July 10, 2025 • 18 mins
Money talk can be awkward and vulnerable, but it doesn’t have to kill the romance.
In this episode, our host Iona Bain is joined by financial adviser and author Bola Sol to unpack the dos and don’ts of managing money with your partner.
From combining accounts to spotting red flags, Bola shares practical advice for couples at every stage, whether you've just started dating or planning for a long-term future.
You’ll learn smart strategies on financial fairness, keeping your independence, and building a money plan that works for both of you.
You can watch episodes on L&G’s YouTube channel
And see behind the scenes content on TikTok and Instagram
Follow Bola Sol on Instagram
You can play the podcast and find other useful content on L&G’s website:
https://www.legalandgeneral.com/podcasts/a-little-bit-richer
Iona and her guests share their own personal thoughts and opinions in this podcast. These might be different from L&G’s take on things. They give financial guidance for a UK audience that’s relevant at the time of recording. It’s general best practice, not the kind of personalised advice you’d get from a financial adviser.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This series is brought to you by L& G, helping you build a
future that's a little bit richer.
Iona Bain (00:06):
Hello and welcome to A Little Bit Richer with me,
Iona Bain, brought to you by L& G. Now, money
can be an awkward discussion in any relationship, particularly with
your other half. So when relationships transition from the fun
and frolics of dating to saving and budgeting for a
future together, it's important to get the fundamentals right. Friend
(00:26):
of the show, Bola Sol is back with some helpful
ways that couples can manage their money in a way
that suits them. Financial advisor, Bola, is also a money
columnist and author of Your Money Life and How To Save
It. You might have seen her videos online on red
financial flags in relationships. So, there really is nobody better
to chat about this thorny subject. Welcome back, Bola.
Bola Sol (00:49):
Hi Iona. Thanks for having me.
Iona Bain (00:52):
So relationships are not all about the money, obviously.
Bola Sol (00:55):
Of course not.
Iona Bain (00:56):
But why do your finances matter when you are in
a relationship with someone?
Bola Sol (01:01):
Because money is a tool that we all have to
use, and if we don't figure out how we're aligned
on our finances, there can be a lot of mismatches in
the relationship. And those mismatches can come in the form
of the type of house you may want together, the
type of future you may want together, if you do
(01:21):
want children, the type of lifestyle that you want for
those children, how you plan to retire, and what's important
to you. So finance is a very big part of relationships,
and there are definitely some stats that show it's one
of the top five reasons people do get divorced.
Iona Bain (01:37):
And is this an issue that you come across a
lot in the work that you do? Do people come
to you with differing approaches to finances within their relationships,
and does that cause tension?
Bola Sol (01:48):
Yes, it does. I would say there's some circumstances that
stick out to me where some people are suffering in
silence financially, they're having to take charge of a lot
of costs, and they feel quite guilty about expressing that.
And that's quite sad, because then it now means they
have to confront their partner and say, " I don't feel
(02:10):
supported here. I need you to support me more." And
sometimes the response that they get, it could just be, "
Well, you've been dealing with it so far, keep dealing
with it," and that can cause so much tension in
any relationship.
Iona Bain (02:22):
And are there aspects of modern dating that can exacerbate
these issues? For instance, when you're dating online, perhaps you
see someone present a lifestyle that's actually quite different to
how they manage their finances and maybe you don't get
to find out what their financial situation is until quite
a bit later on in the relationship.
Bola Sol (02:42):
Yeah, and that's why communication's important, because there's only so
much you can see online and take from someone's lifestyle,
which is why you can't just take everything at face
value. So I think it is key that you are
having those discussions about maybe where are you right now
when it comes to your financial priorities?
Iona Bain (03:01):
And do people change their attitudes towards money once they
get into relationships? Do they sometimes shift and adapt and
evolve because there is someone now significant in their life
that they want to share goals with, or is it
a mistake to assume that will automatically happen?
Bola Sol (03:19):
I think it varies person to person. So, when I
got into my relationship now, I've felt a sense of
accountability about my decisions, about my spending and my why,
because we're planning to share life together. So that just
means I can't just make decisions on my own. And
I have seen some people start to absolve themselves of
(03:42):
responsibility when they get into relationships. So it becomes, " I
don't have to think about this." And that is also
irresponsible because it puts a lot of pressure on one
person to essentially be the adult in the relationship when
both of you are adults.
