Red Flags in Bed

Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Hi, I'm Sarah and I'm AdamEathiftable. This is Dating kind Of Sucks,
a podcast about dating, sex,and relationships. This week we'll be
talking about red flags in the bedroom. Enjoy the show. Whether you're married,
our single light, hanging on withmans back of your place, listen

(00:23):
to us and be getting a tenderand mumble up plenty of young trying and
trying and having to luck because weall know dating kind of songs. Thanks
for joining us for another episode ofDating kind Of Sucks. If you're new
to DEKs, my name is Adamand I'm a comedian, writer, and
misogynist turn feminist, joined by myco host Sarah, who is a millennial

(00:45):
travel junkie and serial dater now ina committed relationship. We're not professionals,
doctors, or experts, just twopeople sharing our perspectives on the world of
dating, sex, and relationships.The first half of every episode is spent
catching up on what's happening in ourlives, and the second half is reserved
for the episode's main topic. Soif that's all that brought you here,
you can skip through the halfway mark, or you can stick around and enjoy

(01:08):
the whole show, let's get started. I like that you said red flags
in the bedroom with kind of likea little bit of sexual spicines sensuality.
They're like red flags in the bedroom. Sorry, I've been on so many
webinars where everyone's just been very monotones. I had to spice it up,
red Flags in the bedroom. Doyou ever just want to go onto a
radio voice when you're doing like webinarsand just like all of a sudden,

(01:30):
like put on your I don't getto present. If I did, I
would be more animated. But Isat on one today where it was just
no, no, no, andit looked like she was reading off the
screen, and I was like,oh my god, please help me.
I am not looking forward to anytype of webinars like I have avoided that
my entire life. I you know, maybe starting some work soon where I

(01:53):
work for someone else, which willbe the first time in a decade,
let's say a decade that I've workedfor somebody else. And I don't know
about this, you know, thewhole corporate environment. I guess we'll see
what it would. It's like youdon't fit the mold, but you'll make
it work. Yeah, yeah,I mean I'll make it work, but
you know, I'm not one forfor webinars. It's funny because you know,
you were talking about like your companydoing a yeah lee or whatever,

(02:20):
and I thought that was really youknow, okay, great, you know,
but You're like, yeah, wegotta get in there. Our team
has to beat the other team.And I'm sitting there thinking, I am
not that type of person. Iam not a participator in those types of
events. Let me be real,I'm typically not that person either. The
problem is I'm new to the company, and on top of that, they
needed an extra person and I waslike, you know what, be a
team player start because my my onejob that I was at for over three

(02:44):
years. After a year one,I was like, fuck this shit,
I'm not doing this anymore. ButI feel like, because I'm still in
my first year, I'm like andI actually kind of want to do it
at the same time, but Idon't know what the price because you think
there might be a money there mightbe a cash prize. That's why,
because you just your money motivated dollarsigns in your eyes. Basically, yes,

(03:05):
So what's been going on in yourlife? Two weeks until ruin I
move two weeks. Yeah, we'rerecording this. What's October eighteenth? I
think, yeah, yeah, Tuesdayeighteenth, and so wow, that's that's
crazy. Yeah, it's wild.Hit the road to think that this chapter
is over. I've had some momentsof being sad about it and feeling like

(03:27):
I let myself down because Nashville didn'twork out, and then I've also thought,
fuck this shit, get the getout now. But I think I
think it's you've looked there for howmany years? Five it'll be five,
And if I would have seen notworking out, that's I mean, that's
like giving you know, living aplace in a place for five years,
Like there's nothing wrong with that.Yeah, but I feel like I maybe
the pandemic brought it on. ButI feel like I lost a lot of

(03:52):
the friends that I had during thepandemic because I switched jobs. I didn't
see anyone because everyone was remote becauseof the pandemic, and just feeling a
lot less connected to the community Ionce really like to hang out with,
if that makes sense. And thenon top of that, just maybe I
just isolated myself because I just hangout with Royal all the time. But

(04:13):
really I just want to hang outwith him, there's well, there's I've
done the whole song and dance ofmeeting up with all these people and basically
going on friend dates all the time, and just like dating, it's fucking
exhausting. And I'm like, look, I have a person I like hanging
out with, and I like hangingout by myself. I think I'm good.
So I'm gonna have to kind ofdust off the cobwebs of networking and

(04:34):
making friends once I moved to mynew location. But when are we going
to announce once I'm there? OnceI'm there, so November November next episode
basically probably maybe, yeah, maybeonce I'm there. That'll be in two
weeks. I mean that'll be.It'll be less and more than two weeks
from now, because right, so, maybe we'll have an announcement and then

(04:58):
once I'm physically there, Oh you'rephysically there, once I'm physically or we
can or what we can do iswe can we could do like a Sarah
and Roy are moving too, andthen just leave it blank and then later
on come in when you're there andjust stick the voice in. Moving to
wherever you know, Yeah it's notFlorida. I think I do miss Florida
sometimes, like me too. It'sactually more when I see friends like going

(05:21):
out and doing things around Orlando,and I'm like, I miss some of
those things, like not all ofthose things, and I don't miss a
lot of the weather and the humidity, but I do miss some of those
things sometimes. Yeah, I thinkevery and and that's what I think I'm
going to feel when I leave heretoo, is I'm going to miss a
couple of elements of Nashville, justlike I miss a couple of things about
Orlando. But onward and upward,I guess. And it's a weird feeling

(05:43):
because I don't have family here andI really don't have a core group of
friends here either. I have acouple of friends, but me leaving here
is really piece out not fucking comingback, you know. It's it's it
really feels like I'm never coming backhere versus Orlando, where I have family
and a bigger group of friends tocome back to if I wanted. I
guess the only reason I can seeyou coming back would be with Roy's family

(06:06):
for like events, you know,for Roy's family living there. So yeah,
I guess, but maybe as longas you don't murder him. Oh
great, Yeah, we think I'mgoing to do that. Okay, Well
so anyways, well, I mean, I'm just saying, you know that
you had, you had the potential. Um, but well, are you
trying to Are you trying to talkabout a fight that we had? Is

(06:26):
that where you're pulling on right now? Dude? It's been so long in
my mind, I don't even rememberwhat the fight was about, but I
know what you're trying to get to. I'm totally blacked out on what I
was mad about. Really, Idon't remember the moving vans and the moving
trucks and all of that. Ohno, yeah, he pissed me off
at that. There was murder murdereron your and your and your voice when

(06:47):
you were telling me about it.But now it's all solved, so it's
a non issue. But yeah,we were disagreeing on how we're going to
move to our new place because we'removing pretty far away, and he got
cold feet on the options that Ihad researched and had multiple I don't know,
going through the moving process and hiringmovers, you have to get on
virtual calls and they need to likeassess your stuff and see you know,

(07:11):
give an estimate and not to exceed. I know so much about this shit
now because I've done four or fivevirtual tours with companies and they vetted them
and gotten quotes of astronomical fees versussomething more reasonable. And then after I
did all of that work, hesaid I might just take a U haul
and just drive our stuff just,you know instead, And I, yeah,
I guess I did. I didlose my ship because I was like,

(07:33):
look, I spent all this time. I thought we were on the
same page. We're not doing this. And it was funny because we were
on a family game night with hisfamily talking about it, and his mom
had just assumed that we were takinga U haul and driving it across the
country, and his sister was like, oh, I would never do that.
I would hire movers, and Iwas like, exactly, that's what
we're going to do. So Iwas like, yeah, we're picking these

(07:54):
movers. I'm not lifting a fuckingfinger except for putting stuff in boxes,
and we'll be done. And thenhis mom's like, well, I think
Sarah's decided for you, Royce.Yeah. I think this could just be
a good lesson to any partners outthere who are thinking about moving, you
know, moving like from one townto another. That if you tell your
partner yeah, okay, whatever youwant to find and then they put all

(08:16):
the effort into doing research and figuringthings out and say, Okay, this
is what we're gonna do. Thatis not the time to be like,
oh, I don't know if Itrust what you're doing, I'm going to
go ahead and try to do myown thing. Like, that's not the
time to disc you know. Thetime to do that, to like do
your own research is at the sametime they're doing research so that you can
be well informed and you can comeinto it and yeah, well I'm just

(08:37):
the one always taking charge and alot of the stuff too, because I
don't mind it everything not everything,But I mean it's just because registers like
usually goes along with the flow inevery capacity. So I think it's that's
why it's so frustrating for you whenhe the few times where he's like,
oh, I don't know about this, and you're like why now, why
is this the thing you're caring about? That's true. I mean, I

(09:01):
he picked the place that we're movingto. There's things where he cares more
about this. I just want thelocation. So I'm like, you pick
your ship, and then I pickedthis ship, and then we're good and
we don't have any conflicts. ButI mean I basically told my said,
if you don't pick the mover option, then I'll move my own ship and
you can figure out your ship.And I think that's that was his moment

(09:22):
of oh, she's not fucking around, yeah, because I was really mad
then. But three weeks ago.I know it was probably two weeks ago
at this point, but it wasin my mind a long time ago because
now I'm just looking ahead, soright right ahead, full steam head.
But I remember my father did thatto my mother about something that was kind
of like that, like they hadmade up my mother and made all these
decisions, got everything ready, andthen my dad was like you know and

(09:46):
she just like she lost her ship. She was just like, what are
you no, this is not happening. You know, you had your opportunity
to speak up. It's like thevoting period, you know they do like
a city council's like we're gonna putin a fountain, and they'd go through
all the stuff and they have allthis period for well, come up and
say something, and then they finally, you know, start working towards it,
and people like, oh, wedon't like this, Well, tough
shit. You had your time tosay that's right. That moment is closed.

