March 21, 2025 • 19 mins
Have you ever been told to "control your emotions" in business? The truth? Your emotions can make or break you.
In this episode, I’m sharing the exact strategies that helped me stay consistent, build resilience, and make smarter decisions—even in the toughest situations. Whether it’s handling criticism, detaching from negativity, or leading with confidence, mastering emotional control will transform not just your business but also your relationships and financial future. If you’re ready to stop letting emotions hold you back and start using them as a competitive advantage, this episode is for you.
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Episode Transcript
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S1 (00:00):
Welcome to business and the podcast for people making it
all happen. Running a successful business completely takes over your life,
but I'm a believer that there is still room for
some ands like health, wealth, beauty, and maybe even some fashion.
On this podcast, I'll share with you what's working for
scaling my nine figure business while keeping you up to
date on the latest trends, news and fun finds. This
(00:23):
is a place for business and let's dive in! This
is the number one most underrated skill for success and
living the life that you have always dreamed of. And
it's not intelligence and it's not luck, and it's not
who you know. You see, I used to make $50,000
a year in a job that I hated, and I
leveled up my life by mastering my emotions. Now I
run a multi-million dollar business, have an incredible husband, and
(00:45):
am living my dream life. So let's dive into how
to master your emotional control, because doing so consistently will
make you so much money. The number one underrated skill
that is so easy to develop is the ability to
be consistent. Nobody grows up and thinks, man, I can't
wait to be an adult and become consistent. But consistency
(01:07):
is what creates confidence in you. Consistency is what allows
you to trust yourself. And once you trust yourself, other
people will trust you as well. Consistency means no matter
how I feel, I'm going to do it anyway because
I've made commitments and I have responsibilities that I have
to show up for. And you can't be an inconsistent
person and have people have a lot of trust in
(01:29):
you in order to make a lot of money in
order to get to where you want to go. The
people around you need to trust you, but that first
starts with you being consistent. Your emotions will have you
go up and down and urge you to not be consistent.
You might say, I want to have a six pack,
and then your feelings make it so that you don't
want to not hit snooze, not sleeping, not get off
(01:51):
your couch and stop watching Netflix or YouTube. So whatever
it is that you want. Start small. Start today. What
do you need to be consistent at? And oftentimes when
I ask people this question, they instantly know where their
current area of inconsistency is. It could be with what
you eat, it could be with what you drink. It
could be how you're spending money or the relationships that
(02:13):
you have, or the meetings and the follow up that
you say that you're going to do whatever. That first
initial gut reaction is where you know that you aren't
being consistent, attack that first. How do you show up
in a way that creates consistency? Because ultimately, consistency creates
the confidence over time that you're looking to have in
order to make more money. And there are so many
(02:33):
things in this life that you cannot control. You cannot
control where you were born. You cannot control the experiences
that you've had. You can't control things that have happened
to you. But what can you control? You can control
how consistently you show up, regardless of circumstances. This means
showing up to meetings on time and being consistent in
(02:54):
every single thing that you do. You can only master
the skill of consistency if you get your emotions in check.
I used to be so inconsistent. Sometimes I would show
up and I would use my personality and my charm
to make you think that I was really going to
follow up. But then as soon as I left you,
I was on to the next conversation where I was
(03:15):
using my personality and my charm to feel good in
the moment, but to not actually get the work done.
So if you have that tendency, it is the fastest
thing for you to fix what you say you're going
to do. Go do it. The second emotion that you
have to master is what keeps most people stuck, because
you will lose in life. If you take everything personally.
(03:35):
You have to learn how to compartmentalize if you want
to be successful. What's wild to me is on the
exact same day that there is a huge win, and
there's something so exciting going on, there can be something
terrible that happens. Somebody decides to quit. Maybe a customer
is upset, maybe an order didn't get fulfilled or some
connection point didn't happen. With our bank account and our
(03:57):
Shopify store, all sorts of bad things can happen at
the exact same time that you're celebrating and wanting to
keep momentum in another area. The more of these buckets
that you can play in, the more successful you will be,
because your day doesn't have to be ruined just because
something didn't go well. You compartmentalize that. It's in a bucket. Okay?
