August 17, 2025 • 38 mins
Love and Relationships Put to the Test
How much should you put up with in a relationship before calling it quits? What happens when your partner doesn't support your kids the way you'd hope? We tackle some tough relationship questions that have come in from listeners, offering our candid thoughts and advice. Get ready for an honest, at times uncomfortable, conversation around relationships and what it takes to make them work long-term.
2:30 - Partner not wanting to attend kids' sports
8:45 - How many times can you forgive lies in a relationship?
13:30 - Are we losing our humanity by not taking responsibility for others' feelings?
18:45 - Emotional control is power - does this apply equally to boys and girls?
25:00 - Mili shares her weakness
27:30 - Raging while driving
Key Takeaways:
- Your partner needs to make an effort with your kids, no matter their age or how many times they've "been there, done that"
- The number of times you can forgive lies depends on the lie, whether there's progress and your capacity for forgiveness long-term
- We should take responsibility for how we make others feel without letting others control our emotions
- Emotional control is equally important for boys and girls
Let us know - what have YOU learned this week? We may feature it in an upcoming episode.
Want more candid relationship talk? Don't miss this raw, honest episode. Listen now!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Approache Production.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hey team, then as are here. Welcome back to the building,
Bettering Humans Project Podcast. Welcome to another episode of Mayhem Monday,
which as always means we have.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Mayhem in the building. Mayhem Mayhem, Mayhem.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Only people knew the Mayhem a good kind. So we've
had a lot of questions or feedback from some past episodes,
so I thought we should talk about those, and we've
got a lot, so I don't know how much we'll
get through in one episode, but we'll do the best
we can, and sometimes people will send us feedback and
(01:04):
it might take two or three episodes for us to
get the feedback because we record two a week to
space out when I'm away. So I wanted to address
the first one because this came about, I guess from
the first couple of episodes around our relationship and age
gap was mentioned, and this was an interesting one and
I've definitely got a strong opinion on it, but I
thought it's a good one for us to share together.
(01:26):
And the question came through lady's got a similar age
gap to us. She said she's got young children therefore
and her partner, I'm assuming husband, so her partner has
got older children. So not dissimilar to us where my
youngest daughter biologically is eighteen and then Millie's boys or
our boys are ten and twelve. So that's a And
(01:47):
her question was that going to kids sport. Her partner says,
I've been there and done that because he's had his kids.
They've all grown up his part, so he's kind of
he couldn't be bothered going to the kids' sport because
of that, And she wants to know how you would
negoti She hate that.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
I feel like if you get into a relationship with
somebody and like it's over, said, I know, but they're
a package, so they come with whoever they came with.
So if they've got five kids, you know that they
have five kids unless she lied to you somehow, And well,
you guys, hide in the cupboard because my man's coming over.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I don't know. You know what weird finishes are, do
you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (02:30):
So, like you you know that she's got children, so
you do the things that she needs to do, Like
what when she comes over, you just like not wanting
to hang out with the kids as well, because guess what,
they live there, They were there first, because you're not
their dad, so you have to respect that.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
There's two issues too for me from a man's point
of view, and I agree one hundred percent in that
if you're in a relationship, it's a package deal. There's
two options. There's one where they've had a good relationship
with their dad and so he's still on the on
the scene and they've got this really good role model.
You're not trying to be the dad. You want to
have a good relationship with the boys obviously, or I'm
(03:08):
saying boys because we got boys. I don't know if
these are boys or girls. We won't have a good
relationship with the kids. But then equally, if they haven't
had good dad experiences or dads aren't in the scene,
then I think you owe it to them to be
as good a dad as you can. So I know,
for me personally, it's definitely hard when you first come
in because because boys are absolutely or yeah it was
(03:29):
absolutely say you're not my dad, and so I try
not to dad them as such early on.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
They've never said that, they've implied it.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
They joked about it the other day. They were just
laughing about something and they're going, you're not my real dad.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I say that to you when you tell me again
my real dad.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
So that's where they get that. But it was joking.
But slowly have a time. I've noticed that they'll come
to me to ask things that they would have once.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
You know, yesterday I was hanging out with them and
they called me Glenn about five times, same as like Glenn,
I mean mum.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Like so they sang, I'm feminine? Are they tell me that.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
That's the one.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
It's because you've been working a lot lately with your work,
which we'll probably talk about it a little bit as well.
But yeah, so from me from the and to get
back to this lady's question, you have to have a
really honest conversation about that. If this relationship is more
than a year old, then there needs to be a
hard conversation around that. And if it's less than a
year old, I'd be putting an ultimatum on the table.
(04:25):
And I know we talked a couple of weeks ago
about not giving people ultimatums. But if it's over my
children who are already here, Yeah, and then you coming
on the scene and saying love you, everything about you,
but I don't really want to be involved too much
with them.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
That has to be a hard The kids will pick
it up. Why doesn't he come into my game? Doesn't
he want to watch me? Watch me do this, this
thing that I love doing.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Monday just gone. As we're recording this, you were finishing
work at two or three in the afternoons. So by
the time you get home and we still have to
fit in two training sessions and dinner and Mondays and
Wednesdays for us are hectic because the boys both have
footy training and they're at two different times, so you're
dropping one off, coming back, dinner's cooking in the middle,
one of them drop the other. I've picked one up
and bringing back and they both said to me, can
(05:08):
you stay and watch my training? Now, For all parents
out there, let's be really honest with each other. For
the most part, sports training is boring a shit, it
really is, but we do it because they're a kids.
It's the same thing over and most of the time
they're not even looking at us, but they just want to.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Know that you're there, that you're there and you're watching.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
So for me, trying the best I can to be
a positive role model for them, and I'm a father
figure as best I can, and you don't always know that,
no parents do, but how can you say no? So,
if you haven't built that relationship with her children yet,
you need to.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
And it's obviously an issue for her. Otherwise why would
she send that question? Yeah, so like, yeah, I don't know,
it's hard because they've probably been together for a little
while now. But as the man, I guess, like addressing
this to the guy, you kind of owe it to
her and her children and their family and your family
to just show up to the things, like you know,
(06:00):
you've been there, done that. Well, you should have thought
about that before you got into a relationship with somebody
who's I don't know, ten twenty years younger than you,
who will have kids. You could pick your own someone
your own age, and I know that's like it may
not always be an age thing, but at your age,
it's most likely that somebody else that you meet also
has children. So if you meet somebody who's your age,
their children are probably already grown up and their children
(06:21):
have stopped doing the things that you don't want to do.
So if you're going to pick a younger woman who
has children, go to the younger woman's young kids things.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I don't want to sound critical of this person because
I understand life's not black and white, it's not simple,
and I definitely don't want to come across as critical,
but I am because as a man, I say, well,
I shouldn't be in a relationship with her if I'm
going to do that. But I will say this that
one thing that the children will remember as they get older,
and I hope that the boys remember is that he
was good to Mum and he was good to us.
(06:50):
And if I can't give them that, like, I never
want them ever to hear me say bad thing about you,
because if you go, I've been there and done that. Yeah,
you've been there and done that with a relationship too.
I mean, you shouldn't even be in a relationship if
that's your theory. How you do anything is how you
do it. But you've chosen me be in a relationship.
As you mentioned, you know that she has children, like
(07:10):
I knew you had children long before we got close
having a relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
You met my children long before we were even thinking
about a relationship.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, so that's just that's just what it is. So yeah,
it's a to me, I was gonnay, it's a hard one.
But it's so simple.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
It is so simple. We just go to the bloody sport.
It's one hour of your life every week. And so
you know what I mean, Like you don't have to
go to the training, the training, you know whatever, go
to the game though, just go and watch them play
the game.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
It's one hour of your freaking.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Lifetally last weekend.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I'm sounding really critical, I know, but.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
If people are some honest opinion, we have to give
our honest opinion. Now, I promise you we're not trying
to be critical. This is just an honest opinion, and
we're not the sugar coating type, and therefore in your
relationship you might have to be. So we're just giving
you a slightly different angler. And you know what, I
bet you're There are a ton of people out there
who are watching, who are watching or listening, who are
going through the same thing. Because one thing I've learned
(08:01):
in the personal development space, there's four or five key
problems that you having life. They just manifest themselves slightly differently.
So no relationship is simple. Then you add layers of
a relationship of children and all that sort of stuff.
But also if you're twenty years older, and you're the man.
