Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
If I need to drink water during this then it's going to have my
swallow sound on the podcast. Do I swallow louder than other
people? Do it real quick.
Do it real quick. I hate you.
Ow. Don't mock my swallow on the
(00:22):
pod. All right, I'm going to send
this clip to our therapist. No what?
I say about using that word. I don't eat you, but I'm really
insecure about the way I swallow.
Well, do better. Because you said it's loud, but
you said it's only liquids and not solid food.
(00:44):
We should do an episode of like what?
Like weird observations we have about each other, You know what
I mean? Like.
Now I'll drink. So what are you doing?
(01:09):
Not, not moving your throat at all.
You just open your gullet, let it slide down.
I don't get it. You should ask your mom about it
too. Let's ask her later.
What are you doing that's different than me when you?
Swallow, like, I don't know. I don't know, but we should do
an episode of like, like, for example, Things about me, Scott,
(01:34):
It's hard because I'm flawless. Again, not problems that we
have, but just weird things. Like you would ask me, this
could be a problem, but why do Iflush before I'm done?
Why? Yeah.
Thank God you're admitting that on a public platform finally,
because I don't. Understand it, Put it.
(01:54):
Are we putting this in the episode because we didn't start
yet? Oh, I thought you were
recording. We are recording, but I mean,
sure we could. We could throw it in there.
Hey, welcome to mostly TRUE opinions.
Hi, I thought we were already started.
Hey, imagine that, two millennials doing a podcast to
(02:16):
avoid legalizing the purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true Opinions.
I am Cameron that is KDK comedy.Yeah, it's me, the loud
swallower. Listen, I think it's a good idea
(02:37):
to do a podcast episode where weshare some of those things, the
oddities, and we get very vulnerable about it.
Like, let's get into the nitty gritty, let's lean into the
process, you know what I mean? The cabinet of curiosities and
oddities of our souls. Yeah, some would say it's a
terrible idea for our marriage, other would say.
(02:59):
Others would say it's a great idea.
Others would say it's in the name of entertainment, you
should do it. Yeah, they should put your
relationship on the line for thebit.
Here's the thing, Don't we kind of do that every week?
Yeah. I mean, I think so for the most
part, for the most part. But there's still, I feel like
(03:21):
there's, there's still some things that like exist.
I would imagine that like we would never say to one another,
you know what I mean? You have some about me.
I'm sure I could dig some up. Let's do it now.
No, no, I need to get. I need to run some of these past
you to see if you're comfortabletalking about them.
(03:45):
Well, you can always edit this out, no?
No, no, no, no. It just.
Hit me with one now you're beingwithholding and it's everyone's
least favorite quality about youwhen you're withholding.
I can't. I can't say it.
We need to talk. This is why I said it was an
idea for a podcast that we should do soon, because I need
to run through, I need to run itthrough with you.
(04:06):
So. You have one in your brain that
you refuse to say because you'rebeing absolutely and you want to
wait to see if I'm OK with it. Yes, but I'm telling you, I'm OK
with you saying it and then I'lljust make you cut it out later.
It would make me feel better if you say it something about me
and then I respond with something about you.
(04:29):
OK. So let's do it another time.
That's because now we're talkingabout a whole bunch of things
that we'd have to cut out. You know what I mean?
OK, you sound scared. No, I'm not scared.
It's just it's one that's silly and I'd want to make sure that
you were OK with talking about it.
(04:51):
It'll make sense. It'll make sense at some point.
Anyway, welcome to the podcast. I'm happy you're here.
It's another Monday is another Monday in paradise, but as they
say, we are halfway through July.
Yay. How are you feeling babe?
Are you feeling very festive summer like?
I got to say I am very jealous of people who watch the Love
(05:13):
Island finale in one of these big pool parties.
Oh, they did pool parties. Yeah.
Do you know that one at the Circa Hotel in Las Vegas?
Yeah, the rooftop pool. They played it there.
And those are like the biggest screens in Vegas, right?
Massive, massive screens. That's awesome.
(05:34):
This is now there's a lot of people online saying this.
Now I understand sports. Yeah, totally.
And now, now I understand rooting for your team to win.
I am going to predict though, and this probably exists to some
extent already, but I think in amore formal way next year in
(05:56):
Vegas there there's going to be screenings and betting.
I bet there will be. Betting.
Yeah, like actual gambling on Love Island.
Yes. Did you see that there's some
tables being added this week in Vegas for the card game Uno?
What? Yes, people are getting creative
(06:17):
with the bets. What is the point of anything?
I mean, I do want to immediatelygo do it, but like, OK, yeah.
And I also want to do war. I heard that there was tables
that I wore. Yeah, I want to do that.
And Uno, there better be a Love Island slot machine.
Is there not a Love Island slot machine?
(06:39):
I imagine there will be at some point.
If they're, they're probably working on one as we speak.
Yeah, there needs to be all of that.
This needs to be listen, now there's going to be Love Island
after the villa, beyond the villa.
Then there's Love Island games. There's Love Island UK that
(06:59):
we're starting because we're behind on that.
My mom was like, are you going to even watch Love Island games?
And I was like, what kind of question is that?
We're going to watch every single iteration that exists of
Love Island. Thank you for asking.
I will admit, I think at this point, you know, we started when
we were in COVID and it was verymuch a comfort show and it still
(07:22):
is. Even when the season is bad, it
still feels good to watch it. Yeah.
And some would say this season the US was really bad.
And you know, sure, bad, but also still fun to watch because
you're watching a train. You're watching a train wreck.
(07:42):
Someone brought this up in acting class actually, and I
just realized it applies to us watching Love Island.
You know when you have like a purse or an item from an ex that
you keep using years after they break up with you because you're
like well you know it's a good purse.
Love Island. We started watching because of
(08:06):
an ex friend and I have adopted it as my whole personality and I
don't care that she recommended it to us in the 1st place and
was the reason we started watching it.
I. Totally erased that from my
memory. And I don't care because it was
a good recommendation and I, youknow, if if nothing else, from
(08:27):
that friendship, at least I got Love Island.
Do you, I mean, that's a good, that's a good point and I agree
with that one specifically, but do you have anything currently
or that you recently got rid of that was from an ex-boyfriend?
Do you have like an article of clothing, a shirt that they gave
you or like a, you know, a keepsake or a candle or
(08:52):
anything? No, no, because here's the thing
about my exes, they didn't give good gifts and they usually gave
me paper coupons as gifts and they never gave me anything of
value. I was never ever given an any
item of clothing nor an accessory for.
(09:15):
But from an ex I did find when Iwas going through my box of like
keepsake letters and stuff, I found old cards and I found a
necklace. Really.
From an ex but I never wore it after we broke up.
It's. Probably like depending on what
year you got it to at the that point in your life, it was
(09:36):
probably pretty valueless. Yeah, you know what I mean.
It again, they didn't get me anything of value.
It was like just like a gold necklace, but I did find that in
a box, but I never wore it afterafter we broke up.
So yeah, no, I guess my answer is no.
(09:58):
But do you like did she ever getyou shirts and stuff?
No, I, I was always the type that whenever I broke up with
somebody, I'm like, I'm getting rid of all the stuff really.
I didn't really. But to be honest with you, like
maybe if it was something like crazy cool I would have kept it,
but I didn't really ever. What if it was like a really
expensive watch? If it was a really expensive
(10:21):
watch, yeah, I probably would have kept it unless it had some
sort of engraving on the back. Do you know what I mean?
Like if it, if it said like, oh,it's from our anniversary or
this is because I love you and whatever, I I wouldn't have kept
it. But yeah, I don't have any of
that stuff. I really, but also before I
dated you, like the last relationship I was in was like
(10:45):
pretty young in college. So I feel like we weren't at the
point in our lives where we werereally buying each other stuff
of any sort of value, you know? Yeah, I think people were
referring to like, Oh my first like YSL bag or like, you know,
things of. My Gucci sunglasses are.
That are a bit more expensive, yeah.
(11:06):
Like if you break up then you still wear those I guess.
Yeah. Which I mean, sure, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I get it. I get both sides.
I get both sides. Yeah, I, I had a really I this
is so dumb to even bring up, butI'm going to for five seconds.
(11:27):
I went to the the little cafeteria thing at work today
and they had like this whole bigBBQ spread, which looked
heinous. It was like stuff under heat
lamps, that sort of vibe. Like you go to a really crappy
wedding and there's a guy with aknife under a lamp carving
(11:49):
whatever, roast beer or something.
But they had sides and I was thinking like, oh, that sounds
pretty good. I love a BBQ side and I went and
got potato salad. I almost threw it up.
Why? Because it was hot.
(12:10):
On purpose. I don't know.
I don't know the answer to that,but it got me to thinking like,
isn't it weird that there are foods that exist that when
they're the the appropriate temperature, they're amazing,
but then whether they're opposite of that, they're
disgusting. We talk about it all the time.
(12:30):
Sushi. Is one of these Oh my gosh hot
sushi EW. Hot.
Like good sushi, cold or whatever room temperature even
is like oh it's so good that I dream about it.
If I put a piece of sushi in my mouth and it is hot, I instantly
(12:51):
want to throw it up. Yeah.
And that was the same thing withthis fucking potato salad.
I literally was mid sentence with somebody and I'm like,
yeah, maybe tomorrow we'll go. Like it was so F and gross.
That's really gross. So I assume you spit it out or
you just stopped eating it? I stopped eating it, but when I
(13:14):
was a kid, I used to like I I didn't a lot of people when
their kids are breakfast cereal people and I was never really a
breakfast cereal person, not really because the milk would
get warm halfway through and I wouldn't, I wouldn't like eating
it anymore. How slow are you eating?
