Total Eclipse

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that. Two millennials doing a podcast
to avoid legalizing the Purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is Mostly true.
Opinions. Wow.
I gotta say, overrated. Overrated.

(00:22):
Not the podcast. Not us.
We are underrated. Criminally underrated.
But today's Big Solar Eclipse day.
Everywhere in the world. Yeah, people freaking out.
Here's the thing. I like a sense of community.
I like to be in the know I didn't get glasses and you

(00:45):
didn't get glasses. And then everyone's looking up
at the sky and we can't or we'llsear our retinas.
Yeah, Which by the way, I normally am like, just look at
the sun. It's not that big of a deal.
But you, yeah? I attempted today.
I'll be honest and it hurt. You did very.
Quickly. Very quickly, Very quickly.

(01:06):
It doesn't matter, honey. What do?
You mean? Yeah, of course it does.
It absolutely matters. Or no, you can't look at the sun
at all. You're not supposed to look at
it. Not even for 1/2 a second.
No. But I've done it 1000 times in
my life. That's what I don't understand.
And you have a heavy prescription of glasses.

(01:27):
That has nothing to do with it. Wouldn't blur your How do you
know? Because science, I assume.
No, it weakens your retinas, I think, because I even read today
literally an article, not a TikTok.
I would be honest if it was a TikTok, a literal article that I
sent you the link to. That said, don't even try to

(01:48):
take a picture of it unless it'sbehind those glasses, because it
can ruin your phone camera. I add that I did not know and
clearly it did not stop so many people from taking.
If it can ruin your phone camera, what do you think it's
doing to your eyes? Well, my eyes aren't recording
it for minutes at a time. I just looked up kind of towards

(02:10):
it and then it was like, whoa, that's bright.
And then I just stopped. You texted me.
The sun is really bright today. It's.
It was particularly bright. I found, especially today,
'cause there was no cloud cover outside and so it was direct up
into the sun. Now by the way, there are,
there's all kinds of virtual maps and I know we're kind of
past the moment, but there was awhole thing of like where where

(02:34):
the line is across America, where you can see like totality.
And there was a couple places I want to say, like Oklahoma,
don't quote me on it, where the cloud cover was so thick they
couldn't even really see it. Yeah, that's a bummer.
And it's like, damn, 'cause people were traveling.
Yes, some people traveled. There was a couple at my show

(02:54):
that said they were traveling from Alabama up to Illinois to
make sure they were in the path of totality or whatever.
And imagine if you travel all the way there and then there's
clouds. Yeah, I also just, I mean, it's
crazy. I get, I get the hype in, in
terms of like it's a celestial event, right?

(03:17):
It is. It's cool.
It's, it's out of this world. And in that sense, I understand
the hype a bit. That being said, I was running
an errand today and we did not have glasses for the eclipse and
I happened to go into this office building.
We're a bunch of ladies in their60s were walking out into the

(03:37):
parking lot. They had glasses, so they they
were like, here, try I I looked at it and I feel like photos do
it better. I feel like video of it
happening is more cool, and the idea of it is cooler than
actually looking at it. It's a tiny, teeny, tiny little
speck. Yeah.
I'm not trying to shit on it, I promise.

(03:59):
You got to see it. I was in an audition on a
ladder. Don't you feel like you've seen
it though? From Instagram, yes, that is the
good part of social media. I do feel included in that
sense, and I don't feel the needto post my own version of the
tiny speck. No.
Like, I wasn't like, oh, if you get the glasses with those
ladies, like take a picture of it and we'll post it.
Like, who cares? Everyone's posting the same

(04:20):
spec, but. I should have taken the picture
with the ladies. That would have been cute.
Yeah. That was, that was my mysticity,
Yeah. And by the way, I I get I'm feel
more left out because I don't have a selfie on Instagram with
me wearing paper glasses. Big mistakes were made.
It is funny to think about though, because when you put
those things on, it is pitch black.

(04:41):
So people were taking selfies inthe dark, you know?
Well, it's for them. Although we saw video of like
Houston and places that were in the totality like line, blah
blah blah, where it it got fullypitch black outside.

(05:01):
See that I that I get that. I get the hype 100%.
What I don't get at all is you said that the ladies told you
that their dog at doggy daycare today, that at their doggy
daycare they brought in an animal therapist because dogs
might get spooked and scared that it was dark all of a

(05:23):
sudden. First of all, it didn't become
dark in LA We weren't. That was not even a concern of
ours. I would argue that the light
didn't change at all. I was outside right after it was
supposed to be happening and it was completely sunny.
So I don't know. And then like, did any dogs

(05:44):
freak out? I don't think so.
Not here. Maybe where it got completely
dark. NASA is actually doing a study
to look at how animals react to the whole thing, and apparently
it's it throws them off so significantly if it goes total
dark because it's like it was just night and it hasn't been
20-4 hours yet, so it like, throws off their rhythm.

