TV is Rotting Your Dog's Brain

Its science...

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, imagine that, two millennials doing a podcast to
avoid legalizing the purge. Yeah, probably because they
can't afford therapy. This is mostly true opinions.
It is mostly true opinions. Yes, I am Katie.

(00:22):
Whoops. Nope.
I'm Cameron, that is KDK comedy.Hello.
Leave it in. Out here.
Leave it in, yeah. We'll fix it in post It's fine.
Hope you're hope you're doing well.
If you're listening to this podcast today, you're here for
your weekly dose of inspiration.And that is it.
That's all we do is inspire people and you've come to the

(00:43):
right place. I got to be honest with you, I
didn't know that I was going to even make it to this recording
session today. Why?
I have been miserable physicallyall day today.
Why? What happened?
I had spicy chicken Nuggets lastnight.

(01:06):
OK. Yourself a favor.
And not affected today in a big.Way for the first time in my
life and I this is going to gross you out.
You just got to go with it for asecond because it's real and
it's what I've been experiencingall day.
I hate this. I had impossible spicy chicken
Nuggets 'cause I was at the grocery store last night.

(01:27):
I didn't know what to get to fordinner.
And I'm like, oh, you know what?Some air fried spicy nugs.
That sounds delightful. And they were, they were kind of
OK. Like I there's some impossible
or beyond things that are prettygood.
And this just seemed like they phoned it in, like it was just a

(01:47):
really weird. Anyway, I've never understood
when people were like, oh, I can't have Chipotle.
I'll be on the toilet all day. Or, you know, you'll, you'll
feel Taco Bell coming out or whatever.
People say when people say like,oh, I can't eat Taco Bell,
'cause it wrecks me and like, I've never understand that.

(02:09):
I don't get it. I've never understood it, but I
can tell you for the first time in my life today, I am
struggling beyond beyond believe.
Getting. I.
Is it making it impossible to function yaying so?

(02:33):
Other pun no I I let let me justsay this, and this is the most
respectful way I can put it. The feeling that my mouth had
with the spice last night, I am having in a different way today.
OK, I have a question. I almost called the doc like I

(02:55):
almost went to urgent care. Honey, what would they do for
you? I don't know, my ass was on
fire. Get some Preparation H for that
shit. No, I need some.
I don't know what I need. I have a question.
OK, what's your question? How many fucking Nuggets did you
eat? Probably 10.

(03:16):
Then how is it happening all day?
Isn't it a one and done bathroomsituation?
You would think, but I my body has reacted to them as if I had
meat for the first time and I haven't.
I in that you can verify these were fake meat Nuggets.
So my body's reacting like that.My body's reacting as if I had

(03:37):
100 of them and my body's reacting as if I've never had
spicy food before. And I they, they weren't even
not they weren't even that spicy.
I'm wondering if there's some chemical in them of that of like
the fake meat aspect that maybe they go hard on and your body is
like, wait, what? Because yeah, I was just

(03:58):
thinking though, if it's like 10nugs, OK, you have one
uncomfortable bathroom trip and you wipe your hands of it and
you call it a day. You wipe, sorry, you wipe your
ass of it and you call it a day.But I just don't understand.
Like how many trips to the bathroom is this 8?
Like how many conservatively? I I think conservatively I have

(04:21):
sat on a toilet today 10 times. That's so many times like one
per nug. That's what it seems like, yeah.
And. And it's just like, how do you
even have anything left in you? This is what I always think if I
wow so skinny. I don't.
It just hurts that I feel like Iit's happening again, but it's

(04:45):
not. It's, I'm telling you, it is the
weirdest thing I've ever. Are you getting like the sweats?
Like, are you sweating? Weirdly, no, I'm not, no.
And so that's why I know it's not like a food poisoning
situation, you know what I mean?Right.
So it's just isolated to the lower back.
Rough, but I will never have these fucking things again, let
me tell you that. Don't.

(05:06):
In fact, there's some leftover in the freezer.
We're throwing them away tonight.
I wonder if I would have the same bodily reaction.
Should we roll the dice and see?You can try if you want, but.
I mean, I've been, I don't know,I've been feeling a little
bloated this week, so. Yeah, I mean, that's one way of,

(05:27):
you know, being on the fitness journey, as you said.
But yeah, I'm just struggling today.
So if I sound off or if I leave mid pod, you know why?
It's because you're shitting yourself.
It's because yeah, don't I sounddifferent?
You should have you been hydrating because if you know
you got a. Pounding water today, like I've
been having so much water. And I mean, it was super

(05:50):
embarrassing because I was mid sentence with somebody I work
with and I was like, I got to go.
But. I but I didn't tell them why.
So I was like, oh crap, I got toget on this call and then I just
ran to the bathroom. Oh, it's been a rough day, but

(06:10):
I'm I'm getting there. I'm fighting.
I'm fighting. And then since you're pounding
water, I assume instead of peeing every 15 minutes, you're
peeing every 7 minutes. Yes, it's constant.
It has been constant, but here we are.
We made it. What?
What is your special called again?
Surviving, not thriving. That's where we're at.
That's where we're at. But anyway, how are you doing?