This initiative in my life is not making progress. However,
(04:18):
there are other buckets that still need to make progress,
and you can't just ruin the chances of those buckets
making progress. All because one bucket isn't going very well.
But the challenge is it is so easy to let
the one bad thing ruin all of your hopes of
putting work into everything else because it's distracting, because your
(04:38):
emotions get in the way and you're just de-focused on
all of the other things. So how can you learn
to compartmentalize and say, it's okay that this is going bad?
I have to move forward and progress no matter what
in these other areas. The way that I've learned to
do this very successfully is by putting meetings on my
(04:58):
calendar for the different compartments that matter in my life.
Those compartments are the work that I need to do,
or the things that have to be accomplished in order
for me to get closer to my goals. So in
the morning, I might be working on one set of goals,
and there's roadblocks and there's barriers and there's issues with
the thing that I have to do for the first
90 minutes of my day that cannot bleed over into
(05:19):
this next compartment where I am now going after a
different goal. I'm the same person, but I'm going after
a different goal. This goal needs me just as much
as the first one did. I can't drag all of
the crap from the first one into the second one,
and I just do this hour by hour by hour
with every meeting that I have. And I look at
it as every meeting is a restart, it is a
(05:39):
restart to the goal. It is a restart to the moment,
to the team that I'm with. They need me all
in on whatever that thing is because that goal is important.
And when you can start to compartmentalize these things, you
can move through so many decisions that you have to
make and so many goals that you have very quickly,
because you're not just dragging in the negativity from something
(06:00):
that is completely detached from what you actually need to
get done right now. You will know how good you
are at compartmentalizing when you start looking at the results
of the compartments in your life. If you are not
succeeding at the gym, it is likely that there is
some other compartment in your life, maybe your work, maybe
it's your kids, maybe it's your spouse where you're letting
(06:20):
that goal and the issues in that area force you
to not take your gym goals very seriously because you're
not compartmentalizing very well. You're allowing the negativity and the
problems in one compartment to bleed over to the other.
So your results are the ultimate tell of your ability
to compartmentalize. And if all of the buckets in your
life are going up, they're trending in the right direction.
(06:40):
You're more fit than you've ever been. You're making more
money than you've ever made, you have more friends, and
your social life is fulfilling and rewarding to you. Whatever
it is that you're measuring, whatever your compartments are, if
they aren't increasing and they aren't doing better, it's likely
that you don't know how to compartmentalize very well. You
know you're good at compartmentalizing if you're seeing results. Results
(07:02):
equal money. If you're not making more money every year,
then you know that you're failing at compartmentalizing and you're
spending your time in the wrong buckets. My next tip,
one of the best ones, is it's so important to
regulate your emotions when you're at work. This is very controversial,
but the only emotion allowed in the workplace is celebration.
(07:23):
There should be no drama. There shouldn't be issues and
problems and freak outs and gossip. None of that emotion
is productive in business. The only emotion should be celebrating.
And when you're celebrating, it should be because there is
a result generated. If you're bringing emotion like frustration and
angst and tears and all of this gook into your work,
(07:47):
it's likely that your work is not going to be
very productive because productive workplaces don't have a lot of
fluff going on. The best businesses drive a culture that
is optimized, a culture that is aligned, a culture where
everybody knows what they need to do, how to get
their job done, and they are all racing in order
to make that happen so that they can achieve their goals.
(08:08):
So you are misleading yourself if you think that anybody
actually cares about what your emotions are. So acknowledge that
you have the emotion. You might feel sad. You might
feel tired. You might be upset. Okay, great. Then instantly
tell yourself, but nobody cares because they don't drive results.
Figure out how to keep showing up. Become better. Show
up being focused and you will actually create an environment
(08:30):
that succeeds. I love the book. If you have to cry,
go outside because it doesn't say if you have to cry, don't.
