Solo Parent Tamsyn's Story

Lynda Chanwai-Earle meets single-working parent Tamsyn Matchett who knows a thing or two about being discriminated against, especially overcoming the stigma around being a "brown, solo-mum".

By Lynda Chanwai-Earle

Single-working parent Tamsyn Matchett knows a thing or two about being dissed.

"I've been wildly disrespected as a single parent. Just being a young mum in general. There's really a total lack of respect ... being half brown is always going to be an issue. People are gonna go, "Huh! Brown Girl!"

Born in Tāmaki Makaurau, Tamsyn is half Tongan, half Palangi. Tamsyn is a go-getter and co-hosts Dirt-bag Radio on bFM. She's an aspiring opera singer with a Bachelor in Music from Otago University.

Tamsyn is also a solo-mum, or as another solo-mother prefers to put it; 'a single-working-parent' to her almost eight-year-old daughter Ruby.

But cut-off from the Tongan side of her family at a young age, Tamsyn is also a woman on a quest.

More than 200,000 families in this country are headed by a single parent. This six-part RNZ podcast series, Flying Solo aims to find out what that means for New Zealand.

Tamsyn's journey as a solo-parent has been challenging: "I was 24; very unplanned and I barely knew Ruby's dad. I was at the University of Otago. I was living off my $150 student allowance. At the time I thought - I can do this.

"I don't want to diminish myself but looking back, I was super immature how I managed my relationship with Ruby's dad. I had unrealistic expectations of being a parent."

The couple split up, but Tamsyn admits, "That was definitely not fault. He has always been a central part of Ruby's life."

Tamsyn's own mother was also a young, struggling solo-parent, so Tamsyn was adopted by her grandparents as a baby. Tamsyn grew up not knowing her Tongan father.

When she had Ruby she moved back home with Ruby's great-grandparent's and found the support she needed.

The family's 1960s three-bedroom home on Auckland's North Shore houses Tamsyn, Ruby and matriarch and great-grandmother Glenda who takes piano lessons in the small studio downstairs (she's in her 70s) and great-granddad Popa Kenneth. Lovingly nicknamed 'Mr Marshmallow', his very sweet demeanour and his dementia are part of daily life. Ruby's dad, who lives nearby, shares her care.

"She has two extremely, exceptionally loving homes," Tamsyn says. And Ruby's dad is a devoted father.

Tamsyn has no regrets about breaking up with Ruby's father, "How can you prefer to be in one unhappy household, as opposed to going between two happy and loving and secure households?"…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details