Should Your Partner Challenge You?

Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Hi, I'm Madam Ethavitable and I'mSarah. This is the DCS Podcast,
a podcast about love, sex,culture and society. This week we'll be
discussing whether or not partners should challengeyou. Enjoy the show whether you're married
or fingle or palla, you're aworrying and on Witzmanner's back at your place,

(00:23):
listen to us and be getting bucka tenderbind mumble of plenty of young
trying and trying and having to luckbecause we all know dating kind of sucks.
Thanks for joining us for another episodeof the DCS podcast. It's going
to be another great show that we'rerecording right before I leave for South Africa.
We're actually planning ahead for once togive you an episode to listen to

(00:44):
on your post Thanksgiving drive or flighthome. This week, we'll have a
quick update about our lives, anemail from an Australian listener, and then
we'll dive into the topic and answerthe question should partners challenge you? But
before we get started, we needmore listener questions, so please take the
time time to call our hotline atfour zero seven five one nine zero one
eight one and leave a voicemail oryou can email us at Dating Kind Of

(01:07):
Sucks Podcast at gmail dot com withany question related to dating, sex,
relationships, culture, and society.Whether it's you trying to understand what CIS
means, or getting advice on tellingyour parents something controversial, or wondering about
what to buy your partner or whata good gift for your partner would be
for the holidays, We'll be happyto answer it. So reach out today.

(01:29):
Now. Our last episode was recordedlast week, so there isn't too
much to update you on. ButAdam, please tell us more about your
recent explorations in Tulsa. Well,I mean, I feel like this.
How has it only been a week? Because I now have a recliner in
a real office chair, and Ihave a couch, and I have a
real bed and a bookcase. Likethings are just multiplying here. It's fantastic.

(01:53):
I have one of those fancy oldMan recliners that I can plug in
that has heat and vibration it.It's amazing. You're an adult now,
I know. Or I think Iskipped a Dulton went right to old Man.
Yeah yeah, and I got acouch today that the couch is delivered
and I installed it. Or youhad to put it together, and I
want to say hardy fuck you toFedEx. Oh really okay, yes,

(02:15):
yes, the couch was an eightypound box that they literally left directly outside
my door. That if I wasn'tme being able to like lift it myself
and move it inside, Like ifI mean honestly, if it was you,
you would have been you would havebeen in trouble, like because it
was blocking the end. There wasit was. It was it's eighty pounds,
so like it was quite a bitto slide and yes, then you're

(02:35):
gonna slide across your floor, buteven that was was not easy. I
had to, like it took someeffort. And I was like, what
if this was some like little grandmagetting something delivered, and like they put
it so she can't even get outher door. So yeah, yeah,
they shouldn't put it right in frontof the door that they literally yeah exactly.
But yeah, if there's a fireand I tried to escape and all
a sudden, there's my couch blockin my way. But yeah, and

(02:58):
uh And I posted on Facebook aboutthat and someone said that FedEx does that
to them all the time, likea ups and Amazon never do that.
But when FedEx delivers, they likelean these heavy things like on their door
sometimes, so they're trying to opentheir door and it's leaning on their door.
Yeah, what if it's something breakslike that easily breaks and then when
they open the door, they don'tcare. Yeah, I guess not.

(03:19):
Yeah, So anyways, that wasthat was interesting. And I'll tell you
what, I have gotten quite adeptat building furniture that is designed to be
built by two people by myself.Like I just i will be balancing one
thing on a knee and like andlike using a drill while I've got like
my teeth gripping onto another piece,just trying to get it all balanced,
like and screw things together. SoI'm pretty pretty proud of myself in that

(03:40):
sense. It sounds like you're onyour single girl journey, because that's what
I had to do when I wasbuilding furniture alone and all the instructions were
please do or you must build withtwo people, and I go, well,
it's just fucking me exactly. Yeah, yeah, I just there.
It's it's crazy how another person makesall the different and sometimes so yeah,

(04:01):
and tell us has been good.I since I'm finally starting to get organized
and then slowly, you know,get a fur insure and feel like an
actual human here. I went outon Saturday night for my my really first
night. I went out on Halloweenand that was an interesting night, but
this was like my first night kindof going out with friends that live here.
It was. It was really fun. I met them out out of
town a little bit at a breweryand I drove out there and met them

(04:25):
and didn't drink anything because I don'tlike beer, but you like the vibe,
well, yeah, it was acool little It was a coott vibe
and it was a coolttle. Itreminded me of our Glass Brewery and Longwood,
Florida, where they have a tableset up and a whole bunch of
like board games and tabletop games,so you could just like sit there and
just drink beer and play games.And they had a big warehouse set up
with like cornhole and stuff like that, and it was it was pretty neat.
But then we decided to go intotown because I was talking to my

(04:46):
friend's boyfriend and saying, you knowthat I was looking for some diving and
he goes, oh, I knowjust the place. So we went to
this place called Arnie's and it wasdefinitely diving, like they still smoke in
there, like that's how you know, that's that's one sign of a dive
bar. And I ordered a doubleand the guy the bar goes, I'm
just gonna tell you a piece ofadvice. Don't order doubles here. There's
just no point. Let me justbe like, you know, just to

(05:08):
order a single. Happy, Ipromise, like yeah, good, so
we yeah, so went there.Then went to this other place. It's
more of a club called the rabbitHole. There's a dance floor. That
was a really cool. It wasvery alternative, and there was like there
was a guy literally singing EDM forlike four hours, and I don't know
how you sing e DM, buthe was like he was on stage and
he was singing and there was musicplaying, but like he was singing along

(05:29):
with it in a really interesting way. Was it good or just yeah?
It was really good, Like Ithought it was like actual music, just
like all being played. And thenI looked up to no, there's someone
to play there on stage singing thisand it was it was really interesting.
Yeah, it was a it wasa cool bar, very alternative, and
I think it was a you know, a little bit of a departure from
the dive bar. It was stilldiving, but in its in like an
alternative way. But yeah, Ihad a good time there. And then

(05:51):
you know, I was there tillalmost I think it until they closed it
too. And then I realized thatwhere the bar was was literally like a
block and a half maybe two blocksfrom my apartment, and I was like,
I'll just walk home. So Ijust walked home and you know,
went to my apartment and went tobed and woke up very hungover just because
I didn't do my normal drink waterand I take out of your probe before

(06:14):
I go to bed. And soI after a while, I was like,
oh, I have to go getmy car now because I left it
down. You know, I leftit a It's only a couple of blocks
away, but like I have togo out into the sunshine and like,
you know, brave that and gothere. So I literally called it.
Bro was very lazy. I paid, I know, I paid like eight
bucks to go to go two blocks. You were able to walk home,
but you have to, I know, I know. So then I get

(06:38):
to where I parked my car onthe on the street and it's gone,
like toad gone. It's just notthere. And I'm like, and I
remember where we parked it very specifically, because one, I hadn't had anything
to drink when I parked the car. I know, I've been to the
brewery and I and I remember seeinga mural in front of us that my
friend pointed out. She's like,oh, I love this mural and she
was talking about it. So Iremember that, so I knew exactly where

