The Nude Cruise

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that. Two millennials doing a podcast
to avoid legalizing the urgent. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true opinion.
Why hello there. Mostly true opinion of them.
Camera that is KK comedy. What?

(00:21):
What? The energy?
You don't like it. I think it just felt off kilter
for what we were just we just barely have a pulse today.
Well, look, not everything has to be sad and depressing and all
of those things. I'm happy.
I'm having a pretty good day fora Monday.
Not too bad. Oh, good.

(00:43):
How are you? I think good.
I don't know. Somebody sent me a message on
Instagram last week after our podcast, which we recorded.
Mail time. No, not quite.
I feel like if I tee it up, it'sonly one tiny little that you
know what I mean. Like if I'm like it's time to
check the mail. He said it was good.

(01:06):
It's from Eric and he said that the podcast was unhinged and
hilarious last week when we wererecording in our bedroom studio,
which has now changed. We're in a different room in our
house trying to figure out wherewe want to do this.
Our bedroom is a construction zone at the moment and God does

(01:31):
my throat look. Weird look Weird, Yeah.
I can't all of a sudden just felt like there was like a golf
ball in it. You have a beard.
Not in my throat. I can't see your throat right
now. Yeah, but look, you can see part
of it. The microphone's in the way
anyways. Are you good?
I gotta check. Hang on.

(01:52):
Who are you? Me.
True. By the way, I'm handing out gas
gauges Like it. Their fucking popcorn.
What do you mean? Because our friend, who also
just got a place, said that she thought she smelled gas and I
gave her our portable gas gauge.You gave her our gas gauge.
Well, we have. Why would?

(02:12):
You do something like that we. Have another one?
How? Are we going to detect gas?
She's in her time of need. She has a credit card.
OK. We need the gas meter to save
our own lives. I swear to God, if I if I die in
the middle of the night, I'm gonna kill you.
I saw you unplug ours. I moved it and didn't plug it

(02:33):
back. In I sure as shit did somebody
else must have is was there somebody else in our home?
Yes, Maintenance Med. Well, they didn't.
Plumbers. A painter.
Anything that looks off to you, they did.
If there's something in the sinklike there's dirty dishes, they
did it. You know what I mean?

(02:53):
I have a bone to pick with you. Oh, what?
You've been showing me on TikTokstitches of this girl saying
married people stitch this and tell me what you mean by
marriage is hard. And you've been cackling,
cracking up, sending me them DMS.

(03:15):
Then you'll save them till the end of the day.
Show me a bunch in a row and it's like some crumpled towel.
A shoe out of place A. Shoe in a weird place and you
were just laughing like, Oh yeah, relatable.
And then I went to film one of you because there was a 2 liter
of Diet Pepsi in the fridge, andI go in the fridge and you had

(03:39):
put it back in the fridge completely and utterly empty.
This is this is the bone. Yes.
And then I went to go film it and you got all butthurt about
it. Did I or did I hand you your
phone to film it? But then something about me
filming it. You were, like, annoyed.
No, yeah. No.

(04:01):
Then what's your version of events?
My version of events is I handedyou the phone 'cause it was
funny. Uh huh.
And then we got into a discussion afterwards about why
it even happened to begin with. Because it breaks my brain that
you set things back in the fridge that are completely
empty. My what I'm trying to tell you
is it defies logic. Yes it does.

(04:24):
That being said, it's the same amount of effort to put it back
in the fridge as it is to throw it into the trash can.
Which is? Why?
When I do that, it's not becauseI chose not to.
It's because I was thinking and did it subconsciously.
But in every sense of reality, you did choose where to place it

(04:46):
with your arms. OK, when you misplace your
phone, that's your choice. That you misplaced it.
The next time you ask me where'smy phone, I'm gonna remember
this moment. No, but.
Yes, I'm saying why would you put it downstairs if you need it
with you up here? I'm saying that.
Why couldn't it have still been a funny, goofy thing?

(05:06):
You're the one that shows. It was TikTok, that's what I'm
saying. It was.
And then when it became a after,the laugh became a like, why
would you even put it in there to begin with?
Then it, Then it became not so fun, you know?
Because I'm trying to wrap my head around if there is
something going through your head when you place an empty 2

(05:26):
litre back in the fridge, you can't allow me to have a moment
of like this is so ass backwards.
Well, of course. Sure.
So allow me to have my. I am allowing you to have the
moment if you said like I don't get that this is silly.
Ha ha. That's what I did.
When we start micro analyzing itand going like what was going

(05:49):
through your brain when you put this in the fridge?
I can tell you nothing. Something else.
I wasn't thinking about the two liter.
I was probably thinking about the healthcare system in America
or something. Sure, you know what I mean?
I was probably thinking about the pool pumps that I'm trying
to figure out. Right.
I'm not saying you that your brain is empty when you're doing

(06:10):
this stuff. I get that you're thinking about
other things. I also think about other things
while I put things in the trash.So what you're trying to figure
out is why you're better than me.
No. Well, you're being ridiculous.
I'm saying I'm trying to make itmake sense to my brain so that I
am less irritated when it happens.

