January 18, 2023 • 10 mins
Bethenny has some thoughts about people that need to know stuff they don’t need to know!! Plus, she has advice for coping with people “noise” and find out what she’s got to say about Vogue Queen Anna Wintour!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
You sit down at a restaurant and and they come
up to you to order drinks, and you look at it.
What do you get it? What the fund do you care?
When I'm getting what does that have to do? I'm
getting arsenic and soda with a line like it's like,
it's so weird if I get water, now you have
to get water. You can't get wine. If you want wine,
get wine? Do you not know what? You want to
get a margarita? I live your own life. If I
get a margarita? Is that going to make it taste
(00:31):
different to you? I never understand it. It's like what
are you what are you wearing tonight? A scuba suit?
And and like you know, you saw, you know where
we're going, you know the invitation. It's just like interesting,
what I understand? What are you getting in food? Because
what are you getting indicates we could possibly have a
little deal here where we share, where there's some tasting
going back and forth. But we're not like slopping. You know,
(00:53):
we're not swapping spit with our drinks, and you're certainly're
not wearing half of my clothes, so it doesn't necessarily matter.
And I know it's like because you don't want to
feel overdressed underdressed, But I don't think what the other
person next to you was wearing has anything to do
with if you're underdressed or overdressed. Has to do with
where you're going. And by the way, everywhere everything goes.
Now it's so funny. Unless you're a black tie event
wearing jeans, it feels like everything goes. But I just
(01:15):
think I always laughed at someone's like, wait, what are
you getting? And then we have the same menu and
I'm just like, I don't know, I'm getting a BlackBerry
mescal margarita. What are you go? Okay, I'll get that too.
It's hysterical. It doesn't make any sense. My number one
goal guest is Anna wint Or just want to say
it out loud. I just I think she's at the
(01:36):
top of my list. I'm reading the book Anna, a
woman named Amy O'Dell wrote it, and I hesitate to
say this because there have been other people in business
that I see similarities two in myself, and it's not
always positive the other person. I'll tell you another time,
but I saw many similarities in the way that Anna
(01:58):
thinks about an approach is work in her work ethic
in her being the first one there and the last
one working, in the way she thinks about things, and
that she's not that big on small talk. It's just
it is what it is. It's very clear cut to her.
So I um, I want nothing from her. I can
benefit not whatsoever from her. I just want to meet her.
(02:20):
I really do. I just and I don't say that
about anybody. I know so many celebrities, and I turned
down lunches and dinners and vacations, and I just don't care.
I cared. I just I think Anna Wintour is kind
of the HB I C of all the h B
I C s. I honestly do. Also New Year maybe
(02:42):
same us. UM. I want to talk about noise because
noise is really something many people deal with. People deal
with food noise. I was good, I didn't eat, I
was bad. I ate, or I feel fat or I
don't look in these pants or all of that is
related to food. I was binging is food noise, and
that's it's just something you're gonna have to learn how
to turn to a food voice. And that happens later
(03:05):
with life. If you can jump on it earlier, it's wonderful.
That's why I wrote the book Naturally Thin, which was
so successful because it really it really handled and dealt
with people's food noise, people with exercise noise, money noise,
money noise. I bought that shouldn' about that? I feel guilty.
Do I have enough? I'm counting how much I have?
How much do I owe? What am I making? Like?
(03:25):
You can't enjoy, you can't be present, you can't have it,
you can't be in a in a nice relationship with that.
And family noise like you you you you're noisy about
your family, either you're embarrassed or you're around them and
they trigger you and you can't have a voice about it.
It's just something to start thinking about this year, because
many areas are noisy for many people, and it's great
(03:45):
to get a handle on where you're the most noisy
and work at that. Let me tell you something very
respected in business, and it's the opposite of what you
would think. I like when people tell me that they
don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to
do about this. I have no experience in this. I
(04:07):
don't know what this is. People are inclined to pretend
that they know everything because they're afraid that if they
don't know something, it seems like they're incompetent. You know what,
I'm afraid of somebody who is disloyal, who cannot be trusted,
and who doesn't work hard. That's what I'm afraid of.
I'm not afraid of someone not knowing something. Someone who
(04:28):
can be trusted, who is loyal, and who works hard,
saying to me, I don't know, but I'll figure it out.
Then you know that somebody knows what they don't know.
