Its a Gas Leak!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that. Two millennials doing a podcast
to avoid legalizing. The.
Purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true.
Opinions. This is weird.
We're recording the podcast again.

(00:22):
Somewhat homeless. Not really homeless.
We have a place to live. Right.
We're staying with my mom in a very nice apartment in our own
room with a bathroom. So by homeless, you mean we just
don't own a space? But currently doing it with no
headphones on, which if any, if you've ever met a podcast
expert, they highly recommend it.

(00:43):
They highly recommend hearing your voice and noticing how loud
it is or when you're speaking. People say like when you hear
your voice back on a voicemail, like you don't like it, right.
I don't like hearing myself talkwithout headphones on.

(01:03):
I prefer having my headphones oneven in everyday like I am
meetings at work this week I thought to myself like I would
feel better about this if I had headphones on my head.
Weird. I don't know why.
Well, fingers crossed, I'll try not to scream as much today
during my Jude. Can we just do a quick mic
check? Hello.

(01:27):
You also can't scream as much during your Jude because we're
recording in an apartment building at night.
We're like the other residents, are retired and don't want to
hear me saying shove it up your ass.
Well, I think that it would be considered like they would call
the police. Yeah, someone would be like

(01:49):
someone's being slaughtered in there, someone's dying.
Somebody's shoving something up,somebody else's ass.
And they would think. And they're angry about.
It a Good Samaritan by calling the police.
I do have kind of a question, though.
Yeah. This is the first time we've
lived in an apartment for a couple of years, not terribly
long. We were.
It was what, four years ago thatwe lived in an apartment?

(02:11):
Yeah, still fresh in the memory.But this is the first apartment,
even temporarily, that I've everlived in with a trash chute.
OK. And I don't.
I I need to. I got to know what trash chute
etiquette is. There's two things.
I don't understand how there's any question at all in your mind

(02:33):
about. Are there limitations to what
you can put in a trash chute? What did you want to put down
it? I emptied the cat litter box for
contacts. I didn't just pour it into the
trash chute. Right.
It's we. Backed it up.
Yeah. That's acceptable, right?
If it's within a bag and you were gonna throw that in the

(02:53):
dumpster, that shoot just goes to the dumpster, yes.
How about a trash bag of glass bottles?
Not past quiet hours 'cause it'll bang all the way down.
But during the day, it's OK Yeah, OK Anything 'cause I felt
a little weird about just throwing the cat shit down the
trash chute. If it's loose shit, then yeah,

(03:15):
that's fucking weird. Don't do it.
You shouldn't throw loose shit in any dumpster.
It should be in a bag regardless.
I know, but I didn't know. Even if it's in a bag, I felt
weird about it. I guess is my point because I
thought, like, oh, because we'reon the third floor.
What if I put it down and eitherit explodes at the bottom, or if
somebody's down in the garage putting something in the

(03:39):
dumpster and they get attacked with a bag of cat shit, you
know? I think you run the risk anytime
anyone's putting anything down the chute, like let's say it was
a bag of spoiled food and it exploded at the bottom right?
Like you run the risk. It's risky.
And then also think about this the in this building they put

(04:03):
the dumpster out on the street to have it emptied.
Right. When the dumpster's out on the
street, there's no dumpster to catch the trash.
I guarantee you people throw things down the chute and they
just explode on the floor. Do you think that they close?
Can the chute be closed when that's occurring?

(04:25):
I don't think so. I think it's just an open port,
an open portal. I wonder if that happens a lot.
But it has to. It has to because it's out there
for like the the majority of theday whenever the do.
You think all the residents justknow when it's trash day and
they don't do it? No, no.
We're giving you're giving way too.

(04:45):
Much credit. Remember when we were apartment
managers? Or you were an apartment manager
and I was your assistant, and people would just put bags of
trash that were basically open next to the dumpster but not in
it. Yeah. 0 faith.
So stupid. There's no way that they are

(05:06):
responsible when it comes to shooting.
I think that the only piece of shoot etiquette that I would say
is don't put a bag of trash in the next to the shoot.
Remember, people would do that. They would, or the chute would
get clogged for some reason, andthen they would just put their
bag of shit next to the chute. Your old apartment building?

(05:29):
Yeah, I remember that. It was so weird.
It was obnoxious and it's like, so if you can't put it in the
chute, walk it down like what? I also realize that I have kind
of a fear of them, of the trash chutes, because I think I'm
afraid of losing my wedding ringwhenever I throw a bag down.

