Buenas, More Better fam! Who’s coming over for family dinner? Gather ‘round the table as we discuss cultura and familia this week. Stephanie and Melissa open up about their Colombian, Bolivian and Cuban cultures — from the food, to the language, holidays, traditions, values and more — and how they’re doing their best to pass those foundations on to the next generation. So settle in and make yourself at home, you’re a part of the More Better Familia now.
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Speaker 9 (02:36):
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Speaker 10 (03:00):
What don't you want to pass on to your kids
trauma culturally. More Better, More.
Speaker 8 (03:18):
Better.
Speaker 10 (03:24):
Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending
to have it all together and embrace the journey of
becoming a little more better every day we're at least
trying to. Yeah, that's most Famo and that's Stephanie Beatrice. Hi,
welcome back. Yeah baby, how are you doing? You know?
Speaker 4 (03:47):
Oh?
Speaker 10 (03:47):
Well, I think I'm okay. I think I'm okay. I
think I'm a little like you know, we're recording this
on a Monday, and it's that Monday feeling of the
weekend was a whirlwind of just kid insanity and Monday
I always feel like a little like a hangover, a
(04:07):
kid hangover. Like that's a really good way to put it. Yeah,
how are you? I feel similarly. I mean, I I
don't know what to call it, but I had like
a really down day yesterday where I was like, h
and I really I was leaning on Brad a lot,
like I got I got ras up and I did
stuff with her and then I was like, hey, man,
(04:30):
I need to go in my bedroom and hide. Can
you please do the majority of this today? And God
bless them, he did, and my sister helped too, but
like I just couldn't. I couldn't hack it, man, I
couldn't hack it. And it made me think, like, you know,
on one hand, I'm so grateful for a partner that
a partner and a sister, a family that is ready
(04:52):
to kind of like, you know, pick up I not
not pick up the slack, but like catch me or
support me when I'm down. But also I have like
all these guilty feelings of like what about like single
moms and like people that don't have anybody else to
depend on, and like what are they doing when they're sad?
And like I can't believe I'm in bed right now
watching Sex in the City. I'm so sad, Like I
(05:14):
do you know, I get I think we all do that,
But I think that also if you are able, and
you have a village or you have community, like you know,
you gotta put your you gotta put your mask on
for your your oxygen mask on first. So what you're
saying is it's okay for me to watch Sex and
the City for days on end and just ignore my
(05:35):
toddler completely days carb Garblus. I'm just kidding. I don't
ignore my child's No, I know you don't actually, but
you were just taking care of yourself and her. Also, yeah,
I don't even know what was wrong with me, Like,
I guess you're just something to do in therapy. I
(05:56):
was just having a hard day. You're just having a
hard day. Well, okay, so now I'm gonna ask you,
what have you done lately that's more better? Mm hmmmm
mm hmmm, Burt for my smoothie, which is something I've
been my more better. I'm good Monday reset. I'm trying to, like,
(06:17):
you know, I've been really busy and all over the
place and scattered, so like I worked out this morning
and I made my smoothie that I love. I'm trying
to like get get back in the routine, you know, like,
oh my god, Monday Reset. I love it. Monday Reset.
That's what I've that's my more better. What have you
done lately? It's more better? Oh my god, I'm gonna
copy you. I'm gonna copy you. Yeah, because sometimes I
(06:40):
mean said, listen, sometimes every single Monday is a Monday Reset.
Speaker 6 (06:43):
And that's just how it goes.
Speaker 10 (06:44):
Real talk, that's real, that's really real. But it helps
me to just be like whatever, it's fine. What everything
you just did is fine. Just Monday reset, Like, let's
just commit to get back in the routine for the week. Yeah,
oh my god, I'm copying you. I am going to
copy you. That's so good. What was my more better?
Speaker 11 (07:05):
Uh?
Speaker 10 (07:07):
I'm flossing? Yes, I am such a lazy like girl
about it. Should we do an episode on how to
be more better a dental because we could. The struggle
is you are shared dentist. We share a dentist, you guys,
(07:29):
we share a dentist.
Speaker 12 (07:33):
More better?
Speaker 10 (07:36):
Anyway? More better at dental care with Stephaniems. That's not
what we're talking about today. Actually, today's episode, we're talking
about sharing your culture with your kids. If you don't
have kids, this can also be for you if you're
like I want to share my culture with my friends,
with my chosen family. Yeah. So it's like about keeping
(07:56):
kind of like touchstones of your culture in your life
and how you do it. Are you doing it? Do
you want to do it more? Do you feel like
I totally have that down and you just want to
run this episode off? Please? Don't? Like you know, I
think one of the things that I think about a
(08:18):
lot is like, how do I do that? Because for me,
I assimilated, like my parents wanted me to assimilate. And
you know, for purposes of this conversation, we'll call it
like American culture. And they didn't want us to speak Spanish.
They wanted us to you know, be like I even
(08:39):
wanted to assimilate. I remember going to school, I'm seeing
everybody's lunches and specifically wanting lunches that looked like the
other kids. And there's nothing wrong with that, but like,
you know, how how how I grew up and like
how embracing parts of my culture didn't come until honestly
until I was like in college, late high school college.
(09:05):
I just want that journey to be different for my
kid and my family. You know what about you? Yeah, yeah,
similarly that pressure to assimilate.
Speaker 13 (09:14):
Uh.
Speaker 8 (09:15):
You know.
Speaker 10 (09:16):
The story in our family is when my brother was
really young, like first grade or kindergarten, the teacher called
my parents in and this is in the eighties and
ask them what they were speaking at home, and they
said Spanish and they said, hmmm, it's really messing him
up because my brother was saying things like give me
(09:37):
low and tekel and like he was, you know, just
he was speaking Spanglish basically. And you know, I feel
like now there's a lot more awareness and education about
like that always just evens out and kids like, you know,
just become bilingual and it's not a big deal. And
there are speech delays sometimes when you are teaching two languages,
(09:59):
but like you know, back then, it was just like ooh,
and like my parents got scared, so they didn't stop
speaking Spanish to us, but they stopped making us respond
in Spanish. So I grew up with a like bilingual
brain where I've always been able to like understand Spanish
(10:21):
pretty fluently, but it's like not in my it's not
in my mouth. Yeah, Like that's like my sister, like
the connection is broken and it's like gone better. And
I've worked on you know, and it's like I get
on these like ruts of like working on it a
lot and it gets a lot better and then I
lose it, and you know, it's like a very up
and down thing. But but yeah, so I think and
(10:45):
what you said about like food too, I think I remember,
you know, asking more for like ham and cheese sandwiches
for lunch or you know, and and things like that,
and and I grew up in a town with lot
of Italians and happened to have the maiden name Gallo,
which kind of let me blend in because Italians sort
(11:09):
of look like Latin anyone, you know, sometimes sometimes they
do some you know, and uh so I I remember
being conscious of like, oh, I could just like blend it.
I don't have to like tell anybody that I'm I
don't have to be me. I could just be like
(11:29):
I could just like like a hide a little bit. Yeah, yeah,
you know. Yeah. But also there were a lot of
kids with like immigrant parents or grandparents, so I also
didn't feel like too two othered and innocence too. I
think I also got lucky with the particular group of
friends that I grew up with. But but yeah, it's
(11:51):
it's definitely and I think it's also uh different. I
think a lot about how I was like the child
immigrants and how different that is for my kids who
are second gen you know. And I just feel like
it was so much more kind of in my everyday
(12:14):
life than it is necessarily for me. Now, does that
make sense? Like, yeah, because like you, your parents came
to the US when they were teenage teenagers, right, yeah, yeah,
so they are already like they had established lives there
in Cuba, and yeah, established way of life, established like
(12:37):
attitudes and values and beliefs, and you know, even down
to like the art around them and like the feeling
of where they grew up and the habits of the
people and like all that stuff was like already kind
of like established. And then they moved, so that was
already part of them.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (12:55):
Yeah, yeah, they were, Yeah, they had to start over
here and high school or early high school, and yeah,
I feel like, you know, there was a lot of
Caribbean art in our house, and like, you know, there
was a lot of you know, I mean, my parents
loved music, so there was you know, Glorious Davon and
Tony Bennett and like Frank Sinatra and also Celia Cruz
(13:19):
were like, oh that's like what was always playing. It
was a very yeah, like Spanglish mixed kind of house.
