Times When Men Should STFU

Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Hi, I'm Sarah and I'm AdamEatha Vitible. This is the DCS Podcast,
a podcast about love, sex,culture, and society. This week
we'll be discussing the times when menshould keep their mouths shut. Enjoy the
show whether you're merried or fingle worhanging on Winzmanner's back at your plate.

(00:23):
Listen to us and be getting bucka tenderbind mumble of plenty of young trying
and trying and having to luck becausewe all know dating kind of sucks.
Thanks for joining us for another episodeof the DCS Podcast. We weren't sure
if we're gonna squeeze in one moreepisode before the end of the year,
but we did it. You arewelcome everyone. This week, we're gonna
have a quick update about our lives. We'll have an email from a Canadian

(00:46):
listener about long distance relationships, andthen we'll dive into the topic and offer
some guides to men about when theyshould shut the fuck up when discretion is
the better part of valor. Youknow, maybe that's the nicer way to
say it. Who cares. Butbefore we get started, we need your
questions. This is a great timeto call our hotline at four oh seven
five one nine zero one eight oneand leave a voice mail or emails at
Dating kind of Sucks Podcast at gmaildot com with any questions really dating,

(01:10):
sex, relationships, culture and society, anything at all. Now, in
our last episode, we recorded beforeSarah flew off to South Africa. She
is still currently in Johannesburg for acouple more weeks. So Sarah tell us
all about your trip so far.Well, I'm not in Johannesburg, number
one, and I've never really exploredJohannesburg. So I asked you to look
at see if you saw my notesfor the intro. I read that.

(01:30):
No, I've always been in CapeTown. Ok. You know I wrote
Cape Town originally, but I waslike, no, wait, you visited
Cape Town? Yes, So Isee, I got all confused already.
So okay, Cape Town. Herewe are in Cape Town. Tell us
about South Africa. A lot ofthings that have happened on this trip that
I was not expecting. Number One, load shedding. Never have heard that

(01:52):
term before in my life until gettinghere. Have you heard of that term
before? Uh? No, Ihaven't heard a viral shaw like if someone
has like HSV that they can shedyou know microvira, Yes, but no,
not load shedding. No that hasload shedding is nothing like that.
I was like, wait, whatare you talking about. No, I

(02:12):
think load shedding is just a bettermarketed phrase for rolling blackouts. Oh lovely.
Yeah, so because I was,I was thinking, I've never heard
of load shedding before. But thenthey said, well, in New York
they have rolling blackouts, and Iwas like, oh, I guess load
shedding just sounds less intense, eventhough it's the same thing. So at
any point throughout the day for whoknows how long, blackouts will just happen

(02:37):
so you'll be in it actually happened. I was in the middle of a
bar and bands playing whatever, andthe power. It was like, wow,
power just cut out. Everyone's juststanding there, We're about to order
our drinks and couldn't see anyone,you know, pitch black inside this building.
And then a minute later there goesthe power and everyone resumed like it

(02:58):
was normal. So it was onlyfor a minute, But can happen for
long periods of time too, hours? Yeah, I mean you could be
in the middle of cooking dinner andthen it goes out for two hours.
Interesting, So how do the barsand restaurants handle it. Do they all
have like backup some like kind ofways to take payment and things like that.
Yeah, so most places have agenerator. But if you're for example,

(03:19):
if we're in the middle of thiscall and load shedding happens in this
area, it could take you know, ten to fifteen minutes for at least
internet to come back on. Imean, the power might immediately turn back
on, but all the other systemsto boot up to where it was,
it takes some time. Lovely,Okay, Well, that's that's interesting,
is that just because the power grid'sunstable, so they just need to do

(03:40):
that to make sure that they inthe whole country. It's not even just
a Cape Town problem, it's aSouth Africa problem with yeah, the infrastructure
of their power grid and developing that. I guess there are apps where you
could check times of when load sheddingcould potentially happen, but I didn't.
I found that out little really overthe weekend from someone who lives here,

(04:01):
that that's kind of how they handleit, just knowing, oh, from
six to eight o'clock, I'm notgoing to have any power, so I
need to get everything done before thenor whatever. It'd be nice if it
was like scheduled. Yeahs, andthen you'd be able to tell for sure.
Now is because I know one bigthing that causes a lot of drain
out electricity is air conditioning. Domost places in South Africa have like central

(04:24):
air or systems of some? Theydo? Okay, I mean the places
that I've been into have had airconditioning that hasn't been an issue, So
they're more modern than Seattle. Then, oh my god, for really,
no, I'm saying the temperature hereit gets hotter than Seattle does. So
Seattle is more of a mild climatewhere it's mostly cold throughout the year.

(04:46):
I know you want to requirement,Yeah, basically yeah. And so I
mean it's not just Seattle, it'sother places too. I mean I think
in here in Telsa, I don'tthink a lot of the older buildings had
it. It's a new thing,you know, to have central air.
Oh well, that's that's really interesting. So hopefully I will be able to
get this episode done without any issues. Yeah, hopefully we'll be good there.
And then so that was one learning, and then a second learning was

(05:06):
actually just safety in general in SouthAfrica. Johannesburg is an area I've been
told repeatedly do not travel to ifyou're solo because it's very unsafe. And
I think to myself, I've beento places and done unsafe things. How
unsafe is unsafe? But I've beenwanting to do a hike here in Cape

(05:27):
Town. There's been multiple mugging reportsof groups of three or less getting mugged
on this hiking trail, and thensomeone was saying, well, if you're
a group of four, you shouldbe fine, like, oh, well,
how do you Someone has a gunand says give me all your shit?
Are you really fine if you haveone more person? Right, I'm
not going to risk that. Sothere's been certain things where if I was

(05:48):
traveling in a normal not that thisisn't a normal city, but in another
situation, I would be out atnight walking around by myself, feeling comfortable.
But I just have been advised againstthat. So basically, so you're
in Columbia, you were in Romania, You've been uh walked around and I
was fine, Yeah, so hereI've just been told you'll get mugged.

(06:09):
So and they have safety officers onthe corners of most streets too. And
that's supposed to help with tourism.So where I'm staying, there are some
homeless people around, and one forone of my friends. Anyways, he
was yelling at her and the safetyofficer came up to her and said,
where are you going. I'm gonnawalk with you. And that's a normal

(06:30):
thing here. So I don't know, it's just it's different. I don't
think Cape Down sucks or anything,but it's just things I did not expect
when I came here. I thinkthe beaches are beautiful, world class beaches,
world class entertainment, things to do. I mean there's Boulders Beach where
you can literally walk along the beach, and there are penguins there. There
are so many beautiful viewpoints no matterwhere you go. The shopping is great.

(06:54):
There's so many great things. Butyou know, I think it's just
been a little bit of a cultureshock from like a safety stamp. Wait,
yeah, that's interesting, and Imean, I guess it's good to
have those advisories. I wonder someof your trips you weren't also part of
a group, and I wonder ifyou'd been part of a group, if
they would have had the same typeof travel advice, like the same type

(07:15):
of advisories maybe like like when youwere in Romania or Columbia, maybe that
like yeah, don't don't go outand do these things, and you were
doing them anyways there they weren't warning. Maybe I don't know, but that's
that's interesting. And I'm sure whenwhen you eventually go through and do like
what to see, we're gonna hearall about everything, but I still want
to hear a couple of things likebefore you do it, Like, yeah,

(07:38):
like what's the food. Like inSouth Africa, there's a lot of
variety. I've had Malay cuisine,which I guess is like the traditional cuisine.
I've had African food. There's acouple of Nigerian places around. I
know we're in South Africa, butthey're you know, South African cuisine,
Nigerian cuisine. Just depending on whereyou go. There's a lot of sushi

(07:58):
and a lot of healthier options aswell. So I don't feel like and
food's a huge thing when I travel, it's you know, what's the culture,
what's everything? And I think it'spretty diverse. One decater to tourism
and two because they have just thatdesire to be more international. Okay too,
that's interesting. Any other cool experiencesworth mentioning at this point? I

(08:20):
mean, I've done a lot ofcool shit. That's That's the thing.
I think. Because I've been workingfrom basically four pm to midnight, I've
had every single morning to go outand explore, so I've had a lot
more time to do everything in thethree and a half weeks that I've been
here. And I leave this weekend. So I'm don't you share your safari
story with the guy the driver,the driver, I don't oh with the

(08:46):
oh oh, that's another that wasanother culture shock. Good point. You
know, that was three weeks ago, so I'm forgetting that that even happened.
So we went on a day tourwhen we were around Kruger National Park
where we did our safari, andwe're sitting in this vehicle waiting for two
other people in our tour group toget in the van, and my friend
has she was just chilling with thedoor open, waiting for these two people

(09:09):
to enter through her side. Inthe US, it would be the passenger
side, but they drive on theother side of the road in South Africa,
so on the right side of thevehicle so she's kind of there.
The cars are going by on thatside too, but there's there's space,
so whatever, it's a little propped. She was standing there, she goes,
you know, I feel really stupidkeeping the door open like this and
my leg, one of my legsout. I'm just gonna come into the

(09:31):
vehicle for a second. I'll justsit down in my seat for these other
two people to come in. Probablyten seconds after she did that, a
car sped by hit the door thatshe like, the side where she was
just standing, and crashed the carthat we were in, parked car that
we were in, and just cameto a halting stop. And yeah,

(09:52):
so it could have been a lotworse if for whatever reason she didn't move
her body, something would have happenedto her leg, which is insane.
And we were in this small townand everyone in the town knew who the
driver was, and the driver literallysaid, oh, I'm not going to
stay for the cops because I'm drunk, and then drove off. So yeah,

(10:13):
and then our driver for the tourwas kind of upset. But then
also he said, yeah, Saturdaysare the worst days to be on the
road in South Africa because that's whenmost people drive drunk. It's a known
thing. Jesus. Yeah, Like, oh, I wish I would have
known that before doing this tour ona Saturday. But okay, so everything

(10:33):
was fine, and then on topof that, the car's wrecked. The
police are coming. I'm thinking thetour's over. It's only two o'clock.
We had probably four more hours leftof the tour to go. And one
of the locals who was serving usat the restaurant we had stopped at,
said, you know what, yournext stops only five minutes away. Get
in my car and I'll drive you, and I'll figure out the rest of
your tour logistics and here's my WhatsAppand whatever. So we get in her