(06:30):
I'm trying to understand your logic.
When it appears that there is none, my brain fritzes out and
I'm like, I get it. Why is this a thing that then I
have to go throw out your trash that's in the fridge?
Why? And when you.
Leave a room. Do you leave lights on?
I've been doing so much better about that I don't even think

(06:53):
that's relevant. You've been doing a little bit
better. I don't even think it's a
relevant argument. I've been doing so.
Good. See.
It's a sign of somebody who knows they're wrong.
Denial, right? Isn't that averse?
I am saying that if it came out of nowhere and I found this
trend and started videoing you and then asking you about it and

(07:16):
whatever. Yeah.
Then I would see why you were defensive, but you've been
guffawing. Oh, it's a hilarious trend
you've been. Guffawing and sending me the
trend. You are, you're.
You're missing the point again though, I think.
No, I think I we. Laughed about the the trend.
We laughed about the trend. Yeah.

(07:39):
It was the conversation after the laugh that you.
No, we laughed about it. I handed you your phone.
Yes, sure. You keep leaning on that.
I would resist if I had a problem with it.
No, you handed me my phone, and then when I started recording
and I aimed the phone at you, you were like, what?
Now you're going to record me? You got?

(07:59):
Because that's not the trend. People do it and then it's just
about the thing, OK? You know.
It's like it's like lifting the curtain too much when you show
the actual person. It was my artistic decision to
show you. It was the wrong artistic
decision. Anyways, I'm just saying thou
dost laugh when it's not you andthen when it's you, and I don't

(08:23):
get it. I still don't think you
understand. I do understand and then it
think it's just one of those things.
It's like, well, try harder because otherwise I just have to
throw out your trash that's in the fridge for the rest of our
lives. Do you hear a high pitched
sound? No, I don't.

(08:43):
Well, you have headphones on. I don't hear a high pitched
sound, but there are high pitched sounds in this house.
The washing machine makes 1. Do you want to take your
headphones off for a second? I can't hear anything.
I promise you I can't. You didn't even try to hear it.
Here we go. Yeah, I hear it.

(09:08):
You hear it but. Not with my headphones off or
not with my headphones on. Yeah, obviously.
You know, it might be the pool thing.
The pool pump, Yeah, from up here.
Yeah, it's probably. It probably exploded or
something. Oh my God.
That is something I'm afraid of in this house, exploding the
pool. Is that something that can

(09:30):
scientifically happen? So I was looking up the other
day, 'cause there's a pool pump,there's a pool filter, there's
the pool heater, there's. Powered by gas.
Powered by gas, which I don't believe is what the beeping is.
It's not like a gas alarm. Is that your throat?

(09:51):
I was looking up like this specific pool pump the other day
to try to figure out how to use it and it basically said like if
you keep it on too high too longwith it not working correctly,
it can just like burn out and explode.
And so that's kind of my fear that I'm navigating and trying
to figure out, because I don't want just the pool to explode

(10:12):
and specifically something that we didn't insure by choice.
Right. It's water.
It's gonna be fine. They were trying to sell us fire
insurance on the pool. Yeah, I think we talked about
that. We don't need fire insurance on
water. What do you the other thing that

(10:35):
like I'm trying to figure out with this house, well, the other
priority I guess I should say iswe have plants now again outside
and a few inside and we are historically not plant people.
We historically massacre. And I don't even understand how,
because we get the kind that youdon't even have to water.

(10:57):
We get air plants, succulents, the plants that are known for
being Hardy, and yet they all. We have littered a trail of
plant carcasses behind us, so wehave a new set of plants.
And I'm really invested in them this time around.

(11:17):
I feel responsible because they were here before we were.
Well, a few of them were here. We did buy some, and we've named
some of them. That is the right way to go, I
think. Because now if we accidentally
kill Earl, it's Earl that's dying, not just a plant.

(11:37):
You did say today you pulled Earl out of the sun because he's
not looking good. God.
We've only had him for three days.
And I just wonder if the neighbor heard you.
Earl. Earl.
You're not looking good. Help Earl get out of the sun.
Like is Earl. They probably think Earl is your
grandfather or something. Earl is a lavender plant, right?

(12:02):
Earl is a lavender plant, OK? But for some reason I can't ever
remember that because we had your mom over in somebody else
and they were like, what kind ofplant?
And I was like, oh, it's Rosemary.
Yeah, and I was like. And that's the other thing too.
There's been a couple times likeyour mom was over and somebody
else was over and I think one ofthe, like maybe our friend or

(12:26):
realtor or somebody asks they'relike, is something pleaded or is
something, whatever. And we're like, I I don't know
what that means. Pleaded.
What does that? Mean.
I don't know how to answer the question either.
That's happened a couple of times.
Are people referring to plants when they say that?
No, I don't think so. But then again, I don't really

(12:46):
know. It also happened when we were
doing like the paperwork for thehouse.
They're like there's seven options here.
Do you want option ABCDE or F? And it's like.
Russian Roulette. Nobody could tell us which one
to choose. And also I guess we'll just
like, take a chance. Are you still hearing it?