Because what I've had happened. I've had people. I kind
of was in the beginning of this monetizing reality TV space,
in the beginning of agencies representing people that had a
(04:51):
whole new revenue stream that wasn't being an actor and
author a writer. It was this new revenue stream of
brands being involved with someone for being a personality, for
have a platform on reality television. It was a new space,
and I remember having an agent that was very into me,
you know, very very good and worked hard and great.
(05:12):
But because we were dealing with new things, new deals,
new thing new business concepts that no one had ever
dealt with before. Because we were creating new case law
in a new area of business, and he was really green.
He wanted me to think so I wouldn't leave him,
you know, because I was very in demand and successful.
He wanted me to think. And many agents and many
(05:34):
lawyers are like this. They wanted me to think that
he knew it all. And whenever I get into business
with people, I always say, it's okay if you don't know,
just tell me you don't know. If I think you're
a hard worker and you're smart, we'll figure that together.
But if we if we don't know, we can say, okay,
well this seems interesting, and then we came massage it
and talk about it and crowdsourced and worked the problem.
(05:54):
But someone acting like they know too much and they
actually don't is really damaging because you're going in the
wrong direction and you don't know. You think you're driving
in a car with someone who knows where the fun
they're going. I'd rather be like, Okay, let's stop, we
don't know where we're going, let's look at the map,
let's call someone, let's put the you know, the GPS on,
and we will figure it out together. But someone just
(06:15):
getting in the I got it driving in the wrong
direction is not helping anybody. So it's okay to know
what you don't know and to convey that in a confident,
positive and constructive manner. I think over the holidays, this
(06:39):
made me think of something that people might find familiar.
I had an issue with a friend over the holidays
where historically I've tolerated something from them that I just
will not tolerate now. And it scares people. For you
to stand your ground and stick up for yourself around
(07:01):
people when you have never done it, it's jarring for them.
So someone spoke to me in a way that was
completely disrespectful and demoralizing, and I this this person lashes out,
and this is part of their personality that when they
feel challenging any way, if you don't like something they've done,
or you just rationally say I don't like what you
just said, they go to the mattresses like they go
(07:22):
to the mattress and say something nasty. There are people
on Housewives that have that same switch. I grew up
in a house with that switch existed. The switches like
you say to someone, you know what, I really am
not comfortable with you speaking to me that way, and
they're like, really, blah blah that you and they go
they go below the belt immediately and people do this
who drink, and I've experienced this on and off television,
so over the holidays. I did not accept that. Not
(07:43):
only did I say it's not acceptable where you're speaking
to me, but then when the lash out, the snap,
the switch one off, I I left the dynamic. I
I really said, I don't want to do this anymore.
And I don't know that I'll never be have a
relationship this person anymore. But I basically just stood up
(08:03):
for myself. And the first thought that I had was
being proud of myself just because I didn't get hysterical.
I wasn't rude. I don't go to the mats. It's
funny because I talk about people on social media, um
and I don't talk about their physical appearance. And I
don't go to the I don't go to the mattresses.
I will just say what I feel and people will say, oh,
you bully Megan. I've never bullied Megan. I said she
(08:24):
could screw U, direct dream and crime a river. That
is not That is my summation of an event that
is not attacking someone's physical appearance. Or character and I'm
very literally I hate when people It's why I did
well in the house was when people miss characterize something.
It drives me nut. It's like, yah, know, that's not bullying.
You better get the definition book out of bullying because
that's a misdiagnosed bullying. So anyway, I was proud of
(08:45):
myself because I just rationally and in a straightforward way,
I said this is I'm not accepting this and then said,
what you doing that has more to do with you
than me. And it's what I tell my daughter. Look
in the mirror. You should not be looking over here.
And there's nothing I have to say. I'm clean, and
I felt good. When you handle a situation clean, you
feel good. And it made me realize that it's called
(09:06):
it's dynamics. You have dynamics with family members. They've always
been the same, and you say, oh, they're just like that,
or they're negative, or this person is unhappy or they
don't feel well or they're in a bad marriage or
whatever the situation is. And you accept behavior that you
shouldn't be accepting. And there's a way to do it,
not fighting and lashing out. And I should have told
you this in November twenty before Thanksgiving and Christmas. But
(09:29):
it's a new year, so it's a good resolution. It's
basically just to not accept less than what you deserve,
and the means by which you convey that is just yeah, no,
that is not an acceptable way to speak. And I'm
extricating myself in the situation. On this conversation, you'd be
shocked by how freaked out people get. It makes them
turn the mirror right on themselves. They just they just
become so uncomfortable. If you start lashing out and responding
(09:52):
and reacting, that will be different. But if you just
do not accept the same dynamics in relationships with families
and friendships, you'll be shocked at how well that works.
