October 16, 2023 • 48 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 210: Join my brother & CEO of Yee Yee Apparel Parker Smith and myself as we discuss these topics and more on this week's podcast! Podcast Sponsors: Shopify - Sign up for a $1 per-month trial period at Shopify.com/granger to take your business to the next level today.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All babies, regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived,
are a gift from God.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
What's up, everybody?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Welcome back to the podcast. This is episode two and ten,
and I've got my little brother Parker joining us, one
of my favorite guests to be on here answering questions.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
What's up, park what's up? Man?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
We answer your questions. You email Grangersmith podcast at gmail
dot com and we'll walk through anything you got going on.
We don't have any notes or we're not prepared. We
haven't read these questions beforehand. And a lot of exciting
news coming in the future of this podcast, but right
now this is still all that it is. Email Grangersmith
Podcast at gmail dot com. Parker is actually a fellow
(00:55):
seminarian with me at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and this
next semester, which we're starting next week, we are in
the same class together. Yep.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It's a fire host to the face. It's pretty ridiculous,
but the fire host to the face, I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
The fire host to the face kind of like this podcast.
Just kidding. First question at random, I'm gonna pull these up.
Subdecline says saying I love you, and the email says
this grain your My name is Noel, I'm from Warsaw, Indiana,
and I love your podcast and music. Side note, that's
where we got the wood from. This house is the
(01:34):
old barnwoods from Warsaw. Oh wow yeah, And she says,
my question is who should I say? Who should say
I love you first? That's a good one to start
the podcast. Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yeah, there's a lot of unknowns there. I don't really
how old are you?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
How long have you been dating?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Well, i'd say not knowing any of those things. If
you're just asking me if the guy or the girl
should say I love you first, Typically it's up to
the guy to take the initiative to ask the girl
out in the first place, to use the d word date,
and to not just say do you want to go
(02:19):
hang out? Do you want to come over and watch
a movie? You know, to use that word date. Let's
the girl know what we're doing, what my expectations should be,
what your intentions are. Anyway, So all that to say,
I would say that primarily the guy's responsibility is to
say I love you first, and if he's not, and
(02:40):
if this girl is like, where's this going. He still
hasn't said I love you and it's been so long,
then that could be a red flog.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Right, I agree. I think that like Parker said, without
knowing your situation, Noel, I think those are pretty good guidelines,
without knowing your age, how long you've been dating, what
kind of guy, this is, how you feel about him.
Let's say the guideline are make sure that he's being
And this is also a message to everyone else that's
dating be define what you're doing, because it's crazy how uh,
(03:13):
how people could be misled and think, I don't know
if where what this is. I don't know if this
is he's just a friend, or if he just likes
hanging out with me. Maybe he likes my brother, he
likes he thinks my dad's cool. I don't I can't
figure this out. So guys, define what you're doing. Like
Parker said, just say date or go steady or go
(03:34):
where you go with me? Is what we used to say,
like in junior, h will you go with me? And
everyone just knew what that meant. But define it. And
then after you define it, then Noel won't have to
worry about where this is going, and she'll just know
if you guys really like each other that maybe one
day he'll say I love you.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
One thing that my now wife and I did as well,
that's gonna be pretty old school to some people, is
we decided when we started dating that we weren't going
to use the word love until if and when we
were engaged. That was just kind of a I didn't
say when we get engaged, I'll say it because I
didn't know if I was going to marry her or
(04:13):
not yet. But we both just came to the consensus
that let's not say I love you until if and
when that point happens. Of if you just think about
what love is and how we just use it so
flippantly today, I think that there should be a sort
of retraction of that word and a reverence and meaning
(04:36):
behind it before you just start giving your heart away
and start using that word flippantly.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Totally agree. Tell them what else you did when you
and name you were dating or yeah, engaged, I guess
all through it.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Of just not kissing, yeah, yeah, yeah, we just decided
not to not to kiss, and which sounds crazy to
even say it out out, And I just hear everybody
rolling their eyes, who are listening. But yeah, when I
became a Christian, and you know, the question that you
hear all the time is how far can I go
(05:13):
with my girlfriend and it not be sin? And the
posture of that question, when I thought about it long enough,
was how close can I get to the edge of
this cliff by then not fall off? Or another way
putting it, how far away can I get away from God?
(05:35):
But still say under his good graces and so and
so it's just kind of torture to to be physically
intimate with your significant other, even if you're not going
to have sex, because it's just going to make it
that much more difficult to stop. And so we just honestly,
(05:56):
it's it was so freeing to just say we're not
going to kiss at all, and it made everything else
so much easier because when you cut off that the
emotional rollercoaster that comes from being physically intimate with someone,
you're able to think so much more soberly when you
are deciding if they're going to be your future husband
(06:20):
or wife.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Yeah, I think that's amazing. And then it also helps
expedite the engagement process. Yeah, true, right, It's like you
don't want to set your engagement for a year and
a half. Two years from now, you're like, man, let's
get this thing rolling. I really want to kiss this girl.
But let me say this. Let me say this. There's
a lot of people that I know what they're thinking.
(06:41):
A lot of people are thinking, man, you don't really
know somebody. You can't truly have that connection until you're
intimate with somebody. What do you say to that argument, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Just not true. If anything, you're able to be more
intimate because you're not blinded bomb all of the chemicals
that come in your mind when you have sex with somebody,
Like our brains are wired to bond to the thing,
to the to the other human that we're having sex with,
and when you do that with someone that you're not
(07:15):
married to, it just starts to get in all of
these other factors and you start to get blinded by
other things because you just become love drunk with this
person and addicted to this physical feeling whether rather than
who they are, who they are as a person, and
you get to know them I think so much better.
And then the other thing with that is, you know,
you hear people say you got to test drive the
car and it's like we're literally comparing other human beings
(07:38):
to vehicles that are supposed to be used. So yeah,
I just I just don't think it's true that that
you need to be able to be physically intimate with
someone to get to know them better. And then the
other thing is it's like, like you said, you know
there's people out there that you know, this is very
sensitive topic, and so I don't I don't want to
(07:59):
come up overly judgmental, but just genuinely empathizing with someone
who's been living with their significant other for a long time.
It's like, like you said, why would they want to
get married? You know, they're already having sex, they're already
living together, they may already have children together. What's the point.
What's the point of getting married at that point? You know,
there's there's no there's no boundaries for the marriage covenant
(08:25):
at that point.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
In my mind, it's great, man, I don't have anything
to add to that. What I heard you say essentially
was a mature relationship should drive intimacy, not the other
way around, because you're saying because people will argue, no,
you can't know somebody, you can't have a good relationship
to your intimate you're saying, no, it's the other way around.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
You.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
You establish a mature relationship, and that that will determine
a lot of other things, including intimacy is one of them,
and the world says the opposite. The world says, intimacy
then creates a mature relation. Well, guess what the world
has a track record to that. That's not very good.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
So yeah, man, yeah, the world says to focus everything
on the sexual relationship, to the physical attributes, and then
the other stuff comes later. And it's just like, man,
when you're married. When you're married, that red hot love
is going to wear off very quickly. And if that's
what the foundation is, then you know what are you
(09:26):
left with that's not just the physical intimacy.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Love it Let me move on. Then we're going to
go to like because I could tell by these subjectlines,
we're all over the map here on this episode. And
that's good. This next question, Subdecline says leaving organized religion. Hey, Granger,
I was born and raised in the Mormon Church, Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Within the last year,
my husband and I decided to leave, and I'm so
(09:51):
grateful we did not become like most of our other
members who leave and walk away from Jesus all together.
We are now attending SMCC South Mountain Community Church in
Saint George, Utah. We absolutely love it and we're so
grateful we found it. Deconstructing everything that you've ever known
is very hard, and with that being said, my mom
is still a devout member of the church. My dad
(10:13):
has never been a member, but has recently started going
to church with her in the last two years. When
I told her that we would be leaving the church,
she was heartbroken. I'm the third of her children to leave.
My older brother and my younger sister have also left,
leaving just my two younger siblings who live at home
in the church with her. I don't know if you
(10:33):
know anything about the Mormon Church, but having left, I
now believe it's a horrible organization and they were worshiping
a Christ who cannot save them. Any advice on how
we should just be an example to them, or how
to share a little teaching of God that can help
them realize that they are that they are in need
to take the blinders off. It is heartbreaking to watch
(10:55):
finally being on the outside. Thank you, Anonymous. All right, Hey,
thanks for the email, Anonymous, and let's dive into this.
