The Mullet Conundrum

Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
Hi, I'm Adam Heath a viableand I'm Sarah. This is Dating kind
of Sucks, a podcast about dating, sex, and relationships. This week
we'll be talking about dealing with themullet conundrum. Enjoy the show whether you're
married, single, or hanging onwith to manufact of your place, listen
to us and beginning a tender andmumble up plenty of youngs trying and trying

(00:27):
and having to luck because we allknow dating kind of sucks. Thanks for
joining us for another episode of Datingkind of Sucks. If you're new to
DKs, my name is Adam andI'm a comedian, writer, and misogynist
turn feminist, joined by my cohost Sarah, who is a millennial travel
junkie and serial dater now in acommitted relationship. We're not professionals, doctors,

(00:51):
or experts, just two people sharingour perspectives on the world of dating,
sex, and relationships. The firsthalf of every episode is spent catching
up on what's happening in our lives, and the second half is reserved for
the episode's main topic. So ifthat's all that brought you here, you
can skip through the halfway mark,or you can stick around and enjoy the
whole show. Let's get started,and we are back in October a month

(01:15):
later. I know we've been puttingout content, but it's been a while
since we've sat down and recorded,and we're back to free balling episodes and
just out here freeballing. Yeah basically, yeah, we because we recorded two
pretty much in our rows that wehad them while you were gallivan thing around
Romania and Ireland, right right,So yeah, back, we're back,

(01:41):
I guess before things get even crazierwith my life again as I plan to
move somewhere. So yeah, yeah, I know, yeah, this is
we are a week late. Weare a week late, but we might
have a we'll see what our scheduleis gonna be like over the next month
and a half. As Sarah preparesto move, pack up and from Nashville.
Don't don't announce it. We're notannouncing it. I don't know.

(02:04):
I'm not announcing it. No,no, all the way to somewhere,
I'll announce it once you've told peoplewhere you're removing. Not like I thought
we had. But I was lookingat a couple of places. But okay,
okay, I guess I told youknow, I told a couple of
listeners who live in the area tobe on the lookout for you, because

(02:27):
you know, I mean, ifall works out, if all the places
we want to rent fall through,and we're just gonna stand Nashville, I'm
just gonna drive round in circles fora year. And anyways, what's new
with you? Oh? You know, not much. The reason we,
yeah, we took a week offis most people know that I am in
Utah right now and in tiny,little rural town and it's it is funny.

(02:51):
We had I guess, not funnyper se. There was that hurricane
in Florida that it was just justhappened then, you know, like his
devastating people apparently like four myer isI was still underwater, but you know,
people were used to be living inFlorida. I have had some people
reach out, hey, are youokay, how'd your how'd your place?
You know, or how did youdo, just thinking that I still lived
in Florida, And I had topost something on social media saying, hey,

(03:14):
I appreciate the thoughts. I amtemporarily living in rural Utah and we
didn't even get any wind here,so it's good. You know, there
was somebody, somebody's cow got loose, but that was that was fine.
That was announced on the local Facebookpage. But they managed to shepherd it
back into its corral. So yeah, just if anybody doesn't realize this by

(03:34):
now, I'm not in Florida anymore. You've been gone for a year more
than more than an are. Yeah, I know, you know, people
had their lives. Sometimes they don'treally associate you with Florida, I guess,
and me sometimes with Florida, butmostly now Tennessee. I guess.
I don't know. I'm just theFlorida man. That is what it is.
Apparently you don't want to be that. It's the beard. Say that

(03:57):
a good version of the Florida man. How about that? ILL be the
fun, positive version of the Floridaman. Not the guy who goes out.
No, actually, I'd be theguy who goes out on the street
and paddleboards in there. Not thatthe paddle board, but I'd I totally
do something crazy shit that people do, Like, have you done anything crazy
during a hurricane? I had aI mean I had a giant hurricane party.

(04:17):
I was in my pool for mostof a hurricane. Ones mind,
you know, I'm not even fuckingsurprised, you know what, No,
never mind, oh yeah, untilit really started coming down. Yeah,
we were having a we were grilling, we had just booze, and it
was just it was great because everything'sclosed, no one's going to work,
so it's like, what are wegonna do? I had a giant hurricane

(04:39):
party. It was fantastic. Andthen by a time that anything really started
to hit, we were also fuckedup. Nobody really gave a shit anymore,
and so it was fine, wasyeah it could be yes, yeah
potentially. I am um. Yeah, so I'm in Utah. I'm here,
I caretaking for for my parents.My parents are getting older, but
my mother's also gotta get an illnessthat is terminal, and so I've been

(05:01):
here just making sure she has mealsand that my dad has meals too,
and cooking and do it all medicationmanagement and everything. But things are kind
of reaching an end, and soit's been kind of a hectic week as
we're trying to prepare for things andget all the it's just more bureaucracy too,
Like it's it's funny, like wewe got the hospice people coming out,

(05:25):
like they come out actually really whenis that happening. Well, they
already came out like it's just beenthat's the thing. It is, Like
I thought it was like so,so that's the thing, like you say
it like that, and I waslike my mother was actually like yeah,
oh I'm ready for hospice to youknow, come out. And I was
like, you know, I thoughtthat this meant like some big change,
like somehow they like shift her toa hospital bed, and they like,
you know, no, they're justthey're like, okay, well now you're

(05:46):
officially on hospice, which just meanslike we had this phone call with someone
who was like basically talking for ahalf hour about absolutely nothing. It was
just it was like it was justlike now this just means that hospice s
takes care of everything. So we'regonna send over a hospice nurse, we
send over a social worker, wesent over all this and whatever you need.
And so then they just sent likea giant box of drugs. Basically,
it's just like here's here's your drugs. If you can't take it anymore,

(06:09):
but we'll take over all your prescriptionswill be the ones to issue though.
So basically just means that she hasa nude person to talk to if
she needs to about anything, andthat they're there and a little bit of
a quicker time. But it doesn'tit doesn't really mean what I thought either,
Like I really thought it just meantlike, all a sudden, there's
going to be a nurse there twentyfour seven, like you know, just
kind of like play her into machinesand making sure, you know, like

(06:30):
no, she's she's still just kindof living her life and and we're all
there and then the nurses checking inand making sure she doesn't need anything,
and that's the really all it is, just you know, kind of helping
her be prepared for one, youknow, when everything does finally end.
So it's been been reactic. SoI that Dad wasn't able to quite get
everything ready in time to record,and you would just coming back from Romania.
Yeah, yeah, it was.Yeah, you had had a terrible

(06:55):
airport experience, which I feel likeyou should share before in a minute as
well. Okay, yeah, andso it was like I was like,
hey, can we not record thisweek? And you're like okay, okay,
good, thank thank god. Itwas it was one of those we
were both of us, We're justlike yeah, we're night. It's not
happening. Yeah, so that's whereI am right now. So I mean,
I'm gonna be in Utah for theforeseeable future. Anyways, I've I've

(07:17):
even promised my mother I'll stay aroundand make sure my father. You know,
he doesn't run, he doesn't nota cook, so he just and
he doesn't know how to remember dolaundry or anything like that. So so
I'm gonna stay around and at leastmake sure he's going to be settled before
I decided what I want to dowith my life. But but Utah is
not going to be my permanent,um location. I have decided that.

