Divorced Dads Rock

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that, two millennials doing a podcast to
avoid legalizing. The.
Purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true Opinions.
Hello, it is mostly true opinions, I am Cameron that is
KDK comedy. Hello.

(00:23):
We are here on Memorial Day. Yeah.
In your ear holes. Thank you for being here.
Most people have Memorial Day off.
It's one of those like, it's notlike it's the one I'm thinking
of where some people are like, oh, yeah, we go, we don't go in.
I'm OK. And it Presidents Day.
That's what I'm thinking. Presidents Day.
Presidents Day a lot of people are iffy on, but Memorial Day

(00:44):
most of you were probably barbecuing today.
It's another one of those where I Googled today.
I had to Google, is it appropriate to say Happy
Memorial Day? And the answer is no.
Yes it is. Have a meet, you're supposed to
say. Google told me.
You're supposed to say have a meaningful Memorial Day.

(01:05):
I like that it just. Doesn't roll off the tongue, and
it's not something I would naturally say in a conversation.
Have a meaningful. Yeah, it's like, it's like when,
you know, we've been trained to say Merry Christmas, sure.
But then there are people that exist that say happy Christmas,
Sure. It just sounds weird to me.
Does sound weird. And then I questioned because I

(01:28):
am friends. I am new friends with a veteran.
I was like, should I text her? Right anything.
And then you reminded me. No, no, no.
I don't think so. That's Veteran's Day.
Yeah, I think today Memorial. Day, those who have fallen that
have passed. Yeah, right.
So. Oh, but is it like only if they

(01:50):
fell in the line of duty, is it?I don't think so.
I think it's, you know, I might be talking out my ass, but I
think it is anyone who has served that has passed.
OK. Because I was like, it can't
just be that. You know what I'm saying?
It can't just be people that died in serving the country.
It no one would be like oh you served the country for 20 years

(02:10):
and then died of natural causes at age 70 go fuck yourself Like
no one would say that. I hope not.
All right, well, that was. I do think it is weird though,
because we're having this conversation around Memorial
Day, right? And that is the question of to
say happy or not happy or whatever.
And then also it's when a lot ofsales happen.

(02:31):
Yeah. That's a little confusing.
It feels like the sales should be around 4th of July or
something. Right.
It's like people died serving the country.
Have 50% off these jeans. And the truth is they just
attach sales to every holiday because people have a little bit
of time off. Yeah, they can.
The Presidents Day sales event at Whatever you know.

(02:54):
They can go to the mall. I will say we went to the mall.
People are acting like tariffs aren't a thing.
People are. Oh.
Yeah, people are out like gangbusters at the mall.
This. Weekend droves and I waited in a
line for a fitting room. Yeah, longer than I'd care to
admit. What do you think?
It ended up being 15 minutes. The line, I would say 15

(03:18):
minutes, yeah, Your time in the fitting room, 40 seconds.
Yeah, I'm really good, but it was one of those things where I
didn't think it was going to take that long.
And then once we got three people deep, I was like, wait,
now I have sunken time fallacy. Which is so a thing.
Whatever, I'm like, well we already waited 10 minutes, I

(03:38):
should just wait the extra 5. And it's like, in reality, I
should have just saved us those 5 minutes because drum roll
please. I ended up not buying the pants
anyways. I We went to a mall, we went to
five stores and we walked out with 0 items on Memorial Day

(04:00):
sales. But I think it makes sense
because you are when it comes topants.
OK, should we just cue the Jude music early?
Oh, do you want to? Well, this is my Jude.
Let me get it going. Hang on, what isn't this is wow,
this is kind of crazy. I'm not prepared for this.
Do. You get listen to me very.
Carefully, I know everything I'mwatching.

(04:23):
Stop talking. You are an example of why people
should have to take tests beforethey were allowed to have
children. Do you?
Get it? Who's to say if it comes up
early, it comes up early. It's a little Memorial Day treat
for us. We feel rageful early on in the
episode. It's just me.
I just, I planned on this being my Jude and we started talking
about her right off the bat. But get after it.

(04:43):
I am a tall lady. I'm 5 foot 10.
I do feel like anyone under 6 foot as a woman is not like a
freak. Not saying that if you're 62 and
you're a woman you're not a freak.
I'm just saying. You shouldn't need a specialty.
Store I could see a case for a woman that's 6-2 or six three
needing to shop at a specialty store.

(05:04):
I think 6 foot and under you should be able to get your size
in store. Agreed.
Agreed. I would argue even a.
Few inches above that. Whenever I'm looking at
influencers and stuff on TikTok,yes, a lot of them.
The average height of a woman islike 5-7 or five, six or
whatever, Sure, great. Yeah, they're petite, they're
cute, love it. Wish I was them.

(05:24):
But a lot of influencers, you know, the Haley Biebers of the
world, are they not 5-10? Google it right now.
How how tall is Hailey Bieber? Like these people that were
idolizing, yes, I'm sure she gets designer stuff and she gets
it custom fit to her body. But I'm like OK whatever, fuck

(05:46):
510. Is not crazy.
It's not crazy like I know, I know that I have like a sort of
a draft body, but it's like I should be able to get my size
and source. I encounter people your height
all the time. Honestly when I was in high
school and stuff they used to sell long sizes in store a lot
more and now I can only find regular and short in store and
there's like 1 piddly long in the back.

