Our Dog Stacy

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that. Two millennials doing a podcast
to avoid legalizing. The.
Purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true.
Opinions. Hello.
Oh God did. You hear that?
Yeah. Hi, I'm.
Through puberty again for the 11th time.

(00:24):
No time like 30. Well, three.
Yeah. How old am I?
Let's test that again. 3334. 33.Know you're however old the year
is. Yeah.
But that's the year that I turn.So like, it's 2024, So I'm
turning 34. I hate that in July.
For my birthday, Mostly true opinions.

(00:46):
Hello everybody. I'm Karen.
That is KK Comedy. I so we were talking to a friend
like a couple weeks ago about this, what he thinks is long
COVID, and it's what I've been experiencing now for the better
part of three months. But you never quote UN quote got
COVID, so maybe you did. Well, yeah, I'm kind of thinking

(01:08):
that I did at some point. To be clear, I regularly tested.
Any time that I was sick, I tested.
You feel to make sure a false negative.
I think that maybe is what happened because the like now in
the mornings when I wake up, it feels like there's just fluid
everywhere and it takes like 4 hours to get past it.

(01:30):
And I'll be in the middle of talking and my voice just goes
out, kind of like it sounds likeit's about to do now and I just
want to know what's going on. Can somebody explain it to me?
Yeah, long COVID. Cool.
Very fun. Start speculating everyone
without any information, Which is exactly what we all did with

(01:51):
Kate Middleton. OK, but now people are saying
that video is AI. Here's the thing.
If you look if you OK, first of all it came out that Kate
Middleton has cancer and now we all feel like Dicks from
thinking that she was dead or ina medically induced.
Or that her husband is a cheater.

(02:11):
I definitely still think he's a cheater. 2 things can be true.
She can have cancer and he's a piece of shit cheating with
Rose. And Rose got pregnant with his
child. Got to be honest with you don't
know who Rose is. The mistress.
Alleged mistress. Very blatant.
They're always seen together. It's like the Princess Diana
thing. Anyways, so now I was like, Oh

(02:33):
my gosh, I feel like a Dick. She has cancer, she's in
treatment and that's why she hasn't been in the public eye,
blah, blah, blah. Well, now people are looking
into the video because first of all, why wouldn't your husband
be sitting with you as a united front to announce that you have
cancer? Why is she sitting by herself?

(02:53):
Oh, I see what you're saying. So a woman needs a man to talk?
No, no, I get it. They it's the Royal Family.
Why is she making the announcement about her cancer
and talking about how it was hard for them to tell the kids?
Why did the king? Alone.
Make a video about his cancer and he was alone.
OK, whatever. Also they zoomed in on her hand

(03:14):
and like in one part of the video I'm stop.
You're part of the problem. They zoomed in on her hand while
she's talking. And the ring on her hand, It's
not like a wedding ring. It's just like a big emerald.
It's there and then it's not there.
Like all of a sudden the ring iscompletely gone from her hand

(03:36):
and then the next shot at his back.
It certainly couldn't have fallen off, huh?
No, she was in the middle of a sentence.
You'll have to show it to me after.
But even if, even if what you show me is like very solid, I am
going to just say that it that it.
Let's just see what happens. You know what I'm saying?

(03:57):
Like the problem is this, let's just say for argument's sake,
this poor woman does have cancerand she's posted a video about
it for weeks. People have been speculating
that all kinds of things are going on with the family and
like borderline hating on her for photoshopping something with
that, with the kids and whatever, and now.
They threw her under the bus about photoshopping when it was

(04:20):
clearly not her. But well, yeah, that's, yeah, I
get what you're saying, but I feel like we're at the point
where we should just let it go. No.
Yeah, except if there's something shady going on the
poor thing and they're making AIshit of her like.
But yeah, I I just think like, if she's not.

(04:44):
Posting about. It.
Sure. Well, I know you're not posting
about it. But also, they're eliciting
reactions by releasing a video at all.
They could have just continued to not release anything.
Yeah, but I think they had to control the narrative because
people were going bad shit crazywith theories.
And you know what I mean? So.
That's why I think it might be AI and also the background.

(05:07):
Those people are saying those flowers aren't in bloom and they
pulled up a video if. If the royal family can do
anything, they can put flowers in A room.
It's out of season. Outside, Out of out of season.
Sure. Outside.
Great. She's wearing the exact same
outfit in the exact same spot asshe was in a video announcement

(05:29):
from 2015. So people are saying, So what
are you saying? That they, like deep?
Faked it because. But why do you take it?
For what reason is my question Iguess?
Because no statement was more harmful than a statement.
Because people were going so hard to paint about her being in
a fucking coma. So they were saying I think it

(05:54):
was deep faked. Using a video from 2015.
I'll show you after. No, I've seen a lot of it.
Yeah, is the same exact outfit. First of all, she's a fucking
queen. Or what Princess Duchess,
whatever that's was, she has a trillion outfits.
Why is she in the same shirt from the same video with the

(06:16):
same background? When I was a kid, I went to
picture day and I had my good shirt three different times.
I wore the same shirt year after.
Year. So she thinks that that random
striped shirt is like her camera.
Shirt. I had several renditions of that
shirt for I think it was second and third grade wore the same

(06:38):
shirt. 5th and 6th grade wore the same shirt. 7th and 8th wore
the same shirt. Or someone deep picked a video
of her because they were like, we have to do something, but she
needs to make a public appearance because people are
freaking out. So what do you think the truth
is? Like let's say all the AI stuff
is true. Right, if it is AI.
But what? Like, what's the reason that

(06:58):
they're? A + B equals CI.
Think if it is AI, she is in a medically induced coma.
She might not be able to wake up.
She's going to possibly pass away.
Why wouldn't they just say that?And then they're going to be
like the cancer got her and that's why.

