Its About to Go Down

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that 2 millennials.Doing a podcast to avoid
legalizing the purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true opinions.
It is mostly true opinions. We're here, we're alive, we're

(00:22):
back. I am Cameron.
That is KDK Comedy. Hello.
Hi. How are you feeling, babe?
I feel like this week has been 12 years.
It has 12 years a week. That's what we'll call this 112
years a week. No problem, yeah.
I will admit I was not sure if Iwould be in shape to record this

(00:45):
podcast today or not. Yeah, because at some point
isn't it dangerous if your mouthis numb to talk 'cause you could
bite your own tongue off? Yeah, yeah, it's it's a bit of a
I so here's what happened. Welcome to the podcast.
In case I didn't say that already, but I was driving to a
friend's place the other day andmid drive, not eating, not

(01:10):
drinking, my feeling fell out. I.
Think you said this last week? I don't believe I did because I
went to. Or maybe I did.
Maybe I did. But just in case you didn't hear
it, I'm not going to go deep into that, but that's what
happened. And so I finally got into the
dentist mid last week and they said, OK, well, look, this is a

(01:32):
rather sizable filling and we'regoing to do our best to fill it.
But in the event that we can't, you're going to need a crown,
which made me feel like a real old person.
I need to go get a crown. Oh.
And then you know what? I'm super self-conscious about
it. Like I never want teeth that
have those silver caps in my mouth because that, that just is

(01:56):
like has old person written all over it.
You know what I mean? So they, they decide to do the
filling. They, they decide to do a deep
cleaning at the same time. And I've never had this done
before. I didn't really know what to
expect, but they gave me a totalof 13 shots of what I I guess

(02:17):
it's Novocaine, right? Sure, in the left part of my
mouth. Because for whatever reason, and
I don't understand this, I triedasking the dentist.
He did not have a good explanation for me.
You can't do the whole mouth at the same time.
I don't understand why. 'Cause I wonder if it's 'cause
you might bite your tongue off if you can't peel your whole

(02:38):
mouth at once, or you can't legally have that much novocaine
at once. Maybe, yeah, maybe I'd pass out
from Novocaine or bite my tongueoff like it's I guess you're
right. Because in literally in the
movie Novocaine, he can't, he has to like watch himself eat
and stuff because he can't feel anything.

(02:58):
That kind of makes sense. Well, he can't have solid foods,
he only has smoothies. Right.
And I was almost at that place, I will admit.
So basically I went the first time last week and got the left
side done. They did the filling, they did
the the deep clean. They I'm on this like
prescription mouthwash, this essentially gasoline.
And by the way, if I'm sloweringmy speech, it's because I

(03:21):
basically have new teeth and I'mtrying to learn how to talk with
them. It's not because you're wasted
drunk. It's It is not because I'm
wasted drunk. It is not because I'm.
But here's the thing. I didn't know that you could,
that you could be medically prescribed a deep clean.

(03:42):
I didn't know that a doctor could look at you and go, you
filthy monster. We absolutely, we have to give
you 13 shots and hold you down and there's blood everywhere and
we're cleaning you and like, I didn't know that it could get to
this point. Oh yeah, it's bad.

(04:03):
It's so basically they did the one last week, right?
And then I had to go today to doa follow up appointment and
today they just couldn't get thenumbing right.
They tried and tried again. They kept stabbing me in the
gums with the needle and she's like, can you feel this?
I'm like, Yep, every bit of it, every bit of it.
OK, how about you sure it's not pressure and it's pain?

(04:25):
I'm like, Nope, it's pain. I I know the difference between
pressure and pain. And eventually my eye is on the
clock and I'm like, I got to go to work.
So I just told her, you know what?
It's only a few teeth. It was the bottom really that
was, I was having a hard time getting numb.
I'm like, you know what, just just go for it.
Just do it. Does or how convinced are we

(04:46):
that it wasn't just her negligence of why you could
still feel your mouth? It wasn't and, and I'll tell you
why, because as soon as we finished, the numbing kicked in.
Oh and you said is it normal that it just randomly will kick
in? Yeah.
I was like, I was like, how soonam I supposed to feel it?
And she's like usually pretty instantly.
We'll wait a couple minutes. We waited a couple minutes.

(05:07):
It never really came. She kept stabbing me in the gums
trying to get it to go. It wouldn't.
And so I'm like, just do it. And I had a first at the
dentist, which was I was crying in the chair for the first time
in my life and not like sobbing in a in a way, almost laughing
from the pain. And I literally at one point I

(05:30):
had a tear like rag in my left hand and a blood rag in my right
hand. So I'm like dabbing for tears
and soaking up blood on my face.Why?
Is there not a second? Oh, there is.
Oh, there was, there was. She was blasting me with water
and sucking it all up. It was just there was quite a
bit of blood. Oh my God.

(05:53):
We all got a laugh out of it, though I have to admit it was.
It was painful, but it was really funny.
It was so this. Isn't the kind of dentist that
can give you that like laughing gas where you're not out but
you're just like, goofy? No, and I asked about that, but
here's the thing. I didn't realize how shitty my
dental insurance is. So oh.

