May 20, 2024 • 47 mins
In this heartfelt episode, host Evelyn Erives sits down with Darlene Rodrigo, a resilient mother of three. Darlene shares her personal journey of raising a child with Down syndrome, offering insights, challenges, and triumphs. From navigating healthcare systems to fostering a supportive community, Darlene’s story sheds light on the unique experiences faced by parents of children with special needs. Tune in as we explore resilience, advocacy, and the power of love in overcoming obstacles.
For more information on this show's topic visit IEHP.org or (800) 440-IEHP.
For more on Darlene Rodrigo and her beautiful family, find her on all social media channels @socialqueendarlene.
Reach out to Evelyn via Instagram @evelynerives or email her at EvelynErives@iHeartMedia.com
For more information on this show's topic visit IEHP.org or (800) 440-IEHP.
For more on Darlene Rodrigo and her beautiful family, find her on all social media channels @socialqueendarlene.
Reach out to Evelyn via Instagram @evelynerives or email her at EvelynErives@iHeartMedia.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, welcome Evelynrivaz here with Coveringyour Health. Today's episode is going to
be so special. We're back oncamera today, hoping to do a lot
more of these video podcasts for you. If you're listening just to the audio,
join us on YouTube too. Ithink you'll really enjoy it. Today's
episode is very very special. Now, we know navigating the world of healthcare
(00:21):
is challenging, but when you're theparent of a child with special needs,
it's like a whole nother ballgame.Today we're joined by my friend and fellow
iHeartRadio personality, Darlene Rodrigo, who'sgoing to share her story how she found
her community of support, how shefound a passion for giving back right here
in the ie as well, andso much more. I think you're going
(00:44):
to enjoy this. Welcome to Coveringyour Health, a wellness podcast dedicated to
covering all areas of living a healthyand happy lifestyle, from healthy hearts to
understanding health plans and everything in between. Each episode will provide you with a
better understanding of managing your health,preventative care, and staying on the right
path for your family's wellness journey.The Covering Your Health podcast is presented by
(01:08):
I E. HP. Now yourhost Avelina Revez. All right, let's
get things going. Welcome Darlene Evelyn. Oh, thank you for having me.
It's been It's actually really cool tobe here. I've never been to
these studios, even though we workfor the same company. I know and
I don't live far. I knowyou're so you're from the I E.
(01:30):
Yeah, so you're out here,but she works out of the Burbank office.
So we are. We're sister stations. We're we're sisters. I actually
work on the station. She workstoo on the weekends. So it's really
wonderful to have you here. AndI admire your story as well, so
we have to get into that.But first tell everybody a little bit about
(01:51):
you. Okay, Well, likeyou said, I actually was raised in
Pomona, and then later on Iwas able to buy my first home in
Ontario. I live now, andso I'm raising a family of three.
I'm my husband and I and workingand sports two high school. I'm about
to have two high schoolers now becausemy son is going to go into high
(02:12):
school this upcoming year. My daughter'sin high school already, and then I
have a two year old Oh mygosh, so you're starting all over.
It's fun, it's keeping me young. I guess you can say that.
That's what people say, so I'mgoing with it. But yeah, I
mean just a typical what you wouldthink is a typical working mom and staying
(02:32):
busy and trying to keep just keepit all real and share what I can
to hopefully help others. Yeah,and also run a very successful morning show.
Yeh, Los Angeles. Well,at the same time, we could
throw that all in that. Okay, Well, let's get into what makes
the dynamics of your family so unique. Let's talk about your daughter, Bella.
(02:53):
You're wonderful and very bright sixteen yearold who was born with Down syndrome
later diagnosed with Austin autism. Tellus about her. Yes, so Bella
was is our first child, andyou know, being a first time parent,
you're never prepared. You don't knowwhat to expect. And so in
this case, it was a doublewhammy because being a new mom and also
(03:14):
a mom to a child with alot of different needs that I wasn't prepared
for. Yeah, it threw usfor a loop. I never knew that
she would have anything as far aslike a disability or a learning anything like
I just I was very young,I was twenty one. I thought,
you know that mindset when the whenlife hasn't hit you yet, you're very
(03:38):
naive and you just feel like youknow everything. And I was a big
no at all, And so Iquickly fell from my cloud in the best
way. In the best way,it really shaped who I am and the
person that I was meant to be. And what I mean by that because
I know it could come off negativeand I don't mean it that. I
(03:58):
don't mean it negative in any anyway. What I mean is that in life,
we're going to have our ups anddowns. And so far, the
biggest takeaway from being just my ownself a parent, but Bella's mom,
is that if I wasn't prepared forthe ups and downs of life, like
I wouldn't be able to handle like, I wouldn't be able to live.
(04:24):
And you have to be able togo with the ups and the downs,
and so you know, like therewas an interview that I saw. My
husband told me about it with TomHanks, and he talks about the ebbs
and flows of life, and itstruck us so hard because when you put
everything in a big circle and youlook at it, but take a step
back and look at it, yourealize, like the biggest important lesson is
(04:45):
being able to realize that life isalways going to have its ups and downs,
whether you whether you have a childwith special needs or not, and
so being able to handle that gracefullyis going to help you in the long
run. And also just kind ofkeep your sanity in some sort because everyone
thinks that your life is over whenyou hear these words being talked about about
(05:10):
your child, right, you alwaysjust you know, everyone prais as long
as the baby's healthy, I'll befine. Okay, Well what about if
the baby isn't healthy, and it'sit is traumatizing, it's sad, it's
very lonely, it's depressing. Butalso like you have a choice. Are
you going to step up or areyou going to stay sad? Are you
going to stay depressed? Are yougoing to help yourself? Are you going
(05:32):
to help your child? And soyou quickly realize that and so far that's
the biggest thing I've been able tolearn dealing with this and learning to be
a good mom and being even thoughat times like I can see Bella rolling
her eyes and I'm like, oh, girl, she's sixteen and she's a
(05:54):
girl. And I was like thatas a teenager. So I'm always apologizing
to my mom, like I amso sorry, but you know again,
life, life will rock you oneway or another. YEA, life be
life, And that's what I've done. And so you know that that's our
our wonderful dynamic. From the getgo, it's been kind of chaos,
(06:14):
and we have a nickname for ourfamily. We've labeled ourselves the Casa de
Locos, which is like the houseof the crazy people, because even the
dogs have drama, like it's itdoesn't matter it's whether one of all that
because it sounds like my face orthe you know, the dogs are fighting
in the backyard, or somebody's missinga dog or a kid, you know,
Bella will Elope or it's just alwayssomething and so it you know,
(06:38):
we we just take it with agrain of salt. We laugh at our
at our troubles. Yeah, andwe carry on. That's beautiful and that's
what you have to do no matterthe dynamic. Right, I think a
lot of people can relate for sure. Yeah that I have a sign in
my house that says, some peoplecall it chaos. We call it family.
Yes, yes, Like I havea shirt that my favorite shirt from
Christmas was Chaos Coordinator. Yeah,it says that on my shirt. I'm
(07:00):
like, this is perfect. AndI work really well with chaos, which
is why I work for radio.I was I was just gonna say that,
that's what makes you an amazing producerbecause morning shows are chaos, like
pure chaos. And mind you wedid. I work with Ellen k and
when she came over from having beingthe co host of Kiss FM for years
(07:24):
to her own morning show, wekicked it off together, so we didn't
know what we were doing. Itwas complete chaos. And you know,
we've remained consistently at the top.It's gonna be going on nine years.
Amazing. Yeah, oh's so great. I love that. Okay, so
let's talk a little bit more aboutthat first time mother situation. Yeah you
(07:44):
did you know Bella was going tohave is beautiful? I guess special needs
before she was even born. No, I really go deep into one of
into her birth story. I've donelike blogs about it and I've shared deeply,
like into detail on how everything wentthe way I least expected it to
(08:05):
go. And if you follow meon Instagram at Social Queen Darlene, you'll
find it. It's there, It'sat Google it you'll find it if you
really want the nitty gritty details.But in short, I did not know
my husband and I did not know. Again, I was twenty one years
old. They don't test you like, they don't pursuit further testing when you're
a younger mom, right because theywait usually to do those things when you're
(08:26):
when you're old geriatric mother, that'swhat they call it, when you're like
after thirty thirty five. So whenI had my two year old, I
was a geriatric mom. So I'vehad I've experienced motherhood on both scales.
Not geriatric by any but you know, I did take the standard test.
I took the alpha Feita protein,which is a blood test that came back
fine, but that is only likeseventy two or seventy four percent correct.
(08:50):
And then I've obviously I discovered thisafter the fact because I got really obsessed
with fun. Why didn't you know? Yeah? Yeah, And I wish
I would have known. It wouldn'thave changed my decision to keep my pregnancy.
It was more so that mentally Icould prepare and I could start doing
the research and doing things to justget ready and like, okay, now
(09:13):
what you know, like we thinkas mother's okay, we're gonna have a
baby. We need to have ababy shower because I'm gonna need lots of
papers, yes, and I'm gonnaneed what color? Are we gonna do
a nursery? Yes, those typeof things that are very superficial in a
sense. They are you don't realizethat actually you may need a whole other
set of things. Yes, Andthat's exactly what happened. It was I'm
(09:35):
the first granddaughter and I'm the firstchild, like the oldest, I should
say, not the first, andso having the baby was the first grand
baby for my family. It wasa huge deal. It was like in
my family, it was like ifthe prince and princess had a baby and
they were pulling out all the curtainsand I had a huge baby shower,
like giant, and I had agreat pregnancy and nothing ever, I never
(10:00):
suspected or felt like that feeling themovement was yeah, everything was great,
Like I didn't have I wasn't sick, like I loved being pregnant. I
still I still had great pregnancies evenafter Bella, but I always had like
I just didn't think about any ofthis stuff happening. Yeah, and so
until she was born, which itwas the week of Thanksgiving, so it
(10:20):
was already kind of busy because forwhatever reason, ladies were having babies right
before eating turkey that week and wewere all having babies at the same time.