It's a lot and a lot that I cannot empathize with.
I do know a lot about the LDS church, Parker knows.
(11:19):
I've studied a lot about this, not as much. I
don't know as much as you do, but I have
spent a significant amount of time in Utah and and
have a good deal of friends from that church that
we talk on the regular with. I want to give
a warning first with your email, because I want to
kind of caution you on everything that you said and
(11:42):
make sure that we're just kind of slightly tapping the
brakes here. And the first thing that I immediately thought of
with some caution. First of all, grateful, grateful for your email,
you know, but you said, I'm so grateful we did
not become like the other members who leave and walk
away from Jesus all together. Like right there, I just
(12:02):
heard I heard the tax collector in the Pharisee parable
come up in my head where it's like, thank goodness,
I'm not like that guy. Like that tax collector. You know,
we tie, we're good people. We've made the right decisions.
We chose the right path. We studied enough, we know
enough of the Bible. Now we've come to see the light.
(12:25):
We've unfolded our own blinders. Basically, thank goodness, we're not
like that tax collector. It's that's literally what the parable is.
And then in the parable, the tax collector is beating
his chest, looking down and downcast, and he says, have
mercy on me, a sinner. And then Jesus says, I
tell you who was justified with him, not the Pharisee.
(12:48):
So I'm not comparing you to that. I'm just saying,
let's caution ourselves with ever looking at anyone else and going, ha,
so God, I'm not that guy. I've been doing really good. Okay.
Second of all, I want to I want to acknowledge
the how difficult it must be, like you said, to
go against your parents, what you're calling organized religion, very difficult.
(13:14):
And then we'll get to the heart of the email.
And that's when you're asking any advice. This is what
your question is. Any advice on how we could just
be an example to them or share it to them
at a little teaching of God that could help them
realize they need to take the blinders off. That's what
you said. That's your question, and so a couple thoughts
(13:35):
I'll let Parker dig into. First thought is you cannot
take the blinders off. You didn't and no one else can.
It's not within your power. That's when within the power
of a sovereign God. We have a responsibility, as Parker
and I just actually looked at today or yesterday when
Amy sent that, we have the responsibility to believe, but
(13:57):
we cannot take blinders off. Jesus says in John three
that a man must be born again to enter the
Kingdom of heaven. And you and me and everyone else
didn't contribute to our first birth, so why would we
contribute to our second birth. We don't have a power
in that. So you can't take the blinders off. Why
am I saying all this to you, Well, I'm saying
(14:18):
it because I want to feel from you, anonymous. I
just want to feel a love for the members of
that church, because if you come in with this pharisee
idea of come on, man, you gotta teat what can
I teach you to learn that you're wrong? You're You're
(14:42):
a horrible this is your words. It's a horrible organization.
You're worshiping, worshiping at Christ. You cannot save that right there.
That attitude, I promise you, doesn't do anything for anybody
besides just turn them off and say, well, I'm done
talking to anonymous. And and you're zealous. I understand and
that and that's kind of part of this deal too.
But you're asking me any advice on how we could
(15:05):
be an example to them, love them, love them, and
through that love, you could share your witness and share the.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Gospel with them.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
And that's it. You share the gospel embedded in the
love that you have. I mentioned that I have a
lot of friends from that church. Well I have to.
I'm always friends with the current missionaries in my area,
which is Georgetown, Texas. And so the two the two
elders that are missionaries in Georgetown, Texas, I'm friends with
(15:40):
them right now, and they're actually coming to the house tomorrow.
They're coming over tomorrow. One of them wants a signed
copy of La a River. That's that's part of the reason.
But this would be the second time that they come over.
And man, I love those guys. I love those guys.
I love I love hosting them, serving them and telling
him the gospel and evangelizing to them. And one thing
(16:04):
I don't do within that conversation is say you know
you're part of a horrible organization.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
I don't say that, Parker. What you got for this,
I don't have much sad. I think that what you're
saying is to just to approach her salvation first of
all with just really just humble gratitude of just like God,
I know better than them. I was so blind and
(16:31):
you saved me when I didn't deserve it. And then
when you have that posture coupled with you know, your parents'
salvation is not ultimately your response ability. If they don't
get saved, if your friends in the LEDs Church don't
get saved to you evangelized too, you're not a failure.
Your job as a born again believer in Christ is
(16:54):
to just lovingly share that truth of who Jesus is
what you call to do, and pray. You can pray
for your parents, you can pray for your friends there,
and you can rest knowing that, like you said, salvation
is the Lord's and throughout that have a posture of
(17:19):
Paul's words of you know such were some of you,
and so you don't ever just beat them over the
head with it, only approach it with a posture of humility, thinking, man,
I was blind too, and who are people who tried
to share the truth with me and I turned them away?
And so and then also just living that example out
(17:41):
and loving loving them. Well, it's great.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
This podcast has actually opened a lot of doors of
conversation between me and the LDS Church and a lot
of the friendships that I have, like text basis relationships
started really from this podcast from the past years. And
so if anyone's listening now from the church and wants
to email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com to
to have any kind of discussion, the dialogue is open.
(18:06):
Love you and love your church as well. Also love
the state of Utah. What a beautiful place and I've
I've loved so many years traveling there with music Park.
I think we have a time if we could get
one more in just a few minutes, and we'll take
a break. You know what, I don't know if we
can these these scene Let me take a break, because
(18:30):
these I don't I want to give everybody the full time,
so we'll.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Take a break and bear it back.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
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(18:57):
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(20:25):
Shopify dot com slash Granger. We had our EE Apparel
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I love the new concealed jacket that we have. It
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(20:45):
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out for yourself. And then finally if you need a
message from me personally custom made for you on my
cell phone, you could do that through cameo dot com
slash Granger Smith. A lot of people will email and say, hey, man,
(21:07):
how could I get a personalized message for my girlfriend
that granger says happy birthday or happy anniversary to my wife?
Or how could I get a message to my son
to tell them congratulations on finishing school or starting school,
And always say, well, it's super easy. Cameo dot com
slash Granger Smith, or download the cameo app and search
(21:28):
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(21:51):
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(22:11):
quick message from me. Okay, back to the podcast. Back
to the podcast here, and this is an interesting subject
line here it says, how do I know if I'm
still in love with my wife? Hey Granger, my name
is Daniel. I'm twenty seven. I've been with my wife
since high school twenty eleven. We got married five years ago.
(22:33):
We had our son three years ago, and since the
birth of my son, something within her changed. It started slowly,
but she would go out with her girlfriends once a month,
and then every other week, and then that progressed into
a weekly thing. I've had multiple talks with her about
spending more time with me and her son, but there
is weekends when she leaves town and seems to be
(22:55):
living a happy life without us. At first, I kept thinking,
I get it needs some time to get away from home,
but now it really seems like that's all she wants
to do. Our date nights are usually filled with silence
because I try to avoid arguments right now. My son
loves mommy and loves to see her, but I don't
allow her to take him along with her friends whenever
(23:17):
they leave town, because let's just say, her girlfriends are
not people i'd want to want him to peer around.
I feel trapped. I feel like I'm still living there
just to see my son while his mommy is around.
But I don't know if I'm still in love with her.
I read this quote, you can't fall in love twice
because the second time you're falling in love with the memories.
(23:40):
If there is time a little more background about her.
She lost her mom when she was five, and her
dad lives in Mexico and was not ever around and
until she was eighteen. He passed away six years ago.
Her sister in law basically raised her. Unfortunately, her sister passed.
Her sister in law passed away as well to cancer
five years ago. She also lost her brother to suicide
(24:00):
six years ago. I've been there for as much as
I can, and I've supported her as much as I can.
She and I were really close and happy until just
recent times. I do not know what changed, all right, Daniel,
thanks for emailing brother, and I'm sorry for the really
serious situation that you're in, and thank you for trusting
(24:24):
Parker and I in this podcast with such a sensitive question,
especially so young at twenty seven. Okay, you're twenty seven,
married five years ago, had a son two years into
the marriage, three years ago, so that's the only child. Okay.
