Mayhem Monday - The Entitelment Trap - Building Better Humans Project

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Appo Jay Production.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hey, team Glen asa here walking back to the building.
Better Humans Project podcast. This is yet another episode of
Mayhem Monday, which means we have Mayhem in the building.
I feel like it's been a little while since we've
recorded these. We've literally just come back from P and
G where Millie was defending her fifty seven kilogram national title.

(00:38):
We'll talk about that, but we'll just say briefly, successfully defended, defended,
and raining and defending.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
And it's funny because it was in Rainy lay Lay City.
It's a city in pub New Guinea rains a.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Lot and they call it rainy Lay.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
They do call it rainy Lay. Glen didn't believe me.
I was like, oh, that's why they call it rainy
Lay and he's like, it's.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Like shit, dad, joke that actual because I'm thinking you're
doing a play on rainy days raby Lay. And then
everyone up that. Everyone kept saying this why they call.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
It rainy last And they even made a song about it,
which came on when we were at nationals.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
See I know if it came on, they put it off.
There was a DJ. I'm just going to say, if
we look a bit tired, this morning. It's because we
went out last night and this was a celebration for
all that Millie's had for this last ten months. In
ten months, he's had nine fights, which is hectic on
anyone's schedule, and so we decided to go out for

(01:32):
dinner and then we went out to ACE boxing event
as guests of Angelo de Carlo, which was really nice.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
That was a really good fight night. Actually, last night
one of.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
The most evenly matched fight nights I've seen him forever.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Because you don't always see that sometimes they're so mismatched.
But this was really, really, really good. It was every
single fight was like interesting and engaging and competitive.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
And yeah, I've known Ange over well over twenty years,
maybe thirty years. And one thing I say, whenever we
fought on his cards, because years ago Mike sure Is
to find his cards and mix Sure's is strange champion,
but you knew he just gave you fifty fifty fights
and it was up to you to win them. And
that's why you know, if these fighters do make it
like a Liamparo or those guys, they're generally well prepared.

(02:13):
Whereas the general model for boxing is protect my fighter
for as long as I can and then hope they
get a big shop. Then they're not ready. So yeah,
so you know, as a result, as the punter just
going to watch, which we don't get to do very often.
You just get to see these good even matchups.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
And before that we went to Stilts Dining amazing.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
Not sponsored, but we would happily be.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Yes please, because a couple of weeks ago I got
a question about where I go to eat because I
said that I love eating out. So I gave a
pretty good list of places that I do love, and
let's just add Stilts Dining to it, because every single thing,
and Glenn and I will go out and will order
a bunch of things and we share everything and it's
the only way to eat or your own thing, because

(02:54):
then you get food envy, and so you gotta get
a bunch of entrees, a couple of manes and new share.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
We order all the things, and we ordered and we
hadn't we purpose hadn't eaten much through the day to
be prepared for. And the lady serving, as she's a
French lady, said, you guys hungry like the kind of
a little bit of judgment that you bought.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
A lot of food anyway, we ate it all, so we're.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Pretty full, but we still late it all.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
Yeah, we're going to let it win.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
So I guess before we launch into the episode, let's
talk about the national titles. Because it was I think
merely had one of her best fights ever.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
It was one of my most It was probably the
most fun fight that I've ever had. And I've watched
it back so many times and every single time I
get like this excited feeling and I watch it and
then I stop and I'm like, I love that fight.
And you're like, yeah, I know you said did you
love that fight? Because you haven't mentioned.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
We flew home and it's like a three hour flight
and outside of a small bit of sleep time, every
time I looked over, you're watching that.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
F Oh my god. Honestly, like shout out to Magdalen
from Team and City because that was just fun. Like
it was high page, she was aggressive, she kept coming forward.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Like and for the people listening who've never experienced boxing,
fun doesn't mean it was easy. It's the opposite. It
was hard.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
It was very hard, but it just you had to
be on the whole time, you know, And and in
comparison to last Nationals. Both of those fights that I
had last Nationals were fairly easy fights. And when I
look back on it and watch it back, the first
fight that I had last year, I'm like, I could
have done more. I could have got her out way quicker,
but I was just sort of pacing because I didn't

(04:35):
know what the competition was.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
Like yeah, the unknown.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah. And then this year I had Magdalen, who had
never fought before because she came down in wait to
fight us because there was no one.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
In her so she was the national champion sixty kilogram
national champion, so upperweight division, so she's come down purposely
to fight us because there was no one in her division.
So she was big, she was strong onung.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Them, like I copped one of her right hooks something
like that and one to the body and one of
the bodies like straight in the middle, and I like
it took it out of me a little bit to get.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
On the skate. But that's where Milli has a bit
of a propensity to get into a brawl. It's fair
to say because you can generally look at nationalities and
have an idea of their styles of fighting, and I
know Filipinos and p ANDNG normally are big punches. They
normally have good power, and so they love it brawl

(05:25):
because they get to back their power and that's and
the ties can be a bit like that depending on
their experience. Australians are tend to walk box a little
bit more so we you know, Americans have a lot
of boxing movement. The British just like to brawl. This
is very generalized, but you kind of know what you're
getting with different nationalities. So when you get to P

(05:45):
and G, they all just want to bomb. No one
throws a jab. They just want to kill each other
on so Millie can get sucked into that. And then
we knew in this fight that that wasn't going to
be the smart way to fight a bigger fighter who
was strong, and she was launching that right hand like
a missile.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
She wanted to take my head off with that, and.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
She never coming forwards. Is a bit like the terminator.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
Even when I'd like hit her with two three shots,
she'd smile and just walk forward.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
But then you stood and brawled at certain times because
you have to let people know that I'm not going
to be pushed around either. It's just about choosing when
to do which, And I think I've always said this,
I think boxing is a great metaphor for life. In life,
you've got to know when to stand your ground and
when to move. You've got to know the tactics of
how you do what you do when you do it,

(06:34):
and so boxing is much the same. It was about
out boxing her for the most part, but every now
and then say I'll stand a fight with you as well,
and we managed to win those engagements too. We won
the fight unanimously, which for non boxes means we won
every single round on all judges' cards. So that sounds, oh,
that was an easy fight. It was not.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
It was not at all.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
If if you'd stopped for any thirty seconds and just
tried to rest, she might have got you out of
there because she was not stopping. It should have been
the final. But in the amateurs you just get drawn
out of a hat. So they drew each other in
the very first round and had to fight.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
So there were three girls in my weight division, me
including and so I fought Magdalen on the first one
just because that's how it was drawn. And then the
second day in the finals, I fought the same girl
that I fought in the finals last year, and last
year we got her out in the first ten seconds
of the second round, and this year we got her
out in the first minute and a half of the

(07:27):
first round.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
And it was knowing, youre as good a fight, no one,
you're as.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
Good as fight. But because of the luck of the draw,
she got silver, which I feel Magdalen should have got.
But that's just how it is.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
But I mean, from you, I don't think it was
as good a fight.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Oh no, not at all. So for the second fight,
I was rushing, like I just wanted to get her
out of it because I knew that I could, and
so it was rushed. It was messy, and it was.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Just a couple that you shouldn't have copped just because
you were and.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
It wasn't structured. And I remember you're taking my gloves
off and you're like, look good. But that was a
bit wild, like I just won the final, like chill out.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
But no, it was a good experience going to lay.
First time in lay for you, first time for me
in fifteen or twenty years. I can't remember the last
time I went to lay, but a long time ago
when I used to do Black Cat, and so it
was a good experience.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah, Lay is beautiful. My first time in Rainy Lay.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
We stayed at the Lane International and some other fighters
were there. Our weight cut was good. Yeah, you know,
we did all that.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
It's great.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Everything went well, Everything went well. So now we're having
a break because I think your body needs it.

