An Illegal Dumping

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey imagine that. Wow, 2 millennials doing a
podcast to avoid legalizing the Yeah probably because they can't
afford therapy. This is mostly true opinions
since. When have we?
Since when have we ever let the beginning stalk up?

(00:21):
It is another motherfucking weekto be alive.
Hello and welcome. I am Cameron.
That is Katie Gay Comedy and welcome to the party.
It's that sounds insincere to say, but we are here.
We're alive and we're happy you're here.
We are alive. We're barely hanging on.

(00:42):
It's been a hell of a time to bealive.
I don't even know where to startto be honest with you, but I
know I don't want to get like sad and depressing super early
on. So I had one observation to
share from work today and then we can launch into the week.
Does that sound OK? Sure.
It was this. We had somebody at work today
who is birthday. It was OK Big birthdays around

(01:07):
here. We generally will get a cake for
the person whose birthday it is.We have a little bit of a like
happy birthday, nothing going on.
Everybody sits around for 20 minutes and hangs and talks and
enjoys cake and whatever. It's all good.
But this is the newest member ofour staff.
OK. And after we did our little cake

(01:29):
thing, they proceeded to tell usthat four people that work in
this building got them somethingtoday.
Four people that we have worked with for three years.
And they've never gotten you shit.
Not a thing. Not a single thing.
Not a lick of anything. And this person apparently is,
in their first two months working here, universally loved.

(01:51):
EW what is it like? I know and I'm listen, I'm happy
for them. I'm very happy for them.
But it does make me question, itdoes make me question what I'm
doing wrong with my life and at work and everything.
I think it should. And then also this.
I mean, again, like to make it about me.
I there's a Slack channel for wishing people happy birthday on

(02:14):
at my job. For your work.
Yeah. And I've worked there for three
birthdays now and never once hasanyone wished me happy birthday.
Because why? Because I'm my fucking birthday
is when everyone's off work. Yeah.
And I know mine's not yours is 2days before Christmas.
Mine is not before a holiday, but it is in the dead of summer.
And I do think growing up peopleforgot it.

(02:37):
People didn't think it was a thing because it's not during
the school year. And I do feel like there's still
some sort of holdover as an adult that applies there.
Yeah, the 30 year olds in your life forget because of school.
Yeah. OK.
I was going to ask you though, as a millennial, when you were
growing up, what did your parents do cake wise for your

(02:59):
birthday? I liked, I liked marble vanilla
chocolate cake, or I liked vanilla cake, or I liked an ice
cream cake, or I liked a cookie cake.
We just we switched it up every year.
I don't know if this is considered childhood trauma and
frankly I'm not upset with my parents for doing it, but I was
the kid that brought a cake to school that was homemade and it

(03:23):
was always like it was in like the rectangle baking dish.
It wasn't even like a circle. And I know that sounds dumb but
like I felt so stupid cutting itup into pieces and then like
some poor kid gets a corner piece that doesn't have like has
a thin layer of icing on it And it made me feel so insecure
because it was already my half birthday.

(03:46):
We celebrated my half birthday in elementary school.
Because you just felt so lame. Yeah, I felt like so effing
lame. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so lame.
And I have so much anxiety from when I was a kid.
And I think we've talked about it before, sitting around in a
circle and watching people open the present you bought them.
You you bring this up like monthly.

(04:06):
I hate it. I to this day I hate it.
I don't even like when people doit as adults.
Yeah, no one's going to watch you open gifts.
It's OK. No one ever again has to watch
you open. I don't want to watch other
people open gifts. It gives me so much anxious.
No one's going to make you do it.
Yeah, I don't know, being it's hard.

(04:27):
I OK, you said being a millennial, and it made me think
of a bone I have to pick with Gen.
Z. OK, not that fucking Gen.
Z listens to our podcast, so I don't think I'm offending
anyone. But what is it with Gen.
Z dressing like Oshkosh Bakash? Like I'm like, did you go to

(04:50):
Gymboree and ask for an XXXXXL and then say like this looks
like hot fire? Here's the thing I want to, I
want to join you in this argument, but it does make us
sound instantly old, instantly super old, because this always
happens with fashion, like it comes around, you know, But it
is a little weird. I don't remember when we were in

(05:12):
the 90s wearing jeans that were 20 times too big for me.
I I think of it because I in my acting class there is a male
model who is a good looking guy and he's like 6, three OK.
And he does himself no favors. Every time I've ever seen him

(05:37):
like it is, it is actually like shocking the way that he
dresses. Like I will walk into acting
class. And this last class he was
wearing like a pumpkin orange, like oversized shirt tucked
fully in as though he had as though he had like a cell phone

(05:59):
holster, but he didn't. Sure, with jeans again, too big
and like a belt. He looked like he was in office
space, but but like also a toddler.
I don't I can't explain to you. And I was like, this man is a