(06:08):
What is that? Circadian.
But is it only? It's only dark for like 5
minutes, right? It's like pretty fast.
I think it depends on where you're at.
But yeah, it's like the completeand it's not even complete
darkness, but like the Super darkness only happens for a few
minutes. Yeah, I'm pretty sure, but I
guess that's enough to throw theanimals off.
The other funny thing is, like people have been searching on

(06:29):
Google all kinds of things. One of them is, is it bad for my
pets to look at the sun? And it's like, well, yes, but
also they have no interest in it.
They're not. They're not.
Going outside and looking up at the sky.
No. They don't give a shit.
And so it's just kind of funny that people are worried about
that. And I I bet there were people

(06:50):
that ordered like pet goggles, you know what I mean?
They definitely sold those. The other thing that people are
searching and I maybe I should do it too.
On Google Trends today, it's a website where you can look at
Internet traffic and how things are trending up or down.
People are searching. Why do my eyes hurt like 1000%

(07:13):
more today than any other day inthe year?
Oh my. God, so people look at the
eclipse and then Google. Why do my eyes hurt?
Because you looked at the sun. And the dangerous thing about
all jokes aside, the dangerous thing about the eclipse thing is
that it's the contrast, right? It's bad enough to look at the

(07:34):
bright ass sun that can hurt you, but when it gets dark, your
eyes adjust to that darkness andthen if you're staring at it, it
sears you and it blasts you in the face with bright.
It's like when you're in a movieand it's super dark and all of a
sudden it cuts to a scene in thedesert and you're like, holy
shit. I want to know how many like I

(07:55):
want stats tomorrow or the next day from eye doctors in the USI.
Bet we'll get them I then so. Amount of seared retinas.
There was the last total eclipseI guess wasn't that long ago.
It was in 2017. I've people are acting like this
never happens And I get it. I get it doesn't happen like
multiple times a year. But I thought like, oh, 100

(08:15):
years ago was the last time. What happened?
No, 2017, when that happened that day, car accidents were up
31%. Jesus.
So, and I think that's for a couple reasons.
Number one, people look up and they can't see very well, But
then also they're looking while they're driving and they just
end up ramming into people, which is exactly what we kind of

(08:37):
did when that SpaceX launch happened a few weeks ago.
Yeah, I almost ran into people. Oh my God, he's staring at
aliens. That I think I was more excited
about than the Eclipse. But also, everybody else knew
what that was and I didn't. And that was probably why.
I mean, that felt like it was really something.
And that was more visible and itseemed like an outline, an

(09:02):
outlier experience. Like, holy shit, I don't know.
So yeah, it came, it went. Eclipse is over.
I want to see like a meteor shower.
Yeah, wait, that's a reason. Also to travel out of the city
so that there's less light pollution and we can see a
meteor shower sometimes. Do you remember when we were

(09:24):
first dating? There was one that happened and
we drove up like an hour and a half up the mountains and laid
on the the front of the car. Yeah, and watched it and nothing
happened. Yeah, we didn't really see
anything. It was sad.
That's that's what happens though.
Our experience with like trying to camp or trying to care about
the outdoors just really fell off.

(09:47):
You mentioned something when we were watching TV the other
night. Shark Tank.
You said outdoor guys, give me the ick or something.
Specifically, there was a guy that invented a 20 in one water
bottle. It was like a Swiss Army Knife
water bottle And first of all, there's like 18,000 different

(10:11):
water bottles on the market and there's the premium Stanley Cups
and there's the I can't. Hydroflask.
Yeah, Hydroflask, all the ones. Yetis.
Yes, exactly. Those are the big monsters of
the water bottle industry and you're not going to disrupt
them. Spoiler And this guy had another
fancy ass water bottle he's charging $95 for and he's like,

(10:33):
look, you can take the bottom off so it's more of a mug.
Look, you can make it into a cocktail shaker.
Look, you can do cold brew in itLook.
And I just was like. You could cook bacon in it.
And I just realized that I feel personally for me if I, you
know, like if I were still in the dating scene, the like, REI

(10:58):
guys, just. The guys who go whitewater
rafting with their friends on the weekend.
Yeah, I mean, that's cool I guess, but.
But it's like their religion. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's like, I can't hang out
with you, babe. I have to go on this 16 mile
hike. It's like.
There's nothing wrong with the ACT itself, and it's the first.

(11:21):
People do it that comes along with it where it's like.
It's the guy who always has the utility knife in his pocket.
It's like, yeah, we're at a fucking Kmart.
Like you're not gonna need, you're not gonna need your
utility knife here. I knew a guy that who was our
age who through high school and college had one of those.

(11:42):
Like, I don't even know. I guess they call it a multi
tool. Yeah.
And he had the belt holster and he would always wear and like
every time somebody was struggling with something, like,
let's say you were walking next to me and your zipper got stuck,
he'd be like, I gotcha. I gotcha.
And then try to like crimp it upand it's like I could just use

(12:02):
my hand. Hot take A holster for anything
other than a gun is awful. I'm trying to, yeah, I think
you're right. If you are holstering an item
that's not a firearm, are you OK?
I mean, I think the worst one. And people don't really do them

(12:23):
anymore. Cell phone, cell phone holsters.
Oh my gosh. Well, yeah.
But that's also a trope, like inMovies Now.
So even the lamest of people know that that's bad.
Yeah, but yeah, cell phone holsters.
I'm going to admit something to you right now.
You had one. I had one.
Not for my cell phone, not for my cell phone.

(12:43):
I had a holster when I was in grade school.
I hate the word holster. The more that you say it, it's
like upsetting me. At a holster.
Stop saying it. For my yo-yo.
Oh my God. I did, I did, And I wore it
proudly. It's going to be hard for me to
come back from knowing this. It's OK.

(13:04):
To be perfectly fair. I think I was in 3rd grade, but
it was there was a big yo-yo come back when we were kids.
I know. Like The Walking the dog and
doing all the tricks and everything and play like PE time
or what do they call it? Recess.
Jesus, recess. And like at recess people would

(13:26):
come out and it it the kickball.No more football.
No more. We're not playing basketball or
throwing anything around a Frisbee or anything.
We're playing Yo Yos in the back.
So you went to a school for nerds?
I mean, yeah, that's well documented.
Yeah. yo-yo, Holster. Do you ever have one?
Cool. Yeah.