(06:59):
my car was, and so thenI had to find out. And I'm
sitting there, of course, andI'm like, I'm kind of hungover,
and my son, like the sunis out and it's like and it's like
seventy It's like it was like seventydegrees too. It was like weirdly warm,
and I'm just like, I justdon't want to be here right now.
And so I'm like calling around tothe towing places and none of them
have any record of my car,you know, And I'm calling they call
the police non emergency line and they'relike, no, we don't have any

(07:21):
record of it either. So Iwas like, God, damn, that
does that mean someone stole my car? Like my first night going out and
just I left because I left ittoo late overnight and someone stole, Like,
who's gonna want this piece of shit? One hundred thousand miles on this
old you know, old Ford,Like, no, it's not like a
car anybody steals. So I waslike, before I do that, let
me just verify. So I soI call another uber to go home because

(07:42):
I'm not walking home. I'm justlike, fuck this. So I called
another go home and I'm thinking aboutit this whole time, and I'm like,
you know, I just remember havingthis really vivid dream about walking home,
I know, vivid dream like vividmemory of walking home. And I
started realizing was it a memory orwas it a dream? Did I dreamed
that I walked around downtown late nightand actually didn't walk and drove home?
And maybe I did that? Idon't know, like maybe the dream was

(08:03):
just so vivid. And I diddistinctly remember opening the door when I got
into my apartment. There were thesetwo people coming in that they were right
behind me, and I held thedoor for them. And then I started
thinking, would I have done thatat the front door? Would I have
done that for two random strangers atthe front door, or would I have
done that in the garage where theyalready got into the garage, so I
knew that there were residents, youknow, because you have to get you

(08:24):
have to get into the garage.So then I started douting myself. So
I had the driver drop me offhere, and I went back into the
parking garage and my car was sittingin the my spot, my assigned spot.
So apparently, and the thing is, here's the thing is, I
was not that drunk. I was. I did not that I was.
Yeah, I was not. Iwas not like obliterated or anything like that.
I was drinking very, very marginallybecause I just can't drink that much

(08:46):
anymore. And I had I hada bunch of food right before, like
at like one am. I Iordered they had they had a kitchen,
I ordered food. I was like, I think what it was was just
that I was tired. I drovehome, which was only took thirty seconds
because it's literally two blocks away,and then I had this really vivid dream
about walking around downtown how easy thisis to walk out everywhere. So I
woke up convinced that I had walked, that I walked home. The walkability

(09:11):
so h yeah, So I thinkThat's exactly what happened is I just did
this dream was so vivid that Ijust did. I assumed it was reality,
and so yeah, I felt sofucking stupid though that I thought my
carbon toad and stolen when it wasI could have just checked out in the
garage and you know and seen ifit was there. Yeah, you wouldn't
feel stupid if you never told thestory. Well that's true, that's true.
I could have just not shared anyof this, but you know,

(09:31):
gone about your life whatever. Ican't do that I had. I had
to share it so that I rewardedmyself for finding my car with. Have
you even't been been in this placecalled Raising Canes? I don't know if
I had someonehen I was in Texasand when I was driving through Texas and
I was really impressed, and theyhave one here and it was literally like
it was like fifteen sixteen minutes away, but I was like, I'm going

(09:52):
there today and I went, uhand got So they have like the best
sauce and chicken tenders that I've everhad my life. Like it just that's
all they have. Their menu isliterally four things, like four different levels
of chicken tender like however many youwant basically, and then their sauce,
And so that was like I atea bunch of food, and then I've
basically been putting shit together and goingthrough everything in my uh in my house

(10:16):
and trying to organize it nice.I miss all the chicken options now that
I don't live in the South.That is one thing there's not a Yeah,
I guess that's probably true by me. It's it's all local places,
which I'd rather eat at local places, but there are Yeah, there's no
Popeyes, Raising Canes, Chick filA anything by me, right right,

(10:37):
Yeah, yeah, I see that. I have learned there's not really much
much in fast food around me.So if I'm going to go, if
I want to go somewhere, Ihave to drive, just like I've learned.
I have to do there for thegrocery store too. Now, as
like we talked about last episode thatI'm gonna have to go to the suburbs
and get some groceries there if Iactually want like good groceries, because there's
just nothing in this in a deliverableradius is really a decent, decent grocery

(10:58):
store. Unfortunately. I love thatyou remembered that we talked about that last
episode, because you never remember whatwe talked. I know you remember that,
I remember you and I had theconversation. Then I just assumed that
we did it on airs. Isbasically I was going to say. I
was like, he's really sure aboutthat, and I'm unsure. So that's
funny, but carry on. That'sthat's really It's been nice. So I'm

(11:18):
getting setted. I have We'll seehow this is. I've got a welcome
like orientation party for the because Ican remember if I've told you that I'm
here as part of a Tulsa remoteprogram, which you mentioned encouraging Okay,
they're encouraging people to move here.Well, they have a lot of like
events for people to try to getto know each other and everything, and
so they have a welcome orientation partyon Wednesday night, the fifteenth. So

(11:43):
I'm going to go to that.I retleased I r SVP that I'm going
to it. You should go.Don't fucking not go. I just okay.
The whole reason they want people toget together is to form community and
get you more comfortable in a newcity, so that hopefully you like Tulsa
enough to want to living there.I don't know if I need to meet
all the other people who go.It's a good idea, okay, even

(12:07):
it's it's like dating. At leastyou're not going on one on one friendship
dates or what meetups with these people. You're going to be in a room
full of maybe what twenty five howmany people are in your orientation? I
have no idea, Okay, solet's just say there's twenty five other people
at a minimum there you might clickwith one of the actual orientation that we
had had eighty people in it,so like it may actually be a dezse

(12:30):
and so you're going to find acouple of people that you vibe with.
Yeah, I am just doing topromote the podcast. Drink a fucking red
bull and small talk nonsense, andso yeah, I'm not looking forward to
that part of it. Well,just you should just play a game with
yourself of shock value things you couldsay to shock that's kind of kind of

(12:52):
like I'm thinking, you know,with with you know, recently died in
my beard, it's now like ayou know, like kind of a red
hue. So I'm gonna I know, I'm gonna stand out a bit and
I'm thinking that maybe if I justgo find a cool spot and just hold
court, people will come up tome to say hi because they're like,
oh, that guy seems interesting,and I can just not have to go
out and try to introduce myself topeople. You should, I like that
strategy. You should work the roomfor a little maybe ten minutes of walking

(13:16):
around bumping into people, grabbing ad or I could just wear my like
Superman onesie and don't please God,don't see that. Wear your standard black
shirt and dress shoes and jeans forthe love of God. And then you
know, if you find people thatreally annoy the hell do you just talk
about how you take nude photography anddo like all the crazy things that people

(13:37):
just shock value and then just keepitally of how many people you've disgusted.
I think the Slack channel is alreadya little horrified of me, because I
was like, how do you meetnew people? Like I'm writing an article
for Medium. I want to knowhow, you know, how you guys
are meeting new people other than justtoulls remote events, And I was like,
I like to go to dive barsand just you know, talk to

(13:58):
other locals, you know, likebecome a regular dive bar and then you
know, like meet the other regularsthat you show up, you know.
And I said, uh, andin the strip club is a great place
to meet meet new people as well? You did not? Yeah, and
uh, yeah, I was beinghonest. I mean it is. It's
a good, great place to meetnew people. I mean, I get
it. It's not because I feellike Tulsa Remote is a professional thing,