(24:45):
I after trying to fill my brain with what you
got going on here, and let me start with this,
I'll start with without knowing a lot of details, let
me start with what I know about the subject line
that you wrote, how do I know if I'm still
in love with my wife? Okay? That's interesting. Love and
(25:08):
it's in it's different kinds of definitions and categories. Love
can be seen in two ways. One emotionally it love
happens as a reaction to your emotions. But more importantly
(25:28):
and more properly defined for marriage is love is a covenant,
and a covenant is an agreement. It is a decision
that you have made and you might not have even
made it consciously, but you certainly did when you when
(25:49):
you stood in front of the congregation or the whoever
married you, And even if it was just a courthouse,
you made a covenant. You made a tractual agreement. And
that is such an unromantic thing to say, but it's
reliable and it's true in terms of when you make
(26:10):
a covenant with someone to marry them, that means essentially
that you will choose to love them even when it
stops benefiting you, when it stops you stop gaining stuff
for yourself from it. Man, that that is an idea
that's completely lost. But that's what a covenant is. When
(26:32):
you make a covenant with another person or a group
of people, or when God makes a covenant with his people,
it is it is not contingent upon that person in
becoming a rebel. Right when God chooses his people to
make a covenant with they constantly rebel in the Bible,
and he constantly brings them back in. You have made
(26:55):
a covenant with your wife. Emotionally you're out. I understand
that part of your love is out. Emotionally you're out,
but you're not receiving anything from her, and so you
immediately think, maybe I'm completely out of this marriage, and
thousands of people agree with you because you're not getting
anything out of it. Instead of saying, babe, I want
(27:19):
to I want to have this talk with you gotta
take you to dinner, find find her favorite restaurant, her
favorite food, and you take her out and you can
just go. I want to tell you that I know
things have been different lately, and I know that you've
been and I've been a little I've been a little
uh harsh with you because I know you probably have Daniel,
(27:40):
and I just want to say I'm sorry. And I
know that you've had you've had troubled trusting and you're
thinking Dad Mexico, brother suicide, gain trust with sister in law,
she's gone to cancer. But you say, but I'm not
leaving you. I'm here for you to serve you and
whatever way you need from me. If that means you
(28:03):
need some time with your friends on the weekends, I'll
watch our son. But I just want you to know
that whatever you got going on, I'm not going anywhere,
I'm here for you. I made a covenant promise on
our wedding day that I'm standing by. I wonder what
that would do to this relationship, because I don't think
you've done that, and I think it's probably been more
(28:25):
like I don't like your friends, I don't like I'm
hanging around my son I don't like you leaving all
the time. I don't know what you're doing. I'm a
little jealous of what's going on. In fact, is there
another guy? Hey? I don't even know if I should
stay here anymore. That's probably what happens when you say,
we go on a date and I try to keep
quiet so we don't argue. I gotta feel. And that's
(28:45):
what the argument sounds like, something like that, Parker, What
do you have to this?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Yeah, I'd say, because you're you're married, this is gonna
be different advice than someone if they were dating. But
I would say that you're feeling are real, but they're
not always reliable. And like you said, you can acknowledge
that you don't have that emotional feeling anymore. But so
(29:13):
many marriages in because people say that they're just not
in love with them anymore. They just fell out of love,
they lost the spark, and it's just like, man, that's
not what the relationship is built on. Like you said
that love, you know how many marriages? How many weddings
do we see where they quote One Corinthians thirteen. Love
(29:33):
is patient kind, Love does not envy or boast. It's
not arrogant or rude. It bears all things, it endures
all things, and it's like, man, this is why you
stood up in front of friends and family and vowed
before God to enter a covenant that till death do
us part. I'm in this with you. You know that you
(29:55):
gave her your word, and so I empathize with you. Man.
I'm so that it's tough. It's obviously hard to do
it when it's not reciprocating. But man, your responsibility as
the man is to lay down your life for her,
to find ways to love her, to choose to love her,
and to not just say to not bail out just
(30:15):
because you're not feeling like it. A practical resource that
I found super helpful was the book Love and Respect,
and I would encourage you to go to the It's
short answer is men primarily need respect, and then women
primarily need to feel loved and cherished. And so you
could you could go to that. I'm not telling you
(30:37):
to go to her and tell her that she's supposed
to respect you. I'm saying you go to that woman's
the woman's section, and you look for different ways to
love her and cherish her, regardless of if she reciprocates
it or not, because that's going to help improve things.
It's great.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Next question, Subjecline says, gift of God question mark, Good morning.
I wanted to ask something that I've been hesitant to ask.
I truly struggled to understand. My husband cheated and has
a new baby with another woman. Our youngest is eighteen.
He tells me and everyone that the baby is a
gift from God. It is Is it really a gift
(31:15):
from God? When he is breaking God's rules by cheating
on me? He told me that God gave him him
the gift, but it might be my punishment for the
wrong I have done in my life over the years. Parentheses.
I have never cheated in all of our marriage clothes parentheses.
I have suffered with cancer and I'm sick again with
the same symptoms. I can't seem to forgive him, and
(31:38):
as soon as I am able, i am leaving our
home since he will not. Thanks for your advice, JP.
All right, JP, thanks so much for the email, and
I'm so sorry you're in the situation. I'm gonna kind
of recap for my own mind. Here your husband and
(31:59):
there's no divorce here, so I'm assuming still your current husband,
who is currently living with you in your current home,
has cheated on you with another woman that is now
having a baby with her, but he's still in your
house and still married to you. H Parker, will let
(32:24):
you lead this one. I'm not sure what the question.
I don't know what the question is.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Either, is is the baby a gift from Oh?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, that's I'm sorry, that's the question. Is the baby
a gift from God? Will park first of all, before
Parker answers, We'll both say are resounding yes. All babies,
regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived, are
a gift from God. Like that, that's unquestionably true in
(33:03):
all circumstances all around the world, of all different people,
in all different ethnicities and religion and tribe, and all
babies are a gift from God, regardless of how they
were pro created.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Go ahead, Mark, Yeah, I'm sorry're in this situation. From
my limited knowledge, it sounds like he's he's a manipulative
and he's using this to rub it in your face
and so our children a gift from God? Absolutely, does
that justify his cheating on you like it was God's
will for him? To have this baby with another woman.
(33:37):
Of course not, of course not. And yeah, don't believe that,
and don't believe that. It's it's punishment on you for
something that that you did.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah, I don't know, JP, I don't know if there's
anything else. Yeah, it's it's wrong that it's so wrong
that it makes my answer even shorter to there's nothing
to elaborate on. It's ridiculous, it's not. God's not punishing
(34:12):
you with a new baby from your husband who cheated
on you. And this new baby deserves love and respect,
but your husband doesn't. Your husband deserves love, but he
doesn't deserve your trust or your respect.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Nothing to add.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Okay, speaking of trust, the next one subject, client says,
how do you trust God after losing a loved one? Hey, Grandeer,
my name is Brian. I'm struggling with keeping my faith
in God. Over the last two years, I've lost eight
of my closest family members. How do I keep trusting
God when he keeps taking my family away from me?
(34:51):
I love your music and your podcast. God bless and
have a great day. Classic question Man eight is a lot.
I'm so sorry, but what you're asking isn't totally normal
and understandable from someone who is struggling to know God.
(35:16):
That's what this boils down to. Most questions I get
on the podcast that have to do with faith or
spirituality or God, most of them could be answered by saying,
you don't know God well enough. And Parker, how do
(35:38):
you learn who God.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Is through reading his word? Okaa? The Bible?
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, Brian, you read the Bible and you learn who
God is, and what you see really is a people
throughout the fifteen hundred years of history within the Bible canon,
you see a history of a people that that endured suffering,
(36:07):
that endured the loss of loved ones. One thing I
could slightly correct you on is that it's not necessarily
God taking your family away from you. It's they were
never yours. You know, the people are gifts. Everything is
a gift. Every good thing is a gift, and even
(36:29):
even things that we struggle with or gifts. And it
was never really yours to be taken from you. And
so I think, I think, instead of diving in deeper
to how do you trust God in this this situation,
I would I would encourage you to develop some kind
of routine of reading your Bible and with Actually Tyler
(36:56):
and I talked last week on last podcast with Tyler
and I talked about reading a study Bible, if you've
never read the Bible before, reading with a study Bible,
so that you could kind of get this commentary while
you're reading of who are we talking about here, who's writing,
why are they writing, when are they writing? And that's
constantly just kind of supplementing your reading. Second thing I
(37:19):
would say is to join a local church to be
able to walk with God's people and learn with them
and empathize with them and be poured into by them
when you're going through a loss, so you're not ever alone.