(06:33):
Did you have any emergency visits today?
No, I just got a migraine again,which my vision goes and it's
really inconvenient. Yeah, it's really.
Yeah, some say it's inconvenientto not see when you're used to
seeing. I have so much to do.
Yeah, when you don't have Braille handy, it's like tough,

(06:54):
you know? It's migraines suck.
I mean, it's if you've never hadone, it is shocker.
It hurts. Yeah, they're debilitating.
They are just like they you can't normally function the way
that you otherwise would becauseit's just pounding you in the
head. But in an also shocking turn of

(07:17):
events, I don't let it stop me. So then I still try to work and
go do everything and drive places and talk to people while
my head is split in two and I can't see out of half my
eyeballs. Yeah, which doctors say is not
recommended. You should probably be like in a

(07:37):
dark room with an eye mask on, you know, ice on your face or
something. I did that for like 10 minutes.
I had an ice pack in a dark room.
I took Aleve 2 hours later I took Tylenol.
I had caffeine, I had a liquid IBI did all the things that you
should do. I just wanted I'm impatient.
I did them all and I was like great, I should be better in 30

(07:58):
minutes. I think headaches are the most
frustrating physical ailment that is like regularly
occurring. Like, it's annoying when you get
a cold. Yeah, it's annoying when you
stub your toe, but at least it makes sense.
It's like, well, I kicked the coffee table, of course my toe
is going to hurt. Headaches just come on randomly.

(08:19):
And you're like, why? Why am I?
I feel fine. Why is my head pounding?
Why do I feel like I'm going to throw up?
I mean, in general, my body has been betraying me since we've
become very stressed. However, I thought today, wow,
our load is lighter, our shoulders are relieved, our

(08:43):
twinkle is in our eye because wegot an offer on the House that
we accepted. We did, yes.
Fuck yeah. Hell yeah.
So you would think to yourself, wow, you're so carefree.
Look at you easy breezy cover girl.
And yet here we are shitting ourselves, you know.

(09:05):
And yet our bodies haven't caught up to the news, I think.
There's a, there's science behind that.
It's like when people go on vacation, they have a week off
for the first time in months andthat's the week they get sick.
It's because you're, you've allowed your body to actually
slow down and not be in that fight or flight mode.

(09:26):
And you know, it's science. It happens.
Sure. It happens.
You know what else is science? What?
This is, I think you're going tolove this, according to new
research, you know, and we're dog people.
It's very well documented. Your dog might prefer certain TV
shows. OK, Literally, yeah.

(09:49):
When I saw this headline I instantly thought of you because
I don't know if we've talked about it on the podcast before,
but we watch Love Island so religiously that our dogs.
Now respond. To the theme song.
So I feel like when we start an episode and you hear the theme
song, everybody gathers on the couch, everybody gets under

(10:10):
blankets, everyone gets into relaxation mode.
And then at the end of the app, when the theme hits again and
the credits are rolling, the dogs get up.
They're like, it's over, it's time to go to bed.
We got to go potty. It's really interesting.
So this study just took a look at hundreds of dogs and how they
responded to different research or how do they responded to

(10:32):
different television shows and based on how they were reacting
with what shows they were putting on.
It did depend on which dog was watching what dogs reacted
differently. So the point is people, some
people are like, can dogs even see what's on the TV?
That's the thing, in the past, old TV's were hard to see for

(10:54):
dogs because of the way they delivered the image to the
screen. Now they absolutely have the
ability to watch what they're what you have on.
And there already are things that exist like YouTube channels
that you can put on for your dogand things like that.
But I think this will only lead to a place where there's some

(11:18):
version of this that is inventedspecifically for dogs.
Like, I don't know if it's a a small television screen that's
next to their food bowl or if it's, I don't know what it is,
but I feel like it's something that we've like theorized and
now the research shows it's a thing.
Dogs have taste when it comes towatching TVI.

(11:40):
Feel like now it's going to go too far, just like screen time
for children and iPads and stuffwhere then people are going to
be like, great, now we got to get our dogs hooked on movies
and TV and then they're going togo too far and then they're
going to have to put it, pull itback.
But we catch them watching, likelooking up at the screen and

(12:01):
watching and fully taking in thescreen and what's going on all
the time. So this does not even in me.
Sometimes it's not even in one off moment.
Sometimes it's like the dog is staring at the TV for several
minutes. I think trying to figure out
what's going on. I.
And it's not only when there's animals in a scene or something

(12:21):
on the TV, it's like when there's just people and colors
they like and sounds they like or whatever.
I thought you were going to say that there was a consensus of
all the dogs studied on the favorite TV show of dogs, but I
guess it makes sense that they have different likes and
dislikes and and personalities. I feel like in our household

(12:42):
their favorite TV shows definitely Love Island, but I
feel like The Office is a close second.
I would say it's a close second for sure, yeah.
I don't know, I feel what show do we think should be like a
universally loved show from dogs?
They probably like Superstore too, because we watched a ton of

(13:03):
that. Like we used to watch it every
night going to bed. So they probably like associate
that with coziness and comfort and everything.
But yeah, I don't know. I could see them really enjoying
like reality shows because they're flashy and loud and like
there's a lot of, you know, things happening from people.