(13:34):
Well, even even when it's not like ice cold, like I needed a
ice cold, you know what I mean? But the second that it was out
for like 5 seconds, I'm like. I don't know what you mean
'cause I only ever ate cereal dry because I hate milk
altogether. You just you raw dogged it.
I told you, I've told you I'm a dry cereal girl.
(13:59):
What was your favorite dry cereal?
Mini Wheat. Oh.
Frosted mini wheats what? That is probably the worst one
you could pick for not having moisture around it.
That's like the driest. Like even with milk, you bite
(14:21):
into one of those and you're like.
No, I think they're gross when they're soggy in milk.
That that's true too. There's a very perfect you got a
very short window to have a goodbite of that.
What should my answer have been that would have been more
acceptable? To you for dry cereal, Honey Nut
(14:42):
Cheerios. Sure.
I had those, yeah. You know those are Apple Jacks.
Apple Jacks is a great answer. Shred.
I had all these. Shredded mini wheat is like.
Whatever I got my fiber in. Yeah, actually sounds pretty
good right now. Whatever for some shredded mini
wheat. Anyway, that was my puke potato
(15:04):
salad story. Oh good.
I know. I feel like that would be what
other sides would be just as gross if they were warm like I
don't. There's many, honestly.
Yeah. There's so many fit, like
there's so many foods that if the temperature is wrong,
(15:26):
they're gross. I don't like cottage cheese as
it is, but imagine having warm cottage.
Cheese. Imagine if it was warm.
What a fucking nightmare, Oh my God.
Like even if it technically was safe to eat, I can't think of
anything more vile. We talked about the meat thing
last week of John. Oh yeah, your friend who took
(15:50):
the meat on the plane. Yeah, and I got confirmation
that he did eat the meat. And he's still alive.
Did you get confirmation from a friend who said he passed?
No, he's technically still alive, but his parents thought
it was gross and they didn't eatit.
Good, but he ate it. It's so funny because it's like
(16:14):
his parents thought it was bad and they were the ones that
raised him. How did how does he think it's
still good to eat? I don't know, it was just so
disgusting. But anyways.
I don't get it. You had, I mean, let's be real,
the last couple of weeks we always talk about on this
podcast our stress level and lately it's been pretty high and
(16:37):
you had a once in a lifetime experience with stress and your
body that was. It's the second time that's
happened to me, but sure, once in a lifetime, Twice in a
lifetime. I guess I want to ask, I want
you to tell everyone what happened, but I want to ask
listener if this is a common thing that people experience,
(17:00):
because according to the Internet, it's somewhat common.
Oh well that's good, I got full body stress hives for a few
days. And no, I wasn't allergic to
detergent. No, I didn't eat something out
of the ordinary that I'm allergic to.
Yes, they were full body stress hives.
(17:20):
And yes, I took Benadryl to go to sleep for a couple nights in
a row. And yes, they are gone now.
But. We were flying close to the sun
for a bit though. It's so fucking stressful.
And they were so bad that I was like, is my skin ever going to
(17:40):
look the same again? Like or do I just look like this
now? It was like my every, all of it
was raised and inflamed and itchy and awful and horrible.
And at first, the first day it was just my torso.
The second day it decided, no, I'm coming for your arms and
your legs. And I don't know, the fun thing
(18:06):
about stress hives is that if you're trying to like keep a lid
on your stress, it's like, fuck you.
We're actually going to make your whole body a billboard for
your stress. So if you thought you were going
to keep it under wraps and you were going to keep a lid on
(18:27):
this, just kidding, we're going to show everyone and give you
full welds. And then the other fun thing is
that the way to get rid of them is to stop being stressed.
But you know what's stressful? Having them at all.
What? So when you stress out about
(18:51):
having stress hives, they get worse.
Very fun, very cool. I don't know.
I did a couple workout classes and deep breathing and I kind of
just white knuckled my way through it and took a bunch of
(19:11):
Benadryl so now I'm OK. Definitely still stressed.
That's the, that's the effed up thing.
That's really the only thing youcan do.
Yeah. As you just kind of ride the
wave of your body exploding about the stress.
It's weird how that works though, isn't it?
(19:34):
Yeah, but you said you've never gotten them.
I don't think I've ever gotten hives, but I've definitely had
other physical symptoms from my mental state.
And it's weird because you you think like, OK, it's going to
happen at the moment where I'm like, panic attacks, for
example, Right. Yeah.
You think that, oh, it makes sense that they're going to
(19:56):
happen when I'm very overwhelmedor I just got really upsetting
news or? Whatever.
No, it just happens randomly. You think that you have like a,
a your hands on it and you have everything under control and
like, you're going to have a pretty good day.
And then all of a sudden you're like, I don't know, I'm feeling
a little overwhelmed. Oh, OK, it's go time.
(20:19):
Yeah, I mean, I thought I was coping OK, and then my body was
like, joke's on you. That's what I mean.
It's weird. Dumb ass, Yeah.
I don't know. Not fun, not cool, but here we
are. Indeed.
Stress hive list. Now.
(20:41):
I didn't know if I was going to have to give you like an oatmeal
bath or something. You know what I mean?
Isn't that something you're supposed to do when you get
allergies? Is it an allergic reaction or
something? An allergic reaction.
What does call for an oatmeal bath?
I feel like I've never been veryclear on it.
Or you just put like a tub of Mayo on my head because you
because you mixed up the lice treatment and stress hives and
(21:05):
you're just like, I don't know. I don't know if we've talked
about this before. We probably have.
Did you ever have lice? No, I have never had lice.
OK. Because I wasn't disgusting.
Listen, it happens like I What'sweird is there were things when
we were kids that I feel like our parents and teachers and
(21:25):
people around us put like the fear of God into us about.
Lice was one of them. Did you get lice?
I never got it, but like, if we went to the store and I saw a
hat that I liked, my parents would be like, do not try that
hat on until we wash it. It might have lice.
Yeah. And I'm like, what?
(21:45):
I think I would see it if I justlooked at the hat, Right?
Well, they're aren't they? Not visible to the naked eye.
I don't know how it works. I never got them.
There was a kid in my grade thatgot him and he was like, he had
to go home for like a week. And I was kind of jealous
because he got off school and I asked him about it when he got
back and I was like, it wasn't really that bad.
(22:06):
And he said not really. I just had used special shampoo
and I got to watch the prices right all week.
I'm like, OK, give me lice. Yeah, but didn't his head itch a
lot? Like I would be so fucking
freaked out. I'd be like, shave my head
because you just have organisms like crawling on your fucking
head. That's disgusting.
(22:28):
I feel like I was really lucky as a kid.
I skipped a lot of that stuff. Like I never broke a bone and
had a cast. I never had lice, I never had
mono. Did you have chicken pox?
I had chicken pox when I was like 3 so it was so young that I
don't even. Remember having it.
I know, but I feel, I've actually feel really lucky
(22:52):
because like all my friends broke a bone or were out for
mono or had, you know, lice or whatever, but they definitely
put the fear of God into us about lice.
Yeah, I never had lice. I never broke a bone and had a
cast. I did have a boot for my toe.
I did have mono when I was 16. I did.
(23:15):
What did you do to your toe? I did have the swine flu.
Oh, you got? Wow, I had yeah, my toe.
I broke doing children gymnastics.
Really. Yes, on the balance beam.
(23:36):
Why are you upset? I'm just asking about it.
I feel like you should know this.
You've never told me about breaking your toe on the balance
beam. I fractured it and I walked on
it for a week because no one believed me that it was broken.
And then after a week we finallygot an X-ray and they were like,
Oh yeah, sure enough. And then I wore a boot.
(24:00):
It's kind of what happened to mybrother and his back.
He broke his back playing football and for a couple days
he's like I my back has broken and people were like, no, it
can't possibly be his coach put him back into the game.
Yeah. Could have paralyzed him.
It's crazy that. Is crazy.
I remember you just reminded me of the from your gymnastics
(24:25):
thing. Remember when slacklining was
really popular? Yeah.
When people would put like the thing in between 2 trees and
like walk and balance on it. I tried that one time in college
and I never tried it again because I stepped on it and
instantly fell off and it snapped and hit me right in the
gonads. And I like it it.
(24:49):
I like fell off it and went likeand I'm like, it took the wind
out of me and I'm like, OK, I'm done.
I don't know why people do this.This is not fun.
This is not fun for anyone. Never, ever again.
Anyway, we are in the throes of moving again, selling our place,
(25:13):
and we've been back and forth with a realtor for a few weeks
now strategizing. It's an.
Interesting time to be alive. Why I got stress hives.
It couldn't possibly be because of all this.
Could have been why. And literally hours ago we got a
phone call. Hey we got an offer on the place
(25:34):
and it was a mere nearly $100,000 below asking price.
And I immediately, without even trying to gutterly cackled.
I laughed so hard in his face and I said I would rather watch
(25:54):
it burn. I can't.
And then I said don't even respond.
He they don't even deserve the respect of a response.
That's bullshit. And then he was like, well, we
can use them blah blah blah blahblah blah strategy strategy blah
blah blah blah, blah. And I was like, whatever do you?
(26:14):
But like I almost said, I almostsaid on our three-way call, tell
him to eat a Dick. But then I was like, I don't
know how chill we are with this realtor really.
So maybe I should pocket that. Listen, I think this made me
realize that this is the level of status I would like in life
(26:41):
is to be able to set something on fire in front of somebody.
Like literally this past week, acouple days ago, I think Jeff
Bezos said that because he just got married and it was like a
$50 million wedding or somethinginsane.
And he said that he was considering buying the magazine
Vogue as a gift for his wife. And I'm like, damn, that is
(27:07):
that's, you know, that's quite abit of money you have.
That's status. I think my new fantasy for the
two of us is to have so much money that when somebody wrongs
us in this way, we can just set something on fire in front of
them. Like we've always talked about
wanting to do it. For example, we're selling a car
to someone. They give us an insulting offer.