Walking through this alone is impossible. So I think there's
(37:41):
deeper issues here, and I hope that this could be
an encouragement for you to learn who God is.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yeah, this question is how can I learn to trust someone?
Then the answer is you've got to figure out who
that someone is, right, And you just laid out the
practical next steps of that.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
It's not it's not just God. It seems like I
kind of go down this this rabbit hole in this podcast,
but there's so many times we're not just talking about
God in this situation. If you said Granger. I've got
a there's a new guy at work. He just started
working for us, and we're we're on this factory assembly
line and he's he's the next guy over, and so
(38:21):
everything I do, it's it's determined by what he does.
And I want to learn to trust him, Granger. Granger,
tell me, how do I trust this guy? Like he's
been time with him, Talk to him, Listen to him,
go to lunch with them, have coffee with them.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Look at his track record.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Look at his track record, talk to other people that
have talked to him, talk to his family that knows him.
It's so you're asking the same question, how do I
learn to trust God? Talk to him? That's great, listen
to him.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Okay, that's helpful.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Let's let's hit one more here. These are I'm literally
trying to find one that's not a God question because
I don't want I don't want just to just to
talk about who God is in every single question, which
I really could, I really could. Okay, how about that's
(39:23):
a really long one.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Is it safe to say that if people keep their
questions concise, they have a better chance of getting them read.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
It's totally right. If you keep it about the length
of a phone. It helps me because if I'm looking
at the clock and I'm like, we've got time for
another question, and you kind of wrote a novel to me,
it's harder. This one just says life question. Hey Grangeard
like to stay anonymous, but I have a question for you.
I am twenty one m active duty at Florida. I'm
(39:55):
not sure what that means I am. I am twenty
one active duty AD in Florida. I've been a huge
h fan since I was fourteen. I love your music
and your podcast. I've been working nights recently and also
listening to your after midnight radio. Backstory is my girlfriend
and I have been together for three years. In October
of twenty twenty three, we were high school sweethearts. She's
currently working on her bachelor's and masters in two years.
(40:18):
Will be another four years of school total. I have
four years left of my AD contract here. She transferred
to a school down here to move in with me.
We're both from Michigan. Herself and her family have been
pressuring me about when I'm going to propose to her. Honestly,
(40:38):
I'm just not ready yet myself, and I don't think
she's ready yet either. I have so many toys I
want to buy before a ring. I'm nervous about marriage
because of the risk that I'd lose it if it
didn't work out five years down the road. I apologize
for the book I just wrote. What are your thoughts? Well,
actually it's come from anonymous. Anonymous, Actually you wrote a
(41:03):
perfect length, So thanks, thanks for the perfect length email here,
and man, you've got a great You got a great
guest with Parker sitting here on the microphone for this
particular question. And I think there's been several instant since
on this exact episode that we've kind of touched on
your situation. One. I'll start with this, I'm nervous, nervous
(41:28):
about marriage because of the risk I'll lose it if
it didn't work out five years down the road. Well
throw that idea out, because if you get married, you're
expected to make a covenant. Like I said a couple
questions ago, You're expected to be anonymous, a man of
your word. You're going to make a contract, a social contract.
(41:49):
You are going to agree that you will love her
till death, do your part. And I think we have
lost completely lost that concept partly because a movie, social media,
all the choices we have. There's so many girls out there,
so many fishes in the sea. If this one doesn't
work out, there's another one that'll probably work out. That's
(42:10):
the statistic, right. So we have completely lost this idea
that when I get married, I'm gonna make an agreement.
Even if it doesn't work out the way I think,
I'm not getting what I thought from it. I'm gonna
make an agreement. So just throw out the idea that
if it doesn't work out five years instead trade that
thought with I'm a man of my word, I'm a
(42:30):
man of integrity. I'm in the act of duty, and
I will make an agreement that I will not back
out of. Right, Parker, I'll let you dive into where
else you want to jump in. Here. Family's press pressuring
him to get married. He has too many toys he
wants to buy before a ring. He's nervous, they're going
(42:54):
through school. He doesn't know if he's ready.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Yeah, I would say that that's so common today, and
the world tells you that marriage is a burden, that
children are a burden, that you should accumulate as much wealth,
that you should get all the toys and social media
(43:18):
and media in general has fed us this addiction to variety.
Like you said of the grass is always greener, the
grass is always greener. We live in a TikTok world
of just something new, something new, I gotta get this toy.
Maybe there's a better girl, maybe there's something better out there.
And it's scary, mind man, it's it's it's ruining us.
(43:38):
And uh, like I said earlier as well, with why,
I mean, why would he get married? I don't know.
I don't know if he's a Christian. I know that
we're not trying to make every single question about who
God is, but it's hard to answer that question without
asking yourself. Man, if if you're not a Christian, then
why would you Why would you get married? Dude?
Speaker 1 (43:59):
True?
Speaker 2 (44:00):
But that make as much money as possible, buy all
of the toys. Yeah, live with your girlfriend as long
as you can until she forces children on you. But ugh,
it just makes me sick. It's just a recipe for disaster.
How many relationships out there are people dating for six, seven,
eight years and you just have the resentment of the
(44:21):
girlfriend because he still hasn't proposed. You have the in
laws cornering him on holidays to ask him why he
still hasn't done it. And the guy's just like, why
would I want to obligate myself to to that kind
of commitment with all the variety that's out here. So
I don't know if that really helps. But it's just
(44:42):
like in a certain sense, it's just like, I don't
blame you. Man, it's hard when the world is telling
you that marriage and children are a burden and to
just get all you know, eat, drink and be merry,
you know. And so I mean I would just say, man,
I mean, I can't answer without saying that. Man, I
don't know if you're a believer in Jesus Christ or not,
(45:04):
but to to find a local church to to read
your Bible. Uh, it's going to explain marriage and the
purpose of it and teach you how to have a
commitment to one person.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
And I would say to to start there. Otherwise you're
just going to be in a terrible cycle of living
with a girlfriend who resents you and uh, and you're
going to resent her and when you get married because
you didn't get spy all the stuff you wanted.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
Yeah, I think that's awesome, And I think maybe the
final cap I'll put on this is that I want
to just dispel the myth that you're not ready. He said,
I'm just not ready yet. And I don't think she
is either. Bro, You're You're definitely ready. You're You're got
a lot going on with school and you you are.
(45:54):
You're an adult. You have moved from Michigan to Florida.
You've got a career plan and a path. The only
reason I would say you're not ready is if you
were sixteen years old living with mommy and daddy and
your brain was still developing. But you, just like many
(46:16):
men before, you are. Actually, I think that's what I'm
twenty one m means. I think that means he's twenty
one male. I think that's what he means. Active duty.
That's what AD means. Okay, so this is all coming together.
You're twenty one, you're a dude that's twenty one active
duty in Florida. And if you're ready for the military,
(46:38):
if the government thinks you're ready to drink alcohol and
drive a car and serve our country in war. But
you're saying I don't think I'm ready to promise a
girl that I'll stay with her and serve her and
Lord willing have children with her. I'm here to tell
you that's a myth that you've heard somewhere, and it's
(46:59):
wrong because for thousands of years before you, men have
been ready at twenty one years old to marry the
girl they're with.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
And just to add on to that at the very end,
I would also say that is not saying that you
should definitely marry this girl true because we just answer
two questions of guys who are married and you know
they're not getting out of it. Dude, if you are,
if you're doing this, you're doing it till death, and
(47:30):
you're gonna end up the dude saying I think she's
cheating on me. There's another kid that she that she had.
So that's not to say that you shouldn't be extremely
picky and be like, is this the girl that is
going to be the mother of my children, that is
going to be selfless and that is going to endure
a hard times?
Speaker 1 (47:52):
Yeah, this question almost should have started the podcast and
then we could have the other ones that the bad
stories that happened after. But I will say that Anonymous,
you said together for three years, she's your girlfriend in
your high school sweethearts. I don't see anything wrong with her,
And yeah, I think I think you have a lot
(48:13):
of decisions to make, and I think I think we've
met a pretty good case of just kind of dispelling
the miss of the world and then putting it back
on your court. It's all the time we got, love
you guys, See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me
on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
little like button and notification spell so that you never
miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
question for me that you would like me to answer,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi
All babies, regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived,
are a gift from God.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
What's up, everybody?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Welcome back to the podcast. This is episode two and ten,
and I've got my little brother Parker joining us, one
of my favorite guests to be on here answering questions.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
What's up, park what's up? Man?