(13:47):
Oh, a yo-yo. No, I mean, well, yeah, sure.
A yo-yo or a holster? I had a yo-yo.
I was never good at anything besides making it barely come
back up. Yeah.
And I did date someone who did. The baby's cradle or whatever he
was. Nearly a professional yo yoer.

(14:11):
When did you date this person? So lame.
In grad. School.
No, it was high school and college.
He had other cool attributes, though.
He played the bass and stuff like he played instruments.
So like bass, clarinet or guitarand upright.

(14:33):
Nice, so. It was both anyways.
You're trying to convince me howcool your ex-boyfriend was?
No, but he was in a band becauseit's like I didn't just date a
pro yo-yo. Or he just also knew how to
yo-yo? There's a lesson in that, yeah.
Don't judge a book by its hobby.It wasn't his identity, right?
It wasn't what he led with. It was like, oh look, I can also

(14:56):
yo-yo it's. Just the thing you wake up one
day and he's yo yoing, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But anyways, so I that was as close as I came to caring about
yo Yoing was dating someone thatcared.
I was adjacent to caring. But no, I never have ever had a
holster for anything ever on my body.

(15:19):
I think. About like when we were in
school. The yo-yo thing reminds me of
this. We're millennials and we went to
grade school in the 2000s and 90s and I feel like every year
there was like a new trend that lasted only within that year.

(15:40):
And it was so it felt so hyper fixated.
And I feel like that doesn't really happen anymore.
Maybe I just don't feel it anymore.
But one year it was the Yo Yos coming back, another year it was
Pokémon Cards. There was a year at my school
where everybody became obsessed with hand sanitizer from Bath

(16:00):
and Body Works gel pens. There was a whole year of gel
pens. There was a year everyone
discovered those spandex book covers for the books.
I think that this still happens.We're just not in school
anymore, but we don't see what all the cool kids have.
That's probably true. But also, don't you think that
the trends cycle through much quicker like because of TikTok?

(16:22):
Yeah, so like it'll something will be hip for like a couple of
days. Hip.
Cool, whatever you want to call it, and then the next thing
comes through. But it back then, it was like,
the entire damn year I'm going to recess and playing with a
yo-yo, oh, OK And then and then at the end of the year, we all
collectively subconsciously decide like, we're not doing

(16:44):
this anymore. Yeah, And then the next thing
comes through. It was it's very weird to think
about. And I also went to a school
where a lot of stuff was banned.What was banned?
Harry Potter Books. Oh yeah, I forget that you went
to a whack ass religious school.Yu-gi-oh cards, but not Pokémon
cards because Yu-gi-oh featured magicians who in magic is the

(17:06):
Devil and Satan sent Yu GI 0. Same thing with that entire
Pokémon. Cause Pokémon is not magic,
those are monsters splitting hairs.
I know there was all kinds of there was other things that were
banned. I just can't remember.
I mean cell phones, but that wasvery common at the time.

(17:28):
Nobody had them. I mean freedom of speech.
But yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah.
The ability to be a part of the Democratic Party not allowed.
Yeah, Jesus. Exactly.
Oh, getting. No, I wish, you know, simpler
times a little bit. Yeah.

(17:48):
I have vivid memories of. I'll get back on topic in a
second. I have vivid memories.
I've been thinking about this lately a lot.
I don't know why. In 8th grade I had a desk by the
window of our classroom and I have vivid like I'm there right
now. Memories of sitting there and

(18:09):
going. I cannot wait to be done with
fucking school and thinking about like, life after college
and, you know, having a career and not being around people
taking tests and doing dumb sports.
And I can, like, feel what it smelled like.
The neuritis. Yeah.

(18:30):
And then now I'm like, damn responsibility sucks.
Oh, if you know that's the difference that we've talked
about this, I think I if you paid me, I wouldn't go back to
school. No.
There's people that are like, oh, those are my glory days.
Or like I would totally go back to school and like switch spots
like because we have way too much responsibility now and life

(18:52):
is too real. And like uh uh, I know life is
hard now. I would not go back.
I I'd like to visit but not fully go back.
Does that make sense? Sure.
Like if I've had a long couple of weeks, I wouldn't mind like
time traveling for a day and like chilling out.

(19:15):
You know, Not going to class though.
Hell no, not specifically that stuff.
Maybe like the summer off or something.
OK. Have you ever thought about
going back to school in general,like moving forward?
Never once, Yeah. Not even.
Not even if there's a fire. I think, I assume the next time
I walk into a school I will be teaching.

(19:37):
You know so. I assume I'll be like one of
those people that speaks at a graduation.
Yeah. Because at USC, they had for my
graduation that chick from Pretty Little Liars.
What's her name? Pretty Little Liars lady.
Not, not Lucy Hale. The like.

(20:01):
Taller one. God not Shay.
Oh, Ashley Benson? Nope.
Oh, I know you're talking about Troyan Belisario.
Is that really it? Yes, Troyan Belisario was AUSC
alumni and she spoke at my fucking graduation.
Which, I'm sorry, a little lame,no.

(20:22):
No offense, Troyan, but I don't know if I'd hang my hat on that.
Oh, wow. OK, you know what?
Just kidding. I could be wrong.
What's she in? She's.
Almost 20 million Instagram followers, so.
From what, though, after did shedo stuff afterwards?
Oh yeah, she's been. She's in here.
Let's run through her IMDb. Sure.
No, sorry for the shade. Troy in.
Sorry, you're actually so successful and we.

