about it because they're gettingcalled out for their shitty behaviors, right,
because they're being held accountable. Andthat's what makes like shitty men angry
than anything in the world is beingheld accountable. They would much rather just
you know, blame everybody else.Um. And actually, so a very
good friend of mine is in theOrlando group, and um, someone I
don't think she did, but someoneposted a picture of the guy that she

(19:07):
just recently broken up with over thelast like six months, six months ago,
and someone else anonymously commented and said, oh, yeah, that guy's
a fun boy, Like he wasrecently in a relationship and he was cheating
on her the whole time, andI felt so terrible, but like he
was fucking a different girl every nightand stuff like that. She's sitting here,
Yeah, she she called me.She's just so upset, and I

(19:30):
was like, well, you're atleast you've done with them now, Like
what can you do? You know? But yeah, so it's it's it's
insane, but um, yeah,so that's that's breaking up marriages a real
quick right, which is sho youknow should yeah stop being shitty men basically,
But I just I love the conceptof it. So if you are
a woman, uh and you areon Facebook, I would recommend checking one
of those groups out. I thinkit's you just search for like are we

(19:52):
dating the same guy in the nameof your city, and you might be
able to find the find the group, and especially might be a good screening
tool for people, you know,for for anybody who you know, if
you're dating anybody, I wonder likeif there's one in Utah or whatever people
are posting him like my tender picture, anybody dating this guy, and everybody's
gonna be like no, Like wewere chatting and then he just kind of
like disappeared and stopped talking, likehe just like he's even great, but

(20:15):
yeah, he just didn't really wantto travel all the way over to Salt
Lake City or something like that.That's my guess what it's all like.
He just seemed like he wanted topromote his podcast in his TikTok. You
didn't really want to date anybody,damn. Well. I also think true.
I also think it would be interesting, like how early on some people
are dating that they'll they'll post thephoto, you know, like after a

(20:37):
first t after a first date orpeople going on and then sharing that photo,
like I don't know, you haveto wonder what is dating? Like
are they saying are you actually datinghim? Or did you just go on
a date with him? Because oneof those there's no nothing wrong with any
other one is if you you know, talk about exclusivity. Yeah, yeah,
you'd really want to, you know, but the ones that were married
and shit like that too, it'sbeen wild or just like your friend with

(20:59):
the break up story and all that, you would have never known. Yeah,
yeah, she never would have known. She suspected he might have been,
but she wasn't sure. Yeah,because like when day she found him
like shaving his whole body, whichhe genuinely didn't do. But he also
he also works in a like ina gay bar as a bartender, so
he said he was doing it justbecause it was just more comfortable because he

(21:21):
usually sometimes he just works in likea thong, and so she was like,
okay, but yeah, it turnsout that might not have been that
for that at all. Interesting,I mean I did that like exposed somebody
and just contacted the woman directly.She didn't break up with him, she
just you know, I had liketwenty five mis calls from that guy Nick,

(21:44):
and then she messaged me saying thanksso much, Da da da da,
And because he's on my fucking venmofor whatever fucking reason, because I
just I you know, sometimes Ichecked the feet and all my is always
private. I see him sending herfuckmummy for shit or the other way around.
I'm like, you guys are stillfucking together, which is I guess
you worked it out great, butyeah, scumbag. You know, typical,

(22:10):
typical. So wanta what else?What else? What else? We
don't have a hot light thing,but anything else from the Facebook group.
Yeah, let's do a quick shoutout to the countries where we've recently been
on the charts. You want todo that? Yeah, So some of
these are new some of these arenew Ish. Um, so we have
Malaysia's, Zimbabwe, Slovenia, Vietnam, and New Zealand. New Zealand.

(22:33):
I haven't heard New Zealand in away New Zealand either. Yeah, it's
been a while. I'm very excitedabout that. I want everyone in New
Zealand to listen to the podcast becauseI want to travel to New Zealand and
so I want I want to beI want to I want us to be
famous enough there that people want usto come out there, and then we
can justify it. Well, Australiais I know they're not the same country.
I'm aware, but I'm saying inthat region of the world, Australia

(22:56):
is one of our top countries.Yeah, it is a consist a basis.
We have a We have a lotof listeners there too, which is
great. We do not have yewe don't have a hold on call.
However, we do have from ourFacebook group, which you can join as
well by going to Facebook dot comslash groups slash DKs podcast. We have
someone who posts anonymously and they hada question and I thought we would we

(23:18):
would just tackle that because it isan interesting one and something that might maybe
nobody's really thought of before. Um, do you want to read it?
Yeah? I can, I cango. Okay, good. So starts
off by saying, as someone whohas had relatively few sexual partners, do
two people ever just not fit togethersexually? Like we're into each other,
We're both aroused, but stuff isn'tquite fitting correctly. It's almost like one

(23:41):
person's body is angled one way andanother person's is angled another. I can't
quite explain it, but it feelsweird, like we start to get a
rhythm and then things pop out possiblyrelated. New partner is a bigger guy.
I'm larger two, but I feellike maybe his belly is in the
way. Is that a real thing? How do you deal with that?
I've been bigger guys before, butthis is the first time that nothing we

(24:03):
try seems to work. In thepast, we're able to find one or
two positions early on and then wecould work on the rest. So that
is that is our question, allright? And I think that I would
say I'm probably pretty uniquely suited answerthat as a bigger guy. Um,
I can I can understand that.But either There's two things that I'm thinking

(24:25):
of. Number one is sometimes itcan be just a you know, just
not a not a fit, likeit's just it's something where you just have
to really find that one position thatworks. Um, if you're both larger,
sometimes having the woman be on topis is going to be a position
that gives you the control. Andso that's that's something I would suggest as
well, because whenever I've had,you know, had sex with somebody who's

(24:47):
who's also a little bit larger,that's always seemed to be the most fruitful
way to have sex. And thenlike when there's other types of sex,
you know, like the doggy style. I know it is like such a
popular way to have sex, butit is it is harder. It is
harder to just a coordinate in general, no matter what. Like I think
it's one of those things that youcan sometimes just not not quite like angle
righting, and it's just you're notgetting there. And I had I had

(25:08):
a girlfriend that was not bigger,and she always wanted to try Dougustalin.
It was just never working for us. It was just like I don't know
what it was like, I couldnever figure it out something about that.
Yeah, just something just the anglesweren't working properly, was not getting there
and uh, and so you knowwe would try to find other ways.