(07:20):
But why? Wouldn't they just say that?
Because I think the medically induced coma is because of her
violent husband and they're covering up his dirty work.
You've gone, you've gone way down the rabbit hole on this.
Or she found out about the affair, took a bunch of pills.
Jesus, honey. I don't know.

(07:41):
I. My God.
I am you're. Part of the problem.
I think there's something so fishy about it.
And what if you just had some sort of announcement and
everyone is speculating that you're in a medically induced
coma? Here's the thing.

(08:01):
And it's not true. The Royal family like gets off
about being in the press and controlling the press since the
beginning of time. OK, but here's The funny thing
about. This and they want all the
speculation about the Royal Family.
That's two weeks ago. Hang on, two weeks ago I feel
like you would have asked me thequestion what does the Royal
family do? And now you are like you've have

(08:25):
like decades of knowledge about conspiracies revolving around
the. City will do to you.
Who am I hurting? I'm over here in LA, not posting
to TikTok about all my theories.Just recording a podcast about
it. You brought it up.
Well, I brought it up, and you didn't have to bring up how far

(08:49):
down the rabbit hole you've. Got and solicited my thoughts.
Was I supposed to lie? I thought we were going to
present to United Front. I honestly did.
That's why I brought it up. What was the United front?
You thought this? Is why we don't speculate.
And like we all theorized and speculated for weeks and now

(09:09):
it's just a terrible announcement and maybe we should
just chill out on that stuff. I thought that.
I thought we were going to meet on the in the middle on that.
Yeah, but I don't. Me theorizing over here doesn't
have affect her and her cancer in any way.

(09:31):
I suppose. I don't know.
I don't know. She's.
A castle somewhere, not looking at the Internet.
I don't know that that's true. I mean, if she's in a medically
induced coma, she's not looking at the Internet.
But I think the Royals look at the Internet all the time, OK?
Constantly. Then.
This is a weird one. I feel like I've lost you on

(09:52):
this. OK, TikTok is getting to you.
Yeah. It's getting to me too, in a lot
of different ways, in very different ways.
You asked me the other day, Do Ijust follow?
Large Midwestern. Women.
Large Midwestern women who are bad at cooking.
And the answer is, I think so. You watch so many large women

(10:17):
preparing sad food for their families.
I don't know why, but I'm not alone.
I'm not alone. I don't know why it's
entertaining to me, but it's me and hundreds of thousands, if
not millions of other people that watch people cook terribly
for their family and get enjoyment out of it.

(10:40):
And by terribly we mean like 7 buckets of butter and oil and
salt, like they're essentially poisoning their families.
It's birthday cake. With a side of chips, with a
side for breakfast, yeah. Here's so there's this one
person in particular. I forget her name.

(11:01):
Oh good. I think it's Alex.
I'd look it up in my phone, but it's recording video right now
and she's had a couple videos like explode of her saying here
I'm going to, you know, plate lunch for my one year old and
she just takes Wendy's out of a bag and puts it on a plate.
Or like and then adds Cheetos. Yeah, or like, there's one.
There's another one that takes frozen dinners out of the

(11:23):
cardboard box and then, like, fries it and gives it to their
husband for dinner. Anyway, this woman that I
follow, she was posting a coupledays ago about, like, here's
here's my food bank hall. Like, here's all the stuff I got
at the food bank today. She posted a video and she must

(11:47):
have gotten paid from TikTok. From the views, she posted her
$2200 GameStop haul. Oh my God.
Like days after the food bank After.
The food and did the comments say?
Oh my God, I. Thought you were just at the
food bank. Lit her ass on fire.
Like talk about tone deaf. Buy food for your family first,

(12:12):
please. And the most hilarious part
about this, If you look at the comments, the first like half of
the video, is this the thing shebought from the GameStop?
Not video games, Drink Ware, slippers.
Like, I don't even know GameStopsold this stuff.
What? Like home decor.
Yeah, like all kinds of just random stuff.

(12:34):
And I thought to myself, like, Idon't know if I had $2200 and
went into a GameStop, I don't know that I could spend it all.
Like, I know video games are expensive, right?
If you buy a new Xbox, it's a couple 100 bucks or whatever it
may be. That's a couple 100 bucks.
OK, buy 10 games. Was any of the stuff for her

(12:54):
kids? No.
Oh my God, it was for her. But remember, she's in the
throuple. It was for her boyfriend.
She brought her boyfriend and Xbox, her girlfriend and
PlayStation, and then a whole lot of cups and slippers.
Oh my God. And it reminds me of a person I
used to know who fell on hard times, posted about it

(13:16):
constantly. Constantly.
Her and her husband. We've both lost our jobs.
We don't have, you know, XY and Z and I don't know we're we
can't make rent this month. I went through a health battle.
We don't have insurance right now.
The whole bed posted about all of that and a GoFundMe link a

(13:38):
few days later. A bunch of people liked this
person, wanted to help support them, and then three or four
days after the GoFundMe, it's posting about this new game that
she bought for Xbox and the new Xbox she is playing it on.
Not I you know, the Xbox I've had for years.
It's She posted about how she went and bought one, and I

(14:02):
unfriended her that day. Yeah.
I just don't know what like whatdo you?
Think is gonna happen. We found we had the same thing
happened with a couple that had fallen on hard times and posted
a lot about it, and we're tryingto get a job for a while.
And then, Oh yeah, got tattoo sleeves and tattoos.
Not cheap. Yeah, not cheap.

