July 20, 2025 • 46 mins
What if no one actually cares what you do or think? This week, we discuss why you shouldn't let other people's opinions limit your life.
We talk about how caring too much about what others think can stop you from living life to the fullest. From little things like going to the shops without makeup to bigger decisions like career moves, relationships and more. We share stories and advice on how to stop limiting yourself and start embracing discomfort to grow.
00:02:30 - The myth of "special people" who seem to have it all
00:08:30 - Not letting other's opinions stop you from the gym or other self-improvement
00:12:00 - Staying in bad jobs/relationships because of what people will think
00:18:30 - Parents instilling fear of judgment in kids
00:21:45 - Judging and shaming goes both ways
00:26:00 - Live the depth, not just length of your life
00:32:00 - Examples of limiting beliefs and age
Key Takeaways:
- No one cares as much as you think. Don't let it stop you.
- Do what makes you happy as long as it's legal and doesn't hurt others.
- Practice getting comfortable with discomfort.
Want less limitation and more life? Don't miss this episode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Approche Production.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hey, team, welcome back to the Building Better Humans Project podcast.
It is Mayhem mondays Hey, which means we have Mayhem,
we have man. We wanted to and we talked about
this at the end of last week's episode that we
wanted to talk about the fact that you're not that special. Yes,
and so this may not as we be as long
(00:54):
an episode because we're not answering questions. This is just
I guess million and I riffing about the fact that
we don't believe anyone's that special. And I want to
preface that whole conversation by saying, there are people in
this world that we we put on a pedestal and
then we make these assumptions that they're so much better
(01:16):
than us, better looking, more athletic, better at business, better relationship,
but we don't know all of that to start with,
We don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Every aspect of their life.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Like for me, if someone's successfully if you look at
us and think we've got a we've got a good relationship,
and we have. But if you think that, please know
there's a lot of work going on and there's plenty
of times where I feel, if we're honest, where we
both thought it wasn't going to last where I'm sure
there are times where you've thought you've made a mistake,
(01:47):
because really has young boys to think about. And when
we've had one or two not arguments, what are they
called disagreement disagreements discussions where you know, you would remind
me that I asked you not to get involved in
my life if this wasn't going to be a long
term thing, and they were just minor, but you know,
when you're in flame, they can seem a bit bigger.
(02:10):
And then so my point to that is you guys
are looking at that and going, oh, they have a
good relationship because we post all this stuff online, which
is true. Of course we're not people go oh, you
don't post your words, or we're not recording when we
have a disagreement. Obviously, hang on a second, Can we
just continue that?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
We'll ring jay? Can we can we have the.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Studio because we we're going to throw down.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
But yeah, I just want people to know that I too,
put people on a pedestal, and I assume that they're
like I've got great friends of mine that seemed very
successful in business, as in millions and multimillions of dollars.
So it's of course one hundreds of millions. So I
can look at those people and go, man, they've got everything.
But I do know them well enough to know how
(02:52):
close they've been to nothing, how hard they've been. I've
watched them go through relationship breakdowns and their new relationships.
I've watched, you know, I've got best mates who were
in very I don't want to out anyone, but in
very high performing roles in areas that are low percentage,
so less than three percent of the population could even
achieve what they do. And I've watched them have their
(03:15):
children go through drug addiction and so on. Right, So
everyone else looks at this person because he's written books
and he's well known in the military world and the
garth he's amazing, but they I've seen, as a friend
of his, what he's been through. And that's when you
realize we're all pretty bloody ordinary. We're very normal, and
you can be an absolute high performer and have chaos
(03:39):
around you that you're working your way through. Yeah, And
the reason I want to say that is because there
are plenty of other people that have a little bit
of chaos. One or two things go wrong and they
hold onto it forever and then they drag that through life,
which is cool. You get to keep whatever story you
want to keep telling, but you also get to write
on you and if you want to. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
But yeah, So we are all just people navigating through
life at the end of the day. So you know,
we're not that special, or I like to say, you're
not that important, which might sound challenging for some more
because in our own little lives we are very important,
or to the people in our own little lives, we
(04:21):
are very important. But on the big scheme of things,
we are a very tiny bit in a massive universe. Really,
So that brings me to something that I'm very passionate about,
and that's not allowing the opinions of others to stop
you from doing what you want to do in your life.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
You're not that important.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
So when I was a PT or even an online PT,
you know, there would be times where clients wouldn't want
to go to a gym because they were worried about
what other people would think of them. And that is
such a like, it's exactly what I'm talking about when
you're limiting your own life because you are worried about
(04:59):
what some others might think and for the most part,
no one's thinking about you at all. So that's why
I say, you're not that important.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Even if they thought about you for a split second,
so you were wearing something outlandish, or you were what
if so you were grossly overweight or underweight, and you
didn't fit into the bros that are lifting in the gym,
They're probably going to look at you for a split second,
but by the time the next day, they don't remember you.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Most people are just so solely focused.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
On their own lane and their own life that they're
not thinking about you.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
As much as you think that they are.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
You know, I've had some clients who won't go to
the shop unless they're all done up, and it's like
why because no one cares, you know, like no one's
oh my god, she came to the shop and a jarmy.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I was gonna say, how often have we been into IgA.
We have an Ida near us, which.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Is a pretty cool, really nice Ida, and you.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Go in there any night of the week and you'll
see kids like sixteen seven, eighteen yards in.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
The pajamas and you can go there in my jam
and you can love go these.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Kids in the army because it's kind of cool that
I don't care. But if you ask me to describe
one of them twenty four hours later, I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I don't even know what in the just no idea.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
And I took Marley to the shops recently and he
was in what are those really big hoodie type dressing
gown dolphins?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Oh, like a onesie.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Big onesie thing. And I'm going to ij and so comes.
He wanted something, and then I said yeah, and he said,
you go in and get me something. Said no, no, if
you want to come in, you come in. And then
you said to him, he goes in this and nobody cares.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
No one cares. No one's gonna be like, turn around,
what are you wearing?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
What are you wearing about? So we went in and
then he's walked around the shop. There's maybe five or
six people in the shop. I think we left you
at home, and he's grabbed what everyone to grab. And
then as we're leaving, he goes literally nobody looked at me.
I said, yeah, nobody cares.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
No one gets your team to start with, no one cares.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
So and yet we've all gone through situations in life
where we think everyone's looking at us you can probably
walk into the gym naked and people might remember you
for that because it's so outlandish. But that's about as
far as it would go, you know.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Like you and that's like illegal, yeah, inclosure if you
can call it indecent. No, but you know, I've even
had clients who won't do a particular exercise because they're
worried about you know, you might look a little bit
funny and it's like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Nobody cares.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
I think I remember even with you, a client mentioning
not wanting to sweat or something.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, so you know you can go and get I
think it's I don't know what.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
The medication is, but you can get injections for not sweating,
and it's like that is next level, next level caring you.
Sweating has a purpose, is trying to cool you down,
like your body is really trying hard for you.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
So yeah, really sweats a lot. And this is kind
of a sidebar. And then sometimes I'll hug you, like
particularly like early in the morning or something. You go,
I'm really sweaty.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
I don't care, Yeah, but I just don't want to
get your closed.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Dirty on that person with you. But yeah, for the
most part, most people don't care. And I just want
to say that that's not a negative. That's not to say, oh,
you're not important, you don't matter. She absolutely absolutely matters
and in.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Lots of you matter in the world. But just on.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Jobo Joe blow public don't care about you. No, why
would you change something If you really want to do something,
why would you change it based on.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Don't let what others might think, because again they might
not even be thinking about you stop you from doing
the things that you want to do. Don't let the
opinions of others limit your life.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I read a thing once that said, like, in our twenties,
and probably starts earlier in our teens, but in our
twenties we're so worried about what other people think. Even
into our early thirties, and then mid thirties into sort
of early forties, we start getting defined. I don't care
people think of me. And then when we hit our
forties a bit earlier for you, I guess, but when
we have forties, we go Wei, no one.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Was actually no one was thinking about you in the first.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Place because I was so focused on this.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Yeah, but you know, and then.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah, so just allowing others to what other people might think.
To limit your life is. It plays on in such
small areas such as not going to the shop unless
you have something good on. But then, like we say,
how you do anything is how you do everything, so
it will go on to bigger parts of your life.
So whether or not you start a business because you're
worried about what other people might think, and you might
(09:32):
have the best idea ever, but you never ever go
into that or delve into that, or create what could
be such an amazing opportunity to help others and to
make money doing it because you're worried about what other
people might think.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
I've even seen it to the point where people put
themselves behind because they want to pretend to be wealthy,
and then they leave themselves in a really fun I've
seen businesses fail because people just want to throw money
and I've got everything and have the Mercedes, which if
you can afford it, fine, but if you can't, why
would you put yourself in debt for it and then
have to work even harder, even more stress on your family,
(10:06):
on your relationship, on everything, on your business, just because
you wanted people to believe that you were born.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
I've actually heard from a real estate agent who once
told me that, you know, it's always it's largely people
who drive the Mercedes and drive the Beemas and drive
the expensive things that are behind on their rent because
nobody can see if you're paying the rent or not
except for the person who is.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Dealing with that. But everyone can see that you're driving
a Beama.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
So let's not just respect people driving Merks and Beamers
because we like them.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, I love and what we've been told.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Yes, And to bring it back to the context, you know,
you're caring what others might think. So it's limiting your
life in some sort of way because you're having to
buy this thing to show to other people. But you're
a lot of this stuffs limiting your life in other ways.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
A lot of this starts a mum, I was going
to bring that up.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
What are you wearing? Why are you going out in that?
And I'm not talking about dads with their daughters and
short skirts and stuff. No natural progression we go through,
we go oh no way, little girl's growing up. But
more where like Tomali in a ten year old wearing
his ones he out and carp and get changed.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Well, I guess The only time that I would change that,
and I do say this to my kids is if
they're in filthy clothing.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
It's like, that's just a personal respect.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Yeah, It's like Sammy will try and go out in
clothes that are just stained up, and I'm like, nah, bro,
you're going to go and change because that's not it.
And it's not like caring what other people think. It's
just like it's a personal standard and you have to
grow up with you know that.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
You take care of the.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Little kids four, five, six, seven year olds and they
wear in the middle of summer, they want to wear
their gum boots with their footy shorts and they want
to wear who cares? Who cares how often you see
little three four year old girls out in a princess outfit?