(06:14):
My God, how much was this wait? I should have asked the cause.
Total retail price without goingover with insurance.
By the way, welcome to America $400.
Each time. No it was only for all of it
thankfully, but 400 bucks which I feel like is a lot compared to

(06:35):
most people's cleanings. How many teeth do you have again
in your mouth? At at least 10.
I don't know what the exact #26 I think is the number.
Now I got to Google it, but so what's 400 / 26?
How many dollars a tooth is that?
How many teeth? Yeah, how many teeth?
First of all, I. Feel like there's people

(06:57):
screaming it's 32. 32 That's what I meant. 32 so 400 divided
by Yes, we both went to college.So what is it 12-12 dollars?
And a half 12 1/2 dollars per fucking 2.
Yeah, that's a lot, right? What the fuck?
Imagine that. Like imagine sitting in the

(07:17):
chair and every time she cleans a tooth you have to hand her 12
bucks, really changing the way you think about it.
Like a stripper, the hygienic, you're just like.
Thank you for that one. Yeah.
So that happened. And then they said, you know,
the feeling that you got last week still looks like it's a
good shape, but it is. The guy literally said today it

(07:39):
it I did was pretty significant.I did have to move your other
tooth out of the way to get it to happen.
And I'm like, what do you mean by that?
He's like, well, you were probably sore over there because
I had to like press the other tooth and shift it away so I
could fit it in there and it moved back.
That's why you're hurting. I'm like, oh, that makes sense.
He told me, though, if that feeling doesn't like settle, if

(08:02):
if I have Jesus, I'm like spitting, if I have a problem
with it again in a few weeks, then they'll have to do it.
That crown and the crown actual retail price without going over
with my shitty insurance is $1300 for one tooth.
One tooth. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool,

(08:24):
cool. Would you?
OK, can you get in for the long play?
Can you get 1 veneer? And then we'll just keep saving
for the others. That's a good question.
Or maybe there's a payment plan.He also told me today that you
know he would recommend the nexttime I come in to to do the set

(08:47):
up appointment for an Invisalignretainer.
I don't know if I have it in me.Invisalign is the one that
slowly moves your teeth over thecourse of some weeks, right?
Over one year. I thought because of your extra
tooth that you couldn't qualify for that.

(09:10):
I can, but I believe they have to remove that tooth.
OK, this is what I'm saying. You, honey, you just sat in this
chair and you just took a raw cleaning to the mouth with blood
everywhere. You're telling me that 30 less
than 30 seconds, 3 seconds of them pulling it.

(09:32):
You got this pull. It, I'm sure I could do it, but
here's the thing, I don't know if I have it in me to do the
Invisalign thing. I just don't know.
It's not braces, it's just a freaking tray.
Two things. Number one, insurance does not
cover it. How much is Invisalign?
It is considered cosmetic. How much would you guess
Invisalign is for one year? I'm going to, I would say like

(09:57):
$500 a month, so like 6 grand. It's $5000.
It's $5000, but and they said you could use Klarna or
something to split it up into payments, which, you know, I
don't want. What's the APR on that 29% or
something? But I, I don't know if I have it

(10:17):
in me. Not because of the cost, really.
I mean, I don't it's a lot of money.
But the biggest barrier for entry is the disgusting factor.
I don't want to be the guy when we go to dinner with our friends
to sit there and go, yeah, this looks really good, Put it out
and put it in the case and then eat.
I'm like, yeah, I got to go. I got to go back in the.

(10:40):
I hate that shit. You just go to the bathroom.
And that's just you go to the bathroom.
Three times during any meal withanyone anyways.
Just take them out when you're in the bathroom.
But. Still, I feel like today at
work, I go and grab a muffin from the the cafeteria or
whatever. I come in the studio, I'm having
a muffin while I'm working. I'm going to take my shit out.

(11:02):
Hold on. I think actually you would.
You would. Lose hell of weight.
I think so I. Thought about that.
I think you would get so skinny because you wouldn't want to
take them out and then you wouldjust choose not to eat.
I thought about that. But so it would be like a
barrier to entry. It's like when people paint

(11:22):
their nails with sour stuff so they don't bite their nails.
It's like if you just lock up your teeth, you can't you can't
eat food. I.
It's a thought. It's going to be I think someday
when you have better health insurance.
You should totally do it. It's not adult braces, it's just
clear trays. Who cares?
You would feel so much better. I don't know like if your teeth

(11:48):
are like mega cleaned now as they medically were just cleaned
for $12.00 each and then you didlike a year of Invisalign, would
you even me and you got your extra tooth, would you even need
veneers or would that be like, wait, we don't need veneers now?
He said that doing the Invisalign would fix some issues

(12:10):
cosmetically, but I would still have the issue with my jaw, so
it doesn't fix that. What is the issue with your jaw?
Turns out my top jaw never really grew.
It turns out you have the top jaw of a toddler.
Oh my God. What?
Yeah. Wait, you're telling me you have

(12:31):
a fetus jaw? I have you have a fetal, I have
a fetal jaw top fetal jaw. No, it just never really grew
the same at the same rate that the bottom one did.
I just don't get it. So I.
Have a Jay Leno chin. I don't really feel like you.
I there was a guy that I went tohigh school with that got the
surgery where you get your jaw broken and stuff.