Speaker 1 (08:35):
I've got a few niggles here and there. I think
my brain needs it as well, because when you're in
fight camp, you're constantly watching what you're eating. You can't relax.
You have something to eat, or you have maybe one
wine and you're like feel bad because you know, oh
what if I don't make weight, and like, you know,
it's a little bit ridiculous, but that's just always on
your mind, is making weight and how you're going to
perform the next day.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
And you're under pressure all the time.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
All the time. And so we've been just putting ourselves
under pressure for ten whole months, which is kind of
hectic because we've had three professional fights and I've lost
count of the amateur fights that we've had in that time,
but six, i'd say, because we had known totally hair
for six yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
And we've taken fights in situation where probably shouldn't have,
and we've for the most part Mays to pull that off.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
Our division is fifty four in the pros and fifty
seven in the amateurs or.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Fifty three and a half in the pros.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
So we've gone up and down and up and down
and up and down, and my body is it's not
great for you. It's not the healthiest thing to do, and.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
Your nutritionous dieticians like please, like can you My dietician
is like please, please, can you just chill out?

Speaker 1 (09:43):
So shout out to Rosie, thank you very much.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
Tell me about I guess, tell people listening about the
overall experience, and I'll set this up. So for those
that know the story, when Milly and I first met,
it was because she was training for years, like four
years really and never getting put in the ring by
a trainer, which we've talked about before. So then you
come to me, We nearly get you ready to fight

(10:06):
two weeks out. We're doing ACL twelve months of repair,
which still really isn't one hundred percent. And then because
I felt like we needed a push and some inspiration,
one day I just rang a promoter and I rang
you and said, you want to fight in five weeks
first fight, and then we've gone back to back to
back to back to back. And a part of me
was doing that because I knew you'd come from a

(10:28):
background where you were getting pulled out of fights, so
I didn't want to say no to fights. And now
we've kind of got to the stage where we go
we have to stop. We have to It's an addictionals,
So tell me now the wrap up of what you've
learned in the last ten months of fighting. You can
learn as much as you want on focus bands or
hitting bags or even sparring, but it's not the same

(10:50):
as fighting. So for any of you out there not
talking about boxing, anything you want to be good at
in life, even if it's personal development, at some stage
you've got to stop listening to podcasts, stop reading books,
and start doing stuff. Boxings are same. I think you've
got as good as you could get under any trainers
you had without fighting. So now I've had ten months,
nine fights. What are some lessons that you've learned from

(11:13):
that about yourself?

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Respot that preparation is key, so it's a lead up
to the fight. So I feel like you back yourself
during your prep you do absolutely everything that you need
to do and can do during prep so that when
it comes to fight night, you look back and you
think like, there's nothing that I haven't done. And now
with the little bit of nerves that you have, but

(11:34):
you're not overly like not believing in yourself because you're like,
I've actually done the prep now, so I believe in myself.
I'm going to go out and do it, you know,
because I feel like if you, like you always say,
if you take shortcuts, that's gonna be in your head.
You're gonna on fight and I go, I didn't do this,
I didn't do this, I didn't do this. I'm so
nervous now because any of those three or four or

(11:55):
five or things that I didn't do could come out
to haunt me in the ring. So if you feel
like you did absolutely everything that you had to do
you were programmed to do, there's less nerves, still some,
but less because you're really back in yourself. You're back
in your training, you're back in your prep.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:13):
I've also learned to move my head a little bit.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
Head movement, we said, licklick nescil, So a little bit.
She's not moving it a lot, but she's moving a
little bit. Actually, no, that's not true. Like you pulled
off some real good offset line movement.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Watched that fight back, and I'm like, hit her with one, one, two,
and then move out real quickly, slipped your head.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Off to the side and shoot your punches up.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
The center, because before I came to you, I'd hit
her one too, and I'd just stand there and just wait,
come on, let's go. But you know we're going to move.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
I remember years ago I was training Shanebke for a
fight against Andrew g And they're footy players for those
that don't follow Ragby League, and Shane has no natural
boxing skill, but he's a phenomenal athlete and I was
teaching him and he said, I don't care about all
the fancy ship the fans ship by the way, was
throwing a jab and keeping your hands up, and I
just said to him, this sport is way more fun

(13:04):
if you can leand to one and it just is.
And and he kind of got that in the end
and started learning to actually try and defend himself and
the window wants to fight started.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
But because we'll say, with Magdalene, if I didn't move
my head, I would have got.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Hit yeah, and she had power.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, she actually did, Like she sucked it right out
of me when I.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
Like went that body shirt, man, I was like.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Oh, don't show it, don't show it. Don't show it,
don't show it.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
So you've learned preparation matters.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
Moviehead, moviehead, but also footwork, lots of footwork moving around
the ring, you know, like and we did that with
Magdalene's fight as well, move around side to side, you know,
trick her, you know, don't just stand in one place.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Nine fights, we've won four titles, and we should mention
that that you won the female fighter at the tournament.
So yeah, that's like four titles and an award in
nine fights.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah. I've also learned just to chill out and take
a break at some point because this week's been really
hard for me.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
That's what you're really bad at, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
Taking a rest. So this week's have been really hard
for me. Every single day I've woken up thinking I'm
going to the gym, and then my body is like, no,
you're not.

Speaker 2 (14:12):
And the other side of that is nearly every day,
even in the last few weeks, you'll say to me,
I don't know why I'm so tired. I don't know
why I want to sleep when I'm going because you're
literally not letting yourself rest, so you do know. So, yeah,
I've almost forced a break on you. And you know,

(14:35):
having a few cocktails a couple of nights this week, already,
going out to a dinner.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
You're still a comedian on Friday.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
You're still putting stuff. Yeah, he's STI putting stuff in
your calorie counter, but that's just for your knowledge. It's
not for oh my god, I've only got X men
of calories left for today. We're not doing that.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
And I think that's I'm trialing some new foods, so
I want to put them in my finish palace so
that I know what they are, because as when you
keep tracking, you just automatically know what you're eating based
on how much you've tracked in the past. Yeah, so
I kind of want to look pretty good at that.
I want to add all those new foods.

Speaker 2 (15:12):
And I think a good point for people listening or
watching is that, like, we get questioned a lot about
our relationship obviously and particularly mixing the relationship personally with
the coaching relationship. And my biggest thing is that anyone
that's in your corner should be in your corner, and
therefore part of my job is to make sure that

(15:34):
you take the rests when you need to take the
rests as well. And like, I don't care if you've
got a boxing coach or a coach and whatever your
thing is and a relationship, as in, if they're two
separate people, they should both be in your corner. And
the fact that where I'm one of those people doing
both things, I still should be in your corner in
both things. And I think we do a pretty good

(15:55):
job of that for the most part. That even when
we fight, even though that's more difficult, we still do
the professional thing for the most part. You know, like
we're still humans, we still have emotions, and we still
do all the things that everyone else does. But my
biggest thing is if you're ever doubting that the people
in your life are in your corner, then you need
to distance them from the thing you're trying to achieve.