We don't mature that fast, but you still should be
(08:22):
much more mature.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
I will say that if you decided that you've been
there on that and you don't want to come to
my kids things, I'll be reevaluating the relationship as much
as I love you, like my kids are very important
to me.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, and I think, well, we're unfortunate as you're very
clear in communicating. Whether I like it or not sometimes
is irrelevant. You're clear. So there's no one thing I
love with Mellie is there's no guessing. There's no I'm
wondering what she's thinking right now because it's pretty clear.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
And that it's no gray area. I would just tell you.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
And it creates short term problems in challenging how I feel,
even though you can't control how I feel, but challenging
that sometimes, but it creates a better chance for us
to not repeat this problem for five years and then
wonder why it has improved. So for the person that
wrote this to me, if you don't address it, are
you willing to deal with it forever? For five years?
(09:15):
Ten years? You know? And then when your children eighteen
twenty twenty five, Because we have a hope we'd be
looking at houses we'd like to buy the dream houses
in a few years time. You know, which is the
overinflation of what we need and what we've got. And
I actually said to Mellly, there's before we know the
boys were eighteen twenty twenty five and moved out. And
you said, which I absolutely agree with, is that we
(09:36):
want to create a home that they can come back
to whenever they want, however they want, with their families.
If they I'd love to have Christmas.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
With their family, yeah, and I love Christmas so much.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah, So we don't want to downsize. In fact, if
their families want to bring their in laws.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
I just have this, always have this dream.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
And I we used to be able to do it
in my family before we all separated and when our
separate ways, but we always used to have Christmas together.
So we always used to cook up a big fit.
And I know everybody does that, but that's what I
want with our boys, with their families, with their families,
families with I just want a massive get together.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I love family.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
All that starts right now for this person is that
if you don't build that relationship with these children when
they're eighteen, they're not going to want to come home
because they're going to think, you know, they step down
to dick.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Yes and over there though, not wanting to hear about
out And what.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Are you going to treat their grandchildren better than you
treat them well? They need to be treated well. So yeah,
I think that's a big consideration. And if you really
can't suck it up, then you as the man, also
need to reevaluate the wah because am I just wasting
this woman's time? Because whenever you and I have had
an issue, I do constantly. You might not realize just
think about I do not want to waste her time
(10:49):
because I don't want to waste mine either. Don't get
me wrong, but I'm a little bit older to it,
less to ways, but for you, I don't want to
waste ten years of your life not trying to improve
and be the best person I can be. And no
matter how many times I fall over, I'll get up. Yeah,
which I think relates to another question that you got
in there off NGL. There was a question about how
many times can you forgive something?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Oh? Here it is how many times could you forgive
someone who lies to you.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
That's not as simple.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
No, because I feel like that depends on what they
lie about. Like, for example, remember when we talked about
a divorce and there was just untrue after untrue after untrue,
and then there was one massive untrue that involved somebody else,
and then that was my thing.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
I was like somebody else in another female disrespecting you.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Disrespecting me, and but like it was his ex, sorry
but it was. And yeah, and that's like even worse
because it's just like your person who used to be
in your life is going to disrespect me when I've
done absolutely.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Nothing to her.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
You've chosen me in.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Such a bad way, and then you didn't stand up
for me. So it's like like if I was there,
I would have just dooo it up for myself. But
I was still being annoyed that you didn't say anything.
But it's not going to be as bad as it
was behind my back. And then you lied about it.
And then when you told me about it, it was like, oh,
I said this, you don't.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
But there's two layers to this to me. That layer
one is that she obviously as an next could be
trying to ruin a relationship. But layer two is she
can't do that if he'd been honest about it up
front and defended you and said I defended you, and
then you've looked at him and oh you did the fact,
then she doesn't. So now she ultimately won that little
(12:27):
what she wanted, which was just to ruin a relationship
because she's salty. But you allowed that, and that's the
whole ownership thing. I've just been writing a bit of
a book over the last few days around our success
principles and stuff. I've just started it and that's what
I was working on this morning when I dropped the
car after the mechanic, and the first one was around
the accountability piece for our seven success principles. I've done
it on the podcast before, but it's just about owning
(12:50):
your stuff, and we all aren't great at it. It's
something you've got to constantly work on. So that's part
of it. He would have to own that. So how
many times do you forgive someone is the question? And
I think it comes down to how many times you
have that within you? For one, are there any form
of change behavior? I don't mean they've gone from zero
(13:10):
to one hundred of change behavior, but is there any progression?
Is there reaggression. Are they getting worse all of those things?
But I always think back to there's a video and
I'm sure we've shared it. I know we've shared it,
but you see it around an old couple dancing I
think in the rain. Someone's filming from up high down
in the street, and the caption just says, I wonder
how many times they've forgiven each other to get to
(13:31):
this point? And I always think about that because we
live in a society where it's very easy to move on.
Like if we're honest, we'd be one hundred percent honest.
If you and I separated today and you put some
sort of status out tomorrow or even today to say
that I'm single, you would be inundated in the social
media world, imediate. I'm not saying you're interested in all
(13:53):
of them, but the reality is it's easy to move on.
It doesn't mean we will want to, and there's more
to the depths of as we know, to human emotions
and all that sort of stuff, but it's very easy
you get un wanted attention inside your social media, which
I think we should also talk about in a minute.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah, well some of these things, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
It's up to you. How often you can forgive?
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yeah, it's such a yeah, what it is?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, like from this one, how many times could you
forgive someone who lies to you? Like you could interpret
that is maybe you get led to a lot. It
just comes to times, so.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
They've cheated on you, and then you know, which is
in and of itself is probably a one hundred percent
deal break and you'd have to be I don't know
the circumstances that you could possibly get over that personally,
and then if it happens again, even if it's in
six months or three years or you know, then I
don't know if i'd get over that.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
But sometimes it's small lights, like in my relationship, like
what we ate that day? Why are you lying about that?
Because it's like why are you lying about that? So
what else are you lying about? Like if you can't
even have the courage to tell me that you ate
a pie? First of all my accountability pieces in that
is why do people feel uncomfortable telling me the truth?
Because I've never ever gone, oh, you had a pie?
(15:08):
Like I eat pies?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Do you know what I mean? So I don't understand.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
But yeah, and that's a good question because I spoke
to a therapist or a couple yesterday, and this ties
into our Feelings podcasts that we did for you. Said,
people can't make you feel a thing.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Why did you go and ask their advice?
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Well, I just that was one of the things. And
they talked about triggers and she made a really good point.
So her name was Jewels or anyway, her partner's name
was Done. He didn't talk much. They've been in therapists
for thirty years. They say, I only spoke him on
the phone. They sounded older. He just chimed in every
now and then with one or two words, and she
did lots of talking. But she said that we all
have triggers and a thing that triggers you. So to
(15:48):
your what you were just saying, then it might seem
small to me. To the person that's not telling you
the truth about a small thing, it might seem not
a big deal. But she said the emotion that that
person's experience is attached to a long history of things,
whether it be big lives, the little, and everything in between.
And then she said, you are responsible for your behavior
(16:09):
that creates the trigger. But person B and she used
a husband in this case, don he's responsible for how
he controls his emotion around it. So if he gets
angry with me, if he gets upset with me, we
need have a discussion about what I did, but he
also needs to own is there a better way for
me to respond to that? So if we tie back
to the forgiveness peace for me personally, I try and
(16:30):
look at the bigger picture of what do I actually
want because too often in an argument, we want to
win the argument. And I think that can be more
true for you and I in the sense that we're
both very competitive as athletically and in business. So if
you just want to win the argument, but you lose
a relationship. And I wrote a thing about this recently
(16:52):
because I read this quote somewhere that it's possible to
win and lose. So it's possible that I win the
argument but lose a relationship. Do I want that? Well? No,
So why don't I just back down from the argument
which is possibly inconsequential? And you tell me this all
the time with the boys pick your fights? Why does
that thing matter? And really it doesn't. I think I'm
trying to set a standard. And yeah, but and you'll say,
but you're going to fight that fight forever and it's not.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Because I've tried. Yeah, and I know my boys.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Was talking to a friend of ours last night who
I do some coaching with, and I mentioned about, like,
you know, I use that example of how you know
the boys will throw you say, their clothes on the basket,
and the basket in the bathroom, in the basket's there
and the clothes are there. And I say, heck, you're
not getting there. And she said, he's still doing that
and he's forty. I'm not going to name names, you know. Yeah,
(17:38):
I said, yeah, okay and so and that made me realize,
do I fight that fight with the boys for the
next thirty years. No, it's not that big a deal.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
No, it's something that they're going to have to figure
out on their own. Really, like we could model good
behavior like us putting their things in the butt in
the but I remember one time I was roasted in
the basket.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Jesus, are you okay?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I feel like you said I did. That's what they
call a Freudian slip.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
You're the worst.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
That's gonna be a whole other podcast putting things in
It might not be a video.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I just my mom watches this.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
I'm sorry, that was my fault. We're trying to.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
I don't even remember what I was saying.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Modeling putting it in the basket well correct.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
So I was roasting Molly about his room. Now. I
was like, your room is so messy, and it's like,
what about your room?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
And I was like, my room is pretty messy at
the minute, but yours is always messy. Mine is currently messy,
but it's not always messy. And it's been a big week.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
We got to children, but you did it first. You
started it.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Anyway, So modeling good behavior and then maybe they might
follow and you can just hope yes.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
And so back to the forgiveness question. You have to
look at your bigger picture and you have to decide
how many times, in my opinion, how many times you'll
deal with the thing. Are we progressing at all? Is
this going to be something that I can deal with
for the next five and ten years. There's so many
layers to this, and I guess hold each other to
account about it, and you do that with me, and
(19:17):
I'm not gonna lie. I feel really challenged when really
holds me to account on certain things, because I've lived
most of my life with no one holding me to
account if I'm really honest, I had that sort of
personality when not many people stand up to me, and
you stand up to me hard, and I do find
that judging, and you know, like you'll say a thing
and I get very defensive, and then which Millieworth.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Goes, boring, it's boring, it is boring.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Since you go you're fifty three years old.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
I do actually say that I'm sorry. Actually I'm not sorry,
you are fifty three years old.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
She's not sorry.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
To get it together.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
We're getting it together. So I hope I answer that
question as best we can around that fiveness piece, and
then back to, you know, the relationship piece. I received
another one which I'll have to read. And we've got
some people that message us in direct, message us directly,
not just through engls, which you're totally welcome to do. Yeah,
and we do our best to get to them. And
(20:15):
so this is Julia and she just said, hi, Glennam,
regards to your upcoming podcast, because this was the podcast
that came out last week, but was sent to me
before we'd release it, but we'd already recorded. She said,
other people are not responsible for the way that we
feel in quotations, because that was how we started that.