(06:23):
professional model and he woke up and chose this outfit and he
puts like outfit videos on his Instagram of him picking out and
styling himself. Like, I know that this was like
very intentional and I'm not a fashion icon.
You could look at my Instagram and be like, is she well, like,
did she shop at Goodwill? I'm not saying I have it all

(06:44):
figured out, but I just am like when you have the ability and
the sense and the fashion know how and you picked out Gymboree.
It's a little shocking. I don't get it.
I'm not, I don't, I don't get. It I don't really get it either.
By the way, I like how you snuckin the fact that how hot he is

(07:06):
about four times in that. Explanation.
It's because I understand that what I'm saying could be
construed as bullying and I justwanted to be like, he is not
ugly, but he is making fashion choices that are staggering to
me. And see that is that is my
absolute worst fear. Remove.
Remove the hotness aspect of this discussion.

(07:28):
Right. Just as a normal, average
everyday person could be attractive, could be somewhat
unattractive, doesn't matter. I stress out so much when I get
dressed or buy new clothes that I'm being perceived as a poser.
I don't, I don't want to be a poser.
I just want to wear something that I like.
But if you think I'm trying to like, hop into a trend, deeply

(07:52):
uncomfortable. I know, I know.
Deeply. Uncomfortable.
I will say that I talked to the same man about how he doesn't
understand the what is it called?
The DAP up when the DAP up. Yeah, when men greet each other.
Yes. Every time it gives him anxiety

(08:13):
and he can't do it. So I just want you to know that
I finally met someone else that can't do it.
I also saw a clip from that overcompensating show.
And it where that's how it came up because we were talking about
the show. And then he goes, I can't do it.
And I was like, neither can my husband.
See I we are not alone. We should start a club.

(08:34):
Remember how I used to be a partof the Nissan Leafs owners club
on Facebook or whatever? I need to be a part of the.
Can't DAP society, Can't DAP society.
I feel like you should make shirts or hats.
I think so too. That's not a bad idea, because.
Then you could in public spot each other and then greet each
other with some sort of awkward high 5 instead.

(08:57):
Or like just a handshake? Just a normal handshake.
Or a wave. Or a wave.
Yeah, we don't need to touch each other.
You don't need. It's really OK.
Yeah, it's OK. One of the most awkward feelings
in the world is when you're standing there meeting someone
and you can't tell if they want a hug or a handshake.
So instead you both just do nothing.
And and then you think about it the whole time.

(09:19):
You're standing there doing one of these where you're just kind
of hovering, like wiggling back and forth, like, are you?
Hey, nice to meet you. And then nothing happens.
Yeah, it's a nice. We just all need to agree on a
universal hello, and that's it. We don't need to touch each
other. No, no need.
Yeah, anyway, that was my rant. Where do we want to start with

(09:42):
the week? I don't even know.
I really don't. I don't, I don't know.
I mean, my mom's dog had emergency surgery.
Yeah, I don't, I don't remember the name of the surgery, but
essentially she had a herniated disc and she had to get that

(10:04):
taken care of. Wasn't removed, but it was
shaved down I guess. I don't, Yeah, I don't.
It's apparently a very common surgery in dogs her size and
it's just going to be a really long recovery.
So we're dealing with that. I there's no shortage of like
ridiculous things that happen inan emergency room scenario

(10:30):
because everyone's defenses are down and you're just getting
like the raw real version of everyone.
And I thought it was absolutely insane.
Like for the most part, we've had a good experience with all
of our doctors, all the nurses, all the desk people, everyone.
'S been so. Amazing.

(10:52):
I find it peculiar that when you're paying thousands and
thousands of dollars, God bless pet insurance, that they prompt
you. Similar to my joke about the DMV
prompting me for an organ donor donation and me saying is the

(11:18):
promise of harvesting my fresh spleen not enough for you?
You want two more dollars now? Thousands of dollars for the
surgery and they prompted my momevery time she paid to donate
more money. To the ASPCA or something?

(11:38):
I don't know, I think it's just to their hospital, but it's it
happened at every single place. And it's like, while I get it,
it's like, is this money not helping you?
Because is not, isn't everyone here in an emergency and isn't
everyone here giving you like 10grand?

(12:00):
And so are you not funding like they'd said on her receipt, Ice
pack compression and it was $60 to put an ice truck on the dog.
That is a fact. $60 to put a fucking ice pack.
I'll drive by and hold a fuckingice pack.
I'll And you know what? I'll do you one better.
I'll bring an ice pack with me. BYO ice pack.

(12:24):
I don't want the $60.00 fucking charge for an ice pack.
What? That seems fake as fuck, no?
Can I go a step further here? Sure.
I think any request for donationat the point of what is it
called POS point of sale, Yeah, should be not legal.