(05:52):
Like it's going to grapple undermy ring and pull it off my
finger and go into the dumpster,which technically couldn't find
it. But like that.
That sounds like hell to me, 'cause yeah, I could find it,
but it's a needle on a shit stack, you know?
Is your ring loose? No, not at all.
I've been weird. OK, it's not exclusive to the

(06:14):
trash chute. I have been weirdly paranoid
about losing my wedding ring recently.
I don't omen. No, I don't think so.
But like, I think it's just because when we lived in our old
house before we sold it recently, I had like my places I
would put it knowing it would besafe.

(06:35):
And now you're displaced. And I don't feel safe putting it
anywhere. I see.
And the other day I was taking ashower and took it off.
Usually, yeah. Usually I have it on when I take
a shower, but every like fifth time I shower, I take it off.
Why? To clean my finger where the
ring was. I know it probably doesn't make

(06:57):
much sense, but I put it like onthe counter behind something
behind the soap thing, thinking like, oh if I'm rummaging
around, the soap thing will hideit and I won't be able to knock
it into the sink. I forgot for 30 seconds that I
did that and he got out of the shower and I panicked.
I had like, the gut. You know what I'm like the when

(07:20):
you drop off the roller coaster.Yeah, your stomach.
Was like, oh shit. And then it was just behind the
soap. OK.
I don't know. I just like weird it's.
And then the other thing, like with the trash chute, I'm
worried about it. The ring's slipping off.
And then I'm also weirdly worried about, and I'm never
like this, some sort of critter climbing up the trash chute and

(07:42):
like, jumping at my face when I open it.
You're worried about a critter? Like a squirrel.
Or a rat or raccoon or something.
That would be my greatest delight.
Wouldn't. I just think it'd be fun if it
was. I think the most plausible is a
raccoon 'cause they are actual, literal and they.

(08:04):
Can climb. Dumpster divers.
Yeah. I think that would be like, what
a joy to That's what a bonus to open the trash chute and see a
raccoon. I'd hand them the trash bag and
let them go through. It here's the 3rd and final I
believe irrational fear about the trash chute have.
You talked to your therapist. About this, maybe I should Every

(08:27):
building that has one has a little door.
Oh, getting locked inside. I have thought that too.
Yes, Cameron, Do they even put locks on those doors?
No, but to be fair, they don't put locks on bathroom doors
sometimes and I sometimes get stuck.
They they did put a lock on the shoot door of the building we

(08:50):
used to manage in North Hollywood and we locked it
because people lost privileges to the shoot.
Yeah, obnoxious. You know, you could also just
not use the chute at all if you're this worried I.
Got to do that and I have to walk all the way downstairs.
OK. I'm out walking three flights of

(09:13):
stairs to throw my trash away. I'd rather throw it off the
balcony. Well, it's on the way to the
car. Still.
Seems like too much. It's a lot of work.
I did think when I was a kid that people that had laundry
chutes were like, so fancy. Yeah.
Do houses have laundry chutes anymore?
I don't think so because there were too many like children

(09:35):
falling. In technically our new home that
we bought, the primary primary bathroom, bedroom and closets
are directly above the laundry room, no.
Yeah. So we could like carve a chute.
We. Could shoot.

(09:56):
Carve. Let's carve a shoot.
It's worth considering. And then we would just end up
with piles of laundry in the laundry room and not actually.
Hit the floor. Yeah.
I had one friend growing up thathad one and I was like, Oh my
God. Did you abuse it?
Made it, dude. It was kind of like we played
games with it. Yeah, you would throw shit down

(10:18):
it That wasn't laundry. He would be downstairs and I
would be upstairs and I'd throw like balls down it and he'd
catch them and vice versa, he'd try to like, throw it back up to
see if it can come out of the chute.
Right, that's not. So that's probably why they
don't do them anymore. I always thought that houses
that had the big central vacuum in the house were were so fancy
and cool. I've never even seen one of

(10:38):
those in action. I've didn't have a single friend
that had one and I didn't even know what they looked like.
Here's it's, in case you don't know, listener.
It's essentially like you go to a room in your house And by the
way, the cat's eating in the background if you can hear him.
I don't know because I don't have headphones.
On I'm not trying to do mukbang.It's the cat.

(11:00):
But you go into a room and like,there's a little outlet on the
wall that you open up and you literally connect a hose to it.
And then you flip a switch and just a vacuum starts.
That's somewhere else in the house.
Quick question, how the fuck is that easier than plugging in a
vacuum? One would argue that maybe it
isn't, and the other thing that sucks about it is I think that
it's a better idea in theory than it is in actuality, because

(11:21):
if the vacuum breaks, you have to replace the entire house
vacuum. Right.
And then you just have, like, where is the shit that you're
vacuuming up stored in like? There's like a like a container.
So it's the same concept as a laundry shooter.
Trash it. There's like a central thing.