(13:07):
Yeah, but Oh well. I think it might be the neighbor
'cause I just like, I just don'tknow what it would be.
Yeah, our neighbor on the one side started doing construction
at 7:00 AM in the morning this Sunday, which was an interesting
choice. However, I didn't even feel

(13:28):
violent about it, 'cause I was just like, you know what?
It's not a screaming child. You actually handled it quite
well. You woke up to it and you were
like. Yeah, I'm a whole new level of
Zen. I agree.
And then we met our other neighbors.
They came to our door with flowers.

(13:48):
Flowers. And they said, and I quote, we
were going to make you cookies, but our daughter is gluten free.
And then we panicked and didn't know if you were too, so we
didn't want to bring gluten over.
And I said, well, we're not for the record, but these are
beautiful flowers. Thank you.
And it was so cute. And the guy was like, I'm a

(14:10):
retired mechanic, I have a bunchof tools if you ever need
anything. And Oh my gosh, they have no
pets. And no, well, they have old kids
that are like moved out of the house.
Do they 'cause they said, their daughter's gluten free.
Oh, duh. Obviously have a kid, but she
doesn't live there. They've lived in their house for

(14:31):
30 years. They are.
I think they're in their 60s. So yeah, they're in their 60s,
yeah. Not old, but just older than us
and God. They're precious.
Like, the right kind of old. They're not so old that they're
crotchety and they're not young enough to, like, be loud all the
time. And then I of all people

(14:55):
suggested that we exchange phonenumbers.
I know, I I kind of assumed you were drunk or something.
No, not gonna lie. Middle of the day.
Well, I don't know. It's been busy.
So dare I say it, I never thought we'd see the day.
And I assume you, the listener, really never thought we'd see

(15:15):
the day where I liked our neighbors.
I know it it We're gonna have touse this button a lot less.
Like we'll still use it, but that was primarily from our old
neighbors. It's something else.
Well, two things, #1 just make both kinds of cookies, you know

(15:40):
what I'm saying? Like, it's not.
It's not a do or die situation 'cause.
Bone to pick. Worst case scenario, I am gluten
free and I only eat the gluten free ones.
Best case scenario, I am not gluten free and I get to eat all
of them. What's a bummer is I don't
remember her name. I only remember his name 'cause

(16:03):
you. I know.
So his name is Mike and we don'tknow her name, so we should call
her Michaela. Michael.
Michaela or Mike and Molly? How about Mike and Molly?
Like the CBS show? What a weird choice for a fake
name I don't. Know.
Sure. And then, But see what's going

(16:25):
to happen, though, is that we'regoing to get caught one day,
Like we're going to be walking down the street with a friend
and they're going to be there. Hey, how's it going?
Hey, Mike. Hey, Molly.
I'm going to be like that's that's not her name.
Whatever. It was very nice though.
It was very nice. Did I say it's starting to get
bad? I don't remember what I've said

(16:46):
on the podcast and I'm and I deeply apologize, including the
entire study couples study that we redid.
The Yeah, that's fine. I do it all the time.
Did I mention the mustard yellow?
I think so, yeah. OK.
Of our old house being painted that way.
That should be a Oh my God, you motherfucker.

(17:08):
If you steal this idea, listener, I swear to God HGTV
show idea. Going.
Back to your old fucking house. Oh, and seeing what the next
person did to it. And.
Then talking about shit. Or being like.
Or being like, oh, that's so much better.
Oh, oh. My God, where is it?

(17:29):
Where's the thing? What would you call it?
Call it House. The House.
House. Return.
Return. Coming back home.
What's the name of the Jonathan Taylor Thomas movie?
It's well, I guess it's a Christmas one.

(17:50):
Like I would know. Return to the abode.
Well, well, you can workshop that, but just know if it's on
fucking TV and there's not created by credits that have our
names on it. You stole it, you son of a
bitch. That's a good idea.
It's a really good idea. It's at least a good TikTok

(18:12):
idea, no? Don't you know a guy?
I'm gonna call him, yeah. You could pitch it.
I will. I'm serious.
You never pitched the cruise one.
I didn't because the appetite's not there, apparently.
Why? High risk The Deadliest Catch

(18:32):
really scared people off of doing things at sea, I guess.
Did people? Die.
Yeah, I knew camera operators that used to work on that show.
And they're dead. And they're dead.
No, they had to sign away like their lives before working on
it. Basically.
They got paid amazingly. But basically, they signed

(18:53):
documents say if you die, your family cannot come after us.
OK, how is a World cruise as treacherous as ice deadly is
catching? Liability, Cost, Size of the
ship. OK.
Cost the cost of putting the crew in cabins and they get

(19:17):
unlimited food. Permitting international waters.
Easier because literally casinosand everything, it's not
everything on international waters.
It's not undoable. For the record, maybe the right
person, but we asked like a couple of these people what
types of areas they're interested in, and it's all

(19:40):
essentially singing competitions, game shows, and
cooking and dating shows. So, OK, I'm just saying I
thought it would be easier than other shows to shoot.
They don't have to make a set. Yeah, they don't have to provide

(20:00):
like food everyone's fed. They just get a cabin and fill
I. Unfortunately, I think the other
thing that happened was that Love Boat Show, right?
That did not do well. Because they did it wrong.
I agree. They did it.
Wait, they did it. It was horrible.
And then my other bone to pick is TikTok.