We just go, let me think about that and then light the car on
(27:31):
fire in front of them. How good?
How would that feel? I just want to do it so bad.
Wait is is this? Is this a show idea?
Schadenfreude the show. What?
Schadenfreude. Is that what that is?
Yeah, you get pleasure out of someone else's discomfort,
(27:53):
essentially. Sure, but I mean specifically
lighting it on fire. Like is this like a show idea on
MTV? I mean, I feel like it's more
like a Jackass stunt that's partof a larger thing.
But I don't know, crazier thingshave happened.
Like, it's definitely like a hidden camera show, right?
(28:14):
You know which? But where did those go, by the
way? I don't know.
They were like the Impractical Jokers and all those guys.
They were so popular for a beat.Yeah, God, it would be so
satisfying to be able to do that.
Just think about it like, you know, you are giving a
(28:36):
presentation at work and somebody's like, I, I don't know
if we can do it. And you just go, OK, you might
never mind. It's a terrible idea.
And you just light the TV screenon fire.
Like that would be so rad. Or to like actually just throw
your laptop out of window. Yeah.
Oh, OK. Fuck it.
(28:57):
Oh God, that would be so tellingyou.
I've said it before, like, and some people are like, oh, no,
that's, that's not a good sign. Cameron.
If I had FU money, I would I would get into car accidents
almost everyday. I would be like somebody.
There was a guy today when I wasdriving to work that the light
turned green and I went boop, boop, boop, boop courtesy honks.
(29:22):
They just weren't. They were just sitting there.
I laid on the horn for a good 15seconds until they moved what I
would have loved to. Do is just RAM?
Is just RAM, like how? And I'm not going to kill
anybody. I'm not going to hurt anybody.
But like, imagine how good that would feel.
Yeah. Oh.
(29:43):
Hell yeah. Best I would love it.
It's kind of just like you want every day to be like the option
to be a rage room. Totally, that's exactly what it
is but with without the ramifications.
Like I would have to pay for theproperty damage and also
probably pay my way out of jail and I I would be able to do that
(30:05):
in this fantasy. Sure.
You know, that's fine. I feel like in this fantasy,
there's a there's a world where you do it so often that the cops
know you and they're like, whatever.
They're like what? Honestly, whatever.
Yeah, it's Cameron again. They had another.
He had a bicyclist. I mean.
(30:25):
It flipped him off. That's a little extreme.
He know the bicyclist was fine. He was going 3 miles an hour,
but you know, it's going to be OK.
I think that would rule though. I just, that'd be the best.
That would be the best. Needless to say, no stress hives
in that situation and if anything I'd have joy hives.
(30:49):
You're so you pick and choose because I'm the one that gets in
like physical altercations and yelling matches with strangers
and you're like, I wish I could just get in a voluntary car
accident to prove a point. I don't think it's that terrible
of a thing. Anyway, I digress.
(31:10):
Have we talked about my hair journey?
I feel like we've written it down and haven't discussed it,
mostly because. I guess not.
I don't know if it's exactly a headline.
It's a it's a mullet now. It's kind of like a mullet now,
and I think I'm into it right now.
(31:30):
I like The thing is with this hairstyle, I think I'm going to
need to get a haircut every three weeks.
It's like looking at slightly overgrown again right now, but I
think I finally landed on a hairstyle that I like a lot.
And who would have thought it was a mullet?
Who would have thought that? It's like a weird, you know what
some people would probably consider redneck haircut, but
(31:55):
I'm, I feel like I'm leaning into like the retroness of it.
That makes me happy. Why?
Why do you seem suspicious? What's going on?
Retroness. Is it retro?
I feel like it's timeless because mullets have always
existed. Since the caveman days.
I don't know, I it's weird on paper to say like, Oh yeah, it's
(32:20):
a mullet, but I like it. It looks good on your head.
I think it's because I have a giant head too.
Have you gotten any mixed reviews?
No, I think. They've been mostly positive,
but even if they haven't been, like if somebody hates it, I
appreciate they haven't told me.Right.
It's like the mixedness. You can't really tell because
(32:43):
the people that don't like it just don't say anything.
Yeah, which I appreciate, but I do have to say like they're so I
really like this guy. I'm going to now it was doing my
hair. But I do think that in these
situations, like I'm very selective with my socializing
these days and on on paper, likeI really like, you know, cute
(33:06):
interactions with strangers whenthey happen sometimes.
Or like told the story years agoabout how I went to a restaurant
bar and watched the Women's World Cup with a strange old
man. Then we split a bottle of wine
together. I like things like that a lot.
And then there's moments where I'm like, I just, I don't need
to hear you speak. And I just want to be quiet and
basically fall asleep. And this is one of those and
(33:29):
super nice guy that cuts my hair.
Very nice guy, but he he forgetswho I am.
Every time. Yeah.
And so every time it's like, it's like a Groundhog Day
situation because every time we have the same conversation.
(33:51):
But he remembers your haircut and what you're going for.
He just doesn't remember your personality.
In fact, he doesn't. It takes It's kind of like the
movie The Notebook, where you know you've seen the notebook.
Yeah. OK, we're at the end of the
movie. Spoiler alert, if you haven't
seen The Notebook, the old people are, The old couple are
(34:13):
talking and they're talking and they're talking.
And finally the lady like is like oh John, it's you.
And it's like she's back for like 6 minutes before she
forgets who he is again. That's the relationship I have
with this guy. I will go in and he'll be like,
have I cut your hair before? And I'm like, yes, several
times, in fact. And I show him pictures of every
(34:35):
haircut he's given me. And then I tell him who referred
me. And then he'll be like, yeah.
And then OK, yeah, OK. I'm starting to.
It's coming back to me now. So he'll remember it in that
moment. So in that sense, like we'll get
back on track with the haircut he's giving me, etcetera.
But then he forgets about every other part of the conversation.
(34:59):
So every time I've been there, which is five times so far, it
starts like this. So where do you work?
Where do you work? I tell him where I work.
And where are you from? Missouri.
I am from Missouri. I'm from the Joplin area.
This is where my family is. This is how my mom is.
She didn't come visit me very much.
She just came a couple weeks agothough.
(35:19):
My husband and I are actually going there in the fall.
My husband has a new business he's starting.
He does this. I have to cook dinner on
Wednesdays and Fridays and he doesn't really like what I cook
right now, so we have to. He's told me every bit of this
every single time that I see himand it makes me feel like I'm
(35:41):
the crazy one. You know, yeah.
How old is this guy? He's like. 40.
So does he do a lot of drugs? Like what's the deal?
You know what I think it is? I think it's the Hairspray.
I think it's all the Hairspray over the years that he's just
sucking in. It's just like, it's so funny,
(36:03):
but I, you know, I don't, I don't hold it against him
because like he why, why does heneed to remember all of that?
He doesn't have to. No, but it's just crazy because
then you're like, what if you started finishing his sentences?
Or like, being like, oh, aren't yeah, aren't you from Missouri
too? And then like, I think you
should start fucking with him. Here's what I thought about
(36:25):
doing exactly. Just change where you're from.
I thought about the next time I go in, sitting down and then
being like coming off to him, like I'm the most perceptive
person on planet Earth, being like, you seem like, are you
from Missouri? You seem like a Missouri guy.
And him being like, yes, how do you know?
Can I, can I stab a guest by thedialect, the Joplin area, You
(36:48):
know what I mean? Like I think that's what I'm
going to do. That's what I'm going to do next
time. You should.
Say like, do you believe in intuitives And then just like,
read them to Phil. That's a good idea.
And be like, if I can guess yourhusband's name and job, This
haircut is free. Yeah, give me a free haircut.
Give it to me. That's so funny.
(37:11):
It does. It makes me feel weird because
like, here's the thing, I don't,I don't like holding against
him. It is what it is.
I think it's kind of funny, but then there's people I work with
who just don't know who I am andI've talked to them 20 different
times. That's when it pisses me off in.
Person or on e-mail. No, in person.
In person, it's like you have face blindness, you know?
(37:33):
It's like you don't, you have noidea who I I was literally on
the phone with a guy I work with.
And then three hours later I raninto him in the hallway and he's
like, oh, hey, how are you? I'm Andrew.
And I was like, oh, yeah, I know.
We were just literally on the phone.
What is happening? You've, you've met me probably
(37:55):
50 times. You know my.
God. It's weird.
I think there's a gas in here. Maybe I I have a forgettable
face I think. I don't think you do though,
that's the thing. I don't think you have been, I
have been told. That those guys that look like
an NPC character that just like couldn't be more generic
(38:19):
looking. I don't think you look like that
though. Thank you for saying that.
But apparently, and I, I think I've brought this up to you
before, but the people that I work with at this job and at
other jobs have said that I looklike the guy that works at every
store you go to. And yeah, I think it's true.
(38:42):
I think there's truth to that because I can't tell you the
amount of times in my life I've been at a store and somebody
comes up to me and they're like,what aisle is the bread in?
I think you just. Have an air of authority.
I don't think is it authority oris it something else entirely?
It's resting helpful face. I'll tell myself that at least.
(39:07):
Sure. But maybe it just means I'm very
vanilla. No, you had apparently resting
helpful face to the teenagers recently.
Oh my God, this I feel like is arite of passage.
I still haven't had it. I, The thing is, I have been, I
have felt very comfortable with my age recently.
(39:31):
Like I am, I sure there's moments where I'm like, oh, have
I done enough in my life? But for the most part, I'm like,
I like being my age. And the other day when you had
your stress hives, in fact, I had to run to a Walgreens, which
by the way, Walgreens feels likea store that stuck 15 years ago
(39:55):
still, but I had to go there to get some Benadryl.