You know? But then they hit a certain age at five,
six seven when we start to go, oh, you know,
that's that color doesn't match with that or what different
(12:03):
to Like Samuel wear things inside out, back to front.
He wears shorts three size is too short. He'll wear
dirty things because that's it. Doesn't care. But yeah, that's
a standard thing that's different.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
And the other part of that, when you're raising children
is I've always hated and I've never said it to
my kids. What will people think? It's not about what
people think, you know. So if we're at a restaurant
and they're hollering and they're making up a thing and
it's like, well people think, No, it's not what people think.
It's that you're disturbing the peace and people are here
trying to enjoy themselves and eat. It's not about what
(12:35):
they think about me as a parent or what they
think about you as a child. It's the fact that
everybody's trying to enjoy themselves and you're taking away from that.
So it's not you know what people to think, or
you're embarrassing mummy. No, that's strategy.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
That is when you see parents try to stop kids
being too naisy in a playground and you go, well, hey,
this is the place.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
This is literally where they're allowed to make.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I understand if we're at the movies, we're in a
restaurant because other people are paid money to be here
to have a quiet, that's different. But certainly if they're
in situation, kids would run and make noise up and
down the street and out. Street's pretty good, but you
have had situations where adults are like, you know, they
built some jumps at the back of yeah parkland, and
a woman dropped them into the council and really.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Doesn't she filmed them.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
So I went and knocked on her door and I
was like, you're going to delete that off your phone.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
You can't be filming kids.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Don't feel my children.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
But also it was but it was a dirt jump, yeah,
and then the counsel would.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Come out and knock you no.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
But her thing was so when I went and knocked
on her door and I said, my children told me
that you've been filming them, and then she starts carrying on, well,
they're built jumps in the back and they're noisy, and
I'm like, well, first of all, their kids being kids,
and you know, yeah, it is public land, and you know,
kids are always going to mess with public land to
have fun and that's just children being children. And she goes, oh,
(13:52):
the kangaroos used to come and jump out the back
of my house before your kids came and started playing
out there.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
And I'm like, well, I'm sure the kangaroos.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
Used to play before you built this big, beautiful house,
So who lives in here? I is it just you,
because it's too big to just power one person. So
if we're going to have that logic, then what are
you doing here? And then she was like oh, And
then I said, so go and get your phone and delete,
delete those videos.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So I had a guy at there this I'm kind
of feel like we're getting a little bit off Toby.
But he lived next door to the gym I had
when I had Project whe eighty, who used to always
complain about noise, and I'd have the counsel coming out
and we did. About ten times they come and checked
us for noise, and we always passed, and we didn't
know they were coming. They would just turn up at
five o'clock in the morning or any time, and we
(14:36):
always passed. I said, at some point, you should charge
him because he's wasting your time. But what finally stopped
it was we had we weren't technically allowed to be
open on a Sunday, but when I run bro Camps
and Alas, which are a youth development camp for eleven
to seven year old boys and girls, respectively, we would
start and finish at the gym. So the last day
we'd bring all the gearback to the gym, so tents
(14:57):
and sleeping bags, and the kids would kind of shoot
hoops inside the gym just while they're waiting for parents
to pick them up, and he would complain about that.
So I had a group of teenage girls and I
was in the office and he come and film them
at the door because he wanted to send that to
the council to prove that we were open, and we
weren't open. These weren't people using the gym or we
(15:18):
were just dropping gear off effectively and waiting for parents.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
That was good for better child shooter hoop, but.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
That backfired on him because they were teenage girls and
a lot of them were Samoans, and some of them
parents are very protective and they're big humans like Shalom's
parents and all were involved. And it was around the
time that samo I had got into the corner finals
of the Rugby League World Cup, which was huge for
somewhere at the time. So then when they turned up,
(15:45):
besides him not liking the noise they were driving, the
parents are driving up down the streets with big Samoan flags,
the big six, seven, five and blowing their horns like mare.
But then these kids come in before the parents got
there and said, there's some old man filming us at
the door, and these are thirteen, fourteen, fifteen year old
kids and girls, so that's really appropriate anyway. But I
(16:07):
use that as leverage because then the council rang me
and said, this guy has put in a complaint about
you guys being open. I said, yeah, look, we've had
some concerns from parents about an older white male filming
these Islander kids, females, teenagers. So basically made it sound
like he was a better That's how the parents they
wanted to kill him. They were not about it and
(16:29):
very protective and.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
I don't like strangers filming children.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Weird. Yeah, and he just we never heard from him again.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
They put the fear of God into him.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
But you know, at the end of the day, they
were kids having fun. And some of those kids, well
we can say now, like shlam Suasso is one of
my favorite young athletes and one of our favorite people,
and we've been working with her since she was twelve.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Years old the Bronx. She's in the Bronx.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
She's made her debut for the Bronx. At the time
we're filming this, we couldn't announce that, but now it's
going to be by Tom and releases. We two or
three weeks later and she's made her debut for the Bronx. Yes,
and she's eighteen years of age. So you know, these
are good kids that we were doing good things with
and that's there. Most people aren't judging you, but there were.
Sometimes you'll get people like that who just want to
(17:11):
involve themselves in size because we run a youth development program.
And he tried to say we're open and here, and
then at one stage he tried to say we didn't
have a license to be an educational facility, like we're
a school. We're not running a school.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
God's way too much time on his hands.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, so and the council where even we're on our
side by then, so this guy is trying everything to
get anyways shut down. The funny thing is the gym
was there before he built his building.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
Yes, but it could be that could relate to this
topic because if you're somebody who largely lives your life
based on what others might think, you might limit that
part of your business because you worry about what the
neighbors might think. And it's not to say, you know,
we're going to disturb the peace because we don't care
what other.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
People are very conscious of me.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Yeah, so, but.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
It is you know, if you're doing something good and
you don't think that, you know, you're disturbing anybody, apart
from this guy who kind of seemed a little bit like, yeah,
so keep doing what you're doing, is what we're trying
to say.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
So I guess to tie that off, you know, what's
the lesson for people to learn.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
Don't let other people's opinions stop you from doing what
you want to do, or don't let the opinions of
others limit your life, you.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Know, and for people listening, how do you do that?
That's the challenge, right because if this is sad, but
I've seen people in their forties and fifties who are
still doing that. So that's an ingrained habit.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
So another part of this would be another example of
letting other people like letting you allowing other people's opinions
to limit your life. Would be staying in a relationship
longer than you need to because what might people think.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Or a job longer, a job longer.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Or you know, like oh, we can't get wet, I
can't leave this abusive man, or I can't leave this
abusive woman because what people think? Really, Yeah, so I
how do people do that? I would say, just do it,
because there's no other way around it.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Yeah, there's no other way around it. You have to
just do it. So make small practices.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
So if you cannot go to the shop without having
your whole makeup done, practice And if it's such an effort,
if you like doing that, by all means, do it,
you know. But if it's like, oh my god, I
really just need to go to the shop and I
just can't because I'm worried, just practice. So get in
the car, go down and get your milk, and look around,
and realize that nobody cares, you know, and then small,
(19:35):
bit by bit by bit, make it that bigger my.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I don't know if it ties in directly to this
in advice, but it's just in general, whenever we've got
behaviors or habits that could be serving us or not.
Because things are raither serving you or they're not. That's
just at the end of the day, even negative habits
might be serving you in some way, of course, and
that's hard for people to understand. But if you've got
a habit that's not hitting you in the direction you want.
I always love that, And we've talked about this in
(20:02):
long before we started maying mondays this future pacing, Like,
if you keep doing that for the next five years
or ten years, if you stay in that relationship, staying
that job, if you keep refusing to go to the
gym because you need to find a time of day
where not everyone's going to be there, and you know what, these.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
Days, you'll never find that time, Like, gyms are always
busy no matter what time of the day you go,
because everybody.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
What does ten years time look like?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Yeah, how is your life going to be negatively impacted?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
If you're scared of hello? Do you change?
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:33):
But yeah, I would say, first of all, hopefully listening
to this podcast sparks something in you, like actually nobody cares,
so I'm going to go on to it, so hopefully
that helps. But I would say start small and keep going.
So if you're not going to go to the gym
because you're worried about what other people might think, I
would say, go to the gym, and if somebody's looking
(20:55):
at you, smile at them.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
And say hello.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
It changes energies.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Yeah, Hey, how you doing?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Because people love quotes, right, So people love this quote
and I don't know the whole quote, but it's part
it is like dance like nobody's watching. That's really yeah,
that's actually you. But if you're someone that worries whatever,
one else thinks that you're not doing that, So don't
share that quote. Yes, But to me, I share a
lot of quotes, and I try and give them context
because I don't just want to share a quote. You know,
(21:23):
there needs to be why am I sharing the quote?
What does it mean? So I try and write a
whole passage behind it. And I've been told by younger
people I write too many words on Instagram. But you know,
to the people that follow me, which is you know,
adults typically, then I want them to know what I'm
thinking because the quote itself could mean something totally different
to me and you. But don't share quotes, don't share
(21:43):
pictures of lines and all this sort of garbage. If
you're not that person, if you're not willing to the
very minimum, have a go. And the best way for
if you're a parent to understand this is what advice
do you give your children? Because so many parents give
them children of advice to don't worry about whateverything, So
go and do this, or you know, have another go
at it, and then themselves won't ever go at it.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Yeah, or they themselves worry about what other people think.
That always spills onto your children in language like what
will other people watch it?
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, and they notice that. Well you might say that,
but I knows you don't do that. You know. Dad's
in his forties and he's carrying a little bit of
weight and he hasn't exos for a while, and he
gets asked to join a master's footy team and he
loves footy, but he thinks, nah, because I'm going to
embarrass myself out there. I'm fat or I'm well a
year playing footy. I bet you you're not. Yeah, you
would make a positive change by doing the thing. And
(22:30):
your kids see that behavior. There's nod saying that at
some point in life, and it's pretty young actually, where
kids will stop doing what you say and start doing
what you do.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
How often you reiterate it to him. Just have a
goalt life, don't worry about what other people think. And
they think, well, you're not.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
Yeah, and they will always throw that back at you.