(25:29):
Um. I think the other thingis if I don't know if your partners
also had relatively few sexual partners,but if he has, he could be
trying to do porn sex. AndI remember because I try to do porn
sex the first times I was havingsex with when I was with Amy,
with with my ex wife, Andwhat porn sex is is you watch porn
where they're always pulling all the wayout and then they go all the way

(25:52):
in and pull all the way outand they go all the way in because
they because they're doing it for fuckinga movie. They're doing it for a
film. So yeah, yes,exactly, and you need to stop.
You need tell him to stop doingthat because if you know, if he's
got a bigger belly or whatever,then it's probably he's pulling out too far
and he's popping out because he's tryingto pull out and thrust in when instead,
once he's in, he should essentiallybe grinding his hips back and forth,

(26:15):
and you should be grinding. Youdon't need to be pulling out it,
and you don't need to thrust likethat like once you're Once you're in
and there's a fit, then usethat to the best of your ability,
but don't try to pull out itand try to like make it like porn
sex, because that's when you're that'swhen you're going to fuck up. I
guess you know, no pun intended, So that's that'd be my answer.
M Yeah, that's a really goodpoint. I haven't thought about that of

(26:36):
pulling all the way out. Iwas originally just thinking it was the rhythm,
but not from like the pulling outway. But if he was like
going too fast and then you know, especially like Jaggi style or whatever,
then he's popping out or whatever.My other thought was, you know,
finding the right position is important,but using pillows always really seem to help
if I am struggling with stuff,of just having something else to elevate your

(26:59):
hips, whether it's doggie style ora missionary or whatever the position is.
I've that's helped me in the past, but a lot of the times it
stems from just the rhythm is waytoo fast and just checking that and making
sure like you're good with us.Okay, I'm good with us, and
just trying to maintain that because alot of switching around then you're just going
to be unsatisfied too. Of like, oh we try that didn't work.

(27:21):
Oh we tried that. It's like, let's find old faithful first and then
just stick with that. So,yes, exactly, find old faithful first.
Yeah, No, I think that'svery true. So I Yeah,
I definitely need to. I wouldsay, yeah, try try a few
things, try different, find thatone position, find the one way when
it fits in, and then kindof work with it. And I'm sure
that position is there. It hasto be there. Yeah, but don't

(27:45):
don't start with a crazy position either. You know, start with missionaries,
start with a girl on top.Start you know, if doggie style doesn't
work, you know, start withsome of like the tried and true ones,
and then if those don't work,then research other ones that look like
could work for a sustained period oftime. Because that's the other thing,
too, is some of these positionslook cool. I can't be in that

(28:07):
position for more than like three fuckingminutes, are you kidding me? My
hips, my knees, my feet, like trying to hold it on,
my fucking balls in my toe,you know whatever. Plus you're like you're
sixty year old woman, so likeyou can't really do my hips, my
own my joints. I mean,I just can't do it anymore. All
Right, We're gonna take a quickbreak and when we get back, we'll
we'll be uh from Sarah. That'sright. It's gonna go put some ointment

(28:33):
on we'll be right back with whatto See with Sarahgy. So typically for
the what to See with Sarah Gysection, I pick a city and then
I call out all of the coolplaces to eat and attractions to visit and
where to stay and all of that. But Roenna actually took a staycation about
thirty minutes outside of Seattle, whatwas it, last weekend, and we

(28:56):
had the absolute best time. AndI really just want to highlight this area
because we haven't really done anything asa couple as a trip in a while,
and it hasn't been like a whatto see, So this is more
incorporated with the romance and the youknow that side of things. If you're
planning on visiting the Pacific Northwest,the roy Mans, if you will,

(29:17):
then don't don't tell him that Idon't. So where we stayed was the
Lodge at Saint Edwards Park, andit's actually located in Saint Edwards Park,
which is a state park in thestate of Washington. So as we were
driving through, you know, there'sa main road, but as we were
driving through to get to the hotel, you're literally just driving through what it

(29:37):
felt like a forest of trees tothen find the lodge like perched up a
little bit on a hill. Prettycool though, because it's not your typical
hotel. It actually used to bea seminary and it was a seminary for
forty five years and then it kindof just sat vacant for a long time,
and then they renovated it and reopenedas a hotel in May have twenty

(30:00):
twenty one. So you'll see alot of history throughout the building. And
that's what I really loved about stayingthere, was like, it's not just
a cookie cutter you know, otherhotel chain, you know. It was
like, oh cool, I'm herefor the surrounding nature and the vibe that
this place brings. So as you'reyou know, walking through and go into
your room, you'll notice that previousdormitories are actually combined into two and they

(30:22):
were enlarged to make those guest rooms, and then former classrooms on the main
floors are now where meeting spaces andevent spaces are held. And then they
also have like they used to havea barbershop and that's now turned into a
bar called Tonsorium Bar, which isLatin for a barbershop. And then their
previous like dining hall when it wasa seminary is now their main restaurant seater

(30:44):
now so and but they they reallykeep with the history of that, Like
throughout the property, as you're walkingthrough, you can see old photography of
like this is what it used tolook like, here's what it looks like
now. And they really kept upwith a lot of the historic features of
the building so much that as wewere walking through, there's like this small
little section down stairs and like ina little corner, almost like a closet

(31:07):
sized room that they didn't really renovate. They kept the original, the really
original and that's where students would goif they were punished, Like it was
just like a little closet door,like the punishing room. I don't think
that's the right term, but justlike a little room. They haven't figured
out what to do with that space, but they were like, we don't
want to do anything with it yet, but you know, this is obviously
an original. And then around theproperty there's an indoor swimming pool that isn't

(31:33):
renovated, but that's where it wasthat they plan on renovating in the future.
Possibly there's a b yard where allthe honeybees are kept and then there's
also a pickleball court where hotel guestscan reserve court time or anyone's So,
did you know it's a fun fact. I've heard, I've heard of it.
I just I have no concept ofwhat it is, right, so

(31:55):
I never played it. But it'sactually like Washington States official sport. I
guess, okay, that's I learnedthat while I was there. It's kind
of like tennis, but you're inan inside court, so you have like
the net there, and you havelike little they're not table tennis size paddles,
but they feel like they're around thatsize. I've never again, I've
never played, but when we walkedin there there were people playing, and

(32:19):
I was like, oh, thislooks like just like you're on a bigger
court, but you're playing with smallyou know, not a big tennis racket,
just a little thing. Yeah.So they had no pickles involved.
Nope, nope, noire, Okay, all right, I'm just wondering.
I just thought maybe, Okay,not sure how it got that name.
No, I don't know, butyou can you can reserve and play pickleball
as a guest or since it's onyou know, the State parks property.