Speaker 1 (00:30):
We answer your questions. You email Grangersmith podcast at gmail
dot com and we'll walk through anything you got going on.
We don't have any notes or we're not prepared. We
haven't read these questions beforehand. And a lot of exciting
news coming in the future of this podcast, but right
now this is still all that it is. Email Grangersmith
Podcast at gmail dot com. Parker is actually a fellow
(00:55):
seminarian with me at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and this
next semester, which we're starting next week, we are in
the same class together. Yep.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It's a fire host to the face. It's pretty ridiculous,
but the fire host to the face, I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
The fire host to the face kind of like this podcast.
Just kidding. First question at random, I'm gonna pull these up.
Subdecline says saying I love you, and the email says
this grain your My name is Noel, I'm from Warsaw, Indiana,
and I love your podcast and music. Side note, that's
where we got the wood from. This house is the
(01:34):
old barnwoods from Warsaw. Oh wow yeah, And she says,
my question is who should I say? Who should say
I love you first? That's a good one to start
the podcast. Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yeah, there's a lot of unknowns there. I don't really
how old are you?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
How long have you been dating?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Well, i'd say not knowing any of those things. If
you're just asking me if the guy or the girl
should say I love you first, Typically it's up to
the guy to take the initiative to ask the girl
out in the first place, to use the d word date,
and to not just say do you want to go
(02:19):
hang out? Do you want to come over and watch
a movie? You know, to use that word date. Let's
the girl know what we're doing, what my expectations should be,
what your intentions are. Anyway, So all that to say,
I would say that primarily the guy's responsibility is to
say I love you first, and if he's not, and
(02:40):
if this girl is like, where's this going. He still
hasn't said I love you and it's been so long,
then that could be a red flog.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Right, I agree. I think that like Parker said, without
knowing your situation, Noel, I think those are pretty good guidelines,
without knowing your age, how long you've been dating, what
kind of guy, this is, how you feel about him.
Let's say the guideline are make sure that he's being
And this is also a message to everyone else that's
dating be define what you're doing, because it's crazy how uh,
(03:13):
how people could be misled and think, I don't know
if where what this is. I don't know if this
is he's just a friend, or if he just likes
hanging out with me. Maybe he likes my brother, he
likes he thinks my dad's cool. I don't I can't
figure this out. So guys, define what you're doing. Like
Parker said, just say date or go steady or go
(03:34):
where you go with me? Is what we used to say,
like in junior, h will you go with me? And
everyone just knew what that meant. But define it. And
then after you define it, then Noel won't have to
worry about where this is going, and she'll just know
if you guys really like each other that maybe one
day he'll say I love you.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
One thing that my now wife and I did as well,
that's gonna be pretty old school to some people, is
we decided when we started dating that we weren't going
to use the word love until if and when we
were engaged. That was just kind of a I didn't
say when we get engaged, I'll say it because I
didn't know if I was going to marry her or
(04:13):
not yet. But we both just came to the consensus
that let's not say I love you until if and
when that point happens. Of if you just think about
what love is and how we just use it so
flippantly today, I think that there should be a sort
of retraction of that word and a reverence and meaning
(04:36):
behind it before you just start giving your heart away
and start using that word flippantly.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Totally agree. Tell them what else you did when you
and name you were dating or yeah, engaged, I guess
all through it.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Of just not kissing, yeah, yeah, yeah, we just decided
not to not to kiss, and which sounds crazy to
even say it out out, And I just hear everybody
rolling their eyes, who are listening. But yeah, when I
became a Christian, and you know, the question that you
hear all the time is how far can I go
(05:13):
with my girlfriend and it not be sin? And the
posture of that question, when I thought about it long enough,
was how close can I get to the edge of
this cliff by then not fall off? Or another way
putting it, how far away can I get away from God?
(05:35):
But still say under his good graces and so and
so it's just kind of torture to to be physically
intimate with your significant other, even if you're not going
to have sex, because it's just going to make it
that much more difficult to stop. And so we just honestly,
(05:56):
it's it was so freeing to just say we're not
going to kiss at all, and it made everything else
so much easier because when you cut off that the
emotional rollercoaster that comes from being physically intimate with someone,
you're able to think so much more soberly when you
are deciding if they're going to be your future husband
(06:20):
or wife.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Yeah, I think that's amazing. And then it also helps
expedite the engagement process. Yeah, true, right, It's like you
don't want to set your engagement for a year and
a half. Two years from now, you're like, man, let's
get this thing rolling. I really want to kiss this girl.
But let me say this. Let me say this. There's
a lot of people that I know what they're thinking.
(06:41):
A lot of people are thinking, man, you don't really
know somebody. You can't truly have that connection until you're
intimate with somebody. What do you say to that argument, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Just not true. If anything, you're able to be more
intimate because you're not blinded bomb all of the chemicals
that come in your mind when you have sex with somebody,
Like our brains are wired to bond to the thing,
to the to the other human that we're having sex with,
and when you do that with someone that you're not
(07:15):
married to, it just starts to get in all of
these other factors and you start to get blinded by
other things because you just become love drunk with this
person and addicted to this physical feeling whether rather than
who they are, who they are as a person, and
you get to know them I think so much better.
And then the other thing with that is, you know,
you hear people say you got to test drive the
car and it's like we're literally comparing other human beings
(07:38):
to vehicles that are supposed to be used. So yeah,
I just I just don't think it's true that that
you need to be able to be physically intimate with
someone to get to know them better. And then the
other thing is it's like, like you said, you know
there's people out there that you know, this is very
sensitive topic, and so I don't I don't want to
(07:59):
come up overly judgmental, but just genuinely empathizing with someone
who's been living with their significant other for a long time.
It's like, like you said, why would they want to
get married? You know, they're already having sex, they're already
living together, they may already have children together. What's the point.
What's the point of getting married at that point? You know,
there's there's no there's no boundaries for the marriage covenant
(08:25):
at that point.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
In my mind, it's great, man, I don't have anything
to add to that. What I heard you say essentially
was a mature relationship should drive intimacy, not the other
way around, because you're saying because people will argue, no,
you can't know somebody, you can't have a good relationship
to your intimate you're saying, no, it's the other way around.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
You.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
You establish a mature relationship, and that that will determine
a lot of other things, including intimacy is one of them,
and the world says the opposite. The world says, intimacy
then creates a mature relation. Well, guess what the world
has a track record to that. That's not very good.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
So yeah, man, yeah, the world says to focus everything
on the sexual relationship, to the physical attributes, and then
the other stuff comes later. And it's just like, man,
when you're married. When you're married, that red hot love
is going to wear off very quickly. And if that's
what the foundation is, then you know what are you
(09:26):
left with that's not just the physical intimacy.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Love it Let me move on. Then we're going to
go to like because I could tell by these subjectlines,
we're all over the map here on this episode. And
that's good. This next question, Subdecline says leaving organized religion. Hey, Granger,
I was born and raised in the Mormon Church, Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Within the last year,
my husband and I decided to leave, and I'm so
(09:51):
grateful we did not become like most of our other
members who leave and walk away from Jesus all together.
We are now attending SMCC South Mountain Community Church in
Saint George, Utah. We absolutely love it and we're so
grateful we found it. Deconstructing everything that you've ever known
is very hard, and with that being said, my mom
is still a devout member of the church. My dad
(10:13):
has never been a member, but has recently started going
to church with her in the last two years. When
I told her that we would be leaving the church,
she was heartbroken. I'm the third of her children to leave.
My older brother and my younger sister have also left,
leaving just my two younger siblings who live at home
in the church with her. I don't know if you
(10:33):
know anything about the Mormon Church, but having left, I
now believe it's a horrible organization and they were worshiping
a Christ who cannot save them. Any advice on how
we should just be an example to them, or how
to share a little teaching of God that can help
them realize that they are that they are in need
to take the blinders off. It is heartbreaking to watch
(10:55):
finally being on the outside. Thank you, Anonymous. All right, Hey,
thanks for the email, Anonymous, and let's dive into this.
It's a lot and a lot that I cannot empathize with.
I do know a lot about the LDS church, Parker knows.