But they definitely, I think felt pressure to assimilate. Yeah.
I think a lot of immigrants feel that way. Yeah.
They don't want to be targeted, you know, like they
don't want to feel like they're targeted for being different. Yeah,
and they want things to be easier for their kids
(13:41):
than for them. Hmm, that's very real. What was it, Well,
you came when you were three two, I was too
to bed just yeah, yeah, so yeah, even so more
so for your parents because they were like full adults,
they were families, all adults, right, Yeah, they were grown
ups and you know, coming to a new world basically
(14:07):
with like both of them kids speak English, but they
have and still do. My mother's accent is you know,
it's thick, and ye, my father's was to you know,
like I think for them they really wanted us to
it was it was about assimilating, and also for them,
it was about achieving. So it was like austraight, a's nothing,
(14:31):
but you can't come home with a bee. Like if
you come home with a bee, it's hell is going
to come down on you, like it. And it was
just like palpable, like you have to be it has
to be like ninety eight or above. You've got to
succeed at everything that you do. If you don't, then
what are we doing? Just pick something else to be
good at, you know. But I think that was a
(14:54):
lot of like trying to protect us, me and my sister. Yeah,
and like what was interesting about the time that they
came and we moved to Texas, so like it was really.
Speaker 11 (15:06):
It.
Speaker 10 (15:07):
It was my mom really found a community within her church,
and she found a lot of Latinos, but they were
from all over, so like some of her friends were Watemealon,
some of her friends were Mexicans, some of her friends
were Portuguese, some of her friends were Brazilian, some of
her friends were this that the other, right, and like
they were all immigrants, and they had almost all of
them were immigrants, and then some of them were born
(15:28):
and raised in Texas, but they were, you know, they
were really connected to their Mexican culture. So like I
think overall, when I was a kid, it was really
Mexican culture that I saw and felt a lot of.
And consequently, I still feel really connected to Mexican culture,
even though technically I'm not Mexican at all, but right,
(15:49):
I just feel that way and I feel a lot
of like like when I see the Mexican flag, I
feel pride about it even though I'm not from Mexico. Yeah, me,
it doesn't matter because like because I grew up in
Texas and like Texas used to being border Mexico, and
like I just feel connected. I get that I relate
to that because like there's a lot of Puerto Ricans
(16:11):
and Dominican like Caribbean Latinos where I grew up and like,
and I've been to those places and I feel that
same kind of feeling with Puerto Rican culture Dominican culture.
And yeah, it's like like this is so cheesy, but
like it's like that song and in the Heights where
like everybody's like flying their own flats, but they all
still really feel connected, yes to their culture and they're
(16:35):
proud of each other, and they're just singing like about
how much they love their countries even though they're not there,
they have family there or whatever like tradition and roots,
you know. Like I don't know, I remember being we
were when we were shooting in the Heights. When we
were shooting that song was like two days outside. I think.
(16:58):
I love that scenes so much. Oh my god, the
middle of summer, the middle summer, like we're melting, melting
hot and soup and me I was like, I want
like all the hair pieces for this job, Like I
want like in every scene, I want to have like
a wild hair. Do you just like put as much
(17:18):
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(20:02):
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Speaker 10 (22:06):
More Consequently, like, one of the things that I want
to do as a parent is, you know, roz is uh.
She's growing up with a mom who's Colombian and Bolivion
and a dad who his family's been in the United
States for quite a while. You know, they were Eastern European,
(22:27):
but they've been here much longer than my family, right,
And so I'm trying to find what can be And
she's still little, but I'm like trying to introduce these
like new traditions in our family. Like at Christmas time
we make to Molly's and she helps. There's this great
(22:48):
book called too many Tomali's that's really really cute. We
read it at Christmas time and then we make to
Molly's and she asked to read for read it again
and again. But we also make Broggi's because that's part
of my husband's culture. So like, I'm trying to do
both things through food because food is so celebratory, right,
and it's such an easy kind of in to culture.
(23:11):
And and I also find that there's like story around it,
which is why I was psyched when I found that
book that too many Tomali's book. Yeah, because in the
book there's so many pictures of her and her primos
and like her family all coming together at Christmas time,
and like there's so much story jumping off points that
(23:33):
I can have from her starting to make Tomalai's as
a kid, you know. Yeah, yeah, I love that. It
makes me want to like Auena book. Yeah, I'm sure
there's like a million. I'm sure there's like a million.
I just haven't like had the idea to look. Is
that something that you guys celebrate NOTO wanna Yeah yeah, yeah,
(23:56):
growing up, So it's like a little bittersweet for me
because growing up it is a tradition that's been passed
on in Cuba. They used to gather at my mom's
grandmother's house and it was all the cousins, and I
guess the house was like on the bigger side the
(24:16):
way my mom describes it. But like she also is
like we all like piled and like we all slept
in the living room together, like oh, my kids on
the floor, like everybody would sleep over. And she also
like talked about her grandmother would like go outside to
like kill the pig that morning. That was one tradition.
Like she would go outside with my like you're planning
(24:38):
on doing in your life, and you with a hammer,
like that's how the festivities started that day, and all
the kids would be like, isn't it so intense And
my mom was like no, but like we just like
all ran outside screaming and laughing like it was you know.
I was like, oh my god, that's icy. I love it.
So then sorry to the vegans, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
(25:00):
this is Cuba. So and then when my parents got
their first house in New Jersey, they started doing the
same thing, having all of our cousins from New York
come over every Christmas Eve, and my mom would make
most of the food. Well, she would take like the
pig to get done at a Cuban bakery. She would
(25:25):
she would do it, she would prep it, and then
she would take it to get cooked and then they'd
pick it up for dinner. Oh then my my ideas
would bring the black beans, and you know, somebody would
bring the yuka. It's always yuka black beans, rice pork,
and plantains. That's Christmas Eve dinner. But yeah, so every
(25:46):
Christmas Eve was like thirty of my cousins at my
parents' house and we'd have a party and we'd have
dinner and exchange gifts and it was amazing and we
all like miss it so much. So I always have
like guilt in me that, like my kids aren't getting
that because we live in California, and also the family is, like,
(26:08):
you know, my parents have retired and moved away and
like some people have like spread out a little bit, yea.
And but I do make that meal. And I do
make the Christmas cookies that I used to make with
my mom when I was a kid. Oh my god,
what I say. Now they're just little butter cookies, but
they're so fucking good. This recipe is so easy. You
(26:31):
have to share the recipes. I'll share the recipe, we'll
put it on Instagram, and it's so fucking good. And
and then and they're just and I use like a
cookie press, you know, it's like those kind of cookies.
So you get me like a lot. I make them
for like my kids teachers now. But yeah, I am
very I feel very strongly about like keeping that nocha Winna,
(26:55):
like you know that we have that meal and we
make those cookies and we all see down and we decorate.
Speaker 11 (27:01):
You know.
Speaker 10 (27:02):
That's another one too. I feel like that's been a tradition.
It's like I decorate with the kids. I feel like,
oh my god, yeah yeah, like involving them in it.