(12:54):
And his looked dramatic, like his top lip was like concave and
his chin was like way out here. And it was just like, yeah, I
mean, he's that guy. And then when he got the
surgery, we were all like, he looked like a different person.
But I just feel like you would, unless you you told people like

(13:18):
you're telling them now. I don't feel like people would
realize your jaw is a weird sizelike I don't.
Think I, I don't know. I probably not, but I just I I
don't know if I have it in me. I think it's similar to like my
scoliosis where I don't, I mean,fingers crossed.
I don't think if you're just staring at me as a person in the
world, I don't think you're like, oh, she has scoliosis.

(13:41):
Yeah, definitely not. But if I tell you and then you
like look for it, then I guess. Yeah, I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying. So.
It's like that where you're like, oh, I would never have
thought that. But I suppose if you're like
telling me now and I'm looking for it, then fine.
Yeah, I don't know. So we'll see.

(14:01):
We'll see how it all pans out. But it was it's a whole I have
to go back a third time next week for.
What to? Get every to get them all
polished. How?
They said they can't they couldn't Polish them after doing
the cleaning because my gums were too exposed and sore and

(14:22):
they. What does a Polish mean?
Other cleaning is cleaning. What is polishing making it
extra shiny for a day? No, no, no.
It's like smoothing out the edges so it doesn't cut my
tongue, so I don't cut my own tongue with my tooth.
So between now and next Monday you might just have shards.
Of I might just start bleeding, yeah, randomly, which I do
already. But anyway, it was kind of funny

(14:44):
though, 'cause we wrap up, I getin the car and that's when the
numbing hit and I'm like, great.Kind of good because then you
would have been in a lot of painprobably today.
But then I got to work and I wason some meetings and it was like
I had Bell's palsy. I couldn't move the right side
of my face. And they were like, are you OK?
Like, yeah, I was went to the dentist today.

(15:04):
Anyway, I used to really hate it.
And it's not great. I don't know who likes going to
the dentist, but it it wasn't the worst thing in the world.
It's kind of it is what it is. Yeah, it's par for the course at
this point. I am proud of myself.
Though she did say she was impressed by how not squeamish I
was with the needles in my mouth.

(15:26):
And I'm like, no sister stabbed me.
I don't want to feel it, you know, go to town.
I don't, I've never really been like a needles don't bother me.
I don't want to do it myself. Like these medications where you
have to give yourself an injection.
I, I know why a lot of people have to do that, but I, I, I

(15:46):
think that's the only problem I would have with it, you know?
Yeah, I mean, I think you get over it.
What if you have to do it like people just and they make it so
foolproof. I feel the at home stuff.
Yeah. But.
I don't know though. We'll see.
We'll see how it all shapes out.Again, I'm not opposed to

(16:08):
somebody just like punching me in the face and I'll just get
new teeth. I'll go veneers, whatever we
want to do. You had a very similar week.
I went to the dentist. You went to an astrologist.
Similar in that there was blood everywhere.
Yeah, no. How was your reading though?
Yeah, it was good. I went to an astrologist that

(16:29):
read my chart for the year and then did Reiki on me and like a
Reiki assessment and then Reiki and cause.
Can I ask what what is Reiki? Energy healing.
OK. Where you align your chakras and
attend to which ones are blocked.

(16:51):
Got it. Thank you.
It's the girl that has been at our friend's party.
Like she was a hired vendor thatdid like tarot and intuitive
readings and stuff. So I went back to her and like
supported her small business andshe's super sweet and she's very

(17:13):
knowledgeable. She had all this paperwork
printed out about she had textedme and asked my birthday time
where I was born to like print out my birth chart of like the,
you know, exact position of the planets when I was born versus
where the planets are now. Because basically it's comparing
where the planets are now to when you were born.

(17:35):
It's like what stage you are in your life?
And I went to her because it's been such a wack ass, crazy ass
couple months that I was like what is going on with my.
Years. What's going on?
And she basically just said like, yeah, you're going through
like a huge time of change and like shift in dynamics and huge

(17:59):
influx of creative ideas and career moves.
And she basically just without me telling her anything that was
going on, like reaffirmed everything that's been going on
and said that the next three months between like July 7th and
November 11th are going to be like huge career shifts and
stuff. So I'm like fingers crossed for

(18:21):
that. And then when she did the Reiki,
she said, like you know how we have chakras that go all the way
down to our body? Like we have start at the root
chakra and the crown and then goall the way up to the crown
chakra. I'm not trying to be.
I am. I promise I'm not making fun of
it. I, I did not.

(18:42):
I had no idea that that was likeI I think I've always heard
chakra, but I've never really understood what it meant.
There's like, OK, well it's likedifferent parts of you that like
emit and so can energy or like there's the crown, throat,

(19:03):
sacral root, heart. I feel like I'm missing too.
But so if you have like a blockage where you can't, where
you're like trying to express yourself but you're feeling
really misunderstood, then usually it'll show up like you
have a blockage in the throat chakra or whatever.

(19:24):
She said all of my chakras were in alignment except the crown
chakra, which is the head, whichis your brain, which is
thoughts, which is all of that. And so she just spent the whole
time working on my head and set and doing energy healing on my
head, which I was like, yeah, for sure.

(19:45):
I agree. So when she does energy healing
on your head, is she touching your head?
Is she massaging your head a little bit?
Is like what is she doing exactly?
It is. It's a light, like sometimes
it's above, sometimes it's lighttouching, yeah.

