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September 13, 2024 44 mins
On this second episode of Señora Sex Ed, Diosa and Mala are joined by Aida Rodriguez, Puerto Rican Dominican standup comedian, actor, writer, and humanist. Aida breaks down how her religious upbringing played a factor in how she viewed sex and sexuality. In this intimate conversation, Aida opens up about how she's breaking cycles in her family and why she advocates women be gentle to other women.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Converteekle into the Draft Kings usal Colligo, Michael Tura, iota lasso,
mira ke rang huava us al godgo, Michael Toura, Pesta sinco,
siento scuenta or poet does the bono alstante garga app
the Draft Kings sports book m P s Appos start
oel football in ports us Cogo my cultura Gon Draft

(00:20):
Kings La coronaestuya juego iu this pony yamu jocentos gambler
and Hini occidental visit puntos gambler or yam oo oo
hope en y o n bon text i hope and
hy al quatro and Connecticut yamel ojo ye ovis pe

(00:41):
puntoe responsbe and nobody they boot hill Casino and resort
k s Nolo New Hampshire, Ontario, your a gong twenty
one plus b yeapor hung LA's pest's the bone ocho
that's the post miss young applicant, restrict the deposito l
that consult terminos rerusos the qu responsible and deca n
puntoo diagon.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Also, when you're raised by an immigrant mother, you learn
what's possible with the termination and.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
The termination is how Kamala Harris when.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
From working in McDonald's to prosecutor State Attorney general, you
a senator as our vice president, she fights for women's
reproductive rights every day.

Speaker 4 (01:19):
And she beat the pharmaceutical companies to lower costs for
insulin and prescriptions.

Speaker 5 (01:24):
Because she knows when we fight.

Speaker 6 (01:26):
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Speaker 9 (02:04):
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Speaker 10 (02:36):
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could take a moment to have a diet coke break.

Speaker 11 (02:41):
First, grab it chill diet coke, because if you want
it to be perfect, it needs to be crispy.

Speaker 10 (02:46):
Next, get a big cup of ice because everyone knows
diet coke is best served swimming in ice.

Speaker 11 (02:53):
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break for as long as possible.

Speaker 10 (02:59):
When you need a pray, don't forget to grab an
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Speaker 12 (03:05):
I I do not like the way the young girls
are dressing these days. They show everything.

Speaker 13 (03:10):
Mira los tempos and cambiallo.

Speaker 14 (03:12):
They hell us.

Speaker 13 (03:13):
Besides, you could learn a thing or two about fashion
from them.

Speaker 12 (03:16):
Try wearing something other than your batha.

Speaker 6 (03:19):
I know, but I like my battha.

Speaker 12 (03:23):
Senora, Yora, Senora, Senyora, Senora, Senora, Senorita, Senora, Senora, I Senora.

Speaker 15 (03:32):
So what else?

Speaker 16 (03:32):
Senora, Senora, Yora, Senora, Hi, Senyora.

Speaker 14 (03:38):
Welcome to the Senora sex Head.

Speaker 13 (03:41):
Senora Sex Said is not your Mommy's sex Talk. This
show is la platica like you've never heard it before.
We're breaking the stigma and silence around sex and sexuality
in LATINX communities. Latinas have been hyper sexualized in popular culture,
but notoriously denied sex education. This podcast is an intergenerational

(04:02):
conversation between Latinas from gen X to gen Z. We're
covering everything from puberty and body image to representation in film, television,
and media.

Speaker 12 (04:13):
And by the way, before we go any further, let's
define how we are using the word senora on this podcast.
We know many of you are in your so called
senora era, and in this show, we believe that a
Senora is a woman with a lot of life experiences
and stories to share. Maybe she's in her thirties, maybe
she's in her forties, fifties or older. Maybe she's trans

(04:35):
maybe she sis, maybe she's a mother, maybe she's not.
We are your hosts and producers, Viosa and Mala.