(20:44):
Could never come by. Come visit the podcast.
She really wants to. Now let's see.
Well, that's definitely like, the biggest thing she's in some
She was in a show called Plan B for four episodes.
Did she do other like CW stuff type of thing?
She did something. No, not really.

(21:05):
It doesn't seem like it. So it was all Pretty Little
Liars then? She did like stuff where it's
like an episode here, an episodethere, and then she did 160
episodes of Pretty Little Liars.Yeah, I mean, she was obviously
one of the very most main characters of the four girls.
Who'd you learn from when she spoke at your graduation?
I mean nothing. It's just she went to USC and
she did that theatre school and stuff.

(21:27):
And anyways, my thing is, I justwas like, it seems more
approachable than like Taylor Swift speaking at a graduation.
Like, I don't think I'm going tobe like Taylor Swift level, but
I'm like, if Troian gets to speak at USC, like, you know,
they'll have me back eventually.What would you say?

(21:50):
This wasn't worth it. You should have skipped college.
They should. Have.
They should have me speak at orientation and their dropout
rate will be high. They.
Don't want that. No, I know.
I'm just saying, yeah, I think it would be tough for me to seem
genuine. I know because people ask me

(22:11):
that too. I I went back and talked to like
this radio class back at my college and a lot of them were
like what was your time like here and.
You were like. Like, you know.
Kind of useless. I There was a lot of things that
I enjoyed, but I everything I learned basically came from the

(22:31):
things I did outside of class, which is a common thing people
say. But is it worth the amount of
money I paid? Definitely not.
Yeah, that's the thing. If you're going to school for
other professions, it's definitely worth it.
If you're going to school for the arts, just start doing the
art. Just start arting.
'Cause I yeah, everything I did on my own during college was way

(22:57):
more valuable. Like when I did The Groundlings
that had nothing to do with USC or whatever.
I don't know. Sure, it taught me work ethic
and stuff, but like, I think I had that anyways.
I got invited to an alumni event.
Last week. Why?
So they could low key solicit you for donations to the school?
Probably That's kind of what I think.

(23:17):
But like, it's for alumni in theentertainment industry and I got
invited last year as a guest of honor but couldn't make it.
And you? Got downgraded to regular
guests. And then this year I got
downgraded. They sent me an invite, but
they're like you have to pay foryour ticket.
It's 30 bucks. But you would have been free
last year and this year you had to pay, Yeah.

(23:38):
So what does that mean about my career?
That I've I'm sliding downhill. I think did you get?
Did you think about going? This year, yeah, yeah, I'm still
considering it. Oh, when is it?
It's in three weeks. Did they say anything on the
invitation about what's includedof?
Like what's the event? Yeah, it's not bad.

(23:59):
It's like $30.00 for a ticket and that includes a meal and
drinks and some alumni swag. As they said, it's probably like
AT shirt. Do you get a + 1?
I don't know. I don't think so.
Maybe I'll look. But I you you know what you
should do, I'll send you the link and you should buy a
ticket. I will both go.

(24:20):
But then the whole night is a game of you convincing people
that you went to school there and making up a completely new
narrative. And just schmoozing.
Yeah, say I was on 160 episodes of Pretty Little Liars.
You don't really. Come on, I spoke at US CS
graduation. I don't know though, 'cause I'm
not usually good in those, like on paper, in alumni event or

(24:43):
like a reunion. Seems like, oh, it could be fun.
It could. I feel like I go there, buy the
ticket, stand around and like, what am I?
What do you do? Like, do you walk up to another
person and go, where'd you go toschool?
Oh, here, what do you do? And it's all the what do you do,
what are you working on talk, which typically I'm like, yeah.
It's just 200 of the same convert of the same small talk

(25:06):
in a row. To me, it's my worst nightmare,
7th level of hell. So I'm I'm slightly surprised
that you're considering going based on how you are.
A lot of times in social situations averse to small talk,
but if you go, you know, let me know.
It'll be stuff for the pod then.Yeah, I don't know.

(25:26):
I'm, I'm, I'm on the fence. I'm fencing on it.
'Cause it's also so yucky because a lot of those, sorry,
I'm just shedding on it now, butthose events are just like, what
can you do for me? I know.
And it's like forced networking.Right, But it's kind of even
yuckier, because the only reasonpeople are there is all 'cause

(25:47):
they want something from someoneelse.
And you can see people's eyes glaze over if they realize and
deduce that you can't do anything for them.
And then they're just looking for the next person to talk to,
but you're still in front of them and you can see them like
check out. You're 100% and.
It's so gross. I was at a work function a
couple months ago and it was like this happy hour thing that

(26:10):
every department was invited to and we go and that exact thing,
same thing happened. People will come up and they're
like, well, what do you do for ablah, blah blah.
And the second they find out that it's not in their interest,
you do, you see them like kind of glaze over.
And then you see them while they're like breathing or
sighing or coughing, kind of looking around for who else they

(26:31):
can go talk to while you're in the middle of a sentence.
Yeah. Or like an excuse to leave.
Yeah. Yeah.
So. Yeah, And then you're just like,
I've absolutely been talking to someone that's like zoning out,
and then I just won't even finish my thought and see if
they notice, 'cause I'm just like, I'm not saying this for my
own fucking health. Right.