(13:24):
Sometimes I catch the dog watching me click through the
menu. So I think he just likes Roku,
whatever Roku is working with. But I thought that was
interesting. He likes Pluto TV.
And they said in this research study, canine watching sessions
averaged out just over 14 minutes, which I feel like is
super high. That's a long time.

(13:46):
Like good luck even finding a human being that can watch
something for 14 minutes straight.
Yeah, without looking at their phone, Yeah.
Which by the way, we, this is a random side note, but I, I just
thought of it. We were at the mall over the
weekend and we went and saw one of these 'cause they have them

(14:06):
on Love Island. The foldable smartphones,
they're like kind of flip phones.
Pure iPhone can fold in half. They're made by Samsung, not the
same. I like if you're, if we're going
to do this, if we're going to lean back into the flip phone,
just give me a flip phone. I don't like it.
I don't like that the screen bends.
I don't either. And when it's straight, it's not
really very straight. No, and you feel a little bend.

(14:30):
You still feel the bend when it's straight?
Yeah, I think it feels cheap, even though I'm sure it cost the
the amount of money to make thatbendable screen.
I can't fucking imagine the engineering that had to go into
that and like how? How expensive is it to buy one?
I don't even know the Samsung the same price as an iPhone.

(14:51):
Well, I just can't imagine that having that.
And then when you bend it or when it's straight, you still
feel it. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's the same price as an
iPhone, 1000 bucks. Oh.
God, I just don't understand it.It's a.
It makes me sound. The Motorola Razor just bring it

(15:15):
back 100. Percent.
I want the satisfaction of that nice snap when you open it or
close it, and these things don'thave that.
I will. Take a BlackBerry, fine.
Really. No.
No, wait. What am I thinking of?
The ones that slid open and close.
Sidekick. Sidekick.
Thank you. Not a BlackBerry.
Never mind. Yeah, I.

(15:35):
Still think the people who had sidekicks were so cool.
Yeah, I'll. Take a razor or a sidekick.
Thank you, I had both like I. Didn't have either.
I had whatever the cheapest cellphone that existed.
That's that's what I had and I was fine with it and I thought
it was fun. Like you could go to the the
store, You can literally go to Walmart and get a cell phone for
$40 and now you have to go take out a loan to get one.

(16:01):
It's crazy. That some it's 'cause last time
we were at a cell phone store, we saw someone trying to get
like approved for line of creditfor one.
Yeah. I know it's and he didn't even
get approved. It was.
Sad. And it's like, Oh no, but you
could just get. One of those.
Pay and go cards or phones like the cricket phones or whatever

(16:23):
like he could have access to that they.
Even have versions of those thatare like iPhone level now too.
So like, it's not even that you're getting a relic.
You can still like hang with thekids, as they say with one of
those things. But yeah, I, I wonder, I could
see a world like if we're, if we're focusing in on dogs for
TVI could see a world where theyfigure out like a phone for dogs

(16:47):
like. A way that you can communicate
an Apple Watch. Or yeah, or some kind of fitness
tracker for sure. Or definitely a fitness tracker.
And I mean do. They Yeah.
They definitely have like, somebody makes some sort of
attachment for a GoPro. I'm sure they do.
But like, we're going to get to a point where dogs have dash

(17:08):
cams on them, and I'm here for that.
Number one, if somebody takes mydog or like some incident
happens, you got it covered. But #2 the videos have got to be
amazing. Well, yeah.
Why isn't there already something like that that just
built into a collar? There should.
Be. OK Shark Tank, hold on, let me

(17:32):
look it up. Seriously, should we take this
to Shark Tank people? Would people 1000% would buy
that? OK, I will say that there are
some on Amazon but they look like shit so we need a the
better looking one 'cause they look huge.
They look like a a webcam attached to like a cord.

(17:53):
No it. Needs to not even.
It needs to not even be visible really.
No, it needs to be. Built in built.
Into the name tag thing and likea steady Cam kind of so that it
when it when they're running andjostling it's not like yeah it.
Needs to be like a bouncing. Yeah.

(18:16):
Like a pen Cam or something. See, I I feel like this is a
good idea 'cause like, I'm sure that the the Ring doorbell
existed before Ring doorbell existed, but Ring just kind of
perfected it. I mean, it's not.
So you're saying it's not proprietary, but we could do it
better? I mean it.
Yeah, I think so. I mean, they probably have a

(18:36):
patent on it, but we could get apatent on like a hidden dog
collar camera. You should.
Do it. But then Oh my God, Oh my God.
I just had the best idea in the world.
Holy shit. OK.
Holy. Shit is this for real?
Yes, make these things have the ability to transmit their image

(19:00):
at any given time and then startan app like TikTok that you just
swipe through but every time youswipe it's a different dog's
live feed. Holy shit.
I mean holy shit, that's going to get a little bit complicated
because of consent of owners being on camera.

(19:21):
Yeah, we'll figure out the nittygritty later.
But I would definitely watch a dog's live feed.
Wouldn't that be awesome? Yeah.
Or like, you could hook up humane societies that way, and
then you can like, you can adoptA dog but not actually adopt
them. You know, the same way you adopt
A star or whatever bullshit people do you may.