(32:42):
You can also just go if you'revisiting the state park there. But what
I found really amazing there were somany other hiking trails around the property,
so you could you could mountain bike, you could hike down to Lake Washington,
you could, I don't like,you could just walk around all of
the trails. There's also a grottothat weddings are held at too, which
was beautiful. And we weren't there, you know, during summer when all

(33:05):
the weddings were happening, but Iimagine, you know, you could just
have a beautiful wedding there. Sorun I explored that area for probably two
hours of just walking around there,and then we got the chance to after
I could go to the spa,the Villanova Spa and enjoy an infrared sana.
So with the gloomy weather, itwas really the perfect treat. And
then after we walked around the artgallery on the main floor, which is

(33:28):
filled with local artists from the Washingtonarea. So a lot of really fun,
quirky things to do around the hotelthat like typically you wouldn't experience anywhere
else. Were like you just checkin, sleep and whatever. I just
felt like there was so much moreto do there. One thing that Roy
and I had to ask when wewere around the property was if the hotel
is actually haunted. I had watcheda couple of YouTube videos and people saying

(33:51):
they had a weird experience, andI didn't have any weird experiences. If
anything, I was more anxious thatI was going to have an experience and
then nothing ended up happening. Wedid ask a couple of people at the
hotel and they say that it's haunted, and they were sharing stories of feeling
like there was somebody in the room. But again, can't really I personally

(34:13):
can't speak to that. So basicallyyou're saying that anyone who lives in Washington
or is traveling Washington, check outthe lodge at Saint Edward State Park.
Yeah, I mean I want togo back during the summertime. They hold
festivals in the park during the summer, That's what they were telling us,
and it would just be a coolplace to chill and enjoy being outside.

(34:34):
I thought it probably one of theand I've stayed a lot of places,
probably one of the coolest hotels I'vestayed at, just from all the history.
There's also a library too, soyou know, they renovated a lot
of other places. They had alibrary which was the original library when it
was a seminary, and they hadyou know, free snacks and drinks and
you could play games. So weplayed chess and played Monopoly and read books

(34:54):
and just hung out in the librarytoo. So especially for the Pacific Northwest
region, and if you if theweather's not the best, you know,
and you visit during the wintertime,it's kind of the best place to just
cozy up to a book and hangout in there. Yeah, and your
photos and stuff. And if you'relooking for more details on the lodge,
you can check out Sarah's Instagram reelsand TikTok reels. I think you have

(35:17):
you have some info there. Weeven have some on our YouTube too.
You can check out, yeah,some great videos. Now as somebody who
goes to hotels and then usually neverleaves the room and just stays in as
are the room's nice, Like,yes, the rooms aren't nice, The
beds are really comfy. We werein a king size beds, so you
know, typically we sleep in aqueen so that was nice. Um.
And they also had an espresso machinein there, which I think is pretty

(35:40):
rare for hotel. Normally it's justa standard coffee maker. So when I
saw that, I was like,hell yeah, like gourmet coffee in my
room in the morning. So thatwas nice. But I would suggest you
leave the room, you know,if there don't just stay, don't just
stay there. But yeah, Iknow, it was a really nice sized
room, and I don't know,we did so much exploring around the property

(36:02):
that I was I was actually kindof sad to leave because we had such
a good time and it was rightafter Valentine's Day, so it was like
a Valentine's Day weekend treat. Andwe had some cocktails at the different restaurants
that were there and just really enjoyedour time and it was funny, you
know, Roy. I don't thinkRoy was as excited for the trip as
I was, because I was like, oh, like perfect timing Valentine's Day,

(36:23):
you know, something special. Justthe two of us knew was like,
oh, no, it'd be fine. And then as we were walking
through and when we had dinner ourfirst night there at cedarnelm, He's like,
this is so fucking nice, Likethis is amazing, and all the
food that we ordered and we hadchampagne and then the cocktails were like the
best he's ever had, and wejust had an absolute blast and really felt
like because we ate there almost everysingle meal, we really knew a couple

(36:47):
of the waiters and they were like, oh, you're back again, Oh
what's going on. So it's likewe really felt, you know, for
the two days that we stayed there, that we felt part of you know,
the crew. I guess, Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, so
yeah, the Lodge at Saint EdwardState Park. Highly recommend if you are,
even if you're just visiting the Seattlearea and you kind of want to
get away from the city for aday or two and your trip to the

(37:09):
Pacific Northwest. I think it's areally good option and then you can make
your way back to Seattle whenever.Fantastic. Yeah, all right, well
there we go. That's what tosee with Sarah Gee the Lodge Saint Edward
State Park, and we're gonna goahead and take a break, come back,
and we'renna talk about pair bonding andpromiscuity. Adam, why the fuck

(37:30):
are we talking about pair bonding?I'm sure this is going to be something
about men or shitty and I don'tknow, something along those lines. But
I've never heard about this before.All right, well where this skate from
was there? His brand had beenjust a prevalence of shitty men. Yes
on TikTok recently giving quote unquote datingadvice, which is terrible advice. Usually

(37:54):
say they always look like you know, you just that always look like the
specimens of human beings in the world. You know. It's like the same
people who say that they're white supremacistand you're I was like, you're not,
You're not. There's no supremacy inyou, buddy. You know,
like same type of the same typeof guys, like these guys who are
just like never dated a woman withyou know, who has a high body
count, which you know and ifyou don't know what that means, it

(38:15):
means who's had a lot of alot of partners, a lot of sexual
partners, because it prevents her abilityto pair bond, which means that she
won't be able to have a relationship. It's a little more comfortable, but
that that so there. That's oneof the things that was they're basically shaming
women who have healthy sex lives bysaying that they can't pair bond. And
this is a myth and everything.So I wanted to get into this and

(38:35):
talk about this in a way thatmakes it extremely clear how fucking stupid these
people are and how ignorant they are, and how you should avoid anyone who
talks about that with any type ofserious tone whatsoever. Okay, But like
definition of pair bond Like I understandthat element of two people and they're bonded
together, Like I think like Avatar, you know where she she puts her