(10:58):
car and she drives to our nextspot. She's like, have a great
rest of your time exploring South Africa. I hope you have a great time.
It was so sweet. I didnot expect that, but it was.
That was a pretty wild experience,was that, Well, that was
pretty crazy. Ah, that soundsthat sounds very like they were very nice
too, like, you know,the people living there seemed very nice.
Yeah. Well, that and thenevery place we went around town the rest

(11:22):
of the day, people saw myfriend Jen and I and they kept saying,
oh, you're the girls who werein the car accident. Are you
okay? Are you continuing your tour? Every place we went, and we
kept thinking, how the fuck dothey know? Were they there on the
street when it happened. I don'tunderstand. And then someone came up to
the side of the car. Becausewe ended up getting the car, we
could like bungee the door shut andwe were able to continue the rest of

(11:45):
the tour using the main vehicle.We came in, and people came up
to the car and said, that'sthe car that got hit earlier on the
side. Da da da da dah. And we're all talking about the car
and looking at the car. Andthat was probably three and a half hours
after it happened, and we weretwenty then it's away from where it happened
to it was just right. Itwas insane. Yeah, that sounds that

(12:05):
sounds crazy. Wow, And itsounds like it could have been really bad.
So it's good that it wasn't.Yeah, very happy that it was
all good. Yeah, it couldhave been a lot worse. So feel
safe, I mean, yeah,as far as safety goes, I still
feel safe. Knock on wood.But okay, that's good. I mean,
nothing's happened to anybody in your inyour group. I mean happened as

(12:26):
in what because we had Oh itisn't like getting getting mugged or robbed or
anything like that. Oh no,everyone's been good. There. That's good.
Yeah, that's good. Okay,So that's in South Africa. Did
a wine trip recently. You wentto a winery, had a little bit
of uh, your little wine buzzedwell because I called you and said,
Adam, you won't believe what thefuck happened on my wine tour today.

(12:48):
And I was big pissed off.Yeah I always but yeah, but I
can tell too that you had thatlittle wine wine buzz going a little bit
as well. Yeah, well,because I had to keep drinking because the
stupidity that was coming out of someone'smouth just blew my fucking mind. Basically,
someone in our group is a misogynist. And the entire trip to the

(13:11):
winery, he started asking very leadingquestions and saying things like, you know,
men want a woman who is lessthan them, and women want men
who are better than them. Womenwant men with riches, and women won't
date men unless they make more moneythan them, and was making all of

(13:33):
these generalizations, and the three ofus girls in the car jumped into action
and were like, hell, no, we're not. You know, we're
arguing with him. I'm sitting theregoing, we haven't even had one fucking
glass of wine yet, and thisis the conversation we're having. So we
had this heated discussion and then startedto enjoy the rest of the day and
I was just kind of keeping adistance. And then we get to the

(13:56):
last winery and I'm not sure whatprompted the next version of this discussion,
but it continued again, and hewas talking about what he deserved in a
relationship and what he was owed,just you know, keywords that are very
problematic to use. And then Ijust straight up said, you know,
the things you were saying are sprinkledwith misogyny. They weren't. I was

(14:18):
being very kind. They weren't sprinkled. They were just misogynistic comments, right,
And he said, well that offendsme. And then I said,
how do you think us women rightnow feel every time you've said women are
less than men? We didn't,you know, we weren't like, oh,
we're so offended because we're so fuckingused to hearing that statement that it's

(14:39):
just another day for us. Butthe second year called out for saying things
that are misogynistic. You're offended,Come on now. So it was an
interesting conversation and my friend and Iwe walked away from it going you know,
I don't really experience a lot ofpeople outside of my bubble who think
and feel this way. And Isay that to you all the time when

(15:01):
we talk about topics about men,and I keep saying, yeah, but
do men really think Do we reallyneed to do a topic on that?
Because I don't really think men thinkthis way anymore. Things are getting better,
And then I'm confronted with it headon, and then it made me
realize, oh, fuck me,dude, this is still going on.
People still think it's okay to talkabout women like this. Do you even

(15:24):
like women? No, you don't, And here we are doing in an
episode about when men should just shutthe fuck up. Inspired Yeah, what
a cool topic. So I knowit's been a journey just making sure I
get through the rest of the tripewithout beating someone's ass, basically being polite
as I can. But if he'slistening right now, whatever. I don't
care. Well, he'll learn,he'll learn, you know, I don't

(15:48):
think he can learn. The wholeconversation we had on Sunday, there were
opportunities for him to learn and grow, and it just came with him speaking
over us and we were trying toget a word in and he would just
not show the fuck up. Sothen he could never you know, it's
like he wasn't going to listen tous no matter what, right, but
he wouldn't let up. Well,so do you know why he'll learn this

(16:10):
time? Then? Because he's amisogynist. Why he's going to learn.
Why he could learn by listening tothis episode? Because I'm the one saying
things I mean, But then he'lljust say, oh, awful, No,
But you know, as awful asthat is, men tend to like
men like that tend to only listento other men, and it's crazy,
but it's true, yeah, andit's fucked up. It shouldn't be.

(16:33):
It shouldn't be that way. Itshouldn't be the fact, right, you
know that men who are who areat that level will only have good faith
arguments with other men because they don'trespect women. So it doesn't mean that
they're going to do better, butthey might actually maybe some of it will
sleep in, maybe a little bitwill sleep in. Yeah, and he
kept saying he respects us. Butthen everything he was saying, I said,

(16:55):
well, the thing that really gotme, and I'll wrap it up.
The statement that really got me washim saying that men are at risk
more in society because men go towar, and you're I texted you that
and your response back was ask himwhat war he was in? Right,
exactly, Yeah, And it's it'sa it's funny the men that will say

(17:19):
that too, and you're like,you've never been in a war, You've
right, And if you went towar, you would know that women and
men fight, you know, especiallyif you look on a global level,
because I know that his argument.You told me as well that a lot
of his argument as well, that'sdifferent in America, every everything. Western
girls were more feminists. So Iprefer to date in Colombia because women respect

(17:41):
men in Colombia and in this countryand in that country. I'm like,
okay, yeah, so so thenbut then if you look at men,
uh, if you look at othersocieties and other cultures, women are make
up the military or the fighters justas much too. So that was our
argument back for like, oh,well, women can be drafted. He's

(18:02):
like, well throughout time, throughouthistory. And then we had to say,
okay, well let's think about therisks that women face. I don't
know, like getting murdered by goingout on a date with someone, stopped
kat called raped, any like allof the above. And he just kept
saying, well, show me thestatistics on that will show me. I'm
like, I could say the sameto you, bro, what the fuck
I don't know? And I wasn'teven show statistics and he wouldn't even he

(18:26):
wouldn't pay attention to them. Maybelike right, these are biased. Yeah,
that was fun. So you're in. So yeah, so you're in.
You're in South Africa for another Iguess another week. Yeah, I
have four days left and then I'llbe back in Okay, back in Seattle,
just in time for Christmas. Iguess about a week left with Chris
before Christmas? And uh, didyou put a tree up before you left?

(18:48):
No? Because in our household,even though it's not my say,
Roy likes having a real tree,so that's a non negotiable. So he
purchased that after I left. Ohhe did. Okay, so there's a
tree. There is a tree up, yes, okay, just it wasn't
before before you left. Yeah,I mean a good tree will stay around
for a month or so. Youknow, No, but I just think,
I don't know. I'm more inthe artificial tree. Why spend the

(19:11):
money every single year? Just makeone big skirts on a fake tree and
then not have to worry about itfor the next five to ten years,
depending on how the lights go.I' mean the you know, why buy
a trade all camp so you know, yeah, well that's exciting. So
you have that, you already havepresents already purchased and everything just right to
everything that. Yeah, everything gottaken care of before I left, So
most of the gifts have been sentoff and we're good to go. It's

(19:34):
just a matter of I was goingto do some baking before we go over
to Roy's sister's house, so I'llhave to do that, okay, but
a lot'll be fun so you'll havea little bit of time to adjust and
not really have to do any Christmasreal Christmas things because you already kind of
got everything planned. It'll be nice. Yeah, love myself for the pre
planning there. That was smart,very smart replanning. Yes, absolutely,

(19:56):
my Christmas plans will be probably nail. I don't think I'll do anything,
not really, you know, Imean, I don't really care. My
my brother was like, hey,you know, you can fly to Allegiant
flies Tulsa to Orlando for like sixtybucks. You should come visit visit us
for Christmas. Fuck No. Butnot only would I not stay there,
I would not travel during the holidays. Like if I was going to travel

(20:18):
to Florida to visit, if Iwas going to fly, so then I
was stuck with somebody because as Irented a car, I'm not going to
put in the effort of flying tothe holidays. It'd be miserable. Like,
well, I don't understand anybody wantsto travel during the holidays, Like
that's the worst time to go visitpeople. Yeah, tradition, Fuck tradition.
You know, it's just it's oneof those things. Yeah, you
know, you know I feel,but it's just the idea, just like,
yeah, you know, it's agreat time to go to the family,

(20:40):
Let's go ahead and spend eight hoursof that time, you know,
sitting at an airport or twelve hoursor however many hours it actually takes to
get there because of all the delays, and I'll you know, you have
to get there so so far aheadof time, and yeah, it's just
absolutely not worth it. So notthat it would be worth it anyways.
So my brother's i think, reallyinterested in the idea having all the family
together. He's like, well,you know, dad's going to be here

(21:02):
because my dad's in Florida right now. He's been there since Thanksgiving, you
know, and we just we'd allbe together for Christmas. And I was
like, yeah, you have funwith that. I think it would be
nice, a nice gesture. Butgiven that you just moved and you're still
settling in and everything, it's alot to ask of someone who's in a
transitional period right now. What kindof gesture requires flying halfway across the country

(21:26):
and wasting hours of my life togo spend time with people that I don't
want to spend time with. Youshould ask my family the same question.
That's not a gesture, and thatis that is much more than a gesture,
and I will it's a gesture.I will not be participating and and
I'm okay with that. I willprobably go to a New Year's Eve party,
though I have friends here that arethrowing at their house, so I
don't actually have or whatever. Yeah, well friends that already lived here that