She said, my question is what happens to our humanity
if we adopt this stance. Please see the above quote,
(20:37):
which I share with a few close friends this morning.
If the stories we tell ourselves about what is being
said to us that manufactures into the emotions we feel
and experience, when we rewrite those stories, our emotions transformed. Yes,
other people are not responsible for the way we receive
their energy. Is up to us to control our emotions. However,
I believe we should each be accountable for the things
we say to each other and the way that we
(20:58):
treat each other. I agree with that, let's take charge
of our feelings and treat each other with humanity, being
accountable for our words and our actions. The world needs
more compassion. Also agree with that. I felt compelled to
give my opinion because this has come up in my family,
where a member of my family said, I'm not responsible
for your emotions or the way that you feel. So
I want to start by saying, there's some things in
(21:21):
there I agree with Julia, and then there's kind of
an angle I don't fully agree with. So what I
agree with is, yes, we're responsible and I feel like
I just did explain this. We're responsible for the things
that we say that if I say so, I can
be sarcastically passive, aggressive and really hates that with a
passion to be fair. So then that's become an issue
(21:43):
where I've got to and I've done that for a
long time. I've got to consciously not do that because
whilst I might think, oh, it's just a joke, or
it's not a big deal, or it's something that I'll
just say to the kids or whatever, if I know
it pisses her off, then I have to own that
piece of course. But then I'm not making her feel
a thing as she says, but she also knows the
standard of what she doesn't want to receive from me.
(22:04):
So in that thing, you're saying that we need to
be more conscious, more compassionate. Absolutely, but we're still not
in charge of their emotions. So they have to do
that piece themselves. And I think if we're going to
go down the humanity road, and I say that for
those listening not watching, I'm using quotations to suggest that
(22:25):
we're not having humanity because we're not in control of
their emotions is wrong. We're not having humanity if we
keep doing or even increase what we're doing when we
know it to noise them. That would be where i'd suggest.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Yeah, do you think?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yeah? Yeah, So in the like with regards to like
your family member doing something and then you feeling some
sort of way about that particular thing, and then them
saying I'm not in charge of your emotions. That's true,
but they've been a bit of an asshole. Yeah, And
so if they want to keep the relationship, then they
(23:02):
need to stop doing those things. Is that you actually
can't control being annoyed at do you know what I mean?
So you haven't gotten to the point where you can
be like, I'm going to choose to not be annoyed
by that because I expect more from my family member.
So that's you choosing to feel some sort of way
based on your expectation of how somebody should treat you.
(23:24):
So that's your accountability a piece. And then them, as
your family member, could go, she's not quite at the
stage where I can do whatever I want and she
won't feel the need to get rid of me. So,
because I want to keep this relationship, I'm going to
stop doing that thing.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, And I would suggest we're actively working on that.
I want to be really clear, we are not relationship experts. No,
we're just being asked to our opinion, and if you
look at our past histories, we're definitely not relationship with experts,
but we're people that are actively working on it. So
I have behaviors that will trigger you and that I've
got to try and do something about, and they're not
(23:58):
things that i've controlled well myself. So therefore that's why
I reached out to a therapist. And then you've done
the same with your things. So I might be triggered
by the way you speak to me when you're angry
and I don't. It makes me feel a certain way,
but then you're sober when you lie to me, I
feel a certain way. So how is one person's triggered
different to the others. It's just a different thing that
(24:19):
triggers us that we both have to be responsible for.
And we've definitely changed behaviors at some level with some
work to do. And I suspect there's always work to do, obviously,
and the more pressures we're put under, the easier it
is to fallback to what we've always known as opposed
to what we're trying to do going forward, and when
I say pressures, we're trying to do something I think
pretty epic in the youth space. And we won't really
(24:41):
talk too much publicly about that yet, but it's it's
so big that it's too big for us and it's
almost overwhelming, but we're going to do it anyway. So yeah,
and I wanted to tie into this. I recently wrote
a blog on the Building Better Humans project website, which
I've started doing a bit more recently, two or three
blogs a day because I hadn't done any for years,
and I just people still read blogs, and I put
(25:02):
them on LinkedIn, and one I wrote was around sixteen
lessons that I think every young person should know. And
someone on LinkedIn, a bloke called Neil, who I know
he always engages my content in a really constructive and
positive way, but he disagreed on this one point and
he segregated between men and women or boys and girls.
I guess between at kids. But it was around controlling
(25:23):
your emotions, and it's number eight was emotional control is power.
Lose your temper, you lose the battle. Stay composed and
you can win the war. And he said I would
say that to a boy, but I wouldn't say that
to a girl. I don't agree because emotions, we can't
control the emotion we feel. What we're trying to control
is our reaction to the emotion we feel. Because the
emotion you feel initially is a subconscious off the top
(25:46):
of the head. But then you need to stop and
for us, like I know you will like to get
in the current drive just go away. I might go,
and we've got an AFL field across right, I'll go
in to a lap around the AFL field sometimes and
it just allows you to clear your head. You know
what I'm we have a disconnect sometime is million needs
space and then to be closer to her when we
(26:06):
have a disagreement, and then by me trying to be
closer to her, I'm suffocating her. Is that fair? Yeah,
you're getting better at it. You will let me touch
you or hug you that you don't want to, but
it annoys.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
You, annoys me immediately.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, And then when she says I don't want to
hug you right now, I don't want to touch you,
I feel heavily some kind of way. And so it's
learning to be okay with that, and when I know
when she's in that feeling and I'm trying to push
my way in that, any words I say then make
it worse, not better.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
You know why, And I've explained this to you before
why I don't like you around me when I'm feeling
angry because I'm trying to get to a point where
I baseline and if.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
You are the one that like cause you not to
be baseline.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Yeah, well you know if it was us together in
this argument or whatever it is that, Yeah, it's just
like you're still there, and it's just like I just
need you to get away from me so that I
can come back to the baseline.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Yeah, and then you just leave my face asking me questions.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
And shit, I'll just make up.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Oh it's so frustrating, and you'll ask me something about
it like you already knows, so just just to make
me speak.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
But if I ask you something she already knows and
she's in a good mood, you'll just say. If I
ask her something she already knows and she's in a
bad mood, you go, you literally already know that, and
she emphasizes literally, but sometimes you're smiling her. You're so annoying,
and so that's what I'm trying to soften the emotion
of the mood. But that's a good opportunity to talk
(27:32):
boundaries with your partner or whoever, so that you can
try and respect them a little bit more. Because the
other day you said something to me like I just
need a couple of days. I'm like a couple of days.
But when we were first going up, we weren't living together,
and I remember there's a stage where I didn't hear
from you for three days, and I didn't really understand
it at the time because I viewed that as not
loving me or not having the feelings about me, because
(27:52):
that's how I process it. You're prosing it as processing it.
I think as if there's a chance for us to
stay together, I need space for you right there. And
that's okay too, because otherwise I'm making it worse.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Say this when I say, like, my opinion is that
you can't nobody can make you feel some sort of way.