(16:17):
Because I can say, and I've experienced this, where partners
say they want you know that I want to go
and chase your goal of be it boxing and whatever
it is, but then a low key kind of digging
under it all the time or just undermining what you're doing,
and that's not a thing for us. And I very
openly talk about your boxing and where you're at. And

(16:38):
we're novices really as far as actual innering experience, even
though we're getting a phenomenal result. But I always the
way I talk about it to you, I talk about
it when you're not there, too, But mostly when I
talk to boxing promoters, you're in the car A lot
of the time, we're not. There's no secrets in what
we're trying to achieve. We're not saying we're anywhere near
where we want to be. And I would almost suggest

(17:00):
you stop fighting if you ever think you get the
stage where right that's it. I've made it because we've
trained athletes like that, We've sponsored athletes so that we've
managed athletes like that, And when they get this sense
of entitlement, it is almost impossible to teach them new things.
They're not coachable anymore so, and we're a long way
from that. And if I ever felt like we got there,

(17:21):
I would have to step away as your coach. Someone
else would have to step in if I don't feel
like I could guide you. So the guidance isn't just
as a coach, when you've got a good athlete, you
can get so excited about them being a good athlete
you let all the other stuff go good and bad.
And so in this case, like personality traits or personality traits,

(17:42):
they turn up late to training and you go, well,
you know they're that good, so he can get away
with that. They've got a lesser opponent because your move
fighters up slowly in the prayer ranks, so they don't
really need to push hard. And once you start making
those adjustments for someone, you're actually doing them a disservice
and yourself because one, they could run into a snack

(18:02):
and they could get beaten by someone they shouldn't. Two,
you're preparing them maybe ten fifteen, twenty flights down the track,
you're going to fight for a world title. You don't
know when that's going to happen, assuming you progress the
right way and you keep winning. And if you let
them have bad habits in fight one, two, and three,
they're going to have those bad habits in fight ten,
in fight twelve, and eventually it's like world tied to

(18:25):
fight coming up. I need you to give me one
hundred percent and they're used to turning up late, and
then they're used to maybe eating what they should need,
and they used to not taking the weight off the
right way, so not being an optimal shape. And so
you have to own that as a coach, and if
I can't do the right thing by someone there, I'll
remove myself. But I've only had to learn that recently.
I've done it with three or four athletes in the

(18:45):
last eighteen months where I felt like I was doing
my own values of disservice and I felt like therefo
I'm no longer able to help them either. So and
even though those relationships end bad because people don't like
you walking away, we've had to walk away, which I
think is a good segue into a conversation that we
can have around people that we've helped who then have

(19:10):
done the wrong thing when you step away. And I
don't know how you want to start that conversation, but
I think there are a lot of people out there.
If you're in personal development, or you're even interested in it,
you're probably someone that likes to help a lot of
other people as well who don't really want to do
the work.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, so we could talk about helping people out of
the goodness of your own heart or genuinely wanting what's
best for somebody else and you being able to assist that,
and then them taking advantage of that. So people thinking
that your kindness is weakness and they can take advantage.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
So when you've helped someone I can step on you, well,
first they really appreciate it, and then over time they
start to expect it, and then they start to feel
entitled to it. And then when you start to step
back and so well, we're not doing that anymore, they
get angry because they feel like, but you owe that
to me, but you don't know them anything. And if
you're a good person, you feel bad because you feel

(20:13):
like you've tried to take someone on a journey. We've
personally had this situation numerous times in the last twelve
months and particularly in the last six months where we've
so we had an athlete and we won't name name
who we brought out from overseas. We fully worked with.
We sponsored as far as the athletes accommodation, food, training,

(20:36):
and medical. So there's nothing else that.

Speaker 1 (20:38):
You know, anybody who doesn't know why athletes want sponsorship,
it's essentially because you need we need all the time
to train, so we don't really have time for a job.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Soship isn't about money for me to go and buy
clothes and go do things.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
Once you get to a certain level of sponsorship and
you're getting paid high, then yeah, you go do whatever
you want with your money. But the first level of
sponsorship is essentially because you don't have time for a
job because all your life is dedicated to this sport.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
Well, we'll train three time today.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
Yeah, pretty much so, and we have jobs, so it's
really hard. So any sponsors listen. Actual, So basically, you
give an athlete sponsorship so that they don't have to
work because their job is so typical.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
It's transports, it's their rent, it's their food, it's their
training bills, medical bills.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
Bills, it's their rent, it's absolutely everything that they need
to live, which is usually what you get a job for.
So that's why athletes get sponsored. So with this particular athlete,
we based on how many jobs we have between us,
decided to give this person a chance because well we
wanted to give him a chance.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
We just thought he was talented. He was coming from
a country that doesn't have a lot of support. You know,
we were getting told stories about how hard it was
for him and how literally it was being paid.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
But honestly have a connection to this because it's my
home and so we wanted to support people from my home.
The other side of that is we really want to
push Paply Guinni boxing in Australia, so we thought that
me and this athlete could do that over here.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
Yeah, and I'll just say the reason we're going to
talk about this is twofold. There's lessons for you listening
that you can commit so far down a road and
someone can take advantage of it and it's okay for
you to walk away. It's hard, but it's okay because
you have this thing called a sunken cost fallacy, which
is where I've put so much into this. So we
would have put conservatively and we're not wealthy, but what

(22:39):
it cost us in time, money, extra shifts like meinly
doing night shifts and stuff to help pay for things,
probably fifteen thousand dollars, which is.

Speaker 1 (22:47):
A lot of money a very short amount of time.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
If I put a dollar figure on it, so then
you think, well, I'll put that much into it. And
we were never going to get money back out of it.
That's not what it's about. But it was like, we've
put that much into it, we should keep going. And
then once they know that you're dealing with this sunken
cost fallacy, they think I'm going to pull out of
this because I've already gone safear down.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
The road, but play later.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
No, And to be honest, we've become stronger together in
that sense because I'm definitely someone that people pleases in
that sense, not in everything I do. But and I
was thinking about this on the drive here, I wonder,
even for you, maybe if it's a psychological thing based
off probably not receiving love or attention or validation the

(23:32):
way we probably should have as young kids. We both
have pretty tough upbringing. So that's I'm not here to
disrespect our parents or anything, but we just had tough upbringing,
and so I wonder if that's where a lot of
your hangover as in mind comes from, wanting to be
validated in some way. Because I've always thought I don't
care about people's validation, but I'm increasingly, particularly since i've
been with you, start to understand I do. And I've

(23:55):
got to learn to curb that a little bit because
then people take advantage of it. So the two fold
is to explain to people listening because you may go
through similar things. And the second is that it kind
of went sour once we decided to release the athlete,
and we'll get to that part of the story, but
then they've kind of gone well, his partner's kind of
gone a bit public coming to go with us about it,
and I think if you're going to put something out

(24:17):
in the public arena, then we will have a ride reply.
And this is a part of the rawness that I've
always promised on the Building Better Humans project and particularly
last year. So I'm going to be more raw, more real,
give you more usable round think, Oh, our life's perfect
and everything.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Is so good, because we have a pretty good life
and we've created that, but there are things that make
us sad, make us angry, like you know, like this
is one of those low points that we've like.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
So the unraveling and the red flags that popped up
early were the athlete contacted me before coming over and
he said, you know, my partner's got a job in Australia,
which we later found out wasn't entirely true, And is
it okay, if she can stay with us for a
while and she starts work next week anyway, so we
said yeap. So she came over without him initially, and

(25:06):
so we're housing her now. And that wasn't in our contract.
Our contract was for the athlete only.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
We just said that to him.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
Just to help him out. And we thought was she's
going to work, so she'll pay for her own food.
And well, five months, five months of no work, no
paying for her own food.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
So when she did have a job lined up, and
it was so far out of our way, so we
took her there on the couple of days that the
next couple of days that she was here so that
she could do an induction there. And then we see
paperwork that she needs.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
Which the driver's lissn absolutely first.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
Aid course, anything that you need to work with children
she didn't have.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
She had none of it, none of it.

Speaker 1 (25:46):
So it's just like, I feel like you would have
read your job description before you came here with absolutely nothing,
Like that's a bit of a stab in the bloody dark, but.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
At this early stage where like, okay, well we'll help
her get started.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Yep, because it's really not hard. Well, it's a process,
but you can get it.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
So we drove her around to.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
Put in her first aid. Course, you know, we paid
for all of this, Yeah, and I hate listening things
that I've paid for. We don't really really hate it,
but it's relevant to the story because you cannot do
all these things for somebody and then be completely disrespected
and sland it online after because as if we're really
terrible people.

