#2 | The Cost of Raising Kids vs Raising Dogs

Join Katie K and Cameron on the latest episode of "The Dinkside" as they dive into the hilarious and insightful world of living child-free. This week, they compare the costs and joys of raising kids versus dogs, share personal anecdotes, and tackle societal expectations. Whether you're a fellow DINK or just curious, this episode promises laughter and thought-provoking discussions. Tune in for a refreshing take on life, love, and the choices we make. #DINKLife #ChildFree #Podcast

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
There's a new term buzzing on the Internet, Dick.
Dual income, no kid. You probably have an opinion on
these people or an opinion on people who have an opinion on
these people. America's birth rate has hit its
lowest point in more than a century.
Some are blaming it on infertility.
Others say the state of the world is causing couples to
think twice about having children.

(00:21):
Childless marriages could be a good thing if they were a result
of God's sovereign providential work.
Oh my God, can't even hear you. They like avocado toast and
brunches out and going to plays and having sweet vacations.
Yeah, you're probably super selfish.
Kids are better than brunch. Wrong.
And then there's another group of young couples that want the

(00:43):
lifestyle of childless households and the lifestyle it
brings with it. Thanks.
Welcome to The DINK Side, the podcast about life, laughs and
living child free. We're a double income, no kids
couple navigating the UPS, downsand hilarious in betweens of
choosing a different bath in a world that won't stop asking.

(01:04):
So when are you having kids? Today on episode 2 of the DINK
side, we're going to put costs head to head.
So raising kids versus raising dogs.
We talked about this on the first episode of the podcast.
And I'm not going to lie, I thought like, oh, this might be

(01:27):
a good thing to talk about for afew minutes.
But I was able to find quite a bit of stuff, so I'm excited to
scrub through it. And the answers may or may not
surprise you. Look at the name of the podcast.
Trying to. Predetermine which way this use.
Yeah, spoiler alert, it's going to it's going to be heavy on the

(01:49):
dog side. Well, listen, like we said last
time, we're dink wads. Double income, no kids with a
dog, one in this case with two dogs.
So Dink widths Watts. Before we do all that, though, I
wanted to ask you, and I saw this before.
I mean, we've we brought this upon previous podcasts many times.

(02:09):
The fact that Nick Cannon has a bajillion kids and he just did.
7 billion. He has literally, literally a
dozen. It sounds like a joke.
A lot of people joke about it. It's literally legally a dozen.
And he just did an interview, I think it was on The Breakfast
Club, that radio show. And he said that part of the

(02:32):
reason that he has these 12 kidsis because of the trauma he went
through in his divorce in 2016. My question to you, Nick Cannon,
is this. I am very sensitive to the fact
that people experience trauma inlife.
However, how does going through a divorce make you have 12

(02:53):
children? And also, if you are traumatized
by that divorce, why would you then traumatize all these
children who now don't have a normal family structure and have
a dad that has six different baby Mamas and splits his time
between 12 of you and can't remember three of your names?

(03:16):
Right. It's unfathomable.
And he? Spoiler alert of who has more
trauma, him or the 12 children. And so this brings me to my next
question, which is or my next point I should say, which is I
feel like part of him. So I didn't know this about him.

(03:36):
He legally, scientifically, medically has a narcissistic
personality disorder. Shocker.
Now I will say I have experienced him in real life a
couple times. He seems like a very nice guy
when you just run into him. So this is publicly, he's
publicly diagnosed with this. Yes, he he has come out and

(03:58):
talked about it. He said it.
I didn't know that he suffered from this, but if you know that,
maybe use protection. If you have a narcissistic
personality disorder, who's the one suffering?
Right? Everyone else, yeah.

(04:20):
Side effects may include terror for everyone in your circle.
'Cause I mean not to make light of a disorder, but it does seem
like the person with the narcissism disorder is probably
doing just fine. Right, right, exactly.
Who knows? I don't get it.
But what's what I never have understood about having kids and

(04:44):
I would like a listener who is aparent to explain this to me.
And I genuinely mean this. I don't understand the obsession
with continuing the family bloodline.
I don't, I don't really understand fully what what it
means to have somebody that is of the same DNA or the same

(05:10):
family genes. I don't, I don't understand why
that brings more value than justsay, if you adopted a child and
some people are crazy obsessed with it.
Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, I just can't really
imagine the thought process. Like, I don't.
I mean, this is also something to unpack in therapy, but I

(05:31):
don't think I like myself enoughto want another version of me
walking the earth. So I'm working on liking myself,
you know, just as is. Imagine, imagine liking yourself
enough to be like, you know whatwould be better?