(07:39):
I can't imagine you would pick that, ye, Like, I just it's
just even even if if you knowboth parents were around forever, I still
cannot see staying here in Utah.It is, it is. It's a
beautiful place, and I'm going tostay till at least probably this summer,
but I just cannot imagine living here. And yeah, it's just it's a
fucking weird place. And then thepeople are fucking weird. Nobody knows how

(08:01):
to drive, and yeah, I'mjust I'm ready to go somewhere that's a
little bit normal, more normal,And I don't know where that is,
but somewhere in the United States there'sa place to Yeah, yeah, is
there someone that's more normal? Whoknows? So that's that's what's going on
in my life. And uh yeah, so and you, yes, you
had had a terrible experience. God, I still feel bad about calling you

(08:24):
at what two in the morning whenI landed in Frankfurt, and I was
like, he's awake. I gota vent to somebody because I'm pissed as
fucking almost cause it internationally, Idon't think I was awake. I just
think I have your phone. Ihave you as a favorite. So even
on my phone's I do not disturbyour calls come through. I think it
is what it was. And soyeah, I still but yes, yeah,
you you were. You were soupset and I know you. Yeah,

(08:48):
I keep forgetting that this happened becausenow that it's been a week.
But so I had to fly fromBucharest, Romania, to Frankfurt, Germany,
Frankfurt, Germany to Washington, dC. And then DC to Nashville,
so totaling around let's just say twentyhours of a travel day. So
the time I left Bucharest was equivalentto ten pm Nashville time, and then

(09:13):
I landed six pm Nashville time.So I was trying to sleep on the
plane do all that. I tooka nap before, but I knew it
was going to be challenging. Getto the airport, all is fine.
I was blessed with a window seatfor the first leg of my flight,
and then I had an aisle seatfor the nine hour flight from Frankfurt to

(09:33):
Washington, d C. So Iwas like, thank God, I'm going
to sleep so much, and Ihave my little earplugs and my eyemask and
I'm just going to pass out onthis first flight. And my flight was
at six am, so I wasup at three at the airport because I
wasn't gonna, you know, withinternational travel, I wasn't going to risk
anything. So sure I get onthe flight and I, you know,

(09:54):
sit in the window seat. There'sno one so far sitting next to me.
And eventually this older German couple strollsin and as they're putting their bags
down, she's this woman is takingphotos of everything, taking selfies with her
husband. She's like so excited tofly on this airplane at six in the
fucking morning. And you know,I find it a bit obnoxious that she's

(10:16):
all over the place taking photos,but you know, to each their own.
And you know, the next thirtyminutes, my ass will be passed
out and it won't matter anymore.So we're all locked in. We're you
know, taxing off, and therule is that you have to have both
of the you know, all ofthe windows up when you're taxing, landing,
or taking off, so which I'venever heard before. By the way,

(10:39):
I've never heard that rule. That'san interesting one. You'd said that
and I didn't. I mean,I've closed mine instantly as soon as I
got on the whip plane before,and I've never had anybody say anything.
I feel like I've only experienced thatin other countries because the US I don't
really notice it as much. Butthis one they were adamant of, like
keep your windows open, so it'sdark outside, it's six in the morning,
there's not really a sunrise or whatever. But my seat just so happened

(11:03):
to have two windows. So Ihad a window right at my shoulder on
the left, and then I hada window probably where my knees were right
right above it so or next toit. So I'm like, okay,
fine, I'm just gonna close bothwindows after, you know, take off.
So the woman is sitting in themiddle seat and then her husband's in
the aisle, so it's three ofus in this row on the one side

(11:24):
of the aisle, and as weare taxiing, she is trying to take
videos of you know, the viewfrom the window, which spoiler, there
was no fucking view. It wasfucking pitch black outside. So she's kind
of like, how old is thiswoman? By the way, she had
to be at least in her midsixties, maybe seventies. I would say

(11:46):
seventies, but whatever, I'm beingnice, I guess. So she's leaning
over me again sixth morning, She'slike leaning over me to get the best
view of the window so she cantake her fucking videos or whatever. And
I'm annoyed, but you know,because there's clearly no fucking personal space.
But whatever, it's fine. Oncewe take off, she will stop.

(12:09):
So we take off and you know, we're flying through the sky whatever,
and there's a little bit of sunrise, nothing else, but she's still like
leaning over at the second window bymy knees, just trying to take this
fucking video. And I'm like,okay, well, I'm gonna reach through
my bag now the you know,the buck the seatbelt sign went off or
whatever. So I'm gonna reach intomy bag, grab my eyemask, grab

(12:30):
my earplugs, and I'm gonna gopass out now, goodbye world for the
next two and a half hours.So I have my eyemask on my head,
I close the first window, Iclose the second window, pop my
eyemask on, and lay back.Not even two seconds later, this woman
reaches across my lap and flips thefirst the window by my knees open,

(12:50):
and I like, pull my eyemaskoff, and I look at her like,
bro, what the fuck? Likewhat the fuck? So she says
something to me in German, whichI don't know any German at all,
and I don't even know is nonight, I don't fucking know. I
don't know any Germans, nine,I don't know any German. I should
have, damn it. I wishI would have at least said that,

(13:11):
but whatever, So she says somethingto me in German. I'm like,
bitch, God, damn it.I don't want to get into this argument
right now. But when the sunstarts seeping through this window, I'm closing
this window. So I put myeyemask on, and because she kind of
pointed like, well, you havea window here and then you have your
eyemask, so keep this window open. And I kind of looked around at

(13:33):
the other windows on the plane andsomewhere up, somewhere down there's no fucking
rule that you have to leave itopen. So I sleep for probably an
hour, and lo and behold thesun starts coming out, so which wakes
me up through the mask anyways,and I'm like, okay, there's certain
drinks whatever. So I take theeyemask off and I closed the window.
And she was, you know,at the time, she was just playing

(13:54):
fucking candy Crush or some stupid assgame on her phone. She's she's calm.
It's not like she's still take videosoutside of the window or whatever,
right, But so I closed thewindow and immediately she goes to flip it
back up, and I'm like,yo, we already fucking did this.
We're not doing this again. SoI put it down. She flips it
up. I put it down.We did this four or five times,

(14:16):
and the last time I just leftmy fucking hand on the thing and was
like, no, you're not You'renot fucking flipping this over. I am
going to sleep. She lost herfucking This flight, mind you, is
quiet as fun, and she startsyelling at me in German, god knows
what, the same thing over andover again. So I'm just sitting there,

(14:39):
like, you know, adrenaline rushing, just like I'm gonna lose my
shit on this woman. I lookat her and I say, I don't
understand you. I speak English,or I said something like I only speak
English, I do not understand you, and she said the same thing in
German again. So I just keptmy hand there and she like gets all
ruffled, and the woman's sitting infront of us says something to her in

(15:01):
German, and then she said likelike switch seats or whatever. So she
like tries to switch seats, andI'm just thinking to my fucking self,
if you really wanted a window seatthat goddamn bad, you should have fucking
booked it. And her husband thewhole time is just telling her bitch back
off. Just I don't know whathe's saying, but he like he asked
the body language of you should probablychill, and I'm I'm fucking heated.

(15:22):
So then she takes out her phoneand she starts like, I'm assuming taking
photos of me, which, lol, you have to wear a face
mask on flights to and from Germany, so I had my face mask and
my eyemask on. So I'm like, any photo you get of me,
like, good luck recognizing me.Whatever, bitch. So she's like,
she, well, she knew English. I'm telling you, if she fucking

(15:43):
knew English the whole time and she'sstill bitch to me, would that would
even make me more livid? Soyou know, I have another hour and
a half left on this flight,and I can just feel the tension.
So I couldn't go back to sleepbecause the adrenaline was just rushing. And
I'm like, I under my eyemask, I have like a little peep I'm

(16:03):
peeping out just to check on thewindow to make sure this bitch doesn't touch
it. A minute later the flight, she calls the flight attendant buy and
they start talking and I, youknow, I have my eyemask. I'm
pretending I'm sleeping, which clearly i'mnot, and they they're having like a
conversation and she's arguing with the flightattendant, and in my mind I'm like,
haha, you're fucking losing because theflight attendant is not like waking me
up or anything. And so thenthe flight attendant, like I hear her

(16:26):
say like one two or whatever tokind of point of like it's not fair
she has two windows, how dareshe has them closed? And the flight
Attendant's basically like nothing I could dobuy and walks away, which pissed off
the woman even more. And soI could just feel her energy even though
I couldn't see her because of theeyemask, I could just feel her energy
just like tense and pissed off.And I'm just like, fucky, bitch,

(16:47):
like this is what you get.How never in my life like someone
so fucking entitled to the window seatthat they did not book. So,
you know, the last twenty minutesof the flight, they say, you
know, pull up the wind,you know, pull up the blinds for
you know, landing. So Ipull up the blinds and she's right fucking
there with her camera to get thebest shot of the window, and she's
leaning over and she's in my personalspace. So me being fucking me petty

(17:12):
and tired and cranky. I starttrying to block her fucking shots because fuck
you, and so I was tryingto make as much space as possible to
be in her way, and I'mlike, oh, let me look at
this window. Let me look outof this window. And she was annoyed,
and I'm just like, bitch,I don't fucking care anymore. You
mess with me, and no,like, it's my fucking window. Whatever.