(12:45):
I think when the idea that you go to the grocery store and they
ask you to round up to the nearest dollar for the
Children's Hospital or you're atPanda Express and you're
purchasing a meal and they want you to donate.
I don't like it for many reasons.
Number one, I'm just paying. I'm already paying for something
else. This is not the time #2 I, I

(13:07):
don't, there's no track record from my perspective of you
putting this money towards thoseplaces.
I can't trust you, Panda Express.
So you have like a conspiracy theory about it?
It's not a conspiracy theory as much as it is if I want to
donate, I'm just going to go donate.
So if I want to donate to the ASPCA, I'm just going to go to
aspca.org and hit donate. So what is your percentage of

(13:31):
times that you click yes to donate at at the check out of
anywhere? Approximately 0% of the time.
You never do it. No.
Shut up. I I honestly, honey, I honestly
think, Oh my God, that I maybe have never done it.
Honey, you're crazy. What?

(13:53):
I I just think it's weird. OK, ask me.
Have you ever done it? Have you ever donated at the
register? I'm a 5050 shot.
I think you're probably most people.
I, I it depends on the day. It depends on the cause.
And I'm not going to lie to you.If it's for children, I click
no. If it's for pets, I click yes.

(14:13):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Fucking sue me.
Fucking sue me. I think that it's probably 50%
of the time. Ish is probably most common.
Second to that is probably 100% of the time because people feel
pressured. I know anytime we're with your
mom, probably she just hits yes,and I get that.
And I think probably 2% or less are with me where we just never

(14:35):
donate. My poor mom paid 4 different
times and each time she donated I saw her.
It was so it was like a dollar each time, but still.
No, it was pretty good, $2.00, but yeah.
Still. Also, their options were two
dollars, $5 and $10. OK, I really shooting for the
stars. There, I know, but I guess

(14:56):
they're banking on people being like whatever, it's $10 on top
of 10 grand, who gives a shit? It's so funny because I, I would
consider myself a very liberal person, but when it comes to
this territory, I am like, do not bother me.
I'm a crabby old man. If I'm walking by the store and
somebody's out front and they'relike, hey, will you please?

(15:18):
I'm like Nope. You you have really big get off
my lawn energy when when we're in front of a storefront that is
in no way, shape or form your lawn.
It's true. I can't I, I don't know why.
It just bugs the living shit outof me because I am.
But but if it's a Girl Scouts, you're all about it.

(15:40):
Because I'm buying something. It's a cookie.
I want it right now. Because you're getting something
out of it. Because of the thing that I'm
getting, I can see in front of me, you know, I, I can't trust
random guy in a parking lot to take my dollar and that full
dollar actually makes its way towhere it's supposed to go.
I can't trust it. He has a He has a Folger's can
with a slip cut in the lid. You know the argument there is

(16:04):
someone could argue that if you gave money to homeless people,
it's going directly to the source.
I I actually do that. I do that.
When? There's a guy that it is always
playing the guitar at the Vons across from our neighborhood and
anytime he's at the light I rollthe window down and give him at
least a dollar or two. Really.
Yeah, there's one time I gave him a $10.00 bill and I'm

(16:27):
telling you, I'm not. I am fair when it comes to this.
I am very consistent. If if I know where the money is
going, I will do it. But if there's like if I'm 20
steps removed from it getting into that fucking bank account,
I'm not doing it. And I don't know why I feel so
passionately about it. I don't like, I've never been
had before, you know what I mean?
Yeah, but I just I've, that's how I feel about it.

(16:49):
I don't know how to describe it.All right, well.
Anyway. On that charitable note.
The surgery itself did go very well, but man it is an
exhausting thing obviously. Yeah.
You know, I've, I grew up with many pets, many of whom had

(17:11):
surgeries and recoveries and things like that.
But this one's definitely a different kind, because keeping
a dog calm and in a state where you can't allow them to walk
around, that's tough. Yikes.
It's a tough one, but we are very lucky.
The vets are great that'll that part of it has gone really well.

(17:33):
And so it's just, you know, it'sgoing to take a minute.
We're all all figuring it out together.
But, you know, I think if your mom didn't have pet insurance,
one of your game shows might have had to come in and save the
day. Oh yeah.
And I say this because yet a fucking again.

(17:55):
What? KDK Comedy may be on a game
show. I mean we're manifesting it and
a friend of pod friend in real life.
Katie is hopefully going to be my partner in crime.
Yes. Partner in winning.

(18:17):
Yeah. I don't want to say too much
about it because I don't want tofuck up our chances of getting
known because you know why? Are you?
Why are you saying it's so weird?
I don't know NDA stuff, I don't know.
I don't. Know you just can't say what it
is I mean. Yeah, I just can't say what it

(18:37):
is, but I'm bringing the personality and she, while she
also has a great personality, isbringing the brain.
For sure. Hey, for sure.
No, I'm just saying no, you havea brain.
But she has like a very trivia centered brain.
Because the show may or may not have to do with that.