(39:00):
tail into his asshole or whatever.I don't know, I haven't seen it,
but yeah, isn't that what theythey do? Yeah, she pegs
them with her tail and then liketheir their bonds close. Um. So
okay. So a pair bond umis a relationship between two animals that lasts
beyond the mating periods. So it'slike after they have sex, it can

(39:21):
they continue to have a bond.One of the prime examples of this,
because it's not actually very common innature. One of the big examples is
the prairie vole Okay, which islike a small road that mates for life,
and it actually mates for life.They form a relationship that lasts well
after mating. It cohabitates, theyraise the offspring together. If the partner
dies, the other vole usually nevergets another mate. It usually just becomes

(39:45):
depressed and lethargic and just eventually dies. And in fact, I even read
this that if in studies, ifthey separate a vole from its partner in
like a clinical setting, the otherone will become so apathetic that it'll just
let you drown it without even struggle, Like it'll just like it's it's like,
that's that's a pair bond, Likeit's it's like it's this like essentially

(40:06):
codependent relationship where they literally cannot existwithout each other. Okay, that's that's
that's that's one example. I'm fuckingcats and dogs and elephants, and I
don't like name any other animal,right, it doesn't happen. It happens,
you know. And there's a fewexamples with in like Animal Kingdom where
where animals pair bond, But thatyou know, it's it's it's it's probably

(40:30):
not necessarily the world best word touse either, right, But I'm just
thinking, Okay, we're gonna shooton We're gonna go back to shooting on
women because they have multiple partners?Are we shooting on zebras? And lite
we talk an animal kingdom here ofcourse, you know, because it's it's
it's like every time any type anytimemen try to discuss women and you know,

(40:51):
they're they're they're being shitty. Iswhen they're like, oh, well,
women are like cars or women arelike you know whatever, women are
like this, and we're like,you know, um machine and ATM you
put it enough tokens and you getsomething out whatever, like you know,
they all like and that's what they'redoing with pair bonding is they are now
basically twisting like science to try tosay, oh, hey, how do

(41:12):
we how do we control women,how do we shame them? What do
we do? And so trying toyou know, say that women with a
high body count can't form pair bond, so that women should avoid, you
know, avoid those women if theywant a relationship. But they're completely wrong.
This sounds yes, So that's abig part of it. So they're
like, so there's there's a varietyof reasons to love of where this comes

(41:34):
from. So let's let's let's talkabout the first thing here. Okay,
this is yeah, well, likejust all the different ways that they're they're
wrong on this first is the humans, As you already said, humans don't
pair bond like we don't. Wedon't mate for life, try and want
to get drowned if we're right,and if we do, it's considered unhealthy.
Like if someone's like at that level, you know that you know,

(41:57):
the actual technical term for what humansare as a serial monogamist that we commit
and and obviously it's more of alike a historical sense, like I think
society has kind of been changing alittle bit with a lot of a lot
of the polyamory and things like that, but but serial monogamy is has kind
of been a general standard, andI know it doesn't apply to everybody,
but like that, so that meanswe date and then we break up,

(42:19):
and then we date someone else andyou stay with them, you know.
But it's it's very rare that thelike, the person you marry is the
first person you dated. So evenwhen you get to just just the marriage,
you're not pair bonded, because ifyou were a pair bonded, you'd
be stuck with the original person youdated at thirteen who you know, who
you know who fingered you behind theyou know, behind the bleachers and then
uh and then told all his friends, you know, like that that would

(42:42):
be that would be that you know, that's that's part of Are these people
just talking any kind of sexual interactionor only penetration, They aren't thinking that
far because they're called they're calling itsexual activity. Yes, okay, yes,
right yeah. Basically, so liketheir whole initial concept of saying that

(43:02):
women can't pair bond if they havea high body count. You know,
I'm gonna stop saying body count becauseI really I hate that phrase, Like
it's it's just a very I feellike it is not a healthy phrase.
It makes it if they've had alot of sex if yeah, I feel
if they have a healthy sex life, um an act of sex life.
But but like and I don't,I don't like promiscuous, promiscuous that also
has like these negative connotations to it. Body count sounds like, you know,

(43:23):
like she's racking up bodies, youknow, and it's just it's not,
you know, right right, likesomething you should be ashamed of or
or feel guilty for, and thatyou should not. So they're already saying
the pair bond thing is already thrownat the trash because people don't pair bond.
So like that that initial thing.But let's just say they're like,
oh, well, I didn't reallymean pair bonding, I meant, you

(43:44):
know, like monogamy, serial monogamyinstead that like you know, someone can't
do that. They will cite studies. So these these mental then then have
these quote unquote studies that say thatwomen who are more educated, more successful,
and more sexual have a higher likelihoodof ending relationships that they're in and
getting divorces than people who than womenwho have less exposure to the real world.

(44:07):
Basically, and they're saying that's abad thing. They're saying it is
because they're saying it's because of thepromisecuity, because they were promiscuous quote unquote,
because they were because they were sosexually active that they can't form pair
bonds with their partners. Let's pullthis back a little bit, right,
Let's let's look at self confidence.And they have careers, they feel they

(44:29):
have stability in their lives, theyunderstand who they are, and then and
then they have a healthy sex lifeon top of that. None of those
things are natives, but God forbid, right, and then that's that's the
big issue. That's why, that'swhy there's so much of a problem with
this because they can't control women whoare confident exactly. See, so they

(44:52):
have these studies that men and menand will these studies that they're looking at
are reaching this conclusion that it's thesexual activity that leads to the ending the
relationships? What study? Who?Who perform these fucking studies? The Catholic
like who Usually usually it's religious replacesusually you know, yeah, and if
not religious, then it's usually womenhating groups, you know, like just

(45:15):
that are there. It's written invery but they're not scientific studies. These
are just like oh yeah, nationalstudies. No, No, the other
observational they're like they're basically designation,motivational, observational. Yeah. So like,
okay, so first of all,why this they think this happens?