(20:06):
But it was cool. I did feel I, I actually I never
told her this, but that day I had a migraine and I walked in
still with like such a headache.And after she did the Reiki, I
didn't have a headache anymore. That's cool.
So I mean, I am like girl, OK, at least that's cool.

(20:29):
And then and she only did it forlike 20 minutes.
So it's not really, it's not like a long process, But yeah,
it was cool. And she did say some stuff where
she was like, you're just havinglike this packed, packed
schedule this year. Like you're fitting more into a
day than like any normal human could or should.

(20:50):
And you have like this affinity for doing that.
And you're just have so much on your plate.
But it's all going to pay off orwhatever, basically.
And I was like, OK girl. Your lips to God's ears.
I know. So we'll see.
That was the one positive this week.
I can't believe that was still this week, but yeah.
That's insane. That feels like months ago that

(21:13):
you got that done. Yeah.
OK, well, interesting. Yeah, I've never really
understood the chakra thing. I've never understood it.
I feel like there's still a lot more that I'm interested in in
that department and like I've never had, you've mentioned the
birth chart many times and I feel like I have, I have never

(21:34):
had one done. I don't know really know.
Like when somebody says the house and all of those things, I
don't know really what that means still.
But getting there, getting there.
I feel like I have some work to do, but I'll catch up.
Yeah, I mean, you could always book with her or whatever.
Yeah, look at my shock was done.Maybe she can come by the
dentist when I get the tooth pulled and do it all at the same

(21:56):
time. I feel like that. 1 Sure.
You know, we did something superfun this past week.
We went to the Post Malone JellyRoll Show.
We did. And I said, my God, I mean, it
was my first time at Sofi Stadium for any sort of show.
So annoying that your first timeat Sofi you got floor seats

(22:21):
because you're never going to beable to see it any other way
now. I will admit I am very lucky, I,
I am very lucky to to have a jobwhere I get at least a base
level of access to some of thesethings.
And every now and then there's some really effing good seats.
And this was one of those times.It's it was nuts.

(22:43):
I mean, we were so close to the stage it was borderline
dangerous with all the fire and pyrotechnic and stuff they were
doing. I couldn't hear for like 2 days.
Yeah, but I love that. I love it.
Here's the thing. What I hate doing is I've been
to a number of shows or like a comedy special taping and when

(23:05):
they're recording things for television, the the volume is at
like a such a tempered level because they don't want the mic
to feedback in and that whole thing.
And it sucks. Like when I go to a concert, I
want to jam out and feel it. And this was one of those times
and it was great. It was great.
It rattled my. Spleen.

(23:27):
I love Jelly Roll. I love Post Malone even more.
They both played the hits and then got off stage.
It's like we weren't there until2:00 in the morning or anything
like that. Like it was a very on time.
Show it. Was it, it rocked.
And then something really weird happened.
We when we first got there, there was a scammer sitting in

(23:51):
our chair. Yeah, there was a scammer.
She, she was sitting there and we walked up and it's always so
awkward. Like even when I when you're on
a plane or at the movie theater or something and somebody's
sitting in the seat that you booked, there are some people
who are like really abrasive about it.
Like, hey, you're in my seat. I feel like I am so sheepish

(24:14):
when it comes to. Yeah, the arc, the character arc
of this night is crazy because Icould not have been more buttery
sweet to this girl. Oh, I know.
She was by herself. She was in like heels and like a
mini skirt. She was, you know, probably in

(24:34):
her 20s, I guess. And she stood up and was like,
oh, this is my seat. And I was like, oh, weird.
Like your ticket totally says that number.
And and then I showed her ours and I was like, ours says it
too. Like that's so weird.
They probably printed it wrong or something.
And then I was like, oh, well, we'll just make them deal with

(24:57):
it. Like it's fine.
Like all good. And then she's like, well, I'll
move out of the way. And I was like, no, don't worry
about it. Like we're going to go get a
drink anyways. So so we'll just make them deal
with it. Like I'm sure there's enough
seats to go around because it wasn't sold out, I don't think.
I think by the end of the night it got sold out, but like, it
wasn't initially, yeah. But I just was like trying to be

(25:20):
so chill because I'm like, what are they going to do if we all
paid for these seats? Like what are they going to do
kick us out? Like, OK, anyways, so we got
like the security guard and theywere like in a total kerfuffle,
like, well, where is the girl 'cause she goes, OK, well I'm

(25:42):
going to go to the bathroom and we're like, oh, OK, well, you
know, we'll get them to figure it out and like let you know
when you come back what happened?
And she goes and they're like, well, we need to see her ticket,
like blah, blah, blah. And they look at ours and verify
it's real. And they're like, then we hear
them say on the walkie-talkie, Ithink we have a scammer.

(26:05):
Yep, but then. When she came back, she did come
back. Briefly.
She came back briefly, and then they were like, yeah, we're
going to take you up to guest services.
We'll get this figured out. AKA they took her up there and
they're like yo, you got it out.'Cause she never came back.
If she had a real ticket, she wouldn't.
She would have come back. Yeah, it's it was definitely.