I've thrown it back at my parents. You know, well
why don't you do it?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Or you know, yeah, it's the same, it's no different
in any behavior. Try and change with children is time
you spend on your iPad or and they go, but
yours on your computer? Yours, And so we always try
and say no devices at dinner, and so when we're
sitting down or any meals, even if they're reading breakfast
and we're not all leading breakfast together, so it's just
(23:15):
it's five minutes, it's not that long.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Yeah. Well the other day that got through them back
in my face as well, because it was breakfast and
we're sitting down having breaky and I needed to do
like a little induction thing on my phone anyway, so
I opened it up and Miley straight up like, no
phones at the tail.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I'm fine, fine.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
But actually this is the total sidebarber the feeling about that,
because Sammy's the worse. When he's got a device, everything
else doesn't happen. And he made breakfast and Sammy eats
like he's never been fed. I'm constantly one.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Low down and he made breakfast.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I went upstairs to see you for like twenty minutes
and I come down and he was on his iPad
and he had not taken a single bite. His food
was cold, and I took his eyep and he goes,
what what I said? You haven't even touched a breakfast
him on And then within minutes he devoured his breakfast.
So his brain just doesn't think, whereas food's always first.
But then if you've got your device, so I guess
it's it is different. Like it's easy to say, but
(24:11):
I've got a job and I've got a business and
we've got responsibilities. But yeah, honestly, we don't have to
be contacted on twenty four hours a day, So yeah,
you do have to try and model behaviors. And I've
learned that even with you, Like if I've done something
to annoy your upset the boys and you say, just apologize,
and I don't think I should apologize or I won't.
(24:33):
But the truth is, it's not about whether you think
you should apologize or not. It's about teaching them to
own up to things that they've done as well. Yeah,
and I know that's a slight sidebar from what we're
talking about, but my point to all of that is
it's modeling behaviors that we want young people to carry
out because we model some good behaviors. We exercise regularly.
We compete at levels like we compete at a sport,
(24:54):
or you competed a sport at a professional level while
they're still playing kids sport, and they sometimes try and
relate the deal when they're not relatable yet. But as
they get older, if they ever decide to be professional
athletes or whatever, they're never going to have that I'm
too old now because you started competing at thirty, you know,
whereas most people we're competing now against athletes that have
(25:18):
been at thirty twenty, have been doing it for ten years,
have had seventy fights. We watched a fight just yesterday
of a twenty two year old, you know, fighting someone,
or a twenty one year old fighting someone who's ranked
in the top ten of the world and beating her
because she's twenty two. And you think, man, we started late,
(25:39):
you know, so that would be enough of an excuse
not to start, Yeah, because well you can't start at thirty.
It is how fuck you expect to go or you know,
how far we expect to go as far.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
As we're tying into the topic. You might go, oh,
what will people think I'm so old?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
But that's being a boxer.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
But you're a mum, Yeah, something happens to your brain,
or so I should stop living my life or doing
anything because somebody else I'd like to tie into this
topic is something I talked about on Cokoderie and I
have this idea that I want to live the depth
of my life, not the length of it, not just
the length of it. And it was the last thing
I said to everyone on Cocota, because we do a
Thought of the day every morning, and because it was
(26:17):
a small group, I started and then I finished. And
the finish of that was to say, the not dead
yet theory is to live your life while you can,
so live the depth of your life and not the
length of it. Most people, there's an old quote that
says most people stop living in their twenties. So by
the time they get their first proper career type job.
Say you go to UNI for four years and you
start a job, and they've got a family, and all
(26:38):
that starts, and then they stopped by stop living, They
stopped taking risks, they stopped doing anything new, they stop
challenging themselves, and so they stopped living in their twenties
and they don't die until the eighties. And that's effectively
what we're talking about here. If you are worried about
what other people think, by the time you hit thirty
or even earlier, you will not do anything new. You
(26:59):
will not challenge yourself, you will not get uncomfortable because
you don't want to look stupid.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
And then you'll get eighty and you look back on
your life and you.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Go, damn it.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah, like I now at fifty three feel really good.
But if you said to me at thirty that you know,
when you're fifty three, ill man, that's so old, and
then you stop doing things. I ran a when I
was a young PTI in the Army. I was running
I just finished my course. I was twenty one on
twenty two, and I was running pt for a group
(27:29):
and there's this guy. I probably shouldn't mention his name
because I still remember his name, but he was a corporal.
But he was a long term corporal. So corporal really
is the first four or five years. It's your first rank.
But some people a lifetime corporals. I've just stay there
for twenty years because that's that's kind of their limit,
and it was a lovely broken all that. But he
was thirty five and I was running pt and it
(27:49):
was pretty hard. And we're in a field forced unit
so where we need to be ready to go to war.
And he goes, oh, for f's sake, I'm nearly thirty
five years old. And I remember thinking, oh, that is
pretty old. And then when I got to thirty five,
I thought, man, what's he talking about, Like you can
still do stuff. So that was an example of already
limiting himself. By another example, I was there, used to
(28:12):
be a guy that was like a piano lounge singer
in Timber, a very popular, very well known, big guy,
very overweight, and then he wanted starting to run for
politics up there, and I used to see him all
the time because he's a cross road for my gym,
and I loved him. He was a really nice blake
and I used to say, man, you've got to get
your weight under control, because he was really unhealthy and
(28:33):
he was doing all nighters and then trying to run
for politics. And he goes, oh, made of wood, he said.
But I can't remember his age, forty seven or forty five.
I think forty seven and I said, yeah, but the
average Australian males to that eighty seven, so you got
forty more years. I'm not talking asking you have.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
That pretty much the whole life that you just lived again.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Yeah, I'm not saying go and become a CrossFit athlete,
or go and compete at boxing. I'm just saying, start
to exercise. I offered to help him for free at
our gym, just because I really liked him, but he
wouldn't do it because I made him forty seven. Yeah,
and so that's another example ample of you know, maybe
worry about what other people think, or if you do
start to get in shape in your forties, eyes a
(29:12):
midlife crisis. Because I just took a guy to Kakota
who totally gave me a new perspective on something Graham,
So shout out to Graham. He was fifty eight years
of age, so only five years older than me, and
he said to me, you know a lot of people say,
like more on something like Kakoda. I wished I'd done
this when I was thirty, and I've heard that a lot,
and he said I wouldn't. He said, I said, why not?
(29:33):
He said, because I was so obese at thirty. He
told me he just lived an absolute lifestyle. He was
forty or so killers heavy than what he is now.
And then when he was thirty or thirty five, his
doctor said to him, if you continue the way you're going,
you will be dead by the time you're fifty. Your
heart's not going about a handle this. So he said,
the thirty year old version of me couldn't have done this.
(29:54):
How cool is that at fifty eight and he was
an inter I was going to say interstate, that's not true.
He's in West Australia. He drives right up the west coast,
right up to Kratha or whatever. He drives road trains
and he still managed to train for Kakoda. He lost
eighteen kilos just to get ready for Kakoda. Now, we
said people have excuses. He said, I would pull up,
you know, on my drive. He starts at three o'clock
(30:15):
in the morning. And he said, and I'd pull up
of a nighttime and have a shower of truck stop
or whatever. But before I shower, I'd go ahead and
walk for an hour or And could he have been
fitted absolutely, And he admits that, but with the job
that he had, it was the best that he could do,
and he was doing an eleven and three shifts, eleven
days working three days off, and he still managed to
get fit enough to go to Kakota. And he was
(30:36):
still fitter now than he was at thirty because he
just made the decision that that's what he was going
to do. So these are all feel like extreme examples,
but this is exactly how if you let other people's
opinions of you, like the ob thirty five year old
version of him, you know, people would go, you couldn't
walk kakoda. It would let alone if you said, in
(30:56):
twenty years time, you're going to walk Kakoda. Yeah, that's
pretty cool. So you can change your life.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
Another example would be, you know, so you went to
union and you got a degree, and then you were
out of a job, or you were trying to get
into the workforce that you trained for but you couldn't
break through, and then you're running out of money or
you're living off somebody else or any of that because
(31:21):
you don't want to get a lesser job because you're
worried about what other people. She went to architecture school,
you know, so it's like you're limiting your life.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
You have no money.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
You're living off somebody else, which is I don't agree
with living off somebody else solely because you think you're
too good, because you're worried about what other people think,
and that is ultimately what it comes down to you,
in my opinion, you're worried about people are going to think, Oh,
he went to engineering school, or he went to whatever school,
medical school, and now he can't get a job because.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Example of that. Yes, So I had a friend who
was also a client many years ago, and they were
from overseas and he was an international pilot and then
COVID hit couldn't get work. The only place he could
get work was in China or something, but it was
there weren't many of those jobs going, and so he
was waiting, waiting, waiting, and then money was dwindling and drinkling, dwindling.
(32:20):
Mum's working. They got two kids at a private school,
and she said to him, get a job anywhere, even
at Bunnings. And he said, I am not working at Bunnings.
And they were slowly going broke. And that was for
two years. She started working two jobs and he in
that two years, he still hadn't worked because he hadn't
picked up a flying job because it worked. There was
(32:42):
like ninety percent of pilots were out of work. I
can't remember. It was a really high stat and she
was saying to me, and I didn't have an answer
for it because I wasn't working with him, I didn't
know him, and she was saying, like, I need him
to do something because I can't keep financing the whole
family or the kids are gonna have to leave private school.
And it all came down to he didn't want to
work at Bunnings because what if people say, but you're
(33:02):
a pilot, yeah, but you know I would say it's cod.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Yeah, we need to live. That is way more important
than what you think.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
One thing I love about us is we will both
do whatever it takes. We we do not rely on
other people, and there's nothing wrong if you do, but
we don't. We rely on each other. And we've both
put ourselves in situations that anyone else would go I'm
not doing that. Yeah, but we've been able to pay
our bills because COVID certainly effected our businesses one ndred percent,
but we didn't just roll over and die, and we're
(33:33):
still in Activa.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
We lost everything tomorrow, you and I would both go
and get cleaning jobs, probably even work at McDonald's to
be fair, if that was the only thing going. Because
I'm not going to let what other people might think
limit my life. And I still have to create a
good life for my children, So I'm going to go
and do it to things.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
On the I'd be on the drive through to check out,
and then when you come through you get a bit
of life advance.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
You'd have to practice.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
You have to practice on the ice cream machines not
working and getting yelled at. I used to work at
Hungry jackson Man when the ice cream machine was working
beyond no, they'd probably yell at you during the speaker
and then when they drove through in so they'd be like, actually,
I take it back.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
That a whole new thing. You can get life advice?