Iona Bain (03:56):
How can we avoid slipping into those roles within our
relationships, and maybe stepping up and becoming a bit more equal
in how we manage things?
Bola Sol (04:05):
I think you used an important term there, which is
part of the solution, which is stepping up. Even if
some people they don't feel very confident about finances, it's
still worth asking questions and also potentially saying, " What can
I do to help in the situation?" And then potentially,
over time, they could take on certain responsibilities. That could
be being the one who initiates the conversation about the
(04:27):
budget. It could also be taking on particular bills and
ensuring that that's covered every single month.
Iona Bain (04:33):
And what are your thoughts on maintaining your own independence
in a relationship versus joining your finances with someone else?
Because lots of couples might feel like they should have
a joint account because that means that they can have
transparency, that can make joint planning a lot easier. But
(04:54):
on the other hand, having your own financial account means
having some independence and some privacy. What are your thoughts
there on achieving the right balance?
Bola Sol (05:04):
I think the right balance comes from having four accounts,
which is joint savings, a joint current account for bills,
and then individual savings and an individual current.
Iona Bain (05:16):
Okay, so not just having a joint account but also
having a joint savings account as well?
Bola Sol (05:21):
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's up to you, really, as a
couple. Do you want to do all of your savings
together, and if so, what does that look like? So
are there any T's and C's that are part of
that? So for example, if you plan to take out
a certain amount of money, the other partner needs to
be very aware of that. And maybe you need joint
(05:42):
signatures, so I think that some things need to be
put in place, because I have heard of circumstances where
money has been taken from joint savings and used in
ways in which it wasn't agreed on. So you do
have to find a way to make that work.
Iona Bain (05:56):
You've brought up a really important point there. How can
you protect yourself? Because unfortunately, sometimes you might end up
in a relationship where that other person isn't what they
seem, and we know unfortunately financial and economic abuse can
and does happen. What can you do to protect yourself
against anything like that happening?
Bola Sol (06:16):
Be careful about the decisions you make, and don't feel
like you have to make them under duress or very
quickly. At times when you are in a relationship, emotions
are such a big part of that. It's very easy
for someone to potentially try to pressure you to make
a decision, but it's okay to say, " I'm going to
come back to you on that," and do what's in
(06:37):
your best interest, not because of you fear anything. Also,
wherever possible, I'd say speak to someone that you are
close with and you trust who knows you, because at times,
a way financial abuse or economic abuse can start is
through isolation. If you can just have that one person, that
confidant who you can tell who can maybe, where you
(06:59):
see fit, give you some advice to ensure that you
are not now on the borderline of being financially abused,
because some people don't see it coming.
Iona Bain (07:09):
No. And being aware of the practical risks as well, of
having a joint account with someone, or taking out a
credit card or a mortgage with them. Many people might
not realize that by doing that, they're also then potentially
taking on their partner's debt. Just tell me a little
bit about why we need to be cautious if we
borrow money or we join up our finances with someone.
Bola Sol (07:30):
Yeah. So, if there's a legal civil partnership or you are
married, and even if you get a joint account and
you're not married, sometimes your credit scores can be joined
together. And what it means, is that maybe a debt
that has been taken on by one party means that
if anything is to happen to that debt that you
have to take care of it. Or essentially, now your
(07:50):
credit score can change as a result of that. So
I think what's really key is that you're having discussions
about how you use and manage credit as well. And
I think it's so key that we don't let emotions
get in the way.
Iona Bain (08:04):
It's so difficult though, because apart from anything in our
culture, we are encouraged to buy into romance and to
let the romance sweep us off our feet. And if
we fall in love, it's intoxicating, and common sense can
kind of go out of the window, and it can
feel deeply unromantic and deeply unsexy to have any kind
(08:25):
of conversation about money. Have you got any advice about
how we can get over that feeling of, " It'll spoil
the romance if I bring any of this up"?