(05:52):
Another one of me. How about if you have another
one of you and also name it after you?
I think if you say it, I think, I think if you name your kid
your same name and you have to say, 'cause then imagine the
amount. Do you know the amount of times

(06:14):
we say our dogs names in a day? See exactly.
Now, first of all, imagine if wenamed the dog Katie.
I would kill myself then if you were yelling at the dog over and
over and over again. Daisy, get in here.
Daisy or Katie, get in here. Katie, I I would lose my mind

(06:36):
then if you name your kid after yourself and you call that kid
your own name thousands of times, millions of times, I
think you humbly, in my opinion,should get checked for
narcissistic personality disorder.
I mean, I guess, I guess at somepoint when you have a kid, your

(06:59):
name becomes mom or dad. Sure.
And maybe in that sense it's notas bad, but I can't imagine.
I don't like so whenever. You wanna hear my name that many
times? You still know your own?
You still know your own name also.
Do you just call it Junior? No, I think, well, what happens

(07:20):
often times is they will families will call the kid by
their middle name, which is like, OK, why not just call them
the middle name? Or why not just name?
Why not put your name as the middle name that?
Exactly, that's what I mean. It doesn't make any sense.

(07:40):
I I don't get it. I completely agree though.
I like we don't even like addressing each other by each
other's names. Even when you introduce me on
the podcast sometimes and you goit's KDK comedy, it's still
weirds me out. Like I just don't, I don't stop
stop saying my name. When is the last time that I

(08:02):
said your name and you felt likeit wasn't offensive?
Like our first date? I don't know.
Yeah, that I was going to say itlike, 'cause eventually after
like four or five dates, it becomes hey you and then it
becomes hey, babe, and then it becomes something else.
It becomes 10,000 nicknames. But yeah, I can't.

(08:26):
I don't like, it's weird when wesay each other's names.
It's weirder I, I don't like saying my own name.
I don't like when we go to a restaurant and order at the
counter and somebody's like, what name do I put it under?
And I say Cameron. I like, don't like, I don't even
like that. Let alone the idea that some
little nose miner will be running around my house and

(08:48):
we're just constantly saying it.I don't get it.
But Nick Cannon, you have 12 of these guys.
Is one of his children named after him?
I, I, I mean, remember that clipwe played where he was like
struggling to remember the namesof his kids?
Yeah, but they're named weird shit like ellipses and comma and

(09:10):
whatever. Like they're not named normal
things. But imagine.
OK, here's what I also here's what I also don't fucking get.
Imagine there's four kids, but only one of them is named after
you, the parent. So one of them is a junior and
the other three can I guess get fucked like are what are what?

(09:31):
I've always wondered that too. Like there's you set basically
like a hierarchy. Well, yeah, I guess the first
one usually is the one named after you, and then the other
three just feel inferior, I suppose.
And if you one, it's weird to name them after you at all, I
think we've established that. But two, if you're going to do

(09:52):
it, they should be an only child'cause that's fucked up.
I agree, but do you know OK whatI think is worse than somebody
naming a child after themselves is having several children that
all begin with the same letter. Oh, really?
I like more that begin with the same sound.

(10:12):
I think that's fine. Like the Kardashians, I like
that they're all KS. Oh, I think it gives the same
energy as like, let's all go to the mall and go Christmas
shopping and wear matching pajamas.
What? That's so weird.
OK. It's like.
Culty. I don't like it.
This is where I draw the line. Matching pajamas are fun.

(10:33):
Really. Do you hate joy?
No, I, as I see, I, I like if you and I go somewhere and we
accidentally wear the same color, it really you're like, Oh
no, people are going to think we're matching.
So I would not expect you to have this position.
I think I'm thinking like it's more of a costume when if it's

(10:56):
regular life like a Tuesday or whatever, I don't want people
thinking I dress my husband up to match me.
But if it's like Christmas shopping and it's like a festive
costume holiday, then it's more like, oh, look at this, we're
all in it together. Like cute, cozy, whatever.
And I would dress the dogs up inalso dog pyjamas that match us.