(26:51):
I don't need to talk to myself. No, I do that all the time.
Yeah, and I can do it at home. Yeah, not on this rooftop in
Santa Monica. Yeah.
Anyway, sorry alumni events to my chagrin.
Now that I sold you on going, sorry.
I'll still maybe go. I don't know why I'm even

(27:12):
considering it, to be honest. Like.
I mean, you could just do it forthe plot.
That's kind of what I was thinking but and it's it's also,
here's the other part, it's nearwhere I work so it's like I
could go after work for 1/2 hourand but it's.
I don't know. I feel like I'm talking myself
in and out of it. In Orange County and I was like.
That seems like a commitment. That would be an easy no, but

(27:34):
it's literally like a mile from my work.
OK, cool. And you know what?
Maybe I Maybe that's where I go and somebody discovers me.
OK. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, a pier. For my multi hyphenate talent,
that's my new favorite word by the.
Way Multi hyphenate oh. Yeah, he's a multi hyphenate.
She's a multi hyphenate. OK, it's like, well just because

(27:58):
she has LinkedIn and Instagram doesn't mean but OK Anyway,
we're talking about trends. Yeah, cyber trucks are
everywhere in LA now. Which are to explain to the
people. It's the ugly ass tank truck
made by Tesla. It's so stupid looking.

(28:18):
It looks like an April Fool's joke.
Yeah, it literally looks like a car and that, you know, we
haven't seen pictures of them for a while, but seeing them in
person is like a completely different story.
Mad Max Energy. Yeah, it's like a car you would
see in a video game based on demolition derbies or something.

(28:39):
And then we saw one up close, and they're so flimsy, like the
outside is not tank material, it's like.
It's like an RC car. Yeah, it's like paper mache.
It's so thin and like wobbly theoutside of.
It it's so thin. If it got hit by anything, I
feel like it would crumble like a piece of paper.

(29:00):
Well, it's not going well really.
They just delivered them within the last couple of weeks to all
the people who pre-ordered them like 2 fucking years ago.
And all of them are like, what is this piece of shit?
Everybody is saying? Like they rushed it clearly.
How much money are they? They're like 130 grand.

(29:23):
They're expensive cars. There was this guy.
Mache sides. Yeah, here's here's one guy that
said he took delivery of the cartoday, drove one mile down the
road, got a steering error, the screen flashed red.
He pulled over and now the truckis dead.
It was great for 5 minutes. Wait, so are they complete?

(29:47):
Fully electric like Teslas? Yeah, So he couldn't just, like,
put gas in it. And I don't even think that was
the problem. It was just it was bad, another
person said. It's so, so bad.
There are stupid cost cutting measures all over the place.
You can't even see the front corners well enough.
It's borderline dangerous, easy to hit other cars.

(30:09):
Also, it just seems like it's too.
It's almost too light for the road, like if they went, like if
they went around a steep inclinecorner, whatever, like it would
just topple over. I don't know if you saw the
video from a couple years ago when they rolled one out onto a
stage and Elon Musk was like, check it out and people were
like, Oh my God, he's like, the windows are bulletproof and then

(30:30):
they threw something at it or shot it in a chatter, yeah.
Really. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. How?
Is this not a bigger deal? I I don't know.
There are people. There are many, many people who
are hardcore in the Tesla camp. And I don't know, every time
I've ever sat in one, I'm like, this feels like a temporary car.

(30:53):
It feels like the cheap plastic.It feels like, you know what it
feels like. And what this one looked like is
those little the cars little kids have that have a little
battery in it you can drive around your lawn, ironically.
They had a miniature version forchildren to sit in at the
showroom for Tesla that we it was at Century City Mall.

(31:14):
We went to go see a movie. We saw this.
What is it called? The car?
Cyber Truck. The cyber.
What a I'm sorry. It's also a very dumb.
Name. They should have called it like
the Tesla T1 or. Something, right?
We saw the cyber truck in the showroom.
People were touching it also. It just has, it's like a fridge
where the outside just holds like fingerprints and stuff.

(31:37):
So people were like touching it and it was super gross.
And then they had like the child's version of the little
like RC car thing anyway. That's what it feels like.
Gross. That's what it looks like.
I don't get it just now when youlike.
Every cool car has to be ugly. That's what makes it cool,
right? People shit on.

(31:58):
We have a yellow car. I would have maybe even call it
gold for the made by Kia. People shit on it all the time.
That I know personally. To your face.
To my face. But everybody that I don't know
compliments me like crazy about it.

(32:19):
Yeah, it is the weirdest thing ever.
People I know will say it's uglyand the color of urine.
And then when I'm pumping gas ata gas station, a stranger will
come up and go. That's a cool color.
Well. It's so weird.
Can't please them all. I guess not.
Those people should look at the sun.
I have some haters. It's really cool today,

(32:42):
especially Are you ready to Jude?
No. You're not.
I was weird. I was going to talk about
Nashville for a second. All right, do it.
Well, I went to Nashville in Chattanooga.
I don't know if you needed extratime with Jude today.
Oh, maybe. And Nashville was fun.
So thank you to everyone that came out to that one.

(33:04):
It was like a smaller, independent indie show.
And then I did the comedy Catch in Chattanooga and friends of
POD Jenny and Brian came out to the show.
Really. Yes.
How are they doing? Nice.
They're doing great. They live in Huntsville.
I haven't seen them in forever. I know.
Did they buy a house for a dollar?