And as I was walking in this particular Walgreens sells like
beer and wine, there was this group of kids that were like,
hey, do you want to help us out?And I was like, what?
What's up? Do you want to help us get some
beer? They said booze, but then they
(40:16):
told me beer. And I said ah, ha, ha, no.
Were they like? Why are they?
Like, oh man, come on, it's not that serious.
And I'm like, yeah, no, I get it.
And I said I get it. I liked having a good time too
when I was your age, but. You said that.
(40:37):
I said something like that, but I was like, yeah, I can't be the
guy to get it for you, sorry. And they're like, oh, and I
think one of the kids said underhis breath, Square.
Really. Yeah, which is funny because
it's like these they, I feel like kids now don't look that
young. And I feel like one of these
kids probably could have gone inand totally gotten away with
(40:59):
buying it. Like part of me.
Walgreens. I, I don't want to be on the
hook for like getting beer for kids, but part of me wanted to
be like, hey, this guy right here, whatever your name is,
give him a shot. I think it'll work, you know?
Did they have facial hair? Yeah, Oh yeah, This kid, this
one kid looked like he was like 25.
(41:21):
So was it a gaggle of like, how many?
Four. There was four of them.
And were they just they were just leaning against the wall.
Yeah, there were a bunch of rabble rousers.
They were all smoking doobies and, you know, arm wrestling
when I walked up to the front ofthe store.
Here's the thing. So how did you feel internally?
(41:43):
Were you like, wow, I feel cool that they thought I would get it
for them. I was going to say my knee jerk
reaction. I feel like the knee jerk
reaction a lot of people would have would be like, God, I
really seem that old. Mine was like, wow, these kids
kind of think I'm cool enough tobuy them alcohol.
(42:04):
Yeah, like they thought I was eligible.
Yeah, because when I was their age, I was like the nerd rule
follower in the coroner, who nobody would ever ask to do
something like that, who I wouldn't even even like people
wouldn't even offered me a drinkat a party.
But they saw the mullet and theywere like, fuck yeah, brother.
(42:25):
They're like, yeah, this this guy is going to.
He's going to be our savior. Yeah.
Hell yeah bro, that's hilarious.Here's the thing.
I can't totally tell if faced with the same exact moment what
I would do. How do you mean?
Like you would actually buy it for them?
Socially, like I want to say no,but like I totally feel like
(42:50):
there's part of me that would belike, I got you.
I don't know, like, you know what I mean?
Like I can't tell if I would fold just because I have social
anxiety and I would want to feelcool.
Yeah. And then it's like, I don't
know, I think I would, I don't think I would do it.
(43:11):
But there is like, I think it's like a 70%, no, 30%, yeah.
Situation where was there any percent of you that was like
maybe no? I, I think that with, I, I think
that with strangers, I, I feel like I would have like a guilty
conscience or wonder if they didsomething wrong or something
(43:34):
like that. If I did it, you know, if it was
a, if it was like a teenager that I knew, who would be like,
you know, we want to just have aparty, but we're going to be
responsible, like maybe. OK.
Well, also, I think this goes back to those people that stand
outside like Greenpeace or Save the Dolphins or Save the Bees or
(43:58):
whatever and they stand outside and ask for like donations or
like signatures and you have no problem blowing past them and
being like borderline, No borderline being rude and being
borderline aggressive. I'm not rude with them.
You have at times muttered I hate bees or something like
(44:20):
that, like you've said, just to get them to go away.
You obviously don't hate bees and you do want the bees to
live, but not enough to donate and you've said something like
it was like a Children's Hospital or something.
I remember what it was I. Hate kids?
Somebody said, Sir, do you have a minute for starving children?
And I said I never have time forchildren.
(44:43):
Yeah, so anyways, when I'm saying you're outwardly rude,
that's what I'm referring to is actual words you've said.
And I think these teenagers, tweens fall in the same category
where like, you're fine blowing past them and doing them no
favors. And I'm like, I don't know,
should I talk to them? And I get what you mean.
(45:05):
Yeah, I get what you mean. Now, I think that's there's a
social pressure that there. I get that, yeah.
For sure. That now that being said, there
was a very annoying couple of them are teenagers group at the
movie theaters that we had to encounter.
Which brings us to tonight's Jude.
(45:41):
We went to see, you know, Superman with my mom and normal,
normal movie night, OK, sitting in the front front part area
where your feet can be against the railing.
And it was, you know, a pretty busy showing because it's a
(46:05):
newish movie that's out. Super busy.
Yeah, it was packed. But what have we learned
recently? We've learned that I shouldn't
go to movies when they 1st come out because there's too many
people in the theater. And I will almost always
inevitably get in a fight with someone because people have no
decorum. They walk into a movie theater,
they walk into an airport, they lose all decorum.
(46:28):
There's no fucking social cues, there's no respect for others,
time, money, space. Being in public makes people go
crazy. It's insane people think they
can do whatever the fuck they want.
So my poor mother leans over to me and she goes.
The people next to me are vaping.
I look over and see 3 or 4 Gen. Z motherfuckers. 1 is wrapped in
(46:54):
a snuggie with her Crocs and I'mlike OK gross.
I thought she just smelled bad Ididn't know I was smelling vape
juice. And then the other ones, like
they look like they all just rolled out of a collective
fucking dumpster Gymboree. They did, kind of.
So fucking stupid. And then I see a cloud of the
(47:16):
vape smoke and I'm like, Oh my God.
And then I'm like, OK, I'll lookand see if they do it again and
I'll lean over and say something.
And then you were like, what's going on?
And then I told you. And then you jumped into action,
which was I appreciate it. And you went and told the
security guy. And the security guy, to his
(47:36):
credit, came in, but the security guy walked past, did
nothing, and didn't stay in the room.
You know what's funny is he toldme like I went and got him and
then he was like, you stay here,I'm going to go in because I
think he didn't want it to be like an aggressive situation.
Like he didn't want to tell them.
Like this guy just came and got me and told me you were vaping.
(47:58):
So there was a fight. Like I think he was looking, but
he. Never went up to them.
He he didn't even stay and wait to watch.
He didn't even watch to wait forher to vape again.
Like what the fuck. Also, here's the thing, don't do
it at all. But if you're going to fucking
vape, I don't know, blow the smoke into your snuggie you.
(48:20):
Idiot. Or they have.
They literally sell devices thatyou can blow it into.
Really. Yes, they literally sell a
little device, I forget what it's called, sure that you can
exhale into and it eliminates it.
OK, all right, also, here's a thought.
Don't fucking vape for two hours.
Here's a fucking here's a goddamn fucking idea.
(48:43):
Don't vape for two hours if you're fucking 22 years old and
you can't get through a fucking movie without vaping at 10:00 PM
at night. You can't sit and watch Superman
with your friends and eat popcorn and drink soda like a
normal person and you need to vape every 7 minutes of the
movie. Then you're going to die by 40.
(49:06):
And that's what I ended up telling you.
So you then switch spots with mymom so you got security,
security to nothing. Then you switch spots with my
mom so then you're sitting next to the teenagers.
All in the name of me not havingan all out brawl because I would
have fucking started some shit and RIP the vape out of her
goddamn stupid hand. And you leaned over and you're
(49:28):
And what'd you say you were like, can you quit?
Vaping. Hey, can you stop vaping,
please? And then she looked at me and
like, made a face like where? Where do you who, Huh.
And I go, yeah, you obviously. I see you vaping.
Stop. And then she like, sheepishly
put it into her sleeve. Sure, so she can access it
(49:51):
shortly and they kept doing it. So then the rest of the movie
they kept doing it. And I the only thought that got
me through was judgment to the plaintiff.
Justice will be served because if she vaped 18 times in a 2
hour movie, imagine how many times she vapes every day, all
(50:13):
day, every week, all year for years.
She is going to be dead soon. It's fine, justice is served.
Judgment to the plaintiff. Shove your vape up your asshole
to keep vaping it from both ends, you stupid bitch.
I don't need to smell your fucking smarties bubble gum
vapor. Oh.
(50:33):
Yeah, they all smell horrible. What the?
Fuck is wrong with people? Here's the other thing, too.
It's like if you snuck alcohol in the movie theater, it'd be
fine because it doesn't affect me.
Like, let's say you're sneaking A sip, you're over there, you
have a like a little flask. You're doing that, I don't care.
(50:53):
When people sneak a full steak dinner or.
Cheesecake because it's not affecting me, I.
Don't give a fuck, eat whatever you want, drink whatever you
want. If you blow your stupid fucking
smoke in my face one more time, I'm going to take your vape and
shove it in your ass. Right, right.
I just don't get it. Also, just stay at home.
(51:14):
Clearly you don't want to be there that bad.
You know, I do have to say, and I don't want you to, I don't
want to give you more stress hives.
I don't want this to get to yourhead, but I do think that you're
bad luck. Why?
Because every time I go to the movies without you, it's mostly
(51:34):
totally fine. But every time I go to the
movies with you, there is some problem similar to this.
It's like every time I go to a live sporting event, sometimes
they win, sometimes they lose. If I take you, they always lose.
Yeah, they either lose or no points were scored, so nothing
(51:56):
matters. Right, so I don't know what that
means. But anyway, Superman was good.
You should go watch it if you haven't seen it yet.
Yeah, you said you want to watchit a third time.
I will. I'll watch it a third time.
I believe in it. That, that, that much.
I believe in hope. You know US, Hope believers.
(52:17):
Help punk rock. Yeah, right.
Thank you. Oh, wow.
You were paying attention amidstthe smoke.
Yeah. Well, we hope you have a good
week everyone. And you know, I hope you don't
get stress hives, but if you do,just down some Benadryl and hope
for the best. You heard it here first.
(52:39):
Subscribe to Mostly True Opinions on iHeartRadio, Apple
Podcasts, or wherever you listento podcasts.