Speaker 2 (26:23):
Because just because we said we're not spending any more money,
and because.

Speaker 1 (26:26):
Terrible people wouldn't do all these things, especially when there's
nothing in it for us, because if you look back
on it, there's nothing that these people could have given us.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
Nothing.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
There's no money back that you could have given us,
there's no social favors or networks that you could have.
There's nothing in it for us other than we're doing it.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
Because no one listening or watching thinks, oh I know
you now because of this athlete. Yeah, but it doesn't
change anything in our life. We're helping you.

Speaker 1 (26:52):
We're helping you, and we're doing that because I have
a connection to my home country. Whenever I see people
from my country need help, I want to help. Where
in Papenniginia is a very community based place so.

Speaker 2 (27:04):
I can also take advance. It happened a few times.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yes, so you know when I come from this, this
background of helping people because it's part of the village,
that's just what we were doing. So there was nothing
in it for us. So you know, we did all
these things because we wanted to help.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
So it took weeks and weeks and weeks of getting
all these qualifications and then us constantly saying, when's the
job start, what's happened. It's always starting next week. What's happened,
It's always starting next week. There's other jobs going there's
a job down at the sushi shop. There's a job.
But I want to be in this job only, And.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
It's my understanding that the job was basically what I
work in currently. One of my jobs is residential youth care,
and so you need a license. You need to be
able to drive these children if they need to go
to the hospital, if they need to go to school,
if there's an emergency when you could take them to
go contact their parents. You need to be able to
do that, so you need a license.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
There was a lot of untruth. There was a lot
of just not telling us what was going on, and
it was constantly. And then they got a baby back
home staying with the parents, and it was constantly, we
need money for the baby for nappies, and so then
we started sending money home, you know, which is a
bit silly, and can we feel bad, you know. And
there's then medical bills that you know, the partner racked

(28:22):
up some medical bills. He racked up some medical bills.
And in Australia, if you're not from Australia.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
You don't have Medicare. This is this costs a lot
of money.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
And again we're only saying this because we want to
give depth of context to how much we did. And
we've got our own two boys living there. But then
once the athlete come over started training and his first
fight went really well, got paid you six times what
he got paid for his fight, and then we said,
I want more money.

Speaker 1 (28:50):
The day that we got home from the Gold Coast,
we sat down at the table to have dinner and
immediately he said, oh, can we ask the promoter for
more money next time? And it's like, mate, you have
to be able to sell in professional boxing. It's a business.
It cost us money for that box where you're representing
your country. Or your boxing gym. You're representing yourself as

(29:10):
a business, so promoters don't care who you are or
how good you fight. Is No, it's a business. They
need to make money, you know. So asking for more
money straight off the bat was like, you're not paying
for anything.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Mate, So you've got no weekly massages.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
And that's the other thing is we in the contract
say that we'll take ten percent of your purse. We
didn't even take that. We gave you every single cent.
But the other side of it that you got paid
for that fight.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
The other side of it was because he's so talented,
he started skipping on very early, started skipping training. And
I'm pretty tough on that normally, but with you, I
never had to be. You just trained right. So we've
got a gym in our house.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
Check up on me. I'll do my training.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Yeah, we've got a full gym in our house that everything,
assault bike, rowing machine and weight.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
You don't squat wrath.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
So we went to Canada earlier this year and I
wrote him a full program. He's an ex olympian. So
and I come home and he hasn't done any of it. Well,
he said he did, He told me he did.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
He said he did, and then later on his partner,
who really weirdly loved to say bad things about.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
It constantly was bagging him out. We should actually say
that first they fought day and night.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
Yeah, and I don't want to like out some and
stuff like that, but that's also relevant to why we
didn't want them in our One morning.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
And she's up yelling and screaming at six o'clock in
the morning when teaching in the.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Next room, and it was just kind of like, I know,
this is all personal stuff that we're saying, but.

Speaker 2 (30:42):
This is in our house.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Is relevant to why we asked him to leave in
the first place. So all of these things sort of
added up in fifty.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Bucks cash here, one hundred bucks cash there. It was
like all of a sudden.

Speaker 1 (30:53):
The go cards and we paid for their phone bill
every single month, like you know.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
And my point to all of that is that you
need to know when you're being disrespected, and it was
starting to become clear and clearer that we were just
becoming the cash cow.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
And the reason we brought up her not working is
because all of these tiny little things that we were
paying for. If she had a job, she could pay
for her which were transport food for your baby back home,
that he's for your baby back even.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
To the point that after five months she started working
three days a week and after a month like there
was no money and was saying, and we still need
money for us, and then she said, oh no, they're
not paying me and going I said, that's illegal in
Australia for them to have you working. Oh, it's like
an internship. And then it doesn't sound right on.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Called and we didn't get a company name. Like I
know every single car, I can list it right now.
I've had so many jobs in my life. I could
promise you I could list every.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
Single she didn't an what's a cop name?

Speaker 1 (31:48):
So I was thirteen and a half years old.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
There's just so much going on. And then so we
come home from Canada. She comes and says to merely,
he hasn't trained at all. So I approached him and said, mate,
I've been told that you haven't trained and you just
would always do this. Oh yeah, I'm sorry, coach, And
I didn't you know, I didn't tell you the truth.
And I'm like, bro, And the thing is he was
always going to win that fight. It was a step

(32:10):
up fight. But again hey do anything is hey do everything?
You need to train like this is a world title,
because when you get to the world title, which is
a much higher level, you need a system in place.

Speaker 1 (32:22):
There's a coach need habits that you've constantly put yourself
and done.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
There's an American football coach is probably the most successful
coach in American football history, not NFL, in the university system,
which is even bigger. I'm called Nick Saban, and I
interviewed a guy on this podcast many years ago called
Jesse Williams who played for him and for four years.
He's anasy kid, but he was an All American athlete.
He was an All American twice. He was an All

(32:47):
American academic twice. And he said, the one thing that
Nick Saban did is you always had a system. And
even when they got into the playoffs and got into
the finals, the system never changed. So from the beginning
of the season to the end of the season, no
matter how hard the game was, the next morning you
turn up, he would had this system where you're always
in a suit. You you know, when you went out
to public events. He didn't care what the story was.

(33:07):
We do everything the same. Whereas you see a lot
of sporting teams and athletes that you see it here.
They get into the top eight of the rugby league
and then you've never had a top eight team go
all the way through to the final. And that's because
they're happy to be in the top eight. If they're
the eighth team, and then all of a sudden they
might beat they might knock off the number one team,
and you think, oh, they're a chance, and then they
get rolled because they're so excited about that. Well, Nick

(33:30):
Saban was like, it doesn't matter, and that's the thing.
You've got to have a system in place. And I
kept pulling him up and then you know, we had
a full nutrition outlined for him. We were buying the
best foods, the salmon's and a lots of stuff. But
then he was struggling to make weight and then we're
finding out he's sneaking food out of the fridge and
he was at staff.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
Which I will just say a lot of this information
came from his partner, all of it, all of it.
So otherwise, how would we know that you didn't train
when you were in Canada when we were in Canada,
because he said that he did. So we were to
just believe that.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
And I just had this constant lies between the two.
She constantly undermined him, almost like she wanted him out.
But he was the only reason you were staying in
our house.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
Yeah, But so we will say that when they first
ever started arguing and will in front of us, and
we sort of help felt this weird sort of energy,
and her and I spoke about it in the car.
We said to her, she said, she said, I'm worried that,
you know, if we break up, I have nowhere to go.