(33:25):
I don't think it was a dollar, but yes, they bought a house.
Good for them, we. Were talking about our home
buying journey, which we can update in a second as well.
Yeah, the Saturday night shows were hot, hot fire.
They were very fun. Thank fuck, because Friday night
I wanted to end my life. Friday night, it seemed like

(33:47):
both audiences had a lobotomy. It wasn't even that they
disliked the show. They just all seemed like they
were staring ahead and, like, drooling.
It was so weird. I don't get why people go to a
comedy club. Just don't go out.
Comedy show if they are in that zone.
It was so weird. And it wasn't that they didn't

(34:07):
like me. It was that they didn't like
anyone that touched the stage. They didn't like.
It seemed like they hated to be alive.
Would you say they were pissed off or like, apathetic?
That's what I mean. I would rather be actively
disliked. They just seemed like they were
apathetic to like, existing. It was so weird.
One guy, like fell asleep in thefront row.

(34:29):
Another couple was arguing and texting, so they were just like,
not paying attention. While the show was happening.
Yeah, in the front row. It's like go to the back.
Nice. Yeah.
Anyways, so that was a lot to deal with, so I'm really glad
that friends of Pod, Jenny and Brian came out to the Goodnight.
Yes, on Saturday. Thank God.

(34:51):
And then this week I'm in Chandler, AZ.
So if you are in Chandler or in Phoenix or whatever, come out to
the show My drop mania. It's not.
Far from Phoenix. Right.
It's like 20 minutes away. I'm headlining at Mic Drop Mania
on the 12th 2 shows in a row, and then I'm doing guest spots

(35:11):
at Stir Crazy Comedy Club in Glendale, AZ on Saturday.
Also not far from Phoenix. Also very close and then rushing
back because we're moving. Our shit has to be out on
Sunday. What's?

(35:35):
Happening. Feels weird.
Yeah, so I think we said last week we officially sold like we
accepted an offer on our house. It's happening the closest
closing And this week weekend I rushed back from Chattanooga.
Drove 2 hours from Chattanooga to Nashville. 4 1/2 hour flight.

(35:59):
Got back at 10:00 AM, rushed to an open house that you had seen
with your mom and we're putting in an offer.
We felt the feels. We did feel the feels.
We felt the feels. It's a cool ass house.
Also for my woo woo girlies thatlisten.

(36:20):
I asked the universe for a sign I wrote in my notebook.
Send me a butterfly or a Hummingbird if it's the right
house. Don't you dare.
The first motherfucking thing I see.
I open the front door and there's six butterflies on this

(36:43):
hanging thing on the wall. OK, what happened?
I'm. Painting the picture.
I'm painting the picture. Then we walk into the backyard
and there's a Hummingbird feeder.
So 30 seconds into the house, I got both of the signs that I.
Asked for 'cause I didn't noticeeither of them.

(37:03):
And you had seen the house the day before I had asked and
written for Please show me one or two of these things, one of
the two, and it showed me both. And I was like, damn.
It's crazy. That's that's the crazy part.
Damn, it's. Yum.
Glitch in the universe? No.
So, fingers crossed we put in anoffer, but here's the.

(37:26):
Thing with the tune, with a coolhouse that you actually want to
live in. Other people feel the same way.
Yeah, comes to find out. I I didn't know that.
Yeah. But it's it's funny when you go
and look at a dump that nobody there's no competition.
How how many houses do you thinkwe've looked at?

(37:49):
Probably You're gonna think thisis inaccurate.
I know that. I know that you will.
Why are you putting that on me already?
Just say the number. 20. No.
Funny, I there's, you know, there's a way we can track it.
Sure there is. Which is how that's looking.

(38:09):
At all the listings we've been sent and pointing out which ones
we've seen. It's so vastly incorrect.
I would say 20 is my guess. It is in no possible way,
literally impossible that it's more than 30.
No. Oh my God, honey, you're like,
give me. I'm gonna get body hives.

(38:30):
You're so. Wrong.
You're so wrong. You're so wrong, you.
Have seen conservatively. 100 what are you gonna say, 80?
No. Way.
No fucking way. My God.
Call my mom right now. Your mom doesn't know the
number. She's been to 20 of them with us
alone. Yeah, no, she hasn't.

(38:51):
It just seems like a law I. Promise you I will do the math.
You want me to do the math? I'll do it.
And also, I'll fucking do it. OK, alone.
The day that we went to that oneword that we called Nana's house
alone, we looked at four or fivethat day.
Yes, multiply. That day 4.
Or five weeks. We've been looking for like 2

(39:13):
1/2 months. I understand.
I'm telling you, I don't think it's any more than 30.
I really don't. I would be very surprised.
Honey, we've looked at like 10 aweekend.
That's inaccurate. No.
We've never looked at more than four or five in a weekend.
It just feels like a lot. OK.

(39:34):
Then I'll count. Sure.
But then you have to account forthe ones that we've just driven
by and looked at. Sure.
This weekend alone, you looked at 8:00?
No. Eight, No.
You looked at four or five without me.
Looked at 3:00, that's what I mean it.
The process is so. Don't tell me how I feels.

(39:57):
I will tell you how I feels thatyou feels.
OK. Don't tell me how I feel.
Honey, it's absolutely it is, Absolutely.
Yeah. More than 20, if not 80.
It's either 20 or 80, nowhere inbetween.
It's. I can't.

(40:19):
I knew that was gonna. Happen you've broken me?
I know I get it, but no yes. OK, I don't.
I want to, like, pause the podcast and count and then come
back. That's how upset I am.
That's too much time you're. Misrepresenting our.
I'll try to count while you're Jude.
Journey. You know, how about that?

