Like A Virgin

Using real stories told by real people, Melody Thomas leads a frank (but often entertaining) exploration of sex, sexuality and relationships. In the first episode of season 2, people talk about their "sexual awakenings" and first times, and we explore the idea of virginity as a social construct.

In the first episode of the new season, Melody explores how people feel about their "sexual awakenings", what it was like "the first time", and asks if the way we talk about virginity is actually a little unhelpful.

"I'm going to know when you've had sex, so don't try to hide it from me."

I'm not sure how old I was when my Dad said this to me, but it's obvious now what he was trying to do - that by letting me know that he'd know, I would perhaps be less inclined to follow the path of sexual temptation.

Unfortunately all it did was set me up for a double disappointment. I still remember coming home after "losing my virginity" and being astonished when he said nothing.

His threat (delivered with love, but a threat nonetheless) had led me to believe that once I had sex I would be transformed, glowing with womanly experience, that strangers on the street would high five me as I passed - but there was nothing.

Losing my virginity turned out to be an anti-climax in every sense of the word.

I first had had sex during my high school years - but if you didn't, and you felt like everyone else was, you might be comforted to know that most people don't have sex until later.

The Youth '12 survey, which drew on students from 91 schools around the country, found that only 25% of male students and 24% of female students reported ever having had sex.

New Zealand is a diverse place, and the ways people think about virginity vary depending on their cultural background, familial circumstances, sexuality and gender identity, and whether religion was a part of their upbringing.

When I spoke with people on the street about their "first times" I encountered some who were happy with how it happened, others who wished they'd waited till they were older, one trans person whose first time was anything but pleasant, and more than a few who talked about being nervous, anxious or "terrified". …

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details