(17:32):
I was nice at the like fortwo seconds, and I'm like,
you got your fucking photo. Chill. So the plane lands and I have
obviously a connecting flight. I havethree hours, so I have enough time,
but I don't know what I'm goingto experience once I land in Frankfurt.
So I'm kind of like, oh, okay, gotta gotta get off
this plane. We're pretty like we'reon the front half of the plane,
so obviously we're gonna get off prettysoon. And her and her husband let

(17:56):
the rose fucking behind us go andget off the plane. But for me,
and I'm standing there with my fuckingbackpack like, oh my god,
fuck you, fuck you. Igotta get off this fucking plane, and
you bitch, So I like,you know, I kind of I put
my backpack on and I kind ofnudge her a little bit where she's she
like looks at me off flushed,and I'm like, get the fuck off
the plane. So eventually she likegoes after two rows behind us, already

(18:21):
left, which pissed me off.And then her and her husband take their
sweet time and block the you know, like the aisle that we're off the
plane now, but she's blocking thatwalkway into like the terminal, and they're
both using their bodies to fucking blockme. So I like hit the wall,
go around, give them a nastylook, and I'm just like,
fuck you. I have beef withGermany now, goddamn it. Fuck this

(18:44):
shit. I was so fucking heatedand then it turns up so I call
you to bitch about the whole thing. I'm just like, am I being
like crazy about this? They're myfucking went like never in my life.
The following flight, I had awoman who was like working remotely in Frankfurt
or whatever, and she was tellingme that German people are pushy and if
they don't get what they want,they're gonna lose their shit. They're not

(19:07):
used to people saying no to them, so she I was telling you the
story, She's like, yo,that woman must have lost her ship because
they are not used to that.I was like, yeah, I'm I'm
fucking part German, so I'm notgonna let this bitch wit either. And
so we were like laughing and thelast flight was good. But anyways,
that was my horrific flight back toYeah. Well, um, not not
that this will ever happen again,but here's a great line to know.

(19:30):
Is ick bin iin crazy americanor AndI'm not going to say I'm a crazy
American on the flight because then thatsounds like some kind of international I'm not
trying to have an international incident.Though you almost had an internationalism, I
know, and I had. Youknow how hard it was for me to
sit there and go, I donot speak German, I only speak English
and say it calmly like I waslike, do not lose your fucking cool

(19:52):
right now. Yeah, wow,that bitch. I know you're getting all
you needed down in the story.I forgot about it because I just like
let it chill, you know,but yeah, I can't believe it.
Well, let's give a shout outto all of our listeners in Germany.
Um, I thought, who wereshouting out this? No, no,
not on the charts this week,but but I just thought I would do

(20:15):
that anyway, it's just for ourGerman listens. If and if you had
know an old couple that recently flewfrom Romania to Frankfurt and told you a
story about it, ob noxious whitegirl that was from America who was wouldn't
share her two shades, Well,then now you know who it is,
so yeah, do you have apicture of her? Well, I took

(20:36):
a photo of the back of herhead, and of course Roy I was
like texting Roy and he was like, he was like, don't cause a
scene, but like pull that bitch'shair. Was like, she doesn't have
much hair, she has like acare and haircut. I was so mad.
I was like, fuck that bitch. I love that he's telling you
to pull her hair. Oh well, that's that's fantastic. Well, we're

(20:56):
welcome back to the crazy United Statesanyways, where you know, travel just
is insane anyway as well, I'venever been more happy to be home after
that entire travel day though, SoI'm I'm like, stay put for as
long as you can, because Idon't want to deal with that again,
right, and then we'll cut forwardto another month and a half. Was
I was like, I'm going toblah blah blah, She's good place.

(21:17):
I do want to give a shoutout to the countries where we have recently
popped up on their the top oftheir charts and thanks to Apple Podcasts and
that would we have a different groupthis time. It's funny sometimes we have
like the Repetitive where it looks likesounds like somebody's binge listening to like every
episode we've ever done. This night, there's a new group. But India

(21:37):
where where we've all a sudden popularin India and Indonesia, I think those
two are very new. Yeah,those are, and then the Dominican Republic
and Uganda. Uganda has been onthere a bit, so I think I'm
not surprised about that one. Butthe other three we're we're interesting. So
I want to give a shout outto all all of our listeners in India,
Indonesia, the Dominican Republic, andUganda and not Germany. Germany,

(22:00):
if you find if you find thatfind that woman, just give her a
smack. So, yes, thankyou very much, and that's ah,
Yes, that's interest an insane story. What we're doing now is we are
going to round out this this thirdof the show with another call to our
DKs hotline. If if you don'tknow, the DCASE hotline is four oh
seven five one nine zero one eightone, and you can call me.

(22:26):
It's just a voicemail line like amailbox. You could just call on me
if any type of voicemail about questionsabout dating, sex, relationships, anything
like that. And um, wehave a call from from someone named Jacob
and so let's go ahead and listento his call. I my question is,
how do I stop myself from dumpingmy feelings all at once? Because

(22:48):
that's a something I do too much. And you guys talked about in the
perspective of a victim who gets feelingdumped on him or on her, And
my question would be, how doI deal with it as a how do

(23:11):
I call it as someone who doesit. I want to stop doing this
toxic trait, but I can't helpit, but because I feel like I
need to. It's caused. Itsounds stupid, but I feel like I

(23:32):
have the urge to dumb my feelingson my partner, even though now I
know it's very toxic. Well,thank you so much, Jacob for calling,
and we just really appreciate you recognizingthe toxic trait. It is going
to take time and you're not goingto be able to reverse traits like this
overnight, So just keep that inmind as you're trying to work on yourself

(23:53):
and be better. My piece ofadvice is to just be honest. What
do you know communication of being honest, right, be honest with your partner
that you have a tendency to dumpyour feelings and if you're truly working on
improving that, which it sounds likeyou are, tell them that and say,
you know, let me know whenI cross the line. Let's healthy

(24:15):
boundaries and communicate that with your partnersso that they know. Outside of just
communicating with your partner about that,I would say seek professional help. Depending
on how severe the is it.Trauma dump, I would say trauma dumping
or just like dumping would be.Yeah, I would say, I mean

(24:36):
is kind of trauma dumping. Itis kind of like it's it's just unloading
on your on your partner. Yeah, so yeah, yeah, okay,
well I would I didn't want tosay trauma dumping, but I'm just like
just dumping, like your feelings whenyou always just whatever. I think journaling
those feelings and thinking them through toyourself first would be helpful, and then
if it's pretty severe, I wouldsay seek professional advice and talk to a

(24:59):
third party person. I always andI've not in a toxic way, but
like I've sometimes go through stuff whereI like, I really need to tell
my friends and things like that,And I think, you know, how
do my friends feel like I've constantlybeen talking about myself and I've constantly been
just dumping things on them. Howwould I feel if someone did that to
me? You know what, Ifeel emotionally exhausted and drained. That's not