(19:42):
Not actually adopt them. Well, you know, like.
When people get, oh, there's a dolphin named after me or a star
named after me and you always have the ability to attract it.
This is the way. Like say you couldn't adopt A
dog and bring it home. You could still support a dog
$100 a year or something and then have access to their live
stream. Wow.

(20:04):
Honestly that's really good. So like shelters but I just
wonder if shelters wouldn't wantto have live streams because
it's too sad or they don't want to get like yelled at.
I we, you're, you know, I let the lawyers figure that out, OK?
That's why we have a whole legalteam on retainer.

(20:25):
I feel like we at least need a proof of concept.
Yeah, I mean, I have an old DSLRwe can strap to Daisy's body and
just get the just get the test footage proof of.
Concept yeah, she does really interesting stuff, and you know
what the live stream won't be itwon't be just 10 hours of them

(20:46):
sleeping in a dog bed in a row so it's just a blanket over the
camera because they definitely do more interesting things and
sleep constantly. Oh wait.
Oh. Wait, Oh no, wait, hang on.
It's it's going to be footage ofthem sleeping and watching TV.
Turns out turns. Out it's just a weird, shaky
live Cam of Love Island. Yeah, so.

(21:07):
You're just watching it ripped from our dog's collar.
Camera caller Cam patent pending.
Oh. Collar Cam is great and also lol
because your name getting OK that's how we can get.
Around it, if somebody else trademarked it, we'll be like,
Nah, we're trademarking camas and camera, not camas and

(21:27):
camera. So F you.
I don't. Does that matter to a patent?
I don't know. Again, we'll let the lawyers
figure it out. Speaking of this though, hidden
cameras, consent, all of those things.
Legalities. I am a little concerned about
something, but which? First of all, I have been
considering getting a dash Cam as we watch this Road Wars show

(21:51):
where it just shows people behaving poorly and doing
insurance fraud and all that stuff and they're only like 50
bucks. I feel like we should get one.
I think we get an insurance discount for having them too.
Sure. I believe it.
Whatever, and. Frankly, whenever you go postal
on, somebody will have it on camera and it's good for content
and everything. So and then yeah, go viral.

(22:14):
I am. So we're in the process of
moving and we are going to have for the first time in our
relationship, a garage sale. And garage sales these days are
interesting because a lot of people, a lot Gary Vee, like to

(22:35):
make content at garage sales, goto Garage Hills, hunting, doing
videos, whatever. I am really concerned that you
or I are going to be the butt ofa joke on TikTok or something.
You think because somebody triedto either prank us or offer us a

(22:58):
a dollar amount we didn't like and they were recording and we
didn't know it. So what I'm trying to say have
to. Tell you they're recording.
Technically, but that never stops anybody.
Sure, it's different. Like if they were out on the
street, they can record us. It's a public place.
On our driveway is our property.They need our consent, but
people are going to do it still.But also like, if we see

(23:22):
somebody coming up with a camera, we can say no filming or
we can say go ahead and film. And then, you know, this is my
moment to be a star. And you can show them, instead
of like getting angry, show theman insane act of kindness and go
famous that way, you know, go. Famous, yeah.

(23:43):
People go famous off of these things, right?
I want to be on Ellen from this video.
Oh my God. So you think that someone's
going to say like, let's say ourkitchen table and they want it
for $10 and you think I'll just go postal?
I think you'll say something like instead of, oh, sorry, we

(24:06):
need to get a little bit more out of that.
You're going to say, oh, I'd rather shove the table up my own
ass, so bye. I could see myself saying I'd
rather watch it burn. Yeah, I, I, I'm sure you will
say that, but here's the thing. I I wonder.
How many time it's not am I going to say it?
It's how many times in the day will I say it?

(24:26):
This is what? I'm worried about though,
because you have to understand, and I know that you you did a
garage sale when you were a kid 1 Is that right?
Yeah. And you were selling like your
own crafts and things, which is very cute, but I don't think you
were like a part of the bartering experience.
No it. Wasn't in the mix.

(24:46):
And you're going to be in the mix now, and you got to take
pride out of it. Everybody that comes to this
thing is going to be looking fora deal.
Yeah, but. Like if we don't sell the stuff
like we can just donate it. So if I would rather be
charitable than sell to an ass hat, then I'll be charitable.
Sure, but you have to. It is OK for somebody, sure, but

(25:11):
it is OK for somebody to try to get a deal.
And also it them not being an asshole.
Like those people exist. I'm one of them, I'll be honest,
I know. But I think we can play that by
ear because I think I can sense if someone is, you know,
well-intentioned, just thrifty deal hunter versus a toxic piece

(25:38):
of shit. I like, I feel like the people
who do it normally will come up and let's say you have a pair of
shoes on the table and they're 5bucks.
Yeah. As normal person would come up
and go, oh, can you do 2 on these and we go we can do 3 or
or no, I need to get a few more out of them.