(26:29):
It was also interesting too because Sofi Stadium is one of
those places where everything isdigital.
Like they don't even let you usecash for anything.
And the tickets are all digital too.
I don't even think they have paper tickets and she had a
paper. Ticket.
Yeah, but it was interesting. I didn't know if we were going
to have to throw down or what. I have a friend that does this

(26:51):
at almost every show he goes to successfully.
What? But here is his strategy.
OK, he will buy a Nosebleed seatto get in the building and then
he'll create through Photoshop and a various other things, a
fake ticket stub for like the floor or some VIP section, and

(27:15):
he'll get into that area but nottake a seat.
So like, for example, he went toACDC at the Rose Bowl.
He bought a Nosebleed ticket, and then he faked the ticket
stub for like this VIP area thathe got himself into.
But he never took anyone's chair.
So he got to see the concert, like right up there against the

(27:38):
stage, and he was never caught because he never sat down.
Sure, but where is he standing in the aisle?
He finds a spot. That's what he told me.
He always finds a spot and he's never been caught and he does it
at every show he goes also. The stakes are so low because if
you get caught, you just get kicked out.

(27:59):
You don't get arrested. You don't get arrested but and
some some places ban you and that would suck.
I guess, but kind of worth the risk.
And then also, if they ban you, how are they really checking
that? I've always wondered that.
Like what blacklist are you actually on?
Or do they just say, oh, we're banning?

(28:20):
You I have literally always wondered that because you see
stories about like, oh, some random woman stole something
from this Walmart, Now she's arrested and she's been banned
from the store for life. OK, so let's.
Checking. Yeah, does.
Does she have a life-size portrait standing over a
cardboard cut out at the front of the store?

(28:40):
The Walmart greeter is is reallygoing to be tasked with
remembering who her face for therest of life.
They're too busy checking receipts, unless they're looking
at the receipts for the band names.
Maybe that's the long, I don't know.
No, it's, it's just like a posturing mechanism.
I don't think you actually get banned.
I don't think it's like a no flylist.

(29:01):
What are they going to do? It's not like they scan your ID
when you come into the stadium or or venue.
They don't. There's no way to do it.
No. So the stakes for getting caught
are so low. Yeah, I feel like they are too
cause. Her mistake was sitting down in
our chairs so early 'cause we got there 30 minutes before the

(29:22):
concert started, she should havewaited to see which seats had
people in them. That's also honestly, she
deserved to get kicked out. Not because she didn't buy a
ticket, but because she was stupid.
Also, she must have been high orsomething because if they're
bringing the, the security team by or guest services guy or
whatever, whoever it was, you don't stick around for that.

(29:44):
Like you go, you go, oh, I'm going to go to the like the
second they were like, oh, we'llget somebody over here to settle
this. She should have gone like, OK,
sounds great. I'm going to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back and then goneand and try to scam a different
section, you know? I don't get why she came back,
it was so weird. I don't either.
I think she was a little tipsy or something.
I don't know what it was. Who knows, But yeah, so that
happened at the beginning. I completely forgot that

(30:06):
happened. And then the show was iconic and
perfect in every way it. Was great.
And then and then the night devolves.
What happened, babe? Well, you know, we've, you've
brought it up in just before yousaid if someone's going to get

(30:27):
arrested out of the two of us, it's going to be me.
It's gonna be me. And I almost did at the end of
the concert because, OK, picturethis.
First of all, I'm a couple tequilas deep.
OK, I'm. Amped up.
I'm amped up on posty and Jelly right?

(30:50):
And tequila. Perfect.
Combo. And on a Tuesday, sober at noon,
if someone smokes in my face, I am not happy.
Right. So now picture an 8 story ramp
enclosed with thousands of people being herded like cattle.

(31:13):
No air? No.
Air This is not an open air situation.
It is a claustrophobic tube of thousands of humans that is in
no way, shape or form possibly fire code safe and.
Yeah, that would. Suck a white trash ass bitch ass
guy lights up a cigarette and starts smoking into my

(31:36):
esophagus. Into several people's
esophaguses. To essentially saying without
saying that he is more his need for a cigarette before getting
before instead of waiting 90 seconds to walk out into the
open air. He and his need for a cigarette
is more important than the thousands of people herded into

(31:57):
this tiny tunnel and that we canall go fuck ourselves and we
should all just inhale his smoke.
We were literally not to butt shoulder to shoulder like it was
it. Was really claustrophobic.
And I wouldn't have held it again, like if somebody was
vaping, I would be like, can younot?
This was this was a cigarette. Yeah, this was a straight up a

(32:19):
cigarette. Ready.
Then add claustrophobia. Then pour on tequila.
We don't have a good situation. So I think I said, are you
fucking kidding me? And like stormed past him while

(32:40):
I was grumbling other things. And so we pushed through the
crowd to get ahead of him. And I think I was like, you
clearly don't give a fuck, like whatever.
And he's retorting at me. He didn't like put of course he
didn't put it out. He didn't take it well.
Of course not of. Course not.
And he kept smoke. He kept chain smoking into

(33:02):
everyone's asshole. And then we charge.
We keep going up and up and up and up and up in this stupid
fucking tunnel. It's literally 8 stories, I'm
not exaggerating. No, you're not exaggerating.
It was a, it was a, it was a 15 minute walk.
Yes, in just on an incline ramp in a tunnel.