(20:22):
And I'm guilty, but the world cruise coverage has fallen off.
I noticed that 'cause it even used to come up in my feed.
People have forgotten about it. Yeah.
I think Royal Caribbean shootingtheir own docu.
Yeah. And I think that they've like
employed some of the influencerson the boat and they're like

(20:45):
telling them to send their footage to them and not.
So they're like controlling the narrative?
Yeah. Well, Speaking of this, I'm so
glad you brought it up. Did you see the Norwegian Cruise
news? No.
We have yet to do a Norwegian cruise.
Heard really good things I think, right?
For the. Most most part.
Now I'm worried. What is the news?

(21:06):
2025 They have a new cruise NudeA Nude Cruise.
I like the way it sounds when you say Nude Cruise.
Nude cruise, it's called the BigNude Boat.
It'll take passengers around private islands and they're
going to be naked. But have you seen the people on

(21:32):
cruises with clothes on? I don't want to see any of them
naked. Here's the thing too, 2300
people. Oh my God. 2300, You naked
people. You don't think that many people
are even gonna sign up for it? Absolutely they will.
What? Oh, 100%.
Is the demand there? Well, think about it like this.

(21:54):
There are nudists in all over the world.
Nudists exist, right? Yeah, I know.
They're very common. I'm one of them.
No, they're they're more common than you would think.
And so those people are going tobe like, if they were on the
fence about doing a cruise that this would get them to commit to
a cruise. And then on the other end of

(22:15):
that coin, there's people who are like, oh, I want to see.
Do it for the bit. Yeah, so there's people who are
doing it for the bit and people who are actually interested in
being new. I have so many follow up
questions. One, it's 2300 people, yeah, but
is it going to keep running or it's a one timer?

(22:35):
I get the impression it's an 11 day cruise.
It's a long. Time 11 days.
I get the impression that it's the first attempt and if it goes
well they will 100% do it again where does.
It leave from. It leaves from.
Let's see, I'll give you all thedetails.
If it leaves from Europe, OK, Ifit leaves from the US, how are

(22:59):
you going to find 2300 people that are nudists in the US and
that have 11 days free and can afford it?
There's, I'm telling you, there's so many people, and it's
the type of thing where people would fly into the country to go
on this thing, too. Miami, it's leaving from Miami.
It's going to the Bahamas, St., Lucia, Dominica and Puerto Rico.

(23:19):
It is 11 days. Prices start at 2000 all the way
up to 33,000. Now I have another question.
Is it weird on the Nude Cruise If you do ever put clothes on?
Do people shame you for it? That's a great question.
Another follow up question at the restaurants like.
The Are they naked at dinner? Are they naked in the

(23:40):
steakhouse? I.
Right. Are you eating lobster tails
naked? Honey, there's not enough
information. Here's OK.
Here's the answer to that question.
OK, it isn't entirely clothing free experience.
It isn't. Meaning for the most part you
could be nude. With the exception of while

(24:00):
you're at port, you can't walk off the boat naked.
Oh, I thought they. Were going to private islands
where you nude out. I think on the islands you can,
but like when you're going into,you know, if you're when you're
returning to Miami, you can't just walk off the boat naked.
You have to wear clothes at the specialty dining rooms, which

(24:21):
means the buffet is totally freegame.
So people's balls are just hanging near the Mac and cheese
at the. Yeah, it's 100% other rules.
Old saggy titties in the true bowl, like I.
Can't. Other rules.
Are you ready? Other rules?

(24:42):
Yes, you have to put a towel down before sitting in a
stateroom pool deck and buffet area.
Yeah, right. There's gonna be so much staph
infection. And you can't.
And pink eye. There's gonna be pink eye
everywhere. You can't.
You can't be nude in front of other ships in port.
Like what does that even mean? They can't enforce that.

(25:04):
You can't be helicopter, Dick. Saggy titties in the fruit bowl
and helicopter Dick. No fondling or inappropriate
touching like, OK, that's the nude grooves.
So fondling allowed. Like, obviously not unless it's
consensual. Well, what if someone's tit

(25:26):
accidentally grazes you? Then you have to deal with it.
Is that considered fondling? Happens all the time, even with
clothes and you have to use quote common sense.
Never used on a cruise. How good is that?
Imagine. Imagine the hot tubs.
God bringing new meaning to human soup.

(25:50):
And fun fact, like nude beaches are a great example.
It's not anybody. That you ever want to see naked.
It's always the people you're like.
Please, God, cover yourself. I am so confused by.
OK, so then imagine how little people are packing.