(25:58):
OK, thank you or OK, I'll take them.
That's normal. That's fine.
You tried. We said no, you're you're not
taking. That's fine.
That's totally reasonable. I'm not going to hold anything
against you. If if, if I have them priced at
5 and you say 2 and then you sayand I say no.
And you you respond to that withsome sort of sarcastic asshole

(26:21):
comment of like really OK or something like that.
That is when you're going to geta shove it up your ass reaction.
That's when. You'll get.
I'd rather watch it burn. I do have a pitch.
OK, how would you feel? About helping me get all the
stuff out there. Price hit.
You want me to go? Just be in the head house.

(26:42):
No, I was going. To suggest that you have a
little lemonade stand, no. And sell lemonade.
And doughnuts or something. Like a child, you want to put me
into my corner and stick me withdoughnuts?
Honey, I'm. Joking.

(27:02):
I'm joking, but all I'm saying is we got to go into it with an
open mind. Fine.
What I'm like worried about the bottom line of like, OK, how
many how much money I want an estimate.
How much money do you think willmake on this garage sale Give me

(27:23):
an yeah, just a ballpark number and we'll see who's closer when
it happens. Go do you an.
Answer at the same time. Yeah, 3. 2/1. 205 what?

(27:44):
I'm going with an Angel number five, 55555.
We're selling so much stuff and you think we're going to make
200 bucks? What's the fucking point?
I mean, that's still worth it. It's $200.
That's a lot of money. What am I going?
To buy with that a toaster. What is that, Michael?

(28:05):
A banana? I just.
You think that's that 200? That's my estimate, and when we
go over that, I'm going to be through the moon.
We're selling. A fucking treadmill and patio
furniture and a kitchen table and a desk and all this stuff

(28:27):
is. For sale, but we have somebody
has to buy it. Don't people go Ferrell for
these things? I don't really know.
I, I've, I've, I haven't been inthe game on this end for quite
some time. So I could be off on that but
but we used to. Go the way I.
See it and we. Would go too late in the day and
everything was all picked over already because people go
fucking hard. Also what time do they begin?

(28:51):
6:00 AM What? Time.
Do they begin six or seven? Usually 77's like the industry
standard. So yeah, we're going to have to
like really be ready and preppedbecause that means that people
are on the doorstep at 7:00. So that means we have to move
stuff out early, early. Should we not?

(29:13):
Should we just do it and not sleep?
No, we pre price everything inside and then we haul it out
in the morning. It's not that, but your.
Whole thing, Didn't you say no? You think yes to price stickers
or no to price stickers? I kind of am thinking yes to
price stickers now because you. Don't want to deal with people
asking me how much it is, yeah. Well, I also thought of it from

(29:39):
like a customer perspective, andI don't like going to garage
sales and having to ask. So I feel like there could be a
few items that we don't price, like the treadmill, for example,
come up and give me an offer. What do you think it's worth?
But for like a coffee mug, we can put a sticker on that 40
bucks, you know what I mean? OK, I don't know, I feel.

(30:01):
Like you're off board now that we talked about it a bit more, I
just. Think putting it I think it's
all or nothing. I think putting a sticker,
putting a sticker on some stuff and not on other stuff is weird.
I know I. Just I I got to be honest, it's
just not that serious. The whole thing.
What are you, all or nothing? I've never, I've never had a
conversation about a garage salethat seemed higher stakes than

(30:25):
this one. If we don't make over $200,
we're going to die or something.Wait, I.
Just feel like I know for the record.
I would rather have $200 than just get rid of it all, you know
what I mean? I feel like if we make less than
200 though, like I could just have had my day back.

(30:46):
If, if we make less than 200 bucks, it'll be a bummer, but
that is our sign to just never do it again.
You know what I mean? It all comes in the marketing.
Like I think I need to realistically by Wednesday, I
got to get ads up on Craigslist.I'm going to get, I'm going to
get the juices flowing. I got to, we got to create hype

(31:09):
around this thing. You know, I want to, I'm going
to be interviewed on the local news.
I'm thinking we stock the pond with some of our friends at 7:00
AM so that when people come likethey're our friends, our plants
are around like, Oh my God, thisis a good price on this.
You don't get that. I will.
You know what I mean, right? Right, right.
I like it. Like extras?

(31:30):
Yeah. Like the episode of The Office
where they open the the Tablet store in Tallahassee and they
put a couple people in disguise and stuff.
Yeah, that's what we need to do.Like one of our friends needs to
come. Wow, you're selling this
treadmill? I can't find it anywhere.
So. Rare I left my money.
At home, well, if it's here whenyou get back, you can have it.