The maternity ward was pretty busy.It was over at San Antonio Hospital
in Upland I remember thinking, Okay, here we go, like, let's
do it. And I was theMy birth plan was no drugs, no
(10:41):
nothing. I'm going to go in. I'm gonna be a warrior. I'm
gonna have this baby like my grandmadid it, like my mom did it.
And then eye roll and then youknow, like nothing went to my
plan. And that was a toughpill to swallow, but it needed to
be. It needed to happen becauseI'm a really stubborn person too, and
(11:03):
had it not been forced upon me, I would have never changed. And
I'm a better person now because ofit, taking a step back and looking
at it. But yeah, onceBella came out, long story short,
she went into fetal distress. Hermy monitors went haywire. They were going
to send me home because I wasn'tdilating, and then they had me wait
twenty minutes and I was connected andstuff, and one thing led to another.
(11:28):
I end up in ther Prince isplaying in the background, little red
Corvette. A baby comes out.No noise, no sound. I remember
being awake, and I remember myeyeballs were the only things that could move,
so like I was mentally going crazy, just like what's happening, Where's
the baby? Why isn't she makingany noise? And then I saw my
husband in his get up and hewas following the baby with the doctor and
(11:52):
they were trying to get she waschoking and so she had a respiratory distress.
And then during the observation and theytook her right away to the nick
you and oh my gosh, Iget shaky even I'm so traumatized by it
that like I go back into thatfeeling because it's all of that is traumatic,
right, Like you said, wehave an idea of what it's going
(12:13):
to be like, so when itdoesn't go like it, it triggers you.
And not being able to leave thehospital with the baby, it's very
triggering, especially for your first time. Like maybe if it had been my
second or third kid, I wouldn'thave been so obsessed about it. Understand
the process, you know what happensin the hospital. Yes, but it
was just like bam, craziness,you're not going home with your baby,
(12:35):
come back and see your baby inthe nick you kind of thing. And
so anyway, the doctor told myhusband, then your daughter has characteristics of
a person with Down syndrome. Andmy husband got really crazy and upset with
him because he was not expecting anythinglike that, and he actually shoved the
doctor against the wall. Oh mygod. And I mean it's not funny
(12:56):
because people handle things differently. Yeah, when you don't want to hear bad
stuff about your child or anything wronghappening with the baby. And so we
were making excuses. We were indenial. We were like, no,
she looked because he said she looksshe resembles an Asian baby, and she
her eyes are slanted. And myhusband was like, well, my brother
(13:18):
looks Korean, so it's probably youknow, she probably looks like him.
And then they were like, well, she has a Simian crease, which
in our hands when you open yourpalms, the lines on our hands,
you know, like line readers.Yeah, yeah, Well some characteristic for
people with Down syndrome is they haveone straight line, and so Bella had
one straight line. It's called theSimian crease. I've never I didn't know,
(13:39):
and so they showed us that andthen Alex goes, well, we're
gonna check everyone's hands. Darlene's dadhas my dad actually has one single line.
Oh my gosh. So we weremaking all these excuses and then finally,
because it was Thanksgiving week, thelabs were closed and we couldn't get
it confirmed. So ten days laterthe test came back where they count the
(14:03):
chromosomes and they check that, andyou know, they're scientists that do that.
They go in, they look ateverything, they analyze, and then
they diagnose. And so we gotthe diagnosis back triced me twenty one,
which is when you have three chromosomesin the twenty first pair. And so
I at that point I think itwasn't until that point when we got the
(14:26):
official results we accepted it. Andthen my husband was really really it took
a huge toll on our mental healthand in our marriage because we handled it
differently and well, thinking about thisjust not to stop you. But when
(14:48):
you have a baby and it's bothyour first baby, many women naturally handle
that different. So maybe the womantakes to the baby right away and the
man kind of has to figure outbuild a bond, build that bond with
the baby. So now put thison top of that. Yes, yes,
it was just you know, likedifferent things. I didn't expect.
(15:11):
My husband was very religious before thenhe disconnected religion from his life and then
like in my case, I waslike, no, we need it more,
you know what I mean. Itwas very different. And so those
are some of the challenges that youface, and you you have to figure
things out quickly too, because peopledon't stop growing, that's true, you
(15:33):
know what I mean. And she'syours. Yeah, And so she was
connected to a lot of things inthe beginning. And the first year we
called her our million dollar baby becauseher bills racked up a million dollars and
that was around the time that moviecame out with Hillary Swing really, so
we called her a million dollar baby. But at the end of the day,
she was a great baby. Andit could have been worse, you
know, like a lot of peoplewith Down syndrome are born with heart problems
(15:56):
and heart defects, and she didn'thave any. So that was a huge
blessing because typically we've met others thathave had to have open heart surgery right
away, and so, you know, you take it for what it is,
like I said, the ups anddowns. Yeah, okay, so
you have this beautiful baby. You'retrying to navigate this new world for yourself.
(16:18):
What was the first thing you did? What did you do? I
knew you say you're a research person, So was that the first thing you
did? Yeah, you know,find a community. Do you have a
doctor to help you. I didn'tknow. I'm not going to cuss,
but I didn't know anything. Fillin the blank. I at the time,
my husband was an EMT. Hewas running nine one one calls and
(16:41):
then he was going to school tobecome a paramedic, and so we were
navigating a lot because he was itwas like a really strict course where he
had to have eighty percent or hiredto continue in the course. And I
was like, just go live closerto where you're going and I'll figure,
like, i'll keep Bella and I'lldo things on my own. Right.
(17:04):
So I was navigating being a mom, going to therapies, learning what that
was all about. So therapy isfor for bella, and then we would
we started getting early intervention where likea teacher, the best way to describe
it is a regional center got involved. And if you don't know about regional
(17:26):
center, you can anybody can alwaysinquire. Every region, especially in California,
has one, and then there's severalfamily resource centers tied with that that
can lead you to get some typeof assistance even if you're not sure,
like if you don't have an actualgenetic diagnosis, right, let's just say,
like you think there's something wrong,then that's what these places do.
(17:48):
They help you figure out like whatyou might qualify for. Is it autism,
is it something on the spectrum?Is there a delay, developmental delays,
a speech delay, whatever, Andthis starts from birth, like you
can get help right away. Andso we had a lady come to our
house and I found out about itthrough the social worker at the hospital,
who luckily I had a good socialworker because I've come across other families that
(18:12):
never were told that this even wasaround. Yeah, and a lot of
doctors too, like regular pediatricians areI don't I don't mean anything. By
saying regular, I mean pediatricians thatsee regular kids, neurotypical kids, we
call them. They they're not familiareither, Like they will say, you
(18:32):
could look into that, but youwould think you could go to your doctor
and get the resources. Can youhelp guide me right to this next phase
of my life with my baby?Exactly? So even if that's the case
and your doctor doesn't mention it,you're you can google it, you can
look into it, you can callthe number, you can even apply online
now. And then they set upan assessment. They come out and check
(18:55):
out your baby or your kid,and then they play with them and they
kind of observe. They ask youa ton of questions and sometimes you don't
know how to answer them, andthat's okay, but you you go through
that, and then they say,okay, we're going to go through this
because you have several specialists that aredoing the observation with you. And then
you get a report. And Ijust did this with my two year old,
so I'm kind of doing it allover again because we expect to.
(19:18):
We know that he is delaying talking, so he has a speech delay.
He's not talking as much as maybewe were thinking he would be talking at
this age. And again he's onlytwo, so we're not trying to be
crazy obsessed. But also you havethis experience, so you know what,
if you know better, you dobetter. Yes, And it's free before
(19:41):
three, so you want to getin if you really suspect that there's something
early going on with your child,the earlier you can detect it, the
better because services are usually free beforeage three. And so that was a
big deal for me because things arelife is expensive. I can tell you,
and only just not to delay allof this, but yeah, my
(20:02):
own my own son, Yeah,he had to. We were going through
the process for he has ADHD andgetting a diagnosis was so hard. Hard.
Now he was in first grade atthe time and now like we still
have you know, we still seektherapy for him and different things like that.
But it's not cheap. No,if I had known so long ago,
(20:25):
I could have done that. Iwould have. Yeah, you just
don't know, right, you don't, And I told you don't, and
don't feel bad if you don't knowa lot of people beat themselves up over
it. And you know, myhusband's that type of guy, like,
oh my gosh, we just ruinedtheir life because we didn't start there.
But it's like chill out, youknow, you start when you can,
and everyone's learning and everyone's figuring thingsout, and and really you're just going
(20:48):
to bring on a lot of anxietythat you're gonna need to say for another
day. Yeah, because trust me, the anxiety is always going to be
there for something else, whether it'syour kid or not, you know,
a bill or something. But wehad a teacher lady, I guess the
best way to describe her. Shewas really sweet. She came in Miss
I remember her name, to missusKerwin, and she would do infant massage
(21:12):
and teach me how to like singwith my baby and bond with her and
just kind of like it was alot of I remember touching, singing,
a lot of sensory thing needs thatI never would have probably have done.
(21:32):
And then I again, mind you, I was twenty one and it's your
first baby. And I was twentyone when I had my first baby.
Yeah, I think back to therewere so many things that I wish I
knew, right, you know,and like with my last child, right,
I was doing all those little thingslike oh, we're gonna sit here,
We're gonna be more patient exactly,you absorb it differently. Yeah,
(21:56):
you just don't even know. Yeah, you don't know. And so yeah
that I remember as early as thevery beginning, just always getting some type
of help and it's never stopped.Yeah, So let's talk about a little
bit of that. Your community,your family around you. What can we
do as a community to maybe bringattention to some more of these diverse families
(22:18):
who are going through this together.I mean, I think there's sometimes you're
like, well, no one inmy family has any health issue. Is
there something that the community can do, yeah, to better this situation for
families? Like I love that you'rebringing this up because I was one of
those families. So my family neverhad anyone with special needs, and so
(22:38):
Bella was the first one, andI remember everyone kind of being like looking
at me, like what are wegoing to do? Yeah? And then
the other thing they would do thatkind of drove me crazy was they treated
her differently, like they would talkto her like a baby longer, And
I'm like, you, guys,she's seven, Like you, you don't
have to do that. You canjust act normal. Number one, let's
(23:00):
just talk about let's just talk aboutlike normalizing weird situations you're not used to.