Is it life advice?
Speaker 4 (34:19):
You go to Macca's Redcliffe Jess for personal development?
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Did you fifty three? Work and make stop it?
Speaker 3 (34:24):
I don't care what you think, that's true.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Yeah, I just my challenge for you, anyone watching or listening,
would be to try and catch yourself.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Worrying about what people think and changing it.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Just in this first week or so, just try and
catch yourself and not that whether you're some of their
journals or whatever you do, and just okay, like I
actually did make that decision.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
I was a bit worried about what other people think.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
And when you first start to make adjustments, so the
next week, then start to try and do things that
you know are going to make you uncomfortable and just
notice the feelings and do not shy away from it. Yeah,
and eventually, yeah, like the are a.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
Bit hard on myself with my internal dialogue. So for example,
if I am training and I feel like I can't
go further, I will kind of yell at myself inside
and I'll be like you liy'll you know, keep going
blah blah blah. And that works for me. But another
thing that worked for me when I was transitioning from
my younger self into who I am today, when I
(35:25):
was thinking about, like, all these people will care what
you know, I care what these people think. I started
to go, no one cares, No one cares, No one cares.
And that was my internal dialogue. And that might be
a little bit harsh, but it works, honestly, it really does.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
So it worked for me, and you could try that.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I have a personal standard of like I like to
wear shoes. But I went out just recently. I went
down the supermarket or something, and I always have a
pair of thongs or crocs or something somewhere in a car,
and for whatever reason, I went out now I didn't
have them, and I thought, you know, I'm not going home.
So I just went in, put the fuel in, and
went in. Did the thing. No one cares.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
No one cares my thing. I don't like.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
I like to wear thongs or shoes because I hate feet,
and I hate some things feel the way that it
feels on my feet.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Feet issues.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Oh god, they're disgusted.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
You'll never feedish.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Oh god, even thinking about that, I think I'll disgusted.
But I think it's just I don't like the feel
of stuff on my feet, or you know, so I
wouldn't wear no shoes because I don't like the feeling
of the tiles under my feet. Or I know, I
actually don't mind having bare feet in the jungle.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, and I love Millie's feed.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
So can you notice gross?
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Anyway, if you take nothing out of this episode, forget
about Milly's feet. We'll post pictures later. If you take
nothing out of this, just I would love you to try.
You're not going to nail it the first time. You're
going to shy away from things, but just keep practicing.
And this is why I love this idea of getting
uncomfortable in any area you can in your life, whether
(37:01):
it be you know, when people come to Kakota, I've
got people have never camped before. That's that's a pretty
extreme thing to do, but just doing it anyway, because
the more times you put yourself in uncomfortable situations in
one area, how you do anything is hoy do everything
as we always say. Then that'll allow you to get
uncomfortable other areas. And when you sit comfortably with uncomfortableness,
(37:22):
then you're going to be okay. But most people are
so scared of being uncomfortable that they want to be
comfortable first. And judgment is uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
And no one, you're not that important.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
But my other issue is if people aren't judging you, it's.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
More about them.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
It's not really about you. Know, like as I can
say this as a fit woman, other women we've had
this expensive look. I would never wear that.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
But they say, they say they go even if I
had that body I'd never wear that.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Okay, that's you, that's not me.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
But we're not saying it in reverse. And if you
said it in reverse, it would be quite wrong. That's
the way society is. But either way is wrong.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Either way.
Speaker 4 (38:03):
Yeah, yeah, it's like the whole you know, fat shaming.
But for a large part of life, for like a
good decade in our lives that everyone's lived through, everyone
used to go, oh, my god, she's so skinny, Like
you're skinny shaming me, you.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Know what I mean, or fit shaming or yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
Fit shaming or you know, oh, I'd never wear that
if I that like just what we say.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
You know, even if I did look like that, I'd
never go out like that. And it's like what if
I said that.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
About somebody overweight, like I would be shot canceled.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
And it's even to the point of you almost get
this feeling, particularly the woman being fit who's a mum,
or you mustn't almost neglect the children. You must know,
we work very hard to fit on the yeah, and
you work very hard to fit in whatever you fit
in it. And it's all good because we all get
to make that choice as long as we're happy with
the choice. We make yeah, And like I said last week,
(38:57):
as long as you're not doing anything illegal or anything
that hurts anyone else, I think you can do what
you want. And if you run with that framework, then
less unless we you care about people judging. I'm not
doing anything illegal, I'm not hurting anyone, and I'm happy
if you're happy, that's okay. With our relationship, which has
copped a lot of questions and a lot of heat
potentially through the NGLs that we've done, we've never been
(39:20):
concerned because we're happy.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
As long as we're happy.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Now, if we're round happy and got those questions, we
might get yeah, because that would be highlighting something.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
And if we ran our lives caring so much and
putting so much emphasis on what other people think, those
questions would have torn us down.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Like but no, could you.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Imagine going home Like this will sound silly, but can
you imagine going home particuling that first week or two
of these episodes where it was like, no one likes
the age gap, which is not to it wasn't nobody,
but that's no one likes the age gap? All right,
we are there is two big an age gap. We
are too different she likes a party, They must have
different music tastes, all those things. Then, rather than be
(39:59):
happy that we've got this relationship, we need to go
and find someone that society thinks is more appropriate.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
For us because they care what as well?
Speaker 2 (40:07):
And if you genuinely care about our relationship, just check
in with yourself.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Like why would you put yourself on the agenda?
Speaker 2 (40:15):
That's one of my favorite parts of these episodes. You
said you should be on the agenda.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Well, you should, You always should. In fact, there should
be always ways that you have the opportunity to grow
and you know, become a better version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
That's a good way to end this episode. Rather than
just worry about trying to fix how you think about
what other people think of you and so on, just
look at what ways could I improve my life? What
habits do I have right now that aren't serving me?
Habits behaviors thoughts, and what habits behavior thoughts are serving me?
How could I do more of this one and less
of this one? And that's just It's a Japanese series
(40:53):
called Kaisen, which is constant, never ending improvement. If you
got better by one percent every day, you know, what
does that look like over the long term, and if
you if you digress by one percent every day, what
does that look like. It's another way of looking at that.
And if you spend so much time focused on how
do I be the best human building better humans, it's
a worry about if I could be the best father
(41:14):
and the best partner and the best human that I
can be. If I spend so much time in that,
I don't have time to think about everyone else. Because
I know for a fact that whilst we all judge
people in the sense of when we first meet or
see people, we're scanning whether they fit into our ecosystem
of some sort, whether we like them, whether we don't know,
whatever we have to sussess. That's a general thing we do.
(41:36):
But I don't scroll through social media see someone doing
something I don't like and feel like I need to
comment on it, Yeah, because I legitimately don't care, even
if it's a really serious thing, because even then my
opinion still it doesn't matter. They're not reading my opinion, going, oh,
Glenn doesn't like that. We might have to change. They
don't know us. So we've had opinions from people that
we don't even know, people who might follow us, but
(41:58):
who've never interacted with us, who've had comments about something
that we're doing, or go back to one of those.
Actually I know, I said we'll finish it. I'll go
back to one of those, which was and we've talked
about this weeks ago. But some guy that said when
you first came well not even first came into the scene,
like a year two years after, saying, when one personality
takes over your entire brand, that's not what we came
(42:19):
here for. I disagree totally, because one thing that I
think I from my side of this, have been able
to show is the importance of a significant other in
a relationship and how you respect him. And I said
this week's ago too that as a man, if you've
got a woman in your life that's chosen to be
there and that you've chosen to be with, I absolutely
believe now and I didn't know this ten twenty thirty
(42:42):
years ago, and that that should be your queen. So
this is a non negotiable, and I'm not going to
not put you on my social media because someone else
feels challenged about it, because they have the option of unfollowing,
and then they can go and follow one of the
other billion Instagram. There's so many people who could follow.
You can follow the Rock, you can follow the Kardashian
(43:03):
I don't know who you can follow ever you on
so you don't have to follow us. But then I
shouldn't have to temper down a really important part of
my life, which is our.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
Relationship, which ties so perfectly into this. You're not going
to allow what other people think to limit your life
because you're living it based on you and the things
that you want to do and how you want to
show up and what you want to give to the world.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
So the interesting thing about that is I've trained athletes
in the past, and specifically, like when I was training
a young boxer, Taylor, I used to post her a
lot near yeah, I.
Speaker 4 (43:37):
Was going to say, because we went in a relationshipeah.
And then when you took on, you know, the Penji boxer,
you posted him a lot.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
It was promo onto your page.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Because you're early early, early days with Shalom. I used
to post a lot of hers now because I love
Lomi and she knows that and a family, they're just
such good people in our lives. But also she's got
agents and she's got and I try not to overstep
my busy, but I will still post about her. But
in the early days, a lot about her, a lot
(44:09):
about Jade and Nikorema, a lot about Jaden, actually, a
lot about Taylor, a lot about all of these people.
No one questioned it, you know, but what if you
look at the habits and this is not me just
I'm just explaining it. Do you've got the habits of
when I was highlight any of those people, there was
a personal development or life lesson in it. Well, it's
no different with you in our relationship. There are so
(44:30):
many personal development and life lessons. And I have never
adjusted my social media for any other reason. So there
are times I probably tempered what I've written not to
when things have gone apart with some of these athletes,
and we've just asided had in different directions where I
don't want to throw shade on them because there's no
need and I don't see the point. They know what
they did, they know how I reacted whatever, And there
(44:53):
are something You've even questioned me on that once or twice,
and it's because no, it's just because I didn't want
to be in Oh, he's just salty, and you understood that,
but otherwise I don't change my social medi I just say,
is there a lesson in this? I'll share things about
our relationship because of how it's made me have to
(45:13):
personally develop. And again, I do think we're a growth
animal and if we're not growing, then we're rotting at
the end of the day. So it's a really good episode.
I think it's different to all our other episodes because
it's just us riffing and we could probably talk about
this forever. I wish there was some format of even
doing live questions with people around some of this stuff.
I don't have the answer for that yet, but I
(45:35):
like thinking out loud, and these are conversations that you
and I would have in an hour driving a car.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
Yeah, but I like that.