I don't know if it's kosher or not. But the
the little corner store over here by where I live
has christmaso and we put it up last year and
(27:25):
Ro's freaking loves Pao. She freaking loves it.
Speaker 6 (27:29):
Wait.
Speaker 10 (27:29):
I don't know what ballo is, but bet picado is
usually at uh for David Dead. Yeah yeah, yeah paper
that I didn't know that's what it was called. Yes, yeah,
bago and that's very I don't know if that mex
at all. I mean, I think it's just Mexican. I'm
not sure I could google it. I will maybe maybe
(27:53):
Isis could google that while I'm talking, so I don't
sound like I'm talking out my ass, but like, yeah,
decorating is a big one for us on at Christmas time. No,
what'd you find about picado?
Speaker 14 (28:07):
I googled picado? Yeah, it is originated from Mexico. It's
a Mexican folk art. The tradition of using pupp and
picado originates practices by the Aztecs. The aztext covered the
dark textile called amatal with melted rubber and painted on it.
Speaker 10 (28:29):
Oh my god, it's so cool.
Speaker 9 (28:31):
That's so I love it.
Speaker 10 (28:33):
I think it's so beautiful. I love I love like
the very intricate hand done stuff, and I love the
plastic stuff that I can get at the corner store.
And we hang it, we hang it at the others.
We usually keep it up for a while and then
we switch it out for the Christmas colored ones. And
I don't know, I just love having it around at
(28:53):
Christmas time because it makes me again, I think it
makes me feel connected to Mexican culture. I think I
might steal that too, stuff and like it sticks and
added to our Christmas decorations next year because just living
in Los Angeles, my kids have a connection to Mexican
culture because exactly, yeah, h exactly exactly that did you
(29:16):
do anything on Christmas Day? Because we hilariously like did
nothing on Christmas Day? Ever, we ate, We went to
the movies and ate Chinese food that was went to
the movies, went to the movies and ate Chinese food.
And I and I have started to do that too.
I've started to get Chinese food on Christmas Day. Bro,
(29:36):
that is I okay. So I'm trying to get Brad,
my husband, Brad, to understand movies on Christmas Day and
he does not get it. He's like, Christmas Day isn't
for that. I'm like that this is the day for that.
The beales together, everybody's like the grown ups are kind
of hungover. Everyone's food hungover. You want to do anything.
(29:58):
You open presents, you kind of clean it up, then
you go to the movies. Yes, that is that is
a I mean that's I'll talk to them. Yeah yeah yeah.
What about New Year's did you guys do any of
the lat my god, do you do a lot of them?
We did? We had to wear yellow underwear or new underwear.
(30:23):
Uh huh. We did the twelve grapes at midnight. That's
what we always did. Twelve grapes. Got to eat the
twelve grapes for good luck. Where did the grapes come from?
Listen to us, we're having this. I mean, this is
part of why we're having this discussion, you guys, because like, well,
that's the thing though about traditions is sometimes you just
(30:44):
do them and you don't just do it. I always
told the twelve grapes were for good luck, for the
new year. That's what my new year, one month, one
for every month. Yes, and you're supposed to eat them
as fast as possible, Yes, without choking. We did, which
is scary choking, which I never thought about. What I
started to do with my kids. I was like, the
first time, I think, let me cut them in half.
(31:06):
Let me cut them in let me cut them in half,
so you don't joke. I think last year was yours
were like, just eat them off the vine, just don't worry,
don't even them. Yeah, just shove them in your mouth
and chew. We did it last year for the first
time because last year was the first time my kids
could stay up until nine because in Los Angeles we
(31:30):
do New York New Year's Eve at nine o'clock. Oh cute,
you like that? So we did this year. Yeah, yeah,
you put the New York feet on and at nine
o'clock you can like, do you know, Happy New Year?
Because there's my kids are too little to they won't
make it till midnight. And and yeah, I gave them
the grades and I was so excited, and I was like,
you don't eat them as fast. Again, as they started
(31:50):
putting them in my mouth, I was like, no, wait,
just spill it out. I think many it doesn't have
to be fast, just do one at a time. See,
you know, you have to adjust the traditions for your
own family, you do. I think there's a lot of
stuff that like I want to try with her, you know,
(32:12):
it's like try and see what sticks. And cause again,
like I didn't grow up with a ton of this stuff.
I mean not Cheba was a big one in our house,
but I didn't. I wasn't. I think my parents did
their absolute best, and I think they had a lot
(32:33):
on their plates, and I think like those kind of
things weren't always at the forefront of their mind, oh,
trying to make sure that culturally I had a touchdown.
They were just trying to make it day to day,
you know. Yeah, So when I think about now, I
want to I want to give my kid that stuff,
(32:53):
because if I don't give it to her, you know,
like if I don't teach her in the language, or
at least give her like the choice to learn it,
you know. Yeah, or like the experience of traveling to Colombia,
if we can, to Bolivia, if we can the experience
of like making those cultural connections. If I don't help
(33:14):
her build those bridges, it's gonna be a lot harder
for her to build them on her own later. And
I think our parents just being who they are so
much was passed on to us just kind of without
them trying, you know, because it was. I think culture
also extends to like I don't know, like you know,
your values and your point of view and you know,
(33:38):
and obviously it's like holidays and it's food and it's music,
like those are the more kind of I think surface
ones that are the maybe the loudest, But yeah, I
think it comes you know, I see it and just yeah,
like I'm I'm I'm big on like like manners and respect,
and I think that that's everything, right Latino thing. Like,
(34:03):
I remember there was this one video someone sent me.
It was like on Instagram or TikTok or something, and
it was you know those princesses you can hire for
like a birthday party, and so it was like one
of those women that was in her like princess outfit
in her car and she goes, I just want to
like give props to like all the Latino families because
(34:25):
every time I work at a Latino family party, those
kids are so respectful.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
You.
Speaker 10 (34:31):
She was like, look at this plate of food. They
sent me home with.
Speaker 16 (34:35):
This delicious food. They always sent me home with food.
They always like, you know, ask me if I need
a break. They treat me like I'm part of the
family when I come in, you know.
Speaker 10 (34:47):
And I felt such pride watching that video and also
just like yeah, I want you know, and I try
to be really conscious of that of like, you know,
when people are at my house. Oh so I'm very
like you know, like like I like i play hostess,
but I'm also like if you need because this is
(35:08):
how my mom was, like Mikasa Sukasa, like if you
need something from the fridge, go get something from the fridge, like,
you know, if you you don't like be comfortable be
at home like I you know, don't like you're not
a guest, you know, like you're a part of the family.
And you know, I can hear in my head my
mom going almost yeah, you know, like like don't be rude,
(35:33):
like don't be hello, say lo, say goodbye, say goodbye,
say goodbye, and thank you before you leave. That was
another big one. I remember as an adult being at
a rap party for I think the soap I was on,
and somebody from that show came up to me like
the next day at work or whatever or the next
(35:54):
time I saw and they were like, you are the
only person I know who like intentionally goes around the
room to say by to like almost everybody before you leave.
And I think that that's so polite. And I was
just like it was so automatic for me because that
was so like ingrained from my parents. And they were like,
I just appreciated it's so nice. And I was like, oh,
(36:16):
and I'm like felt really good and I was like, oh,
thank you. Like so now I think about things with
my kids of just like very respectful. Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm like,
oh bye, Like I bounce out of parties without saying
goodbye because it stresses me out, just like a bye
to people. Oh yeah, I mean I think that's fine too.
(36:36):
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Speaker 10 (41:10):
What Okay? So we talked a lot about stuff that
we do want to pass on. What don't you want
to pass on to your kids? Trauma culturally, you know
what I mean? But you know what it's also like
sometimes I'm a little on the not on the fence
(41:30):
about it. Let me explain, but I feel like I
you know, I'm Cuban, obviously. The way my family came here,
the way my husband's also a Cuban, the way his
family came here is surrounded with a lot of trauma.