You can have emotions. You're a human being. I have
emotions where I get very overwhelmed or I get very
sad or worried about things, and I can experience those emotions,
but I don't have to subject the people around me
(08:50):
to my emotions. I can deal with my emotions. And
I ask myself, can the person that I'm telling my
emotions to fix anything? If they can't fix anything, there's
no place for the emotion. If you want to be
a leader. Emotional regulation is what gives people the confidence
to follow you. We'll go more in depth on this
in the last tip, which is my ultimate hack to
(09:11):
changing your mindset in the workplace. That brings us to
number four, which is to understand that the way you
speak is ruining your credibility. This is a subtle nuance,
but if you struggle with people taking you seriously, it's
likely how you're communicating with them and you're bringing in
emotion simply by starting a sentence with I feel or
I think. It doesn't come from a place of certainty.
(09:34):
It doesn't come from a place of confidence. So if
you're struggling with this audit, the way that you communicate,
if you find that you start many of your sentences with,
I feel like it should be this, you should pivot
that to this is what the data tells us. If
you knew that you had to start sentences with, this
is what the data tells us, all of a sudden
you would have to provide data instead of your feelings.
(09:57):
This little hack will make you more money, because oftentimes
we do just make decisions based off of the way
that we feel. And we don't consult any data. We
don't do any research. We aren't diving deeper into the
issues at hand. Outside of the way that we feel
about them. So when you start your sentences with talking
about data, it instantly increases your credibility. And in order
to catch yourself before you just start vomiting all over
(10:20):
somebody the way that you feel, take a pause. There
is nothing more profound in communication than a pause. When
you pause, you can quickly reflect and identify. Do I
have data to support the way that I feel? The
thing that I'm about to say, if I don't have data,
don't talk. Focus on the data and let the data
make the decision, not your emotions in that moment. My
(10:41):
fifth tip is all about handling relationships at work and
not the professional ones. Working with your boyfriend, your husband,
your family member, or your partner could be the best
decision you'll ever make. Or it could be the worst.
Everyone says you should never date a coworker, but what
if you marry one? It is so easy to get
emotional when you're working with your spouse or a sibling,
(11:06):
or your uncle, or an aunt or your parents. Emotions
can run wild. I know this personally because I have
worked with my husband for almost a decade. I work
with my brother. I've worked with various family members throughout
my career and it can be challenging. So if you
do work with your family, this whole conversation around emotions
(11:27):
becomes heightened because nobody wants to work in an emotional
environment where you feel like you are part of a
family business. I remember one specific meeting I was in
with Brandon very early on in our relationship, and at
that point we had never had any issues. We were
still in kind of the blissful phase, but in this meeting,
he decided to pop off on me for the very
(11:48):
first time. And I was shocked. I was so upset.
I wished that he would have said these things to
me somewhere else, not in front of a group of people.
He didn't need to call me out in this way.
And to be honest with you, I was just fricking pissed.
But instead of getting pissed in front of everybody, I
had to have the emotional intelligence and awareness of the
group to not just pop off back at him. That
(12:11):
would have been the wrong thing for me to do.
Me just going off and being emotional would have decreased
everybody's confidence in the two of us. So from my perspective,
he stepped out of line a little bit. He was like,
not supposed to do that. That was not what the
agreement was. But I didn't choose to take him on
about it right in that moment. And this has been
something that has worked so successfully for me over the years.
(12:33):
If ever I'm frustrated with working with one of my
family members, I pull them aside and handle them on
it directly. I'm not going to subject everybody else in
our company to the emotions that I might have with
a family member. It's not to say I don't have emotions.
Sometimes something might hurt my feelings the way something's addressed,
a decision that's made I might not be okay with.
I'm not going to subject our team members to having
(12:54):
to pick sides. Bran and I gotta handle that stuff together.
We're going to handle it in private. Then we're going
to come back to our team and be a unified front.
We don't call each other out. We're not going to
cause problems because nobody wants to be a part of
a workplace, or that level of toxicity or that level
of drama exists. Keep in mind that if you're in
a relationship, in the workplace, it can be seen as
(13:15):
having an unfair advantage. That's just what perception will be.
But your circumstances are no different. Having the upper hand
with family money or being born with privilege. Your unique
circumstances are like your fingerprint. You can't wish that they
are different. They are what they are. You get to
make the choice to celebrate the fact that you get
(13:36):
to work with your partner and find success together. You
chose this, but it doesn't mean that you have to
subject everybody around you to your ups and your downs.
