August 22, 2023 • 11 mins
Former Solvable host Ronald Young Jr has a new podcast! “Weight For It unpacks the nuanced thoughts of fat folks, and of all folks who think about their weight all the time. Through narrative storytelling and some memoir, host Ronald Young Jr. hopes to have the conversations that we tend to avoid when it comes to our bodies.” Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts: https://apple.co/45kiRLG
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Pushkin.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
What's ubsolvable? Listeners, It's me Ronald Young Junior, and I
know it's been a long time, but I'm back with
a very special treat in the form of my brand
new podcast, Wait for It. That's spelled wei ght. You
know that thing that some of us think about constantly.
I'm bringing you stories about existing as a fat person
in a world not built for you. Today, I have
(00:39):
a portion of the first episode, and if you like it,
I invite you to subscribe to the show wherever you listen.
Wait for It is a show about the way we
feel about our bodies. Consequently, each episode may include references
to gaining and losing weight, eating disorders, weight loss surgery,
and weight stigma. If these topics are triggering to you,
please take care while listening. We have links to support
(01:01):
resources for anyone who may need them in our show notes.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Wait for It.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I can't remember a time when I wasn't thinking about
my weight. I was a kid with a huge appetite,
and I remember the other kids and some adults would
always say, you keep eating like that, you're gonna get fat.
I remember in middle school pe whenever we had to
play basketball and the coach would yell out shirts for skins.
(01:35):
I immediately hoped to be on the shirt team. Even
in college, I remember my friends used to pinch my
nipples and then laugh when I would get upset, and
at any of these individual times, I was objectively not fat,
But with every incident that occurred with my body, it
(01:56):
firmly put weight in the forefront of my mind. I
wasn't always certain what it was to have a good body,
or even an okay body, or most of all, how
to be okay with my body. I dreamed of having
the ideal physical qualities, muscular arms. I wanted to be tall,
I wanted a beard, I wanted abs. I didn't want
(02:19):
to be afraid of taking my shirt off. I wanted
to be attractive, but I knew that being fat wasn't attractive,
so I didn't want to be fat. However, one day
I got fat. It happened in the last ten years.
(02:45):
It felt inevitable in a way, like the people who
said it would happen were profits. They were right about
my eating habits. I felt ashamed. I tried to cover
it up with the way that I look and dress,
even down to the smallest successory anything that draws attention
away from my weight. Even my personality feels a lot
(03:05):
like a performance. I feel like I have to have
a better personality than most people because I'm fat. If
I'm mean or rude or get something wrong, I know
the first thing folks are going to talk about is
my weight. So I try to be funny and kind
and always put others at ease. I generally make an
effort to be relatable and agreeable, and a lot of
(03:28):
that is who I am, whether I was fat or not.
But because I'm thinking about my weight constantly, the stakes
of every social interaction feel higher to me. I was
talking with a good friend of mine, Jessica, and I
asked her to describe my personality.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Good question, really warm, outgoing, funny. I think that you
have a really high level of emotional intelligence. But I
think that sometimes that can be a blessing and a
curse because you have really you have your self awareness?
Is it spans why long? And all of that, And
(04:12):
with self awareness comes a lot of pain.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yeah, with great self awareness comes great responsibility.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
So you are a soulmate friend, and you are like
a lifetalk friend, and you're not afraid to be vulnerable.
You not only tolerate the things that are uncomfortable, but
you're like, let's get in it.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Just as a friend I met as an adult, not
from school, not at work, but working out together at
this group fitness gym back in twenty fifteen. We both
loved cracking jokes and we hit it off pretty quickly.
At the time, we were both trying to lose weight,
and we supported each other in our goals. We showed
up to work out together at the gym and bonded,
sharing details of our lives. Jess is actually a therapist
(04:53):
and the type of therapist you'd want to be friends with.
We often talked about weight and years ago. During those discussions,
I remember I told her my reason for wanting to
lose weight. Back then, what I would always obsess about
was having a perfect moment. And that's because of like
the kind of the way that love and relationships are depicted.
(05:13):
Like it's always thin people falling in love, you know
what I mean, It's always like getting ripped falling in love.
It's about somebody losing one hundred pounds meeting someone falling
in love. And I feel like for a long time
and even I mean I'm almost a little embarrassed to say,
but like to some extent today, it's always about like
finding that perfect moment, and the only way I can
get there is if I am a certain size.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
So what happens in that moment.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I'm you know, I'm the right size, and you know
it's just like a romantic comedy, you know what I mean.