Bola Sol (08:34):
I think you have to think about the long- term
effects of not bringing it up. So often people go
into things and then it's a sense of regret, " Oh,
I wish I did bring this up earlier." So I
just say bring it up now, because you also get
to see how your partner responds to those things, and
their response is incredibly important. So, when you bring up
(08:54):
finances, are they short with you? Are they snappy? You
have to look at all those things. Are they avoidant
or do they communicate with you and say, " Okay, I
can do this next week and so on and so on"?
Sometimes you have to talk about the hard things and
do the hard things. That's how long- term relationships work.
So, I just say just see finance as one part
of that as opposed to all of it.
Iona Bain (09:15):
Every relationship is different, but are there solid foundations that
we can build on when it comes to sharing our
finances and doing it in a way that feels healthy
and equal?
Bola Sol (09:29):
I think if every month or so you are both
able to talk about your finances, I think that's great.
Whether it's a thing where you're talking about income or
you're talking about outgoings, for example, I think that's an
important conversation to have. Also, just having someone as a soundboard, "
(09:52):
What do you think of this?" I'd like to do
this but this isn't making sense," and so on.
Iona Bain (09:56):
Because if you're wanting to share your life with that
person, you need to be able to talk about as
much of your life as possible, and that includes your
finances. So to have it as a kind of blind
spot, as something that you just don't discuss in a
relationship as a no- go zone, that doesn't feel sustainable long-term.
Bola Sol (10:13):
I agree. I think we have to be able to
be vulnerable with each other in so many different ways.
Iona Bain (10:19):
What if you get into a relationship with somebody who
is maybe not as good with their finances as you
are with yours? Or maybe they're doing better with their
finances than you are and there is a bit of
a gap there, how can one partner help the other
get to a better place?
Bola Sol (10:36):
I would say maybe have couple planning meetings, and also
try to provide a sense of support to them. Okay,
maybe you've got a credit card debt. Have you looked
at the options? Have you looked at a 0% balance
transfer card, for example? So it could be helping them
with that, but it also could be bringing up the conversation
in a very gentle way as a way to keep
(10:57):
them accountable, whether that is paying off debt or whether
that's savings. I think showing that you are involved and
you care is so important.
Iona Bain (11:04):
And then when it comes to whether you should split
your finances 50- 50 or if it should be based on
income, what's your view on that?
Bola Sol (11:11):
I think it's really important for you to decide what's
fair to each other, and you have to ask yourself
if the roles were reversed, how would you like things
to be handled? So let's say, for example, you are in
the position where you are earning more money, what do
you do if you're not in the position where you're
earning more money? How would you like to be treated
(11:32):
by that partner if things were to change and it
was the other way around? Would you say, " I still
feel like that's fair"?
Iona Bain (11:39):
And do you have any advice for how you can
manage differing attitudes to spending within relationships? Let's say one partner
still wants to go on lots of holidays and still
wants to live a lavish lifestyle, but you both have
goals that you want to save for. How can you talk
about that in a way that doesn't feel confrontational, that's
(12:01):
not going to create tension?
Bola Sol (12:02):
If one person differs from the other and they want
to maybe live more lavishly, yeah, I think it's important
to ask, does it get in the way of your
priorities and the joint goals that you have together? And
if so, then it's maybe time to sacrifice some of
them for what you're building.
Iona Bain (12:18):
Because I do think you will have different spending habits
if you are single compared to if you're in a
serious long- term relationship, and your finances are a pretty
unforgiving mirror of what's important to you. So once you
are in that relationship, if you're still spending like you're
single, then maybe there is that mismatch there and you're
(12:39):
not quite ready for that commitment. And that's why finances
actually are a really important area for us to look
at. They're a barometer, maybe, of the health of our relationship
in many ways, even if we don't like to admit it.
Bola Sol (12:51):
Yeah, I couldn't agree more with that.
Iona Bain (12:53):
Are there any particular red flags that we should be
mindful of or when it comes to our partners and
their finances?
Bola Sol (13:00):
Yes. So, I'd say the first red flag is complete
avoidance of talking about money. I don't agree with that at all, and
I think that is enough of a red flag for
you to question the relationship entirely. And you get to
choose how you'd move on from that because you're going
to have to make so many joint decisions where money
is involved.