Keep it professional. Make great decisions. Get in alignment behind
closed doors so that you can present a unified front
to everybody around you. Strategy six is to understand that
people will doubt you. They will label you and they
(13:58):
will underestimate you, but they can't ignore results. A hard
truth I wish I knew way earlier was that you
can outwork any stereotype for the longest time. My perception
of my stereotype is what held me back. I assumed
that every single person that met me thought that I
was a trophy wife, thought that I was a gold digger,
(14:22):
thought that I was just some dumb blonde who didn't
know what she was talking about. And my own perception
of these stereotypes is what held me back. Because if
I'm assuming that everybody is thinking this about me, what's
the point of working hard or trying or overcoming stereotypes?
Because people are gonna think these terrible things anyway. It
doesn't matter what they think. What matters is what I think.
(14:43):
What I know is my greatest contribution is when I
am driving something specific forward, when I'm taking on a
large goal, a significant project, and I am creating results,
that's what makes me happy. So regardless if somebody assumes
that Brandon is the person who created all of my success,
doesn't really matter because I know who I've had to
(15:04):
become in order to get to where I'm at. And
those stereotypes are going to be there no matter what
people might think. I'm smart. They could think I'm dumb.
Who cares? Someone could think I'm pretty. Somebody could think
I'm ugly. Who cares? Somebody could think that I would
never be successful without my husband. Or I'm only successful
and he holds me back. Doesn't matter. They don't actually
(15:24):
know anything about me. They don't know anything about my relationship.
And that is the same for you. And the real
truth is, no one's really thinking that much about you anyway.
So you going after the results that you want to
create and the impact that you want to make in
this world is the only thing you should focus on anyway.
People's thoughts will come and go. Their perspective will come
(15:44):
and go. You making a difference is literally the only
thing that matters. And the only thing that you should
get emotional about is the fact that you haven't made
a big enough difference. So you need to get your
ass up and get back to work. That brings us
to the final tip for controlling your emotions, which is
to let people judge and label you. It is crazy
how men can get called a boss while women get
(16:07):
called a bitch when they are acting the exact same.
To be honest, I'm fine with being called either one
if you want to call me a boss. Super cool.
If you want to call me a bitch, whatever. I
don't really care because these labels don't matter. Because what
really matters is are you effective? The labels and the
things people say about you really does not matter. And
it's okay that there might be some hypocrisy around being
(16:29):
called a bitch if you're a woman and being called
a boss if you're a man. We as women don't
need to care about that, because all we have to
do is be effective. Now, if you actually are a
bitch because you're rude to people, you don't care about
people's feelings. You just ramrod your way through life and
through people. Then maybe you should fix that. But what
(16:49):
I find with those people is they don't actually end
up getting the results that they want. They end up
with teams that are very fractured, with businesses that aren't
very successful. So that eventually catches up to you. But
if you're called a bitch because really you are effective
and you are direct, don't even bother with being frustrated
by that because at the end of the day, you're
getting the job done, which is what matters. I learned
(17:12):
this little trick from Elena Cardone. I cannot take any
credit for this. I stalked her YouTube before I ever
met her, and she reframed being a gold digger. She
had been called a gold digger by lots of people,
and it really bothered her for a while until she
reframed it. And her reframe was, yes, I do dig
(17:32):
for gold in every relationship, and I dig for gold
in myself. So being a gold digger actually is not
a bad thing when you redefine it like that. She's
actually proud of that because she knows that she's not
just in some relationship in order to make money or
have financial security. She's in a relationship where she has
created love and a true partnership and a real bond.
(17:55):
She's not insecure about her relationship, but this label sounded bad,
so she just reframed the label. I dig for gold
in people, and that is a beautiful thing. So if
you're being called a bitch or some label that you
don't like that frustrates you that might get under your skin.
Figure out a reframe for that. If it's being called
a bitch, reorganize your brain to say, hey, that actually
(18:15):
means that I'm being direct and decisive. Direct and decisive
are fantastic characteristics. Being able to reframe labels and truly
master your emotions is just the first step to getting
everything that you want in life. What's holding you back
likely isn't just your mindset, it's probably your habits too.
