The B word

School thugs or spiteful secrets - whatever form of bullying they face, children need help. Katy Gosset talks to a clinical psychologist about beating the bullies.

Smacked around by schoolyard thugs or the target of spiteful secrets. Whatever form it takes, bullying is horrible for children and heart breaking for their parents. In the sixth episode of Are We There Yet ? Katy Gosset talks to parents and a clinical psychologist about how to beat the bullies.

For parents it's a dirty word.

Worse than swearing.

When they hear "bully" it's hard not to react.

"It's heart breaking to see your child going through this. It's hard to what it is about her that made people feel they could do that to her." Mother of three

"Her entire school life was, dare I say it, really bitchy girls who just wanted to bring her down." Mother of two

And bullying comes in many guises.

Many may be visualising a physical encounter: the school yard stand over tactics.

And yes, that still happens, as one mother found when her son was targeted by "the classic threesome group of bullies"

"You get the lead who definitely sets the pace and then you get the followers that do it because their mate's cool and he's doing it so it must be cool."

These bullies targeted everyone in their year group until her son stood up to them and became their sole focus.

"It all came to a bit of a head when he was beaten up in class before the teacher got there. Luckily some kid who wasn't supposed to have their phone on videoed it so they had video evidence"

But then there's the nasty, insidious sort of bullying, often done by girls, that amounts to being left out of the gang.

"I remember this - I hate the word "popular" - group, but she was always so desperate to be part of that group which just used to enrage me."

"Being accepted by them was huge to her."

And this mother said her daughter's desire to fit in made her vulnerable.

"She was like a beacon for those other kids. They could just sense a weakness."

She said the girls bullied her daughter by excluding her from social activities and talking about the events later and, in one case, boycotting her 14th birthday party sleepover.

He daughter was excited about having the "popular" group come over but two days before the party they all contacted her to say they couldn't come.

"It was a very manipulative, bitchy, degrading, consistent bullying where it was just constant."

"So it was a very lonely experience for her."

So How Can Children and Their Parents Beat the Bullies ?…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details