(14:23):
And that's where my empathy expires.
Beyond like I don't get it. But it wasn't.
It was more important than eating, probably the tattoo
sleeves, and more important thanpaying rent.
I guess so. And yeah, so anyway, I might be
done. Watching her videos is the
point, as much as I love them. So it nothing turned you off

(14:48):
about the general Gluttony. It was you draw the line at
GameStop Cups. Yeah.
Got it. Yeah, that's exactly where I
draw the line. So now I'm on to my girl, Kathy
cooking with Kathy. It's old infomercials and I look
over and there's a Nana on your TikTok microwaving full meals.

(15:14):
Micro Crisp. It's paper.
It's it's like tinfoil, essentially.
It's microwavable. Tinfoil that.
OK. And how much does it cost to for
a role? I wouldn't know because they
don't make it anymore. I don't think I know, but I try
to look at that. Infomercial where she is
selling. Well, it's kind of like
watching. You know how people post like
movie clips and they'll it's like they just post the entire

(15:37):
damn movie eventually. Yeah, I haven't gotten to the
part of the infomercial yet thatshows how much The thing is, so
I'm watching it in like 7 minutechunks.
It's definitely not like FDA approved paper.
I don't know. I would assume it had to have
been right for them to sell it on TVI.
Guess, but it looked really, really hazardous.

(16:01):
There was one where she, like, tapes things together.
Yeah, she put tape. It was pigs in a blanket.
She put this micro crisp tinfoilpaper around pigs in a blanket
to microwave it. And the whole bit was like.
Microwaved eggs below it so she can have omelets ready to rock

(16:24):
with pigs in a blanket. Right.
And the whole pitch was like, you're a busy working woman, you
have kids, you don't have time to make breakfast in the
morning. And I'm like, well, scrambling
an egg is a hell of a lot easierthan cutting pieces of paper,
wrapping them around individual little mini sausages.
That you previously. Wrapped in biscuit dough, taping

(16:45):
them all shut, putting them in acontainer that you then put on
top of like a glass bowl and then into the microwave for 7
1/2 minutes. Right, something tells me just
popping some eggs in a skillet. You have, you can just do the
eggs. Yeah, you're spending the 15
minutes either way. But it did, man.
It sends me down the rabbit hole.

(17:05):
I find it so relaxing, I realized, and I kind of packed
this memory away. I used to watch these as a kid.
Like like it was a show. Yeah, I think most, yeah, a lot
of people. Well, I think I I always thought
that people like turned it on and like, yeah, infomercial.
Next the cooking ones with like the like the George Foreman
grills and the you know, the Micro Crisp.

(17:28):
I would just keep them on for a long, like middle of the night.
Watch them for an hour. And a half.
You and every middle-aged woman also did that.
I think that I'm discovering that that's what I am.
A middle-aged woman. Yeah, that's where all my tastes
lie. Yeah.
I love the prices, right? Pickleball.
You know, I watch my soaps. No you don't.

(17:51):
I don't, but I do love Sister Wives.
Yeah, basic. So basically the same.
I'm not super into watching football.
I like Love Island and dating shows.
I think that's what I am. OK, great.
Yeah. That bodes well for me.
I'm married a middle-aged woman.Some people are into that.
Maybe you could be too with time.

(18:13):
Well, not to bring up a sore subject, but Bob Barker is
selling his home, so we clearly need to extend our mortgage and
beg a lender for how much is it?2 point something $1,000,000?
Yeah, 2.8. 2.9 But what does it say about me that when I saw
that today, First of all, RAP Bob, know it will love you.
Hope everything's. God love him.

(18:34):
Hope you're spending dollars up there in heaven.
What does it say about me that Isaw the price tag of that and I
was like, I thought Bob did better than that for himself.
I thought it was gonna be like 10 million.
What a modest man. I know.
And you look at it and it's likehe had pretty simple taste.
Yeah, he was a simple guy. I guess he spent a lot of money
on the animals, which is the right thing to do.

(18:56):
Yeah. Helping control the pet
population by having his pet spayed or neutered.
Who do you think's gonna buy it?I don't know.
Because the only thing that, like if we bought Bob Barker's
house, I would want it to be chock full of prices, right?
Shit. And I just don't think that's
the case. And I just want to make sure
it's in the hands of someone, though that doesn't just demo

(19:19):
the whole thing and make it different.
Well, that's what they did with Betty White's house.
What? Yeah, what?
Happened. They bought it and then
demolished it. I'm pretty sure unless that
didn't happen yet, they they were threatening to to do that.
How much was her house? I'll have to look it up, but you
should look up pictures of it. If you're if you're listening,
look up Betty White House, because it was just like this

(19:42):
gorgeous like farmhouse but had mid century modern aspects to
it. Unless I'm thinking of somebody
else, but I'm pretty sure it's Betty White.
Yeah, I think so. I don't get why anyone would
ever do that. And it's perfectly like
preserved or was perfectly preserved.
Yeah, it was demolished. It was perfectly demolished.