Iona Bain (13:19):
So in a way, if you have that conversation early
on and they tell you, " I haven't always been great
with my finances and I still have these issues that I
really want to get over," that's better than them saying, "
I don't want to talk about this at all"?
Bola Sol (13:32):
Absolutely, because they are still communicating with you.
Iona Bain (13:35):
So, I'm keen to ask as well about how much
people are maybe looking to relationships as a way to
shore up their financial position, which is very understandable at
the moment, because we are in a tough economic climate
and life is easier when you can share your expenses
with someone else. But are there dangers there, that we
(13:56):
maybe seek out other people, really, more for the financial
security that they offer, rather than all the other good
things that we should be able to get from a relationship?
Bola Sol (14:06):
Yeah. You have to be honest with yourself. And I
say that because maybe no one will question you, but
you have to be able to question yourself. And some
people may come out and say, " Look, right now, the
financial stability is important," but you have to rank it.
One of the things that I do, and I've done this
with my partner, is I know I would share a
(14:26):
shed or a mansion with him. And that's enough for
me to know, " Okay, this is my person."
Iona Bain (14:31):
It really is a case for richer or poorer?
Bola Sol (14:34):
Yeah, exactly. If the person you get with tomorrow, based
on their cash flow, no longer has that money, do
you still like them? It's incredibly important. And that's why
I always say character over cash flow. Cash flow can
change. And when it does, are you still really riding
with that person or is it kind of like, " Oh,
this doesn't work for me anymore"?
Iona Bain (14:54):
Well, that's why Pride and Prejudice works. It would not
work if Elizabeth Bennet at the end turned around and said, "
Well, I still don't like Mr. Darcy, but he's worth
a few bob."
Bola Sol (15:02):
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Things can go up or down, and
that goes for either of you. Sometimes you are able
to give more and then other times you give less,
and you kind of take it in turns.
Iona Bain (15:14):
Absolutely. So, how can we talk about money and not
let it affect our relationship? How can we continue to
have fun with one another and still be able to
keep our eye on those important goals?
Bola Sol (15:28):
I would say make sure that there's a time and
a place that you speak about it so that no
one feels like they're caught off guard. Also, make sure
the timing is right. If someone has a long day
and things like that, read those signs and potentially just ask, "
Do you want to do this another day?" But don't
keep putting it off. That's the thing. Still have the
(15:49):
hard conversations. And I'd say talk about the intricacies of
finances. So, talk about life insurance, talk about legal powers
of attorney and future income, where you want to be, investments, "
Are we making those together?" Talk about pensions. Where are
you both from a pension perspective? And then of course,
there's the everyday budgeting and having your financial goals.
Iona Bain (16:13):
So we've ranged over so much there. It can be
difficult to boil this down to three tips for managing
your finances with a partner, but what would your top
three tips be?
Bola Sol (16:24):
Make sure you speak about it regularly. It could be
once a month, it could be once every two months,
but don't let too much time pass. So consistency is
important. Number two, always, always speak with love. I can't
say that enough. Never speak with an accusatory tone or, "
I'm better at you than finances" and so on. And
(16:46):
with number three, and this is more on the basis
of marriage and long- term futures, ensure you understand that
essentially it's kind of like one income. If you're not
planning to do this life alone, there is no point
you saying, " Oh, I make 6k and they make 2,
you make 8k. And that's just an example. It can
be a different number. That's something that's important for everyone
(17:09):
to learn, because the moment you get into, " This is
my money and this is their money," I think that's
very dangerous territory. Eventually, you have to see it as, "
This is our money, what are we going to do
with it?"
Iona Bain (17:18):
Because ultimately, 8k is better than 6k or 2k.
Bola Sol (17:22):
Exactly.
Iona Bain (17:23):
But it's about understanding what you can do together with
that money, and making sure you're both on the same
page and happy with it.
Bola Sol (17:30):
Yeah.
Iona Bain (17:31):
Brilliant. Bola Sol, this has been so, so helpful. Thank you.
Bola Sol (17:37):
Thank you.
Iona Bain (17:37):
Thank you so much, Bola. We've got so many ideas there
for how we can plan our financial futures. Brilliant stuff.