(21:48):
I already knew, and they invitedme, and I said, yea,
all come to that. That'll that'llbe fun. It should be pretty pretty
low key. So that's that's beenit for me. I I met somebody
out at a This is gonna bekind of funny because I'll explain why.
But this has become self fulfilling bythe time this publishes. I think I
met somebody at a welcome party forthe Tulsa Remote program and we go along

(22:11):
well. And then she she lookedme up at on slack on the Slack
group for Tulsa Remote and was justwe were talking. She said she started
listening to the podcast, and Iwas like, oh yeah, and I
like dive bars, and so wemade plans. She was out of town,
and then she was coming out oftown on Friday of this past week
and she said, Hey, Saturday, I'm going to go to a holiday
light show. Would you like togo? And I said, I know,

(22:33):
you've listened to a few episodes ofthe podcast. Have you listened to
enough to know what my answer isprobably to that, she goes, yeah,
you know, I figured you probablywouldn't really want to, but I
just thought i'd ask. And Iwas like, yes, I'm not a
holiday light show type of person,or a fireworks type of person or Fox
fireworks and parades. Yeah, exactly, Yeah, they're all awful. And
she she said, oh, youknow, I'm going to to see the

(22:55):
Nutcracker on Sunday. I said,well, that's a holiday packed weekend.
I said, how about this.You're coming in Friday. Would you want
to maybe have drinks with the Grinchon Friday? And uh so she goes,
oh, that's a good idea.So she penciled and she actually said
a screenshout of her calendar that saiddrinks with the Grinch on Friday night.
So we met up for drinks ata dive bar. I love that,
and uh yeah it was it was. It was fun and we got along

(23:15):
really well. But the funny question, and this is the question that becomes
self fulfilling, is was it adate or was it that we are two
people who were new in a townthat just she's trying to be social and
meet things I mean, obviously shehad a fully packed social calendar, and
I don't know, we had avery good time talking. We enjoyed it.
I paid for the drinks, andshe you know, thanked me for
it and didn't seem like surprise thatI paid for him. She was like,

(23:37):
you know, she was kind ofa thank you, but not also
like oh, you didn't have to, you know, like it wasn't it
wasn't like over the top like rejectingme paying for them. Uh. And
then we walked around for a littlebit before Uber came and we made plans
to she she doesn't have a car, and so I said, well,
if you want to like go thriftingsometime or whatever, let me know.
So we're gonna go thrifting this weekend. So I think the answer, of

(23:57):
course, is that if it's aday or not, as I actually have
to have that conversation with her anddiscussed. What makes the self fl filling
is that the chances are also likelythat before I actually have the conversation with
her, there's a good chance thatshe'll listen to this episode and we'll so
you have to talk to her beforethe episode drops. I don't think I
will, though, because that's whatcomes out on Friday. I think we're

(24:18):
going on on Saturday. You couldtext her if she hears it. If
she hears it before Saturday, yeah, but it's a weird text conversation.
I'd rather just have it in firstand just chat. But the thing is
if she hears it, then nowshe already knows the question, and so
then we can talk about it anyways. And she seems like the type it
would bring it up. So that'sthat's what I'm doing. I'm using the
podcast as a way to make makemy life easier because you know, it's

(24:41):
hard to say could have been adate. If it was a date,
that'd be fantastic. She's really cool, she's pretty, she's nice, and
I enjoyed talking to her. Ifit wasn't a day, there's just two
people. That's cool too, becauseI like having friends. So either way,
I'm I'm okay with it. Yeah, I don't think it was a
date. You don't think you don'tthink it was. I think it was
two people new in town finding aconnection over something and trying to become friends.

(25:03):
It could be it could be,yeah, but she's she's also said
that she'd like oh, let meknow if you ever go to Open Mike,
I'd love to come watch and thenyou know, and she's told me
recently that she had a relationship that'sended, so she you know that she
is single, and so I don'tknow, like that's you can have that
conversation with any friends you could,you could, you know, And that's
why I came out. I thinkit's worth having that conversation and determining,
Hey, next time we meet up, i'd actually like to take you out

(25:26):
on a date and make it moreof a formally stated thing. Yeah,
yeah, I think that that wouldbe the statement to have. And so,
but you won't do that Saturday aftershe hears this coin well, I
don't know if she'll hear this not. She might not be listening the episodes
religiously, but she has listened tothree or four and she really enjoys it.
So that's that's actually good. I'mglad to know, glad to hear
that. So we had we hada good time. And the only other

(25:48):
thing is I mentioned open mic isI've been doing comedy. I've been I've
gone out a couple of times now, and I'm working on some new material
and writing it from scratch, somebrand new stuff that I've been performing,
and so far it seems to begetting a good reception. So I'm gonna
keep doing that and getting out ontouh a stage for you know, for
a bit, try to you know, right right, maybe write another another

(26:10):
hour of material. So you're goingto be the comedy king in Tulsa pretty
soon. Asa Comedy King of Tulsais the goal. Yes, yes,
so far, I've been out toa couple open mics and they are they
have gone, just as it's beena few years since I've been out to
an open mic, and it's beenan interesting concept. I'll tell you what,
and you know, and if there'sany open mic comedians listening right now,
just you don't need to shock theaudience, Like I know, shock

(26:32):
value is the easiest thing to write, but try to turn it around a
little bit. Try to do somethingthat's you know, that's maybe not predictable,
but doesn't have to be shocking.And you don't have to talk about
porn or masturbation or coming to getall I promise, like, yeah,
there are plenty of other funny thingsin your life. And if that's all
you have in your life, thenyou should probably get out and start exploring

(26:53):
the world a little bit more sothat you can write more things. Because
it in mind, how many comediansget up in there. Joke was like,
they're five minutes it's all about masturbationor all about ejaculation or just something
like that, and it just wantsto hear that for five minutes. Anyways,
Well, like it's and they're notgetting laughs, they're getting that first
initial like shocked laugh at whatever theysaid, and then they just they yeah,

(27:15):
it's and it's standard a lot ofa lot of male comedians when they
start, and a lot of womencomedians as well, but a lot of
a lot of men will start andthen just like that's what they go to.
That's like because it is it's easyto do a joke like that and
get laughter, and so the goalsto try to get laughs about things that
are a little bit more you know, not even audience friendly, but just
but just more specific and also moreunique to your life. You know,

(27:37):
everybody has a masturbation story that's funny, you know, everybody has or a
porn joke, you know, likeand they're all about the same in some
capacity, like oh yeah, ofcourse, and yeah, because the thing
is, and I don't even likemy stuff is generally, you know,
it started off being that way,but then I stopped doing those types of
jokes because they're just like everybody hasthem. So you work on your own
unique stories, you're gonna come upwith a lot better material. Yeah,

(28:00):
that's your advice. Yes, yes, Oh, I know. There's one
last thing that I forgot to mentionand I needed to was I was a
guest on the two MILFs One Micpodcast, which is a podcast. Yeah,
I know, it's pretty funny.Uh. They are outside of Tulsa,
about about three hours away and theyrecord their brand new and I think
we inspired them. It seemed likethey were listeners of our our podcast and

(28:23):
then they want to start their own. They both are, I believe,
divorced and just kind of going throughjust talking about different things. Then milks.
Yes, they're both both parents moms, and I have not seen them,
so I cannot testify to the ilfpart of it, but but I'm
going to take there and take theirword for it. And and they were

(28:45):
great like we were. It wasa very fun conversation. I'd recommend taking
tracking down their podcast and uh andand giving it, you know, giving
it a listen if you get achance. And it was funny because by
the end they were like, you'reso much nicer than we thought you were
going to be, and I waslike, what do you mean. They're
just like, well, you know, you're kind of you know, you're
kind of abrasive and harsh, andI was like, well, some of
the things I'm saying are harsh,but not to you guys, you know,

(29:07):
not to not to you two hosts, not to the two women who
are hosting it. I'm saying harshthings about men, but I'm not necessarily
I'm not gonna be like I waslike, I can, I can be
more of an asshole if you wantme to, Like no, no,
we just were surprised, and soI thought that was kind of funny.
I think you also look intimidating thebeer. How tall you are, just
like you in like presence. Yeah, yeah, that's it's very very true.

(29:33):
So but it was. It wasa good time next to being a
guest on their podcast. So Irecommend check it out, and it was.
It was a pretty entertaining podcast.The one that I listened to so
nice. That's that nothing else toupdate on Let's go ahead and take a
quick break and we come back.We've got an email from a Canadian listener
about long distance relationships. So werecently received an email from Jordan, who,

(29:57):
as Adam previously mentioned, is acan listener. So I know last
time we had an Australian listener wholeft an email and Adam read it.
So I don't know if Adam canactually do a Canadian accent and or if
he should. We didn't get anybacklash last time, but it's true,
really great and it was terrible.It was an awful Australian accent, but

(30:18):
people seem to find it entertaining atthe very least. Oh, I don't
know if I could. I feellike anytime I just try to do Canadian
ends up sounding like a Fargo ButI feel like there's some similarities there.
But all right, so let's let'stry it here. I'm gonna read the
Sea, start trying to read itwith a Canadian accent. Then I'm going
to give up most immediately. Hey, folks, I work a graveyard shift

(30:41):
operating a SnowCat in British Columbia,Canada, and your podcast keep me awake
and alert and entertained. Hold On, thank you so much for your life
advice, an amazing sense of humor. Hold On, British Columbia is not
far from Seattle. There's no way, there's no way that I don't know.
That's just Canadian. Like I said, it sounds like Fargo, that's
all I know. Like, don'tyou know, like okay, and you

(31:03):
know, then they get kind ofserious and I don't know if I want
to read this in Canadian ex soI'm going to read this just normal.
I'll just say that eight years ago, my father was in a train crash,
leaving him with a severe concussion.I have two younger sisters and a
job that allowed me to pay fortheir school and food. My mom helped
as much as she could, butI became the redwinner to support the family
and support as many medical bills aspossible. I've had a few relationships over

(31:23):
the years, and I've always triedto support my partners in relationships as much
as possible. But I've always fearedthat my cup, always just filled with
fumes, could not support a healthyrelationship. I've tried to support my partners
and give them time to keep therelationship alive, but they would never have
the understanding of my situation, asI hope no one ever has to.