(34:31):
And us being us and me being me said, there's
no way that we're just going to kick you out
on the street just because you guys are not together.
So if he's not holding up his end of the contract,
he's going to have to go home. You've got a job,
which we thought at the time, so you can stay
with us as long as you need until you can
find your own. So we're not just going to kick
you out. So I feel like she.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
Took that and she ran around then from then on that.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
Bad mouthing, bad mouth and badmouth, and I'm thinking, like,
what kind of relationship is there. So there's been quite
a few times while I'm like, we're spoken to both.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
Of them, and I just gave on a assessment. I said,
I don't think this is a good relation shit for
you guys, because you just don't seem happy ever, and
it brings a really bad energy into our house all
the time.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
But then also it started affecting his training. So when
he was not feeling good with her, or when they
weren't feeling good with each other, he'd skip his training session,
or he'd do a little bit crap in.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
The training disappeared overnight, disappeared for hours. You would tell
me he's doing the runs. He puts stuff on social media.
We did a five k run once, which wasn't a
hard pace, and he had to stop and really was
just still running. You don't go back and saying what
are you doing? Mate? We need to keep running and
I'm tired.

Speaker 1 (35:36):
As a professional athlete, you should be able to run
five k, especially in your twenties an hour, like unless
you do shot put or honey.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
So this all got to the stage where then I
organized another fight. And these flights cost us money because
he's not selling tickets yet, really not enough to cover
all the costs of an opponent. Of there's a lot
goes into our sport, and we're okay with that because
we do the same thing. We have to build a
following all that we so well now, but even early
on it cost us. And then organized on the fight.

(36:06):
And then the other thing is I booked flights, and
three flights that I booked he missed one of them.
We lost all together. Twelve hundred dollars just gone because
he just didn't get on the plane, didn't get his
medical done in time. So there's all these things again.
The very first flight he was booked on he missed,
and I overlooked it, and in hindsight, that was a
red flag. How often in life, any of us listening,

(36:26):
do you overlook a red flag and you think, oh,
just because you want to be a good person, they
made a mistake. Mistakes happened, and then another red flag,
and then another red flag, and then not turning up
to training one morning when you're living in the house
and you've just got to come downstairs to training, slept in.
Oh sorry, coach, I slept in, and you just start
ignoring all of these little things. We're checking, the weight's
not changing. We do this for a living. You do

(36:48):
this for a living. We know when we're getting this right,
and it just just became constant and constant and constant,
and I ignored it and ignored it and ignored it.
Then what they did well was they split us. So
she had you heavily on her side, and I was
very suspicious about some of what she was saying, and
then I was defending him, and then you weren't happy

(37:10):
with him, and in hindsight, we realized that they were
just working together. In hindsight, so it got to the
stage where he didn't turn up. He missed all of
the training block for He's the last fight we'd organized,
and I said, I'm canceling the fight because he didn't
get on the plane. He organized someone else to get
him a ticket somehow flies over. Please keep the fight,
his coach from overseas. He said to him, please keep

(37:30):
the fight, give him one more chance. If he misses
a training session. He missed three training sessions for the
next three days, and I just said, I'm out. I'm done.
We're not going to do this because it was going
to win that fight easily, but I'm not going to
put this. So I just told him we're out. The
fight's over, and he lost it.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
But before that, before that, his partner was working three
days a week, apparently not getting paid for any or
only getting paid for one at this stage or something.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
That was the story.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
That was the story. And she'd go to work, she'd
come home, she'd go up to her room, she'd stay
in the room. Then she'd come back, come down when
we texted her for dinner, then she'd have a dinner.
Then occasionally she'd do the dishes, but not much. Then
she'd go back upstairs. Then when we were out for
the boys footy or something on a Sunday, then sometimes

(38:20):
she'd come down and she'd do a clean of the
house and stuff like that. Thank you, but that's part
of living in someone's house is you help clean.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
There's a bad minimum everyone, even our boys ten and twelve,
they've got a roll to play.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Yeah, So but my point to that is it was
always when we were not around, so she kind of
didn't want to hang out with us, so we glad
energy didn't. We were asking more questions about it, so maybe
she didn't want to answer those questions, so she was
kind of like avoiding us in a way. That's what
it felt like. And then we had a conversation with
her about like, what's going on with you? And because
she had message us, that's all right.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
So yeah, he'd message us. And then I sat her
down and she said, he's blocked me. We haven't spoken
for three weeks and he's about to come back. So
I said, we can't live like this, Like I said,
you're gonna have to find someone else to leave. We
cannot live this like there's no rush, but sooner rather
than later. If it takes a couple of weeks, it
takes a couple of weeks, but we cannot live like this.

(39:16):
I said, when did you last speak to him? Why?
I can't speak to him because he's blocked me.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Yeah, so I've not been speaking for three weeks and
they blocked each other.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
And he and there was cheating going on. That's none
of our business. We don't care why you're blocked. We
don't care what the story is. But we're getting the Sorry,
he's cheated and he's done this, and he's that's not
ours to own. What ours is to own is that
we've opened our house to you. We've got an operating
family happening here. We are an athlete ourselves and training
because really was fighting on the same fight night. She
was fighting for the WBC title. That's pretty important first

(39:47):
big international opponents, So we don't care why. But I said, well,
you understand, we can't have this because when they would fight,
he'd be sleeping on the couch, or he'd be sleeping
in the garage or.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
In the garage.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
And then I said, we can't do the.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
Other side of it, like which all adds up is
like when Christian would come, he didn't have his own
room anymore, Like that's Christian's room when he.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Would sleep on the couch to give you space, we
displaced our family to help you, and all we asked
for is a bit of respect, and we just went
getting that. So I just said, you're going to have
to find some of us because we cannot keep doing this.
And they hadn't spoken for three weeks.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, so we were asking and then you know, he
back at home had messaged us and said, I might
have to stay in P and G because I need
money to be able to help my family, and so
I need to work, and we'll like, you're a contracted athlete,
so you should be here because you have a contract
and you're getting absolutely everything paid for, You've signed a

(40:42):
contract and you've made a commitment. So if anybody needs
to be working back in P and G, it's your
partner and to help your family. So she's currently here
staying with us, and you're back in P and G
having to work. It should be the opposite because you're
the contracted athlete, not her. So I don't understand.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Then he had said to me because I needed to
supply for the baby, that she said to him, need
to do this for us, You need to stay there
and work, And I said, well, no, you need to
be here because otherwise, why is she here? Why is
our house open to someone when we actually happen to
contract an athlete, And so none of this is I'm
not actually complaining about any of this. I'm going to

(41:19):
fully own that we should have stopped this much earlier.

Speaker 1 (41:22):
And the lesson behind this is, you know, see the
red flags and don't be stepped on for your want
to help, for you.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
Have boundaries, make decisions based on your values, and when
people start to break against your values.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
Don't feel bad, don't be don't guilty for yourself.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Into orgonized over this.

Speaker 1 (41:44):
Yeah, for so long, every time we were got into
the car. Well, we can't. We need to. You know,
we're doing all these justifications of why we're doing.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
When I sat it down and spoke to her and said,
you know you understand you can't say can you organize something? YEP,
I can organize something. Shouldn't be a problem. And you're
a little bit emotional obviously, And I said to it, like,
it's doesn't feel like a healthy relationship for you guys
particularly haven't spoken for three weeks. And then he's going
to I'm back here, and what's that energy going to
be like? And then we went out and she disappeared
and took all the stuff that day and then started
this is where it all started, started telling the whole

(42:12):
story how they reconnected and to other people. Yeah, so
we kicked her out, all this sort of absolute lives.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yeah, she was really off you because I didn't sit
you in the conversation because I didn't want it to
feel like there was two people attacking her. Because we
had all these concerns that we were going to raise,
like you're not getting paid for your job, we don't
even know where you work, You never here, like you're
always avoiding us, and it's just feeling really weird, like
your relationship is kind of you're not speaking, and he's

(42:43):
coming back from P and G in two days to
prep for this fight, and what are you going to
not be speaking in our house?