Speaker 4 (45:42):
You know how you said before to actually sit down
and if you journel your joannel, if you don't just
sit down and actually think about the fact that have
I lived my life based on other people's opinions and
how has it limited me in the past. And I
no longer want to continue allowing other people's opinions to
limit my life because I feel like I will get
(46:03):
to a certain age where I will look back on it
and realized that nobody cared in the first place. And
I really didn't do all the things that I wanted
to do because I thought that people might be thinking
about me.
Speaker 3 (46:12):
But no one cares, and I'm not that important.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
No one cares and it's not a negative. Yeah, yeah, fact,
great episode.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
Yeah thanks Bill, no worries, thank you.
Approche Production.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hey, team, welcome back to the Building Better Humans Project podcast.
It is Mayhem mondays Hey, which means we have Mayhem,
we have man. We wanted to and we talked about
this at the end of last week's episode that we
wanted to talk about the fact that you're not that special. Yes,
and so this may not as we be as long
(00:54):
an episode because we're not answering questions. This is just
I guess million and I riffing about the fact that
we don't believe anyone's that special. And I want to
preface that whole conversation by saying, there are people in
this world that we we put on a pedestal and
then we make these assumptions that they're so much better
(01:16):
than us, better looking, more athletic, better at business, better relationship,
but we don't know all of that to start with,
We don't know.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Every aspect of their life.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Like for me, if someone's successfully if you look at
us and think we've got a we've got a good relationship,
and we have. But if you think that, please know
there's a lot of work going on and there's plenty
of times where I feel, if we're honest, where we
both thought it wasn't going to last where I'm sure
there are times where you've thought you've made a mistake,
(01:47):
because really has young boys to think about. And when
we've had one or two not arguments, what are they
called disagreement disagreements discussions where you know, you would remind
me that I asked you not to get involved in
my life if this wasn't going to be a long
term thing, and they were just minor, but you know,
when you're in flame, they can seem a bit bigger.
(02:10):
And then so my point to that is you guys
are looking at that and going, oh, they have a
good relationship because we post all this stuff online, which
is true. Of course we're not people go oh, you
don't post your words, or we're not recording when we
have a disagreement. Obviously, hang on a second, Can we
just continue that?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
We'll ring jay? Can we can we have the.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Studio because we we're going to throw down.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
But yeah, I just want people to know that I too,
put people on a pedestal, and I assume that they're
like I've got great friends of mine that seemed very
successful in business, as in millions and multimillions of dollars.
So it's of course one hundreds of millions. So I
can look at those people and go, man, they've got everything.
But I do know them well enough to know how
(02:52):
close they've been to nothing, how hard they've been. I've
watched them go through relationship breakdowns and their new relationships.
I've watched, you know, I've got best mates who were
in very I don't want to out anyone, but in
very high performing roles in areas that are low percentage,
so less than three percent of the population could even
achieve what they do. And I've watched them have their
(03:15):
children go through drug addiction and so on. Right, So
everyone else looks at this person because he's written books
and he's well known in the military world and the
garth he's amazing, but they I've seen, as a friend
of his, what he's been through. And that's when you
realize we're all pretty bloody ordinary. We're very normal, and
you can be an absolute high performer and have chaos
(03:39):
around you that you're working your way through. Yeah, And
the reason I want to say that is because there
are plenty of other people that have a little bit
of chaos. One or two things go wrong and they
hold onto it forever and then they drag that through life,
which is cool. You get to keep whatever story you
want to keep telling, but you also get to write
on you and if you want to. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
But yeah, So we are all just people navigating through
life at the end of the day. So you know,
we're not that special, or I like to say, you're
not that important, which might sound challenging for some more
because in our own little lives we are very important,
or to the people in our own little lives, we
(04:21):
are very important. But on the big scheme of things,
we are a very tiny bit in a massive universe. Really,
So that brings me to something that I'm very passionate about,
and that's not allowing the opinions of others to stop
you from doing what you want to do in your life.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
You're not that important.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
So when I was a PT or even an online PT,
you know, there would be times where clients wouldn't want
to go to a gym because they were worried about
what other people would think of them. And that is
such a like, it's exactly what I'm talking about when
you're limiting your own life because you are worried about
(04:59):
what some others might think and for the most part,
no one's thinking about you at all. So that's why
I say, you're not that important.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Even if they thought about you for a split second,
so you were wearing something outlandish, or you were what
if so you were grossly overweight or underweight, and you
didn't fit into the bros that are lifting in the gym,
They're probably going to look at you for a split second,
but by the time the next day, they don't remember you.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Most people are just so solely focused.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
On their own lane and their own life that they're
not thinking about you.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
As much as you think that they are.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
You know, I've had some clients who won't go to
the shop unless they're all done up, and it's like
why because no one cares, you know, like no one's
oh my god, she came to the shop and a jarmy.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I was gonna say, how often have we been into IgA.
We have an Ida near us, which.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Is a pretty cool, really nice Ida, and you.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Go in there any night of the week and you'll
see kids like sixteen seven, eighteen yards in.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
The pajamas and you can go there in my jam
and you can love go these.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Kids in the army because it's kind of cool that
I don't care. But if you ask me to describe
one of them twenty four hours later, I couldn't.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I don't even know what in the just no idea.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
And I took Marley to the shops recently and he
was in what are those really big hoodie type dressing
gown dolphins?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Oh, like a onesie.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Big onesie thing. And I'm going to ij and so comes.
He wanted something, and then I said yeah, and he said,
you go in and get me something. Said no, no, if
you want to come in, you come in. And then
you said to him, he goes in this and nobody cares.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
No one cares. No one's gonna be like, turn around,
what are you wearing?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
What are you wearing about? So we went in and
then he's walked around the shop. There's maybe five or
six people in the shop. I think we left you
at home, and he's grabbed what everyone to grab. And
then as we're leaving, he goes literally nobody looked at me.
I said, yeah, nobody cares.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
No one gets your team to start with, no one cares.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
So and yet we've all gone through situations in life
where we think everyone's looking at us you can probably
walk into the gym naked and people might remember you
for that because it's so outlandish. But that's about as
far as it would go, you know.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Like you and that's like illegal, yeah, inclosure if you
can call it indecent. No, but you know, I've even
had clients who won't do a particular exercise because they're
worried about you know, you might look a little bit
funny and it's like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Nobody cares.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
I think I remember even with you, a client mentioning
not wanting to sweat or something.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, so you know you can go and get I
think it's I don't know what.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
The medication is, but you can get injections for not sweating,
and it's like that is next level, next level caring you.
Sweating has a purpose, is trying to cool you down,
like your body is really trying hard for you.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
So yeah, really sweats a lot. And this is kind
of a sidebar. And then sometimes I'll hug you, like
particularly like early in the morning or something. You go,
I'm really sweaty.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
I don't care, Yeah, but I just don't want to
get your closed.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Dirty on that person with you. But yeah, for the
most part, most people don't care. And I just want
to say that that's not a negative. That's not to say, oh,
you're not important, you don't matter. She absolutely absolutely matters
and in.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Lots of you matter in the world. But just on.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Jobo Joe blow public don't care about you. No, why
would you change something If you really want to do something,
why would you change it based on.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Don't let what others might think, because again they might
not even be thinking about you stop you from doing
the things that you want to do. Don't let the
opinions of others limit your life.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I read a thing once that said, like, in our twenties,
and probably starts earlier in our teens, but in our
twenties we're so worried about what other people think. Even
into our early thirties, and then mid thirties into sort
of early forties, we start getting defined. I don't care
people think of me. And then when we hit our
forties a bit earlier for you, I guess, but when
we have forties, we go Wei, no one.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Was actually no one was thinking about you in the first.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Place because I was so focused on this.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Yeah, but you know, and then.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah, so just allowing others to what other people might think.
To limit your life is. It plays on in such
small areas such as not going to the shop unless
you have something good on. But then, like we say,
how you do anything is how you do everything, so
it will go on to bigger parts of your life.
So whether or not you start a business because you're
worried about what other people might think, and you might
(09:32):
have the best idea ever, but you never ever go
into that or delve into that, or create what could
be such an amazing opportunity to help others and to
make money doing it because you're worried about what other
people might think.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
I've even seen it to the point where people put
themselves behind because they want to pretend to be wealthy,
and then they leave themselves in a really fun I've
seen businesses fail because people just want to throw money
and I've got everything and have the Mercedes, which if
you can afford it, fine, but if you can't, why
would you put yourself in debt for it and then
have to work even harder, even more stress on your family,
(10:06):
on your relationship, on everything, on your business, just because
you wanted people to believe that you were born.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
I've actually heard from a real estate agent who once
told me that, you know, it's always it's largely people
who drive the Mercedes and drive the Beemas and drive
the expensive things that are behind on their rent because
nobody can see if you're paying the rent or not
except for the person who is.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Dealing with that. But everyone can see that you're driving
a Beama.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
So let's not just respect people driving Merks and Beamers
because we like them.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, I love and what we've been told.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Yes, And to bring it back to the context, you know,
you're caring what others might think. So it's limiting your
life in some sort of way because you're having to
buy this thing to show to other people. But you're
a lot of this stuffs limiting your life in other ways.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
A lot of this starts a mum, I was going
to bring that up.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
What are you wearing? Why are you going out in that?
And I'm not talking about dads with their daughters and
short skirts and stuff. No natural progression we go through,
we go oh no way, little girl's growing up. But
more where like Tomali in a ten year old wearing
his ones he out and carp and get changed.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Well, I guess The only time that I would change that,
and I do say this to my kids is if
they're in filthy clothing.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
It's like, that's just a personal respect.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
Yeah, It's like Sammy will try and go out in
clothes that are just stained up, and I'm like, nah, bro,
you're going to go and change because that's not it.
And it's not like caring what other people think. It's
just like it's a personal standard and you have to
grow up with you know that.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
You take care of the.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Little kids four, five, six, seven year olds and they
wear in the middle of summer, they want to wear
their gum boots with their footy shorts and they want
to wear who cares? Who cares how often you see
little three four year old girls out in a princess outfit?
You know? But then they hit a certain age at five,
six seven when we start to go, oh, you know,
that's that color doesn't match with that or what different
(12:03):
to Like Samuel wear things inside out, back to front.
He wears shorts three size is too short. He'll wear
dirty things because that's it. Doesn't care. But yeah, that's
a standard thing that's different.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
And the other part of that, when you're raising children
is I've always hated and I've never said it to
my kids. What will people think? It's not about what
people think, you know. So if we're at a restaurant
and they're hollering and they're making up a thing and
it's like, well people think, No, it's not what people think.