Next time, L& G's Paula Llewellyn will be here to
tell us what might be changing with your workplace pension
and why it matters. I'd love it if you could
follow the podcast, leave us a review and help others
get a little bit richer, too. You can keep up
with the show on TikTok and Instagram @ legalandgeneral, where we'll be sharing loads
(18:01):
of behind the scenes content. And you can catch our
full video episodes on YouTube. Thanks for listening. Until next
time, see you soon.
This series is brought to you by L& G, helping you build a
future that's a little bit richer.
Iona Bain (00:06):
Hello and welcome to A Little Bit Richer with me,
Iona Bain, brought to you by L& G. Now, money
can be an awkward discussion in any relationship, particularly with
your other half. So when relationships transition from the fun
and frolics of dating to saving and budgeting for a
future together, it's important to get the fundamentals right. Friend
(00:26):
of the show, Bola Sol is back with some helpful
ways that couples can manage their money in a way
that suits them. Financial advisor, Bola, is also a money
columnist and author of Your Money Life and How To Save
It. You might have seen her videos online on red
financial flags in relationships. So, there really is nobody better
to chat about this thorny subject. Welcome back, Bola.
Bola Sol (00:49):
Hi Iona. Thanks for having me.
Iona Bain (00:52):
So relationships are not all about the money, obviously.
Bola Sol (00:55):
Of course not.
Iona Bain (00:56):
But why do your finances matter when you are in
a relationship with someone?
Bola Sol (01:01):
Because money is a tool that we all have to
use, and if we don't figure out how we're aligned
on our finances, there can be a lot of mismatches in
the relationship. And those mismatches can come in the form
of the type of house you may want together, the
type of future you may want together, if you do
(01:21):
want children, the type of lifestyle that you want for
those children, how you plan to retire, and what's important
to you. So finance is a very big part of relationships,
and there are definitely some stats that show it's one
of the top five reasons people do get divorced.
Iona Bain (01:37):
And is this an issue that you come across a
lot in the work that you do? Do people come
to you with differing approaches to finances within their relationships,
and does that cause tension?
Bola Sol (01:48):
Yes, it does. I would say there's some circumstances that
stick out to me where some people are suffering in
silence financially, they're having to take charge of a lot
of costs, and they feel quite guilty about expressing that.
And that's quite sad, because then it now means they
have to confront their partner and say, " I don't feel
(02:10):
supported here. I need you to support me more." And
sometimes the response that they get, it could just be, "
Well, you've been dealing with it so far, keep dealing
with it," and that can cause so much tension in
any relationship.
Iona Bain (02:22):
And are there aspects of modern dating that can exacerbate
these issues? For instance, when you're dating online, perhaps you
see someone present a lifestyle that's actually quite different to
how they manage their finances and maybe you don't get
to find out what their financial situation is until quite
a bit later on in the relationship.
Bola Sol (02:42):
Yeah, and that's why communication's important, because there's only so
much you can see online and take from someone's lifestyle,
which is why you can't just take everything at face
value. So I think it is key that you are
having those discussions about maybe where are you right now
when it comes to your financial priorities?
Iona Bain (03:01):
And do people change their attitudes towards money once they
get into relationships? Do they sometimes shift and adapt and
evolve because there is someone now significant in their life
that they want to share goals with, or is it
a mistake to assume that will automatically happen?
Bola Sol (03:19):
I think it varies person to person. So, when I
got into my relationship now, I've felt a sense of
accountability about my decisions, about my spending and my why,
because we're planning to share life together. So that just
means I can't just make decisions on my own. And
I have seen some people start to absolve themselves of
(03:42):
responsibility when they get into relationships. So it becomes, " I
don't have to think about this." And that is also
irresponsible because it puts a lot of pressure on one
person to essentially be the adult in the relationship when
both of you are adults.
Iona Bain (03:56):
How can we avoid slipping into those roles within our
relationships, and maybe stepping up and becoming a bit more equal
in how we manage things?