(33:22):
It's so fucking crazy that they designed this like this.
It's almost enough. It's almost upsetting enough to
not sit on the floor again. Almost.
I mean, at that venue, kind of, yeah.
Then we get up to the open air where we're going to head

(33:44):
towards the parking lot and he comes up from behind us and
shoulder checks me like brushes against my shoulder and whisper
something in my ear. I don't even remember what he
said because I just then saw redand I started screaming.
Full Judge Judy moment. Eat my asshole.

(34:07):
I think it was Eat my asshole you little baby bitch.
Yeah, that sounds right. So it didn't go well.
And then he started saying stufflike control your bitch.
And I was like, control his motherfucking what?
Anyways, so it's not my finest moment.

(34:27):
Security got called over. We all had to scurry away.
I do think it's weird. I do think it's weird in this
situation though, if you rewind the tape for somebody who's
you're the one smoking and you're doubling down on that.
Yeah. That's the thing I don't
understand, like if I, let's sayI had a few drinks and I'm in,

(34:49):
I'm walking through and I'm a smoker and I light up, I'm not
really thinking and somebody goes, hey man, you're there's a
lot of people around here. Can you wait until we get
outside? I'd be like, Oh my God, I am.
You're so right. I'm so sorry.
No, just double on down. Or even if you're disgruntled, I
just wouldn't have like re engaged.

(35:09):
I would have just, OK, I smoked my cigarette and I got, in that
instance, he got what he wanted because he just kept smoking and
he got to smoke his cigarette and he got to be a Dick.
It's not like I went over, took his cigarette out.
Well, I wanted to, but I didn't go over, take his cigarette out
of his mouth and throw it on theground and stomp on it like that

(35:30):
probably would have gotten me killed.
But he continued smoking his cigarette.
He got what he wanted. You know what you should do next
time is do what they do in the movies and grab it out of his
hand and put it out on your tongue.
Yeah, honestly, whatever. Fine.
So not my proudest moment of life.

(35:55):
Was I surprised that it happened?
Not necessarily. I feel like it's been a long
time coming with toxic masculinity and smoking and
maybe if I hadn't had tequila inmy system I would have handled
myself better. Maybe I think the only thing we

(36:16):
need. No, I mean, who's to say there
was a lot of variables there. There was a lot of a lot of
assholes, a lot of variables. 11can't be really blamed.
I mean, it was it was a toxic a toxic, sorry, I'm tripping over
my fucking words, dentist. It was a toxic situation to
begin with and it was a pressurecusher pressure cooker.

(36:41):
I'm picturing just like a line of blood pouring out of my
mouth. Just my nose starts bleeding,
no? From you biting your tongue
while you're talking. But I think the only thing that
you know as as your, your profile continues to expand,
being a comic and an entertainer, I just don't want

(37:05):
you to end up on the wrong side of ATMZ article.
That's the only thing I'm worried about, you know?
Like, yeah, I don't know. I don't feel like I would be
like full Charlie Sheen level, you know, 'cause like, wasn't he
famous for like, horrible anger issues?
Sure, yeah, but but for the record, I don't know if I'd

(37:27):
worry that much about the paparazzi.
Like you can say whatever you want to them.
I don't do like what isn't his whole thing.
He was like a huge cokehead or something.
I think so. I don't really.
I'm not really sure. OK, well it's not really.
Clearly I'm not. That's not my vibe.
I just stand for justice and I don't like toxic men and people

(37:50):
that think they can do whatever they want all the time.
I'm telling you, toxic toxic dudes are being very encouraged
to be toxic right now. Yeah.
That's that's all I can really, that's all I really care to say
on it. But it's true.
People are my friend leaning into their horrible tendencies

(38:12):
currently. My friend asked me today if I'm
excited for my shows next week because I'm going to be in Texas
from July 3rd through 7th and I was like.
No, I think it'll be good. I think you're going to play
really well in Texas. I'm excited, I think, but it

(38:33):
does feel like a breeding groundfor these exact men.
See, that's the trick. They're kind of everywhere, you
know? I know that's true but so we'll
see. Like I'm hoping for the best, I
want to believe the best, but I'm prepared for the worst.
I will get in your face and tellyou to eat my ass, you know?

(38:56):
I, I think the difference is I feel like people from Texas are
like set in their ways, but they're, they're, they're like,
you're fine in your ways too, you know, Sure.
So I feel like, I feel like you'll have a good time.
I feel good about it. Thank you.
Yeah, we'll see. If you're in Texas, come out to
a show, specifically July 6th. I'm headlining Dallas Comedy

(39:20):
Club and. That's awesome.
Ironically we're calling the show trigger warning lol.
But also before that if you're in Plano, TX which is not far,
it's like 30 minutes from Dallas.
I'm doing 2 nights there and then I'm doing 1 show like 15

(39:47):
minutes from Plano. I don't know, check my all of my
links or in my link tree at KDK Comedy.
It's hard because I live one hour at a time in my brain.
But I will be in Texas for four nights of shows and you should
see them if you're in, if you'relistening to this in Texas, and
if you're a man listening to this in Texas, that's not toxic.

(40:10):
Please come prove me wrong. Yeah, come on out, come on out
and support that's that'll be fun though.
It's going to be a blast. Yeah, it's been a triggering
week. Of you, it's been, there's been
a lot of toxicity in the air, but you know what?
I feel our, I feel our. It's coming to an end.