(25:19):
fair to them that I'm making themfeel that way. So check yourself in
those ways too. Yeah, Ithink that, Um, you know,
there's I agree with Sarah mostly withthat is it. And I think Sarah
can identify that because I think thereare certain personality types who that's how they
kind of share with their friends andthen they're share with people like that matter

(25:41):
is they have like sometimes something importantthat they just need to like it is
just kind of an unloading. Theyneed someone to kind of be there but
but it's also the reciprocation live thatare you also listening when you're when your
partner needs to share, Are youencouraging them to talk? Is it only
you sharing your feelings, because that'swhen it becomes, you know, toxic.
It also becomes to is toxic isif that's your only avenue to ever

(26:03):
share anything that's bad and if youdon't have a way to otherwise express yourself,
and then then yes, I wouldsay therapy is actually very important in
these situations, especially for a lotof men. And you said, you
know that you you know, youstill want to do this even though you
know now that you know it's toxic, it's still like this, you have
this need to kind of share.Well, your partner is not your therapist.
Your partner is someone with their ownissues and their own problems, and

(26:27):
they're not going to be able tofix your problems. So there's something that
you want to be able to talkto and say, oh, I'm feeling
this way, I'm feeling this wayX, Y and Z, and be
able to share with them and listento them and back and forth, and
also do this in small doses.This is something where if you hold it
all in and then all of asudden you unload. It's like when you
have a fight, if you like, if you're feeling kind of upset about
things, then you just hold itand hold it, hold it, and

(26:48):
then you finally explode on the person. That's not fair to your partner.
It's the same thing with other feelings. I mean, anger is a feeling,
but the same in the other feelings. If you just hold it in
and hold it in until you justneed to unload, that's not fair to
them. So try sharing in smallerdoses. But definitely I would consider counseling,
consider one of those even online nowplaces that you can at least talk
through things. And yeah, andthat Sarah said journaling, you know,

(27:12):
just if you have a creative waysto to process things. You know,
if you have friends, you canalso talk with your friends too. But
try not to put the burden onyour partner's shoulders to fix you, because
that's when you are now turning yourpartner into your therapist, and that's not
a healthy relationship. You know,my friends and I have gotten into a

(27:32):
good flow of asking like if Ineed to vent or whatever, She'll say,
do you want me to listen.Do you want me to give advice?
Or I forget the other? Butthere's like three options of like do
you want me to just listen tovent? Do you want me to give
you a solution? Or whatever?And I think if you are wanting to
vent or dump on a partner one, obviously check yourself first. But if

(27:53):
you're just like wanting to tell themsomething, say hey, you know,
I kind of need to vent aboutthis. Are you in like the mental
space to accept this venting too andask before you do it instead of just
doing it? Yep, absolutely,I agree, Yeah, And that is
a good way to do sometimes islike do you want me to fix this?
Like you're for your partner too orwhatever? Is do you want me
to fix this to? I meto listen? How can I support you

(28:15):
and what you're sharing with me?You know, is it's something you just
need to get off your chest,you know, and uh and a lot
of times, and that's the thingis sometimes when people just need to get
stuff off their chest, it doesn'treally matter who they're telling. So that's
true, you know it sometimes itneeds to get it out there, which
is where a lot of therapy comesinto it because your your therapist is used
to hearing this, but they don'tthink it personally. But if all of

(28:36):
a sudden you're just like, youknow, exploding on this on your partner,
your partner still knows that it doesn'thave to be them that you're sharing
with. And so it's also notso it's not like, you know,
like because you're my partner, Ineed to share with you. It's just
because I need to share because you'rethe closest person. You're here. They
could be talking to a wall sometimesand it'll be fine. So but you
know, it is good. Goodon you for recognizing that. It's that

(28:56):
you know that it is a behaviorthat can be toxic and working where is
it? And I hope to hearthat you you're able to try to channel
that into something a little healthier.Yeah, I echo that same thought that
Adam had, And thank you somuch for calling again. It really is
a big step to just be vulnerableand put yourself out there and ask ways
to improve. So thank you forthe calle Jacob, And once again,
if you have any questions about sex, stating relationships, anything like that,

(29:19):
you can call leave a voicemail atfour oh seven five one nine zero,
one, eight one. Do youwish we had a little jingle for that?
Every time? Every time? Iknow, every time, I'm like
moving my body like there's a jingle. All right, Well, we are
going to take a quick break andwhen we come back and we're going to

(29:41):
have what to see you with SarahGee in Dublin, Ireland. Oh boy,
who, like Adam had mentioned,I've been doing a lot of traveling
in the past month. Not onlywas I in Romania, but I was
in Ireland. And you know what, let's just talk about my travels.
So this week let's explore Dublin,Ireland. And Dublin is a city known

(30:02):
for its pub culture and obviously aGuinness or two. And I do have
to say, actually, Guinness tastebetter in Ireland. I don't know if
it's the water, but I'm notreally a beer drinker or a Guinness type
of girl. I drink it onlike you know, Saint Patrick's Day.
That sounds like people who say thatpizza and bagels taste better in New York.
Maybe they fucking do. I don'tknow. Okay, Well, I'm

(30:25):
just saying I think it tastes betterin Ireland. But okay, Besides that,
let's talk about what to do andwhere to stay when you're in Dublin.
From what I experienced, the diningout and just tickets to events and
things like that are actually pretty reasonable, but the hotel accommodations were more expensive
than I expected. So if you'retrying to save some money, you can

(30:45):
choose the hostile approach or find acost effective airbnb. But I didn't really
find a lot of good options,and I'm not really a hostile type of
gal, so I went the hotelroute, and I suggest looking at hotels
if you're in the hotel chain tolook at the Dean or Zanzibarlock or Trinity
City Hotel. All are located inreally good areas and they were nice.

(31:08):
Now for what to do, Ikind of stubbled on Dublin Castle, and
I think it's a must. Whenyou visit Dublin, you get a great
perspective of the history of the cityand it's just it was just a nice
tour. So I found out fromthe tour that the city was founded by
Vikings in eight forty one a dand originates from the name Blackpool or dub

(31:30):
Lynn, So that's where Dublin getsits name. Definitely opt for the guided
tour and pay a few extra dollars. You'll get access to a pretty historic
cathedral that's closed off, and you'lljust learn more about Ireland's history. Like,
fun fact, did you know,Adam that the symbol of Ireland is
the Irish harp? And Guinness hasthat in their logo but they had it

(31:52):
in their logo first, so andthe Country of Ireland wanted it as well.
So to solve that issue, Irelandjust flipped the sound board. So
now both the country and Guinness canuse the harp in their logos. Interesting,
but so Guinness existed before Ireland existed, before they had actually put a
load no Guinness. No, butI'm saying they didn't give us as old

(32:17):
as healthy. Okay, they didn'thave a logo yet and they wanted to
use the harp and then they're like, shit, Guinness already has it,
how do we fix this? SoI didn't notice it until after that tour
and then I was drinking Guinness.I was like, oh, I'm glad
it. Fun fact. So yeah, speaking of Guinness, you can't miss
the Guinness Factory tour. It's actuallythe number one tourist attraction in the country.