Speaker 2 (42:49):
And so the athlete that we're sponsoring be sleeping on
the floor in the garage. There's so many things.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
And then so we thought you would speak to her
because you're his coach, and so you wanted to come
from a coach perspective, like I need this athlete to
train properly. You're not a part of the contract. We
need to figure out now that you're working, what we're
going to do.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
And I should just say that the conversation was as
calm as i'm speaking now. It was very matter of fact,
you're upstairs, very matter of fact, very calm. She was like, yep, understand.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
Yeah, And you said, you know, sooner rather than later,
you need to find somewhere to live because he's coming
back in two days. And it's a very awkward energy.
By no means, did you say leave before he comes back.
That might have been misunderstood by her.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
That's why I think she very clearly understood Okay.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
But then because you came upstairs after that conversation, and
I said, how did it go? And you said all
the things that we just mentioned, and then you also said,
we can't just kick her out. So if he comes
back and there's nowhere for her to go, we can
put him in the van, just for.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Because because I've got a van, life van. And I thought,
all right, we'll put him in the van. It's got
a bed, it's got TV, it's got free just got
all the things.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
You had kicked her right then and there. Why would
you come up to me and offer him the van?
Why would you say that? Plus we had already talked
about this before, and we had both reiterated so many
times with each other. We simply cannot kick her out
on the street. That's not who we are no anyway.
So then she grabs her most of her stuff and
she's picked up by somebody, and I message her because

(44:25):
it had hours had gone by and she had not
been home, and we're thinking she's coming home because we
had not kicked her out, and it was raining, it
was dark, it was cold, and so I messaged her
and said.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Hey, where are you?

Speaker 1 (44:36):
Or I managed to drag my big suitcase down to church.
She gets picked up for church every week, so you
didn't drag anything. You just took your suitcas and you
put it in back of someone's car.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
So already it's son how much you're standing at the
rain to you?

Speaker 1 (44:53):
So I said where are you? Because church should have
been over ages ago, and she said, oh, I'm just
near the church corner. And I said, are you on
the street? And I've got all of these text messages
in my phone, I have the receipts FAM, so oh yeah,
I'm just on the church corner. And I'm like, what
are you out in the street And she's like not

(45:15):
answering that question, being very vague, and she's like, oh no,
I'll be fine, Like you know, I just want to
be alone. And I'm like, are you on the street though,
because it's raining, I'll be fine. I'm like, are you
on the street because I'm coming to pick you up?
Oh please don't come pick me up. I just you know,
I had to leave after being told to leave. I
was like, you misunderstood that. No one told you to leave. Otherwise,

(45:36):
why am I texting you to come?

Speaker 2 (45:37):
And actually said come back?

Speaker 1 (45:38):
I said, I come back. It's raining, it's cold, I
know where the church is, so I'm going to come
and pick you up. All of a sudden, she's somewhere
with somebody.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Oh no, I'm at someone's house.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
I'm at someone's house. You know that the pass's daughter
came and picked me up and I'm with her. And
the story changed that she's actually safe and dry and
not on a street corner at all. So I feel
like that was and we can't confirm anything, but I
feel like that was in efforts to make us feel guilty.
Very dramatic, Yeah, very dramatic.

Speaker 2 (46:08):
And this is what people do when they're using you
or they're feeling titled. They will make you feel guilty.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
Yeah, they'll right to make you feel guilty.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
Yeah that's next week's episode. But yeah, they will try
and make you feel guilty. And we agonized over this decision.
After five months of just constant turmoil, upsets, fighting, laziness
of the athlete, missing so many training sessions, we still
felt we still felt bad. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, And

(46:37):
the opportunity that was presented was phenomenal. We were having
good conversations with all the promoters, you know. Anyway, that's
all of that energy and all of that time and
all of that money could have went into our family
and your career, but it didn't.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
But so she has taken us stuff and she's left,
and she left a few of her things. So the
next day she messaged me and or will I message her?
And I said, Hey, are you okay? Again? I've got
the receipts. How can I help? Where are you? She
never answered where she was. I was genuinely concerned, like
where are you? And she said, I'm okay, I'm fine.

(47:15):
I've found some you know, or way to somewhere to
stay for now. And I said, well, can I bring
the rest of your stuff to you? Because again I
want to see her. I genuinely thought, like, we welcomed
you in as a part of my family, like you know,
at that point, I had no animosity towards her, nothing
like I genuinely thought that she was upset and blah
blah blah blah, and you know, I wanted to help.

(47:36):
So can I bring your stuff to you? I want
to see you. I said, you have not seen me
face to face, Like you haven't even said goodbye anything
like that. It actually makes me emotional. Yeah, like you
didn't say goodbye to the kids. Like nothing. Yeah, part
of the family. Anyway, I haven't seen her since really

(48:00):
like anyway. Then it just turned to hell's hour. When
he went here up didn't train because he went to
find her. And when he was in the car with
you on the way back from the airport, he said, coach,
I'm dedicated to my training. I'll sort out me and
her later. All I'm here for is this next fight,
which is meant to be on the same night as
my WBC title, which is two weeks away.

Speaker 2 (48:23):
At that time, we get home, we did one light
training session, we planned a second session, and he disappeared
six hours seven hours later, he's stuck into the house
at ten o'clock at nine.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
Eleven o'clock at nine And he was meant to make
weight for this fight because it was a title fight,
Queensland title fight, so you have to make the weight.
There's no if otherwise you don't win.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
That time, got on the plane and then landed here
to three hour flight, four kilos heavier than what we
were told.

Speaker 1 (48:49):
Yeah, and so when he was in P and G,
we said, what's your weight? And we asked the coach
over there as well. They taught us his weight. Well,
like okay, sixty eight track.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
He had to make set sixty six. He lands here
and I put him on the scars. He's seventy two
twenty two.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
How did you put on four kilos in two And.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
I said, how did you put on four thillos in
two days? And again he did that thing where he
just went, oh, coach, I must tell you the truth.
I was eating lots of junks and I'm like, I
was infuriated because we've put our We had to really
push to get him a stake title fight because he's
not from Australia. We're saying he's based in our Queensland
title fight. We had to chase an opponent because he's

(49:27):
a tough fighters so no one wants to fight him.
We did all of that. We had the promoter on board.
The promoter was umming and a ring about now you know,
because he doesn't sell well, but they're backing us. And
we did all of that and then you've come in
four kilos overweight because we were on.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
The same fight night. The promoter was like, really sells well,
so you know, we'll chuck her in those two under
the same trainer manager and back that they'll sell well.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
And then he gets on the scar's four kilos overweight
in two days, and I was just like, that's when
I just knew I can't help you. Yeah, I can't
help you.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
So then.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
We were like, we need to cancel this fight and
send you home because this is not it. This is
not how we conduct ourselves professionally.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
It's embarrassing to us in the industry, and.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
This is not the standard that we set and this
is not the standard that we accept, and so we
need to cancel that fight. I need one more chance,
he said, And we contacted the coach back home, who
we're really good friends with. He's a really, really good guy,
and he said, look, you know, he's give him one
more chance. If he misses one more training session, then
can it. So then you took him on pads and

(50:37):
he was pretty unfit on the pads. And you've got
to fight in two weeks.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
You should be wasn't even I think it was ten
days out.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
Yeah, so you got three days before tape a week,
so you should be fit as hell because that whole
week you're not doing anything. But you need to be
able to keep that level of fitness. And if you've
done the camp properly. One week doesn't take that fitness away.
But yeah, so then you said tomorrow you're aspirring.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
It's organized a sparring session at another gym, another athlete.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
With another athlete we've contacted, and it's early in the morning.
So these athletes have to be up early, they have
to have breakfast, they have to do all the things.
They have to get there to warm up. So you
have to be awake early in order to have a
six am SPA. So you need to get up at
four thirty five. We needed to leave home by six six.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
No, no, because it was seven o'clock.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
Oh my bad, it was seven. So we needed to
be up at five point thirty leave at six to
get there for seven, but to get there earlier to
warm up. He goes out the night before.