(19:00):
I mean, most game shows do, so Ithink it's a safe safe
assumption there. Yeah, I just think I would be
better at like we were watching $100,000 Pyramid fucking.
That's much in a game. Show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Password pyramid price is right.
I can play those. Jeopardy can't do.
It I know I'm the girl that cried wolf because I've said,

(19:21):
oh, I'm going to get on all these different game shows and
then some things fall through. So fingers crossed manifesting
send good energy for the dog andthe game show like we you know,
that'd be good, but I thought ofa game show.
You thought of a game show? Yeah, because we were rushing
around. Someone was coming over.

(19:43):
And what should we say? Who not?
Yeah, OK. We have so many chapters.
Someone was coming over and we were rushing around frantically
cleaning the home, which I thinkis a universal experience.
And if you just live in perfection all the time and you
just live in like a dustless perfect home that's always

(20:07):
vacuumed and like. And cleaned and windexed and.
You're not a real person. Whatever.
Then go fuck yourself. I I think it's a universal
experience that if someone is coming over to your home since
childhood, you race around and you clean.
Yeah, 100%. And you do a.

(20:28):
At the very least, you're shoving things into closets and.
Doing whatever you're you're decluttering, you're tidying,
you're cleaning, you're dusting or whatever.
You're making it so that you're not deeply embarrassed when
someone enters your home. Yeah, I was cleaning at the
speed of light. You were?
Yeah. Because we had been dealing with
this emergency all week. We hadn't been home.

(20:50):
We had been throwing stuff around because we've been just
so busy. So we're cleaning at the speed
of light. And I was like, holy shit, this
is a fucking game show. Because it could be called.
And you help me with the name. Credit where credit is due and
fucking copyright this shit. Say it, honey.
Trade market. Yeah.
Clean sweep. Clean sweep.

(21:13):
Clean sweep. Picture this.
Picture it. It's like supermarket sweep, but
it's a fake home set. OK, there's dust bunnies,
there's chili spills, there's just an assortment of different
messes that you have to speed clean.
And it's like an obstacle courseand you have a team of two and

(21:36):
you're earning points and there's a white glove bonus
where if you get all of it done,you get a white glove bonus or
blah, blah, blah. It's exactly like Supermarket
Sweep, but it's called Clean Sweep and it could be sponsored
by a bunch of different cleaningproducts a la Pledge, Imagine,
Swiffer, Fabuloso, all of it. Windex.

(21:57):
Mr. Clean. Dawn Magic Eraser.
Right, so there's Hoover, endless possibilities.
Dyson, what the fuck? There's endless possibilities
for sponsorships. It basically pays for itself.
It's a huge money maker. It would be exhilarating.

(22:17):
It's a universal experience. I don't know a single person
that doesn't do this. And if you don't, then you
probably wouldn't watch the showanyways.
And you're not my type of person, and it's genius.
And I'm taking this to the bank.I think it's a great idea.
I think it's a great idea because again, I think the best
game shows the ones that stand the test of time.

(22:39):
And there are exceptions, but most of them are games anyone
can play. And this is one of those I.
You know in a dream world one ofus would host it.
OK in a dream world we would vote, we would Co host.
It right? No, You host it, I'll announce.
You host it, I'll announce. Oh, you're the George Gray.
Yeah, I got this. Oh my God.
Oh my God, yeah. Dream.

(23:01):
Fucking dream. And honestly they need more
female game show hosts like there's.
Only a couple. There's only a couple.
Just the key is just, you know, not screaming.
Don't scream. Host.
Many people do that these days, men and women.
I know I can do it. You got me.
So I in a dream world, I host, you announce.
But if a network needed a celebrity attached, I roll.

(23:25):
Who would it be? That's a tough one.
Did you have somebody? Attached.
No, I mean that. Do you have somebody in mind?
Why do I think, Oh my God, what's his name?

(23:47):
Sorry, no, see, this is again, here we go, Trivia Brain.
Who has been hosting that? I literally met and I jumped
into a pool jello with the guy that hosted America's Got
Talent. For Terry Crews, yeah, really.
I think that would be a fun choice.

(24:08):
Thank you, I guess. You know what?
I have a guy. I have the guy and it's and
you're not going to like this choice because, well, OK, wait,
hang on. Never mind.
Why did you roll your eyes? Because what is it, an old white
guy? So I'm sorry we had to choose a
female black woman. I'm.

(24:29):
I'm confused but I historically and like other people, game
shows are historically hosted byold white men and I think it
would just be good to have someone else.
Terry Crews is still a dude, Yeah.
Anyways, who was your idea? Well, I was going to ask you,
does it have to be this exercise?
Is that it has to be a celebrity, right?

