Dad dilemmas

Changing roles, gender stereotypes and being the only bloke at the coffee morning. Katy Gosset looks at the pressures on modern dads.

Changing roles, gender stereotypes and being the only bloke at the coffee morning. Modern fathers have more options to spend time with their children but that can bring different pressures and expectations. In this episode of Are We There Yet ? Katy Gosset looks at navigating fatherhood in 2017.

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We've all seen them - men jogging behind prams or striding about with tiny babies in front packs strapped to broad chests.

The modern dad often looks effortlessly comfortable in this role.

But fathers can find it just as tricky as mothers to adjust to the change in lifestyle.

"You don't have much of a chance to go out. Most of the conversation revolves around the baby. That's all great but it's completely different to what life was like beforehand." Father of one

"You're going to be at home a lot. You'll be at home for some hours sometimes in the middle of the day. I a lot of activity so I found that quite a shock." Father of two

They'll find themselves too in different environments; coffee groups, music sessions and, more often than not, surrounded by women.

It takes a bit of getting used to...

"I remember going to a music thing at a local church with our baby. It was all women. I was the only guy and I just felt so isolated. It was a really unpleasant experience." Father of two

For another man, the women present were "super supportive" but he was aware of other, less positive, anecdotes.

"I've heard stories of family rooms where fathers have been present and mothers have scoffed at their arrival into the room but it's never happened to me." Father of two.

"You have these funny little interactions: "Oh Daddy Day Care is it today?" That sort of stuff used to wind me up a bit." Father of two.

Also irksome were double standards from stay at home mums. In one man's case he saw a local mother several times as he walked to various chores.

"She said "Do you do any work?" I just thought "Wow, Really ? Yeah, quite a bit."

He found it an odd comment from a fellow stay-at-home parent.

"What was her expectation that, because I was a guy I should be working as well ? I found that wound me up quite bit."

And then there were the societal expectations that men felt to be a certain kind of dad…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details