(45:35):
Why they they they suggest this happensand they can't say it for sure because
there's no actual evidence. Is thatsex causes neurological changes in your brain,
you know, relates to the likethe oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin then your
brain, and that harms a woman'sability to form an emotional connection or relationship.
That is, it's basically men sayingthat if I good sex for a

(45:58):
woman is bad for a relation shipis essentially what that's saying. But they're
only looking at women. Are theynot looking at how pair bonding impacts men
at of course they're not. Ofcourse they're not. They're not saying,
okay, but men who have healthysex lives also blah blah blah. They
would never No, that would beThey would actually have to be, you

(46:19):
know, intelligent and understand how youknow, how studies work and how things
you know, I have one thingapplies to one applies to both. More
than that, too, is thatthere's nothing in the brain chemistry that suggests
that the sex with different people causesdifferent changes in the brain. So men
have no answer to the fact thatif you ask them, so, does

(46:40):
that mean that a woman who hasone partner and has only had one partner
her entire life, and has onlyhad sex with him, but has sex
with him three times a day can'tform an emotional attachment now, right,
because they're wanting someone forever. Butwhat happens to her brain when she's with
him forever? We're not concerned aboutthat when she's having sex with them,

(47:01):
right, Because according to their science, if sex causes these neurological changes in
the brain. Then having one partnerand having a lot of sex with that
one partner should change the brain inthe same way as having multiple partners,
which means that a woman having lotsof sex, no matter what is bad
is bad for men. But butthat should be good for men. They

(47:23):
should want the women to have wantto have a lot of sex because that
could benefit them if they're not totalshit bags exactly. But unfortunately there are
a lot of shit bags out there. So here's here's another interesting thing.
And this is this is a bigproblem with these studies too. Is and
and I'm sure you've heard this phrasebefore, but correlation is not causation,

(47:45):
right. I feel like I'm ina lecture hall of you just and this
is why I men are stupid.You can tell that I did a lot
of research, well, because Iwanted to give information so that people when
they're faced with men arguing this andsay, no, you're wrong, You're
stupid. You're a dumb piece ofshit, And here's why. And to

(48:05):
be able to list X y Zthe reasons, well you just have to
question. Okay, but what arethe implications for men? Yeah, crickets,
fucking crickets if you flip it onthem, they won't know what to
say, not at all exactly becausebecause it's all about controlling women and so
so this correlation is not causation thing, which which is basically saying when they
have a study that says women whohave X, Y, and z are

(48:28):
more likely to get a divorce ornot or end a relationship. When they
when they say that, then theysay, well, this means that this
causes this and what that's what that'ssimilar like is saying you and I could
be a great example. If youdo a podcast with somebody, you'll become
close friends, and then you'll wantto fuck that friend. I know I

(48:50):
wasn't there. I was living.I was ending it right here, Sarah.
I was ending it right because Iwas saying just that, like so
that you know, so that everybodywho creates a podcast with somebody is going
to become close friends of that personjust by looking at the fact that we
have a podcast and now we're friends. Right, let's ignore the data of
people who started podcast end up paintingthe person. That's right, Like,

(49:13):
yeah, it's just ignoring it doesn'tmatter. Yeah, we're only paying attention
to this and we're saying this isthe read this is one of the reasons,
that's what this is, for example, that we're going to follow this.
Yeah, okay, yeah, Andso it's just it's just saying or
you know, just anything that youyou you look at an example, you
look at some type of element,you say, well, this must have
caused that without any actual proof.What let's go back to scientific you know.

(49:38):
So, well, that's the thing. So their hypothesis goes back to
this pair bonding, which is thenbased on bad, bad science to begin
with. So what whether they're comingfrom is they circle back around and they
try to self fulfill this terrible ideabased on bad science. I would say
that there are multiple reasons why awoman who is more experienced in bed and
has more partners is less likely tostay in her relationship. I'm sure you

(50:01):
can come up with a few onyour own. Oh no, she knows
what she wants. She's not inthe position where she wants to be forever
with somebody. There are so manyfucking factors. It's just where you're at
in life. It could be,well, just the more exposure you have
to like everything else, the lessyou're going to settle for shitty things too.
Yeah, and if you've if you'vehad a partner who made you come,

(50:23):
you're not going to settle for apartner who struggles to make you come,
it doesn't want to go down onyou or whatever. Right standards.
Oh yeah, I think I thinkmen are honestly just threatened because with platforms
like TikTok, women are saying,yeah, I'm not taking less than this,
and then other women are like,fuck, you're right, I need

(50:45):
to leave the guy i'm with andI'm not going to date anyone who treats
me like this anymore. So nowthere's a new support system that didn't exist
before, and men are flipping shitbecause now they can't get laid exactly.
That's it. I mean, that'sthat's all it is, And it's all
this We need to control women becausethey don't want to have sex with us
anymore because they have higher standards now. So instead we're going to shame them

(51:07):
into saying that by them having lotsof sex and us having no sex,
they are somehow emotionally incapable of beingin relationships and that's bad. Instead of
meeting women where they are, let'sdrag them down with us, yes,
so these men, though they're varyingages, it's not that sounds like something

(51:28):
you know, a fucking seventeen yearold would come up with, not a
fucking fifty year old. I wouldsay a lot of them are or no
that okay, So that's that's theweird thing. So usually the people,
the people like claiming this and makingthese statements, I would say, probably
in their twenties to the early thirties, okay, yes, yes, prime
unwashed ass douche baggery time. ThenI will have comments from men who are

(51:53):
older, who have probably been marriedfor their half their lives, who will
agree with that because they have noactual experience on the real world anymore.
But also they came from a timeof this kind of purity culture nonsense when
sex was shameful and so you weren'tsupposed to admit having sex at all,
and so they still believe it forthose reasons, because the purity culture is

(52:15):
just as dangerous and toxic as thesemen saying the pair bonding nonsense too,
right, So it's it's it reallyis like all ages of shitty men.
There's no there's no age group ofmen that can't be shitty about this.
Oh, this is a funny thingtoo that I did. This is the
last lecture piece of of of ofmy research here. But science, actual

(52:37):
science, not not this like pseudoscience, but actual science has shown that not
only are you the product of yourDNA and your experiences, but you're the
product of both of them in almostequal measures. And they have identified genetic
markers with heightened sexual activity and relationshiprelations to like desire to be in a
relationship, which means that a lotof your sexual activity and you desire to

(53:04):
like stay in relationships is determined beforeyou even have your first relationship or have
your first sexual experience, because almosthalf of it comes from genetics, which
is really interesting yea, and absolutelydestroys anything that they have to say about
you know, promiscuity and paramonding.A lot to unpack there. Besides,