(20:04):
It what? Look at this.
Tell me why, though. Look at that.
Look at that house. Have you ever seen anything
better? No, never.
Somebody demolished it. And why?
Because they built something else on top of it.
Look at. That torn down.
What the fuck? Isn't that effed up?
Oh, it's such a pretty house. God, it's perfect.

(20:26):
And the pool, right. But answer me, Oh, is it right
on the ocean? Like who was it and why did they
do it? I don't.
I don't know. I'm not sure.
And how much was it? Let's see.
They sold it for 10 million dollars, $10.68678 million.
OK, here let me find it it. Was like it was in Malibu.

(20:47):
It was on the beach. Very tasteful.
OK, TMZA, Little little triggering with the language
here. Betty White's house has been
wiped off the map. OK, Jesus, a beautiful a massive
new building is rising up in itsplace.
Great. So it sounds like an apartment

(21:09):
building or some shit. How lame.
I hope she haunts it. She should.
She should haunt it. And Bob you like I wish he had
like a like I said a room that was just like full of Plinko
chips. Hell yeah.
Then I think we would go for it.We would beg the other lender
that we ditched and ghosted, whokeeps calling me.

(21:33):
Leave us. Alone psycho.
Get the hint. I'm ghosting you bro, He sent.
He finally sent me like a link to unsubscribe from his e-mail,
so I did. He sent you the link.
Yeah. It just said, here's the link if
you want to. Unsubscribe it.
No way. And so I did.
It so he got the hint. I hope so I.

(21:53):
Just don't get what the end gameis there.
I don't know. There's nothing worse than like
where were we recently? Where we had to, I guess.
It's a there's a lot of this is a lot of Realtors issues when
you walk it. Like we walked into several
places and the person just fucking follows us into a

(22:13):
goddamn room. We said this last week, this
weekend we went to a specific open house, $900,000 house.
Like I don't. We wouldn't have had a single
dollar left to our name to change anything about the
inside. There were 17 different floors.
Every room got its own floor. Every bathroom, every closet,

(22:37):
every section of the living roomhad different pieces of
flooring, different floors. 17'slike generously low.
Then there's two Realtors badgering us as we enter and
they're like, yeah, the owner was gonna knock this window out
and put French doors, but he never got around to it.
Yeah, the owner was gonna finishthese stairs, but he never got
around to it. Yeah, the owner was gonna finish

(22:59):
this closet, but he never got around to it.
Yeah, the owner was gonna Hey, how about you stop telling me
what the fuck was gonna be better and now it's just a turd.
Let me go around the house and look and see if I like any of it
instead of you telling me it wasgoing to be better.
But we're going to charge you anaudacious amount of money for

(23:20):
this polished turd that we're standing in.
Like you had the audacity to price it at 900 K For what?
For fucking what? Because you know what was a tear
down that goddamn house. It was ridiculous.
Do you get it? And then I started getting pissy
at the end because she wouldn't stop following us around to tell

(23:40):
us what it could have been that we could have been looking at.
Oh oh was going to. He was going to.
He was. Going to build a tree house
here. Well, guess what?
He didn't bitch. And it looks ugly as shit.
Fucking guess what? None of the stuff he was going
to do is done. Are you fucking him?
We get that you want to make outwith him, so by the end the

(24:02):
other realtor cuts us off and goes.
Did Sally tell you he was going to put French doors here?
And I go, yeah, she told us it was going to look a lot nicer.
And then I went, have a great day and walked out.
I. Hope you get ass cancer and die,
you bitch. I'll cut your throat.
I'll come to your house and killyour children.

(24:24):
Grow like four brain cells like have you.
It was giving babies first houseand then also zero awareness of.
Yeah, lack of self-awareness is.Jesus Christ.
Running rampant. God in the world.
So that's tough. I don't care, honey.
If someone wants to buy our house and then demolish it,

(24:44):
that's fine with me. I don't care.
Do whatever you want by give us a number, give us the cash, and
then do whatever you fucking want with it.
I don't care. Do you care?
A little bit, I think, Betty. White at our house.
Think Golden girl at our house. I think for the first couple
weeks I would. After that, no, I'm good.
I don't care. You know what I'm saying?

(25:07):
OK. It's like if you sell a car and
then you see somebody drive off with it and they just crash it,
like. It would hurt for a.
Second, It would hurt for a moment.
Yeah. You know, I'm sorry.
It'll hurt less. We underestimated how violating
open houses would feel. Oh good God you guys.
What's fucking wrong with people?

(25:28):
Also like we have a 2 bed 2 1/2 bath townhouse and we have a
ring doorbell and there was someone that made an appointment
to come see it and they were in here for 35 minutes.
And they showed up 30 minutes late.
They showed up 30 minutes late. They were in here for 35
minutes. Based on the Ring doorbell
footage and the entire time, I was like literally what could

(25:51):
you possibly be doing in there? Every time we go see a house
that's like 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, we're in and out in
15 minutes, even if we're obsessed with it, Max.
And I'm like literally, what areyou doing in here?
First of all, my brain goes to you're taking a shit, You're
shitting in my house, you're pooping.
There's you're absolutely you'repooping, then I'm like, you're

(26:12):
trying on my clothes, you're. Laying.
You're laying on our bed. You're in my closet.
You're trying on my clothes. Then I'm like, you're going up
and down the stairs, You're touching the walls.
Your grubby little hands are on on the walls.
Why? Why does everyone need to come
in and touch walls? You made yourself a sandwich.
Why are you eating our food? Why are you in the pantry eating
the food? I'm like, what are you doing for
fucking 40 minutes in our house,you psycho?

