Failure to Launch

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Appoche production.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
Yeah, the Building Better Humors Project podcast. Welcome, be motivated
and be inspired.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
Let's go. Hey teen, Welcome back to the Building Better
Human Tragic Podcast. Today, I want to explore a topic
that so many parents, cares and mentors are struggling with,
and that is young people who seem stuck. They finished school,
or maybe they didn't, and now they're drifting no direction,
no motivation, still living at home and struggling to take

(00:41):
those first real steps into adulthood. There's a term for this,
and it's called failure to Launch. And there's a powerful book,
which I've talked about before, by a psychologist by the
name of doctor Mark mcconbell, that digs into the real
reasons behind it and more importantly, how we can help.
I want to be clear this episode isn't about blame.
It's about understanding because the world's changed and the path

(01:02):
from childhood to adulthood isn't what it used to be.
Fail to launch doesn't mean your kids lazy. It doesn't
mean they're doomed or broken. It means they're struggling with
the transition into independent adulthood. And that struggle can be emotional, psychological,
or even developmental. It looks like this, living at home
well into their twenties or thirties, avoiding work or study,

(01:25):
getting stuck in endless gaming, social media, or avoidance, feeling
anxious or overwhelmed by basic adult responsibilities. Now, Dr mcconbell
breaks this down not as a failure, but as a
delayed process. These young people aren't ready yet, and our
job isn't to push harder, is to guide them more wisely.

(01:46):
One of the key insights from the book is this
failu to launch is often driven by avoidance, but underneath
avoidance is almost always anxiety or a lack of confidence.
These young adults fear failing, being judged, not knowing what
they want or who they are today's world with constant pressure,

(02:07):
social comparison, and are less linear path to success. It's understandable.
Now here's a twist. Sometimes we as adults unintentionally contribute
to the problem. We overhelp, we rescue, we try to protect,
and we create what mcconvall calls a dependency trap, patterns
where the young person avoids and we step in and

(02:29):
they never build the skills they need to move forward.
Doctor mcconwall offers a great metaphor, instead of being a
manager but a consultant. A manager tells you what to do.
A consultant waits to be invited in and offers guidance
based on experience. So that means you stop rescuing and
start encouraging problem solving, You stop lecturing and start listening.

(02:53):
You set clear boundaries around your support, but remain emotionally available.
Here's an example. Instead of nagging your twenty three year
old to find a job, you might say, I'm happy
to help you plan a job search strategy, but I'm
not going to chase you about it anymore. You let
me know when you're ready. This approach builds ownership, and

(03:13):
that's the key, because until they own their fisher, they
won't move forward. A big theme in Farry to Launch
is that many young people today are underdeveloped, not unintelligent,
just lacking in basic life skills. Think how to manage time,
how to apply for jobs, how to cook budget, clean plan.

(03:34):
These aren't just tasks, they're confidence builders. So instead of
doing it all for them, get them involved. Even small
winds create momentum. Also, let them fail, let them struggle
a little bit, because that's where growth lives. So Why
does this matter so much? Because we want our young
people to thrive, to step into the world with belief, courage,

(03:57):
and resilience, and that only happens when we shift from
enabling to empowering. We're not just raising kids, we're launching adults,
and that takes time, patience, and a different set of tools.
This also ties back to our own mindset. We have
to let go of control, we have to tolerate uncertainty, and

(04:18):
we have to redefine success not as a straight line,
but as forward movement, no matter how slow. If you've
got a young adult in your life who's struggling to launch,
start with empathy, see the fear behind the avoidance, offer
support without taking over, set boundaries with love, and be
the consultant, not the manager. Remember, this generation faces challenges

(04:44):
that we never had to, but they also have more
opportunities to grow, learn, and define life on their own terms.
Thanks again for tuning in to the Building Better Humans project.
If you found this episode valuable, please share it and
let's keep building better humans one insight at a time.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Thanks for listening to this episode of the Building Better
Humans podcast with your host Glenn Asa for feedback. To
stay up to date or go back and find an
old episode. Head over to one ady dot net dot au.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
Here, the Building Better Humors Project pocares this guy