(53:24):
these men are garbage. But itjust sounds like another made up term to
just hate on women who are happywith their lives. Well, right,
and so I mean that's what it. You know, anytime a woman's out
there living her life being happy,there's going to be a group of men
who are upset about it, rightevery fucking time, you know, Like
it's just it's crazy how how oftenthat like you can see it, you
can see it on I mean socialmedia is one of the you know,

(53:45):
the worst places, but also it'swhere you'll see it where just like when
we'll post something fun about something shedid that day, and you'll get men
in there and make you know,like talking shit to her because they just
can't handle like a woman being happyand she has to be that's depressed,
so that shall be with them.So it's like, I don't have any
other options for being happy, somaybe I'll be happy with this guy,

(54:06):
which we know men typically benefit frombeing with a partner, not women.
Yes, yes, overall, generallyspeaking, men have a higher happiness and
relationships than women who so like soand and that's why men do this so
like because the next question is whyare why are men so insistent on pushing

(54:28):
this? And I think that it'sone they want to control women. Um,
you know, there's this whole groupof you know, the in cell
community basically that don't see women ashuman beings. And then we've talked about
you know, we do do womenneed to do men even like women you
know and like, and they don'tsee women as human beings. They see
women as something they're entitled to,quite literally entitled to. It's just it's

(54:52):
a woman is just something with holesto fuck basically for them. So if
they don't see you as a humanbeing, why would they give a shit
about you know, who you are? They would they want you to have
as few partners as possible so thatyou think that they're the best lover in
the world and you're submissive and you'llyou'll never leave, yeah, And it's

(55:13):
yeah, it's just their twisted mentality, and it's it's you know, it's
dangerous. It's very dangerous, andthat's why it needs to be called out
aggressively because it can be very insidiousbecause when you hear the argument, well,
if you have a lot of sexualpartners that you know, it affects
the dopamine in your brain and it, you know, it makes it harder
for you to form a lasting relationshipswith new people. You could almost think,

(55:35):
oh, okay, well yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, you
could question that if you weren't educated, yeah, if you believe them,
yeah, and then so you couldbe like, oh, that almost makes
sense. So than a woman hearingthat, who might be like, oh
well now now, I feel guiltyfor having you know, that's where they
want you. They want you tofeel guilty for who you are and what
you've done in your past, becausedon't worry. If you just change your

(55:57):
ways now, maybe maybe you couldprove, but only if you stop sleeping
with other people. Yes, exactly, And maybe maybe I should give this
guy who probably smells like a sweatyball, sack of chance just because you
know he's He's told me that heappreciate me, even if I you know,
I've had a lot of sexual partforgives Yeah, exactly, what is
he? My God? Like?What the fun? It just goes like

(56:20):
it's so tied into religion and thepurity culture. Bullshit to me, That's
how I read it. Anyways.I don't know if you've ever heard this,
but probably in my early twenties,I was told that kind of like
your vagina never forgets that after youhad vagina and elephant, if my vagina
is an elephant, that if youhave sex with somebody, your vagina will

(56:43):
remember for seven years, and thenafter seven years they'll forget the size and
shape of that penis that was insideof you. Who. I don't know,
I really don't fucking know, butit was somebody in Orlando and they
were like, yeah, you know, just be careful how many people you
sleep with because that'll impact you forseven years once they're inside of you.

(57:07):
Obviously I don't subscribe to that ship, but did you. For a while,
it was like it was like apost breakup thing of like, don't
get back with your ex because themore you'll have the more you have sex
with your ex, he's going toremain in your system, so you want
to stop having sex with him sohe's out of your system sooner, like
he's a fucking drug or something.I don't know. It was very it

(57:30):
was supposed to be. I thinkat the time Jina never forgets supposed to
be empowering of like don't sleep withshitty men because your vagina will know for
seven years and they'll be like liketoxic in your system. But like,
looking at it now, I'm like, what the fuck even is that.
It's like it's like your vagina islike silly buddy, and like just the

(57:50):
penis just like it leaves an imprintthat just like forever and then like other
penises will like you know, I'mlike kind of fitting there but not right,
you know, and eventually it eventuallyit'll flatten back out again. And
my god, that is the thatis that it might be crazier than any
of this. Honestly that I andI've never heard that. That is.
That's insane. It's always stuck withme. A vagina. Never forget only

(58:12):
after seven women. If you're listeningto this, anyone with a vagina.
I was listening to this, you'rea vagina forgets yea, right, it
is elastic, Yes, your vaginaforgets instantly. Cool that fuck was good
bye, Oh my god gotten.It's like it's like the whole thing about
you know, like these these guyswho think that you know, you're vagina

(58:35):
will stretch out if you have alot of partners. But then someone turned
it around and it was like,well, it's like if you sharpen your
pencil too much, then look whathappens to the pencil. I was trying
to say that, like here's apenis that that's had, you know,
that that's been in one of vagina. It's like a thick penis, and
like here's one that's been in toomany of vaginas. It's really skinny.
And because like that there's no biologicalscience behind this at all. Of this

(58:57):
is all just fearmongering to shame women, all boiled down to shaming and controlling
women, like every single aspect ofit, which is just ridiculous that we
as a society you're still doing that. What I love the most is whenever
you flip it back on the manpresenting this bullshit term or whatever and you
say, okay, but for men, if they do that, then what
happens to like, oh, ohnothing. I'm like, oh how how

(59:17):
did biology just like figure out onlyone side of the men are biologically designed
to mate with multiple people were designedto do that. So that's why that's
that's that's gets in your DNA.Yeah, fucking chromagna on DNA. UM.