(26:33):
Yeah, it's very weird. And like, I don't know, when
we've gone and looked at places or apartments or whatever over
the years, we just kind of walk in, walk through the rooms and
then we're like, OK. OK or or.
Not opening drawers and shit. No, but apparently people open
drawers and stuff. Yeah, and what was just.

(26:53):
I forgot to tell you, the other day when I came home, the
microwave and the oven were open.
I'm kidding. I almost stopped the podcast.
Are are you fucking kidding me? What is wrong with?
People, it's good. I like that.
Like, get it? Also, if you really like it,

(27:16):
take a video. It'll last longer because that's
what I do. If we really like a house, I
take a fucking video and then leave.
Talk in the car. Fucking weird.
Of course, the two days a year that it rains in LA, it rained
during our two open houses. So it's raining.
People have to put booties on. They're traipsing through the
fucking house. It's tough.

(27:37):
It's it's a lot, it's a lot more.
And we talked about this the other day.
Way more vulnerable than I expected it to be.
I checked the Ring doorbell and there's a fucking kid screaming,
crying, and. And I gotta say, like when we
bought a a place a few years ago, like I thought that was
like Max stressful. Selling is more stressful than
buying, I think, yeah. Selling well, Also buying.

(28:00):
The most, yeah. Is very.
It's a lot. I don't.
Like it? It's too much.
So we're thriving. I mean, there's worse problems
to have. Sure, we're fortunate to be in
the position that we can be doing these kinds of things, but
it does make me wonder, like, how many people own houses like

(28:22):
this? Many people go through this
process all the time. That doesn't seem right or
sustainable, you know what I mean?
Like, Oh my God. And then I think about my like
my parents when they bought our house when I was a kid and it
was like $80,000 or something. Legally $5.
Legally free. Lucky.
Someone paid them. I know by the way, that we've

(28:45):
had, I have had, I want to say 5trips to Lowe's now where I've
just bought something and then immediately returned.
It started with the door that wegot a few weeks ago, and I have
AI do this from time to time in the podcast.
I have an invention. I have an idea.

(29:06):
OK. Here's this idea.
Pretty revolutionary. I want to know what you think of
it. Local hardware store.
Those exist. Yeah.
Well, more of them should exist because I cannot tell you I have

(29:28):
been inside the fucking Lowe's now.
So the other day our fan wasn't like the ceiling fan light
wasn't working right. Well, I thought you meant.
Like a podcast listener? No, no, no, no.
Our ceiling fan wasn't working right, so I had to replace the
switch. So I go to Lowe's and I ask the
guy for the switch and he hands me What?
Like, there's something that would absolutely not do the job.

(29:50):
It's, you know. Nothing dimmer, but it it was
not a switch. It was a dimmer for a light.
Not a fan. It's not a fan control or a you
know, like what? So the wrong thing.
And I was like, do you know if this has three or four wires on
the back? Cuz that I guess is the thing I
figured out The old stuff has three, the new stuff has four.

(30:11):
His answer? Yeah, it has wires.
All right, that clears it up. So I bought something.
Came back, didn't work. Had to take it back.
I bought light bulbs. This was the other fucking
thing. A task rabbit came over.
A task Rabbit couldn't. It came over, couldn't figure it
out. And he was also a.
Weirdo. A handyman came over.

(30:32):
Couldn't do it. I.
Think that was the first and last time I'll use Task Rabbit.
Was he your? Age.
No, he was like in his late 40s and he had a real long ponytail
and it was kind of disturbing. OK, but I think that would give
me. He was talking to himself, what,

(30:53):
while he was trying to replace something.
That would give me the utmost confidence before the talking to
himself. Yeah, like his appearance being
dad esque and with a long ponytail.
I would have been like he clearly knows his way around a
light switch. Yeah, I mean, he definitely came
confidently, but I might as wellhave paid myself, Did you know

(31:15):
what I'm saying? Follow up and text you about
coming back. He didn't.
He said he would and he didn't, which leads me to believe.
Like he was shitting himself. I have no idea.
How to do this? You know, I'm.
I'm super fortunate he didn't electrocute himself in our house
because then I'm sure we would have been liable.
Or maybe maybe Task Rabbits figured that out.
Anyhow, so I go to Lowe's and I had to get this specific type of

(31:38):
light bulb for the light we havedownstairs because it's an LED
light, but it still dims and it looks old.
It's very specific, but they do sell it regularly at Lowe's, and
I checked on the app before I go.
They have it go there, go to theaisle, find one on the fucking
shelf. I'm like, Oh my God, it's meant
to be. I pick it up, Something is

(31:58):
shaking on the inside of the box.
I open the box more because it was already sitting on the shelf
half open. I open it more and look inside.
Both the bulbs in there are broken, completely broken.
I look behind it, yeah, look behind it.
And I'm like, this is, this is the only one on the shelf.
So I call the guy over who's in the aisle, and I'm like, hey,

(32:20):
can you help me out? And he goes, you got to shut
that box again. And I go, oh, no, it was
already, it was already open when I came over here and
grabbed it. You have to shut the box.
Shut shut it, close the box. And I'm like, OK, well, listen,
do you have another box of these?
Because on the app, it said you had four in stock.
No, whatever's out here is what's out here.