Speaker 13 (04:50):
You might recognize us from our flagship podcast, Look at
Tora Radio. We've been podcasting since twenty sixteen, and since
then we've covered all kinds of topics, ranging from politics,
to mental health, current events, and of course sex. But
we still have so much to learn, which is why
we're excited to bring you. Senora Sex said, we hope

(05:12):
you listen to each episode with the Senoras and Senoritas
in your life.

Speaker 14 (05:19):
Look Roll one, Chapter two.

Speaker 12 (05:26):
Be gentle to women.

Speaker 14 (05:30):
Don't forget to humanize the woman, you know, because we don't.
We don't. We just villainize. And we learned that from
our theas and our our welas, because they learned it
from their theas and there our weilas.

Speaker 12 (05:43):
That's Aida Rodriguez. She's a Puerto Rican Dominican stand up comedian, actor, writer,
and humanist. You'll hear about her experience growing up in
a religious household and how she internalized and externalized shame.

Speaker 13 (05:57):
Before you hear from Ida, we wanted to discuss some
of our own experiences with misogyny and religion.

Speaker 12 (06:09):
When I think about misogyny and religion, I am taken
back to eighth grade religion class and our religion teacher
at the time having a conversation with all the eighth
grade girls, sitting us down and explaining that when we
went on field trips off campus that the girls we

(06:29):
needed to do our hair and make ourselves look presentable
because the boys in our class. This is a direct
quote that I will never forget, because the boys in
our class wanted to be proud of their women, and
so so as not to embarrass the eighth grade boys,
the eighth grade girls, we needed to step up and

(06:50):
make ourselves more presentable.

Speaker 13 (06:54):
My memorable experience dealing with both the intersection of misogyny
and religion is also in the eighth grade with my
eighth grade teacher. Now picture this, We're twelve years old.
The hormones are raging through our bodies. We start to
be like flirty with the boys, We start to be playful.

(07:16):
We even start to kind of sit on each other's laps.
And it's very scandalous for the eighth grade teacher, and
to do that at a Catholic school. So what our
eighth grade teacher decides to do is one Friday where
we have like an early dismissal the last twenty minutes
of class, she decides she's going to play a slide

(07:39):
show about abortion. She was showing us late stage abortions
and it was very graphic and it was horrifying. And
I remember connecting the dots and thinking she's trying to
scare us so that we act right and we get

(08:01):
in line, or we're going to have one of these
abortions if we don't stop.

Speaker 12 (08:06):
Now I can look back.

Speaker 13 (08:07):
And recognize she was showing us misinformation, doctored photos. That
was very impactful for me and I'll never forget it.

Speaker 12 (08:20):
For all of our listeners, we want to provide a
trigger warning before you hear from Iva. Throughout this interview,
you'll hear mentions of sexual abuse and violence. Please take
care of yourselves and pause if you need to. Iva
speaks about how growing up in a religious household shaped

(08:40):
her perception of sex and sexuality.

Speaker 14 (08:43):
I grew up very religious. It was very it was
very confusing. I was born into Catholicism. Later my family
became Pentecostal, my mom mainly and then my grandmother converted
to Seventh Day Adventism. So I was somewhere between those two.
And you know, I wasn't allowed to wear pants, I

(09:04):
couldn't shave my legs, I couldn't cut my hair. Sex
was something we didn't talk about.

Speaker 13 (09:10):
Ida was baptized into Catholicism but grew up with different
sex within Christianity. She believes her mom used religion to
find something within herself.

Speaker 14 (09:20):
I was born into Catholicism because I was baptized Catholic
with a Badino and a Mandina anda Catholic Church, and
they did the whole thing, the Pentecostal religion. I think
my mom was My mom had a very she just
had a very troubled and tormented life. She also was abused.
She was always trying to get out of home because

(09:43):
her abuser was in the home. And so I think
religion was somewhere that she would turn to feel, I
don't know, Holly, to feel you know, pure and clean,
because so much was taken from her. And I think
that she was looking for salvation and trying to She
had been told so many problematic things about sin and sex.