(59:38):
So this was interesting. This issomething that I also thought about too.
Um And I saw this and Iwas like, oh, okay,
it makes a lot of sense,Like where did this all come from?
Is obviously control and shame, butmore than that, you know that a
man came up with this theory absolutelybecause because only a man, only from
a fucking man's perspective, would hethink that a one night stand for a

(01:00:01):
woman would be so incredible for her, that would it somehow affect her ability
to create an emotional connection, likeonly a guy would think, Oh yeah,
I fucked the shit out of her, like she she was begging from
what you like, only a man'sgonna think like that was so incredible for
her, even though studies have shownthat less than eleven percent of women who
have one night stands have an orgasmat all, Right, because men are

(01:00:24):
so incapable of understanding what an orgasmfor a woman is like, Well,
then it goes back to the numbercount thing. Yes, oh god,
yeah, I was gonna say allthe one night one night say that I
had was like terrible. You know, I'm forgetting that real quick. And
that did not change my perception onanything. Oh and like the few times

(01:00:46):
that I've had one night stands,it's usually been like, you know,
we're usually drunk, which means itdoesn't last long. It's usually you know,
it's very it's usually relatively quick.And then like you know, because
sex gets better the more you haveit with someone. You're comeble and you
don't feel self conscious, and yeah, you're not drunk off your ass and
you know, you last two minutesand you're like, oh, I'm done,

(01:01:07):
you know, you know they didn'tcome, but you're like I'm done,
and so like yeah, it's it'sit's no woman is going to look
at a one night's stand as beinglike this emotionally. It's the same concept
of virginity that somehow a man's penisis a magical wand that transforms a girl
into a woman forever. The firsttime she has she has vaginal penetration,
you know, for the by apenis. It's like, yeah, exactly,

(01:01:30):
sorry, your dick is not awand it does not have magical powers.
It would be cool, but let'sbe real. Yeah, no,
can you imagine if men would belike even more in so, I feel
like, then the vagina, thevagina has magical powers too. Shit,
oh no, the vaginant definitely hasmore magical powers than yeah, it has
a baby and then popped back intoplace. The female like, female body

(01:01:52):
is so much more magical than anythingthe male body would ever do. The
male body just comes, we produce, We have our balls on the outside,
like we're just we're all a failure. Like you know, yeah,
I want to say, now,if we have any men who who have
subscribed to this theory or thought thatit had weight and they've been listening to

(01:02:15):
this, which I don't think wehave a lot of those, but we
might have one or two or hatelistening. Maybe. I want to say
that if you hear that women whoare successful and independent and sexually liberated don't
want to be in a relationship orare more likely to end relationships, instead
of blaming them, that's a goodsign for you to work on yourself and
be a better partner. That's thetime when you work on yourself to make

(01:02:37):
sure that sexual experiences for your partnerare good for both of you and that
you actually are not another child thatshe has to take care of, but
you're someone who knows how to communicateand listen and be there for That's your
sign to do that, not totry to blame women and shame women and
try to find one who's so insecureabout our sex life or innocent that she

(01:02:58):
thinks that what you're doing is beinga healthy partner. Yeah, and I'd
also ask, what are you soafraid of the fact that she's confident,
Like what, why wouldn't you justtake that and go, oh, that's
really attractive. I want to workon myself so I feel self confident and
feel happy in the skin that I'min instead of it just goes back to
bringing other people down, like whatdo you work? Yeah, if you

(01:03:23):
treat her right, if you area good partner and you listen and you
care, you don't have fucking anythingto worry about. Why are you trying
to make her feel less than bythrowing terms like pair bonding her way to
make her feel shitty to make yourselffeel better. That's not how this works.
Yeah, yeah, it was,you know, it was funny.

(01:03:44):
I am. I did a thinglast week where for Florida Career Week.
My sister is a teacher, andshe asked me if I would participate.
They needed people to speak about theirjobs to elementary, middle school and high
school student. I have a podcastabout sex, did not say that.
I talked about being a writer tothe younger classes and then talked about me
a content creator and the podcast andeverything as far as the older classes,

(01:04:08):
but in both the middle school andhigh school class, both of them.
We took questions afterwards. They said, what do you do if someone doesn't
like what you're putting out in theworld, Like, what if what like,
how do you handle trolls and youknow, and people who are like
hate on your work. And Ithought it was a great question and like
and so for both of you know, both of them, I talked to

(01:04:28):
them and said, you know,you have to understand that usually it's not
about you, that it's someone whois jealous about what you're putting out there,
or jealous that you have the convictionand the confidence and everything to be
able to put your words out thereor put yourself on video or whatever.
And so they're trying to project theirown insecurities onto you to bring you down,
because rather than try to improve themselvesand be confident and be a better

(01:04:54):
you know, and just and justbe out there and try to do the
same thing that you're doing, theywould rather try to bring you down to
you to their level. So whatyou need to do is completely ignore people
like that. They are not wortha single tier, they're not worth a
single thought, and then they're notworth your time at all. And then
that kind of applies to the situationas well. It's it's all just about
projection. So yeah, it makesme think like when people say, oh,

(01:05:16):
I could never date someone like thator I could never when it's not
when it's not a negative, flippingit back on and going well, really,
why why is it? Like,what's the problem here? When you
start questioning and digging deeper, theydon't have an answer because they're just super
surface level with everything and they arenot a deep person that you want to

(01:05:38):
be compatible with no matter what.Yeah, I agree, So, um,
anything else talk about here? Oh? One last quick thing, um
that open up the textbook again.Let's go back to lecture here, returning
to page thirty four, you werea teacher for a day? He is

(01:05:59):
there's alway is the question about,well, what about STIs um that someone
who has more sexual partners is ahigher you know, risk of of contracting
you know, sexual transmitted diseases.Okay, are you being like there's there's
a level of safe and then that'sthat? Then that's number one. Number
two. Men are gonna The menwho argue this, the men who like,
well, she's gonna she's more likelyto you know, to have an

(01:06:21):
STI are also the same men whowon't get tested between partners, you know,
they're also the they're also the sameman who cheat on their partners and
bring home an STI. And that'sthe thing is you can get an STI
from being with one person. Ifyour partner cheats the very first time you
have sex, you can get anSTI. You get an STI from not
having sex, Like there's there's youcan get it from from a variety of
things. And so the worst thingabout STIs is actually the stigma related to

(01:06:44):
it, not the actual you know, illness itself. And so I think
that that's something that can to keepin mind. But also, once you
get a tested, you know,you get a panel and you get it
tested, then you have nothing toworry about. And and I think that
that's that's the thing to look forif you're worried about your partner. If
that's if you're like, well,the reason that I'm worried is because I'm
worried about her having an SDI.Then you go get your ass tested first,

(01:07:08):
and then she can go get tested, and then when she's clean,
what the fuck else are you goingto say? And then they usually have
no argument at that point. Sorry, I want to bring that up,
because it isn't. It isn't.That is one more counter argument they bring.
You're so right, though those arethe same men that will say,
oh, I'm good, I'm good, I'm safe, and I'm like,
you refuse to wear a condom youreally didn't get tested the lot you know,