I just I meet the right person. I got that
slick new promotion at the job, you know, I'm making
good money. All of those are aligning, and you know
it's a romantic enough setting that I'm meeting this person
like I'm the perfect guy. I look the right way.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
So do you feel that where you are with your
body and your self image aligns with you finding your person?
Those are mutually exclusive to you.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
In my mind, if I'm thinking about my weight, then
obviously others are thinking about my weight too. It's probably
working against me when they're assessing whether or not I'm
an acceptable person. And that's why I'm always trying to
make sure I'm giving good personality. And if I'm working
this hard thinking about the stakes of social interaction, then
(06:41):
you can probably imagine that for me, the romantic stakes
are even higher. After my last breakup, I started spiraling
even more about my physical qualities. I truly wondered if
this was happening because I'm fat. I think about weight
(07:02):
the same way I think about race. In moments of
rejection or exclusion, as a black person always comes up
in my mind. It's a regular running background anxiety in
my head. Did I not get the job because I'm black?
Are they staring at me because I'm black? What does
it mean that I'm the only black guy here? And
after a breakup, the ultimate rejection? There are similar questions,
(07:25):
but all about my weight. Would it have happened like
this to a smaller person? Did they give me a
shot because of my personality and then couldn't get over
how fat I was? If I weren't fat, could this
have gone the distance? I'm thirty nine now, and it
seems like everywhere I look, perfect moments are being had
(07:46):
by other people. People are finding the love of their lives,
getting married, buying houses, having kids. And I'm realizing I'm
not even talking about moments anymore. They look like seemingly
perfect lives, And of course I want all of those things.
I think I deserve all of those things. But right
(08:06):
now I'm really talking about something a little smaller. I
remember one time I was sitting in the backyard with
some friends and I was eating potato chips or something
with crumbs, and I got some in my beard and
on my shirt, and I was kind of a mess.
My then girlfriend came over, laughing and confirmed, saying, you're
(08:27):
kind of a mess. She wiped the crumbs out of
my beard. Then she kissed me on the side of
my forehead and put her arm around my shoulders. I
felt the best I'd felt in a long time, and
often I think about that moment. We broke up two
months later. I think breaking up marred the perfection of
(08:54):
that moment. But at the time I had some hope
because at that moment, I felt loved in a way
that I don't feel like I often get to feel loved.
I wasn't certain that anyone knew would love me again
as a fat man. Am I even an eligible bachelor.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Again?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
I don't remember when I started thinking like this. I
do see reinforcing evidence all around me. On the TV
show The Bachelor, every dude that's selected is either thin
or incredibly in shape, and comments are made about how
attractive their bodies are on Love is Blind, despite that
they're actively taking physical attraction out of the equation. Initially,
(09:33):
the contestants are always trying to figure out how hot
their potential mate is, or in some cases, how thin
their potential mate is. And don't even get me started
on The Biggest Loser, a show that spent years sending
the message that life didn't even start until you lost
the weight. From getting ripped, ads with most issues of
(09:53):
Men's Health magazine to video Vixen's swimsuit models, and the
countless ads preaching the effectiveness of whatever new weight loss
method is that can be imagined up. Nearly every popular
piece of media we consume reinforces the message that we're
all supposed to be thin at the bare minimum. You
(10:14):
could be anything you want to be, just don't be fat.
And as a fat person, I hear this messaging loud
and clear. Fat folks are seen for their non sexual qualities,
hence me trying to have a perfect personality. They don't
get to be just hot. And if I don't get
to be hot, how will I ever get my moment?
(10:37):
How could I ever become the perfect man? Having the
perfect moment? A lot of my adult life has been
spent waiting, Waiting for everyone not to be paying attention
before I take my shirt off and get into the pool,
Waiting for the flight attendant to surreptitiously hand me a
seatbelt extender, Waiting until I lose a few pounds before
(11:00):
I buy new clothes. Just a lot of waiting. It's
felt like waiting to be perfect before I truly start
to live. This show not only tells the stories of
those waiting, but of those who can't keep the weight
off their minds. I'm Ronald Young Jr. And this is
(11:26):
wait for It, waiting.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Waiting for it, Wait for it, wait waiting, wait for it.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
All right, folks, if you want to hear the rest
of the episode, subscribe to Wait for It. That's w
E I g h T. The entire first episode is
now available for you to hear, So go subscribe now
wherever you listen.