(10:07):
I think she was trying to find an answer. There
was a lot of shame about having children with different fathers,
children out of wedlock, and I just think that the
women in my family were always trying to find, you know,
just to be made whole, you know, make an honest
woman of you through religion and going to church and

(10:27):
stuff like that.

Speaker 12 (10:29):
Ida's grandmother and her mother both became moms at a
very young age. This contributed greatly to the information I
that received while growing up that, along with being sexually abused,
forced to mature very quickly.

Speaker 14 (10:44):
My mom was a teen pregnancy. My grandmother was a
teen pregnancy, but it was just for my grandmother was normal.
She was from Puerto Rico and she got pregnant the
first time when she was thirteen, she had her first child.
So for me, I learned about sex first of foremost
through being sexually abused, because I was sexually abused when
I was very little, and then through the misinformation of

(11:07):
people around me. As a result of those things, just
you know, awakening something in me that I wasn't ready
for mentally. I don't know, if I was riding my
bike and just panicking because I was spotting and I
thought that my hymen broke and I was like, they're

(11:31):
gonna kill me. You know because I didn't have sex.

Speaker 13 (11:34):
Do you remember being warned about your hymen as a
young girl? Well, what is a hymen?

Speaker 10 (11:40):
Anyway?

Speaker 13 (11:40):
To answer that question, we're getting a house call from
obg y N Doctor Rodin.

Speaker 14 (11:49):
Oh La Senoras.

Speaker 17 (11:50):
I'm Rodin, MD, calling in to talk to you about
the hymen emen. I'm a resonant physician specializing in obstetrics
and gycology. Now, before we continue with our call, this
informational segment should not be interpreted as official medical advice,
and if you have any concerns, always consult with your
medical provider. Now, let's talk about an emen and do

(12:12):
some myth busting around the hymen and the concepts of virginity. Now,
what it is the hymen. The hymen is a normal
anatomical remnant. It's a little piece of skin that's left
over from the development and it's right at the entrance
of the vagina. Now, at the time of puberty, the
hymen is supposed to naturally regress in order to allow

(12:32):
for menstrual blood flow to come out of your body.
In many cultures throughout the world, however, a quote unquote
intact hymen is considered to be a sign of virginity. However,
the reality is that the hymen really doesn't have anything
at all to do with virginity, and in fact, if
the hymen does not regress, nothing can go in, but
also nothing can come out, which can cause some major

(12:52):
medical problems. For instance, your hymen is still intact at
the time of puberty, you will not be able to
have blood flow or menstrual blood flow come.

Speaker 12 (13:01):
Out of your body.

Speaker 17 (13:02):
That can cause a backup of blood which can cause
some lower abdominal pain, it can cause infection, it'll of
course cause the lack of a period, and sometimes this
even requires surgical correction. So if your hymen has regressed
normally and you don't have one, it doesn't mean that
you're not a virgin or that you have had sex.
It just means that your body did exactly what it

(13:22):
was supposed to do. Virginity is a social construct, but
it is not a medical concept. You want your hymen
to break, it's meant to break, and it has nothing
to do with having sex. So when you do have
laplatica with the singoititas in your life, don't focus on
the hymen. Instead of you using scare tactics, focus on
actual sex education, including consent, the use of contraceptives, STI prevention,

(13:45):
pregnancy prevention, and making sure that young people in your
life are emotionally ready to take that next step. So
don't be afraid to use tampons, and ladies, don't be
afraid to ride your bikes.

Speaker 12 (14:03):
When I that was in middle school, her school did
provide a form of sexual education, but she was not
allowed to participate, and.

Speaker 14 (14:11):
My mom didn't want me to do it because my
stepfather was like lag effect that like if she goes,
which it was absurd. I just remember my mom saying,
you know, she first of all, as you told me
sex was painful. She also told me that it was

(14:31):
going to lead to pregnancy and it was going to
ruin my life. And then they told me about lay
and fed medales. But there was no technical talk about
you know, how it happens. It was just off, fear
based and I don't think anything there was anything constructive
that came out of that conversation because then it made

(14:51):
me made me even more afraid and awkward with boys.