(11:41):
But then you have to get stuck. You do have to empty it.
It could get stuck and I you know, I'm not a fan of light
waste, but we live in America where vacuums are $50.00, so
like, you can use it and throw it away.
OK, but also you can like you have to store the hose
somewhere. Yeah.

(12:04):
So you're some of them. Have like the ones accordion
into the wall. But yeah, you'd still have to.
There's a lot of problems with it.
I just don't think I don't see the value, but OK.
Anyway, no, shoot, we're moving this weekend.
Yeah, it's happening. Finally.
Hopefully it goes better than a few weeks ago.

(12:25):
There's no shoot, but it seems like a nice place, yeah.
Yeah, wow. Way to sell.
Sell them on it. It is funny to think about like
what you think is fancy as a kid, though.
Yeah. Those were the big ones for me
and my friends that had a playroom.

(12:46):
I was like, damn, dude. We had a playroom not to flex
too hard on. It.
No, I know. Why do you think I married you?
For my For your. Playroom money.
I also had a friend that had a room that was so big that he had
two twin beds in it, and I was like, wow, whoa, you could fit

(13:09):
like so many. People Who was the other bed for
a sibling? No, just like a friend when they
say over. Whoa.
Yeah, how about that for a fucking flex.
And he had a little mini fridge in his room and his own phone
line. Damn, now he's dead.
No, OK. Shout out to Kyle Harris.

(13:32):
Hope you're doing well. Oh God.
Yeah, I thought, man. Anyway, how stuff is going well,
we're finally on the other side of it.
Yeah, it's going well now. Oh.
But a few days ago things were touch and go if you will listen,

(13:54):
we've it's been a roller coasterof an experience.
At one point, you know, the AC wouldn't turn on.
There were things there was likean issue with the roof and the
AC. Those are two giant areas,
right? I would say the roof is pretty
important. They sent, they sent a

(14:14):
contractor to fix the roof, so now it's perfect.
And they sent a technician. Turns out the AC was perfectly
fine. They just didn't know how to
turn it on. So everything's fine.
They you know, But that was scary, Like, whoa, are we going
to have to not get this house, 'cause we don't have the money
to fix these giant things right off the bat and it's not worth

(14:36):
it, and we want to get a good deal and whatever.
So we were considering walking away and then turns out it was
all fine. Then we get a casual e-mail
after the inspection that said, oh, there was AI can barely even
squeak it out of my mouth, therewas a minor gas leak and I shit

(15:00):
myself. You you did.
I got full blown stress hives. I immediately called you.
I immediately group texted you and our realtor, I said.
You could have told me a family of possums, snakes and raccoons
inhabited the home and were breeding within the home.

(15:25):
Which is what? Happened.
Or there were termites. Or you could have told me
anything and it would have been less horrible than you telling
me there was a gas fucking leak.If you've listened to any amount
of this podcast, you know this is my worst fear having a
fucking gas leak. I know.

(15:47):
Are you kidding me? And also the word minor.
The word minor Are you high? Well, there is a difference
between minor and major. Gas is leaking.
How is it a minor leak? If it's leaking, it's leaking,
it's gas, and it's leaking. Yeah, but if it's a tiny amount.
Oh my God, that's mine. People die from tiny amounts of

(16:12):
gas leaking in their home. No, they don't.
People sleep and then there's a tiny gas leak and then they die.
That's. Not there is such a thing as a
tiny gas. Leak there is and then they try
to act like. If I held a butane lighter near

(16:33):
you and just held it, didn't letthe gas escape but didn't light
it, you wouldn't die. This is not OK if you held it
for the record. I'm not making the case that I
want a gas leak in the house. Held it near me inside for weeks
at a time and never let it go out.

(16:54):
I think I would develop health issues.
To be determined the house is a decent size.
But in this scenario, the lighter's lit.
No, it's not. That's what I'm saying.
If I just held the lighter but didn't let it light, let the gas
escape, you wouldn't die. A nightmare.
Either way, it doesn't matter. Gas leaks are bad.

(17:16):
Literal waking nightmare. Worst case scenario.
Literally. Someone tell me a worse worser
case? Worsen worst.
A worst. Tell me the worser worsery.
Oh, worse or case scenario. Worse, the shirt.

(17:38):
Someone told me the worst or short case scenario then a gas
leak. So.
You think that's the worst? Then the realtor said I would
say mold, sure, but then we would just not buy the house.
Yeah, right. But you asked what's worse, the
gas. Mold fine, OK.