If you enjoyed this podcast, you are going to definitely
(18:37):
not want to miss out on my new newsletter. It
just dropped. I just started creating this content and I
am obsessed. Every single week in your inbox, I'm going
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(18:59):
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Welcome to business and the podcast for people making it
all happen. Running a successful business completely takes over your life,
but I'm a believer that there is still room for
some ands like health, wealth, beauty, and maybe even some fashion.
On this podcast, I'll share with you what's working for
scaling my nine figure business while keeping you up to
date on the latest trends, news and fun finds. This
(00:23):
is a place for business and let's dive in! This
is the number one most underrated skill for success and
living the life that you have always dreamed of. And
it's not intelligence and it's not luck, and it's not
who you know. You see, I used to make $50,000
a year in a job that I hated, and I
leveled up my life by mastering my emotions. Now I
run a multi-million dollar business, have an incredible husband, and
(00:45):
am living my dream life. So let's dive into how
to master your emotional control, because doing so consistently will
make you so much money. The number one underrated skill
that is so easy to develop is the ability to
be consistent. Nobody grows up and thinks, man, I can't
wait to be an adult and become consistent. But consistency
(01:07):
is what creates confidence in you. Consistency is what allows
you to trust yourself. And once you trust yourself, other
people will trust you as well. Consistency means no matter
how I feel, I'm going to do it anyway because
I've made commitments and I have responsibilities that I have
to show up for. And you can't be an inconsistent
person and have people have a lot of trust in
(01:29):
you in order to make a lot of money in
order to get to where you want to go. The
people around you need to trust you, but that first
starts with you being consistent. Your emotions will have you
go up and down and urge you to not be consistent.
You might say, I want to have a six pack,
and then your feelings make it so that you don't
want to not hit snooze, not sleeping, not get off
(01:51):
your couch and stop watching Netflix or YouTube. So whatever
it is that you want. Start small. Start today. What
do you need to be consistent at? And oftentimes when
I ask people this question, they instantly know where their
current area of inconsistency is. It could be with what
you eat, it could be with what you drink. It
could be how you're spending money or the relationships that
(02:13):
you have, or the meetings and the follow up that
you say that you're going to do whatever. That first
initial gut reaction is where you know that you aren't
being consistent, attack that first. How do you show up
in a way that creates consistency? Because ultimately, consistency creates
the confidence over time that you're looking to have in
order to make more money. And there are so many
(02:33):
things in this life that you cannot control. You cannot
control where you were born. You cannot control the experiences
that you've had. You can't control things that have happened
to you. But what can you control? You can control
how consistently you show up, regardless of circumstances. This means
showing up to meetings on time and being consistent in
(02:54):
every single thing that you do. You can only master
the skill of consistency if you get your emotions in check.
I used to be so inconsistent. Sometimes I would show
up and I would use my personality and my charm
to make you think that I was really going to
follow up. But then as soon as I left you,
I was on to the next conversation where I was
(03:15):
using my personality and my charm to feel good in
the moment, but to not actually get the work done.
So if you have that tendency, it is the fastest
thing for you to fix what you say you're going
to do. Go do it. The second emotion that you
have to master is what keeps most people stuck, because
you will lose in life. If you take everything personally.
(03:35):
You have to learn how to compartmentalize if you want
to be successful. What's wild to me is on the
exact same day that there is a huge win, and
there's something so exciting going on, there can be something
terrible that happens. Somebody decides to quit. Maybe a customer
is upset, maybe an order didn't get fulfilled or some
connection point didn't happen. With our bank account and our
(03:57):
Shopify store, all sorts of bad things can happen at
the exact same time that you're celebrating and wanting to
keep momentum in another area. The more of these buckets
that you can play in, the more successful you will be,
because your day doesn't have to be ruined just because
something didn't go well. You compartmentalize that. It's in a bucket. Okay?
This initiative in my life is not making progress. However,
(04:18):
there are other buckets that still need to make progress,
and you can't just ruin the chances of those buckets
making progress. All because one bucket isn't going very well.
But the challenge is it is so easy to let
the one bad thing ruin all of your hopes of
putting work into everything else because it's distracting, because your
(04:38):
emotions get in the way and you're just de-focused on
all of the other things. So how can you learn
to compartmentalize and say, it's okay that this is going bad?