Speaker 13 (14:56):
Ida eventually started dating and had sex for the first time.
She had no intention of telling her mother, but her
mother found out anyway.

Speaker 14 (15:05):
When my mother found out that I lost my virginity,
she physically beat me. She beat me like I was,
you know, somebody on the street. It was like a beatdown.
It was I can't believe you did this. Your value
is automatically gone down. Nobody's gonna want to marry you.
My boyfriend told her. She asked, and he told her

(15:28):
the truth because he was like, I'm going to marry her,
so I want to be honest without nobody consulted with me. Though.
That was the He didn't tell me he was gonna
tell her. She didn't tell me. She was gonna ask him.
She went into She went in to speak to him,
and they asked. She asked me to step away, and

(15:49):
then had the conversation with him privately about me. They
both had this ownership over me.

Speaker 10 (15:55):
That was.

Speaker 14 (15:58):
I mean, it eventually ran me away, but it was.

Speaker 15 (16:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 14 (16:00):
They had a conversation and she was like, are you
having sex with my daughter? He was like, I am
having sex with your daughter. And he didn't know. He
thought he was being honorable and she was gonna respect that.
And I was like, bro, you have no idea. And yeah,
we got in the car and my uncle was driving
my cousin was in the car. We sat in the

(16:22):
back and she beat me. The whole ride was she cried,
how could you do this to me? You know, how
could you do this to you? We got to keep
this a secret. We can't let your dad know. It
was just a mess. It was a lot.

Speaker 12 (16:35):
I thus family was keen on shielding her from sexual education,
yet they were very invested in her maintaining her virginity.

Speaker 14 (16:43):
I was the second coming, the hope that my mother
didn't fulfilled, because my mother also lost her virginity without
before getting married. She got pregnant. I had so much
pressure on me to right all the wrongs of all
the women before me, and it was very I'm like,
you weren't a virgin.

Speaker 12 (17:04):
You weren't a virgin.

Speaker 14 (17:05):
You don't get me. Why does it have to be me?

Speaker 13 (17:10):
We hope you're enjoying this conversation.

Speaker 4 (17:12):
Stay tuned.

Speaker 14 (17:13):
There's more to come.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
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I m colaso hos al coligo, My cultura, A puesta
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(17:37):
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(18:01):
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Speaker 14 (18:08):
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Speaker 2 (18:15):
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Speaker 3 (18:21):
And determination is how Kamala Harris.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
Went from working in McDonald's to prosecutor State Attorney general
you as senator, as our vice president, she fights for
women's reproductive rights every day, and.

Speaker 4 (18:34):
She beat the pharmaceutical companies to lower costs for insulin
and prescriptions.

Speaker 5 (18:39):
Because she knows when we fight.

Speaker 17 (18:41):
We.

Speaker 6 (18:43):
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Speaker 11 (19:47):
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Speaker 10 (19:52):
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Speaker 11 (19:59):
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Speaker 12 (20:43):
Thanks for sticking around.

Speaker 14 (20:44):
We are back.

Speaker 13 (20:47):
Ida felt the pressure to be a nin ya buena.
But did she actually go in that direction or did
she resist it?

Speaker 14 (20:56):
I battled a lot with what was nature versus nurture?
I think that instinctively, I am just pretty monogamous and
pretty calm in my ways, and I just struggle with
that because I don't know if that's they beat me
into that or if it was that's just who I

(21:17):
was gonna be. Anyway, did I go through my wild phase?

Speaker 7 (21:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 14 (21:20):
I did. I did go through a wild phase, but
it didn't involve you know, having multiple sex partners. It
was really about going out, drinking, hanging out, going to
the clubs, dating different people. I went through this phase
where I went on a date. I went on like
eight dates with eight different NBA players, you know, just

(21:42):
to flex to say that I could. I didn't have
sex with any of them, because I just I realized
that after the first date that's what they wanted. I
was like, oh, they they buy in dinners for sex.
But it was like a flex for me to say
that I didn't have some with any of them. And
that was like why is that? Why do I feel

(22:03):
like that's a flex? What makes me does? How does
that make me but special? But then I realized that
it's all those views of all that stuff that they
tell us to be able to say I went out
with eight guys in the NBA and I never had
sex with any of them, as if that makes the
person who did have sex. You know, it's all that
stuff has just been I'm unpacking it even to this day.