(18:01):
I thought you were gonna say sure, but you can live with
that. No.
So anyways, but the I said name a Worcester short case scenario
and you said right Mold. Yeah.
And then I said OK yeah. Anyways, circling back to the

(18:23):
gas leak then I told our realtor.
I texted. I said I you don't understand.
I don't think what you've emailed this was worst case
scenario. I'm not OK.
It's not OK to say it's minor, nor is it OK to say we think
it's fixed. It needs to.
Where is it? How is it fixed?

(18:44):
How fixed is it? How many people have identified
that it is fully fixed? How many people have identified
there's not currently gas pouring into the home empty.
What's happening? There needs to be another
inspection. There needs to be a third
inspection. There needs to be a fourth
inspection. So now that's happened, people
have gone. The gas company went, inspectors

(19:05):
went. We also went today and started
the stove and didn't explode, sothat was a good sign.
Yeah. So progress has been made.
I gotta say, I think all things considered, you handled it
pretty well. Thank you.
I do. I think like, that's definitely
high up on the list of concerns for you, and I feel like you had

(19:27):
a a momentary panic and then climbed your way out of it.
I definitely saw. I don't even know of red.
I think I blacked out. Yeah, you blacked out.
And I just really needed everyone to know how serious I
was. Yeah.
And then I needed everyone else to take it seriously.

(19:48):
And you did. I'm saying you and our realtor
did. But I needed everyone to like,
reframe and not be using the words minor 'cause I was like.
I didn't. I know, but I just was like it
to me. It was not a casual e-mail
topic. I will say subject line was gas

(20:08):
leak so in hindsight I would have not even emailed it.
I would have texted. And said Hey, yeah.
They the gas company had to shutthings off because they maybe
there was a little leak, but they've gone and fixed it and
figured it out and don't worry about it, but no subject gas
leak. In all caps.

(20:29):
Fuck. I was trying to think of what my
equivalent is though. Oh, what would be your code?
Red. Yeah, I think it would have been
if it was on fire. No.
The mold thing is pretty big because knowing that it's there

(20:50):
is bad for you, obviously. But the smell?
I think any any inescapable smell would be pretty bad for
me. Yeah.
I know that's kind of it. Sounds lame but.
But that The thing is an inescapable smell or mold is
also bad for me, but they don't strike panic into my heart.

(21:12):
Yeah, I don't know that there's something that would strike
panic within me. Some sort of infestation?
Yeah, probably. I do not like mice.
See. And that wouldn't bother me at
all, that you could have told mea family of mice lived in our
home. A couple of months.
Ago and I would have been like, well, can we find someone to
humanely remove them instead of the traps?

(21:35):
I think you. I think we might have talked
about it on the podcast, but a couple of months ago, our dog
Daisy honey. An entire episode was dedicated
to this, yes. Well, I don't remember
everything we've ever talked about.
This is why we worked together last week.
You brought up the guy that we did the game with.
What's his name? Doctor Joe or whatever.

(21:57):
Jeff. Therapy, Jeff.
Therapy, Jeff nailed it. She went out and got a hold of a
rat. That was a rat, not a mouse.
I know same diff. No, it's not the same.
I shook it out of her mouth. Oh, you said.
She dropped it. I.
Was trying to be nice. It was a combination of her

(22:20):
dropping it and me shaking it out of her mouth.
The way that that gave me the heebie jeebies.
I cannot. I cannot describe to you how
much it makes my skin crawl. Yeah, that's so funny.
OK. Well, Remember, Remember at our
apartment, the dead bird. Yeah.
And my reaction? Remember that?

(22:40):
Weren't we in Austin, TX when I accidentally kicked a dead bird?
I can't. I can't.
I can't. Even honestly thinking about I
can hear it. I can feel it.
It literally it makes me nauseous.
OK, so like. I'm borderline gagging talking
about. I'm not even joking.
OK. So that's your gas leak then?

(23:03):
I think so, but yeah, I think so.
There was one time in my parentshouse, we were talking in the
living room and all of a sudden my looking at my dad and behind
him on the ground I just see a mouse run by and I panicked.

(23:25):
I, like, ran out the front door.Jesus.
And then my dad was like, no, help me hunt it down.
I'm like, I don't know if I can describe to you that I can't.
I don't. Know why?
I don't know why. I think it's the unexpected
component of it. But once you've seen it, you
know where it is, so it's expected.

(23:47):
Yeah, but every time it's it's every time I've encountered one,
it's been unexpected outside in the dark, sitting in the living
room and it just runs by, you know?
But you don't picture like ratatouille or like.
No, I gotta say, I don't. Who's the mouse that people

(24:09):
like? Stewart Yeah.
Who's that mouse? People like Stewart.
Do people really like him? Is he like a hip mouse?
No, but like, like Marcel. I don't think that people
responded to Stuart Little the way they responded to Marcel.
Isn't he a famous child's mouse?Yeah.