(10:07):
We've we're past the voting period.Now we're actually executing the plane.
Yeah. I think it was seeingthe quotes, and then he was thinking
could we save money going the originaloption? And I told him that was
never an original option? In mymind, we were never doing that.
Plus, he's about to turn thirtyfive. He's never hired movers in his

(10:28):
life, and as a woman,a single woman who has moved multiple times,
I'm not lifting things by myself.There's no fucking way I can't.
I have always hired movers. SoI just assumed, my bad, I
just assumed this was the route wewere going because movers, and we are
older and we have money, andwe don't have friends and paying them with
pizza. You know, I'm outof that stage in my life, right.

(10:52):
You guys have good We both havegood paying jobs, and that's what
the money is for, is forpaying for things like this. But what
that was that old meme that waswhen you reach third Like, it's like
once you hit thirty you stop invitingyour friends to help you move with it
for pizza and beer and stuff likethat. And you know, you stay
in a hotel when you go toa town. You don't crash on someone's
couch, you know, like it'sone of those things you just generally do

(11:13):
if you can, you know,if you can afford it. Obviously also
more comfortable if you can't afford it. Oh yeah, I just I can't
imagine the idea of you, Likeif if you and a he and ant
had actually trans like gone together intoyou all across country, I really do
think there would have been a murder. Let me, let me just emphasize
this. I'm not even driving acrosscountry. I'm hopping on a fucking plane

(11:35):
and getting there. And because I'mshipping my car, he's driving his car
to save the two thousand dollars ofshipping a car. Fine whatever, then
putting some more valuables in his car. Fine. But I was like,
do you want me to go withyou? And he said, you know,
it might be good for the threeor four days I'm on the road
that you just get there before meand we'll just have that time to ourselves.

(11:56):
Because he was like, you mighthe was assuming we'll probably just annoy
the shit out of each other forthe four days, three or four days
we're driving across the country. Yeah, yeah, that that can be because
it can be so stressful. Itreally can be just just driving at U
Haul. I remember driving with Amyfront with a giant U haul and a
full car trailer all the way acrossthe country and it was just like just
knuckle like, you know, whiteknuckling it up and down mountains and on

(12:22):
curvy roads and through Los Angeles traffic. Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah,
I know you're you're going in themiddle of November. Who knows what you're
gonna be? Fine, No,no, fucking thank you. That was
the whole thing of you're really goingto do that? Anyways, it's a
it's a non issue now, butlet it be a lesson for people listening
maybe that you know that yeah,and is one of those things not been
easy, but you know it's done. And the moving, in part to

(12:46):
the new location will be the newhurdle of figuring out who gets what room
and because we don't sleep. That'ssay about you flying is that you get
to choose. See I don't wantto be here. You get the call
dibbs. Here's the other thing.We haven't fucking been to the house that
we're renting, so we have noidea like, yeah, we did a
virtual tour with the realtor and blahblah blah, but it's gonna be different

(13:09):
when I'm there standing going, yeah, I think I like this one more,
and yeah, I will be therefirst to credit. You get,
You get DIBs. That's how thatworks. Okay, he very He just
as easily could have fallen with you, but he chose not to, So
you get DIBs. I think everybodywould agree with me that you get to
You get DIBs on the room.You can find a room that you know,
and he gets DIBs to install hisweights wherever he wants. Well,

(13:31):
so if I get one room,I also get a second room for an
office. So it's like the upstairsand upstairs and a downstairs. So if
I pick one floor, I getthat whole floor and he gets the other.
I don't know, and yeah,pros and cons, but well that's
nice. Yeah, definitely DIBs.I think you get DIBs. I think
we're gonna agree with that. Maybewe'll do a pull later to see what
the all the listeners say, whogets DIBs? Whoever's there first gets DIBs?

(13:52):
Yeah? Any who, what aboutyour life? So I put you
on the spot to talk about thisbecause I don't have anything in my life
going on. Basically, that's whatThat's what was. Yeah, I was
just I was like, let's let'sget the I didn't even think I had
a fight, Recily, I didn'tthink about it until we started recording and
I was like, oh, wait, what about it. It's like,
oh, there, take a walkand bitch to you on the phone of

(14:13):
what the fuck? But it waslike two days and then it was over.
Yes, yes, because it wouldhave been over one way or the
other. I think it'd be like, Adam, how do I dispose of
a body? It's really I'd havebeen like, I am not like that
old deepot. Get some plastic dropcloth, lie a shovel, there you go.
So, um, nothing's really goone in my life. I've got

(14:33):
a potential date coming up towards theend of the week. It's a date,
however, it's not. We meton Facebook dating. She told me
after we scheduled it that she's alreadytalking to somebody that like and wants to
see where it goes. But she'slike intrigued to meet and would be like,
oh, I'll be one of yourfriends from Utah. Yeah, and
I was like, that's cool.So we've been getting along by text and

(14:54):
that that's fine. And I've hadsome other people that I've been talking to.
I just haven't scheduled anything because,you know, me, like Facebook
scene dead. I haven't heard alot of people talk about Facebook dating versus
the other apps. I actually likesome elements of it. Now I can't
do it on my main account.It will not let me on my main
account. I don't know if it'sbecause I have five thousand friends on there,

(15:18):
or maybe because I've gotten you know, yeah, I've gotten put in
Facebook jail. But for some reasonI can't. But on my alt account,
which only has like three hundred friendson there, it's it's it allows
me to do it. So Ireally don't know. But I have to
remember to log into that account andto check it, and I'll get matches
with people sometimes Okay, it's okay, Like I've met people that I don't

(15:39):
see on other apps, so that'sthat's interesting. One funny thing is that
I have Now, my parents livein a little condo complex. It's like
a little courtyard that has six condosthat are all like town home condos,
all next to each other, thatare all like a part of one building,
you know, but like my parentsthink it's a huge place. It's
like this two story bedroom, youknow, three bath plays but like somehow

(16:02):
they're all joined in this giant building. But anyways, in the in the
courtyard, there's this one woman andI have run across her on dating apps
now on three different dating apps,and she's never acknowledged it. So you've
come across her, have you swipedright on every time? Did you match?
No, That's what I'm saying,And she's never acknowledged. I've seen
her in the courtyard and waved youshould say something to you know, I

(16:25):
know, you know, like Ithink I've seen you before. Where have
I seen you besides this courtyard?And then well my dad was doing a
garage that she came over and introducedherself and then we talked for a minute
and then um, yeah she Butevery time i've seen her recently, she's
had her like her daughter with her, who's like probably in the like early
nut like adolescent age, and soI don't want to like talk about it

(16:47):
with in front of her because I'msure it'll just create sometime like her daughter
will be like what's that? What'sa dating app? Or whatever? You
know? So I need to becausethe first time I ran across he was
on like Hinge, I think,and I and I said, oh,
look who look who it is?And I was like, she has to
recognize, yeah, but like,look who it is. It looks like
just an acknowledgement that I already knowyou you know, and and no Match

(17:11):
and then Bubble and Tender. I'veseen her on those as well. Wait,
okay, so after you said lookwho it is, did you run
into her at the courtyard and sayhi and she said hi back? It
was it was a little while later, but yeah, like I've seen her
a few times and she waves andyeah, I don't know. I mean,
it could also be that she's notreally on the apps aggressively and she
hasn't come across me yet in thatin that way maybe, but I feel

(17:37):
like after a few weeks pass,then yeah, that's odd. You need
to say something of hey, Ithink we my dad, that I ran
across her and my dad. I'msure my dad will just say something because
my dad has no chill and itis completely I'm sure he'll like he'd be
like, hey, Alex, youshould go out with my son sometime.
Like that's basically yes, I expected. Yeah, so we'll see what happens.