Speaker 12 (22:26):
I'd to share so much about internalizing the shame. She
was taught from a young age. She and the other
girls around her were also taught to shame one another.
These two little girls that had come from Cuba, and culturally,
they were very different than the Puerto Ricans on the block, right,
because Puerto Ricans it's very common that Puerto Ricans don't

(22:49):
let their daughters cut their hair till they're fifteen, and
shaved their legs.

Speaker 14 (22:53):
It's a lot of religious a lot of Pentecostal, a
lot of koljake, a lot of that in there. And
these Cuban girls that came, they were already wearing makeup
and like short shorts and you know, feeling good in
their little bodies. They were just little, pretty little girls.
And I was told not to play with them because

(23:15):
they looked like hoes, you know, and sampletikas is what
they would say. They didn't want me hanging out with
those little girls because of the way that they you know,
the way that they presented. They were wearing little short shorts.
I wasn't allowed to wear short shorts, they had makeup
on and all that stuff. And I remember being told
that I wasn't like them, you know, that they were gonna,

(23:39):
you know, they were going to be a problem in life,
and they were going to give their parents a headache.
And then the turn happened one day when I found
out that their mother didn't want them playing with me.
My mother had children that had different fathers, and they
were talking about my mom and slut shaming my mom.

(24:00):
Then I jumped in and I was like, man, these
hoes are talking about my mom. You know this is me.
I was a little kid, and I just remember their
mother walks around with all this tight clothes and she's
sleeping with somebody's husband. Like I knew. We all knew
the tea because we were everybody nobody ever censored around
the kids, and it was just all this love shaming

(24:21):
going around, and it was just it was so toxic,
and the only people who paid the price were the
women and the girls. You know, if nobody else was
a villain ever, it was always us. If you cheated.
If a man cheated on his wife is because the
woman h trapped him into cheat, you know what I mean?
It was just never, ever, ever a man's fault. Everything

(24:44):
was always the girls.

Speaker 13 (24:51):
Quick reminder for our listeners, there will be discussions of
sexual violence.

Speaker 14 (24:55):
Please take a break if you need to.

Speaker 12 (25:00):
I then approaches her.

Speaker 13 (25:01):
Writing and comedy with radical honesty, but does she approach
sex and sexuality the same way.

Speaker 14 (25:09):
I'm getting there. You know, I also was raped. So
I also had during a time that was when I
was feeling my power. And I've never really talked about this,
but I feel safe. I had and the moment where
I was getting a divorce and I was getting feeling
my own power and I'm gonna do what I want

(25:31):
to do and I'm gonna start going out, I was
violently raped, and so kind of set me back a
little bit because for I blamed myself. I also, you know,
was going through Oh this is what happens when you're
out here wilding out, and all of that stuff kind
of set me back a little bit, if I'm honest,
and I had to regroup and start all over again.

Speaker 4 (26:04):
Stay tuned.

Speaker 13 (26:04):
There's more to come.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
Compared to thee cle Into the Draft Kings Usal Coligo
Micheltura i um Colasso hu hus All Colligo my cultura
aposta sincol igana doos dollares and a puestas devon alstante
the Gagala app the Draft Kings, sports book m P
s Appostar mispo and Football in Tuesday ports favoritos usando

(26:27):
el coigo my cultura go Draft Kings.

Speaker 19 (26:30):
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inteses gamblin c W blue into gam and peork I
lot to see the city o jo hopen y Indian
text to a hopping y what to say and Connecticut
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Yaneloo city City City city o c responsible the miniti

(26:51):
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When junas blues holistic sto cinta yo cho as this
pos Siblicans.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
When you're raised by an immigrant mother, you learn what's
possible with determination.