If I need to drink water during this then it's going to have my
swallow sound on the podcast. Do I swallow louder than other
people? Do it real quick.
Do it real quick. I hate you.
Ow. Don't mock my swallow on the
(00:22):
pod. All right, I'm going to send
this clip to our therapist. No what?
I say about using that word. I don't eat you, but I'm really
insecure about the way I swallow.
Well, do better. Because you said it's loud, but
you said it's only liquids and not solid food.
(00:44):
We should do an episode of like what?
Like weird observations we have about each other, You know what
I mean? Like.
Now I'll drink. So what are you doing?
(01:09):
Not, not moving your throat at all.
You just open your gullet, let it slide down.
I don't get it. You should ask your mom about it
too. Let's ask her later.
What are you doing that's different than me when you?
Swallow, like, I don't know. I don't know, but we should do
an episode of like, like, for example, Things about me, Scott,
(01:34):
It's hard because I'm flawless. Again, not problems that we
have, but just weird things. Like you would ask me, this
could be a problem, but why do Iflush before I'm done?
Why? Yeah.
Thank God you're admitting that on a public platform finally,
because I don't. Understand it, Put it.
(01:54):
Are we putting this in the episode because we didn't start
yet? Oh, I thought you were
recording. We are recording, but I mean,
sure we could. We could throw it in there.
Hey, welcome to mostly TRUE opinions.
Hi, I thought we were already started.
Hey, imagine that, two millennials doing a podcast to
(02:16):
avoid legalizing the purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true Opinions.
I am Cameron that is KDK comedy.Yeah, it's me, the loud
swallower. Listen, I think it's a good idea
(02:37):
to do a podcast episode where weshare some of those things, the
oddities, and we get very vulnerable about it.
Like, let's get into the nitty gritty, let's lean into the
process, you know what I mean? The cabinet of curiosities and
oddities of our souls. Yeah, some would say it's a
terrible idea for our marriage, other would say.
(02:59):
Others would say it's a great idea.
Others would say it's in the name of entertainment, you
should do it. Yeah, they should put your
relationship on the line for thebit.
Here's the thing, Don't we kind of do that every week?
Yeah. I mean, I think so for the most
part, for the most part. But there's still, I feel like
(03:21):
there's, there's still some things that like exist.
I would imagine that like we would never say to one another,
you know what I mean? You have some about me.
I'm sure I could dig some up. Let's do it now.
No, no, I need to get. I need to run some of these past
you to see if you're comfortabletalking about them.
(03:45):
Well, you can always edit this out, no?
No, no, no, no. It just.
Hit me with one now you're beingwithholding and it's everyone's
least favorite quality about youwhen you're withholding.
I can't. I can't say it.
We need to talk. This is why I said it was an
idea for a podcast that we should do soon, because I need
to run through, I need to run itthrough with you.
(04:06):
So. You have one in your brain that
you refuse to say because you'rebeing absolutely and you want to
wait to see if I'm OK with it. Yes, but I'm telling you, I'm OK
with you saying it and then I'lljust make you cut it out later.
It would make me feel better if you say it something about me
and then I respond with something about you.
(04:29):
OK. So let's do it another time.
That's because now we're talkingabout a whole bunch of things
that we'd have to cut out. You know what I mean?
OK, you sound scared. No, I'm not scared.
It's just it's one that's silly and I'd want to make sure that
you were OK with talking about it.
(04:51):
It'll make sense. It'll make sense at some point.
Anyway, welcome to the podcast. I'm happy you're here.
It's another Monday is another Monday in paradise, but as they
say, we are halfway through July.
Yay. How are you feeling babe?
Are you feeling very festive summer like?
I got to say I am very jealous of people who watch the Love
(05:13):
Island finale in one of these big pool parties.
Oh, they did pool parties. Yeah.
Do you know that one at the Circa Hotel in Las Vegas?
Yeah, the rooftop pool. They played it there.
And those are like the biggest screens in Vegas, right?
Massive, massive screens. That's awesome.
(05:34):
This is now there's a lot of people online saying this.
Now I understand sports. Yeah, totally.
And now, now I understand rooting for your team to win.
I am going to predict though, and this probably exists to some
extent already, but I think in amore formal way next year in
(05:56):
Vegas there there's going to be screenings and betting.
I bet there will be. Betting.
Yeah, like actual gambling on Love Island.
Yes. Did you see that there's some
tables being added this week in Vegas for the card game Uno?
What? Yes, people are getting creative
(06:17):
with the bets. What is the point of anything?
I mean, I do want to immediatelygo do it, but like, OK, yeah.
And I also want to do war. I heard that there was tables
that I wore. Yeah, I want to do that.
And Uno, there better be a Love Island slot machine.
Is there not a Love Island slot machine?
(06:39):
I imagine there will be at some point.
If they're, they're probably working on one as we speak.
Yeah, there needs to be all of that.
This needs to be listen, now there's going to be Love Island
after the villa, beyond the villa.
Then there's Love Island games. There's Love Island UK that
(06:59):
we're starting because we're behind on that.
My mom was like, are you going to even watch Love Island games?
And I was like, what kind of question is that?
We're going to watch every single iteration that exists of
Love Island. Thank you for asking.
I will admit, I think at this point, you know, we started when
we were in COVID and it was verymuch a comfort show and it still
(07:22):
is. Even when the season is bad, it
still feels good to watch it. Yeah.
And some would say this season the US was really bad.
And you know, sure, bad, but also still fun to watch because
you're watching a train. You're watching a train wreck.
(07:42):
Someone brought this up in acting class actually, and I
just realized it applies to us watching Love Island.
You know when you have like a purse or an item from an ex that
you keep using years after they break up with you because you're
like well you know it's a good purse.
Love Island. We started watching because of
(08:06):
an ex friend and I have adopted it as my whole personality and I
don't care that she recommended it to us in the 1st place and
was the reason we started watching it.
I. Totally erased that from my
memory. And I don't care because it was
a good recommendation and I, youknow, if if nothing else, from
(08:27):
that friendship, at least I got Love Island.
Do you, I mean, that's a good, that's a good point and I agree
with that one specifically, but do you have anything currently
or that you recently got rid of that was from an ex-boyfriend?
Do you have like an article of clothing, a shirt that they gave
you or like a, you know, a keepsake or a candle or
(08:52):
anything? No, no, because here's the thing
about my exes, they didn't give good gifts and they usually gave
me paper coupons as gifts and they never gave me anything of
value. I was never ever given an any
item of clothing nor an accessory for.
(09:15):
But from an ex I did find when Iwas going through my box of like
keepsake letters and stuff, I found old cards and I found a
necklace. Really.
From an ex but I never wore it after we broke up.
It's. Probably like depending on what
year you got it to at the that point in your life, it was
(09:36):
probably pretty valueless. Yeah, you know what I mean.
It again, they didn't get me anything of value.
It was like just like a gold necklace, but I did find that in
a box, but I never wore it afterafter we broke up.
So yeah, no, I guess my answer is no.
(09:58):
But do you like did she ever getyou shirts and stuff?
No, I, I was always the type that whenever I broke up with
somebody, I'm like, I'm getting rid of all the stuff really.
I didn't really. But to be honest with you, like
maybe if it was something like crazy cool I would have kept it,
but I didn't really ever. What if it was like a really
expensive watch? If it was a really expensive
(10:21):
watch, yeah, I probably would have kept it unless it had some
sort of engraving on the back. Do you know what I mean?
Like if it, if it said like, oh,it's from our anniversary or
this is because I love you and whatever, I I wouldn't have kept
it. But yeah, I don't have any of
that stuff. I really, but also before I
dated you, like the last relationship I was in was like
(10:45):
pretty young in college. So I feel like we weren't at the
point in our lives where we werereally buying each other stuff
of any sort of value, you know? Yeah, I think people were
referring to like, Oh my first like YSL bag or like, you know,
things of. My Gucci sunglasses are.
That are a bit more expensive, yeah.
(11:06):
Like if you break up then you still wear those I guess.
Yeah. Which I mean, sure, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I get it. I get both sides.
I get both sides. Yeah, I, I had a really I this
is so dumb to even bring up, butI'm going to for five seconds.
(11:27):
I went to the the little cafeteria thing at work today
and they had like this whole bigBBQ spread, which looked
heinous. It was like stuff under heat
lamps, that sort of vibe. Like you go to a really crappy
wedding and there's a guy with aknife under a lamp carving
(11:49):
whatever, roast beer or something.
But they had sides and I was thinking like, oh, that sounds
pretty good. I love a BBQ side and I went and
got potato salad. I almost threw it up.
Why? Because it was hot.
(12:10):
On purpose. I don't know.
I don't know the answer to that,but it got me to thinking like,
isn't it weird that there are foods that exist that when
they're the the appropriate temperature, they're amazing,
but then whether they're opposite of that, they're
disgusting. We talk about it all the time.
(12:30):
Sushi. Is one of these Oh my gosh hot
sushi EW. Hot.
Like good sushi, cold or whatever room temperature even
is like oh it's so good that I dream about it.
If I put a piece of sushi in my mouth and it is hot, I instantly
(12:51):
want to throw it up. Yeah.
And that was the same thing withthis fucking potato salad.
I literally was mid sentence with somebody and I'm like,
yeah, maybe tomorrow we'll go. Like it was so F and gross.
That's really gross. So I assume you spit it out or
you just stopped eating it? I stopped eating it, but when I
(13:14):
was a kid, I used to like I I didn't a lot of people when
their kids are breakfast cereal people and I was never really a
breakfast cereal person, not really because the milk would
get warm halfway through and I wouldn't, I wouldn't like eating
it anymore. How slow are you eating?