Speaker 2 (51:35):
Or actually first he said to me, I don't want
to SPA. He did, and I said to him, I'm
going to I'm going to insist your SPA. And the
reason I'm going to insist your spar is I need
to see where you're at. It won't be a hard
SPA because but you know we're getting close to fight week,
but I need to see what your fitness is like
I'm not saying easid. I've done heaps sparring back home
must year, but I haven't seen it. I need to
see it if I'm going to confidently put you in
the ring.

Speaker 1 (51:55):
He was saying, wrist or his elbows.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
His elbow was sore in mind.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
He just did it hit pads yea, and so he
has more taxing on your elbow.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
He said, to be okay, okay, then not spar and
then so then we.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
Set it up for the for the people, for the
other athlete and the other manager and the other coach
for the next morning. So keep it in mind that
we're wasting their time.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
And then he said to me, I'm just going to
go out for two or three hours. Coach, I said, no.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
Worries you do you You're an adult, never came home,
never came home. You're at there at five third in
the morning, knocking on the room door thinking he might
be thinking, he might think in his home.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Yeah, we need to go open the door. He's not
in his room. Text him, text him, text him. Answers
me at seven am. Sorry, coach, I went out and
I've slept in and I'm not going to make it in.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
Time, So he didn't want an athlete and this other
coach and this other manager thinking that we're sparring. So
number one, we're wasting other people's time here, you know,
waking up so early in the morning to get there
for a spar that we're not rocking up for. Like
this is just not the standard at all at all,
in no way, shape or form. And so because he
didn't want to spy, he just didn't come home.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
And I'd given him that opportunity, which is what s
you'd ask for. You've now blameed that opportunity. Fights over.
So then he come and saw me. I said, fights over.
And he come and saw me and said, can you
please change your mind? Give me one more chance? I said, no, done,
We've done too many chances. I didn't kick him out
of the house or cancel his contract right then and there.
What I wanted to do was leave the door open
for him to step into his professionalism and say, do

(53:25):
you know what, okay? That fights over, which is disappointing.
I'm going to prove myself to you. Sign me another
fight and give me six eight weeks. And I've proved
myself to you, but that's not what happened. He then disappeared,
He moved out, took his stuff, got really upset, come
and had a meeting with me. Lied to me and
said that I had kicked his partner out, that he'd
heard the whole conversation because she had a phone on her,

(53:46):
which is one hundreds That not true, because they had
blocked each other. One that blocked each other to the
thing she had said about him. If he had heard that,
everything was his fault. And three, I know she'd never
phone with her because I went and asked her to
come down from a room and a phone was there.
So all of that's a lie. But that's okay. We
kind of by this stage, you know, when you've got
that gut feel, when you just know when you've seen

(54:07):
all the red flags and it's all finally confirmed. I
was at peace with the decision. I was totally at
peace with the decision, and I just said, that's a
total lie, and that's for you to own. So you'll
be manipulated if you believe that that I would kick
someone out of the house, that you'll be manipulated. And
I will stand by that comment because that'll come up
in the next part of this where she wrote things

(54:28):
about me calling her a manipulator. Well I am, because
you were manipulating. Is we're both lying and manipulating. But
this is the whole point of this is we don't
owe you anything. We gave you a lot. We're now
walking away from that because you didn't fulfill your end.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
She did the whole tantrumy, dramatic leave in the dark
team and then she kind of just had to run
with it. So you did kick me out, And that's
why I was on the street.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
People go so far down the road of a lie
that they have to stick with a lie, and then
I think they almost have to believe the lie in
order to keep selling it, because otherwise you've got to
look at your partner and go, well, I actually lie.
One's doing that. It's not when they've gone that far
down their own So all in all, it's been a
really poor experience that we must own because we are

(55:15):
personal development people. And we had meetings and we had
sit downs, we tried to resolve the differences between them,
we had tears, we had everything going on. This is
over the whole five months, and it was constant. It
caused so much chaos in our world, and we did
everything we could, and we had to put a hand
on a heart and say we've done everything we can,

(55:37):
and look, this kid's so talented that of course as
a coach you want to work with them. And that's
how they get away with it, because too many coaches
will bend over backwards. I say, I don't care. You
do whatever you want, no matter how bad it is.
I'm going to stick. You know, I know a friend
years ago. I won't name these people because they're very
well known. One was an olympian, went on and held

(55:58):
versions of world titles, but my friend trained him right
through the amateur system to two Olympics. When he turned professional,
he won Australian titles in his first and second fights.
You know, this kid was really talented, but he was
very heavily involved in the drug scene, and my mate
is very against that, you know. And his reasoning was

(56:20):
that if I overlook this, which he constantly did, and
one day he said to the athlete, if I catch
this or it happens again, I'm not going to work
with you. By this time, the athlete's starting to become
a profile, he's starting to make money, and my mate's
never been paid because he's working through the amateurs. But
if he fights for a world title, which he did,
go on and fight for well title and gets a
million dollars, you get twenty percent of that, like you know,

(56:41):
so it was worth it. But he walked in one
day unannounced. He just walked into the athlete's house and
they had pills all over the table and they were
bagging him up for sale. And my mate just said
I'm out. And everyone said him, you're mad. He's just
about to start making money, and he said no, but
my moral compass is such that he had three young kids,
his wife had passed away from cancer when she was young,
and he just said, look, he said, look, if I
overlook this and when my kids are sixteen, eighteen and

(57:04):
end up addicted to I'm almost a part of that. Somehow.
You've got to stand by your moral code, your values.
Now I'm not saying they're my values or anyone else's,
but they're his. And everyone in the industry said to him,
you're mad because you're gonna make hundreds of thousands of
dollars off this, but he didn't care. And I've always
admired that, and I've probably struggled with that a bit
where I've let because this is not the first time

(57:24):
I've done this, or I've led a really good athlete
as in talented athlete, get away with not doing the work,
not telling the truth, bleeding off me or people around us,
getting sponsors and then not delivering back to the sponsors,
all the things I disagree with. But you're good enough
in your sport that I'm just gonna overlook that. And
then the opposite side of that is we have such

(57:46):
good athletes yourself, shlam Suaso, Taniela Tupo, even you know
Jade Nick Rima is over in England now, people that
I've worked with who would literally give you the shirt
off the back, who will literally do so much work,
You've almost got to pull them back sometimes. So it's
not all bad. And I don't want to turn into
someone that's stops backing people because of these things happen.

(58:07):
But what you and I have decided is we've got
to be smarter, and we've got to look for the
red flags, and we've got to own our piece and
go We empowered that because we ignored some things. The
standard you walk past is the standard you accept, absolutely,
So that's what I think we have to take out
of this.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
So basically, don't get stepped on in efforts to help
somebody because you believe.

Speaker 2 (58:29):
In them, and don't be made to feel bad. And
the moral compass of all this is one. These people,
you know, are constantly pushing their faith and their religion,
which really amazes me when you do tell liars and stuff.
And the partner then started writing all this stuff on
social media in stories and stuff, absolutely defaming and slandering

(58:51):
me personally calling me a liar that I had done this,
this and this.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
Thing, and making out like I'm some idiot who doesn't believe.
I mean, who doesn't who just believes everything that you say, and.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
You're a liar, really try to but did it in
a way where they had blocked us and locked us.