(24:31):
What do you mean a famous child's mouse?
Like Clifford is a a child's dogstory come.
On Kids, gather around. I'm going to tell you a child's
story. I feel like on this episode I am
coming off like drunk or something and I've had nothing
to drink. I've had salmon for dinner.

(24:52):
I'm very tired. Fish oil will do it to you.
You did just come back from Stagecoach.
Maybe that's what you're feeling.
Yeah, I have never been. I went to Coachella in 2014.
Count em 10 years ago and the this was my first Stagecoach and
I'm honored to have gone our friend of POD and friend in

(25:16):
life, Katie. Again, I'd like to clarify not
referring to myself in third person.
Allegedly, she won tickets and she took her husband the first
night and then he had to work. So I got to be subbed in and I
was getting back from comedy gigs in Albany, NY and West

(25:41):
Virginia. And.
So the morning of Saturday of Stagecoach, I was in West
Virginia. I flew back.
She picked me up at the airport and we drove out to Palm
Springs. We made it for Post Malone and
Miranda Lambert. Post Malone.
And we saw Diplo playing Creed with Guy Fieri on stage.

(26:06):
Hell yeah, it was. Sounds like a dream I had.
Once, like a fever dream, I'm telling you.
And it made me realize when theyplayed Shania Twain's man, I
feel like a woman that I think of my husband, which was a fun
realization to have. It's it's also a dream.

(26:26):
And then we went the next day for the daytime activities and
saw a couple more bands and thenheaded home and it was
delightful. Here's a question.
Coachella or Stagecoach? They're very similar because
it's all they're in the. Same spot, right?
It's the same fairground, it's the same food, it's the same

(26:48):
bar. It really depends who the
headliners are, I think, becauseit's the same experience, it's
the same weather, it's the same.I think after seeing videos and
photos and stuff, I would be much more motivated to go to
Stagecoach. I don't really know why.

(27:11):
Yeah, I think it's similar. There's a lot of cool people
like Stagecoach. There was like line dancing and
stuff, which is cool. And I really kind of think I'm a
country convert now. I used to say literally if you
asked 20 year old me, I would and someone said what kind of
music do you listen to? I'd say anything but country.

(27:33):
And now I think I'm a convert. I definitely AM.
Yeah, I'm into it. I am sure there's still dumb
country songs, but there's also dumb rap songs and dumb pop
songs. Oh my God.
So it's like I just think I was listening to the wrong country
and now I'm listening to the right country and I'm into it
and I'm into line dancing. And here I'll say it.

(27:57):
I'm into the clothes. I am too.
I'm into all of it. I really.
Am I'm into the boots, I'm into the hats.
I gotta say too, I've met a lot of country artists recently that
they're cool, they're just so humble.
Also, so many of the lyrics are about revenge and I am a
vengeful person. That's true.

(28:18):
Miranda Lambert's songs, I was listening.
I was standing there and I looked at Katie and I was like.
Damn. These songs hit, yeah.
And it was just funny because I she was talking to me about,
like, how her obviously Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert used
to be married and they got divorced.

(28:38):
And I was like, Oh my gosh, like, are they on good terms?
Or did he cheat? And then she's like, well, she
cheated. Well, they.
Probably both did I think she cheated back.
Oh. I think I could be wrong.
But now he's married to Gwen Stefani, so everything's fine.
One of my mom's favorite songs when I grew up was that Carrie

(29:01):
Underwood one. Before he cheats, yeah.
And Joey's used to, like, scream, sing it in the car.
And I was like, are you Dad didn't cheat on you, right?
Yeah, How sure are we? No, I really, I'm really seeing
the value. I just think also there's that

(29:22):
part of the country crowd that we did see that there were
people yelling towards me and atme.
Trump 2024. Sure, but there's bad apples on
both sides. Totally so.
And then there were in. Every genre.
Totally. I just mean you swing too hard

(29:47):
into the Texas crowd. I would argue the people that
are telling you what to do with your own uterus for.
Sure, it's tough, but I would argue that those people like the
ones that are really climbing above right now are not those
country artists. Except for Morgan Wallen.
Yeah, but so. People enjoy Morgan Wallen, but

(30:08):
there's a lot of people who consider him like or having a
hard time separating the artist from the art, you know?
Other than throwing the chair off of the six story building
like what else has he done? There's a lot of stuff.
Oh, actually, someone did say, he said.
Then word. Hot Yeah, there's a lot of
stuff. That's tough that you can't