You know, with a cousin who was a Peter Pan
kid came on a plane by herself, didn't see her
parents for five years. Like there's a lot of crazy
(41:53):
stories I grew up around, and uh, the positive thing
that those stories me, I think was like ambition and
drive and like and being really grateful and having kind
of this perspective of like kind of how good I
have it? Like you know what I mean, Like there
(42:14):
is there is that like joke about like when you're
an immigrant, a child of immigrants, like it's really hard
to complain about anything. You know, It's like, oh my god,
today it was so hard? Oh was today hard? Did
you have to flee your country? Like you know, it's yeah,
everything got and that definitely that happened to me a lot,
(42:38):
which is another complicated thing. But you know, but then
there are times where you see like, oh I think
this did make me like stronger. I think this gift
date did give me this kind of you know. But yeah,
but I definitely, I don't know, it'll be interesting, you know,
for my kids to kind of when they're older, obviously, Uh,
(43:00):
I don't know. I'm curious that like learning about that
will give them the same sort of shift in perspective
or you know, I also have the privilege of telling
them older and they're not just like surrounded by it too,
which is something I recognize, you know, I get to
choose when they learn about that. Yeah, I think I
(43:22):
think that that's really important for them, you know, to
hear like where they come from, Like what were the
steps that got them here? You know, because like that
is a part of I mean, that's a part of
family tradition in a weird way. It's like what where
are your roots? Where where are you from? Like how
(43:42):
you know, like how how are all the parts of
you connected and built?
Speaker 11 (43:47):
You know?
Speaker 10 (43:47):
And that goes for like I think any any any anybody, right,
Like I want to know about myself. I want to
know how the parts of me and I want to
introduce like parts of that to my friends and my
partner or that have that experience, you know. Yeah, are
there any parts of your culture that you are that
you don't want to pass on trauma? I think for
(44:14):
a lot of us it's trauma particularly It's like you
know that, I mean this is a very generalized thing
to say, and please forgive me audience, but you know,
we've all seen the stereotypical like Latinos are passionate in
their fiery and yify and like, listen, we could get
(44:35):
into a big conversation about that. But what I know
to be true about my own family was that communication
was rife with a lot of like explosion and and
I think, you know, my parents did their best, but
I don't know that they always knew how to communicate
in the healthiest and kindest ways. And like you pick
(44:59):
up on that as a ca you go, oh, well,
I guess this is normal. This is how it is
when you're married, or how how you talk to people,
or you know, And I think that there was also
an element of them being really afraid. I think one
of the things that I'm trying to figure out as
a parent and honestly as a person is like how
(45:21):
do I approach things with less fear and how do
I approach things with like more communicativeness, especially when I'm mad,
so that I'm just like exploding, you know, in a
way that like I grew up where like the explosion
was just like kind of the norm, you know. But
I don't want to explode. I want to like take
(45:42):
a breath. I want to, you know, if I have to,
I want to leave the room if I have to
I want to say, I can't talk about this with
you right now. I need to just take a step back. Yea,
whatever however.
Speaker 11 (45:51):
I do it.
Speaker 10 (45:53):
So that's the kind of stuff that like those are
Honestly some of them are like traditions in my family
because I grew up around it and grew up around it,
and like I want to end some of that stuff. Yeah,
break the cycle. Yeah that's like a that's a very
fancy way to say, like, don't yell at your kid.
I don't want to yell my kid. I don't really
(46:14):
want to yell my kid. The only time I've ever
like really raised my voice at ross is like if
she's like climbing on the stairwell, like you know, sir.
Sometimes we just gotta like hey, yeah, you know, yeah,
but I'm not I'm not of the I just don't
want to. I don't want to know. I don't have
(46:36):
it be the normal all the all the time. Way
it doesn't work, Yeah, you know what I mean, Like
like if I were to yell like she's climbing down
off of that staircase thing, you know, like whatever it is,
because she's like, whoa, this is serious as opposed to
like if you hear yelling all the time, then it's
like whatever, yeah, yeah, which is how it got how
(46:57):
it became for me. I barely heard it. I was like,
I don't know, my mom's yelling about something. I don't know.
I'm not sure. Oh man, my mom didn't. Uh well
no she did.
Speaker 11 (47:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (47:09):
I think I was kind of like that with my
mom too. She did yell a lot, but also like
she just talks loudly. Like I remember times that my
friends would come over and she and my grandmother would
be in the kitchen talking and my friends would be like,
oh my god, should we go outside? Are they fighting?
Speaker 8 (47:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 10 (47:26):
I know, I know, And I'd be like, oh, no,
they're just talking about what to make for dinner, Like
they're not Yeah, they're not agreeing. She thinks we should,
you know, we're talking, yeah, which we're doing right now.
That's exactly where Brad in the beginning was like like
I can't focus and I'm like, I'm sorry, but this
is this is it? Like, let's go talk to each other. Yeah,
(47:48):
this is how it is, babe, more better, Steph. This
was a fun chat. This was very fun. I'm very
glad that we talked about this. Because I kind of
felt like I was not doing a good job. And
now I feel a little bit more better better, I know,
(48:10):
I do. I feel that way too. I was the same.
I was like, oh, I don't think I do that.
I don't. I should do more, and I do feel
inspired to do more. I feel like I got some
good ideas from you. And I think just being like yeah,
sometimes just talking about the thing makes you more conscious
of it. And I'm like, oh, I am passing on
(48:31):
some some good things. So it's it's good. Yeah, yeah,
I do feel more better. It's about culture. I do too.
I did too, and it makes me excited for the holidays. Actually,
I mean it's far away at this point, but I
don't know. I also just like love Christmas.
Speaker 6 (48:46):
I love it.
Speaker 10 (48:47):
My God too. We have that in common, we always have.
I love Christmas so much. I can't. I mean, I
just love I love it. And you know, whatever holiday
you celebrate, like if you're just or not, I just
think like there's something about that season that it's like
a new Year's coming. The winter solstice is there, it's
(49:09):
like celebratory. You're with your friends and family. It's like,
you know, people call it the season of giving for
a reason, because something comes over you and you just
want to like help other people, and yeah, reach out
and gift and being a family for me with community. Yeah,
it's such a beautiful part of the year and I
just love it so much. Same anyways, Happy Holidays, Happy
(49:34):
Holidays months from now. Thanks friends for stopping bay. Okay,
see you next time by More Better. Dude, you have
something you'd like to be more better at that you
want us to talk about in a future episode. Can
you relate to our struggles or have you tried one
of our tips and tricks? Shoot us your thoughts and
ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include
(49:57):
a voice note if you want to be featured on
the pod. More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production
from w V Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted
by Me, Stephanie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero. More Better is
produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Clem at
w V Sound. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid
(50:20):
and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Madison Davenport and Hello Boy. Our cover art is by
vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Sugas bye.
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You could sit there and listen to ads, or you
could take a moment to have a diet coke break.
Speaker 9 (02:36):
First, grab it chill diet coke, because if you want
it to be perfect, it needs to be crispy.
Speaker 8 (02:41):
Next, get a big cup of ice because everyone knows
diet coke is best served swimming in ice.
Speaker 9 (02:47):
Then sip it slowly, feel that burn, and enjoy your
break for as long as possible.
Speaker 8 (02:53):
When you need a break, don't forget to grab an
ice cold diet coke and take a diet coke break.
Speaker 10 (03:00):
What don't you want to pass on to your kids
trauma culturally. More Better, More.
Speaker 8 (03:18):
Better.