You're responsible for your own feelings. It's not said in
a way so that you can go out and say
whatever you want and do whatever you want so that
you can offend people and be like yours for your
own feelings. It's a way of empowering yourself. Yeah, so
(28:25):
it's not so that you can go out and hurt
people and then expect them to feel okay about it
because they're responsible for their own feelings. It's honestly a
way to just empower yourself. So sit back and think
like they're trying to piss me off. I'm not going
to let that happen.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
You know that probably answers Julia's question better than I did.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah, I think that's more the angle that makes more sense.
So I can't because I believe that you're responsible for
your own feelings. I don't just get to well, come going,
I think you're a piece of shit because, like you know.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
That's a feelings behind me because I know I'm not.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, but I think that answers that, yeah, better than
what I answered. You'll do a couple of more from me, all.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Right, we'll do all right this one, Millie queen. You
are good at everything. I don't know about that, but
thank you. What is your weaknesses or something that you
have not been able to conquer? And I will say
I've not been able to conquer this yet because it's
not something that I won't be ever able to conquer,
but not quite conquered emotional control around feeling angry. I'm trying, though,
(29:33):
and that's why I go, I need you to leave
me alone, because I need to bring myself back down
to baseline and then I'll come back to you and talk.
Whereas before I just sling off, like you talk to
my mom. Actually, don't talk to my mom because she'll
tell you everything. But no, Yeah, like when I was
a teenager, even just up to a few years ago,
even like if you said something to me that I
didn't like, immediately rage talk to you, tell you what
(29:56):
I think about that. And I'm still that way inclined,
as in, I don't sugarcoat things, but I won't say
them in a way that is offensive, you know what
I mean. Whereas before I just say whatever, just it
would come to my head and I'd immediately fire back,
and then everyone's getting angry, and then I'd just stay
in that fight, Whereas now it's like, Okay, I'm gonna
walk away and just calm down, and then I'm going
(30:17):
to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I've noticed you're in the last twelve months in MEARTICU.
I was gonna say six months even longer. You're waycarmer.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Yeah, with the boys with Me and last sex episodes.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
You were talking to talking to us about how I
rage in traffic. I don't think I do. I think
you made that up.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Rage in traffic nah No, but you could have to read.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
You know what I do rate?
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Okay, Not raging in traffic is a stretch, because I
do get angry in traffic, But it's when people don't
merge onto the freeway properly.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You have to get up to the speed of the
freeway to merge. Like if you're merging at sixty and
it's one hundred kilometer per hour freeway, I'm not letting
you in because you know how they come at sixty
here and then you've just come from behind them and
you're meeting them here and they're still at sixty and
it's like, what do.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
You want me to do?
Speaker 1 (31:02):
And then like you're not letting me in because you're
not at a hundred speed up.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
That's what merging know. How to merge.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Speed up to enter the freeway.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
We went and watched Ursula recently, the comedian The.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Carlson.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
She's funny, but there was a video that you shared
of her where she's talking about how the Strains are
so polite people. Then she said the reason they do
that is because nowhere else the world does, because everyone
else knows how to.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
So we don't need to say thank you because everyone
just Zipline goes.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Into places like India Nepal, there's just tens of thousands
of people driving and everyone's beeping their horns to lead you,
and they know where they are, and their traffic is
just constantly moving and merging into each other and there's
no problem. But yeah, you're not waving to let you.
It's just what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
I got the finger the other day because I didn't
let somebody in and his missus is in the front
seat because they came and I didn't let him in
because I'm I'm not selling down to sixty because you're
an idiot.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
I'm just not going to do that.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
So we're coming here, and then obviously, because I'm going
at one hundred, I overtake them, but they just ran
out of space and then they came behind me. Then
they go into the lane, the middle lane, and so
I'm in the left lane there in the middle lane,
and then they go past me and the lady's.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Like look and I'm like, learn to merge, mate.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
So we had like these little words in the car window,
and then she gives me the finger.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Whole New ten series podcast episode of Millie's Driving.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I'm an excellent driver a so much.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
But no, you said that I get mad when people
cut me off. I don't.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
It actually doesn't amaze me. Yeah, it's the merging thing.
And they're driving too slow, so they're going seventy you know.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
You challenge it, like, if you're giving her the bird,
there's a good chance you could end up in a fight.
Maybe not an actual fight, but she won't back down
from you.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
I tell you that.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
That's the nature being fighters. I guess. So what else
we got on the NGLs AMM?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Right, Well this is feedback. So I love your guys' relationship.
Two strong people coming together and it just seems to work.
No real question to just wanted to say thanks for
the Mayhem mondays. I love them and my partner is
getting into them too. It's created some great conversations for us.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Love it.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
I love that piece of feedback because it's good that
other people can talk about their stuff too.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Yeah, actually, I want to time to it a little bit.
I've noticed a trend of when I speak to people
or the feedback we get, it's mostly from women, right.
And I was talking to our friends again yesterday, and
she listens to the podcast religiously. They've listened to the
podcast for years, but this particular as mentioned friends of
(33:36):
as they sing to it, and then he said to me,
and again I'm not going to name you, but you
know who is. I haven't listened to one of them
because the first one he found the questions too personal,
and he was almost offended for us that people were
dare to ask. He's a very quiet, stoic man, you know,
he's close to my age, a few years younger. Trade,
just a strong, quiet personality. And your personal stuff is
(33:58):
your personal stuff. That's a lot of people, but we've
chosen to live public lives and I think we help
a lot of people in the process. Maybe piss off
a few as well, but mostly we help. And so
he got offended by some of the questions that were
hard having a goal with us.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Because they were like straight up, like I thought people
would just ease into.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
It, like.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Does what I'm saying, Jesus just went and dry before.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
So he just got offended by that, and so and
they said, I haven't listened to one of them since.
And I said, but you're got under saying we're not
offended by it.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
We are open to it.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
We want people to have these conversations. This woman that's
talking about her, you know, older husband not wanting to
spend time. I hope that he will listen to this
and will start a conversation. And and if you you
could listen to that and think that's my situation, surely
my partner hasn't messaging souse. I reckon, there's more than
one person situation. But if you feel like any part
of it could be you take it on board. Start
(34:49):
a good positive conversation.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Shoe fits.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
The shoe fits were it.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Love loving these episodes, guys. Thank you for sharing such
intimate moments and thoughts. You guys are freaking cute and
it makes me sick.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
That's what every man's ever wanted to be but a
headloging sky. I've had a lot of feedback on this
mustache too. Still, even though we did a whole episode
on it, it's all the blokes that don't like it,
and no, women don't tell me anything, but the blokes
don't like it. And one of my good mates said,
I love this whatever it was that we talked about,
but please get rid of that mustache and looks to
(35:27):
get rid of them, and I said, this familiar. So
he's going to win out of that argument.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
And he wrote back and he's like, you can get
rid of it. There's one more, but this one is
a deep one and I don't know like it could
go on, but also we could just shorten it up.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Is that the one that I think it is?
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (35:45):
What what next week?
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Okay, because it's a hell one.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Next week because it's kind of relationship focus and I've
got some inside and value I can add into that.
I reckon as to.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
You obviously, it's a very good question to make sure
you're listening. And next week I'm.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Sure it comes up a lot. So yes, that will
do us for this episode of Mayhem Monday most importantly.
And I did mention this to you the other day
that we should start each week with something that we've learned.
Oh yeah, but we just ripped straight in. It's a
little bit hectic, So next week maybe next week we'll
start with something we've learned, and where that comes from
is years ago during COVID when I had the gym
(36:19):
and I had a few male staff, different age groups
and different ethnicities. You know, we had a cook on
a maldi that were in their twenties. We had a
young Ossie kid when I say young as late twenties
ex soldier, and then myself at the time being in
my forties, tell I guess, and so we caught a
brochat and it was just different perspectives of just us
(36:41):
chatting during To be honest, it was just a COVID
protect But one thing we'd start doing was going around
the table and say, tell me something you learned this week.
And where that was really powerful is that everyone all
week was trying to think of a thing, like you
start to notice things because you don't want to come
to show and go, oh nothing. I just went through
the motions this week, which is what we all do.