(11:21):
OK, I get what you mean. I that makes.
Sense I've been thinking about something.
OK. I love our dogs so.
Much. Oh my God, what's what?
And I think at the time we did the best we could with their
names, but sometimes I'm like, did we pick the lamest dog names

(11:46):
ever? How dare you?
They're sitting right behind me.What do you mean?
Like I feel like we are cool enough that we should have like
a Gertrude and a Winston and we have like, we have like a dog
with the name that every. I think Daisy, we've done it

(12:08):
before on Mostly True opinions. Isn't that in like the seventh
most popular dog name on the planet?
Sure, yes, absolutely. So.
Absolutely it is. It's not indicative of how
unique and cool we represent ourselves to be that we have a
dog that's named like the most overused dog name.

(12:32):
And then Maddie was just us shortening his name from the
shelter, which was Madrid, and everyone thinks he's a girl.
But that's also a tribute to oneof a movie that we both love. 13
going on 30. It is, but no one knows that or
gets it. And I'm just like.

(12:53):
And sometimes I look at him and I'm sometimes I look at him and
I'm like, he needs a name that'slike more frail and old.
What? Like I'm trying to Walter.
Yeah, like, I feel like he doesn't seem like a Maddie.

(13:14):
He seems like a little old frailman.
Oh my God, I don't. You know, you hear stories about
kids not liking their names and eventually changing them.
You don't really hear stories about parents changing their
names halfway through their lifethat.
Is sick. What?
What is going on? What is wrong with you?

(13:36):
How? Long have you felt this way.
I've been thinking about it recently.
Do you not see my point though? Absolutely not.
Absolutely not. I mean.
We feel like our dogs names match their damn faces.
It would be weird to me to change their name.

(13:57):
It doesn't feel natural, no. I'm not.
I'm not. Why do you hate them?
Stop. Take it back.
Take it back. OK, I take that part back, but
what? Explain yourself a little
further. I'm not saying I want to change
their names right now like we'retoo D.
Like 6 months from now. No, what's done is done.

(14:21):
I'm just saying that in retrospect it's funny to me.
I feel like it's the same as getting a tattoo that says carpe
diem. Like at the time I thought it
was a good idea. So you have said before that we
shouldn't have children. I mean, for many reasons.
We've discussed this. One of them is that I would lack

(14:43):
patience as a father, right? Yeah, if we had children, you
would be lost in indecision around their names.
Indecision. And yes, I feel like you would
be riddled with what name to choose and we wouldn't name them

(15:04):
for the first year of their life.
I don't know. I think.
I think that would be. We would end up naming them
something really weird, I think.I just wouldn't.
I would want it to be unique, but not like the LA unique where
they name them like walnut, pecan, apple.

(15:24):
Yeah, I just would. I just wouldn't want it to be
like the number one baby name orwhatever.
I was actually looking at this for work 'cause we're covering
on social media for all these different cities, like the top
baby name for Washington, 'causeI run a page in Washington,

(15:44):
don't tell anyone I don't live in that state.
I and the top boy and girl baby name, The girl name is Olivia
and the boy name is Oliver. Really.
That's gotta. Be like the first time that
that's happened. Yeah, I find I found it very

(16:05):
startling. I feel like having unisex names
is somewhat a new thing. What do you mean they're not
unisex? Olivia is not unisex.
Well, it's similar enough. You get what I'm saying, right?
No. OK, never mind then there's a

(16:29):
name that has come up. Now I got to think of it.
There's a there's A and by the way, name yourself, name your
kids, whatever you want. Nobody cares.
I'm not making a hard stance on any of it, but I have been
surprised that I've encountered a a decent amount of male
Ashley's and male Kim's. Weird.

(16:54):
It's isn't that odd. I think that's a relatively new
thing. But then like they'll they
abbreviate the guys normally abbreviate Ashley to Ash.
Yeah, I like Ash. Yeah.
OK. Not to call out your age, but
you were born in the year 1991. What do you think was the top

(17:14):
girl name of that year? I know what it was 'cause it was
Cady. It was not.
What? It was indeed not Cady.
I swear my mom had a book, was it Elizabeth?
No, Shockingly, no. So according to Cosmopolitan

(17:34):
magazine, these are the top 10 girl names of babies born in the
year 1991 #10 Emily #9, Elizabeth #8, Jennifer #7,
Stephanie number six Sarah #5, Samantha #4, Amanda Brittany is

(17:56):
at #3, Jessica is at #2 and #1 is the name I was going to be if
I was born a girl, Ashley so. I'm not even on there.
You're not even on the damn. List OK, I feel like maybe we're
just consulting the weird sourcebeing Cosmo because I swear to

(18:19):
you my mom had like a baby naming book and my name was in
like definitely the top 10 from 19.
Yeah, but that could have been maybe, maybe that was a book
from like 1988, you know what I mean?
Sure, sure. And.
They just had it hanging around at Barnes and Noble or
something. I mean, all of those top ten
names, I had at least three friends with each one of those

(18:40):
names in my lifetime. So like, absolutely.
But I also had four or five Katies in my grade every single
grade of my life. And I had to be KDK since the
beginning of time. And I used to resent it, but now
I embrace it. Yeah, now it works.