(31:51):
Otherwise, somebody else might get it.
You know, I've, I've got AI got a plan.
We're going to make this thing happen.
Oh wow, I'm going to put. Signs up 30 miles out.
It's going to be how many? Signs come in that Amazon kit.
There were only 5, so I think I might swing by Walmart on my way

(32:11):
home tonight and grab some more signage.
Yeah, we're going to need more than five.
We have two. We have 5 entrances alone.
My thing is, I want to be accurate with our signage.
There's nothing worse than driving around on a Saturday
morning, you see a garage sale sign that says like big family
sale, lots of great, whatever. And then you pull up and it's

(32:34):
like, here's a pile of clothes. It's like, OK, that's that's
late. I can tell you one thing.
We probably won't have many clothes.
And I take a lot of pride in that.
Well, what? Do you put on our sign like what
is what is your verbiage different than just garage sale
you should use? ChatGPT to tell us.
It'll tell us like the most appetizing here, let me look up

(32:56):
a couple Craigslist listings forinspiration.
Craigslist still exists, by the way.
I think the only. Thing that I don't know, I think
the only thing that would make me like whoa would be if you
were like a bunch of free stuff.Like free and it's not.
Free. This is an interesting way of

(33:17):
framing it. Somebody else says on a
Craigslist downsizing sale everything must go so moving
sale might be a good tag. Somebody else says what moving
sale yard sale vibes OK vibes moving sale 25 garage sales of

(33:43):
one spot that's kind of cool estate sale and.
There's only us. Or like everybody else,
canceled. I'm so sorry.
Moving everything must go very cheap free, no?
'Cause then people will come in low balling.
I think we just say moving sale I.
Think moving, sale, lots of good.

(34:06):
We should have something funny in it.
I feel like people like that. I think you're prepared to be.
Amazed or mind blowing deals? You know how like the tease
every season of The Bachelor? Like it's the best thing since
sliced bread? That's what we need to do,
Garage. Sale you've ever seen?

(34:29):
How about celebrity garage sale?People show up.
Who the fuck are you? We put a.
Picture of your comedy album on the driveway as they're like
walking in. Hey, that's pretty good
marketing. That's pretty good celebrity
garage sale. No, we put.
A picture of my only fans that's.

(34:50):
Even better, only fans star Garage sale.
Wow. Yeah, that'll get people in, I'm
telling you. Should we talk?
About how I fucked myself. What?
OK. You gotta you pleased, OK?

(35:11):
Should I tell you where my hand was up my body the other day?
What do you what? Emotionally.
Oh. OK, you tell me how you fucked
yourself. The only fans thing.
I don't think that you did. I really don't.
I feel like I did whatever. Well, tell everybody what

(35:34):
happened. We've talked about my Only Fans
journey on this podcast for likeover a year now.
And when I when I released the Only Fans comedy special, I got
up to 4.8000 fans because I mademy page free so that people

(35:56):
could follow it and then they could pay for like custom feat
picks in the DMS or unlock a $5 foot pick on my page.
To. Be my fan was free and I was
like OK now it's been a few months of these people like
staying my fans and after the special has been released and I

(36:20):
was like if I make it cause the the minimum membership fee that
you can make your page is 499. You can't go lower.
So 490 nine $4.99 a month you can make your page a
subscription fee. So I was like, OK, if I make my

(36:41):
page 499 and I lose 3/4 of my fans and I still have 1000 fans
paying 499 each, that's a prettygood payday per month.
Fuck yeah, sure. Yeah.
Absolutely. And then I was like, you know

(37:01):
what, if that's even two men, ifI, if even more than 3/4 of my
fans drop off, that's still not a bad payday $4.99 to stay my
fan. If you've been my fan for months
now and you interact with my content like whatever.
So then I posted IDM Ed, you cando a mass message to all your

(37:22):
fans. So I did a mass message to all
of them being like, hey, I'm so I'm going to be really active
posting exclusive content about my like comedy tour and blah
blah, blah, behind the scenes and everything.
I'm going to switch to the subscription page.
Like let me know if you're goingto stick around and like a few
people let me know. And then no one else said

(37:42):
anything. But they didn't also react
poorly. They just were like silent, but
they've been like, they were silent followers to begin with.
So I switched to a fucking subscription model and now I'm
back down to like 26 fans. I think 26 fans is a great place
to start. How do you?
Lose 4.79 you can't equate. It you can't equate it, it's

(38:06):
you're, you're asking people to pay $5 a month.
It's, that's the, the truth is, I think most people casually
follow right in the off chance that you have a freebie or
something. And then when you force them to
pay a lot of people, even for people that do like full on

(38:27):
nudity and stuff, I would imagine that that would a lot of
people be like, I don't think I can pay for it.
So I think it to be able to flipthat switch and have 26 people,
I think is incredible. I really do.
That's really nice. Of you but I don't know it is
that's I just feel stupid that Iflipped the switch now.

(38:49):
No, I don't feel stupid at all. I mean, 'cause you're how many
of the 4600 people were crazy active before?
Yeah, they weren't, I guess. Yeah, so.
I don't think that you did anything.
No, I think you're fine. Yeah.
I. Think like 20 people were active
the whole time basically right so.
Those those active people turnedinto subscribers.

(39:10):
That's good. I just think that if you had
told me these numbers before I flip the switch, I would have
been like, yeah, that. Well then I won't do that.
But now we can find ways to growit.
By the way, if you're just tuning in, this is the only fans
coach here on SiriusXM. Yeah, No, I I think that there's

(39:32):
a way to continue building that.I wouldn't worry about it.
It's going to be good. Also, this was never designed to
be your full time job. It was kind of a let's see what
we can get away with situation. I still.
Need to do the smash the cake thing.
With with my foot. Your boobs No.
With my feet. OK, I.