(40:41):
So you're just gonna not listen to me, Jude?
I can multitask. I always listen to you, Jude,
but oh, we just got a cool one. That's cool.
I'm. Afraid that we're gonna get our
offer accepted and then we're gonna keep seeing houses and be
like, wait, what about this one?Yeah.
We can't do that. That's why we gotta like the

(41:02):
second that we buy a house or find a house, we have to remove
it from our e-mail. This one looks really cool.
It has carpet in the bathroom soshould have put pin in that.
OK, well, then what are you're gonna count the ones we've seen
on that, but then we have to addlike 10 for the ones we've

(41:24):
driven by? Yeah, something like that, Yeah.
Honey. 20's probably a little low.
I think it'll probably end up inthe 30s.
Then hit me with my music. You want me to hit you with it,
I'll hit you with it. Do you get it?
Listen to me very carefully. I know everything.
I want you to stop. You are an example of why people

(41:46):
should have to take tests beforethey're allowed to have
children. Do you get it?
Oh, special shout out before theactual Jude to the guy at the
comedy Catch on Saturday night that leaned over to me and said,
aren't you one of the comics? And I said yes.
And he goes, OK, well I brought my video game, in case you guys
aren't funny. OK, cool.

(42:07):
And he was holding a Game Boy and I was like awesome.
So great, great, great shout outto him.
But he's not the full Jude. So on my flight to, I think it
was to Nashville, everything's afucking blur.

(42:30):
But yes, it was to Nashville. I was Middle Seat Energy on
Southwest and it was already notgoing well because I entered the
plane. I was trying to put my bag in
the overhead bin and my parfait that I had bought that was in
the side of my backpack explodedinto the aisle.

(42:52):
It fell out of my backpack pouch.
I had it in the outer pouch of my backpack and it just like
toppled as I tried to put my bagup so it exploded in the aisle.
That was already startling and in front of everyone, so my
social anxiety was on an all time high.
Then it was down to only middle seats 'cause I couldn't check in

(43:14):
soon enough, blah blah blah. Anyways, so I go get in this
middle seat and these two older women, I mean, they're in their
60s or so and they are talking. And so I asked to sit in the
middle seat in between them. But it was one of those
situations where the flight attendant had said only middle
seats. So take any seat you find.
Like, I wasn't just, yeah, I wasn't preemptively taking a

(43:37):
middle seat that they could havehad empty.
I was just taking it. So they first looked at me
sideways, and I was like, literally, someone's gonna have
to sit there and you're welcome,that it's me because I'm a thin
person. So, like, you're welcome.
So I sat in the middle and they continued the conversation they
were having over my body. And at first I was like, Oh,

(43:58):
well, I've, like, interrupted their conversation with my body
that, you know, they're gonna finish up what they're saying.
Smash cut to 20 minutes later, they are both still fully turned
towards each other. My body's in the middle.
They're fucking talking to each other with hand motions.

(44:18):
Their breath is on either side of my cheek.
Their hands are in either side of my face.
I can't even text because their hands are like, waving over my
phone. I'm like, can I fucking help
you? Are you guys OK?
I kept literally looking up and,like, staring at them like I I
kept sighing. They weren't getting it.

(44:39):
So then I literally waited till we're taking off.
Like we're about to take off. We're taxiing like they were
loading the rest of the plane. We were sitting there because we
couldn't take off yet. So like 1520 minutes goes by and
then the flight attendant's like, OK, prepare for push off
or whatever. And I looked at them, because
they're what they. Prepare for push off.

(45:00):
No, like you know what I mean when they start taxiing.
OK. Yeah, Yeah.
Yeah. They say that that was not the
time to question me about what'sbeen said.
They haven't even swallowed their own spit.
They haven't even taken a breath.
They just keep talking, talking,talking, talking.
They they are just staring at each other, talking this entire

(45:22):
time. And I'm like, are you fucking
kidding me? This is weird behavior.
I wouldn't be doing this. So I literally stopped them.
I looked at each of them and went, Would one of you like to
switch seats with me so you can continue this?
And what'd they say? And.
They were like, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, it's fine.
We'll stop when we're in the air.

(45:44):
OK, so then they keep talking. And they finally stopped when
the plane was, like in that super steep climb where you,
like, can't lean forward. They finally stopped when the
airplane, like gravity made themstop.
But it was so fucking weird. I was like, do I exist?

(46:06):
I just don't get why they wouldn't switch seats with you.
Right. And then one of you just
switched seats. Then if you want to continue
your conversation, it's just. Weird.
You're acting like I'm a ghost and you're talking through me.
It was so weird. I was like, I can't lean back
any further. You guys are both just breathing
on each side of my face. It's so fucking weird.
It was so and it it was like a full blown like back and forth.

(46:30):
It wasn't like little comments that they're kind of like, oh,
did you oh, did you want me to hand you one of my snacks or it
wasn't like it was like full blown like and did you hear and
did you hear me fuck off. It was so weird.
God damn it, am I invisible? Anyways, judgment to the plain

(46:52):
tip. Shove your aisle and your window
seat up your fucking asshole. Do you get it?
If you're gonna talk through a middle seat, fuck you.
And then the one old lady ordered a Jack Daniels little
mini bottle just on ice. And I was like, it is literally

(47:16):
730 AMI the flight. Was.
The flight was 7:30 AM and she'sdrinking like Jack on ice and I
was like, what is happening? It's called Vacation mode.
Oh, and then they were talking hella shit about homeless people
like in Nashville and I she's I was just like, OK, they were