(19:00):
Now it now it rings a bell. What do you think the most
popular boy names of the year I was born 1990 are?
I'm gonna go biblical, so like Matthew, John, Mark.

(19:21):
I mean, that's a good you're, you're not far off.
John came at #12 Joseph was #10 that's another biblical 1.
James is at 8, David at six, Daniel at 5.
The number one name was Michael.Oh, my brother's name.
Yeah, and my brother's middle name, it's, I mean, that was

(19:44):
definitely a big one. I knew a lot of growing up in,
in the school. I knew a lot of Michaels, I knew
a lot of Sam's. I knew a lot of Kyle's, knew a
ton of Kyle's, my brother. There was like 3 or 4 people I
went to school with. A lot of Nicks, ton of Nicks.
So many Nicks. That's not a name that people

(20:05):
like, have anymore when you're, you know, a Gen.
Z or a little baby alpha or whatever they're called.
Interesting. Though I do think that you would
be riddled. And it's so funny.
I didn't know you felt that way about the dogs.
All right. Are you ready to get into it?
Yeah. All right.

(20:27):
I consulted with the Internet and compared raising kids versus
raising dogs. So I have a bunch of different
categories we're going to step through and some of this may be
totally obvious, some of it may be shocking, but there is a take
away at the very end. So I am going to start on
healthcare dogs versus kids first looking at a dog, the

(20:52):
lifetime vet care of a dog. And this is all like averaged
out. So everybody obviously has a
different experience with their animal, but this is like the
national average annual check UPS and vaccines run about two
to $400.00 a year, flea, tick, heartworm medications 2 to $300

(21:15):
a year. That all sounds very accurate.
Dental cleaning, 3 to $700.00 each visit.
That's not an every year thing necessarily, but you do it a
couple times at least. Emergency surgeries.
A lot of dogs have one between two and $10,000 over the life of
the dog. The lifetime average for medical

(21:35):
care for the life of a dog is between 15 and $20,000, which I
mean, how do you feel? Does that feel high or low to
you or kind of what you expected?
I don't know what I expected. We should have me guess.
OK, that's a good idea. The answers.
Well, let's do kids lifetime medical care for kids.

(22:00):
Let's look at an ER. Visit Are we going zero to 18?
Yeah, zero to 18. OK, so just.
Not the life of the person, the life of yeah, zero to 18,
because that's roughly around the same amount of time.
Sure. OK, you ready?
Yeah. What do you mean?

(22:21):
Hopefully no. Factually, every dog lives to
the Infinity. Let's start with an ER visit.
Average ER visit for a child of.500. $13189 is the average.
Oh, OK. How about braces?
This was something that you and I both had growing up.

(22:42):
Not braces specifically, but orthodontics, orthodontics,
orthodontry. OK, I'm going to say that's
6000. Dead in the middle, It's between
5:00 and $7000. And it's one of those things
that often times, like insurancedoesn't cover.

(23:04):
And it's so weird. It's like, oh, it's considered
cosmetic. Yeah, it's considered cosmetic.
Yeah. Cool, cool, cool.
So dumb. How about a birth?
An average birth. I think I heard someone say it's
like close to 10 grand. It is between, depending on your
insurance, 15 and $30,000. Oh, Jesus.

(23:30):
I think the number I've heard the most from friends of ours is
around $20,000. And the effed up thing about
that I've always thought is likeyou're having this child.
Like, we have friends right now,they're about to have a baby and
they're going to be fantastic parents, no doubt about it.
But they are stressed about having a kid for the first time

(23:50):
and the finances around it, and they're also moving and it's
stressful. Imagine you have that level of
stress and then you're leaving the hospital and they slap you
with the $20,000 bill. So insurance doesn't pay for
that either. It depends on the situation but
I think the average is $20,000 ish.
This range is between 15 and 30,but the number I've heard I

(24:11):
guess. That's what's confusing to me.
So I've because I've never heardof this people paying off a
birth. Like there's no way you just
have that sitting around. So I mean obviously some people
do but like do you make paymentstowards this birth until till
when years the kids 3 and you just paid off its birth?