(32:43):
And by the way, you don't want that light bulb.
And I'm like, what? What I go, this is no, this is
the one I specifically came to buy.
No, you don't want that light bulb.
It gives off like a yellowish color.
Nobody likes that. You don't want that.
Everybody hates that color. You don't want that light bulb.
And I go, cool, well, it's broken, so I can't buy it
anyway. Oh, it's broken.

(33:04):
Yes, I told you the first time it was broken.
Oh, and then he opens it and looks at it and sees that it's
broken and puts it back on the fucking shelf.
And I go, dude, it's broken. I go, did you not see the the
like the light bulbs are shattered.
And then he takes it off the shelf, opens it back up and
again, oh closes it, throws it. And I mean Yeats the

(33:29):
motherfucker halfway down the aisle into a cart full of shit
and they just shatter. Jesus Christ, how old?
Was he probably 50s? I just am like every single time
that I go to these stores and I used to like them, Yeah, there's
a so and so I. Mean.
That makes one of us. I've always hated them, by sure.

(33:51):
Yeah, well, there's a so-called experts who, look, I get it.
You don't know how to do everything.
That's fine. But you know, say that if a bulb
is broken. Right.
But also just say it. If I go into the the ceiling fan
area and I'm looking for a fucking switch, just go.
You know what? I don't know anything about this
stuff. I can try to help you or I can

(34:13):
get Bill over here. He's our ceiling guy.
Yeah, he knows. He knows light switches.
He Oh my God, he's going to be such a good.
Instead it's just, I don't know.It has wires.
It has wire. And you don't want that.
You don't want that light bulb. You don't want it.
I'm like really? Because what you're telling me
is me, person with money who came to buy thing from you,

(34:36):
can't buy thing from you. Also, we have sorry that we have
nine other ones that match it athome and we need the 10th one.
God damn. It I don't care if the fucking
light bulb is neon green. I don't care if it's a black
light. If I want to buy it, find me one
that's not shattered. I just don't understand it.
You fucking sell it. I want to buy it.

(34:57):
Let me. I never understand that.
Also, thank God you checked to make sure because you would have
just bought a box of broken lights.
I know. And then he was like, accusing
me of opening the box and breaking the light bulb and I'm
like, OK, motherfucker. Roll back the.
I am going to lose my shit. I'm going to end up on customer

(35:22):
wars or whatever that show is. You will see me like, jump over
the key desk, you know, or like,freak out at the paint counter.
My God. Sorry, I don't get a Judy.
So that was mine. Oh, OK.
That shit irritates me more thananything, though.
I just, I can't. I cannot stand it.

(35:46):
I never the. It's like the house thing all
over again. Like I'm looking for a house.
I'm walking into this one. Why are you trying to actively
get me to not buy it? Not getting.
Why are you shitting on it so? Hard.
I don't get it. I have money.
You want money, just take it. Oh, a mini Jude I I've been

(36:08):
getting a lot of calls this weekfrom the apartment building we
used to manage four years ago. Here we go.
Really. Because I guess the girl that
took over after us quit too, andthey took everyone's number off
the sign. And ours was still.
And mine is underneath. So now my number is back on The

(36:33):
fucking sign from a company I haven't worked for in four
years. We should drive by it tomorrow
and if it's still up there, justgo peel it off.
I guess sure. Or burn it down.
Or burn it. Down.
I was thinking about emailing something shitty with a scream
cause so one girl felt so bad for me because I answered,

(36:54):
'cause I was thinking, Oh my gosh, it's the lender.
Oh God, it's someone from reality TV.
Like, I don't know, I'm answering it And she's like, hi,
my friend moved into your building and I was just trying
to get and I stopped her and I go, I'm so sorry, I haven't
worked for that company in literal years.
I How did you get my number? She goes.
Oh, it's on this sign. I can send you a picture of it
if you. Want Did she send you the

(37:15):
picture? Yeah.
So I have the picture. Yeah.
So she was like, I'm sorry, like, that's my bad.
Just so you know, your number's on the sign.
I can send you the picture. And I was like, please do send
me the picture. And then she's like, do you know
who what number I should call? And I said if my number, I said
if my number's back up there, itmeans that I don't actually know

(37:36):
who's working there now. It means that the girl after me
also quit then. So anyways, totally just it was
funny and pissed me off. Like I was simultaneously
laughing because of fucking course somehow I'm getting like
a fever dream call about from these fucking this fucking

(37:58):
building that would never die and now it's back of course.
So I was thinking about emailingwith the photo.
Something shitty. No, let's just go tag it, yeah.
Yeah, let's go get yeah 'cause they'll have to fix it if we go
spray paint it. Yeah, like we'll just go to Home
Depot and be like, what, spray paint covers a phone number on a

(38:20):
sign and they'll go, I don't know.
Oh my God, that would be so fun.Right, for legal reasons, we're
definitely. Not that's way better than
emailing 'cause they don't respond to emails or do
anything. And of course, this is all
hypothetical. Yeah, you know, we wouldn't
actually do that. LOL, God, that's so cathartic.

(38:41):
That would be if we were ever going to do anything like that.
That would sound like it would be cathartic.
Yeah, that sounds like it'd be really super satisfying when we
do it someday, but not in reality.
In our dreams. You know, wow.
Damn. Well, I'm sorry about that.
Real quick. Before you do, you have an
actual Jude. We've done like 4 mini ones.

(39:03):
Yeah, I do. OK, you do real quick.
What do you think is the most popular dog breed?
Probably like the doodles or a lab.
OK, you're not wrong altogether,but golden retriever close.
OK, those are my top three guesses.