(06:09):
Where did you go when you were that young?
I went to Hollister in Abercrombie.
Yeah, interesting, because this weekend we went to Gap,
Abercrombie, Hollister, AmericanEagle, and I have in the past,
Macy's, yeah, Macy's to look at the Levi's.
Oh, I should have looked at Levi's anyways, on, I mean,

(06:32):
online, not fucking in store. I already did that.
Anyways, we went to five fuckingstores. 0 0 long pants in store.
None. Absolutely not a single God damn
size. I tried on the regulars just to
see what fit my waist so that I could order online.

(06:53):
Stupid fox. I don't understand like I'm
being discriminated against. Everyone was like oh there's not
big enough sizes? Are you kidding me?
I saw like a 42 inch waist but Ididn't see a 34 inseam.
So my inseam specifically is 34 inches.
OK The regulars are 302829 and 30 inch inseams.

(07:17):
Regular short is like shorter than that obviously.
Long I guess is 32 to 34 whatever inseam.
Why are there not these inseams in fucking stores?
I'm being discriminated against for being 2 inches taller than
everyone What the fuck. But I saw literally plus size
everywhere so you can't. There was double, there was like

(07:40):
triple zeros to like fully plus size in the store.
So it has nothing to do. It's not that there's not size
inclusivity in the sense of getting wider.
There's size non inclusivity when you get taller.
Fuck off. Are you fucking kidding me?
I don't even know which brand. I'm more pissed at all of them

(08:03):
and then. Someone was like.
People have told me to shop at Madewell.
They don't fit me well. I can't.
I don't know what to tell you. They're made well, not fit well.
Right. I don't understand what it is
about my body. They don't fit great.
And I'm not going to spend that much on jeans that I think are
just OK on me. You know what I mean?
Yeah. 'Cause I mean it's not cheap.
100 bucks on jeans or more then I want to be like damn I'm never

(08:27):
taking these off. I want to feel like holy shit I
used to chop at top shop. I used to shop at top shop.
Guess what those don't exist anymore.
Cool dope then people. Someone recommended American
Tall. To me, American tall.
And I googled it and I'm sorry that I don't feel like looking

(08:50):
like a mom of five. You know what I mean?
It's not even the photos on yourwebsite are putting your best
foot forward. And the photos on their website
make me feel sad. You know what it looks like.
Like I'm not a mom of five and no shade if you are.
Maybe you have a bangin bot and you have hot hot jeans.

(09:11):
The photos make me recoil. It looks like what people in a
Shonda Rhimes show would wear. Right, I can't.
And I won't even pretend to put my body in those.
So anyways, I have been forced. Then Oh my God.
Then I ordered from Gap. They're long, extra long sizes,
whatever. Then I ordered 5 pants.

(09:33):
I returned 4 pants. I got two more pants.
I returned 2. I ended up with one pair of
pants and three returns. Fuck this whole process.
I was not built for this, I don't like it and I'm fucking
over it. So judgment to the plaintiff.
All you bitch ass bullshit ass brands that claim to be size
inclusive. Where the fuck are my long

(09:56):
jeans? Shove them up your ass, do you?
Get it? The jeans.
Shove the regulars and the smalls up your fucking ass and
you shit out. Do you get it?
Some long ones. Do you get it?
Stitch together the shorts and the regulars.
Yeah, do you? Get it?

(10:19):
OK, I guess we started off hot here.
I like it, whatever. It is Shocking though, I mean
because the whole reason that you go to a store is like to.
Try. Everything on right.
That's the whole appeal of stores now.
If I get to try it on and you'relike oh we have that a different
color online, fine, but I can't even try it on to see if I want

(10:42):
to order another color online. It reminds me of one time we as
a family, we're going to get a new television.
This is a couple years ago and we went to like Best Buy or
Walmart or something, I forget what it was found ATV.
That was a good price. And we asked the guy, where is
it at that we can see it like onthe wall.
And he said, well, we don't haveit.

(11:03):
We have one out-of-the-box like,well then why?
Why come to a store? I could have had Amazon ship it
to my house for free if I wasn'table to look at it.
It's so crazy what people will buy without even testing it.
Like I always think that about hot tub stores.

(11:23):
Like I'm just gonna take your word for it that these jets are
chill. Like what?
So true. 'Cause they're all just empty.
They're just empty hot tubs and you just sit in hard plastic and
the salesperson goes, yeah, thisone feels nice.
And you just go cool, sounds good.

(11:45):
I'll take it for like 4 grand orwhatever hot tubs cost.
Brian Regan has a bit about refrigerator salesman, and he's
like, I don't understand how they exist.
They go, this one's $400.00, keeps your food cold.
This one's $800, keeps your foodcold.
Yeah, it's the same thing. Yeah, I don't get it.
I don't get it. It is, you know, for as much as

(12:07):
I like to go to a grocery store,that's very well documented on
this podcast, I don't think I feel the same way about malls
anymore. No.
Like, I used to like going to the mall and just walking
around. Yeah.
And sometimes, you know, it's, oh, maybe there is something we
find, maybe there's not there, maybe there's sales, maybe there

(12:29):
isn't. But we're getting a walk in,
we're going out, whatever. You would think that with more
disposable income cuz we're in our 30s and we have like our
shit together, you would think that malls would have become
more enjoyable. Less, in fact.
Because it used to represent, oh, well, we're kind of broke.
We can't afford to like buy stuff here now, we can't afford

(12:52):
to buy stuff and I don't want tobe caught dead anywhere in
there. I.
Know I think it's like AI think it has something to do with
time. And the people.
And the people, the people are the worst and time is precious.
And when the when I know the store is in the middle of the
mall, I really don't want to park and then walk in and then
find it, you know? Mall people, they come and go.