(32:38):
When you land at the airport,you'll see all the signs for everything,
so they want you to go thereand it's definitely worth it. Be
sure to grab your tickets online toavoid any crowds, and then after the
tour you can head up to theGravity Bar. It has three hundred and
sixty degree views of the city,especially nice on a sunny day, and
then with your ticket it includes afree Guinness fun fact. Again, Double

(33:00):
is actually pretty walkable, so youreally can't go wrong walking down the streets
and enjoying the architecture. Be sureto take a stroll down Grafton Street.
If you listen to Ed Sharon,he's mentioned Grafton Street. I know you
don't, but maybe no. Okay, that's all I thought, So walk
down Grafton Street to enjoy the entertainment. Or you can walk around the Temple
Bar district to check out a coupleof pubs. I will say the Temple

(33:22):
Bar area is a little bit touristy. There are a lot of Americans in
the pubs, but it can stillbe fun. They definitely keep the spirit
of Ireland alive and all of thosepubs when you're in the area too,
be sure to stop by Trinity College. You can see the Book of Kells
and the impressive library that they have. And if you have additional time,
I don't know if you have morethan one or two days in Dublin,

(33:44):
you can stop by Saint Patrick's Cathedral. The architecture on the outside is really
beautiful and it's like eight euros totour it inside, which is worth it
as well. I already mentioned thatGuinness tastes better in Ireland, but as
far as food is concerned, acouple of recommendations. If you're looking for
fishing chips, there is a placecalled Fish Shop that has some delicious fish
and chips. The Church Bar andRestaurant. It is a church that's converted

(34:07):
now into a restaurant and it's reallycool vibes. The food was okay,
the drinks were good, but Idefinitely think it's worth checking out. Or
you can also treat yourself to dinnerat the Piglet Wine Bar, which was
probably my favorite meal in Ireland.If you do have some extra time in
Dublin, be sure to also checkout some traditional Irish step dancing, or
you can visit the Jamison Distillery.There's also I think there's like a LEPrecon

(34:29):
museum. It seemed a little cheesyfor me, but you can do that
too if you're interested. And that'swhat to see in Dublin, Ireland.
LEPrecon museum sounds interesting. That's that'sone thing I would be interested in.
You didn't go to that. Iwanted to see what it was like twenty
dollars. I was not doing that. It was I think it was more
expensive than getting why to fucking Ireland, and it's like, I can't pay
twenty dollars for a museum. Lepreconsaren't fucking real. People in Ireland think

(34:52):
they are so funny enough. Actually, in Romania, when we were in
Transylvania, the tour guide was like, Ireland gets fucking lepre cons and ship,
but we get werewolves and vampires andship that will kill you. He's
like, but the ones and notthe magical fantasy creatures and Ireland are so
nice and friendly, although I thinkthe Ireland the lepre Cons are actually supposed

(35:13):
to be pretty dangerous. Um inIreland, just like in Iceland, they
have the fairies that they have thatif you you're not supposed to like,
I think it's a country like afederal law that you're not supposed to disturbed.
The little fairy holes and stuff thatthey have set up and everything.
What yeah, thing, Yeah,it's actually the thing. Yeah, because

(35:34):
apparently they're they're kind of dangerous andif you've ever watched euro Eurovision, they
have they kind of come into playEurovision or Eurotrip Eurovision, the Will Ferrell
thing about them. There's the musical. Um, oh okay, I haven't
seen that. I've only seen euroTrip and I didn't remember that part.
So yeah, so uh, fishand chips, you were good. Um.

(35:57):
One thing you mentioned to me,which I think is really interesting,
is that you thought it was prettyinteresting how Irish pubs in the US actually
do feel very similar to the onesin Ireland. We do have, like
America does a really good job ofcopy and pasting the Irish bars into the
US, And so it was weirdto me because I really like to feel

(36:20):
the culture of a new country andeverything, and I literally caught myself going,
this feels like that Irish bar inOrlando. This feels like that Irish
bar that I've been to. Itwas very it was very weak. Right
now now I have been two Irishbars with my Irish friend who's only the
comedian who's actually from Ireland, andwhat he always lost it as the menu

(36:40):
options because the menus are still different. Like it might have the vibe,
but like I feel like every Irishpub in America has a thing they called
like Irish nachos or something which arelike, you know, oh, potato
chips with like cheese and like,you know, it's just some weird,
weird concoction that they make up.But I imagine that the food has probably
got to be different at the Irishpost, but I love that the atmosphere

(37:01):
you're still the same. It's reallyinteresting. Copy paste. Yeah, I
was very shocked. I was expectingit to be like on like even more
than what I've experienced in the US, but it was exactly the same.
Just like if you go to Mexicoand you go to a restaurant there and
you go to a Mexican restaurant notat all, or just like if you
go to Australia and you go toOutback Yeah right, yeah, exactly.

(37:27):
Okay we do that again with her, I know, please will you do
your your Australia, Come on,I want to hear a shrimp on the
what now shrimp on the Bobby?I know I don't never have good accents.
Okay, did you find yourself talkingin a little more of a lilting

(37:49):
accent just from speaking to people inIreland? Not at all? No,
really, okay, because I findthat might be a thing sometimes because they
because they're just I feel like there'sa little bit more of a rhythmic way
that they speak English, you know, like where the things kind of end
in a question, you know,like when even though when they're not really
in a question. And so Ijust didn't know if that you felt you
found yourself like absorbing that at all. No, honestly, Like I liked

(38:14):
Ireland, but I don't know,to be real, I don't know if
I would go back, because itwas just so similar to what I like
have experienced back in the US.So I'm like, I mean, it
was like it was beautiful and Iappreciate the trip, but I'm like,
I feel the same way about theUK too, like, which is for
me the opposite, Like I'd wantto go somewhere where I feel comfortable and

(38:35):
familiar automatically, and I'd be like, oh, that's a bar. I
can go in there, like,hell of this this food that I recognize,
you know, like those things wouldlike be but you like to like
very different culture. Yeah, Likewhat the fuck did I just eat an
order? I don't even know?You know, it's kind of fun for
me versus like I know what I'mgonna get when I order again. You
know what I mean when I ordera guinness or fish and chips or whatever.

(38:57):
Well, maybe if you checked outthe Leper Communseum in your opinion would
have changed. You're right, You'reall right. Well, we're going to
take a quick break. When wecome back, we are going to get
into the topic and we're gonna explainwhat we mean by the by the mullet
conundrum. So why are we callingthis episode the mullet conundrum? Ut is?

(39:22):
The conundrum now? Is basically becausewe were talking about a very specific
situation involving a mullet, and thatinvolved Sarah's boyfriend Roy, who, while
Sarah was gone for a month,decided to grow his hair and shape it
and have it cut into a mullet. And so we were discussing, you

(39:43):
know, like what do you doin those situations if someone does something like
superficially with their appearance, um thatyou are either horrified by or you don't
like or you're just not yet.Yeah, just something like that, like
what what is the proper protocol?And because you really want to be you
know, you want to be respectfulof your partner's choices, do whatever the

(40:04):
fuck they want to themselves. Butat the same time, you don't want
to be embarrassed to walk in publicwith them, you know, and so
you have to kind of so it'sa conundrum. So the conundrum. Yes,
Well, so to be fair,I did know that Roy was eventually
going to cut his hair into amullet because he wanted to have it for
Halloween, and so he's been growinghis hair out since the beginning of the

(40:25):
pandemic. And then he said,you know, Halloween twenty twenty two,
I'm gonna have a mullet. AndI said, okay, whatever. So
when he picked me up from theairport, I noticed his hair was down,
which he always wears his hair up. And I noticed his hair was
down and it looked different. Andthen I got in the car. He's
like, do you notice anything?And I looked. I was like,
no, fucking way you actually gotit cut, and he wanted to like
to be a surprise because he thinksit's really He thought it would be really

(40:49):
funny, which it was. Nowis it my favorite hairstyle that he's ever
had? No, But I thinkit's funny and he enjoys it, So
I enjoy that he enjoys it,and it makes him happy for the time
being. It's just one of thoseof I've cut my hair, Like remember
when I first cut my hair supershort, and I would hear from men
of oh, I liked your hairbetter when it was longer, and my

(41:13):
response was, well, I fuckinggrowing back anytime soon. I'm not going
to change it. So tough fuckingshit, you know, right. It's
one of those of you can't changeit, and I personally like it.
So why is there an argument aboutsomething that I chose to do to my
body that I'm okay with? Andit's hard because you like want your partner
in some aspects to like maybe thiswas like a younger version of myself of