(18:02):
But that's kind of funny. Butyeah, so I'll be going down
to Provo Thursday and at least meetingup with somebody, so maybe I'll make
a new friend. The problem,of course, being the same problem that
everything is so fucking far away inthis new from this town, counting down
the months, you know, andit's like it is beautiful here. I

(18:22):
mean it's nice, but god damn. Yeah. Yesterday after dinner, I
drove around and saw like a familyof like fourteen deer, all just like
on the side of the road,just eating and that was cool looking and
really cool. Took some cool picturesof them, like with the mountains behind
them in the sun setting and itwas gorgeous. And you know, I
can't go out drinking with a fuckingdeer though, So well, speaking of

(18:48):
making friends and new members, wehave a new member on our Patreon and
you can become one too by goingto the link Patreon dot com slash DCS
podcast. We like to welcome LauraWhite as our newest member. And like
we've mentioned all the time, wedo exclusive episodes and special content on our
Patreon. Yes, so we've beensticking with those. We've had a few

(19:10):
bonus episodes up. We had oneup from the last episode. We'll have
one up after this episode as well. So yes, thank you Laura.
I'd also like to give a shoutout to some of our countries where we've
shown up on the podcast charts andso Dating kind of Sucks has popped up
in South Africa, Slovenia, Barbados, and Belgium, so I want to
say thank you to all of you. Um, Barbados is funny because yeah,

(19:34):
and I know there's not a largepopulation in Barbados, so I have
to wonder if it's just one personwho's just binging like certain episodes and that's
enough to put us up on thecharts. Yeah, I don't know,
but yeah, So thank you verymuch to to all of our international listeners.
I appreciate you very much. Andh let's let's get into the email

(19:57):
that we have so we which youcan email us at our address, which
is Dating kind of Sucks podcast atgmail dot com. I used to do
a really good job checking this inbox, but since traveling, that's been Adam.
So thank you Adam for responding tothese emails. Yeah. Absolutely,
one of us has to actually dothe work here, so I'm happy always

(20:21):
my own. Yep, No,you've been busy. You've been busy enough.
It's all right. I like it'sfunny I check her inbox and I'll
be like, oh no, I'mnot gonna even bother reading half emails we
get anyways, but we'll read yoursif it's exciting, like this one we're
about to read now, but weget it with a lot of our stuff
is just random stuff. But likepeople who have said in questions, we
will handle those. You can sendthose in like said three email. You

(20:42):
can also people dm us on Instagramtwo with questions that we also apply to.
So this question was from a listenerwho wanted to remain anonymous, and
I'm gonna go ahead and read heremail. I'm in a tough dating situation.
I would love some advice. Ihad been seeing a guy for about
two months, met out and hingeand hit it off. Well. I
was enjoying taking it slow for onceand truly getting to know each other before

(21:03):
diving all in and committing. Thenhe disappeared one day. I'm not a
stranger to ghosting, but thought twomonths in didn't warrant that type of behavior.
I told him so via text afternot hearing from him for four days.
We had also passed a day thatwe were discussing and meeting up and
then let it go. A couplemore days passed and he called. He
was drunk and told me he wasan alcoholic and fell off the wagon for

(21:26):
the first time in nine years,and was ashamed and afraid to tell me
there had been a triggering event.I had known he was sober, but
we hadn't yet gotten into the details. I continued to talk to him for
the next several days as he gotback on the wagon. During our chats,
he told me everything that was toknow, his whole history with his
issue, and his plan to getback to his normal sober life. True
to his plan, he did getsober again and has been for a week

(21:48):
now. I believe that he isa good guy and maybe great for me.
I also appreciate knowing and seeing theworst in someone fairly early on.
I don't want to judge him ordiscard him immediately because he relapsed. I'm
also not ignorant that he is aserious chronic disease that he will be dealing
with for the rest of his life. Everyone deserves loving relationships, so I
hate to write someone off just becausethey went through a low moment. Do

(22:12):
I run like hell or continue tomove slowly and see how it plays out
while dating others? Still, Iwouldn't run like hell just yet. That's
a very difficult situation to be in, and alcoholism is incredibly challenging. I
think after your talk with him toassess, you know, maybe have another

(22:34):
talk and say, you know,what's your level of importance of your recovery,
Because adding a relationship or continuing thisdating that we have going on right
now could be triggering in some degree. We don't know the triggering event,
but his sobriety is obviously the mostimportant thing, and making sure that he's

(22:56):
focused with that and letting him dohis thing while you do your thing isn't
a bad thing. But I thinkyou need to come together and say,
hey, I like you, butmake sure you're putting yourself a priority first,
not just dating me and then creatingmore chaos. I agree, I
agree. I think that you know, you're not a bad person if you

(23:18):
want to remain detached from somebody whohas an issue like this, and it
doesn't make you bad just because youdon't want to support somebody else as they
go through something. You know,It's it's one thing if you've committed to
a relationship or a marriage or somebodyand then they develop an issue and you're
like, oh, I'm not goingto help you with this. That's that's
a totally different issue. You guysare strangers essentially, so you're not you
know, you are not responsible forwhat's what he's going through. And maybe

(23:41):
while he's trying to get back onthe wagon and get his life back in
order, he shouldn't even be datinganybody at all, Like he should really
be focusing on himself and only himself. So I would say, don't feel
bad if you decide to walk away, but if you do decide to stay
with him, just keep your eyesout and stay sharp and look for red
flags other than this or in additionto this, you know, and like

(24:02):
things that are that are tied tothis and and like Sarah said, make
sure to keep yourself the priority,like, don't try to fix him.
Don't try to you know, lethis you know, what he has to
go through somehow make you, ummaybe susceptible to to whatever problems might come
as a result of it. Focuson yourself first and then worry about him
and his feelings second. Agreed,Yeah, put yourself first. But so

(24:26):
excellent question. Yeah, and it'sa very you know, not a not
an easy question, you know,not not an easy place to be,
but hopefully it works out. Andplease let us know if you're listening to
this though, you know what's beenhappening, because I know it's been a
few weeks. It's to email though, so this is probably something that that
you've been dealing with, So letus know what's going on, what's been
going on? And uh yeah,and if other people have questions, you

(24:47):
can always, like Sarah said,email us at Dating kind Of Sucks Podcast
at gmail dot com. And withthat, we'll take a quick break and
be right back with what to Seewith Sarah g Well, Sarah said before
we went to break. We areback with what to See with Sarah Gy
and this week she is going toexplore Little Rock, Arkansas, so take

(25:11):
it away. Yeah, I liketo mix it up and do something international
and then something in the United Statesand Arkansas in general might be a place
not a lot of people consider.I know both you and I. We
did an episode while we were inLittle Rock together what last summer, So
we've both spent a little bit oftime here. Yeah, where you drunk,
you criticize my pillow shoes, andwe had a good time, but

(25:33):
yeah, you drunk. Yeah,But so let's get into Little Rock,
Arkansas name for the landmark La PetiteRochet, which is French for Little Rock.
Little Rock, Arkansas is a vibrantcity filled with history, scenic views,
and friendly people. There are LikeI mentioned, I spent a long
time here, six weeks, Sothere are a lot of other day trips

(25:55):
you can take from Little Rock thatI'll also kind of mention. You can
go to Bentonville, you can goto Hot Brings, which Adam and I
also went too when you were hungover. But I highly recommend visiting the natural
state and just to sell visiting Arkansasa little bit more. If you like
hiking, biking, history, orthe outdoors in general, there's a little
bit for everyone, and it isrelatively inexpensive compared to some other states if

(26:18):
you're planning on traveling, so youcould keep that in mind. Let's talk
about places to visit. I wouldstart off with visiting Pinnacle Mountain State Park.
It's about a twenty minute drive fromdowntown and you'll get to Pinnacle Mountain.
This state is filled with various hikingand biking trails at all skill levels.
There's two main trails. There's ahard one and an easy one.

(26:41):
But I say that in like airquotes because they're all pretty challenging. The
hard trail is the east. Theeasy trail is the west. Just bring
extra water in an energy bar.I stupidly did the east one, thinking
that I would be fine. Ihad enough water and stuff. But you're
literally scaling rocks on the east side. Is the west side is more of
a paved trail, So do thewest, um. But once you get

(27:04):
to the top, I know you'reshaking your head of YadA. But once
you get to the top, thereare really beautiful views of all the waterways
throughout the area. I don't reallyknow what the water ways are called.
I should have looked that up.But it's really pretty and you could spend
an entire day just hiking around thatarea and checking it out. Another area
that I feel like is a littlebit touristy but still worth a visit is

(27:26):
to the Old Mill. It's aboutten minutes from downtown. And fun fact,
it was shown during the opening creditsof Gone with the Wind, So
that like mill that you see,that's that in Little Rock. It's pretty
pitch. What have you seen donaldthe Wind? You know, I've only
seen the first minute of Going tothe Wood, so I could say,
oh, I saw that, likethe first thirty seconds or something. I've

(27:51):
never seen it. You think Isaw it, No fucking way. Um,
but it's cool, I guess.Um. But it's in this really
cute park filled with bridges and greenery, and there were a lot of people
taking high school photos and photographers there, so keep that in mind, but
it is really nice to just walkaround and see. Next is Junction Bridge,
which is behind the River Market.There's like a park downtown, so

(28:12):
you can walk through the park andget to the bridge. You can walk
right across the bridge, check outthe Arkansas River, and then you're right
downtown in downtown Little Rock for historybuffs. There is Little Rock Central High
School, if you've ever heard ofthe Little Rock nine in nineteen fifty seven,
after Brown v Board of Education innineteen fifty four, nine black students

(28:36):
were selected to attend Little Rock HighSchool in an all white school at the
time. This is actually still anoperating high school, and it's also the
only school that is a National HistoricSite, so you can park at the
visitor center, learn more, andtake a tour of the high school when
it's not an operating hours. Itwas closed during COVID when I was there,
but pretty cool. There's also becausethe Clintons were from Arkansas, so

(29:00):
there's the William J. Clinton Libraryand Museum. I didn't get a chance
to go inside of it, butit's a really cool building. And then
there's also the Big Damn Bridge ifyou're looking for nice views, and a
walk across the river as well.So those are some scenic things to do.
But let's talk about food, becauseI ate out a lot when I
was in Little Rock, and especiallyat this place that I took Adam too,