(39:53):
Was like, I don't know, I forgetif we talked about that one.
Yeah, we did talk about the feet.
You're a lunatic. I I.
Don't know. I don't know what the the people
do these days. I actually, I know a shockingly
little amount about only fans only from what you've told me
and what other people have said in the news and stuff like that.

(40:15):
Why do you think? It's shockingly little.
'Cause I feel like it's mainstream at this point.
I feel like especially for men, I, I, I would imagine that a lot
of guys pay for one person a month or something.
You think? Yeah.
I like how many only fans. Let me see how many Only Fans

(40:38):
users are there. Users, but they could just have
a profile like and be posting and not subscribing to people.
All right, I'm going to say how many paid users are there?
Doesn't say. It doesn't say, but we do know

(41:01):
that there are as of 2024200 or no 305,000,000 registered users.
That's insane. Whoa.
That's crazy, 300. And 5 million is like, I mean,
let's see. And they get. 20% Commission on

(41:22):
every purchase. 20. Percent Yeah.
So they're making fucking bank. It's like almost 5% of the
world's population has only fans.
That's a lot of people. And they're getting 20% of every
single subscription and every purchase it did.

(41:43):
Say that last year they made 5 1/2 billion dollars.
Well, I believe it. That's.
Crazy. Anyway, I'm sure if we're in
next time we're at a party, lookaround and I-1 in every 10
people I would say at that partyhas only fans.

(42:05):
Oh, I thought you were going to be like, look, look at their
phones. They are on it right now.
Well. Yeah, they probably already.
No, I see people swiping. On like Bumble and stuff or
Hinge when I'm at places like atshows or whatever, people are
sitting waiting in their seats. They like swipe on their dating
apps but I don't know that I've seen like aggressively.

(42:27):
Fast too. Yeah, I.
Don't know that I've seen anyoneswiping necessarily on only fans
though. Yeah, well, tomorrow, every day
is a new day. You know it's going to happen.
You're going to see it's. You can do it.
You can do it. Everyone see it in.
The Wild, yeah. I don't know one of these.
Days I think I'm going to have an only fan subscriber show up

(42:50):
to a show because I promote my shows on my page see even.
That's the day that I'm going tofeel very weird about it.
I guess. Well, here's why I'm going to
feel weird about it, because this person's going to come up
to you after and talk to you as if they're friends with you and
be like, yeah, it was a great, great show.
By the way, I love the pit pick you put.
Oh, yeah. And it's I don't know.

(43:12):
I mean, I don't do any shows. I don't do any shows with my
toes out so I don't know. We did see a theater in Studio
City that apparently does nude comedy shows, yeah.
I don't know how that's legal. Yeah, I don't, you know,
probably isn't. And they, it's probably, it

(43:33):
might not even be a nude thing. Maybe they just put that on
there to get people in, you know?
How disappointed. Would you be if you were like a
big nude nudist person and you bought tickets to the show and
then they're not nude and they're wearing like full
underwear or something? Hey.
How about nude garage sale? That's an idea, but then we
don't actually nude out. So we put that on the sign.

(43:58):
We put free tits. Yeah, yeah.
Free tits. Exactly.
Yeah, that's what I was saying. I was, I was saying nude garage
sale. But yeah, well, let's go with
that one. Well, I'm.
Just thinking of buzzwords that would be good on the sign.
Listen, I'm open to anything at this point.

(44:18):
Are you ready to Jude? I guess.
I am fine with planning stuff. I know my space in the friend

(44:41):
group. I understand that I'm a quote UN
quote planner and I can organizea group of people.
I don't necessarily always want to be a leader, but if I fall
into that, then it's fine with me.
I can handle it, yeah. I.
Am in a like self help support group reading a book.

(45:01):
It's like a book club support group basically, and it's just
the second book of the artist's way.
So it's the artist's way. And then it's like in the
trilogy or whatever and we drop in support in the group.
Totally fine, totally great. And then I started to unravel a

(45:24):
bit because there are certain members of, I know everyone in
the group, OK? There's certain members of the
group that haven't met each other.
And they were like, oh, we want to meet.
Oh, can you put something together?
We want to meet each other. I'm like, oh, yeah, great.
OK, I threw out three dates. Can anyone do these?
No one responds. I'm like, OK, never mind.
Then someone goes, hey, when were we meeting?
Aren't we meeting up? And I was like, oh, well, no one

(45:45):
responded to the three dates I first sent out.
So here's three more dates. We finally pick a date.
It's three weeks away. OK, great.
It's three weeks away. Everyone said they could do that
date. Awesome, awesome, awesome.
Cool. See you then.
Then a week before. Hey, are we still meeting up
this Sunday? Yes.
Yep, I think so. Everyone said we are.

(46:07):
Everyone. Said they could make it.
So I think we're all still good for Sunday.
OK, cool. Sounds good.
Two days before. Hey, are we still meeting
Sunday? You know what?
Yeah, I think so. I don't think anything changed
from the last three times that you asked Slash.
If we're not someone, just say it like I don't care.