Pushkin.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
What's ubsolvable? Listeners, It's me Ronald Young Junior, and I
know it's been a long time, but I'm back with
a very special treat in the form of my brand
new podcast, Wait for It. That's spelled wei ght. You
know that thing that some of us think about constantly.
I'm bringing you stories about existing as a fat person
in a world not built for you. Today, I have
(00:39):
a portion of the first episode, and if you like it,
I invite you to subscribe to the show wherever you listen.
Wait for It is a show about the way we
feel about our bodies. Consequently, each episode may include references
to gaining and losing weight, eating disorders, weight loss surgery,
and weight stigma. If these topics are triggering to you,
please take care while listening. We have links to support
(01:01):
resources for anyone who may need them in our show notes.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Wait for It.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I can't remember a time when I wasn't thinking about
my weight. I was a kid with a huge appetite,
and I remember the other kids and some adults would
always say, you keep eating like that, you're gonna get fat.
I remember in middle school pe whenever we had to
play basketball and the coach would yell out shirts for skins.
(01:35):
I immediately hoped to be on the shirt team. Even
in college, I remember my friends used to pinch my
nipples and then laugh when I would get upset, and
at any of these individual times, I was objectively not fat,
But with every incident that occurred with my body, it
(01:56):
firmly put weight in the forefront of my mind. I
wasn't always certain what it was to have a good body,
or even an okay body, or most of all, how
to be okay with my body. I dreamed of having
the ideal physical qualities, muscular arms. I wanted to be tall,
I wanted a beard, I wanted abs. I didn't want
(02:19):
to be afraid of taking my shirt off. I wanted
to be attractive, but I knew that being fat wasn't attractive,
so I didn't want to be fat. However, one day
I got fat. It happened in the last ten years.
(02:45):
It felt inevitable in a way, like the people who
said it would happen were profits. They were right about
my eating habits. I felt ashamed. I tried to cover
it up with the way that I look and dress,
even down to the smallest successory anything that draws attention
away from my weight. Even my personality feels a lot
(03:05):
like a performance. I feel like I have to have
a better personality than most people because I'm fat. If
I'm mean or rude or get something wrong, I know
the first thing folks are going to talk about is
my weight. So I try to be funny and kind
and always put others at ease. I generally make an
effort to be relatable and agreeable, and a lot of
(03:28):
that is who I am, whether I was fat or not.
But because I'm thinking about my weight constantly, the stakes
of every social interaction feel higher to me. I was
talking with a good friend of mine, Jessica, and I
asked her to describe my personality.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Good question, really warm, outgoing, funny. I think that you
have a really high level of emotional intelligence. But I
think that sometimes that can be a blessing and a
curse because you have really you have your self awareness?
Is it spans why long? And all of that, And
(04:12):
with self awareness comes a lot of pain.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yeah, with great self awareness comes great responsibility.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
So you are a soulmate friend, and you are like
a lifetalk friend, and you're not afraid to be vulnerable.
You not only tolerate the things that are uncomfortable, but
you're like, let's get in it.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Just as a friend I met as an adult, not
from school, not at work, but working out together at
this group fitness gym back in twenty fifteen. We both
loved cracking jokes and we hit it off pretty quickly.
At the time, we were both trying to lose weight,
and we supported each other in our goals. We showed
up to work out together at the gym and bonded,
sharing details of our lives. Jess is actually a therapist
(04:53):
and the type of therapist you'd want to be friends with.
We often talked about weight and years ago. During those discussions,
I remember I told her my reason for wanting to
lose weight. Back then, what I would always obsess about
was having a perfect moment. And that's because of like
the kind of the way that love and relationships are depicted.
(05:13):
Like it's always thin people falling in love, you know
what I mean, It's always like getting ripped falling in love.
It's about somebody losing one hundred pounds meeting someone falling
in love. And I feel like for a long time
and even I mean I'm almost a little embarrassed to say,
but like to some extent today, it's always about like
finding that perfect moment, and the only way I can
get there is if I am a certain size.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
So what happens in that moment.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I'm you know, I'm the right size, and you know
it's just like a romantic comedy, you know what I mean.