(39:25):
The number one is French Bulldogright now in terms of
popularity. I don't get it, but OK.
There's people who love their Frenchies.
I don't. I've never met one that I liked.
Hot take I I love every dog in the sense that like.
Every dog deserves love and a life and like.
Sure. I don't wanna touch all of them
though. No, I and I'm tired of these

(39:46):
ones slobbering on me and breathing on me and, you know,
near me. And also, I just found this out
today. Apparently they none of them are
are birthed, naturally. What?
They're all birthed via puppy ordog C-section.
I hate that because they're so. Their breathing is like

(40:09):
inhumane, like you're not supposed to breed more of them
because they're literally in pain and peril being alive.
So you're inhumane if you do it.So that's the number one.
Number two is Labrador 3, GoldenRetriever, German Shepherd and
then Poodle. Damn, I'm good.
So that that you were definitelyon the list.
OK, how about this Top ten dog names?

(40:30):
Can you guess any of the names on this list?
Definitely Daisy. It is on there.
In top 10. Yes.
OK. And we have a dog named Daisy.
Daisy comes in at #6. OK, Molly.
Molly is not on here, OK? And I feel like that's kind of a

(40:53):
weak guess. OK.
Come on, Really? Dig deep, lucky.
Lucky is not on here. Lucy is so that's lucky.
Without the K sure, you know, sokind of close.
I really. I feel confidently that in three
guesses you can get the number one.

(41:15):
Answer OK. And I'll give you a hint.
I'll give you one hint. OK.
It is not our other dog. Right.
I was never gonna guess Maddie, OK?
Feel very confidently. Geez, buddy.
No. Think about two more guesses.
Think about like famous dogs. I feel like right now you're

(41:37):
thinking through the lens of, like famous dogs or like,
historically common dog names. No.
In 2024, what is the most popular dog name?
OK, like 0. You're on the.
You're kind of on the right page.
One more guess. Oh my gosh, I'm scared.

(41:57):
I feel like you're. I'm in.
I'm in my head. I'm in.
My head. I know, I know.
You're going to, You're going to.
I'm going to be pissed. Yeah.
Oh. No, I think God, no, I could be
wrong. Oh man, I feel like I'm really
shitting the bed. Oh.
Last guess. I don't want.

(42:17):
To you have to. I feel like people are going to
be screaming at their whatever they're listening on like you
idiot, oh. No guess.
I'm, like literally rolling through like presidents and Oh
my God, you're saying 2024? Yes, Presidents is not the right

(42:41):
way to think. OK, I don't know.
Think about Tiktok. Think about like dogs you might
see on Tiktok and what their names would be.
Winston. OK, that was a good guess.
But no #1 dog named Luna. I thought you would get that.
I wouldn't. Have gotten that.
That's a very common like Tiktokdog name.
I don't follow a single Luna on Tiktok.

(43:03):
Who's the What are the two dogs that we follow now?
Jasmina. Jasmina and Rose.
Jasmine and Rose. Other ones on the list.
Charlie at #2, Bella at #3. OK Lucy was for Cooper 5.
Daisy #7 was Max #8. Very, very typical Milo.

(43:24):
I don't like that as a dog. Name #9 Bailey and #10 Sadie.
I don't like any of those, no, except Daisy.
Except Daisy. I like.
Kind of like Cooper. That's kind of a cool no, no.
Why don't? Like it?
All right. I guess death to all Coopers
then? No, I guess I wish it would show

(43:46):
me the worst dog names. Let me see if that.
I mean, I feel like most popularand worst are similar.
Yeah, I guess that's kind of true.
Yeah. There's a lesson in that.
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Do you think if we had longer tothink about it, if we had chosen

(44:07):
to take longer naming Daisy, do you think she seems like a
Daisy? No.
Yeah. No.
She does to us. I kind of feel like we fucked
up. Yeah, we probably did.
Do you think what? Do you think her name would be?
Let's rename her now. If the world.
And see how confusing. Is if the world were to name

(44:28):
her. What do you think they would
name her like? What were the most common?
I I would say, Karen, maybe. Honey.
What? Well, she's kind of a bitchy dog
to strangers. She's very lovely.
She is. Is is that is that false?
I don't know. OK, what would you name her or
some other kind of? Like Gertie?

(44:51):
Like Gertrude. Agnes.
No, Gertrude. Really.
Oh, wow. I'm going to tell you something.
That what else? I don't know.
Like. Like, what do you think is like
a, you know, like think of like a friend group that goes a
friend. Like a group of girls that go

(45:12):
out. I was drinking one night.
The problematic one in that group is named what?
Stacey. OK, yeah, she could be a Stacey.
Yeah. Maybe we should start calling
her that when she's being bad. Stacey.
I don't know because it's. Kind of close to Daisy.
We call her Stacey. Why do I?

(45:37):
Why do I love that? Stacey Stacy's kind of a funny
name for a dog, too. Oh no.
Well, all right, Stacy. I like it.
We fucked up. Yeah, let's rename her now.
Yeah, no, there's plenty of time.
Do you get it? Listen to me very carefully.