(29:22):
and I don't know if he reallyoh, he's rolling his eyes,
so he didn't really like it,which I already knew The Root Cafe by
far was my favorite restaurant in LittleRock. I hear about ten times during
my six weeks stay, and Ijust, you know what, I just
really loved the community environment that theroute has fostered. They source their food
from small farmers across the state ofArkansas and really have a good variety of

(29:45):
vegan, gluten free, and vegetarianoptions, all things that Adam hates.
I did not have bacon was that? Was that the place we went when
we met up with the friend fromTikTok to right, yeah and for like
brunches, right, isn't that whatwas? Yeah? That play? Yeah,
yeah, okay, I hate thatyou hate that, but okay,

(30:06):
well it's just like, you know, it's what it is is. It's
just the environment of walking into aplace, and like, I don't know,
everything about it was just annoying.The chairs were uncomfortable outdoors, it
was hot as hell. It wasjust I don't know, I just I
like cold. It was a niceyeah, nice you know, comfy seats
and oh server who comes up toyou like I hate this the counter and

(30:27):
then they bring yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyways, everything you
liked it, and I know youloved it. I didn't just like it.
I loved this place and highly recommendvisiting. I ordered a lot of
different things on the menu, butI kept going back to the spicy bond
me and a honey ginger lemonade.It was a perfect what the lemonade was
delicious. I will say that Idid like but they didn't give you fucking

(30:49):
straws. And that was another thingthat drive me drim crazy an environmentally conscious
environmentally anyways, Okay, let mecontinue next time. I'm not picking a
place out of his van too.I'm kidding up. Next Community Bakery.
It's right down the street from theRoot Cafe. It's just one of those
local restaurants that really made me feelat home. Their menu is in that

(31:11):
fancy they have, you know,a nice display of all their desserts and
everything at the cafe, but reasonableprices and pretty good sandwiches. There are
a couple of taco places, anothertaco place I took Adam, but I'll
start with the first one that youdidn't go to, which is Heights Taco
and Tamaliko. If you come here, you have to get the skillet caso.
Probably one of the best casos I'vehad in the US, which that's

(31:34):
a big claim, but it wasactually really like I still think about that
caso. It's a little on theprice you're side of some of the other
restaurants in Little Rock, but it'son the hip side of town, so
it's just like, Okay, Ikind of assumed it's worth the splurge.
I also really like their crispy ahituna tacos and their grilled tacos grilled chicken
tacos. And then Adam and Iwent to The Fold, which again another

(31:56):
hip restaurant, but I actually thinkAdam like this place. Okay, good,
good good. This spot was originallyan auto repair shop that turned into
a taco garage in twenty twelve,and it's a good place to just grab
a cocktail and try a taco orburrito. So yeah, that one gets
a thumbs up from Adam, whichis the most important thing about this entire
Adam liked it. If we bothlike it, then you know that it's

(32:20):
got to be pretty decent because andif I like it, but if we
both like it, then you know, if you just you are just me,
then like some people are not gonnalike it, but if we both
do, I feel like that's areally rousing endorsement. So the fold that
keep a full. Yeah. Um, of course you can get catfish.
There's a couple of catfish places inLittle Rock that are worth checking out downtown.
Their downtown scene is pretty lively atnight, not as lively as like

(32:43):
a Nashville where I live now,but you know, it's it's a nice
it's it's a cool place to be. If you're looking for day trips outside
of Little Rock, there are twooptions. You could do Hot Springs,
which is known for their naturally heatedthermal springs and mountain views. You can
check out the you can like swimin the spring water baths or whatever,
get a massage, hang out there. It's also a state park, which

(33:06):
is kind of cool, and thenthey have some al Capone stuff. Or
you can visit Bentonville, which wasprobably my favorite weekend that I had in
Arkansas. It's in northwest Arkansas.It's the birthplace of Walmart, and they're
also really well known for their mountainand biking and all of that stuff,
but really cool coffee shops, anice little downtown square. I really enjoyed
Bentonville. What was the place,So, what was the place that we

(33:28):
went when I was hungover? HotSprings. Didn't go to spring We didn't
go to downtown Hot Springs. Wewent to the botanical garden of some type.
Yeah, we went to like theHot Springs botanical garden that had this
pretty well known church that was there. And then we walked around that park
area. I'm blanking me. Yeah, I can't remember the name either.
Yeah, that was that was verypretty. It was very pretty. I

(33:51):
just was so massively hungover and itwas so hot that day that we walked
for a bit and then finally Iwas like, fucking I'm gonna go back
in the car. You take yourtime, And I just went in the
car, cranked the air conditioning.It is waited for you to walk around.
Yeah, there was too much,too much hiking too and then and
then around walking around there. Yeah, if you don't like hiking, you're
not going to really enjoy Arkansas.And also pro tip with the heat,
just don't go in August through September. It's hot as fucking Yeah, human

(34:14):
nice, it's still nice, butyeah, and that's what to see in
a little rock. Unless Adam hasanything to add, well, what I
would suggest now when I was there, No, No, I stayed at
the Aloft Hotel in downtown Little Rockand it was actually really nice and very
like trendy and cool, and theyhad a nice little bar in there and

(34:37):
did a great job. So Ienjoyed that. And then I was looking
for a dive bar to go tooon one of the nights that you were
staying in and I went to aplace called Grumpies Too. That is the
divest dive they still they still alot smoking in there, Like that's the
that's how much of a dive barit was. But the chicken was fantastic.
It was great. And then rightaround the corner from Aloft and downtown
was a gay bar that I wentto for a drink after I got back

(34:59):
from Grumpies. That's when I thinkI got drugged. Oh yeah, yeah,
I do remember that because I onlyhad two drinks. And then like
I don't remember walking from the bar. There was only a Yeah, I
sat on the bench outside my hotelfor some reason decided to sit down and
like woke up like five minutes laterand got up and there I was sitting
next to a homeless guy and he'slike, hey, man, you forgot

(35:20):
your phone. So I will saythey're very friendly people there because I left
my phone just sitting in like,you know, he could have just ran
off with it, I guess,but he didn't. He just you know
told me. And then that's whyI was so miserably hungover. I think
was because whatever I the next daythat the next day when we had to
go to the Hot Springs, Yeah, that was that was pretty. That
was pretty awful. Um and uhand then I found all those weird photos

(35:43):
that I took on my walk fromthe bar to the bench, like just
random photos, like a selfies,weird, like just photos of like signposts
and stuff like I don't know whatthe fuck was like, it was so
fucking weird wild. I don't rememberyou telling me that, but yeah,
so watch out if you go toGrumpies. I guess. No, I
don't think it was Grumby. Ithink it was the gay bar that I
went to, which I can't rememberthe name of, but it was around
the corner from Aloft. Yeah,I think that's where it happened. But

(36:06):
it's a lot of great time Idid. I did enjoy a little rock.
I would totally go back there andthank you for sharing all of your
your thoughts as well. Yeah,such a hidden gem. I liked Arkansas,
I really did. I was surprisedat how much I liked it,
Like, I really didn't expect tolike it that much. There's some There's
been a few towns as I've traveledthat I'm like, oh, I expect
this to be just an arm pit. Yeah, you know, like like
like, um, what's it calledClarksville, Tennessee. That's an armpit,

(36:30):
you know, like, oh,yeah, that is an arm pit,
you are. But like Little Rockwas, it was a very nice little
gem. So there you go.That's what's to see what Sarah g and
we are gonna take a break andwhen we come back, we're gonna get
into the topic of the red flagsin bed. Well, dating kind of
sucks. Isn't just about dating.It's also about sex and relationships, and

(36:52):
I think it's time we talk aboutsex and red flags in the bedroom.
We touched on a lot of thesame I feel like over the course of
almost five years of this podcast,we touch on a lot of red flags
in the bedroom, but we've neverdone an entire episode outlining all of them.
We've just kind of been here there, oh that shitty behavior, Oh
that shitty behavior not going Oh,here are all shitty behaviors everybody should be

(37:15):
watching out for. I mean,that's true. We've definitely talked about it,
like in small instances, like don'tif you see this, that's a
problem. If you see this,this problem. But we've never like specifically
focused on when you're in the bedroom, when you're with a partner in an
intimate way, here's some things thatshould throw up warning signs and tell you
that maybe you should not be withthat person. Yeah, not worth your

(37:37):
time, don't have sex with them? Yeah right, yeah right. And
I think that you know, thisis it is good. And I had
somebody asked about the podcast and itwas someone just who was like, well,
I'm not dating, so I don'tknow, well, i don't listen
to your podcast, and I wasit was something I was like, well,
you know, like dating is justone element of what we talk about.
Like there's so much like you know, relationship dynamics, intimacy, you

(38:00):
know, consent, like all theseother things that are I think are important
for anyone even if you're not ina you know, even if you are
in a relationship. So I thinkthis is definitely one of those that can
be pretty valuable for people. Yeah, should we start out with the most
glaring ones, because I think we'vewe hit We hit the main ones all
the time, but let's just bringthem to life and expanding them a little
bit more because they are still evenif they're obvious, they're still they're not

(38:23):
going away. They will still bethere as big glaring red flags. Which
I think one of the biggest redflags in the bedroom is if they don't
give a fuck if you orgasm.They don't care. They they don't want
your feedback er opinion. They camesex was good the end. Ye know

(38:44):
what I heard. I had afriend of mine who just um on Twitter,
who just posted a joke that wasjust about that, and here's what
it said. It was fantastic andI had to had to share it.
She said, um My ex usedto always want to sleep right after sex,
and I didn't, like, youdon't understand orgasms make me sleepy,
And it's like, okay, butorgasms also make me sleepy. Great?