I have to move forward and progress no matter what
in these other areas. The way that I've learned to
do this very successfully is by putting meetings on my
(04:58):
calendar for the different compartments that matter in my life.
Those compartments are the work that I need to do,
or the things that have to be accomplished in order
for me to get closer to my goals. So in
the morning, I might be working on one set of goals,
and there's roadblocks and there's barriers and there's issues with
the thing that I have to do for the first
90 minutes of my day that cannot bleed over into
(05:19):
this next compartment where I am now going after a
different goal. I'm the same person, but I'm going after
a different goal. This goal needs me just as much
as the first one did. I can't drag all of
the crap from the first one into the second one,
and I just do this hour by hour by hour
with every meeting that I have. And I look at
it as every meeting is a restart, it is a
(05:39):
restart to the goal. It is a restart to the moment,
to the team that I'm with. They need me all
in on whatever that thing is because that goal is important.
And when you can start to compartmentalize these things, you
can move through so many decisions that you have to
make and so many goals that you have very quickly,
because you're not just dragging in the negativity from something
(06:00):
that is completely detached from what you actually need to
get done right now. You will know how good you
are at compartmentalizing when you start looking at the results
of the compartments in your life. If you are not
succeeding at the gym, it is likely that there is
some other compartment in your life, maybe your work, maybe
it's your kids, maybe it's your spouse where you're letting
(06:20):
that goal and the issues in that area force you
to not take your gym goals very seriously because you're
not compartmentalizing very well. You're allowing the negativity and the
problems in one compartment to bleed over to the other.
So your results are the ultimate tell of your ability
to compartmentalize. And if all of the buckets in your
life are going up, they're trending in the right direction.
(06:40):
You're more fit than you've ever been. You're making more
money than you've ever made, you have more friends, and
your social life is fulfilling and rewarding to you. Whatever
it is that you're measuring, whatever your compartments are, if
they aren't increasing and they aren't doing better, it's likely
that you don't know how to compartmentalize very well. You
know you're good at compartmentalizing if you're seeing results. Results
(07:02):
equal money. If you're not making more money every year,
then you know that you're failing at compartmentalizing and you're
spending your time in the wrong buckets. My next tip,
one of the best ones, is it's so important to
regulate your emotions when you're at work. This is very controversial,
but the only emotion allowed in the workplace is celebration.
(07:23):
There should be no drama. There shouldn't be issues and
problems and freak outs and gossip. None of that emotion
is productive in business. The only emotion should be celebrating.
And when you're celebrating, it should be because there is
a result generated. If you're bringing emotion like frustration and
angst and tears and all of this gook into your work,
(07:47):
it's likely that your work is not going to be
very productive because productive workplaces don't have a lot of
fluff going on. The best businesses drive a culture that
is optimized, a culture that is aligned, a culture where
everybody knows what they need to do, how to get
their job done, and they are all racing in order
to make that happen so that they can achieve their goals.
(08:08):
So you are misleading yourself if you think that anybody
actually cares about what your emotions are. So acknowledge that
you have the emotion. You might feel sad. You might
feel tired. You might be upset. Okay, great. Then instantly
tell yourself, but nobody cares because they don't drive results.
Figure out how to keep showing up. Become better. Show
up being focused and you will actually create an environment
(08:30):
that succeeds. I love the book. If you have to cry,
go outside because it doesn't say if you have to cry, don't.
You can have emotions. You're a human being. I have
emotions where I get very overwhelmed or I get very
sad or worried about things, and I can experience those emotions,
but I don't have to subject the people around me
(08:50):
to my emotions. I can deal with my emotions. And
I ask myself, can the person that I'm telling my
emotions to fix anything? If they can't fix anything, there's
no place for the emotion. If you want to be
a leader. Emotional regulation is what gives people the confidence
to follow you. We'll go more in depth on this
in the last tip, which is my ultimate hack to
(09:11):
changing your mindset in the workplace. That brings us to
number four, which is to understand that the way you
speak is ruining your credibility. This is a subtle nuance,
but if you struggle with people taking you seriously, it's
likely how you're communicating with them and you're bringing in
emotion simply by starting a sentence with I feel or
I think. It doesn't come from a place of certainty.