And the reason I like that is particularly if you've
(37:01):
got kids, particularly if they're getting into high school, and
a lot of parents will talk about how teenagers won't
talk to you they go through stage. I think, what
a cool thing to do if you made it a
habit to sit down over dinner, not every night asking
what they learned that day necessarily, but just every week,
even if it was a Sunday night roast, and say,
tell me something you learned the last week.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Well, we could even challenge our listeners to do that too,
So we could put up an NGL and say, what
have you learned this week? You guys can send it
in and we'll read it out, and then yeah, we
can all share our learnings and our thoughts, because yeah,
there's always something to learn.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
What I might do is put the NGL links on
our YouTube videos, because then they're not just twenty four hour,
they're ever green. Oh yeah, is that way people can
get in there and click on it, and even people
we don't know who just might s someone cross it
on YouTube and that could get nasty, but it could
also we haven't had any ours ones. Everyone's been really
good since that first week because people, I think people
realize we weren't going to back down.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
I think also people realize that you didn't give their
desired effect. So I thought that I think that a
lot of those things were designed to offend us and
to make us feel smaller and that's something that you
can never do to me.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
We're in controlling, but we are so in essence. What
I'm saying is from that whole episode last week, Millie
was right.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
That's how sign off have a good.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
To have a good week.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
M
Approache Production.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hey team, then as are here. Welcome back to the building,
Bettering Humans Project Podcast. Welcome to another episode of Mayhem Monday,
which as always means we have.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Mayhem in the building. Mayhem Mayhem, Mayhem.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Only people knew the Mayhem a good kind. So we've
had a lot of questions or feedback from some past episodes,
so I thought we should talk about those, and we've
got a lot, so I don't know how much we'll
get through in one episode, but we'll do the best
we can, and sometimes people will send us feedback and
(01:04):
it might take two or three episodes for us to
get the feedback because we record two a week to
space out when I'm away. So I wanted to address
the first one because this came about, I guess from
the first couple of episodes around our relationship and age
gap was mentioned, and this was an interesting one and
I've definitely got a strong opinion on it, but I
thought it's a good one for us to share together.
(01:26):
And the question came through lady's got a similar age
gap to us. She said she's got young children therefore
and her partner, I'm assuming husband, so her partner has
got older children. So not dissimilar to us where my
youngest daughter biologically is eighteen and then Millie's boys or
our boys are ten and twelve. So that's a And
(01:47):
her question was that going to kids sport. Her partner says,
I've been there and done that because he's had his kids.
They've all grown up his part, so he's kind of
he couldn't be bothered going to the kids' sport because
of that, And she wants to know how you would
negoti She hate that.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
I feel like if you get into a relationship with
somebody and like it's over, said, I know, but they're
a package, so they come with whoever they came with.
So if they've got five kids, you know that they
have five kids unless she lied to you somehow, And well,
you guys, hide in the cupboard because my man's coming over.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
I don't know. You know what weird finishes are, do
you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (02:30):
So, like you you know that she's got children, so
you do the things that she needs to do, Like
what when she comes over, you just like not wanting
to hang out with the kids as well, because guess what,
they live there, They were there first, because you're not
their dad, so you have to respect that.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
There's two issues too for me from a man's point
of view, and I agree one hundred percent in that
if you're in a relationship, it's a package deal. There's
two options. There's one where they've had a good relationship
with their dad and so he's still on the on
the scene and they've got this really good role model.
You're not trying to be the dad. You want to
have a good relationship with the boys obviously, or I'm
(03:08):
saying boys because we got boys. I don't know if
these are boys or girls. We won't have a good
relationship with the kids. But then equally, if they haven't
had good dad experiences or dads aren't in the scene,
then I think you owe it to them to be
as good a dad as you can. So I know,
for me personally, it's definitely hard when you first come
in because because boys are absolutely or yeah it was
(03:29):
absolutely say you're not my dad, and so I try
not to dad them as such early on.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
They've never said that, they've implied it.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
They joked about it the other day. They were just
laughing about something and they're going, you're not my real dad.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I say that to you when you tell me again
my real dad.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
So that's where they get that. But it was joking.
But slowly have a time. I've noticed that they'll come
to me to ask things that they would have once.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
You know, yesterday I was hanging out with them and
they called me Glenn about five times, same as like Glenn,
I mean mum.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Like so they sang, I'm feminine? Are they tell me that.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
That's the one.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
It's because you've been working a lot lately with your work,
which we'll probably talk about it a little bit as well.
But yeah, so from me from the and to get
back to this lady's question, you have to have a
really honest conversation about that. If this relationship is more
than a year old, then there needs to be a
hard conversation around that. And if it's less than a
year old, I'd be putting an ultimatum on the table.
(04:25):
And I know we talked a couple of weeks ago
about not giving people ultimatums. But if it's over my
children who are already here, Yeah, and then you coming
on the scene and saying love you, everything about you,
but I don't really want to be involved too much
with them.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
That has to be a hard The kids will pick
it up. Why doesn't he come into my game? Doesn't
he want to watch me? Watch me do this, this
thing that I love doing.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Monday just gone. As we're recording this, you were finishing
work at two or three in the afternoons. So by
the time you get home and we still have to
fit in two training sessions and dinner and Mondays and
Wednesdays for us are hectic because the boys both have
footy training and they're at two different times, so you're
dropping one off, coming back, dinner's cooking in the middle,
one of them drop the other. I've picked one up
and bringing back and they both said to me, can
(05:08):
you stay and watch my training? Now, For all parents
out there, let's be really honest with each other. For
the most part, sports training is boring a shit, it
really is, but we do it because they're a kids.
It's the same thing over and most of the time
they're not even looking at us, but they just want to.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Know that you're there, that you're there and you're watching.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
So for me, trying the best I can to be
a positive role model for them, and I'm a father
figure as best I can, and you don't always know that,
no parents do, but how can you say no? So,
if you haven't built that relationship with her children yet,
you need to.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
And it's obviously an issue for her. Otherwise why would
she send that question? Yeah, so like, yeah, I don't know,
it's hard because they've probably been together for a little
while now. But as the man, I guess, like addressing
this to the guy, you kind of owe it to
her and her children and their family and your family
to just show up to the things, like you know,
(06:00):
you've been there, done that. Well, you should have thought
about that before you got into a relationship with somebody
who's I don't know, ten twenty years younger than you,
who will have kids. You could pick your own someone
your own age, and I know that's like it may
not always be an age thing, but at your age,
it's most likely that somebody else that you meet also
has children. So if you meet somebody who's your age,
their children are probably already grown up and their children
(06:21):
have stopped doing the things that you don't want to do.
So if you're going to pick a younger woman who
has children, go to the younger woman's young kids things.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
I don't want to sound critical of this person because
I understand life's not black and white, it's not simple,
and I definitely don't want to come across as critical,
but I am because as a man, I say, well,
I shouldn't be in a relationship with her if I'm
going to do that. But I will say this that
one thing that the children will remember as they get older,
and I hope that the boys remember is that he
was good to Mum and he was good to us.
(06:50):
And if I can't give them that, like, I never
want them ever to hear me say bad thing about you,
because if you go, I've been there and done that. Yeah,
you've been there and done that with a relationship too.
I mean, you shouldn't even be in a relationship if
that's your theory. How you do anything is how you
do it. But you've chosen me be in a relationship.
As you mentioned, you know that she has children, like
(07:10):
I knew you had children long before we got close
having a relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
You met my children long before we were even thinking
about a relationship.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, so that's just that's just what it is. So yeah,
it's a to me, I was gonnay, it's a hard one.
But it's so simple.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
It is so simple. We just go to the bloody sport.
It's one hour of your life every week. And so
you know what I mean, Like you don't have to
go to the training, the training, you know whatever, go
to the game though, just go and watch them play
the game.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
It's one hour of your freaking.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Lifetally last weekend.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I'm sounding really critical, I know, but.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
If people are some honest opinion, we have to give
our honest opinion. Now, I promise you we're not trying
to be critical. This is just an honest opinion, and
we're not the sugar coating type, and therefore in your
relationship you might have to be. So we're just giving
you a slightly different angler. And you know what, I
bet you're There are a ton of people out there
who are watching, who are watching or listening, who are
going through the same thing. Because one thing I've learned
(08:01):
in the personal development space, there's four or five key
problems that you having life. They just manifest themselves slightly differently.
So no relationship is simple. Then you add layers of
a relationship of children and all that sort of stuff.
But also if you're twenty years older, and you're the man.
We don't mature that fast, but you still should be
(08:22):
much more mature.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
I will say that if you decided that you've been
there on that and you don't want to come to
my kids things, I'll be reevaluating the relationship as much
as I love you, like my kids are very important
to me.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, and I think, well, we're unfortunate as you're very
clear in communicating. Whether I like it or not sometimes
is irrelevant. You're clear. So there's no one thing I
love with Mellie is there's no guessing. There's no I'm
wondering what she's thinking right now because it's pretty clear.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
And that it's no gray area. I would just tell you.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
And it creates short term problems in challenging how I feel,
even though you can't control how I feel, but challenging
that sometimes, but it creates a better chance for us
to not repeat this problem for five years and then
wonder why it has improved. So for the person that
wrote this to me, if you don't address it, are
you willing to deal with it forever? For five years?