Bola Sol (04:05):
I think you used an important term there, which is
part of the solution, which is stepping up. Even if
some people they don't feel very confident about finances, it's
still worth asking questions and also potentially saying, " What can
I do to help in the situation?" And then potentially,
over time, they could take on certain responsibilities. That could
be being the one who initiates the conversation about the
(04:27):
budget. It could also be taking on particular bills and
ensuring that that's covered every single month.
Iona Bain (04:33):
And what are your thoughts on maintaining your own independence
in a relationship versus joining your finances with someone else?
Because lots of couples might feel like they should have
a joint account because that means that they can have
transparency, that can make joint planning a lot easier. But
(04:54):
on the other hand, having your own financial account means
having some independence and some privacy. What are your thoughts
there on achieving the right balance?
Bola Sol (05:04):
I think the right balance comes from having four accounts,
which is joint savings, a joint current account for bills,
and then individual savings and an individual current.
Iona Bain (05:16):
Okay, so not just having a joint account but also
having a joint savings account as well?
Bola Sol (05:21):
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's up to you, really, as a
couple. Do you want to do all of your savings
together, and if so, what does that look like? So
are there any T's and C's that are part of
that? So for example, if you plan to take out
a certain amount of money, the other partner needs to
be very aware of that. And maybe you need joint
(05:42):
signatures, so I think that some things need to be
put in place, because I have heard of circumstances where
money has been taken from joint savings and used in
ways in which it wasn't agreed on. So you do
have to find a way to make that work.
Iona Bain (05:56):
You've brought up a really important point there. How can
you protect yourself? Because unfortunately, sometimes you might end up
in a relationship where that other person isn't what they
seem, and we know unfortunately financial and economic abuse can
and does happen. What can you do to protect yourself
against anything like that happening?
Bola Sol (06:16):
Be careful about the decisions you make, and don't feel
like you have to make them under duress or very
quickly. At times when you are in a relationship, emotions
are such a big part of that. It's very easy
for someone to potentially try to pressure you to make
a decision, but it's okay to say, " I'm going to
come back to you on that," and do what's in
(06:37):
your best interest, not because of you fear anything. Also,
wherever possible, I'd say speak to someone that you are
close with and you trust who knows you, because at times,
a way financial abuse or economic abuse can start is
through isolation. If you can just have that one person, that
confidant who you can tell who can maybe, where you
(06:59):
see fit, give you some advice to ensure that you
are not now on the borderline of being financially abused,
because some people don't see it coming.
Iona Bain (07:09):
No. And being aware of the practical risks as well, of
having a joint account with someone, or taking out a
credit card or a mortgage with them. Many people might
not realize that by doing that, they're also then potentially
taking on their partner's debt. Just tell me a little
bit about why we need to be cautious if we
borrow money or we join up our finances with someone.
Bola Sol (07:30):
Yeah. So, if there's a legal civil partnership or you are
married, and even if you get a joint account and
you're not married, sometimes your credit scores can be joined
together. And what it means, is that maybe a debt
that has been taken on by one party means that
if anything is to happen to that debt that you
have to take care of it. Or essentially, now your
(07:50):
credit score can change as a result of that. So
I think what's really key is that you're having discussions
about how you use and manage credit as well. And
I think it's so key that we don't let emotions
get in the way.
Iona Bain (08:04):
It's so difficult though, because apart from anything in our
culture, we are encouraged to buy into romance and to
let the romance sweep us off our feet. And if
we fall in love, it's intoxicating, and common sense can
kind of go out of the window, and it can
feel deeply unromantic and deeply unsexy to have any kind
(08:25):
of conversation about money. Have you got any advice about
how we can get over that feeling of, " It'll spoil
the romance if I bring any of this up"?
Bola Sol (08:34):
I think you have to think about the long- term
effects of not bringing it up. So often people go
into things and then it's a sense of regret, " Oh,
I wish I did bring this up earlier." So I
just say bring it up now, because you also get
to see how your partner responds to those things, and
their response is incredibly important. So, when you bring up
(08:54):
finances, are they short with you? Are they snappy? You
have to look at all those things. Are they avoidant
or do they communicate with you and say, " Okay, I
can do this next week and so on and so on"?
Sometimes you have to talk about the hard things and
do the hard things. That's how long- term relationships work.