(14:18):
but it's not. Yeah, it'sbecause they know they are professionals. You
have remote the remote workers, butif're from all different you know, realms
of society, you know, Andyeah, I'm not gonna be anything other
than myself there. So did peoplereact to that comment? What was the
vib got lots of laughs and thensomeone else said something like I'll see you

(14:39):
there or something. There's a womanthat laughed and said I'll see you there,
And I said, should we do? I said, let's do a
meet up? I said, doyou think tell Us Remote would sponsor a
dop it? You did not sponsora live event? There, you're such
And then probably someone underneath commented,you know, I like meeting new people
at church or whatever. Oh no, no, urch came up a lot

(15:01):
but that was the That was thefunny part is that people were saying,
oh, yeah, like church orlike they're like my running group, and
I was like, oh, that'sa god running awful But yeah, church,
church was I would say, probablythe you know you're in the Bible.
Oh I know, I know.But these are new people moving into
the area too, so that doesn'tmean they initially go to church. And
strip clubs are my church, soyou know, respect my religion. Okay,

(15:28):
I've done. You're gonna make somany friends on Wednesday. I can't
wait. We'll see, we'll see. Yeah, well, a lot to
talk about because uh, this episodewill be aired on Thanksgiving. After Thanksgiving.
Uh, so I am I think'mgonna go to the grocery store and
buy stuff to make myself a Thanksgivingdinner. When I buy some baking stuff,
so I'm gonna buy I'm gonna makecookies and make a couple of pies,
mostly desserts. So and then I'mgonna you know, maybe some cream

(15:50):
spinach, which I love, anduh mash potatoes and you know that'll be
it'll be good. So I'm gonnatry to get all the fixings for that
stuff. Nice. So and well, we'll see. I told my work
too. I was like hey,because they're like, hey, you know,
nobody's going to really get me beworking much next week. I was
like, hey, I will beSo whatever you want to give me,
it's fine. I hate that youdon't get paid days off. I know

(16:12):
it would be nice if my workdid have vacation days. Maybe sometime I'll
convince them to incorporate that. I'llcall start a petition, unionize or something.
If you're listening to this, I'mnot unionizing, by the way,
if anyone, just to be clear, so you you've got much bigger plans
than I do. Obviously we talkedabout it briefly, but tell me about

(16:34):
that. I have massive Thanksgiving plans. Aka, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving and
I go to another country because soI'm continuing that tradition of I've done Canada,
I've done Portugal, and now I'mdoing South Africa. So I'll be
flying on Friday to London and thenflying London to Cape Town, so over

(16:55):
twenty hours of time in the air, and then I have an eight hour
layover in London, which is justenough time to not want to explore London.
Because of the train ride from theairport to downtown to then is the
airport Is the airport your flag?Not like it's not like in the heart
of downtown. I don't really know. It's an hour train ride. Okay,

(17:15):
so there goes two hours of thateight and then leave time for security,
and then you know, I'm leftwith maybe two and a half hours
in London, and I'm tired andjet lagged, and yeah, is it
worth It's worth it. I've been, not to be like, oh,
I've been before, but I've beento London, and I really liked London

(17:36):
a lot. But I spent aweek and a half when I visited,
so i'd want more time, andI don't. That's not my final destination,
so I'm probably just gonna chill inthe airport lounge and sleep and don't
say final destination. Don't jinx yourself. The final destination. Well, that
does not affect me whatsoever. Ido not care. I watch. Oh

(17:56):
yeah, if you were behind atruck that had a whole bunch of no
that would suck me up. Okay, okay, tanning beds and logs on
a truck, But me saying thephrase, me saying that's my final destination,
means nothing to me. Okay,okay, South Effe's gonna be amazing.
I can't wait to hear all thosestories, like I think it's gonna
be such a great time. Yeah, it'll be nice too, because it

(18:19):
will be the end of spring startof summer when I'm visiting, and right
now it's pretty gloomy and in theforties here in Seattle, so I'm basically
a snowbird, which I'm not madat. So, and then over Thanksgiving
I'm actually going to Kruger National Parkand doing a four day safari. So
that'll be four days safari. Yeah. Yeah, so that'll be fun and

(18:41):
I'll have a lot to talk abouton the next what to see after I
experience that. But so I've hadthat plan for a while, and we're
gonna get We're gonna get lots oflots of vertical videos of panning of a
giraffe or panning out of a lionfor just eight seconds. Now, I
don't have to really be able toenjoy it, but just enough get okay,
fuck you No, It'll probably bemostly the accommodations that we have in

(19:07):
the park itself, which so I'mpart of this digital nomad group and it's
like the Cape Town Hub and peopleare sharing you know, when they're there
and whatnot and things to do.And there's this one guy. I've never
met these people before, but there'sthis one guy in the group who's like,
Kruger National Park sucks, it's noteven that good. Don't waste your
money. Da da da da da. Just does not recommend it. When

(19:29):
anybody asked about a safari in SouthAfrica, he shits on it. And
I'm just like, well, that'swhat I'm doing, so fuck you.
He's like, there is so muchbetter. I'm like, yeah, I'm
sure there are better safaris and otherfucking areas, but this is the area
I'm going, so what you know, And I'm spending, Like, for
some context, it's not cheap todo a safari, and I was trying

(19:51):
to do like a budget adoption orwhatever, but it will cost you around
one thousand dollars for this experience withthe flight from Cape Town to Johannesberg then
all of that, so it's notcheap. And then after I've already paid
it, someone going, oh,it's not gonna be worth it. It's
gonna suck and IM like, I'mgonna see animals, I'm gonna explore the
reservation and yeah, be in ajeep. So I don't know how it

(20:11):
would be drastically different from somewhere likefifty miles away. I don't know.
I don't know. It's just Ito remember when you had another and I
don't think it was the same group, but people that there was always like
one or two people who were likethey would just shit on what everybody else
was doing because they were like,oh, well, you know the one
I did it, it was likethis, and they like they you know,

(20:33):
everything they did was supposed to beso much better and that's just obnoxious.
Well yeah, and they're like,oh, don't go to a Yeah,
don't go to Safari in South Africa, go in Kenya. And I'm
like, okay, well I'm notfucking going to Kenya. So that's really
not fucking helpful at all. Butthank you for your input there. But
then it made me question, oh, should I even go to South Africa?
And I really hate people who shoton locations right before someone's planning to

(20:55):
go to that location. It's justnot very nice. So please don't do
that, because it's like saying it'slike saying, oh, well, if
you're not going to go to theLouver, don't bother going too museums in
other countries. You know. That'syou know, like essentially, you know,
there's no point because that's the onlyone that really matters. No,
you can still have a great experiencein a great time. And yeah,
and I think South Africa is actuallya perfect place. And you can go
to Kenya some other time, yeahor never, it just depends or I

(21:19):
don't want to. Yeah. Soannoying, but anyways, And I think
that's also why I enjoy doing theWhat to See, because I highlight places
in the US and then around theworld because when I travel internationally to a
lot of people will shit on theUnited States and say, and I used
to be one of these people.I will completely be open about that of
saying I don't want to explore theUS. The United States sucks, ass,

(21:41):
I don't want to be here anymore. There's so many better things to
see outside of the US. Andnow that I've gotten older, I'm like,
wait, actually, there are somereally cool parts of the US that
I've never seen before that I wantto see or I've explored and gone.
You know, why did I feelthe need to travel thousands of miles away
when there's some really cool shit herejust a couple hundred miles away. You

(22:03):
know that's true. I didn't.I think I was. I was kind
of the same way that I was, like, what's the point, But
then being nomadic for the last coupleof years really exploring some of these like
you know, the part of theparts of the country that I got to
drive through and stay in and everything, I was like, Oh, there's
a lot of really cool shit hereas well. Yeah. Yeah, it's
just the people that suck. Yeah, and it's driving on las everywhere.