(39:07):
Yeah right, Yeah, that's that'sfantastic. Yeah, that's Jenny Hogan.
By the way, I want togive her credit for that joke, Jenny
Hogan, But yeah, so itis one of those situations where you know,
if somebody doesn't care about about youand they're like, oh well,
I just want to go to sleepnow, and they don't even try to
put any effort into it, thatis a huge red flag. And it
doesn't mean that you have to bothhave to come every time. It doesn't

(39:30):
mean that they're always has to youknow, not to happy time, right,
yeah, right, unfortunately, right, I mean, and even it
happens to men too sometimes, LikeI've I've been with with someone where like
we focused on on on I wasyou know, with her, we focused
on her she had an orgasm beforewe actually had any type of penetrative sex,
and then I wasn't really feeling it. I was like, you know

(39:51):
what, that's okay, Like it'sokay. Then you had fun. I
also had fun. Like That's theother thing is it can be fun to
make somebody else happy and you don'tdon't always have to get off in order
to make that fun. But ifyour partners never even trying with you,
that is such a huge issue.That means they really don't care about no
they just they got theirs and youand you must have gotten yours too because

(40:13):
his was so good or whatever.I don't know, just like it's the
not giving a fuck about the orgasm, and then when you address, hey,
how about next time we try thisinstead, or this might be more
pleasurable for me, and they rejectthat feedback as just irrelevant because it doesn't
benefit them in any way of theiror it would benefit them for the overall

(40:36):
experience, but it doesn't benefit themgetting an orgasm. It's a huge problem,
and that just it'll stem into otherparts of a relationship if you even
get that far, because if theydon't care about you in the bedroom and
you orgasming, what else are theynot going to care about you when it
comes to things. Oh yeah,they're just completely disregarding you in the bedroom.
They're going to disregard you in alot of ways. My best friend

(40:58):
Lisa, I don't think she'll shallmind me giving her name with this.
Um. Actually, you broke upwith a guy because he was going down
on her and she said something,I'm like, hey, try this,
and it was giving him like someguidance and he's like, uh no,
I know what I'm doing and like, and it basically like literally was telling
her that he knew better than shedid what felt good for her own body.

(41:20):
And she was like, excuse me, you know better and he goes,
well, I'm good at this andshe goes obviously not like it was.
It was basically yeah, like like, no two dicks are the same,
No two vaginas are the same.Like we don't all come with the
same magical button of these four thingsor whatever. Everybody is so different as
a magic button. But you know, yes, but most men can't find

(41:45):
it anyways, right there, yougo, Yeah, but yeah, you
know you know how you know howyou're how to be good at giving head,
listening and like and taking direction.Like that's how you get good at
giving head is actually listening to eachpartner and doing what they respond to and
whether they like. That's how itworks, and the actual nonverbal cues you

(42:05):
can tell if you're going down onsomeone, if it's if they're gearing up
towards being super pleasurable for them,or if it's just okay and you need
to switch it up, if youjust continue on the same path and they're
not giving you any verbal feedback orlike giving you any of the nonverbal cues.
You're not doing a good job.I don't care how many minutes you've

(42:25):
put into work on whatever, right, exactly. Yeah, it's just listening
to your partner as part of beinga good partner, and refusing to listen
and thinking you know better is ahuge red flag. Yeah. And if
that continues, you're not going toget as much sex either. So why
would why would someone want to keepcoming back for more if they don't feel

(42:47):
listen to, appreciated and like they'renot getting taken care of either. Yeah,
they're just not. They're just gonnabe done with you. So you
don't want to be that partner whodoesn't listen and respect. No, absolutely,
Um and uh, I don't knowwhy I'm going to Twitter again with
us, But well, there's anothertree. There's another, there's another one.

(43:09):
There's an account I follow I followcalled ask Aubrey, and she posts
stuff that like shitty guys have saidall the time, and this is just
like this is so awful. Umthat it's like this is what men think
basically, And and of course nowI can't mind it. Where is it?
There was one where basically this guywas saying that a woman is essentially

(43:31):
just a hole and like she doesn'tneed a man around to like, I
mean I start even around. Shedoesn't need to really even be conscious to
like have sex. Like sex isjust you know, nothing for her.
So why not just allow, youknow, allow men to just do whatever
they want and like and like guyslike that, like shouldn't women should not

(43:52):
women at all? Which goes,yeah, it goes into the next red
flag honestly that I have. Butyeah, it was, so let's let's
let's talk about, okay, nextone, which is because there's two,
I would say, there's obviously hugeones, and this is this is the
not listening and no orgasms is ahuge one. And then this is another
one of the other huge ones,the next one, they don't respect your
boundaries and ignore consent, which exactlyyou don't want to be with someone who

(44:17):
doesn't respect a boundary, doesn't listenwhen you say no, Like that's just
not a good foundational quality to havein a partner, period, And you
want to get out of those situationsbecause it's a safety thing. And then
you know, we have done anentire episode all about coercion and consent,
and that also boils into this too, that if they take your no and

(44:38):
they start to try to guilt tripyou, they try to you know,
like plead with you or whatever itmight be, like whatever they tactics they
use. Yeah, exactly, Ohbut I have blue balls. Whatever,
crimea fucking river, whatever they're gonnasay, that is all aspects of coercion.
And that is that is a violationof your consent. That is a

(44:59):
violent of your boundaries. And sothat is a giant red flag if like
if they if you like, hey, let's stop, or I don't want
to or no, and they keeppushing, they don't respect you no matter
what they tell you. Their actionssay otherwise yes, And in this case,
the actions are very very important.And then this, like I said,
this boils down to coercion. Coercionis a violation of consent. You

(45:22):
know, if they if they begyou until you finally give in, that
is not healthy. That that's nota respect for your boundaries. The other
aspect of this, that's a littlemore subtle, but I think should also
be considered a red flag because ifthey don't check in with you, if
they if they don't consent, itshould be a continuous thing. It should
be you know or do you likethis? I mean, it should be
a conversation anyways, because if you'rejust if you're one of those weird people

(45:44):
who's just like quiet in bed anddon't say anything and don't make any noises,
nobody likes having sex with you.I'm sorry, I'm just letting you
know that. Like if you're just, if you, if you just stay
quiet the whole time, you're you'renot fun for anybody. And that's why
nobody ever wants to talk to you. That's just I'm telling you right now,
start being vocal in bed, andit'll things will improve for you.
Well, you also need to checkin because hopefully you're changing positions, you're

(46:07):
changing the flow of things a littlebit. We're always switched to this.
How does she feel? Oh youknow what I mean? Or oh I
I'm going deeper? Oh is thathurting her? Is that? Whatever?
You know? Well? And it'seven like even like if you're you know,
um, oh do you like this? Or do you like that?
And if if they're giving you verbalcues that they are enjoying themselves, you

(46:29):
don't have to constantly be like youknow. That's because obviously they're they're giving
you reasons or any type of youknow, common But if if you are
changing things, or if you're doingsomething that might be a little kinky,
and you're doing things that might evolvelike choking or spanking, is this good?
You know? Did you like that? You know you can ask things?
Hey, I mean that's kind ofa sex and having safe words and
yeah, you like that? Youknow, like you can say that and

(46:49):
if they say no, please stop, then you know, to stop.
But if you're not even asking thosethings, if you're not even considering,
because you're so focused on your ownenjoyment too, that that can be a
problem as well. Yeah, youbasically just black out and just do whatever
you want. That's not okay,right, right, And so it's important
for I mean for everyone to justremember that you should continuously try to check
in and it should be enthusiastic.If someone's just like, yeah, I

(47:10):
guess, then maybe maybe should bedoing he should have sex with them?
They don't really sound like they wantto have sex with you. It's not
a fun yes, so don't fuckthem? Yeah. If it's not a
fun yes, then fuck don't don't. Yes, sure, well those are
unless you have another big, bigone. I think those are my main

(47:31):
two red flags, and then there'sobviously other ones that aren't as major but
still important. Yes, yeah,I think those those are the absolute,
like the two biggest ones, andI think that a lot of little ones
that we're going to talk about too, will go back to kind of being
some variation of those two as well, about not not really caring about your
enjoyment and not caring about your boundaries. Like that's kind of that's kind of

(47:53):
like those are you know, thosea little compass a lot of it,
but we can get more specific aboutthings too. Yeah. I mean one
for me is when you're opening upwith your partner and you're talking about what
you like and don't like, andthen you explore like the fantasy side of
what you'd really like. If youopen up and tell them that in a
vulnerable manner and they make fun ofyou, laugh at you, or say,

(48:15):
oh, that's disgusting and shame youfor that kink or fantasy, that
to me is a red flag ofWow, they're not even open to listen
and kind of respect where you're comingfrom. You don't have to do those
like fantasies by any means, butjust just from like a vulnerability standpoint,