(46:27):
I but we keep you keep saying you want to meet the people in
this group. Then you keep saying, are we
actually meeting? I don't know what else to tell
you. We picked there was six dates to
pick from. We all said this one was good.
I'll see you Sunday. I can't.
Oh, then what time are we meeting?
11 or 11:30? Eleven or 11:30?
Well, I don't know. I got to be somewhere in three

(46:48):
hours and then I don't know if Ishould bring my dog or if you
should hold my dog or if I should leave my dog or if I
should leave early so then I cango home and get my dog and then
go to my thing. All of this in the group text.
And I'm like, hey, here's a freaking thought for you.
Maybe you solve your own adult logistics in your own brain and

(47:11):
don't tell me about it. So there's that.
Then. Then icing on the fucking cake.
Icing on the fucking cake. The two people who don't know
the rest of the group count them122 people, both of them the day
before. I can't make it tomorrow

(47:32):
anymore. My God, you can't make it
tomorrow anymore. Really.
Really. We planned this.
Drum roll, please. Who are you?
We planned this. Who are you?
And then I had to be waterboarded with a shit ton of
unnecessary context and logistics from people that I

(47:54):
don't care where you go before or after this.
I don't care where your your dogs probably very cute.
I don't care if your dog is there or not.
I don't care if you've walked itbefore or after.
I don't care what you're doing after this, after your body is
not near mine because my body isdoing a lot of things before it
sees you and after it sees you. So I don't give a fuck because

(48:16):
did I tell you about my life or how many hours of sleep I got
before I saw you? No, I didn't make it your
fucking problem. You know what I did make my
problem? Planning this for the fuck ass
group. And then the two people who
wanted me to plan it for them ended up both canceling the day
before I went. Are you fucking high?

(48:37):
And then one of them have the audacity to say oh sorry can't
make it anymore. Also no one gave a reason they
just said sorry can't make it. So what are you doing?
You cancelled and didn't even give a lie to me.
Give me some sort of fucking reason.
So then you cancelled And then the end of the text one of them

(49:00):
said, but I'll definitely be at the next one.
Haha guess what? I've not planted another one you
cat. You couldn't hold me a gunpoint
to play on another one. Here's the fucking thing.
I almost called off the whole I almost wrote.
I had to. I didn't respond for 24 hours

(49:22):
because I was so full of rage. I was like this is a fucking
self help fucking book club group and you're making and this
is causing me this much anxiety and stress and anger and now
like I I'm so resentful. I almost texted the whole group.
You know what I'm over it. I don't even want to meet any of

(49:44):
you. I don't want to see it.
I can't even look at you. That's what I would.
Have done almost. Went off on the whole group, but
I just then I did whatever what every adult does and I started a
separate side text with the onlyperson in the group that is also
responsible and that I trust andtalk shit.

(50:06):
That's what you do. You start a separate fucking
text from the group text and youtalk shit and you get it out of
your system. And then you go to the fucking
thing that you said you were going to go to because you're a
fucking adult and it was on yourcalendar.
And then you draw a boundary andyou never plan it again for

(50:26):
them. So I hope everyone enjoyed their
first and last time meeting me because I'm not hanging out and
I'm not planning it again. And then the two people that
never showed up. Good for you.
I hope you had a great Sunday doing whatever you were doing in
your mystery, in your mystery fucking day that you never said

(50:48):
what all of a sudden came up that you the thing you agreed to
do 3 weeks ago and that we kept confirming an unnecessary amount
of times we kept confirming no longer you could do.
OK great. So judgement to the plaintiff,
shove your bullshit ass excuse which there was none of and your

(51:09):
cancellation and you putting it all on me to plan everything up
your fucking asshole. There we go, there we go.
That said, all that said, if youare looking for a different
weekend plan this weekend, even though you have been

(51:30):
excommunicated, come to the garage sale.
You're welcome there if you havemoney.
If you have cash, DM. Us for the address if you
actually want it. I'm including these people
you're talking about, sure. I'll take their they want to
come. And pay if they they can.
You know, their money's green. We'll take it.
Yeah. God that's so annoying though.

(51:52):
Like the group project thing. Definitely.
That's one of the things from childhood that carried into
adulthood. Nobody prepares you for that.
No, I. Fucking can't.
I can't do it. Also it's.
Proof that group projects don't work when you're a kid.
If it's if the idea is it's meant to make people learn how
to work together, it didn't work.
People don't know how to do it made me.

(52:12):
Learn how much I distrust others, Yeah.
In fact, it makes me dislike other people.
Don't force us to do this. And it started my.
Whole issue with I have to do everything myself at a very
young age, right? Well, there you have it, another

(52:33):
week in the books or turning thepage, I suppose, 'cause it's the
beginning of the week. But thanks for being here with
us. We hope you have a good one.
We hope you have a good week. Make sure you test the thing
with your dog. Tell us what TV show is your
favorites, your your dog's favorites.
Rather want to hear hear from you about it.
See, I'm losing it. I'm going to have to go.

(52:55):
To the bathroom. I don't know.
I'm feeling it. It's coming on, It's coming on.
Either a stroke or I have to runto the bathroom.
Find out next. Week if I survived.
Bye everybody. Subscribe to Mostly True
Opinions on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to podcasts.