(26:12):
That's probably the best. Part They're probably not
bringing much, They just bring like a formal dining outfit.
Yeah. Don't you think it would be like
you're there for 11 days? You have to bring an outfit or
two from when you leave the boatand to go to dinner.
I bring I bring like 3 shirts. Yeah, that's crazy.
And like, I guess one pair of underwear.
I don't know. You're not going to need it, and

(26:37):
I I but I think you brought up agood point.
I think it if everybody signs upfor this, you have to lean in
because you can't be the one. You can't be the weirdo wearing
clothes. No, you can't be walking out by
the pool. Everyone else is completely
naked and you're like wearing a swim shirt, you know?
What I mean I have another question.
Is the staff naked? The entertainment.

(27:00):
Is the bartenders naked? Are they naked?
I mean, probably not, but that would make it better.
Imagine if they were doing bingoin the the one area of the ship
and everybody's just naked. Yeah, but isn't it weird if
you're doing a nude cruise for the people giving you your

(27:20):
drinks to have clothes on? I would no from like a sanitary
perspective, no. I think you're probably still
thinking that. At the same time, I wonder like
how do they get people to work this particular cruise and do
people want to or is it hard to get them to do it?
Or no? Pun intended.

(27:41):
Technically off like your shift.Yeah.
If you're one of the employees but you're not currently on the
clock, can you just nude out? That's a good question.
I have almost unlimited follow up questions.
I I'm happy you do. I think it's a valid ask away.

(28:02):
Do you have any more? When is this occurring?
It is occurring February of of 2025.
OK, so we have time to find out.I guess, I guess the obvious
question there is it's going to be cold, no?
Not in Miami. I mean, it's still like not hot

(28:27):
at that time of year. It's like, you know, four weeks
out of Christmas. Like.
True. I just can't believe it.
I mean, I guess it was only. In July or something.
Right. But then at then you kind of
have the opposite problem. Heat stroke.
Heat stroke and swamp. Ass, yeah.
But like. The amount of fucking pink eye

(28:49):
because people are going to put their raw butt holes, People are
going to put people are going tofart with their raw bottles on
all the chairs and then at leastunderwear.
And shorts butthole farts at. Least underwear and shorts are a

(29:11):
barrier between you and touchingsomeone else's farts.
Clothes are for a good. Reason.
OK, after talking about it more,does it that you kind of want to
go what I hope you are OK with the fact that I already bought
tickets. After talking about it more, I
think I'm anti nudist. I mean, I am too.

(29:33):
Like, I think clothes are. And people are like, well, God,
you know, God intended Adam and Eve walked around naked.
Yeah. But he also invented, you know,
like the little leaf that Adam and Eve put on their privates
that you see in the children's books.
God invented that. You know, God invented clothes.
Wear them. Sure, this is when we get
weirdly religious. Oh, that?

(29:54):
Yeah, that's. Sorry, I didn't mean to get all
preachy on ya. God don't say his name in vain.
OK. I don't know.
Part of me is interested just because it's like, I don't want
to get, like I don't want to seetoo much, but I just feel like
the people are going to be so wacky.

(30:17):
Yeah, what are you in it for? The saggy titties?
Like what do? You want.
I don't want to see anything. I don't want to see anything.
I want to like experience how people behave.
Do you know what I'm saying? Sure.
Like, you know, in an ideal world, I would go on this ship
and everybody would be blurred out, but their faces would be
not blurred. Do you know what I mean?

(30:38):
OK, I've a legitimate question for you.
I'd be like, naked and afraid. Yeah.
OK, go ahead. OK, if right now I phoned a
friend and they said 100% paid your way free tickets to this
cruise, would you go? That's a hard one.

(31:12):
What kind of cabin? One with a porthole.
A bear porthole. Yeah.
What's your answer? I think I would do it.
You would? I think I would.
Do it. Do it for the bit.
I think I would do it for the bit.

(31:32):
OK. Imagine the stories you could
tell. Yeah, it's honestly invaluable.
And I would. I know what I'm getting into.
I know what I'm getting into do.You think you after the end of
the 11 days you just like, wouldn't see body parts anymore.
Yeah, probably. Like you'd just be like.
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like going to have you ever been in

(31:52):
the, Well, it's a dumb question.I was going to say.
Have you ever been in the men's locker room at a gym?
The answer is probably no. Nope.
It I would have said it's probably very similar to that.
Yeah, but it's 2000 people at once.
True. So it would be like a gym the
size of a Costco. With I just wonder if it would

(32:15):
be like immersion therapy of like.
I think it would be. Everyone's weird bodies no
longer even affect me. Yeah.
Do you think you'd feel weird being naked 'cause?
I think, oh, I well, I guess nowthat I think, I don't think I
would go then, 'cause I wouldn'twant to be naked.