(13:16):
Mall people, they just don't know.
What is that from again? That's from just friends, right?
Yeah. Samantha James.
Yeah. Interesting.
So malls. God, malls used to be the
hangout when we were kids. Yeah.
What do you guys want to do? Let's just go to the mall, hang
out. We talked about that as
teenagers or early 20s. We used to just walk around or

(13:41):
go on drive just. Drive.
Just yeah. You want to go on a drive?
Yeah. Now if you were to be like, do
you want to go on a drive? I'd be like, are you fucking
high? Are.
You going to kill me? Well, I'd just be like, you
spent all day in traffic commuting.
Why are we going to go on a drive?
Also, gas is expensive. Yeah.
And that was the other. I think that was a big reason
that people stopped doing that. It's like, do you want to go on

(14:04):
a drive and like egg someone's house that is now the most
expensive hobby? What you want to spend $30 on
eggs and $30 on gas? That's so true.
What are you doing? God I do miss that though.
That was when I was most successful at like, getting

(14:26):
phone numbers from girls. What?
Yeah, I was was going for a drive.
My friend and I would pull up toa stop light and.
Are you kidding? Oh yeah.
What? Oh yeah.
You were the person that would lean out of a car and be like,
what's your number? Yes.
I think I need a divorce. What's happening, honey?

(14:48):
Wait, what do you mean you? Think you need a divorce?
I have no, I'm having such an reaction to the fact that how
many years have we been togetherand you've never said this to
me. Well, I don't.
I don't know how it's relevant. Honey, what?
I feel like I don't know you. There's like 7 different
versions of me. Honestly, honey.

(15:08):
There really is at what point Because you always like I'm not
toxic masculinity blah blah blah.
I cannot picture you. Did you tell them to like roll
down their window? I think it was more of like I, I
wasn't necessarily the, well, sometimes I was, I was going to
say I wasn't necessarily the aggressive one every now and
then. I was what it was mostly like my

(15:30):
friend would be doing something to get their attention and then
the rule the window down. And then I'm like the guy that
the the friend of the one that he's talking to is interested in
and whatever, you know, And we'dend up sometimes we'd end up
driving, we'd get the phone numbers or just like say hi to
stoplight. And then we'd end up at the like
ice cream place and we'd like hang out with them.

(15:53):
You know what I mean? What it's like American Graffiti
the movie. This is insane.
I think it's great. So you went on dates with people
from getting car? I don't think I ever, I don't
think I ever really went on dates.
It was high school. It was kind of like, oh, let's
you know, we'll exchange a text or something, but nothing ever
really happened. But it was fun.

(16:13):
I mean, it was that was part of the appeal of being a kid at
that time. And now it's like, I don't even,
it depresses me. I sound so old when I talk about
it now, but it's it's so much different.
It's so much different. It's so.
You no longer. App.
Based people. Well, I'm not.
I wasn't cat calling people. Let me be very clear about that.

(16:33):
I wasn't. We didn't roll up to a stop
light and I was like a nice ass or something.
But what was an example of how you got their attention?
We'd pull up to a stop light, we'd have the windows down,
music playing that we'd exchangelooks.
Hey, hey, hey. How are you guys?
Hi. Yeah.
Your friend is cute. Oh, yours is too.
You know what I mean? Oh.

(16:54):
My God. It was great.
It was great. It was honestly that was, I
think about things like that. I'm like that was fun.
I'm having a hard time digestingthis I'm.
Sorry, does it give you the ick?No, I just feel like gone to my
head. I would have never thought that

(17:14):
you did that. I totally understand that.
I totally understand that. I also had I had periods of time
in my life where I the confidence came and went like
there was. I'm not saying that I don't
think you're confident enough. No, but I, but I think I'll just
tell you my experience. I had like moments like that

(17:34):
where I'm like, yeah, what's theworst that can happen?
And then there was like stretches of time where I'm
like, so in my head about datingand meeting people that it just
like, forced it to not happen. And then it's like you get so
over that feeling and then settle back into some weird
confidence again and just kind of pinging back and forth.

(17:55):
But I guess it's kind of, I feellike they're just growing up.
Yeah. I feel like most people go
through that. Sure, sure, sure.
This isn't, this is not my attempt at like, a woe is me
thing at all. Feel like I had a very normal
rapport in that department. Sure.
But I miss that stuff. I miss meeting my friends at
Walmart at midnight. I used to text my friend.

(18:17):
Like friends that live close by.What are you guys doing?
Do you want to go to McDonald's?Yeah.
You know. Sure.
Let's go to McDonald's at midnight and get ice cream.
I miss that. Yeah, I mean I.
Think I do. Sure, but now we do stuff like
go to Palm Springs for the weekend with her friends.