(13:34):
Well, even even when it's not like ice cold, like I needed a
ice cold, you know what I mean? But the second that it was out
for like 5 seconds, I'm like. I don't know what you mean
'cause I only ever ate cereal dry because I hate milk
altogether. You just you raw dogged it.
I told you, I've told you I'm a dry cereal girl.
(13:59):
What was your favorite dry cereal?
Mini Wheat. Oh.
Frosted mini wheats what? That is probably the worst one
you could pick for not having moisture around it.
That's like the driest. Like even with milk, you bite
(14:21):
into one of those and you're like.
No, I think they're gross when they're soggy in milk.
That that's true too. There's a very perfect you got a
very short window to have a goodbite of that.
What should my answer have been that would have been more
acceptable? To you for dry cereal, Honey Nut
(14:42):
Cheerios. Sure.
I had those, yeah. You know those are Apple Jacks.
Apple Jacks is a great answer. Shred.
I had all these. Shredded mini wheat is like.
Whatever I got my fiber in. Yeah, actually sounds pretty
good right now. Whatever for some shredded mini
wheat. Anyway, that was my puke potato
(15:04):
salad story. Oh good.
I know. I feel like that would be what
other sides would be just as gross if they were warm like I
don't. There's many, honestly.
Yeah. There's so many fit, like
there's so many foods that if the temperature is wrong,
(15:26):
they're gross. I don't like cottage cheese as
it is, but imagine having warm cottage.
Cheese. Imagine if it was warm.
What a fucking nightmare, Oh my God.
Like even if it technically was safe to eat, I can't think of
anything more vile. We talked about the meat thing
last week of John. Oh yeah, your friend who took
(15:50):
the meat on the plane. Yeah, and I got confirmation
that he did eat the meat. And he's still alive.
Did you get confirmation from a friend who said he passed?
No, he's technically still alive, but his parents thought
it was gross and they didn't eatit.
Good, but he ate it. It's so funny because it's like
(16:14):
his parents thought it was bad and they were the ones that
raised him. How did how does he think it's
still good to eat? I don't know, it was just so
disgusting. But anyways.
I don't get it. You had, I mean, let's be real,
the last couple of weeks we always talk about on this
podcast our stress level and lately it's been pretty high and
(16:37):
you had a once in a lifetime experience with stress and your
body that was. It's the second time that's
happened to me, but sure, once in a lifetime, Twice in a
lifetime. I guess I want to ask, I want
you to tell everyone what happened, but I want to ask
listener if this is a common thing that people experience,
(17:00):
because according to the Internet, it's somewhat common.
Oh well that's good, I got full body stress hives for a few
days. And no, I wasn't allergic to
detergent. No, I didn't eat something out
of the ordinary that I'm allergic to.
Yes, they were full body stress hives.
(17:20):
And yes, I took Benadryl to go to sleep for a couple nights in
a row. And yes, they are gone now.
But. We were flying close to the sun
for a bit though. It's so fucking stressful.
And they were so bad that I was like, is my skin ever going to
(17:40):
look the same again? Like or do I just look like this
now? It was like my every, all of it
was raised and inflamed and itchy and awful and horrible.
And at first, the first day it was just my torso.
The second day it decided, no, I'm coming for your arms and
your legs. And I don't know, the fun thing
(18:06):
about stress hives is that if you're trying to like keep a lid
on your stress, it's like, fuck you.
We're actually going to make your whole body a billboard for
your stress. So if you thought you were going
to keep it under wraps and you were going to keep a lid on
(18:27):
this, just kidding, we're going to show everyone and give you
full welds. And then the other fun thing is
that the way to get rid of them is to stop being stressed.
But you know what's stressful? Having them at all.
What? So when you stress out about
(18:51):
having stress hives, they get worse.
Very fun, very cool. I don't know.
I did a couple workout classes and deep breathing and I kind of
just white knuckled my way through it and took a bunch of
(19:11):
Benadryl so now I'm OK. Definitely still stressed.
That's the, that's the effed up thing.
That's really the only thing youcan do.
Yeah. As you just kind of ride the
wave of your body exploding about the stress.
It's weird how that works though, isn't it?
(19:34):
Yeah, but you said you've never gotten them.
I don't think I've ever gotten hives, but I've definitely had
other physical symptoms from my mental state.
And it's weird because you you think like, OK, it's going to
happen at the moment where I'm like, panic attacks, for
example, Right. Yeah.
You think that, oh, it makes sense that they're going to
(19:56):
happen when I'm very overwhelmedor I just got really upsetting
news or? Whatever.
No, it just happens randomly. You think that you have like a,
a your hands on it and you have everything under control and
like, you're going to have a pretty good day.
And then all of a sudden you're like, I don't know, I'm feeling
a little overwhelmed. Oh, OK, it's go time.
(20:19):
Yeah, I mean, I thought I was coping OK, and then my body was
like, joke's on you. That's what I mean.
It's weird. Dumb ass, Yeah.
I don't know. Not fun, not cool, but here we
are. Indeed.
Stress hive list. Now.
(20:41):
I didn't know if I was going to have to give you like an oatmeal
bath or something. You know what I mean?
Isn't that something you're supposed to do when you get
allergies? Is it an allergic reaction or
something? An allergic reaction.
What does call for an oatmeal bath?
I feel like I've never been veryclear on it.
Or you just put like a tub of Mayo on my head because you
because you mixed up the lice treatment and stress hives and
(21:05):
you're just like, I don't know. I don't know if we've talked
about this before. We probably have.
Did you ever have lice? No, I have never had lice.
OK. Because I wasn't disgusting.
Listen, it happens like I What'sweird is there were things when
we were kids that I feel like our parents and teachers and
(21:25):
people around us put like the fear of God into us about.
Lice was one of them. Did you get lice?
I never got it, but like, if we went to the store and I saw a
hat that I liked, my parents would be like, do not try that
hat on until we wash it. It might have lice.
Yeah. And I'm like, what?
(21:45):
I think I would see it if I justlooked at the hat, Right?
Well, they're aren't they? Not visible to the naked eye.
I don't know how it works. I never got them.
There was a kid in my grade thatgot him and he was like, he had
to go home for like a week. And I was kind of jealous
because he got off school and I asked him about it when he got
back and I was like, it wasn't really that bad.
(22:06):
And he said not really. I just had used special shampoo
and I got to watch the prices right all week.
I'm like, OK, give me lice. Yeah, but didn't his head itch a
lot? Like I would be so fucking
freaked out. I'd be like, shave my head
because you just have organisms like crawling on your fucking
head. That's disgusting.
(22:28):
I feel like I was really lucky as a kid.
I skipped a lot of that stuff. Like I never broke a bone and
had a cast. I never had lice, I never had
mono. Did you have chicken pox?
I had chicken pox when I was like 3 so it was so young that I
don't even. Remember having it.
I know, but I feel, I've actually feel really lucky
(22:52):
because like all my friends broke a bone or were out for
mono or had, you know, lice or whatever, but they definitely
put the fear of God into us about lice.
Yeah, I never had lice. I never broke a bone and had a
cast. I did have a boot for my toe.
I did have mono when I was 16. I did.
(23:15):
What did you do to your toe? I did have the swine flu.
Oh, you got? Wow, I had yeah, my toe.
I broke doing children gymnastics.
Really. Yes, on the balance beam.
(23:36):
Why are you upset? I'm just asking about it.
I feel like you should know this.
You've never told me about breaking your toe on the balance
beam. I fractured it and I walked on
it for a week because no one believed me that it was broken.
And then after a week we finallygot an X-ray and they were like,
Oh yeah, sure enough. And then I wore a boot.
(24:00):
It's kind of what happened to mybrother and his back.
He broke his back playing football and for a couple days
he's like I my back has broken and people were like, no, it
can't possibly be his coach put him back into the game.
Yeah. Could have paralyzed him.
It's crazy that. Is crazy.
I remember you just reminded me of the from your gymnastics
(24:25):
thing. Remember when slacklining was
really popular? Yeah.
When people would put like the thing in between 2 trees and
like walk and balance on it. I tried that one time in college
and I never tried it again because I stepped on it and
instantly fell off and it snapped and hit me right in the
gonads. And I like it it.
(24:49):
I like fell off it and went likeand I'm like, it took the wind
out of me and I'm like, OK, I'm done.
I don't know why people do this.This is not fun.
This is not fun for anyone. Never, ever again.
Anyway, we are in the throes of moving again, selling our place,
(25:13):
and we've been back and forth with a realtor for a few weeks
now strategizing. It's an.
Interesting time to be alive. Why I got stress hives.
It couldn't possibly be because of all this.
Could have been why. And literally hours ago we got a
phone call. Hey we got an offer on the place
(25:34):
and it was a mere nearly $100,000 below asking price.
And I immediately, without even trying to gutterly cackled.
I laughed so hard in his face and I said I would rather watch
(25:54):
it burn. I can't.
And then I said don't even respond.
He they don't even deserve the respect of a response.
That's bullshit. And then he was like, well, we
can use them blah blah blah blahblah blah strategy strategy blah
blah blah blah, blah. And I was like, whatever do you?
(26:14):
But like I almost said, I almostsaid on our three-way call, tell
him to eat a Dick. But then I was like, I don't
know how chill we are with this realtor really.
So maybe I should pocket that. Listen, I think this made me
realize that this is the level of status I would like in life
(26:41):
is to be able to set something on fire in front of somebody.
Like literally this past week, acouple days ago, I think Jeff
Bezos said that because he just got married and it was like a
$50 million wedding or somethinginsane.
And he said that he was considering buying the magazine
Vogue as a gift for his wife. And I'm like, damn, that is
(27:07):
that's, you know, that's quite abit of money you have.