I just I meet the right person. I got that
slick new promotion at the job, you know, I'm making
good money. All of those are aligning, and you know
it's a romantic enough setting that I'm meeting this person
like I'm the perfect guy. I look the right way.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
So do you feel that where you are with your
body and your self image aligns with you finding your person?
Those are mutually exclusive to you.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
In my mind, if I'm thinking about my weight, then
obviously others are thinking about my weight too. It's probably
working against me when they're assessing whether or not I'm
an acceptable person. And that's why I'm always trying to
make sure I'm giving good personality. And if I'm working
this hard thinking about the stakes of social interaction, then
(06:41):
you can probably imagine that for me, the romantic stakes
are even higher. After my last breakup, I started spiraling
even more about my physical qualities. I truly wondered if
this was happening because I'm fat. I think about weight
(07:02):
the same way I think about race. In moments of
rejection or exclusion, as a black person always comes up
in my mind. It's a regular running background anxiety in
my head. Did I not get the job because I'm black?
Are they staring at me because I'm black? What does
it mean that I'm the only black guy here? And
after a breakup, the ultimate rejection? There are similar questions,
(07:25):
but all about my weight. Would it have happened like
this to a smaller person? Did they give me a
shot because of my personality and then couldn't get over
how fat I was? If I weren't fat, could this
have gone the distance? I'm thirty nine now, and it
seems like everywhere I look, perfect moments are being had
(07:46):
by other people. People are finding the love of their lives,
getting married, buying houses, having kids. And I'm realizing I'm
not even talking about moments anymore. They look like seemingly
perfect lives, And of course I want all of those things.
I think I deserve all of those things. But right
(08:06):
now I'm really talking about something a little smaller. I
remember one time I was sitting in the backyard with
some friends and I was eating potato chips or something
with crumbs, and I got some in my beard and
on my shirt, and I was kind of a mess.
My then girlfriend came over, laughing and confirmed, saying, you're
(08:27):
kind of a mess. She wiped the crumbs out of
my beard. Then she kissed me on the side of
my forehead and put her arm around my shoulders. I
felt the best I'd felt in a long time, and
often I think about that moment. We broke up two
months later. I think breaking up marred the perfection of
(08:54):
that moment. But at the time I had some hope
because at that moment, I felt loved in a way
that I don't feel like I often get to feel loved.
I wasn't certain that anyone knew would love me again
as a fat man. Am I even an eligible bachelor.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Again?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
I don't remember when I started thinking like this. I
do see reinforcing evidence all around me. On the TV
show The Bachelor, every dude that's selected is either thin
or incredibly in shape, and comments are made about how
attractive their bodies are on Love is Blind, despite that
they're actively taking physical attraction out of the equation. Initially,
(09:33):
the contestants are always trying to figure out how hot
their potential mate is, or in some cases, how thin
their potential mate is. And don't even get me started
on The Biggest Loser, a show that spent years sending
the message that life didn't even start until you lost
the weight. From getting ripped, ads with most issues of
(09:53):
Men's Health magazine to video Vixen's swimsuit models, and the
countless ads preaching the effectiveness of whatever new weight loss
method is that can be imagined up. Nearly every popular
piece of media we consume reinforces the message that we're
all supposed to be thin at the bare minimum. You
(10:14):
could be anything you want to be, just don't be fat.
And as a fat person, I hear this messaging loud
and clear. Fat folks are seen for their non sexual qualities,
hence me trying to have a perfect personality. They don't
get to be just hot. And if I don't get
to be hot, how will I ever get my moment?
(10:37):
How could I ever become the perfect man? Having the
perfect moment? A lot of my adult life has been
spent waiting, Waiting for everyone not to be paying attention
before I take my shirt off and get into the pool,
Waiting for the flight attendant to surreptitiously hand me a
seatbelt extender, Waiting until I lose a few pounds before
(11:00):
I buy new clothes. Just a lot of waiting. It's
felt like waiting to be perfect before I truly start
to live. This show not only tells the stories of
those waiting, but of those who can't keep the weight
off their minds. I'm Ronald Young Jr. And this is
(11:26):
wait for It, waiting.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Waiting for it, Wait for it, wait waiting, wait for it.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
All right, folks, if you want to hear the rest
of the episode, subscribe to Wait for It. That's w
E I g h T. The entire first episode is
now available for you to hear, So go subscribe now
wherever you listen.
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