(24:53):
Because the network is attachingthem.
Right. Why?
Who is your non? Celebrity.
I was going to choose, well, he's kind of a celebrity.
I was going to choose this guy Ireally enjoy who does radio and
like a talk show in the Midwest.This guy, Jason from the Jason
show, I think he'd be great to do it all right, because he also
seems very tidy, you know? But I was going to say Howie
Mandel from the Celebrity because he is a neat freak.

(25:17):
Because of his. So what makes sense?
Yeah, OK, OK. But I don't know that he has
like the right energy. Have you watched Deal or No
Deal? Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, I mean, come on, he's. Howie.
OK, maybe Howie. Sorry Howie.
I didn't mean to like throw you under the bus so hard.
I actually I another AGT pick. Basically, yeah.

(25:39):
True, that's true. OK, I don't hate that.
Oh, interesting. I like how I'm talking about it.
Like we have the pick of the litter, so whatever.
OK, well don't steal our idea, and if you do, at least cast us.

(26:00):
Whatever. Yeah, do it.
Come on. Do you want to confess?
Is now a good time for your confession or.
Sure, I can confess, but I'm legitimately not going to post a
clip of that game show conversation on social because I
don't want somebody else to steal it.
So if you're hearing it on the podcast only, welcome to the
club, you know, don't tell anyone.

(26:21):
And if you steal it, I will huntyou down.
Yeah, and got you like a fish anyway.
Allegedly. Allegedly.
OK it it finally happened, I gotcaught illegally dumping.
It was only a matter of time. It's so funny because like what
do I mean illegally dumping? Like when you take stuff to a

(26:43):
dumpster at the back of the store and like you know it's a
big item that doesn't fit in your trash can.
You know, everyone does it. Everyone does do it, I think,
right? So it's funny because every time
that it happens that you and I go and use one of these
dumpsters, I am always on it. Which you're making it sound

(27:05):
like is once a week. It's like once a year.
It's usually when we move or bigevents happen or we get a new
couch or a new rug or something.We've never dumped a couch.
No, but you general idea, you get the idea.
No, Anytime. No, they don't get the idea
because you're making it sound like we dump our household
illegally we don't like. Things like that.

(27:27):
It doesn't have to be literally things that we have done before.
OK. You're getting a little too in
the weeds on this, OK? Anyway, we occasionally go to a
dumpster and ditch stuff. Every time that we do it, I am
like, freaked out because I assume that somebody's going to
run out of a store or the cops are going to pull around the

(27:47):
corner and arrest us because technically what we're doing is
illegal. Would they really arrest you or
would they just give you a ticket?
They'd probably just give us a ticket, but in my head they
arrest us, we go to prison. So every time that it happens
you are generally like it's going to be fine and all the
time. You are correct, it is always
fine except for the one time that I go without you.

(28:11):
I replaced the pool pump at our house and I had to get rid of
it. Doesn't fit in our trash can.
So I went to the behind Chipotleand found a dumpster where
they're doing some construction.Right as I lifted the thing and
threw it in the dumpster, this guy comes out of the store and
goes, hey, what are you doing? And it I literally like my
stomach stank. If I hadn't already thrown the

(28:33):
thing in the dumpster, I would have dropped it on my foot.
And I just turned around and I went by and ran back into the
car and peeled out of the parking lot.
Good thing we don't drive a yellow Kia.
Oh, wait. That's neither here nor there.
It I assume that I got away withit, but there is a slight chance
that we're going to get something in the mail.

(28:55):
I mean, I don't know if we took a picture of my license plate.
I also don't know if I threw everything away on an Amazon
Prime box that has our address on it.
Honey. We've done it before.
It always makes me nervous. Did you throw it away in a box?
Possibly. Honey, Oh my God, you.

(29:17):
Know what they say that destroy the evidence?
I should have blacked it out with a Sharpie or something, but
yeah, I I got caught and it's the first time in my life it's
happened, but I kind of always knew that it would.
You let Yeah, it was. You were waiting for the other.
You were waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I I can't believe. I can't believe it finally

(29:39):
happened and you were alone. And I can't believe now you're
probably going to get something in the mail that's a ticket.
And then on your background check for years to come, it's
going to say what is like the what's the misdemeanor for a
dumping? I think it's a a misdemeanor
trespassing maybe, right? I don't know.

(30:03):
Something like that. Well, you should Google it
because it's your charges. All right, let me look.
It's going to show up. On your background, what is the
charge for illegally like Gambling was the first thing
that came up. Illegal dumping?
Oh wow. OK.
What? It is a fine does not it does
not say that it's like a a felony or anything.

(30:28):
What did you say? Not a misdemeanor, but it does
say in the area we live that it's finable from $250 to 1000
bucks. And then if you get caught doing
it again it's $3000. It like goes up every time they
catch you. So you don't want to get caught
doing it. Well.
Don't get caught dumping. You ready to pay up?