So, I just say just see finance as one part
of that as opposed to all of it.
Iona Bain (09:15):
Every relationship is different, but are there solid foundations that
we can build on when it comes to sharing our
finances and doing it in a way that feels healthy
and equal?
Bola Sol (09:29):
I think if every month or so you are both
able to talk about your finances, I think that's great.
Whether it's a thing where you're talking about income or
you're talking about outgoings, for example, I think that's an
important conversation to have. Also, just having someone as a soundboard, "
(09:52):
What do you think of this?" I'd like to do
this but this isn't making sense," and so on.
Iona Bain (09:56):
Because if you're wanting to share your life with that
person, you need to be able to talk about as
much of your life as possible, and that includes your
finances. So to have it as a kind of blind
spot, as something that you just don't discuss in a
relationship as a no- go zone, that doesn't feel sustainable long-term.
Bola Sol (10:13):
I agree. I think we have to be able to
be vulnerable with each other in so many different ways.
Iona Bain (10:19):
What if you get into a relationship with somebody who
is maybe not as good with their finances as you
are with yours? Or maybe they're doing better with their
finances than you are and there is a bit of
a gap there, how can one partner help the other
get to a better place?
Bola Sol (10:36):
I would say maybe have couple planning meetings, and also
try to provide a sense of support to them. Okay,
maybe you've got a credit card debt. Have you looked
at the options? Have you looked at a 0% balance
transfer card, for example? So it could be helping them
with that, but it also could be bringing up the conversation
in a very gentle way as a way to keep
(10:57):
them accountable, whether that is paying off debt or whether
that's savings. I think showing that you are involved and
you care is so important.
Iona Bain (11:04):
And then when it comes to whether you should split
your finances 50- 50 or if it should be based on
income, what's your view on that?
Bola Sol (11:11):
I think it's really important for you to decide what's
fair to each other, and you have to ask yourself
if the roles were reversed, how would you like things
to be handled? So let's say, for example, you are in
the position where you are earning more money, what do
you do if you're not in the position where you're
earning more money? How would you like to be treated
(11:32):
by that partner if things were to change and it
was the other way around? Would you say, " I still
feel like that's fair"?
Iona Bain (11:39):
And do you have any advice for how you can
manage differing attitudes to spending within relationships? Let's say one partner
still wants to go on lots of holidays and still
wants to live a lavish lifestyle, but you both have
goals that you want to save for. How can you talk
about that in a way that doesn't feel confrontational, that's
(12:01):
not going to create tension?
Bola Sol (12:02):
If one person differs from the other and they want
to maybe live more lavishly, yeah, I think it's important
to ask, does it get in the way of your
priorities and the joint goals that you have together? And
if so, then it's maybe time to sacrifice some of
them for what you're building.
Iona Bain (12:18):
Because I do think you will have different spending habits
if you are single compared to if you're in a
serious long- term relationship, and your finances are a pretty
unforgiving mirror of what's important to you. So once you
are in that relationship, if you're still spending like you're
single, then maybe there is that mismatch there and you're
(12:39):
not quite ready for that commitment. And that's why finances
actually are a really important area for us to look
at. They're a barometer, maybe, of the health of our relationship
in many ways, even if we don't like to admit it.
Bola Sol (12:51):
Yeah, I couldn't agree more with that.
Iona Bain (12:53):
Are there any particular red flags that we should be
mindful of or when it comes to our partners and
their finances?
Bola Sol (13:00):
Yes. So, I'd say the first red flag is complete
avoidance of talking about money. I don't agree with that at all, and
I think that is enough of a red flag for
you to question the relationship entirely. And you get to
choose how you'd move on from that because you're going
to have to make so many joint decisions where money
is involved.
Iona Bain (13:19):
So in a way, if you have that conversation early
on and they tell you, " I haven't always been great
with my finances and I still have these issues that I
really want to get over," that's better than them saying, "
I don't want to talk about this at all"?
Bola Sol (13:32):
Absolutely, because they are still communicating with you.