Speaker 3 (27:12):
And the termination is how Kamala Harris.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
Went from working in McDonald's to prosecutor state attorney general,
you a senator as our vice president. She fights for
women's reproductive rights every day.

Speaker 4 (27:25):
And she beat the pharmaceutical companies to lower costs for
insulin and prescriptions.

Speaker 5 (27:30):
Because she knows when we fights.

Speaker 6 (27:33):
Weave paid for by Harris for President.

Speaker 16 (27:37):
Anyone growing up in a Latino home can tell you
all about the telenovela where the girl from the barrio
won the heart of the rich boy, or the beautiful
yet quiet girl next door who is taken aback by
the love of a handsome leading man. Viva las telenovelas
ole mihen ter rosa li insanchez here from he said,
Aja dho And although I like drama in my telenovelas,

(28:00):
when it comes to real life, I prefer a drama
free casa. In fact, the passion I put into cleaning
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Thanks to Fabuloso.

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Then sip it slowly, seal that burn, and enjoy your
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Speaker 12 (29:40):
Thanks for sticking around.

Speaker 3 (29:41):
We are back.

Speaker 12 (29:45):
Iva described growing up with her kids. Her relationship with
both of her children has taught her a lot about
her own beliefs. I have a daughter, you know, and
my daughter and I have had a lot of challenges
around this because I was I tried to impose some
of those beliefs on her, and she doesn't subscribe to

(30:06):
that the way of thinking, and she has her own
way of seeing things.

Speaker 14 (30:11):
And I learned a lot from her.

Speaker 21 (30:13):
You know.

Speaker 14 (30:14):
She's been my greatest teacher about issues that have to
do with sex.

Speaker 21 (30:18):
You know.

Speaker 14 (30:19):
I grew up with my kids, and so I remember
asking my son what teabagging was because I didn't know.
He was like, he grabbed me by my hand and
kissed me on my forehead. He was like, oh, my
little mommy, like it's such a baby like he's he
was like, you know, like because he was like, I
could see the innocence in me, and he sat me
down and he told me. But they've been my greatest

(30:42):
education because I didn't I didn't get that at home, but.

Speaker 19 (30:48):
I have.

Speaker 14 (30:49):
I have very honest conversations about sex.

Speaker 13 (30:52):
I the attempted to have her own version of la
platica with her daughter. Here's how it went.

Speaker 14 (30:58):
Yeah, I was also very uncomfortable, and she said that
it was very toxic, and she told me that it
was you know, she was like, it was just a mess.
It was just a mess. And I thought I was
doing something because it was it was a progress from
my mother. But I think my fears were in there
as well, and I don't think that. You know, my

(31:21):
daughter was already getting sex education at school and then
she was coming home talking about what herpes was and
I was like, oh my god, what are you getting
this from? What is this about. We've had such a
journey about this because they've they've both helped me unpack
so much of this and release some of the guilt
and shame that I think that even physically made me sick,
because I was, you know, having these horrible periods and

(31:44):
all this pain and all this trauma. And I feel
that it has to do with the emotional all the
emotional root of it all.

Speaker 12 (31:51):
What was it like for either to get this kind
of feedback from her daughter.

Speaker 14 (31:55):
I felt attacked, But through time, yeah, and therapy, just
going to myself to therapy because she would also she
was also in therapy. But yeah, there was a lot
of unhealthy views that I had that just I mean,
I even you know, to this day, I'm like, where
did that come from? Like where did where does this?
Where's the root of all of this? Like my moms

(32:19):
who told her that. You know, you know, logically it
doesn't make sense, but for some reason, when you put
religion into it, you know there's there's a way to
get the get the information to people to receive it,
so that through fear and all that stuff.

Speaker 13 (32:34):
I then wrote a memoir titled Legitimate Kid, which details
her life, her hardships, and how she's transformed pain into
laughter since publishing her first book, she came to these realizations.