Just because they're weird to you doesnot mean anything, right, Like,
what I love about my family isthat they have learned a lot from
the birth of Bella, and they'velearned to open up their eyes and their
narrow minds to broader horizons. Andnow they're very they're better people too,
(23:26):
you know, like they're not sojudgmental. They're not Before it was like
my grandma would be like, gosh, that kid's being a brat in the
aisle over there next door, rightbecause that's what you think. You judge
right away. You're like, theydon't be quiet, they're making weird noises,
they're not listening to their mom.But you don't know if that kid
has autism. You don't know ifthey're having a meltdown. And then being
that person seeing your g like mygrandma very old school. She gave birth,
(23:52):
she was her sisters were homemakers,and she's from Ecuador. They all
had delivered each other's babies. Okay, so she I've had a very different
experience in birthing from the very getgo with Bella than she ever did,
And so I was trying to dothe thing she did because I looked up
to her so much and I wantedto make her proud right when I thought
(24:14):
about it. But then in return, I made her proud by teaching her
that it's not always like that.You know, you have to keep an
open mind. You have to realizethat everyone learns differently, everyone communicates differently,
and especially in our culture, we'reHispanic, so it's I don't know
why it's so hard for us.It's so hard for us to keep an
(24:36):
open mind and to not be sojudgmental. But that's what our culture has
done through the years, and we'reI see it happening. I see the
trauma kind of breaking and we're formingnew ways to be better people. And
I owe that to Bella because wewere again given this baby to do what
(24:59):
we could to raise her to be, you know, just like what we
all want. We strive for beinga whole person. I don't like saying
a happy person. It's not realisticto always be happy. No, it's
just just to feel whole, tofeel like I have everything, you know,
everything I need. Yeah, Andyou see that in Bella's eyes and
(25:19):
in her smile, like she stilldoesn't use words to communicate. She's nonverbal.
Now they die or I don't knowif they diagnose it, they call
it nonverbal because she doesn't use sentenceslike we do. You know, she
uses an iPad and she presses buttons. That helps her. But she has
some words, like her favorite wordsare fries and yeah, or she'll she
(25:44):
actually her sentence that she can sayis like five more minutes, so like
if she needs more time, fivemore minutes, she'll say that. So
then I'm like, okay, Iget it. She learned that during COVID
because I guess she needed a lotof breaks from us at that time when
we were all home, everybody there. But you know, back to what
the community can do. You canjust treat them the way you want to
(26:08):
be treated. Be normal, givethem a high five, make eye contact
with them, don't just stare atthem like why do they look different?
You know? And I want tosay something about that because in particular to
people with Down syndrome. Recently,my daughter went viral on a post for
her promposal and have to talk.It was the first time she ever went
(26:29):
this viral, like in the millions, and it was a really cute promposal.
She asked her friend who she's beenriding the bus with every day to
prom And it's a really cute video. So if you have to see this
video, you probably will cry everything. And so it's very wholesome, very
just cute and nice. And inthe comments, I try to stay away
(26:51):
from them because the comment section,to me, is always evil, but
there are some pretty harsh ones,and then there are more good ones than
there are harsh ones. And that'sthe reality of the world, right we
we I don't want to act likeit's perfect. It's there's still a lot
that we can do as a communityto improve, and that's why I want
to share this one of the questions, and it's a valid question. I
(27:12):
wasn't upset by it, but myfourteen year old son, who's her little
brother. Technically he acts like abig brother, but he's her little brother.
He got really offended and was like, have you seen the comment section?
And I wouldn't have if he hadnot said that, but I understood
his point of view. It's importantto validate our kids, right and so
(27:34):
he was like, they're saying thesethings like why do they all look the
same? Why are they why dothey is this like an institution for them
and blah blah blah, like there'sjust there's actually way worse things than that.
But he couldn't get over that thatpeople were being mean to his sister,
right of course, Oh my god, I can't. I can only
(27:55):
imagine that. Yeah, oh mygod. So I said, you know
what the thing is, you haveto realize people are so night they don't
even know anything that you do.Like you grew up with the sister lived.
Yeah, you've grown up with thesister who has been your sister no
matter what, no matter how shewas born, no matter how she acts,
(28:18):
she still loves you. You loveher and it shows. Right,
But it is a valid question tosay, why do they look the same
because they both have Down syndrome.And so if you've always wondered that,
I was like, I need tostart answering this question. But maybe that
is like the next post, rightright, answer some of these questions.
It is. And so the reasonwhy is because I like to use this
(28:41):
example that I heard years ago,and when we're baking a cake, right,
and we have the recipe for acake, two eggs, a quarter
cup of oil of one third ofmilk or water, whatever you use.
So you make this cake with thoseingredients, and think of humans as this
recipe. We're all made with thesame recipe, right, and then we
(29:03):
bake this cake and we you know, we it's fine, it's fluffy,
we put frosting on it. It'sgood to go. But then if you
put a little bit of too muchone ingredient, too much into that recipe,
it can change things. It cancome out flat, it can come
out like not as the same asthe other cake, right, and pretty
similar. They might share similar things, and that is the case for Down
(29:26):
syndrome. So because of that extrachromosome, they have similar characteristics the SIMI
increase. Right. The doctor rightaway pointed out their eyes seem kind of
close together. They have no nasalbridge, so this little piece in between
your eyes that's like a little hump, they don't have that. It's flat,
which causes a lot of sinus issues. Knowing that as a mom,
(29:48):
they have flat necks, they're shorter, they're heavier sometimes, and so the
heart. Remember like a lot ofthem are born with heart issues. So
just consider that that they're just becauseof that extra chromosome. The recipe was
a little different. The same yes, and there and people that have Down
(30:08):
syndrome, they have triy to me, twenty one. That's just the scientific
name for it because of the trythree in the twenty first pair, the
extra chromy. Yes, the extrachromy homie. Then they that's why they
have similar characteristics. They may notbe family. But you're like, why
do you look alike? So thatwas a big question in that viral video,
(30:30):
like why do they look alike?And that's why makes you wonder like
have you never seen it? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, but you know
it is a valid question. Yes, you're right, Yeah, I guess
I wouldn't think of that. AndI had to teach my son that,
I'm like, learn to stick upfor your don't use the same ugliness that
people are using. Educate them,educate them. There you go, that's
(30:51):
that is a great takeaway actually,because that's the whole problem. And a
lot of these comments are coming fromyes, young people, yes, who
don't know better. Yeah, anda lot of the misconceptions because you can
handle it two different ways, right, And like I said, it's just
not important at the end of theday to prove people, to prove to
(31:12):
people that you know, don't whatis a comment back going to do it's
not going to do anything. It'sgoing to waste my time and my energy.
And as a parent, you haveto learn to protect your peace at
all costs. And not even evenas a parent, as just a human
being. You need to learn that. You learn to set boundaries, you
just you know, A big misconceptionfor parents with special needs is and I
(31:36):
wouldn't even say it is a misconception. Some of it is true is that
we don't take care of ourselves.We become so inundated with just constantly being
preoccupied with the care and thoughts ofwhat can go wrong with your child.
But even if you had, ifyou didn't have that, you would be
doing the same for yourself, youknow, like what could go wrong?
(31:57):
Could am I going to get intocracks today? And like your thoughts can
really consume you. A big misconception, it is a common one, is
that we eventually you learn to setboundaries. Eventually you learn that peace is
important. Eventually you learn that you'regonna either make your marriage work or you're
not. If whatever's gonna bring youpeace, you're gonna do that. But
(32:21):
a huge factor with a lot ofparents that i've met, and that I've
known through the years is that itis hard to stay with your partner because
again, it's hard to parent aneurotypical kid, a kid that doesn't have
health problems or issues, let aloneone that does. You're both always tired,
you're grouchy, you have the again, the goods and the bads.
And if you knew your husband andyourself together, like like I get to
(32:45):
see, yeah, you would neverthink that you guys ever had an issue,
that you guys are just the sweetestkid. Yeah, we have our
moments, for sure, we do. And he'd be the first to say
we've sought We've actually been to couple'stherapy. I think the first time we
tried it was like maybe five orsix years ago, and I wish we
would have started sooner. I wishthat we would have because we grew up
(33:07):
together, we raised this child together, and we've we're not the same people,
no way, there, there's noway, and you shouldn't be the
same, right. Okay, that'sanother great point and maybe for another whole
topic on another podcast. A.Yeah. But the other misconception too,
that that bothers me and bothers myhusband, is that people think we're boring
(33:30):
and that we're lame, we're weird, and I'm like, you know what,
I know some people that are lameand boring and weird too, that
don't have any other issues going on, or maybe don't don't even have kids,
you know, Like I think thatthey just they don't consider that we
want to have fun too. Sothis is why I love your family so
much. So you documenting your journeywith your whole family, not just Bella's
(33:55):
journey, but the whole the wholelocos, all the logos, all the
crazy that happens in your family.You show so much of the fun,
and I think that is so importantfor getting rid of those misconceptions. Yes
it is. I love the videoof your daughter on the bike. Oh
(34:15):
my gosh, the joy that itbrought her, and I bet it brought
your entire family so much. Showyou know what, I want to get
on a bike, Like I wouldreally love to god that bike, I
know, because those are things,you know. I think that's something you
and I have in common, andI know we both are in radio,
so it's a little bit more likewe do it because we feel like we
(34:36):
should share our lives because We've beentalking about our lives for so long on
the radio, my husband and I. A lot of people come to us
and they're like, your family's alwaysdoing something, yeas always do I was
like, actually, we just showyou that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, but you knowwhat I mean. But still,
it's there is so much fun inlife, and yeah, it's I love
(34:57):
that we can show that, Yes, And I love that you get to
show that, and you show itfrom a different perspective of going through what
it is for your son to growup with his big sister having special needs
and also being he's a very talentedathlete. Yeah, your son, very,
very smart, very all of thesethings, and seeing that dynamic within
(35:20):
the two of them is actually quitebeautiful to watch. It is, and
then with the two year old thrownin it too, it's just like,
and your two year old, whois just so fun? You think I
can't handle another kid? Right afterBella? I thought, no way,
Yeah, you know, that's agreat question. So what made you decide
it was? It was just asurprise, by God. It was a
big God surprise, and it reallywas. I was actually hospitalized with Bella.