(18:38):
I know, and that's amazing. Too.
That's different. That's incredible.
You do different fun stuff. I'm telling you, I I enjoy that
stuff now too, but the spontaneity of of it all.
Was fun, but that's what I'm for.
What spontaneity? Yeah, you'd be like, oh, do you
want Taco Bell? And I'll be.
Like, oh, I know, I know. But I think that's the point of
like a wife. That's not the only point of a

(19:00):
wife, but. Now I'm this the person instead
of texting like a tween friend. Totally.
You know, totally. I'm just saying it was fun, OK?
I'm very happy with you. Look at you pining away for your
Walmart parking lots. Now you're being mean.
OK. You don't have fond memories of
your childhood. You don't have any memories that

(19:23):
you enjoy. I was talking about this this
weekend. I don't know what's going on but
I have like big gaps in my memory.
Have you talked about that in therapy?
No. Should I?
I feel like you should, yeah. I just feel like you remember it
so viscerally and I'm like, I see like vignettes sort of.

(19:46):
I'm sure that we would have very, I think I'm I'm pretty
clear about what our therapist would say.
Which is. She would say that we're both
going through different things. I'm like holding on to that
period of time because I think of it like fondly and it's cozy

(20:09):
to me and I am uncomfortable with where I'm at now to some
extent, which is true. And for you, there was a lot of
discomfort there, and now you'rehappy to not be a part of it
anymore. And so your your brain has only
made so much space for it. Yeah, probably.
You know what I mean? God, did we graduate therapy?

(20:31):
I think I figured it out. I don't need to do it anymore.
I'm pretty sure I can therapize other people.
You know what, there's a podcastthat I'm pissed we didn't think
about what it's called second hand therapy, and they just
share each week what they breakthroughs from therapy so
that other people don't have to pay for therapy.

(20:52):
And it like actually pisses me. Off it's a great idea and I also
really enjoy the show. Couples therapy on Showtime.
But it's like, why don't we? I don't think I'm ready for that
level of vulnerability really inthe public sphere.
OK, Yeah, I really don't. OK.
It's not that I have anything tohide, I just don't want like

(21:16):
there's a lot of things that I just like to keep to myself or
to you, you know? Yeah, I mean, I think the whole
point of therapy isn't to put iton a podcast.
I just think. But it is a great idea.
It's such a good idea. And so is couples therapy.
That show is fascinating. It is.
It's fascinating. I'm sure you've seen clips on
TikTok. Yeah.
Anyhow, childhoods, am I right? I meant to bring this up to you

(21:40):
because we, we talk about, I feel like every week I'm like, I
love this feeling that I get when I fill in the blank and I
wrote one down for this time. I think one of the best feelings
in the world is when I log into Instagram and I see that I have
a message in my request folder. I'm like, Oh my God.

(22:01):
Because it's usually spam. It's.
Usually spam, but every now and then it's not and it excites me
because it's like somebody who doesn't follow me found me and
has something that I like to say.
Sometimes it's shitty, other times it's really nice.
Coming from the guy that barely ever responds to DMS, I'm

(22:22):
shocked that you this has this effect.
On you. I respond to DMS quite a bit
now. You're doing better.
Yeah, you trained me out of that.
Good. I told you it was hurtful to
people. I'm not going to respond to this
one though, and I got one in my request folder from a page
called MD Hair. Oh, hi Cameron, hope you're
doing well. My name is Giselle.
I'm reaching out to you from MD Hair.
We're a clinically proven customized hair growth

(22:45):
treatment. Oh no.
My question to you is why did I get this message?
I think that they're just searching your demographic of
like. Males in their 30s. 30s and 40s
and then just shooting their shot copy and paste style
because if anything in your recent photos you have more hair
than ever. I was just going to say I, I

(23:06):
feel like I do, but here's what I wanted to say about this.
Number one, Ouch. Would have liked to, you know,
not a not a hair message about my hair growth, sure, but I want
you to be honest with me. Do I have something to worry
about in that department? No.
Losing hair or my hairline receding or anything like that.

(23:30):
No. Are you hesitating?
No, I think because I need you to be like 100% honest with me
over the next 10 years as maybe it happens or maybe it doesn't.
Because my thing is I don't really know that I, I don't want
it to happen, but I don't think I'm going to like fall into a

(23:51):
pit of despair if it does. You just.
See yourself in the mirror. I know, but you know when you
see yourself in the mirror everyday, you don't necessarily
see things that are changing gradually.
OK. So if it starts to happen, all
I'm saying is tell me so that I can like maybe message them
back. Sure, but also you can see

(24:14):
yourself in the mirror. Yeah.
So I think we're both going to be seeing it if it does happen.
I know, but like I said, you seeyourself gradually.
Everybody, are you OK? Are you seeing a bug?
Yes, I have 6 mosquito bites from this weekend and there's
like shit flying around in here.It's a family that's not a

(24:35):
mosquito. Like a mosquito gnat or
whatever. I don't fucking know.
But I got got and now I've Welt all over my body.
And I did when we were in Palm Springs this weekend, like you
said, you got, for some reason, which I didn't know that they
even existed in the desert this way, eaten at breakfast, you got
eaten alive. Not at dusk.

(24:55):
At motherfucking breakfast. Yeah.
Dicks so. But you could.
Here's what I don't understand. I can walk outside and get like
a mosquito bite. I get riddled.
What is it about you? I get like a shotgun shell style
welts everywhere. Fuck, do you see it?