It's that you're disturbing the peace and people are here
trying to enjoy themselves and eat. It's not about what
(12:35):
they think about me as a parent or what they
think about you as a child. It's the fact that
everybody's trying to enjoy themselves and you're taking away from that.
So it's not you know what people to think, or
you're embarrassing mummy. No, that's strategy.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
That is when you see parents try to stop kids
being too naisy in a playground and you go, well, hey,
this is the place.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
This is literally where they're allowed to make.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I understand if we're at the movies, we're in a
restaurant because other people are paid money to be here
to have a quiet, that's different. But certainly if they're
in situation, kids would run and make noise up and
down the street and out. Street's pretty good, but you
have had situations where adults are like, you know, they
built some jumps at the back of yeah parkland, and
a woman dropped them into the council and really.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Doesn't she filmed them.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
So I went and knocked on her door and I
was like, you're going to delete that off your phone.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
You can't be filming kids.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Don't feel my children.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
But also it was but it was a dirt jump, yeah,
and then the counsel would.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Come out and knock you no.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
But her thing was so when I went and knocked
on her door and I said, my children told me
that you've been filming them, and then she starts carrying on, well,
they're built jumps in the back and they're noisy, and
I'm like, well, first of all, their kids being kids,
and you know, yeah, it is public land, and you know,
kids are always going to mess with public land to
have fun and that's just children being children. And she goes, oh,
(13:52):
the kangaroos used to come and jump out the back
of my house before your kids came and started playing
out there.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
And I'm like, well, I'm sure the kangaroos.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
Used to play before you built this big, beautiful house,
So who lives in here? I is it just you,
because it's too big to just power one person. So
if we're going to have that logic, then what are
you doing here? And then she was like oh, And
then I said, so go and get your phone and delete,
delete those videos.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So I had a guy at there this I'm kind
of feel like we're getting a little bit off Toby.
But he lived next door to the gym I had
when I had Project whe eighty, who used to always
complain about noise, and I'd have the counsel coming out
and we did. About ten times they come and checked
us for noise, and we always passed, and we didn't
know they were coming. They would just turn up at
five o'clock in the morning or any time, and we
(14:36):
always passed. I said, at some point, you should charge
him because he's wasting your time. But what finally stopped
it was we had we weren't technically allowed to be
open on a Sunday, but when I run bro Camps
and Alas, which are a youth development camp for eleven
to seven year old boys and girls, respectively, we would
start and finish at the gym. So the last day
we'd bring all the gearback to the gym, so tents
(14:57):
and sleeping bags, and the kids would kind of shoot
hoops inside the gym just while they're waiting for parents
to pick them up, and he would complain about that.
So I had a group of teenage girls and I
was in the office and he come and film them
at the door because he wanted to send that to
the council to prove that we were open, and we
weren't open. These weren't people using the gym or we
(15:18):
were just dropping gear off effectively and waiting for parents.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
That was good for better child shooter hoop, but.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
That backfired on him because they were teenage girls and
a lot of them were Samoans, and some of them
parents are very protective and they're big humans like Shalom's
parents and all were involved. And it was around the
time that samo I had got into the corner finals
of the Rugby League World Cup, which was huge for
somewhere at the time. So then when they turned up,
(15:45):
besides him not liking the noise they were driving, the
parents are driving up down the streets with big Samoan flags,
the big six, seven, five and blowing their horns like mare.
But then these kids come in before the parents got
there and said, there's some old man filming us at
the door, and these are thirteen, fourteen, fifteen year old
kids and girls, so that's really appropriate anyway. But I
(16:07):
use that as leverage because then the council rang me
and said, this guy has put in a complaint about
you guys being open. I said, yeah, look, we've had
some concerns from parents about an older white male filming
these Islander kids, females, teenagers. So basically made it sound
like he was a better That's how the parents they
wanted to kill him. They were not about it and
(16:29):
very protective and.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
I don't like strangers filming children.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Weird. Yeah, and he just we never heard from him again.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
They put the fear of God into him.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
But you know, at the end of the day, they
were kids having fun. And some of those kids, well
we can say now, like shlam Suasso is one of
my favorite young athletes and one of our favorite people,
and we've been working with her since she was twelve.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Years old the Bronx. She's in the Bronx.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
She's made her debut for the Bronx. At the time
we're filming this, we couldn't announce that, but now it's
going to be by Tom and releases. We two or
three weeks later and she's made her debut for the Bronx. Yes,
and she's eighteen years of age. So you know, these
are good kids that we were doing good things with
and that's there. Most people aren't judging you, but there were.
Sometimes you'll get people like that who just want to
(17:11):
involve themselves in size because we run a youth development program.
And he tried to say we're open and here, and
then at one stage he tried to say we didn't
have a license to be an educational facility, like we're
a school. We're not running a school.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
God's way too much time on his hands.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah, so and the council where even we're on our
side by then, so this guy is trying everything to
get anyways shut down. The funny thing is the gym
was there before he built his building.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
Yes, but it could be that could relate to this
topic because if you're somebody who largely lives your life
based on what others might think, you might limit that
part of your business because you worry about what the
neighbors might think. And it's not to say, you know,
we're going to disturb the peace because we don't care
what other.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
People are very conscious of me.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Yeah, so, but.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
It is you know, if you're doing something good and
you don't think that, you know, you're disturbing anybody, apart
from this guy who kind of seemed a little bit like, yeah,
so keep doing what you're doing, is what we're trying
to say.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
So I guess to tie that off, you know, what's
the lesson for people to learn.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
Don't let other people's opinions stop you from doing what
you want to do, or don't let the opinions of
others limit your life, you.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Know, and for people listening, how do you do that?
That's the challenge, right because if this is sad, but
I've seen people in their forties and fifties who are
still doing that. So that's an ingrained habit.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
So another part of this would be another example of
letting other people like letting you allowing other people's opinions
to limit your life. Would be staying in a relationship
longer than you need to because what might people think.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Or a job longer, a job longer.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Or you know, like oh, we can't get wet, I
can't leave this abusive man, or I can't leave this
abusive woman because what people think? Really, Yeah, so I
how do people do that? I would say, just do it,
because there's no other way around it.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
Yeah, there's no other way around it. You have to
just do it. So make small practices.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
So if you cannot go to the shop without having
your whole makeup done, practice And if it's such an effort,
if you like doing that, by all means, do it,
you know. But if it's like, oh my god, I
really just need to go to the shop and I
just can't because I'm worried, just practice. So get in
the car, go down and get your milk, and look around,
and realize that nobody cares, you know, and then small,
(19:35):
bit by bit by bit, make it that bigger my.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I don't know if it ties in directly to this
in advice, but it's just in general, whenever we've got
behaviors or habits that could be serving us or not.
Because things are raither serving you or they're not. That's
just at the end of the day, even negative habits
might be serving you in some way, of course, and
that's hard for people to understand. But if you've got
a habit that's not hitting you in the direction you want.
I always love that, And we've talked about this in
(20:02):
long before we started maying mondays this future pacing, Like,
if you keep doing that for the next five years
or ten years, if you stay in that relationship, staying
that job, if you keep refusing to go to the
gym because you need to find a time of day
where not everyone's going to be there, and you know what, these.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
Days, you'll never find that time, Like, gyms are always
busy no matter what time of the day you go,
because everybody.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
What does ten years time look like?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Yeah, how is your life going to be negatively impacted?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
If you're scared of hello? Do you change?
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:33):
But yeah, I would say, first of all, hopefully listening
to this podcast sparks something in you, like actually nobody cares,
so I'm going to go on to it, so hopefully
that helps. But I would say start small and keep going.
So if you're not going to go to the gym
because you're worried about what other people might think, I
would say, go to the gym, and if somebody's looking
(20:55):
at you, smile at them.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
And say hello.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
It changes energies.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Yeah, Hey, how you doing?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Because people love quotes, right, So people love this quote
and I don't know the whole quote, but it's part
it is like dance like nobody's watching. That's really yeah,
that's actually you. But if you're someone that worries whatever,
one else thinks that you're not doing that, So don't
share that quote. Yes, But to me, I share a
lot of quotes, and I try and give them context
because I don't just want to share a quote. You know,
(21:23):
there needs to be why am I sharing the quote?
What does it mean? So I try and write a
whole passage behind it. And I've been told by younger
people I write too many words on Instagram. But you know,
to the people that follow me, which is you know,
adults typically, then I want them to know what I'm
thinking because the quote itself could mean something totally different
to me and you. But don't share quotes, don't share
(21:43):
pictures of lines and all this sort of garbage. If
you're not that person, if you're not willing to the
very minimum, have a go. And the best way for
if you're a parent to understand this is what advice
do you give your children? Because so many parents give
them children of advice to don't worry about whateverything, So
go and do this, or you know, have another go
at it, and then themselves won't ever go at it.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Yeah, or they themselves worry about what other people think.
That always spills onto your children in language like what
will other people watch it?
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, and they notice that. Well you might say that,
but I knows you don't do that. You know. Dad's
in his forties and he's carrying a little bit of
weight and he hasn't exos for a while, and he
gets asked to join a master's footy team and he
loves footy, but he thinks, nah, because I'm going to
embarrass myself out there. I'm fat or I'm well a
year playing footy. I bet you you're not. Yeah, you
would make a positive change by doing the thing. And
(22:30):
your kids see that behavior. There's nod saying that at
some point in life, and it's pretty young actually, where
kids will stop doing what you say and start doing
what you do.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
How often you reiterate it to him. Just have a
goalt life, don't worry about what other people think. And
they think, well, you're not.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
Yeah, and they will always throw that back at you.
I've thrown it back at my parents. You know, well
why don't you do it?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Or you know, yeah, it's the same, it's no different
in any behavior. Try and change with children is time
you spend on your iPad or and they go, but
yours on your computer? Yours, And so we always try
and say no devices at dinner, and so when we're
sitting down or any meals, even if they're reading breakfast
and we're not all leading breakfast together, so it's just
(23:15):
it's five minutes, it's not that long.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Yeah. Well the other day that got through them back
in my face as well, because it was breakfast and
we're sitting down having breaky and I needed to do
like a little induction thing on my phone anyway, so
I opened it up and Miley straight up like, no
phones at the tail.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I'm fine, fine.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
But actually this is the total sidebarber the feeling about that,
because Sammy's the worse. When he's got a device, everything
else doesn't happen. And he made breakfast and Sammy eats
like he's never been fed. I'm constantly one.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Low down and he made breakfast.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I went upstairs to see you for like twenty minutes
and I come down and he was on his iPad
and he had not taken a single bite. His food
was cold, and I took his eyep and he goes,
what what I said? You haven't even touched a breakfast
him on And then within minutes he devoured his breakfast.