(48:36):
why would you laugh at someone wholikes those certain things. Yeah, kink
shaming is is definitely a red flag. It doesn't mean if someone tells you
a kink and it's not something thatyou're into, you don't have to do
it. You're not being nobody's goingto force you to do their kink.
But you can also just say,okay, well I appreciate you sharing that
with me, thank you for youknow, thank you for being open with
me. And then you can sharesomething you might have and you know,

(48:58):
see what they say, but youdon't want to in any way shame them
for it, and you can belike, well, I'll have to think
about that. Maybe we can trythat sometime. I think a lot of
it is education too, especially datingRoy. I've been a lot kinkier in
my sex life with things that Idid not even know existed, to be
completely honest, and he'd say somethingor show me a photo or do something

(49:19):
and will not do something but likeshow like what he would like or whatever,
and I'm like, at first,I'm like, oh shit, like
what am I looking at? Andthen I'm like, okay, take it
back like, don't like, comeon, you can't just say that and
then not have an example, Sarah, I don't know if he's gonna like
that I'm saying this. So whenwe were traveling, I was scrolling through
his phone to try to find thisphoto that he took, and I scrolled

(49:42):
a little too far and found aphoto of a woman who was like aggressively
tied up, and it was likea cartoon drawing or whatever, but it
was like a depiction of like ina public space, and it was just
like a really graphic photo that oneI wasn't expecting to see as I was
scrolling on my phone, and twoI had never known that that was something
that he really enjoyed. So thesecond I saw I was like what the

(50:06):
I was like, what is this? And then he kind of explained.
I was like, oh, youlike you like that? He's like,
yeah, but it's just like afantasy thing that I don't expect. I
don't expect you to ever get tothe level of anything in this photo,
but you know, it is somethingthat kind of turns me on. And
it was a conversation in like aneducation of just oh, okay, this
is what this is in the photoand whatever, but I wouldn't have if
I'd never would have stumbled upon it. I eventually we'd probably had the conversation,

(50:30):
but it was just a moment oflearning for me, of going okay
and now I just you know,I was much less salacious than I thought
I was going. He didn't seethe photo, but it was I can't
even explain it because it's just sofucking graphic that I was so shocked for
looking for a photo of myself inhis camera role that I was not expecting

(50:51):
that, But I didn't I didn'tshame him for it because I'm like,
Okay, you find like you findthat sexy my thought processes. How can
we corporate elements that I feel comfortabledoing from that into our sex play?
Yeah? Absolutely, And that wasgood that, you know, you guys
were able to have that conversation becauseyou're both adults about these things. Whereas

(51:12):
you know people who kink shame.Now. The opposite into that too is
that if somebody forces their kink onyou without asking you about it, like
that's that's also a huge red flag, Like someone who just starts choking you
without asking if that's what you're intoor anything. Um. I. I
had a friend who told me onetime that she was with a guy and
they were in the shower having sexand he just started peeing on her.

(51:35):
No yeah, and she was like, what are you doing it? She
was like disgusted by because it wasn'tsomething she expected and it wasn't something she
was into. And he was laughingbecause he was getting off, like he
enjoyed it, and he's like,oh, this is just a thing I
like. And she's like this isnot okay, like like that's not okay
to just do that. He's like, where in the shower? What does
it matter? Like, so hewas immediately dismissive of how he violated her

(51:55):
consent and took a kink of hisand it just immediately yeah, just thrust
it upon her without ever talking toher about it anyway. Red fucking it
goes back to the violation of consent. What the fuck? Exactly. Yeah,
It's one thing if they would havebeen in the shower and like talking
about it and then said, hey, you know, I kind of want
to live out this. Let's likelet's try it, you know, and

(52:19):
if she was okay and open toit, sure, Yeah, Like he's
like Hey, can I can Itry peeing on you, you know while
we're in the shower, like noton your face or something, but just
like you know, just to seeand she's like, yeah, let's all
right, let's try it. Butif you just like just all started started
just hoose it her down like this, yeah, I would think what are
you doing? Yeah? Yeah?And so I was a be honest.

(52:43):
So that's you know, the kinkshaming and kink forcing, those are two
things. And then um, bodyshaming and like any type of insecurity,
like you know, using your insecuritiesagainst you or trying to or saying things
about insecurities would be as a hugered fun like saying who you're vagina,
it's a little weird compared to whatjust like calling out men are fucking awful

(53:05):
of saying oh, it's like yourextra beef lip or some shit. I
mean, men are fucking we knowmen are trash, but calling something out
as terrible as that, or mentioning, oh it's been a while since you've
shaved your legs. I've not reallyattracted you unless you shave your legs,
or making fun of any smell thathappens during sex or a quief that happens
during sex or any if you're sweatyduring sex because it's a physical activity,

(53:30):
and they say, oh, you'redisgusting. I've not attracted you because you're
sweating during a physical activity. Itjust like makes you feel insecure of like,
damn, do you not find mesexy? This is just my body.
I can't control if I can't controlthe quief that happened or whatever.
And it's my body if I decideto shave or not shave, So don't

(53:52):
shame me because of that. Andit just why would you want to be
with someone who's putting you down ina really vulnerable state, to be honest,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'slike that's not a healthy person.
That's not someone you'd want to bewith in any way, Like they're not
a good person to be with.And as far as I'm concerned, there's
one thing to like to have thoughts. You can have thoughts like well like

(54:13):
oh, well, like if you'rehaving sex someone that you don't like,
I'm not really into this right now. This is person you know, like
if that's like as a one nightstand or a hook up or something,
and you're just like, oh,this is a bad idea, but using
that time to shame the person orwhatever, it's not okay, just don't
do it again. It's basically,you know, just just decide not took
up with him again. That that'sthe way to deal with that. It's

(54:36):
not calling them out for whatever bothersyou at that at that moment. Yeah,
yeah, unless I will say,unless it's something like if there's a
guy and you're about to go downon him and he smells like yesterday's cana
tuna fish because he hasn't shaved,you know, washed his balls and three
ranks, then it's okay to belike, you know what, we're not
doing this till you go take ashower. That that's okay if it's a

(54:57):
hygienic thing, and it's a hygienicneglect thing, not a not something that's
just like you know, like butlike especially with it when it comes to
men just being unwashed morons, Um, it's okay to be like, yeah,
this is done until you take ashower and learn how to wash your
ass. Like it's just not gonnahappen. I was literally going to say,
if they can't change it in acouple of minutes, it's not worth

(55:17):
calling out, so something like hygienepretty much, you know, why would
you call out something that they can'tchange about their bodies? But if it's
something like that, hey, yeah, right exactly. Yeah, because we
know that that's that's been a thing. I'm sure you've had some stories about
that. But you know, I'mprobably the one who sounds worse than any

(55:40):
Why is that because I'm just avery sweaty person. Like I've been told
like, you're too sweaty, andI'm like, okay, I don't think
sweaty isn't bad though sweaty, Like, I don't think everything sweaty is bad.
So until someone's like, damn,you made my sheets all wet and
it's not just from your pussy,it's from your sweaty body, I'm like,
just wash the fucking sheets more on. Yeah, that's a red flag

(56:02):
right there too. It's gonna saya shit like that. Yeah, Like,
do you expect your sheets not toget dirty after we just go?
I don't understand. Do you notwant sex to be a fun physical activity
that you're gonna sweat and like that'sjust that's gonna happen like that. Yeah,
that's I don't get it. Yeah, so that boils down to another
Another red flag too, is ifespecially when it comes to a man having

(56:22):
absolute zero knowledge about the female bodyand not wanting to learn anything about it.
You know, like just you takemen who just don't understand things as
basic as you know, obviously wherewhere the clitteress is. They think the
clitters in the g spot is thesame thing. I've seen multiple things about
about that. They think that,I mean, they think that periods can

(56:43):
be held in like you just holdit like if you have to pee,
Like they think we can pick whenit happens. You can pick when it
happens and just schedule it for youknow, they just don't. And if
they think that women are you know, hairless and completely hairless and understand that
there's gonna be hairs sometimes there's gonnabe you know, like on nipples and
things like that, like that justhappens. That's part of being a human.
And yeah, literally, like theweirdest, I think the weirdest comment

(57:07):
I've ever received about my body wasfrom an ex boyfriend because you know,
he was like sucking on my nippleand he was like, it looks like
you have pimples on your nipples becauseI had liked and like in our early
twenties. I don't know, Iwas just like, what are you talking
about? He's like, that's nota normal nipple, And I'm like,
how many nipples have you seen inyour life? My god, we're like

(57:30):
twenty years old. What the fuckyou haven't fucked that many? I'm we
were virgin. Like it was sodumb, but he said that, and
it's always stuck with me, andI'm just like, this is a normal
fucking nipple. All nipples coming,just like vaginas, all body parts come
in different shapes and sizes. Andthat was just such a like you don't
understand. I'm not saying, oh, your dick's not a normal dick because

(57:50):
it's bigger or small, you knowwhat. I Like, I wouldn't say
that about a man's right because empathyand you're thoughtful and you're you know,
considerate, whereas men just say thestupidest fucking shit like that like that have
been Oh, well, this isthe last nipple of mind you're gonna see.
Like that should have been out there. I mean as soon as he
started saying that, like, becauseyou know, people have this idea not