Iona Bain (13:35):
So, I'm keen to ask as well about how much
people are maybe looking to relationships as a way to
shore up their financial position, which is very understandable at
the moment, because we are in a tough economic climate
and life is easier when you can share your expenses
with someone else. But are there dangers there, that we
(13:56):
maybe seek out other people, really, more for the financial
security that they offer, rather than all the other good
things that we should be able to get from a relationship?
Bola Sol (14:06):
Yeah. You have to be honest with yourself. And I
say that because maybe no one will question you, but
you have to be able to question yourself. And some
people may come out and say, " Look, right now, the
financial stability is important," but you have to rank it.
One of the things that I do, and I've done this
with my partner, is I know I would share a
(14:26):
shed or a mansion with him. And that's enough for
me to know, " Okay, this is my person."
Iona Bain (14:31):
It really is a case for richer or poorer?
Bola Sol (14:34):
Yeah, exactly. If the person you get with tomorrow, based
on their cash flow, no longer has that money, do
you still like them? It's incredibly important. And that's why
I always say character over cash flow. Cash flow can
change. And when it does, are you still really riding
with that person or is it kind of like, " Oh,
this doesn't work for me anymore"?
Iona Bain (14:54):
Well, that's why Pride and Prejudice works. It would not
work if Elizabeth Bennet at the end turned around and said, "
Well, I still don't like Mr. Darcy, but he's worth
a few bob."
Bola Sol (15:02):
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Things can go up or down, and
that goes for either of you. Sometimes you are able
to give more and then other times you give less,
and you kind of take it in turns.
Iona Bain (15:14):
Absolutely. So, how can we talk about money and not
let it affect our relationship? How can we continue to
have fun with one another and still be able to
keep our eye on those important goals?
Bola Sol (15:28):
I would say make sure that there's a time and
a place that you speak about it so that no
one feels like they're caught off guard. Also, make sure
the timing is right. If someone has a long day
and things like that, read those signs and potentially just ask, "
Do you want to do this another day?" But don't
keep putting it off. That's the thing. Still have the
(15:49):
hard conversations. And I'd say talk about the intricacies of
finances. So, talk about life insurance, talk about legal powers
of attorney and future income, where you want to be, investments, "
Are we making those together?" Talk about pensions. Where are
you both from a pension perspective? And then of course,
there's the everyday budgeting and having your financial goals.
Iona Bain (16:13):
So we've ranged over so much there. It can be
difficult to boil this down to three tips for managing
your finances with a partner, but what would your top
three tips be?
Bola Sol (16:24):
Make sure you speak about it regularly. It could be
once a month, it could be once every two months,
but don't let too much time pass. So consistency is
important. Number two, always, always speak with love. I can't
say that enough. Never speak with an accusatory tone or, "
I'm better at you than finances" and so on. And
(16:46):
with number three, and this is more on the basis
of marriage and long- term futures, ensure you understand that
essentially it's kind of like one income. If you're not
planning to do this life alone, there is no point
you saying, " Oh, I make 6k and they make 2,
you make 8k. And that's just an example. It can
be a different number. That's something that's important for everyone
(17:09):
to learn, because the moment you get into, " This is
my money and this is their money," I think that's
very dangerous territory. Eventually, you have to see it as, "
This is our money, what are we going to do
with it?"
Iona Bain (17:18):
Because ultimately, 8k is better than 6k or 2k.
Bola Sol (17:22):
Exactly.
Iona Bain (17:23):
But it's about understanding what you can do together with
that money, and making sure you're both on the same
page and happy with it.
Bola Sol (17:30):
Yeah.
Iona Bain (17:31):
Brilliant. Bola Sol, this has been so, so helpful. Thank you.
Bola Sol (17:37):
Thank you.
Iona Bain (17:37):
Thank you so much, Bola. We've got so many ideas there
for how we can plan our financial futures. Brilliant stuff.
Next time, L& G's Paula Llewellyn will be here to
tell us what might be changing with your workplace pension
and why it matters. I'd love it if you could
follow the podcast, leave us a review and help others
get a little bit richer, too. You can keep up
with the show on TikTok and Instagram @ legalandgeneral, where we'll be sharing loads
(18:01):
of behind the scenes content. And you can catch our
full video episodes on YouTube. Thanks for listening. Until next
time, see you soon.
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