(24:35):
Or I think, you know, medical debt is a little different.
Like, I forget the actual, I should probably know this is a
35 year old adult. But medical debt can't be sent
to collections for like a long time.
And so people often will, like, wait it out because what ends up
happening is if you, let's say you owe the hospital $30,000, if

(24:59):
you wait long enough, you can call them and say, let's talk
this down. And a lot of people negotiate it
way the hell down just because the hospitals, like, we'd rather
have some money than no money. Sure, so then you you're
negotiating their birth cost down when they're like 7 years
old. I guess, I don't know, it's it's

(25:22):
you. You bring up a good point
because I've always heard of thecost of it, but I've never heard
of anybody talk about like when they paid it off, how long they
had it. I mean, we knew.
Somebody insurance covers cause.Or how much insurance covers.
I bet some people's insurance does cover.
To some extent, yeah, maybe. But deductibles and all that
crap, who knows? I mean we have a friend or or

(25:43):
knew somebody at one time that was paying off a wedding well
after he got a divorce. Yeah, he was still making those
payments and also divorced. That'd be rough.
OK, Lifetime medical cost estimate for a child.

(26:04):
Again remembering that the lifetime medical cost estimate
for a dog is between 15 and $20,000.
I mean, I'm going to say $100,000.
According to the US average, it is between $230,000 and
$310,000. Jesus.

(26:28):
It's a lot of money, it's a lot of dough.
And remember, like it's like every time, every time they need
a vaccine, you got to take them.They're going to college.
They need that meningitis that that hepatitis every time, the
T, the A. Weird anti vaxxer.

(26:48):
That's true, unless you're one of those people.
OK, how about travel? How about it?
Do we? Want to do it?
Let's compare travel, yeah. I mean, I know that a dog's
plane ticket is usually $100 each way.
Nailed it. The average plane ticket is 125

(27:12):
each way. If you want to check a pet into
cargo it's like 2 to $500. I don't know why anybody would
do that. I guess if you have a large dog
it's more practical, but. No.
So many horror stories. Yeah, Nope.
Just never going to do it. A pet passport.
Did you know this was a thing? No.

(27:34):
Like if you take your dog internationally, it needs its
own passport. Oh.
My God, can we do that? Just just to have it.
I know where I work they allow dogs but you have to give the
dog a little employee badge and I don't even want to bring our
dogs to work but I want them to each have their own little
badges. OK, but do you have to go get

(27:56):
the passport photo taken or do they allow you to just upload
your own? No, I think, well, that's a good
question. Yeah, they they'll definitely
need some sort of photo, but youmight be able to do your own.
You might be able to do your own.
OK so pet passport what, 100 bucks?
150 to 200 bucks. OK.
And then according to this average, and I don't know if

(28:17):
this is crazy true in the US, maybe it is internationally, but
to stay at a pet friendly hotel,you on average pay 50 to $100
more at night if you want to bring your dog with you, which
I, I that stresses me out. That stresses me out.

(28:39):
Yeah, well, not everyone's dogs are as neurotic as ours, so some
people can do it. Well, it stresses me out of
multiple levels. It stresses me out on the dogs
like behaving. And then also I have been in a
hotel room. I could probably half a dozen
times when somebody just walks in.
It's an employee or somebody whowas given the wrong room key to

(29:02):
the wrong room by the front desk.
It has happened more times than I would like to admit.
I know, how is this relevant to having a dog travel with you?
What? Because that's what I'm saying.
The hotel. Imagine if the dogs are in the
hotel room and some random person just walks in.
I feel like this is a really unique problem to you.

(29:24):
I've never had anyone walk into my hotel room before.
OK, well, I have. I'm saying that's a fear I have.
OK, let's talk kids. We said the the flight for the
dog was $125 each way. This isn't really a guessing
game. You know how much flights cost
domestic between 3 and 500 bucks.
International 800 to 1200. It's like 10 times more.

(29:48):
You can't, contrary to popular belief, check a kid under into
the cargo area. They don't let you do that.
I pitched that there you some. Have you ever been on a plane
that's double Decker? Yeah, there should be a whole
layer. What floor for children?