(09:34):
It doesn't come from a place of confidence. So if
you're struggling with this audit, the way that you communicate,
if you find that you start many of your sentences with,
I feel like it should be this, you should pivot
that to this is what the data tells us. If
you knew that you had to start sentences with, this
is what the data tells us, all of a sudden
you would have to provide data instead of your feelings.
(09:57):
This little hack will make you more money, because oftentimes
we do just make decisions based off of the way
that we feel. And we don't consult any data. We
don't do any research. We aren't diving deeper into the
issues at hand. Outside of the way that we feel
about them. So when you start your sentences with talking
about data, it instantly increases your credibility. And in order
to catch yourself before you just start vomiting all over
(10:20):
somebody the way that you feel, take a pause. There
is nothing more profound in communication than a pause. When
you pause, you can quickly reflect and identify. Do I
have data to support the way that I feel? The
thing that I'm about to say, if I don't have data,
don't talk. Focus on the data and let the data
make the decision, not your emotions in that moment. My
(10:41):
fifth tip is all about handling relationships at work and
not the professional ones. Working with your boyfriend, your husband,
your family member, or your partner could be the best
decision you'll ever make. Or it could be the worst.
Everyone says you should never date a coworker, but what
if you marry one? It is so easy to get
emotional when you're working with your spouse or a sibling,
(11:06):
or your uncle, or an aunt or your parents. Emotions
can run wild. I know this personally because I have
worked with my husband for almost a decade. I work
with my brother. I've worked with various family members throughout
my career and it can be challenging. So if you
do work with your family, this whole conversation around emotions
(11:27):
becomes heightened because nobody wants to work in an emotional
environment where you feel like you are part of a
family business. I remember one specific meeting I was in
with Brandon very early on in our relationship, and at
that point we had never had any issues. We were
still in kind of the blissful phase, but in this meeting,
he decided to pop off on me for the very
(11:48):
first time. And I was shocked. I was so upset.
I wished that he would have said these things to
me somewhere else, not in front of a group of people.
He didn't need to call me out in this way.
And to be honest with you, I was just fricking pissed.
But instead of getting pissed in front of everybody, I
had to have the emotional intelligence and awareness of the
group to not just pop off back at him. That
(12:11):
would have been the wrong thing for me to do.
Me just going off and being emotional would have decreased
everybody's confidence in the two of us. So from my perspective,
he stepped out of line a little bit. He was like,
not supposed to do that. That was not what the
agreement was. But I didn't choose to take him on
about it right in that moment. And this has been
something that has worked so successfully for me over the years.
(12:33):
If ever I'm frustrated with working with one of my
family members, I pull them aside and handle them on
it directly. I'm not going to subject everybody else in
our company to the emotions that I might have with
a family member. It's not to say I don't have emotions.
Sometimes something might hurt my feelings the way something's addressed,
a decision that's made I might not be okay with.
I'm not going to subject our team members to having
(12:54):
to pick sides. Bran and I gotta handle that stuff together.
We're going to handle it in private. Then we're going
to come back to our team and be a unified front.
We don't call each other out. We're not going to
cause problems because nobody wants to be a part of
a workplace, or that level of toxicity or that level
of drama exists. Keep in mind that if you're in
a relationship, in the workplace, it can be seen as
(13:15):
having an unfair advantage. That's just what perception will be.
But your circumstances are no different. Having the upper hand
with family money or being born with privilege. Your unique
circumstances are like your fingerprint. You can't wish that they
are different. They are what they are. You get to
make the choice to celebrate the fact that you get
(13:36):
to work with your partner and find success together. You
chose this, but it doesn't mean that you have to
subject everybody around you to your ups and your downs.
Keep it professional. Make great decisions. Get in alignment behind
closed doors so that you can present a unified front
to everybody around you. Strategy six is to understand that
people will doubt you. They will label you and they
(13:58):
will underestimate you, but they can't ignore results. A hard
truth I wish I knew way earlier was that you
can outwork any stereotype for the longest time. My perception
of my stereotype is what held me back. I assumed
that every single person that met me thought that I
was a trophy wife, thought that I was a gold digger,
(14:22):
thought that I was just some dumb blonde who didn't
know what she was talking about. And my own perception
of these stereotypes is what held me back. Because if
I'm assuming that everybody is thinking this about me, what's
the point of working hard or trying or overcoming stereotypes?