(40:31):
Question mark. Oh my God.
Speaking of toxic men, are we going to say the same thing?
Nick Cannon. Yeah, here's the deal.
Nick Cannon I have encountered several times in my career.
Always a very, very nice guy. Pleasant man.

(40:54):
Very pleasant guy. Acquaintance, I suppose.
However, he does have a lot of relationships, a lot of
children, very much in the public eye.
He. Has like a Baker's dozen because
doesn't he technically have a dozen?
But then he also has like some have to like, I don't know.

(41:16):
I don't really know the exact number, to be fair.
To be fair, I don't. Scientists are still out on it.
I think scholars maintain he has14 or 20 kids.
What? No, I don't.
I don't know. It's, it's somewhere.
It's north of 10. I know that.
It just went back to my math from your teeth.

(41:40):
Wait that's not true? So the first answer said two on
Google but then literally under it it shows like a ton.
No, he has 12 with six different.
Women, that's the crazy part. That's the crazy part.
He has so many relationships that have.

(42:02):
I mean, how do you maintain all that?
It's insane. Turns out he doesn't.
I mean he he might, but. I think he does monetarily but
not emotionally. He did an interview or a sit
down or whatever you want to call it with Bobby Altoff and
she asked him to name all of hischildren.

(42:23):
First, he stalled. First, he stalled a.
Lot. For quite a period of time.
And he was like, you know, I, I and she's like, well, you don't
know their names. And he's like, no, it's not that
I don't know their names. It's just can you name 12 of
anything? Anything.
First of all months. Second of all, you can you can

(42:43):
name your teachers first and last name K through 12 your
teachers from elementary school.I can do it.
I can do it. And last time I checked, you
didn't birth your teachers from elementary school.
Not that I'm aware of, no. I don't know how.
Unless I'm Benjamin Button. I think that's impossible.

(43:05):
And it wasn't just hey, I have like a bad memory, I'm worried
about it. And then he named them and got
them right. He missed 2 and his fucking
manager or Rep or record label or whoever was in the back
naming that the last two. Here's what you do man.
Here's some. Here's some advice from a non

(43:27):
father. OK take it to heart.
You get a tattoo on your left arm.
It's just all your kids names ifanyone asks.
Like an ODE? To them, if anyone asks, you go,
I have this because this is my North Star.
I do it for them and I do it allfor them.

(43:47):
Yeah. And then.
And then when somebody asks you,can you name all the kids, you
just pretend to scratch your nose and you're like, yeah.
Jennifer Mark Miranda. Also though, did you hear the
names when he named them? One of them is literally named
Zin. Isn't that a fucking vape?
Zin is not a vape, it's like a chewing tobacco I think.

(44:10):
Yeah, but it's like their names sounded like he was naming
Pokémon. Like are you naming children or
are you naming Pokémon and somehow you forgot to?
I know. Like my dad sucks ass but I

(44:32):
think he remembers my name. At least he remembers your your
name and your brother's name. But yeah, I mean, it's insane.
It's insane. And I just feel like, I think
the craziest part about it is that he has definitely been
asked this before. There's no way he hasn't been.
Like study. This should be the you know the

(44:55):
story around you, you know the narrative.
You should know this like the back of your hand.
Like even if you don't talk to all your kids and you just pay
for them or you write checks like pay off the baby Mamas or
whatever study. Study up man study.
Man. Up.
When yes, what like that's someone that just doesn't give a

(45:18):
fuck because are you kidding me?12 of anything like I could
name, didn't he say like can youname 12 states?
Yes. Yes, correct.
Yeah, I can name 12 fruits, I can name 12 states, I can name
12 car brands. I can name 12 television
networks. It's not hard, man.
Didn't he say the either the interviewer or him said well
also I can name 12 of whatever, but 12 of something that means

(45:42):
something personally to me, Of course.
It's so crazy. Like did you love your teachers
K through 12? Maybe one of them.
Yeah, he tried to like he he definitely tried to brush it
off, but it yeah, it's just, it's I'll help you, man, make
some flash cards. We can figure it out.

(46:03):
Yeah, honestly, no one even asked you to match them up to
their faces. Like, you know, you didn't even
ask for that. You.
Probably could have just made-upnames, I don't know picture.
The headline Nick Cannon names 2fake children.
Does he have more? Probably Yeah, that's true.
That's a TMZ or a Yeah, BuzzFeed.

(46:24):
Anyway, go watch the video. It's pretty funny.
It's. Crazy.
Oh God. I I know we already talked about
the the smoker, but do you have something else for the Jude?
Unfortunately, I do. So the toxic men said no, no,

(46:56):
we've got more for you this weekand this time, listen, I was
stone cold sober and I was actually enjoying a hot non
caffeinated tea all right at Republic of Pie, in case anyone
cares in North Hollywood. And it was 8.
Hour was it? Thank you.

(47:18):
It was 8:00 PM on a Sunday night.
A sleepy time was being had. All right.
I went with just one other girlfriend and we were just
chatting for 30 minutes before they closed, having a hot
beverage, chatting for 30 minutes.
She was expressing some frustrations, you know, with men

(47:41):
in general. She was explaining what's going
on with her in her life, what's going on, business, personal,
whatever. OK, He's eavesdropping on us I
guess and comes over after about20 minutes, hands a business
card with something scribbled onit, someone's name scribbled on

(48:03):
it, and says I hear you're having problems with men.
You 2 are the problem. You should look up this YouTube
and if you actually listen to what he says he'll help you
understand what men actually need.