M
You sit down at a restaurant and and they come
up to you to order drinks, and you look at it.
What do you get it? What the fund do you care?
When I'm getting what does that have to do? I'm
getting arsenic and soda with a line like it's like,
it's so weird if I get water, now you have
to get water. You can't get wine. If you want wine,
get wine? Do you not know what? You want to
get a margarita? I live your own life. If I
get a margarita? Is that going to make it taste
(00:31):
different to you? I never understand it. It's like what
are you what are you wearing tonight? A scuba suit?
And and like you know, you saw, you know where
we're going, you know the invitation. It's just like interesting,
what I understand? What are you getting in food? Because
what are you getting indicates we could possibly have a
little deal here where we share, where there's some tasting
going back and forth. But we're not like slopping. You know,
(00:53):
we're not swapping spit with our drinks, and you're certainly're
not wearing half of my clothes, so it doesn't necessarily matter.
And I know it's like because you don't want to
feel overdressed underdressed, But I don't think what the other
person next to you was wearing has anything to do
with if you're underdressed or overdressed. Has to do with
where you're going. And by the way, everywhere everything goes.
Now it's so funny. Unless you're a black tie event
wearing jeans, it feels like everything goes. But I just
(01:15):
think I always laughed at someone's like, wait, what are
you getting? And then we have the same menu and
I'm just like, I don't know, I'm getting a BlackBerry
mescal margarita. What are you go? Okay, I'll get that too.
It's hysterical. It doesn't make any sense. My number one
goal guest is Anna wint Or just want to say
it out loud. I just I think she's at the
(01:36):
top of my list. I'm reading the book Anna, a
woman named Amy O'Dell wrote it, and I hesitate to
say this because there have been other people in business
that I see similarities two in myself, and it's not
always positive the other person. I'll tell you another time,
but I saw many similarities in the way that Anna
(01:58):
thinks about an approach is work in her work ethic
in her being the first one there and the last
one working, in the way she thinks about things, and
that she's not that big on small talk. It's just
it is what it is. It's very clear cut to her.
So I um, I want nothing from her. I can
benefit not whatsoever from her. I just want to meet her.
(02:20):
I really do. I just and I don't say that
about anybody. I know so many celebrities, and I turned
down lunches and dinners and vacations, and I just don't care.
I cared. I just I think Anna Wintour is kind
of the HB I C of all the h B
I C s. I honestly do. Also New Year maybe
(02:42):
same us. UM. I want to talk about noise because
noise is really something many people deal with. People deal
with food noise. I was good, I didn't eat, I
was bad. I ate, or I feel fat or I
don't look in these pants or all of that is
related to food. I was binging is food noise, and
that's it's just something you're gonna have to learn how
to turn to a food voice. And that happens later
(03:05):
with life. If you can jump on it earlier, it's wonderful.
That's why I wrote the book Naturally Thin, which was
so successful because it really it really handled and dealt
with people's food noise, people with exercise noise, money noise,
money noise. I bought that shouldn' about that? I feel guilty.
Do I have enough? I'm counting how much I have?
How much do I owe? What am I making? Like?
(03:25):
You can't enjoy, you can't be present, you can't have it,
you can't be in a in a nice relationship with that.
And family noise like you you you you're noisy about
your family, either you're embarrassed or you're around them and
they trigger you and you can't have a voice about it.
It's just something to start thinking about this year, because
many areas are noisy for many people, and it's great
(03:45):
to get a handle on where you're the most noisy
and work at that. Let me tell you something very
respected in business, and it's the opposite of what you
would think. I like when people tell me that they
don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to
do about this. I have no experience in this. I
(04:07):
don't know what this is. People are inclined to pretend
that they know everything because they're afraid that if they
don't know something, it seems like they're incompetent. You know what,
I'm afraid of somebody who is disloyal, who cannot be trusted,
and who doesn't work hard. That's what I'm afraid of.
I'm not afraid of someone not knowing something. Someone who
(04:28):
can be trusted, who is loyal, and who works hard,
saying to me, I don't know, but I'll figure it out.
Then you know that somebody knows what they don't know.
Because what I've had happened. I've had people. I kind
of was in the beginning of this monetizing reality TV space,
in the beginning of agencies representing people that had a
(04:51):
whole new revenue stream that wasn't being an actor and
author a writer. It was this new revenue stream of
brands being involved with someone for being a personality, for
have a platform on reality television. It was a new space,
and I remember having an agent that was very into me,
you know, very very good and worked hard and great.