(22:26):
Honestly, I just don't like peoplein general. So well that in the
shitty highways, yeah, of coursethat area is gonna suck. The highways
suck, and there's nothing cool tosee off the side of this interstate in
the middle of nowhere. But whenyou get to those cool places there are.
There are amazing places around the world. So I wouldn't no matter whether
you live in the US or anothercountry, don't shit on your hometown or
your home country as much as youthink it sucks. Because I have a

(22:51):
really question I already know the answerto what I'm gonna ask it. Anyways,
have you seen Ace Venture two?When nature calls, yes you have?
Can you recreate him driving in thejeep scene? You know what I'm
talking about. I don't. Iknow, I've seen I've seen all the
ace Venturers, but I don't rememberthat he's going He's going to in Africa
and he's like bouncing around on thejeep or whatever as like as they're driving

(23:14):
by, and then it pans outand they're actually on a perfectly paved road
and he's just bouncing, like inthe car of it, it looks like
he's bouncing it. I can dothat, if so, I feel like
you could you if you watch theclip and then you could record it,
you could do it like a little. I think it'd be funny. It's
just a just a funny TikTok idea. Honestly, Yeah, I could do
that, but I just enjoying myselfin Africa and just and then then pan
out and just show that it's actuallya paved road and it could be kind

(23:36):
of funny. Yeah, But yeah, That's all I'm doing right now is
just packing, working, making sureI don't forget anything and being gone for
a month again right before the holidays. I didn't do the best planning,
but so be it. Yeah,well sure it'll whatever. You don't need
you whatever you need, you know, I was bye later, Yeah,
you need it. And hopefully wewill be able to hear about your time

(23:59):
while you're actually in South Africa.That we're gonna that's all gonna depend on
timing. Time change is gonna Yeah, just the difference time change and us
if we can coordinate properly and motivationall those things. If we have an
episode while she's there, So we'llsee. But I with that, I
think, uh, we're gonna goahead and take a break and when we
come back, we're gonna we're gonnaget answer an email from a listener.

(24:22):
All right, So this email cameto us from Georgia, and I just
want to remind you can email usas well at Dating kind Of Sucks Podcast
at gmail dot com. You canalso call us and leave a voicemail once
again, another reminder. Four ohseven five one nine zero one eight one.
Georgia says, Hi, Adam andSarah. I've been listening to dCas
for a long time now. Ifound you guys about three years ago when
I was looking to get myself readyto start dating after the end of a

(24:44):
toxically interdependent relationship. I'm now happyto engaged to a kind and wonderful man.
But I still listen to your episodesreligiously. I'm Australian and you're oh
shit, maybe I should be Istop it, stop it right for a
long time now, I found yougoes about three years ago when I was
looking to get myself ready to statdate and after the end of a toxically
into dependent relationship. I'm now happilyengaged to a kind and wonderful man.

(25:10):
But I still I can't do it. I'm sorry, I can't. I'm
shaking my head. Okay, I'msorry. I'm sorry, Georgia. I
just had to try, all right. I'm Australian. In your episode Do
Adults Need Sex D made me considerthe possible differences in sexual education between our
two countries. Oh my god,you're butcher fair dicom I know so that,

(25:30):
I know, I know. Iknow that here sexual education in schools
is taught at an age an ageappropriate way from primary school upwards. From
what I've read, this doesn't seemto be the same in the US.
I've also just finished watching the lastseason of Netflix's Sex Education, which I
heard was viewed significantly less in theUS than here in the Australia and in
the UK. I wonder if you'veseen it. It covers a lot of
topical issues to do with sex andrelationships. I'd love to hear your thoughts

(25:52):
on the show. Thanks for allyour hard work. I love listening to
you guys, Georgia, and putanother shrimp on the Bobby's such a fucking
dick. Thank you Georgia for emailingus. And I'm sorry you had to
listen to Adam with his terrible accentwhatever that was. The only I can
do good Australia is if you say, oh no, oh no, oh

(26:14):
no, that yeah, it's okay, okay, We're done. Sorry,
I'm not making fun of you.It's just it's a fun accent to mangle.
So anyways, Sarah, want yougo ahead and let's start with your
reply. Well, honestly, I'mnot surprised that the US falls behind.
And another thing compared to other majorcountries like oh we suck at education,

(26:37):
Oh we suck at healthcare, Ohwe suck at sex education too, what
a surprise. And I haven't seenNetflix's sex Education. I've seen a couple
of sex and things on Netflix.I'm not sure if it's a specific one
or not. If this is isthis the show has Gillian Anderson and from
the X Files, the Redhead fromScully from X Files. No, this
was more of a no. Idon't think it's it's like an actual like

(26:59):
and I've heard it's fantastic and everyonethat I know raised about it. I
just it's on my list to watch. Just have not said it, and
I love her, so I wouldabsolutely like love to watch it. So
yeah, I haven't seen it either. Yeah. Well, yeah, I'm
not surprised people are watching it less, I'm not surprised that we're lagging behind.
I do. I do think alot of it has to do and
I'm not sure how religious other countriesare that are more likely to like,

(27:23):
really be accepting of sex education versusthe US. I feel like because of
the hold of religion and politics inthis country, it restricts the just the
access and availability to that kind ofinformation and if you want it, you're
shamed for it or like I mean, I I've been watching Buffy the Vampire

(27:47):
and that was filmed nineties and earlytwo thousands, and they slut shame.
Like the episode we were just watching, they were saying, oh, like,
I don't want to be such aslut, and I'm like, what
the fuck? Like, we're stilltrying to get past those those things in
our media right now, and I'myeah, that was what twenty years ago,
but still there's a lot of thathappening now where yeah, we're not

(28:07):
going to be educating our twelve orthirteen year old about sex. We barely
get any period education. As asa woman, I'm just like, oh,
you know, when am I goingto get my period? I don't
know, It'll come when it comes, and just ask your mom for a
pad or tampon and you're just goingin blind as a kid. So I'm
not Yeah, it's it's bad.Yeah. I think it also depends on

(28:29):
the state and county and community becausecertain schools, you know, private schools
are a big thing, and alot of private schools are you know,
they're they're Christian or Catholic or somethinglike that, so they're going to be
less inclined to go into details becausethey, you know, are preaching abstinence,
So why would you educate some youknow, children about these things,
not understanding how much it actually canbenefit people. And then there's public school

(28:51):
which will go by whatever the curriculumis set by the state, and so
public schools, you know some andI would say in some states. There's
probably states like Oregon and Washington andCalifornia where there's probably a pretty decent sex
education curriculum because they are, youknow, the just the people behind the
school board aren't as you know,they're not uptight religious freaks, and so