That's status. I think my new fantasy for the
two of us is to have so much money that when somebody wrongs
us in this way, we can just set something on fire in front of
them. Like we've always talked about
wanting to do it. For example, we're selling a car
to someone. They give us an insulting offer.
We just go, let me think about that and then light the car on
(27:31):
fire in front of them. How good?
How would that feel? I just want to do it so bad.
Wait is is this? Is this a show idea?
Schadenfreude the show. What?
Schadenfreude. Is that what that is?
Yeah, you get pleasure out of someone else's discomfort,
(27:53):
essentially. Sure, but I mean specifically
lighting it on fire. Like is this like a show idea on
MTV? I mean, I feel like it's more
like a Jackass stunt that's partof a larger thing.
But I don't know, crazier thingshave happened.
Like, it's definitely like a hidden camera show, right?
(28:14):
You know which? But where did those go, by the
way? I don't know.
They were like the Impractical Jokers and all those guys.
They were so popular for a beat.Yeah, God, it would be so
satisfying to be able to do that.
Just think about it like, you know, you are giving a
(28:36):
presentation at work and somebody's like, I, I don't know
if we can do it. And you just go, OK, you might
never mind. It's a terrible idea.
And you just light the TV screenon fire.
Like that would be so rad. Or to like actually just throw
your laptop out of window. Yeah.
Oh, OK. Fuck it.
(28:57):
Oh God, that would be so tellingyou.
I've said it before, like, and some people are like, oh, no,
that's, that's not a good sign. Cameron.
If I had FU money, I would I would get into car accidents
almost everyday. I would be like somebody.
There was a guy today when I wasdriving to work that the light
turned green and I went boop, boop, boop, boop courtesy honks.
(29:22):
They just weren't. They were just sitting there.
I laid on the horn for a good 15seconds until they moved what I
would have loved to. Do is just RAM?
Is just RAM, like how? And I'm not going to kill
anybody. I'm not going to hurt anybody.
But like, imagine how good that would feel.
Yeah. Oh.
(29:43):
Hell yeah. Best I would love it.
It's kind of just like you want every day to be like the option
to be a rage room. Totally, that's exactly what it
is but with without the ramifications.
Like I would have to pay for theproperty damage and also
probably pay my way out of jail and I I would be able to do that
(30:05):
in this fantasy. Sure.
You know, that's fine. I feel like in this fantasy,
there's a there's a world where you do it so often that the cops
know you and they're like, whatever.
They're like what? Honestly, whatever.
Yeah, it's Cameron again. They had another.
He had a bicyclist. I mean.
(30:25):
It flipped him off. That's a little extreme.
He know the bicyclist was fine. He was going 3 miles an hour,
but you know, it's going to be OK.
I think that would rule though. I just, that'd be the best.
That would be the best. Needless to say, no stress hives
in that situation and if anything I'd have joy hives.
(30:49):
You're so you pick and choose because I'm the one that gets in
like physical altercations and yelling matches with strangers
and you're like, I wish I could just get in a voluntary car
accident to prove a point. I don't think it's that terrible
of a thing. Anyway, I digress.
(31:10):
Have we talked about my hair journey?
I feel like we've written it down and haven't discussed it,
mostly because. I guess not.
I don't know if it's exactly a headline.
It's a it's a mullet now. It's kind of like a mullet now,
and I think I'm into it right now.
(31:30):
I like The thing is with this hairstyle, I think I'm going to
need to get a haircut every three weeks.
It's like looking at slightly overgrown again right now, but I
think I finally landed on a hairstyle that I like a lot.
And who would have thought it was a mullet?
Who would have thought that? It's like a weird, you know what
some people would probably consider redneck haircut, but
(31:55):
I'm, I feel like I'm leaning into like the retroness of it.
That makes me happy. Why?
Why do you seem suspicious? What's going on?
Retroness. Is it retro?
I feel like it's timeless because mullets have always
existed. Since the caveman days.
I don't know, I it's weird on paper to say like, Oh yeah, it's
(32:20):
a mullet, but I like it. It looks good on your head.
I think it's because I have a giant head too.
Have you gotten any mixed reviews?
No, I think. They've been mostly positive,
but even if they haven't been, like if somebody hates it, I
appreciate they haven't told me.Right.
It's like the mixedness. You can't really tell because
(32:43):
the people that don't like it just don't say anything.
Yeah, which I appreciate, but I do have to say like they're so I
really like this guy. I'm going to now it was doing my
hair. But I do think that in these
situations, like I'm very selective with my socializing
these days and on on paper, likeI really like, you know, cute
(33:06):
interactions with strangers whenthey happen sometimes.
Or like told the story years agoabout how I went to a restaurant
bar and watched the Women's World Cup with a strange old
man. Then we split a bottle of wine
together. I like things like that a lot.
And then there's moments where I'm like, I just, I don't need
to hear you speak. And I just want to be quiet and
basically fall asleep. And this is one of those and
(33:29):
super nice guy that cuts my hair.
Very nice guy, but he he forgetswho I am.
Every time. Yeah.
And so every time it's like, it's like a Groundhog Day
situation because every time we have the same conversation.
(33:51):
But he remembers your haircut and what you're going for.
He just doesn't remember your personality.
In fact, he doesn't. It takes It's kind of like the
movie The Notebook, where you know you've seen the notebook.
Yeah. OK, we're at the end of the
movie. Spoiler alert, if you haven't
seen The Notebook, the old people are, The old couple are
(34:13):
talking and they're talking and they're talking.
And finally the lady like is like oh John, it's you.
And it's like she's back for like 6 minutes before she
forgets who he is again. That's the relationship I have
with this guy. I will go in and he'll be like,
have I cut your hair before? And I'm like, yes, several
times, in fact. And I show him pictures of every
(34:35):
haircut he's given me. And then I tell him who referred
me. And then he'll be like, yeah.
And then OK, yeah, OK. I'm starting to.
It's coming back to me now. So he'll remember it in that
moment. So in that sense, like we'll get
back on track with the haircut he's giving me, etcetera.
But then he forgets about every other part of the conversation.
(34:59):
So every time I've been there, which is five times so far, it
starts like this. So where do you work?
Where do you work? I tell him where I work.
And where are you from? Missouri.
I am from Missouri. I'm from the Joplin area.
This is where my family is. This is how my mom is.
She didn't come visit me very much.
She just came a couple weeks agothough.
(35:19):
My husband and I are actually going there in the fall.
My husband has a new business he's starting.
He does this. I have to cook dinner on
Wednesdays and Fridays and he doesn't really like what I cook
right now, so we have to. He's told me every bit of this
every single time that I see himand it makes me feel like I'm
(35:41):
the crazy one. You know, yeah.
How old is this guy? He's like. 40.
So does he do a lot of drugs? Like what's the deal?
You know what I think it is? I think it's the Hairspray.
I think it's all the Hairspray over the years that he's just
sucking in. It's just like, it's so funny,
(36:03):
but I, you know, I don't, I don't hold it against him
because like he why, why does heneed to remember all of that?
He doesn't have to. No, but it's just crazy because
then you're like, what if you started finishing his sentences?
Or like, being like, oh, aren't yeah, aren't you from Missouri
too? And then like, I think you
should start fucking with him. Here's what I thought about
(36:25):
doing exactly. Just change where you're from.
I thought about the next time I go in, sitting down and then
being like coming off to him, like I'm the most perceptive
person on planet Earth, being like, you seem like, are you
from Missouri? You seem like a Missouri guy.
And him being like, yes, how do you know?
Can I, can I stab a guest by thedialect, the Joplin area, You
(36:48):
know what I mean? Like I think that's what I'm
going to do. That's what I'm going to do next
time. You should.
Say like, do you believe in intuitives And then just like,
read them to Phil. That's a good idea.
And be like, if I can guess yourhusband's name and job, This
haircut is free. Yeah, give me a free haircut.
Give it to me. That's so funny.
(37:11):
It does. It makes me feel weird because
like, here's the thing, I don't,I don't like holding against
him. It is what it is.
I think it's kind of funny, but then there's people I work with
who just don't know who I am andI've talked to them 20 different
times. That's when it pisses me off in.
Person or on e-mail. No, in person.
In person, it's like you have face blindness, you know?
(37:33):
It's like you don't, you have noidea who I I was literally on
the phone with a guy I work with.
And then three hours later I raninto him in the hallway and he's
like, oh, hey, how are you? I'm Andrew.
And I was like, oh, yeah, I know.
We were just literally on the phone.
What is happening? You've, you've met me probably
(37:55):
50 times. You know my.
God. It's weird.
I think there's a gas in here. Maybe I I have a forgettable
face I think. I don't think you do though,
that's the thing. I don't think you have been, I
have been told. That those guys that look like
an NPC character that just like couldn't be more generic
(38:19):
looking. I don't think you look like that
though. Thank you for saying that.
But apparently, and I, I think I've brought this up to you
before, but the people that I work with at this job and at
other jobs have said that I looklike the guy that works at every
store you go to. And yeah, I think it's true.
(38:42):
I think there's truth to that because I can't tell you the
amount of times in my life I've been at a store and somebody
comes up to me and they're like,what aisle is the bread in?
I think you just. Have an air of authority.
I don't think is it authority oris it something else entirely?
It's resting helpful face. I'll tell myself that at least.
(39:07):
Sure. But maybe it just means I'm very
vanilla. No, you had apparently resting
helpful face to the teenagers recently.
Oh my God, this I feel like is arite of passage.
I still haven't had it. I, The thing is, I have been, I
have felt very comfortable with my age recently.
(39:31):
Like I am, I sure there's moments where I'm like, oh, have
I done enough in my life? But for the most part, I'm like,
I like being my age. And the other day when you had
your stress hives, in fact, I had to run to a Walgreens, which
by the way, Walgreens feels likea store that stuck 15 years ago
(39:55):
still, but I had to go there to get some Benadryl.