(25:17):
Yes, it's a family. No, it's not a family.
It's not a mosquito. Have eyes I have.
We all both have eyes. It's not a it's not a mosquito.
No, it's not. My goodness.
OK, here's the other thing I don't get.
OK, and I'm going to look this up in a second, but here's what
I don't get. We were in the pool in Palm
Springs and there's bees. Yeah.

(25:39):
That are like in the water. Sure.
And you're, you're telling me torescue them or you yourself are
going over and the lifting them out of the water and bringing
them to safety. Sure.
How can you do that when right now I can't even hold a
conversation with you because there's a family in the room?
What's the difference? A bee is way more.
Painful a family. It's a fucking mosquito.

(25:59):
Because I get Welt for mosquitoes and I personally have
never been bit by a bee. I've never been stung by a bee,
and I think bees aren't even trying to sting you.
I think mosquitoes are specifically trying to like,
suck your blood and eat you. Bees are like in defense mode.
If you accidentally swat them and they're on you, they like,
sting you out of self preservation.

(26:21):
OK? Like a bee is not bringing the
fight to my doorstep just for fun.
A mosquito is trying to live offof my blood.
You know what I mean? It's different.
OK, here's a question. I just looked this up.
What? Why do mosquitoes bite more
people than others? What blood type are you?
I don't know and neither does mymom, which is really problematic
if something bad happens. I don't know your blood type or

(26:43):
my own either. We should probably.
We're fucked, hopefully. Also, can't they figure it?
Out, but also like, hopefully we're never dismembered, knock
on wood. But like, if we're dismembered,
we're not going to be able to tell them what our blood type is
for. Sure, and no one will.
Know, but we can't phone a friend.
OK, well what's the thing? What's it say?
Says if you're type O or type AByou get attacked more.

(27:06):
I don't think I'm oh, because isn't that the universal one?
I is it. Also, if you're if you have the
universal one, don't they like literally bang down your door
for donations? Aren't they like, come on, we
need your blood? Yeah.
So it's probably not that one, is what you're saying.
Yeah, Number 22, another reason here.

(27:29):
If you exhale more than others, No, you release more carbon
dioxide than another person, you're going.
I mean, you, if they are around when you do the Judge Judy
moment of the week, there's a chance that like, you know what
I mean? Yeah, but I'm not breathing out
more than other people. I'm not breathing out more than
you. This also doesn't make sense.

(27:50):
Body heat. They're attracted to more body
heat. That would be you.
That would be me, not you. Body odor.
Well, definitely not me. There are specific body odors
that they're attracted to. It doesn't mean you stink, but
just the way that you smell could be still pleasant.
If you're pregnant, God willing,that's not it.
Mosquitoes are attracted to beer.

(28:13):
Again. You mosquitoes are attracted to
your diet if you have a potassium rich diet also
clothing color. I don't know.
I'm not pounding bananas. You're not mainlining bananas,
apparently, if you have green, if you wear a lot of green
there, they seem to be attracted.
I don't know if that's true. I don't know if I believe all
that. I don't.

(28:33):
Like any of this? OK.
I don't because I'm getting phantom itches talking about it
and now I'm looking around paranoid, whatever.
Do you enjoy Palm Springs overall, aside from the
mosquitoes? I did.
It was nice. It was fun.
I love the desert. We talk about Joshua Tree on
here, we talk about Palm Springs, and I feel like, was it

(28:57):
you or our friend that brought up the desert vortex?
Our friend. And it's this idea that there's
like a handful of places similarto Palm Springs, Joshua Tree,
Ojai, Ojai, California. They're energy vortexes.
And I totally feel that. Yeah, I think that's a legit
thing because I feel like I'm ona different planet when I'm in

(29:19):
those places. Yeah, I don't know.
It's like they're made of smudgestick, you know what I'm saying?
For sure for. Sure.
OK, I was going to confess this on the podcast, but then you
kind of brought it up as well. I have been listening.
No, I I had a bone to pick. What's your bone?

(29:45):
Because we share a Spotify. That's my bone to pick with you.
No, we share a Spotify account. Yeah.
And all of a sudden I go to Click to try to find my
favorites and I see a new activeplaylist is divorced dads right?

(30:05):
What is it called? Divorced Dads rock and.
Divorced. No, just divorced dads playlist
I think. Divorced dads and I was like, oh
good, you're prepping for divorce and children.
Where did it go? It's probably no, I didn't.

(30:26):
Delete it. Here it is.
Divorce dad rock. Yeah, divorce, Dad Rock.
Bangers with AZ it's. So a guy at work was talking
about how much he loves Nickelback and how people shit
on Nickelback and everything. And I was like, yeah, I agree.
And then we started talking about Nickelback and Creed in

(30:49):
these three days or Three Doors Down and those types of bands.
And then he was like, yeah, I have been listening to this
Spotify playlist, Divorce Dad Rock, and I feel totally seen.
And I'm like, interesting. So I looked it up.
My God, I am obsessed. Yeah, I'm obsessed.
Let me read some of the bands. Sample us because it was like.

(31:12):
Hinder. OK.
Shinedown, OK Saving Abel Daughtry, Nickelback, Creed,
Buckcherry, Lifehouse, Papa Roach, Tonic Finger 11.
Oh. God Pearl Jam 3 Doors Down,
incubus stained puddle of mud Switchfoot.

