Mormon missions, gay awakenings, and erogenous ears—Carson shares his journey from closeted perfectionism to open sexual exploration after a spinal cord injury reshaped his body, identity, and path to pleasure.
📈 STATS | 28 gay cis male, he/him pronouns, LGBTQ/Disability advocate, conservative Mormon upbringing in Salt Lake City, based in NYC.
⏰ TIME CODE
00:00 Growing up Mormon in a military family and nravigating queer denial
05:01 Masturbation shame, early arousal, and confessing same-sex attraction to his mom
13:05 Reporting himself to the bishop and experiencing church discipline
17:15 Spiritual perfectionism and repression through high school
21:30 Falling in love with male friends and learning to redirect desire
25:32 Coming out to his parents and trying to stay Mormon
30:55 Meeting a closeted missionary companion and finding mirrored acceptance
34:00 Falling in love, embracing gay identity, and then breaking his neck
38:07 Losing sensation, shifting identity, and putting sex on pause to survive
43:40 First experiments with sex post-injury: dating apps, erections, and expectations
46:45 Explaining his body: sensation maps, types of erections, and what to expect
49:55 Learning to climax through ears, scalp, and neck
53:45 The beauty of prolonged pleasure and non-penile orgasms
56:25 Sexual scripts: how he sets expectations and teaches partners what he needs
1:01:00 Direction, feedback, and why mutual vulnerability makes better sex
1:04:06 Redefining pleasure, creating space for requests, and letting go of shame
1:07:02 What he’d say to his younger self and why every body deserves joy
1:10:11 On sexy calendars, reclaiming sexual identity, and refusing to closet any part of himself
🤩 TOPICS | Able-bodied privilege, accessibility in hookups, anal stimulation, anxiety about desirability, arousal through scalp touch, autonomy in pleasure, body image after paralysis, bottoming goals, celibacy and faith, communication during sex, connection without penetration, consent conversations, dating as a disabled person, disability and attractiveness, disability and queerness, disabled sex education, erotic neck sensitivity, ethical porn, exploration after trauma, family reactions to queerness, gay Mormon experience, Grindr as experimentation, healthcare and spinal cord injuries, hookup safety tips, internalized homophobia, invisible erogenous zones, LGBTQ+ identity and religion, male-male makeouts, masturbation guilt, missionary companionship intimacy, monogamous queer relationships, neuroplasticity and sex, nontraditional orgasms, orgasm without ejaculation, physical therapy after injury, psychological erections, religious trauma, repressed attraction, responsive desire, safe sexting with strangers, self-advocacy in bed, sex after injury, sex scripts for partners, sexual agency with paralysis, spinal cord injury sexuality, spontaneous erections, taboo arousal zones, talking dirty with disabilities, trauma-informed sex, vibrator ejaculation technique, wheelchair user dating
🔗 CARSON LINKS | @carson_tueller
Originally released December 2019.
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