(11:19):
I've studied a lot about this, not as much. I
don't know as much as you do, but I have
spent a significant amount of time in Utah and and
have a good deal of friends from that church that
we talk on the regular with. I want to give
a warning first with your email, because I want to
kind of caution you on everything that you said and
(11:42):
make sure that we're just kind of slightly tapping the
brakes here. And the first thing that I immediately thought of
with some caution. First of all, grateful, grateful for your email,
you know, but you said, I'm so grateful we did
not become like the other members who leave and walk
away from Jesus all together. Like right there, I just
(12:02):
heard I heard the tax collector in the Pharisee parable
come up in my head where it's like, thank goodness,
I'm not like that guy. Like that tax collector. You know,
we tie, we're good people. We've made the right decisions.
We chose the right path. We studied enough, we know
enough of the Bible. Now we've come to see the light.
(12:25):
We've unfolded our own blinders. Basically, thank goodness, we're not
like that tax collector. It's that's literally what the parable is.
And then in the parable, the tax collector is beating
his chest, looking down and downcast, and he says, have
mercy on me, a sinner. And then Jesus says, I
tell you who was justified with him, not the Pharisee.
(12:48):
So I'm not comparing you to that. I'm just saying,
let's caution ourselves with ever looking at anyone else and going, ha,
so God, I'm not that guy. I've been doing really good. Okay.
Second of all, I want to I want to acknowledge
the how difficult it must be, like you said, to
go against your parents, what you're calling organized religion, very difficult.
(13:14):
And then we'll get to the heart of the email.
And that's when you're asking any advice. This is what
your question is. Any advice on how we could just
be an example to them or share it to them
at a little teaching of God that could help them
realize they need to take the blinders off. That's what
you said. That's your question, and so a couple thoughts
(13:35):
I'll let Parker dig into. First thought is you cannot
take the blinders off. You didn't and no one else can.
It's not within your power. That's when within the power
of a sovereign God. We have a responsibility, as Parker
and I just actually looked at today or yesterday when
Amy sent that, we have the responsibility to believe, but
(13:57):
we cannot take blinders off. Jesus says in John three
that a man must be born again to enter the
Kingdom of heaven. And you and me and everyone else
didn't contribute to our first birth, so why would we
contribute to our second birth. We don't have a power
in that. So you can't take the blinders off. Why
am I saying all this to you, Well, I'm saying
(14:18):
it because I want to feel from you, anonymous. I
just want to feel a love for the members of
that church, because if you come in with this pharisee
idea of come on, man, you gotta teat what can
I teach you to learn that you're wrong? You're You're
(14:42):
a horrible this is your words. It's a horrible organization.
You're worshiping, worshiping at Christ. You cannot save that right there.
That attitude, I promise you, doesn't do anything for anybody
besides just turn them off and say, well, I'm done
talking to anonymous. And and you're zealous. I understand and
that and that's kind of part of this deal too.
But you're asking me any advice on how we could
(15:05):
be an example to them, love them, love them, and
through that love, you could share your witness and share the.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Gospel with them.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
And that's it. You share the gospel embedded in the
love that you have. I mentioned that I have a
lot of friends from that church. Well I have to.
I'm always friends with the current missionaries in my area,
which is Georgetown, Texas. And so the two the two
elders that are missionaries in Georgetown, Texas, I'm friends with
(15:40):
them right now, and they're actually coming to the house tomorrow.
They're coming over tomorrow. One of them wants a signed
copy of La a River. That's that's part of the reason.
But this would be the second time that they come over.
And man, I love those guys. I love those guys.
I love I love hosting them, serving them and telling
him the gospel and evangelizing to them. And one thing
(16:04):
I don't do within that conversation is say you know
you're part of a horrible organization.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
I don't say that, Parker. What you got for this,
I don't have much sad. I think that what you're
saying is to just to approach her salvation first of
all with just really just humble gratitude of just like God,
I know better than them. I was so blind and
(16:31):
you saved me when I didn't deserve it. And then
when you have that posture coupled with you know, your parents'
salvation is not ultimately your response ability. If they don't
get saved, if your friends in the LEDs Church don't
get saved to you evangelized too, you're not a failure.
Your job as a born again believer in Christ is
(16:54):
to just lovingly share that truth of who Jesus is
what you call to do, and pray. You can pray
for your parents, you can pray for your friends there,
and you can rest knowing that, like you said, salvation
is the Lord's and throughout that have a posture of
(17:19):
Paul's words of you know such were some of you,
and so you don't ever just beat them over the
head with it, only approach it with a posture of humility, thinking, man,
I was blind too, and who are people who tried
to share the truth with me and I turned them away?
And so and then also just living that example out
(17:41):
and loving loving them. Well, it's great.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
This podcast has actually opened a lot of doors of
conversation between me and the LDS Church and a lot
of the friendships that I have, like text basis relationships
started really from this podcast from the past years. And
so if anyone's listening now from the church and wants
to email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com to
to have any kind of discussion, the dialogue is open.
(18:06):
Love you and love your church as well. Also love
the state of Utah. What a beautiful place and I've
I've loved so many years traveling there with music Park.
I think we have a time if we could get
one more in just a few minutes, and we'll take
a break. You know what, I don't know if we
can these these scene Let me take a break, because
(18:30):
these I don't I want to give everybody the full time,
so we'll.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Take a break and bear it back.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I haven't really told anybody this yet, but we are
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we decided to build it on to Shopify. So we
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(18:57):
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(20:25):
Shopify dot com slash Granger. We had our EE Apparel
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(20:45):
it for me. Anyway, I'm really excited about that. You
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cell phone, you could do that through cameo dot com
slash Granger Smith. A lot of people will email and say, hey, man,
(21:07):
how could I get a personalized message for my girlfriend
that granger says happy birthday or happy anniversary to my wife?
Or how could I get a message to my son
to tell them congratulations on finishing school or starting school,
And always say, well, it's super easy. Cameo dot com
slash Granger Smith, or download the cameo app and search
(21:28):
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it says, this person wants you to wish their son
a happy birthday. Here's his name, here's what he's into,
here's why he likes you. I could read that easily,
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(21:51):
an easy thing to do, especially if you have someone
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be just a great tool for someone to get a
(22:11):
quick message from me. Okay, back to the podcast. Back
to the podcast here, and this is an interesting subject
line here it says, how do I know if I'm
still in love with my wife? Hey Granger, my name
is Daniel. I'm twenty seven. I've been with my wife
since high school twenty eleven. We got married five years ago.
(22:33):
We had our son three years ago, and since the
birth of my son, something within her changed. It started slowly,
but she would go out with her girlfriends once a month,
and then every other week, and then that progressed into
a weekly thing. I've had multiple talks with her about
spending more time with me and her son, but there
is weekends when she leaves town and seems to be
(22:55):
living a happy life without us. At first, I kept thinking,
I get it needs some time to get away from home,
but now it really seems like that's all she wants
to do. Our date nights are usually filled with silence
because I try to avoid arguments right now. My son
loves mommy and loves to see her, but I don't
allow her to take him along with her friends whenever
(23:17):
they leave town, because let's just say, her girlfriends are
not people i'd want to want him to peer around.
I feel trapped. I feel like I'm still living there
just to see my son while his mommy is around.
But I don't know if I'm still in love with her.
I read this quote, you can't fall in love twice
because the second time you're falling in love with the memories.
(23:40):
If there is time a little more background about her.
She lost her mom when she was five, and her
dad lives in Mexico and was not ever around and
until she was eighteen. He passed away six years ago.
Her sister in law basically raised her. Unfortunately, her sister passed.
Her sister in law passed away as well to cancer
five years ago. She also lost her brother to suicide
(24:00):
six years ago. I've been there for as much as
I can, and I've supported her as much as I can.
She and I were really close and happy until just
recent times. I do not know what changed, all right, Daniel,
thanks for emailing brother, and I'm sorry for the really
serious situation that you're in, and thank you for trusting
(24:24):
Parker and I in this podcast with such a sensitive question,
especially so young at twenty seven. Okay, you're twenty seven,
married five years ago, had a son two years into
the marriage, three years ago, so that's the only child. Okay.