(31:44):
But my current relationship of three yearshas been one of the best and one
of the most challenging. She isfrom Japan and has been living in Canada
for fourteen years. The year wemet, I was working in a gold
mine and she would come visit mefor a week at a time. We
lived in the same town, butshe would always leave for the winters as
I worked driving a SnowCat. Soevery six months she leaves me for a
warmer, less snowy climate, leavingme to travel to see her. The

(32:07):
first year, she moved two hoursaway. The second year, she moved
back to Japan and I went andvisited her family. This year, my
dad had a stroke and she leftme again. I now have little to
no energy for another season of longdistance relationships, but she continues to try
and support me from afar. Iappreciate everything she does, but I am
having a challenging time looking after myfamily and keeping a long distance relationship alive.

(32:31):
I tried to inspire her to stayor go for a short period,
and she said she would come backin three months, but I barely have
time between work and sleep and keepinga homestead maintained to breathe. We moved
in together this summer and she hasleft all her belongings at my house.
I told her my struggles and brokeup with her, and she denied the
breakup, saying she wants to supportme. I'm now left in a situation

(32:54):
where I'm running on fumes and tryingto keep a long distance relationship alive and
constantly reminded by her belongings that Istill have a relationship to maintain. Well.
Yeah, and then he says itlike this is just the crumb of
the story. I feel like there'sso much more to this. But yeah,
So, Sarah, what would youhave to say to Jordan, Well,
immediately after the last statement you saidwas you know, she's denying the

(33:15):
breakup. And my thought is shecan deny the breakup all she wants.
But the fact that he's able tosay and recognize that he's running on fumes
and he's struggling with that just inhis own personal life, it doesn't create
a solid foundations for a healthy relationship. And you need to focus on your

(33:35):
foundation as an individual before then toppingon a relationship. And then a long
distance relationship on top of everything thatyou have going on. And I think
it's time for he can say,you know, you can deny it all
you want, but this is goingto have to be the situation as we're
broken up. Now, I needto dedicate the time to focus on me.
I think that for first of all, what you're doing is completely is

(33:59):
extremely admirable. Like the the youknow, taking this, like the fact
that you're you're running, you know, you're supporting your entire family because your
mom and dad can't is a veryadmirable thing. And I can see why
that would be so draining. Andand there there are a couple of things
keep in mind. One is timeand your younger sisters are not going to
be you know, they're not goingto be kids for forever. They're going

(34:20):
to be self sufficient. They're goingto be adults at some point, and
they will be able to contribute asyou have. You know, the burden
doesn't always follow on you know,follow on you. As they get older.
They can also help out around aroundthe house. They can help if
you're your father and mother. Andso keep that in mind that your familial
obligations UH are never are not goingto be forever, and so you want
it. You want to have thatin mind. And and and also when

(34:43):
they do start getting old enough tohelp, let them. Don't don't continue
to shoulder this burden like a likea martyr, but actually let them help.
Let them give you breaks and everything, because it sounds like you do
need a break, not just fromregardless of a relationship, regardless of just
just just being as single person.It sounds like you need some breaks.
So give your you know, tryto give yourself some breaks. Beyond that,

(35:06):
a good relationship is supposed to besupporting. And so I'm wondering if
either one she's a draining person fora relationship, if like if somehow she
her needs are draining, or ifyou're putting yourself on the burden that being
in a relationship with her is somehowsomething you have to do. Like it
could just be that she's perfectly happycoming and just sleeping next to you when

(35:30):
you sleep, and then you don'thave to and she understands that you were
there. And then you work alot, you know, work hard,
and she just wants to when she'sin town, be your support system.
And she might be that person whoyou know wants to help out and cook
you a meal and do things youknow, and essentially be there for you
to help you in the way thatyou're helping your family. And if that
is the case, there might notbe have to you have to deal with

(35:52):
it than just you know, accepther existence and maybe eventually setting a plan
where you know, you who onceyou know your family's taking care of enough,
maybe setting some type of long termtype care for them as well where
you can go away for a couplemonths and come back, and you know
that might eventually be something you'll beable to do. I think it's something

(36:14):
you're gonna need to do for yourown mental and emotional health eventually, is
get away because you're pushing yourself veryhard. It sounds like her denying the
relationships. I think they're denying thebreakup. My guess is that maybe she
denied it because she just knew thatyou were doing this because you felt like
you it was another burden, andshe doesn't see it as a burden.
She wants to be there for you. So I don't know, but I

(36:35):
feel like you have to have thattype of conversation with her, and I
feel that you maybe you should takeit easier on yourself as far as the
responsibilities you're putting on yourself to tomaintain that long distance relationship. That's a
good take. Yeah, I didn'tthink of it that way. I just
thought, you know, he's pilingon everything, and it's like, okay,
if I can only focus on whatI need to focus on, the

(36:57):
relationship is last, right, right, and that's which is which is.
Yeah, as as far as priorities, that makes sense, and I think
that that's it. That's also good. But I'm also just wondering what he's
doing as far as like what ishe making himself do for the relationship if
it's if you know, if it'sjust something with another support system that you
don't have to put the you knowthat the effort is only there when they're

(37:19):
when you're there in town, andit might just be just your presence is
all the effort you have to putinto. You know, she's not expecting
you to take he out to dinnerand things like that because she knows how
tired you are. It could beokay, but we don't really know the
details for that. Yeah, that'sa good point. That could totally be
it or on the flip side iswhy aren't you calling me more? We
never talk because you're so bit likethat side of it where then you're like,

(37:39):
yeah, I can't. I can'tmaintain this relationship because I'm already burnt
out with everything else going out ofmy life. I can't continue this long
distance thing. If she has yeah, if she has that type of communication
need, and then I could seethat being being too hard to maintain.
But but if it's not that,or if it's something that she's willing to
kind of bypass that, and youknow, but but I definitely keep in
mind the time because you know,you said a couple of years and your

(38:01):
sisters are young. I don't knowhow they are now, but you know,
let's imagine you know, in thenext once once you know, once
kids get to the age of liketen or eleven, I mean, they're
perfectly capable of helping out around thehouse doing chores, but not just their
own chores. Once they reach youknow, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
they can be caretakers and they canvery much care you know, be a
helpful caretaker for your mommy and yourdad. And I would let them and

(38:24):
I would you know, encourage themto do that because that that that's something
that they should do as well.So it's a tough situation. Yeah,
it is, so yeah, thankyou, thank you for for you know,
emailing us Jordan. I'd like tomaybe if you have more more details
or if you have any follow ups, so please let us know. Someone
did, by the way, andwe will get to it in a future

(38:45):
episodes. Someone did actually give usa follow up. They they they finally
replied and gave us a follow upin the situation. So we're gonna we
are going to do an update onthat, which would be nice. And
so I would like to hear anyof our past emails or voicemails if you
have any updates, but otherwise goahead, and if you do have something
you want to ask, give usa call at four oh seven five one

(39:05):
nine zero one eight one or emailus at Dating kind of Sucks Podcast at
gmail dot com. And so we'regonna take a quick break and we come
back. It's time for What toSee with Sarah g who's going to talk
about how to survive the worst thingin the world, the worst thing that
I can imagine in the world.You have to tune in and see what
that is. Well, I don'tteet us up. The worst thing in

(39:29):
the world. I don't perceive isthe worst thing in the world. It
just kind of sucks. And thatwould be a long haul flight. So
what do you consider terrible time fora flight? Anything over like three hours?
No, I'd say anything over sevenis just absolutely just unbearable. Okay,
have you had to I guess whenyou food to Iceland? That was

(39:51):
Iceland. But I was I waslucky that I had the whole road of
myself both ways, so I couldjust like I literally just stretched out and
laid out across the entire thing andwent to sleep. And I can pretty
easily. So I had plenty ofcomfort in space and that that was good.
Yeah. So miserable, yeah yeah. So I'm really interested to hear
your tips on this. Okay,so this week's what to see is how

(40:14):
to survive a long call flight.So, as you all know, I'm
currently in South Africa, and ifyou want some insight on how long that
flight was from Seattle to Cape Town. My first flight was Seattle to London
and that was about ten hours.Then I had a layover in London and
then I had to fly London toCape Town and that was about eleven hours
eleven and a half hours, Soall in all, from when I left

(40:36):
Seattle to when I arrived in CapeTown was about twenty four hours of travel
time. So I left on aFriday and then I arrived on Sunday morning
in Cape Town. Basically just lostan entire Saturday. Wow. Yeah,
so terrible. And that was somethingI was really dreading before booking any anything
because I have not taken a longflight like that in probably seven or eight

(40:59):
years. So first thing I wantto know is, although I have a
nice travel credit card that gives mea lot of points, and I could
use points to buy you know,first class flights or business class blah blah
blah, I typically don't do that. I use my points so that my
flight is free or my hotel staysfree. I don't really with the point

(41:19):
exchange. I don't always upgrade toa first class experience. So all of
this is with the notion that Iam staying in economy, so I'm not
balling in first class this go around. I'd love to, but that's not
the case. So let's talk aboutwhat to wear and then the products wearing
wise, because I've messed up acouple of times. Avoid jeans that seems

(41:42):
like an easy one. Jeans aren'talways going to be comfortable, especially even
a five plus hour flight, andI avoid for ladies. I avoid jumpsuits
like the one I'm wearing right now, because if I have to go to
the bathroom at any point during theflight, I'm naked on the airplane,
and I don't know about you,it's just a little oncom to me.
So, I mean, if Ihave to go to the bathroom anywhere,
I'm naked, because I'm a nakedI'm a naked bathroom user. So you

(42:06):
know, it's just even in apublic restroom. That's why I don't use
public bathroom. You're joking me rightnow, Okay, Okay, I'm a
naked naked pooper, So like youknow, just I gotta stripped down,
true, Okay, So instead ofwearing those two things and stripping down and
being naked like Adam, I dressin layers. So I typically wear leggings,
are a popular choice for pant orflowy pants that are just pretty comfortable