(30:29):
really come back from that. Also hot take people on Tiktok
'cause I looked up today to see if he brought Post Malone out on
stage, which he did. Annoying but.
Morgan Wallen did. Yeah, because we did not stay

(30:50):
for his performance. He did bring Post Malone out,
which I'm annoyed only because Idid want to see that one song
because I do think Post Malone and him have a good song coming
out anyways. Hot take cause TikTok when I
typed in Morgan Wallen Coachella, a bunch of girls post

(31:14):
like these edits of him of like he's so hot.
I yeah, really. Apparently this.
Is news to me. He could not be more average.
Yeah. Also, he has like kind of a
mullet and a beer belly. Like I He's not ugly, but he's

(31:35):
not. Mullets are very.
Dreamy and hot so I don't get it.
Mullets are very like in again. It's like if he was Travis
Kelsey and had these problematicviews, it'd be harder to hate
him. But he's.
Not right. I get what you're saying.
He's like every dude that I wentto high school with that grew up

(31:59):
and his metabolism stopped working as well when he was
drinking more beer. And yet he still feels like he's
the shit. Right.
Yeah. And his like buttons on his
flannel are kind of popping off in his stomach area, you know
what I mean? Yeah, but I do.
Whatever I agree though I'm I'm.I think I've always been into

(32:22):
country to some extent did. You stifle your interest because
of me. No, no, not because of you.
Not because of you. Because I've I've listened to it
in front of you frequently, but I definitely had a lot of
friends that, like, poo pooed itand I also didn't.
When you're from a place like Missouri and come to go to

(32:45):
school in a place like California, you try to suppress
all of that as best you can. Yeah, because people just label
you something, you know? Well, they don't.
You know, the whole state does. Doesn't help itself.
I know I'm not. I'm not, you know, holding it
against anyone. Their labeling isn't very wrong.

(33:07):
Right. But for me as an individual,
that's why, you know, held off on it, whatever.
But it's interesting. I used to really like going to
shows at this place in LA calledThe Bootleg, where they would do
like indie country artists. So much fun that closed during
COVID. Well RIP.
Yeah, you liked it though. I did.
We went once. I don't know.

(33:31):
OK, I have to read this. Is it mail time?
It's not mail time, but before you Jude, I have to read this.
OK. Maybe next time it'll take
before she Jude. Would you like that?
Yes, maybe. That should be my karaoke song.

(33:53):
Why isn't it Shania Twain? Maybe it should be?
But then I think that the peopleon the yacht would have thought
you were trans. Yeah, those people would
definitely would have thought. Because they're older.
If you listen to last week's episode, Cameron wouldn't do
karaoke on a yacht. And we were there for seven

(34:15):
hours and no less than 60 karaoke songs were played and he
refused to do a song. That's you're caught up now.
Yeah, next time you should just do Shania Twain.
I think that's a good choice. But then the older generation
that was watching us do karaoke would have definitely thought
you were trans. I can either do that or that.

(34:38):
Sarah. Is it OK?
I have a question. Is it Sarah McLaughlin or Sarah
McLaughlin? The first one.
McLaughlin. Are you OK?
I don't. I've never never really known.
It's either I sing Shania Twain or that Sarah McLaughlin song,
No from Toy. Story two?

(35:00):
No. What?
Sing it then. When somebody loved me, Oh God,
everything was Is her fucking literal career built on
breaking? Words 100%, definitely.
OK, real quick. Before Jude, this girl I used to
know probably the better part of10 years ago, posted this to her

(35:23):
Instagram story today and I wantto see what you think.
Biggest red flags in guys? Oh God.
The first one I Is she single? She's not single, but she has
recently labeled herself a relationship expert now.

(35:45):
What's her career before that? A television host turned
relationship expert slash life coach.
I've known like 10 people that have taken this path and.
I What does that say about you? No offense.
No offense, but I think the old adage, those who can't do teach

(36:08):
applies in this situation. OK, because everybody that I've
known who has taken the path of life, coaching, relationship,
coaching, with the exception of one or two people has done so
because they were like getting tired of putting in the grind on

(36:28):
their. It's like being an inspirational
speaker, but you're like 25. Yeah, and also like how many of
those can actually exist on Earth, you know?
Anyway, so the first biggest redflag in guys splits the bill in
the first date. I agree with that.
That would be a red flag if I was a woman.
I guess, but if we're tallying up 10 red flags, how many did

(36:53):
she list in this list? Probably a 15.
OK, I was just going to say I don't know if it would make my
top ten. There's like other red flags,
but go ahead. There's like some valid ones in
here And then I think that there's some that I'm like what?
OK, keep going. #2 Where's lots of Cologne?