(31:33):
I think there's. A chance Three days.
Grace Trap. Limp Bizkit.
OK, I think there's a chance we add this to the ick list.
Why? Because non ironically listening
to stained and hinder. I see.
I think it's AI think it's a type of music that's going to
make a comeback. Buckcherry.

(31:56):
Buckcherry, yeah. No.
It'll come back, it'll swing back in that direction.
Are any of these people alive? Yes.
Are they? Well, that's another story, but
they're alive. OK.
I don't know. So you stand by this playlist
selection. I do.
And I think it's it's going to be the next, you know, how,
like, country kind of came around.

(32:17):
Sure. And the Backstreet Boys are
playing the goddamn sphere. Yeah.
I feel like we're going to come around on this stuff.
Sure. Easy to understand lyrics.
Really bad lyrics, if we're being honest.
Dad Rock. Dad Rock I could see if you're

(32:37):
just like doing home improvementprojects in like the garage dad
rock, but I don't see listening to it in just other times out in
the day. I'm afraid to listen to it
around you. Why?
Because I feel like you're goingto judge me.
Because you are right now. You told me you got the ick.
I don't know, maybe if it if youjust like put it on when it

(33:01):
seemed appropriate, I would be into it.
I don't know you have. To try, when would it be
appropriate? Like when we were just painting
cabinets. No, I don't know if it would.
I don't know if I I literally had a a song on the other day
when we were with our friends inPalm Springs.
I forget which one it was and itcame up and you gave me a look.
I'm like, OK, I'll skip it. Feel like that would happen.

(33:23):
I don't know. We are painting our cabinets.
It's true in one of our bathrooms.
And it's it's what? I listen.
I think by our standards pretty successful.
You've already gone to Lowe's three times today.
That is a necessary evil for when you do the home improvement
projects. Lowe's.

(33:44):
It's it's what's the slogan for Lowe's when you hear your
family? I don't know.
No, but I don't mind going. There's this guy that works the
paint counter. Ray.
Yeah, let me tell you, he is a piece of work.
We remember, Ray, from when we painted our banister black.
And if you remember us painting our banister black, I said I

(34:04):
would never paint a goddamn thing ever again.
Ever. Liar.
And here we are. And it's only because we tried
to install new hardware on our freaking bathroom cabinets and
it ripped the paint. So now we were forced to strip
all of them, sand them and repaint them the same

(34:24):
motherfucking color, motherfucker, because if you
tried to paint over the ripped part, it would look like shit.
So we had to just redo it all and I didn't want to pay someone
to do it. I am not having as deep of
regrets, I will say, as the banister.
I think we did good. I think we're doing a good job.

(34:44):
One less surface area 2 We're not using bitch ass bristle
brushes, bristle brushes, bristle brushes, bristle.
We're using little foam rollers.A world of difference.
It seems to be a lot better. No brush marks, no drippage.
You know, it would be a game changer though, as if we had one

(35:05):
of those spray things. I did look into that.
How much are those? They're not as expensive as you
would think. You can get like a battery
operated one for like 50. Bucks here's the thing, I don't
trust my aim and I feel like I would just end up painting the
garage. Floor I would end up painting
the countertop or something. We would paint the wrong stuff.
If we were starting from the studs, yeah, absolutely, let's
fucking go to town, but not in ahouse we live.

(35:27):
In and not for one project. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
But yeah, this Ray guy, he is. He is exactly.
He's like, he's like a characterfrom Superstore that works at
Lowe's. He's just like a, a character of
himself. And I, he's one of those people
that I'm nervous to talk to every time I see him in there,

(35:47):
which is frequently, because no matter what I say, he's going
to, he's going to take issue with it or like it'll go down an
avenue. I don't want it going down.
Like he asked I I'm trying to benice.
How's your day going? And then it starts him down a
fucking journey and 1/2 of a story.
OK, well, I didn't really. I was I was looking for like

(36:08):
it's going pretty well. How about you or give me a
little mini nugget. Sure, but I don't need to.
I don't need. To like go into a BBQ later.
Yeah, I came. I came to get this paintbrush,
and now I'm spending 30 minutes here talking to you, you know?
But he's, yeah, he just makes menervous because I also feel like
he's judging what I'm doing. Which he did.

(36:28):
We have oak, absolutely did. And listen, if we bought the
house and they were the originalOak, possible that we wouldn't
have painted it, right? However, when we bought it
already painted, pre painted. So we're not going to strip them
all down to reef. Like what is it called when you
make something like, yeah, we'renot going to.

(36:51):
Refurbish them, whatever. Right.
We're we can't, we don't, we're not doing that.
No, sorry, Ray, but it makes me wonder, like he almost seems
like a retired teacher or something.
Yeah, that needs the feels the need to like pass down.
Yeah, I don't need a nugget of wisdom to buy paint.
No, but he needs every single purchase to come with some sort
of life lesson. So many people there were buying

(37:12):
grills today though, for Memorial Day.
So they're going to bust open a new grill.
Today, a supervisor, when I walked in there, got there
somewhat early in the morning. I walked in there and there was
like this guy and his Lowe's team that we're getting ready
for a busy day and they're talking right in the entrance of
the store, like between the sliding doors.