(05:12):
But because we were dealing with new things, new deals,
new thing new business concepts that no one had ever
dealt with before. Because we were creating new case law
in a new area of business, and he was really green.
He wanted me to think so I wouldn't leave him,
you know, because I was very in demand and successful.
He wanted me to think. And many agents and many
(05:34):
lawyers are like this. They wanted me to think that
he knew it all. And whenever I get into business
with people, I always say, it's okay if you don't know,
just tell me you don't know. If I think you're
a hard worker and you're smart, we'll figure that together.
But if we if we don't know, we can say, okay,
well this seems interesting, and then we came massage it
and talk about it and crowdsourced and worked the problem.
(05:54):
But someone acting like they know too much and they
actually don't is really damaging because you're going in the
wrong direction and you don't know. You think you're driving
in a car with someone who knows where the fun
they're going. I'd rather be like, Okay, let's stop, we
don't know where we're going, let's look at the map,
let's call someone, let's put the you know, the GPS on,
and we will figure it out together. But someone just
(06:15):
getting in the I got it driving in the wrong
direction is not helping anybody. So it's okay to know
what you don't know and to convey that in a confident,
positive and constructive manner. I think over the holidays, this
(06:39):
made me think of something that people might find familiar.
I had an issue with a friend over the holidays
where historically I've tolerated something from them that I just
will not tolerate now. And it scares people. For you
to stand your ground and stick up for yourself around
(07:01):
people when you have never done it, it's jarring for them.
So someone spoke to me in a way that was
completely disrespectful and demoralizing, and I this this person lashes out,
and this is part of their personality that when they
feel challenging any way, if you don't like something they've done,
or you just rationally say I don't like what you
just said, they go to the mattresses like they go
(07:22):
to the mattress and say something nasty. There are people
on Housewives that have that same switch. I grew up
in a house with that switch existed. The switches like
you say to someone, you know what, I really am
not comfortable with you speaking to me that way, and
they're like, really, blah blah that you and they go
they go below the belt immediately and people do this
who drink, and I've experienced this on and off television,
so over the holidays. I did not accept that. Not
(07:43):
only did I say it's not acceptable where you're speaking
to me, but then when the lash out, the snap,
the switch one off, I I left the dynamic. I
I really said, I don't want to do this anymore.
And I don't know that I'll never be have a
relationship this person anymore. But I basically just stood up
(08:03):
for myself. And the first thought that I had was
being proud of myself just because I didn't get hysterical.
I wasn't rude. I don't go to the mats. It's
funny because I talk about people on social media, um
and I don't talk about their physical appearance. And I
don't go to the I don't go to the mattresses.
I will just say what I feel and people will say, oh,
you bully Megan. I've never bullied Megan. I said she
(08:24):
could screw U, direct dream and crime a river. That
is not That is my summation of an event that
is not attacking someone's physical appearance. Or character and I'm
very literally I hate when people It's why I did
well in the house was when people miss characterize something.
It drives me nut. It's like, yah, know, that's not bullying.
You better get the definition book out of bullying because
that's a misdiagnosed bullying. So anyway, I was proud of
(08:45):
myself because I just rationally and in a straightforward way,
I said this is I'm not accepting this and then said,
what you doing that has more to do with you
than me. And it's what I tell my daughter. Look
in the mirror. You should not be looking over here.
And there's nothing I have to say. I'm clean, and
I felt good. When you handle a situation clean, you
feel good. And it made me realize that it's called
(09:06):
it's dynamics. You have dynamics with family members. They've always
been the same, and you say, oh, they're just like that,
or they're negative, or this person is unhappy or they
don't feel well or they're in a bad marriage or
whatever the situation is. And you accept behavior that you
shouldn't be accepting. And there's a way to do it,
not fighting and lashing out. And I should have told
you this in November twenty before Thanksgiving and Christmas. But
(09:29):
it's a new year, so it's a good resolution. It's
basically just to not accept less than what you deserve,
and the means by which you convey that is just yeah, no,
that is not an acceptable way to speak. And I'm
extricating myself in the situation. On this conversation, you'd be
shocked by how freaked out people get. It makes them
turn the mirror right on themselves. They just they just
become so uncomfortable. If you start lashing out and responding
(09:52):
and reacting, that will be different. But if you just
do not accept the same dynamics in relationships with families
and friendships, you'll be shocked at how well that works.
M
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Death, Sex & Money
Anna Sale explores the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.