(37:15):
I agree with that. Sure, there's nothing worse than
like walking past somebody and you get a giant whiff of what
they're wearing and it's like. Or walking in an elevator and
your nose hairs are singed off. Yeah.
But again, wouldn't have made it#2. #3 does not own a water

(37:36):
filter what doesn't own like a Brita.
That's weird. That's fucking weird, right?
That's really weird. What is that?
What is that supposed to translate?
To I don't know #4. His character like it.

(37:56):
Must be like a Oh well, I can't drink water at his house because
I only drink filtered and he doesn't have one.
These are pet peeves, not red flags. #4 Eats seed oils.
Like avocado. Oil.
Yeah, Or like peanut oil. Seed oil.

(38:20):
Seed oil #5 doesn't know how to cook.
OK, I accept that as one. I don't accept number six.
Avoids red meat. What if they have digestive
issues? So to be clear, if you don't eat

(38:41):
steak, I don't know if I can date you.
You're not a man Then what the fuck?
Followed up by number 7 Likes Salad.
Oh my God. You're not allowed to have that
leafy green, you baby bitch. I'm gonna reap, I'm gonna rip
through. What the fuck I'm gonna.

(39:05):
Rip through a couple. I'm just gonna go through these,
OK? I want to react to each one.
OK. So, like, salad was that one.
Next one? Where's Airpods?
What? Are you supposed to wear?
I don't know, I will say. When Airpods first came out and
people wore them, I thought theywere douchey looking.
But then I got a pair and I. Was like I get it if he OK, I

(39:26):
will Asterisk asterisk addendum to this If you wear a Bluetooth
headpiece and you don't take it out when you're speaking to
other people not on Bluetooth, then you're a douchebag.
If you wear Airpods like to the gym or on a plane, what is wrong

(39:48):
with her? Hasn't read a book in months.
Well, we're all fucked. Wears SPF every day.
That is literally doctor recommended.
You bitch. You fucking bitch.
What do you want? Can't sit in silence?
OK, wears tight underwear. What if you need to be held?

(40:12):
Has road rage. I mean, that's a red flag in
anyone, I guess. Does not like kids.
That's a green flag if I've everseen one.
Dogs don't love him. That's a good one.
Sure, if my dog doesn't like you, I don't want to know you.
I'm going to finish it out with the top with with three more.

(40:35):
Oh my God, this woman. Thinks beef liver tastes bad?
What the fuck does beef liver taste like, you psycho?
I don't. Know, and also why?
Why is the meat so important to you, right?
All right, what is subliminally?Are you saying that meat equals

(40:56):
penis? Two more says tap water is fine.
Why are we mentioning the water twice?
And why didn't you put those back-to-back?
Last one I don't even know how. You have to just say it.
Doesn't tan his balls. What is happening?

(41:19):
Where are you supposed to put your balls to tan the Does
anyone tan their balls? Does anyone?
Oh, honey, because if I would you do it.
Do you know someone that tans their balls?
No, primarily because I don't ask guys about their balls.
But who? Tans them.
I don't know. I don't.

(41:39):
It's that can't be common. But don't you put sunscreen on
them? Here's the crazy thing.
She's in a relationship. And she's.
In a. Relationship.
Show me her profile. I don't have it.
Give it what's her name? I don't.
I'm not going to name her. Just say it.
No. She's a life coach.
We all need to steer clear. Don't.

(42:00):
We're not doing that. The whole point was to keep it
anonymous. Fine, but let me see her
profile. How many followers does she
have? 34,000.
Do we think they're real? Yeah.
We think they're real followers,not bought.
I think OK, well dating relationships in self worth
coach, but you shouldn't deserveany self worth if you wear

(42:22):
sunscreen or don't eat red meat.You bitch, you baby bitch.
To recap and. Honestly, does she have a
picture with her boyfriend? Can I see it?
To To recap, well, he looks likehe avoids red meat, he looks

(42:45):
anemic, and he is he wearing sunscreen?
It's unclear he. Should because he's fair
skinned. And well, we do know he tans his
balls. He Yeah, no, he's definitely a
ball Tanner. I know one when I see one.
Again, just pointing out mentioned water filtering twice,

(43:07):
right. Mentioned meat twice and beef
liver. What?
OK, doesn't tan balls. Don't wear sunscreen?
Likes salad? Not not.
Doesn't eat vegetables? No.
Eats salad and likes likes salad.
Red flag. God.