(29:12):
they're not they're not trying to youknow, hide it all from the world.
They're like, you have to talkabout these things, and they understand
statistics and science. I think that, you know, I remember when I
was I went to a private Christianschool from K through eight before I went
to high school, and I rememberwe did have a small like health sex
edit thing when I was probably likeeight or nine. It was just just

(29:36):
a just enough to talk about thebodies and you know that they're different and
that you know, when puberty mighthappen, and it was you know,
very vague and a really bad videoabout it and stuff like that. And
then at some point I remember,like later after this class, I remember
finding a condom and having no ideahow it worked. Like it was it
was in a wrapper and so likeI was, it was like I didn't

(29:56):
open it. So to me,it was like this ring and I was
like, does like and I rememberthinking this as a kid, and I
was probably I was probably like eightor nine. I was like, does
it like shoot like irradiation through itand keep you from like getting someone pregnant
or does it like like how doesit work? Does it have like a
laser in it? Like I hadno idea how this ring was supposed to
do anything to prevent, you know, from someone from getting pregnant. And

(30:18):
I remember like being completely uninformed andnot having any any real concept of how
someone gets pregnant, even into highschool. And it wasn't until I started
reading this stuff myself. I hadto educate myself, you know, use
my mother's physicians desk reference and readthat and learned to learn the clinical things.
But so it is, it iskind of a shame. Yeah,

(30:38):
And I think somewhere like Australia isdefinitely more liberal in that sense. Yeah,
I mean in seventh grade, soI would have been twelve or thirteen
years old. It was a lifesciences class, and similar they hit on
the science aspect of genders and sex, so it was like men produced sperm,
women have over So we were justlooking at anatomy. And then we

(31:00):
watched the Miracle of Life video.Did you have to see that video of
the woman giving they talk about andthe spirm goes down the two it finds
the egg and then you know whatever. The only thing I remember from that
video, which everyone was anticipating,which is why our parents had to sign
a release for it, was thatyou saw the woman giving birth in the

(31:22):
video and she has a she hasa hairy vagina because she didn't you know,
it's hard to fucking shave when you'repregnant and whatever, and all the
guys the baby's head crowns, yes, and so you see that in the
video. But all the boys couldtalk about was like, ew, why
would anyone want to have sex withher? She doesn't even shave her like

(31:45):
as as a girl like that stuckwith me for so long, and then
there was another lesson probably after thatthat we covered like STDs, but we
had cups with liquid in it andwe exchanged the liquid and then at the
end our teacher put a dropper,like dropped some other chemical in it.
And if yours was pink, itwas one thing. If it was blue,

(32:06):
you didn't have the STD or whatever. And she had talked about who
originally had it and how she's whoshe traded it with, so that was
somewhat helpful, but it wasn't.Actually we weren't talking about orgasms or any
any consent or anything like that.It was strictly how you could get an
STD and how, you know,scientifically, how you could get pregnant,

(32:30):
but not anything enjoy, no pleasureinvolved, no nothing, no condoms,
nothing interesting. Yeah, that's yeah. So I think it's crazy how much
it varies just from from place toplace, and you know, and even
like seeing her private school to apublic school. I think we had a
health class in high school that Ithink that I remember they did something that

(32:51):
they showed a video or something onit. That might have been when they
showed that video, but I don'tremember it. But I don't think any
of us we were all like youknow, twelve thirteen. I don't think
in my generation anybody would even sayanything about First of all, that wasn't
a thing. Shaving, you know, and like everything being hairless was not
really a thing then too. Itwas like, uh, it was that
all the all the seventies. PornBush was like the you you know,

(33:12):
the thing in all the nineties.So that that uh, it was two
seconds of the whole on the ourvideo. It was two seconds and it
had and it was much less aboutit was not about a naked woman and
more about a baby crowning, whichwas, you know, a terrifying site
when you when you're when you're youngerand watching it, I remember that.
So yeah, so these really interestingand I think, uh, you know,

(33:35):
we'll have to We'll have to checkout sex education and see the show.
But yeah, I think that it'sit's it's sad and until we get
rid of the puritanical ridiculousness and howpeople actually like understand that it helps kids
and that, like we said inthat episode, that kids who are educated
on these things are actually not onlyless likely to have sex, but also

(33:58):
more likely to recognize the signs ofabuse before they happen, and they can
those are there less likely to beabuse victims. And now you would think
that everyone would be behind that,but not people in the church who abuse
children. They're not behind Yeah that'strue. Yeah, Yeah, they don't
want it. They don't want kidsto be educated on it, and that's
terrifying. So anyways, if youwant to ask other great questions, you
can leave us an email at Datingkind of Sex Podcast at gmail dot com

(34:22):
and we'll read it on air,or you can call our hotline at four
zero seven five one nine zero oneeight one and we'd love to play it
on air too. Yeah, andI promise not to try to make fun
of Yes, no more of thataccent. No more. I won't do
any more accents because that was terrible. I hope we get someone from the
UK or like Ireland next who saysit and you can try that. I'll

(34:44):
try that one. We'll see.All right, we're gonna take a quick
break and when we come back,we're going to jump into the topic.
So I had an idea for thistopic because of our Facebook group and for
those of you never listen to theend of the episode release you can find
us. We have a Facebook groupcalled the Dating kind of Sucks. It's

(35:05):
a Facebook dot com slash group slashDKs podcast and there's like twenty five hundred
people in there, and people willask questions, they get advice, they
share the thoughts, they share baddates, they share bad dating apps that
they see or bad profiles, whatever. And someone posted and said, what
do you think about the concept thatpartners should challenge you, like a good

(35:27):
partner or someone who should challenge you? And I thought that was really kind
of an interesting topic to discuss ona larger scale, and so we deserve
here we are, and that wasthat was our idea. Yeah, I
think challenge because immediately I'm like,oh, yeah, you should be challenged
in a relationship, and I didn'treally think anything of it, but then
are some people were commenting on thatpost saying challenge is not challenge is negative

(35:52):
because I think people assume conflict whenthere's a challenge, so people don't want
to be challenged. Yeah, yeah, I could see I could see that
potentially. I think that I findthat that you might have men think that
when a woman challenges them, andthis is obviously just not talking about all
but just like in general, thatit's somehow belittling. And I could see

(36:15):
that also being like a thing thatif if they're being challenged, whether a
partner to be you know, tobe better, they get defensive, so
there could be a defensiveness to ittoo, And I think that we were
in the group. Some of thecomments were good, like people talking about
that they wanted as long as itwas respectful or as long as it was
something that was not challenging who theyare, but maybe challenging and just like

(36:38):
challenging them in a way to continueto strive to be better, which which
I think is good. But thenif they're trying to, like you know,
constantly take that challenge and make itlike everything you say is a challenge,
that's not that's not something they're lookingforward to. And then the one
that I have the comment that Ilike the best was someone who said that

(37:00):
she likes to replace the word challengewith encourages me to be the best version
of myself. And I thought thatwas a that's a good thing. I
really like that concept of, yes, we want our partner to want us
to be the best version of ourselvesand to encourage us and to support us
and to you know, to dothose things to help with them. Yeah.
See, I look at challenge justthat word as a learning and growing