(35:45):
She had RSV. She was ayear and three months, and I
remember at the time it was twothousand and eight, so Obama was getting
inaugurated, Like I remember ever streamdetails because I was living in this maternity
ward with probably twelve other babies,and we were just sharing curtain walls,
right, they all had RSV,and I stayed by her side and she
(36:07):
was in like that cage. Itlooks like a cage, but it's a
crib for babies so they don't jumpout and stuff. And you know,
she's always had issues through the years. She's had seizures. She was hospitalized
for RSV for a while, andit was always one thing after another.
But again back to taking life withits ebbs and flows and accepting what could
(36:30):
happen. Right. I remember wefinally got home from being in a hospital
and I was just kind of like, Wow, there's a lot going on
life, the world is changing.It was an interesting time period in our
lives. And then a month later, I'm like, I'm pregnant. So
I was just like cooped up atthe hospital, went home, had a
(36:52):
baby apparently, and then I wasfreaking out, freaking out like I can't
do this, I can't. Iwas did you have those worries that he
was also going to special No.I just felt like I couldn't love another
child the way I was going tobe able to love Bella. And then
also that I wasn't going to haveI didn't have enough in me to give
(37:14):
to this other baby because I wasso busy with Bella. I felt like
it wasn't going to be fair tothis next kid because of how like it
was a lot. It was justwe were constantly in and out of the
hospitals the first year and then againlearning about all the different specialists, and
(37:34):
it was just too much for mymind to fathom. And my husband calmed
me down and he was like,look, we're going to get through this.
And it was night and day rightlike from I had another great pregnancy,
I had all the tests, theytreated me high risk this time,
and then little Bear was born andhe's been the complete opposite, like instead
(37:55):
of any delays, it's always beenadvanced, and so I just was equal
like I could never I was neverlike I was on a very long spectrum
from one end to the very end. Having a child who is advanced is
also a challenge that should be aspecial need too. It absolutely is because
(38:15):
there aren't a lot of parents,well there are, but I'm okay.
There's a lot of parents who dealwith very normal things. There are.
There's a smaller parents that understand,yeah, what it is to have an
accelerated child. Yes, and Iwas never an accelerated like the way he
was right, Yeah, things justclicked in his head for math, for
science. I wasn't like that.I stayed stuck in fifth grade division so
(38:37):
like, especially with fractions, andso I struggled. But it's been eye
opening and it's been great to beable to witness and being their mom and
just being able to understand that everyoneis going to have their thing right everyone,
and had I known what I knownow, Like back then, I
(38:57):
did grow when I was just there. I stayed home for five years.
I was a stay at home mom. I stopped working. Alex was running
nine one one calls like crazy.He was a paramedic at that point,
so he was out of the housea lot because he would work twenty four
forty eight hour shifts. But alsolike he had the here's why we were
such a great team. He couldhandle anything like dangerous situation his job.
(39:22):
Yeah, I mean really, hewas trained to do it whenever like one
of the kids would choke or anythinglike dire. I was like, you
do it like I'm freaking out.And then and then like all the loving,
like carrying, like I can takehim to therapy. I can do.
I was good at that stuff.Yeah, And so we made a
great team and we always have andthat's I'm lucky to have him and he
(39:42):
vice versa. Right. But thepoint being is that I stayed home for
five years. I was just like, there, I can't I lost my
identity. I was just their mom. I was Bella and little Bear's mom.
We call him little Bear because it'stoo many alex is in our family.
So so I was just like,I threw away all of my dreams,
(40:02):
like my aspirations, what I hopedto do, and I just I
didn't put myself first. And thenone day Alex kind of realized that I
was losing it because I was.I was just like, because you were
a dreamer, a huge dreamer,and I'm not my best person. I
think that I was good at stayat home mom while I needed to be
(40:25):
because I had such a like asurvival instinct kind of kick in. But
then when that kind of when thingscalmed down and they Bella started school,
and then before you know it,little Bear started daycare, and then I
had a little bit of time inbetween. I was getting stir crazy,
and that's when Alex said, comeon, let's go for a date.
(40:46):
And that's when he took me.He surprised me and took me to a
radio like broadcasting school and I didn'tknow I was doing an audition, and
that's what the whole date was.And then so I raised it at the
academy is the one that I wentto, Yes, okay and pictures on
the wall, and then all myhusband and I went there, Oh really
(41:07):
funny yep in Huntington Beach. Sowe went there for a surprise date and
then he was like, I thinkyou need to pursue this, like you've
always wanted to do this, Juststart taking classes and I so yeah.
I ended up taking community college coursesbroadcasting ones, and then before you know
it, it just all started clicking. And it was like I always felt
(41:29):
like I was going to do thisanyway, whether it was going to be
at home. I was blogging aboutit, I was writing about it.
Instagram was brand new at the time, so I started in Instagram and posting,
but it was important to me andI felt that it was necessary to
share my family story on social mediabecause I was seeing other families like mine
(41:49):
responding and saying I know exactly howyou feel and connecting with me. And
it was a really special connection,which is what led me to continue this
course of you know what, thenI'm going to start my own podcast and
I'm going to name it Special Connections, and you know, just connecting with
the community, connecting with families,connecting with specialists, doctors, teachers,
(42:10):
all of it, because we areall in this together. Like they say,
it takes a village again, takinga step back and looking at the
bigger picture. I'm like, thiswas all supposed to happen. It really
was. It was all meant tobe Darline. It was. I feel
like we could. There's so manythings I have to ask you, and
I'm like, I know we don'thave enough time, So maybe we talk
(42:30):
about more of the navigating the healthcaresystem and all those kinds of things at
another time, because you had tocome back, okay, okay, And
I also can't wait to hear moreabout your podcasts. And I know you're
kind of like getting it going andyou're putting all the pieces together. It's
going to be available on iHeart.Yes, I understand it. Wherever you
get your podcasts, they can findyou. Where can they find you?
(42:51):
At social Queen Darlene? Just keepit easy everywhere? Yeah, at social
Queen isn't the greatest at social QueenDarlene. Okay, before we go three
takeaways, I think in my headI already know what the three takeaways are?
But what are your three key takeawaysfor any parent out there who is
maybe about to navigate this situation orfor just somebody who has never even met
(43:15):
anyone with special needs? Yea,what should people know? Be ready to
go with the flow, ask forhelp, and do what you need to
do to find some peace. Ilike those three things. Also, like
don't be afraid to ask for secondopinions. For even if you don't like
(43:36):
your doctor, you know, askfor another doctor. Actually, Bella has
IHP. She has IHP secondary throughmedical because anyone like Bella in this case,
when you have a special need,you can always qualify for medical regardless
of income. Not that I makea lot of money. I could always
make work in radio. There's nota lot of money there. But you
(43:57):
know, the guidelines are always strictwith medical and so I was always nervous
about that. And you have toconsider that sometimes some people can't take jobs
because they would be making less withthe cost of health care and everything.
Sure, right, yeah, soyou have to really juggle that, right,
But there is a waiver that everyoneshould know about. So if you're
like in that fence and you're thinkingabout it, just know that there is
(44:20):
several workshops. Look up your localFamily Resource center, look into that,
learn about the waiver. You canstill your child at least your child can
have the coverage that they need tocover you in all areas. So I
have my insurance through work and shehas that primary and then secondary I have
IHP. There you go. That'swonderful to know. And IHP has a
(44:43):
lot of resources too at their disposaland you can just call into it's all
going to be in our details.Can I share one thing that I love,
the one thing that IHP has reallyhelped me with and save me.
And I was not expecting this.Recently, Bella got really sick when the
flu season was happening and she neededa nebulizer and my insurance at work is
very expensive. It's like I can'teven afford it barely, right, It's
(45:05):
like eighty dollars co payments. AndI was taking her to this one and
that one, and I'm like,oh my god, it's adding up.
I don't know. And I neededto buy a nebulizer. She was actually
in the er because she was breathingreally ugly, and so I was like,
I need to check to see howmuch money I have before I go
out and buy this nebulizer. Well, then this that's a necessity, yeah,
that she needs to breathe, right, Yeah. And then I went
(45:28):
to this pharmacy and they were like, oh, you have IHP, you
get a free one. And Igot a free nebulizer because of IHP.
Oh my god. And it savedme another eighty dollars. So I would
have been able to afford that atthat time, right, And she actually
needed it. So, I mean, I love IHP and I'm so happy
they have this podcast. Thank you. I am so proud to be partnered
with them for this. This is, you know, their brainchild, and
(45:51):
I just get to kind of comeout and just host it and it's great.
I'm learning so much every single episode. I know you've heard some of
the episodes, and I'm in lovewith it. I feel like this is
going to be such an invaluable resourcefor so many community for the community,
and everything is niche. Every episodeis totally different, and I hope and
(46:12):
I know this episode's going to bevery very important for a lot of people.
So thank you so much, Darlene. This was wonderful. I wanted
to add the one thing that thetakeaway that you said from earlier about be
normal. Okay, I'm glad yousaid that. Yeah, just be normal.
Please please when you see somebody,just be cool man, smile and
way they are normal. Yes,I love that. Thank you so much,
(46:35):
Charlie. This is wonderful than youwell, thank you again for joining
me for another episode of Covering YourHealth with Evelyi Revez, presented by IEHP.