(24:45):
I after trying to fill my brain with what you
got going on here, and let me start with this,
I'll start with without knowing a lot of details, let
me start with what I know about the subject line
that you wrote, how do I know if I'm still
in love with my wife? Okay? That's interesting. Love and
(25:08):
it's in it's different kinds of definitions and categories. Love
can be seen in two ways. One emotionally it love
happens as a reaction to your emotions. But more importantly
(25:28):
and more properly defined for marriage is love is a covenant,
and a covenant is an agreement. It is a decision
that you have made and you might not have even
made it consciously, but you certainly did when you when
(25:49):
you stood in front of the congregation or the whoever
married you, And even if it was just a courthouse,
you made a covenant. You made a tractual agreement. And
that is such an unromantic thing to say, but it's
reliable and it's true in terms of when you make
(26:10):
a covenant with someone to marry them, that means essentially
that you will choose to love them even when it
stops benefiting you, when it stops you stop gaining stuff
for yourself from it. Man, that that is an idea
that's completely lost. But that's what a covenant is. When
(26:32):
you make a covenant with another person or a group
of people, or when God makes a covenant with his people,
it is it is not contingent upon that person in
becoming a rebel. Right when God chooses his people to
make a covenant with they constantly rebel in the Bible,
and he constantly brings them back in. You have made
(26:55):
a covenant with your wife. Emotionally you're out. I understand
that part of your love is out. Emotionally you're out,
but you're not receiving anything from her, and so you
immediately think, maybe I'm completely out of this marriage, and
thousands of people agree with you because you're not getting
anything out of it. Instead of saying, babe, I want
(27:19):
to I want to have this talk with you gotta
take you to dinner, find find her favorite restaurant, her
favorite food, and you take her out and you can
just go. I want to tell you that I know
things have been different lately, and I know that you've
been and I've been a little I've been a little
uh harsh with you because I know you probably have Daniel,
(27:40):
and I just want to say I'm sorry. And I
know that you've had you've had troubled trusting and you're
thinking Dad Mexico, brother suicide, gain trust with sister in law,
she's gone to cancer. But you say, but I'm not
leaving you. I'm here for you to serve you and
whatever way you need from me. If that means you
(28:03):
need some time with your friends on the weekends, I'll
watch our son. But I just want you to know
that whatever you got going on, I'm not going anywhere,
I'm here for you. I made a covenant promise on
our wedding day that I'm standing by. I wonder what
that would do to this relationship, because I don't think
you've done that, and I think it's probably been more
(28:25):
like I don't like your friends, I don't like I'm
hanging around my son I don't like you leaving all
the time. I don't know what you're doing. I'm a
little jealous of what's going on. In fact, is there
another guy? Hey? I don't even know if I should
stay here anymore. That's probably what happens when you say,
we go on a date and I try to keep
quiet so we don't argue. I gotta feel. And that's
(28:45):
what the argument sounds like, something like that, Parker, What
do you have to this?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Yeah, I'd say, because you're you're married, this is gonna
be different advice than someone if they were dating. But
I would say that you're feeling are real, but they're
not always reliable. And like you said, you can acknowledge
that you don't have that emotional feeling anymore. But so
(29:13):
many marriages in because people say that they're just not
in love with them anymore. They just fell out of love,
they lost the spark, and it's just like, man, that's
not what the relationship is built on. Like you said
that love, you know how many marriages? How many weddings
do we see where they quote One Corinthians thirteen. Love
(29:33):
is patient kind, Love does not envy or boast. It's
not arrogant or rude. It bears all things, it endures
all things, and it's like, man, this is why you
stood up in front of friends and family and vowed
before God to enter a covenant that till death do
us part. I'm in this with you. You know that you
(29:55):
gave her your word, and so I empathize with you. Man.
I'm so that it's tough. It's obviously hard to do
it when it's not reciprocating. But man, your responsibility as
the man is to lay down your life for her,
to find ways to love her, to choose to love her,
and to not just say to not bail out just
(30:15):
because you're not feeling like it. A practical resource that
I found super helpful was the book Love and Respect,
and I would encourage you to go to the It's
short answer is men primarily need respect, and then women
primarily need to feel loved and cherished. And so you
could you could go to that. I'm not telling you
(30:37):
to go to her and tell her that she's supposed
to respect you. I'm saying you go to that woman's
the woman's section, and you look for different ways to
love her and cherish her, regardless of if she reciprocates
it or not, because that's going to help improve things.
It's great.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Next question, Subjecline says, gift of God question mark, Good morning.
I wanted to ask something that I've been hesitant to ask.
I truly struggled to understand. My husband cheated and has
a new baby with another woman. Our youngest is eighteen.
He tells me and everyone that the baby is a
gift from God. It is Is it really a gift
(31:15):
from God? When he is breaking God's rules by cheating
on me? He told me that God gave him him
the gift, but it might be my punishment for the
wrong I have done in my life over the years. Parentheses.
I have never cheated in all of our marriage clothes parentheses.
I have suffered with cancer and I'm sick again with
the same symptoms. I can't seem to forgive him, and
(31:38):
as soon as I am able, i am leaving our
home since he will not. Thanks for your advice, JP.
All right, JP, thanks so much for the email, and
I'm so sorry you're in the situation. I'm gonna kind
of recap for my own mind. Here your husband and
(31:59):
there's no divorce here, so I'm assuming still your current husband,
who is currently living with you in your current home,
has cheated on you with another woman that is now
having a baby with her, but he's still in your
house and still married to you. H Parker, will let
(32:24):
you lead this one. I'm not sure what the question.
I don't know what the question is.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Either, is is the baby a gift from Oh?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, that's I'm sorry, that's the question. Is the baby
a gift from God? Will park first of all, before
Parker answers, We'll both say are resounding yes. All babies,
regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived, are
a gift from God. Like that, that's unquestionably true in
(33:03):
all circumstances all around the world, of all different people,
in all different ethnicities and religion and tribe, and all
babies are a gift from God, regardless of how they
were pro created.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Go ahead, Mark, Yeah, I'm sorry're in this situation. From
my limited knowledge, it sounds like he's he's a manipulative
and he's using this to rub it in your face
and so our children a gift from God? Absolutely, does
that justify his cheating on you like it was God's
will for him? To have this baby with another woman.
(33:37):
Of course not, of course not. And yeah, don't believe that,
and don't believe that. It's it's punishment on you for
something that that you did.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah, I don't know, JP, I don't know if there's
anything else. Yeah, it's it's wrong that it's so wrong
that it makes my answer even shorter to there's nothing
to elaborate on. It's ridiculous, it's not. God's not punishing
(34:12):
you with a new baby from your husband who cheated
on you. And this new baby deserves love and respect,
but your husband doesn't. Your husband deserves love, but he
doesn't deserve your trust or your respect.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Nothing to add.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Okay, speaking of trust, the next one subject, client says,
how do you trust God after losing a loved one? Hey, Grandeer,
my name is Brian. I'm struggling with keeping my faith
in God. Over the last two years, I've lost eight
of my closest family members. How do I keep trusting
God when he keeps taking my family away from me?
(34:51):
I love your music and your podcast. God bless and
have a great day. Classic question Man eight is a lot.
I'm so sorry, but what you're asking isn't totally normal
and understandable from someone who is struggling to know God.
(35:16):
That's what this boils down to. Most questions I get
on the podcast that have to do with faith or
spirituality or God, most of them could be answered by saying,
you don't know God well enough. And Parker, how do
(35:38):
you learn who God.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Is through reading his word? Okaa? The Bible?
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, Brian, you read the Bible and you learn who
God is, and what you see really is a people
throughout the fifteen hundred years of history within the Bible canon,
you see a history of a people that that endured suffering,
(36:07):
that endured the loss of loved ones. One thing I
could slightly correct you on is that it's not necessarily
God taking your family away from you. It's they were
never yours. You know, the people are gifts. Everything is
a gift. Every good thing is a gift, and even
(36:29):
even things that we struggle with or gifts. And it
was never really yours to be taken from you. And
so I think, I think, instead of diving in deeper
to how do you trust God in this this situation,
I would I would encourage you to develop some kind
of routine of reading your Bible and with Actually Tyler
(36:56):
and I talked last week on last podcast with Tyler
and I talked about reading a study Bible, if you've
never read the Bible before, reading with a study Bible,
so that you could kind of get this commentary while
you're reading of who are we talking about here, who's writing,
why are they writing, when are they writing? And that's
constantly just kind of supplementing your reading. Second thing I
(37:19):
would say is to join a local church to be
able to walk with God's people and learn with them
and empathize with them and be poured into by them
when you're going through a loss, so you're not ever alone.