(37:22):
stage where you're learning not only aboutyour significant other, but about yourself and
growing alongside your partner in a healthyway, learning and grow, like challenging
what you know about communication and bringingyourself to the next level. That that's
like the child like, it's aninner working challenge in a positive way to

(37:42):
get better, not to have conflictand challenge in that way. So I
don't see it as a negative.I think all relationships should strive to learn
and to grow and not be stagnant, because then, yes, what is
the point of if nothing's happening,If you're not learning or growing, you're
just in five years, you're stillgoing to be the exact same. So
if it's not changing you, it'snot really helping you, like changing you

(38:06):
in a better way, it's nothelping you progress forward in your life.
Yeah, I agree. I thinkI think that there are a lot of
people who are stagnic or just orwho are just like satisfied with like the
status quo, and they never wantto try to Like they never think about,
hey, what can I do tomake myself better? What can I

(38:27):
do? You know? They're justlike I'm good, you know, And
I think that's for those people thatthat challenge could be could be a negative.
I think that that's that's a partof it too, is the idea
that sometimes challenging things sometimes you don'twant to challenge. Sometimes you really just
want to just float around the lazyriver for for a little while. And
I think that you don't want itdoesn't always have to be rapids, And

(38:50):
I think that that's you know,as someone who's had you know, randomly
crazy challenges thrown at me, youknow, occasionally I'm like, hey,
great, I'm glad I can accomplishthese things and look at what I've the
growth I've had, and I'm sohappy to like have you know, have
made it through all these challenges andgetten to this point where I'm even better
now. But you know, canI get a fucking break for a second.
And so I can see where aconstant challenge and a someone who constantly

(39:14):
pushes you it doesn't always just sometimesoffer unbridled support could be exhausting at times
too. Yeah, every I thinkeverybody has a different season in life where
they're pushing towards something than where thingshave kind of tapered off and they're more
chill then they're striving towards another thingand they're being challenged, whether that's in
their relationship in a positive way tolearn and grow or like in work.

(39:36):
There's different seasons for every life.But I think if you've the entire time
of being with that partner, youjust feel like you're floating down the lazy
river. Like you said that,it's not really benefiting you as an individual
because when you walk away from thatrelationship, what did you gain? And
I always look at that from pastrelationships. Okay, it might not have

(39:58):
been the best relationship, but howwas I challenged to be a better person?
What did I take away from thatrelationship? And I think that's where
challenge really comes into the viewpoint oflike how have I changed? How have
I progressed my life? Not whatwere the struggles our relationship had? Yeah,
No, I think that that's andit's about you know, the lessons

(40:21):
you've learned and you know and howyou are different from at the end point
than you were in the beginning,Like who you know? Do you?
Who are you? Who you become? And so that the challenges are good
and so and then so that actuallyintroduces another question, is is it your
partner's job to challenge you or isit a healthy relationship that challenges you?

(40:42):
And is it a healthy relationship whereboth people are striving to be their best
selves where then you actually are challengedjust as a matter of nature of just
of it being a healthy a goodrelationship. And I think that that's things
that kind of think about it becauseI like the idea that like a relationship
can challenge you and it's not aperson pushing you to do something. It's
just the fact that you you loveyour partner, you want to support your

(41:06):
partner, and you want to bebetter too. So then as a result
of doing that, you learn howto you know, your challenge to communicate
better. You challenge how to beassertive when you when you there's something you
want and and not and not haveit be something where you always like you
consider yourself a martyr because you alwaysgive in to the other person, but
you actually are assertive for what youneed, your needs that you how and
when you have to make compromises ormake sacrifices, like you you get your

(41:30):
kind of challenge with that, andthen maybe you're challenged and on like stepping
outside of your comfort zone and andeven like vulnerability and allowing yourself to be
vulnerable someone else like those Those arechallenges that are that are a relationship puts
that it's not one person pushing,but it's both people when they're both kind
of wanting the same thing that Ithink comes from that. Yeah, it
should never be the sole responsibility ofyour partner to challenge you to be a

(41:53):
better person. They're not fucking responsiblefor you. Number one and number two.
If you have to discuss common goalsof where you want the relationship to
progress, you should be working towardsthat common goal, and you listed up
a great list of things that youcan work on with your partner. But
it could even just be as simpleas I want to challenge myself to be

(42:15):
better around the house, as faras just picking up after myself or you
know, cooking meals and just beingmore accountable in those senses where when I
was single, I didn't really carebecause I live by myself and I wasn't
in this partnership where someone else alsorelies on me to pull my own weight,
And so it's a different mindset shiftthere too, where you're being challenged

(42:36):
to think of the other person morethan you would if you were single.
That's actually really good because I thinkthat that's where we see a lot of
issues with a lot of young youngerrelationships where people like meet in high school
and then they're together for a longtime, they get married, they have
kids, and like, all alongthis entire process, in many cases,

(42:57):
the woman has been growing in changing, and you know, especially if they
have kids, because like she's basicallylike she's being forced to go through physical
changes and emotional changes and everything justfrom having children alone. And then a
lot of times you'll see that theyou know, the man really hasn't changed
that much and has is kind ofstill the same he was. Yeah,
he's still kind of the same,And it takes him wanting to wanting to

(43:21):
do better. It takes him challengeto challenge himself to grow into a better
person and to you know, torealize that he's not the only person in
that you know, and he's notthe only person in the relationship. He
doesn't want to be just another child. He wants to be an adult.
And I think that that a partnerchallenging him to to be better is a
good thing in that case because thattype of change change is very necessary.

(43:44):
Yeah, I mean, I lookat my experience in this relationship with roy
of I was never really challenged tocook or to care about cooking, and
now I've been challenged to like prepareand think ahead about meals, to cook
for two people people once or twicea week, and to just be on
top of kitchen things every once ina while. And those are it's like

(44:07):
a new responsibility that I'm I wasreluctant to take, you know, it
was just like, oh, Idon't it doesn't it's not important to me.
But now I think as time's goneon and I've learned these skills and
then I've been encouraged by my partner. Now i feel more comfortable in the
kitchen and I've grown as more ofa homemaker, which wasn't something I ever

(44:27):
valued before because that wasn't anything Ididn't do that solo in my life.
But where now I'm like, Iactually really appreciate that challenge from my partner.
And there are so many other instancestoo of just communication or being challenged.
I don't know, with tough situationsaround family or whatnot, But that's
just an instance where I'm like,yeah, like I've never been challenged.
You know, you could shrug offyour family saying you should do more of

(44:50):
this or whatever. But you feelmore accountable when your partner's relying on you
to pull you know, fifty percentof whatever, you know, cooking or
whatever the chore may be. Yeah, that's that's true. And I think
that that's it's it's something that youdon't even think about until sometimes you're in
that relationship, Like you said,you don't even consider it. And I
think that there are a lot ofthere are a couple sometimes where it feels

(45:16):
like it's just one person is likealways striving for best and trying to and
taking everyone with them, like andbasically enforcing the other person against their will
to try to, like, youknow, improve and whether it's physical,
mental, emotional, et cetera.And you you don't want that to a
relationship because that's it's just it's nota relationship. It's basically have another charge.
Yeah, you're a mom in thatinstance. Yeah, And if you

(45:38):
were the man in that case case, or or the person who needs challenging
in that case, let me letme say it that way. If you're
this person who always needs a challenge, like you're like, oh, well,
if you need a partner in orderfor you to do better. You
don't need a partner. You shouldn'tbe dating. Like if if you need
a partner in order to do thethings that you need to do for your
life. If you're like, oh, well, you know if I was,

(45:59):
if I was dating someone and thenthe eye, I'd go to the
gym, then I'd go to therapythen and then you're you're doing that.
You're doing it wrong. Your partneris not your therapist, they're not your
life coach, they're not your yourpersonal trainer, like, and expecting them
to do that is putting a burdenon them. That's just not fair.
Yeah, you need to be selfmotivated for those types of things too.