(30:50):
Then again, I kind of got away with it, I think, unless we get
a bill in the mail. Yeah, I wouldn't get so cocky
yet. Yeah, I, I just, you know, is it
really that big of a deal? I mean it was a massive
dumpster. Yeah, like they were asking for
it. Did you see the size of that

(31:13):
dumpster? Did you see what it was wearing?
It deserved for me to dump in there.
I mean, come on. God, so problematic we're going
to get cancelled for dumping. I don't think so.
I think most people do it, I really do.
Do you think? Yeah, because what else do you
do? Like when you move and you have
a bunch of boxes, you're not calling somebody and paying them
hundreds of dollars to haul off not that much stuff, you know?

(31:38):
Sure. It's just not fiscally
responsible. We had growing up twice a year,
which it was like a national holiday in our house.
We had in our neighborhood a junk day where it was like bulk
trash pickup. Yeah.
Oh my God, it was the best. What?
We've talked about it before, but we talked about it three
years ago when somebody else waslistening to the podcast.
It's new people now. I know.

(31:59):
I think that you bring it up more than you think.
OK, now that's my story. That's fine, I have, first of
all the cats searching stuff on fucking Google.
Oh my God, he loves to walk on the keyboard while I'm using the
computer. I have good news.

(32:22):
Love Island is back tomorrow andthen we're going to have Love
Island UK, Love Island US, Love Island games, Love Island, Love
Island, Love Island until the end of the year.
We're set forever. So serotonin is back in our
lives. Second of all, The Amazing Race,
we went back and we're watching an old the season before this

(32:42):
last season because now we're obsessed.
And it has been weirdly, it has been educational and educational
experience. And I know that people turn on
our podcast specifically for education.
I think it's. True, Yeah.
How else would you find out how much a dumping fine is?

(33:04):
Right. I mean, and how else would you
find out that coffee beans grow inside of cherries?
I was today years old, in fact, when I found out that that's

(33:24):
where coffee beans came from. I don't know what I thought
before. I don't know if I thought the
beans just grew on the leaves onthe trees.
I don't know. I kind of thought like coffee
trees were like little. They had like egg corns that
were a little coffee beans up inthem.
I don't know what I thought, butI know that when that happened
in that challenge on Amazing Race and they had to pick coffee

(33:48):
cherries, I looked at you and you looked at me.
And then we had to Google it because we were like, no, no,
no, no, no, there's no way. No, there's no way.
Coffee comes from cherries. And then this just in when you
open the cherry and you turn it through the thing to get the

(34:09):
seed, the coffee bean out, it's not brown.
It's not brown. It's not brown, it's white and
it's water green. Roast it.
I I don't understand, I don't understand here.
Did I ever? Know this?
How did education fail us so miserably that we did not know

(34:32):
about this until our mid 30s? And we drink coffee a lot.
And also knowing now where coffee comes from, how the fuck
did we figure that out? How?
Think about it, Think about it. You're, you're like hundreds of
years ago. You pick this cherry off a tree
and you go, oh, cherry, eat the cherry.

(34:54):
You spit out the seed, the pit, and you go, huh.
I should roast this, grind it up, steep it in hot water and
drink it to to wake up every morning.
How does that happen? Also, it makes me think of like,
how would you like to be the first one to try anything like
that only to find out you you picked the poisonous 1.

(35:18):
You know what I mean? Yeah, it's a what a scary time
to be alive. I mean, I guess if you ate the
cherry part then you're probablygoing to be fine from the seed
part. Yeah, that's probably true.
I just don't. Did everyone else know this but
us? I don't know because I I've
honestly been embarrassed to ask.

(35:38):
Like, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, I. Haven't I thought about coming
to work and being like, hey, didyou guys know that?
And then everybody's just going to go, yeah, idiot.
I haven't brought it up to a single person either, but except
obviously now. Here, but I do think it's I
think our sense of that is generally pretty good like our

(36:03):
sense of I don't know if I call it normalcy or average Ness.
It just common knowledge like I feel like we're pretty good
about that. So but we're not soaking in the
fun facts. This is why we're not good at
trivia, right? We're just.
Felt like it was our burden now to share this information with

(36:25):
our pod listeners 100% because Icouldn't walk forward knowing
that there's probably other people out there who also didn't
know and now they do. And I like to think that most of
the people listening right now are like, what?
Coffee cherry is old. So you're welcome.