(41:37):
to look a certain way, ofto have a certain hairstyle, like I
have a quote unquote type and reallyit's just you boxing yourself in and limiting
yourself and all that. But Inever had on my list fuck a guy
with a mullet before I fucked aguy with a mullet, you know what
I mean, fuck a guy witha mullet. I hope he wore the

(41:58):
wrap around sunglasses when he he hasn'tdone that yet. No, so he's
fully committed to the look. Imean, like cut off jeans, he's
he's gonna wear the douchebag tank.He already bought the douchebag sunglasses. He
is, he's got the bullets onthe side, like the that are shaved
in. He's one hundred percent committed, and he wants to grow the stash
too. It's a look, andyou know, I just have to.
He's enjoying it. So it's likewhy would I Why would I argue with

(42:22):
him about something that's like his choiceand he is happy, right and so
so yeah, I would say thatthere's a difference between a random person that
you match with on a dating appsaying or just a random guy in public
being like I like you with shorthair, or you'd look better with mean
with long hair, you know,or whatever, like yeah, because their
opinion, you're like they have there'sno reason for their opinion to have any

(42:42):
value whatsoever, because you know you'rethey are not at you know, in
any way attached to you having apartner that you were dating, especially like
in a committed relationship with I dowonder if there's a little bit of like
should you should you ever consult like, uh, you know, like right
now, if he really likes yourhair the length it is and you decide
you want to go that short again, would you mention it to him to

(43:07):
see what he says about it.So I actually did this because I'm considering
either I'm at the stage of doI grow it out back to where it
was definitely getting him for sure,then it'll be the mullet conundrum for him.
Um. But so I did say, you know, I'm considering getting
you know what hair style because he'sonly really seen me with shorter hair.

(43:29):
Do you do you like my hairat this length? And he said,
you know, I do, ButI support whatever you decide. You know,
I'm still gonna love you whether youhave short hair or long hair.
He's like, but I do preferthis look on you. That's kind of
how I feel about when he hadshorter hair, like when it was long,
Like, I prefer those two styles, but you still look like the
guy I would really feel about themullet. How do I really feel?

(43:52):
Silence? Um not my favorite,but you know, I mean, I
feel like you had stronger words forthat. Well that's because I was mad
at him that one day too,when I was just like being mean,
true venting, which inventing, Ifeel like I feel like I heard the

(44:16):
first I fucking hate the mullet comeout of your mouth. Well again,
because that's what I was super angry, And look, it's not going to
be a forever hairstyle, and itis what it like. I had the
same issue when we've met and wewere early on dating and he started growing
out his hair, and so I'mI'm just telling myself like I was there

(44:37):
for the growing out process, Iwas there for the mullet, like it's
been a journey and it doesn't changemy love for him at all. And
it's his hair and he can dowhat he wants. That's what makes us
actually a weird conundrum, because yes, you want to respect your partner's autonomy
to do things, but sometimes youjust don't want to look at someone like
either be just like, oh,I really just hate that look on you,

(44:58):
you know, like you don't wantthat. Yeah, and it can
happen, and then you like thenyou have to wonder like are you shallow?
Like is is that what it is? Like? Like are you be
like? Are is it something whereyou're being shallow? I had my ex
wife em Or one time cut herhair and she like got it cut really
short, and it looked terrible inmy opinion, I just like, and
you know, but did she loveit? Well? I think she liked

(45:22):
it. I think I'm I'm actuallyI just I don't remember her her like
of her what she her version ofit, or her perspective on it.
I remember, you know, likingher longer hair, and then she went
to the style as that came homewith all of a sudden that like a
golden girl's um Rue McClanahan like hairstyleor you know, or it was like
it was really it was like thatshort like kind of This was in the

(45:45):
like early two thousands, so it'slike kind of a I feel like maybe
late nineties, so maybe that waslike a thing that was a style,
but to me it was I wouldlooked at it. I was just like
I don't know, I like longhair, so like that's a thing that
I like. It's not the onlything. So I mean I supported it,
and eventually i've you know, itchanges. But like for a while,
I was like, I just don'tlike her hair. I just don't.
I don't find like It's not thatI don't find her attractive, I

(46:07):
just don't like like that part ofher. Like I'm just like covering her,
you know. Like it's like Iwish you would have left it.
I wish you would have left it. You want to put a hat on
and go out, you know whatever, but uh, you know, just
and I felt you do feel badabout it. Yeah, Well that the
difference is for me is that Iknow this is only going to last for
a month or two and then it'sgoing to go back to his short hair
again. He wants he wants anew state ID with the mullet, with

(46:30):
the mullet, and then that's it. He said after Halloween he was going
to cut it. He's gonna getso much. He's gonna love the driver
license. My brother, Like,my brother's so excited to see him with
a mule. He's like, he'snot invited to my house unless he has
a bullet. And I'm like,I don't know, maybe it's just like
a certain type of guy thing oflike bullets are super cool, you know,

(46:50):
and he finds it, like Isaid, he finds it funny and
he enjoys it. But my cousinhad the same thing. Her fiance for
their engagement photos had a full handlebarmustache an a mullet and they took photos
like that, and I remember seeingthe photos going holy shit. She let
him keep the void these photos andI called her. She goes, look,
it makes him happy, but he'sshaving it off before the wedding.

(47:13):
This is like his thing that hegets to ride out until right before the
wedding. I was like, okay, that's fair. She's like, he
knows it's not forever either, andhe just thinks it's fun for now,
right, and so that that's it'sinteresting, right, So like what what
kind of gives us these these thingswhere we can be like, okay,
we can dictate how somebody else isgoing to look like a wedding. What
if you wanted to keep a mustachefor the wedding? Because that he s

(47:34):
realized he liked it, you know, what I mean. I'm just saying
it's one of those things. Um, you can't really like fight them on
that though, because it's like it'slike there, it's their fucking body and
right they like it, so youjust have to be supportive, supportive over
it and go, Okay, thisis what my partner likes, and I'm
gonna still love them no matter howthey look because I love them. And
that's just kind of how it is. It's not a bad thing, no,

(47:59):
no, But let's talk about aboutthe maybe the flip side of it,
where there are I would say generallymen who are controlling and you know,
they they won't even allow like theyhave such a specific like type of
person that they want to be ina relationship with that they I've seen this

(48:20):
on Reddit where someone's like, youknow, my girlfriend had long blonde hair
and she wants to dye the tipspurple or whatever, and I want to
break up with her. Or shecut her hair and I want to break
up with her, you know,things like that, And I feel like
there's been episodes of sitcoms about thatwhere like you know, some of do
something you know, where there isthat aspect where expressing your opinion to the
point that you're controlling your partner andmaking them think that their relationship is going

(48:43):
to end if they do any cosmeticchanges in themselves. Is is extremely toxic.
Oh and it's like terrifying to belike, wow, I can't even
be myself and just experience like that'spart of the fun, right. You
know what if you were dating someoneseriously and they said, I'm going to
break up with you if you dieyour beer another color, I mean,
you don't keep your beard. Yeah, right, But if if you feel

(49:06):
manipulated by that person and you've beenin a long term relationship, you're you're
worried about you know, all thetime you spent with that person of like,
well, then I won't do itbecause it's what makes him happy,
and then you're never making yourself happy. So that's the reason why. It's
like, when you know a partneris wanting to try and experiment with new
hairstyles or whatever, it's like it'syou. It's up to you. You

(49:28):
know, you can't limit them andsay, well, I'm not going to
find that attractive anymore, so don'tdo it, or I'm gonna break up
like a fucking ultimatum for what whodoes that benefit? So let's let's take
it a step beyond that. Now, what if it's not a hairstyle.
What if it's somebody you I don'tknow, they get a face stattoo or
a boob job or bob job.Yeah, let's say like something that's a

(49:52):
little bit more permanent and a littlebit more appearance changing and then not necessarily
something that is going to be youknow, like shift with time, right,
I mean, I think before,I think the only the only time
you really get to say anything aboutit is before. So before if they're
talking to you about, hey,i'd like to do this or whatever,