Speaker 10 (03:24):
Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending
to have it all together and embrace the journey of
becoming a little more better every day we're at least
trying to. Yeah, that's most Famo and that's Stephanie Beatrice. Hi,
welcome back. Yeah baby, how are you doing? You know?
Speaker 4 (03:47):
Oh?
Speaker 10 (03:47):
Well, I think I'm okay. I think I'm okay. I
think I'm a little like you know, we're recording this
on a Monday, and it's that Monday feeling of the
weekend was a whirlwind of just kid insanity and Monday
I always feel like a little like a hangover, a
(04:07):
kid hangover. Like that's a really good way to put it. Yeah,
how are you? I feel similarly. I mean, I I
don't know what to call it, but I had like
a really down day yesterday where I was like, h
and I really I was leaning on Brad a lot,
like I got I got ras up and I did
stuff with her and then I was like, hey, man,
(04:30):
I need to go in my bedroom and hide. Can
you please do the majority of this today? And God
bless them, he did, and my sister helped too, but
like I just couldn't. I couldn't hack it, man, I
couldn't hack it. And it made me think, like, you know,
on one hand, I'm so grateful for a partner that
a partner and a sister, a family that is ready
(04:52):
to kind of like, you know, pick up I not
not pick up the slack, but like catch me or
support me when I'm down. But also I have like
all these guilty feelings of like what about like single
moms and like people that don't have anybody else to
depend on, and like what are they doing when they're sad?
And like I can't believe I'm in bed right now
watching Sex in the City. I'm so sad, Like I
(05:14):
do you know, I get I think we all do that,
But I think that also if you are able, and
you have a village or you have community, like you know,
you gotta put your you gotta put your mask on
for your your oxygen mask on first. So what you're
saying is it's okay for me to watch Sex and
the City for days on end and just ignore my
(05:35):
toddler completely days carb Garblus. I'm just kidding. I don't
ignore my child's No, I know you don't actually, but
you were just taking care of yourself and her. Also, yeah,
I don't even know what was wrong with me, Like,
I guess you're just something to do in therapy. I
(05:56):
was just having a hard day. You're just having a
hard day. Well, okay, so now I'm gonna ask you,
what have you done lately that's more better? Mm hmmmm
mm hmmm, Burt for my smoothie, which is something I've
been my more better. I'm good Monday reset. I'm trying to, like,
(06:17):
you know, I've been really busy and all over the
place and scattered, so like I worked out this morning
and I made my smoothie that I love. I'm trying
to like get get back in the routine, you know, like,
oh my god, Monday Reset. I love it. Monday Reset.
That's what I've that's my more better. What have you
done lately? It's more better? Oh my god, I'm gonna
copy you. I'm gonna copy you. Yeah, because sometimes I
(06:40):
mean said, listen, sometimes every single Monday is a Monday Reset.
Speaker 6 (06:43):
And that's just how it goes.
Speaker 10 (06:44):
Real talk, that's real, that's really real. But it helps
me to just be like whatever, it's fine. What everything
you just did is fine. Just Monday reset, Like, let's
just commit to get back in the routine for the week. Yeah,
oh my god, I'm copying you. I am going to
copy you. That's so good. What was my more better?
Speaker 11 (07:05):
Uh?
Speaker 10 (07:07):
I'm flossing? Yes, I am such a lazy like girl
about it. Should we do an episode on how to
be more better a dental because we could. The struggle
is you are shared dentist. We share a dentist, you guys,
(07:29):
we share a dentist.
Speaker 12 (07:33):
More better?
Speaker 10 (07:36):
Anyway? More better at dental care with Stephaniems. That's not
what we're talking about today. Actually, today's episode, we're talking
about sharing your culture with your kids. If you don't
have kids, this can also be for you if you're
like I want to share my culture with my friends,
with my chosen family. Yeah. So it's like about keeping
(07:56):
kind of like touchstones of your culture in your life
and how you do it. Are you doing it? Do
you want to do it more? Do you feel like
I totally have that down and you just want to
run this episode off? Please? Don't? Like you know, I
think one of the things that I think about a
(08:18):
lot is like, how do I do that? Because for me,
I assimilated, like my parents wanted me to assimilate. And
you know, for purposes of this conversation, we'll call it
like American culture. And they didn't want us to speak Spanish.
They wanted us to you know, be like I even
(08:39):
wanted to assimilate. I remember going to school, I'm seeing
everybody's lunches and specifically wanting lunches that looked like the
other kids. And there's nothing wrong with that, but like,
you know, how how how I grew up and like
how embracing parts of my culture didn't come until honestly
until I was like in college, late high school college.
(09:05):
I just want that journey to be different for my
kid and my family. You know what about you? Yeah, yeah,
similarly that pressure to assimilate.
Speaker 13 (09:14):
Uh.
Speaker 8 (09:15):
You know.
Speaker 10 (09:16):
The story in our family is when my brother was
really young, like first grade or kindergarten, the teacher called
my parents in and this is in the eighties and
ask them what they were speaking at home, and they
said Spanish and they said, hmmm, it's really messing him
up because my brother was saying things like give me
(09:37):
low and tekel and like he was, you know, just
he was speaking Spanglish basically. And you know, I feel
like now there's a lot more awareness and education about
like that always just evens out and kids like, you know,
just become bilingual and it's not a big deal. And
there are speech delays sometimes when you are teaching two languages,
(09:59):
but like you know, back then, it was just like ooh,
and like my parents got scared, so they didn't stop
speaking Spanish to us, but they stopped making us respond
in Spanish. So I grew up with a like bilingual
brain where I've always been able to like understand Spanish
(10:21):
pretty fluently, but it's like not in my it's not
in my mouth. Yeah, Like that's like my sister, like
the connection is broken and it's like gone better. And
I've worked on you know, and it's like I get
on these like ruts of like working on it a
lot and it gets a lot better and then I
lose it, and you know, it's like a very up
and down thing. But but yeah, so I think and
(10:45):
what you said about like food too, I think I remember,
you know, asking more for like ham and cheese sandwiches
for lunch or you know, and and things like that,
and and I grew up in a town with lot
of Italians and happened to have the maiden name Gallo,
which kind of let me blend in because Italians sort
(11:09):
of look like Latin anyone, you know, sometimes sometimes they
do some you know, and uh so I I remember
being conscious of like, oh, I could just like blend it.
I don't have to like tell anybody that I'm I
don't have to be me. I could just be like
(11:29):
I could just like like a hide a little bit. Yeah, yeah,
you know. Yeah. But also there were a lot of
kids with like immigrant parents or grandparents, so I also
didn't feel like too two othered and innocence too. I
think I also got lucky with the particular group of
friends that I grew up with. But but yeah, it's
(11:51):
it's definitely and I think it's also uh different. I
think a lot about how I was like the child
immigrants and how different that is for my kids who
are second gen you know. And I just feel like
it was so much more kind of in my everyday
(12:14):
life than it is necessarily for me. Now, does that
make sense? Like, yeah, because like you, your parents came
to the US when they were teenage teenagers, right, yeah, yeah,
so they are already like they had established lives there
in Cuba, and yeah, established way of life, established like
(12:37):
attitudes and values and beliefs, and you know, even down
to like the art around them and like the feeling
of where they grew up and the habits of the
people and like all that stuff was like already kind
of like established. And then they moved, so that was
already part of them.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (12:55):
Yeah, yeah, they were, Yeah, they had to start over
here and high school or early high school, and yeah,
I feel like, you know, there was a lot of
Caribbean art in our house, and like, you know, there
was a lot of you know, I mean, my parents
loved music, so there was you know, Glorious Davon and
Tony Bennett and like Frank Sinatra and also Celia Cruz
(13:19):
were like, oh that's like what was always playing. It
was a very yeah, like Spanglish mixed kind of house.