(30:08):
You know how you walk into like IKEA and they or the gym and
they have like a child care area?
Yeah, there should be. Dead on one of these planes?
Yep. Especially an international
flight. Oh my God.
Yeah. No way.
And it would be good for them. It would be good for them
because it would be like a little play area and so then

(30:32):
they wouldn't be stifled in their airplane seat.
Yeah, Amen. Although I guess that's a whole
liability because then if they're not buckled and then
there's turbulence and a kid eats shit, never mind, it was a
good idea. OK, Disney World, they have the
Disney World here. And I mean, you're not going to

(30:52):
take your pet to Disney World, but those family vacations cost
between 6 and $8000 per trip. That's expensive.
All inclusive resorts, you got to pay 50% more often times to
bring a kid because they're destructive.
Here is the stat that I find particularly crazy.
If you go on a vacation, you have to pay around 50 bucks a

(31:16):
night for your, for your pet to be in a hotel or a pet, you
know, boarding place or whateveryou want to call it.
You often have to pay a babysitter $30.00 an hour.
So you know, what do you if you want to go, if you'd like, let's
say you and I had kids and we want to go on vacation.

(31:37):
What do we have to pay the babysitter?
12 grand, You know what I mean? Well, I mean, I think that's
when people utilize family members to get around the cost
and then they only go on. Like, I mean, they go on less
vacations because of it 'cause they're not trying to use their
family members every second. But I think they have their kids

(32:00):
stay with grandma and grandpa sothat they don't have to pay a
babysitter or an au pair or a nanny or whatever.
By the way, when did people start using the word au pair?
I've always heard it since always SO.
I have, I've only heard people use it in the last like probably
year. What is the difference between
an au pair and a nanny? An au pair lives with you and is

(32:30):
typically on like AI believe typically on a like a foreign
exchange program. So au pairs that are in Europe I
think are typically from like there's au pairs from America
that go do it in Europe specifically to be there on a
work visa and vice versa, there's au pairs from European

(32:56):
countries, etcetera that do it in the US.
Why does that remind me of that show that that British lady used
to be like the nanny and go intofamilies and like, correct their
kids? What was that called?
Supernanny or something? Oh.
Yeah, I got, I never watched it,but yeah, that's.
A great show that was popular around the same time as that

(33:19):
show. Wife Swap.
You remember that one? Yeah.
Oh Oh my God, that was some goodshit.
What a fucking weird. Honestly looking back, what?
Who pitched that show? It was a way to soft launch
swinger culture to a bunch of children, you know what I mean?
Sure, 'cause I, I mean. And then there was celebrity

(33:41):
Wife Swap. And they, they got away with it
'cause they were like, oh, in the end, the message is that
these families appreciate their moms more because look how awful
this other mom is. But the real take away I found
often times was like, everybody involved is just terrible.

(34:01):
Like the kids are awful, the moms suck, the dads suck.
I mean, it's all bad. But leave it to mainstream media
to be like, let's boost up one woman by shitting all over
another. Look at this shit ass mom.
Yeah, she she lets her kid have soda in the morning.

(34:24):
She doesn't just intuitively know this new family schedule in
the way they do things. What an idiot.
Is she brand new here? She doesn't know.
She doesn't know how the family does their chores and their
schedule. What a fucking piece of shit
dumbass. Loser, loser.

(34:46):
There are some like excellent clips, though, that pop up on
TikTok every now and then where,God, it makes me miss that era
of television. OK, one more category and then
we're going to move to a quick bonus round before we move on.
OK, OK. Last category is just everyday
living costs. This is this is where I feel
like it gets explosive. Like food?

(35:09):
Food and haircuts and sports andin the dogs training clothes.
Clothes, yeah, things like that for dogs.
Food, average cost of food per year.
What do you think? It is not in our household, but
the the national average. Oh, 'cause ours is bougie food.

(35:33):
Yeah, I'm going to say $1500. 250 to $700.00 a year.
What? That is the national average.
I mean, think about this. Most people, especially in
middle America just grab the biggest bag of kibble they can
find at Walmart, you know what Imean?

(35:54):
And what is that 15 bucks? That's the irony.
Like cheap dog food, it's cheaper and it lasts you longer.
Expensive dog food is expensive and it lasts you way shorter.
Toys and treats around 100 to $500 a year.
Grooming 50 to $100 a session. 4to 6 * a year training 100 to

(36:15):
300 bucks. What do you think the lifetime
cost of ownership of a dog is for everyday living costs?
20 grand, That's pretty accurate.
Between 15 and $40,000 dependingon the dog obviously.
I think the biggest factor thereis if you have an 80 LB dog,

(36:38):
it's going to be way up there. Sure, because it's eating like a
damn horse. Kids on the other hand, what do
you think food per year is for achild on average?
I Oh my God, Oh my God, I don't Want to Know $25,000.