I am reminded of the immense strengthand love that parents like Darlene embody.
Their journey is one of resilience,compassion, unwavering commitment to their children
(46:57):
with special needs. And it's it'sbeautiful. I mean, I don't know,
for lack of a better word,it is beautiful. So let's carry
Darlene's wisdom with us. Let's becompassionate, let's be normal, Let's also
be resilient, and let's be kind. Thank you again for joining me.
Hey, welcome Evelynrivaz here with Coveringyour Health. Today's episode is going to
be so special. We're back oncamera today, hoping to do a lot
more of these video podcasts for you. If you're listening just to the audio,
join us on YouTube too. Ithink you'll really enjoy it. Today's
episode is very very special. Now, we know navigating the world of healthcare
(00:21):
is challenging, but when you're theparent of a child with special needs,
it's like a whole nother ballgame.Today we're joined by my friend and fellow
iHeartRadio personality, Darlene Rodrigo, who'sgoing to share her story how she found
her community of support, how shefound a passion for giving back right here
in the ie as well, andso much more. I think you're going
(00:44):
to enjoy this. Welcome to Coveringyour Health, a wellness podcast dedicated to
covering all areas of living a healthyand happy lifestyle, from healthy hearts to
understanding health plans and everything in between. Each episode will provide you with a
better understanding of managing your health,preventative care, and staying on the right
path for your family's wellness journey.The Covering Your Health podcast is presented by
(01:08):
I E. HP. Now yourhost Avelina Revez. All right, let's
get things going. Welcome Darlene Evelyn. Oh, thank you for having me.
It's been It's actually really cool tobe here. I've never been to
these studios, even though we workfor the same company. I know and
I don't live far. I knowyou're so you're from the I E.
(01:30):
Yeah, so you're out here,but she works out of the Burbank office.
So we are. We're sister stations. We're we're sisters. I actually
work on the station. She workstoo on the weekends. So it's really
wonderful to have you here. AndI admire your story as well, so
we have to get into that.But first tell everybody a little bit about
(01:51):
you. Okay, Well, likeyou said, I actually was raised in
Pomona, and then later on Iwas able to buy my first home in
Ontario. I live now, andso I'm raising a family of three.
I'm my husband and I and workingand sports two high school. I'm about
to have two high schoolers now becausemy son is going to go into high
(02:12):
school this upcoming year. My daughter'sin high school already, and then I
have a two year old Oh mygosh, so you're starting all over.
It's fun, it's keeping me young. I guess you can say that.
That's what people say, so I'mgoing with it. But yeah, I
mean just a typical what you wouldthink is a typical working mom and staying
(02:32):
busy and trying to keep just keepit all real and share what I can
to hopefully help others. Yeah,and also run a very successful morning show.
Yeh, Los Angeles. Well,at the same time, we could
throw that all in that. Okay, Well, let's get into what makes
the dynamics of your family so unique. Let's talk about your daughter, Bella.
(02:53):
You're wonderful and very bright sixteen yearold who was born with Down syndrome
later diagnosed with Austin autism. Tellus about her. Yes, so Bella
was is our first child, andyou know, being a first time parent,
you're never prepared. You don't knowwhat to expect. And so in
this case, it was a doublewhammy because being a new mom and also
(03:14):
a mom to a child with alot of different needs that I wasn't prepared
for. Yeah, it threw usfor a loop. I never knew that
she would have anything as far aslike a disability or a learning anything like
I just I was very young,I was twenty one. I thought,
you know that mindset when the whenlife hasn't hit you yet, you're very
(03:38):
naive and you just feel like youknow everything. And I was a big
no at all, And so Iquickly fell from my cloud in the best
way. In the best way,it really shaped who I am and the
person that I was meant to be. And what I mean by that because
I know it could come off negativeand I don't mean it that. I
(03:58):
don't mean it negative in any anyway. What I mean is that in life,
we're going to have our ups anddowns. And so far, the
biggest takeaway from being just my ownself a parent, but Bella's mom,
is that if I wasn't prepared forthe ups and downs of life, like
I wouldn't be able to handle like, I wouldn't be able to live.
(04:24):
And you have to be able togo with the ups and the downs,
and so you know, like therewas an interview that I saw. My
husband told me about it with TomHanks, and he talks about the ebbs
and flows of life, and itstruck us so hard because when you put
everything in a big circle and youlook at it, but take a step
back and look at it, yourealize, like the biggest important lesson is
(04:45):
being able to realize that life isalways going to have its ups and downs,
whether you whether you have a childwith special needs or not, and
so being able to handle that gracefullyis going to help you in the long
run. And also just kind ofkeep your sanity in some sort because everyone
thinks that your life is over whenyou hear these words being talked about about
(05:10):
your child, right, you alwaysjust you know, everyone prais as long
as the baby's healthy, I'll befine. Okay, Well what about if
the baby isn't healthy, and it'sit is traumatizing, it's sad, it's
very lonely, it's depressing. Butalso like you have a choice. Are
you going to step up or areyou going to stay sad? Are you
going to stay depressed? Are yougoing to help yourself? Are you going
(05:32):
to help your child? And soyou quickly realize that and so far that's
the biggest thing I've been able tolearn dealing with this and learning to be
a good mom and being even thoughat times like I can see Bella rolling
her eyes and I'm like, oh, girl, she's sixteen and she's a
(05:54):
girl. And I was like thatas a teenager. So I'm always apologizing
to my mom, like I amso sorry, but you know again,
life, life will rock you oneway or another. YEA, life be
life, And that's what I've done. And so you know that that's our
our wonderful dynamic. From the getgo, it's been kind of chaos,
(06:14):
and we have a nickname for ourfamily. We've labeled ourselves the Casa de
Locos, which is like the houseof the crazy people, because even the
dogs have drama, like it's itdoesn't matter it's whether one of all that
because it sounds like my face orthe you know, the dogs are fighting
in the backyard, or somebody's missinga dog or a kid, you know,
Bella will Elope or it's just alwayssomething and so it you know,
(06:38):
we we just take it with agrain of salt. We laugh at our
at our troubles. Yeah, andwe carry on. That's beautiful and that's
what you have to do no matterthe dynamic. Right, I think a
lot of people can relate for sure. Yeah that I have a sign in
my house that says, some peoplecall it chaos. We call it family.
Yes, yes, Like I havea shirt that my favorite shirt from
Christmas was Chaos Coordinator. Yeah,it says that on my shirt. I'm
(07:00):
like, this is perfect. AndI work really well with chaos, which
is why I work for radio.I was I was just gonna say that,
that's what makes you an amazing producerbecause morning shows are chaos, like
pure chaos. And mind you wedid. I work with Ellen k and
when she came over from having beingthe co host of Kiss FM for years
(07:24):
to her own morning show, wekicked it off together, so we didn't
know what we were doing. Itwas complete chaos. And you know,
we've remained consistently at the top.It's gonna be going on nine years.
Amazing. Yeah, oh's so great. I love that. Okay, so
let's talk a little bit more aboutthat first time mother situation. Yeah you
(07:44):
did you know Bella was going tohave is beautiful? I guess special needs
before she was even born. No, I really go deep into one of
into her birth story. I've donelike blogs about it and I've shared deeply,
like into detail on how everything wentthe way I least expected it to
(08:05):
go. And if you follow meon Instagram at Social Queen Darlene, you'll
find it. It's there, It'sat Google it you'll find it if you
really want the nitty gritty details.But in short, I did not know
my husband and I did not know. Again, I was twenty one years
old. They don't test you like, they don't pursuit further testing when you're
a younger mom, right because theywait usually to do those things when you're
(08:26):
when you're old geriatric mother, that'swhat they call it, when you're like
after thirty thirty five. So whenI had my two year old, I
was a geriatric mom. So I'vehad I've experienced motherhood on both scales.
Not geriatric by any but you know, I did take the standard test.
I took the alpha Feita protein,which is a blood test that came back
fine, but that is only likeseventy two or seventy four percent correct.
(08:50):
And then I've obviously I discovered thisafter the fact because I got really obsessed
with fun. Why didn't you know? Yeah? Yeah, And I wish
I would have known. It wouldn'thave changed my decision to keep my pregnancy.
It was more so that mentally Icould prepare and I could start doing
the research and doing things to justget ready and like, okay, now
(09:13):
what you know, like we thinkas mother's okay, we're gonna have a
baby. We need to have ababy shower because I'm gonna need lots of
papers, yes, and I'm gonnaneed what color? Are we gonna do
a nursery? Yes, those typeof things that are very superficial in a
sense. They are you don't realizethat actually you may need a whole other
set of things. Yes, Andthat's exactly what happened. It was I'm
(09:35):
the first granddaughter and I'm the firstchild, like the oldest, I should
say, not the first, andso having the baby was the first grand
baby for my family. It wasa huge deal. It was like in
my family, it was like ifthe prince and princess had a baby and
they were pulling out all the curtainsand I had a huge baby shower,
like giant, and I had agreat pregnancy and nothing ever, I never
(10:00):
suspected or felt like that feeling themovement was yeah, everything was great,
Like I didn't have I wasn't sick, like I loved being pregnant. I
still I still had great pregnancies evenafter Bella, but I always had like
I just didn't think about any ofthis stuff happening. Yeah, and so
until she was born, which itwas the week of Thanksgiving, so it
(10:20):
was already kind of busy because forwhatever reason, ladies were having babies right
before eating turkey that week and wewere all having babies at the same time.
The maternity ward was pretty busy.It was over at San Antonio Hospital
in Upland I remember thinking, Okay, here we go, like, let's
do it. And I was theMy birth plan was no drugs, no
(10:41):
nothing. I'm going to go in. I'm gonna be a warrior. I'm
gonna have this baby like my grandmadid it, like my mom did it.