But they definitely, I think felt pressure to assimilate. Yeah.
I think a lot of immigrants feel that way. Yeah.
They don't want to be targeted, you know, like they
don't want to feel like they're targeted for being different. Yeah,
and they want things to be easier for their kids
(13:41):
than for them. Hmm, that's very real. What was it, Well,
you came when you were three two, I was too
to bed just yeah, yeah, so yeah, even so more
so for your parents because they were like full adults,
they were families, all adults, right, Yeah, they were grown
ups and you know, coming to a new world basically
(14:07):
with like both of them kids speak English, but they
have and still do. My mother's accent is you know,
it's thick, and ye, my father's was to you know,
like I think for them they really wanted us to
it was it was about assimilating, and also for them,
it was about achieving. So it was like austraight, a's nothing,
(14:31):
but you can't come home with a bee. Like if
you come home with a bee, it's hell is going
to come down on you, like it. And it was
just like palpable, like you have to be it has
to be like ninety eight or above. You've got to
succeed at everything that you do. If you don't, then
what are we doing? Just pick something else to be
good at, you know. But I think that was a
(14:54):
lot of like trying to protect us, me and my sister. Yeah,
and like what was interesting about the time that they
came and we moved to Texas, so like it was really.
Speaker 11 (15:06):
It.
Speaker 10 (15:07):
It was my mom really found a community within her church,
and she found a lot of Latinos, but they were
from all over, so like some of her friends were Watemealon,
some of her friends were Mexicans, some of her friends
were Portuguese, some of her friends were Brazilian, some of
her friends were this that the other, right, and like
they were all immigrants, and they had almost all of
them were immigrants, and then some of them were born
(15:28):
and raised in Texas, but they were, you know, they
were really connected to their Mexican culture. So like I
think overall, when I was a kid, it was really
Mexican culture that I saw and felt a lot of.
And consequently, I still feel really connected to Mexican culture,
even though technically I'm not Mexican at all, but right,
(15:49):
I just feel that way and I feel a lot
of like like when I see the Mexican flag, I
feel pride about it even though I'm not from Mexico. Yeah, me,
it doesn't matter because like because I grew up in
Texas and like Texas used to being border Mexico, and
like I just feel connected. I get that I relate
to that because like there's a lot of Puerto Ricans
(16:11):
and Dominican like Caribbean Latinos where I grew up and like,
and I've been to those places and I feel that
same kind of feeling with Puerto Rican culture Dominican culture.
And yeah, it's like like this is so cheesy, but
like it's like that song and in the Heights where
like everybody's like flying their own flats, but they all
still really feel connected, yes to their culture and they're
(16:35):
proud of each other, and they're just singing like about
how much they love their countries even though they're not there,
they have family there or whatever like tradition and roots,
you know. Like I don't know, I remember being we
were when we were shooting in the Heights. When we
were shooting that song was like two days outside. I think.
(16:58):
I love that scenes so much. Oh my god, the
middle of summer, the middle summer, like we're melting, melting
hot and soup and me I was like, I want
like all the hair pieces for this job, Like I
want like in every scene, I want to have like
a wild hair. Do you just like put as much
(17:18):
hair in there as you possibly can Meanwhile, we're dancing
outside and it's like one hundred degrees and I have
like your life wide on my.
Speaker 12 (17:25):
Head to myself.
Speaker 10 (17:29):
You know what it looked good? Girl, Okay, it looks good.
It look good. Thank you.
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(18:03):
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Nope, we're switching the Team Mobile. We're getting four five
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Can I get one with the bigger screen for video games?
Can I get a pink one?
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What?
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Hey?
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Does that mean I get a bigger allowance?
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Speaker 15 (19:41):
When faced with challenges, I have learned there is no
option but to overcome it. You've got to lace up
your kicks and keep charging forward with love and positivity.
Because life keeps happening, baby, But you got this. Hi,
I'm Honey German, and I know how a positive mindset
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(20:02):
a bit of motivation and support can go a long way.
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good neighbor. State Farm is there Listen to new episodes
of your favorite Michael Dura shows on the iHeartRadio app
(20:36):
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
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You could sit there and listen to ads, or you
could take a moment to have a diet coke break.
Speaker 9 (21:39):
First, grab it chill diet coke, because if you want
it to be perfect, it needs to be crispy.
Speaker 8 (21:44):
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diet coke is best served swimming in ice.
Speaker 9 (21:51):
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ice cold diet coke and take a diet coke break.
Speaker 10 (22:06):
More Consequently, like, one of the things that I want
to do as a parent is, you know, roz is uh.
She's growing up with a mom who's Colombian and Bolivion
and a dad who his family's been in the United
States for quite a while. You know, they were Eastern European,
(22:27):
but they've been here much longer than my family, right,
And so I'm trying to find what can be And
she's still little, but I'm like trying to introduce these
like new traditions in our family. Like at Christmas time
we make to Molly's and she helps. There's this great
(22:48):
book called too many Tomali's that's really really cute. We
read it at Christmas time and then we make to
Molly's and she asked to read for read it again
and again. But we also make Broggi's because that's part
of my husband's culture. So like, I'm trying to do
both things through food because food is so celebratory, right,
and it's such an easy kind of in to culture.
(23:11):
And and I also find that there's like story around it,
which is why I was psyched when I found that
book that too many Tomali's book. Yeah, because in the
book there's so many pictures of her and her primos
and like her family all coming together at Christmas time,
and like there's so much story jumping off points that
(23:33):
I can have from her starting to make Tomalai's as
a kid, you know. Yeah, yeah, I love that. It
makes me want to like Auena book. Yeah, I'm sure
there's like a million. I'm sure there's like a million.
I just haven't like had the idea to look. Is
that something that you guys celebrate NOTO wanna Yeah yeah, yeah,
(23:56):
growing up, So it's like a little bittersweet for me
because growing up it is a tradition that's been passed
on in Cuba. They used to gather at my mom's
grandmother's house and it was all the cousins, and I
guess the house was like on the bigger side the
(24:16):
way my mom describes it. But like she also is
like we all like piled and like we all slept
in the living room together, like oh, my kids on
the floor, like everybody would sleep over. And she also
like talked about her grandmother would like go outside to
like kill the pig that morning. That was one tradition.
Like she would go outside with my like you're planning
(24:38):
on doing in your life, and you with a hammer,
like that's how the festivities started that day, and all
the kids would be like, isn't it so intense And
my mom was like no, but like we just like
all ran outside screaming and laughing like it was you know.
I was like, oh my god, that's icy. I love it.
So then sorry to the vegans, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
(25:00):
this is Cuba. So and then when my parents got
their first house in New Jersey, they started doing the
same thing, having all of our cousins from New York
come over every Christmas Eve, and my mom would make
most of the food. Well, she would take like the
pig to get done at a Cuban bakery. She would
(25:25):
she would do it, she would prep it, and then
she would take it to get cooked and then they'd
pick it up for dinner. Oh then my my ideas
would bring the black beans, and you know, somebody would
bring the yuka. It's always yuka black beans, rice pork,
and plantains. That's Christmas Eve dinner. But yeah, so every
(25:46):
Christmas Eve was like thirty of my cousins at my
parents' house and we'd have a party and we'd have
dinner and exchange gifts and it was amazing and we
all like miss it so much. So I always have
like guilt in me that, like my kids aren't getting
that because we live in California, and also the family is, like,
(26:08):
you know, my parents have retired and moved away and
like some people have like spread out a little bit, yea.
And but I do make that meal. And I do
make the Christmas cookies that I used to make with
my mom when I was a kid. Oh my god,
what I say. Now they're just little butter cookies, but
they're so fucking good. This recipe is so easy. You
(26:31):
have to share the recipes. I'll share the recipe, we'll
put it on Instagram, and it's so fucking good. And
and then and they're just and I use like a
cookie press, you know, it's like those kind of cookies.