Speaker 14 (32:48):
Well, when I finished writing that book, I had a
lot of physical ailments and I was told by my therapist,
my physical therapist, Mama Sous that I had trauma trapped
in my body and it was trying to work itself out.
Because I have finally let some of that stuff out
writing that book and talking about that whole thing about

(33:10):
us finding legitimacy, you know, as a Latina, as a
Puerto Rican Dominican, as a woman, there was so many
different factors in many avenues of how I was trying
to find my legitimacy. I think that I really had
to put it to rest, and it was the best

(33:33):
thing that I could have done for myself is to
finally put that down and say I am legitimate. I
don't need this validation. And meeting my father was really
the stamp on that, because meeting him didn't answer questions,
it just gave brought up more, you know, And so
I was just like, oh, this idea of what needing

(33:56):
other people to give me their stamp has driven me
to so many dark places, you know, even like being
in a relationship with somebody having sex with them and
not liking the sex and feeling obligated to stay with
the person because it's the honorable thing to do because
you already had sex with them. Like I was just
like where did that come from? Like I have a

(34:18):
right to just be happy and say I'm good, you know,
I don't want to do this anymore. This whole idea
that I can't rack up numbers, you know, like, oh,
but that's another person. Like all of that stuff just
was like like I washed away in a river and
just being able to walk away from something and saying
this doesn't serve me, I don't want to do. This
is something that I was having a real hard time doing.

(34:40):
And I feel that now I don't feel that way anymore.
Like now I feel like I want my life and
I want to have agency and ownership, and I think
being able to get that out of my system was
really helpful.

Speaker 12 (34:54):
I that's relationship with her children has evolved in the
same way that her relationship with her own my has
also changed.

Speaker 14 (35:02):
My mom was here for six months staying with me,
and my daughter taught my mother about agency and they
would go on walks and I had a talk with
my mom. I was on the phone with her, and
I just remember her saying, well, I can do that
because I have agency. And it's because she learned it
from much she received it from my daughter. So I

(35:22):
think that, you know, she told my mom what toxic
masculinity is, and you know, just things that I don't
think she would have heard from us from her children,
but she heard it from my daughter.

Speaker 13 (35:32):
There seemed to be parallels between the grandmother granddaughter relationships
and I thus family. Aya was close to her grandmother,
and now Ada's daughter is able to be honest and
teach her own grandmother a thing or two.

Speaker 14 (35:46):
My daughter is my mother's favorite person because my daughter
is very truthful with her and I was too afraid
to ever be that with my mom. But she would
be like, no, Grandma, that's not okay for you to
say that about people. Okay, you shouldn't say that. That's
not nice and this is why. Where me, it would
be like, I can't, Wellie, you deal said that. You know,

(36:06):
it's just a very different She has some patience with
my mom. But she can also tell my mom, I
don't want to talk right now. Is that if that's okay?
I need some space? And then you know that used
to be framed in my family as white people shit.
They'd be like, oh, that's not white people's stuff. How
are you going to tell your mom you don't want
to talk right now or your grandmother? And now my

(36:28):
mom will be like, I don't want to talk right now?
Can I call you back later? And I'm like, oh good.

Speaker 12 (36:34):
Either received lessons and feedback from her daughter, but has
Ada's mother also been receptive to feedback from Aina.

Speaker 14 (36:43):
She feels guilty and it's taked for her to face it.
So if she owns it. She has to face it,
but she's a lot more receptive to it than she
was before. You know, she's also done a lot of
reading and done a lot of work, and gone the
therapy and been in program And I think that, you know,

(37:03):
my mom has a very different way of moving in
the world because of her circumstances that I don't think
I would have survived the things my mother went through.
I think I probably would have taken my own life.
I don't know that I would be able to and
God forgive me, or the Most High or the universe,
the saints, the ancestors, whoever it is that's in charge.