And then eye roll and then youknow, like nothing went to my
plan. And that was a toughpill to swallow, but it needed to
be. It needed to happen becauseI'm a really stubborn person too, and
(11:03):
had it not been forced upon me, I would have never changed. And
I'm a better person now because ofit, taking a step back and looking
at it. But yeah, onceBella came out, long story short,
she went into fetal distress. Hermy monitors went haywire. They were going
to send me home because I wasn'tdilating, and then they had me wait
twenty minutes and I was connected andstuff, and one thing led to another.
(11:28):
I end up in ther Prince isplaying in the background, little red
Corvette. A baby comes out.No noise, no sound. I remember
being awake, and I remember myeyeballs were the only things that could move,
so like I was mentally going crazy, just like what's happening, Where's
the baby? Why isn't she makingany noise? And then I saw my
husband in his get up and hewas following the baby with the doctor and
(11:52):
they were trying to get she waschoking and so she had a respiratory distress.
And then during the observation and theytook her right away to the nick
you and oh my gosh, Iget shaky even I'm so traumatized by it
that like I go back into thatfeeling because it's all of that is traumatic,
right, Like you said, wehave an idea of what it's going
(12:13):
to be like, so when itdoesn't go like it, it triggers you.
And not being able to leave thehospital with the baby, it's very
triggering, especially for your first time. Like maybe if it had been my
second or third kid, I wouldn'thave been so obsessed about it. Understand
the process, you know what happensin the hospital. Yes, but it
was just like bam, craziness,you're not going home with your baby,
(12:35):
come back and see your baby inthe nick you kind of thing. And
so anyway, the doctor told myhusband, then your daughter has characteristics of
a person with Down syndrome. Andmy husband got really crazy and upset with
him because he was not expecting anythinglike that, and he actually shoved the
doctor against the wall. Oh mygod. And I mean it's not funny
(12:56):
because people handle things differently. Yeah, when you don't want to hear bad
stuff about your child or anything wronghappening with the baby. And so we
were making excuses. We were indenial. We were like, no,
she looked because he said she looksshe resembles an Asian baby, and she
her eyes are slanted. And myhusband was like, well, my brother
(13:18):
looks Korean, so it's probably youknow, she probably looks like him.
And then they were like, well, she has a Simian crease, which
in our hands when you open yourpalms, the lines on our hands,
you know, like line readers.Yeah, yeah, Well some characteristic for
people with Down syndrome is they haveone straight line, and so Bella had
one straight line. It's called theSimian crease. I've never I didn't know,
(13:39):
and so they showed us that andthen Alex goes, well, we're
gonna check everyone's hands. Darlene's dadhas my dad actually has one single line.
Oh my gosh. So we weremaking all these excuses and then finally,
because it was Thanksgiving week, thelabs were closed and we couldn't get
it confirmed. So ten days laterthe test came back where they count the
(14:03):
chromosomes and they check that, andyou know, they're scientists that do that.
They go in, they look ateverything, they analyze, and then
they diagnose. And so we gotthe diagnosis back triced me twenty one,
which is when you have three chromosomesin the twenty first pair. And so
I at that point I think itwasn't until that point when we got the
(14:26):
official results we accepted it. Andthen my husband was really really it took
a huge toll on our mental healthand in our marriage because we handled it
differently and well, thinking about thisjust not to stop you. But when
(14:48):
you have a baby and it's bothyour first baby, many women naturally handle
that different. So maybe the womantakes to the baby right away and the
man kind of has to figure outbuild a bond, build that bond with
the baby. So now put thison top of that. Yes, yes,
it was just you know, likedifferent things. I didn't expect.
(15:11):
My husband was very religious before thenhe disconnected religion from his life and then
like in my case, I waslike, no, we need it more,
you know what I mean. Itwas very different. And so those
are some of the challenges that youface, and you you have to figure
things out quickly too, because peopledon't stop growing, that's true, you
(15:33):
know what I mean. And she'syours. Yeah, And so she was
connected to a lot of things inthe beginning. And the first year we
called her our million dollar baby becauseher bills racked up a million dollars and
that was around the time that moviecame out with Hillary Swing really, so
we called her a million dollar baby. But at the end of the day,
she was a great baby. Andit could have been worse, you
know, like a lot of peoplewith Down syndrome are born with heart problems
(15:56):
and heart defects, and she didn'thave any. So that was a huge
blessing because typically we've met others thathave had to have open heart surgery right
away, and so, you know, you take it for what it is,
like I said, the ups anddowns. Yeah, okay, so
you have this beautiful baby. You'retrying to navigate this new world for yourself.
(16:18):
What was the first thing you did? What did you do? I
knew you say you're a research person, So was that the first thing you
did? Yeah, you know,find a community. Do you have a
doctor to help you. I didn'tknow. I'm not going to cuss,
but I didn't know anything. Fillin the blank. I at the time,
my husband was an EMT. Hewas running nine one one calls and
(16:41):
then he was going to school tobecome a paramedic, and so we were
navigating a lot because he was itwas like a really strict course where he
had to have eighty percent or hiredto continue in the course. And I
was like, just go live closerto where you're going and I'll figure,
like, i'll keep Bella and I'lldo things on my own. Right.
(17:04):
So I was navigating being a mom, going to therapies, learning what that
was all about. So therapy isfor for bella, and then we would
we started getting early intervention where likea teacher, the best way to describe
it is a regional center got involved. And if you don't know about regional
(17:26):
center, you can anybody can alwaysinquire. Every region, especially in California,
has one, and then there's severalfamily resource centers tied with that that
can lead you to get some typeof assistance even if you're not sure,
like if you don't have an actualgenetic diagnosis, right, let's just say,
like you think there's something wrong,then that's what these places do.
(17:48):
They help you figure out like whatyou might qualify for. Is it autism,
is it something on the spectrum?Is there a delay, developmental delays,
a speech delay, whatever, Andthis starts from birth, like you
can get help right away. Andso we had a lady come to our
house and I found out about itthrough the social worker at the hospital,
who luckily I had a good socialworker because I've come across other families that
(18:12):
never were told that this even wasaround. Yeah, and a lot of
doctors too, like regular pediatricians areI don't I don't mean anything. By
saying regular, I mean pediatricians thatsee regular kids, neurotypical kids, we
call them. They they're not familiareither, Like they will say, you
(18:32):
could look into that, but youwould think you could go to your doctor
and get the resources. Can youhelp guide me right to this next phase
of my life with my baby?Exactly? So even if that's the case
and your doctor doesn't mention it,you're you can google it, you can
look into it, you can callthe number, you can even apply online
now. And then they set upan assessment. They come out and check
(18:55):
out your baby or your kid,and then they play with them and they
kind of observe. They ask youa ton of questions and sometimes you don't
know how to answer them, andthat's okay, but you you go through
that, and then they say,okay, we're going to go through this
because you have several specialists that aredoing the observation with you. And then
you get a report. And Ijust did this with my two year old,
so I'm kind of doing it allover again because we expect to.
(19:18):
We know that he is delaying talking, so he has a speech delay.
He's not talking as much as maybewe were thinking he would be talking at
this age. And again he's onlytwo, so we're not trying to be
crazy obsessed. But also you havethis experience, so you know what,
if you know better, you dobetter. Yes, And it's free before
(19:41):
three, so you want to getin if you really suspect that there's something
early going on with your child,the earlier you can detect it, the
better because services are usually free beforeage three. And so that was a
big deal for me because things arelife is expensive. I can tell you,
and only just not to delay allof this, but yeah, my
(20:02):
own my own son, Yeah,he had to. We were going through
the process for he has ADHD andgetting a diagnosis was so hard. Hard.
Now he was in first grade atthe time and now like we still
have you know, we still seektherapy for him and different things like that.
But it's not cheap. No,if I had known so long ago,
(20:25):
I could have done that. Iwould have. Yeah, you just
don't know, right, you don't, And I told you don't, and
don't feel bad if you don't knowa lot of people beat themselves up over
it. And you know, myhusband's that type of guy, like,
oh my gosh, we just ruinedtheir life because we didn't start there.
But it's like chill out, youknow, you start when you can,
and everyone's learning and everyone's figuring thingsout, and and really you're just going
(20:48):
to bring on a lot of anxietythat you're gonna need to say for another
day. Yeah, because trust me, the anxiety is always going to be
there for something else, whether it'syour kid or not, you know,
a bill or something. But wehad a teacher lady, I guess the
best way to describe her. Shewas really sweet. She came in Miss
I remember her name, to missusKerwin, and she would do infant massage
(21:12):
and teach me how to like singwith my baby and bond with her and
just kind of like it was alot of I remember touching, singing,
a lot of sensory thing needs thatI never would have probably have done.
(21:32):
And then I again, mind you, I was twenty one and it's your
first baby. And I was twentyone when I had my first baby.
Yeah, I think back to therewere so many things that I wish I
knew, right, you know,and like with my last child, right,
I was doing all those little thingslike oh, we're gonna sit here,
We're gonna be more patient exactly,you absorb it differently. Yeah,
(21:56):
you just don't even know. Yeah, you don't know. And so yeah
that I remember as early as thevery beginning, just always getting some type
of help and it's never stopped.Yeah, So let's talk about a little
bit of that. Your community,your family around you. What can we
do as a community to maybe bringattention to some more of these diverse families
(22:18):
who are going through this together.I mean, I think there's sometimes you're
like, well, no one inmy family has any health issue. Is
there something that the community can do, yeah, to better this situation for
families? Like I love that you'rebringing this up because I was one of
those families. So my family neverhad anyone with special needs, and so
(22:38):
Bella was the first one, andI remember everyone kind of being like looking
at me, like what are wegoing to do? Yeah? And then
the other thing they would do thatkind of drove me crazy was they treated
her differently, like they would talkto her like a baby longer, And
I'm like, you, guys,she's seven, Like you, you don't
have to do that. You canjust act normal. Number one, let's
(23:00):
just talk about let's just talk aboutlike normalizing weird situations you're not used to.