(48:25):
Who doesn't love unsolicited advice?
I looked at him and said wow, how unsolicited of you.
We were having a private conversation and you came over
and forced this upon us and you my friend are the fucking
problem. And then I ripped up his piece

(48:45):
of paper into tiny little piecesand sprinkled it and said, and
I'll never be fucking looking this shit up.
Get out of my face and my friendwas just like stunned like she
in the fight or flight situation, she like she has like
a freeze because she's not a very aggressive person.

(49:06):
And he also like pointed his finger in our faces and I was
like about to stand up and get in his face.
And I was like, OK, just like RIP up the thing and whatever.
And then the girls from behind the counter that work at
Republic of Pie came out from around the counter with brooms
and screening fluid to like get him out.
And they said, Sir, you need to get out of here right now.

(49:29):
You need to leave. And I was like, I started
laughing and he was like skirt scuffling as he went out.
He was like, well, you should look it up.
And and then he pointed to my friend and goes.
Well, now your friend ripped up your only chance of
understanding. What?

(49:52):
I swear to God anything. If anything I am under selling
this. If anything I am forgetting
bullshit that he said because I blacked out and just started
going. You're the fucking problem.
Get out of my back until I started and then ripping up his
shit into a million pieces and telling him to get out.

(50:14):
And then the girls were like, we're so sorry.
We should have come over and told him to get out sooner.
Like as soon as we realized whatwas going on, like we came out
from behind the counter. Are you guys OK?
And I was like, yeah, I don't. I just started laughing.
And I was like, what a fucking moron.
And then I just love knowing that like the rest of his night
was ruined because he didn't getto mansplain to the extent that

(50:37):
he he he, he will never see his stupid YouTube.
Channel, it's so delicious. Although I am curious like I.
I know I'm. Happy that you did that in the
moment because how satisfying and also I wish that we could
look it up right now. I just started laughing and I
was, and then I started putting the pieces back together and I
was like, what are we ever goingto do?

(50:59):
We have to put it back together so we can know what men really
need. Fucking what a fucking moron.
You know who can eat my Dick? Judgement to the plaintiff.
Shove your stupid ass YouTube fucking recommendation for the
patriarchy up your asshole. Oh yeah, Oh yeah.

(51:28):
I I just I don't understand why anyone feels the need or it has
the right to speak up in some moments.
Like I think about it all the time.
The audacity. I think of a time, let's say you
were eavesdropping on a couple or women or men, anyone.

(51:48):
A human being, a non binary person, nothing matters.
You're eavesdropping on a human being and you actually have
advice that would possibly pertain to them and is not
condescending and is not facetious and is just like
genuine grounded advice. But they're a stranger and you

(52:09):
were listening to their conversation and they don't know
you were listening. You still wouldn't go up to them
because that's inappropriate. No matter how good your advice
is, no matter how appropriate itmight feel what you would say,
you still would have the barrierwhere you wouldn't do it.

(52:30):
Because that's not cool. The only time that I would do it
and feel comfortable doing it isif somebody's abusing another
person, like when there's somebody being a Dick head to
somebody that's working the register or a server or their
girlfriend or whatever it may be.
That is the only acceptable timein my opinion.
Right. But if someone's just at a
coffee shop having a conversation, you're not gonna

(52:53):
go interrupt their conversation and give them unsolicited
advice, no matter what the advice is, No.
Not gonna do it. That is, we live in a society,
and society has rule. And if you're gonna fucking
crossover my fucking boundary and break the rules of society,
be prepared for your face to melt off 'cause I will do it

(53:16):
myself. So And my poor friend was like,
thank you for reacting in the moment like I just did.
I was so shocked that this was occurring.
I didn't know what to say. And I think that happens to and
no shade to hurt all because it was jarring, shocking,
unexpected. Of course you're not ready for

(53:36):
that. I genuine.
It's crazy because I think this happens to a lot of people slash
women where they're caught off guard so they don't react how
they would hope in the moment. And you never know till you're
in the moment how you're going to react to some of these fuck
asses. But luckily, if I'm around,

(53:57):
justice will be served to an extent.
To some extent, yeah. Maybe not to the fullest extent,
but to some extent. Right.
Not I don't have, you know, I don't have a gavel and it can't
be to the fullest extent of the law, but.
Maybe someday, though, honestly,maybe someday.
There's still help. I don't know but it's that

(54:19):
happened within 48 hours of the concert guy.
Like someone put me in a padded room and locked me away like I
can't be trusted. We can go do that right now.
Let's do it. Let's get a padded room.
Why not? I still feel like I'm not
speaking correctly. Can you hear it?

(54:39):
Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm going to go rest
my mouth. Thank you for being here,
everyone. Go have go have a great week.
It's going to be a good one. I can feel it.
Yeah, hello. Totally.
Are you there? God?
It's me, Martha. It's.
Me. It's me, Sanders.
Have a good one everyone. Subscribe to Mostly True

(55:03):
Opinions on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to podcasts.