So you get me like a lot. I make them
for like my kids teachers now. But yeah, I am
very I feel very strongly about like keeping that nocha Winna,
(26:55):
like you know that we have that meal and we
make those cookies and we all see down and we decorate.
Speaker 11 (27:01):
You know.
Speaker 10 (27:02):
That's another one too. I feel like that's been a tradition.
It's like I decorate with the kids. I feel like,
oh my god, yeah yeah, like involving them in it.
I don't know if it's kosher or not. But the
the little corner store over here by where I live
has christmaso and we put it up last year and
(27:25):
Ro's freaking loves Pao. She freaking loves it.
Speaker 6 (27:29):
Wait.
Speaker 10 (27:29):
I don't know what ballo is, but bet picado is
usually at uh for David Dead. Yeah yeah, yeah paper
that I didn't know that's what it was called. Yes, yeah,
bago and that's very I don't know if that mex
at all. I mean, I think it's just Mexican. I'm
not sure I could google it. I will maybe maybe
(27:53):
Isis could google that while I'm talking, so I don't
sound like I'm talking out my ass, but like, yeah,
decorating is a big one for us on at Christmas time. No,
what'd you find about picado?
Speaker 14 (28:07):
I googled picado? Yeah, it is originated from Mexico. It's
a Mexican folk art. The tradition of using pupp and
picado originates practices by the Aztecs. The aztext covered the
dark textile called amatal with melted rubber and painted on it.
Speaker 10 (28:29):
Oh my god, it's so cool.
Speaker 9 (28:31):
That's so I love it.
Speaker 10 (28:33):
I think it's so beautiful. I love I love like
the very intricate hand done stuff, and I love the
plastic stuff that I can get at the corner store.
And we hang it, we hang it at the others.
We usually keep it up for a while and then
we switch it out for the Christmas colored ones. And
I don't know, I just love having it around at
(28:53):
Christmas time because it makes me again, I think it
makes me feel connected to Mexican culture. I think I
might steal that too, stuff and like it sticks and
added to our Christmas decorations next year because just living
in Los Angeles, my kids have a connection to Mexican
culture because exactly, yeah, h exactly exactly that did you
(29:16):
do anything on Christmas Day? Because we hilariously like did
nothing on Christmas Day? Ever, we ate, We went to
the movies and ate Chinese food that was went to
the movies, went to the movies and ate Chinese food.
And I and I have started to do that too.
I've started to get Chinese food on Christmas Day. Bro,
(29:36):
that is I okay. So I'm trying to get Brad,
my husband, Brad, to understand movies on Christmas Day and
he does not get it. He's like, Christmas Day isn't
for that. I'm like that this is the day for that.
The beales together, everybody's like the grown ups are kind
of hungover. Everyone's food hungover. You want to do anything.
(29:58):
You open presents, you kind of clean it up, then
you go to the movies. Yes, that is that is
a I mean that's I'll talk to them. Yeah yeah yeah.
What about New Year's did you guys do any of
the lat my god, do you do a lot of them?
We did? We had to wear yellow underwear or new underwear.
(30:23):
Uh huh. We did the twelve grapes at midnight. That's
what we always did. Twelve grapes. Got to eat the
twelve grapes for good luck. Where did the grapes come from?
Listen to us, we're having this. I mean, this is
part of why we're having this discussion, you guys, because like, well,
that's the thing though about traditions is sometimes you just
(30:44):
do them and you don't just do it. I always
told the twelve grapes were for good luck, for the
new year. That's what my new year, one month, one
for every month. Yes, and you're supposed to eat them
as fast as possible, Yes, without choking. We did, which
is scary choking, which I never thought about. What I
started to do with my kids. I was like, the
first time, I think, let me cut them in half.
(31:06):
Let me cut them in let me cut them in half,
so you don't joke. I think last year was yours
were like, just eat them off the vine, just don't worry,
don't even them. Yeah, just shove them in your mouth
and chew. We did it last year for the first
time because last year was the first time my kids
could stay up until nine because in Los Angeles we
(31:30):
do New York New Year's Eve at nine o'clock. Oh cute,
you like that? So we did this year. Yeah, yeah,
you put the New York feet on and at nine
o'clock you can like, do you know, Happy New Year?
Because there's my kids are too little to they won't
make it till midnight. And and yeah, I gave them
the grades and I was so excited, and I was like,
you don't eat them as fast. Again, as they started
(31:50):
putting them in my mouth, I was like, no, wait,
just spill it out. I think many it doesn't have
to be fast, just do one at a time. See,
you know, you have to adjust the traditions for your
own family, you do. I think there's a lot of
stuff that like I want to try with her, you know,
(32:12):
it's like try and see what sticks. And cause again,
like I didn't grow up with a ton of this stuff.
I mean not Cheba was a big one in our house,
but I didn't. I wasn't. I think my parents did
their absolute best, and I think they had a lot
(32:33):
on their plates, and I think like those kind of
things weren't always at the forefront of their mind, oh,
trying to make sure that culturally I had a touchdown.
They were just trying to make it day to day,
you know. Yeah, So when I think about now, I
want to I want to give my kid that stuff,
(32:53):
because if I don't give it to her, you know,
like if I don't teach her in the language, or
at least give her like the choice to learn it,
you know. Yeah, or like the experience of traveling to Colombia,
if we can, to Bolivia, if we can the experience
of like making those cultural connections. If I don't help
(33:14):
her build those bridges, it's gonna be a lot harder
for her to build them on her own later. And
I think our parents just being who they are so
much was passed on to us just kind of without
them trying, you know, because it was. I think culture
also extends to like I don't know, like you know,
your values and your point of view and you know,
(33:38):
and obviously it's like holidays and it's food and it's music,
like those are the more kind of I think surface
ones that are the maybe the loudest, But yeah, I
think it comes you know, I see it and just yeah,
like I'm I'm I'm big on like like manners and respect,
and I think that that's everything, right Latino thing. Like,
(34:03):
I remember there was this one video someone sent me.
It was like on Instagram or TikTok or something, and
it was you know those princesses you can hire for
like a birthday party, and so it was like one
of those women that was in her like princess outfit
in her car and she goes, I just want to
like give props to like all the Latino families because
(34:25):
every time I work at a Latino family party, those
kids are so respectful.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
You.
Speaker 10 (34:31):
She was like, look at this plate of food. They
sent me home with.
Speaker 16 (34:35):
This delicious food. They always sent me home with food.
They always like, you know, ask me if I need
a break. They treat me like I'm part of the
family when I come in, you know.
Speaker 10 (34:47):
And I felt such pride watching that video and also
just like yeah, I want you know, and I try
to be really conscious of that of like, you know,
when people are at my house. Oh so I'm very
like you know, like like I like i play hostess,
but I'm also like if you need because this is
(35:08):
how my mom was, like Mikasa Sukasa, like if you
need something from the fridge, go get something from the fridge, like,
you know, if you you don't like be comfortable be
at home like I you know, don't like you're not
a guest, you know, like you're a part of the family.
And you know, I can hear in my head my
mom going almost yeah, you know, like like don't be rude,
(35:33):
like don't be hello, say lo, say goodbye, say goodbye,
say goodbye, and thank you before you leave. That was
another big one. I remember as an adult being at
a rap party for I think the soap I was on,
and somebody from that show came up to me like
the next day at work or whatever or the next
(35:54):
time I saw and they were like, you are the
only person I know who like intentionally goes around the
room to say by to like almost everybody before you leave.