(46:19):
And say, actually, my friendand I were talking about this of say,
for example, you know the womanis doing all the cooking and cleaning
in the house and the spouse orwhoever is just skating by never picking up
or whatever. She was saying that, you know, don't I deserve those
things? She she's addressed those problemsin a relationship of saying, what don't

(46:40):
I deserve you? You deserve aclean kitchen. Don't I deserve a clean
kitchen? You deserve to excel inyour career. Don't I deserve to excel
in my career? And putting Ifyou're having issues with holding weight in a
relationship and they're not, they're justkind of being lazy about whatever. Shouldn't
you, you know, fray inthat way because it's so much more powerful

(47:01):
than like, well you never dothis, this, this, and this
around the house. That's just they'regoing to see that as nagging and unhelpful
versus we both deserve these things,don't I You know, how could you
help me deserve those things that youalso get? And that is a different
way to frame the conversation to thenchallenge that partner to step up to the

(47:23):
occasion and do better. I likethat. Yeah, it's all about frame.
It's really about framing, because it'snot I'm not trying to be you
know, if something is lacking inthe relationship and you're needing your partner to
pull weight, it's not trying tobe nagging. It's like, hey,
this is like my expectation of ustogether and if we're not doing these things
and pulling our weight together, whythe hell are we together? What is

(47:46):
the benefit of me being in arelationship? If if you can't even take
care of yourself, let alone havetime to work on us. And at
the same time, it's also sometimespeople who are so high funk that they
like they're the person who always strivesfor everything constantly, that they might have

(48:07):
a partner who's just who is okaywith things going at a little bit of
a slower pace. So then it'salso it's good for that that slower pace
partner to maybe challenge the high functioningone it being like, you know,
it's okay to breathe sometimes, youknow, like we don't have to have
a you know, an event everynight. We don't have to do this.
You know, it's okay to justyou know, sit at home at
night and and things like that too. So I think that in a healthy

(48:27):
relationship, they that's where the challengeis to learn how to compromise, and
to learn when it's okay to compromiseand when it's okay to make sacrifices,
but not to do it all thetime because you don't want to be the
martyr, because that's not healthy.How many people do we see where a
lot of women will be like,oh, well, you know, I
do everything on the house, andthey they it's it's a sense of martyrdom
where they've just decided this is whattheir role is, and so they're they're

(48:50):
they are kind of playing the selfsacrificial lamb in this case. And it's
never healthy. It's never a healthyrelationship. They're resentful. And then it
ends. Yes, at some pointit's a year or five years down the
road, something's going to break andyou're like, and then it turns into
well I always do this, thisand this where if you start, if
you frame the conversation differently to saypartnership together, pulling our own weight,

(49:13):
maybe that'll resonate more with that thatperson instead of like what I don't know,
I'd rather be seeing. Yeah,true, very true, But I
think too being challenged, And Ithink this is where you're going to go
next. Of Sometimes you don't wantto be like being like from the lazier
side. Sometimes you're in a pointin your life where you've been with the

(49:36):
person for a while, you've pushedand you've you know, you've you've like
for you for moving and whatever.You want to enter a stage of not
being challenged. You want things tobe easy for a little bit. And
I think that's Okay to a degree, if you discuss with your partner,
Hey, I understand you want thesethings. Here's where I'm coming from.
Where can we compromise on I don'twant to be challenged for cooking three nights

(49:59):
a week, or challenge to goout and meet people or like do all
of these events or whatnot. Howcan we find something that works for both
of us where we're at in thisstage of our lives. Yeah, And
I think that a lot of timeswhen the challenge becomes like it becomes something
is when there's a there's a newstage. Uh, Like I know that.
Like my dad when he took earlyretirement, my mother was like,

(50:20):
you know, wanted him to godo like go do some things like go
out and try new things and everything, you know, not and was very
much challenging him to get the fuckout of the house while, you know,
and not just sit around because she'slike, that's what is the point
of that? You know, Like, I know you want to relax,
but then it's just you know,your bedrotting every day. Yeah, basicly
basically, So now I want toI want to, I think kind of

(50:43):
talk about some of the negative,maybe unhealthy aspects of of of when challenges
are not good, like when whenyou when you can know if they're good.
And I think that just a fewareas that like like when they're not
when you haven't consented to do it, Like when it's something where someone or
you don't or you don't know theperson well enough, Like it's it's like
you know your second your second date, and they're trying to challenge you and
things like that, Yeah, fuckoff. You have to exactly, you

(51:05):
have to know somebody a thing longenough, and you have to given them
some type of indication that you're okayto be challenged, like you're asking them
for for that input and you know. And I think that the longer you're
in a relationship that the more thatconsent comes, you know, comes up
in a sense that you know,yeah, I appreciate your input, Like
it's a, uh, you're welcometo give me unsolicited input if you want,
but it's a you have to youhave to consent to it. If

(51:27):
it's something where you're like I don'twant to like I'm sorry, I do,
I don't I don't want to dothis, then it has to stop
at that point like that, that'sthat's when it's not healthy for for for
either of you. Yeah, Ithink for like another side of that conversation
is if you're venting about something,asking do you want advice or do you
just want to vent? Like areyou cool maintaining your status quo or do

(51:49):
you want to be challenged and askingthat before you just force whatever your opinion
or your thoughts on whatever the casemay be, for that conversation. Because
men men are notorious for that,like the for being fixers, and so
like they hear a problem, they'relike, oh, well, what do
you mean to do? Like her, here's nothing, Here's what you should
have Here's what you should have done, you know, or whatever. That's
their answer. It's like, no, no, no, just let me

(52:10):
vent. Listen. That's why.That's all I need you to do.
You know, I'm not worried aboutfixing it, just I just want to
like I don't need I don't needyou to like, you know, give
me to challenge me here and saythis is well, this is what you
should have done, this what youshould do in the future, and it's
et cetera. Yeah, sometimes peoplearen't ready to be mature in situations.
So when they're being immature. They'relike, look, I don't, I
don't. I know what, that'sprobably not the most mature thing I did.