(37:24):
I feel that I say that because I didn't have to,
you know, even though my daughter was like, your life
is kind of tough too, my man, like, I don't
know what makes you think that yours. You always feel
like your stuff is not ever as tough as other people.
My mom has a hard time dealing with it. And
I commntor for the effort that she's made and the

(37:45):
apologies that she's made, and to be able to say
I didn't know, I was so sorry, you know, because
I have friends who will tell me their parents have
never apologized to them their whole lines, and my mom
has been able to sit down with me and we've
cried together, and she said I was just so wrong.

Speaker 13 (38:04):
Iva shared so much about her personal journey with sex,
sexuality and learning to be kind to other.

Speaker 14 (38:11):
Women, women, be gentle with other women. I think that
it makes me want to cry. I want to think
about it because I think that we've been conditioned and
socialized to hate one another. And it's a lot of projection.
It's a lot of what we're feeling about ourselves projecting
it onto others.

Speaker 21 (38:31):
You know.

Speaker 14 (38:31):
I remember being younger, you know, I moved here with
two kids in my early twenties, divorced and just being
so hard on other women because I thought that I
had that pick me energy, like, you know, wanting to
just I wanted men to approve of me so much

(38:53):
that I would diss other women because I would be like,
I'm not like them, And that's so harmful to others.
But it's so harmful to yourself because if you give
them the power to feed you, you give them the
power to starve you. And it's such a it's such
a double edged sword. So I just women. I always say,

(39:13):
poor women. This is my phrase, because women are in
a constant battle on a daily basis, and you know,
you throw in race and ethnicity and economic situation. We
don't need to pour more trauma onto each other because
it it does just boomerang back onto us. When you

(39:36):
talk about virginity and you talk about sex, and you
talk about relationships and adultery, don't forget to humanize the woman,
you know, because we don't. We don't. We just villainize.
And we learn that from our theas and are our
welass because they learned it from their theas and they're
our weylass. And we have to start a new dialogue

(39:58):
so that the little babies that we love right now
can have a world that nurtures them into growth into
their best selves, because it just keeps going.

Speaker 12 (40:12):
If after talking to Iva today, it has me thinking
about how important it is to not only be gentle
with ourselves, but like Eva mentions, being gentle with other women,
you never know when you're passing judgment on another person,

(40:33):
how or when that judgment will be passed right back
to you.

Speaker 13 (40:39):
In the next episode of Senora Sex Said, we hear
from mother and Daughter duo Sizzle and goco.

Speaker 21 (40:53):
No I.

Speaker 13 (41:06):
Thank you for listening to Senora sex.

Speaker 14 (41:08):
Said no vermos.

Speaker 12 (41:12):
Senora sex Said is a production of Loka Thora Productions
in partnership with Iheartsmichauldura Podcast Network.

Speaker 13 (41:19):
Executive producers are Mala Munios and Theosa fem.

Speaker 12 (41:23):
Senora Sex Said is also executive produced by Giselle Bansees.

Speaker 13 (41:28):
Produced by Stephanie Franco, Creative director Mala Munjos, story editor Medosa.

Speaker 12 (41:35):
Music producer Brian Gazzo, Music director Grisol Lomeli.

Speaker 16 (42:11):
Ole mihente rosa insantiz here from he said ada diho
And Although I like drama in my telenovelas, when it
comes to real life, I prefer a drama free casa.
Thanks to Fabuloso, it's remarkable levendercent lingers like a longing
glance and with two times more active ingredients to take
the drama out of any mess, you'll be shouting Grassias

(42:36):
fabulosos two times concentrated formula provides two times more active
cleaning ingredients versus non concentrated. Fabuloso original use as directed.

Speaker 10 (42:47):
You could sit there and listen to ads, or you
could take a moment to have a diet.

Speaker 11 (42:51):
Coke break First, grab it chilled diet coke, because if
you want it to be perfect, it needs to be crispy.

Speaker 10 (42:57):
Next, get a big cup of ice because everyone die
coke is best served swimming in ice.

Speaker 11 (43:03):
Then sip it slowly, feel that burn, and enjoy your
break for as long as possible.

Speaker 10 (43:09):
When you need a break, don't forget to grab an
ice cold die Coke and take a die Cooke break.

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