(42:30):
I could sleep in. I don'twear pajama pants just because I don't like
the look of it wherever I arrive, so I try to look a little
put together as well. Then I'mchoosing a comfortable top and a soft jacket
to put on when it gets cold, or a sweatshirt, and then I
always wear compression socks to help withblood cloths, and then some comfortable sneakers
as well, So that's kind ofmy I have three or four outfits that

(42:53):
I know are good go to outfitsfor long haul flights, and that's what
I'm choosing from my closet now foritems to bring. I always tend to
forget this item because it's like,oh, it won't be that bad,
and then it is that bad,and I'm like, I can't believe I
forgot this item, and that isear plugs. So I tend to always

(43:15):
have the right conditions of I have. You know, it's dark, I'm
not hungry, it's comfortable, myneck's not killing me. All is good.
And then all of a sudden,a baby starts screaming and crying for
you know, the next hour,and there's no way in hell I'm getting
any sleep on this long flight.Sometimes they do provide them on long flights
as well. Just ask a flightattendant it might not be in the main

(43:36):
package. When you sit down inyour seat, it's typically a pillow and
a blanket, but other times theyprovide socks and toothbrushes and earplugs. So
have yours because you know, soyou know that you have them, but
also you could potentially get one froma flight attendant on that flight. The
other thing that I think is importantis a good sleep mask. For a

(43:58):
lot of the long haul flights,they tend to change the lights in the
cabin to help prevent with jet lag, and I just think it annoys my
sleep pattern. You know, I'mtrying to get I'm trying, you know,
on a ten hour flight, I'mtrying to get seven eight hours of
sleep, but you know, fourof those hours or dim lights or whatever,
and they increase the lights so theflight attendants can serve food. So

(44:21):
I just bring an eyemask so Idon't have to worry about it. And
then I also just invested in areally solid neck pillow. Not sponsored or
anything, but this is the TurtleNeck Pillow. It's about forty dollars you
can get off of Amazon, andit really holds your neck in place.
I've had other ones that just kindof go around the back of your neck,
but I feel like I'm a bobbleheadin those cases. So this one
just kind of wraps around and velcrowsaround your neck and then I just am

(44:44):
supported by like the plastic piece insidethe neck rest. And it's really easy
to travel with two and you caneither like hook it on your bag because
it has a little thing for it, or you know, it's thin enough
that you can just squeeze it in. But those are those are the most
important things that I bring, aswell as if you are really trying to
get a lot of sleep. Istarted taking Melotone and gummies. Now that

(45:07):
is my new ad. Right aftera meal is served, pop in the
Melotone and gummies, and within abouttwenty minutes I'm a little sleepy and I'm
ready to be done. So yeah, those are those are my main things.
Of course, you know, bringingbringing a charge, a portable charger,
making sure you have a water bottle, some simple things like that to

(45:29):
make sure that you have on board. But for sleeping, those are my
go tos, and sleep is themost important thing for me on a plane.
I don't really care about making sureI'm entertained because for those long haul
flights, they always have the TVs, so if you happen to be awake,
I'll just flip something on. ButI'm just trying to get as much
shutty as possible so I can getto the next destination as refreshed as I
can be. Yeah, that makessense. I tend to not hydrate myself

(45:53):
because I don't want to have topee in a public bathroom. So then
I'll just just shut my bladder downfor the ten of the eight hours or
how long I'm at the airport andtry and flying. That is another good
point though, So yes, Ibring my own water bottle, but so
I fill up that water bottle obviouslygoing past security. But I have electrolyte
packets, so I'm hydrated, butI'm not consuming as much water as I

(46:14):
would have if I didn't have theelectrolyte packets. Like I'll finish, I
feel like I'm more hydrated with theelectrolyte packets than without. Okay, or
I'm really interesting because I could gothrough two bottles of water, but if
I'm living myself for just one,I will take little SIPs of the electrolyte.
I see, I see, yeah, right, right, Yeah,
that makes sense, That makes sense, and I guess, yeah, you

(46:36):
don't really have to worry about likestretching your feet and stuff like that.
No I do. You're you're short. Well, I'm on birth control pills,
so that is something like you couldget blood cloths in your legs fruit.
No, no, I'm not saying. I'm not saying the blood colss
thing, but I'm saying to beable to stretch your feet because not being
comfortable enough to sit and sit ina seat, you know, and stretch
out, you can't. You canactually extend your legs, that's true.

(46:58):
Yeah, I'm not super tall,Yeah, yeah, I think anything over
five to ten like you just that'sone of the downfalls is just not being
able to actually like actively stretch yourlegs while you're like you're just sitting in
those in those spots. Yeah,for that long as well. So that's
why if I had all the points, I would be rocking out of first
class tickets. That'd be the onlythat'd be the way to go. I
mean, trust me, I'd loveto fly for every I think everyone would

(47:19):
love to fly first class, butthere's only so many first class seats and
there's significantly more economy and premium economyseats. So I've never flown I've flown
first class once and it was onlyI want to say, a four hour
flight to Guatemala City, and itwas just like a normal commercial It wasn't
you know, premium lay totally flatdown and all of the meals and whining

(47:42):
and dining and a shower on board. I mean ever, it's a lot
of the airlines you get a thirtyminute shower time to shower in the air
Like, that's insane to me.Yeah, that would be that would be
crazy. And I don't really thinkI need that. You know, you
can shower it once you arrive atyour destination or it does feel good,
don't get me wrong, but yeah, yeah, I don't need to pay.
But you've been in the lounges andyou've actually showered at the lounges at
airports, haven't here? Yeah?No that yeah, get a lot.

(48:07):
Yeah if you are, if youhave multiple flights and you're connecting in,
get a priority pass or some kindof credit card that allows lounge access and
check where you're flying in and thensometimes the shower is free or like at
Heathrow when I landed in London.It was thirty five dollars to shower,
which was ridiculous, So I said, now I'd rather smell, but I

(48:27):
mean that is an option. Yeah, Now do you sit? Are you
a window or ile person. I'man aisle person. Yeah, I like,
I like to I hate okay,So what I hate about it is
when they're serving meals and I feellike, no matter how inside the the
arm rest I am i'm in,they still bump into me, and I'm
like, God damn it. ButI do like the fact that if I

(48:49):
have to use the restroom, Ican get out and I can like get
up to stretch my legs. Idon't have to bother anybody else. So
I'm trying to book ale as much. And with those longer haul flights too,
they have, you know, theleft side of the plane, the
middle of the plane, and theright side of the plane, so it's
like three three and three. SoI typically do the middle of the plane
where there's an aisle and aisle andthen the middle middle person if that makes

(49:09):
sense, and I do one ofthose aisle seats there. That way,
I'm hoping that whoever's in the middleseat is paired with a couple, so
they'll go and bother their partner theother way. That way, I don't
have to be bothered when I amsleeping, right, And I imagine that
probably the middle middle seat is probablythe one that's least booked. Yeah,
you know what I mean, Likewhen people are trying to book their pick

(49:30):
their seats, that's probably so youalso have a possibility of it being It
was empty on my flight. Yeah, on my flight to Cape Town,
it was empty, and it wasso nice. I was just able to
put some of the other bullshit,like my water bottle was sitting there,
and then the other guy's stuff waskind of sitting there too, So it's
nice to just be there and nothave to worry about, oh am I
hogging the arm rest, oh amI am I in someone's space. Just

(49:51):
not having someone there was so nice. But you have got to get lucky
with that. Yeah, yeah,that's true. Yeah right, well,
thank you for the for the thinking, for the tips. I eventually want
to go to Australia and New Zealandlike that is on MIC It's very high
on my list of traveling very long. Really, I know, it really
is the flight that is like thething that's that's like stopping me from from

(50:15):
wanting to book it. So geta good trouble credit card and start building
up those credit card points and thensee what you got after a couple of
years of doing that. And thenthat's that's the way to do it.
Yeah, and then and then andthen book first Classic the the way there,
that's the way to go. Ifyou can't just do it like or
don't go or don't go, iswhat I'm saying. Like, that's that's

(50:37):
part of it right there. Yeah, all right, Well, and then
we're gonna let's go and take aquick break and we'll come back. We're
gonna talk about the topic and tellmen when they maybe should just shut the
fuck up. We'll be right back. I think every episode to a degree
is inspired by something that happens inour lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it feels like it is. Well, this topic is inspired by something

(51:01):
that recently happened to me. Iwas walking downstairs running into a guy friend.
I don't know if I even considerhim a guy friend, but ran
into him and sat down. Wehad a late night the night before,
and I never wear a makeup.I throw my hair in a clip.
I don't care what I look likemost of the time, unless I'm going

(51:22):
out and really trying to if I'mtaking photos or something, yeah I'm gonna
look nice. But we're just walkingdown to meat and have just a casual
chat before going on with the restof our day. And so I sit
down and he goes, yeah,you look tired, man, you look
tired, and I was like,I paused and instead of being like I

(51:43):
think in the past I would makea statement, go and go yeah,
you know, and just say yes, because sometimes it's just easier to say
yeah, I am really tired,da da da. But I was feeling
spicy, and the second he saidthat, I just fired back with what
does that mean? And he wasat a loss for words. He was

(52:06):
like, well, you know,just knowing that you you were out last
night, and you know you justI think you know, and he didn't
want to repeat that. He saidI looked tired again, right, So
he just kept saying, oh,well, I knew you were out,
so dad, And I was likeoh, And then I think I doubled
up with were you criticizing my appearancein any way? Do I look do
I look like physically tired, andhe was like, oh no, no,

(52:30):
so then what did that mean?Riddle me that, but at a
loss for words, and then II just couldn't believe that someone would just,
like, unprovoked, just say thatto me. Yeah, the audacity
to say that when I would neversay to him, oh, yeah,
you look like you're hungover. Maybeto one of my close friends, I
would say that, but I don'tknow you like that. So then it

(52:52):
was just why would you even sayanything to tear me down, to make
me feel less than to feel superior, because you don't quote unquote look like
shit or you don't quote unquote looktired. Is that what it is?
So shut the fuck up? Therewas it was totally unnecessary needed men Men