(37:35):
And he's like, all right, you know, it's going to be a busy
day. Guys, thank you for being here
on a holiday. You know, a lot of people buy
grills today. A lot of people buy grills
because it's a big grilling day.People go outside, they'd go to
light the grill up. It's not working, but they
already invited people over, so they're coming here to get their
grill. Oh, wow.
And I'm like, OK, no shit. Everybody in there was buying a

(37:57):
goddamn grill. Wow.
It's like, it was grill madness.Wow.
I know I wouldn't have thought because it's like.
Were they running? They're coming over in 1/2 hour.
You're here buying a. Grill.
Were they? Were they running deals on them?
They were, yeah. There were some good deals on
the grill. Less than what we got.
Yeah, we were had last year. Really.

(38:18):
Yeah, half, half of what we paid.
Shut up. Return it.
I can't. It's too long.
We've cooked with it. We've cooked with it now.
If you know, it's fine. I actually was talking to a guy
recently whose job in high school and college was going to
Lowe's and assembling grills. OK, maybe we should have just

(38:44):
waited for a Memorial Day sale to buy a grill.
That's when we bought one last year really.
We got like the promo one. They just have a better deal
this year. But anyway, I thought.
That was well, those tariffs aretrying.
To that's fucking tariffs. I don't know.
Opposite tariffs at Lowe's, apparently.
I know. I'm saying they're prepping for
people. They're like, no one wants to
spend money with that. We have to make this $10.

(39:05):
Right. I don't know.
Yeah, anyway, Lowe's Ray. Love you guy.
Big weekend for the movies also.Massive movie weekend in this
household because the newest Mission Impossible movie came
out. What, you looked it up last
night? It was #8.
Yeah. Which is.
It's crazy. Am I 8?

(39:25):
It's the third or fourth one that has come out since we've
been together. Yeah.
And it's the type of movie made for us.
We love these movies. Yeah, I love being on the edge
of my seat. I love a stunt.
I love a big screen. I yeah, I like a screen.
A movie screen. Yeah, I don't.

(39:47):
Here we go. Tasteless takes.
Why don't we? Why don't we have music for my
tasteless tastes? Well, what do you want?
No, no. Well.
We can find something for that. OK, is it the French music?
Maybe because I'm a tastemaker? Oh, I can see.
Let. Me see.

(40:10):
There we go. That's a good one.
Tasteless takes. I don't fucking get the appeal
of IMAX. Why?
Why does the screen need to be 20 feet fucking bigger in every
direction? You can't possibly take in the
whole screen at once. So then I got a headache because

(40:31):
I'm looking left, I'm looking right, I'm looking up, I'm
looking down, I'm looking left, I'm looking right.
I can't take in the screen with my eyes looking One Direction.
I have to look everywhere. I'm getting motion sick.
I don't understand why everything has to be bigger to
be better. Bigger is not always better.
I just want a regular movie. A movie screen is pretty big.

(40:52):
I don't understand why we need it to be in our asshole.
I don't understand why I need tobe touching the screen and the
screen is 80 times my body size and length and width and height
and I'm within its esophagus. I don't understand the need to
be in this giant fucking screen all around us.

(41:13):
Wrong. Music.
It was the wrong music. I don't get the appeal, it makes
me ill. I don't understand why people
like it. And then obviously it was
specifically triggering because the Mission Impossible first,
like 20-30 minutes of the movie,there's a lot of flashing.
A lot of rapid fire. It's a lot of like whatever

(41:34):
where they're, it's like a love letter homage to the 1st 7
movies and the 30 years of action scenes and whatever.
We get it great. There's a time and place for
that. But I don't need to have a
seizure while you're flashing this shit in my face.
It was very seizure inducing. And also we saw I don't get

(41:55):
your, you always want to sit on the 1st row.
Like there's there's the walkwaythat divides the upper from the
lower right. People that sit in the lower
make it make sense. Yeah, sure.
Like right up against it. People that choose to sit in the
there's the walkway, the lower third.
Closest to the screen. Get help.

(42:17):
Yeah. I've never wanted to see a movie
bad enough to sit in the lower third.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I have. What movie?
One of the Star Wars movies. Fine, but I've never wanted to
see just like any old movie, I certainly didn't want to see
this enough to sit in the lower third.
First of all, so people that just that's your spot that you

(42:39):
pick the lower third, seek medical attention, then then
when the upper 2/3 right, it's kind of like what?
No, the lower third walkway and then the upper 2/3 is what I'm
calling it. So the upper 2/3 you like to sit

(43:01):
in the fucking front row of the upper 2/3.
That's not true. Not every time.
It's theatre dependent. OK, well.
Theatre dependent. There was some sort of
miscommunication. I like to sit.
Where I like to sit is on the foot rail, yes.
Like if there's the handicap seats or handicap able seats on
the floor, right, The row behindthat row so I can put my feet on

(43:23):
the rail, that is my ideal. Spot, right.
That's still too close for me, in my opinion.
But you like to sit there whatever.
So this time we sat by the handicap.
What is it? Handy, capable, accessible,
whatever the accessible seats, we sat in those 'cause it was
almost sold out. Yes, way fucking too close.
It would have been too close if it was a regular screen IMAX.