(32:35):
I forgot about that element. No, I don't think you would
also. Make it.
I didn't. I was thinking about it like I'm
a television viewer, you know? So you wouldn't go?
I guess I want to go. Because of being naked.
Would you go? I don't think the thing that
would stop me from going would be me being naked.
Really. I think the thing that would
stop me is all the weird dips. I don't think you know because

(33:05):
I've been in like a Korean spa walking around naked because
you're just. You that's.
I don't think I understood that.Honey, my literal joke is every
bit of all your bits is out I. Understand and if.
You're wearing clothes. You're making it weird.
I know, I guess I misunderstood.That the whole place.
I envisioned like A room. No.

(33:27):
You're everybody. Yes.
And is it women and men? No.
I was gonna say you've already done this.
Then you've been a part of this life.
It's only women, but yeah. See, I would feel the weirdest
being naked. I think you get over it for
sure. Like you just stop caring after

(33:47):
a few minutes. It's weird at first, yes.
And I mean there's there's guaranteed people are looking,
you know what I mean? Is there a way to not look?
No, but then I'm like, I think it's because you're in a crowd
of other naked people. Maybe it's just.
More, it's the same as someone looking at like your cleavage

(34:09):
from across the bar. Anyways, no I.
Don't know. I guess I wouldn't know.
You know, like when people look at your tits.
I don't think I've ever really been gawked, you know.
No one's just staring at aircraft.

(34:30):
No, I was just staring at my covered butt.
I don't know what a weird thought.
I guarantee you at least one of my old Co workers is going.
What? Oh yeah, guaranteed the, you
know, the guy who does the special projects.
I'm sure he's going. Well, I wouldn't go because I

(34:50):
don't want to see him naked and I think that's enough.
They shouldn't allow people likethat because it'll ruin it for
everybody else, you know what I mean?
Should they shouldn't allow people like us that would do it
for the bit, yeah. OK, if they want to maintain the
sanctity. The sanctity of nudity.
Of the nude crews. Yeah, I'm just saying.

(35:12):
God. Oh, that was fun.
Here's another question. OK, I'm.
I'm all ears. Are there restrictions on having
your phone out and Tik? T.O.K Ah, that's a good point.
How do they make sure you're notrecording people naked and like
it's then you're essentially getting porn?

(35:34):
How do they? Make sure, I guess.
I guess pornography doesn't haveto be people having sex.
Right. So I would just imagine, like,
it's just some rampant sex screws.
Now, no, I'm saying how do they They can't ban phones.

(35:56):
So you could just be videoing everyone or taking pictures at
any point of naked people that aren't you or they.
Probably have to sign waivers. Saying what?
That you won't post. That you won't record and and if
you or maybe that you might be recording.
I don't know. When I the more we talk about
it, the more I'm like, why is Norwegian Cruise Line because

(36:17):
this? Is like, So what a liability?
Because if you want to take pictures on vacation, but
there's a bunch of other naked people behind you.
Can you imagine if you had no idea that cruise was happening
and you just happened to like, go buy it on another boat?
And it's just bunch of tits out,yeah.

(36:37):
I but OK, but now. I think out of all my questions
this is the most valid. I agree because that is
exclusively what people do. Oh my God, imagine the
portraits. The portrait studio.
Portraits by the piano. Yeah, they're sitting by the
piano, or they're sitting on that little half staircase.

(36:57):
There's no way they sell the photos 'cause that you're taking
nudes. If everybody's consenting, I
guess it's OK. I don't really know.
Like porn is legal, you know what I mean?
Is it? Yeah, God, I'm learning a lot

(37:19):
today. A, you basically already are a
nudist because you go to the spawhere everybody's.
I didn't realize the whole building was naked.
Is the masseuse naked? They're in their underwear.
No, they're not. Yes, they are.
Are you? Serious.
That's so weird at. One point.
I added that into the joke. Bring it back.

(37:41):
Because that is so weird, they should either be fully naked or
fully dressed. She was in like briefs, type
underwear and like a bra. That's so weird.
I know. I have to go, I guess.
Is there a male equivalent? That sounds awful?
I don't want to do that. I don't know.

(38:03):
I'm sure it's like a Roman bathhouse type thing, probably
for dudes. Yeah, they legalized those,
didn't they? Oh, whatever.
I don't know, I could be wrong. Well, I really this was not on
my bingo card for the Today. I'm glad that we got into it
though. I'm trying to find my.
Now what? Trying.
To find my here we go. Oh.

(38:27):
New house, new buttons. Well, it's.
A different place for the buttons though.
You know, we went to a sports match.
A sporting event again. I went.
I got my butt in the car. I put on festive garb.
We took my mom. We went.

(38:48):
To Angel City FC, which is the women's soccer team and WSL here
in LA, and I think this was my like 8th or 9th game.
Was it my 4th game? This was your third soccer game.
OK, we're sure. 3rd or 4th? OK, pretty sure it was third,

(39:11):
but either way I've been to 8 or9.
The only ones that I've gone to that have ended in basically
nothing. 00 have been the games you've gone to me, gone with me
to. Why'd I Say that?
So weird. The games that I've gone to with

(39:31):
you, gone in me with. It it is.
Gone to me with me. Point being game you I was
talking about with somebody at work today and you have
officially been uninvited. Oh, you no.
I didn't. I you can come with me anytime.