(53:12):
liked to have this need sometimes tocomment on women's appearance just existing in the
world, even though they haven't beenasked, and they haven't been that there's
no reason for them to give thisopinion, and they just feel like it's
like they have this obligation somehow todo it. And the answer is no,
you don't, But it's crazy.How are you contributing to society in
a positive way by making that statement? And then it goes back to specifically

(53:36):
this statement. If a person can'tchange it in a couple of minutes or
less, don't make the fucking statementbecause it's not it's not helpful or going
to make them feel good no matterwhat. And I don't think a lot
of people think that one through mostof the time. Right, it's not
like saying, hey, you know, you spilled something on your shirt,
like you know, it's just becausethat's that's a that's a that's a thing

(53:57):
that they can Oh, I didn'trealize they can go change shirt. But
it's like, hey, you looktired? Is not? Is not?
It's the boy you look, youlook terrible. You know. It's just
like nobody wants to hear that.It doesn't help anybody. And and if
you were to say that to him, he would be morally outraged and offended
by That's the thing like if ifif you had said that instead, if
you guys said that, like you'relike, boy, what happened to you

(54:21):
last night? You look? Youlook? He would just be like what
what's wrong? Like he would likehe would be actually offended and but had
no problem saying it to you.Well, I think women, like I've
mentioned women as a whole. Areso used to just receiving these fuck ass
comments that it's easier to be like, yeah, you know I am I
am tired, But I literally said, no, I'm not tired. Why

(54:42):
would you say that I feel fine? Which is good, that's good.
Do you want me to pick thebags up underneath my fucking eyes? My
dude, I don't know. It'salso this idea that, you know,
women don't exist in the world formen, So you know, you're not
there to impress him, to makehim feel it to be to be attracted

(55:05):
to you like you. You're notthere to do those things, and so
any you know that he would onlyfeel that way if he feels like somehow
wents entitled to your existence. Itis why he would he would say that.
This is not in a similar vein. I don't think I've ever told
this story, but I was.It's when I was I was married to
Amy. Now, Amy was verymuch, you know, a law degree

(55:27):
like I had. She also hadher CPA. She was very well put
together, very kind of meticulous,and you know, and kind of very
fashion forward in all of these things. And I remember when I was,
when I was married to her,I had written like a blog post about
like my deal breakers if I dated, if I, if I were dating
again, and there were things like, you know, you'd have to have

(55:50):
at least a college education, notattoos, no smoking, things like that.
Well then I ended up having theaffair with someone who did not have
a college degree, smoked, andhad several tattoos, and I was totally
okay with it, you know.It was one of those things. Yeah,
yeah, And it was like Iwas like, oh, why do
I care about these things? Youknow? And and but one day she

(56:10):
and I were I think in bed, just watching a movie or something like
that. I don't remember who itwas or what, do remember the exact
context, but she was like,it's funny that you always like the actress
that you always like, you like, you have a very specific type.
And I was like, well,I think I just used to change,
Like I kind of changed, andI'm realizing that I always kind of liked
the trashier women. You said itjust like that, yeah, And I

(56:36):
was I was not thinking, andit was it was just yeah. And
she was like what does that meanand was exactly, doesn't mean, Well,
I don't know what that means.Uh. Yeah, and I was
like, you know, like theyou know, like actually kind of really
liked like the tattoos and the youknow, no college educations, like so
that's trashy? Is that what thatis? That? So so you're calling

(56:57):
me trashy and you think that I'mtrying. And I was just like,
I no, I didn't, youknow, And it's just in my head.
There was nothing wrong with what Isaid until until I came out and
she reacted, and then it mademe realize what an awful thing that was
to say, and that that wasthat was quite a uh yeah, that
almost ended the the end of theaffair, to be honest understandably say mean

(57:20):
yeah, yeah, and and andlike and I was like, you know,
I I chose my words poorly andI had to explain that, you
know, but like, I don'tknow why I felt the need to say
that, Like, I don't knowwhy, as an idiot man, I
felt the need to say it inthat way. It was terrible. I
think sometimes men who were in abubble not saying you were in a bubble

(57:43):
like that. But I was okay, okay, let's let's just be frank.
They say those things to their friendsand they've never been checked by women
when making those comments, so theysee they feel very comfortable just blatantly saying,
oh, you know, she lookstired or I like dating trash.
You know if you if you saidthat to your guy friends or whatever,
and then they go ha ha,yeah, me too, And so in

(58:06):
your mind you think this is anokay thing to say, and then you
say it to a woman and yougo, oh, actually, I fucked
up. I should have never fuckingopened my mouth because I didn't realize that's
not an okay thing to say untilyou get checked in real time. It
makes you double check yourself before evenopening your mouth. Yeah, I mean,
especially when when you're saying that tosomeone that you're romantically and sexually involved,

(58:28):
yeah, that you're having an affairwith your wife on like because you've
recently discovered your attraction to her,and you like, yeah, that just
was a terrible, terrible thing.There's been many times where I've I've said
things that I'm like, I reallyshould have shut the fuck up. I
really shouldn't said anything in the beginning. And I think sometimes it's just because
I know, and I'll talk aboutmy own personal like I felt the need

(58:49):
to interject her. I felt aneed to argue or get defensive, even
though it had nothing to do withme, just because I felt like I
had the right to argue about itand I shouldn't have. And I think
there's a lot of men like thatwho do that, and I think that
we can, maybe, actually,if they'll listen, help some of them
maybe understand that there are times thatyou just should shut the fuck up.

(59:10):
Yeah, and not to get sotied up in your own ego by saying
my voice is important. I liketo hear myself talk. Let me insert
my comments to this conversation right here, and now that's not always the appropriate
way to converse with other people.You should be from a stance, especially
when you're talking to women in alistening and learning and understanding state. Then

(59:34):
I'll let me insert myself because I'ma man and I'm probably smarter than you
and better than you and most ofthese situations you're talking about, right because
the second you start putting yourself onthe spotlight like that, you're going to
get picked apart. And time andtime again men do this and then they
back off because they realize, oh, I fucked up. But they've never

(59:55):
been ye our sex education. Itwas a good time to talking when we
read a lot of examples from menwho obviously did not understand how women's bodies
worked, for example, and that'sbut they still felt entitled to to just
to discuss them and talk about themlike they thought they knew what they were
talking about. I think another goodexample is like, not all men is
that, you know, like ifit just if a woman posts like on

(01:00:20):
Twitter or Facebook or something and justsays, you know, why do men
insist on doing X, Y andz, and so people who have empathy
and compassion will be like, yeah, it's terrible, it's frustrating, blah
blah blah. But there's always gonnabe at least one man, if not
multiply like, well, not allmen, I don't do that, and
because they feel the need to somehowdefend the men that are doing And it's

(01:00:42):
so frustrating to see dude just shutthe fuck up, because I guarantee if
he sees a guy friend of hispost something and say, oh I hate
when women do this, he isnot in the comments and they're going,
you know, not all women.You're so right about that. Yeah,
No one but he has never donethat in his entire fucking life. But
as soon as he says anyone sayanything there about men, he's got to
he's got to jump to all ofmen's defense and make sure that we know

(01:01:02):
that it's not one hundred percent ofmen, and it's it's that. I
mean, that is a perfect timethat if you immediately start to think not
all men, shut the fuck up, like, don't get defensive, that
that's the time to sit down andzip it. It's such a good point
too, because I don't think menever try or go out of their way
to defend women just as a generalization. They're not saying, hey, we

(01:01:25):
should listen to her. I mean, even the conversations I've had recently of
saying, oh, well it's notall you know, he's saying it's not
all men or whatever, and thenhe's like, well, women do this,
and women do that, and justtalking about women like we're not part
of contributing to any of the thingsthat the problems that you're bringing up.
I don't know, it makes yousad, but you're you're right, and

(01:01:47):
and and and men who do defendwomen that are called they're called simps or
white knights and things like that.Yeah, and of course that being said,
this is a perfect time to talkto those people too. Men,
you don't need to stay in fora woman and defend her as if she's
powerless either, Like that's that thatis a good time to shut the fuck
up too that you know, youcan step in and say you support her,

(01:02:08):
You can agree, you can agreewith what she's saying, but you
don't need to defend her honor orprotect her unless she actively and explicitly asks
for your health. Yes, womenare not damsels in distress, and you,
you, deciding that they need yourhelp to rescue them is just as
misogynistic as whatever they're defending themselves againstin the first place, right, Because

(01:02:31):
then women are less than men andI'm the big hero coming in to save
the hero. Yeah, yes,yes, and then women will never get
a chance to speak up again becauseI'm the one who saved you the last
time. So what do you knowabout speaking on this topic. I'm going
to insert myself ahead of you becauseI saved you the last time, and
then it just perpetuates. Yes,so you have to be very careful that

(01:02:52):
whole white nighting concept is actually isjust as toxic. I would say for
women, it's for us when we'refaced with men making fucked up calm even
something like you look tired or whatwas your comment? You like dating trashy
women? Making the statement what whatdoes that mean? And prying deeper into

(01:03:19):
whatever fucked up statement they make opensthem up to going oh shit, oh
shit, I should have kept myfucking mouth shut, because if you just
pass it off and go oh yeah, whatever you know, and you think,
I don't want to get into thisconversation with this fucking idiot, it's
not worth my time energy, Andsometimes it's not. I'll be fair.
Sometimes you got things to do.You don't want to dive into an hour
long conversation with someone who's not goingto get it. But saying what does

(01:03:43):
this mean? Or could you explainthe joke or tell me more about why
you think this way opens them upto then flail and go oh actually,
I might be fucking wrong here.Right. Might not always get to that
point, but it starts that rollingthought process. Yeah and and and that
is challenging them on on where thisis coming from. Is good. That's

(01:04:06):
also when they make when they makethe joke, when they joke, and
that that's the Oh, it's justa joke. Like if he had said
to you, you know, wellyou look tired, and you're like,
what does that mean? If hesaid it's just a joke, then I
have a follow up, which is, what's the punchline? What funny about
Yeah, what's the what's the punchit? What's so funny about it?
I understand? Can you explain itto me? Tell me what the funny