(36:46):
It's. Honestly shocking.
I'm still shocked. And frankly, I'm also nervous
that we're wrong, even. I'm still wrong, you know what I
mean? I'm worried that this was like
propaganda. I am too.
That we. Fell for on Amazing Race or that
there's only a certain type of coffee that comes from cherries
and we just didn't know. Right.
I don't know why I'm so insecureabout it, but half of me is

(37:07):
embarrassed to admit I never knew it and the other half of me
is embarrassed to say it becauseI feel like somebody's going to
come up and like no idiot they come from a Peapod or.
Something like You're still wrong.
Yeah, somehow. 100% yeah, That was that was quite the
discovery. We've got a In case you couldn't
tell, it's been an emotional journey this week.
Dog in hospital coffee comes from cherries caught illegally

(37:32):
dumping. Somebody's stealing our game
show ideas. Allegedly.
No, it's been a lot. Don't put that out there.
I'm just saying it's been a lot.I have been drinking way too
much coffee recently speaking. Of yeah, and my mom referred to
it as you fell off the wagon. Yeah, that made me.
She said that in front of people, too.
It made me sound like a psychopath.

(37:52):
We were at a Starbucks. While you were ordering at
Starbucks, she goes, you fell off the wagon and it made
everyone think you were like an alcoholic.
I think the barista thought I was going to take the coffee and
pour some Bailey's in it or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but yeah, it's, I am
feeling a little on edge. I wonder if the barista had like

(38:13):
a moral quandary of if he shouldserve you the coffee or not.
Nah Nah. I think these it was a Starbucks
in a grocery store. Which is, do those even count as
a Starbucks? No.
And we've talked about it on thepod that they don't deserve to
exist. But we were desperate because we
spent all night in the ER. So we had no.

(38:36):
We had no, we had no standards at that point.
So your mom said, is he falling off the wagon?
And then I ordered and then I said I need this.
Yeah. Yeah, no, it's just, you know,
I'm feeling a little wired. My left arm feels different.
Honey. I'm kidding.

(38:56):
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
OK. Feels fine, but.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh my God, another triggering thing that happened this week.
What am I not remembering? You got a spider bite?
Oh well, yeah. And I haven't, and I haven't
been able to look at you since. Yeah, listen, I was.

(39:21):
It's not bad. It's gotten OK.
I think it's like unfortunate because you handled it so well
that I took your bite worse thanyou.
Like you were like, Oh yeah, by the way, I got a spider bite and
it hurts and I and then I don't think I talked for 10 minutes.

(39:42):
Yeah, you were pretty upset about it, but it did hurt.
It felt like, you know, it feelslike somebody tucked a rock
under your skin. That's what it feels like.
It's worse. Stop it.
That's what it feels like and ithurts to bend and things like
that. Much better.
Is it getting better? Is it getting?
Better. Much, much better.
Now what? Does it look like?
Don't don't tell us here, I'll show you No, I'll show the

(40:03):
podcast listeners. No, I mean, it looks just like
it looks like it doesn't look like I wouldn't even say it
looks like a pimple or anything.It just kind of looks like a red
spot right now, but it's just I have, you know, I've had so many
bug bites and spider bites and. No, it's not please.
No, no, no, no. It's not the.

(40:25):
Same. It's not the same.
It's not the. Same.
Generally I agree with that. I have had some wicked spider
bites over the years though. I had one inside my nose.
EW EW EW EW don't. You didn't have to bring that
up. Now I'm itchy.
I've had one on my ear. No, honey.
It's not and. This is why we're not going to

(40:46):
live in the woods or the Midwestever again.
I mean, I just got it in California, so I don't know
what. To do when, what?
What do you mean what? When did you get where in
California did you get the ear in the nose?
Oh, the ear in the nose weren't in California now, but this most
recent one is. Obviously they'll they can get
you anywhere you're not safe, anywhere you can't hide.

(41:09):
Great, great, I knock on wood, Iknocked.
It's not wood. OK, what I'm not.
The wall has wooden. The wall has wooden.
OK, I knocked on the wall. I have not to my knowledge,
gotten a spider bite and that isfrom 33 years of diligence.

(41:32):
But it's so, I mean, that's honestly that is impressive.
I've gotten approximately 12,000mosquito bites.
I am so surprised you've never gotten bit by a spider.
You lived in the Midwest. You lived in the Carolinas.
Like. Put that out there.
Don't. Dare shocked that that has never
happened. I think part of it, they told
the community it's because I scream bloody murder when I see

(41:55):
1, so I think that they spread the word.
Well, I I do think it's funny though, because anytime you have
any sort of bite, the first thing you ask me, is it a spider
bite? Yeah.
Trust me when I say I'm never lying to you.
You would know. Yeah, you would know.
And I it would it's they're veryeasy to tell apart from other

(42:16):
ones. I just like don't know how I
would move forward. It'd be fine.
We would have to amputate. Nah, you'd be fine.
I'm itchy now. All of me is itchy.
Why do I'm a little itchy too? I'm a little itchy.
Let's change the subject. Are you ready to Jude?
Sure. OK, I didn't even tell you about

(42:51):
this this week. We're good.
I I honestly wrote it down and Ihad to like block it out because
I was so pissed. OK, I went to the chiropractor,
OK, No, it's not the one that went to jail.
Different chiropractor. OK.
And I was leaving and I held thedoor for this older couple.