So his brain just doesn't think, whereas food's always first.
But then if you've got your device, so I guess
it's it is different. Like it's easy to say, but
(24:11):
I've got a job and I've got a business and
we've got responsibilities. But yeah, honestly, we don't have to
be contacted on twenty four hours a day, So yeah,
you do have to try and model behaviors. And I've
learned that even with you, Like if I've done something
to annoy your upset the boys and you say, just apologize,
and I don't think I should apologize or I won't.
(24:33):
But the truth is, it's not about whether you think
you should apologize or not. It's about teaching them to
own up to things that they've done as well. Yeah,
and I know that's a slight sidebar from what we're
talking about, but my point to all of that is
it's modeling behaviors that we want young people to carry
out because we model some good behaviors. We exercise regularly.
We compete at levels like we compete at a sport,
(24:54):
or you competed a sport at a professional level while
they're still playing kids sport, and they sometimes try and
relate the deal when they're not relatable yet. But as
they get older, if they ever decide to be professional
athletes or whatever, they're never going to have that I'm
too old now because you started competing at thirty, you know,
whereas most people we're competing now against athletes that have
(25:18):
been at thirty twenty, have been doing it for ten years,
have had seventy fights. We watched a fight just yesterday
of a twenty two year old, you know, fighting someone,
or a twenty one year old fighting someone who's ranked
in the top ten of the world and beating her
because she's twenty two. And you think, man, we started late,
(25:39):
you know, so that would be enough of an excuse
not to start, Yeah, because well you can't start at thirty.
It is how fuck you expect to go or you know,
how far we expect to go as far.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
As we're tying into the topic. You might go, oh,
what will people think I'm so old?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
But that's being a boxer.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
But you're a mum, Yeah, something happens to your brain,
or so I should stop living my life or doing
anything because somebody else I'd like to tie into this
topic is something I talked about on Cokoderie and I
have this idea that I want to live the depth
of my life, not the length of it, not just
the length of it. And it was the last thing
I said to everyone on Cocota, because we do a
Thought of the day every morning, and because it was
(26:17):
a small group, I started and then I finished. And
the finish of that was to say, the not dead
yet theory is to live your life while you can,
so live the depth of your life and not the
length of it. Most people, there's an old quote that
says most people stop living in their twenties. So by
the time they get their first proper career type job.
Say you go to UNI for four years and you
start a job, and they've got a family, and all
(26:38):
that starts, and then they stopped by stop living, They
stopped taking risks, they stopped doing anything new, they stop
challenging themselves, and so they stopped living in their twenties
and they don't die until the eighties. And that's effectively
what we're talking about here. If you are worried about
what other people think, by the time you hit thirty
or even earlier, you will not do anything new. You
(26:59):
will not challenge yourself, you will not get uncomfortable because
you don't want to look stupid.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
And then you'll get eighty and you look back on
your life and you.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Go, damn it.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah, like I now at fifty three feel really good.
But if you said to me at thirty that you know,
when you're fifty three, ill man, that's so old, and
then you stop doing things. I ran a when I
was a young PTI in the Army. I was running
I just finished my course. I was twenty one on
twenty two, and I was running pt for a group
(27:29):
and there's this guy. I probably shouldn't mention his name
because I still remember his name, but he was a corporal.
But he was a long term corporal. So corporal really
is the first four or five years. It's your first rank.
But some people a lifetime corporals. I've just stay there
for twenty years because that's that's kind of their limit,
and it was a lovely broken all that. But he
was thirty five and I was running pt and it
(27:49):
was pretty hard. And we're in a field forced unit
so where we need to be ready to go to war.
And he goes, oh, for f's sake, I'm nearly thirty
five years old. And I remember thinking, oh, that is
pretty old. And then when I got to thirty five,
I thought, man, what's he talking about, Like you can
still do stuff. So that was an example of already
limiting himself. By another example, I was there, used to
(28:12):
be a guy that was like a piano lounge singer
in Timber, a very popular, very well known, big guy,
very overweight, and then he wanted starting to run for
politics up there, and I used to see him all
the time because he's a cross road for my gym,
and I loved him. He was a really nice blake
and I used to say, man, you've got to get
your weight under control, because he was really unhealthy and
(28:33):
he was doing all nighters and then trying to run
for politics. And he goes, oh, made of wood, he said.
But I can't remember his age, forty seven or forty five.
I think forty seven and I said, yeah, but the
average Australian males to that eighty seven, so you got
forty more years. I'm not talking asking you have.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
That pretty much the whole life that you just lived again.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Yeah, I'm not saying go and become a CrossFit athlete,
or go and compete at boxing. I'm just saying, start
to exercise. I offered to help him for free at
our gym, just because I really liked him, but he
wouldn't do it because I made him forty seven. Yeah,
and so that's another example ample of you know, maybe
worry about what other people think, or if you do
start to get in shape in your forties, eyes a
(29:12):
midlife crisis. Because I just took a guy to Kakota
who totally gave me a new perspective on something Graham,
So shout out to Graham. He was fifty eight years
of age, so only five years older than me, and
he said to me, you know a lot of people say,
like more on something like Kakoda. I wished I'd done
this when I was thirty, and I've heard that a lot,
and he said I wouldn't. He said, I said, why not?
(29:33):
He said, because I was so obese at thirty. He
told me he just lived an absolute lifestyle. He was
forty or so killers heavy than what he is now.
And then when he was thirty or thirty five, his
doctor said to him, if you continue the way you're going,
you will be dead by the time you're fifty. Your
heart's not going about a handle this. So he said,
the thirty year old version of me couldn't have done this.
(29:54):
How cool is that at fifty eight and he was
an inter I was going to say interstate, that's not true.
He's in West Australia. He drives right up the west coast,
right up to Kratha or whatever. He drives road trains
and he still managed to train for Kakoda. He lost
eighteen kilos just to get ready for Kakoda. Now, we
said people have excuses. He said, I would pull up,
you know, on my drive. He starts at three o'clock
(30:15):
in the morning. And he said, and I'd pull up
of a nighttime and have a shower of truck stop
or whatever. But before I shower, I'd go ahead and
walk for an hour or And could he have been
fitted absolutely, And he admits that, but with the job
that he had, it was the best that he could do,
and he was doing an eleven and three shifts, eleven
days working three days off, and he still managed to
get fit enough to go to Kakota. And he was
(30:36):
still fitter now than he was at thirty because he
just made the decision that that's what he was going
to do. So these are all feel like extreme examples,
but this is exactly how if you let other people's
opinions of you, like the ob thirty five year old
version of him, you know, people would go, you couldn't
walk kakoda. It would let alone if you said, in
(30:56):
twenty years time, you're going to walk Kakoda. Yeah, that's
pretty cool. So you can change your life.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
Another example would be, you know, so you went to
union and you got a degree, and then you were
out of a job, or you were trying to get
into the workforce that you trained for but you couldn't
break through, and then you're running out of money or
you're living off somebody else or any of that because
(31:21):
you don't want to get a lesser job because you're
worried about what other people. She went to architecture school,
you know, so it's like you're limiting your life.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
You have no money.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
You're living off somebody else, which is I don't agree
with living off somebody else solely because you think you're
too good, because you're worried about what other people think,
and that is ultimately what it comes down to you,
in my opinion, you're worried about people are going to think, Oh,
he went to engineering school, or he went to whatever school,
medical school, and now he can't get a job because.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Example of that. Yes, So I had a friend who
was also a client many years ago, and they were
from overseas and he was an international pilot and then
COVID hit couldn't get work. The only place he could
get work was in China or something, but it was
there weren't many of those jobs going, and so he
was waiting, waiting, waiting, and then money was dwindling and drinkling, dwindling.
(32:20):
Mum's working. They got two kids at a private school,
and she said to him, get a job anywhere, even
at Bunnings. And he said, I am not working at Bunnings.
And they were slowly going broke. And that was for
two years. She started working two jobs and he in
that two years, he still hadn't worked because he hadn't
picked up a flying job because it worked. There was
(32:42):
like ninety percent of pilots were out of work. I
can't remember. It was a really high stat and she
was saying to me, and I didn't have an answer
for it because I wasn't working with him, I didn't
know him, and she was saying, like, I need him
to do something because I can't keep financing the whole
family or the kids are gonna have to leave private school.
And it all came down to he didn't want to
work at Bunnings because what if people say, but you're
(33:02):
a pilot, yeah, but you know I would say it's cod.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Yeah, we need to live. That is way more important
than what you think.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
One thing I love about us is we will both
do whatever it takes. We we do not rely on
other people, and there's nothing wrong if you do, but
we don't. We rely on each other. And we've both
put ourselves in situations that anyone else would go I'm
not doing that. Yeah, but we've been able to pay
our bills because COVID certainly effected our businesses one ndred percent,
but we didn't just roll over and die, and we're
(33:33):
still in Activa.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
We lost everything tomorrow, you and I would both go
and get cleaning jobs, probably even work at McDonald's to
be fair, if that was the only thing going. Because
I'm not going to let what other people might think
limit my life. And I still have to create a
good life for my children, So I'm going to go
and do it to things.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
On the I'd be on the drive through to check out,
and then when you come through you get a bit
of life advance.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
You'd have to practice.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
You have to practice on the ice cream machines not
working and getting yelled at. I used to work at
Hungry jackson Man when the ice cream machine was working
beyond no, they'd probably yell at you during the speaker
and then when they drove through in so they'd be like, actually,
I take it back.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
That a whole new thing. You can get life advice?
Is it life advice?
Speaker 4 (34:19):
You go to Macca's Redcliffe Jess for personal development?
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Did you fifty three? Work and make stop it?