(43:45):
I wanted to puke my guts out. Right, I get that anyways.
But let me remind you, when we bought tickets, those were the
only ones available, no? There was back row.
Yeah, but nobody wants to sit inthe back.
Row I did. Back row is like you might as
well watch the movie at home. Why?
Because the you're so far away from the screen, what's the
point of being? There, it wasn't that far and it
was well, and this one, it wasn't IMAX and this one it was.

(44:06):
The screen was giant. Yeah, but the whole point is to
like, soak it in, you know what I mean?
The whole point is to be inside its taint I guess.
No, not inside the taint to soakit in.
I agree this on this one. We were too close for comfort.
OK. We were, but I I think like at
the Universal IMAX, it's a much bigger auditorium.

(44:28):
This one there's like 5 rows against the screen.
Yeah, I don't get it. I don't understand if you're
going to. If it's not a great IMAX.
If it's going to be that small then don't make it IMAX.
I agree with that. Then just don't do it.
OK, So there was that. The movie.
It was good. We enjoyed the movie.
Had a good time. Yeah, despite everyone.

(44:49):
We had a good time despite the psychopaths in the theater.
This is 75% of the time that youand I go to the Movies Now.
I don't get it. Is it me?
Am I bad luck? One second.
No, this can't be a whole Jude episode.
This can't. We can't do it.
There was. People lose their mind.

(45:10):
Movie theaters are like going onan airport or on an airplane or
going to the airport. Now.
It's like the second people get in there, they don't know how to
fucking behave. So there was a family that
brought two children under five years old.
To lilo and stitch. Oh.
Wait, it was Mission Impossible?And during the previews the four

(45:32):
year old goes I'm bored. Yeah, that's true.
And I was like, I got bad news for you about this three hour
movie for adults that isn't Liloand Stitch.
I'm like, are you guys in the wrong fucking theater?
So as you would assume because she said I'm bored during the

(45:53):
previews, she obviously talked through the whole movie.
That she did. Did they also have a tablet?
I wouldn't be surprised. Playing shit for the kid.
I wouldn't be surprised. I thought I heard some shit
playing and I was like. It was also just making noise,
like they were sitting on the seat where I like against the
rail, right, And she was like standing, holding the rail, like

(46:17):
almost throwing her body over itfor half the movie.
The guy sitting to our right. Almost.
Lost was about to lose his fucking mind so that was
happening. And then also people kicking
aggressively the backs of our chairs.
There were this one guy got up to go to the bathroom like 3
times and then instead of going back to his seat he was

(46:38):
awkwardly standing by the entrance of the theater.
Like a foot and 1/2 from your body.
It was so weird. And then the woman sitting to
the your left was on her phone several times texting.
What I didn't understand is thatwe were at the movie theater
watching a movie and she was on the Regal app.
Yeah, I saw that. What are you doing?
I don't know. We're already here.

(46:58):
Yeah, spoiler alert, you're here.
What the fuck? I don't understand it.
I everyone it I was like, is there a gas leak?
Like why does no one have commonsense?
I if I was somehow diagonal enough from the little kid that
I was like not getting as much audio shrapnel as the guy to

(47:20):
your right like whatever, but I think I would have screamed at
the family like get a fucking. Babysitter, don't blame you.
It was also late. It's so selfish to ruin an
entire theater of people's experience because you didn't
want to get a babysitter, or youdidn't want to go to Lilo and
Stitch, or you didn't want to goto a 2:00 PM movie.

(47:43):
Also the tickets for an IMAX showing these days usually in
the 25 plus range. Right, so you spent that on your
kids ticket instead of getting ababy?
They had two child, two children2.
Children $50. Which you could have paid a
babysitter 20 bucks an hour for two hours or three.
Hours to go to a movie to go to a movie.

(48:03):
So you should have done that or taken your kids to see Lilo and
Stitch, which they would have been happy to.
See, and they all had concessions.
Yeah. So they spent much more than
they would have on a the on a fucking babysitter.
And then there was another guy who brought in Cheesecake
Factory. Yeah, which he brought in a bag
that had to have had 10 entrees in it.

(48:23):
Yeah, no one cares anymore. Which I also, I kind of respect
it, right? Yeah.
At the same time, I don't want to sit next to those people.
No, I don't want to smell like delicious food the entire time
because that's distracting. Yeah.
Anyway, people lose their shit at the movies.
I don't get it. It's the tales oldest time but
yet every time it's just as triggering as the last.

(48:45):
It is. This is why we got to stop
seeing movies on opening weekend.
Too many people go. But it's exciting, it's
exciting, it's exciting and I love being a part of the
conversation, you know, not a part of the mania all the time,
though. I'm fine with having a hot take
like two months later, I don't really care.

(49:08):
Fair. Fair.
All right, well, should we let everyone get to their week?
I suppose have a memorable or what meaningful week.
Have a meaningful week, a meaningful Memorial Day.
Thank you for spending some timewith us.
Sorry we don't have any deals for you.
I got them at Lowe's. Go get a grill. 149 for a grill.

(49:32):
There's still time. They're still open.
We spent more than. That yeah, we spent almost 300.
Yeah. Crime against nature, any other
part of words of wisdom, anything at all, any last minute
dudes you want to throw in there.
No, I've been angry enough for all of us.
You. Want to go listen to the
divorced ad playlist with me? Maybe we go for a drive.

(49:54):
Some bangers. I'll tell you what, I'll drive
in my car, you drive in your car, and then we'll meet at a
stoplight. Isn't that cute?
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