And as I was walking in this particular Walgreens sells like
beer and wine, there was this group of kids that were like,
hey, do you want to help us out?And I was like, what?
What's up? Do you want to help us get some
beer? They said booze, but then they
(40:16):
told me beer. And I said ah, ha, ha, no.
Were they like? Why are they?
Like, oh man, come on, it's not that serious.
And I'm like, yeah, no, I get it.
And I said I get it. I liked having a good time too
when I was your age, but. You said that.
(40:37):
I said something like that, but I was like, yeah, I can't be the
guy to get it for you, sorry. And they're like, oh, and I
think one of the kids said underhis breath, Square.
Really. Yeah, which is funny because
it's like these they, I feel like kids now don't look that
young. And I feel like one of these
kids probably could have gone inand totally gotten away with
(40:59):
buying it. Like part of me.
Walgreens. I, I don't want to be on the
hook for like getting beer for kids, but part of me wanted to
be like, hey, this guy right here, whatever your name is,
give him a shot. I think it'll work, you know?
Did they have facial hair? Yeah, Oh yeah, This kid, this
one kid looked like he was like 25.
(41:21):
So was it a gaggle of like, how many?
Four. There was four of them.
And were they just they were just leaning against the wall.
Yeah, there were a bunch of rabble rousers.
They were all smoking doobies and, you know, arm wrestling
when I walked up to the front ofthe store.
Here's the thing. So how did you feel internally?
(41:43):
Were you like, wow, I feel cool that they thought I would get it
for them. I was going to say my knee jerk
reaction. I feel like the knee jerk
reaction a lot of people would have would be like, God, I
really seem that old. Mine was like, wow, these kids
kind of think I'm cool enough tobuy them alcohol.
(42:04):
Yeah, like they thought I was eligible.
Yeah, because when I was their age, I was like the nerd rule
follower in the coroner, who nobody would ever ask to do
something like that, who I wouldn't even even like people
wouldn't even offered me a drinkat a party.
But they saw the mullet and theywere like, fuck yeah, brother.
(42:25):
They're like, yeah, this this guy is going to.
He's going to be our savior. Yeah.
Hell yeah bro, that's hilarious.Here's the thing.
I can't totally tell if faced with the same exact moment what
I would do. How do you mean?
Like you would actually buy it for them?
Socially, like I want to say no,but like I totally feel like
(42:50):
there's part of me that would belike, I got you.
I don't know, like, you know what I mean?
Like I can't tell if I would fold just because I have social
anxiety and I would want to feelcool.
Yeah. And then it's like, I don't
know, I think I would, I don't think I would do it.
(43:11):
But there is like, I think it's like a 70%, no, 30%, yeah.
Situation where was there any percent of you that was like
maybe no? I, I think that with, I, I think
that with strangers, I, I feel like I would have like a guilty
conscience or wonder if they didsomething wrong or something
(43:34):
like that. If I did it, you know, if it was
a, if it was like a teenager that I knew, who would be like,
you know, we want to just have aparty, but we're going to be
responsible, like maybe. OK.
Well, also, I think this goes back to those people that stand
outside like Greenpeace or Save the Dolphins or Save the Bees or
(43:58):
whatever and they stand outside and ask for like donations or
like signatures and you have no problem blowing past them and
being like borderline, No borderline being rude and being
borderline aggressive. I'm not rude with them.
You have at times muttered I hate bees or something like
(44:20):
that, like you've said, just to get them to go away.
You obviously don't hate bees and you do want the bees to
live, but not enough to donate and you've said something like
it was like a Children's Hospital or something.
I remember what it was I. Hate kids?
Somebody said, Sir, do you have a minute for starving children?
And I said I never have time forchildren.
(44:43):
Yeah, so anyways, when I'm saying you're outwardly rude,
that's what I'm referring to is actual words you've said.
And I think these teenagers, tweens fall in the same category
where like, you're fine blowing past them and doing them no
favors. And I'm like, I don't know,
should I talk to them? And I get what you mean.
(45:05):
Yeah, I get what you mean. Now, I think that's there's a
social pressure that there. I get that, yeah.
For sure. That now that being said, there
was a very annoying couple of them are teenagers group at the
movie theaters that we had to encounter.
Which brings us to tonight's Jude.
(45:41):
We went to see, you know, Superman with my mom and normal,
normal movie night, OK, sitting in the front front part area
where your feet can be against the railing.
And it was, you know, a pretty busy showing because it's a
(46:05):
newish movie that's out. Super busy.
Yeah, it was packed. But what have we learned
recently? We've learned that I shouldn't
go to movies when they 1st come out because there's too many
people in the theater. And I will almost always
inevitably get in a fight with someone because people have no
decorum. They walk into a movie theater,
they walk into an airport, they lose all decorum.
(46:28):
There's no fucking social cues, there's no respect for others,
time, money, space. Being in public makes people go
crazy. It's insane people think they
can do whatever the fuck they want.
So my poor mother leans over to me and she goes.
The people next to me are vaping.
I look over and see 3 or 4 Gen. Z motherfuckers. 1 is wrapped in
(46:54):
a snuggie with her Crocs and I'mlike OK gross.
I thought she just smelled bad Ididn't know I was smelling vape
juice. And then the other ones, like
they look like they all just rolled out of a collective
fucking dumpster Gymboree. They did, kind of.
So fucking stupid. And then I see a cloud of the
(47:16):
vape smoke and I'm like, Oh my God.
And then I'm like, OK, I'll lookand see if they do it again and
I'll lean over and say something.
And then you were like, what's going on?
And then I told you. And then you jumped into action,
which was I appreciate it. And you went and told the
security guy. And the security guy, to his
(47:36):
credit, came in, but the security guy walked past, did
nothing, and didn't stay in the room.
You know what's funny is he toldme like I went and got him and
then he was like, you stay here,I'm going to go in because I
think he didn't want it to be like an aggressive situation.
Like he didn't want to tell them.
Like this guy just came and got me and told me you were vaping.
(47:58):
So there was a fight. Like I think he was looking, but
he. Never went up to them.
He he didn't even stay and wait to watch.
He didn't even watch to wait forher to vape again.
Like what the fuck. Also, here's the thing, don't do
it at all. But if you're going to fucking
vape, I don't know, blow the smoke into your snuggie you.
(48:20):
Idiot. Or they have.
They literally sell devices thatyou can blow it into.
Really. Yes, they literally sell a
little device, I forget what it's called, sure that you can
exhale into and it eliminates it.
OK, all right, also, here's a thought.
Don't fucking vape for two hours.
Here's a fucking here's a goddamn fucking idea.
(48:43):
Don't vape for two hours if you're fucking 22 years old and
you can't get through a fucking movie without vaping at 10:00 PM
at night. You can't sit and watch Superman
with your friends and eat popcorn and drink soda like a
normal person and you need to vape every 7 minutes of the
movie. Then you're going to die by 40.
(49:06):
And that's what I ended up telling you.
So you then switch spots with mymom so you got security,
security to nothing. Then you switch spots with my
mom so then you're sitting next to the teenagers.
All in the name of me not havingan all out brawl because I would
have fucking started some shit and RIP the vape out of her
goddamn stupid hand. And you leaned over and you're
(49:28):
And what'd you say you were like, can you quit?
Vaping. Hey, can you stop vaping,
please? And then she looked at me and
like, made a face like where? Where do you who, Huh.
And I go, yeah, you obviously. I see you vaping.
Stop. And then she like, sheepishly
put it into her sleeve. Sure, so she can access it
(49:51):
shortly and they kept doing it. So then the rest of the movie
they kept doing it. And I the only thought that got
me through was judgment to the plaintiff.
Justice will be served because if she vaped 18 times in a 2
hour movie, imagine how many times she vapes every day, all
(50:13):
day, every week, all year for years.
She is going to be dead soon. It's fine, justice is served.
Judgment to the plaintiff. Shove your vape up your asshole
to keep vaping it from both ends, you stupid bitch.
I don't need to smell your fucking smarties bubble gum
vapor. Oh.
(50:33):
Yeah, they all smell horrible. What the?
Fuck is wrong with people? Here's the other thing, too.
It's like if you snuck alcohol in the movie theater, it'd be
fine because it doesn't affect me.
Like, let's say you're sneaking A sip, you're over there, you
have a like a little flask. You're doing that, I don't care.
(50:53):
When people sneak a full steak dinner or.
Cheesecake because it's not affecting me, I.
Don't give a fuck, eat whatever you want, drink whatever you
want. If you blow your stupid fucking
smoke in my face one more time, I'm going to take your vape and
shove it in your ass. Right, right.
I just don't get it. Also, just stay at home.
(51:14):
Clearly you don't want to be there that bad.
You know, I do have to say, and I don't want you to, I don't
want to give you more stress hives.
I don't want this to get to yourhead, but I do think that you're
bad luck. Why?
Because every time I go to the movies without you, it's mostly
(51:34):
totally fine. But every time I go to the
movies with you, there is some problem similar to this.
It's like every time I go to a live sporting event, sometimes
they win, sometimes they lose. If I take you, they always lose.
Yeah, they either lose or no points were scored, so nothing
(51:56):
matters. Right, so I don't know what that
means. But anyway, Superman was good.
You should go watch it if you haven't seen it yet.
Yeah, you said you want to watchit a third time.
I will. I'll watch it a third time.
I believe in it. That, that, that much.
I believe in hope. You know US, Hope believers.
(52:17):
Help punk rock. Yeah, right.
Thank you. Oh, wow.
You were paying attention amidstthe smoke.
Yeah. Well, we hope you have a good
week everyone. And you know, I hope you don't
get stress hives, but if you do,just down some Benadryl and hope
for the best. You heard it here first.
(52:39):
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