Just because they're weird to you doesnot mean anything, right, Like,
what I love about my family isthat they have learned a lot from
the birth of Bella, and they'velearned to open up their eyes and their
narrow minds to broader horizons. Andnow they're very they're better people too,
(23:26):
you know, like they're not sojudgmental. They're not Before it was like
my grandma would be like, gosh, that kid's being a brat in the
aisle over there next door, rightbecause that's what you think. You judge
right away. You're like, theydon't be quiet, they're making weird noises,
they're not listening to their mom.But you don't know if that kid
has autism. You don't know ifthey're having a meltdown. And then being
that person seeing your g like mygrandma very old school. She gave birth,
(23:52):
she was her sisters were homemakers,and she's from Ecuador. They all
had delivered each other's babies. Okay, so she I've had a very different
experience in birthing from the very getgo with Bella than she ever did,
And so I was trying to dothe thing she did because I looked up
to her so much and I wantedto make her proud right when I thought
(24:14):
about it. But then in return, I made her proud by teaching her
that it's not always like that.You know, you have to keep an
open mind. You have to realizethat everyone learns differently, everyone communicates differently,
and especially in our culture, we'reHispanic, so it's I don't know
why it's so hard for us.It's so hard for us to keep an
(24:36):
open mind and to not be sojudgmental. But that's what our culture has
done through the years, and we'reI see it happening. I see the
trauma kind of breaking and we're formingnew ways to be better people. And
I owe that to Bella because wewere again given this baby to do what
(24:59):
we could to raise her to be, you know, just like what we
all want. We strive for beinga whole person. I don't like saying
a happy person. It's not realisticto always be happy. No, it's
just just to feel whole, tofeel like I have everything, you know,
everything I need. Yeah, Andyou see that in Bella's eyes and
(25:19):
in her smile, like she stilldoesn't use words to communicate. She's nonverbal.
Now they die or I don't knowif they diagnose it, they call
it nonverbal because she doesn't use sentenceslike we do. You know, she
uses an iPad and she presses buttons. That helps her. But she has
some words, like her favorite wordsare fries and yeah, or she'll she
(25:44):
actually her sentence that she can sayis like five more minutes, so like
if she needs more time, fivemore minutes, she'll say that. So
then I'm like, okay, Iget it. She learned that during COVID
because I guess she needed a lotof breaks from us at that time when
we were all home, everybody there. But you know, back to what
the community can do. You canjust treat them the way you want to
(26:08):
be treated. Be normal, givethem a high five, make eye contact
with them, don't just stare atthem like why do they look different?
You know? And I want tosay something about that because in particular to
people with Down syndrome. Recently,my daughter went viral on a post for
her promposal and have to talk.It was the first time she ever went
(26:29):
this viral, like in the millions, and it was a really cute promposal.
She asked her friend who she's beenriding the bus with every day to
prom And it's a really cute video. So if you have to see this
video, you probably will cry everything. And so it's very wholesome, very
just cute and nice. And inthe comments, I try to stay away
(26:51):
from them because the comment section,to me, is always evil, but
there are some pretty harsh ones,and then there are more good ones than
there are harsh ones. And that'sthe reality of the world, right we
we I don't want to act likeit's perfect. It's there's still a lot
that we can do as a communityto improve, and that's why I want
to share this one of the questions, and it's a valid question. I
(27:12):
wasn't upset by it, but myfourteen year old son, who's her little
brother. Technically he acts like abig brother, but he's her little brother.
He got really offended and was like, have you seen the comment section?
And I wouldn't have if he hadnot said that, but I understood
his point of view. It's importantto validate our kids, right and so
(27:34):
he was like, they're saying thesethings like why do they all look the
same? Why are they why dothey is this like an institution for them
and blah blah blah, like there'sjust there's actually way worse things than that.
But he couldn't get over that thatpeople were being mean to his sister,
right of course, Oh my god, I can't. I can only
(27:55):
imagine that. Yeah, oh mygod. So I said, you know
what the thing is, you haveto realize people are so night they don't
even know anything that you do.Like you grew up with the sister lived.
Yeah, you've grown up with thesister who has been your sister no
matter what, no matter how shewas born, no matter how she acts,
(28:18):
she still loves you. You loveher and it shows. Right,
But it is a valid question tosay, why do they look the same
because they both have Down syndrome.And so if you've always wondered that,
I was like, I need tostart answering this question. But maybe that
is like the next post, rightright, answer some of these questions.
It is. And so the reasonwhy is because I like to use this
(28:41):
example that I heard years ago,and when we're baking a cake, right,
and we have the recipe for acake, two eggs, a quarter
cup of oil of one third ofmilk or water, whatever you use.
So you make this cake with thoseingredients, and think of humans as this
recipe. We're all made with thesame recipe, right, and then we
(29:03):
bake this cake and we you know, we it's fine, it's fluffy,
we put frosting on it. It'sgood to go. But then if you
put a little bit of too muchone ingredient, too much into that recipe,
it can change things. It cancome out flat, it can come
out like not as the same asthe other cake, right, and pretty
similar. They might share similar things, and that is the case for Down
(29:26):
syndrome. So because of that extrachromosome, they have similar characteristics the SIMI
increase. Right. The doctor rightaway pointed out their eyes seem kind of
close together. They have no nasalbridge, so this little piece in between
your eyes that's like a little hump, they don't have that. It's flat,
which causes a lot of sinus issues. Knowing that as a mom,
(29:48):
they have flat necks, they're shorter, they're heavier sometimes, and so the
heart. Remember like a lot ofthem are born with heart issues. So
just consider that that they're just becauseof that extra chromosome. The recipe was
a little different. The same yes, and there and people that have Down
(30:08):
syndrome, they have triy to me, twenty one. That's just the scientific
name for it because of the trythree in the twenty first pair, the
extra chromy. Yes, the extrachromy homie. Then they that's why they
have similar characteristics. They may notbe family. But you're like, why
do you look alike? So thatwas a big question in that viral video,
(30:30):
like why do they look alike?And that's why makes you wonder like
have you never seen it? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, but you know
it is a valid question. Yes, you're right, Yeah, I guess
I wouldn't think of that. AndI had to teach my son that,
I'm like, learn to stick upfor your don't use the same ugliness that
people are using. Educate them,educate them. There you go, that's
(30:51):
that is a great takeaway actually,because that's the whole problem. And a
lot of these comments are coming fromyes, young people, yes, who
don't know better. Yeah, anda lot of the misconceptions because you can
handle it two different ways, right, And like I said, it's just
not important at the end of theday to prove people, to prove to
(31:12):
people that you know, don't whatis a comment back going to do it's
not going to do anything. It'sgoing to waste my time and my energy.
And as a parent, you haveto learn to protect your peace at
all costs. And not even evenas a parent, as just a human
being. You need to learn that. You learn to set boundaries, you
just you know, A big misconceptionfor parents with special needs is and I
(31:36):
wouldn't even say it is a misconception. Some of it is true is that
we don't take care of ourselves.We become so inundated with just constantly being
preoccupied with the care and thoughts ofwhat can go wrong with your child.
But even if you had, ifyou didn't have that, you would be
doing the same for yourself, youknow, like what could go wrong?
(31:57):
Could am I going to get intocracks today? And like your thoughts can
really consume you. A big misconception, it is a common one, is
that we eventually you learn to setboundaries. Eventually you learn that peace is
important. Eventually you learn that you'regonna either make your marriage work or you're
not. If whatever's gonna bring youpeace, you're gonna do that. But
(32:21):
a huge factor with a lot ofparents that i've met, and that I've
known through the years is that itis hard to stay with your partner because
again, it's hard to parent aneurotypical kid, a kid that doesn't have
health problems or issues, let aloneone that does. You're both always tired,
you're grouchy, you have the again, the goods and the bads.
And if you knew your husband andyourself together, like like I get to
(32:45):
see, yeah, you would neverthink that you guys ever had an issue,
that you guys are just the sweetestkid. Yeah, we have our
moments, for sure, we do. And he'd be the first to say
we've sought We've actually been to couple'stherapy. I think the first time we
tried it was like maybe five orsix years ago, and I wish we
would have started sooner. I wishthat we would have because we grew up
(33:07):
together, we raised this child together, and we've we're not the same people,
no way, there, there's noway, and you shouldn't be the
same, right. Okay, that'sanother great point and maybe for another whole
topic on another podcast. A.Yeah. But the other misconception too,
that that bothers me and bothers myhusband, is that people think we're boring
(33:30):
and that we're lame, we're weird, and I'm like, you know what,
I know some people that are lameand boring and weird too, that
don't have any other issues going on, or maybe don't don't even have kids,
you know, Like I think thatthey just they don't consider that we
want to have fun too. Sothis is why I love your family so
much. So you documenting your journeywith your whole family, not just Bella's
(33:55):
journey, but the whole the wholelocos, all the logos, all the
crazy that happens in your family.You show so much of the fun,
and I think that is so importantfor getting rid of those misconceptions. Yes
it is. I love the videoof your daughter on the bike. Oh
(34:15):
my gosh, the joy that itbrought her, and I bet it brought
your entire family so much. Showyou know what, I want to get
on a bike, Like I wouldreally love to god that bike, I
know, because those are things,you know. I think that's something you
and I have in common, andI know we both are in radio,
so it's a little bit more likewe do it because we feel like we
(34:36):
should share our lives because We've beentalking about our lives for so long on
the radio, my husband and I. A lot of people come to us
and they're like, your family's alwaysdoing something, yeas always do I was
like, actually, we just showyou that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, but you knowwhat I mean. But still,
it's there is so much fun inlife, and yeah, it's I love
(34:57):
that we can show that, Yes, And I love that you get to
show that, and you show itfrom a different perspective of going through what
it is for your son to growup with his big sister having special needs
and also being he's a very talentedathlete. Yeah, your son, very,
very smart, very all of thesethings, and seeing that dynamic within
(35:20):
the two of them is actually quitebeautiful to watch. It is, and
then with the two year old thrownin it too, it's just like,
and your two year old, whois just so fun? You think I
can't handle another kid? Right afterBella? I thought, no way,
Yeah, you know, that's agreat question. So what made you decide
it was? It was just asurprise, by God. It was a
big God surprise, and it reallywas. I was actually hospitalized with Bella.