(01:04:26):
part was? And they're like,oh, why, why can't Why do
you have to be so sensitive?Like they immediately like just get defensive and
shitty because they know they have nojustification for what they did. And it's
when men make make usually they saythe worst things. They say, misogynistic
things they say, they joke aboutrape, they joke about violence, et
cetera. And someone says that's notokay to say, Oh, it's just
a joke, calm down. Andwhen you ask them, oh, what's

(01:04:48):
the joke part, they never havean answer for that. They can't they
can't identify what's funny about it becauseit's not just a joke. They're saying.
They were saying something in a shockway, but that actually hid the
truth of how they felt. Yeah, and if you call them out and
said and say something like, youknow, that comment was kind of misogynistic,

(01:05:09):
nine times out of ten they're gonnasay, oh my god, you're
such a feminist. What does misogynyeven mean? Right? And then I'm
like, well, I don't needto define it for you, but do
you respect and like women? That'sthe next question. I mean, you
could keep that fucking rabbit hole goinguntil they're really flailing, but how much

(01:05:30):
time and breath do you want tospend on that? Exactly? They would
have never opened their fucking mouth.And they love to throughout the feminist thing,
and they also love to They don'tseem to understand the concept also of
man's planning, which is a legitimatelike it's a legitimate concept, and it
doesn't just mean every time and someyou know, the men will be like,
anytime I say anything, I'm justman's plaining it. No, that's

(01:05:51):
not what that is at all.What man's planning is is when you are
speaking over someone else, you're usuallya woman, marginalized person, non binary
person, something like that. Youknow someone and someone else you're speaking over
them, and you don't have theexpertise to be doing so, and that's
that's what it is. When you'reexplaining something that they either they're capable of

(01:06:13):
or they've already explained. It's funny. I'll see like on Twitter else a
lot of women comedians will have it, will make a joke, and then
you'll see these men in the commentstrying to like outdo the joke and making
it worse with their you know,and like that's man'splaining. Or you'll see,
of course, an expert say somethinglike doctor Gunter, Jennifer Gunter,
the vagina doctor, you know whowho is an expert in her field,

(01:06:34):
a verified, factual expert in herfield, will be saying something and then
a man will pop into try tocorrect her and try to say, well,
but we know it's the I'm actuallylike, I'm actually blah blah blah.
And they're always wrong. They're alwayswrong, they're always dead wrong,
and sometimes they are so wrong thatyou have to wonder how that person is
even capable of getting up in thein the morning without like breaking their neck

(01:06:57):
falling out of bed, Like Idon't understand, because they they are that
fucking wrong. And so if youfeel like you need to correct a woman,
you better make sure that you knowexactly what you're talking about, that
you are an expert in your field. And even then you maybe if you
ask yourself, why am I trying? Why do I need to correct her?
What is the point If a manwas saying this, would I do
and what I I'm actually him?Or would I just be like, okay,

(01:07:18):
yeah whatever, I'll just let itgo because it doesn't matter, and
you should probably just let it goand shut the fuck up. Yeah,
if your statement can't contribute to whateverpoints she brought up, why bring anything
else? If you're like, oh, let me add to this, she
makes really great points. Also,this side point that adds to what she
said, Da da da da da. Perfect. Fine, you can bring

(01:07:40):
that up. But then to overstepand say actually I know more than you
da da da da da is notappropriate? You. Yeah, that doesn't
that yet? No more than that? Yes, exactly, you know,
And I would say that The onlytime that it's okay is if someone is
saying something that is literally factually incorrectand and you and you're you are you're
correcting him. Someone says, oh, well, you know, the border

(01:08:01):
was so unsafe In twenty twenty orin twenty nineteen, and that was President
Obama's fault, you know if orsomething like that, and you're like,
well, nine, you know twentynineteen that was actually President Trump though was
you know it was President then sayingsomething like that is it's okay, you
know that that is a factual differencethat's worth correcting. You know, there
are times when it is, butmost of the time it's not. Now

(01:08:21):
sometimes I think it's you know,it's not a toxic thing, it's not
a misogynistic thing. And I thinkthis is another example of men learning needing
to know that they need to shutthe fuck up. That's actually it's it's
more of a learning experience. Andthat is when it comes to your partner
needing to vent. Like if ifyou know, if your wife or your
girlfriend or whatever wants to vent toyou about something that happened at work or

(01:08:43):
an experience she had, you don'tneed to fix it. So not it's
not saying well, here's what Iwould have done, or here's here's what
you here's what you do now,or they don't need you to fix it.
That's not the time for you tojust you know, to rescue them.
And and and make everything better.You can You can make everything better
by shutting the fuck up and listeningand just empathizing with them and saying,

(01:09:08):
well, that sounds hard, orthat that must have been difficult, that
must have been just just things thatjust allow you to let them know that
you're listening and you are in there, you're putting yourself in their shoes,
and that after they're done vending,then you can say that at that point,
after they're done talking about you cansay, now what do you want,
you know, do you want anyadvice or do you want me to
just continue listening and let them dictatethe terms of that of that type of

(01:09:33):
venting, because when you try tofix things, you come across as not
empathetic. And I think too,if she's coming to you saying I want
to talk about this situation, that'syour keye to shut the fuck up.
Because she has the floor to talkabout it. You say, yes,
tell me more. You know,you ask other questions to get more information.

(01:09:54):
You're not trying to cut her offand saying well you should have done
this, well, this should havebeen different. That's not your place until
you you say, how would youlike to proceed? Would you still like
to vent or would you like totalk about ways we can resolve this issue?
But yeah, like do you doyou want my advice or do you
just want my ear? You knowis something. It's also not a time
to go I told you so,or try to try to blame her for

(01:10:15):
whatever she's about to tell you about. Well, I told you if you
you know this had this is goingto happen. That is absolutely not the
time to say that. That's nevera good time to say that, but
you know that's what you definitely shutthe fuck up in that case. What
do you think is going to happenafter you tell someone I told you you
shouldn't have done that. Do youthink they're going to respond in a positive
way and go, you know what, you're so right, thank you for
reminding me of that. No,fuck no, that's never going to be

(01:10:39):
a response to the one is goingto have when they're just venting and then
being told that they were wrong forthe start. And if you flip it
back on a man and say,well, how would that make you feel?
I don't know if it's enough forthem to always get it, but
it is something to check them ofgoing Okay, if I feel hurt by
this statement, if I made asimilar statement to you, how would that

(01:11:00):
make you feel? And put makethem be in your shoes for a second
to go, oh, I mighthave screwed up here. And I don't
think we'd check men enough in thatway to say, well, pretend for
a second, humor me this,And so a lot of times we just
let it pass because it's easier tolet it pass than to fully have the
conversation and dedicate more time and energyinto someone who might not get it at

(01:11:23):
the end of the conversation. Yeah, yeah, I think that, you
know. It's also like, forthere's a reason that women don't talk about
like some of the sexual advances thathappened to them on public and some of
the harassment they go they go underto their partner because instead of listening,
their partner will say, well,we'll either like overreact, Okay, I'll

(01:11:45):
go kick his ass right now,you know which which and the protector I'm
the hero back to that not nothelpful. Or we'll say, well,
I told you if you were thatskirt, or I told you you know
that you know if you look likea whrror this is what happens, like,
are some type of nonsense like that, or we'll or we'll blame you
in some way, Well were youalone with him? Or what did you
say to him? And things likethat, We'll say things and so or

(01:12:06):
will somehow get jealous and you know, and use their insecurity. So,
like, every one of those reactionsis inappropriate and unacceptable, and it makes
why women are unlikely to talk abouta lot of these things with their partners.
That if partner, if you asa man, were able just to
listen and say that sounds terrifying,or that sounds like that was really hard
on you. Is there anything Ican do? You know? Would you

(01:12:27):
like me to support you? ButI support you no matter what, And
like those are times when you saythat, but otherwise you shut the fuck
up. And I think that menneed to learn that because they are pushing
women away. And then when theysay, well, women don't get harassed
that much, and all these womenaround them are like, yea, it
happened to me every day. Ijust can't tell you about it because you're
not a safe person to talk to. And if you're not a safe person
to talk to you, you're nota safe person to be in a relationship
with either Yeah, and I thinkwhen men are making those statements, the

(01:12:51):
mental check is, is what I'msaying going to put her down in any
way or make her feel less thanif I make this statement. If the
answer is yes, shut the fuckup because it's not helpful, it's not
productive. And you go through thosechecks, is it helpful? Is it
productive? And you know, howcan we continue to solve this problem your
statements if they're not trying to solveor make a situation better, and they're

(01:13:14):
just coming from ridicule and blame,shut the fuck up. Yeah, exactly.
This is like you know, you'reyou know, you're you may be
a rednick if I f type things, you know, like men, if
you're doing this thing, just shutthe fuck up. I think that,
uh, you know, and thisis another thing when women are speaking.
When you have a you might bepart of the conversation. You might just
be an observer in a conversation,and you see women and not just women,

(01:13:38):
marginalize people as well, people ofcolor, et cetera, speaking of
a situation that has that they haveexperienced personally. If you feel the need
to center yourself, if you feelthe need to turn it on you,
to make it about you, thenthat that's that's unacceptable, that's when you
That's a prime example of a timeto shut the fuck up. And I've
I've had that happen on like tiktoksfor example, where I might say,

(01:13:58):
you know what we'll be talking aboutissue and what we're talking about like the
you know, be sharing a storyof a woman saying that she was sexually
harassed or she was abused or assaultedor something, and then you'll see a
man in the comments say, whatabout men are that are assaulted? That's
not what we're talking about right now? Yeah, yeah, sorry, Like
we're talking about women. If youwant to make a conversation about men beingsaulted,
then start a conversation about it,and you will get support from people

(01:14:19):
who like for that of that topic, as long as your your topic isn't
why women are being stupid and menare you know, and men are assaulted
and so let's focus on in instead. There's plenty of empathy to go around.
It's not like a limited pool ofempathy. So if if women in
marginalized people are are centered, aretalking about a topic about how what's something

(01:14:40):
they've experienced in any way centering yourselfor saying well I've never seen that,
or what about this or what aboutthat, and just trying to like derail
the conversation in any capacity other thanoffering support for it and asking supportive questions.
That is a prime example of menbeing toxic and misogynistic and a prime
example of obviously when they should shutthe up. Yep. Agreed, Any