(58:10):
people. Men have this idea ofwomen as far as porn and playboy.
It's airbrush and all the stuff.So they just don't like somehow get in
their head, they don't understand theirhuman beings, like they're we all have
flaws and wrinkles and sunny lightly likeall these things. And if you're gonna,
I don't know, it's the same, the same idiot neck beards who

(58:32):
like coming on like a picture ofsaid, oh, well she's too fat,
and you look at the picture,you're like, what she normal human
being? Like what the fuck areyou talking about? And let me just
guess what you look like? Theirtroll, you know. So, but
yes, and security is a bigone, and not knowing about her,
you know, making using someone's insecurity against them, not knowing someone's body
and not even trying to learn aboutit, not being willing to learn about

(58:54):
bodies or even ask questions and tryto find out like that's just yeah,
And going back to bodies and women'sbodies in general periods and like we could
say, we can't just hold themin period. Did I say period?
Like no, No, I wasjust just like yes, periods. Period,

(59:15):
that is that is a red flagright there. Yeah, not having
a period. But what how mendeal with it? Well, yeah,
because it's like, oh, I'mmad at you because I can't have sex
with you because you're crampy and youdon't feel good enough on your period to
have sex with me. Boo,I'm gonna be a potty little boy about
it. Or oh that's gross,you have a period. I don't want

(59:37):
to have sex with you or touchyou until you're done with your period.
Like it's fucking twenty twenty two,and you don't respect me because I'm a
menstruating human. What the fuck?Like I said, can't control it,
you know, And you know,maybe not everybody's things. To have sex
with someone on their period, that'syou know whatever, that's if you can't
handle it, it's not a bigdeal. Some so I feel like and

(01:00:00):
think that it's gonna be like andI know you probably haven't seen this movie
like The Shining, The Shining,when the elevator is open up and there's
just the blood pours down the hallway, Like they think that's what it's going
to be like having sex with someoneon their period. It's not. It's
just it's you know, it's it'sa pretty easy clean up. It's not
a big deal, and it's usuallypretty fucking good sex in my opinion too.
It like, but so men aregonna get weird about it, which

(01:00:21):
you know, these are the samemen who don't wash their asses, so
like they're just they don't understand thehuman body in any capacity. And it's
also any man who says, oh, well, your mouth isn't on its
period, is it? When likeyou're like, I don't want to have
sex because I'm on my period,you know, like anyone who says any
man who says that, that's ared flag. Any mean, it's like,
oh, well you're not in themood, but you know, I
can still your mouth in the mood. Yeah, like you know roid jokes,

(01:00:45):
like as a joke, like welaugh about he's not serious, but
he'll say something like, oh,you know, your mouth looks really good
right now. I'm like, shutthe fuck up. Yeah, as a
joke. But yeah, if youlike you actually asked to have X or
he asked to have sex and you'relike, I'm not really feeling it,
I'm kind of crampy, and thenhe's like, okay, well just want
to suck my dick instead, LikeI feel like that's a shitty thing to

(01:01:07):
say if you're serious about it,Like, if you're serious about it,
that is not okay. Yeah,And going back to period sex too,
most of the time, when Ithink it's going to be a lot of
blood, we always look at thetown. I'm like, that wasn't that
much. It really wasn't that bad, right, So I had I accidentally
had period sex. I didn't evenrealize when I had my when I was
having me affair and I actually wasgoing down on her and she started her

(01:01:30):
period without even realizing, and itwasn't until I came up and realized that
I had some blood around like mybeard, and then I was like,
okay, well then we just thenwe had sex and it was fantastic and
it was you know, it wasincredible and I was like I washed off
and wow, I survived and itwas no big deal, you know,
and just it was a fun experienceand exactly, yes, Oh man,

(01:01:53):
what other ones do you have thatare red flags on your list? I
would say anything related to refusal tounderstand how important birth control is, or
to put the entire onus on yourshoulders and just be like well you're on
birth control, or you can justtake Plan and B and or I can't
use a condom they don't fit.Well, you know what, that's absolute

(01:02:13):
bullshit. There's been so many Ilove the TikTok videos of people like taking
like a normal condom, like asmall so like an averagise condoment, like
putting it on their arm all theway down to their elbow and be like,
oh it's too small, is it? Yeah? Fuck you, You're
just a piece of shit for sayingthat. Or it doesn't feel the same
the mark, the difference is somarginal that you can't you just there's nothing.

(01:02:34):
It drives me crazy. The it'sthe having to stop to put it
on is what people don't like it. It ruins the moment. But if
there's no other alternative, if she'snot you know, she doesn't have an
IUD or birth control, or doesn'twant to take a Plan B, that's
your option, that that is yourform of And you know what ruins the
moment is having a fucking baby.Um that will ruin all of the future

(01:02:57):
moments. Also, what ruins momentis if you were to get an STI
because you weren't as a protection becauseif we do have any listeners who are
this fucking stupid, and I hopewe don't at this point in our ten
year as podcast hos so over fiveyears, but if you still listening in
you're this fucking stupid. You canget sdis as someone's on birth control.
Just so you know, birth controlis not at you know, like IUDs

(01:03:21):
and birth control do not protect youfrom getting an STI so keep that in
mind because I know some people areidiots and think that um. And also
with condoms, I wanted to mentionif somebody stealths. So if somebody pulls
off the condoms you know in themiddle sex and thinks it's funny or it
just does it because they won't notice. They think they won't notice if they
take it off or whatever, thatis actually a violation. If you consent,

(01:03:42):
that is rape. That is inand there are some states that actually
will now have that legislated as rape. But that is rape because they you
did not consent to having sex withouta condom. And so that is a
of course, a giant red flag. Any type of any type of sexual
assault or rape is a red flag. Yeah, I don't think we should
need to say that, but world, let's just make it explicit and on

(01:04:04):
the topic of STIs too, ifthey refuse to get tested or like,
don't know. I think it's importantto know at least where you stand,
especially if you're having multiple sexual partners, to go I'm good, Are you
good? And it's like, oh, I don't believe in that, or
oh I've always been good. Ifthey give an answer to that effect,

(01:04:25):
I would be really cautious and probablywouldn't engage in any activity with them.
Absolutely be like you, that's justit's just not worth it at all.
Nope, let's see you gotta youhave anything else? I bet I have
a couple. If they shame you, if you're having the conversation of how
many people have you slept with,which is a stupid fucking conversation to have

(01:04:46):
in general. But if you happento have that conversation and you say your
number and then they shame you basedoff of the number that you said,
red fucking flag. You don't wantto say why would you want to sleep
with them? They're just You're apiece of meat to them. You should
have your numbers, should be Ikeep seeing the tiktoks. What numbers should
she be and they're like zero,Like what the fuck is wrong with men?

(01:05:10):
But men can have fifty, butshe must have zero because that's how
I control the woman or whatever.That's all it is. It's control.
It's also those men don't want anywoman to know how bad they are in
bed, and so they find somebodyno experience too to have sex with.
Yeah, so there's that. Andthen my other thought is when men,

(01:05:30):
I'm I'm stereotyping men, but I'msure that there there could be other possibilities
out there. But if they onlypretend to care about you before they think
they're going to get laid, sothey're showing you the most interest, and
they're text to you back the mostand pretending like treating you right right before
they think they're going to get laid, and then you guys have sex,
and then he goes back to treatingyou like shit and ghosts you and whatever

(01:05:55):
and only hits you up when hethinks he's going to get laid. Red
flag. I agree, that's um. In my opinion, that's a violation
of informed consent because you were consentingto sex with somebody that you thought cared
about you. And if they werelying, in manipulating to you in order
just to get you to be injust to get in bed with you,
and saying what they what you thoughtthey wanted. Then you were not consenting

(01:06:18):
in an informed way. You weren't. You weren't informed on how they actually
felt. And that is a violationof consent. Huge red flag. I
never would have considered that a violationof consent. I would just would have
assumed shitty, and it's just ahookup, so it doesn't really matter.
And then when he hits me upagain, then oh he's actually nice again,

(01:06:39):
Oh he might like that. That'snever, in my mind, ever
been part of like a violation ofconsent, because it's so fucking common that
that shit happens that people don't trying. Here's how to trick a woman into
get in a bed with you.Well, you know what, if you
trick a woman to get in yourbed, you just violated her consent.
I really feel, I really feltthat's what it is, because, like
I said, informed consent, youknow you're consenting to an explicit set of

(01:07:01):
things, or a can explicit thing. I am consenting that sex with this
person to any point that I decideI don't want to, but this person,
if this person is not representing themselvesin a way that is genuine or
legitimate, then you're not consenting tothat sex with a piece of shit who's
lying to you. If he's lyingto you, that's not you would not
have consented. If they had actuallyif you knew that they felt a certain
way or we're actually tricking you behindthe scenes, then yeah, your actions

(01:07:26):
would have been different. Yeah,So that's something they really keep in mind.
There's a lot like I mean,I think our coercion episode people have
really talked about that too, howthey didn't really think about how much coercion
violate your consent as well. Andthen I think that you're you know,
your example is another good way,that good way, but another solid example
of violation of consent. Which isfunny how these all kind of go down
and you know, to the samethings. Basically, it's like consent and