(50:14):
I think you as a partner,if that's not your thing, you just
reassure them. I like, look, you know, I'm you know,
good for you. If you've decidedthat's what you want. You know,
I'm still gonna love you no matterwhat. You know. I think you're
beautiful just the way you are,YadA YadA. And they either you know,
you don't force them saying you're goingto look terrible with that after that
procedure or whatever. You just saylike, look, I think you look

(50:36):
great now. And you know,if you want to do that, I'll
support you, but just no,you know, I find you great now.
But that's what I'm asking. Doyou think you have to support them
in that case? Or is thatis that still you being shallow? If
for example, like somebody, let'ssay they get a face tattoo, is
this a perfect example, you know, and I'm not talking like they get
a little star tattooed next to theireye or full on, but like a
half of it, you know,like it just or like you know,

(50:57):
like Mike Tyson did you know,like it's just like Jade's symbol on the
side of his face, something that'sjust indelible, and there is that something,
you know. It's like if you'redating someone who has a ton of
tattoos, that might not really beas like they it's just a little bit
of like creep up their body intodifferent spots and they're like, Okay,
that's fine. Like you know,if I if I you know, and

(51:19):
I think I used to have adifferent opinion about I used to be very
anti Like someone had like a necktattoo. I didn't find it attractive,
and so I wouldn't even be interestedin something like that. And if they
were to just elseuddn't get a facetattoo. That would be like just over
the line. Now, I thinkit would just have been on the person
if it was something I was like, what if you want to it's fine,
But do you think that would bea shallow reason then at that point
to be like I don't want todate someone with a face tattoo or I

(51:42):
don't want to date someone who hasfake boobs. I think it is shall
especially if you've been with that personfor a long time and then you say
I don't want to date you anymorebecause you have that. It's like,
but everything else in your relationship isgreat, and that's going to be the
deciding factor. Yeah, I don'tknow. I'm saying that's why this is.
This is why the conundrum is.I think it's an interesting discussion.
If you gain fifty pounds, likepeople gain weight during the pandemic, to

(52:06):
then say I don't want to dateyou anymore because you gained weight and that's
the reason why. But everything elsein your relationship is good according to the
person who's breaking up with you,Like what the fun that feels really shallow?
It does? It does? Now? I will say it depends if
the weight. Also companies someone whois their entire personality shifts as a result
of things too, because you willsee people get like depressed and then they

(52:29):
won't be they won't do things youused to do together and all these like
all these other things. Doesn't meanthat you should break up with them,
right, I'm just talking about largerYeah, you know situation. But yeah,
if they just gain weight and allof a sudden, you're you know,
you don't find them attractive, butthey could be that you know,
you what you found it physically attractiveisn't there anymore. But do you still
love that person and do you stillhave a solid relationship and you still want

(52:51):
to be with them outside of justthat one aspect? Right? And I
think that's the that's the thing towrestle with, because can you have if
you if you have a healthy,loving relationship, you have a strong emotional
connection to them, you have astrong eligual connection, you have you know,
you still have all of those things. You just don't have the level
of physical attraction anymore. Then thatthat can negatively affect a relationship sometimes.

(53:15):
Yeah, but I wouldn't I wouldn'tjump the gun and saying, oh they
got a boob job or whatever,I'm done. I think that probably if
that is something that is part ofthis Mullet conundrum thing of over, you
know, six months after you're noticingyour feeling differently after all of these things,
if you're not communicating that you shouldand then maybe you know that is

(53:37):
worth looking into of like how that'saffected your relationship and your feelings towards them
to go, well, maybe thisisn't working out. But I wouldn't say
jumping the gun a week after theyget they cut their hair, or whatever
the case may be, to sayI'm done. I don't you look ugly?
Fuck you? You know that's that'sthat's super shallow. I would say,
if you notice shifts in the relationshipbecause of that, talk about it,

(54:00):
bring it up, and then evaluate, like am I like asking the
question am I being shallow about this? Or is this something like that has
now in turn affected our relationship forthe two of us. And then then
that you have to face that Ihad a girlfriend that was she was tall,
very skinny, had like an acup like a lower case a cup

(54:22):
and everything. But I thought shewas absolutely beautiful, but she was very
self conscious about her breasts and shewanted to get a boob job, and
it was one of those things thatshe had been saving up for. And
like I at that point, Iwas just I was very I mean,
I was kind of probably blunter thanmaybe I should have been about it.
I was just like, I justlike I don't understand, like I think
you're beautiful. I just I don'tunderstand why you would want to like artificially

(54:45):
do that. I just well,we're like why, And she was like,
well, I think it's going tobe good for my self esteem.
And I think at that point Iwas not to the point where, I
mean where I realized that, youknow, it's not my job to be
the sole provid eider of self esteemfor my partner, you know, or
I thought I was like, Iwas like, well, I'm not good
enough to make you feel, youknow, happy with yourself, like you

(55:07):
need you need more than that,and uh, you know, and and
everything. And we had broke upbefore she ended up getting me the boot
job, and then then I rememberseeing pictures over later and I was like,
uh and I was like, yeah, oh yeah, I still find
her just as attractive, like she'syou know, and even if I personally
like, I don't like the feelof them, like, They're not a
thing that I like. But it'sit's not my it's not your choice.

(55:29):
They're not a choice, right exactly, So you know, and that can
be my choice if I find youknow, but but but it is,
you know, it is an interestingquestion to think about if someone changes a
part of them drastically between you know, with the person you meet versus the
person that you know that they are. Now, what does that do to
affect your relationship? I just Ijust think, don't jump the gun on

(55:51):
saying I don't like this anymore,I'm done with this, or I don't
date people who look like this orhave this, so I can't date you
anymore, right, I just don'tdon't be too quick to make that call.
And then I think it's worth honestlybringing up to your partner before if
they're going to cut their hair,do whatever, and then after to say,

(56:15):
you know, not right after,but you know some time has passed.
If hey, you know, I'mhappy that you feel happy. These
are some things I'm wrestling with rightnow. You know, how can I
address these concerns or it doesn't changemy feelings? About you, but it
does make me feel this type ofway. Let's discuss it. Yeah,
yeah, and I think that youknow, once again, obviously communication meatin

(56:38):
that, but but I also wantpeople to, you know, are you
necessarily shallow if you do feel likemaybe something has changed and you're trying to
assess that. I don't think thatmakes you a shallow person, because you
can't have physical attraction change over overtime as well. So you know,
it is important, but you haveto look at that in a very tactful
way, in a very considerate way. Of the fact that you don't have
a choice, you don't have theoption to, you know, to change

(57:00):
what someone else decides to do,and that's not within your control and it
shouldn't be. Then there's the other, the other, the alternative that was
I had another ex girlfriend who washaving self esteem issues because she didn't feel
like she was good enough for me, So she was changing her appearance because

(57:20):
of that. Right one day,she was gone all day and I couldn't
couldn't reach her. And then alsoshe showed up and she had red hair,
and before that she had had darkbrown hair. So she spent in
like four hundred dollars too on gettingyou know, like the cost of it,
and she thought I would just itwould be a surprise for me,
and I was like, wow,I love I really like your hair.
It was for you, not forher. It was completely for me.