(01:15:01):
other reasons they should shut the fuckup? Yep? I got one.
Last reasons. I got more reasons. Like I said, this is kind
of two, but it's I thinkit's one of the combination of one being
the devil's advocate. Men, forsome reason have this need to play the
devil's advocate, to be like,well, you know, blah blah blah.
And I used to I used tohave a radio show with with with

(01:15:23):
with Brett who I had the affairwith you used to have a radio show
with her and it was called andI apologize in advance for the name.
It was called clearly or retarded.Yeah, yeah, I know it was
terrible. I can't believe we didthat, but yes, we did that
many many years ago. And itwas a very popular online radio show where
we would pick a topic a verycontroverary, like a like a polarizing topic,
and whatever she supported personally, Iwould just take the other side and

(01:15:45):
I would just play the Devil's advocate. So whether it was human cloning or
abortion or whatever, I would justbe like, I'll just argue the other
side. I'll just I'm a lawyer, I can argue the other side.
But I would do it to theextent of trying to get her into a
fever pitch, like absolutely furious atme by the end of the episode.
And so people loved listening because hervoice just get highed and higher until she
sounded like like a chipmunk. Butthe thing is it was great because afterwards

(01:16:06):
we would get on the phone andtalk for half hour. There was like
we were there was no hard feelingsbetween us doing it, but it was
just kind of a purely for entertainmentpurposes. Once again, I apologize for
the name of the show that wasit was it was. I can't believe
we did that. But anyways,so like Devil's Advocate was a thing,
and so I used to think thatwas like it was okay to play a
Devil's advocate, but it's not,and I heard it express best when it

(01:16:26):
says the devil doesn't need an advocate, like, you know, like it's
like it's like, let's let's let'sswitch out to the devil. Let's say
let's say instead of devil, yousay Hitler's advocate. You'd be like,
hey, I'm gonna be Hitler's advocate. Why why why are you gonna get
on the side of Hitler? Whywhy exactly what do you think do you
have to add that Hitler needs yourhelp? You know, if you're we're
gonna say that, and again,how is it productive to the overall conversation?

(01:16:49):
Are we really getting to the pointhere or are we just trying to
derail everything so that your ego feelssafe And you got a worded right,
That's exactly what it is. It'slike, you know, you you don't
need to when someone is discussing anissue, especially if it's an emotionally charged
issue or a personal issue, youdon't need to play Devil's avy. You
don't need to be and say,well, you know what about this situation?

(01:17:09):
Yeah, what about shutting the fuckup? Dude? Yeah, exactly,
And they'll try to do it underthe guys of like critical thinking or
I'm just trying to you know,just trying to have a discussion. I'm
helping just to think more about tryingto intellectual conversation here, you know.
But then when you try to bringup actual facts about it, they'll ignore
that. And that's when it turnssome devil's advocude. Well I'm just saying,

(01:17:32):
I was just saying, you know, I'm just saying, ye say,
But that's that's when you realize thatthey realize that they're losing their devil's
advocate part of the conversation anyways.And it's like, you know, if
you never said anything in the firstplace, you wouldn't be looking like a
total asshole, right yeah, yeah, exactly, like and and and they
can't they know they have no argumentat that point because when they're just saying,

(01:17:56):
they could be well, the factsactually you're against you. Well,
you know, but I just I'mI'm just saying, you know, I'm
just just just saying, you know, this is how I feel. No
one asks. That's what it turnsinto a lot of times by the end,
especially when you start bringing up facts. Oh well, you know,
I just this is just how Ifeel. Well, nobody asked you this
is who cares about you feel Whereyou thought you're trying to have an intellectual
conversation. Here, I thought you'retrying to have a critical discussion of facts,
you know, but facts don't careabout your feelings, little boy.

(01:18:18):
That's I think that's how station alwaysends. You know, it comes with
the they're not shutting the fuck up, they're inserting their opinions whatever, and
then it becomes Douvile's advocate, andthen it becomes just saying and then they
walk away from the conversation pretending theydid no wrong, and women walk away
going what an asshole? Every singletime? Yeah, well, like I'm

(01:18:39):
like, I've had political arguments forsomeone where they're like, well, you
know, the blah blah blah blahblah. I was like, that's incorrect.
What actually happened is here, here'shere's this, here's a citation for
it, here's a link to it, here's a video audit. You can
watch all of this and I'll tellyou everything you need to know. Well,
you know, I'm just saying likethat that shouldn't happen. Well it
didn't happen. So so that's thething, Like what you're just saying is

(01:18:59):
that bullshit, so you should shutthe fuck up. It's like this idea
of like, uh, translites aboutyou know, kids transitioning and having surgery.
Well, you know, no kidsshould you know before, no kids
should have a doctor convince them tohave surgery at age five. You know,
I'm like, that's never happened inthe history. Yeah, that's not
a thing that has happened. Ifthat has happened, that doctor would go
to prison because that violates their medicalyou know, well you know that.

(01:19:21):
I'm just saying it shouldn't be happening. It's not fucking happening, So stop
saying that. It is, yourfucking idiot. So it's a that's the
the shut the fuck up a levelright there. Yeah, no matter how
many facts you present those people with, it's always I'm just saying or well,
that's just that's just my belief orthat's just my opinion. It's like,
okay, well you're wrong, andthen it's impossible to get through to

(01:19:44):
them and have them go Actually,they're never gonna come with the approach of
you know, I walked away fromthat conversation and I learned something. My
bad that'll never be the stance thatthey take at the end of the conversation
from my opinion, my opinion,that's my opinion, from my perspective.
Anyways that they would do that,maybe a small percentage will That's what I'm

(01:20:04):
hoping is that there's a small percentage. So well, And and the thing
is, men, if you're listeningto this and you've listened all the way
through, and now you're getting yourupset and your defensive, and you're like,
well, it just sounds like Ishould just shut the fuck up most
of the time. Yes, thatis the point. The whole point is
that there are a lot of situationswhere instead of you feeling entitled to say

(01:20:25):
anything or feeling like you have theright or need to say something, that
you should shut the fuck up andlisten for once in your unwashed ass life,
and you might actually fucking learn something, you know. But then they'll
say, well, then I'm oppressed. That's that's the next argument. Well,
if I can't speak my opinion,then I'm then I'm being oppressed,

(01:20:46):
right, Not true? Well,yeah, as soon as they start turning
into being a victim, then youknow that they have no argument and they're
just not worth talking to anymore atall. I just saw one of the
old guys from The Dukes of Hazzard, the original show. Here's are like
Fox News complaining about you know,cancel culture and how he can't get any
movies made because you know, hisvoice has been silenced because he's conservative.

(01:21:06):
He's talking on you know, Foxon to millions of viewers saying that his
voice is being silenced. First ofall, yeah, and second secondly,
it's also like, maybe you're justnot that good of an actor, dude,
Like you know, how about howabout that? Maybe you're just nobody
wants to nobody wants to put youin a movie because you just you don't
have anything of value to add toit. But the same type of thing,
like turning it. It always turnsinto victim victimhood in that and that's

(01:21:28):
that case, and then you knowthat they have no actual argument. Is
there anything else you want to addto this topic besides shut the fuck No?
I think at this point I shouldjust shut the fuck up and we
should end the episode. That soundslike a plan to me. Well,
we don't want our listeners to shutthe fuck up, We want them to
actually do the opposite and call ourDKs hotline at four oh seven five one

(01:21:53):
nine zero one eight one. Soif you've experienced any of these conversations or
arguments that we've explained today, Ilike to hear them and hear how you
handle those situations, so be sureto call us there. If you don't
feel comfortable leaving a voicemail, youcan always send us an email at Dating
kind of Sucks Podcast at gmail dotcom. Put in the country that you're
from, an Adam will try toprovide an accent without offending everyone. That's

(01:22:16):
our new twist on this. It'sa big twist. Oh my god.
Oh yeah yeah. And also youcan you can always post in our Facebook
group, which is a very supportivegroup of people if you have questions,
need advice, just want someone tolook at your dating profile, or you
just want to vent. And that'sat Facebook dot com slash groups slash DCS
podcast to go. About twenty fivehundred people in there, and it's a

(01:22:39):
it's a pretty pretty solid group.You can also, of course, if
you're listening and you want to watchthis, you can watch us on YouTube
dot com, YouTube dot com slashDating kind of Sucks. We put the
full episodes up there with very fewedits and uh and sometimes they do some
short clips as well, and alsocheck us out on Instagram at Dating kind
of Sucks and of course our ownindividual instagrams. And then, as always,
if you've been a listener for along time, be shirting of the

(01:23:00):
podcast a five star rating on reviewon iTunes. It's been a minute since
we've received one, and we wouldreally love to see your support on iTunes
as well as a follow on Spotifyor sharing, just sharing this podcast with
a lovely man in your life whojust might need to shut the fuck up,
and they'll be like, what doyou meet? What is this name
of this episode supposed to meet?And he was like, well, if

(01:23:20):
you listen and shut the fuck up, you'll understand exactly exactly. And if
you do want to support us more, you can only support us on Patreon
for five bucks a month at patreondot com slash DCS podcast. We try
to have monthly bonus content, butbecause there's in South Africa and it's already
like there, we're probably not gonnahave a Patreon episode until until the new

(01:23:42):
year. But we're not gonna haveanother episode, I believe until the New
Yarmber fifteenth, and I don't thinkI don't think we're going to do one
unless we decide fucking the surprise youwith one. So let's just say at
this point, you know, MerryChristmas, happy Holidays, Happy Hanukah,
and a happy new Year, andand uh, we'll check in with you
again in twenty twenty four until nexttime. Whether you're married or single or

(01:24:09):
palla, you're a porraying and IWistminger's back at your place, listen to
us and beginning to buck a cinderbinbuffle of plenty of youngs trying and trying
and happen to bluck because we allknow dating kind of sucks. Sarah and
Adam are Dulova kind says stupid shitand she doesn't mind. They're not doing

(01:24:30):
with this, so don't make anyfuck life as a chickenoos co there's say.
Plus, so why does it work? We'll hear with the brucks.
They both know dating kind of sucks. Dating kind of sucks

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