(43:28):
Anyway, I just thought that was so crazy.
That is so. I can't believe someone posted
that relationship. Expert posted that.
I want to know a self branded relationship expert.
Yeah, I want to know what sort of responses she got to that.
I know. I wish I could hack her profile.
But do you? But it was on her story, so

(43:48):
someone would have had to message her directly.
It was on Her Story, still up there.
It's still up. What did she post before and
after it? Other follow-ups.
Gia Her next thing was making six sourdough loaves.
Red flag. Yeah, no, that's a red flag
because you made the bread, but did you tan its balls anyway?

(44:09):
That is, it should have been Jude.
That is one of the most triggering things you've ever
shown me from the Internet. I agree.
Are you ready to Jude? Yeah.

(44:37):
Good luck talking about. Oh God.
OK well I think I can because I was in Indio, CA for Stagecoach
as previously mentioned, and I would like you to understand
that it's a desert. And by desert I mean 100°

(45:01):
there's no water. Well, there's man made provided
water bottles and stuff, but there's not.
Like, it's not humid, there's nowater and it's 100° out, it's
beating down in the open sun, and there's fucking idiots that

(45:21):
brought a giant black lab. What?
Do you mean? To the desert and brought it to
Stagecoach. But was it in?
It was in a tent. No, it was just out walking
around in the desert, panting, and it was trying to lay down on
the ground. And they had taped, not taped,
like tied socks to its paws, because its paws were gonna burn

(45:44):
on the ground. But then its paws were also
getting hotter from wearing the socks.
And then they were pouring wateron its back.
But as we just discovered on TikTok, if you pour water on its
back, it actually boils warmer onto their skin, So it's
actually bad for them. So I was literally, my blood was
boiling. I was so enraged.

(46:04):
I was about to go up to them andsay, like, get your fucking dog
in the shade. And then they finally got it in
the shade. But I'm like, that poor dog's
gonna pass out. It's so bad.
Why? What's the benefit?
I don't know, they brought theirfucking dog, 'cause I feel like
they were car camping or something and brought their
fucking dog with them. But why would you ever bring

(46:25):
your black dog? First of all, any dog to the
middle of the desert that can't handle it, but then a black dog
to bake in the middle of the 100° weather and then not give
it the proper like it didn't have like special booties on.
They tied human socks with rubber bands to its paws like
they clearly didn't know what the fuck they were doing.

(46:47):
It wasn't like someone's like seeing eye dog or like seizure
rescue dog or anything like that.
These were just bum fucks with like a backpack on with their
black dog in the middle of 100° dry desert and the and that dog
was should not have been there. So I was losing my fucking mind.
Then I turned around and see a just literally so many people

(47:11):
had actual like just born infants, infants in strollers.
And fucking. Siege coach in the middle of the
desert and like getting like sunburned and like heat stroke.
Like I'm like, what is wrong with you?
There's a time and a place for kids and dogs, and in the middle
of an arid desert in the middle of summer is not one of them

(47:34):
where people are just sloshed drunk.
They're on drugs, there's music going on and you're in the sun
for 14/15/16 hours a day. It pissed me off.
So. Much parents and dog parents of
the year. Like it made me so I was like
all of you. We need to call animal control
and CPS on all of you. This is fucking animal abuse and

(47:55):
child abuse. To be keeping them out into the
fucking 100° sun this many hoursa day at this fucking festival.
You're torturing them. So judgement to the plaintiff.
Someone take away their dog and shove your Stagecoach tickets up
your ass. There you go.

(48:18):
I just can't believe that. Yeah.
I just don't it. It's look I.
Our friend came yet to hold me back.
I love going and seeing other people's dogs at places.
I like the idea of bringing oursplaces, but they don't go
everywhere. Stagecoach is not an environment

(48:39):
for dogs. Also that's I didn't even
mention how loud the music is and how overwhelming it is.
So like I was just mentioning health and safety, but then
emotionally it's super overwhelming and over
stimulating and there's thousands of people.
The dog could get stepped on. The dog could be overwhelmed,
the dog could have a drunk person like run into it.

(49:02):
The dog could accidentally, like, get lost, like there's so
much a kid. There's 1000 things wrong with.
The eardrums of a tiny infant blasting with speakers outside.
Are you kidding me? Yeah, that's obnoxious.
I'm just trying to think of likeGod I.
But you didn't want to pay for ababysitter, or so you're

(49:25):
dragging your kid around drunk in the desert.
It's not. Fun for you either.
No, That's what I don't understand.
So stupid. I can't, there's no.
Excuse. I think that that is more
offensive than not tanning your balls.
I think it is. Red flag.
I think it's more offensive thansaying you don't like the taste

(49:48):
of beef liver. It might be more offensive than
saying you enjoy tap water. These are fighting words.
I'm not trying to retrigger you.Oh, I'm triggered.
But I do want to share something, but I ate a salad

(50:08):
earlier. You bitch.
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