(35:45):
She had RSV. She was ayear and three months, and I
remember at the time it was twothousand and eight, so Obama was getting
inaugurated, Like I remember ever streamdetails because I was living in this maternity
ward with probably twelve other babies,and we were just sharing curtain walls,
right, they all had RSV,and I stayed by her side and she
(36:07):
was in like that cage. Itlooks like a cage, but it's a
crib for babies so they don't jumpout and stuff. And you know,
she's always had issues through the years. She's had seizures. She was hospitalized
for RSV for a while, andit was always one thing after another.
But again back to taking life withits ebbs and flows and accepting what could
(36:30):
happen. Right. I remember wefinally got home from being in a hospital
and I was just kind of like, Wow, there's a lot going on
life, the world is changing.It was an interesting time period in our
lives. And then a month later, I'm like, I'm pregnant. So
I was just like cooped up atthe hospital, went home, had a
(36:52):
baby apparently, and then I wasfreaking out, freaking out like I can't
do this, I can't. Iwas did you have those worries that he
was also going to special No.I just felt like I couldn't love another
child the way I was going tobe able to love Bella. And then
also that I wasn't going to haveI didn't have enough in me to give
(37:14):
to this other baby because I wasso busy with Bella. I felt like
it wasn't going to be fair tothis next kid because of how like it
was a lot. It was justwe were constantly in and out of the
hospitals the first year and then againlearning about all the different specialists, and
(37:34):
it was just too much for mymind to fathom. And my husband calmed
me down and he was like,look, we're going to get through this.
And it was night and day rightlike from I had another great pregnancy,
I had all the tests, theytreated me high risk this time,
and then little Bear was born andhe's been the complete opposite, like instead
(37:55):
of any delays, it's always beenadvanced, and so I just was equal
like I could never I was neverlike I was on a very long spectrum
from one end to the very end. Having a child who is advanced is
also a challenge that should be aspecial need too. It absolutely is because
(38:15):
there aren't a lot of parents,well there are, but I'm okay.
There's a lot of parents who dealwith very normal things. There are.
There's a smaller parents that understand,yeah, what it is to have an
accelerated child. Yes, and Iwas never an accelerated like the way he
was right, Yeah, things justclicked in his head for math, for
science. I wasn't like that.I stayed stuck in fifth grade division so
(38:37):
like, especially with fractions, andso I struggled. But it's been eye
opening and it's been great to beable to witness and being their mom and
just being able to understand that everyoneis going to have their thing right everyone,
and had I known what I knownow, Like back then, I
(38:57):
did grow when I was just there. I stayed home for five years.
I was a stay at home mom. I stopped working. Alex was running
nine one one calls like crazy.He was a paramedic at that point,
so he was out of the housea lot because he would work twenty four
forty eight hour shifts. But alsolike he had the here's why we were
such a great team. He couldhandle anything like dangerous situation his job.
(39:22):
Yeah, I mean really, hewas trained to do it whenever like one
of the kids would choke or anythinglike dire. I was like, you
do it like I'm freaking out.And then and then like all the loving,
like carrying, like I can takehim to therapy. I can do.
I was good at that stuff.Yeah, And so we made a
great team and we always have andthat's I'm lucky to have him and he
(39:42):
vice versa. Right. But thepoint being is that I stayed home for
five years. I was just like, there, I can't I lost my
identity. I was just their mom. I was Bella and little Bear's mom.
We call him little Bear because it'stoo many alex is in our family.
So so I was just like,I threw away all of my dreams,
(40:02):
like my aspirations, what I hopedto do, and I just I
didn't put myself first. And thenone day Alex kind of realized that I
was losing it because I was.I was just like, because you were
a dreamer, a huge dreamer,and I'm not my best person. I
think that I was good at stayat home mom while I needed to be
(40:25):
because I had such a like asurvival instinct kind of kick in. But
then when that kind of when thingscalmed down and they Bella started school,
and then before you know it,little Bear started daycare, and then I
had a little bit of time inbetween. I was getting stir crazy,
and that's when Alex said, comeon, let's go for a date.
(40:46):
And that's when he took me.He surprised me and took me to a
radio like broadcasting school and I didn'tknow I was doing an audition, and
that's what the whole date was.And then so I raised it at the
academy is the one that I wentto, Yes, okay and pictures on
the wall, and then all myhusband and I went there, Oh really
(41:07):
funny yep in Huntington Beach. Sowe went there for a surprise date and
then he was like, I thinkyou need to pursue this, like you've
always wanted to do this, Juststart taking classes and I so yeah.
I ended up taking community college coursesbroadcasting ones, and then before you know
it, it just all started clicking. And it was like I always felt
(41:29):
like I was going to do thisanyway, whether it was going to be
at home. I was blogging aboutit, I was writing about it.
Instagram was brand new at the time, so I started in Instagram and posting,
but it was important to me andI felt that it was necessary to
share my family story on social mediabecause I was seeing other families like mine
(41:49):
responding and saying I know exactly howyou feel and connecting with me. And
it was a really special connection,which is what led me to continue this
course of you know what, thenI'm going to start my own podcast and
I'm going to name it Special Connections, and you know, just connecting with
the community, connecting with families,connecting with specialists, doctors, teachers,
(42:10):
all of it, because we areall in this together. Like they say,
it takes a village again, takinga step back and looking at the
bigger picture. I'm like, thiswas all supposed to happen. It really
was. It was all meant tobe Darline. It was. I feel
like we could. There's so manythings I have to ask you, and
I'm like, I know we don'thave enough time, So maybe we talk
(42:30):
about more of the navigating the healthcaresystem and all those kinds of things at
another time, because you had tocome back, okay, okay, And
I also can't wait to hear moreabout your podcasts. And I know you're
kind of like getting it going andyou're putting all the pieces together. It's
going to be available on iHeart.Yes, I understand it. Wherever you
get your podcasts, they can findyou. Where can they find you?
(42:51):
At social Queen Darlene? Just keepit easy everywhere? Yeah, at social
Queen isn't the greatest at social QueenDarlene. Okay, before we go three
takeaways, I think in my headI already know what the three takeaways are?
But what are your three key takeawaysfor any parent out there who is
maybe about to navigate this situation orfor just somebody who has never even met
(43:15):
anyone with special needs? Yea,what should people know? Be ready to
go with the flow, ask forhelp, and do what you need to
do to find some peace. Ilike those three things. Also, like
don't be afraid to ask for secondopinions. For even if you don't like
(43:36):
your doctor, you know, askfor another doctor. Actually, Bella has
IHP. She has IHP secondary throughmedical because anyone like Bella in this case,
when you have a special need,you can always qualify for medical regardless
of income. Not that I makea lot of money. I could always
make work in radio. There's nota lot of money there. But you
(43:57):
know, the guidelines are always strictwith medical and so I was always nervous
about that. And you have toconsider that sometimes some people can't take jobs
because they would be making less withthe cost of health care and everything.
Sure, right, yeah, soyou have to really juggle that, right,
But there is a waiver that everyoneshould know about. So if you're
like in that fence and you're thinkingabout it, just know that there is
(44:20):
several workshops. Look up your localFamily Resource center, look into that,
learn about the waiver. You canstill your child at least your child can
have the coverage that they need tocover you in all areas. So I
have my insurance through work and shehas that primary and then secondary I have
IHP. There you go. That'swonderful to know. And IHP has a
(44:43):
lot of resources too at their disposaland you can just call into it's all
going to be in our details.Can I share one thing that I love,
the one thing that IHP has reallyhelped me with and save me.
And I was not expecting this.Recently, Bella got really sick when the
flu season was happening and she neededa nebulizer and my insurance at work is
very expensive. It's like I can'teven afford it barely, right, It's
(45:05):
like eighty dollars co payments. AndI was taking her to this one and
that one, and I'm like,oh my god, it's adding up.
I don't know. And I neededto buy a nebulizer. She was actually
in the er because she was breathingreally ugly, and so I was like,
I need to check to see howmuch money I have before I go
out and buy this nebulizer. Well, then this that's a necessity, yeah,
that she needs to breathe, right, Yeah. And then I went
(45:28):
to this pharmacy and they were like, oh, you have IHP, you
get a free one. And Igot a free nebulizer because of IHP.
Oh my god. And it savedme another eighty dollars. So I would
have been able to afford that atthat time, right, And she actually
needed it. So, I mean, I love IHP and I'm so happy
they have this podcast. Thank you. I am so proud to be partnered
with them for this. This is, you know, their brainchild, and
(45:51):
I just get to kind of comeout and just host it and it's great.
I'm learning so much every single episode. I know you've heard some of
the episodes, and I'm in lovewith it. I feel like this is
going to be such an invaluable resourcefor so many community for the community,
and everything is niche. Every episodeis totally different, and I hope and
(46:12):
I know this episode's going to bevery very important for a lot of people.
So thank you so much, Darlene. This was wonderful. I wanted
to add the one thing that thetakeaway that you said from earlier about be
normal. Okay, I'm glad yousaid that. Yeah, just be normal.
Please please when you see somebody,just be cool man, smile and
way they are normal. Yes,I love that. Thank you so much,
(46:35):
Charlie. This is wonderful than youwell, thank you again for joining
me for another episode of Covering YourHealth with Evelyi Revez, presented by IEHP.
I am reminded of the immense strengthand love that parents like Darlene embody.
Their journey is one of resilience,compassion, unwavering commitment to their children
(46:57):
with special needs. And it's it'sbeautiful. I mean, I don't know,
for lack of a better word,it is beautiful. So let's carry
Darlene's wisdom with us. Let's becompassionate, let's be normal, Let's also
be resilient, and let's be kind. Thank you again for joining me.
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