(52:32):
Fuck it, I don't care.I'm at the stage where I don't
care. I'm in a crazy whateverthe case may be. And then,
you know, six months to ayear, maybe I'll change that stance,
but right now, don't talk tome about how I'm reacting to things or
whatever, right right. I thinkalso that it's never good to have challenge,
to be challenged when there's a bigpower and balance, like when it's

(52:54):
just when one person is constantly eitherbelittling or or like it's it's what it's
used as an abusive tactic when someone'smaking making if you're like, if you're
hyper aware of your weaknesses because yourpartner always you know, mentions them and
things like that, and it's notit's not a challenge anymore. That's not
a challenge. That that's actually likeemotional abuse, and that's not that's not

(53:15):
good. And then on the flipside, if you're somebody who always gets
defensive anytime anybody like challenges you inany way, you need to work on
that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Like sometimes things aren't aren't an attack,
they're just they just are And soyou know, you you have to
also sometimes be able to relax thatdefensiveness because that's not good for communication as

(53:36):
well. Yeah, both instances.Maybe you're not in a good relationship or
you're not ready to be in arelationship or in a good one. Yeah,
I think and I think that that'swhat it all boils down to,
is that when you are in ahealthy relationship, the ways that you will
challenge each other, the ways ofthe relationship will challenge you will end up
being healthy. Right and if if, but if you, if your relationship
needs aren't being met, then anytype of challenge is not It's not a

(53:59):
time for challenge. It's a timefor trying to figure out why the relationship
isn't working before you start trying topush each other to do better. You
should be doing better as a youknow, in a relationship, or maybe
you shouldn't be in that relationship,or even you should be doing better as
an individual. If you're feeling selfconscious about people calling you out on your
weaknesses because it's a glaring issue,maybe you should have been single and fix

(54:20):
that issue, whatever that issue mighthave been before being in a partnership where
it's a big crack in your relationship. Yeah, I don't know, what
do I know? Yeah? Andthe only last thing I would say with
that is if it's something that's challenging, like your your very core. If

(54:42):
it's just like, oh, well, you're stupid for thinking this way,
let's challenge you to think somewhere,you know, another way and stuff like
that, instead of listening to whyyou think the way you are and who
you are, that it's basically tryingto change you your very being, then
maybe they should just date somebody elsewho's more like who they want to date,
you know, rather than somebody they'retrying to mold into someone completely different.

(55:02):
If you're open to learning about otherperspectives, that's different than saying I
don't like the fact that your exreligion or you know, what you do
these activities and you're like, butthat's what makes me me, then that's
not okay to be challenged on.But saying oh, let's go to Trump,

(55:22):
you know, it's just like Iwant to learn other perspectives on why
he's not a great person. Youknow, whatever the whoever you insert any
politician or world circumstance right now andgo, oh, I want to actually
learn and grow from this. That'snot a harm, that's not a bad
challenge. It's just opening up yourmind. And because a lot of the
times too, with being challenged,you've been in a bubble and you don't

(55:46):
realize how your actions or thoughts orwhatever are affecting your partner and or other
people. Yeah, I would saythat, Like, you know, if
you have a partner who's racist,or transphobic, or homophobic or things like
that, I don't think it's actuallyyour job to challenge them into changing their
things, to changing their beliefs.It's your job just to not date or

(56:07):
be with somebody like that, right, Yeah, don't. Yeah, you
can tell them that you don't agree, but like you know, it's not
your challenge. It's not your jobto change their entire society like they they
have to want to change them ontheir own, and you're challenging them is
going to make them resent in thelong run, you're better off just getting
away from them. Yeah, Iwould say if it's a problematic statement that
you're like, that wasn't the rightthing to say, and then they're like,

(56:29):
oh, why I don't like.I truly don't understand why I shouldn't
have said that. That's completely differentthan being like, yes, well fuck
you you know no, no,no, you don't know what you're talking
about. I think, yeah,that's totally different and worth a challenge and
growth moment. Yes, I agree, I agree. Anything else you want
to adds to this topic, no, I just think look at the word

(56:52):
challenge. Sometimes challenges are good,like in the learning side of it,
and then sometimes challengers explode in theupper atmosphere. In nineteen eighty six,
Adam, stop, straight to jail, Straight to jail. Stop, you're
being so bad this episode. Firstthe accent, Now that straight to jail.

(57:12):
Well, if you feel a typeof way about what Adam was said
during this episode in any way,shape or form, and you also think
he needs to go straight to jail, you can let us know by calling
our hotline at four zero seven fivepoint nine zero one eight one or emailing
us at Dating Heinaesucks Podcast at gmaildot com, and I'll make sure he
doesn't read any emails in any accent. Moving forward, right, And if

(57:37):
you also know that NASA stands forneed Another seven Astronauts, or if you
want to join our Facebook group,you can join it at Facebook dot com
slash Group, slash DKs podcast.Hey, maybe people actually listen to all
the outro links if I insert Challengerjokes in between, it's so fucked up,
dude, I don't please stop listening, weld On. Here's one more.

(57:58):
Do you know how many astronauts fitin the books and beatle I'm I'm
not engaging with you. Eleven twoin the front seat, two in the
back seat, and seven in theastray. My mother told me these,
by the way, when I wasnine years old when the Challenger exploded,
so they have been in my headfor many, many years. Carry on,
carry on anyways. You can alsoif you're not watching on YouTube AARTI,
you can YouTube dot com slash datingkind of sucks. We're on Instagram,

(58:21):
of course, at dating kind ofsucks. And there and I have
our own individual instagrams that we postand more sign you know, more frequently,
just like our TikTok's at adam Avitableand at simply Sergy Underscore. Please,
for the love of God, don'tgive us a one star rating and
review. After listening to some ofthose terrible jokes from Adam. Instead give
us a five star rating and reviewon iTunes, and be sure to actually

(58:42):
leave a comment like a review insteadof just rating us five stars, because
that helps us a lot more onthat platform. And be sure if you
do listen on Spotify. We havemore iTunes listeners than Spotify listeners. But
if you do listen on on Spotify, follow along and rate the podcast on
there. I found out that Spotifynow is the thing where people can ask
questions like on the app when they'relistening to a podcast. And uh,

(59:04):
and then I actually found out wherethat where that pops up where we can
reply, do we have hidden questions? That we had a whole bunch of
hidden hidden comments and questions. Someof we're just comments, but some questions
and stuff. No, no,well one was it was just but it
was obviously it was a new listenerdidn't realize that we talked about our own
lives in the beginning and stuff likethat. Yeah, and so we also

(59:25):
if you'd like to support us,you can supports on Patreon for five dollars
a month and that's at patreon dotcom. Slash DCS podcast And if you
were wondering what type of shampoo Christamcculloff used, well, they figured it
out because they found her head andshoulders on the beach, so that what
the fuck is wrong with you?Oh my god, I had no idea.
What have you never heard the Haveyou ever heard these? No,

(59:45):
I've never jokes. I thought Itold these. I know, I know,
but I thought I had told these. No. Oh, they're so
dark. And like I said,I was nine years old. My mother
told told me these aren't jokes.Those are those are bad. They're so
dark. There's so dark I know, not a joke. Okay, I
apologize for this outrou We'll be backwith a great episode whenever we have a

(01:00:07):
brand new episode. So we're notgoing to that's right until next time.
Whether you're married or single or poly, your praying and on Whisminger's back at
your place, listen to us asbe getting to buck a tenderman mumble and
plenty of young's trying and trying andhaving to pluck because we all know dating

(01:00:30):
kind of sucks. Sarah and Adamare Dulava kind says stupid shit and she
doesn't mind. They're not doing withthisis so to make any fuck life as
a chickenoos Panthersday Bucks. Why doesit work, we'll hear with the bruck.
They both know dating kind of sucks. Dating kind of sucks.

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