(09:15):
Ten years? You know? And then when your children eighteen
twenty twenty five, Because we have a hope we'd be
looking at houses we'd like to buy the dream houses
in a few years time. You know, which is the
overinflation of what we need and what we've got. And
I actually said to Mellly, there's before we know the
boys were eighteen twenty twenty five and moved out. And
you said, which I absolutely agree with, is that we
(09:36):
want to create a home that they can come back
to whenever they want, however they want, with their families.
If they I'd love to have Christmas.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
With their family, yeah, and I love Christmas so much.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah, So we don't want to downsize. In fact, if
their families want to bring their in laws.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
I just have this, always have this dream.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
And I we used to be able to do it
in my family before we all separated and when our
separate ways, but we always used to have Christmas together.
So we always used to cook up a big fit.
And I know everybody does that, but that's what I
want with our boys, with their families, with their families,
families with I just want a massive get together.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I love family.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
All that starts right now for this person is that
if you don't build that relationship with these children when
they're eighteen, they're not going to want to come home
because they're going to think, you know, they step down
to dick.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Yes and over there though, not wanting to hear about
out And what.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Are you going to treat their grandchildren better than you
treat them well? They need to be treated well. So yeah,
I think that's a big consideration. And if you really
can't suck it up, then you as the man, also
need to reevaluate the wah because am I just wasting
this woman's time? Because whenever you and I have had
an issue, I do constantly. You might not realize just
think about I do not want to waste her time
(10:49):
because I don't want to waste mine either. Don't get
me wrong, but I'm a little bit older to it,
less to ways, but for you, I don't want to
waste ten years of your life not trying to improve
and be the best person I can be. And no
matter how many times I fall over, I'll get up. Yeah,
which I think relates to another question that you got
in there off NGL. There was a question about how
many times can you forgive something?
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Oh? Here it is how many times could you forgive
someone who lies to you.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
That's not as simple.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
No, because I feel like that depends on what they
lie about. Like, for example, remember when we talked about
a divorce and there was just untrue after untrue after untrue,
and then there was one massive untrue that involved somebody else,
and then that was my thing.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
I was like somebody else in another female disrespecting you.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Disrespecting me, and but like it was his ex, sorry
but it was. And yeah, and that's like even worse
because it's just like your person who used to be
in your life is going to disrespect me when I've
done absolutely.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Nothing to her.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
You've chosen me in.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Such a bad way, and then you didn't stand up
for me. So it's like like if I was there,
I would have just dooo it up for myself. But
I was still being annoyed that you didn't say anything.
But it's not going to be as bad as it
was behind my back. And then you lied about it.
And then when you told me about it, it was like, oh,
I said this, you don't.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
But there's two layers to this to me. That layer
one is that she obviously as an next could be
trying to ruin a relationship. But layer two is she
can't do that if he'd been honest about it up
front and defended you and said I defended you, and
then you've looked at him and oh you did the fact,
then she doesn't. So now she ultimately won that little
(12:27):
what she wanted, which was just to ruin a relationship
because she's salty. But you allowed that, and that's the
whole ownership thing. I've just been writing a bit of
a book over the last few days around our success
principles and stuff. I've just started it and that's what
I was working on this morning when I dropped the
car after the mechanic, and the first one was around
the accountability piece for our seven success principles. I've done
it on the podcast before, but it's just about owning
(12:50):
your stuff, and we all aren't great at it. It's
something you've got to constantly work on. So that's part
of it. He would have to own that. So how
many times do you forgive someone is the question? And
I think it comes down to how many times you
have that within you? For one, are there any form
of change behavior? I don't mean they've gone from zero
(13:10):
to one hundred of change behavior, but is there any progression?
Is there reaggression. Are they getting worse all of those things?
But I always think back to there's a video and
I'm sure we've shared it. I know we've shared it,
but you see it around an old couple dancing I
think in the rain. Someone's filming from up high down
in the street, and the caption just says, I wonder
how many times they've forgiven each other to get to
(13:31):
this point? And I always think about that because we
live in a society where it's very easy to move on.
Like if we're honest, we'd be one hundred percent honest.
If you and I separated today and you put some
sort of status out tomorrow or even today to say
that I'm single, you would be inundated in the social
media world, imediate. I'm not saying you're interested in all
(13:53):
of them, but the reality is it's easy to move on.
It doesn't mean we will want to, and there's more
to the depths of as we know, to human emotions
and all that sort of stuff, but it's very easy
you get un wanted attention inside your social media, which
I think we should also talk about in a minute.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yeah, well some of these things, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
It's up to you. How often you can forgive?
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yeah, it's such a yeah, what it is?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, like from this one, how many times could you
forgive someone who lies to you? Like you could interpret
that is maybe you get led to a lot. It
just comes to times, so.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
They've cheated on you, and then you know, which is
in and of itself is probably a one hundred percent
deal break and you'd have to be I don't know
the circumstances that you could possibly get over that personally,
and then if it happens again, even if it's in
six months or three years or you know, then I
don't know if i'd get over that.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
But sometimes it's small lights, like in my relationship, like
what we ate that day? Why are you lying about that?
Because it's like why are you lying about that? So
what else are you lying about? Like if you can't
even have the courage to tell me that you ate
a pie? First of all my accountability pieces in that
is why do people feel uncomfortable telling me the truth?
Because I've never ever gone, oh, you had a pie?
(15:08):
Like I eat pies?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Do you know what I mean? So I don't understand.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
But yeah, and that's a good question because I spoke
to a therapist or a couple yesterday, and this ties
into our Feelings podcasts that we did for you. Said,
people can't make you feel a thing.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Why did you go and ask their advice?
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Well, I just that was one of the things. And
they talked about triggers and she made a really good point.
So her name was Jewels or anyway, her partner's name
was Done. He didn't talk much. They've been in therapists
for thirty years. They say, I only spoke him on
the phone. They sounded older. He just chimed in every
now and then with one or two words, and she
did lots of talking. But she said that we all
have triggers and a thing that triggers you. So to
(15:48):
your what you were just saying, then it might seem
small to me. To the person that's not telling you
the truth about a small thing, it might seem not
a big deal. But she said the emotion that that
person's experience is attached to a long history of things,
whether it be big lives, the little, and everything in between.
And then she said, you are responsible for your behavior
(16:09):
that creates the trigger. But person B and she used
a husband in this case, don he's responsible for how
he controls his emotion around it. So if he gets
angry with me, if he gets upset with me, we
need have a discussion about what I did, but he
also needs to own is there a better way for
me to respond to that? So if we tie back
to the forgiveness peace for me personally, I try and
(16:30):
look at the bigger picture of what do I actually
want because too often in an argument, we want to
win the argument. And I think that can be more
true for you and I in the sense that we're
both very competitive as athletically and in business. So if
you just want to win the argument, but you lose
a relationship. And I wrote a thing about this recently
(16:52):
because I read this quote somewhere that it's possible to
win and lose. So it's possible that I win the
argument but lose a relationship. Do I want that? Well? No,
So why don't I just back down from the argument
which is possibly inconsequential? And you tell me this all
the time with the boys pick your fights? Why does
that thing matter? And really it doesn't. I think I'm
trying to set a standard. And yeah, but and you'll say,
but you're going to fight that fight forever and it's not.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Because I've tried. Yeah, and I know my boys.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Was talking to a friend of ours last night who
I do some coaching with, and I mentioned about, like,
you know, I use that example of how you know
the boys will throw you say, their clothes on the basket,
and the basket in the bathroom, in the basket's there
and the clothes are there. And I say, heck, you're
not getting there. And she said, he's still doing that
and he's forty. I'm not going to name names, you know. Yeah,
(17:38):
I said, yeah, okay and so and that made me realize,
do I fight that fight with the boys for the
next thirty years. No, it's not that big a deal.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
No, it's something that they're going to have to figure
out on their own. Really, like we could model good
behavior like us putting their things in the butt in
the but I remember one time I was roasted in
the basket.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Jesus, are you okay?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I feel like you said I did. That's what they
call a Freudian slip.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
You're the worst.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
That's gonna be a whole other podcast putting things in
It might not be a video.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I just my mom watches this.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
I'm sorry, that was my fault. We're trying to.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
I don't even remember what I was saying.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Modeling putting it in the basket well correct.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
So I was roasting Molly about his room. Now. I
was like, your room is so messy, and it's like,
what about your room?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
And I was like, my room is pretty messy at
the minute, but yours is always messy. Mine is currently messy,
but it's not always messy. And it's been a big week.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
We got to children, but you did it first. You
started it.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Anyway, So modeling good behavior and then maybe they might
follow and you can just hope yes.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
And so back to the forgiveness question. You have to
look at your bigger picture and you have to decide
how many times, in my opinion, how many times you'll
deal with the thing. Are we progressing at all? Is
this going to be something that I can deal with
for the next five and ten years. There's so many
layers to this, and I guess hold each other to
account about it, and you do that with me, and
(19:17):
I'm not gonna lie. I feel really challenged when really
holds me to account on certain things, because I've lived
most of my life with no one holding me to
account if I'm really honest, I had that sort of
personality when not many people stand up to me, and
you stand up to me hard, and I do find
that judging, and you know, like you'll say a thing
and I get very defensive, and then which Millieworth.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Goes, boring, it's boring, it is boring.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Since you go you're fifty three years old.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
I do actually say that I'm sorry. Actually I'm not sorry,
you are fifty three years old.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
She's not sorry.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
To get it together.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
We're getting it together. So I hope I answer that
question as best we can around that fiveness piece, and
then back to, you know, the relationship piece. I received
another one which I'll have to read. And we've got
some people that message us in direct, message us directly,
not just through engls, which you're totally welcome to do. Yeah,
and we do our best to get to them. And
(20:15):
so this is Julia and she just said, hi, Glennam,
regards to your upcoming podcast, because this was the podcast
that came out last week, but was sent to me
before we'd release it, but we'd already recorded. She said,
other people are not responsible for the way that we
feel in quotations, because that was how we started that.