(39:53):
But it is now considered a bad, a bad omen.
It's a curse if I go. If you attend a game.
From the Superfan. From the superfan Kelsey.
I'm sorry. I get it.
I think I as well. I think I'm the problem.
I think it's time I look in the mirror.
What juju am I bringing to the stadium that causes no one to

(40:17):
get a goal? I haven't seen a goddamn goal.
It it really bums me out becauseI have really fallen in love
with soccer, yeah. And I want you to enjoy it, and
it's proving itself unenjoyable.At one point, my mom said, well,
at least they're good at runningand truer words have never been

(40:38):
spoken. Like, yeah, we just watched them
run around in circles for 97 minutes.
That's why they call it the beautiful game.
That's what it's called. Yeah.
Why? Because it can be very
frustrating. Because people can not score or
win or it. Could be very frustrating in the

(41:00):
sense that like nothing can happen or everything can happen,
but I I mean, that's pretty muchany.
Yeah, that's really any game. That's why they call it that.
I just would like the probability of nothing happening
to be lower. Yeah, I mean, I think it's a
fair request. So I don't get why it's so

(41:24):
frequent. To me it seems like almost
nothing happens. Ever.
Yeah, I get that. So yeah.
That's people. That's to be fair, that is the
main criticism of soccer. It just seems so.
There's a lot of other people that share my sentiment.
Yeah, I I think there's a lot ofpeople like typically the people

(41:44):
who are like super into footballthink soccer's dumb and that's
that's OK, That's fine. I think it's all pretty dumb,
but at least in football someonehas to win, Yeah, for it to end.

(42:06):
You can't just end a football game in a 00.
That's true. So in that sense, I guess it's.
Better. I think that they should like.
I don't know why they do that insoccer.
We need sudden death. The way it works is if you lose
you get 0 points. If you tie, you get one point
and I think if you win you get 2.

(42:26):
So, like at the end of the season, that's how they
determine playoffs. You shouldn't get fucking shit
for tying. But I when when they're in
playoffs and like when it's the championship game, it cannot end
in a tie and they do penalty kicks, they do kickoffs.
Yeah, there should be a sudden death kickoff.
Yeah, I feel like they should dothat on every game.
And then whoever loses dies. Yeah, that's acceptable.

(42:47):
I think that's totally understandable.
We I do think they need to raisethe stakes because some of these
girls, I mean, we also went to amen's game and they were just as
dramatic, but they're like flopping their bodies on the
ground. They like leap and land on their
own face, yeah. So anyways, we tried again and

(43:12):
we failed. It was a big yawn, but get.
It. I mean, I don't blame you.
I don't know why it's so hard for me.
You know what's happening. You're using your.
Left hand isn't that stupid? I mean, I'm not ambidextrous,
Ambidextrous what I'm. Not ambidextrous.

(43:38):
Is it not how you say it? Ambidextrous.
Whatever. It's not.
No, I don't think so. I wanted to be when I was a kid.
So bad. What happened I.
Lost my hand? No, no.
It seems like it went the other way 'cause you also can't write
with your, right? Hand OK, listen, maybe if I
focus on my right hand only it would be better.

(44:01):
But I thought left-handed peoplewere so cool.
I wanted to be left-handed so bad.
I played baseball. I I, you know, threw
right-handed, swung the bat right-handed.
I would switch hit because I I wanted to bat left-handed and I
thought it was so cool. How'd that go?
Really poorly. Really bad.
Did anyone say like stop switch hitting, you're bad?

(44:24):
No, 'cause I wasn't in the majors.
I was like this is like 4th grade.
I know, But people are the worstto like kids play baseball.
So I do know if someone was likestop it.
No, I didn't. No, not really.
This is a dumb pipe dream of switch hitting.
Yeah, that's when I gave up my baseball career.
Yeah, I wanted to be ambidextrous.
So bad. Wow.

(44:45):
OK, maybe one day is that something people do when they're
adults is learn the other hand. I'm sure they could.
No, add it to the list. Are you prepared to Jude Yelp
do? You get it.
Listen to me very carefully. I know everything and.

(45:06):
I want you to stop. You're a moron.
So is your mother. You are an example of why people
should have to take tests beforethey're allowed to have
children. Do you get it?
Well, here we are. I was here today with the
handyman. And to clarify, they're very
nice. What?

(45:28):
I just like the way you started it.
Well, it's not. Well, here we are.
Here we are at my rage corner. It's not very nice when you
laugh at me during the beginningof my Jew I.
Apologize. I get it.
It's undermining anyways. I was at the house today with
the handyman. They were fixing some things and

(45:48):
installing some things. To be clear, I we've worked with
them before. I like them, they're nice
people. However, something occurred
today and I almost had a stroke and a panic attack and an
aneurysm and a heart attack all at once.
It was not a good day. I specifically, I was showing

(46:09):
them a pipe to that. They were going to replace the
pipe under a sink. I open the sink like cabinet and
one of our cats, Audrey, leaps out.
Scares the shit out of me and the handyman.
We are all like, oh, and I was like, Oh yeah, by the way, just
a reminder again, we have two cats.