(57:43):
Yeah, And I was like,oh, really, it really is cool.
But I realized how much effort shewent to just to do that because
she wanted because everybody, because Iwas joke about redheads, and she just
you know, and because I jokedon stage about redheads, and so she'd
had people say things to her,not me. I wasn't telling her she
needed to be red, but she'dhave people say things to her like,
oh, well, you know,if only you were a redhead, or

(58:04):
they would joke like a shit aboutshit like that, and it got into
her head and so she went anddid that. And yeah, that was
towards the end of our relationships.I think that's when she realized that she
was kind of, you know,maybe spiraling in a way that was not
good. And then I started torealize. I was like, I don't
want somebody to try to change howthey look for me, Like I like
her for her. I loved herfor her, you know, and I

(58:24):
didn't didn't want her to do that, So that was a that was another
interesting twist on that. Yeah,I think that is an important point of
when they make when when your partnermakes a change to their appearance, are
they doing it for you or arethey doing it because they have the self
confidence and like the self esteem becausethey want to make that change, you

(58:45):
know, And you have to lookat that as well of Wow, they're
really confident and they really are likeexcited about this change. You know,
I should get on like I shouldbe excited with him. You know.
That good for them, you know, versus why did you do that?
What other issues are you struggling withthat made you make that decision? Right?
Which, actually I guess could sayanything like, you know, obviously

(59:05):
if it wasn't for Halloween, you'dbe like, Roy, why are you
doing the mullet? What is yourwhat is your motivation? Why did you
choose a mullet? What are youtrying to say with it? You know,
like, what is it in yourlife that you want to trying to
make a statement about? But Ijust know something his sister said to me
last summer when we were talking abouthis hair, is that you know,
they both have really fine hair.So his sister obviously supports him growing out

(59:30):
his hair because she's kind of said, like, it's probably the only time
he's going to be able to gethis hair this long ever again, because
his hair is just so fine thatyou know, just you know, he's
he's living it up now because Idon't think he's going to have another chance
that that, Like, you know, she supports no, but like they
just like his sister has like apixie cut too, Like they just they

(59:52):
just can't keep long hair. Sowhen she said that to me, I
was like, oh, okay,you know that, like that makes more
sense to me of just like,you know, he wants to grow his
hair because that's this is probably theonly shot you know of why why not?
It makes him happy right now andhe might not be able to have
it in a couple of years ormaintain it, And I don't know that
that definitely shifted my perspective on itright right now, I can see that.

(01:00:14):
But yeah, sometimes if someone doesmake a drastic change to how they
look, it might be worth considering, you know, why they why they're
doing it, and trying to assessif maybe maybe it's not even if you
still love them and you love howit, how it looks whatever. You
also might want to consider is theresomething in there, like they're unhappy with
something they're trying to, you know, make a statement about. And that
would also be something to consider.Well, think about when people go through

(01:00:36):
breakups they make drastic alterations to true. Yeah, if you're with somebody and
they're you know, one day they'resuper happy with their long hair, and
the next day, without any planning, they just cut it, that might
be like, oh, interesting,what's going you know, what's going on?
Where when your post breakup you makethese rash decisions of well, fuck

(01:00:59):
it, I'm going through some shitversus like, oh, you know,
I've been thinking for months and I'vebeen planning what I want to cut my
That's different, but just going frompoint A to point B with no planning
in between of a drastic change mightbe a pause for concern to go what
else are you struggling with her?Are you struggling in any aspects? Do
you want to talk about what's goingon? I don't know. It's like

(01:01:19):
that. There's like that TV orfilm cliche too, of like the woman
going through a breakup and then shejust shaves her head. You know,
she's just like because yeah, it'ssome big change. And I mean I
know that I like, I havemy emotional state. I was improves when
I like go through the point ofyou know, trying a new color when
it's starting to fade too much andyou know all that too, Like it's
just it is. It's kind ofa sometimes a fresh, fresh new thing

(01:01:42):
to do. Yeah, so whatwhat what are we taking away here?
Is that I would say basically thatit's it's okay to like depending on the
change, Like it's okay to havefeelings about it, Like it's okay for
you to have It's okay to havean opinion about it. It's just not
okay to express that opinion in sometype of mandatory way. And it's not

(01:02:02):
okay to express opinion some type ofa judgmental or shitty way. Yeah,
I don't shame them because they madethat decision and now they can't go back,
Like what good are you doing byvoicing that right? And yeah,
that that's not going to help.And if it's something really drastic, you
might want to have some communication withthem and talk to them to see maybe
why why, what made them decidethat and everything and support them as they

(01:02:24):
discuss the you know, the journeythat took them there. And over time,
if you find that it's something thatyou just can't like, it is
removed enough physical attraction for you thatyou don't have the relationship quality that you
used to have, It's it's okayto to to either say something or to
do something about it. Like youdon't have to you don't have to live

(01:02:45):
with you know, you don't haveto stay with somebody that you're not attracted
to. Yeah, just because youfeel like I'll be a bad person.
No that I mean, it's okay. You want to be happy as well.
And so you know, if someonedoes something so drastic and then like
a month later, you're like,I just this is not someone that I
want to be with anymore. They'vealso shifted, you know, the way
that they act, and like there'sother right yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, But I'm justI'm saying physical attraction is one important aspect

(01:03:07):
of a multiple multide of different typesof attractions. And if that has dissipated
for you, then over time andyou're realizing it's not something you're gonna get
used to. It's not something you'regonna end up being okay with. I
don't think it makes you a badperson to decide to move on either.
Yeah, it's tough, you know, but it is. That's why we's
a conundrum. It's a conundrum.Yeah, the mullet conundrum. Yea,

(01:03:31):
the face tat enigma, the boobjob quandary. Okay, okay, Well,
if you think it should be calledsomething other than whatever the fuck Adam
just listed off or the mullet conundrum, please let us know by calling our
DKs Hotlin at four zero seven fiveone nine zero one eight one. And

(01:03:57):
if you haven't watched us on YouTube, you shouldn't go ahead and check us
out YouTube dot com slash dating kindof sucks. You can also visit us
on social media on Instagram at datingkind of sucks because we're super active on
there. You can, I know, fucking stram, you know. Hold
on, I'm just gonna say.I'm just saying I miss when Instagram was
about cool photos like it is.It is insane now that I go through

(01:04:17):
my Instagram and ninety percent of itare reels that I have no interest in
watching. And I liked seeing people'slike photos of different things and their artistic
photos and I followed a lot ofphotographers but now even they are doing reels
and it really drives me crazy.So you know, fuck Instagram. Well,
you can visit us at Data kindof Sex. Yeah, but you
can visit us on our Instagram,Okay. You can also shoot us an

(01:04:41):
email at Dating kind of Sex podcastat gmail dot com. If you prefer
to watch videos because we're super activeon TikTok, you can follow Adam at
adam Avidable or my TikTok which issimply surgy underscore. And if you'd like
to support us and watch our bonusvideos that we do after everyth third episode,
then yeah, yeah, you canwatch our Patreon now. You can

(01:05:05):
support us on Patreon for just fivebucks a month. Your support helps quite
a bit. It helps us maintaineverything that we do here and that's at
patreon dot com, slash DKs podcastand of course if you are listening on
iTunes or Apple podcasts, we wouldlove a five star rating and review.
We you know, I think alot of our listeners have stayed with us
over the times have reviewed now,but we'd love for some fresh reviews on

(01:05:28):
there. So if you are anew listener, please go give us a
five star rating and a review wouldbe very helpful. And on Spotify that
you can do like a you canfollow us and follow and there's like our
rating as well that you can dothere too. Oh yeah, which we
need to improve those ratings, soplease rate us on there. And we
haven't mentioned it for a while,but our Facebook group is still alive and
well you can join that at Facebookdot com slash groups slash DKs podcasts.

(01:05:53):
That's right, and we will beback in two weeks with a brand new
episode about some topic that we willanother connect another counts it thinks. Yes,
whatever topic we're gonna find out,we'll be a conundrum. But we're
back in two weeks with the brandrems until next time. Whether you're married
or figgle or palla, you're right, we're hanging on. Which man's back

(01:06:15):
at your place? Listen to usas been getting a tender and muffling plenty
of young trying and trying and havingto luck because we all know dating kind
of sucks. Sarah and Adam areduoba kai. He says stupid shit and
sheet isn't mind. They're not doingwith this show to make any buck light
as a chicken boosts. They bluck, why does it work, we'll hear

(01:06:38):
with the frug They both know datingkind of sucks. Dating kind of sucks.

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