She said, my question is what happens to our humanity
if we adopt this stance. Please see the above quote,
(20:37):
which I share with a few close friends this morning.
If the stories we tell ourselves about what is being
said to us that manufactures into the emotions we feel
and experience, when we rewrite those stories, our emotions transformed. Yes,
other people are not responsible for the way we receive
their energy. Is up to us to control our emotions. However,
I believe we should each be accountable for the things
we say to each other and the way that we
(20:58):
treat each other. I agree with that, let's take charge
of our feelings and treat each other with humanity, being
accountable for our words and our actions. The world needs
more compassion. Also agree with that. I felt compelled to
give my opinion because this has come up in my family,
where a member of my family said, I'm not responsible
for your emotions or the way that you feel. So
I want to start by saying, there's some things in
(21:21):
there I agree with Julia, and then there's kind of
an angle I don't fully agree with. So what I
agree with is, yes, we're responsible and I feel like
I just did explain this. We're responsible for the things
that we say that if I say so, I can
be sarcastically passive, aggressive and really hates that with a
passion to be fair. So then that's become an issue
(21:43):
where I've got to and I've done that for a
long time. I've got to consciously not do that because
whilst I might think, oh, it's just a joke, or
it's not a big deal, or it's something that I'll
just say to the kids or whatever, if I know
it pisses her off, then I have to own that
piece of course. But then I'm not making her feel
a thing as she says, but she also knows the
standard of what she doesn't want to receive from me.
(22:04):
So in that thing, you're saying that we need to
be more conscious, more compassionate. Absolutely, but we're still not
in charge of their emotions. So they have to do
that piece themselves. And I think if we're going to
go down the humanity road, and I say that for
those listening not watching, I'm using quotations to suggest that
(22:25):
we're not having humanity because we're not in control of
their emotions is wrong. We're not having humanity if we
keep doing or even increase what we're doing when we
know it to noise them. That would be where i'd suggest.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Yeah, do you think?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yeah? Yeah, So in the like with regards to like
your family member doing something and then you feeling some
sort of way about that particular thing, and then them
saying I'm not in charge of your emotions. That's true,
but they've been a bit of an asshole. Yeah, And
so if they want to keep the relationship, then they
(23:02):
need to stop doing those things. Is that you actually
can't control being annoyed at do you know what I mean?
So you haven't gotten to the point where you can
be like, I'm going to choose to not be annoyed
by that because I expect more from my family member.
So that's you choosing to feel some sort of way
based on your expectation of how somebody should treat you.
(23:24):
So that's your accountability a piece. And then them, as
your family member, could go, she's not quite at the
stage where I can do whatever I want and she
won't feel the need to get rid of me. So,
because I want to keep this relationship, I'm going to
stop doing that thing.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, And I would suggest we're actively working on that.
I want to be really clear, we are not relationship experts. No,
we're just being asked to our opinion, and if you
look at our past histories, we're definitely not relationship with experts,
but we're people that are actively working on it. So
I have behaviors that will trigger you and that I've
got to try and do something about, and they're not
(23:58):
things that i've controlled well myself. So therefore that's why
I reached out to a therapist. And then you've done
the same with your things. So I might be triggered
by the way you speak to me when you're angry
and I don't. It makes me feel a certain way,
but then you're sober when you lie to me, I
feel a certain way. So how is one person's triggered
different to the others. It's just a different thing that
(24:19):
triggers us that we both have to be responsible for.
And we've definitely changed behaviors at some level with some
work to do. And I suspect there's always work to do, obviously,
and the more pressures we're put under, the easier it
is to fallback to what we've always known as opposed
to what we're trying to do going forward, and when
I say pressures, we're trying to do something I think
pretty epic in the youth space. And we won't really
(24:41):
talk too much publicly about that yet, but it's it's
so big that it's too big for us and it's
almost overwhelming, but we're going to do it anyway. So yeah,
and I wanted to tie into this. I recently wrote
a blog on the Building Better Humans project website, which
I've started doing a bit more recently, two or three
blogs a day because I hadn't done any for years,
and I just people still read blogs, and I put
(25:02):
them on LinkedIn, and one I wrote was around sixteen
lessons that I think every young person should know. And
someone on LinkedIn, a bloke called Neil, who I know
he always engages my content in a really constructive and
positive way, but he disagreed on this one point and
he segregated between men and women or boys and girls.
I guess between at kids. But it was around controlling
(25:23):
your emotions, and it's number eight was emotional control is power.
Lose your temper, you lose the battle. Stay composed and
you can win the war. And he said I would
say that to a boy, but I wouldn't say that
to a girl. I don't agree because emotions, we can't
control the emotion we feel. What we're trying to control
is our reaction to the emotion we feel. Because the
emotion you feel initially is a subconscious off the top
(25:46):
of the head. But then you need to stop and
for us, like I know you will like to get
in the current drive just go away. I might go,
and we've got an AFL field across right, I'll go
in to a lap around the AFL field sometimes and
it just allows you to clear your head. You know
what I'm we have a disconnect sometime is million needs
space and then to be closer to her when we
(26:06):
have a disagreement, and then by me trying to be
closer to her, I'm suffocating her. Is that fair? Yeah,
you're getting better at it. You will let me touch
you or hug you that you don't want to, but
it annoys.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
You, annoys me immediately.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, And then when she says I don't want to
hug you right now, I don't want to touch you,
I feel heavily some kind of way. And so it's
learning to be okay with that, and when I know
when she's in that feeling and I'm trying to push
my way in that, any words I say then make
it worse, not better.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
You know why, And I've explained this to you before
why I don't like you around me when I'm feeling
angry because I'm trying to get to a point where
I baseline and if.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
You are the one that like cause you not to
be baseline.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Yeah, well you know if it was us together in
this argument or whatever it is that, Yeah, it's just
like you're still there, and it's just like I just
need you to get away from me so that I
can come back to the baseline.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Yeah, and then you just leave my face asking me questions.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
And shit, I'll just make up.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Oh it's so frustrating, and you'll ask me something about
it like you already knows, so just just to make
me speak.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
But if I ask you something she already knows and
she's in a good mood, you'll just say. If I
ask her something she already knows and she's in a
bad mood, you go, you literally already know that, and
she emphasizes literally, but sometimes you're smiling her. You're so annoying,
and so that's what I'm trying to soften the emotion
of the mood. But that's a good opportunity to talk
(27:32):
boundaries with your partner or whoever, so that you can
try and respect them a little bit more. Because the
other day you said something to me like I just
need a couple of days. I'm like a couple of days.
But when we were first going up, we weren't living together,
and I remember there's a stage where I didn't hear
from you for three days, and I didn't really understand
it at the time because I viewed that as not
loving me or not having the feelings about me, because
(27:52):
that's how I process it. You're prosing it as processing it.
I think as if there's a chance for us to
stay together, I need space for you right there. And
that's okay too, because otherwise I'm making it worse.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Say this when I say, like, my opinion is that
you can't nobody can make you feel some sort of way.
You're responsible for your own feelings. It's not said in
a way so that you can go out and say
whatever you want and do whatever you want so that
you can offend people and be like yours for your
own feelings. It's a way of empowering yourself. Yeah, so
(28:25):
it's not so that you can go out and hurt
people and then expect them to feel okay about it
because they're responsible for their own feelings. It's honestly a
way to just empower yourself. So sit back and think
like they're trying to piss me off. I'm not going
to let that happen.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
You know that probably answers Julia's question better than I did.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah, I think that's more the angle that makes more sense.