And I think that that's so polite. And I was
just like it was so automatic for me because that
was so like ingrained from my parents. And they were like,
I just appreciated it's so nice. And I was like, oh,
(36:16):
and I'm like felt really good and I was like, oh,
thank you. Like so now I think about things with
my kids of just like very respectful. Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm like,
oh bye, Like I bounce out of parties without saying
goodbye because it stresses me out, just like a bye
to people. Oh yeah, I mean I think that's fine too.
(36:36):
It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
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Speaker 10 (41:10):
What Okay? So we talked a lot about stuff that
we do want to pass on. What don't you want
to pass on to your kids? Trauma culturally, you know
what I mean? But you know what it's also like
sometimes I'm a little on the not on the fence
(41:30):
about it. Let me explain, but I feel like I
you know, I'm Cuban, obviously. The way my family came here,
the way my husband's also a Cuban, the way his
family came here is surrounded with a lot of trauma.
You know, with a cousin who was a Peter Pan
kid came on a plane by herself, didn't see her
parents for five years. Like there's a lot of crazy
(41:53):
stories I grew up around, and uh, the positive thing
that those stories me, I think was like ambition and
drive and like and being really grateful and having kind
of this perspective of like kind of how good I
have it? Like you know what I mean, Like there
(42:14):
is there is that like joke about like when you're
an immigrant, a child of immigrants, like it's really hard
to complain about anything. You know, It's like, oh my god,
today it was so hard? Oh was today hard? Did
you have to flee your country? Like you know, it's yeah,
everything got and that definitely that happened to me a lot,
(42:38):
which is another complicated thing. But you know, but then
there are times where you see like, oh I think
this did make me like stronger. I think this gift
date did give me this kind of you know. But yeah,
but I definitely, I don't know, it'll be interesting, you know,
for my kids to kind of when they're older, obviously, Uh,
(43:00):
I don't know. I'm curious that like learning about that
will give them the same sort of shift in perspective
or you know, I also have the privilege of telling
them older and they're not just like surrounded by it too,
which is something I recognize, you know, I get to
choose when they learn about that. Yeah, I think I
(43:22):
think that that's really important for them, you know, to
hear like where they come from, Like what were the
steps that got them here? You know, because like that
is a part of I mean, that's a part of
family tradition in a weird way. It's like what where
are your roots? Where where are you from? Like how
(43:42):
you know, like how how are all the parts of
you connected and built?
Speaker 11 (43:47):
You know?
Speaker 10 (43:47):
And that goes for like I think any any any anybody, right,
Like I want to know about myself. I want to
know how the parts of me and I want to
introduce like parts of that to my friends and my
partner or that have that experience, you know. Yeah, are
there any parts of your culture that you are that
you don't want to pass on trauma? I think for
(44:14):
a lot of us it's trauma particularly It's like you
know that, I mean this is a very generalized thing
to say, and please forgive me audience, but you know,
we've all seen the stereotypical like Latinos are passionate in
their fiery and yify and like, listen, we could get
(44:35):
into a big conversation about that. But what I know
to be true about my own family was that communication
was rife with a lot of like explosion and and
I think, you know, my parents did their best, but
I don't know that they always knew how to communicate
in the healthiest and kindest ways. And like you pick
(44:59):
up on that as a ca you go, oh, well,
I guess this is normal. This is how it is
when you're married, or how how you talk to people,
or you know, And I think that there was also
an element of them being really afraid. I think one
of the things that I'm trying to figure out as
a parent and honestly as a person is like how
(45:21):
do I approach things with less fear and how do
I approach things with like more communicativeness, especially when I'm mad,
so that I'm just like exploding, you know, in a
way that like I grew up where like the explosion
was just like kind of the norm, you know. But
I don't want to explode. I want to like take
(45:42):
a breath. I want to, you know, if I have to,
I want to leave the room if I have to
I want to say, I can't talk about this with
you right now. I need to just take a step back. Yea,
whatever however.
Speaker 11 (45:51):
I do it.
Speaker 10 (45:53):
So that's the kind of stuff that like those are
Honestly some of them are like traditions in my family
because I grew up around it and grew up around it,
and like I want to end some of that stuff. Yeah,
break the cycle. Yeah that's like a that's a very
fancy way to say, like, don't yell at your kid.
I don't want to yell my kid. I don't really
(46:14):
want to yell my kid. The only time I've ever
like really raised my voice at ross is like if
she's like climbing on the stairwell, like you know, sir.
Sometimes we just gotta like hey, yeah, you know, yeah,
but I'm not I'm not of the I just don't
want to. I don't want to know. I don't have
(46:36):
it be the normal all the all the time. Way
it doesn't work, Yeah, you know what I mean, Like
like if I were to yell like she's climbing down
off of that staircase thing, you know, like whatever it is,
because she's like, whoa, this is serious as opposed to
like if you hear yelling all the time, then it's
like whatever, yeah, yeah, which is how it got how
(46:57):
it became for me. I barely heard it. I was like,
I don't know, my mom's yelling about something. I don't know.
I'm not sure. Oh man, my mom didn't. Uh well
no she did.
Speaker 11 (47:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (47:09):
I think I was kind of like that with my
mom too. She did yell a lot, but also like
she just talks loudly. Like I remember times that my
friends would come over and she and my grandmother would
be in the kitchen talking and my friends would be like,
oh my god, should we go outside? Are they fighting?
Speaker 8 (47:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 10 (47:26):
I know, I know, And I'd be like, oh, no,
they're just talking about what to make for dinner, Like
they're not Yeah, they're not agreeing. She thinks we should,
you know, we're talking, yeah, which we're doing right now.
That's exactly where Brad in the beginning was like like
I can't focus and I'm like, I'm sorry, but this
is this is it? Like, let's go talk to each other. Yeah,
(47:48):
this is how it is, babe, more better, Steph. This
was a fun chat. This was very fun. I'm very
glad that we talked about this. Because I kind of
felt like I was not doing a good job. And
now I feel a little bit more better better, I know,
(48:10):
I do. I feel that way too. I was the same.
I was like, oh, I don't think I do that.
I don't. I should do more, and I do feel
inspired to do more. I feel like I got some
good ideas from you. And I think just being like yeah,
sometimes just talking about the thing makes you more conscious
of it. And I'm like, oh, I am passing on
(48:31):
some some good things. So it's it's good. Yeah, yeah,
I do feel more better. It's about culture. I do too.
I did too, and it makes me excited for the holidays. Actually,
I mean it's far away at this point, but I
don't know. I also just like love Christmas.
Speaker 6 (48:46):
I love it.
Speaker 10 (48:47):
My God too. We have that in common, we always have.
I love Christmas so much. I can't. I mean, I
just love I love it. And you know, whatever holiday
you celebrate, like if you're just or not, I just
think like there's something about that season that it's like
a new Year's coming. The winter solstice is there, it's
(49:09):
like celebratory. You're with your friends and family. It's like,
you know, people call it the season of giving for
a reason, because something comes over you and you just
want to like help other people, and yeah, reach out
and gift and being a family for me with community. Yeah,
it's such a beautiful part of the year and I
just love it so much. Same anyways, Happy Holidays, Happy
(49:34):
Holidays months from now. Thanks friends for stopping bay. Okay,
see you next time by More Better. Dude, you have
something you'd like to be more better at that you
want us to talk about in a future episode. Can
you relate to our struggles or have you tried one
of our tips and tricks? Shoot us your thoughts and
ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and include
(49:57):
a voice note if you want to be featured on
the pod. More Better with Stephanie Melissa is a production
from w V Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted
by Me, Stephanie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero. More Better is
produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Clem at
w V Sound. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid
(50:20):
and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by
Madison Davenport and Hello Boy. Our cover art is by
vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,
Sugas bye.
Speaker 4 (50:47):
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