(37:01):
It's not that much, actually, $3000.
What? Three, $3000 Because if you
think about it, it's kind of like we what?
Well, I honestly, and I'm not trying to, you know, assume
things because, yeah, we don't have kids and we don't know what
it is to love and all that stuff.
But I, if you and I went to the store and, like, made dinner,

(37:24):
there's probably enough for the kid to eat, you know what I
mean? That's being, I'm sure I'm going
to get a lot of shit for that. Well, so you think you don't
have to pay extra because you have kids, you fucking idiot?
No, I mean, I think it's you gotto pay a little.
Extra, but just saying like the cost of the groceries and
they're only saying the portion the kid eats.

(37:45):
So if you buy 20 bucks of groceries, the kid is eating $3
worth of groceries right when you end up making the dinner and
they have their portion so. But I still feel like 3000 a
year. A year, yeah.
Is that if that kid only ever eats groceries from ALDI like.

(38:10):
I mean, maybe. Does the kid never eat out or
get food like school lunches? Well, so it's, it's around $250
a month, which is that's pretty tight, but it's.
Again. That's for one mouth, sure.
How about clothes? Clothes per year?

(38:32):
Cost per year. Well, 2000, I don't know.
Nailed it. That's it, $2000.
Great. Or between 1000 and $2000.
There's also activities in here,1000 to 2000 a year.
That's like sports and dance andall that.
Birthday parties, college tuition.

(38:55):
What do you think? The lifetime cost for household
expenses for a child are betweenthe ages of 1 and 18.
This does not include medical costs.
Just living day-to-day. Just living.
I'm going to say 400,000. One more time, the dog 15 to

(39:20):
40,000, the kid 310,000 to $500,000.
I'm pretty good at guessing crap.
You're pretty good. You're pretty good at you're
nailing it. Here's the thing.
When I put this together, I thought to myself, obviously I
think I know which way this is going to go, right?
The dog can't possibly be more expensive than the child.

(39:43):
That's reasonable. That's rational.
You would think that the kids cost is like 3 times more than
the dog right? Not 25 times more than the dog.
Right, that's exactly what I mean.
Or whatever. I don't.
I can't math the math, but 10 times more, yeah.
So that's, that's the finances of it.

(40:05):
That's at least just a few categories of finances of it we
had that doesn't include cars and you know, God knows what
else that you need to buy for kids, but.
And toys because. Toys.
Yeah. Gifts, Toys.

(40:25):
Books. Yeah, that you like.
You. The thing with a dog, you can
buy one toy for like $6 and they'll love that thing until
it's dead. Kids can unbox the toy and be
over it in half an hour. It's a much different
experience. Real quick though, these here's
some bonus comparisons that I think are really fun.

(40:47):
Noise dogs when they bark. 80 decibels is the average volume
level. Kids when they're having a
tantrum. 120 decibels. Oh so considerably louder than a
dog barking. Interesting.
So medically, one ears could have a sensitivity to Yep,

(41:11):
children screaming and not a dogbarking.
Nailing it? Sleep.
A dog wakes you up for about twominutes to go outside to pee if
they need to go. Kids, they wake you up for two
years straight. Jesus.
Age 2 years straight. For the first two years of a

(41:31):
kid's life, they're just constantly waking up in the
middle of the night, screaming, crying, Dad, mom, I had a
nightmare. Hell, come in here.
It's just constant. I mean, I did it a lot.
Yeah. I have memories of, of being
like, I used to get freaked out of my, if I fell asleep on my
arm and woke up and it was like,tingly.

(41:53):
Yeah. And so I would literally yell
from my dad in the middle of thenight and he would come in there
and be like, it's fine, your armis asleep, Go back to bed.
Yeah, the dogs, I mean, it depends on the dog.
Cause some dogs like wake you upearly and want you to get up and
want you to take them out and want you to feed them

(42:13):
immediately and they'll get in your face about it.
Our dogs act like we've inconvenienced them, that we
woke up. Yeah, they really do.
And they won't come out of the cover sometimes and they grumble
at us if we try to get them out of bed.
So they do, you know, sometimes.They're they're not, they're not

(42:36):
perfect. OK, last thing I'll say and then
we'll move on. When you post a photo of your
dog on social media, you get a bunch of likes and people are
like, oh, it's cute and whatever.
Some people don't like dog pictures and that's fine.
When you post a picture of your kid, you get unsolicited
parenting advice from like, oh, you shouldn't post your thing or

(42:57):
your kid or oh, what are they wearing?
Or oh, you shouldn't. It's like that's the, that's
another whole part of this that we haven't discussed really that
I don't think I could handle thebackseat.
Parenting. Oh my God, yeah, Oh my God.
I mean, we've gotten backseat dog advice or unsolicited dog
advice before, but that's just when we're at like the dog park.