Because people are gonna think these terrible things anyway. It
doesn't matter what they think. What matters is what I think.
(14:43):
What I know is my greatest contribution is when I
am driving something specific forward, when I'm taking on a
large goal, a significant project, and I am creating results,
that's what makes me happy. So regardless if somebody assumes
that Brandon is the person who created all of my success,
doesn't really matter because I know who I've had to
(15:04):
become in order to get to where I'm at. And
those stereotypes are going to be there no matter what
people might think. I'm smart. They could think I'm dumb.
Who cares? Someone could think I'm pretty. Somebody could think
I'm ugly. Who cares? Somebody could think that I would
never be successful without my husband. Or I'm only successful
and he holds me back. Doesn't matter. They don't actually
(15:24):
know anything about me. They don't know anything about my relationship.
And that is the same for you. And the real
truth is, no one's really thinking that much about you anyway.
So you going after the results that you want to
create and the impact that you want to make in
this world is the only thing you should focus on anyway.
People's thoughts will come and go. Their perspective will come
(15:44):
and go. You making a difference is literally the only
thing that matters. And the only thing that you should
get emotional about is the fact that you haven't made
a big enough difference. So you need to get your
ass up and get back to work. That brings us
to the final tip for controlling your emotions, which is
to let people judge and label you. It is crazy
how men can get called a boss while women get
(16:07):
called a bitch when they are acting the exact same.
To be honest, I'm fine with being called either one
if you want to call me a boss. Super cool.
If you want to call me a bitch, whatever. I
don't really care because these labels don't matter. Because what
really matters is are you effective? The labels and the
things people say about you really does not matter. And
it's okay that there might be some hypocrisy around being
(16:29):
called a bitch if you're a woman and being called
a boss if you're a man. We as women don't
need to care about that, because all we have to
do is be effective. Now, if you actually are a
bitch because you're rude to people, you don't care about
people's feelings. You just ramrod your way through life and
through people. Then maybe you should fix that. But what
(16:49):
I find with those people is they don't actually end
up getting the results that they want. They end up
with teams that are very fractured, with businesses that aren't
very successful. So that eventually catches up to you. But
if you're called a bitch because really you are effective
and you are direct, don't even bother with being frustrated
by that because at the end of the day, you're
getting the job done, which is what matters. I learned
(17:12):
this little trick from Elena Cardone. I cannot take any
credit for this. I stalked her YouTube before I ever
met her, and she reframed being a gold digger. She
had been called a gold digger by lots of people,
and it really bothered her for a while until she
reframed it. And her reframe was, yes, I do dig
(17:32):
for gold in every relationship, and I dig for gold
in myself. So being a gold digger actually is not
a bad thing when you redefine it like that. She's
actually proud of that because she knows that she's not
just in some relationship in order to make money or
have financial security. She's in a relationship where she has
created love and a true partnership and a real bond.
(17:55):
She's not insecure about her relationship, but this label sounded bad,
so she just reframed the label. I dig for gold
in people, and that is a beautiful thing. So if
you're being called a bitch or some label that you
don't like that frustrates you that might get under your skin.
Figure out a reframe for that. If it's being called
a bitch, reorganize your brain to say, hey, that actually
(18:15):
means that I'm being direct and decisive. Direct and decisive
are fantastic characteristics. Being able to reframe labels and truly
master your emotions is just the first step to getting
everything that you want in life. What's holding you back
likely isn't just your mindset, it's probably your habits too.
If you enjoyed this podcast, you are going to definitely
(18:37):
not want to miss out on my new newsletter. It
just dropped. I just started creating this content and I
am obsessed. Every single week in your inbox, I'm going
to send you business. And which is exactly what it
sounds like. How do you fit business and all the
other things in your life so that you are up
to speed on fashion, beauty, wellness, all things that really matter.
(18:59):
If you want to subscribe and get this special gift
and weekly treat in your inbox, go to carpenters.com.
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