(47:36):
doing the like, bless his heart,but then saying shitty things
and then going, but bless his heart.
Yeah, he's a real piece of shit,but bless his heart.
He doesn't really deserve a house, but bless his heart, why?
Should I pay for his house? Just saying the worst shit out
loud to each other and then going bless his heart and I'm

(47:58):
like, I'm right here. It's OK because they blessed his
heart. Right.
You got how it's it's science. But I'll pray for him.
I gave him $0.50 Then I spit on him, but I'll pray for him.
Bless his heart. I have seen that behavior a
couple times myself and it's so frustrating and it's it's one of

(48:19):
those things that like it's it'son paper a very simple thing
that you should be able to get past.
But it is just something that ruins your day.
And I the same thing for me is or something similar is when I'm
on a plane watching something and the person next to me is
like trying to watch the thing that I'm watching and it's not

(48:41):
even like. It's like, get off my TV.
Yeah, it's like. It used to be, you know, but the
planes used to have like the little screen that would like
fold down and there was like 6 screens in the whole plane.
And if you want to watch the Community movie, you plug your
headphones into the chair and turn on Channel 7 or whatever.
Obviously everybody's viewing those.
But when I brought an iPad and I'm watching Season 2 episode

(49:02):
three of The Office, you're sitting next to me, like
borderline leaning over to see which episode I'm on.
And I'm like, just. And then I look behind me and
the person, like, diagonal from me behind me is just like making
eye contact with me. I'm like, have you been watching
the whole time too? That's that's similar to like
someone looking at your texts. 100%.

(49:24):
Like stop looking at my screen. And it is very uncomfortable.
This isn't for you. Very uncomfortable when you're
watching something that has nudity randomly.
On a plane, yeah, yeah. It's terrifying.
I have a rule. I don't watch anything on a
plane that has planes in it because that just feels like
you're asking. For it and.

(49:44):
Then I typically try to pre screen if something has nudity
so that I'm not watching it on aplane.
Yeah. It's common courtesy and I it's
embarrassing and frightening andit just sneaks up on you like
the solar eclipse. Did you count the houses?
Moment of truth, but kind of also not really.

(50:08):
No real answer. What do you mean?
Here's why, because the thing doesn't have all the houses we
have looked at. I think when they sell and or
don't sell and or remove from the market and whatever, they
disappear from that thing. But I did count the houses on
there that we saw recently that are still on there and some from

(50:30):
my brain, so obviously not all, but that number was 16.
Seems like you think you on purpose doctored the number to
be lower than 20. No, I've been very candid.
It's not an official number. Right.
So if it's not even half of the ones because they've all

(50:52):
disappeared and it's not the ones that aren't on there like
just random extra ones that we've driven by.
It could be exactly half and then I'd still be accurate.
You said 20. I said between 20 and 30.
No. I did rewind the tape.
OK, I'm over it. It's literally like 80.
I think it's funny that you're getting so personally offended

(51:12):
by. That because you're like denying
my reality. You're denying my reality.
Looked at houses for months. I know we have.
To ad nauseam. We've seen so many fucking
turds. I know.
So many turds, honey. And every time we're out seeing
ones that we've planned to see, we also see ones that we just
stop at and drive by and there'sa sign.

(51:35):
Listen, I am more than. Willing to do it?
How about we call my mom and see?
I won't tell her my number. You don't tell her your number,
and we see how many she thinks we've seen.
OK, let's do it. Do you want to grab your phone?
Sure. Here, hold that up to the thing,
yeah. Hello.

(51:56):
Hi. We're recording the podcast and
we have a pivotal question for you.
Oh, OK. To the best of your ability, can
you please estimate the number of houses that you believe we
have looked at in our house hunt?
Not with you total. At least 10.

(52:27):
Kate, what was that again? Wait.
Wait. What?
What was the number? 10 to 15.
Thank you. Oh, I feel so validated.
Can I tell you what Katie said? You guys went to a few every
weekend I. Thought yes, every weekend for

(52:48):
like 2 months and you think it's15.
So are you thinking that's too much or too little?
Katie's answer was that we've seen the 80.
Oh. My God, are you high, mother?
I said 20 to 30. If you see like 3A Weekend I.
Don't know what mom alone this weekend alone.

(53:09):
You saw three with Cameron and then we saw 25 alone this
weekend. No, no four.
That's true because we saw the same one twice.
Whatever, I'm just saying. You don't have to let her
convince you. I think your answer is very
astute. Wow, I feel so good right now.
My. God, I see this.

(53:30):
I didn't think about how many weeks you've been doing it.
Whatever. And then the the weekend that we
drove around and saw that one that we were calling Nana's
house. OK, so God forbid anyone should
say an incorrect answer. I didn't think it through, I
guess. No, you thought it through
plenty. Don't let her bully you.

(53:51):
All right, think about how many.Weeks you were at it.
Whatever. Damn.
OK, this is good shit. I hate this.
Thank you for validating the right answer.
OK then. Bye.
OK. Love you.
Bye. I hate this.

(54:13):
No. It's so good.
It's the best. You OK?
You gonna be OK? I'm just pissed off because you
guys are so wrong and now you'redenying my reality.
You're you're denying our collective.
You're denying two people's realities.
Come on. Wow.

(54:34):
It feels good. You bastard, you son of a bitch.
That's all. Feels really good.
All right. Well.
Real talk though, I think it's probably I said 20 to 30.
I think it's probably like thirties, 30s.
Hey, whatever. 80. I'm not kidding you.

(54:58):
There's nothing. Left at 80.
Honey, I'm done with this. Subscribe to Mostly True
Opinions on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen
to podcasts.