(01:07:30):
in between partners, but like you'refucking worried about me, bro,
are you fucking for real? They'realways yeah, because it's never a real
reason. It's always this disingenuous bullshit. Yeah, oh all right, well
takeaways knew that though, But anybodywho uses it is not someone worth having

(01:07:54):
a discussion for, like the like, they're not worth talking to if they're
going to start bringing a pair bonding, like just that's it. Just question
them, but why? But why? And then flip it on how can
that impact men? Though? Andwhen they don't have an answer, you
know they're a dumbass, yes,and say did you know that humans don't
really pair them on? And theywere actually, uh, we're actually serial
monogamous. And see what he hasto say about that, And I guarantee

(01:08:16):
he wouldn't even he won't even knowthat part, and that'll immediately throw him
for a loop. And then youcan ask him, well, if sex
changes the dopamine levels in your brain, then how does a lot of sex
with the one partner. How isthat different than having sex with lots of
partners? Does our brain does ourbrain just inherently know you know, listen,
the brain never forgets vagina the dick. The dick leaves an imprint on

(01:08:39):
the brain for seven years, Soyour brain is just a variety of dick
imprints. Just stuck her. Couldyou imagine? Oh god, I don't
know's nothing wrong with having sex?Like why are we all it's always a
sex shame thing. That's where thisis always coming from, is that we
shouldn't have sex and sex is bad. Yeah, when we have sex and

(01:09:01):
we feel pleasure, it's also likeit's also like everything just sex related is
bad. Unless a man wants sex, then that's good exactly. But if
a woman wants to have sex badwoman sex bad, men sex good good.
That boils down to the men's rights. The misogynist. Well, it

(01:09:24):
just extends so many more things though, like you could you could put that
into abortion, right, Like itjust it expands to all of these other
topics from just this one argument oflike, oh well women like this and
that, and it's like okay,but if you ever were to tie it
back to men, this relates tolike birth control. Oh but men don't
want to take birth control pills becauseof oh oh sorry men. You know,

(01:09:45):
it's every single one of these topics. You can flip it back on
men and then you're just like,yeah, this is fucking bullshit, and
it's that's that's one of those things. Is any any man who's going to
argue these things, they're not gonnahave a good argument for anything else related
to the as you were just talkingabout. Like they all of their arguments
stem from control and from not treatingwomen as human beings like that. That's

(01:10:06):
what it com boils down to.And so anyone who's going to try to
have a discussion, you can't eversee them as they never have a good
point about anything, because everything isall related to the same bullshit. And
like I wouldn't I would say,be always, always be suspicious of anyone
who's trying to regulate or moderate,or criminalize or judge people for having a

(01:10:26):
healthy and happy sex life. Imean, anyone who's trying to do that
at all is does not have anyone'sbest interests in mind. They're not a
genuine person. They're a disingenuous pieceof shit, and they should be taken
seriously because they're dangerous. Yeah,I just like, why do you hate
yourself so much? Is really myquestion? That's really what it boils down
to. They just like they've neverloved themselves and so they want to make
sure nobody else can love themselves either. That is so good. Yeah,

(01:10:49):
you're right, Well, please welove Yeah, we love you, and
you know, pause and call thehotline. Tell us how you're feeling about
pair bonding and in general. Youcan call us at four zero seven five
one nine zero one eight one.Again, we do need some more hotline
stuff, so you can call usfor anything if you just want to chat.

(01:11:11):
Doesn't have to be related to dating, sex or relationships. Yeah,
just just anything that might be interestingto talk about. Where we're trying to
expand and we would love to loveto hear what you have to say,
and we want you to love yourself. And if you want help with that
support and loving yourself, you canjoin our Facebook group at facebook dot com,
slash group slash DKs podcast. Youcan also email us with any questions

(01:11:33):
at Dating kind of Sucks Podcast atgmail dot com. You can also dm
us on Instagram at Dating kind ofSucks or find us on TikTok, where
I'm sure Adam has already done aTikTok on fair bonding. No, yeah,
I've done several, but I'm goingto be doing more. Okay,
sorry, yes, well, youcan follow him at Adam Evidible or you
can follow me at simply Sergey Underscorefor anything related to the lodge at Saint

(01:11:56):
Edward State Park or all the travelstuff we've talked about today. Absolutely,
And if you're listening to this andyou want to watch this on instead,
you can watch on YouTube. Youget to see the raw, mostly unedited
versions where I just leave everything in, all the stuff that Sarah wants to
cut out. And that's a YouTubedot com slash dating kind of sucks.
And of course we just got acouple of new reviews on iTunes, so
thank you to those listeners who wentover there. One of them said she

(01:12:18):
listened to on Spotify, but shespecifically went over to Apple podcast to leave
a review, So I appreciate that. If if you would do that too,
that'd be great. To get anotherfive star rating and review on iTunes
is it would be fantastic for us, and then for as little as five
dollars a month. We do haveour patreon at patreon dot com. Slash
DKs podcast. We film exclusive afterthe episode, many episodes and we just

(01:12:41):
chat about life and spew random bullshitthat you wouldn't hear on a regular episode.
Again, that's at our patreon.Yeah, and uh yeah, we
usually put up it's usually like afifteen to twenty minute bonus episode that has
stuff that you're never going to hearon the podcast. It's stuff that we
just kind of remember. And weknow that too because I'm like, oh,
I'm so happy so and so couldn'thear that because it's only for you
guys. That's true. Yeah,that's all. That's all of it is.

(01:13:02):
It should never be public like acrow shot of my yes, like
Sarah did a crot shot trying toshow the sexual position that she she had
a shining moment. I know.Fantastic. So that we will be back
in two weeks with a brand newepisode and thank you for joining us next
time. Whether you're married or singleor paba, you're right hanging on which

(01:13:30):
mainers back at your place listen tous as be getting no buck a tender
and mumbling plenty of young trying andtrying and having the luck because we all
know dating kind of sucks. Sarahand Adam our duo kinds upid and sheets
of mind. They're not doing withthis show to make any buck light as

(01:13:50):
a chicken woos that day. Bluck. So why didn't it work? We'll
hear with the cruck they both knowdating kind of sucks, Lady kind of sucks.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Fudd Around And Find Out

Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Pair Bonding and Promiscuity

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Fudd Around And Find Out

Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

All Episodes

Pair Bonding and Promiscuity

Fudd Around And Find Out