(01:07:50):
what was the consent and consent andbasically and consideration consent and concenter maybe yeah,
yeah, consent consideration instead of communication, open and honest communication, this
is consent and consideration. This episodeis the main focus. Yes, and

(01:08:12):
you know, I think we we'vetalked about most of them. I have
a few, like small, quickones that I want to talk about.
Um, if like you're going downon a guy and he grabs your head
without asking, oh god, fuckyou, that's a red flag. That's
like someone who's like watching porn islike, oh, this is how you
do it. No, you knowwhat, someone who's actually good at giving
head you don't need to touch theirhead at all because you don't let them

(01:08:32):
do their work. They're going tobe do an excellent job. The only
thing I'll say about if you happento touch my head that I don't find
problematic is if I'm like, keepgetting my own hair in my mouth.
Yes, then then you can helpme by pulling my hair back, hold
back, but not to push.If you use someone's head as a fun

(01:08:53):
toy, then I think that's ared flag without permission. If your partner
decides she wants to use a wayto get off because she had sex and
she's still she didn't have an orgasmand she wants to get there, and
you get jealous of it, oryou think it's somehow a replacement for you,
you're a red flag. You're awalking, walking red flag. You're

(01:09:14):
also no fun in bed. Honestly, you're no fun, right, I
mean, I had, you know, some of the most fun I've ever
had has been when I would havebeen with somebody and like I you know,
I came, she was close,but didn't quite get there. So
then we brought out the toys,and then she finally had an orgasm,
and then you know, like theit was just like a fun experience to
use toys and get there with her, and like I use the toys and
she used them and I would,you know, like talk dirty while she

(01:09:36):
was do you know all these things, and like that's a fun experience.
And if if you're not having sexwith someone because you want to have fun
with them, then you're doing itfor the wrong reasons. Question. Do
you think among men there's a stigmaof using sex toys for your own pleasure?
Like men just aren't inclined to wantto use sex toys for themselves.

(01:09:58):
I don't think so. I mean, I would say that the same men
that would have a problem with awoman using a vibrator in bed probably have
a fleshlight or probably have a sockthat they jerk off into, like or
some some equivalent yeah, you knowfu well, yeah, because of course
it's a double standard, because it'sthe men like that that have the issue.
And there's there's whole Twitter threads thatI've read about, you know,

(01:10:19):
these men saying, well, youknow, if your woman uses toys and
she's basically like I think, basicallya lesbian or something weird, which doesn't
make any o. Yeah, Iknow these people are just walking red flags
and sometimes that you don't know untilyou get into bed with them that they're
that fucking awful. Okay, whatelse do you Other couple ones I had
was like inviting a third party intobed without permission, you know, like,

(01:10:43):
hey, my friends here, youknow, without ever talking in a
through um any type of recording ortaking photos without permission, um, you
know, without without making explicit thatyou're about to do that, and then
you know, seeing if it's okay, even if you're like, well it
was just for me, it doesn'tmatter, it's it's not okay to do
that. I had an XT whereI actually did that ordered us without without
telling her because we were both drunkand she was going down on me at
our quarter and then I told herright afterwards. I was like, hey,

(01:11:05):
I just recorded this. Do youwant to watch? You know?
I can, you want to seeit and you can delete it if you
want, and she was into it, but it was but like I immediately
felt bad when I did it.I was like, oh, I'm not
this is not okay, you know, like but both parties, yeah,
both parts need to consent. Butwe were, like I said, we
were drunk, and I was like, shouldn't have done it, but it
wasn't didn't really register my drunk brainuntil after I was done. I was
like, oh, that wasn't agood idea. You know, that was

(01:11:27):
years ago. Well, I hadsomeone who took a photo I'm assuming took
a photo of me while I wassucking his dick. But then I heard
the click. I didn't see aflash. I heard the click, freaked
the fuck out and was like,well, let me see your phone,
like let me and I had reallylong hair at the time, so I
was like, well, my faceprobably is covered by my hair, I'm

(01:11:47):
guessing. But then he pulled uphis phone said I have nothing to hide,
and then I guess. I tothis day still think it ended up
in his deleted folder. I thinkhe deleted it quickly and then when I
scrolled just his camera role, Ididn't see it right or snapchat or it
could have been snapchat. Yeah,I mean that was like the snapchat.

(01:12:08):
This was in college. Yeah,so shitty behavior. I still went back,
still went back after that, goingoh, well whatever, red flag,
Yeah, I bet you. Ibet you've got zero orgasms out of
that relationship. H worst guy ever. Well, let's see anything else I
had on here. Oh, Iguess the only other one that I think
is not really necessarily a red flag, but it's maybe a yellow flag is

(01:12:30):
someone who's just lazy in bed,like someone who's just like especially I feel
like this is a kind of aguys with a big dick type thing,
like a guy who just lives.They don't have to work for it.
They just laid back and then justlike all right, get on top,
and they don't like try anything.Like if someone's on top, you know,
you can move with them, youcan grab them by the hips,
you can like, you know,there's a lot of ways you can be
involved in that. So if they'rejust like a lazy and just just want

(01:12:51):
to be a dick, like essentiallyjust essentially a human dick and just let
you just like ride them and theydon't want to do anything. I feel
like that's kind of a yellow maybered flag. Then why are you even
having sex? I get if you'rebored whatever, But if you don't have
the energy to have sex, don'ttry to have sex, just hang out
on the couch with them instead.Why father? You know, if it's

(01:13:14):
just going to be one sided,you're not going to be fun. Stop
exactly. And I think that,I mean they might go for a woman
too. That if you're not inthe mood to have sex to someone,
then don't don't fake it. Don'tdon't fake it. I definitely don't no,
no, no, but like,don't fake that you want to and
fake the experience and just say noand don't let them course you into having
sex too. Yeah. So Ithink it's a pretty pretty solid list of

(01:13:38):
red flags and one yellow. Yes, the one yellow, I agree.
Yeah. If you have other otherred flags that you would like to share
with us, you can do that. Share them in a Facebook group.
You can join Facebook at Facebook dotcom, slash groups, slash DKs podcast.
We have a thriving group that hasnew members. Of the time,
I do not even have I've stoppedcounting it how many members we have,

(01:13:59):
but there's a two thousand. Yeah, it's definitely over two thousand. Yeah,
yeah, but yeah we can definitelyyou can always post what red flags
do you think in bed are importantas well. Yeah, and if you're
having a red flag experience or somethingthat you think might be a red flag,
give us a call in our DKshotline. That number is four zero
seven five one nine zero one eightone, and we'll play it on air

(01:14:20):
and you could be anonymous and wecould figure it out together. That's right.
We need more of those, sowe need some more voicemails. I
think we have one more saved rightnow to reply on too, So we
need we need more. So yes, please call the DKs outline you if
you're not watching us on YouTube,you can at YouTube dot com slash dating
kind of Sucks. You can alsofollow around on follow us on Instagram,
where we don't really post much,but you know, who knows what might

(01:14:42):
happen. Instagram's died, Okay,it's so twenty nineteen. Yeah, so
that's it at dating kind of sucks, or you can follow you can follow
our personal instagrams. That's probably moreexciting, of course, you can email
so any questions at Dating kind ofSucks Podcast at gmail dot com. You
can also follow our TikTok's to we'reboth not really that active, just like
Instagram. Instagram might be done TikTok'snot, but Adams is at adam Evitable

(01:15:06):
and mine is at simply Surahgy Underscore. And then to round it out,
if you've been listening for almost fiveyears of this podcast and have not,
I repeat, have not given usa five star rating and review on iTunes,
now is the time to do it. What are you waiting for?
I don't understand. That's right,Yes, please just do that. It
literally takes just you know, aminute and a half to do. Would

(01:15:29):
love that. You can also,if you're on Spotify, you can follow,
and I think now you can actuallyrate podcast on Spotify, so it
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you will get bonus content and that'spatreon dot com slash dcs podcast. Well,

(01:15:50):
this episode wasn't a walking red flag, so we'll try for another fun
thing next time. Oh we gotyou know. Earlier today, Sarah texted
me it was like, um,what's my useless superpower? You fuck fuck
you know? And I will.I'm gonna say that You're useless superpower is
definitely not segways. That is notone of your superpowers. But that can't

(01:16:13):
be a useless superpower if it's notmy superpower. No, it's it's not.
I'm saying that's not it seguas ornot your superpower in any way useless
or useful. Sometimes I have goodones, but yeah, it's not often
there. They're the cheesiest. It'salways so cheesy. They're great. We
will when we come back, mSarah and Roy Will that will be living
in blank somewhere somewhere new. Yeah, they'll be in a new home.

(01:16:38):
By the time we do you listento the next episode, I will still
be in the middle of BFI fuckingutah, So we'll be back in doing
to the brand new episode and thankyou for listening until next time. Hanging
on your listen to us and getTinder and mumbling plenty of youngs trying and

(01:17:01):
trying and having the luck because weall know dating kind of sucks. Sarah
and Adam are duobi kind says,stupid chit and sheet isn't mind. They're
not doing with this so to makeany buck light as a chicken booscause as
they bluck. Why does it work? We'll hear with the frug they both

(01:17:21):
know dating kind of sucks. Datingkind of sucks.

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