(43:16):
This man was holding the door open for, I assume, his wife,
who seemed to have a disability,who was walking very slow and I
think she had a cane. And then he kept holding the
door for me. There's a second set of doors.

(43:36):
So I walked ahead of her, grabbed the second set of doors
for her, and then held it open for him.
OK, that's. Nice.
He held it, then I held it. Banners.
Right, great. And I pay for the chiropractor
on Zelle, but there's really badservice in their office.

(43:57):
So usually I pay on my way out to the car.
Sure. Yeah.
So I was logging into my banking.
Whatever, because actually the week before I forgot to pay
because I was so distracted on the way to my car and I was so
late to what I was going to thatI forgot to pay.
So I was, I always am like, Oh my God, I have to do it while

(44:21):
I'm walking to my car or I mightforget.
Anyways, should not fucking matter what I'm doing, right?
But for you, for the pod listener, for our close personal
friends, I am telling you what Iwas doing because it matters to
me. OK, so I was walking ahead,
opening the door for this couple, returning the favor,

(44:43):
being kind, their elderly. I waited, specifically stood and
waited for them because she was handicapped, moving really
slowly. They weren't.
They weren't necessarily lock step with me.
OK, so I'm waiting. I'm holding the door and I have
my phone in my hand paying for the service I just received at

(45:03):
the chiropractor. Again, shouldn't matter, but
that's what I'm doing. Yeah, and they comment.
Both of them commented at me andsaid, oh, looks like you wasted
no time getting on your phone, the guy said.

(45:28):
And then the woman said, yeah, you should watch out for that.
So instead of saying thank you, no one thanked me for holding
the door. The guy said, oh she sure wasted
no time to me looking at me in the face.
She sure wasted no time getting out her phone.
And the wife said, yeah, you should watch out for that.

(45:52):
So they basically told me to go fuck myself as I was holding the
door for them and paying for my service.
I could have to be clear, I could have been looking at porn
if I wanted to. I am holding the door for you.

(46:13):
You say fucking thank you to me,you old bitch.
But I also happen to not be jacking off and looking at porn.
I have happened to be paying forthe service I just received as
soon as I was physically able todo so while also being a kind
human and holding the door for you.

(46:34):
And better fucking believe the next time I see you since we
have similar appointment times every week.
I'm going to slam the fucking door in your fucking old ass
bitch ass face you piece of shit.
Eat fucking dirt. Eat my asshole.
Judgement to the plaintiff. Literally kick rocks and I'll

(46:54):
shove my phone up your fucking ass and I'll have and I'll waste
no fucking time shoving my phoneup your ass you idiot.
Post that for social media. Oh my actual God.
So that's a good one. That's.
A good from feeling like I was in community with these people

(47:18):
to feeling like I hope they get in a car crash.
You know what? I.
Mean that's a good, that's a good Jude.
That is a solid Jude. An injustice like you're going
to judge me for. Also hey let's let's say for the
sake of it that you both think I'm a piece of shit for looking
at my phone while I hold the door for you.
Let's say you both think that. Talk shit in the car like a

(47:41):
normal person. Right.
Don't. And don't say it out loud.
Saying it to my face instead andit be different even still if
they were like oh thank you, oh seem a little distracted there.
Whatever old people love to say some shit.
If you wear a jeans, if you wearjeans with holes in the knees,
you better. Oh my God, they can't not say

(48:01):
something that you have holes inyour jeans.
Whatever. I would have expected that but
they didn't say thank you at allever once even though I said
thank you when they held the door I said oh thank you so
much. Ran ahead, grabbed the door,
paying my bill, holding the doorfor them, waiting while she
walks with her cane for like 2 minutes.

(48:26):
Fuck off. Oh God, God eating.
I think it's funny, by the way, that your go TOS are eating your
ass and anytime somebody goes tothe extreme, they're jacking
off. This is the this is the common
the commonality between Jude, what are you doing over there

(48:46):
jacking off anyway? All right, well, on that note,
we sincerely hope you have a good week, everyone.
We sincerely hope you do. We are certainly going to try as
well. This was therapeutic.
It really was. Thanks for for being here and
bearing with us. And do not steal the fucking

(49:07):
game show idea, yeah. You don't want me to.
You don't want this heat. You don't want this heat A and
you know, B, you're going to be disqualified.
At the very least, you're not going to be on clean sweep.
We're going to put ourselves on Clean Sweep.

(49:28):
Yeah, because that's allowed, yeah.
Let me practice. It's live from Hollywood.
It's clean. Sleep.
I said sleep. I'm already fired.
Goodbye. Honey.
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