Speaker 1 (59:11):
Anybody who thinks that is connected with me. So one
of my very good friends from Perth came over for
my pro debut and she met They met each other,
so they naturally followed each other on Instagram, so she
had her.

Speaker 2 (59:26):
And your friend even bought her kids clothes.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
And these are the type of people that I surround
myself with. There's people who are genuinely good people. Who
do something for somebody who cannot do anything back for them.
Because my friend from Perth is not buying your baby
clothes because she thinks you're going to give her something.
She's doing it because she's a good person and she
thinks that you need.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
They all got blocked, so they all got blocked.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
And then she starts posting all this slandering thing. But
she missed one because one of my homegirls screenshoted everything
and showed it to us.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
It was pretty bad. It was pretty bad, and it
was just say what you want about people, but give
them a ride routurn.

Speaker 1 (01:00:02):
Absolutely say it with your chest, say to us and
say it with your chest. Don't be hiding in the
shadows so that that's giving. You just want to prove
your lives to all the people that you've con because
you're only giving this piece of information or information like
all this, all of this stuff is only going to

(01:00:22):
the people that you are in your corner, so you're
trying to convince them, and then you're telling the truth.

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
That thing is you did it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
If you had us unblocked, then we're able to respond.

Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
And we didn't ask for anything back for everything we
gave except that there was a medical procedure that needed
to be done that had nothing to do with us.
That was their mistake that they asked us to pay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
For that and it wasn't life threatening. It wasn't anything,
because if it was life threatening, I'm paying for that
every single day a week and I'm not asking for that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
It was a choice you made that then you wanted
to change that choice.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
You want to change that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
We paid for We paid really really ended up doing
two or three extra night shifts.

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
To pay for because again we're not rich, and.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
Then really just said you need to pay that back
and the person said, yep, I will, and then didn't.
Initially paid two hundred and then just disappeared and it
was over a grand blocked her and then so we
had to contact the parents back in p ANDNG just
say your daughter rowse.

Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
This money, yeah, and if you block and I'll pay
the rest later. You know, you don't get to tell me.
You don't get to dictate the terms on when you're
going to pay me back my money. You have a
conversation with me and I'll agree or disagree.

Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
That is the that's entitled what I want decent thing
to do?

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
When you owe somebody money, but you're going to pay
me a miniscul scule amount of it and then block
me and tell me you'll pay me later. That's not
how it rolls. And then weeks and weeks go by,
and I'm like, when am I getting my money?

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
And because because that's our kids money effect one hundred.

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
And because they're going around slandering our name and we're
hearing this before we saw the screenshots from other people
from other gyms that we introduced them to. I'm like, Okay,
I don't care about your situation because when I get mad,
I get mad, and it's like, I don't care about
your situation anymore because you didn't care about my situation
and you took that money off me and I had

(01:02:06):
to go and do night shifts and be away from
my family because of your dumb mistake, and so I
don't care what's happening in your life.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
The night shifts that you do, like that really does
is two pm or six am. That's a long time
to be away from our family. That none of that
money is going to us. It's to help you fix
a problem that you and your partner created. We didn't create.
So yeah, and look, I just want to be really
clear that this is not about having a chop at
these people. This is about genuinely sharing with you, the

(01:02:35):
watcher and the listener, that you can be a good
person and find yourself in a really bad situation that
you must own. So we could say, shit, they're this,
they're that, but we have to own our piece, yes,
otherwise we're going to keep.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
Making it too much, regardless of the red flags, because
we genuinely see the good in people, and sometimes that
clouds our vision. Yeah, and so for anybody listening, if
you feel like you've ever been in this situation, like
really being clouded because it's happened one too many times.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
I think your strengths in life are also your weaknesses
because you can go like you can be loyal to
a fault, you can whatever your strength is, you can
be so for us it is helping people. You can
go so far down that line and then people can
still turn on you, And you've got to learn that
they don't owe you anything because you made all those
that we made all the decisions, so they don't owe

(01:03:30):
us anything. But what I will demand from people is
respect at least and you will not attack me publicly.
I will stand my ground too, because people might like
or dislike that, but that's who I am. I'm not
going to be walked over by people. And if we
let them just get away with that, then you've been
walked over twice. So it's not as the usual upbeat,

(01:03:52):
positive episode that we do to be fair, but it's
raw and it's real and it's honest, and.

Speaker 1 (01:03:58):
We want to share everything from the highs to the lows.
And that was a really low point in our lives
and we are.

Speaker 2 (01:04:05):
Telling you a similar story in twelve months and you
can look at us and go, what are you doing?
These two haven't learned And I'm happy to be held
to that account because this has happened a couple of
times in the last couple of years. And really, to
be honest, you've become my strength to stand up to
people a little bit more, where sometimes I go, well,
whatever it happens, but now so no, we've got to
stop doing that. Because if it's just me on my

(01:04:26):
own and my kids have grown up, oh I guess
it doesn't really hurt that much. But with you and
the boys, we've got a young family. Every time you
have to think twice about whether you can afford to
buy something for the kids. But it Christmas Birthday is
a thing, and you've given money to other people, You've
got to remember that wasn't free money even no matter

(01:04:46):
even though we were willing to do it. That's come
from our family. And so it's a level of self
preservation and thinking putting your family first, which we all
say we do, but in this situation, we didn't. Really
We put these people in front because felt bad.

Speaker 1 (01:05:01):
Is it now that we have the spare room.

Speaker 2 (01:05:03):
For Martin visited Christian visitors comes. We bought him a
whole new sam My Samantha.

Speaker 1 (01:05:09):
Spent a night, you know, he got his own spider
Man bed's bread like we set it up for Christian
because that's Christian's room. And we displaced him for too
long for people who just didn't care about us. He
just used us and we put our families.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
Out and now have the light to go out and
be upset about it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
Oh my god, that's the other thing. It's like, even
if her story was true about you kicked me out,
it's our house.

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
It's my house.

Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
I can do what I want with my house that
I pay for.

Speaker 2 (01:05:39):
We laughed, now. But we've been really annoyed about this
and this is where it will end for us in
the sense that we've allowed this to take up too
much real estate inside o hand.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
Yes, it's done now, it's done. Even in the car
our family.

Speaker 2 (01:05:54):
We start talking about it because we just some annoys us.
But you've just got to let it go.

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
Yeah, we need to look at ourselves. We need to
stop displacing our own family because essentially that's what we did.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
So lessons learn. What's one of the lesons learned out
of this to Typhon.

Speaker 1 (01:06:07):
Whenever you see a red flag, just honestly hold your
own standards. Yeah, and just nip it in the bud,
regardless of what you think or what potential that you
see in people. Don't feel bad about holding your own
standards because more often than not, those those will come
back to it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
And if it comes up more than once, it's no
longer a mistake or an accident. This is now a
pattern and start to look at patterns of behavior, not words,
because the words we were told were very different so
than what was you know, the actions that were being taken.
So that's it for this Mayhem Monday.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
We got a bit dark.

Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
If you a bit darker, we'll change out. Over the
next few weeks, we're going to not do NGLs, I
don't think for a little while because we've got so
much we need to catch up on, and there's been
really good feedback on episodes we've done when we've just
talked about a thing. So next week's episode merely and
not I going to talk about something that we both
like to agree to disagree on, which is that other

(01:07:05):
people can't make you feel a thing.

Speaker 1 (01:07:08):
You have your own choices and it's your choice to
feel that. That's how I feel about it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
Who's right and who's wrong.

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Mayhem Monday - The Entitelment Trap

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Mayhem Monday - The Entitelment Trap