Walking through this alone is impossible. So I think there's
(37:41):
deeper issues here, and I hope that this could be
an encouragement for you to learn who God is.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yeah, this question is how can I learn to trust someone?
Then the answer is you've got to figure out who
that someone is, right, And you just laid out the
practical next steps of that.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
It's not it's not just God. It seems like I
kind of go down this this rabbit hole in this podcast,
but there's so many times we're not just talking about
God in this situation. If you said Granger. I've got
a there's a new guy at work. He just started
working for us, and we're we're on this factory assembly
line and he's he's the next guy over, and so
(38:21):
everything I do, it's it's determined by what he does.
And I want to learn to trust him, Granger. Granger,
tell me, how do I trust this guy? Like he's
been time with him, Talk to him, Listen to him,
go to lunch with them, have coffee with them.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Look at his track record.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Look at his track record, talk to other people that
have talked to him, talk to his family that knows him.
It's so you're asking the same question, how do I
learn to trust God? Talk to him? That's great, listen
to him.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Okay, that's helpful.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Let's let's hit one more here. These are I'm literally
trying to find one that's not a God question because
I don't want I don't want just to just to
talk about who God is in every single question, which
I really could, I really could. Okay, how about that's
(39:23):
a really long one.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Is it safe to say that if people keep their
questions concise, they have a better chance of getting them read.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
It's totally right. If you keep it about the length
of a phone. It helps me because if I'm looking
at the clock and I'm like, we've got time for
another question, and you kind of wrote a novel to me,
it's harder. This one just says life question. Hey Grangeard
like to stay anonymous, but I have a question for you.
I am twenty one m active duty at Florida. I'm
(39:55):
not sure what that means I am. I am twenty
one active duty AD in Florida. I've been a huge
h fan since I was fourteen. I love your music
and your podcast. I've been working nights recently and also
listening to your after midnight radio. Backstory is my girlfriend
and I have been together for three years. In October
of twenty twenty three, we were high school sweethearts. She's
currently working on her bachelor's and masters in two years.
(40:18):
Will be another four years of school total. I have
four years left of my AD contract here. She transferred
to a school down here to move in with me.
We're both from Michigan. Herself and her family have been
pressuring me about when I'm going to propose to her. Honestly,
(40:38):
I'm just not ready yet myself, and I don't think
she's ready yet either. I have so many toys I
want to buy before a ring. I'm nervous about marriage
because of the risk that I'd lose it if it
didn't work out five years down the road. I apologize
for the book I just wrote. What are your thoughts? Well,
actually it's come from anonymous. Anonymous, Actually you wrote a
(41:03):
perfect length, So thanks, thanks for the perfect length email here,
and man, you've got a great You got a great
guest with Parker sitting here on the microphone for this
particular question. And I think there's been several instant since
on this exact episode that we've kind of touched on
your situation. One. I'll start with this, I'm nervous, nervous
(41:28):
about marriage because of the risk I'll lose it if
it didn't work out five years down the road. Well
throw that idea out, because if you get married, you're
expected to make a covenant. Like I said a couple
questions ago, You're expected to be anonymous, a man of
your word. You're going to make a contract, a social contract.
(41:49):
You are going to agree that you will love her
till death, do your part. And I think we have
lost completely lost that concept partly because a movie, social media,
all the choices we have. There's so many girls out there,
so many fishes in the sea. If this one doesn't
work out, there's another one that'll probably work out. That's
(42:10):
the statistic, right. So we have completely lost this idea
that when I get married, I'm gonna make an agreement.
Even if it doesn't work out the way I think,
I'm not getting what I thought from it. I'm gonna
make an agreement. So just throw out the idea that
if it doesn't work out five years instead trade that
thought with I'm a man of my word, I'm a
(42:30):
man of integrity. I'm in the act of duty, and
I will make an agreement that I will not back
out of. Right, Parker, I'll let you dive into where
else you want to jump in. Here. Family's press pressuring
him to get married. He has too many toys he
wants to buy before a ring. He's nervous, they're going
(42:54):
through school. He doesn't know if he's ready.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
Yeah, I would say that that's so common today, and
the world tells you that marriage is a burden, that
children are a burden, that you should accumulate as much wealth,
that you should get all the toys and social media
(43:18):
and media in general has fed us this addiction to variety.
Like you said of the grass is always greener, the
grass is always greener. We live in a TikTok world
of just something new, something new, I gotta get this toy.
Maybe there's a better girl, maybe there's something better out there.
And it's scary, mind man, it's it's it's ruining us.
(43:38):
And uh, like I said earlier as well, with why,
I mean, why would he get married? I don't know.
I don't know if he's a Christian. I know that
we're not trying to make every single question about who
God is, but it's hard to answer that question without
asking yourself. Man, if if you're not a Christian, then
why would you Why would you get married? Dude?
Speaker 1 (43:59):
True?
Speaker 2 (44:00):
But that make as much money as possible, buy all
of the toys. Yeah, live with your girlfriend as long
as you can until she forces children on you. But ugh,
it just makes me sick. It's just a recipe for disaster.
How many relationships out there are people dating for six, seven,
eight years and you just have the resentment of the
(44:21):
girlfriend because he still hasn't proposed. You have the in
laws cornering him on holidays to ask him why he
still hasn't done it. And the guy's just like, why
would I want to obligate myself to to that kind
of commitment with all the variety that's out here. So
I don't know if that really helps. But it's just
(44:42):
like in a certain sense, it's just like, I don't
blame you. Man, it's hard when the world is telling
you that marriage and children are a burden and to
just get all you know, eat, drink and be merry,
you know. And so I mean I would just say, man,
I mean, I can't answer without saying that. Man, I
don't know if you're a believer in Jesus Christ or not,
(45:04):
but to to find a local church to to read
your Bible. Uh, it's going to explain marriage and the
purpose of it and teach you how to have a
commitment to one person.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
And I would say to to start there. Otherwise you're
just going to be in a terrible cycle of living
with a girlfriend who resents you and uh, and you're
going to resent her and when you get married because
you didn't get spy all the stuff you wanted.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
Yeah, I think that's awesome, And I think maybe the
final cap I'll put on this is that I want
to just dispel the myth that you're not ready. He said,
I'm just not ready yet. And I don't think she
is either. Bro, You're You're definitely ready. You're You're got
a lot going on with school and you you are.
(45:54):
You're an adult. You have moved from Michigan to Florida.
You've got a career plan and a path. The only
reason I would say you're not ready is if you
were sixteen years old living with mommy and daddy and
your brain was still developing. But you, just like many
(46:16):
men before, you are. Actually, I think that's what I'm
twenty one m means. I think that means he's twenty
one male. I think that's what he means. Active duty.
That's what AD means. Okay, so this is all coming together.
You're twenty one, you're a dude that's twenty one active
duty in Florida. And if you're ready for the military,
(46:38):
if the government thinks you're ready to drink alcohol and
drive a car and serve our country in war. But
you're saying I don't think I'm ready to promise a
girl that I'll stay with her and serve her and
Lord willing have children with her. I'm here to tell
you that's a myth that you've heard somewhere, and it's
(46:59):
wrong because for thousands of years before you, men have
been ready at twenty one years old to marry the
girl they're with.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
And just to add on to that at the very end,
I would also say that is not saying that you
should definitely marry this girl true because we just answer
two questions of guys who are married and you know
they're not getting out of it. Dude, if you are,
if you're doing this, you're doing it till death, and
(47:30):
you're gonna end up the dude saying I think she's
cheating on me. There's another kid that she that she had.
So that's not to say that you shouldn't be extremely
picky and be like, is this the girl that is
going to be the mother of my children, that is
going to be selfless and that is going to endure
a hard times?
Speaker 1 (47:52):
Yeah, this question almost should have started the podcast and
then we could have the other ones that the bad
stories that happened after. But I will say that Anonymous,
you said together for three years, she's your girlfriend in
your high school sweethearts. I don't see anything wrong with her,
And yeah, I think I think you have a lot
(48:13):
of decisions to make, and I think I think we've
met a pretty good case of just kind of dispelling
the miss of the world and then putting it back
on your court. It's all the time we got, love
you guys, See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me
on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
little like button and notification spell so that you never
miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
question for me that you would like me to answer,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi
Host
Granger Smith
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