(45:57):
I know everything, and I want you to stop talking.
You're a moron. So is your mother.
You are an example of why peopleshould have to take tests before
they're allowed to have children.
Do you get it? At this point this is like a
rite of passage I guess. Of course we have to do this
before we leave, before we move.We couldn't just leave without

(46:20):
having another fucking run in with our dumb ass fucking fuck
ass neighbors. God damn it.
We had our open houses. We had three open houses on
Thursday. Some fucking how they weren't
out and I said I am now religious.
The fact that they didn't come out during our open house on

(46:40):
Thursday. I believe in Jesus Christ again.
It's Easter soon. Should I start Lent today?
I don't know is. That how that works.
Then Saturday, Sunday, even in the rain, they were out
screaming and our realtor textedus.
Screamy is out in full effect. Cool.

(47:02):
You fucking selfish pricks ruin our fucking open house with your
bullshit ass deranged animal family screaming at the top of
their lungs outside of our house.
We're just trying to leave you. We're trying to get the fuck out

(47:22):
of dodge and you have to have your bullshit ass animals
running the fuck around screaming and crying and
shrieking. Our realtor was like you weren't
fucking kidding. It's bad.
That was actually a little validated.
She was like, I thought you justreally didn't like all kids, but
holy shit, they're monsters. Like she and she has children.

(47:46):
She has three children. 2. Two that are fully grown up,
grown ass adults now. And she looked like she'd seen a
ghost. She was like, Oh my God, they
were bad. And I'm like, yeah, I know.
I know. Fuck.

(48:08):
Wasn't that kind of validating though?
Yes, but we have people walking in and out of our house trying
to fucking buy it and now no onewants to buy it.
You pieces of fucking shit. I swear to God, if I was home I
would have gone and spat on them.
I believe it. I would have hawked a fucking
loogie onto all their faces. I have enough mucus saved up

(48:29):
assholes judgement to the plaintiff.
If we can't sell our house because of them, I will just
burn it to the ground and get the insurance money allegedly.
Do you? Get.
It all, allegedly, of course, Which by the way, I guess
somebody did that. I mean it happens all the.
Time. Oh my God, she forgot to tell us
the story. Yeah.
We'll have to ask her about. It the alleged ex clients that

(48:49):
she had that allegedly lit theirhouse on fire.
That's hilarious. I think that's one of those
things where you're like, you joke about it and it's funny to
like, think about the joke, but then imagine being like, imagine
you and I like joked about that and then we went and grabbed the
matches, you know what I mean? Why does it feel like something
I would legit do if it didn't burn the whole state of
California down? You know what I mean?

(49:10):
Like if we lived in a different state, I don't know.
That's. A little terrifying.
I'll let's let's leave everyone with this.
I have a little bit of science for you.
Oh, good. Before we depart.
The science What are you? Kamalu, the science student?
Yeah, oh. Wow, Kamalu the science student.
You're gonna respond to this onepretty heavily.

(49:35):
OK. It's an important lesson.
I think the intro's too long, but OK.
You say all the time and then I shorten it and then you don't
like that either, you know? Yeah, sure.
There we go. Oh, my God.
OK, what's the thing like when we go on a long flight that

(49:56):
you're always worried about? Blood clots.
OK, Have you ever worn leggings on a flight?
Yeah. I have some bad.
News like workout leggings. Yes, I have some really bad news
for you. Oh my God, you should not be
doing that. Honey.
But it's not. Why are you telling me?
This, but it's not because of blood clots.

(50:16):
Did you just choose violence? It's not because of blood clots.
You should not wear leggings on planes, according to experts,
because the artificial fibers are more easily burned.
So if you end up in a fiery crash, you're going to be more
likely to burn up. OK, so many things have to go
wrong for that. To come into play, I guess what

(50:38):
I'm trying to say is maybe the blood clots is a more legitimate
concern, right? You know, instead of.
You shouldn't wear this very flammable item in the event that
the airplane catches. Fire.
OK, leggings. Well, now we should be worried
with all of the fucking Boeing bullshit going on.
Yeah, leggings are kind of like a compression material, and they

(50:59):
help with blood flow. So one could say that wearing
leggings and compression socks at the same time help keep your
blood going and not clotting. So I'd rather take, but I'd
rather roll the dice on Burning Alive.
I was going to say, like, what'swhat's it worth to you?
Because you can do that. And like, yeah, your blood clots
are better but you are more flammable I guess.

(51:25):
I would choose a fire. You would take a risk.
Yeah, I'm willing to gamble. I just love that an aviation
expert is like I'm warning. You.
You. Should not wear leggings on a
plane because you could catch. Fire more easily.
Also like to really evaluate that.
Like you really think a legging is going to be more flammable
than Jane's? Yeah, absolutely.

(51:49):
It's like spandex and jeans are like denim.
I don't how is denim less flammable than spandex.
Spandex is like plasticky and jeans are denim.
And artificial fibers, and I guess that's more easily to
burn, that's more easy to burn. Great.
Whatever. I mean, if we've hit the ground
and we're in a fireball, I'm guaranteed I'm already dead.

(52:13):
Yeah 'cause you were wearing leggings.
Or I killed myself on the way down.
There you go, parting words of wisdom.
By the way, I guess we got to buy a Powerball ticket.
Why, It's hella money. Big one.
Yeah, big one. Is it enough to buy Bob Barker's
house? I think it's enough money,

(52:33):
realistically, that we could reconstruct Betty White's house.
Fuck yeah. From, you know, being torn down,
we could build it back up. Frame for frame, tile for tile,
window for window. Because it's a $1.1 billion.
So let's get it done, You know what I'm saying?
Let's make it happen. Chase that bag, as the kids say.

(52:55):
Bros say let's go. Subscribe to Mostly True
Opinions on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen
to podcasts.