So I can't because I believe that you're responsible for
your own feelings. I don't just get to well, come going,
I think you're a piece of shit because, like you know.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
That's a feelings behind me because I know I'm not.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, but I think that answers that, yeah, better than
what I answered. You'll do a couple of more from me, all.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Right, we'll do all right this one, Millie queen. You
are good at everything. I don't know about that, but
thank you. What is your weaknesses or something that you
have not been able to conquer? And I will say
I've not been able to conquer this yet because it's
not something that I won't be ever able to conquer,
but not quite conquered emotional control around feeling angry. I'm trying, though,
(29:33):
and that's why I go, I need you to leave
me alone, because I need to bring myself back down
to baseline and then I'll come back to you and talk.
Whereas before I just sling off, like you talk to
my mom. Actually, don't talk to my mom because she'll
tell you everything. But no, Yeah, like when I was
a teenager, even just up to a few years ago,
even like if you said something to me that I
didn't like, immediately rage talk to you, tell you what
(29:56):
I think about that. And I'm still that way inclined,
as in, I don't sugarcoat things, but I won't say
them in a way that is offensive, you know what
I mean. Whereas before I just say whatever, just it
would come to my head and I'd immediately fire back,
and then everyone's getting angry, and then I'd just stay
in that fight, Whereas now it's like, Okay, I'm gonna
walk away and just calm down, and then I'm going
(30:17):
to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I've noticed you're in the last twelve months in MEARTICU.
I was gonna say six months even longer. You're waycarmer.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Yeah, with the boys with Me and last sex episodes.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
You were talking to talking to us about how I
rage in traffic. I don't think I do. I think
you made that up.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Rage in traffic nah No, but you could have to read.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
You know what I do rate?
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Okay, Not raging in traffic is a stretch, because I
do get angry in traffic, But it's when people don't
merge onto the freeway properly.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You have to get up to the speed of the
freeway to merge. Like if you're merging at sixty and
it's one hundred kilometer per hour freeway, I'm not letting
you in because you know how they come at sixty
here and then you've just come from behind them and
you're meeting them here and they're still at sixty and
it's like, what do.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
You want me to do?
Speaker 1 (31:02):
And then like you're not letting me in because you're
not at a hundred speed up.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
That's what merging know. How to merge.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Speed up to enter the freeway.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
We went and watched Ursula recently, the comedian The.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Carlson.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
She's funny, but there was a video that you shared
of her where she's talking about how the Strains are
so polite people. Then she said the reason they do
that is because nowhere else the world does, because everyone
else knows how to.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
So we don't need to say thank you because everyone
just Zipline goes.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Into places like India Nepal, there's just tens of thousands
of people driving and everyone's beeping their horns to lead you,
and they know where they are, and their traffic is
just constantly moving and merging into each other and there's
no problem. But yeah, you're not waving to let you.
It's just what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
I got the finger the other day because I didn't
let somebody in and his missus is in the front
seat because they came and I didn't let him in
because I'm I'm not selling down to sixty because you're
an idiot.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
I'm just not going to do that.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
So we're coming here, and then obviously, because I'm going
at one hundred, I overtake them, but they just ran
out of space and then they came behind me. Then
they go into the lane, the middle lane, and so
I'm in the left lane there in the middle lane,
and then they go past me and the lady's.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Like look and I'm like, learn to merge, mate.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
So we had like these little words in the car window,
and then she gives me the finger.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Whole New ten series podcast episode of Millie's Driving.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I'm an excellent driver a so much.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
But no, you said that I get mad when people
cut me off. I don't.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
It actually doesn't amaze me. Yeah, it's the merging thing.
And they're driving too slow, so they're going seventy you know.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
You challenge it, like, if you're giving her the bird,
there's a good chance you could end up in a fight.
Maybe not an actual fight, but she won't back down
from you.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
I tell you that.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
That's the nature being fighters. I guess. So what else
we got on the NGLs AMM?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Right, Well this is feedback. So I love your guys' relationship.
Two strong people coming together and it just seems to work.
No real question to just wanted to say thanks for
the Mayhem mondays. I love them and my partner is
getting into them too. It's created some great conversations for us.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Love it.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
I love that piece of feedback because it's good that
other people can talk about their stuff too.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Yeah, actually, I want to time to it a little bit.
I've noticed a trend of when I speak to people
or the feedback we get, it's mostly from women, right.
And I was talking to our friends again yesterday, and
she listens to the podcast religiously. They've listened to the
podcast for years, but this particular as mentioned friends of
(33:36):
as they sing to it, and then he said to me,
and again I'm not going to name you, but you
know who is. I haven't listened to one of them
because the first one he found the questions too personal,
and he was almost offended for us that people were
dare to ask. He's a very quiet, stoic man, you know,
he's close to my age, a few years younger. Trade,
just a strong, quiet personality. And your personal stuff is
(33:58):
your personal stuff. That's a lot of people, but we've
chosen to live public lives and I think we help
a lot of people in the process. Maybe piss off
a few as well, but mostly we help. And so
he got offended by some of the questions that were
hard having a goal with us.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Because they were like straight up, like I thought people
would just ease into.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
It, like.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Does what I'm saying, Jesus just went and dry before.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
So he just got offended by that, and so and
they said, I haven't listened to one of them since.
And I said, but you're got under saying we're not
offended by it.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
We are open to it.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
We want people to have these conversations. This woman that's
talking about her, you know, older husband not wanting to
spend time. I hope that he will listen to this
and will start a conversation. And and if you you
could listen to that and think that's my situation, surely
my partner hasn't messaging souse. I reckon, there's more than
one person situation. But if you feel like any part
of it could be you take it on board. Start
(34:49):
a good positive conversation.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Shoe fits.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
The shoe fits were it.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Love loving these episodes, guys. Thank you for sharing such
intimate moments and thoughts. You guys are freaking cute and
it makes me sick.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
That's what every man's ever wanted to be but a
headloging sky. I've had a lot of feedback on this
mustache too. Still, even though we did a whole episode
on it, it's all the blokes that don't like it,
and no, women don't tell me anything, but the blokes
don't like it. And one of my good mates said,
I love this whatever it was that we talked about,
but please get rid of that mustache and looks to
(35:27):
get rid of them, and I said, this familiar. So
he's going to win out of that argument.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
And he wrote back and he's like, you can get
rid of it. There's one more, but this one is
a deep one and I don't know like it could
go on, but also we could just shorten it up.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Is that the one that I think it is?
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (35:45):
What what next week?
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Okay, because it's a hell one.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Next week because it's kind of relationship focus and I've
got some inside and value I can add into that.
I reckon as to.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
You obviously, it's a very good question to make sure
you're listening. And next week I'm.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Sure it comes up a lot. So yes, that will
do us for this episode of Mayhem Monday most importantly.
And I did mention this to you the other day
that we should start each week with something that we've learned.
Oh yeah, but we just ripped straight in. It's a
little bit hectic, So next week maybe next week we'll
start with something we've learned, and where that comes from
is years ago during COVID when I had the gym
(36:19):
and I had a few male staff, different age groups
and different ethnicities. You know, we had a cook on
a maldi that were in their twenties. We had a
young Ossie kid when I say young as late twenties
ex soldier, and then myself at the time being in
my forties, tell I guess, and so we caught a
brochat and it was just different perspectives of just us
(36:41):
chatting during To be honest, it was just a COVID
protect But one thing we'd start doing was going around
the table and say, tell me something you learned this week.
And where that was really powerful is that everyone all
week was trying to think of a thing, like you
start to notice things because you don't want to come
to show and go, oh nothing. I just went through
the motions this week, which is what we all do.
And the reason I like that is particularly if you've
(37:01):
got kids, particularly if they're getting into high school, and
a lot of parents will talk about how teenagers won't
talk to you they go through stage. I think, what
a cool thing to do if you made it a
habit to sit down over dinner, not every night asking
what they learned that day necessarily, but just every week,
even if it was a Sunday night roast, and say,
tell me something you learned the last week.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Well, we could even challenge our listeners to do that too,
So we could put up an NGL and say, what
have you learned this week? You guys can send it
in and we'll read it out, and then yeah, we
can all share our learnings and our thoughts, because yeah,
there's always something to learn.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
What I might do is put the NGL links on
our YouTube videos, because then they're not just twenty four hour,
they're ever green. Oh yeah, is that way people can
get in there and click on it, and even people
we don't know who just might s someone cross it
on YouTube and that could get nasty, but it could
also we haven't had any ours ones. Everyone's been really
good since that first week because people, I think people
realize we weren't going to back down.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
I think also people realize that you didn't give their
desired effect. So I thought that I think that a
lot of those things were designed to offend us and
to make us feel smaller and that's something that you
can never do to me.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
We're in controlling, but we are so in essence. What
I'm saying is from that whole episode last week, Millie
was right.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
That's how sign off have a good.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
To have a good week.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
M
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