Speaker 3 (34:24):
I don't care what you think, that's true.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
Yeah, I just my challenge for you, anyone watching or listening,
would be to try and catch yourself.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Worrying about what people think and changing it.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Just in this first week or so, just try and
catch yourself and not that whether you're some of their
journals or whatever you do, and just okay, like I
actually did make that decision.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
I was a bit worried about what other people think.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
And when you first start to make adjustments, so the
next week, then start to try and do things that
you know are going to make you uncomfortable and just
notice the feelings and do not shy away from it. Yeah,
and eventually, yeah, like the are a.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
Bit hard on myself with my internal dialogue. So for example,
if I am training and I feel like I can't
go further, I will kind of yell at myself inside
and I'll be like you liy'll you know, keep going
blah blah blah. And that works for me. But another
thing that worked for me when I was transitioning from
my younger self into who I am today, when I
(35:25):
was thinking about, like, all these people will care what
you know, I care what these people think. I started
to go, no one cares, No one cares, No one cares.
And that was my internal dialogue. And that might be
a little bit harsh, but it works, honestly, it really does.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
So it worked for me, and you could try that.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I have a personal standard of like I like to
wear shoes. But I went out just recently. I went
down the supermarket or something, and I always have a
pair of thongs or crocs or something somewhere in a car,
and for whatever reason, I went out now I didn't
have them, and I thought, you know, I'm not going home.
So I just went in, put the fuel in, and
went in. Did the thing. No one cares.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
No one cares my thing. I don't like.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
I like to wear thongs or shoes because I hate feet,
and I hate some things feel the way that it
feels on my feet.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Feet issues.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Oh god, they're disgusted.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
You'll never feedish.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Oh god, even thinking about that, I think I'll disgusted.
But I think it's just I don't like the feel
of stuff on my feet, or you know, so I
wouldn't wear no shoes because I don't like the feeling
of the tiles under my feet. Or I know, I
actually don't mind having bare feet in the jungle.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, and I love Millie's feed.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
So can you notice gross?
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Anyway, if you take nothing out of this episode, forget
about Milly's feet. We'll post pictures later. If you take
nothing out of this, just I would love you to try.
You're not going to nail it the first time. You're
going to shy away from things, but just keep practicing.
And this is why I love this idea of getting
uncomfortable in any area you can in your life, whether
(37:01):
it be you know, when people come to Kakota, I've
got people have never camped before. That's that's a pretty
extreme thing to do, but just doing it anyway, because
the more times you put yourself in uncomfortable situations in
one area, how you do anything is hoy do everything
as we always say. Then that'll allow you to get
uncomfortable other areas. And when you sit comfortably with uncomfortableness,
(37:22):
then you're going to be okay. But most people are
so scared of being uncomfortable that they want to be
comfortable first. And judgment is uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
And no one, you're not that important.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
But my other issue is if people aren't judging you, it's.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
More about them.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
It's not really about you. Know, like as I can
say this as a fit woman, other women we've had
this expensive look. I would never wear that.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
But they say, they say they go even if I
had that body I'd never wear that.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Okay, that's you, that's not me.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
But we're not saying it in reverse. And if you
said it in reverse, it would be quite wrong. That's
the way society is. But either way is wrong.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Either way.
Speaker 4 (38:03):
Yeah, yeah, it's like the whole you know, fat shaming.
But for a large part of life, for like a
good decade in our lives that everyone's lived through, everyone
used to go, oh, my god, she's so skinny, Like
you're skinny shaming me, you.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Know what I mean, or fit shaming or yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:23):
Fit shaming or you know, oh, I'd never wear that
if I that like just what we say.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
You know, even if I did look like that, I'd
never go out like that. And it's like what if
I said that.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
About somebody overweight, like I would be shot canceled.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
And it's even to the point of you almost get
this feeling, particularly the woman being fit who's a mum,
or you mustn't almost neglect the children. You must know,
we work very hard to fit on the yeah, and
you work very hard to fit in whatever you fit
in it. And it's all good because we all get
to make that choice as long as we're happy with
the choice. We make yeah, And like I said last week,
(38:57):
as long as you're not doing anything illegal or anything
that hurts anyone else, I think you can do what
you want. And if you run with that framework, then
less unless we you care about people judging. I'm not
doing anything illegal, I'm not hurting anyone, and I'm happy
if you're happy, that's okay. With our relationship, which has
copped a lot of questions and a lot of heat
potentially through the NGLs that we've done, we've never been
(39:20):
concerned because we're happy.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
As long as we're happy.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Now, if we're round happy and got those questions, we
might get yeah, because that would be highlighting something.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
And if we ran our lives caring so much and
putting so much emphasis on what other people think, those
questions would have torn us down.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Like but no, could you.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Imagine going home Like this will sound silly, but can
you imagine going home particuling that first week or two
of these episodes where it was like, no one likes
the age gap, which is not to it wasn't nobody,
but that's no one likes the age gap? All right,
we are there is two big an age gap. We
are too different she likes a party, They must have
different music tastes, all those things. Then, rather than be
(39:59):
happy that we've got this relationship, we need to go
and find someone that society thinks is more appropriate.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
For us because they care what as well?
Speaker 2 (40:07):
And if you genuinely care about our relationship, just check
in with yourself.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Like why would you put yourself on the agenda?
Speaker 2 (40:15):
That's one of my favorite parts of these episodes. You
said you should be on the agenda.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Well, you should, You always should. In fact, there should
be always ways that you have the opportunity to grow
and you know, become a better version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
That's a good way to end this episode. Rather than
just worry about trying to fix how you think about
what other people think of you and so on, just
look at what ways could I improve my life? What
habits do I have right now that aren't serving me?
Habits behaviors thoughts, and what habits behavior thoughts are serving me?
How could I do more of this one and less
of this one? And that's just It's a Japanese series
(40:53):
called Kaisen, which is constant, never ending improvement. If you
got better by one percent every day, you know, what
does that look like over the long term, and if
you if you digress by one percent every day, what
does that look like. It's another way of looking at that.
And if you spend so much time focused on how
do I be the best human building better humans, it's
a worry about if I could be the best father
(41:14):
and the best partner and the best human that I
can be. If I spend so much time in that,
I don't have time to think about everyone else. Because
I know for a fact that whilst we all judge
people in the sense of when we first meet or
see people, we're scanning whether they fit into our ecosystem
of some sort, whether we like them, whether we don't know,
whatever we have to sussess. That's a general thing we do.
(41:36):
But I don't scroll through social media see someone doing
something I don't like and feel like I need to
comment on it, Yeah, because I legitimately don't care, even
if it's a really serious thing, because even then my
opinion still it doesn't matter. They're not reading my opinion, going, oh,
Glenn doesn't like that. We might have to change. They
don't know us. So we've had opinions from people that
we don't even know, people who might follow us, but
(41:58):
who've never interacted with us, who've had comments about something
that we're doing, or go back to one of those.
Actually I know, I said we'll finish it. I'll go
back to one of those, which was and we've talked
about this weeks ago. But some guy that said when
you first came well not even first came into the scene,
like a year two years after, saying, when one personality
takes over your entire brand, that's not what we came
(42:19):
here for. I disagree totally, because one thing that I
think I from my side of this, have been able
to show is the importance of a significant other in
a relationship and how you respect him. And I said
this week's ago too that as a man, if you've
got a woman in your life that's chosen to be
there and that you've chosen to be with, I absolutely
believe now and I didn't know this ten twenty thirty
(42:42):
years ago, and that that should be your queen. So
this is a non negotiable, and I'm not going to
not put you on my social media because someone else
feels challenged about it, because they have the option of unfollowing,
and then they can go and follow one of the
other billion Instagram. There's so many people who could follow.
You can follow the Rock, you can follow the Kardashian
(43:03):
I don't know who you can follow ever you on
so you don't have to follow us. But then I
shouldn't have to temper down a really important part of
my life, which is our.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
Relationship, which ties so perfectly into this. You're not going
to allow what other people think to limit your life
because you're living it based on you and the things
that you want to do and how you want to
show up and what you want to give to the world.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
So the interesting thing about that is I've trained athletes
in the past, and specifically, like when I was training
a young boxer, Taylor, I used to post her a
lot near yeah, I.
Speaker 4 (43:37):
Was going to say, because we went in a relationshipeah.
And then when you took on, you know, the Penji boxer,
you posted him a lot.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
It was promo onto your page.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Because you're early early, early days with Shalom. I used
to post a lot of hers now because I love
Lomi and she knows that and a family, they're just
such good people in our lives. But also she's got
agents and she's got and I try not to overstep
my busy, but I will still post about her. But
in the early days, a lot about her, a lot
(44:09):
about Jade and Nikorema, a lot about Jaden, actually, a
lot about Taylor, a lot about all of these people.
No one questioned it, you know, but what if you
look at the habits and this is not me just
I'm just explaining it. Do you've got the habits of
when I was highlight any of those people, there was
a personal development or life lesson in it. Well, it's
no different with you in our relationship. There are so
(44:30):
many personal development and life lessons. And I have never
adjusted my social media for any other reason. So there
are times I probably tempered what I've written not to
when things have gone apart with some of these athletes,
and we've just asided had in different directions where I
don't want to throw shade on them because there's no
need and I don't see the point. They know what
they did, they know how I reacted whatever, And there
(44:53):
are something You've even questioned me on that once or twice,
and it's because no, it's just because I didn't want
to be in Oh, he's just salty, and you understood that,
but otherwise I don't change my social medi I just say,
is there a lesson in this? I'll share things about
our relationship because of how it's made me have to
(45:13):
personally develop. And again, I do think we're a growth
animal and if we're not growing, then we're rotting at
the end of the day. So it's a really good episode.
I think it's different to all our other episodes because
it's just us riffing and we could probably talk about
this forever. I wish there was some format of even
doing live questions with people around some of this stuff.
I don't have the answer for that yet, but I
(45:35):
like thinking out loud, and these are conversations that you
and I would have in an hour driving a car.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
Yeah, but I like that.
Speaker 4 (45:42):
You know how you said before to actually sit down
and if you journel your joannel, if you don't just
sit down and actually think about the fact that have
I lived my life based on other people's opinions and
how has it limited me in the past. And I
no longer want to continue allowing other people's opinions to
limit my life because I feel like I will get
(46:03):
to a certain age where I will look back on it
and realized that nobody cared in the first place. And
I really didn't do all the things that I wanted
to do because I thought that people might be thinking
about me.
Speaker 3 (46:12):
But no one cares, and I'm not that important.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
No one cares and it's not a negative. Yeah, yeah, fact,
great episode.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
Yeah thanks Bill, no worries, thank you.
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