(46:32):
Our dogs are at my mom's house, so they're not around today.
We have two cats, just so you know, so don't like let them out
or anything. I literally was like, so they're
around. Just keep that in mind.
Great. Got it.
Sounds good. Then we all laughed it off that
she scared the shit out of us. Smash cut too.

(46:55):
I get off of a Zoom meeting while they're sawing through the
wall and I start to realize thatI think I hear outside a little
too clearly. So I go check and they have our
garage door, the big garage door, and the door to the house
all wide open and no one's even near it.

(47:17):
They're both upstairs. Both of the Handymen are nowhere
to be found near this open door.I don't think I realized that.
Yeah, so they were both upstairsin our bedroom, and the garage
door and the door to our home were fucking wide open.
So it wasn't like, oh, we just went out for a second.
I'm standing right here. I can see the cats.

(47:39):
Nope, Just gaping. And I was on a fucking meeting,
so I don't know how long it was like that.
So I'm freaking the fuck out. I'm like, great, Both the cats
are gone, so I'm running around the house calling their names.
Of course they're not coming outbecause they were terrified of
the construction happening. Other cats, they don't listen.

(48:00):
So I'm running around with treestrying to find them.
I'm looking under everything. I'm looking under the couch.
I'm looking under the beds. I'm looking in the closets, but
it's a new house, so they have new hiding spots and I don't
know their hiding spots yet. I'm looking in the litter box.
I'm looking behind boxes that are still packed.
I'm looking fucking everywhere. Then I run outside and I start
screaming their names outside. I got one of the handymen

(48:22):
outside screaming their names with me.
I was like, how long was the door open?
How many minutes? I called you.
You called the neighbor to look for the cat.
We're freaking the fuck out. I then walk back inside and I
look behind the litter box in a tiny corner.
I find the one cat, Rusty, the least favorite cat.

(48:42):
So I was like, oh great. If I lost one, I guess I lost
the favorite cat. Awesome.
So then I'm freaking the fuck out.
And she's older. The other cat is older and I'm
like, she's not gonna. And Rusty, I will give him
credit at least comes when you say his name.
He comes over to you. Well, he didn't this time.
Fucker. The one time I needed him to

(49:03):
come out to his name and he didn't do it, so you know, what
good is he, really? But I find him.
I close him in. I'm running around panicking,
still trying to find the second cat, freaking the fuck out.
I don't know what possessed me, because this isn't anything I've
ever done before to find her, but I remembered that our

(49:27):
headboard has like a weird inletin the back.
There's like space behind it, right?
Yeah, I had already looked underthe bed and behind the bed.
I had put my head to look behindthe headboard, but I remember
that it has like a inlet section.
It's. Almost like if you take a
bookshelf and turn it backwards.Yes, yeah.

(49:49):
And I went up and I shook the headboard really hard and she
fucking popped out of the middleof it.
So. Then I had so much fucking
adrenaline in my body I thought I had lost both the cats.
We live near a giant mountain hill and our neighbor just told
us he saw a bobcat in his backyard, coyotes all the time.

(50:14):
He was telling us to be really careful with our little dogs,
'cause they might get eaten. And I'm thinking I just lost our
fucking cats who are definitely gonna get eaten immediately.
And also they're both pretty dumb.
I don't think they would surviveso anyways.
All because the handyman couldn't keep the fucking door
closed. For what?

(50:35):
There was literally no reason for it to be open.
There was no reason to be going in and out at all. 0% issue with
having it closed. So judgment to the plaintiff you
almost had to shove my dead catsup your ass.
Jesus. Christ.
And I would have maimed you myself.

(50:57):
Thank fuck, I would have skinnedthem alive.
The handyman. The handyman.
God, yeah, I don't get it. Why were the doors?
Open. It was such a needless panic.
What are we doing? Do you just go into people's
houses and just leave the doors wide open?

(51:18):
Apparently. Sand apparently also OK.
Leave the door open, but keep the garage door closed.
Right. You don't have to have.
You don't. Just keep it all gaping and now
my fucking hand is clawed. Because when I did get Audrey
out and I put her in the room, she was pissed.
Do. You think we're going to get a

(51:40):
discount? No.
If they lost a cat, probably if one of the cats never came back.
Should we somehow fake it? Huh.
Should we arrange it? No, just a thought.
Maybe then we'd have money for the nude crews.

(52:02):
Yeah, sacrifice. I'm glad that they're OK.
Yeah. I'm glad that you're OK.
You were definitely panicked andI I was right there with you
while also trying to not make you feel bad about it because
you didn't do anything wrong. It all worked out in the end.

(52:24):
Yeah, I don't even remember whatI said on the phone.
I don't really either. But they're here and I hope, I
hope they weren't listening because you told both of them
that they're kind of still work,you know?
That's fine. You guys listening?
I'll say it to their face. Subscribe to Mostly True

(52:46):
Opinions on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen
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