(43:22):
Yeah, that's true. And that's that's so weird.
I don't get the I don't get on anything.
The need to walk up to a stranger and be like, hey, see
that thing you're doing? I know how to do it better.
Right? OK, thanks.
Nice to meet you too. Do you have anything to share

(43:45):
before we do our faith in humanity?
Oh, I mean, the cancelled kid ofthe week was on my plane ride
here. There was, I mean cancelled kid
of the week, cancelled parent ofthe week.
They're hand in hand. There was a kid that was

(44:09):
completely quiet during boardingthe plane.
Seemed normal, seemed fine. Then we started taking off and
the mom starts performative parenting and she's going my
brave man My brave man. First of all, this kid is like 6
and fully can speak full fuckingsentences in English and like

(44:32):
knows words but is going to havea speech impediment because his
mom is talking to him like he's a baby way B and she's going my
brave man. And I'm like, do you understand
that he's going to think the word is blave?

(44:54):
Like he doesn't know that you'rebeing facetious and like doing a
voice. The word is like what are we
doing? But then he started throwing a
tantrum and screaming and she was going, Oh, no, my blave man,

(45:14):
like just like not telling him to stop screaming.
She never said the they were in the aisle right next to me.
Never once said, hey, stop screaming.
I'm not saying, oh, let's go back to 1995 and like tug his
ear and like spank him and yell at him and whatever.

(45:35):
But I am saying we need a firm stop doing that.
You're upsetting everyone on theplane, you know what I mean?
The 120 decibels. I don't understand why some
people are so afraid of that. But it wasn't.
It's like if you're going to be performative and you're talking
loud to show us that you're talking to your kid and like

(45:57):
that you're just the best parenton the plane, Then also if
you're going to be performative,at least be performative and
sell me on the fact that you're disciplining your kid that's
screaming bloody murder for no reason because he felt like it
at 120 decibels on a closed tin can in the sky.

(46:18):
So if you're going to be performative, at least fucking
follow through. That is the cancelled kid and
asterisk parent of the week. God, that's a good one.
That's a good one. If I may match that opposite
side of that coin. My faith in humanity this week

(46:39):
is this TikTok trend I've seen. And it's, it's kind of, I mean,
it's really mean if I'm being honest.
Our algorithms are not the same.Well, listen, everyone's is
different, but there is a video trend with fathers and their
kids. And the trend is dads will put a

(47:00):
fake tongue in their mouth. And essentially they get like a
a clip or something caught on this fake tongue and ask their
kid to pull it out. And what happens is the kid will
pull at it and the the fake tongue will come out of their
mouth. Oh, no.
And on paper it's like this is that's mean, right?

(47:22):
Yeah. But I have found it very, I will
say cute, I will say adorable that most of the kids instantly
don't even like really get upsetas much as they get super
concerned about their dads. It's pretty cute.
Like I've I've just watched one tonight where this kid does it,

(47:45):
pulls the thing out of his, the fake tongue out of his dad's
mouth. And he's like, Daddy, oh, I'm
sorry, I pulled off your tongue.He's like, I can put it back.
I think I can put it back here. It's OK.
It'll be OK daddy. And it's like the cutest thing
because they're like, so in a way they put out, they put aside

(48:08):
their own terror to make sure their dad is OK with a missing
tongue. It's pretty funny.
That is cute. I guess you could send me one,
you could send me one or whatever.
OK, I'll send it your way. Oh well, thank you for joining

(48:29):
us everyone. I hope I didn't come off to
like, did I come off mean with my comparisons?
No, these are the facts. OK, yeah, I mean, it's just the
numbers. And listen, if you can afford to
have a kid, go for it. But after reading this, yeah, I
guess. I guess if you're filthy rich,

(48:52):
go ahead and pop them all out, then pop out the children.
I don't understand how people doit.
It's crazy.